I don't want revenge. I just want the petty childish stupidity to stop. Let them suffer under their own arrogance, I just want out so I can go back to having a normal life that has a meaning that justifies my efforts again.

@mrsqueakthecat.8061

Жыл бұрын

@@oligreen1192 Because I didn't do anything.

@petrichoramor9960

Жыл бұрын

"full responsibility" is far too much, 'i did nothing wrong: is not enough. Black and white thinking evident in both statements. We did do something, Mr. Cat -- we let the vampire in. Then we let the vampire stay and feed. "Normal" people don't suffer narcissists to abuse them in the first place. They don't get stuck like we get stuck. Stick around Sam's channel and you'll start to understand why this happens and how to stop it. But the first thing we have to do is accept an appropriate amount of responsibility for letting the vampire in. Otherwise we stay in victim mode, and cannot heal and take our lives back.

@macnchessplz

11 ай бұрын

Taking responsibility for something (if you did do something wrong) DOES NOT WORK. Especially if you are dealing with malignant narcissists. Some will even keep coming at you if you have zero contact with them. Leaving the narc alone doesn’t work with all.These types that are really pathological enjoy the drama ,sadism,chaos and destruction….

@mrsqueakthecat.8061

11 ай бұрын

@@petrichoramor9960 Not always. When you grow up in a home with a narcissist you don't know any better. It's only when they turn on you for something stupid that you learn the hard way what you have been living with the whole time.

@mihaivoicu908

4 ай бұрын

I resonate so much with your statement 😢

I used to think I was a target and victim of these energy vampires. Now I realize I am their usher into the gates of Hades; so it's my job to learn everything about them until their time is due.

@xmannythakidx

11 ай бұрын

Let's team up...

@ClusterB_Boy

Ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂 you sound like a narcissist. It is your job to usher them until to the gates of hades 😂😂 this ain’t game of thrones. Maybe go see a diagnostician 🧐😒

@lavenderrose1107

23 күн бұрын

Draaamaaa

I don't wish to mortifying anyone. I want a warm loving connection with someone who is capable of love. I don't want someone to do emotional gymnastics trying to please me. I know narcissism is a natural developmental condition resistant to any effort from me to change things. I'm hitting my most vulnerable self states against an immutable immovable object who can not see me as a separate human being. There are only walls of psychological defences to continually frustrate me best efforts to be sincere and loving. All he has are manipulations and rigid idealistic myths about life in his head. I don't hate him I mourn the abject negation of my love.

So what you're saying is, injuring a Narcissist just makes them more insufferable

Perfect clickbait for me this morning.

@goldilocks3593

Жыл бұрын

It worked 😂

When I realized what was really going on, I exposed a malignant narcissist to his entire friend group - his "audience" plus the two women who both thought they were his exclusive girlfriend. He screamed at me, "You ruined my reputation!!". That was the thing he was most concerned about...I blew up his facade. One of his other victims later told me he stated that the worst part of my reaction was it caused him to lose all of his friends, that he would not even miss one of the girlfriends, but he would miss all her friends. This delusional man also screamed at me that he was GOD - he really, truly thought he was invincible. The public shame really did have an impact, for a short time. He had so many people fooled, the facade blew up so now he has to find all new supply and a new audience. They know exactly what they are doing and they like it. They do not care who they destroy.

You are an amazing analyst of these crazy mental issues! Thank you

what an insight! he deliberately created drama so he wouldnt feel depressed. Now that i have left him he has gained a lot of weight and stopped trying to date, I’m guessing he is depressed, when I was with him he was trying to date others unsuccessfully and lied about it haha

Thank you. Because of this video I realized that i am a covert narcissistic. And it explained so much of why i behave the way i do. I can finally get better help

@christinadelmonico4548

3 ай бұрын

This is good!! Awareness is the key! That all it takes to get help, 🙏 ❤

Yessssss. Just had to mortify. He was asking for it. I’m so patient and nice until I’m done. 😂😂😂😂

pls pls PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO more of this content. how to ward off the ones that are permanent in our lives

Thank you so much for this insight, especially around breaking down the framework between narcissistic injury and self-efficacy injury of a covert narcissist. The idea of being good inside but being bad outside, they do fully predict failure, drama, and abandonment. Using crisis and drama and those around them as a tool for a distraction and manipulating those around you to ultimately mask and AVOID the emptiness, extreme loneliness, and dysphoria they feel with life makes me feel very saddened for them. These are truly sick people. Causing psychological, and emotional damage and scarring of others to avoid the reality of their feelings of weight of them is truly sad.

Thank you Sam! I now understand where the drama and crises are coming from😂. This piece of information will now help me not feed the drama and crises, but instead remain calm, collected and boring for the next two decades until my children grow up😅. Thank you for your service, for bringing a little bit more order to the chaos, and thereby more good that eventually trickles down😊

Chaos is the nucleus of the dysregulated. I appreciated his distinction that it is an input for the narcissist and an output for the borderline. I have found that codependency, npd, and bpd are all addicted to control, but they extract different things from it. Codependents extract counterfeit competency which masquerades as admiration. Narcissists extract counterfeit proficiency which masquerades as adulation Borderlines extract counterfeit competency which masquerades as adoration

Sam I love your laugh 😂 cracks me up everytime 🤣

This is genius- and I thank You so much Professor - even my degree in psychology didn’t stopped me to create a shared fantasy world with NPD. What You are saying about ways they use to stop depression which is life threatening - is for me till now the most important thing I could get from You - I just had a “click moment” 😂 when it comes to being God in NPD- ex partner - when he felt safe with me - he told me few times - “I think that when I die - the world will disappear- for real - world will disappear with me“ 😮 he was super serious… Thank You once again 🏆⭐️

@MichelePearl

Жыл бұрын

Yes I am a therapist and saw he was most alive when I played his game. He was a little late and I simply left the house he had to find me in the mall. He thrived on chaos.

My Narc was fighting for his life and even in that state he was humiliating etc etc...... One month before passing, our last conversation!

@kaarinamindaly4525

11 ай бұрын

​@@MarthaGonzalez-nw9yt perhaps you should leave him.

No need for revenge! I am better than that. I honestly feel pity because every time I observed all their defence mechanisms through tactics and covert manipulations I just felt their complete helplessness faced with authentic communication and honesty. It's indeed painful to observe after cooling off. Once you get it, you cannot unsee the pattern anymore. The shame is, that narcissists rarely seek for help. In Germany we are so far behind on that topic...without speaking english all you get is very surface level information :-( I binge watched your videos as well as those from Richard Grannons and Dr. Ramani every time some kind of god was testing me if I need one more narcissist encounter to learn my lesson to not beeing pulled in and triggered 😅 Congrats to your excellent work and beeing a role model for painful self-awareness! It's not easy at all to face traumatic experiences. Would you consider get your videos translated into german? Please 😂

Hahaha 2 whole ways !! Brilliant. The very nature of the narcissist is that you cannot do a thing to make them care...

Thank you, Prof Vaknin. Another excellent video.

This explains so much

Love your humor

Very good. Well explained.

I appreciate your speech and your excellent humour...i allways enjoy listening to you. Thank you!

Taking notes 📝 📝 📝 😃.

I haven't found a single way to get through to my mother yet. Not one. She will never have an epiphany. She will always blame me for what she cannot accept in herself.

@kaarinamindaly4525

11 ай бұрын

YOUR MOTHER SOUNDS TO BE PROJECTING HER CRAP UPON YOU. Perhaps wise to detach emotionally and save yourself from her insane scapegoating. Detach and learn to love yourself, for that is important. Accept no one's projections, not even your biological mother. PLEASE. SAVE YOURSELF. Know thyself.. Do not allow anyone to harm you with their toxic and invalidating stupid projections and sick mind games. Love your Seelenfunklein and nurture your inner Guide, your authentic living being.

@CarinaAbramovic-sh8ej

11 ай бұрын

You don't have to. Just remember SHE CAN'T GET IT. SHE CAN'T. Is like talking to the wall. My mother is also a narcisist and 7 years ago I declared her mentally ill (before know she is Narcisist). So I started to have only negative expectations or MAXIMUM neutral expectations MY LIFE CHANGED in a much better and happier one.

excellent viewpoint, not like other channels

😂 The way you started.

As a Good Person™, I would never do this.

The introduction was hilarious 😂

professor, in order for one to develop narcissistic disorder, would it involve genetic predisposition together with early childhood trauma? an adult narcissist, would it be like a 2 year old looking like a grown up, being in panic and distress in desperation for their perception of the inability to have their needs met, while others treat them like a grown up and think that they could reasonably expect adult thinking/ decisions or behaviors whilst they exist in response to early traumas? but these together with the grandiosity that comes with the disorder doesn't allow to see and accept their problem, so to support their false sense of superiority as a priority, a narcissist would project force and reinforce their issues to anybody or anything else to distract them and disguise their issues along the way, essentially seeking company to their world, as it is lonely and chaotic? that's a lot of questions I guess, you are the first point for me to educate myself about this. your contribution is truly appreciated, truly expert and educationally insightful. thank you thank you, thank you

The intro made me laugh 😂

Love ❤️!

I adore U Sam

I have never felt myself to be a victim. More so I am the YinYang dance partner. A perfect magnetic mirror. My mother taught me well how to endure humiliation. My pathology is as clear to me as hers. She being the CN. I am the creative, the home-maker, the entrepreneur, the educated, the hard rebel in all my life experience. Up till I met Pj. And I love her still. She held the high and financially solid career, and was extraordinary at it and retired beautifully. She bought the house, the hot tub, the f-ing nice truck, and the 2022 TT, all up in the fantasy!!!! I made it a f- ing beautiful functioning paradise. But alas, she is poster child of the covert narcissist. Thank you Professor, you frequently save my life. Thank you.

@mrsqueakthecat.8061

Жыл бұрын

You or him?

@peggymorin

Жыл бұрын

I think the word projection threw you off. That was my aha at the beginning of this lecture. Projection is how the N sees himself in you, and that in both grandiose and the hater, if you will.

What to said …This stripteases doesn’t teasing me! I find this exposure very confortable and well performed 😅 txs

Hey Sam, would love to see you do a Carl Jung essential intro vid (it's hard as hell for me). Who else can do it? Amongst other talents, you have a gift for breaking down books and representing them (The BPD one was mint).

@samvaknin

Жыл бұрын

Search the channel.

@jamesfrearson9630

Жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin Thanks Sam.

Sam.You won't die!Nothingness is positive.

What kind of healthy coping strategies could a person with NPD implement when experiencing mortification, depression, collapse etc? All info about NPD online is demonising & boring. This is the only channel with genuine info I've ever found

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

Narcissists cannot develop or implement healthy coping mechanisms or strategies.

Hi Sam, what do you think of the idea of a universal basic income? Do you think it's a good idea? Really hope I get an answer from you! Love your work, by the way.

@obiwangaenomi

Жыл бұрын

this is a truly narcissistic question

@ASafeSpacewithKay

Жыл бұрын

Yeah I don’t agree either and I’m not a high earner lol but truthfully the wealth would disperse back to how it was originally because it’s about what we do with our money not how much we make

@RevelationGenisis

Жыл бұрын

Go to a communist country... already in place

@rumdo5617

Жыл бұрын

Universal Basic Income is to be used as a system of control. As in China, a certain amount of credit will be allocated to each individual, with ‘fines’ deducted for taking too many journeys, dropping a piece of litter, using too much water etc etc. It is certainly imposed by narcissists!

@mrsqueakthecat.8061

Жыл бұрын

If you want to see a real-world example of what that does to people and their cultures look at the Native American reservations. It destroys people and societies, not helps them.

Prof. Vaknin, if it was a psychopathic / sociopathic malignant narcissist causing this drama would it be fair to say he would use puppets to live that drama so he could experience it vicariously over many years from the comfort of his home?

@AremAsha

Жыл бұрын

I think this is a great question. I’ve thought the same about them having an affair. Are they likely to keep photographs, messages, trophies etc and use them as fuel in the future when back with their spouse and the affair is over. I had one who admitted he kept a file on me 😮. What for, I have no idea.

@xavierserrano4880

10 ай бұрын

Yes I’ve witnessed and was a pawn in that “puppeteering”

Is it possible to have a “blend” of these two types of narcissism?

@samvaknin

3 ай бұрын

All narcissists cycle through the various subtypes.

The intensely religious, self-deprecating, fragile, covert narcissist is in their personal glory-land while in failure. Especially in the case with those who are of christian derivation because, confession, humility and repentance are the ultimate saving graces. So, because of the narcissistic bloated ego, no one can repent and self deprecate like they do. If you are a partner of such a person, and have healthy self respect, you will be utterly despised because you are seen as in rebellion to their own self-administered program of self-deprecation, which alone is the standard of success. You are excessively flawed and can never live up to their own ability to self deprecated. You are despicable. But, quietly..... in their inner heart.... they admire you immensely. This admiration triggers their need to self deprecate, because they have secretly admired the despicable qualities which are found in their personal objects of supply. They are then compelled to lash out with ferocity upon those who are their sources of supply in an attempt to knock them down from their unlawful perches of admiration. This cycle continues and is insufferable to the partners and children of such unfortunate fragile narcissists.... 😒😒😒

Only one way to hurt a narcissist move on live a happy life forget the narcissist

Does public shaming include one-on-one interaction, or does there have to be a wider audience?

@samvaknin

11 ай бұрын

Which part of "public" is unclear?

@LinNoOne

11 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin okay, so a wider audience then?

@angellove3645

9 ай бұрын

@@LinNoOnea wider audience.

@LinNoOne

9 ай бұрын

thank you!@@angellove3645

Top song regarding a narcissist creep by radio head my daughters boyfriend how to get rid ???

@atlfun08

8 ай бұрын

If you’ve been talking junk about him…slowly turn that ship around. Let her know about how good enough he is and there is not much better. Then when he is around, let him know that she is the best. And eventually start throwing a bit of anticipated duties to look forward to at some point. Don’t be too obvious though. Good luck!

I wondered if they do suicide. Very thorough description, well explained & much appreciated👍👍

I just want to know if they know that they have a problem ?

@samvaknin

Жыл бұрын

Search my channel.

@sicibell

9 ай бұрын

Yes, they know. The ex narc said to me a few times I quote…”I think I’m a sociopath and I wish I could be normal”. Sam has also referenced in a video that all narcissists are self-aware.

@irinakushnir8338

8 ай бұрын

They know but they even if they admit they want also the other to be part of a problem

Dear Sam, do we not all have narcissistic elements in us? Are we not all narcissistic in this or other way? When there is only 1-3% of the population narcissistic and I see so many fingers shown to others "you are a narc" than I'm wondering, anybody out there still "normal" ? And my question is there any successful help for a narcissistic person available?

@samvaknin

11 ай бұрын

Search the channel.

@BVoigt

11 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin You are completely right, many thanks for your time to respond.

So what your saying is: the covert is like an armadillo and the overt is like a dime bar?

That guy is Sam Vaknin .. Goosebumps.. Proffesor Sam My dream is getting an autograph from you..

Tell us

Don't injure the narcissist. All your doing is choosing to degrade another human, one thats already a mess. I get the anger (there myself) but if you do this on purpose then what is the point leaving them if your going to allow yourself to become no better. Revenge isnt justice its about how you feel and we all know it.

My ex is covert. He hovered me after 6 months no contact. He was arrested almost 2 months ago for domestic violence. He had to go a night without drinking and he had bay bail. I know his attorney is going to cost a lot. I know he feels like he lost a game. A chess match. I keep wondering if I finally mortified him. Nothing else worked.

Sam's funny