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I remember a key piece of advice that Maya Angelou gave Oprah, she said, “Believe him the first time!” It tools me years to learn that one! I would also add, “You didn’t break him, so don’t fix him!”

Red flag for me (especially when the guy is older):" Ich habe die Richtige noch nicht gefunden." (it's german: "I haven't found the right one yet.") Because that puts the responsibility on being the right one on you. It sounds like a challenge for you to become the right one for him. I know because I tried exactly that and I didn't get it when my last boyfriend said it to me. Turns out HE wasn't right for any woman (lying and cheating a.o.). Greetings from Germany - I love this channel even though I'm happily single 😁

1. You are way better than my ex. Comparison mindset can mean that something still lingers. 2. You are perfect, so amazing, incredible, etc. There are six inches/15 cm between a halo and a noose. Often said by people with avoidant attachment style. Deep down they don't feel worthy, so they will do things to push you away. 3. She's just jealous of what we have. He puts wedges between you and important people in your life, rather than supporting your bonds with others. 4. I'm sometimes an asshole or commitmentphobe. Disclaimer given up front to excuse later bad conduct. Trust him. 5. I can be open to a relationship. What sort of person will he be in a relationship? Think of "I might want kids" versus "I could be open to having kids." Which one is going to be a world-class dad?

I’m currently under the strong impression that we women need to have the guts to raise the quality bar in all areas so that men have a better clue on what to aim for. It will change the world… 🎉

He said on our first phone call…”I don’t know if it’s worth a tank of gas and the hours spent to come to dinner with you.” 😳

@lovelace8702

8 ай бұрын

Damn that's gotta be 3 flags in one

Confusing phrases that are major red flag phrases. 1. You are way better than my ex. 2. You are perfect. You are amazing. You are incredible. 3. She's just jealous of what we have. 4. I'm just an asshole sometimes. 5. I could be open to a relationship.

The “I’m a loner kind of guy” phrase. He was all in and wonderful for about 5-6 months. And then he remembered that he was a loner, and he didn’t want to be in a relationship so he pushed me away.

@lovemy3girlsmama

8 ай бұрын

Yes!!!

@medinaseaborn2227

8 ай бұрын

Girls! Wake up!!! He's flattering you, he's using you...he was into you for 6mths, remember he's been hurt before too. Stability, constancy with actions not words, balance in your own life will ultimately attract the right person 🎉t

@campbellKaye69

8 ай бұрын

my bloke who was consistently (CON) ,busted cheating (in my brand new BED )to date he has been screwing 4 different girls s after the first few months of being together. Stupid me said to myself 😂 he is so down sue due to his mum passing away he is finding comfort in ot😢er Girls his just very lost at the moment But that is so running out of battery and its now been over a year now and l am a good person and have never cheated on David.J.T. my so called boyfriend whose also fkg 4 other girls at the sametime l also cop his lyes and regular daily beatings . But no no poor David he has had to deal with so much When someone physically hurts you especially abloke that you thought you are or was in a serious relationship with you was just lying to you the whole time and really wants to have four or five girl friends at once . Has no respect for anything or anyone My sincere honest loyal and faithful blokeWell What can l say lm Honestly starting to hate his guts and have just decided to start seeing other blokes . l believe you have No relationship once you bust hm having sex . l so have made a conscious decision today that l am looking for anew Man Because l think i finally deserve and need a loyal Real, Honest and loving relationship. So Over The Cheating an Violence that l deal with in a daily routine

@campbellKaye69

8 ай бұрын

much

@Ggirl1698

8 ай бұрын

Oh I left him almost a year ago. I was just giving an example. 😏😉✌🏽

"I could be open to a relationship" is mostly used by men in dating apps. Basically it is a catch to bring you to meet them sometimes including having sex and then telling you there is not sparkle, so no relationship.

Beware of the one who says, “I’ll be happy when….”! He will never be happy. Once he’s in the marriage, it’ll be, “I’ll be happy when…..” whatever the next thing is. There will always be something, and he’ll never be happy.

@cosmicdragontarot

7 ай бұрын

Truth! That was my ex husband 100% "I'll be happy when..." Was his catch phrase 😂

I think it’s good to point out that movies and books present the idea that love will change a person who shows red flags. Do not forget. We have fallen for or had a crush on a man we were not in a relationship with. Men are no different. When they are head over heals, it has nothing to do with sex or how hard you try. It happens apart from those things. Now once HE desires a relationship, it’s important to be loving and and supportive. But never stay too long thinking love will change his ways. He’ll only take you for granted. Love CAN change a man. But only when he already is in love. And he knows to have you, he needs to be a good man. It has little to do with if you keep doing loving things even though he does not love you.

@ssiegreen5292

8 ай бұрын

>>> And he knows to have you, he needs to be a good man.

I went on my first date in several years. I was meeting the guy at the restaurant and it was in an area I was unfamiliar with. I texted him to say I was still looking for a parking spot. He texted me back that there was a parking garage, just as I saw the garage. I pulled in and parked. As I was walking away from my car, he texted and said, "Meet you outside the restaurant." When we were walking out of the restaurant - he walked me to my car, but he was leading the way, which I thought was a little odd. Turns out that I parked right next to him. He saw that, but instead of just stepping out then and saying Hi, he chose to follow me to the restaurant. I thought that was a little odd and seemed like a red flag to me. Other things ensued - he grabbed my hand and at one point attempted to put his arms around me - things that couples do, not things that people meeting for the first time do. Ultimately, I decided that I wasn't interested in a second date with him.

Ohhhhhh 😮. The worst part is when you realize that you have said one or some phrases like these ones 😣

"I don't deserve you" "I suck" "You can do better than me" Heard all of these, including the "I'm an asshole" recently.

@ann-singleton4

8 ай бұрын

So what’s up with these? I’ve heard them a lot.

When they are 58 years old and never been engaged, married or without chick or child and tell you they have no friends or don’t get along with their family. RUN 🏃‍♂️

@myrnamudersbach3715

8 ай бұрын

WHY is never being engaged or married so bad? Seems like an unfair assumption.

@meesamagill1193

8 ай бұрын

​@@myrnamudersbach3715 they didnt mean that in isolation....but if they also have no friends or dont get on with their family....would be concerning. Why cant they keep relationships? Might not be a red flag...may be unlucky with toxic family etc but I would still be wary

@reneebenotmusic

8 ай бұрын

@@myrnamudersbach3715 This is my red flag 🚩experience that l shared about a relationship that looked good on paper but was a walking disaster demolishing everything in his path. If you are feeling some type of way about my contribution to this thread, it must’ve triggered something inside you; however, it has nothing to do with me.

@mayohsetsuna

8 ай бұрын

Having no friends in itself is a red flag.

@lovelace8702

8 ай бұрын

Ex communication with family can be them needing to get out of abusive toxic relationships that they need out of to heal and be healthy. Just wanted to point that out

The “ my ex is crazy”, and “I love you the way you are” phrases

3 years ago I dated a guy who said: "I eventually want a relationship". My gut twinged when I heard that and I ignored it. Or the "I will...(eventually). I just need to do( this) first" in reference to taking control of something like his debt. Needless to say, it didn't last long.

Stay away from the lets see what happens guys

These are great!! I've had one guy (now an ex) repeatedly tell me he's an as*hole sometimes, or the phrase - "you know I'm a real c**t at times". This was reiterated when he would say extremely insensitive things and then blame me for feeling hurt, saying i overreacted. I should have realized this was a massive red flag.

I texted a few times with a guy I met at a bar where he was actually the security guard. After texting only twice I mentioned that I had been staying in the house a lot lately. He responded with stating how much he "loves a homebody". Red Flag 🚩 I felt like he was implying that he only wanted and respected a girl who stayed inside. This made me feel as if he wouldn't like me if I went out occasionally. Ironic considering he met me out at a bar. As a single women I felt like I shouldn't be shamed by a man and looked at as not date worthy for leaving the house from time to time.

I’m afraid of hurting you.

Ohhh! This is soo good! I just dated a guy (3 times) that he started excusing himself for speaking without filtering on 2nd date. something in me felt it was wrong. On 3rd date he showed no filter also in actions. Thanks and, next! 💫

A guy I was dating before said "I don't know how serious of relationship I want to be, but I can stay committed to you and only date you, only have physical intimacy with you." This sounds like he don't want a relationship but only want friend with benefits.

Let’s go with the flow

Just recently, man 52, first date: “as soon as we exchange numbers I’m off all the dating sites. If you agree to be my girl, I’m done”. I mean, yeah, it feels good… but common man, it’s our first date 😅

My now ex actually said he was an asshole. And he was. But I later learned he was also on the narcissistic spectrum. Now he is an ex.

Mat I’m genuinely curious… I wonder how many men and women out there have the desire and skill set to be a great life partner. What percentage of society? It sounds like 50% of men are not even looking for relationships anymore, and so many women are embracing toxic modern feminism. A lot of the internet really breaks my heart 💔 I always appreciate listening to you though, because you sound so steady, positive and reasonable. You’re a breath of fresh air and incredibly grounding to listen to. Please send Irena some love from me, you two are an incredible team and her love shines through you. Appreciate you guys! ❤

@Mayfloweralways

8 ай бұрын

It’s just my opinion that most of us have the capacity. We just accept being brainwashed that “this is now the way it is.” When the truth is, it will be whatever we require it to be. And the person who sees you as special won’t mind what you require. We just have to start realizing that we don’t have to “get with the times.” We just have to know what we truly need. And not get excited about someone who has no intentions of giving it.

This is a good one. (Not). 'Let's just live in the moment'.

Love this Mat. We as women need to hear and believe what men tell us about themselves. No fantasy! Great list❤

Omg!! #2 is SOOOO right!! One day ‘I’d walk on water’ and next day I wasn’t good enough to even ‘be a fertilizer for the plantsI’

@TalesofaHobbyHopper

8 ай бұрын

Oh my heck! I'm glad you got away from that garbage!

@svetluskamcz

8 ай бұрын

Thank you:) I am, too. Took me about two years to get rid of him. He kept coming back..I started calling him a 'bungee cord':) He was just too clingy it wasn't even cute anymore:(@@TalesofaHobbyHopper

@ssiegreen5292

8 ай бұрын

ROFL - fertilizer for the plants! I almost choked on my afternoon coffee!!! As a side note - be glad you are not fertilizer for some plants - period! Too many wackos out there, who have no compunctions to do that to you, if you're not careful!!!

The “you are perfect” makes so much sense. I’ve been so confused with mixed signals but I understand now. The guy is a great friend so I definitely feel sad for him because of his insecurities.

Thank God I found this. The last one is what he told me "Im open to a relationship" and that left me baffled but I didn't think too much about it. Instead, I observed my emotions and the ways he communicates. I'm not yet crazy over him but I saw a potential but knowing this now, I changed my mind.

Thank you for this amazing advice ❤

So interesting. This helps me think deeper about what someone says, even what I thought were compliments! Thank you.

Wow. 💫🙌🏼 Thank you soooo much Matt ✌️🌞these points drove home for me….amongst some other experiences I’ve had 😐

I really don't feel like we should put labels on anything as of yet

Great video, true all around!!!

When asked about what kind of relationship he is looking for he says "I'm willing to go with the flow." Or what is it that you like about me (after dating longer time) he says "well you're beautiful and funny, what else can I say?"

@Mayfloweralways

8 ай бұрын

I would say smile and tell the guy “ oh, come on. Everyone is willing to go with the flow. It’s like saying do you want this free beer? I’m looking for a guy thats more daring than that.” Still with a smile. Then don’t say anything and see what he says.

@juliafisher5844

8 ай бұрын

W illi g to go with the flow then send him down the river 😂 load of crap answer

Great video and solid advice as usual, I always learn some valuable insights from your videos even though I am definitely not the type of person who wants or needs a relationship. It’s still helpful to understand the thought process of others and be able to clearly interpret their intentions.

Wow, thank you!

Thank you!

Hello Sir, I just came caross your video/ channel just by chance, Great indeed, thx, wishing you all Happiness prosperity. Cheers from SWEDEN. P.S.Subbed2 🎉

Thank you, Mat

“If I wanted kids It would be with you” It turned out thaz he never wanted kids and never was about to change his mind.

Thanks for all you do for us women mat

You are so right

Amen and thank you

When you ask them, “What are you looking for?” and they reply with, “Not sure yet...” Or some answer that puts the onus on you. On a first date! Had that happen one time too many -- they just wanted to get in my pants and sounded vague on purpose. 😔 I’m glad I held out with my current partner. It seems like he was looking for a sexfriend, but I put out the right vibe and held my ground. Still together almost two years later. 😸💕

Divorced people with kids do have crazy exes sometimes and it can actually be a bonding point if it's used correctly, handled with care, and with a lot of discernment

Hi Mat, thank you for sll the videos you've made. I'm Silvy from Bali) Do you have a video about online dating? What are the red flags? Thanks in advance. Have a great day))

Well.., my ex said casually ‘did u see those asses? About two girls passing by. After that was only worse. He gave me a reason after reason to leave. I have no idea what even kept me going for those 3 years. Loyalist I guess. I have learn massively this past relationship. Thankful for the lessons to apply to the next one

I deserve a sweet man who I can really trust and that is respectful towards me ❤ thanks for the advice Matt

What do I get out of it? When I wanted to go to my Mom's for Christmas.

That part their jealous of what we have. Reminds of a Jon B he say " Don't listen to what ppl say. They don't about we they dont know about you & me , put it out ya past cuz it's jealousy out they don't know what about this here" or songz that say thing like that. This was a great video.

Lol my ex said the first two - listen to this man and run!!!!

These are great.....but what about advice for us married women and our relationships??

The beautiful thing about this one guy that I met is that he says he has a short fuse and then I saw him apologize, and says he has no problem doing so because God also wants us to mend our mistakes. That certainly speaks highly of him.

@Mayfloweralways

8 ай бұрын

That’s a wonderful start. But still be on your toes. My ex would say and act similarly and talk about God. The important thing is that this guy actually recognizes how yelling and anger hurt other people. And that he wants to work on it. The thing i finally noticed about my ex over time, is that he had no ability to connect to someone else’s feelings. He would say “God expects better. I fall short.” But he didn’t ever say “i hurt you. I’m so sorry. It was my fault. How can i make it right?” Just be observant.

@camuyana

8 ай бұрын

@@Mayfloweralways definitely will be observant. Saying he has a flaw and not correcting will not be acceptable. Thanks for your advice. Wishing you the best.

I met a guy and he kept saying I really like you and want more with you but he keeps disappearing and reappearing..no communication and when I reach out he always says he is busy and at work. Someone please advise me on this guy! For me I think he is a piece of shit!

@carmelabozulich4037

8 ай бұрын

Kick him to the curb. If he doesn't make you a priority that's your sign to move on. Some guys are legitimately busy...ask him, find out what is absorbing his time, see what he tells you. I'm one of those who like to at least have the convo before lowering the boom. Depending on what he says, you go from there or you just go.

@janefrances9194

8 ай бұрын

@@carmelabozulich4037 thanks so much , I really appreciate your reply. I have already talked with him and when I tried making my concerns known, he disappeared so I have decided to move on. For me anyone who ghosts me I have no time to bend low. He is not my guy!

@Erin-uz2gf

8 ай бұрын

Listen to your intuition. It sounds like you already know the answer. Inconsistency with no communication is a big red flag because his actions speak louder than his words! It also sounds like he could already be in a relationship. Men make the time for something when they really want it. Whatever the reason, nope, something is off with this guy. And if you have to chase him, that's a red flag too.

@janefrances9194

8 ай бұрын

@@Erin-uz2gfThanks so much.. I cut communications with him already and I am not chasing him or any man.

@Erin-uz2gf

8 ай бұрын

@@janefrances9194 oh you're welcome. It sounds like you did the right thing.

He did tell me exactly thatn that he was an asshole, but he was working on it(he's doing a bang-up job on that).

Another phrase that guys would say is "I don't deserve you". Is because he's up to no good. As far as putting on this "perfect" act as the commiting type, when deep down in his core, he's a cheater and tell lies about it.

"I can't guarantee anything", another from same guy, "When I'm ready to date". I asked what are we doing? He had no words. Obviously a time waster

His line, 'I really need to get myself together.' At 70 yrs old... Really!

While me and my ex were woring in things, he made a comment like I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to incorporate you into my life. After almost 2 years of living with each other and he moves because it was an agreement between us, he chose to move further away. A red flag to me. Plus that statement. To me, I already should bein your life and the phrase ought to be we need to figure this out together and incorporate others. Nah I'm good bye. 30 year on and off friendship too? Broken my heart. Funny not even 3 moths after I ended things he started seeing someone else. And woeing her....he's not welcome back. Thank God for the truth

I'm not sure I agree that the man who is "super committed to building the perfect relationship" is the best. It sounds a little clingy to me, and a great person tends to have a purpose and demands on his/her time outside of the relationship

When he refers to all his exes as crazy, nut jobs, insane etc

@mayohsetsuna

8 ай бұрын

Ok but sometimes they are. 😂 I had one ex who was an ADHD Narc and my current partner thought I was just saying that, since everyone trashes their exes. But it’s 100% true, and the only ex I really trash 😂😂😂

I went on a date, and the end of the, he started talking about his ex, he was comparing me to her, so I finished it xxx

I was seeing someone,but im not into texting all the time.friends we talked.i went to get all my stuff i left his place he got scared and lied,why liie? Over it.hes now just someone i use to know.someone BROKE HIM.

He looks at other women when he’s with you. This is a very big deal, and will never stop, and it can easily turn into affairs. If he’s still looking then he’s still shopping for women! And he will never have enough of them.

Ohhh I fell for the last one, he said “I could be open to marriage” my goal is to find my husband…and I fell for potential…of course he was a mediocre boyfriend and I can’t even start to imagine what a lousy husband he would have been. I got rid of his sorry a**s as soon as I realised his true intentions.

After dating for a few months then spending the night and in the morning he leaves and says “I’ll be talking to you.” Then finally calls after a few days. I realized how bad that felt every time he came over, so I turned it into friends then cut it off completely eventually. Should have said goodbye sooner. I was shocked by this since I hadn’t experienced that before, usually a guy will spend the day hanging out or make some sort of decision, goodbye or not. Lol. This person didn’t know if he wanted me. Bye bye. Lol.

My man told me before we started dating that communication is not exactly a strong point for him. I didn't think about it cos back then we had amazing communication(it's an LDR). 5 months into it, we started having communicaation issues and he referred me back to when he told me. I'm not making excuses up for him but as at the time we were having issues, a lot of things were going on with him and in times like that, I've gotten to realise that he would 'withdraw', even from his family. We've had three issues relating to that but the time frame of when we don't communicate reduced in the three occasions. We quarrel, he apologises and makes me realise he's doing better than the previous time we didn't communicate in a while. He's willing to do better. I know I'm hard on him, it's just his better isn't really better for me but I know it can get there with time... I just hope I'm not choosing wrongly to stay...

@lovelace8702

8 ай бұрын

Ohh don't stay. He's bread crumbling you. Been there done that. He makes it look like he's trying when he clearly doesn't know how. And unless he makes deliberate decisions on a Daily bases... to learn it, he won't period!

Calling to his mom and said: ,,I met my future wife".

I have a gut feeling something is wrong .. but he denies and tells me he won’t do nothing to loose me .. 😢

I'm afraid I might hurt you. And: I will only go into a relationship if I can be sure it will result in a family

How do I update my email address for your email newsletters?

Thank you! I’m just wondering how long to keep investing until deciding whether or not to continue. Hm.

@Mayfloweralways

8 ай бұрын

I would say for as long as he actively shows you are a priority. I told my boyfriend that i don’t appreciate a foul mouth. He does not cuss in front of me. He was the one asking for dates. At first, he said “everyone just hooks up now.” I said “but i don’t. I’m old fashioned.” I think he went through some deciding lol but then he went all in. It’s been great . When a man prioritizes you, keep going😊

@hulahandskc

8 ай бұрын

@@Mayfloweralways thank you! That’s helpful ❤️ my guy has also stepped up some. I’m still weighing it out. We’ll see! I’ll stick to my boundaries and keep communicating.

@Sixthscentshealingcenter

8 ай бұрын

Twice now I have ignored red flags thinking our love can heal their insecurities- one in therapy which is good… bottom line is I was devoted, and both of them many relationships and not devoted enough to work out issues. I focus on all the good, seems they focus on a few misunderstandings

@Mayfloweralways

8 ай бұрын

@@Sixthscentshealingcenter i hope i can help you there. The best thing you can do for a love interest is turn them down when they act poorly, even if they have a good excuse. Have you ever seen “the miracle worker”? Hellen Keller only learned language and communication when someone didn’t allow her to throw tantrums and expected her to learn. Her family felt sorry that she was blind and deaf. But she flowered under someone who had no pity on her. It’s really that way. People flower when we don’t accept excuses and give pity and too much understanding. Their behavior is either okay or it’s not. We’re actually doing them a disservice by thinking they’re too broken, needing pity, and not expecting better. Just like Hellen Keller, imo. And she was deaf and blind. She certainly had an enormous excuse.

“Or I wish I meet you earlier”…and that was the first date 😅 after that was total disaster 😞but I’m happy I was dated 5 times not more

What if... the woman is insecure, keeps continually bringing up his ex... he tells her she has nothing to worry about, "you're way better than her," etc... so, he didn't bring the phrase up on his own, he was prompted.... and then what if the words weren't good enough for the woman, she still had a problem, and the man decided to cut his ex out of his life once and for all? Because that's what happened to me. Trying to figure out if he's a red flag or not. But honestly, the red flag is probably me...

@shaylajade9937

8 ай бұрын

Update: he never said any of the other statements, he was only prompted to say the first one because I'm the one who was threatened by his ex. So he's probably fine, I just suck.

@mayohsetsuna

8 ай бұрын

Gotta work on learning how to trust people! ❤

RED Flagg a guy who tells you how hard it will be to be married to you. Just know you will be carrying him while he is abusing you in life.

I married a guy who said that he wasn't sure if he shoud ever marry. After many years I realized he was an abuser that had ruined my child.

My ex after a while of breaking up with me said 'I'm melting when I think about you but I do not want to hurt you'. Red flag?

@lovelace8702

8 ай бұрын

Yes

If he says" I could be open to a relationship," send him packing and DON'T tell him to come looking for you if he gets serious. Come on, Mat!

I am a phalanderer 😳

How about "I could get hit by lightning and decide to marry again", then a few months later I found out he was talking with and seeing several other women the whole time he'd been pretending I was his only interest. Jerk. I shut down that relationship immediately.

💯🇦🇺💯

Redflag he only wants you when your done.

I actually went on a date with a Portuguese guy who started telling me about how the Portuguese needed to civilise the Africans!😮😮😮 you can imagine what happened. I’d never dare a Portuguese since this time!

The guy who talks about exgirlfriends ALL THE TIME

1. "I wish I'd never broken up with my ex, but she has someone else now, so I can't get her back" 2. "I date for four years, then move on". I suppose he dated women who hoped he'd commit and change for them, and the pressure caused a bust up at 4 years. I wasn't arrogant enough to assume I'd change him, i didn't want a relationship with a set use by date either. 3. 'I never thought i could be with a lady as fabulous as you. I am really amazed by it" okaaay, so what's wrong with you that I'm not what you think is a fair match?!

"We could try a relationship" Try? Really?

This is why i don't get into relationships

Thank you for your videos. I've enjoyed them and learned a lot... but as it turns out, none of the advice helped me (big surprise). The man I've been watching all these readings for, who I was certain was my divinely ordained husband and so wanted to be the best possible woman for, ended it forever tonight. My future is gone. I have to unsubscribe just to keep from seeing constant reminders of the failure that was my true love. It's not a failure on your part or that I don't like the channel. I just can't bear the reminders anymore. I'm sorry. Pray for me please. I quit.

You are beautiful to me.

Sounds like my ex-boyfriend. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE