I've always thought I had a 6th sense for people's moods and actions but turns out it's another manifestation of anxiety lol

@repulsethemonkey1396

3 жыл бұрын

Oh no : |

@apparently_sonam

3 жыл бұрын

I feel this so much!

@steffyjustin5108

3 жыл бұрын

You made me laugh. It resonates with me. Seriously though, don't you think we develop more sensitivity, while being so attentive to others' emotions. I feel like I've been practicing this so much that I do sense when something is off, even if I've not been told anything.

@MegJuniper

3 жыл бұрын

Lmaoooooooo yes

@alisalama4323

3 жыл бұрын

Another one here 😂😂😂

My mother made me feel like this. I had to tip toe around her to spare her feelings and how she reacts. It's very exhausting.

@NenaLavonne

3 жыл бұрын

♥️🙏 I’m so sorry, that’s tough.

@DanyelleMullins

3 жыл бұрын

This is my life too, right now.

@nicbro3831

3 жыл бұрын

Same. Im 29 now but I can go right back to being a child if im around her. Its very upsetting. She can be very explosive. Im sorry youre dealing with that:(

@dremora2232

3 жыл бұрын

I had similar issues with my mom. She even had the bonus of making my problems about her, even when they had nothing to do with her.

@richardmeyer1837

3 жыл бұрын

They know this and that's how they can manipulate you

While I don’t think we’re necessarily responsible for other’s emotions, if we end up hurting someone it should definitely be acknowledged! :)

@toni2309

3 жыл бұрын

What is the difference?

@admirbarucija2018

3 жыл бұрын

Toni You’re not responsible for managing another person’s feelings if you didn’t have a role in causing them

@privatepage4670

3 жыл бұрын

THANK YOU FOR SOME COMMON SENSE

@admirbarucija2018

3 жыл бұрын

Beth 2015 No problem :)

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Agreed!!! xoxo

I totally am this way. I often feel envious of others who can just be themselves and not have to worry about others think/feel. Being an empath can be so tiring and can hold me back from so many opportunities.

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Totally!! I have struggled with this off and on myself and I am jealous when people don't worry too!! xoxo

@NenaLavonne

3 жыл бұрын

I think this is more common than people realize! ♥️

@chocnass

3 жыл бұрын

Same !

@wendyhodge4036

3 жыл бұрын

YES

@jeanjacqueslundi3502

3 жыл бұрын

@@Katimorton There's nuance though. We are developing into a more interconnected species too....aware of our essential oneness with the other. I do not want to live in a world where I as an empath capable of a lot of love must expect everyone to just be responsible for how they feel and no one else........because there's no bounding there either. It's just a very nuanced topic. I don't think there's any logicaly stricly mental rule one can ascribe to. We have to BALANCE polarities....keep using our intuition and accept we are always reaching for a win win. A "everyone is responsible only for what they feel" is not only NOT win-win.....it's also not alligned with reality. Because we are ALL empathic to a certain extent AND because what you do with your life DOES affect eeeeeeveryone else.......so in a sense becomes partly my responsability too :) If we didn't take responsability for killers and rapists as a society....we wouldn't be safe....as a really simplistic example. :)

Needed this, literally have been second guessing myself because someone in my life made me feel as if I was responsible for how they felt instead of them taking responsibility for their own emotional responses.

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry you are going through that, but I hope the video was helpful!!! xoxo

@lindamon5101

3 жыл бұрын

Yes and then saying that they dont feel supported. Everyone needs to pull up their big girl panties and say I am sorry. To me if someone says just sorry it feels 1/2 sorry. Words. Clarity. Integrity. Compassion.

@zion367

2 жыл бұрын

@@Katimorton how do i forgive myself after falling for the trap of abandoning myself again to take responsibility for others peoples feelings? I feel such a loser at this moment.

@katiewags84

2 жыл бұрын

“Someone in my life made me feel as if I was responsible for how they feel...” is this a joke? If someone is rude or inconsiderate of someone else’s feeling, or our actions, or lack of affected someone’s state of being because of an established close connection then we should take responsibility for someone’s state of being. It all comes down to integrity. Honesty, loyalty, empathy, compassion. What does it mean to you.

@nw6860

Жыл бұрын

@@katiewags84 Point is that there are people who are overly sensitive that are triggered and require an apology for everything. We're not talking about scenarios where people are deliberately rude and obnoxious with their choice of words and attitude.

I swear Kati has magic! Her Monday videos are almost always EXACTLY what can help address my CURRENT struggles!!!

@TheLundraAlliance

3 жыл бұрын

She's always watching @.@ lol

@raywood8187

3 жыл бұрын

I agree, Kinion magic is strong!

@rebeccajones9757

3 жыл бұрын

❤❤❤ yes, very timely for me too

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

I am glad it was good timing :) xoxo

@NenaLavonne

3 жыл бұрын

♥️♥️♥️

We are only accountable for our thoughts, words, and actions. We can't control the way someone else interprets the things we say or do.

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly. xoxo

@OdinOfficialEmcee

3 жыл бұрын

I don't know if I totally agree with that statement. If there is miscommunication and someone feels insulted or hurt by something someone says unintentionally, a decent person apologizes and clarifies what they meant to clear up any hard feelings. It may not be your fault per say, but that doesn't negate the harm. I have far too often had people be inconsiderate, unintentionally hurtful, or just straight up assholes to me, and then they say "it's not my problem you took it that way" to diffuse responsability for themselves. It is frustrating as hell and not healthy.

@34266jja

3 жыл бұрын

@@OdinOfficialEmcee Agree. I work with someone who may say the truth but the way they said it and directed it towards others is hurtful, anxiety-inducing and just overall being an asshole. She says this SAME exact thing when I have to bring her into my office after several staff people have complained about the same thing. She will say "I can't control the way they feel" or "but it's the truth and I am sorry they can't handle it". This has been the most toxic work environment I have ever been in just simply because she thinks the exact same way as the statement from "Mental Health Hygiene w/Kumar".

@steffyjustin5108

3 жыл бұрын

@@OdinOfficialEmcee I can relate. And then they say "ohhh you're very sensitive" 😒

@kailajohnson2072

3 жыл бұрын

@@Katimorton Hello, I have had a near choking situation about 2 years ago. Ever since, I have been having anxiety about choking. I have panic attacks and I feel it is hard to swallow. What is this feeling? What should I do?

When two apologizers meet: "Oh no I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to apologize!" Then it spirals into singularity of apologies.

@PhoenixtheII

3 жыл бұрын

When INFP's meetup

@havefun3470

2 жыл бұрын

Me (INFJ) and my INFP friend 😂

From personal experience, being a people pleaser and worrying about other people getting upset exists due to the fear we have about our own anger or rage. We're projecting and avoiding a part of ourselves. The first step to getting over this is to start asking yourself why do other people have more rights than me? Why do I have to worry about their feelings? What about my feelings?.....don't be surprised that when you start questioning yourself, you'll start having anger come up....sit with it and tell yourself that you have rights to feel what you do and your feelings are JUST as important as everyone else who you keep worrying about. It's a process but you'll find slowly that this tendency to put other people's feelings before your own will disappear. You're find a healthy balance.

@toni2309

3 жыл бұрын

What do people mean when they say "sit with your emotions"? Because if I just sit with them, I'll just end up dissociating, or otherwise I'll just scream and trash the place.

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Toni it means to take the time to acknowledge ur own emotions instead of just focusing on others. If ur disassociating every time u do this that’s a HUGE red flag & you REALLY need to see a mental health professional about this.

@TheLundraAlliance

3 жыл бұрын

Nicely said.

@toni2309

3 жыл бұрын

@@_just_TK Therapy was one of the places where I learned to dissociate. I kind of thought that I need to cooperate and answer all their questions and so I pushed myself through it and the only way I saw how to was to dissociate.

I DEFINITELY saw this behavior in my ex who grew up in an abusive home w/ 2 Narcissistic parents. They were CONSTANTLY trying to anticipating my needs & making assumptions about what I needed instead of just LISTENING to me.

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Yes it can be a hard habit to break!! xoxo

My mum often joke-blames me for things. Like "you made me burn the toast" when I've had absolutely nothing to do with it. While I don't remember ever taking on the blame (because it's obviously not mine) I think I probably take on the shameful feelings some of the time.

@c0ffee2k

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, same.

@ElleS572

2 жыл бұрын

☹️

This line of thinking really enables so many abusers, especially narcissists, and it's just not true. Emotions are reactions to internal and external stimuli. If someone punches you, you don't choose to bruise. Same with feelings. If someone willingly hurts you, you aren't choosing that immediate hurt.

@zero0o0o0oo0o0o

Жыл бұрын

I completely agree.

@kikihuang7991

8 ай бұрын

You’re right, you’re not choosing that immediate hurt but you’re still responsible for that bruise or that hurt. You’re still responsible for putting liniment on that bruise and preventing it from happening again, and you’re still responsible for your emotions if someone hurts you

I always feel "in the way", and I constantly apologize. I'm going to have to watch this video a few times as I sense the truth I'm having difficulty internalizing it.

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

I hope it's helpful :) xoxo

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Also check out her other video on over apologizing! kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZZp3xrZmdaq7dcY.html

@snuffyscorner

3 жыл бұрын

@@Katimorton Thank you, and thanks for being such a helpful resource outside of my therapy. I only journal because you say it so much, it's incredible how much it's helped. Have a great day and give yourself a big hug from me!

@snuffyscorner

3 жыл бұрын

@@_just_TK Will do thanks!

I don't think that we are responsible for other peoples emotions all the time, but we are responsible for how we react to other people's emotions. I think that there is a time when we can be responsible for other people's emotions if we do something that may be good or bad towards them. For example the joy of throwing a surprise birthday party and the recipient being overwhelmed with joy, I feel in this case that this is a good thing to be responsible for a making them feel so happy. Also there are times when people deliberately go out to cause hurt and sadness and guilt. Then that person should be responsible for their actions causing bad emotions.

A school friend of mine that was controlling and toxic would tell me that she can’t control that I got upset because she said something very hurtful to me. It can be harmful to say that I am “choosing “ to feel this way.

@Belihoney

3 жыл бұрын

Tbh you're friend has a point. You could react by walking away and keeping your distance or staying around and taking whatever she dishes. Where she went wrong was her delivery because it sounds like she completely dismissed you're feelings as I when she finds out you were hurt, not to apologise. But she's right in terms of you choosing to react to it.

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a shitty, toxic friend. Yes, you can choose to react differently but that doesn’t excuse her actions. That’s like punching someone in the face than saying “well, you shouldn’t react negatively”

@sophiamosca8343

3 жыл бұрын

BelizeHunni It is true that my reactions could be different but I think her goal was just to gaslight me and make me think what I was feeling was my fault and mine alone, and not because she was causing me pain.:( I do agree tho

I used to be like that within my family & personal relationships. Particularly with my parents & my sister. I'm slowly starting to realise that I don't owe them anything and I have rights & needs as well. I'm starting to be my own person. It has taken me a long time with therapy but I'm getting there.

I really get this and can definitely relate as someone who was a major "people-pleaser". Learning to set those appropriate boundaries really helps a person to develop as a person. It also made me think of the other side of this, as abusive people tend to use the "Look what you made me do" excuse. I think that impacted me a lot before I was able to set boundaries.

I have suffered from this since I was a child, and I'm 43. Thank you for sharing this 🙏 ❤

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Of course!!! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo

@NenaLavonne

3 жыл бұрын

♥️🙏

I struggle with the opposite of this. A toxic person in my past would often behave and speak in inconsiderate, hurtful, or insulting ways, but if I tried to talk to them about it, they would say they didn't "make" me feel anything, and that they weren't responsible for my emotional state. (One might guess, this didn't seem to work in reverse and I was somehow often responsible for that person's feelings, decisions, and reactions). Of course I understand the truth of what is being said in this video, but I've never quite managed to come up with a good "answer" when abusive people have used this sort of language to avoid accountability or put blame back on the person they have mistreated? There's still some kind of gap in my understanding here. I did eventually sever contact with that person, but I'm still not sure where a reasonable line should be between holding others inappropriately accountable for my feelings, versus the idea that people can treat me however they like because they're not "responsible" for it.

@gbeana81

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe reframing this will help. It sounds like you’re trying to figure out the difference between holding a person accountable for your feelings and holding them accountable for their actions. They are not responsible for your feelings but they are responsible for the things they do. It’s up to you to communicate how their actions make you feel and to set boundaries when it comes to how people treat you. The “I feel” statements can be helpful here. For example “I feel anxious when you yell at me. In the future I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that.” Or “I feel hurt when you call me names. Please stop doing that.” If they continue to do it, it’s up to you to choose how you are going to respond. Are you going to let it go? Yell at them? Call them names? End the relationship? Whatever your response is, they will have feelings about it. You are not responsible for their feelings but you are responsible for your actions. Hope that helps.

@ming9625

3 жыл бұрын

I think we are somewhat responsible how we make others feel, we are not robots here. Our actions have consequences. But how other person is feelings depends also how they interpret the situation and from other factors, maybe they are tired aso. How others will respond is not our responsibility tho. Its they who choose how to act. It also depends so much of the context. If we feel our actions should never upset anyone, then its very difficult to set boundaries. If we never consider how we make others feel, we may loose relationships. Those are just examples. Its so much depends on the situation and how we interpret things.

@jaybeetee5272

3 жыл бұрын

@@gbeana81 For some reason KZread didn't notify me of your response! Thank you for this. I've kept on thinking about this question, and I realize I was hearing "you're responsible for your own feelings" as "your feelings don't *matter*" (which is essentially what that toxic person in my life meant when they said it). Of course, that's not true. Having actually done a little further research, I have a clearer idea that my emotional well-being, like my physical health, is ultimately my responsibility. If someone was actively sabotaging or discouraging my efforts to manage my health, that would be bad and wrong... but it doesn't make managing my health anyone else's responsibility but my own (this of course would bar extreme situations like being physically dependent on another person). Same goes for my emotional health. If someone in my life behaves in hurtful ways on a regular basis, my emotional health is still in my own hands, and I need to decide how to manage the situation (as opposed to "suppress my feelings", which is how I used to interpret that statement). Anyway, that's a lot of words to basically rephrase what you said to me here. Thank you for your answer! 😁

@FunwithCFS

3 жыл бұрын

Same. This is a difficult position to hold onto, I think. The things we do will affect other people and emotions are not always products of logic and choice. It might be harmful to take full responsibility, but it's also harmful to take no responsibility. There is also a big difference between getting stuck in a grocery store aisle with a stranger, and upsetting a person with whom you share a lot of emotional intimacy.

@queengoblin

3 жыл бұрын

Are they "toxic" and "abusive" or do you have poor boundaries around who you surround yourself with?

I felt this exact same way about my therapist. He told me almost exactly the same thing Kati said. I’m still working on it and sometimes it slips out. I just wanted the person who asked the question to know that you aren’t alone in that, and that it can be worked on for however long it needs to be worked on. You got this🌻

The fact that you said apologising for moving out of the way is crazy made my British self chuckle

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Imagine the Canadian reaction 😹

I think we all depend on each other and we are causing other people’s emotions all the time but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re “responsible” for every single individual, if that makes sense.🤔

@toastrecon

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe the words should be "causal" and "accountable"?

@fridakahlo9027

3 жыл бұрын

You've got an upside down point of view but I understand what you're saying and I agree.

@dollcrazy300

3 жыл бұрын

I don’t think we cause others’ feelings; maybe triggering what’s already there? We all have the innate ability to be angry, sad, happy, etc. In relationships with others we constantly prick those buried “reservoirs” of feelings in each other. But each person decides (often unconsciously) which feeling to give power to. For instance, you can intend to insult me with an ugly word. Then I can choose to give power to my sadness or I can just decide to give power to my compassion and just smile, understanding that you have chosen to give power to your anger. Certainly to do this consciously takes lots of self awareness and practice.

@toni2309

3 жыл бұрын

I personally don't quite understand. I see that there needs to be some balance, and that we need to care about others as well, but I don't quite understand where to draw the line.

@dollcrazy300

3 жыл бұрын

Toni - You draw the line based on the self awareness of your own feelings. You have to learn what feels right and wrong for you. If something feels wrong pay attention to that and ask why. The more you learn about your own feelings the easier it gets, because this teaches you how to respect your feelings and those of others.

We should definitely distinguish this from people being deliberately cruel and intentionally causing someone to be upset.

@privatepage4670

3 жыл бұрын

YES AND ALSO PEOPLE WHO AREN'T BEING AWARE THAT THEY ARE HURTING SOMEONE OR CROSSING A BOUNDRY AND THINKING ITS OK!

@RikodiusRex

3 жыл бұрын

Beth 2015 - Yes. Agreed.

@toni2309

3 жыл бұрын

@@privatepage4670 The difficult thing is, people who aren't aware that they are hurting someone or crossing a boundary can still be people- pleasers and doing the thing that is mentioned in the question - trying to guess what another person feels in order to behave in a way that doesn't upset them - as well.

@privatepage4670

3 жыл бұрын

@@toni2309 i got your point but my sister started treating me abusively and not respecting my boundries 3years ago because her ex abusive boyfriend was influencing her. She never acted like that before . When I would tell her she was making me sad choosing to stay with me against my will instead of my mom's house where she was welcomed she would say she couldn't make me sad," and she was draining every drop of emotional energy from me and i got depressed and withdrawn.

@toni2309

3 жыл бұрын

@@privatepage4670 That sounds pretty different than just not being aware, her saying that she couldn't make you sad even if you said that she was making you sad is not aknowledging you, not listening to you. If you are telling her obvious things that you would wish her to do in order to honour your boundaries and she is not doing them and doesn't have an excuse (like she could come to you tell you why this may be difficult for her) then that's not just unaware but ignorant.

This. Hit. Me. Hard. Thanks for calling me out today Kati, I appreciate you more then words can explain. I hope you’re having a great holiday. Sending you and Sean all of the positive energy.

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Awe of course :) I hope the video was helpful :) xoxo

@itsshai3447

3 жыл бұрын

It was very helpful, as are all of your videos! 💕 thank you for blessing this Monday with another informative video. X

Im so happy that youre near one million subscribers. I subcribed when you were under 100k and seeing your growth makes me happy. Thank you for always helping us get there together holding our hands and listening. Thanks to Sean also for being there all the way with you❤🇩🇴🌷😘

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Awe thanks!! I can't believe we are almost there!!! So crazy! And thank you for all the support along the way :) xoxo

I tried to commit suicide in HS. I was sent to a psychologist by the school. My father's only comment on the entire ordeal was "How could you do this to your mother!?" He always made me responsible for her feelings. Mine had no merit.

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry u were in such a bad place & I hope ur doing better! ❤️

@wendyhodge4036

3 жыл бұрын

So sorry this happened to you, I hope you find peace and happiness in yourself

@ElleS572

2 жыл бұрын

☹️💔 Hugs 💞

@felibunni

Жыл бұрын

I really dislike when people take those situations and make it about other people. It's really not fair. The person in question is the person who is struggling. It makes people understandably worry, but then they take their worries way out of hand and make it all about themselves, even to the extent of calling it "selfish". A person doing that is crying out for help and isn't recieving it, so maybe they should focus on the help rather than on themselves. I would also assume your pain also probably got worse by that comment. Sorry you had to deal with that.

The biggest impediment to having boundaries is what you make them mean about yourself. That's trickier for parentified children because they're already programmed to be responsible for things that aren't their responsibility.

@sunsetkitty2932

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, taking on responsibilities of the adult as a child to help out definitely blurs the lines later on in life as to how one creates boundaries and doesn't end up getting taken advantage of for being so helpful/caring. It's alrdy been programmed from doing it however many years.... Good luck just turning that off, I've tried and going to be 35 soon with no success yet in just not being "too nice".

Thanks Katie for this one!! I know (in my brain) that I'm not responsible for other's feelings. One area that this comes up though, is with my now 19 year old son. A few- years after his dad and I divorced (because he was an alcoholic and I couldn't take the unpredictability while trying to raise a 2 and a half year old), I started having trouble with my depression and anxiety and he took me to court for sole custody (I couldn't afford an attorney) & he won. I tried to remain a part of my son's life and now we have a pretty decent relationship, but sometimes he brings up things from that time to hurt me. He knows how to push my buttons. And at times, I feel bad or guilty because of what he says or does. I just had to remind myself that he doesn't make me feel a certain way. It's on me. How I think about it and respond. Thanks for the reminder to communicate. That's especially helpful for my sister and cousins.

This question was like Welcome to being an INFJ from a more or less toxic childhood It sucks. But when you do the things Kati said (especially setting/maintaining boundaries!!) it gets better. It honestly does.

@TheNurulaulia

3 жыл бұрын

Agreed!

@mariadelmar5526

3 жыл бұрын

Nurul Aulia yess

KATI YOU'RE ALMOST AT 1 MILLION!!!! I'M SO PROUD

I love the tip to "check the facts"

I used to be in this disposition. Bending over backwards for others to not make them feel bad. Until they betrayed me. Then i learned to give zero f*cks. And im happier for it now. I don't care about their feelings anymore. I am putting myself first now. And yes Kati, i can't read their minds and i am done guessing. If they don't come up front to me and own their feelings i don't give a damn.

Being an EMPATH myself, I appreciate this!!! Thanks, Kati 🥰

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Did u catch the J-Bomb!?!? 😹

@SusieQ78

3 жыл бұрын

@@_just_TK yep, I'm catching a lot of them lately from all directions!!! Haha.

I love you kati! You are so awesome and I hope to meet you one day! You are so close to 1 Million! I have been watching you for over 7 years and been here before you even had 100k. You have also inspired me to pursue mental health counseling. I started watching you in high school and now I'm in grad school.

This channel is the perfect mix of being educational and validating. You rule, Kati!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️

Kati: "Apologizing to strangers because they needed to get by me. That's crazy, right?" Me: hahaha yeah, that's um...sorry [runs away]

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

😹

@c0ffee2k

3 жыл бұрын

This is why I always reply to people if they apologize for passing between me and the side of the aisle I’m looking at. I always try to acknowledge that the situation is perfectly fine “no worries” - I started with this one because it’s faster than “no apologies needed” and I found that I realized that it _could_ turn into a worry for them later on, because it had for me in the past.

I think Kati is a great therapist

I've been struggling with this so much lately. Thanks so much for the advice Kati!!!

Wow, I was looking for a video on this topic by you yesterday! What a wonderful coincidence that it was uploaded today. Thank you so much, Kati! Your videos have been a great support to me for years, and it's amazing how they always come at the time I need them too.

Love this video kati! When your videos match those of my therapist, it’s like the stars are aligned and I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Cheers :)

I just wish friends/family/ex bfs would learn to apologise when wrong or gain some self awareness but i guess you cant control that either lol!! Thanks for the video as i definately struggle with this ive had emotional and verbal abuse growing up and by ex bfs, im having to make sure and vet all the guys i date that they dont have red flags and are not narcissistic/jerks! Sometimes we have to give ourselves the closure we need receive from people cos letting go can be hard!:)

Kati, you are amazing! thanks!

Thanks so much for this Kati, this was really useful to me as a parentified empath 💛

I am learning so much from this comment section, thank you all.

I have this same tendency. From what I have learned..... being highly sensitive to other people's needs and emotional states can many times be a survival strategy. Life is about survival (survival of the individual, survival of the clan/family, survival of the species). There are several different basic survival strategies that people adopt automatically for interpersonal interaction (depending on genetics, temperment and environmental factors = how, where and by whom they were raised)..... People pleasing is a basic survival strategy, that works in some environments (especially in childhood and adolescence in difficult situations, eg. with toxic dysfuctional immature people who shift blame to others, with aggressive people, etc.). People pleasing later on in life within modern western society is however dysfuctional for the people pleaser (damages the empathic people pleaser) = leads to exhaustion, burn out, psychosomatic illness, mental illness, autoimune disease, etc.... Dr. Cloud and dr. Townsend explain boundries as well as other people's toxic reactions to healthy boundries in their book Boundries.

@wendyhodge4036

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your response, know that you helped me tonight thank you for that.

This video was incredibly helpful and came in at just the right time. Thanks for all that you do Kati. Sending you loads of love♡

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Oh yay!! Of course! Happy to help :) xoxo

Help! What if a family member always lashes out for the tiniest of things. She makes it such a big deal when you can just plainly approach the situation in a more calm manner so you you let your mind handle it, not your emotions. She doesn't know how to respond calmly to a small inconvenience or a mistake or even an innocent sentence that she overthinks in her mind and gave it a more malicious agenda, when in fact, there wasn't any. She's irritable all the time and doesn't listen to other people's suggestions to help avoid feeling angry all the time. She's mad from dawn till night. Banging the doors, stomping her feet, shouting too loud that even the neighbors could hear. She approaches her life in a very negative way. She always says "I'm gonna die soon anyway." just because she's already a bit old but it's unlikely, because she's still strong and not currently sick. Us in the household are really worried about her and are also getting a ton of negative vibes that it starts to affect the way we think and do stuff. Idk, I was thinking maybe some of the people here might help..

@TheLundraAlliance

3 жыл бұрын

Similar situation but usually spawned by persons anxiety and a little better.

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Vanessa Draws sounds like they are very manipulative. Here are some videos that might help! kzread.info/dash/bejne/epqJldilmdrFYJs.html kzread.info/dash/bejne/qHWXuauLpdLAgsY.html kzread.info/dash/bejne/jJlqu6Rql6aqibQ.html

@repulsethemonkey1396

3 жыл бұрын

I have immediate family that acts this way it's beyond exhausting

@wendyhodge4036

3 жыл бұрын

"she's mad from dawn till night" Omg That hit home 💯🎯❤️ Thanks for your help tonight

@wendyhodge4036

3 жыл бұрын

@@_just_TK thank you

I agree with all of this video and I know it’s a struggle of mine. But I only have trouble asserting boundaries with people who have demonstrated to me consistently that they will discharge their emotions onto other people and will act in extreme ways if this discharge of emotions is challenged through boundaries. These are people who I’ve cultivated my “closest” relationships with through allowing them to discharge their emotions onto me. I’m at the point where I feel like cutting the relationships out of my life is the only healthy boundary I can set to ensure it sticks 😫

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

I know it sucks but sometimes the best thing for your own mental health is to cut theses people out of ur life

"Are you mad at me?" is going to be engraved on my grave :D

I would argue not at all. Since an emotion is a product of one's own mind, the only conclusions that can be drawn from the sensation will be regarding the one feeling the emotion's own state of mind. It tells us nothing about the characteristics of what their emotions are a reaction to. Thus, the only individual responsible for emotions is the individuals feeling said emotion, absolutely nobody else. If one did not intend offense or inconvenience, then no apology is necessary, as the error lies exclusively with the one taking offense.

Your videos are really very helpful.When I hear you talking I don't feel like I am alone.I am really very grateful to you. And also I am following your advices and suggestions, now I feel more positive.

Definitely relate to this! I have gotten so much better about it thanks to therapy. At times still struggle with it and even go to the complete opposite and shut everyone out. So definitely still a process but I am now aware of it and understanding it. So making those steps!

I can relate to this and am so relieved someone managed to put this anxiety into words ( I tend to be slow at putting my feelings into words). I have this anxiety to the point where I am afraid to greet people sometimes or be noticed, I just recently was able to tell my husband how I feel I'm an inconvenience or somehow just saying hello is somehow passive aggressive ( because my narc family would start conversations to simply appease others, try to get a benefit out of others, as the scape goat I never wanted to force myself into other's circles ). Because of family and bullying, there are times I feel if I say too much, even if it should not be a big deal, I have somehow put myself in danger. Something as innocent as my hobbies feels dangerous sometimes. And who doesnt like talking about healthy hobbies.

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

So sorry u grew up in such a toxic environment. This is something that you should probably see a mental health professional to work through it. I know it sounds impossible but I promise, with the right help it DOES GET BETTER!!! ❤️

Thank you alot...

I really needed to hear this today. Thank you Kati.

This is so helpful and eye opening for me. Great question, great answer. Thank you.

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

I am so glad :) xoxo

Another great video!! Thanks Katie ;)

I apologise to mannequins for breathing their air

@TheLundraAlliance

3 жыл бұрын

Lol xD you got this

@saratermunde6295

3 жыл бұрын

I sat sorry to the sink if I drop a dish too hard

Omg thank you so much Kati I needed this more than air 💜 thank you with all my hart 💜💜very single video of yours is so helpful and also as always you are looking good 💜💜💜

Thankyou for this video Kati. I liked it because it had good information. Thankyou for the effort that you put into making this presentation.

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Of course!! I am so glad you liked it!! xoxo

Just what I needed, I think I'm trying to control outcomes too much, instead of what I can do to respond and react, to manage my own thoughts and feelings. So helpful, so so helpful. I have this bad habit too of trying to predict the future, make assumptions and wanting to control how people will react or think. I should instead, be honest, communicate as honestly as possible and know that I am my own person, and I can have space, needs and wants.

I had a falling out with my best friend of 18 years a few years ago who I realised is a very manipulative person. We still talk occasionally and we’ve shared a loss of an old friend this year. Last week her father had a heart attack. I decided to text her and let her know I’m thinking of her and her dad and sending love. I sent it 3 days ago and she is yet to reply. This has given me major anxiety because I think she is mad at me and that’s why she hasn’t replied. This video has made sense of this and just how much I try and read people’s minds. Thanks Kati.

Exactly....👍👍 Thank you so much

I feel like bcz i am the boundry holder my sibs like to set me up like little kids testing boundaries. So occasionally i hafta be the big babboon that verbally hasta slap them with my values and reality. Firmly& gently. They continue to test with drunken shenanigans. Modeling self care and integrity. Thankyou for being PART OF THE SOLUTION! UR GREAT& NEVER GIVE UP!

We love you Kati! Thank you. Yahuah Baruk you!

If people know trigger points/weak spots and use them to control and hurt their victims, don't let them get away with the "your emotions are your responsibility" line. They will place full blame on their victims while psychologically terrorising them.

Thanks for making these Videos. I am glad that this is not a common channel, and that you talk about all the details. 💖💖💖✨ Be blessed.

Hii Kati! Would you do a video talking about the word crazy? Like the origins, different uses and everything. We kinda know but I think it would be really interesting having it in a video to talk about it! :D

I wish I had Kati as a therapist she is very soothing and comfortable to be open with 🥰🥰🥰

this is something I struggle with a lot, even if I know it's not my fault...

Thank you.

Aww. I was hoping to see a roleplay with Kati 1 and Kati 2 from the thumbnail!! *pouts* But topicwise, good info, as usual

@TheLundraAlliance

3 жыл бұрын

Lol yea

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Riya Potter I know, I wanted to see what “Brown Hair” Kati is like!! 😹

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Stay tuned!! hahah!! xoxo

This resonated with me greatly. I'm currently working on trying to raise my self esteem focusing on living consciously, self responsibility and self acceptance, all covered in this video, so I thought I'd share it with my friends. Keep up the great content Kati 🙏👍

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

I am so glad it was helpful Graham :) xoxo

The right to take up space is really hitting me hard this weekend. I am doing the old social distancing thing and it is working well to prevent the spread of the virus, but I still feel very unwelcome around my friends. I will try journaling and talking to them about it after the weekend. I am afraid if I speak about it too soon it will stir the pot and make it worse.

Perfect timing!❤

This video just ated me so hard 😂👍🏼thanks Kati

Since I decided to thank people instead of apologizing, I don't tolerate it when other over-apologizing trying to second-guess me. In that case, I tell them there is no need to, I'm responsible for what I feel, thank them for their concern, and move on.

Kati, how is it possible that you always post a video about exactly what I'm thinking/feeling lol...the timing is crazy! xo

This KZread channel is a life saviour!

This was so helpful, i loved it! Defo sending to a few friends xoxo

I know you said to ask questions, “did I actually make you angry?”.. I tend to ask these sorts of questions too much. My friends and I discussed it and concluded that me asking these things makes them feel like they’ve done something wrong, or that I am accusing them. I don’t know how to be considerate of someone’s feelings without going overboard. :( it’s really messing up my friendships because I always ask “are you mad at me?” “Am I annoying you?” Why do I need constant reassurance? My rational side doesn’t even care, but my emotional side takes over and it is exhausting.

@Zetos

10 ай бұрын

My girlfriend does this. She dealt with an abusive ex boyfriend in the past, and now even though she won't admit it, lol, I find she's very scared to upset me or anyone else, to the point where she gets defensive sometimes. She asks me that question a lot, and I feel just like your friends. My advice is to work on your fear of upsetting others (this is where you're not responsible for others' feelings), and trust that if they are upset they will come to you in a healthy or obvious way. And of course, always be kind in how you talk! 😋

So helpful Kati

Thank you

I was JUST thinking about this question!!

@Katimorton

3 жыл бұрын

Yay for perfect timing :) xoxo

Where I get stuck is when it comes to making a decision that I know is going to upset someone else. I know what I want to do but knowing that isn't what someone else wants makes me feel that I shouldn't do something if I know someone else doesn't want me to do it.

This thing to predict the future is a huge topic for me as well. I have found that preparing for the future helps so so much in those situations to make things go smoothly, to get my points across, to make others understand me, to not get in trouble. But I can't just predict the future, and sometimes things happen that I didn't predict, and I just freeze, I can't speak any more, or I scream, I fall down as I can't hold my muscle tension any more, etc. Worst thing is, people don't understand and think something terrible happened, they think I need a doctor, they think it is ok to touch me which it is not. I just need more time. More time, some calm explanation of what is happening, maybe a more calm space. I wish so much I could just not worry about what I need to do in the future and things would still go well. So so much. But it doesn't look like that's realistic.

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Toni sorry to hear you are going through this right now. I’d HIGHLY recommend u see a mental health professional about this, if you aren’t already. It sounds like it may be related to sever anxiety & there are techniques & coping skills that can help you control and even prevent theses episodes

@toni2309

3 жыл бұрын

@@_just_TK I've had quite a bit of therapy, which made a few things better, and other things worse. I think therapy actually made my anxiety worse. I know a lot of coping skills, and a lot of what therapists suggest isn't working for me. I'm currently trying to find a therapist, but I can't find anyone available who is experienced in neurodivergence and trauma. There is one place, but for that I need an official diagnosis which waiting list has been delayed for months because of covid.

Own your own feelings

this video brings up a very good point.

I have had this, too. It’s timely because I’ve been enduring some pain because of a decision I made a couple of years ago to make it easier, well , to comply with my landlord’s wishes. I still feel broken because of it. There’s some anger I feel that I want to express to that person because of how unjust it was, but I hold it inside because I don’t want it hurting others.

On a certain level, we have emotions in our brain, the neurochemicals that show up in flow: so dopamine, norepinephrine, anandamide, endorphins, and serotonin. If you were to try to cocktail the street drug version of that, right, you're trying to blend like heroin and speed and coke and acid and weed- and point is, you can't do it. It turns out the brain can cocktail all of 'em at once, which is why people will prefer flow to almost any experience on Earth. It's our favorite experience. It's the most addictive experience on Earth. Why? 'Cause it cocktails five or six of the largest pleasure drugs the brain can produce. We're all capable of so much more than we know. That is a commonality across the board. And one of the big reasons is we're all hardwired for flow, and flow is a massive amplification of what's possible for ourselves.

Thank you for this.. this has been my life... And led to depression... I'm trying hard to change but it's very stressful.. I feel I'm being rude or neglectful

I feel like the moment I started to engage life in the mindset of "emotional responsibility of the individual" - the more assertive I became. We can influence others but their reactions are ultimately that of their own... and their "emotional management" is their business. It's ok to express emotions but the management is of the individual, regardless of how much others try to blame others for their emotions (especially blaming others except themselves for patterns of emotions... emotional immaturity). It's very easy to blame, it takes a lot of self-work and changing our mindset to stop blaming others and start taking ownership of ourselves and our actions. For adults, it might feel cold to let go of catering to emotional management of other adults but you're doing each other a huge service to not engage this form of immaturity. I suppose it feels cold if there's unfamiliarity and fear, but the real stress is living in the people pleasing mindset - inauthentic and avoiding the emotional management of the self.

It almost always comes down to childhood... it is also useful to ask ourselves what need are we trying to meet by acting this way? Need of love, need of safety (by trying to anticipate and control everything), etc. And yes indeed it’s very exhausting, it’s useful to learn how to communicate better, protect our energy & slowly accept that we can’t control people.

@wendyhodge4036

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your comment. Please know that your comment helped me tonight and BELIEVE ME, tonight was the night I most needed this help. Thank you ❣️😊

@freedom8744

3 жыл бұрын

Wendy Hodge Omg! So happy to read your comment! Thank you for letting me know! Glad I could help! 😊 Sending you blessings & positive vibes! ✨🌸

The more of these videos I watch the more nervous I get

I love your top, Kati. So whimsical and feminine! I hope YOU are having a great Monday here in LA. Thank all that is good that the heat is down! ❤️

I never realized I had this issue until a few months ago. Finding out was eye-opening but didn't make me feel better.

I like your youtube videos because they allow me to rewatch or rewind when I feel I had too much resistance or distance to process what you were saing, Sometimes it just too true,

I remeber a question like this from AKA!

This analyzing of others to figure out how they are feeling to ensure I respond appropriately... I do this, too. And unfortunately, I feel that as an autistic person, this is what people want me to do. I easily make mistakes in social settings, and often got the response that I should "consider how what I'm doing would make the other person feel". It feels like I need to overextend myself in social settings in order to be considered ok.

@janas.9056

3 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way. Though I don't consider myself autistic. Sounds like quite a struggle. I wish you loads of energy to get through this and find a way to handle social situations in a way you'll feel better in them soon. ✊✊

@TheLundraAlliance

3 жыл бұрын

Awwie

@privatepage4670

3 жыл бұрын

your doing the right thing we should always want others around us to be happy and if someones not somethings got to chnge.

@_just_TK

3 жыл бұрын

Beth 2015 I know it’s not always easy to hear but it’s not our responsibility to make others happy. In reality, u can’t control all the factors affecting another person’s happiness & trying to will just lead to failure. While a person’s happiness is affected by other people, in the end, each person responsible for their own happiness & it’s unhealthy to try & control someone else’s circumstance. (I’m speaking from experience, having been on both sides)

I have a question - what do you do when "so enmeshed" that you actually get upset with others for not going out of their way to do something the way you do it? If that makes sense.. Trying to heal from parentification/enmeshmment/narcisssist mother (mentioned all three causee I'm. Not comepletely sure which one it was)