Parents can say they love you all they want, but if you're not safe to express yourself or be honest around them, that's not real love.

@lux_24601

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!! A lot of people in my life don't understand this, so I really appreciate you saying that

@swatisaini6447

Жыл бұрын

💯💯💯💯💯

@shadowthewarlord705

Жыл бұрын

I remember when I was 14-16 (somewhere in that zone) I got brought into my parents room because they felt I didn’t trust them enough to speak my mind. They told me that I was free to say whatever I want and that I can’t be punished for my opinions. I made them swear they wouldn’t punish me if I shared my honest opinion with them they agreed and I told them, “I think I’m free to say whatever I want so long as you agree with it and if you don’t I’ll either be verbally abused or punished.” They immediately went to punish me, I reminded them of their deal told them thanks for proving me right and walked out.

@wordslvr5269

5 ай бұрын

FACTS- you phrased it perfectly ty

omg I love the "To be loved we have to be accepted. To be accepted we have to seen. To be seen we have to be honest." quote so much! That's what I've found in my chosen family 💕.

@arielsong1289

Жыл бұрын

Same here! Congrats on having found a lovely family, to us both!

My parents are divorced. When I was thirteen, after seven years of shared custody, I told my dad I wanted to live with him full time. He asked if I was sure. When I was seventeen, I told my dad I needed to leave high school (passing out from panic attacks due to bullying), and he asked if I was alright. When I was twenty-one, I told my dad I needed to quit my job, he told me I didn't need to pay board till I had a new one. When I was twenty two I told my dad I was moving interstate to be with my then partner, he asked how he could help. My dad is an amazing example of unconditional love, and I know that if I ever need him, he's there for me. Luckily for him, he's raised me to make rather good decisions and not depend on him.

@Purpie_Slurpie

Жыл бұрын

your dad sounds like a wonderful human! I know you don't need me to tell you, but please cherish him, as someone who didn't have that healthy father figure in my life

@undeadfroggo6349

Жыл бұрын

@@Purpie_Slurpie I do cherish him. He does my head in sometimes, of course, but I love him dearly. And I'm sorry you never had that. I hope you feel it someday.

@Purpie_Slurpie

Жыл бұрын

@@undeadfroggo6349 That's sweet of you to say, thank you! I'm fortunate to have a loving partner, and although it's not the same as having a healthy relationship with my parents, he has helped me to heal so much :)

@HolliNiesen

Жыл бұрын

It makes me so happy to see stories from people who have stories like yours. As much as I still grieve not having a parent like your father, it gives me hope that if I ever have a child to look after, I could be someone to give true unconditional love to them

@undeadfroggo6349

Жыл бұрын

@Holli Niesen It was a long road to get there, and there were many obstacles (abusive birth vessel, abusive half brother), but we finally got somewhere beautiful and, as an adult, I appreciate everything he did for me.

My 93 year old mother passed last month. Relief not grief is what I feel. I am finally free from the dysfunction family and the perpetual drama that my parents created when they married. I have no relationship with my sisters and brother. Neither do I want any.

@reenztia

Жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the strength and all the happiness you deserve. JUST SIMPLY TO BE YOU AND EXIST. ❤

I come from a dysfunctional family so I know how it feels like and it's messed up. Imagine this- Father is high ranking Navy officer that works from dawn to dusk and coming back long after everybody is finishing work so he won't have to give us attention. In the weekend when he was finally home he was with a Coffee and a paper not communicating, for him screw everybody else. My mother was a special education teacher who worked her ass off because she was a good teacher. She did her best to love me because my dad didn't give me any love, but her way was thru food and talking about health all the time as I had and still have some health issues. When I got education it consisted the words "DUTY!" and "FORBIDDEN!" everything is in screams. 2 older brothers who didn't give a shit normally. I grew up to resent them for some time and today it's better. The best example of absurdity is that I started smoking at age 13.6, for 2 years my mother do the laundry and say or ask nothing. When she asked me I said that yes I am smoking, and by that time I was already addicted. So I know it's a long paragraph but I had to share with you my story.

I needed this reminder rn My step daughter has been angry with us for like the last year and it's been rocky. I was trying to deescalate an argument she and her dad (my partner) were having, and get them to resolve. She was very deflective and tried to find a scab of mine to pick. I saw this pain and felt an overwhelming feeling wash over me and I told her I love her very much. Upon reflection, I realise she's scared and I don't blame her: there was a massive shooting (nz, virtually unheard of here apart from "another one in the states"), global pandemic, cyclone and flood, so many teacher strikes ... It's a huge upheaval and I can't imagine the trauma she's going through

she just looks at him so lovingly while he's talking like goals!!!

Just wanna say thank you to you guys both for this video. I am currently trying to face my childhood stress and communicate with my family of origin, and I found it exceptionally difficult. This family has very good intentions, but they are so rigid on what's right, and having to maintain a "right" family image, so that I don't feel comfortable just being me. I feel like a shameless person just because I don't feel like going to a family dinner. I told them about my found family and how my partner has helped me, and they just dismissed that and emphasized it's only the biological family (basically them) who are trustworthy, that is so arrogant and cynical. Their worldview, to my eyes, is fully of darkness and cruelty to people outside of biological family. I don't feel I belong at all, even though they are very kind to me, I feel fake and dishonest and constrained. But this video has given me some sense around why I feel this way though people are nice to me in this family, so I can stop criticizing myself for it.

The part "our parents love us, they just don't know how to show it" confuses me. Where is the boundary between toxic aggressive parents vs "we are all human, let's forgive"? My parents never told me they loved me, and pretty much neglected me. Still I feel guilty not talking to them, yes they told me I am ungrateful. I guess this sais it all... I just needed to share this. Am I still a loving human being if I am not talking to my parents? We never did have an authentic connection and I never felt the family love towards them nor from them. And I still am thinking "they are good people still..."

The movie "Parenthood" with Steve Martin is a movie is a perfect example of a Dysfunctional family.

Ok, you got me at à.48'. Well done !

Not a parent, but what about if your kid commits a crime, like murder? I obviously would want to love my kids unconditionally, but I'm not sure I could continue to love someone who commits crimes like theft or murder willingly. Obviously skef-defence is a different thing. Thought?

@starversespidersnake8246

Жыл бұрын

personally, my philosophy, that is my child. If my child is in prison, I will visit. I see absolutely no excuse not to. This is my child and I signed up to be there no matter what. PERIOD. I don't have to approve of the behavior to show support because that situation is when a child needs you the most.

@veneziaguzman6213

Жыл бұрын

⁠@@starversespidersnake8246Can take this thought experiment one step further by making the murder victim also ur child. Would it be picking between one sibling over the other? You could argue one is dead, but if you change the crime to sibling SA then you’d really see the shockingly common dilemma. Statistics are saddening

@kelliehorn1082

Жыл бұрын

That's something that has made parenthood so heartbreaking for me. I love my children forever, no matter what. They haven't committed any crimes, but when they make hurtful choices... It doesn't diminish my love for them, it just makes it harder to watch (because you want them to be truly happy), more disappointing (because you're so invested) and more frustrating (because you're not sure what to do to help). Parenthood will teach you a lot of compassion if you let it. And you learn how little control you have over who they become. What a ride!

@RainbowSunshineRain

Жыл бұрын

I have listened to stories from a former buddhist monk Jack Kornfield who is visiting prisons and gives relief to all kinds of people. His compassion and love has taught me that yes all people deserve love, and most of all the criminals. Because they are hurting a lot and they need our help. And that's how the criminals can change to loving people. Happy people in touch with themselves don't do crimes.

@alisonbarlow7836

Жыл бұрын

I have the exact same question. And I don’t know the answer. I’m not a parent. But I still have that question.

Would y’all ever be willing to discuss how to know if the Spirit is confirming you should marry someone? Are there ever times the Spirit doesn’t confirm and the marriage is happy?

What about Beverly’s father in IT (2017) did he deserve love? Or Henry bowers or Henry Bowers’ father? & what if someone is a serial killer?

Idk there is always a limit to the "unconditional" love in my opinion. Like, any normal person can't love a crminal who doesn't want to change and feels no remorse right? As for me I know I can't love a friend if they cheat on their spouse and are on with that. Some other people could still befriend such a person but not me. Does this are me a bad person? Of course not.

@theladyamalthea

Жыл бұрын

There is a crucial difference between unconditional love and unconditional relationship. You CAN love a criminal, because Love is wanting the best for someone, but it would be unlikely for it to be healthy to be in a close relationship with a criminal. That doesn’t make you a bad person.

@Cheebzsta

Жыл бұрын

@@theladyamalthea If I may piggy back on that idea I'd frame it like a therapist I had did: "I love my son unconditionally. I'll always love him unconditionally. He knows, though, that I'll absolutely refuse to co-sign his bullshit." If you're letting someone hurt people without consequence than you've co-signed their bullshit. Unconditional love does not mean a lack of boundaries.

@ezride445

Жыл бұрын

You can love them without excusing their behavior

@Seamannon

Жыл бұрын

​@@theladyamalthea Exactly! I also think it all comes down to our definitions of the concept of "love" and "relationship". People get so confused about love and relationships, especially when they are not able to define what both of these terms mean to them. It's crucial to our mental wellbeing to be clear about the meaning of things we say to others. If we don't have enough clarity in our own mental space, it's very unlikely that the other person will really understand our point and when communication fails, relationships can get into vicious spirals. "Love" as in - all the warm fellings and hopes we project onto another person or animal or object or some abstraction, our wish for another being to thrive in life and our wish to support them/it on their journey if possible... all of that can be completely unconditional, it does not have to be confined by a relationship. We can love a partner, a family member, a pet, nature in general, a hobby, a book and so on... we don't have to expect anything specific in exchange for our respect and adoration, blessings and such. We don't have to be close to someone to wish them well in their life, we don't have to restrict our gratitude to people and things we are currently in close contact with. We enjoy sunshine or rain and be grateful for having a body to experience natural phenomena. We can care for a plant and love it, without demanding anything from it other than just live and grow to the best of its capacity, while still holding ourselves accountable for the love and care we provide to foster that life. "a relationship", especially a "romantic partnership" - is a whole set of rules and expectations, that are necessary to keep a specific connection going. As long as we have an idea of a "deal breaker" of any kind, the connnection is obviously NOT unconditional, since a deal breaker is a condition that breaks the connection. We can't have unconditional relationships, relationships are for testing out conditions in a practical ways. Whatever keeps us together are positive conditions that add something to our lives and whatever breaks or keeps us apart are negative conditions that detract from the lives we want to live, so we want to distance ourselves from those conditions. Healthy relationships need a foundation of freedom and concious choice, because no one likes the idea of being held captive by someone who doesen't care about our personal needs, unfortunately this seems to be the experience people have in toxic relationships and this is the reason we call them "toxic".

I have this thing I used to say to my siblings and it's I'm honest not rose a rose person well Sugar could everything and will never just tell you what they are thinking a honest person well tell it like it is and never cover stuff up and a personaly I would rather be around a honest person then a rose one because that is who you can trust

What about the cases of actually abusive parents?

What movie is this?

@joevalenza2822

Жыл бұрын

"Instant Family(2018)"

What family isn't messed up?