I personally think that sometimes it is not even worth it to try to communicate non violently with those people. They are in such negative vibe that they just don't get it. No matter how lovingly you are... It is better to let them go and try to find other like minded, more loving and empathetic individuals who are like you. When you let go you make space for new things to enter into your life

@lakenovember4694

5 жыл бұрын

Totally agree ❤️🙏

@crimsonspice72

5 жыл бұрын

Agreed

@lemurianchick

4 жыл бұрын

An energy vampire isn't interested in seeing the light. They feed off of darkness. They make a beeline towards empaths because we are so forgiving and want others to feel better. I realize now that we cannot view everyone like ourselves and assume the best. Some people really do want to lower your vibe. And in addition to the malignant narc there is the covert narc or the person who is always suffering, always wanting you to save them. That is another type that doesn't really want to change their life even though they are always complaining about their life. These are people who drain our energy. A person who is suffering but is open to change is a different story. We love to help others either by lifting their spirits and encouraging them or by directly assisting those people who meet us half-way. But it is up to each of us to see when people are simply using us to gain attention and not for a truly positive reason.

Recently, I have struggled with a lot of resentment in most of my relationships. My language has gotten more aggressive and more negative as time goes on due to the fear of communicating and how those people will view how I feel. This video helped me so much, because now I realize that what I say is really hurting everyone including myself. Thanks so much Conor!

You’re awesome, Conor! You make me more aware of my word usage and how I choose to communicate with the world!✨

i found it beautiful how you expressed, your desire to keep your heaart space tender for those environments that yourself and others want and cherish that!

So true. I’ve dealt with these types of people my whole life. People make them out to seem like they’re horrible monsters but I think they don’t always realize what they’re doing, it’s just how they’ve learned to navigate through life. I don’t allow these people in my life in order to protect myself, but these people need professional help in order to get better. We don’t need to treat them like they don’t matter. I think sometimes it’s not their fault that they are that way. But that doesn’t mean I am going to allow that in my world.

@ilektrakaratasiou3352

5 жыл бұрын

Indeed and sometimes they are like monsters too. There are people who have suffered but wish to never hurt others and there are people who wish to hurt others just the same or more. As I say there are good crazy ones and bad crazy ones too. When others abuse and hurt they know what they are doing that moment.

This really resonates, having compassion for people we might label as aggressive or narcissistic and knowing we can still put distance between us and them when that feels safer for us. I was in a relationship with a partner addicted to alcohol and who would say things I felt hurt by or unsafe with, and it wasn't until I started having more compassion for both us that I realized it wasn't serving either of us in certain ways to stay together. So I ended it, out of love. We communicate on friendly terms now. So far so good. That was one of the best and hardest decisions I ever made for myself and I was highly influenced by your videos on these kinds of relationships. Really appreciate and love the message of seeing everyone as multifaceted humans doing the best we can. Been so longing for more mutuality on this. So much love to you.

I will never understand how some people think that just because you don't "see" the person physically, that you can act in such a way behind a keyboard. Good for you for recognising that this was not okay, we tend to excuse a lot of people and drag relationships up to a point where things get super messy. I have had to cut off a few toxic relationships from my life, and at the beginning it was a bit hard, but then I realized that no, taking care of my mental and emotional health is important, and I am in charge of what kind of energy I allow into my bubble. I love you, Connie. You and Brittany always bring a smile to my face. Much love to you both. 💗💗💗

I do like your point about using certain words to separate or devalue others. That resonates with me.

This!! I'm so appreciative that you chose to share about your experience.. setting boundaries is sometimes challenging. I'm really in tune with what you said about just deleting comments and choosing WHAT to have in your space. This is a really great video- thank you for sharing!

This is beautiful Conor! Thank you for this!

My thought on these terms is that they are Verbs, not Nouns. I address people's behaviors, exercising compassion an reserving judgement for whatever it is that motivates them.

Thank you so much Connor. This really resonates. I have found that choosing to release the need to label people as "xyz" and to just see them as people working with what they've got has removed a lot of my own internal judgments and fear and created more space for my own growth. I would love to hear more about why you think aggression/anger can show up in certain relationships (unmet needs? re-traumatization from childhood? wrong relationship to be in? ), and how to accept and grow through it if you are experiencing and expressing anger and aggression in an intimate partnership. Thank you for what you do!

I totally support people deleting negative comments. Why should someone accept aggression and abuse for any reason?

I think it is super great that you posted and spoke about this topic Conor. Thank you for yet another great video! Casey from Canada.

Wow! Conor what a magnificent video! Your best yet I feel. I resonate so much with this topic as I'm trying to come to terms with realising that my husband was a manipulative liar. I have to admit that I found using the term covert narcissist to describe him has been useful for me to make sense of my experience and to separate myself from him, I do agree with you that it is somehow a form of dehuminisation that is ultimately not of the greatest order, but it's so hard sometimes when you feel hurt and betrayed, to take the highest standpoint, as you feel like the only one who is trying to feel empathy and understanding for the other person, and you feel like they are using those qualities of yours against you. I have felt, like as an act of self love and respect I needed to separate myself from him and labeling him as narcissist has helped me tremendously doing so. At the same time, being an empathetic I can't help but feel for him, but this doesn't give him the right to use me and walk all over me, so it's a challenging and thin line to thread, as there is a lot of anger and resentment there from my side toward him. Thank you so much Conor for this very powerful message. Love to you and Brittany xxx 💜💛💜

Thank you so much Conor for sharing your thoughts on this topic! Especially the part explaining how compassion around this topic will ultimately be helpful for ourselves and humanity as a whole. I have had some troublesome relationships that involved me being deeply hurt. People from outside often suggested I should just accept the fact that XY is an idiot/asshole/narcissist/etc and forget about them. This advice gave me great internal struggle, because I just could not see a person as that one thing and I thought I was too weak/ too clingy/ too emotional/ too in love/ too desperate/ too alone... It feels so good to accept the fact that I have a soft heart and that I deal with peoples behaviour from that space. Still it is very hard for me to decide on the degree of contact and intimacy that is good for me to keep with people that show abusive behaviour. Your video helped me see why it is good that I´m still somehow there for these people.

I love when you do that type of videos!!! You are awesome ❤️

useful content and stories. I appreciate the video and the idea of actively working to protect tenderness in your heart and feeling no shame that you do not have to passively accept any and all comments especially those that are aggressive. Thx and good to you :)

Thank you for so eloquently sharing what I have been thinking, feeling, and observing within myself, around me, and in the world. I agree with all that you said!

Thanks for opening up to us so much (and yourself!) I feel confident that the best thing I can do in this world is to love and understand myself first, but it's amazing how many reminders it takes, how often other stuff comes up. Seeing some of your journey is really validating and reassuring for me :)

So incredibly helpful. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your individual perspective about that! It makes total sense ; )

You're the greatest, Conor. I've been in a really difficult relationship for about a year now and this video really helped me see some of the things I'm doing.

Omg Conor, you are so brilliant. I feel deep love and gratitude towards you for sharing that in this moment in time. I needed it so much. You are such a beautiful human, and I relate to you in a lot of ways. This video came for me when i was thinking about a member of my family who i have a very bumpy relationship with. Taking a big step back is what my heart feels I need to do, but parts of me where deeply convinced that it is not allowed to do that. But keeping up with this relationship makes me feel like I grow a thick skin, and not in a good way at all. I want to stay the sensitive and preciously tender human I am. You made something clicked in me and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Wow, Conor, this video was something I really needed. I think we are very similar, I want the best for people and I give people so many chances. I do so many things to try to fix relationships and I really lose myself sometimes. In October I traveled for a month with a friend I have known for 10 years but she was acting like a narcissist (sorry, I had to use it because it's hard to explain everything shortly in a comment). I lend her money because she did not have any money to travel for, I found free accommodation for her, I constantly let her use my hotspot on my phone because she did not pay for data, I let her borrow my charger and all kinds of things. She was just complaining and being very ungrateful. And our plan had been to go our own ways and I was to go to Thailand by myself and finally be alone but she went with me and stayed for free for a week in a bungalow I had rented. We had some conflict over a charger that resulted in her ignoring me for a whole day and saying I was extremely childish and that was it for me. That was my point of saying enough is enough. It was so hard for me and I still feel odd about it because I NEVER stand up for myself or say stop. I am always just bending over really but this time I was just over it. It was NOT a good way of saying goodbye since she started an insult spree just before she left where she just tried to hurt me. It was very uncomfortable and I still think about it and how I was just so over it. Luckily she did not say a single true thing. If she had, it would have been a lot harder for me I think. I have had dreams about her and I often think about her because deep down I am doubting myself and my decision to call her out and say stop but this video really gave me a better feeling. And I am now reminding myself that I do not deserve to be treated like that and what I did was necessary for my well-being. I also want to say how important it is to also have empathy for people who are being "mean" because as you say they themselves have a lot of pain. My friend, she was so broke and so worried about if she could make it without starving in the middle of Asia. And it came out in a very bad way and I became the target a lot of the time. And as a person you should forgive to a certain extent for sure and be loving and kind. But always remember to take care of yourself and have boundaries!

@ilektrakaratasiou3352

5 жыл бұрын

You were very kind to this friend of yours. We just need to remember that we can invite abuse too by not respecting boundaries and do too much for others. It is very hard and a life challenge to know how to say No best whilst respecting and conveying love at the same time.

@theresasofia_

5 жыл бұрын

@@ilektrakaratasiou3352 Thank you for this. :-) Yes, it's really hard especially when it's not in your nature to set boundaries.

I absolutely loved this video. All of your videos are valuable to me but your perspective on this was so nourishing for me. Thank you. 😍

I love what you’ve said here. I had a break up with a friend this year where I constantly thought of them as a “narcissist” to understand what I was experiencing. And though I don’t feel I was wrong exactly, I can see how I used that label to justify cutting off love to them. I was dully aware of this at the time, but your words and your energy made it clearer. ❤️

Your thoughts resonate with me so much- I love your perspective on this topic... so insightful and awesome, open and loving ♥

I love every point you make here! I'm glad you addressed the downsides of using negative labels to describe people. I don't like the whole narrative of "toxic people" or "negative people" because I think every person is valuable and worthy of human connection, even if they're not in an emotional state where they can interact with people in a healthy way. I agree that sometimes it's best for an individual to step back from those people if they're being harmed by the relationship. But all those articles that tell you how to spot a "toxic person" and cut them out of your life, I don't think they have the best message because everyone has different types of emotional tolerance and interpersonal skills that may allow them to be close to someone who others might find hard to get along with, and I think those relationships can be really valuable. For example, I know some people who are highly empathetic and emotionally vulnerable, and I think that's a really valuable quality but it makes it hard for them to interact with people who are in negative mental states without getting pulled into a negative state themselves. I'm not as empathetic - or at least not empathetic in an emotional way, more intellectually - so I think have a higher tolerance for interacting with people who are in negative mental states without getting weighed down.

@sylviaodhner

5 жыл бұрын

Oh, and another thing: I think a person can seem volatile and energy-depleting to person A, but not to person B, because while person A feels like they're constantly walking on eggshells around them, Person B has a better understanding of the person's triggers and can easily avoid upsetting them.

Wow, I never really thought about it this way. I have been using the term narcissist a lot more in the last 2 years, to apply to other humans and even family members. Well I think this has been an important part of my own journey, I can see from what you're saying how it may also be dismissive of them and create more separation. Thank you for sharing!

Exactly what I needed today thx Conor!

Thank you! Loved this!

its really helpful for me when you share specific situations with the specific words you use to explain sth

Thank you, thank you, thank you

I am so happy to hear a new and more realistic approach to the topic. I am sure that what is good and of highest value for one human is away from the reach of others , so our highest truth from which we are fed is always out of danger. So lets don't break connection only because of fear, but on the contrary lets make full conscious decisions as to how I react when I am drained I think this is really me when I decide whats best of me in the momentum . Also I am for the non person judging concept which frees my time and brain from selfconsumption. Thank you for this attempt shows a little light to the fight with the scarecrows :)

I love how you recognize the importance of language. ❤️💙💜. I love what you and Brittany do. Thank you 🙏

@justinw2232

2 жыл бұрын

I thought he may have been referring to Brittany

Right-on. I can SOOOOO relate. Thank you!

Thank you for sharing.

Wow. I really really enjoyed this. I totally agree.. Lately (today!) this type of relationship has come up again in my life. I then found this video! Thank you Conor!

love it, thank you from my heart

Thank-you for this

So much love to you Conor

Lovely to hear, thanks for your erudite wisdom, I did laugh thinking how recently after a lot of passive aggressive drama, I eventually let a narcissist go after much soul-searching and realised that they, of course, just move on to fresh pastures/victims,so once you do get to that place of self-worth and love, it's over, they're gone! Very powerful to be told, you can just step away, you deserve better etc... Solstice blessings Papa C❤️🙏

Wow, for the first time EVER I feel like I AM actually 'normal'. Thank you for sharing!

I really enjoyed this and your other videos. Would like to see you upload more? Where are you most active on social media?

well said, thank you

a great great video thank you love

Thanks for this video, I totally agree with your sentiments. I don't feel the whole thing of labeling people/groups of people (even genders!) as vampires, narcissists, toxic etc. is very constructive and the same goes for other animals, although I have done this a bit myself. Perhaps a more useful way of using these words is to describe actions, rather than to categorize people, eg. 'they acted in a vampiric way' or 'this action felt toxic'. 'They're a narcissist' doesn't acknowledge nuance or the possibility for change, 'they're doing some narcissistic things' expresses the severity of the harm and also keeps open the possibility for positive change. A friend of mine posted a lot on facebook about 'eliminating toxic people from her life', and ironically she has treated me in some ways that have felt very hurtful and unfair, could even be described as toxic. She's gone through some tough stuff and seems to lack a bit of self awareness, and I love her and have enough more supportive friends that I can brush it off. I've acted in selfish, hurtful ways and wasn't aware of it at times, and in those times I've really appreciated when the other person can be compassionate because that creates amazing opportunities for healing and learning :)

Where do you fall on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator test?

Thanks love, agreed.

I wanna say I really need to hear this talk it helped me out so much. It helped me get out a really bad way I wanna say thank you and love u guys do u have a book I can read

@pvonich6202

5 жыл бұрын

krystal cyphers any book around nonviolent communication (nvc) ! :)

@ilektrakaratasiou3352

5 жыл бұрын

Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend, excellent eye opener

I’m a narrssist and proud

@justinw2232

2 жыл бұрын

Don't let anyone criticise your lived experience 🙏

This vid showed up on top of my feed in the same moment I asked the question to the universe while thinking that you and/or Brittany might be able to answer. So my question is, when considering one's own emotional health, do you stay or do you go? If I am learning from someone's negative stuff coming at me, to understand my own reasons for why I might feel hurt, which is a reflection of my wounds, is it possible to get to a point of not being affected by bullying? In other words, does this person offer the opportunity to become self aware, to realize where healing needs to happen? Or is being affected, having a tender heart, a healthy part of being human? And once emotionally healthy, isn't is possible to no longer react with pain, but rather with compassion?

@poeticposturing3850

5 жыл бұрын

To reply to my own question. In this situation, I found that through this relationship, I came to greater understanding and healing of my original wound, but the other person had some addictions that would first have to end before the wound could even present itself to them. And they had not moved forward on addressing those addictions. The other thing that comes to mind is, who wants to live in an atmosphere of constant animosity? As you said in the vid, each situation is unique.

@lemurianchick

4 жыл бұрын

@@poeticposturing3850 I never think it is wise to subject oneself to these sorts of people. Their vibe is poisonous. I totally get the idea of learning from stress and negativity, but I also think a lot of us had constant practice in this very area growing up for 18 years, LOL. That is a lifetime, IMO. The real challenge is to see how life can be sooo much calmer and positive when not dealing with these types of people.

@poeticposturing3850

4 жыл бұрын

@@lemurianchick Yes, it is a process. Finding oneself among poison is not a conscious event. It appears as part of the unfolding of self awareness that then moves into the next phase, attraction into something else, those who hold health and happiness.

I'm the aggressor. I don't know how to be better

Tnks véi.

Agreed

❤️

I just survived a narcissist vampire. Recooperating now. I dont believe in God and devil but I believe in evil ass vampires.

Why you are not able to handle aggression ? It's just an emotion like all the other's too ! Stop discriminate a true expression, try to handle the truth, about yourSelf

So not a dirty hippie!