Dr. Carter is like the strong, but gentle father that soooooo many people need. 😀🙏🙏💕

@HisBeloved50

2 жыл бұрын

Perfect evaluation!

@randomname4726

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, imagine having a father like this, amazing.

@christinegrundy3638

2 жыл бұрын

I listen to him evernight to fall asleep, I've posted before that I wish he was my dad❤

@oceanaoushn8803

2 жыл бұрын

@@randomname4726 if my father was like Dr Charter - I wouldn't be here now 😅

@mariesittie2035

Жыл бұрын

true and yes 🙂 .

This is the first video I've seen that focuses on a healthy personality.

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

More on the way! Dr. C

@stacyhaynes4832

5 жыл бұрын

Dr. Les Carter thank you....this is a great video. Best session I’ve had and I didn’t have to go to an appointment!

@holographicc6974

5 жыл бұрын

Well, he’s not an amateur

@RealLadi228

5 жыл бұрын

Breath of fresh air for sure

@penparnsailarm7094

5 жыл бұрын

He has a main mission on helping people in troubles, I guess, so he focuses on different topics.

"Don't blame other people for who you are." Great counseling.👍

1: O-openness. Curious, inventive. 2: C-conscientious. Reliable, trustworthy, punctual. 3: E-extraversion. Outgoing, connected, sociable. 4: A-agreableness. Accepting, positive, cooperative. 5: N-neuroticism. Stable, calm, impulse control. Well it's hard to keep up to these standards! I'd say I'm doing the best I can, maybe with number five, neuroticism, being my weakness, thank you for pointing that out Dr C!

@LaoFarm

3 жыл бұрын

thank you

@ronbaines8022

3 жыл бұрын

When I was born doctor said to mum you have a perfect son . I’m 83 and nothing has changed ha ha ha lol

@Kathy-kr1sv

3 жыл бұрын

@@ronbaines8022 EXACTLY. 😊💜

@salauerman7082

3 жыл бұрын

I appreciate your post... Something that has helped me become more calm is being slow to get angry, being slow to speak, and being quick to listen and anticipate. I’ll be needing to practice those skills around some tough narcs in my clan soon, but I’m not afraid as I used to be. I’m thinking, instead, about what they have to explain to God one day...

@pichmolm

3 жыл бұрын

Neuroticism=predisposition of an individual to feel negative emotions, as opposed to emotional stability... Only if you feel negative emotion from others, like an alarm system.But, if it it characterizes a persistent tendency to experience negative emotions, not at all.

Once you become healthy, life becomes so much easier. You'll always have circumstances you can't control but you'll have the inner strength/knowledge to handle what's thrown your way. Community is important but the right community for yourself is essential. Stay strong y'all. Thank you Dr. for the content.

What impressed me the most was his statement about "the mark of maturity" is about maintaining a healthy personality when in a situation that is uncomfortable. I know a couple of people with great personalities and I really like being around them because I don't have to worry if I say the wrong thing because they won't get offended, I trust them to not size me up totally as a person just because I said something they don't agree with. I'm actually learning here what makes these great personalities so good. I assumed they had a gift but really, if we practice the skills I believe any of us can all develop good personalities and let the best part of ourselves shine.

@holographicc6974

5 жыл бұрын

Sure, but WHY did you attract/manifest a less than balanced situation in the first place? 🤓

@nikkif.409

4 жыл бұрын

Shining One, you didn’t understand his post.

@nikkif.409

4 жыл бұрын

I can’t agree with you more. It is a completely different experience being with healthy personalities that allow you to be yourself. It is my biggest frustration not being able to be me with someone trying to put me down or as you said “size you up” over one little comment that they most likely chose to misconstrue on purpose. Thanks for your post.

@KevinBReynolds

4 жыл бұрын

At work, I used to see that sign: "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys." And I must admit that I sometimes fell into that trap. Establishing and knowing who you are (or even who you want to be) is the antidote to the turkey trap. Don't let others control your thoughts or emotions. Be true to yourself.

@cathlaurs9754

3 жыл бұрын

@@holographicc6974 : sometimes we have to unlearn learned behaviour patterns instilled from when we were young and vulnerable.

Reading these comments, I’m surprised nobody has complimented you on how well you speak. I was initially brought to this video by an accidental click, but before I was able to exit, I was drawn in by your eloquent and warm way of speaking. I ended up watching the whole thing! Well done, keep it up. 👍🏻

@DrLesCarter

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Gabriella. Dr. C

@CG-mj8tk

3 жыл бұрын

I fully agree. I've learned so much from him!

@rachelgregory888

3 жыл бұрын

What is the accent? I can only deduce Southern US. It's so cosy!

I loss my Family because learned to stand up for my self , it hurts ! They didn't like the new me

@drdancerlisa

5 жыл бұрын

I can relate to you Sherry. I have lost some family, too (immediate and extended family) when I did some self work and learned to stand up to myself and some chose not to like me either. Now, when I feel lonely or miss them, I remind myself of some of the incidents and treatment I received and why I let go of those relationships. It works (usually). Regards, Li

@usa4287

5 жыл бұрын

@ciao614

5 жыл бұрын

I pretty much lost half of my immediate family when I started to stand up for myself. I just wish I started sooner. It's very hard at times. I catch myself from picking up the phone and calling some of them. They say one in seven people are narcs.... I think I have three in my immediate family...Quite sad.

@sherrycrawford6724

5 жыл бұрын

dancerlisa I had a friend that said that there is something wrong with me b/c my siblings are not talking to me ! I'm to blame ! I say I was the scapegoated by my siblings and put a stop to it !

@loralynf.9722

5 жыл бұрын

Same

The challenge of not blaming bullies and narcissists who make it impossible to escape their damaging ways is difficult!

@TheBlondiekitten

6 ай бұрын

It’s impossible to be a healthy person around a narcissist because you have to grey rock to stay sane.

@jackilynpyzocha662

2 ай бұрын

I've gone no-contact with my narc dad and his flying monkey/enabling girlfriend. Tranquility for me!

When people say “you made me do it” ..... these are the weakest people my friends... don’t let people have control of you or your day...

@yellowdayz1800

5 жыл бұрын

I have heard someone say, "The devil made me do it." !!!! 😣

@jilliansmith7123

5 жыл бұрын

Sandy Heesom: Flip Wilson. "The devil made me buy this dress."

@yellowdayz1800

5 жыл бұрын

@@jilliansmith7123 , lol....

@jilliansmith7123

5 жыл бұрын

Tiphany Summers: I would like to point out that on occasion, when someone claims "you made me do it," you have been so crazy, so narcissistic, so unrelenting, so entrapping, that you may well HAVE made them do it. You cornered someone and you know what happens when some creatures get cornered. You force them to fight, because you make flight impossible. So there's that. Ordinarily, I think everyone is and should be responsible for their own actions, but sometimes...beware of who you corner and why.

@yellowdayz1800

5 жыл бұрын

@@jilliansmith7123 , yes....the opposite end. I know narcs that truly believe and blame the devil for some of their mean actions!

Only extroverts think introverts are "unhealthy"...it's called listening, being aware and not needing people to feel healthy.

@misspriss2482

3 жыл бұрын

This. A lot of extroverts try to make you feel bad for being an introvert because they envy your ability to be alone, and they want access to you and want you to need them as much as they need you. They feel threatened when you are independent and have the ability to be happy without them.

@cmoore5080

3 жыл бұрын

Be aware it's narcs that are introvert to

@seanleith5312

3 жыл бұрын

One thing I don't agree with the Dr. is the "agreeable". That's a negative, instead of a positive. I understand there is positive aspect of it, but overall it is a negative personality trait. Agreeableness in itself may be fine, but agreeableness almost always comes with being emotionally weak, unsure. Women are more agreeable than man. You don't want a leader to be agreeable, you want him to be assertive. You don't want to put agreeable in your resume that's for sure.

@huy3519

3 жыл бұрын

Only introverts think they are superior and so unique and love to talk so much about them being this and that.

@barefootrealist246

3 жыл бұрын

@@seanleith5312 You make an interesting point. I think this one completely depends on the situation and wouldn't think of it as a weakness. You know, agree to disagree, etc. I would hope a leader would be agreeable to input even if they are assertive. Perhaps we define the word differently? In my mind women are not more agreeable than men, just expected to be. I would say that yes, agreeableness could be a sign of an emotionally weak or unsure person or a trait of someone who knows how to pick their battles. For sure you don't put that on your resume though! Thanks for the pause.

What I notice is that all of these require honesty.

@KarloughPersonal

3 жыл бұрын

true! it's like being 'authentically optimistic' as summarized in one description! which is one of many definitions of an ideal personality.

@TheNinnyfee

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely, to yourself and others.

@jandl9417

3 жыл бұрын

And humility

@joefunk76

3 жыл бұрын

Funny you think that because I notice that almost none of those require honesty; trustworthiness and cooperativeness might be the only two that do. A person can display every one of the other mentioned qualities and still be a lying, backstabbing SOB.

@lisamay5649

3 жыл бұрын

@Andrea Sieberr: AND being real!

Unfortunately, the healthy personality will inevitably attract, and must defend itself against, the envy of unhealthy personalities.

@user-oz7nw9sq7y

5 жыл бұрын

bscottb8 I'm dealing with exactly that type of unhealthy envious person right now in my social circle. Trying so hard to stay grounded in reality and to stay positive. These toxic types are so hard to avoid. 😖😫

@mo7mdalmutairi

5 жыл бұрын

Not every unhealthy personality is envious . Envy is a very subjective feeling and assuming that someone is envious of you can easily be a delusion . I think it's better to focus on your feelings , rather than how others feel about you, because you could misjudge them...

@reesedaniel5835

5 жыл бұрын

@@user-oz7nw9sq7y Another thing always done by unhealthy personalities is to invalidate your feelings and flip the blame back onto you. Even if they don't know you.

@fingerprint5511

5 жыл бұрын

And agreeableness is the no.1 energy Narcs look for in a person.

@frankfieldfrankfield6230

5 жыл бұрын

@@mo7mdalmutairi yes absolutely!

I would add responsible... Accepts responsibility for one's own actions.

@paulsawczyc5019

4 жыл бұрын

Taking blame for others is gold star if you ask me.

@surferdude4487

3 жыл бұрын

I'm disagreeing with the other two replies I see here. Being conscientious has more to do with following through on commitments. And taking the blame for others is a distortion of truth. Nothing good will come from that.

@cchgn

3 жыл бұрын

Yep, a pet peeve of mine. Definitely a deal-breaker. IF they won't do that, they have a lot of other issues too.

@maidmarion2976

3 жыл бұрын

Good one

@maidmarion2976

3 жыл бұрын

@@surferdude4487 I’m with you

OCEAN: 1. Openness: curiosity, look for a variety of experiences, accepting, engaging with the world around them. They use their immagination. Inquisitive about opposite/different opinions. NOT: single minded, rigid, close-minded, uptight, concrete, don't like to be challenged. 2. Conscientiousness: reliable, trustworthy, courteous, tuned to the world around them, aware of impact to others, consider others, punctuality. NOT: unreliable, sloppy, messy, inconsistent. You never know if they will do sth, and if it will be done on time. 3. Extraversion: you don't need to be naturally extraverted. But at least making the effort to engage with other people, connect, sociability, friendliness, affirming, ask about interest/needs of other people. NOT: shut down, shyness-unavailability, aloof, unavailable, disinterested, could not care less. 4. Agreeableness: can you disagree accepting others, no fixed agenda, tolerating other people, positive outlook, cooperative, like affirming others, anticipate needs of other people. NOT: stubbornness, pushiness, pessimism, argumentative. 5. Neuroticism: not very neurotic, emotionally stable, calmness, impulse control, steadiness, mindedness. NOT: tension, anxiety, agitation, easily bothered and annoyed. ------------------------------ Most important: contientiousness. To be a healthy/mature individual you want to be: 1. intentional (I like to grow, want to make plans) 2. Don't blame other people for your flaws. (maturity) You need to be able to stay healthy even when others don't cooperate. 3. Make sure other people don't establish your pace. People should not trip you up emotionally. And pull you into their flaws (co-dependency) 4. Be true to yourself (know who you are).

@russellhawkins366

4 жыл бұрын

avgonyma1 Thank you for your kind post. That’s very considerate of you.

@avgonyma1

4 жыл бұрын

@@russellhawkins366 np. You're welcome. :)

@wheelerpat8

4 жыл бұрын

Awesome notes. Thanks for sharing!

@avgonyma1

4 жыл бұрын

@@wheelerpat8 thanks for the feedback!

@sonutab7391

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙂

I Love you man! I watch for people who have traits and skills that I would aspire to. Role models if you will. You're one of them. I love the work that you're doing to help heal folks myself included.

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the kind words, received with gratitude! Dr. C

@debmiller9890

3 жыл бұрын

Really seriously awesome. I'm going to add this to my treatment plan, put it in my journaling. I spend bunch of time thinking about how I need to be a better person but haven't been looking for signs of healthiness. Thanks!!

@smallfootprint2961

3 жыл бұрын

Good info. Thanks.

@JohnSmith-vy4lh

3 жыл бұрын

People are much more complicated than this man would have you believe . His view is very narrow and naive imho.

@mehitabel1290

3 жыл бұрын

@@JohnSmith-vy4lh Narrow and naive? My only quibble with Dr Les is that he sometimes covers too many facets and variations and takes too many different possibilities into account..............

You are a gem, Dr. C! Openness (curiosity, seeks a variety of experiences; engages with the world; accepting; uses imagination; seeks common ground (vs rigidity) *Conscientiousness* reliable, courteous, follows through, word is your bond, trustworthy; punctual (versus sloppy, erratic, inconsistent) Extroversion makes the effort to engage with others (even if an introvert) and makes effort to connect; asks about others; interacts (versus shyness to the point of making self unavailable; emotionally shut down; aloof) Agreeableness (not intellectually) accept that others are what they are; no rigid agenda; positive; cooperative; anticipate others needs (verus stubbornness, pushiness, argumentative) Neuroticism tension, anxiety, easily bothered and annoyed (versus emotionally stable, calmness, impulse control, steady)

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Glad this one hit home for you. Dr. C

"It's not what they call you, It's what you answer to." W.C. Fields.

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

That's a good one. Dr. C

Thank you! Been following your surviving narcissism series. I’m trying York on myself and improve my social skills and learn to not be codependent. I grew up in the 50s-70s in a very dysfunctional military family and because we moved so often (13 schools in 12 years) I never had the advantage of a good support system or validation from others, so I have a serious issue with social skills and making and keeping friends. I find your videos to be straightforward and I learn a lot! I might be in my 60’s but it is never too late to improve my life and learn to attract and build healthy relationships!

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! I find that in my 60's I too still have much to learn, and look forward to it happening. Glad to know you are along for the ride with me! Dr. C

@ThePatatonga

4 жыл бұрын

I wish you lovely people to support your path to self confidence and peace within! It's great to hear of someone like you proving that regardless older age we still can prosper and generate to become more wholesome.

@gigig2492

4 жыл бұрын

Bucket List Boomer Hi fellow boomer--what is York? I'm trying to learn, too.

@CindiirrrrtPatron

3 жыл бұрын

I think They meant work not york?

@ahmadraychouni7385

3 жыл бұрын

U changed 13 schools!!!!!...i changed a single one and still suffering till now..39 years old....good work

I'm am introvert on the Meyers Briggs scale. It doesn't mean I'm shy, it just means my preference is solitude. I gain strength from being alone, while extroverts gain strength or recharge from being among others. So it doesn't quite mesh that I need to be an extrovert to have a healthy personality. I stopped the video to comment, so if you address this further on...my apologies.

@junelledembroski9183

4 жыл бұрын

I’m an introvert and married an extrovert. We have four kids, which I wanted more and he wanted less. It’s confusing. He likes being around people, I only like being around my kids (and him when he isn’t with his friends). I ask my friends to stay away sometimes. I may be slightly antisocial. But they’re all extroverts and want to be in big crowds, and I feel swallowed by crowds.

@TheCherrytree123

4 жыл бұрын

to your own self be true extrovert is just social standard.

@TheAlmightyAss

4 жыл бұрын

Have you ever had solitude forced upon you though?

@Tamarahope77

4 жыл бұрын

Myer Briggs is not a scientifically validated tool. The one that has the most research and acceptance is the Big Five, which are.. OCEAN!!

@annamarie2849

3 жыл бұрын

I am both, there are times I need to be alone and other times I am extrovert.

It is wild and baffling to me that these things and other basic human relational and emotional skills are not taught to us in school growing up. It is not a trivial thing that can be pushed aside. It should be the foundation before and alongside everything else! I sincerely hope this changes in the future. The world would be so much better off with more informed, caring, conscientious individuals! I believe that starts with us as a society placing more value onto these traits. Love and blessings, thanks.

😍 Hallelujah! I'm not so bad after all. Neurotic, yes. 😄 Working on that- everyday. Thank you for your authenticity & compassion⚘💛

@anne-to5cg

5 жыл бұрын

wow! thank you and thank God for the truth in the Word! truth and understanding coming from Dr. Les!

@taylorpresley9887

5 жыл бұрын

Me too, but good news is we are aware, which is huge.

@HYPNOYOUEllieBrown

4 жыл бұрын

My immediate thought too!! hugs Jeana im working on the N too keeping it stable.

@michellebright8403

3 жыл бұрын

I guess four out of five isn’t too bad.

@jeanaallison7236

3 жыл бұрын

@@michellebright8403 :) :) :)

This is probably the most affirming video I've seen. I AM healthy and people have always tried to tell me I'm not. There's a lot of illness out there. I've really felt beated down a lot of my life. And yes, I'm imperfect, I sometimes have the unhealthy characteristics. Sometimes other people do create circumstances that cause us to fail but most of the time, it's us, ourselves.

@DreamQuillRose

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe the people claiming you are unhealthy are the unhealthy ones. To them, you are the odd one out.

This video was so refreshing to watch after getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship. Being yelled & screamed at & criticized all the time at home was making me a rather nasty neurotic person to be around. My friends were so patient with me because they could tell I wasn't being myself. I got so upset at work over the smallest thing I almost walked out in an instant & quit. Now that I am out of that relationship & am am free from the abuse I have simultaneously stopped being so short with people & have a much better sense of well being. It wasn't him that was causing me to behave in that way. It was me. Me consciously choosing to stay in a toxic situation. I knew i was not emotionally healthy but I remained there for reasons I laugh at now. People can drain us but it is up to us to help ourselves. Not everyone experiences everything the same. Just look after yourselves & your own emotional well being.

Narcissist mother is the complete opposite of all of these. This is what she taught me. Thank goodness I have had jobs with some very healthy people and one friend who I have tried to learn from! The biggest insult I have ever gotten was someone saying, " you are just like your mom." Wow, that will get my attention and I will immediately work on changing.

@reesedaniel5835

5 жыл бұрын

@Pink Crayon WOW! If you had written "my youngest brother" instead of sister I would swear we had the same "mother."

@sondrabradley8040

5 жыл бұрын

I agree, dont even tell me I look like her. When I saw her on her death bed she looked so evil to me. I knew the inside!

@sacredsquirrel1643

5 жыл бұрын

Amen.

@nikkif.409

4 жыл бұрын

Pink crayon, I agreed with you until you brought politics into it. It saddens me that there are people like you that think narcissists are only on one side of the political spectrum. Way to go on pushing your bias. You might want to work on that.

I like when things are broken down in explanation. Makes it easier to understand without misunderstanding. Thank you Dr. C.

@19tams67

5 жыл бұрын

Isn't he wonderful? I have come a little bit further understanding myself, and my partner because of him. It's so much easier when it's all broke down and explained in such a way that is easier to comprehend. 😁💛😇 Have a great day..

Thank you Dr. Carter, it's a good reminder that I am a good person, since the narcissist in my life has always made me feel the opposite.

@eleanorsantos6253

5 жыл бұрын

Leah Doiron llll

@eleanorsantos6253

5 жыл бұрын

Mm

@eleanorsantos6253

5 жыл бұрын

K

Nothing compares to swimming successfully in the beauty of the wide-open and often unpredictable Ocean called Life. Thank you for today’s blessing, DrC .😊

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

RL,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

- Curiosity, engagement, new experiences, asking questions - Reliance, trustworthy, aware of their decisions - Extraversion, engagement efforts, available - Agreeable, tolerant, positive outlook - Non-neurotic, impuls control

@reesedaniel5835

5 жыл бұрын

I agree with all of this except the "extroversion." Not all healthy personalities are extroverted. Those with wisdom and discernment are of a quieter nature.

@misaelsousacostamisaeel1322

4 жыл бұрын

Boa 77pp8 6p 00 que a 08wex××! 0! X

@wemuk5170

4 жыл бұрын

Reese Daniel When he used the word extrovert, he doesn’t mean natural extroversion. He just means the ‘willingness to engage’ as opposed to the wall flower. It is [making] the ‘choice to connect’ with people, he meant, not being born a natural extrovert or introvert.

@HealthyPlanet

3 жыл бұрын

Hi - we can add humility and honesty 👍🏼

I think it's interesting how my expression of these characteristics can vary in different relationships or circumstances. Also, I think E should be Engaging, not Extroversion...the word extroversion comes with certain cultural connotations that aren't necessarily what's being highlighted here. A quiet introvert can contribute well-thought-out-ideas to a conversation and invite others to dig deep for their thoughts and opinions, which is engaging, while a loud-mouthed extrovert can be particularly bullish and hog the conversation, which is extroverted but not engaging at all because everyone else feels steamrolled.

@chrisfrench9257

5 жыл бұрын

You need to rewatch that part. He certainly addresses the introvert, explaining it's not a bad thing and then elaborates on his meaning and how an introvert can be considered to display extroversion by willfully engaging with those around them rather than the stereotypical introvert that is considered extremely socially awkward. You're also thinking too much in terms of the socially accepted version of extroversion rather than the actual definition, though the lines are still a bit blurred, he explained himself thoroughly and clearly.

@mommabear5059

5 жыл бұрын

bygrace2me you don’t seem to understand what being an extrovert is.

@miriamhavard7621

5 жыл бұрын

Well, the doctor did explain that.

@bygrace2me

5 жыл бұрын

Actually, I stated clearly that I'm addressing the cultural connotations of the word extroversion, not the actual definitions of the term when discussing personality types or other psychological research. I'm well versed on personality psychology and related topics, including MBTI and similar systems that use the word extroversion differently than the average Joe on the street would. Even Dr. Carter here, who I greatly admire and have watched nearly all of his videos, points out that the term is really referring to engagement, not extroversion as we might normally think of it (and even to that point, engagement is not the same thing as extroversion from a personality psychology perspective). So my point is, if engagement is a more easily understood term and it even starts with an E to maintain the integrity of the acronym, why not use the better term? Then there's no confusion for people coming in who don't have the educational background to understand the nuances of the term extroversion. As it is, an introvert with little understanding of how that trait fits into a healthy psychological profile might feel like they have to talk with people more in order to become healthier, which is not what this item in the list is intended to indicate. So for the sake of clarity, why not switch to the more culturally helpful term?

@w3n33dam1racl3

5 жыл бұрын

Agreed

There is one question that I ask myself about every situation I find myself in, and that question is What part of this did I play? Or what did I do or didn't do that brought out this outcome, what role did I play? I believe that whatever you involve yourself with, you have to look at yourself first and realize understand and except your part to get the best results for all involved.

@maidmarion2976

3 жыл бұрын

But it is so healthy in that you learn how to handle the same situation another time. Just don’t be too hard on yourself

“To thine own self be true “ was my Mother’s mantra and we grew up hearing it on a regular basis! Wonderful outlook and I loved this video. Thank you Mum, thanks Dr Les!

I'm working daily to have a better healthier personality. My view on life is no longer damaged nor am band-aiding it to hide who I am. Learned a lot in 90 days or so and my Cup Of Knowledge keeps being filled since I honestly don't much of anything. Honesty, Serienty, Love and Joy! Today I am light that burns bright like the Sun. A new man of integrity. Thank you for the videos Dr. You have helped me in my growing since I have found your channels.

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

So pleased! That's why I'm here. Dr. C

@heatheragostini4146

5 жыл бұрын

I do respect people who want to grow. I’m leaving a toxic relationship because I’m tired of being shutdown.

@MidnightSky1821

5 жыл бұрын

@@heatheragostini4146 Leave. It hurts us but not them. They have no anything. You'll be fine, just find positive people to be around and let it all out. Let go. Let God.

@MidnightSky1821

5 жыл бұрын

@@Julie-ev5js Thank you, Julie! :)

Hands up ✋ I'm very easily annoyed by people's rudeness lol.

We never stop learning ....... thank you for your efforts Dr Les

It’s very important to be reminded that these are qualities of value. Sometimes “noisier” personalities can be overwhelming and diminishing, particularly narcissistic ones. That happened to me, and I lost confidence in myself. I felt like a failure. But I’ve got things in perspective now and my confidence is back. I’ve learned a great deal from your videos these past few months. It’s not been an easy journey, but I’m so much happier and peaceful now. You have helped me very much, and your timing with this video was perfect for me. It shored up my confidence. Thank you😊

Mental health check ups are now so easy to do, thanks to videos like these. No one needs to feel lost and alone especially in these times. I'm your latest subscriber!

Great to see someone focusing on the healthy side of being a person! As someone who has grown up in a family with a mother and brother who display several overlapping personality disorders, I have learned that the values of Truth, Justice, and Integrity, can inspire us all to nurture a healthy, happy, and fulfilled life.

Wow, you just made me realize that after 4 years on a keto diet, I have become much more of the healthy kind of person you speak of. All I needed to do is eliminate all the sugar and starchy foods that made me mentally fuzzed in and unable to function in a healthy way. Astounding to realize.

You are always a goldmine of information and make me think about things. Much appreciated.

It's reassuring to know that I have a perfectly healthy personality.

@MsAnchovey

4 жыл бұрын

Have you been in love yet? How old are you may I ask?

Very uplifting. Knowing who you are. Knowing your identity is important. Being true and authentic. To me this means 'value yourself'. Only I have the power to do this. Be steadfast and hold your dignity. Dont break. Be strong to my values that make me, me. I am challenged constantly with this for 2 reasons. I work in a dementia setting and am married to a raging, raving narcissist. This is a daily battle and it's grinding, however I adore the residents I care for. It is a sad debilitating disease that they cannot control. My narc husband on the other hand should know better. Regardless of his immature manipulation, abuse, lowest of negativity and humiliation he inflicts on me I remain true to my strength in knowing 'who I am'. I feel sorry for him and he can wallow in his depressed self knowing he's 'lost', with no sense of identity. Many, many masks however who is the real?

I'm flowing with the ocean. Lovely to see a video on healthy ways of existing. But most of us search in desperation explanations to these impossible people who do not respond normally, who leave us stumped, who abuse us, and we leave and are left with questions. But it really is nice to see HEALTH, feeling reassured ones own self is healthy. Especially as narcissists and other psychos spent years twirling you around in their lies, deception, yelling, stealing, erratic, crazy, threatening CHAOS.

All Of Dr C’s vids are so helpful. I’m under covert assault right now and its amazing how much these videos help me work through recovery. I’m stunned at how the behavior of narcs that have selected me as a target, seem to escalate in all the ways i read about. Narcs with psych degrees are almost terrifying. And i know a few. Thanks Dr C.

Dr.Les Carter ... Thank you for the OCEAN concept ... Crystal clear ... Merci!

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

Lise Dionne,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

1-Openness (Abertura) 2-Conscientiousness (Consciência) 3-Extroversion (Extroversão) 4-Agreeableness (Agradabilidade) 5-Neuroticism (Neuroticismo) 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

You take good notes! Dr. C

@dasein9980

5 жыл бұрын

*2. Conscientiousness

@heathercaldwell6242

5 жыл бұрын

Awesome! Look forward sending my clients to your new Utube channel!!👍

@fisu33

5 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Thanks Dr. Carter. Visit Europe, Portugal 😊🌲🇵🇹 According to Myers-Briggs I'm an INFJ, so introversion is an item to improve 😉 kind regards

@joanplaylist304

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks

So nice to consider ones self from the healthy angle & self responsibility & not the negative influence of others. Sometimes we forget that if the stability, strength and approval come from within then we don't have to worry about where we're going to obtain them. Thank you!

At the outset I thought that “E” would stand for Empathy.. I feel that “ to have Empathy” is the most important part of my healthy well-being.

@Bethh3890

3 жыл бұрын

Agree with you!! E should be empathy!

Dr. Cartes, thank you for your continued education on mental health. I especially enjoyed listening to these indicators of healthy individuals. I really wish that this was an ongoing coursework in high schools. It would help the world create healthy and happy adults:)

Wow. This video made me realize I REALLY AM a healthy person. I hit the majority of these points. Toxic people in my past who sought to confuse and debilitate put a question mark in my subconscious mind as to if I was the one with unhealthy traits, or if they really were. This video really helped clarify that to my conscious mind. Thank you.

Thank you Dr.Carter . Love your new Channel ! Something I have noticed , a common thread if you will ,that seems to run through unhealthy people or Narcissists lives is that they are rarely on time. Even when they set the time and date themselves ! If they call you and say " I will see you at 3pm." That should mean 3pm ! Maybe give and take 15 minutes here or there (given traffic issues , etc. ) But when this happens and the person shows up 5 HOURS LATER saying : " I had to make a few pit stops , then I got hungry and had to grab a bit to eat, etc." They KNOW ' YOU' are waiting on them to show up . If you say one sentence like " Hey, you had your cell phone on you ...why didn't you just call me and tell me you would be late ?"...they will came up with all kinds of excuses... I have seen Narcissists use this again and again , a way of CONTROLLING you and the situation. When a pattern develops . its time to wake up and know you cannot rely on that person. I use to think habitually late people were just lazy . Or, had bad timing. But almost every Narcissist I have dealt with is rarely punctual .

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

I mentioned in this video that the #1 indicator of a healthy personality is conscientiousness, but I didn't take it further in saying that the researchers also say the #1 indicator of a conscientious person is punctuality. All that to say...you and I are channeling the same notions. Dr. C

@loriep.9493

5 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Thank you Dr. C . I enjoy listening to your video's and your perspective on issues of Narcissism . Yes, you did mention the The indicator of healthy personality is conscientiousness. To be aware or self aware of how your behavior (such as being on time , etc ) effects others . I personally have dealt with more than a few people who flat out do not care or just don't have self awareness . These very same people are Know -it -all's who if you kept them waiting even one time , you would hear from them and they would let you know what an awful person you are ! Yet they do it time and time again . Thank you again . BTW ...Happy " Resurrection Day" Tomorrow ! L.P.

@Suedetussy

5 жыл бұрын

Good observation! 😮 This is so true for my former bestie, who was a narcissist. I‘ve got rid of her after i‘ve found out, who she truly was, and now i see with such single observations how it fits into the whole picture of 1. lack of conscientiousness and 2. their sense of entitlement (they take their freedom to be late, but if you and i dare to do so -> nag, nag, nag). Oh ... now in the retrospection, i see how many details there are. We get the big picture, and this picture consists of many small details. Glad she’s not part of my life anymore.

@mommabear5059

5 жыл бұрын

Lorie P. This is so true and such a marker. I finally learned to set a boundary that if the person didn’t show up in that grace period and/or didn’t call, I went on with my life. It’s actually funny when they find out that they didn’t keep you waiting and control your life.

@sandraschultz3104

3 жыл бұрын

Lorie P. It’s about control and disrespect for you and your time. That’s why they are late.

Empathy,patience, courage, faith,

@holographicc6974

5 жыл бұрын

Why do you need any of them if you are at Peace?

@junelledembroski9183

4 жыл бұрын

The Dreaming One I don’t have peace without faith.

@junelledembroski9183

4 жыл бұрын

The Dreaming One and I’ve never met an atheist that showed anyone empathy. My brother and his roommate included. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m saying I personally have not met one. And the ones I have met say they are empathetic and then demand everything to be their way, including conversations about God.

@Tamarahope77

4 жыл бұрын

@@junelledembroski9183 Strange, but I've met more atheists with empathy than evangelicals. Not saying that I've never met empathetic Christians (I'm a Christian myself) but very few among fundamentalists.

I have to admit: I was completely oblivious to this EQ thing, but everything you say makes sense. I was completely oblivious to how important emotions are to regulating my own life. I had assumed everything was strategic and everything revolved around making contingency plans. But that was a false assumption. It was still very much in the realm of attempting to control one's environment, completely neglecting our ability to actually manage ourselves. I have been actively seeking high and low for the answers, and it is my own honest opinion that your talks have been an exceedingly rich minefield of food for thought. I often ask myself: "Why do I feel so burnt out all the time and how on earth do these people maintain that smile in spite of the caustic nature of reality we all live in?" And the answer seems to be that they aren't trying to tank it all like me. They aren't treating life like a war zone. It's almost like I have to relearn how to be a human being living in a society again, after just being in survival mode for so long. Society is not like the wilds. And it isn't like a war zone. In both the above, it's just you against the world. It's very simple, straightforward, black and white. But in society, everything is far more complex. Because other human beings don't always make sense. And the difference between another human being and nature or an enemy constant is that there is an advantage to establishing dialogue and pooling resources. People who are better at tapping into pooled resources through establishing dialogue tend to thrive. Whereas people, like me, who tend to try to always live on their own resources, tend to just get marginalised and burnt out. But even that's going into codependency mode. This person is speaking of a very remarkable state of being: Setting goals, establishing intentions, seeing those intentions through to their fruition, in spite of many hardships, set backs, variables completely outside of your control, things that can blindside you, etc etc etc. He's literally talking about taking charge of your own life. Managing your own life. Managing your own emotions. Managing your own self. This is very much an internal locus of control. It's far superior to attempting to accrue resources and build up infrastructure and establishing and solidifying strategic alliances to shore up your position against adversity. Because resources can dry up, built up infrastructure can be destroyed, and alliances can fall apart. But you can always fall back on your self skills to start again from scratch. He's talking about turning the self from a closed universe, like a computer program, into an open universe, that's in consistent communication with the outside world, with calibrators and indicators and alarms for when things are off, and tweaking all the little things to get by better. I guess it's a massive step up from pure and simple survival mode into thriving mode and optimisation mode. To go from trying to not die to learning how to maximise my relationships with my fellow human beings to ensure we all get the optimal results possible for each other. Perhaps these are the ultimate lessons that are open for me to learn in these English speaking lands, where people think with their hearts, and not with an attempt at pure logic, like the Germans under the influence of Emmanuel Kant and his Categorical Imperative (which tends to work rather poorly in English speaking lands, because it is almost impossible to create an open dialogue between the Categorical Imperative and Utilitarianism), nor with an attempt to adhere to external social codes of propriety, like in China, under the influence of Confucius, where etiquette and elegance of speech is a status symbol rather than, respectively, like in English speaking lands, a demonstration of respect for the other person, and to increase good quality communication and understanding and to maintain being on the same page. Basically, English speaking morality seems far more hands on and practical. Results oriented. Experience informed. Experimental in nature. Open to novelty and change. German morality is far more formal, idealistic, rigid, averse and resistant to change, and takes pride in consistency (in belief, as opposed to action. Germans don't think that much about the consequences of actions, but far more about the consequences of beliefs. It's just a tendency I've observed, and both make sense, but the two groups understand each other very poorly.) And Chinese morality is very outward and normative, which is very good for coordination, assuming whoever in charge knows what they are doing, which is seldom the case. But I think I'll use this OCEAN model of emotional regulation, because it sounds like it might lead me to better results in the long run. As they say: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." But even that advice, I'll take with a grain of salt.

@jerimcmakin6154

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. You have definitely given this a long of thought. Hope all is well!

@zhouwu

3 жыл бұрын

@@jerimcmakin6154 I've learnt that people here mostly just smile, act happy, try not to think too hard or too much about anything, try not to say too much, keep things simple, and make sure everyone is ticking all the boxes. I had no idea life could be so simple! Easy and done!

@LauraJeanBabbitt

3 жыл бұрын

I enjoyed your thoughts. Thank you. I like to think deeply, and enjoy my times of solitude. I also like how Thích Nhất Hạnh teaches about our inter-dependence, how much our lives are entwined with everyone else's. When I go outside my home, I am happy to try to engage with others I am inter-dependent with. A lifetime living with anxiety has shown me I cannot find security in accrued resources or even alliances. It comes only in the calm stillness I find sometimes inside me. I hope your thoughtfulness leads you out of burnout to a place of comfort and peace.

@zhouwu

3 жыл бұрын

@@LauraJeanBabbitt Thank you! All the best to you also!

Hello doctor Carter. Just want to tell you how much I appreciate your vidéos Your caractère and your vision. I feel safe when I learn from you. God bless you. You Are a very Nice and wise person. God gave you a wonderful mission to speak truth and help broken souls. I bless you ou

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

Received! And thank you. Dr. C

I so appreciate Dr. Carter's warm, comforting style of delivery. Straightforward, yet caring.

I have been told I am overly conscientious and too sensitive almost my entire life. I tend to put others' needs ahead of my own. I, until recently, have made others' problems my own and went about solving others' problems to relieve the anxiety it was causing me. This is mainly with family members. I was being drained emotionally and physically ... so I've had to detach. Some for as long as 20 to 30 yrs. I was in medical management and was better to deal with daily putting out fires than w the family dramas. Love your approach to helping us understand people ...

How could anyone give this a thumb's down? Tells you a lot, huh!

@reesedaniel5835

5 жыл бұрын

Cluster B's become butt hurt when they see what they are lacking (as in healthy personality traits).

@beachstreet101

4 жыл бұрын

It’s clear that the toxic unhealthy personalities had clicked the dislike button.

@natsarimthings3147

4 жыл бұрын

The narcissists. Lmao

I've also seen this being referred to this as the 5 factor model, and I think it's a very good indicator of a "healthy personality". It also makes measuring unhealthy personalities (especially in the 10 personality disorders) much easier. While I think everyone would generally agree that these 5 traits are desirable, they are often not rewarded, or even discouraged in the real world. I would say that I have a very healthy personality, and I believe I have OK boundaries, but I feel that having these traits can be difficult for someone to maintain in world where others lack empathy. These traits can be perceived as being "weak" and make a person ripe for scapegoating.

I appreciate your teachings!! When I make a commitment, I stick to it. Period. I like to be a woman of my word! When others say they will do something but don't follow through, I make a mental note that they are unreliable, immature, and double-minded.

Nearly 20 years ago , during a visit made to my parents as I was on a 2 week holiday from my work as a Dressage rider on tour throughout the U .S .A. & Canada , made an. appointment with a psychologist for myself and my parents as my mother was making all 3 of us MISERABLE . We , all 3 went to the appointment and after 15 minutes , I was asked to leave as it wasn't me who was causing the problem within the family - my poor Father was left with dealing with my narcissistic mother . Your information is bringing up so many memories that had been buried . I'm certainly so far from a perfect person but I'm not going around harming others . Thank you so very much for this wonderful information ! You are helping me to heal and move forward with my life .

@maidmarion2976

3 жыл бұрын

The same thing happened to me when I went into a counselling session to try and help my Narcissistic husband. I He was silent and I tried explaining what was happening and the Counsellor asked me to leave as it was my husband paying???and the two of them went on to have a jolly time. Meanwhile I was left upset and bewildered in the car outside. It really does stay with you.

Thank you. We need to focus on where we want to go rather than the mess we might be in right now. Knowing what's healthy is important. If we know what having a healthy personality means, we can intuitively recognize what's not. And then we can build our sense of self-worth and our confidence to withstand bullying and manipulation from others. Let's stop crying for the world to change for us, let's change ourselves first.

For everyone getting riled up about extroversion he means not as the action but of the inner 'feeling' of an individual. An openly extroverted person may be an island in his/her mind and a (shy) introvert might long to connect with others, although they enjoy their quiet time as well.

@l.k.2337

3 жыл бұрын

I disagree. There is no positive interpretation or twist on "E" for Extroversion. The field of psychology screwed this one up big time. The most horrible people that I've ever met were Extroverts. "E" needs to stand for Empathy.

I think many times the upbringing has a big effect on these traits. I was raised that your word is your bond. I ALWAYS keep my word no matter what. Even if the other person fails to keep up their end of the bargain or circumstances change. It has been pretty difficult at times. I often wondered how others could be so cavalier about reneging on promises. Guess they just failed the healthy personality test.

Thank you a million times over❣ After decades of being th "fall-guy" in my immediate family (parent, sibling) I actually think I might be.... normal....(well, mostly, anyway 😂😂).

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

How about that...normal. On the Surviving Narcissism channel I'll be posting a video in a few weeks about getting away from the narcissist's pattern of brainwashing. I suspect you'll find it pertinent. Dr. C

@pattyholmes127

5 жыл бұрын

My definition of "normal" is when no one thinks your weird, odd, strange, etc. But narcs will eventually brainwash you into believing that you are not normal.

@miriamhavard7621

5 жыл бұрын

Melany Todd Welcome to the club!!!! ☺😊

people open up to you if they sense you are a good person. Non of us are perfect of course, but in this day and age of 'me first' and social climbing etc its very refreshing to have people who will stick to thier principles.

Sadly enough, an healthy personality is not correlated with success, and dark triad's traits are quite common at the top...

@blueskies773

5 жыл бұрын

In some environments. This is where seeking job opportunities and opportunities that make it a point to seek and maintain an environment of health comes in. There are companies that strive to maintain this and are very picky in their selections..

@beckylieb2637

4 жыл бұрын

100%

@thedativecase9733

4 жыл бұрын

Yes I have noticed that in my own life. The more unhealthy the person's personality the more others seem to dance to their tune.

@junelledembroski9183

4 жыл бұрын

Healthy personalities stay at the bottom and dark triads step on those people to get to the top and tend to make more dark triads.

@shannon8315

4 жыл бұрын

Smart Collar Cat Project, not always.

I watch at least one of your videos daily. I’m sure I’ve learned more from one video then years of seeing Dr. Phil. Lmao. Love these! 💕

@christinebeames2311

4 жыл бұрын

Right Now dr Phil is a snake oil seller

"I know who I am, I know where I'm going, and I want to go someplace good." This was so reassuring to hear. Thank you.

In spite of a lot of challenges I was blessed to always be open to learning. I know some of that research and while OCEAN feels rich and useful I would add resilience and boundaries, which you and Shakespeare mention. I believe living a good life is a gift and an art to be practiced. I am both an introvert and extrovert. I love showing pessimistic friends how to flip views and when we hang, they get it even on a hectic shopping trip. I engage easily and step away if not received. Social worker Brene Brown has a nice video on accepting oneself as an Outsider. I take that as staying true to oneself and as much as possible not believing I know you without engaging w mutual respect. Life as art. What a gift! Thanks for another provocative lesson, Dr. C!

Thank you, Dr. CARTER! 🌷 *To know love is to know trust; to know oneself is to know truth.* ~~12th G. Grandchild of Wm. S. William was a careful carpenter.

I was a bit shocked at how much of the covert narcissist video I felt was how I am so I watched this and I think I have some work to do but I know I don't like hurting others so I think I may be a bit messed up but I'm going to work on these traits. I don't want to spend my life blaming other people for my lack of success I life and I can see doing that has been tripping me up. Thank you Dr Les you are a star.

I alwayscsaycti my narc " we have to agree to disagree" bot this one seriously aggravates him to the core.

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

rhonda marecek,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

I used to try to engage people.... I don’t any more... at least not much. lately, people exhaust me.

I love this! Thank you, Dr. Carter, and have a Happy Easter!

I agree that it's important to be open to new experiences, but I feel comfortable saying no to any suggestion that disrespects my values. I don't feel the need or desire to try things to which I am morally opposed.

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

I'm fine with that. Dr. C

@louiseleite3866

5 жыл бұрын

This is integrity 😊

Personality Traits : 'O-C-E-A-N' O - openness C - conscientiousness E - extroversion A - agreeability N - neuroticism

I am so grateful to you Dr Carter for these videos. I came to know about you via your Surviving Narcissium KZread vlogs. They have been super helpful to me because I was in an extremely toxic working relationship with 2 narcs and a flying monkey. While in the relationships I experienced EVERYTHING you shared about that personality trait. It was an awful experience to say the least. Thankfully, I was transferred from that location to another where it is healthy and relatively peaceful. Thank you again for the videos as well as this new initiative. God bless you and your family. By the way, where's Gus ? :D

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

Gus splits time between hanging with my wife at home and going to the office with me. Don't worry. He likes going to the office so he'll make some appearances! And thanks for the kind comments. Dr. C

@5fingerjack

5 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Hi Dr. Carter, Where can I find the research behind these 5 traits? This is powerful information because it is an objective evaluation someone can do on themselves. Many victims wonder if they are in fact the narcissist when they begin to establish boundaries. Also, which of these traits do narcissists/abusers tend to lack?

@asktheetruscans9857

5 жыл бұрын

@@5fingerjack In reality, they lack them all, especially agreeableness and consciensiousness. They virtue signal without any actual virtue though. Their actions don't match their lofty words of self promotion designed to polish their mask. They also never admit guilt except in a lessor thing to attempt to "prove" their telling the truth about fake innocence in a bigger matter (limited hangout is a major tool in a pathological liar's arsenal).

Thank you- ‘to mine own self be true.’ And trusting in the transforming power of Jesus!

@GaveMeGrace1

5 жыл бұрын

Late G!me - what do you mean by close minded?

@jilliansmith7123

5 жыл бұрын

Hamlet: " _I am the way, the truth and the light. (self-absorbed). NO MAN cometh unto the father but by ME._" (acting as gatekeeper, very narcissistic. ) ONE example of how Jesus was very closed-minded. John 14:6. :

@GaveMeGrace1

5 жыл бұрын

Jillian Smith - I think I can see how one might interpret that statement as close minded or narcissistic. Have you ever read the Gospel of John 5:19 where Jesus basically sees that ‘he does (says) nothing but what he sees the Father doing’? Later in John 17:3 he says, “And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” So if he is doing what he sees God doing, then it seems he is being the opposite of narcissistic; he’s being humble (like when you prayed that of going to the cross could be taken from him at Gethsemane and finished with “nevertheless, not my will be done...”). And if he’s telling us the truth that knowing him is knowing the Father and that is eternal life, then that’s a statement of reality not necessarily close mindedness, although he does close out any other possibilities... if he’s telling the truth, then do you have something to be concerned about?

@jilliansmith7123

5 жыл бұрын

Hamlet Fortinbras: Jesus as portrayed in the bible was not the same Jesus modern US Christians think he was. And nothing he said or did in the bible proves that he existed, or that he was divine. For Jesus to say he does nothing but what the "Father" does...he's definitely not being humble by claiming he does the same as god. If I made such a claim, would you feel I was humble? "I only do the exact same things that god does." NOT a humble statement. If he does ONLY what god does, how can his will be different from god's? So he's not only narcissistic, grandiose, but also contradictory. "Not my will but THINE be done"...except that I only do what you do, so they're the _same_ will. How can you judge if "he" is telling the truth when you don't know that the biblical character of Jesus the divine ever existed? He also promised to return before some of those present had tasted of death, and he hasn't come back, has he? Or did the whole world miss his return? If he closes out any other possibilities, that really is kind of the epitome of closed-minded. You're not making your case. You're also asserting things you really cannot know. And there--just proved conclusively I'm not emotionally healthy. Oh, well, what can you do? You certainly are what you are. Just maybe if you'd practice your religion in the privacy of your own church & home and not bring it into public? Though I know personally that you are taught & urged to display it in public...except the bible also tells "us" to pray in our closets and not be all up in other people's faces about it.

@GaveMeGrace1

5 жыл бұрын

Jillian Smith - I must admit that I’m a bit of a failure at following my Lord’s command, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” (Mark 16:15,16) That’s why we go and share the Gospel, because it’s the most loving thing we can do. You still did not answer my question: if it’s true that Jesus Christ is the only way to the Father (God), and therefore, the only way to eternal life; does that concern you?

Love you Dr Les … from 🇳🇿 New Zealand. ‘To thine own self be true. If thou canst not be true to thine own self, thou canst not be true to any man’ … My daily reminder of how integrity serves me in relationship to self and other, flawed human that I am!

Clear and simply put. Thank you! Of course, there are moments of temporary off center behavior, in everyone’s life. Generally, though, these are brief, temporary, and forgivable with caring , true apologies and balance returns.

Agreeable. There seems to be an increase in disagreeableness, which I recognize as O.D.D. A narc needing control will be argumentative, play devil's advocate, take the opposite side. If they didn't, they'd be agreeing with you and giving you credit for knowing something.

@maidmarion2976

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks that’s really helped me

Very informative and a great list of points to focus on. I’ve thought from time to time what it’d be like to spend the day with ones self and how “I” would perceive “me”. Sounds kinda scary but what a way to learn how we come across to others. But then again we’re our own worst critic at times. Great video Dr.C

Finally.....something positive and uplifting. I am so sick of narcissism I could throw up! Must we obsess constantly about the aberrant, dysfunctional behaviors and phobias and sick personalities out there? It’s deafeningly depressing to me. I don’t need to psychoanalyze all the miserable, dangerously dysfunctional people out there......it’s best to avoid them. It’s not my job fix them either....life is too short! This was my favorite video.....please continue on the positive and healthy in this sad, miserable world !

I truly appreciate your approach to explaining how to know oneself and others. I feel that you direct the talks in a very open direction that allows for inner reflection. Rather than accusatory, blaming, or shaming. Your approach is sobering in a sense. So thank you!

@DrLesCarter

5 жыл бұрын

Glad you pick up on that. No need to "shout-teach." Dr. C

Thanks, this is what we needed. Not only is this a personal guide, but for those of us who have spent too long under narcissistic control, this gives us a check list to see if the person we are looking at is more normal or might have glaring personality issues that we continually fail to notice until it’s too late. Using this list, I can see where , 35 years ago, I chose to ignore some fairly basic personality flaws. Anything I have ever wanted to do I had to do alone because it didn’t fit my spouses “stay at home” preferred way of life. The indicators were always there, but I ignored them. Very good!

This is so helpful, thank you. I'm in therapy for depression and anxiety developed after years of psychological abuse in marriage, and this outline helps give me perspective. It helps me recognize how unhealthy my situation is, reminds me of what healthy actually is, and helps make me aware of the unhealthy behaviors I have developed over the course of this marriage, so I can work on them.

Finally someone focuses on a “ HEALTHY “ personality! Thank you, Sir!

You've taught me, and continue to teach me, so very much! Thank you, Dr. Carter, for all your words of wisdom! God bless!

Thanks. It is so easy to focus on the difficult people we live it and lose ourselves in the process. This talk is such a good reminder to "be true to the person we are and want to be." We either grow bitter or better. I choose better.

This is exactly right! However I think that in these last days there will be many who are angry with us when we do what is right. They even hate when we have grown, they liked us better when we were mess ups, or at least their idea of our mess ups. The challenge is to become the person God wants us to be no matter what others are doing around us or to us. I find my strength to grow in knowing that Christ can do this in me. I love people but they do not dictate my choices when I want to walk with Christ. Choosing Christ over those who want to draw me away from Him is the only way I can live. However, even when a mean person challenges me about something I can think about what they said, pray to see if it is true and move on from there. If its not true then there is no reason to change anything, if it is true then I can move forward toward change. God can even use those who are against me to show me things.

@reesedaniel5835

5 жыл бұрын

Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution. 2 Tim 3:12

@tammymccarthy1204

3 жыл бұрын

Great perspective

@wannaduckfin

3 жыл бұрын

Yes indeed

conscientious, fair minded, calm... integrity Truth speaker, Kind

I had to have a conversation with my boss and a coworker who has been very disrespectful toward me. Body language is so important! Standing up for yourself while keeping your body relaxed and not tense can be very powerful.

I watch this periodically to check in with myself to see if I am developing into a healthy and safe person.

I've become a hermit , I just feel frayed , it makes me sad.

@arxsyn

4 жыл бұрын

monica warren I've been in that place for a year. I feel for you. if you need to do that, it's ok. I had fallen into a deep depression and l think I'm getting better day by day. I have good support now and that's very important. At first everything seemed hopeless, l wasa very bad place, nothing was going right butnow l actually feel more hopeful and optimistic.

@nanabusterd

4 жыл бұрын

You only need 1 good friend. Have you thought about joining a church? People are generally very friendly and welcoming. It’s hard to step out of your shell if you’re shy but give it a try. It could change your life! 😊

@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006

4 жыл бұрын

Same. It's hard to know who to trust nowadays so I'd rather isolate myself... But at the same time, I know how difficult it can be to nagivate through life alone. So.. wanna be friends? Call me bold, but I wanna take my chances to see if I can make some actual connections.

@Linda-bj3bb

4 жыл бұрын

Being a hermit is a bad place to be in. Who ever knocks on your door will be invited in. I know because I've been there and then he happened to be a narcissist (a wolf in little red riding hoods clothing).

@maidmarion2976

3 жыл бұрын

@thaicoffee2003 really good advice

Your clarion call for sanity, is a vital service to a disoriented and hurting world. We owe you our Gratitude Sir. 🙏

Where I am from we are not educated about personalities. 3 years ago i met this family who seemed nice at the time as time passed they started to telling me what I do or say is wrong. The first year I wasn’t paying attention and then I realized this is not okay there must be something wrong with this family and I found dr carter. Thank god I never got to be really close with them.

Dr Carter, I learned so much from your narcissistic channel with the result that i understood what a friend of mine was doing and i left her. (Actually, she made some drama and threatened to end the friendship, and i accepted much to her surprise, and don‘t even feel guilty about that.) I kept watching your narcissistic channel, because i can get so much out of your videos. But since i‘m done with narcissism, that toxic topic got a bit tiresome for me. Therefore, it is great that you have opened a new channel to share other aspects of valuable knowledge with us!

@kbeautician

5 жыл бұрын

Suedetussy I agree this new channel is a great break. Its great to finally focus on building a healthily social structure. Dr. C, has done such a wonderful service uncovering the narcissist ways and now this channel comes full circle

Always right on topic! Thanks for these pointers. I have started a notebook to make sure I commit your guidance to my everyday life. Never too late to make a change for the betterment of one's life!! ❤ your commitment to your followers and good mental health. Thanks Dr. Wes.✌

@teri9636

5 жыл бұрын

Found it, actually started noting your session (from your shared channel) "How the Insecure Narcissist Can Trigger Your Insecurities". Incredible and valuable tips!! Thanks again.

The ocean has always been my happy place, and this acronym is another reason why. 🌊😄

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

Candy Bradford,You got a lovely smile 😊!!

Les, when I watch your videos I feel a consciencious person which is the missing element of my past relationships. .You are what has been missing, like a unicorn to me. thank you ! Julie