He is brilliant. Not many people have that capacity of self awareness.

@altanaonon

4 жыл бұрын

@@theSpiritofTamzin Neither did I. Narcissism and self awareness are supposed to be mutually exclusive. But his understanding, sounds to me, also is coming from his own realization, and not only his expansive learning. Of course, I'm not an expert in his field. And maybe, they do emulate this well...

@samvaknin

4 жыл бұрын

Narcissists and self-awareness samvak.tripod.com/2.html

@milomilo55

4 жыл бұрын

​@@AlexAlcyone I wondered about that myself. Her idea of an ultimate reward or validation? Sounds kinda narcissistic lol.

@lanctermann7261

4 жыл бұрын

I agree, it's very rare in this world.

@jeffinetlyjeffbi9770

4 жыл бұрын

Do bloat the ego.... Lol jk Sam I think you are a brilliant person, your helping people. Although still I am on the fence about your narrcassit traits, as I am autistic like most i like lables "call it as you see it" I just don't think you are anything like the narrcassit i ran into or was raised by. I see a soul in you not like the others

I am so happy I am out of this relationship just 2 days ago- he threatened that he would physically harm me. And he had done it once, but I was foolish enough to believe he would change. Thank god this hell lasted for only 4 months. Don't trust people about whom your gut feeling goes berserk, people. Have some faith in yourselves. Don't make my mistakes.

The most typical criteria is that they never admit that there is something wrong with them, they blame others. He is unusual in that respect.

@orsolyaritter7292

4 жыл бұрын

@R J hmmmm......I don’t consider myself a fan of him.... Neither a victim of a narcissist...... However, you really made me think it over about his real intention. Yeah.... Tricky....I also have a question. So you think there is no way a narcissist could ever change or try to overcome his narcissist personality disorder? I think he actually found a good way to deal with it without torturing others.

@SRBOMBONICA86

4 жыл бұрын

@@orsolyaritter7292 its impossible,trust me,I have NPD,it never goes away,for us its better to be away from people and for others is better also

@weirdballoon8193

4 жыл бұрын

Some of them are actually aware of their issue. And they are very proud of it, they consider themselves as “unique”, “special”. They don’t try eliminate their “bad behavior” until there is a real big threat to their way of life. Until that moment they make people to deal with their “bad behavior”.

@dawnmellon3834

3 жыл бұрын

@@xBINARYGODx IF there is any way for a Narc to help others to identify, understand and most importantly BEWARE OF narcissists and narcissistic abuse then, even if it provides narcissistic supply for this person, let him have it, regardless of his motivation. In this manner he/she will obtain necessary supply while being their most unlikely to harm others. This man seems to have struck this balance. He is broken and he knows it and his channel for obtaining supply is most admirable and almost seemingly unprecedented in the world of NPD. Bravo.

And you can't love someone enough to fix them, either. Ty, Sam. Your site helped me more than did my therapist eight years ago!

@cathycruz9673

9 жыл бұрын

Jim Griffin Sam's book helped me light years at the time in understanding my relationship as well - well said, actually the more you love them the more they walk on you..

@mahimahi9834

6 жыл бұрын

Jim Griffin I

@skippy5712

4 жыл бұрын

Many therapists are useless. Especially now that many study Psychology to try and diagnose there own problems. Many with very Low Esteem. They will come across as too nice to be true or unfeeling types. One just as bad as the other. The too nice to be true are the really dangerous.

@skippy5712

4 жыл бұрын

@Master Bei Shen True. Unfortunately that is the way our Society is. All fields!

@skippy5712

4 жыл бұрын

@@DrShawnaFreshwater Its not just there Training. So many of them have very low Self Esteem of there own. They may be OK for some purely routine Jobs but hopeless as Analysts and Counsellors.

Amazing, I was married to a narcissist for 40 yrs. Never heard I’m sorry,or even why he did what he did. This man is a rare bird for sure. Narcissist’s are unable to respond to the damage they do,they seem almost numb. Thanks for the video,I’ve learned quite a lot.

You can’t love someone enough to fix them.

@SRBOMBONICA86

4 жыл бұрын

narcissists HATE love ,they hate being loved also

@janedoe7315

4 жыл бұрын

​@@SRBOMBONICA86 I have been very damaged and found a similarly damaged partner who lavished me with extraordinary love and care. I eventually gave the same in return and we made each others needs of equal importance. We enjoyed such a deep bond and sweet love together for 20 years in our marrriage. It was the only time I was really happy in life and was always taken care of after a child hood of negect. You can help and undrstand eachother.

@mariehalsey8892

4 жыл бұрын

@@janedoe7315 that's wonderful...happy for you

My mom never saw me as separate from her. I guess I picked up on that early. When I was 9, I announced to my parents that I realized that I didn't really exist.

@hubbiezzhen4815

2 жыл бұрын

What did you do after?

God had a plan for you Sam. We are so grateful for you in our community. Thank you & much respect.

That was a very insightful interview. It actually makes me very sad for those people suffering with BPD & NPD, but not sad enough to ever let another one near me again, that's how they reel you in.

@kimberlys.t.7206

2 жыл бұрын

Yes I agree

@courtneycondit

2 жыл бұрын

Amen and well said!

@beverlyhills8988

Жыл бұрын

I wouldn't liken someone with borderline to a narcissist like that though. They're fucking difficult people to deal with, but they don't run around looking for victims. There isn't the malice that you can find with NPD.

@memecathar1263

Жыл бұрын

As Carl Jung said, put all your ignorant theories behind you and witness their actual soul. Something I bet that is very difficult for the misinformed and unread “pro-science” teenagers of KZread commentville.

i think they are highly represented in the medical field ..

@ronniespain7142

7 жыл бұрын

Jenny Derksen very Truthful

@betsytucker5937

5 жыл бұрын

The co-dependents and empaths are also highly represented. When I started t o research covert narcissism, I was amazed by so many therapists sharing what they had gone through in these relationships, and many openly admitting their co-dependence.

@skippy5712

4 жыл бұрын

Very prevalent in the Specialist Doctor area. Very prevalent in USA Politics.

@mjade1673

4 жыл бұрын

@@natashaevsimon1441 yes. And i think counterdependents are highly represented there as well 👍

@grannysweet

4 жыл бұрын

Lawyers, drs., upper management, principals, police, politicians, clergy, pta moms- they are fu@king everywhere .

along with DID, borderline and personality disorders the abused child can develop ptsd untreated throughout life can become complex.

If Narcissus had simply leaned over the water, checked his teeth, gave his hair the once-over, smiled and went about his day, he’d have a healthy degree of reflection and self esteem. Instead, he could not stop gazing at his reflection, fell in and drowned. Thank you, Mr. Vaknin.

I am from an Extreme abusive home and I'm codependent, PTSD etc.....I never had a real childhood. I feel cheated and angry. When you date a Narc they are exciting in the beginning and the treatment feels Familiar because that's all you knew growing up is abuse.The ups and downs of dating the Narc usually wears you out and mentally breaks you all the way down. You are a toy in the Narc FUN HOUSE. Run and throw away the Key. I'm NARC FREE!!!

@samvaknin

7 жыл бұрын

Read about inverted narcissists: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq66.html

@dabarefootbombshell

4 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin Can you do more videos on the inverted narcissists? I hate how codependent personality types act as though our personalities are not damaging as well. All the focus is on the Narc did this, the narc did that but we actually reward Narc behavior and crave it because we get to be the victim even though we are abusing too.

@taraswertelecki7874

4 жыл бұрын

I can relate to that personally Elmer, that is why I really don't enjoy interacting with people much, and why I do not trust people easily either.

@evemichael3850

3 жыл бұрын

Wow incredible woman. Strong beyond belief.

@evemichael3850

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing! Xx!

This interview with Sam is the best, most insightful overview of NPD and BPD I have seen or heard in my 12 years of researching, reading, and studying the cluster B personality disorders. A must-see for victims of domestic violence whose abuser is suspected of having a personality disorder.

@user-dw2fn1px8n

Жыл бұрын

Came here to say exactly this. This guy is from another 🌎 world.

@lizisler9415

Жыл бұрын

And if so don’t you suspect ? How can he be a ‘true’ narcissist. He may be self aware but to this extent? I have my doubts.

my god, this guy's brilliant

@tiffanyking5271

7 жыл бұрын

Sofia Dorrell RIGHT

@DoctorJames

5 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! I am only ten minutes in and cannot believe what I'm hearing given my own experience having been married to a malignant narcissist. His intelligence and ability to impart knowledge is astounding, no matter what else you might think of him otherwise. I'm just hoping to be able to get a transcript because every word is so worthy of writing down.

@mjade1673

4 жыл бұрын

@@disme2072 IMO to say someones brain being broken from their own soul is a choice is actually a really pathetic way to re-victimize oneself over and over continually again. But what do i know? I am merely learning from the same world

@lollypopnarcy7585

4 жыл бұрын

Yes

@TheKeishana

4 жыл бұрын

Well because , within him there might be a character, only he knows about.

Great analogy, "it makes no difference whether the child is put on the pedestal or the pedestal is put on the child"

I was married to a narcissist and did not know it until a few days ago. I was married to a man for 17 years and always thought something was wrong with me, my daughters. I always wondered why he didn't love us. He was cold hearted, arrogant, umempathetic, could ignore a person for "months" at a time and wouldn't care who was hurt by the behavior. He is very intelligent, cognitively. I was used. The marriage was the 2nd for us, each. He had 4 children and i had one. He and his four, treated my child like she was filth on the floor. He and his girls (yes, all girls) treated the both of us the same the last few years. Once the last child (his) graduated from high school, he had his plan to get rid of me. I was hit with divorce papers within 2 months. He once told me in his anger as i tried to stand up against his foul treatment, "Do you know who you are talking to? I am a DOCTOR!!!" He had affairs with other ladies, i found out after the divorce. But for some dumb reason, i wanted to have him back!!! Being with this man caused me to hate my daughter, myself and life. Now that i am familiar with this personality, i am now feeling i can move on and not have to be bombarded with thoughts of "what's wrong wth me? What went wrong? He found someone else who looks better, etc." Whomever gets him at this point will see the same arrogance once the charm is gone and the real person is released... I now understand that the signs i saw were not just schizophenia and bi-polar tendencies. But the label of narcissism is most appropriate. With what i lived through, i understand fully why his former wife's relatives say he could've killed her. Not saying he took a gun and shot her and hid the evidence... However, he could've emotionally devastated her to the point where her body couldn't take anymore of his foul treatment. There is evidence that people die from being emotionally abused and having a broken heart. Thanks for this important unmasking of knowledge you have poured out. It is like therapy. One day i want to be able to share with the world the hurt my child and i suffered. The abuse we suffered has got to be used to inform people of what type monsters these personalities can be if they don't find ways to get out of the way. But most of all, get your biological children away from them. They can be hurt in ways that could shatter their self-worth beyond repair...

@Booboonancy

4 жыл бұрын

Elizaveta Z ... I’m sure you are pleased with your clever assessment but you come off as immature and just plain nasty. You also show your ignorance about narcissistic abuse. Get a clue.

@yasminebahemia8486

4 жыл бұрын

I can feel you

@Isaaaaaa515

Жыл бұрын

The real victim here is your daughter.

@anamartafaial1916

Жыл бұрын

I know what it is…..i really know…..

This is one of the best explanations I've ever heard.

Thank you for your willingness to be honest.

I never thought I'd say this but he has changed my life .

@LoveiDora

4 жыл бұрын

Vivienne Johnston are you narcissist?

There is no mention here of the codependents who are abused. Let’s not forget them!

@mjade1673

4 жыл бұрын

🤔He said he hurt all in his life.

I could always tell when my ex narc was lying as soon as she started talking

The self-fulfilling irony of life is that the most defensive mechanisms are often the most destructive mechanisms. Narcissism is the biggest defense frenzy the world will ever know. The tragedy is that the protective shield that should maintain the user's well-being actually helps drain it not just from them but others too. If such a repercussion never existed the world would be a lot better place. Thank you for making these videos, they are very insightful and will benefit many.

@FM-gv4yl

4 жыл бұрын

yes indeed

@mjade1673

4 жыл бұрын

🙏said well

@DarkMadamX83

Ай бұрын

I'm going to screenshot this. Amazing philosophy here. Thank you

It’s so sad that he had to go through everything he did and now is really trying to help. He’s so good even though he claims to be terrible. I like this guy a lot.

What he has done in this interview is to provide a warning signal to potential victims of abusers. We cannot stop every evil nor should we even avenge it, but we can and do have the right to be on our guard against abusers who wear the "mask of sanity"

@user-od4op6ng9y

7 жыл бұрын

Well said. I really wish I knew about this stuff before I fell victim to one who took 2 years of my life, then God knows how much more time its going to take to heal from it. The emotional trauma I endured and still continue to is so painful i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. It would be nice if they started to teach about it in school so kids can have the knowledge to spot this behavior in hopes they do not fall victim. Some days I even wonder if I will ever get over the damage she caused. Whats even more sad is they prey on the weak and vulnerable and slowly over time break them down and make them question their own sanity. To me, this is evil at it's purest.

@sweettartgoodstuff438

6 жыл бұрын

GS S I lost 20+ years and had to raise his child alone. The first time I didn't know what it was, but I was tricked and abused when pregnant. I left and raised my son alone. It took 5 years to feel normal. The second time, I fell prey again. Now I educate myself and try to heal my childhood wounds, so I won't attract another one. I try to raise my vibration and continue healing and isolate from the world. Now I'm aware of them and can spot them more quickly. The predators rule the planet including psychopaths!! Disgusting! Studies show the numbers are dramatically increasing.

@lykakinchen7601

4 жыл бұрын

@@sweettartgoodstuff438 How were you tricked and abused when pregnant? I'm worried I might be in the same situation..

This is so insightful! I've known a number of narcissists in my lifetime and I've always suspected that they each had dysfunctional upbringings. This video reminds me of a person I once knew who had to be the best at everything. He exuded supreme confidence, was extremely arrogant and ultra-competitive. He would always boast about his academic achievements and sexual conquests. I was on friendly terms with him but hated his high-handed behaviour. I later found out that he had been sexually abused as a child. He revealed that his abuser had been tracked down by the police and that he'd been summoned to testify in court. I remember seeing his air of confidence completely diminish to the point that he was a shivering, tearful wreck. All the resentments I had held against him completely evaporated. I never saw him again as he moved away but I really hope he's ok now.

@jcbanbury

4 жыл бұрын

Holy crap, that's the most powerful I've heard this year!

@survivorvibe7448

4 жыл бұрын

I left home in 1976 at age 15. I have PTSD probably because i grew up in an abusive and violent home environment. When i left home my then 8 year old sister took my place as being the caregiver of the family. We have an irresponsible and emotionally abusive and neglectful mother. We reunited in 1986 but i felt no connection towards my parents and distant towards my siblings except for this sister coz i knew she had it really bad growing up. I always give her something whenever we see each other. My other younger sister thinks she was sexually molested as a child 2018 Nov was when i discovered that she had been triangulating my other siblings and discovered she told lies about me to my then 24 year old daughter. I stop seeing her for two years then last year 2018 i confronted her about her evil behavior and lo and behold i discovered her incoherence and that is when i searched about NPD. She is a malignant covert Narcissist. They are liars and thieves, envious and jealous I am at a loss being the eldest in the family and the target of her rage ( due to envy) how can i help her seek therapy. She is down and out financially due to mishandling of her finances

@almetaredmond2224

4 жыл бұрын

Survivor Vibe what you can do to help her is pray that she acknowledges her Mental state & stay away & keep your mind healthy because it can get the best of you worrying about family who don’t want to get mental help for themselves.

@survivorvibe7448

4 жыл бұрын

Almeta Redmond Thank you.

It’s a true privilege to watch this interview between two courageous, intelligent, authentic / self-aware individuals. I have immense respect for them both.

This mans a gift to all on both sides of NPD , the abused and the abusers. If your ready to hear his genius

Narcissist are not happy thats the false self and different masks but when that mask fall off their super angry and mad

@samvaknin

6 жыл бұрын

False Self samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html Masks samvak.tripod.com/narcissismemotional.html

@metfanmetfan1477

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah i noticed today im unmasking a coworker to my colleagues and he discards me all the time sais i have isues my heart pounding but i didn't show an inch of my feeling still tears me appart i get them to see how he really is it's so hard to let them see that but i must be patient but i feel i have no time to lose please give me some advice im scared for my loved ones thank you

@joannaoconnor9418

4 жыл бұрын

Latonya Davis yes the only genuine emotion I ever saw from my ex was his rage. Everything else was artificial

@stevensullivan5282

4 жыл бұрын

Always

@marcioviannaf

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed. This was one of the clearest talks by Sam Vaknin I've seen so far, but I didn't get him when he said narcissists go happy through their lives. Even Hitler, who went very far, was getting more and more anxious as the war drew to its end. Even Sam, who is so resourceful, hit rock-bottom three times. Narcissists don't only do harm to others but to themselves too.

This is the best explanation. I have ever seen . Just love his clarity

OMGGGGGGGGG, finally - I got it!!!!!!!!!! This is me! Now I can begin the work of modifying the behaviors that I thought were healthy. Thank you 🙏

This made me cry..he describes it all in ways I never knew how to put into words. He is so very right...the part that makes me sad is I can think back to ppl who I've detested because they were narcissistic and actually attribute their behavior to being that empty shell that they in no way purposely caused on themselves as children. It is so sad to have your sense of self stripped and extinguished, and end up becoming some falsehood just to endure the pain of that loss. This explains why people seem one way in the beginning of a relationship, and then over time as he said, the narcissist takes over...I know full and well how it feels. Your false self senses the fear and danger and takes action as soon as a relationship reaches a certain point. I know as soon as I think I have someone I really don't want to lose, I become so afraid that I'm gonna mess it up and they're going to abandon me, and I'm going to lose the very thing making me happy. I just want to actually be happy and not have to fear losing it, because happiness in my past is something I rarely ever really truly felt. If I were ever happy, someone, usually my own mother, had to SQUASH it right out of me, like I never once deserved it.

@SGKeiana

7 жыл бұрын

Carbfiend Jack Oh wow, that post was a year ago, I've changed a lot, can hardly believe I typed that :O Yay for growth!

@SGKeiana

7 жыл бұрын

Clinton Springer I was probably a codependent more than narcissist, but with certain narcissistic tendencies that would surface at specific times. I've been working on it since I made that post, I keep to myself and not depend on others for happiness. :)

@szebibi

6 жыл бұрын

My son has Aspergers syndrome and he shows all the characteristics of NPD, I mean ALL. The two are connected. I read lately a book called "10% Human" which can explain so many types of brain dysfunction. I recommend the book, it is very enlightening.

@The_Red_Pill__

6 жыл бұрын

szebibi, Some ADD & ADHD have common traits as well... there seems to be connections.

@mjade1673

4 жыл бұрын

@@szebibi I see no reason to jump to that conclusion currently. Having a like symptom does not equal same root cause. It would be fascinating if you could illustrate other reasons to come to this conclusion than symptom or co-morbidity.

The speaker has delivered the most devastatingly accurate and poetic condemnation of narcissists I have encountered thus far. It appears however there is a cure for narcissism after all, self-awareness, or at least something that acts like a control rod in a nuclear reactor.

Sam your videos are the absolute best on the subject. I especially like the concise way that the information is presented. Thank you so much for sharing your work in such a helpful and meaningful way.!! Most sincerely, Margaret.

@girlplaymm

7 жыл бұрын

HaaHaaHaaa

Thank you for producing one of the very few videos I've seen that actually tries to humanise the narcissist. I have noticed almost all of the chat lines, videos comments etc. villainize and bully the narcissist by the hundreds of thousands of victims apparently. Very insightful video which unfortunately leaves me with little hope. There must be more of us than I ever imagined.

Darn, I have been going to church and realizing how many are narcissists. After being married to one, and not understanding, I can see it now in clergy, media, hollywood, and politicians. Thanks for this video.

This explains more than it seems at first.

I learned the most from Dr Sam Vaknin on the topic of narcissim. I'm so thankful for his brilliance and for being so forthcoming.

In my eyes, you're a warrior - you've owned the actions of your consequences and creating awareness of NPD, directly from a sufferer of NPD. Thank you for your service and going against the typical grain of those with NPD, who believe they are never at fault. My wish for you, is to reap what you're sowing now, being real happiness and love. I'm a victim of narcissistic abuse and I respect your willingness for other victims to receive affirmation on some level as well as answers to what happened to us.

24:19 A very honest statement. No psychologist or psychotherapist will tell you that!

@spiritwalker9903

4 жыл бұрын

Good catch

I'm thankful more research was made, and light was shed on the subject of narcissism.

Brave man...

I wish I watched this before...My Ex-narc just got arrested AGAIN after only 5 months, just sabotaged his whole life all over again.

unfortunately one has to hit rock bottom....until they are open to look into a mirror and admit about themselves.

@gilmourishgilmourish6205

4 жыл бұрын

When they hit rock bottom is because the abused was so depressed and left the abuser . Rock bottom takes a second, mostly the new supply is already there for a new cycle of abuse. I left, ex walks in. Done deal. Nothing happened cause you have never existed. When a cow doesn’t give enough milk, it’s the slaughter house. That’s a fact. When I got surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome on both wrists, nearly died the same day and rushed back to hospital, he said to me a few days later “now that you are handicapped I will need to replace you”. 14 days later I left and never went back.

@joeo7257

4 жыл бұрын

It is a personality disorder. Simply change their personality. See how that works!

My little son with autism just made my bed while I was in hospital. My Asperger's dad big thing was fighting for human rights as a lawyer. I think it's a misconception that people with Aspergers and autism lack empathy. Some may. I DO think both my son and father process empathy in a kind of strange and off beat different way. But they have it.

@mjade1673

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you!! Symptoms do not equal same root causes. And variance is a great (easy) place to start in illustrating this to the public. It is simply too medical a fact to be commonly aware of still yet. That a same symptom does not equate the pathology or the treatment/outcome.

@thegardenofeve

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, many autistics do have empathy, some are extemely empathic. They can have problems to regulate because of it. Other people often don't recognise empathy in autistics, because autistics express it different. For example, when a friend gets left by their partner, most people would comfort them and say things like 'you deserve better' or 'you will find someone better', while the autist would say 'have you found a new place to stay?' As they are concerned about the practical impact on the persons life and they want to fix that for the person, but this can be perceived as unempathic, while actually it is very kind.

@isabeltaylor1762

Жыл бұрын

Some high functioning autists have narcissistic pathology. Manipulative, abusive, controlling and petty. I unfortunately, speak from experience. I think it’s important not to become offended just because some of the ND community are afflicted by this personality disorder. Just as some of the NT community are afflicted, too.

I fell in love with a borderline, but was dumped by a narcissist.

@jillyjills1

4 жыл бұрын

White Feather I take it you and Sport diver, both belong to that group of people peculiar to the underbelly of society. Losers, psychopaths, living in some dingy basement somewhere, whose only hope of having a woman is to find one you can browbeat down by threatening them with a smack in the mouth if they don’t treat you like little gods. What weirdos. 😂😂

@LoveReece1

4 жыл бұрын

@SportDiver 2 she was saying borderline is bigger "trumps" narcissism. She wasn't talking about Trump😂😂

@slopedarmor

4 жыл бұрын

@SportDiver 2 lol idiot

I just found you. I am so excited to learn more and finally understand how and if I can have a relationship with my father. Honestly I'm afraid of him. He is a psychopath narcissist. I stop talking to him, then I feel guilty for not talking to him, reach out, and then remember why I had stopped talking to him in the first place. This cycle happens over and over again... It is so toxic. Thank you so very much for this channel and for being so open.

I agree, Sam Vaknin, you are brilliant! I found this video to be very helpful. Thank you for your work & contribution toward helping people understand these complex personality disorders.

The most on point information I have ever heard, and the reason because he suffered through this. Sometimes what you have been through is a blessing to yourself and others.

My respects Mr. Vaknin. Your honesty, knowledge, self examination and eloquence is a great help to people.

Scary but so useful! ALL parents should watch this video. #stopchildabuse

@earthhealer1174

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, I agree

@mjade1673

4 жыл бұрын

And exactly what would unfit parents do with that information🤔. Magic

@teresathomley3703

4 жыл бұрын

Absolutely.

Listening to this and it's fascinating and enlightening.

@slopedarmor

4 жыл бұрын

scary too

I cannot help but feel sorry for and pity the narcissist who has nothing off his true self left. They seem for lack of a better term ruined by their abuse and it is very sad and tragic to see

I have never seen a Narc be introspective! Very interesting indeed!

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Most narcissists are self-aware and all humans introspect samvak.tripod.com/2.html samvak.tripod.com/faq49.html

This was intense and thought provoking! Thank you for your candor.

Your brilliance Sam, is that you are concise and deliver in a simplicity that is easy to understand. This is a testament to your care and concern for us. This is not the voice and the verbiage of a narcissist.

I am into poverty due to abuse.I thank you for you work.

Very academic description of the disorder and its complex dynamics.

I called out my girlfriend for being a narcissist. She doubled down on that behavior. So I dumped her. It was naive of me to think that she would have some introspection and analyze the situation. I guess some people do not realize the importance of attaining self actualization.

@cravinbob

4 жыл бұрын

A narcissist is almost sociopath and sociopaths do not care that they are sociopath and never will bother with "self actualization". There is no cure, run from the person and never allow contact again.

@SRBOMBONICA86

4 жыл бұрын

why dont you analize yourself?

@seontan7848

2 жыл бұрын

That will never work.

Absolutely fantastic and enlightening conversation. Good job as always Sam.

As a narcissist myself I have been on a long road of self discovery especially when observing others with simular trates. I've found it fascinating and learned a lot about human behaviour and about myself. Understanding that my early adoption, the constant feeling of abandonment and loneliness and my parents behaviour had all contributed to my disfunctional way of thinking feeling and actions. If life isn't working out the way you thought it would and your willing enough to see yourself as part of the problem, observe your behaviour like a case study. You have to drop condemning judgement and trust others around you. If you get shit on accept it's human behaviour by others and try to pick better friends. You are not the second comming and you are not a victim. You have no identity. You just are.

@maxono1465

4 жыл бұрын

how do you forgive yourself and the people who hurt you? in a similar situation i find it difficult to not be disguted and frustrated by it all

@100celt9

4 жыл бұрын

Forgiveness. By not forgiving others you just hold on to that negative energy. Anger, jealously, plotting revenge over and over again. Reliving emotion after emotion. It's exhausting, it's toxic both to you and the ones you hold dear to you but most of all what you think has an entire effect on you at a phisical chemical and emotional level, even your DnA when it replicates it's self is altered and damaged. Just look at people who hold on to these and similar thoughts feelings and emotions. Victim or vengeful status. Are they happy and light. Do they attract positive people around them. Do they have deep meaningful conversations with perfect strangers. Do they have a sparkle in their eye. DO THEY LOOK YOUNG. Now for self forgiveness. (See above) but remember this is usually the hardest one. If it's not, you need to look deeper and be truly honest with yourself. If you think it is impossible just remember everything is human nature and has happened a million times before. You were unaware. YOU ARE NOW AWARE! So it all reset and everything counts from now on. Every part of your body from blood to bone is replaced over time so the only thing left is your thoughts. Are you in control of your thinking or do you let others and old memories do it for you? It is the easiest and hardest thing to do. Stop identifing as a something! You are infinite possibility. Just change your thinking with practice and that will have a chain reaction on your entire being from cellular to phisical. Life is a gift and the hurdles that have been thrown in front of you were done for a reason. To learn and evolve. I'm sure you have seen stories of people overcoming catastrophies you couldn't imagine happening to yourself. FEAR OR LOVE. YOUR CHOICE.

@maxono1465

4 жыл бұрын

@@100celt9 thank you for the long comment, i really appreciate it. were you anxious or worried how i was going to receive your comment? i know that this is counterproductive but if im the one helping or giving advice i catch myself doing that very often.

@100celt9

4 жыл бұрын

@@maxono1465 if your coming from your heart and truly want to help or give others an insite no, there's no fear. One thing I've learnt is try to stop the judgement of others (analize, yes but don't put them above or below you, just be honest) and don't fear judgement of others. It's usually wrong and says more about them than you but if has substance take it on board. It's all about being brutally honest with yourself. As I've got older I have no time for bullshit, just truth. Life and people are fascinating. Look at it with childlike eyes and childlike questions and a childlike fascination. Make it playfull. If you can't do it with people around you there are plenty of people on line.

@maxono1465

4 жыл бұрын

@@100celt9 i agree, judging others (and by extension myself) just feels like a lose-lose game where everyone suffers. i also like being brutally honest with myself but i can only apply it in certain areas of my life and not in others, especially when expectations of others and of myself are involved and i cant let myself fail as easily. i agree about life being fascinating, but only if you pay close attention or 'open your pores' as joshua waitzkin puts it. writing with you is definitely fun, thanks for your insight.

Thank you Sam I wish I could have found your videos long ago.. But I am glad I found them now.. Such valuable work.. Helping me to break a horrific cycle and become stronger :-).. Finally awake at age 44.. You and others like you who speak out and help me to understand the dynamics of what has happened to me are central to my recovery.once again thank you.

Much respect for this guy having such a selfish self entitled destructive disorder and getting help which is very rare if unheard of to do this and be open and help people is amazing it's so interesting to here the insight of someone with this disorder

Thank you for your timely insight and information. You are one of the most truthful and knowledgeable people I have ever watched on KZread and I'm eternally grateful that I found you. Well wishes from Australia.

Unfailingly brilliant, insightful, honest, and in the end practical.. Sam Vankin is an amazing man.. who has elevated the motive of self knowledge, to a body of knowledge of being.

Great interview! Dr. Vaknin, thank you for being a pioneer and for your contributions to the study of narcissism. Your work is helping so many.

I read your book years ago, but only today found you online. Truly wonderful to listen to what you have to say. I have been binge-watching.

I knew it! This belief that narcissists are secretly miserable is just something victims tell themselves to feel better, and something therapists say to try and make sense of their behavior, much like this idea that bullies have low self-esteem. It's not true. Narcissists are happy. Their lives are easy because the idea that they are less than perfect never even registers as a conscious thought. If they have no empathy, they are never burdened with conscience about the things they have done.

The lucidity with which this is discussed is really very moving, and points to the possibility of life improving. It's not meant to minimize how folks with this personality characteristic have to deal with this world, but to express my amazement at the extraordinary ability to look at one's self as objectively as you must have had to do. You have my immense respect for this accomplishment.

Sam says that the longer the narcissist's false self remains in place, the more the true self is eroded. Yet, I wonder if the addiction to narcissistic supply doesn't serve a dual purpose : to both feed the false self as well as somehow nurture a deeply buried and injured true self. A true self that the narcissist has fallen completely out of touch with and therefore can no longer get in touch with.

@LT-mz5yc

4 жыл бұрын

That is why most nacissists tend to gravitate to empaths.

@AnimosityIncarnate

5 ай бұрын

​@@LT-mz5yc empaths? Just people that feel empathy? Or the tiktok empaths that are cluster B peeps 😂

Sam is the most important person to listen to on this subject if wishing to learn about the personality type.

Haha "its pains me to say that Im a typical narcissist" and that smile. Seriously, a great service to the rest of us by helping us with his insight into himself. Not at all easy.

17:20 This is probably one of the clearest explanations of the origins of a personality disorder that you're likely to find online. As someone who is now long in remission from BPD, hearing this has helped me so much. It is great that Dr Vaknin speaks publicly about this. Whether he's listened to is another matter...

Great interview, thank you both!

This is the most insightful and profoundly helpful interview for me to understand my adult life with my family.

This was a fascinating interview. Very candid and informative. Helps me understand my ex better, myself and differentiate different forms of co-mobility. Thanks you!

So sad to lose someone we love dearly because they are unable to see what is wrong with them....thank you doctor for your honesty and all the hard work!!!!

Dr Vaknin your are the best source of information on the topic I avec heard as far, thank you for your work.

Thank you for such an enlightening, succinct and informative content. I am suffering from a narcissistic abuse and this video helped me understand the situation so much better. So detailed and thoroughly articulated yet succinct and straight to the main points!

Absolutely the best video i have seen with so much understanding of the big picture

Great interview. One of your best videos!

This is freaking amazing, great stuff Sam! I am so blown away and impressed with your drive to understand your narcissistic disorder. You are rare! With the intensity of your childhood abuse, as you said radically displacing your self-image like "shrapnel", is conscious self-love possible? I was raised in a severely abusive home, my three sisters coped by adopting narcissism while I became codependent ie. if I only try harder my parents will love me. I got fooled and spent 10 years with a vulnerable/fragile narcissist and once I realized the illusion of the interaction, I worked on why I tolerated it, which led me to my doormat personality due to early childhood abuse. I've spent the last 5 years single, 100% no contact with ex, and daily conscious self-love over a relatively short period of time showed remarkable results. I now feel I posses a healthy level of narcissism ie. I understand my value as a human being. Are NPDs able to re-create the love they didn't get as a child via mirror-work and subliminal positive affirmations the way a codependent can (I'm living proof)? I assume you've tried? Big respect to you for reaching that point, after your 3rd rock bottom, where you said, "I need to know what's going on with me and narcissism." Damn, that's huge.

Superb and informative, thank you Dr. Vaknin

Glad to see you in Cambridge Sam! Hope you will be giving some kind of talk/interacting with the academic community there during your visit.... Your knowledge is a very valuable resource to us here in the UK :) xxx

Thank you Sam for your honesty and all your diligent expansive research. I'm reading your book, and have found it most helpful. Knowledge is power!

fragmented beings we have become from less and less love, care, understanding and the wonder of existence

@bestlife9027

4 жыл бұрын

Yup. This is why alot of people end up divorced. So many abused children grow up to become broken adults and put on many masks.

@elderherrera2238

3 жыл бұрын

The internet has made relationships transactional. As a mere commodity relationships are simple currency. Why bother with a singular narc supply when you can get two. You can groom one and recharge while you exhaust the other. And interchange. Like switching a battery

@johnnylovessheki

3 жыл бұрын

@@elderherrera2238 sounds like what the gnostics say about archons

Incredibly informative overview that gives us a guide to identify what we could be dealing with. Also gives us a reason that these disorders occur. I have always been inquisitive & always want to know, 'why'? I have thanked you a few times already for your contribution, especially to us confused & hurt victims, & i want to Thank You Again!! You are an Invaluable resource. I listen to you almost daily to remind me he'll Never change & it's not my fault, i'm not an awful, unlovable person. It gives me knowledge which gives me strenght. You saved me in a matter of speaking. No therapist, Domestic Violence counseling really is equipped to deal with this. But they all say what you say, he'll Never change, get away from him!!

Excellent interview, thanks for posting.

Love this INTERVIEW!

That was a very candid interview well done to both of you.

i did not know! thank for helping us Sam!

This is incredible help and rescue from myself...I have just begun...It will be a long haul...My whole life has been eaten away by abuse as described in your video and so....I have never truly lived!! IS IT TOO LATE?????? TYSM, SAM!!! AND LOVE to you!!

appreciate your honesty and expertise on the subject

This professor is truly brilliant. He is able to elaborate on the interviewer's interjection as soon as she speaks an affirming distinction.

I have deep respect for your honesty. Thanks for being so open with everyone and allowing access to your thoughts, experiences and feelings.

This is the most remarkable presentation of information on Narcissism I have, during my many miles of research, been blessed to access. I will watch it again, and then again, and I will get "smarter" about this sadness than I would have been had I thought I had learned everything I could the first time. Amazing. One of my "messages from God" to move on and on and heal myself. Thank you.

I really respect all that you have gone thru and your knowledge.

your explanation of the two sides of the borderliner was a real eye opener. this makes me understand myself better. thank you for that. keep up the good work!

This information has been extremely helpful. I find it to be very true and accurate.

I felt it and knew it. The true intelligence of the world may battle good and evil when given all knowledge. Possibly