Btw- you 2 give me hope for the future. Please always stay connected to AVERAGE ppl as well to stay relatable. That’s old lady wisdom 🥳

Loved this chat! Wish every parent with kids in sports could hear this chat. Don't live vicariously through your kid. If you have a coach in your kids world who wants your kid to focus on nothing else in life but the sport...run a mile.

As a sport science working in a national sport federation, this makes me so happy! Glad there‘s still parents with common sense out there!

This is so awesome! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and perspective and giving the examples that really helped me to understand how I can be a better parent!! The nuances that you describe and the way you have helped me to see the difference between society norms and family values is key!! I did not get to experience sports as a kid accept to feel that I never had the opportunity I wish I had and so I gave my kids the opportunity I didn’t have. However the passion I had and still have towards sports and competition is not what I have seen in my own kids.. But now I am realizing that’s because they don’t have anything to prove and unfortunately I thought and in someways still do think I do. But the resilience to keep trying, IF it is the thing they love to do and feel gods presence and joy when doing it, is what I pray my kids will have towards their goals and dreams in life! Thank you again! Grateful for your willingness to share the wisdom you have in life with all of us!

Best of 2023! This was one of my favorite episodes if not my favorite! My husband and I were both college athletes and have such a struggle being around youth sports these days. Yall are so encouraging and I’m praying more people start to think this way.

Shawn would make a great child psychologist with focus on youth sports.

I love this topic. I was never the fastest nor did I have natural speed/talent but my dad and I always set PR times to try and beat. so I was always just racing against myself. And I remember my proudest moment was placing sixth with my best time and finished so hard up hill and qualifying for regionals in cross country. I remember seeing my dad’s face after and him telling me how proud he was of me for finishing strong and telling me I made my time goal. One of my favorite memories ❤

Can’t wait to see this new bundle of joy ❤️

Loved the points you made. I have learned that my son tends to love the teams where he loses every game more than the ones where they win every game. It all comes down to making it fun, giving them opportunities to try different positions in the sport, and having a coach who loves to teach and can communicate with the players. Obviously this will change as he gets older, he’s 10, and is drastically improving in his sports in the last year and getting more competitive. Also remember to teach kids that they cannot judge others kids effort/ability against their own effort/ability. They all have different levels of interest/ ability and need to be praised for shooting for their stars, not someone else’s.

This is great! Thank you for sharing your views on this topic. Super important & great points to digest.

Love you guys so much. I've been following Shawn ever since she. Was in gymnastics when she was just a young girl. She was the best. Olympian gold medalist.❤❤❤❤❤❤

Merry Christmas, East Fam! I've no doubt that you two will navigate the youth sports scene with grace.

I think this is one of my favorite podcasts you guys have done. My parents were on the opposite side of the spectrum where they didn’t sign us up for any sport, didn’t attend our sports, and we had to figure out our transportation to and from sports. I wasn’t the best but I loved it. I now have 3 kids of my own. I ask them about trying a sport and sign them up for the sport that they want to go out for. I do have to check myself because I don’t want to be too much or push them too hard. I want them to love it!

I just love your perspective on this, and many things in life. ❤

Love that you referenced that study about performance vs effort based praise. I’m in pediatric physical therapy and the same concept applies to treatment. It definitely is valid. I might be working to help a child learn how to walk, and feedback like “good job you are trying SO hard!” even if they arent successful makes them so much more likely to try again and try even harder

So happy for you both and your family with baby #3 on its way. Prayers for a good delivery and more beautiful memories will be made. You both are amazing parents. I can’t help but go back to many years ago when you had the cartoonist guy sketch what your child would look like. Would love to see them next to those pics now.

This is so good. I have grown kids & we always asked them how they thought they did. My son played club soccer & we would talk about what they learned in a loss. Always more than in an easy win. So glad to hear you are not participation award supporters. My 29 year old says the same thing!

This is great advice! I can tell you are both very passionate about this topic.

I love that Shawn! What a great idea- makes kiddos take responsibility. 👍

Fabulous show! A love for what you are doing will accomplish much. I taught 6th grade for 33 years. I found that if I could get the kids to love reading, they would achieve much more than if I focused on just skills and passing the tests. Love for reading led them to absorb the skills.

Really awesome podcast. Very validating as someone who was raised in a pressured environment with little concern for my feelings. The results have not been good, even though I've accomplished a lot of interesting things, my self worth is low and I struggle with wanting to do anything. I've definitely had to learn how to reparent myself, even though it's lonely, I think it's the right path for me. At the end you guys were talking about being good at something vs loving it. And I think that's complicated but could be expanded and applied to different things. It does seem unique to each person because I think there's multiple factors. Like what if a child loves to do something but it hurts another person? Same with adults. Trying to figure out why a person likes something is a great adventure :D

Excellent podcast! Your children are blessed to have such awesome and thoughtful parents!! 🙏❤️🙏

Loved this talk!❤

I normally do not comment, but the information in this is so good! I wish I knew this when my children were growing up. Spot on!

In listening to this my head went to those who live in areas where the ability to foster a child’s passions just isnt really a sustainable option. For example I grew up in a small town where pretty much the only sports were the ones offered by schools. I remember really wanting to take ice skating lessons but the nearest rink was almost 2 hours away. I also wanted to dance but dance was too expensive and too difficult to manage as a non-school function since that meant extra car rides that needed to be coordinated. I know those must have been disappointing and hard choices for my parents. Hopefully I’ll be in a geographic area and financial place to be able to offer my future children the ability to follow their passions! Lastly, I would also add the same concept goes for more than just sports! Band, theater, music lessons, art, scholastic events, etc. All valid!

hey from six mile sc, i love you guys and can't wait to see your new bundle of joy❤❤

SAME for kids in theatre. Had a broadway birdie myself who is now a BS/RN in grad school! Her sister is studying Musical Theatre/Dance abroad. Crazy world!! Happy Holidays & good snuggles for the newest chickie!!

We did the same. Our daughter wouldn’t be still in ballet. She did mommy and me yoga, mommy and me sign language, ballet, tap, CrossFit kids, swim. Put her in gymnastics at age 1 and she experienced bullying from team mates (my daughter is beautiful, happy, athletic) girls didn’t like how good she was. Coaches were abusive and we reported 3 coaches ( 2 female and 1 male coach to USA and police report) a lot of parents would rather their daughters deal with or accept verbal/physical abuse. The gymnastics world is very toxic. Our daughter made it to a very high level at age 12 and she decided to quit because of her toxic coaches and injuries. They over train gymnasts. I think it’s more for money* than anything else. She is now trying a variety of sports for fun. Her injuries have healed and it’s only been a few months. Shawn I agreed with all that you said! I regret not pulling her from gymnastics when she was younger.

With the last question, I offered my son multiple sports and things to do when he was younger. He kept saying no or he didn’t know. Finally I made the choice for him. I put him in football. He didn’t want to go for the first few practices until the first game and ended up loving it and ended up playing from the age of 7 until he graduated high school. So I guess it depends on the child you need to do what is right for them and the circumstance.

@debbieinitaly

7 ай бұрын

Yes 🙌🏻 Agree Megan. They are speaking from excellent perspectives and I think in a couple handful of years will add moody teenagers. Either way- you both are doing great things as examples to your peers for their kids’ best success. Btw- it’s NEVER too late to start something new 🎉 and for all different purposes

you guys just seem so chill, love your videos

So good thank you for this!!

This is such an important conversation. When my children were growing up I let them try whatever they wanted to and then let them choose if there was a conflict of time etc. My son was doing swimming and wanted to do Karate, he couldn't do both, so I let him choose. He chose Karate, then when he went to High School he went on the swim team and quit Karate. He enjoyed every minute of it and is coaching the high school swim team now. My husband and I are so proud of him for all of his accomplishments in life. My daughter was into youth sports, but she was in the band and that was her choice. Letting them make their choices and succeed or fail is important and letting them know that you are proud of them no matter what is equally important.

Congratulations! I just read the news!

I was in sports as a kid, what I remember most was the fun stuff, the friends I made, and definitely always putting effort into something was a good things even if I wasn't great at the sport. I did a handful of sports and enjoyed every one of them for a period of time but never saw myself being great enough to make it a career or wanting to. It has been hard with my son and sports. He has a genius brain so sports don't come first but his physical being has been effected because he doesn't always get all the energy he needs to out in a healthy way. Started soccer when he was 3, liked it as much as you can, by 4 finished the season but was done and I was ok with that. Now somehow he says I took him out, which I try to reassure him it was his decision to finish the season and not start back up. He's 10 now and thinking he might like to try again which I'm so thankful for, because we need an active activity, and some serious team building lessons and decipline from someone other than mom. Thank you guys! As always I love listening and getting to know more about both of you as always it's really interesting and fun. Keep up the amazing path you are laying out for your children.

Time is short. Good health to your whole family.

Absolutely love all of this! I wish this was a class that every parent had to attend before starting their kids in sports of any kind.

Best advice and information.

So important!

Made a lot sense, praying people listen

I'm looking forward to seeing baby #3!

How did I miss this? Merry Christmas East Fam!

I usually don't like their podcasts because I feel like they try to talk about things they know nothing about. However, this was a perfect topic for them. I loved it.

I have a feeling this might be what their future book might be about? 😍

In europe many kids are in school untiö 17.00, then homework and no time for anything until weekend.

I’m not elite, but somewhere wise it says refer to your wise ones first help. So- we have as many correct answers as there are experiences. Both of you spoke from yours adding wisdom. One piece as newer parents w/anything “extra” is #1 ask God to SHOW/DIRECT YOU! Safety comes 1st and listen for His still small voice always. He made and loves your baby more than even you who carried him/her. #2 recognize character overshadows ability OR effort! Addresses both Shawn and Andrew’s concerns. If you aren’t building character through youth sports- you are missing a huge opportunity in assisting teachers, citizens, their future spouses, employees & future parents they may be! Not every kid is physically coordinated esp through puberty. Andrew- your family is NOT the norm! 😮❤😂

What episode is this from? I wanna listen to the whole thing!

agree with shawn 100%

We live about an hour north of Indy and my kids attend a school that has such high academic and sports standards. Which is great and all. But there’s not really any school sports until 6th grade. Outside of that it’s all club sports, which are expensive. So with a larger family we did some affordable dance classes at a local arts center and said once they were in middle school they could try this that or the other sport. My daughter was SO excited to try out for cheer her 6th grade year. It was her first chance at being able to try an organized sport and she was pumped to try a sport she’s loved watching on tv and pretending to play at home. Yet who cuts kids for a 6th grade sport when they’ve never had a chance to try the dang sport?? That’s right, our school! 🤦🏼‍♀️ She was devastated to not make it but worked hard and tried again the next year. Just to not make it yet again. I was so frustrated I found the money to put her in a club gym tumbling class for a year and she was finally able to make the cheer team her 8th grade year. I’m not one to think everyone should be able to make the team all the time or anything but when there’s no other school opportunities why are there cuts the very first year?? 😢

I’m also halfway in to this. I’m age 63. Participation awards were introduced when I started my preschool teaching career. I’m not part rewarding for participation. I’m currently a Nanny of two parents age 34. They grew up with participation awards. Their 3.5 year old son has been granted participation awards for soccer, T-ball and now swim class. Parents praising and highlighting that ribbon or trophy. Last week the child came home with ribbon saying “made a friend at swim class”.🙄🤔👎 That ribbon indeed had nothing to do with swim skill and was most certainly a participation award! I’m not a fan. But that’s how the child is being raised. What about scheduling young children in five days week in school. And weekends music class or sports. Children under age five need to learn how self regulate instead of schedules regulating for kids. Sports, and school has expectations rules skills and kids can’t grow in self regulating.

@PaulineHelmersson-hf5yf

16 күн бұрын

Just curious, here all children go to school 5 days a week from 1 years old. Its not the case where you live?

I was a competitive and school cheerleader. I find that that environment is very toxic and I don’t think I want to let my daughter try cheerleading. However, I remember being a little girl and wanting to try cheerleading but my mom wouldn’t let me because it was very pageant like(so she thought), and in middle school I discovered it was my passion and had I started sooner I could’ve been at much higher levels. As I child I experienced the desire to do something but not getting to do it until I was much older, but as a parent someday I do not want to subject my child to the often toxic competitive cheer environment. Any tips?

Listened to this podcast twice to really understand your experience with this topic. Do you think it’s normal for gymnastics or swim or whatever the sport to be separated from the parents? My kids are 4&2 and down here in Miami so many of the activities, the parents have to be behind glass. For gymnastics, I have to watch what’s going on from a TV screen in the other room!! As a very hands on parent this breaks mt heart. I want to see first hand the joy they are deriving (or not deriving) from these activities. But maybe it’s normal?

O9oh,.,. I forgot,.,.... Merry Christmas

Andrew unfortunately not a lot of coaches treat kids that way. I’ve been there

I know it's been stressful for me with certain sports. But I've gotten better as a Special Olympian.

Youth sport are wonderful but I think culture has made it all or nothing, which is disappointing. When I grew up, I felt like I was able to choose many different things to try and see what I liked. Now I feel that’s much harder to do.

It’s more like a couple thousand dollars to play a full travel season.

What you says about sports i says is goes for studies also.... My kids can bring home a d if they try and have problems... But they only can bring home an A if they are not trying enough... The parents usually can see if they are trying hard in their studies... Or at least i can 😅

I am only 5 feet 2 inches. So I can’t reach the floor either. Tall people don’t get what it’s like to not be able to reach anything.

@PaulineHelmersson-hf5yf

16 күн бұрын

And short people dont get how it sucks to not fit in on a train or airplane due to long legs.

This episode felt oddly heavy and intense. Is youth sports really THAT intense? I felt like they were referring to the 1% of psych sports parents. Maybe parents are more intense about sports in Nashville? Overall very interesting and enjoyable as always.

Would you change your tone for academics? Because many of these things are just as true for youth academics.

So her parents did 4 types of sport, among them gymnastiks and wrestling But dont know about sport? And came from a rough background=not much money? In europe noone can afford to pay for that unless you have money. Also skiing is super expensive. And i think it helped a lot in them understanding what is good for shawn. My parents didnt do any activities because they coulsnt afford it.

Let me go back both kids played soccer ⚽️

What is on Andrew's hand?

I refereed soccer for 22 years and quit because parents today of children’s sports (specifically soccer) believe their child is going pro. They became sooooooo nasty and belligerent and would berate me. I finally quit and haven’t looked back and have had many requests to come back, but parents really mess things up. I’m sure the kids are embarrassed of their parents behavior.

Biggest takeaway was “how do you think you did” vs letting the scoreboard be the judge… the fact that Shawn is prouder of her silver medal than gold was impactful.. as parent to grown boys who were “normal” and now raising a naturally gifted 2nd grade, L6 gymnast, it’s easy to get caught up in their success even though you consciously don’t want to. Thankfully we have a great gym with sweet uplifting kids, coaches and parents throughout the different levels.

🩵 Andrew, What's on your left hand ?

I'm pretty sure this is what you two are writing a book about.

Unfortunately , the problem currently is, if you do not put your child in these programs as young kids, when they want to go out for high school sports it becomes a problem and they are lucky to get on a team As a grandparent, my kids played sports and it cost $30. I realize times are different, but now if your child is going to play on a Home team (which the need go for HS sports) it is over $1200 -$2000 which does not include tournaments and travel. I completely disagree with this new concept

Did Shawn have the baby?

@maricelytorresrivera7962

7 ай бұрын

I think she already did her belly looks smaller

@loraleepooley3669

7 ай бұрын

No? it’s just the way she’s sitting I think.

Perhaps its different in the us? But in europe participation diploma is handed because of your effort! And I have worked with kids over 20 years and never seen a kid happy unless the get a prize, noone is happy with only participation diploma. I really think youre in the wrong here. Even though you make otherwise important statements.

They show favoritism

@loraleepooley3669

7 ай бұрын

What do you mean?

@marciefinn6295

7 ай бұрын

Coaches at a high school level definitely showed favoritism Even in travel soccer on some of the teams. I’m just thrilled that my husband was able to coach both of my kids teams from rec thru travel up until HS and all 3 of them became refs. My younger son was so hurt he was pulled from being goalie even though he was the most talented goalie because he was short even being on growth hormones actually both of my sons were on growth hormones which I don’t talk much about.

@marciefinn6295

7 ай бұрын

I think back to when my kids played sports.., ok they followed their father’s passion of soccer ⚽️ which they love till this day over baseball. Giving medals back in the day gave a kid false hope “but ma I lost Why did I get this.” Or flip side to that is good sportsman ship for losing. Nothing positive comes out of that. Except some kids looked forward to receiving something for participating in a sport.

I understand your thought processes, but the way you talk to us (as parents) comes off as pedantic. You both have vast experiences with sport, but you only talk about how great you had it with supportive coaches and parents and pity those who don’t have those wonderful supportive experiences. I call BS. I have a very hard time believing that all was perfect for you in sports along the way in terms of the way your own parents and coaches behaved. My thoughts when I watch you both is to remind you to get off your high horses. If you have never had any problems in sports then why are you preaching advice and warnings to others? Share your real experiences and provide meaningful perspectives from a not so perfect life, or just be quiet and don’t pretend you know what it is like for a child to struggle.

@tedrafazendeiro6291

7 ай бұрын

In addition, you say make sure you praise your kids for their effort, but if they come in 300th place, make sure they know they need to get back in the gym. Ugh. You people scare me.

@ElishaaLi

7 ай бұрын

Regarding your second comment, I think they very clearly addressed this issue. They specifically said they are very against any sort of participation awards. They said that parents should 1) praise kids for their effort if they were trying their hardest and THEN 2) encourage them to work on what they need to improve (ie what you say “get back in the gym”). They never said if you kid comes in 300th place praise them and let it go. Their point is you cant blame a child for losing if they gave it their best shot; instead, help them reflect on what they can do to be better. I would, however, agree with your sentiment that they came off a little too much as “we know best” instead of sharing their opinions regardless of the fact that I agreed with their points