It is not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick, superficial, soulless, selfish, stupid society.

@proudchristian77

Ай бұрын

Some people's grew up with awful mean people's, broke to tiny pieces a family, it's no wonder we have drug addicts & alcoholics, it's how they cope , 💝🚴‍♀️

@ravenraven966

Ай бұрын

Your so right Jeff...

@Viva_la_natura

Ай бұрын

Ĥand the reason for this is mostly because of yes, transgenerational trauma etc, but also our society far too me centric, and hyper-individualistic . "The problem with capitalism is that it best rewards the worst part of us: the ruthless, competitive, conniving, opportunistic, acquisitive drives, giving little reward and often much punishment-or at least much handicap-to honesty, compassion, fair play, many forms of hard work, love of justice, and a concern for those in need" Dr. Michael Parenti

@Grungefan2018

Ай бұрын

Yes..exactly...

@Gypsygal1024

Ай бұрын

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

I went to a therapist once. My therapist needed therapy.

@TheOutliersDream

Ай бұрын

🤣It's not funny, the problem is serious that we are having, but at least you haven't lost your sense of humor.

@T1Oracle

Ай бұрын

I would expect them to all need therapy. They'd have to be sociopaths to listen to all of that and not be affected.

@gardenjoy5223

Ай бұрын

@@T1Oracle Which is a real thing. There is such a thing as counseling sessions for therapists, who got traumatized by hearing and working through some severe traumas of clients. It helps to park it somewhere else, and of course it comes in a less harsh form, so the next therapist doesn't need the same thing.

@Reflectors1

Ай бұрын

A psychologist friend told me it’s common knowledge amongst therapists that the higher the educational pursuits in psychology the crazier they are. I saw this first hand when I worked for a group practice.

@sabourmd

Ай бұрын

I concur 👍

I had been in and out of therapy since the age of 13 (I'm 45 now). None of them did much for me except help me through the immediate crisis - not the root cause. Once I learned about C-PTSD through Dr Mate' and Tim Fletcher, I was finally able to recognize how my horrible self-esteem, ADHD symptoms, crippling anxiety, and emotional dysregulation formed in me. It's tragic that the psychology community knows so little about complex trauma, because it's so crippling and affects so many people.

@dayegilharno4988

Ай бұрын

Ouch, that's heartbreaking... And soo me, with the differenc that I'm about 15 years older and never even got to ask for help before having a massive physical and mental breakdown in my late 20s. For what it's worth: Having gotten the proper diagnosis recently was a huge gamechanger! Best of luck on your journey :)

@pryncecharming2133

Ай бұрын

This was my experience for years. I have been through numerous therapists, for years, thinking that they helped me. But, like you, the same triggers would manifest themselves immediately after the initial crisis was "healed." Those therapists were a bandage over a gun shot wound. After most of my life I found a good trauma based therapist who diagnosed me as CPTSD. I've made more progress in 6 months with him than I have with years of therapy.

@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry

Ай бұрын

It's a multi-billion dollar industry. We wouldn't want people getting well, now would we? It would hurt the bottom lines of countless numbers feeding at the trough.

@terrieberthold4416

Ай бұрын

It seems 1 in 3 females in N.Z. have been abused, especially when abuse was a secret.

@terrieberthold4416

Ай бұрын

Or more....

I needed therapy to recover from my therapy.

@youtuber-cc8sx

Ай бұрын

Relatable. The post therapy therapy was just me talking to me.

@Nanamka

Ай бұрын

Same!

@o5maelim

Ай бұрын

Same

@user-rj7sl1fy8j

Ай бұрын

Omg right!? I will never go see one again that doesn't have some kind of specialization in trauma. I have heard therapists without that training say some wildly ignorant things.

@Mark-bw1wx

Ай бұрын

Yeah, a bad therapist, like a bad shrink, it's only going to add a whole new layer or maybe multiple layers to your extant trauma. And the psych meds? Wow. Trauma on a stick. But Pig Pharma execs and the shrinks who are their lap dogs need to keep up their lavish lifestyles I suppose

Many therapists only have textbook knowledge but not enough life experience to relate to their patients in order to truly know how to help their patients. A lot of people feel like the sessions are superficial and people have to put on a front when they see their therapists.

@Sonna-pq2zx

Ай бұрын

Most of them are naive, arrogant do-gooders.

@daisygirl1217

Ай бұрын

My last therapist would just sit there in front of the screen and just say nothing!

@mj-ls7qr8xp3n

Ай бұрын

​@@daisygirl1217I would expect if I'm just venting, the counselor to stop me and give me some sort of foundational stuff. Just speaking about my steps in problem solving and getting a kudos for it, really does nothing.

@marioargiropoulos7555

Ай бұрын

As someone currently getting their Masters for Counseling and Mental Health, you aren’t kidding. You got it exactly right. There are a lot of smart people who are great at memorizing and understanding information, but lack the deep empathy and ability to connect and introspection and overall life experience to have a legitimate positive impact on another person. Because no matter the knowledge they have, there is always a distance and distrust between themselves and the client.

@teoyan377

29 күн бұрын

​@@marioargiropoulos7555, I think that if therapists treated people like they were friends, with open hearts, that would make things so much more genuine and believable for the patients. Because at the end of the day, love is the key to the heart and with open heart you can heal anything....

Another part of the problem is when you are fortunate to find a trauma specialist you can not afford the therapy.

@michaelknapp8961

9 күн бұрын

Absolutely!!!!

@toryjei9435

7 күн бұрын

THIS! Our society wasn't designed for us to heal

@michaelknapp8961

7 күн бұрын

@@toryjei9435 you are so right!!!

Let me tell you what I think the problem with it is - a lot of therapists today don't really know what to do. I been in the mental health system since I was 8 and I'm 33 now. I'm Autistic and Schizoaffective. I've had 3 really good therapists that really actually tried to get me to do stuff like working through causes of addiction, EMDR, CBT, identifying and challenging irrational thoughts and beliefs.... But most of them don't, they just listen to me talk and that's really about it, they don't do nothing, then they want me to keep coming in every week or two because they know the agency gets money from my Medicaid. It's a system that doesn't work.

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

That's why you go OUTSIDE the system. Yes, it costs more....but ditch the 'smart' devices, eating out, where the money goes and prioritize health. There is help...but if you stay in the system, you're going in circles.

@user-js5tk2xz6v

Ай бұрын

That's because brain learns through experience, not talking. We need to actually experience positive things in real world to counter traumatic experience. So pseudo-care gives only illusion of help.

@gardenjoy5223

Ай бұрын

@@user-js5tk2xz6v Can't agree with you here. When we got traumatized, we started to see the world in a jagged way. To be able to talk things through within a therapeutic session, helps a lot to reassess conclusions made on the basis of the interpretation of the trauma towards oneself. For instance: when I've learned I'm utter garbage, I would totally expect the next experience of my life being like garbage. But if I learn, that it was wrong what the other person did, and how my reaction is logical from a survival point of view, but doesn't help me now anymore (that 7-year-old 'stupid' friend), I can evaluate the situation from a different vantage point. That tends to get people unstuck. We then can try this new vantage point out. By daring to do something, that we would otherwise expect to feel like garbage about. But we come into that situation differently now. Through the talking with the therapist, we can imagine how a situation will go and then look at it from the old way And look at it from the new way. We can rehearse in advance. Of course baby steps have to be taken in real life. But a good therapist will, by talking things through and reassessing them with you, start looking for different ways of interacting with situations, in order to help you get more success at them. A bad therapist 'just' listens and does not help you reframe. Then again, at first certain situations just need a person to talk things through in order to actually know what happened. I once had a girl in my care, who was losing her mind over the extreme long standing abuse she went through. She just wanted to paste her life back together to start with. So we started with exploring chronologically what followed what. That in and of itself gave her some sense of being in control again. And that's what it's all about. Finding, that you can be in control of a situation and it then does not go bad or get out of hand. Such experiences build your self confidence up. And they start by thinking things through from a different point of view.

@Amberlocks100

Ай бұрын

​@gardenjoy5223 thanks for putting thst so nicely in perspective. I'm currently doing a councelling course and using person-centred therapy in which a lot of "talking/listening" takes places (I'm simplifying), and have begun to question what significant change that might bring to the client if they just talk and I just listen (again I'm simplifying). It helps to know thst this method shouldn't be shot down, but I get what others on here are saying about their deeper trauma not being properly addressed by therapists who are perhaps not properly trained in such cases.

@gardenjoy5223

Ай бұрын

@@Amberlocks100 Too many people posing as 'therapists' to make a nice buck... In 'talk-therapy' always be the one who structures and restructures. Based on horrid experiences, people come to conclusions about themselves (I am not worth anything) and about the situation (I suck at things). Usually those conclusions are not right. Or - better said - totally wrong. But they form the crooked basis on which a person from now on approaches life. So: structure, restructure, explore feelings and the beliefs that followed them, reframe what happened, validate feelings and thoughts, but direct people toward more fair conclusions. Then help them rehearse a certain thing in minute detail to help them dare change a tiny thing in their lives. Once I had a girl, who didn't speak for a certain amount of time in her life, based on trauma. Afterwards she spoke plenty! But somehow she was really afraid to talk on the phone with someone she didn't know. Like the receptionist at a doctor's office. This girl had potential for succeeding in life, but this telephone anxiety would stand in the way. So we chose the most simple of telephone calls to make, and cut it in tiny bits and pieces. We rehearsed the thing from beginning to start, she even wrote key points down on a list. Then I sat next to her as she dialed the number. I made sure I looked relaxed, I helped her find confidence in making the connection to such things in person, where she had succeeded before. She did a marvelous job. It went well from start to finish. I then helped her both rejoice and get the anxiety level down. This took a few times over some time. She is now capable of making all the more difficult phone calls too. The issue has been resolved. She doesn't need help or encouragement anymore. It doesn't trigger her to fear anymore. And the nicest part is: success in this smaller area boosted her confidence in other areas too. Wishing you a good development as a counselor. You questioning things, is promising :) Don't forget, it is not the duty of a General Practitioner medical doctor to do heart surgery! To each his own. Know to help people find their way to clinical psychologists, where needed. It is a great privilege to come alongside people and try to help them. I greatly encourage you to get an entry course in clinical psychology, so you know what kind of mental illnesses are out there. Not only because the people you will try to help might have them. But also because the people, who victimized them, might have them. For instance: if you don't know what a Narcissistic Personality Disorder looks like, it is kind of hard to help the victims of those.

I am a somatic psychotherapist for 15 years in private practice and I train other professionals/psychs etc in trauma informed care. I agree wholeheartedly - managing symptoms through a crisis can be helpful but working on your core wounding in a trauma informed/safe way with a trusted professional is profoundly life-changing. It concerns me that so many 'professionals', especially here in Australia do not do their own therapy work and are not trauma trained. They may claim to be 'trauma informed' in their bio or profile but you really need to have done your own therapy work in order to be 'trauma informed' as a professional. Thank you Gabor Mate - your work has informed much of my own practice and I am grateful for that.

This is also one of the most criticisms of 12 Step recovery. Only Adult Children of Alcoholic puts the focus on trauma. Other programs want to control the behavior that brought you into the rooms by asking you to make amends for the problems YOU caused without considering what drives you to those behaviors. Trauma is not a get out of jail card but we can't ignore it and expect a different response. Trauma survivors invariably believe they are worthless and need to be fixed... when what we need is compassion as we learn finally how to care for ourselves.

@helensid6670

Ай бұрын

You expressed it beautifuly, thank you

@aazhie

Ай бұрын

I agree, thank you for explaining it clearly

@FuriosaSonoran

Ай бұрын

One of the biggest things that made me renounce the 12 step cult was the arbitrary hugging (as well as some intensely unkind gossip and judgement)... it was just wildly difficult to assert boundaries, especially newly sober. Many/most "re-covering" (covering up what has already been covered up- YIKES!...) substance misusers or those who are physically dependent on substances, or the dopamine hit from other addictions do not last in the cult for these and myriad other reasons. Discovering that it truly is a cult was not easy or comfortable. It was almost entirely my sense of social belonging, and "hopeium". Interestingly, many/most who struggle with addictions are also "Adult Children" (ACOA). I was. Ever "make amends" to your abuser(s)/co-abuser...? Yeah, I did that because I drank their Flavor Aid (kool aid wasn't used in the Jonestown incident, and that where the colloquialism originates). And I would not advise it. Just opens the door for continued abuses, and they will pick up right where they left off.

@GenXWitch67

Ай бұрын

Oh yes, the gossip , judgement, and attempts to manipulate you family. Ash-holes were trying to get me to accept my husband and not divorce him. He was grooming my daughter for SA.

@jonathonawarnberg

Ай бұрын

Totally agree about ACA…big fan here.

One of the hardest things about trauma is the massive amount of internal defensiveness that often comes up not to go to the painful places. I often feel like there’s a huge wall of feelings of “wrongness and badness” about myself. And if I sit with that feeling of shame and just let it be there eventually it devolves and on the other side is just this terrified little crying child.

@misspatvandriverlady7555

Ай бұрын

That is exactly the right thing to do. It will take time and effort to convince that child they are now safe, that you won’t let them be hurt like that again. ❤️‍🩹

@Locut0s

Ай бұрын

@@misspatvandriverlady7555 I have been doing this a lot of late. I can’t tell sometimes if healthily or u healthily. Or just retraumatising myself lol. It does feel like stuff has shifted though with time. But it feels also like the pain is endless to.

@patriciamorgan2501

Ай бұрын

In the end when you come to the terrified crying child, gestalt therapy would have you pick up that terrified crying child and hold it in a soothing way (that is unique to that child). The child will feel safe to cry for as long as it takes for the pain to subside. Now, the child will have a method to ease future encounters of pain, shame, and disappointments of all types that we encounter in our lifetime. We are social beings. This Gestalt method/technique helps our individualistic needs; now, go seek out like minded compassionate others. ❤

@Coden11

Ай бұрын

I love this realization for you. ❤

@mj-ls7qr8xp3n

Ай бұрын

​@@Locut0s"ruminating", we do it and it's not good. We have this negative soup dialogue with ourselves and hash and rehash our grievances. It's not in our best interest. :/

As a veteran I hear you! I’ve seen my discussion on my trauma visibly make therapists uncomfortable, showing they are way out of their comfort zone. Hard to share what is my trigger when it looks like your causing the person harm.

@jeanneanberglund531

Ай бұрын

This makes me so sad to read. I truly hope you can find someone.

@lexa_power

Ай бұрын

I’m a civilian and I’ve had the same experience. Therapists are just clueless.

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

And it's also hard to convince people that what you saw and experienced as a nurse (and patient) during the war of the plandemic (different type/form) during covaids19, wasn't a psy-ops and bioweapon with neglect of healthcare, there is trauma that, BUT that latest trauma was only the match that lit the decades that came before it..with..out...a...doubt. It all starts in childhood. ALL of it. Thank you for your service. May we all stay at it in healing from all of our battles. I pray everyday for a partner in this life to do it all with - I had a head on collision with my greatest fear ...I don't believe in fear. I hate fear. I never feared..I realized the only one I had, was doing catastrophic things...alone. Until I became physically injured and disabled on the "front line" and neglected of basic care, I didn't realize how deep that fear went. Or maybe it wasn't there at all, until....this grand finale

@jamesyoungquist6923

Ай бұрын

There are some experiences that are so far outside many people's lives that understanding is impossible. I'm a war refugee from childhood and also a vet and finding effective treatment is hard

@patti-ann5850

Ай бұрын

@@jamesyoungquist6923 Yes. I agree. Many people don't have the capacity to comprehend your trauma and pain. It's impossible to try to get them to understand. Those of us who have severe trauma experiences can relate to each other. So many cannot and do us more harm than good in my opinion.

Healing vs. Coping is the big issue. Most therapists and psychologists can only help people to "cope" (i.e. manage the pain), because most of the time, they're approaching the issues more on a biological standpoint (e.g. depression is likely just a chemical imbalance in the brain). The field doesn't really look at humanity at a human level, such as systemic communities, existential crises (e.g. lack of meaning, lack of identity, lack of belonging), metaphysical aspects even, etc. Instead, they view people as a complex system of bio-electrical signals that just need to be appropriatly regulated, with the right physical stimuli and/or chemical stimuli (e.g. pharmaceuticals). Healing is an entirely different thing than coping.

One thing I would like everyone to know is that “YOU ARE NECESSARY”. When failure at work or in a relationship hits and depression takes over, to cover anger, the first thing to leave is the sense that the person is actually needed in this world. Well the so called world is capable of lies! Put caring out there in that cold world. Just a casual recognition of how well someone does something can help a person who hasn’t heard a compliment ever after a lifetime of accomplishment in small but vital things. That includes yourself! My example is this. As a young woman was working at a difficult and thankless job and I was surrounded by mean spirited people all day. Next door lived a family with a child with Down’s syndrome. Every morning as I left for work, and every evening when I came home, there she was, stationed faithfully at the end of the sidewalk, smiling at me like I was the only person in the world! Made my day so much brighter. On some level she knew I needed her big smile. That is her accomplishment. It’s not all she has done with her life I am certain but she gave me something irreplaceable.

I've been to 3 counselors in my life. One was antagonistic as soon as she found out I had religious beliefs. The other was nice "mindlessly agreeable, not helpful, but not an unpleasant experience. The third was indifferent and dissmisive. A doctor once told me I needed "psyche help and placeboes" and I'd bec"right as rain!". Aha! Why didn't I think of that! As a child I was raised by 2 alcoholic narcissists, but, when my dad died, I was 8, a year older brother and a much younger sister, my mother brought a "not a good man" into our lives, who in short time devastated and figuratively "murdered" our pathetic little family. All the while I was in good and bad foster care, kidnapped and hidden from the other parent, moved dozens of times in a 12 year school period. New school each time. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. As anyone with C-PTSD knows. Men and women like Mate have been so helpful to me in my 60s. I look back and realize I previpusly got better in many ways using honest and common sense, but, I still had plenty of issues and trauma that, even today, can interfere in my life. So thankyou to all the Gabir Mates online who are so helpful. I also really appreciate the Crappy Childhood Fairy. She is so very helpful. I am SO grateful for them all. As I turn 70, living in a log home on a lake, enjoying daily kayak fishing, I am most blessed. I have lots of not unexpected health issues, but I'm not dying. I have few friends, true, but I have a wonderful husband for 33 years. Blessed, am I., as Yoda said. My siblings didnt fare are so well, psycholog8cally, but each still managed to find some love along the way. I have come through fire, I am a survivor and a warrior! I used to tell people I was "born I to a hurricane and raised by tornadoes and escaped at 16". I didn't escape unscathed, I have my battle injuries and scars, but like a salmon swimmimg upstream to the spawning grounds, no jagged rock, no hungry bear, is keeping me from my Source of Healing, Jesus. He was with me before I ever knew Him! He is with me still.

@freneticgeorge6481

Ай бұрын

Love the Catherine. Thanks for sharing and so glad you are finding healthy and that you are grateful. So important that you know who to thank and that you know who has been with you the whole time. Who else truly knows all you have experienced?

@ghenulo

Ай бұрын

I had the opposite experience: religious therapists and psychiatrists who said stupid things like "it takes more faith to be an atheist" or that I should go to church for socialization.

@catherinecastle8576

Ай бұрын

@ghenulo I think I can understand your concerns and I sure wish it could have gone better for you. I'm a Bible believing follower of Jesus. I was 40 when I went into the church community, spent 12 years there, came out at 52, and I have not been back since, 16 years now. I don't hold with any belief system that says, "WE enlightened educated FEW must think for and direct YOU uneducated unenlightened MANY." Those souls can be found on both sides of the fence. The thing is, psyche just means soul, and while I appreciate the men and women who work so hard to learn and understand, to share with intent to help others, the truth is, even the most degreed theologian or psychiatrist is still a flawed and fallible human. As am I. So, while I deeply appreciate the counsel I've received through the years from so many wise owls, religious or humanist, and just reject the often unkind and useless advice, even s9, if the good advice doesn't quite line up with God's advice on how to live my human life (I think of the Bible as a roadmap out of Hell) I reserve judgment and proceed with caution. It's a journey... I wish you well.

@billpetersen298

Ай бұрын

@@catherinecastle8576Great story, I’m with you. A fellow traveller, may find comfort and meaning, through a defined faith. Or just, in the wonder of it all. To be the cosmos, and a speck of dust. Just be sure to share the love, and your lunch, with that fellow traveller. There can be peace, in the world.

@jamiematheson3724

Ай бұрын

Hi Catherine, thank you for sharing your story. My story is very similar to yours. While there was no religiosity in my family, I did pray constantly as a young child for God’s help to stop the abuse. I went to church once with a childhood friend. After the service I asked the pastor if God could see everything in my life and he replied with a resounding yes! I was horrified that God was watching the constant SA assaults and doing nothing. That’s the day I became an atheist.

I attempted therapy a few times in the past for PTSD. The only thing I learned from my experience with therapist… my therapist were all crazier than me. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️

@TheOutliersDream

Ай бұрын

I'm having the exact same experience...I am seeking guidance from mental health professionals who imo are for the most part are distracted and don't have the ability to actually listen.. This job related for me, which means I have no choice but to keep going. It's literally crazy....

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

They are still human - like priests are still sinners, etc. The thing is though, there are those with narcissism who like to have power over their patients/clients. It's in Physical Medicine too. It's just exhausting. "Friends?" If people don't get to their roots, forget it. Every one is SO messed up. And addictions to screens is not making it any better.

@Roger-kq2sh

Ай бұрын

Same here

@GabrielleTollerson

Ай бұрын

and most are abusers themselves

@Roger-kq2sh

Ай бұрын

@@GabrielleTollerson That is very true and has been my own personal experience of most therapists. Narcissistic abusers!

I think it is a societal issue. I’ve been to doctors and dentists for TMJD. I clench my jaw. I thought only during sleep. It’s during the day too. I was given a night guard and other mouth appliances, and physical therapy. I kept telling them I wanted to get to the root cause. They thought their treatments were addressing the root cause. When i told them that they were only addressing the symptoms and i figured the problem was from childhood trauma, they looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language, while also telling me they are treating the root cause.

@tam3362

Ай бұрын

You might find a good chiropractor or osteopath to be helpful, if you haven’t already tried seeing either of these.

@MoonInMyEye

Ай бұрын

Really though, how could you expect a dentist address childhood trauma?

@michelemaliano7860

Ай бұрын

@@MoonInMyEye clenching is a symptom of anxiety. They could suggest i see a therapist. Rather, they said, “ clenching is something everyone does; even I do it.” The night guard is supposed to protect the teeth from breaking. It doesn’t stop the clenching and a tooth broke while wearing the night guard. The root cause was anxiety.

@Lurklen

Ай бұрын

@@michelemaliano7860 Yeah, you went to see a mechanic, you needed to see an engineer. It's a common issue, and a lot of experts get locked into their field, and forget that they can advise you to seek other experts to deal with the stuff they know little about. You are exactly right, the dentist should have said: "I can't stop you clenching your jaw, I can only treat or prevent damage as a cause of it. If you want to stop clenching your jaw, you're going to need to find out why you are doing that in the first place." And then offered ideas for how you could do that, based on his knowledge.

@bobsmith5441

Ай бұрын

Same. I have serious nerve pain now also. Severe anxiety that i am unable to be able to get relief from

Doing 1.5 years of CBT before healing my trauma was a tremendous waste of time at best, and re-traumatizing at worst. The CBT therapist was so incompetent he scoffed at my attempts to do my own research. Thankfully I figured I need to only work with people well-versed in complex trauma, or at least not entirely ignorant.

Have had CPTSD and chronic depression - finally, between Somatic Experiencing and EMDR - I am now healed. I had to get to know myself as a healed person with a calm nervous system. It is possible - never give up because the rest of your life is a huge investment!

@karenyendall7511

10 күн бұрын

Thank you for hope 🙏🏾

@Shadow_Lurker968

7 күн бұрын

@@karenyendall7511 its the placebo effect. looking at an object going back and fourth while thinking about your traumas does NOT heal you. Be careful with the "hope" you get from other people on the internet because you never know who is tricking themselves into thinking they're "healed".

@myhalowithin

11 сағат бұрын

What a wonderful choice you made to share this encouragement with those that need to hear it, again and again. Agree with @karenyendall7511 "Thank you for hope." 💞

I had EMDR for my cptsd, worked brilliantly. Im nearly fifty now and i can finally manage things that ive lived with for years. The last two years have been the best for me.

@anapontopina86

Ай бұрын

Nice, congratulations, enjoy! Do you mind sharing what was the source of your trauma? I'm learning about cptsd and just curious

@1amjapan

Ай бұрын

@@anapontopina86 I was raised in a cult, Jehovah's Witnesses.

@anapontopina86

Ай бұрын

@@1amjapan I'm sorry about that. Thanks for sharing

@jasonz9902

Ай бұрын

Dude if moving my eyes like that could make me feel better it would but it don't so thanks for that

@GabrielleTollerson

Ай бұрын

​@@jasonz9902 ikr,emdr is such bullshit

I have been in and out of the 'mental health' 'system' here in the UK since the age of 18 (I'm now 65) I had no idea what was 'wrong' with me - apart from I was completely different than others. School was hell, I was unable to hold down a job, everywhere I went people turned on me - the list just goes on and on. I've been referred to many psychiatrists over the years that just ended up blaming me and prescribing SSRI's (that don't work) I was referred to the Portman Clinic in London (that was a nightmare) I was referred to the Maudsley National Trauma Centre in London (again, utter nightmare.) I started seeing a private counsellor who happened to have trained in CPTSD! in my late 50's. Things started to make sense. Unfortunately I had to move and could no longer see her. I sought other counsellors but - the big but! - I basically had to teach them about childhood abuse - suggest books to read etc. Yes they still charged me (for teaching them??) There is absolutely nil understanding here in the UK about developmental trauma! I have finally just started with a trauma trained counsellor! There is a lifetime of trauma to unpick.

@mariamadsen7071

Ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I am 61 years old and can relate and understand you, I hear you. Life is quite a journey, you have been such a brave and courageous soul. Holding you in my heart across the miles from Canada 🇨🇦

Such an excellent point."There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they're falling in." Desmond TuTu

I am a physician, not practicing in Canada. I have CPTSD, and I realized our mental health medical knowledge is very little. I have experienced it and live with it. It is a shame. There is no help out there for the traumatized people, even when it's CPTSD. There are alot of entitlement in the Mental Health Professions who fill out the DSM axis perfectly as an A+ assignment, but they don't know the basics of how trauma affects the body and neural system. I could get better when I started studying CPTSD extensively. When I read about polyvagal theory and its clinical implications, It perfectly makes sense to me. I will not forget the day that I went to the ER because of flashbacks and being accused of malingering or factitious. After administration, I was interrogated by an in-patient psychiatrist every day when I was suicidal. She was looking to fill out her DSM axes based on the initial diagnosis which was malingering and factitious. 😢

@endgamefond

Ай бұрын

Oh this. I have been thinkin about this.u r right

@Grungefan2018

Ай бұрын

For the most part , modern psychiatry is criminal.

@angelwings7930

Ай бұрын

Axis *?

@tiffanyfinley4834

Ай бұрын

As someone with CPTSD also, I'm interested to hear your opinion and experience. I feel like I'm teaching anyone I talk to about it what it is, including the 'medical' community. Why go get help from someone who doesn't know what I do about CPTSD?

@patriciamorgan2501

Ай бұрын

I am sorry this happened to you. It was wrong. Every mental health professional should make their DSM assessment based on their own present moment encounter with a person. To just accept a prior DSM diagnosis is likely based on the pressure of the organization's time-limitations, or scarce resources allotted to the assessment segment of treatment. Or, because the therapist was never educated to the need to perform their own DSM diagnosis. Or perhaps the therapist, ideologically, does not believe in the DSM and ignores it. So there are many possible reasons. However, my thoughts are to always do one's own assessment and to look at the person's history. Initial diagnosis at the ER is just a "working" diagnosis.

I remember as a kid being forced into therapy What i needed was a parent who understood they had an autistic child, that as the child grew the outbursts and awkwardness would go away with time, not fully but far less than as a kid. Instead, i learned what happens when a parent chooses a favorite and tosses the other to the side.

In my family, the past is anything that happened 20 minutes ago and we never speak about the past ever. We live in the now. We are all heavily traumatized. I rebelled and spoke frequently of my profound insights. I was ostracized and watched the same pattern repeat itself in the next generatioon. I learned to be an excellent communicator and realized that introspection and regulating emotions was a great place to start. With our current youtubers, I often get better insights that I ever did in therapy. It is not the the knowing of why your wounds came to being but in the rewiring of our internalized reactions that the healing starts in my opinion. Learning to put my needs first without feeling guilt was a huge task that required practice, consistency and intension.

@peterbuckley9731

Ай бұрын

Well said Claudia.

From experience no one could heal me but myself. I was sexually abused as a kid for years and ended up in an 18 year abusive marriage. Everyone saw my pain but couldnt help me. I could only heal myself by loving myself first.

I am a psychotherapist with a PhD. I have been working for about 30 years in my field. Dr. Mate is complete right. I worked alongside a psychiatristt at a major university and they had no interest in psychology or teaching psychologists and budding psychiatrists how to do therapy. They were taught how to use their prescription pad to solve every problem they might face. I was never taught about trauma therapy until about 4 years ago and then it was part of a course I had in neuroscience, I am a much better therapist now than I was before I learned to apply trauma theory to something besides war veterans and rape victims. Fortunately, I knew about compassion therapy a long time ago. Ultimately, how much good therapy one can do is dependent on what kind of insurance people have, if they have any. Insurance companies rule the world of healthcare. Thank you, Dr. Mate for speaking out.

Sadly, we have to figure this out on our own. I've been to numerous therapists for ocd, and none helped. What i learned from therapy is that therapy doesn't work. Save your money and save your time by avoiding therapy.

@mailill

Ай бұрын

Did you try cognitive therapy with exposure therapy? Exposure therapy with a very experienced therapist (psych nurse) who worked only with people with OCD, was what helped me. We just talked for a year before I dared to try exposure, though. I sometimes (after years of doing well) still relapse and need some more support therapy (like 4-5 hours), but as long as I can get that, I'm good as far as OCD is concerned. And I was extremely ill

@SKOMonster

Ай бұрын

It does work if you have a good therapist. When I was a teen with ocd, it helped me quite a bit just that my therapist would make me feel like a human being, I didn't have to feel so ashamed and inadequate. It is difficult to find, though. Nowadays, the way they try to beat each other in how much they cash from their patients and w*ore themselves out on the internet, it feels like the same cold-hearted narcissist game that almost everyone is playing, which makes me feel like I need even more therapy to deal with that cr**. What helps me is that I can talk to a friend who has psychological issues as well, so he knows the struggle, without being defeatist. I am planning on trying to find a group therapy.

@louisaruth

Ай бұрын

my philosophy as well. why go to therapy when there's fishing to do?

@Anne-ku3lj

26 күн бұрын

Cbt therapist here :) Yes we have excellent results with ocd. If you (OP) are in the U.K., please self refer to talking therapies (cbt for ocd).

@liberalsaresoft

17 күн бұрын

therapy is a joke. you are getting played.... you dont have ocd... do better

Dr. Gabor Mate’s work helped me heal from a decade of opioid addiction, which stemmed from unrecognized CPTSD and childhood trauma. Mental health professionals just kept drugging me with psych meds, which made my mental health deteriorate even more. So happy to have this new perspective Mate offers. Truly life-saving. My entire twenties was destroyed because of the medical field’s ignorance and recklessness.

@saintejeannedarc9460

7 күн бұрын

Could you name a few key things that were like aha moments that helped you break through?

I LOVE this man. FIRST- do not SHAME yourself for feeling.."I shouldnt be feeling this way! why am I still like this" vs what can i do to explore this and my feelings are valid. let's explore that further. Why am I feeling like this, Where did this come from what in my past has happened, is that true today, etc

@WorkingMan1177

Ай бұрын

Gabor is one of the best. He personally did the work and is one of those “wounded healers” as they say. He also did all the study and is extremely knowledgeable, intelligent and compassionate. A rare gem! 👍🙏✌️

I feel for me CBT and my therapist is helping because I came to a point where I couldn't name what was happening to me, I didn’t understand my feelings and needs, I couldn’t really live my life. I stayed for years with the statement "I had a terrible childhood, I have to be compassionate". But the fact for me is that compassion comes with also teaching the wounded child that what he/she feels is not the ultimate truth. So you have to push, with awareness and equanimity, to come out of your present reality, to change our childhood perspective that we project into day to day life. To show the kid that he/she is able to love and be loved, that he/she is worthy of a happy life, worthy of beautiful, healthy relationships and experiences with others and ourselves. So CBT for me IS dealing with the symptoms but the core wound at the same time. It's reinforcing the forgotten fact that WE ARE worthy of love by facing those fears, exposing ourselves to what really frightens us and finding out that it is not really what the child believed. And let's say for some people CBT doesn't really help with the core wound, like Gabor says, you would still have some mental/emotional space from dealing with the heavy symptoms to create more awareness of the underlying cause. However I still think that the symptoms are not like some people describe them; just different, random infinite expressions of the wound that never ends (it feels like it never ends and it feels like a burden when you don't acknowledge them). Once you know the core wound and you start acknowledging your triggers in your everyday life, you'll see that at the end is 2 or 3 big believes that are expressing over and over again. Then you have like a map of your triggers and reactions. You learn to know yourself therefore how to deal/love yourself. We are all different though. I just hope we are all in our way to a happy, peaceful life.

My psychotherapist told me she couldn't help me because I did so much great job myself. I didn't really agree because it's easier to speak with someone about the process. When I years later was contacted by the therapy clinic for psychological health, they just wanted to medicate me even if I've been struggling with severe contraindications from SSRI and Elvanse that gave me seratonergic disease. When I asked for psychotherapy they refused and said... We can't help you if you don't want medication. I knew that this was a sign that I was able to heal myself from trauma. So I've been healing for years by myself. If I didn't have any experience and tools as a registered nurse for helping and supporting others in crisis and trauma, I would have been able to do this work myself. I'm grateful for your videos that support me and confirms that I'm on the right track. Thank you for spreading this wisdom 🧡🌍🧡

@Lyrielonwind

Ай бұрын

I was prescribed an antidepressant for neuropathic pain and after two months I had to start cutting the pills. I'm in freeze mode and it got to a point I couldn't even move from the couch. I have tests to do and I'm sure I will be scowled for quitting the pills (I rather take mild pain killers than being rooting in my couch) and probably they will treat me like an arrogant who pretends to know better than doctors. I have complex PTSD but in my files depression anxiety disorder is written and they won't erase those words ever.

@sandarahcatmom9897

Ай бұрын

@@Lyrielonwind It would be illegal to erase a diagnosis, but they are often changed by the next clinician to come along.

@Lyrielonwind

Ай бұрын

@@sandarahcatmom9897 I don't expect to have it changed and it's been a long time I don't take antidepressants. I think no one will. It's save them for problems and having that in your history, they can always dismiss you as...nuts. So my words don't count.

@vijyantilaitonjam2139

Ай бұрын

How? Can you please share your experience

@jessicayuan9016

Ай бұрын

I had severe seratonergic disease and they just switched pills without an explanation.Later on I had another one that put me into an agonizing cold turkey that everyone refused to do anything about. Everyone is super fast to put one on pills, and offer no help dealing with the side effect and withdraw later one. It almost feels that the education and guildlines they received are to produce addicts and that's all.

It’s only after ten years of weekly psychotherapy that I think I am realising that (for me) talking about my feelings has become my number one strategy to avoid feeling them.

@annemurphy8074

Ай бұрын

I did that for years. I intellectualized everything to avoid feeling.

@DJLantz4

19 күн бұрын

Damm

@sthomas4634

6 күн бұрын

Thought provoking insight- thank you

As a CPTSD survivor, and after decades of minimally helpful therapy, I decided to become a trauma informed coach after doing my own healing. People can't heal without body based and nervous sytem help. I go to the root of the problem w my clients. We don't just talk about your week. (That used to drive me crazy bc I never GOT anywhere w my therapists each week and thought I was broken.) If you are working on getting support, don't let one or two underqualified counselors deter you from looking. There is good help available. Just make sure the support you get is trauma informed!

@zendarawlings2237

11 күн бұрын

Any ideas on how to help someone who has delusional thoughts from creating an alternate reality because the trauma is too painful?

I have had therapy for PTSD, depression and anxiety. My life has been about trauma. Much of my healing I did myself, if I ran into an impasse, I looked for therapy that was centred around healing the pain around my trauma. We often blame ourselves for what happened to us as children because we are dealing with it as a traumatised child, not as an adult. Putting the blame where it belongs, with the person who perpetrated the trauma, is the beginning. Talking about it is fine for a while, but we need to address the core issue.

@user-lw3ri8us4w

12 күн бұрын

you're absolutely right. too many people view it as "blame" when in reality our gaslit child selves are believing a completely false story about ourselves directly because of what the abusers said and did. we deserve to talk about that and process our anger about that without shame.

Aw you guys ya know if being hard on yourself worked, you'd be better by now. Take it easy and take kind care of you 💜💜💜💜

I went thru a bad divorce and went to couselling 14 times for an hour. I learned all about "repressed anger vs expressed anger." Just that really helped me understand my ex and myself. My ex refused to go (this is common,btw) and we divorced. But to this day, i feel bad for her. I learned so much about myself and she missed out and still does not understand herself. So i am a fan of good therapy, if the counselor is good.

Therapists are CRAZIER than the patients...

The end of this video left me in tears, I have to learn to reach out to my hurt inner child. Thank you.

All I can say is WOW. Dr. Mate is incredible. The image of the child protecting me almost made me cry.

I had the experience of being in a treatment program years ago where they tried to fix everything with group therapy. They didn't get to the root of the problems these people were trying to deal with at all. It was like sticking a band aid on a wound that needed treatment.

@lianevoelker9845

Ай бұрын

Group therapy can be very powerful. Especially when you are lacking community in your life. But group therapy usually doesn't go very deep to protect the others in the group. Ideally you do both, group and individual therapy. I hope you are doing better now ❤

@3catsn1dog

Ай бұрын

@@lianevoelker9845 Thank You. This was years ago, and I did find my way to better therapy. The group therapy can only be a good as the training the person running the group. This situation was with a social worker with limited training and relied on what she knew gestalt therapy and being confrontational with her clients. She wanted fast results so she could think she was the miracle worker. She may have gotten some limited short-term results, but it did not address the underlying issue. I can understand exactly what Dr Mate is talking about in the video.

@lexa_power

Ай бұрын

Me too

@datagrl

28 күн бұрын

The entire health care system is about putting a bandaid on a gushing wound. It’s crazy!

I miraculously stumbled on an awesome psychotherapist. I knew nothing about therapy and counseling. Years later, I'm healing from the traumas and the damage done from not forming a secure attachment. He's a rare find, a master jedi in the mental health industry, and I'm so thankful for the journey I'm on.

@promiseofapony

Ай бұрын

What’s his name?

@Enoughalready20237

Ай бұрын

I’m so happy for you!

@Enoughalready20237

Ай бұрын

@@promiseofaponyWhy would someone share on social media their therapists name?!

@SaturnaliaJones

Ай бұрын

Took me 30 years to find one of these. They're out there but incredibly rare. To find them I had to figure out my own correct diagnosis and then search for that specialty. Took way more of my own work and knowledge that I just happened to stumble upon to even find the help I needed. Profession is in a sad state.

@Anne-ku3lj

26 күн бұрын

Therapists are publicly listed on the website of their governing bOdy. So giving out the name is fine.

I'm realizing I've been ruled by rejection anxiety. Thankfully, I'm able to see this in another new context which is understanding Narcissism. There is a growing movement of psychologists explaining Narcissistic Personality Disorder through the lens of what they call "narcissistic abuse." Narcissists are truly crazy people with terrible coping mechanisms for insecurity. They cope with insecurity by fabricating fantasy worlds in which they pretend they are the best. They construct and maintain these fantasies through comparison to others. They elevate themselves by minimizing others. To be good, somebody else must be bad. To win, somebody else must lose. To feel good, they must make somebody else feel bad. I believe this is the source of a vast majority of insecurities in healthier people. We have narcissists in our childhood telling us everything is wrong with us -- rejecting us -- and doing so by framing themselves as perfect. We believe it all and spend our lives thinking we are imperfect and have to become perfect to live up to the narcissists. The key is realizing that it's all a lie. Not only are the narcissists not perfect people or in a position to judge and demand we act perfect, they are the most imperfect of people. They are the last ones to be passing such judgements. And think about it -- would a healthy person act that way? Would somebody who is really better act so haughty and condescending? The very fact that they do it is the reason you should completely ignore them and not internalize it. And if you are the kind of person who does tend to internalize it, that's a sign that you are actually the better one. Rather than beating yourself up because insane bullies projected their insanity onto you, instead learn how (and when) to shut them out and instead embrace your good qualities. I say "and when" because not all criticism comes from toxic people. Sometimes we should take criticism to heart when it is coming from truly decent people wanting to help us who have wisdom we can learn from. The key is learning to distinguish those people from narcissists, and a primary tool for doing that is in how they deliver the criticism. Look for the tendency of elevating oneself by minimizing others. And remember that isn't the same as being irritable. Somebody can be angry with you and raising their voice at you because you're acting badly, but that doesn't mean they're minimizing you to elevate themselves. My dad was a Marine Corps drill instructor when I was a kid and was hard on me, but it was because he was the best dad ever with a pure and kind heart who cared enough to be hard on me and I'm better for it. I highly recommend checking out the discussion on narcissistic abuse. The leaders of the movement are Doctor Ramani and Surviving Narcissism. Both have youtube channels.

@doreensmith6791

Ай бұрын

Truly excellent advice about how to cope with narcissistic abuse. You are absolutely right - would a healthy person treat you so badly? No, they wouldn't!! Great comments, thank you!

@peterbuckley9731

Ай бұрын

You are right on here. I’ve come to all the same conclusions… after coming to terms with a covert narc mother… Run form them, and other members of the family if you were the scapegoat. You took it all so the family could remain ‘intact’… there is nothing they won’t do to tare u apart. The more pure you are, the more darkened their hearts towards u. Look to the light, and loving others. And then, do all that’s in your power to destroy the rules and fake world they created for you in your own personal reality.

@numbersix8919

Ай бұрын

It's just another moral panic. Another ginned-up threat that locates evil safely outside ourselves. Being selfish and cruel does not a narcissist make. Whereas a society-wide obsession with moral purity leads to mass insanity and institutionalized abuse. If you've been traumatized, seek help along Dr Mateé's lines. Demonizing, pathologizing, or otherwise dehumanizing an abuser serves no purpose except to buttress a false need for idealized moral superiority. What everyone really needs is a true validation of the intrinsic worth that is our birthright, and to eventually face the truth about ourselves and others.

@liberalsaresoft

17 күн бұрын

i knew you were a liberal when i read the word narcissist

One, of the many, things I admire about Dr. Mate is his use of language. He shows that using different words or in different ways can change everything.

I'm so glad I saw this video. I've just finished a 12-week set of 'so-called' trauma therapy via the British NHS provision. It was no different from any other standard counselling session I have had in the past. I was gutted to find out that now having finished the sessions I have no new insight into trauma recovery than I did before I started. This needs to be rectified quickly as trauma-based mental health is a growing problem in all parts of the world, as seen from the horrific behavioural problems that are being exhibited by people who need real help.

Something that might be helpful for anxiety/depression: - focus only on a repeated sound and an image in your mind. While avoiding getting distracted by idle thoughts - breathe fully and steadily through the nose to assist in oxygenating the brain - allow the physical sensations of any emotions that arise to run their course, if possible. To help process the emotion - avoid expectations from the process - encouraged to practice several minutes every few hours Might be worth a shot and it's free

I've been in recovery for 38 years and hear the same things around the tables from my teachers, mentors and occasional entertainers. If I've learned anything it is, there are no coincidences, every experience is an opportunity to learn and it seems the more painful, the greater need for intro or retrospection, that I am a grain of sand just like all the other beautifully unique grains of sand, Love is a verb when you spent your life saying but not feeling it, sorrow is inevitable and suffering necessary, joy is fleeting as it should be, seek contentment instead.

@vijyantilaitonjam2139

Ай бұрын

How are you now?? How's ur experience...do u take any meds?

Ive been doing better since i stopped seeing a psychiatrist but having somatic therapy with social workers has helped me lots more

Gabor Mate is a joy to behold. He is SO good at what he does.

My sister, who has had a LOT of trauma in her life, also unfortunately lives in a state notorious for poor medical care (fortunately she's in a lovely town, but still). Her last breakdown was severe. There were ZERO psychiatrists or psychologists within 100 miles available to take a new patient. She spent >1 year talking, instead, to a SOCIAL WORKER (my sister has a doctorate in the Humanities and is very open and accepting of others). This 'therapist' was actually *LESS than helpful* Thank you, Dr Mate; your podcasts have helped our whole family better understand trauma and its side-effects, including addiction. *Yours is a voice of reason and kindness, in what feels like an increasingly unreasonable and unkind world* 💜

@pliefting1007

Ай бұрын

Thanks, you sound like talking about my sister, wow. I guess we learnt too much to depend on so-called professionals instead of trusting our own wisdom inside. Gems like Gabor Maté & others who truly know what they are doing in helping to heal, are so helpful❤ Take care & keep healing ❤️‍🩹🌱🌳

@cecilybumtrinket1986

Ай бұрын

@@pliefting1007 I think that, while we all have compassion and have been through a lot, we often misinterpret all of our 'experience ' as = "wisdom". There is something to be said for the science of mental health, and those who study it. I wish 'they all' had the wisdom and heart of Gabor Mate ❤ You take care too! And - always - keep healing 💓

@cecilybumtrinket1986

Ай бұрын

p.s. In no way did I intend to cast any shade on Social Workers with my comment above. I just wanted to point out that trauma can be so debilitating, but - unlike many disabilities - there is the potential for recovery *with the proper support system* And, especially wanted to make the point that our society could only be *better* if we had more professionals specifically *trained* in things like Trauma, Addiction, and Recovery, including Social Workers, police, medical professionals, EMT responders, etc ❤‍🩹 (and that, perhaps insurance companies shouldn't send the insured to the wrong professionals)

@pliefting1007

Ай бұрын

@@cecilybumtrinket1986 I recognize what you're saying 👍 The positive side is that nowadays generations are starting to heal from all kinds of trauma (incl collective) and we can talk about this way better than our parents’ generation and theirs. It’s getting more understood and acknowledged. Mental/emotional problems can be very complicating and exhausting. Got to go 😉 All the best ❤️‍🩹💖

@rickydp9948

Ай бұрын

He won't read this. Watch your energy. Blessings.

The work of Byron Katie, is called enquire. She has been teaching the 4 steps. I think Gabor has spent time with Katie. She saved my life. Brilliant work.

the part about the inner critique we have internallised from when we are young. I never realised that we can talk back to it, and even get to know it! Im so busy trying to shut mine up and prove it wrong, obsessed with overachieving to prove it wrong that I am now finally a capable adult! I never even though for a second to be emathetic towards it, wow my mind is blown!

Another critical modality is the Dynamic Neural Retraining System. Especially crucial for people suffering physical ailments due to trauma. Saved my husband’s life. Most trauma cannot be treated through cognitive methods. Consider learning how to rewire the brain.

I'm starting to believe that there are a significant number of narcissistic therapists. I even suspect my last therapist to be a sadist. How else could she watch me cry, session after session, and not comfort me? I'm currently being my own therapist with the help of the internet. I find IFS very helpful.

@hshfyugaewfjkKS

Ай бұрын

I'm sorry you felt unsupported by your therapist for crying. I can relate to that. Many of them are taught to just give you the space to cry so you don't feel rushed or shamed in your process. But yes, many of us needed support not invalidation. One of my clients, a man, started crying. He apologized for cxrying and I told him that it was okay that that is why I was there and that it was a safe place to cry.. I'm happy IFS is working for you. Just another aside though, in healing, we also need co-regulation. Which is being with a person who is safe to witness and be with us in our pain bc part of healing trauma, especially attachment trauma, is to connect w another safe person.

@carmenl163

Ай бұрын

@@hshfyugaewfjkKS Thank you for your kind words. I just wonder how this is possible. In order to heal from your CPTSD, which prevents you from trusting anyone, you need to have a safe connection. To me, it's like saying, in order to heal from your addiction, you need to be clean.

Insurance... lack of quality Insurance and support for the patients who need it the absolute most.... that is why modern therapy is a joke

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

outside the system is the only place of reality (and that's not even perfect, but...expecting the system to help with anything that is not an urgency or emergency? ..)

Good video...one of the biggest challenges too is that people who need therapy from a therapist with trauma training and expertise may not realize they have suffered trauma and sometimes it is not even revealed during therapy itself.

Modern therapies are SO MUCH BETTER for trauma than the old models. old cbt, behavioural, and talk therapy is actively harmful for many people

@dorothearussell304

21 күн бұрын

It can often retraumatise. By just talking about it, many go through the traumatic time again.

I went to a therapist once and I needed therapy after the therapy. I went home with extreme depression. I could not go back.

My stupid mother told me, "You have to know what's wrong with you." I was 5 years old.

@hshfyugaewfjkKS

Ай бұрын

I'm sorry. What a dismissive shaming statement 😢.

I went to a therapist claiming to be experienced in trauma and she suggested Reiki, because that was her side hustle.

Everyone types on the computer, never looks up, and prescribes meds like candy playing with people. This only happens IF you can actually get in to see someone. There are a lot of people suffering because most doctors don’t know anything other than how to Google meds.

I've started a course of sound therapy. After one session had a breakthrough about boundaries and triggers and what to do.

Dr Gabor Mate is an international treasure! Thank you for this segment!

Counseling has mever helped me. Thats why im just doing what I CAN. Thanks, KZread! ❤

The key word Dr. Mate uses is...I "wonder" why I react that way. The word "wonder" is a synonym for ponder, think or meditate on. The key is to ponder what is the cause that creates the effect.

We have to be compassionate to ourselves. Thanks Gabor. Much love. 🙏💖🌄

Dr Gabor - you are a gem and a genius- saying it like it is - the metaphor of the trigger vs the size of the rifle - hit something in me - we all get triggered and bear trauma ,some carry it well , others or at differing times differently so. However asking to learn from our own triggers and being open and gentle to ourselves is the key to opening the doors of our “walls” and understanding who we really are . The childhood choice or perspective about what a childhood “friend “ is , a shadow to converse with and how old we were when that “imaginary companion” came into being is profound , as an only child it rings so true and real . All I can do is say thank you very,very,much - your insights are a godsend - a real island oasis in a sea of turbulent emotions . Gratitude 🙏

I had more than six years of therapy with a PhD clinical psychologist. I lived in a major metro area and had great health insurance coverage, so I searched for a few months for her based on her experience with my issues. I made progress, but it took years. It's both a matter of building trust, learning skills, time easing the pain, taking each issue one at a time and repeating as needed. But mainly it depended on me to put in the work on myself. And it is so on point that "triggers" demand thought and proactive action.

How the hell do you deal with the fact that you get to a realisation in your mid 60's that your whole life has been destroyed - annihilated by the 'people' who were supposed to be your parents?

@christinacutlass1694

8 күн бұрын

You GRIEVE…. AND GRIEVE…. AND GRIEVE…until finally you’ve shed enough tears that you become numb … you enter the chrysalis, in there you appear to be dead, but the shutting down of your emotions clears the way for rebirth… just as the dark earth nurtures the roots of plants above, your mind is working and healing without your conscious awareness,and when you finally emerge from your exhaustion, you are like a bear coming out of hibernation… you begin to see the world in a different way, you begin to love yourself and protect that inner child who of course was unable to make life giving decisions, and finally, when you stand reborn in the glory of creation, you begin to truly SEE that there is beauty around you and in you, and even in others, and you begin to truly live, my friend….

@tominnc315

5 күн бұрын

Me too. Im 70. Aces ptsd health anxiety all childhood. More as an adult. Parents nearly ruined my business in 2010. Im in therapy but worse. Backpain burning feet & excruciating neck pain. My father! My entire family. Im retired have a porsche very fit & healthy but in pain ea day. Way worse since he died 12-31-23 at 97. I thought id be better

@lindaraereneau484

5 күн бұрын

How to react when you have a realization? It's part of breaking out of jail! Every realization is the evaporation of a prison bar! Sure, there might be anger, but hopefully you also come to the realization that your parents had prison bars they didn't know about.

@et1016

13 сағат бұрын

You make a choice to move on.

Great to hear Gabor mention Laurence Heller. Heller's Neuro Affective Relational Model (NARM) is deeply compassionate. Behaviors that might be pathologised in older treatment models are viewed as part of learned survival strategies that once helped us but now no longer serve us (this isn't unique to NARM). I suspect that this simple change in perspective has a significant affect on positive outcomes by making the client feel understood rather than judged (...and I know they aren't mutually exclusive)

Sorry, but I spent 8 years in therapy with someone who had lived through and was very aware of the trauma dynamics I was living through. They helped me a lot, and he recommended CBT, which was new at the time, but he'd "heard good things" about it. I had nothing left to lose. My family was comprised of abuse survivors with personality disorders, not that I knew the personality disorder part. The CBT absolutely had a huge amount to do with helping me on every level, with many different problems I was having. I did it for hours a day, in between college classes, for at least a year. It resolved my profound social anxiety that was again, such a new idea no one knew what to call it. It lifted depressive episodes. And it helped me get to the root of my self esteem issues. My therapist didn't subscribe to the one size fits all therapy script, and neither do I. My life is living proof.

@Anne-ku3lj

26 күн бұрын

Well done! I am a cbt therapist. I’m not sure why we are getting dragged by Gabor mate. Majority of my clients recover from ptsd, social anxiety etc. I am sad for those who have not had the same experience as you.

@mothdust1634

17 күн бұрын

@@Anne-ku3lj CBT helped me as well, but mostly with my severe social anxiety. I find it's not helping with my other issues, but in that one area it has been a huge help. I used to stress vomit when I needed to go somewhere there would be a lot of people. Which really hinders my goal of having a normal life. So, I would say that it has been very beneficial to something that was debilitating and needed immediate attention.

@Anne-ku3lj

17 күн бұрын

@@mothdust1634 Complex ptsd used to be treated by a different therapy entirely, that was not so effective. CBT is slowly beginning to incorporate it. Tim fletcher has an excellent KZread channel, dedicated to complex trauma.

What a great ending! Thank you for sharing ❤️

omg when you said the “stupid friend” I remember I used to almost narrate to myself, like I even remember there were times where it was me talking to myself but it was me answering basic questions, what are you doing and why, and that phrase just made that like light bulb instantly go off so thank youu sm for that

Gabor Mate is the only ‘expert’ who even comes close to ‘getting it’

@IdaKiss

Ай бұрын

Probably he is the only expert whom you know. What Máté says is common knowledge, and the source is Stephen W. Porges's Polyvagal Theory.

@abstract3213

2 күн бұрын

It is very dangerous to idealize one individual like this. There are many good and even better experts than him, he just happens to be popular. Don't blind yourself.

@SobrietyandSolace

2 күн бұрын

@@abstract3213 I don’t need a parroted speech about celebrity worship or lacking objectivity from you. I’m not stupid and it’s not as if Imm making a conscious decision to plug my ears and ignore anyone other than than this man. I DO NOT CARE how popular he is. I don’t even know what his social media numbers are, I’m not in his personal fan club. I am aware he is human and he is fallible (why do I even have to say this ) what I care about is the fact that in 30 years of living in this earth and spending 15 years in the mental health system having seen dozens of professionals, having heard dozens of other famous and popular counsellors and psychologists, this guy is one who resonates with me on a genuine level when he describes the effects of trauma and my response to psychotherapy. You’ve taken what I feel is a personal connection to the individual and attributed it to just blindly liking someone because they’re famous assuming I’m blinkered to anyone and anything else. Yeah I’m triggered and take offence to that, feeling thoroughly misunderstood in your assessment of my mindset and character. Don’t take my defensiveness as a sign that you were right, I just have a personal issue with being misunderstood which happens a lot as an autistic person. This is why I usually leave paragraph long comments with context so someone doesn’t come along making incorrect assumptions.

@SobrietyandSolace

2 күн бұрын

@@abstract3213 like, how stupid do you think I actually am

@abstract3213

2 күн бұрын

@@SobrietyandSolace sorry, but this is not what I was implying. Just saying there are other people in the field with very deep insights into trauma and healing, starting from Peter Levine, Bassel van der Kolk...saying he is the only expert who comes close is I think putting him on a pedestal.

I feel that so much of what Mr. Mate says is spot on but I have one spot where I feel stuck. I have gotten better and better at asking questions...genuinely asking...about where my triggers come from. They often refer back to earlier traumas in my life. So, a small external trigger can make something flare up in me and it's useful for me to "own" the mechanism in me that leads to depression, anger, defensiveness, etc. But abuse is still abuse and abandonment is still abandonment. And sometimes the current trigger is genuinely present-moment abuse, not just me making a mountain out of a molehill. And sometimes the current trigger is genuinely present-moment abandonment, not me just inflating nothing into something. In other words, if my emotional internal expression is just a flare up from past memories it makes sense that I regulate my emotions to a level appropriate to the present moment situation. But what if my emotional expression is an accurate response to the present-moment situatuon? I feel outraged by so many ways that people treat each other in modern society. I think the world is sick in many ways. I don't want to overreact to things, but I also don't want to underreact to real harmful action. So much "regulation" of emotions seems to be built into this system in which modern life trauma is meted out and we're not supposed to speak up or express ourselves. Beng angry, sad, and disappointed about inhumane forms of human interaction is NEEDED. My emotions make me feel like the proverbial canary in the coal mine. They don't necessarily feel good but they are a warning light that I desperately feel needs to remain on as long as these conditions prevail. How do I find healing and safety in my own individual self and life without abandoning my sensitivity to what is unhealthy in the systems around me?

@sarahandrews1124

Ай бұрын

Somatic therapy

@stevewiencek1354

Ай бұрын

@@sarahandrews1124 Can you say more about this? IS this a suggested answer to my last question?

@mothdust1634

17 күн бұрын

The callousness of the people who we are forced to surround ourselves by can be so hurtful and triggering. When someone is being especially awful, I find myself unable to speak in the moment and it is frustrating. I would love to be able to talk back, but in a rational and calm manner which I think is important for people to take you seriously. If you have an outburst in response, usually these types of people think of it as a victory for themselves or use it against you. I think these people can be put in their place with words (as long as you won't be hit which was something that happened to me when I was little so that's part of why my body won't let me speak anymore), but it's important to find the way to say it clearly with purpose and intent. If you let your emotions flare up too much, then you can find it harder to win the argument. I found that I am getting better at it when I allow myself to speak up during arguments that are less consequential or upsetting. This way you can get practice in a less triggering environment.

Thank you for this interview with Dr. Gabor Maté. Working with a trauma-informed therapist on healing the body's memory and experience of trauma is key yet often missing in this field. Mental Health therapy is much more than working on the surface layer trickle affect emotions and behaviors that come about as a result of trauma. Thank you for sharing your wisdom Dr. Gabor Maté!

Thank you for bringing up this situation. That is so important and one in five hundred can reach the level that the doctor had mentioned. This part of mental health should be aware of this. Again, thank you. I have had the same fight.

7:52 that first voice? I think I might have had those exact thoughts - literally word for word, epecially the "I'm all alone, I'm going to suffer in this world". It's not that I'm not very happy right now, that's (sort of) fine, there's things that cause me to feel this way that I theoretically could change. It's just that I don't think I'm ever realistically going to change those things, because I'm an extremely procrastinatory/passive/weak person that can't really change. I know that's an assuption that I'm making about myself that could be false, but right now that really is something that I believe. And the "I'm all alone" is very similar. Yes, I'm lonely right now, which is fine, we're not going to have close people to us at all stages of life. It's that I literally can't imagine finding someome who'd be close to me. And even if I did, they'd have to put up with me AND I'd have to make sure that relationship (friendship, romantical or whichever else it might be) lasts and that I actually try to connect with them, because I'm very avoidant and "isolatory" if that's even a word.

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

..and it ended up happening to me...through no fault or desire of my own. I'm a mess

This just happen to me. . . I stopped therapy and now feel more lost then I did before I started the therapy. The trauma wasn’t addressed, and if you don’t heal the past you have no foundation to build the present on.

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

if's because you were just getting started. Takes yeeeears. Decades.

Love Gabor... Thanx for the vid ❤

Healing at my core…. 😢 This is really helpful info. Thank you

The solution to the sickness of egotism is to surrender. Details are in the book "Living the Mystery of Life" by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. ""Fighting the wounds of the past will only deepen those wounds. Relaxation is the method that heals the wounds of the mind, not reaction." - Amma (Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi)

@alanmcbride6658

Ай бұрын

Surrender? I agree. Surrender, service to humanity, ultimately to God the Absolute from which everything emanates. This world is a place of suffering essentially, happiness is in trying to transcend the miseries inflicted by our bodies, minds, others and nature herself. It's really nice listening here and reading the comments. Ravi Shanker? Wow what a wonderful musician.

Most therapists are terrible.

It was great. Thank you for this informative conversation.

Gabor Mate is an incredible man, and is powerful, by telling truth about himself and being vulnerable. This video has helped me. Thank you.

The problem with my CPTSD is that I know exactly what caused my trauma and the damage has already been done so a change in perspective won't technically help me. Therapy, for me, would be an expensive way for someone to nod their head and say "yeah, your mom sucked, that'll be another $200" every week.

@creatuitiveguru

Ай бұрын

Yep, this is what makes me cringe about all this "trauma based therapy" that gets lip service these days. Their idea of helping you is having you talk about (and mentally re-live) all your trauma. How the hell is that supposed to help anyone *heal* from it?? It's just re-opening wounds. What we need are therapists who are intelligent enough to help us see how the actions we are taking (or avoiding) may be stuck on "auto-pilot" because of trauma. And then - we need those therapists to help US find a way we can turn off that auto-pilot. A way that works for us individually, not some stupid cookie-cutter modality the therapist thinks is so clever that it should work for everyone and everything. 🙄

I have CPTSD from childhood as well as OCD and an eating disorder that developed as coping mechanisms. Where I live, I have a zero chance of finding a trauma therapist. Basically I've had to do all the work myself, taking much teaching from Gabor Maté and Patrick Teahan who have proven to be of immeasurable help to me. Still it's a very slow and hard progress for me because I can't find anyone to challenge me from the outside. I don't know that I'll ever be able to do all the work just by myself but I'm hanging in there.

@ellierose2661

Ай бұрын

So many therapists work online. Now. You can surely find a trauma-informed therapist who can work with you from out of state. If finances are an issue, that could be a problem, as many insurances will not cover out-of-state therapists, but there may be someone who doesn't live near you and is in your state and covered who you could meet with online.

@doms5755

Ай бұрын

Did you self diagnose yourself?

@GODHATESADOPTION

Ай бұрын

Teahan helps me so much!

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

Catholics in Recovery, or CO-D groups. I understand the "no challenge on the outside." In fact, I lost a lot of my 'friends' when I 'went down' (literally died in 2020 working as a nurse and got no help when I needed it most - medically, which lit the match for the 4 decades leading up to that from family, work, managers, etc)....I was the cheerleader, positive one, motivator, challenger....I'm deflated, fatigued, anemic on top of and beneath all of it. It's rough. I'd say for you, get help with the eating disorder immediately. The immune system and neurotransmitters for the brain are in the gut - so if there is too much, too little, whatever is the form you have, it's not going to help physiologically. A lot of online help now but I think it's best for in person. You can call veterans hotlines or VAs to see if they know any one. Also, I'd to wait to find some one "in network"....definitely not. Go outside the system - yes, costs more, but ask for payment plans. Ditch a smart device, etc. Trust me, I know.

Indeed your grace 😌 great perspective 🙏💜💫🪶

The occasional session with a psychic has helped my trauma much better than any of the 7 or 8 therapists I’ve seen in my life

So you beat a person again and again and you expect the person not to be triggered but ask himself or herself why do I feel this way? This is very very stupid, you know. A tree is growing if there is enough water and sunshine and a person gets traumatized if administered enough pain. This is this simple.

@hildaamethyst528

Ай бұрын

No, being beaten is not a trigger. It’s a traumatic experience that should make you feel healthy anger. It’s when there’s a true trigger that you then ask yourself and look inward.

@solarionispirit2117

Ай бұрын

@@hildaamethyst528 I did not say that beating is a trigger. But as you brought it up, it is a trigger (per logic - no matter if the professional definition is different) for the previous experiences and a new traumatic experience both at the same time. What I thought above is: …and you expect the person not to be triggered (by smell, sound, vision, etc. present in the previous incidents). The truth of the matter that beating is really rather a traumatic experience but at the same time this must trigger all the previous beatings as well much more than just smell, sound and vision. If smell, sound and vision triggers, imagine what will cause an actual and fresh beating for the mind.

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

@@hildaamethyst528 please read and understand. The trigger is knows, the root is known and obvious.

@jac1161

Ай бұрын

@@solarionispirit2117 Also, verbal abuse triggers the physical abuse memories.

@solarionispirit2117

Ай бұрын

@@jac1161 sorry, i do not understand this sentence

Actually I just heard a podcast about a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD after a traumatic childhood and was put in CBT traumabased and it worked.

@lianevoelker9845

Ай бұрын

Good for her. CBT rarely works for neurodiverse people. Something must have shifted for her.

Thanks dr Mate for sharing yr personal experience. It's very supportive I've heard about triggers but yr example of trigger and yr reaction to it and explanation of yr behoviour and when and where it comes from showed me what it is all about.

Therapy helped me a lot, mainly because it brought the stuff I needed to work on into focus, the real healing was my own doing and it's still going on. I think people need to accept responsibility for where they are now, not hold themselves at fault if they were abused or traumatized, but accept that this is where they are now and work on improving themselves, learn to be okay with things not being okay. Ain't easy but a helluva lot better than living life with the higher levels of anxiety and depression that come along with not doing the work, imo. Take care everyone.

For me CBT (together with my own meditation practice) was what actually helped and made a huge difference on my quality of life (because it really helped with OCD). Talking about childhood in therapy didn't change much, but was often re-traumatizing. People might be different. I talk a lot with friends about childhood and feelings anyway, but what I really need is tools and skills that I didn't develop properly, to help with solving current issues, like tools/skills for breaking out of ocd patterns emotional regulation communication when there is a conflict understanding of social situations when I'm confused setting healthy boundaries (and the difference between necessary boundaries and pure egoism) routines for self care Yes, I need to understand where my problems come from, but I suspect a lot of them come from my first 2 years that I can't remember

@shawnleong3605

Ай бұрын

trauma can cause OCD.

@mailill

Ай бұрын

@@shawnleong3605 Yes, definitely! Yet, it's difficult to do trauma work while the OCD is uncontrolled. My experience was that when I did exposuere I suddenly got more access to the underlying feelings/traumas (in a way that was more "workable") that were "surpressed" by the OCD-dread. Edit: But to be able to do exposure, I first needed a year with just support from the therapist to get my life together (like getting a ok place to live, starting studies, and finding a way to deal with people in my life).

@mailill

Ай бұрын

@@shawnleong3605 Yes, that's true.

@melcat5606

Ай бұрын

Check out DBT. That's Dialectical Behavior Training. What you're looking for provides exactly those tools and skills to help you to recognize behavior patterns that no longer serve you, interpersonal communication skills and tools to help you navigate conflicts, etc., social skills, emotional regulation, setting and keeping boundaries... I truly believe every child in preschool-4th grade (minimum) should be educated with DBT. These are all the things that used to be taught at home, and yet so many people were raised by people, who themselves were raised by people who literally had no idea how to teach these skills to their children because they never learned themselves...and so on, up the ancestral tree. Peace, love and success!

@mothdust1634

17 күн бұрын

I agree, too many therapists wanted me to just talk and talk about my childhood and my past, but my memories are really fuzzy because I was so sleep deprived, stressed, and traumatized as a child that I don't even know what was real or not. It doesn't help that my family would tell me things that I didn't remember or refute things that I did remember. I have no idea what happened or why. I just want the tools I need to live again.

Went on the roller coaster of therapists and psyche meds...not anymore. I've accepted that I have anxiety and sometimes feel depressed but I refuse to go to therapy again. I practice mindfulness and meditation every day, I take CBD to calm the muscles and nerves and I do just fine. The most important thing I did was to forgive myself for things I couldn't control. I have taken control of my life and who is allowed in it. That's all it took really. No therapist needed now.

@patti-ann5850

Ай бұрын

Excellent response.

@SLVC1127

Ай бұрын

'I have taken control of my life and whose allowed in it. That's all it took really.' Your words are gold. I agree completely. I'm 58. I have CPTSD from narcissistic abuse trauma. Going entirely and permanently no contact with my narcissist older, sub parent sister and anyone connected to her a year ago was life changing for me. Having her out of my life helped me recognize that I also had a sister in law and a friend that treated me like my sister did. I removed them from my life too. My triggers have now reduced significantly and I haven't had an emotional flashback in a year. I wasn't the problem, they were.

Great video and very important topic!

Thank you for this beautiful interview. You both spoke with honesty and wisdom. i'm navigating through some triggers myself and you gave me the insight to make some positive decissions.

Primal Scream, Arthur Janov!

I just watched this video and something came to my mind: the stupid friend that Dr just pointed, it reminded me of the movie “beautiful mind” about John Nash life, as you know he had schizophrenia and he was seeing people who were never gotten old, is there any connection between the stupid friend and the people that John Nash was seeing? By the way I am someone who struggled anxiety all her life and still going on.

@Lyrielonwind

Ай бұрын

Some people call it inner critic and it's a recording of all the irrational core beliefs you were told as a child. I think there's a good inner critic too, the one who can make you feel bad due to a flaw but still can be compassionate and remind you, you are a human being and imperfect like all of us but I am talking about the one that shame you and tell you you are useless, for instance. That's an irrational core beliefs, no one is completely useless but you internalized that voice. I hear somewhere that since it's a recording if you ask that voice why, it will say "because I said so" or won't answer. That's why is important to know your core irrational beliefs so you can sooth it or challenge it proving yourself you can do want the voice says you don't. Usually these core beliefs start with an I statement: I'm not good, I'm stupid, I can't... the more you contradict that voice proving to yourself you can do it, you are good enough, etc, takes its power away. Sometimes it's good to do lists of things you have done from tiding your shoes to your delicious chicken recipe.

@GODHATESADOPTION

Ай бұрын

Have u heard Teal Swan?

I needed to hear this. Just started therapy again and I'm kinda raw and easily triggered these days. My soul needed to hear this. Thank you.

Absolute truth. It tooks decades for me to finally find a therapy that actually addresses the very complex causes of the symptoms. The trouble is that all the prior therapists *thought* they knew about trauma, but they didn't. My therapist of nearly three years helps me through Internal Family Systems Therapy. It has changed my life.