Hello you beauties. Access all episodes 10 hours earlier than KZread by Subscribing on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - apple.co/2MNqIgw. Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 Response to Melissa’s Book 02:27 What Has Been Happening to Marriage Rates? 07:46 How College Degrees Are Influencing Childbirth & Marriage Rates 14:52 Are Women Misjudging What Men Want? 25:30 Why Are Declining Marriages a Bad Thing? 30:20 Differences in Kids Raised in Two-Parent & One-Parent Homes 41:35 Cohabiting Vs Marriage 50:25 The Lack of Substitute Father Figures for Boys 58:30 Consequences of Eroding Chivalrous Norms 1:08:24 How Many of Societal Problems Are Due to Single-Parent Households? 1:10:10 The Connection Between Marriage Rates & Birth Rates 1:20:25 Melissa’s Interventions to Increase Marriage Rates 1:28:30 Where to Find Melissa

@Thomas7Lawson

9 ай бұрын

Chris, I just have to say, I Love You Man. It’s so great to see a man out there channeling a platform for people to be talking about things that really matter. Everything in this episode/discussion hits home for me, whether it be life experience or values. I grew up in a single parent home, drug addicted father (I’m mixed race, African and German), no quality male influences, and life has been a struggle. I had a kid young, joined the military, married her BPD mother. Lots of abuse, physical/mental/financial - got divorced. Despite that, found success and parlayed that into a career in Private Equity, but I married another Cluster B Covert NPD woman, which after 10yrs brought me to my knees and got me into therapy. When I look back at my life experience, growing up poor and making it in the upper strata making $400k a year, and living through mental abuse and mental health issues associated with that abuse, the message and research here is spot on. People have a very elementary understanding of mental health on average and the reality is low income, single parent, low resource communities are riddled with these issues, and if and until society writ large starts to understand these dynamics and issues and take them seriously, it will keep metastasizing. I’m starting a podcast in the coming weeks and I’m looking forward to getting into the arena with you and everyone else doing such great work to create fertile ground to talk about issues that really fucking matter .

@slickrick8046

9 ай бұрын

@Chris The main problem with this discussion is the both of you are ignoring the fact that the out of wedlock birth rate and single mother rate are two completely different categories. For example, if a ghetto or trailer-park unmarried female has 4 children…that’s counted as 4 out of wedlock births to 1 woman. It’s actually a minority of females that are producing a lot of children. The government with certain welfare programs are incentivizing this behavior.

@slickrick8046

9 ай бұрын

@@Thomas7Lawson Low income is not the issue…especially considering the fact that there was a time when a vast majority of the population was poor in countries like the United States. Technically, there are very few actually poor people in 1st world western countries. Freedom might be a bigger issue.

@Thomas7Lawson

9 ай бұрын

@@slickrick8046 you sir, have no clue what you are talking about. Did you happen to actual watch the full episode, because Melissa explains pretty clearly the dynamics that low income generates on kids/families. Mental health outcomes, a parent’s ability to be present in the healthy development of their children, etc. are all factors. You can’t compare an Amazonian tribe or African tribe that has a totally different way of life as a comparison to the income discussion as some salient point. We don’t live and our children do not grow up in that structure of society. They grow up in an American society where their parents are struggling to get by and have limited resources, with the added affects of the shifting cultural norms, for the worse, of not promoting strong, healthy, committed martial relationships. Try to explain why lower income folks have worse statistical outcomes than college educated folks who come from stable family environments. It sure has heck has absolutely nothing to do with “freedom.” Your comment appears to have a political tilt, so I’ll point out that I said nothing in regards to social programs, as my view is similar to Melissa’s that our government focuses on the wrong things. I don’t know how you think resources play less of or no role in familial health, but my ears are open for you to articulate your views in greater detail.

@slickrick8046

9 ай бұрын

@@Thomas7Lawson Melissa is short sighted because she’s ignoring the fact that the bottom of the barrel females are reproducing the most offspring. Many of those females are incentivized to be single mothers because of the welfare system. Also, Pew Research Center even did a study on birth rates of females based on education, and she’s clearly ignoring it and or unaware of it. Blaming income in a country where single mothers are taking care of by the government is ridiculous. Like I said, freedom may be the bigger issue.

The biggest privilege I have had in life is growing up with both my parents.

@gookieboo

9 ай бұрын

As I have met more people throughout my life I have learned my experience growing up with two parents, who paid attention mostly equally to my brother and I, I came to realize it is very rare. Most people are from single parent homes.

@drg6161

9 ай бұрын

This is a blessing and a curse. On one hand it makes you a better, more successful more stable person. On the other hand it makes it difficult to relate to others because they're all so fucked up from divorce that they can't see reality the same way that you can

@gymrat1524

9 ай бұрын

Not only with both parents for me, but also a very balanced household with some leeway for clowning around. Hands down the single most important thing to establish. Im equally grateful for snd inspired by my parents.

@ChickFenwick

9 ай бұрын

I couldn’t wait to get away from both of them

@Antonocon

9 ай бұрын

For me it was getting away from my two parents and their non-stop arguing.

Wow. It’s like these traditions we’ve had for thousands of years have immeasurable value and shouldn’t be carelessly thrown away.

@samerm8657

9 ай бұрын

Hey! Easy there now! That's... *sniff *sniff That's pAtRiArChY! ! ! 🚨🫵🚔⛓️

@grisza77

9 ай бұрын

amazing, isn't it?

@decwow

9 ай бұрын

​@@samerm8657 Indeed it is. For good reason. Not a single matriarchy in the world ever brought it's people to anything even remotely resembling "modern". ...and they never will.

@derekaarts4997

9 ай бұрын

Its almost like our very survival depended on living in small tight knit groups, who knew?

@sarahrobertson634

8 ай бұрын

The traditions suck. Egalitarianism is older.

I'm a therapist in the Midwest running drug treatment groups. About once a monthly I take a poll and ask: "everyone who grew up without a dad, raise your hand." It's about 80-90%

@carolyna.869

9 ай бұрын

Yet NO ONE ever tells women to close their legs or men to put a ring on it. INSANE.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

@@carolyna.869 He will stick around for the baby trap... Surprised Pikachu face.

@user-fi4gd6ev4s

9 ай бұрын

​@@carolyna.869 Women initiate divorce at 80%, 90% if she is college educated. Putting a ring on it doesn't matter. Modern Women put their happiness above the family and the outcome of their children. Any sign of family struggle, the women leave.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

If the problem is horny idiots, go sell an anti-horny pill and give it away cheap. That will never happen. The bigshots love when people have to buy stupid shit for a chance at filling their sex drive. The God Squad wants horny to make people hurry into marriage.

@user-fi4gd6ev4s

9 ай бұрын

@@user-kb1hw2yq2f It does absolutely matter. This is a prime example of what I am talking about. Despite all the stats of single mothers, here you are saying it doesn't matter.

As a child of a single Mom and an old school latch key kid, I can say with 100% certainty all of the problems I dealt with as a kid into my 20's, and I mean ALL, were the result of no Dad in the home. Now being the father of two kids (16 and 12), married for 20 years, it's even more apparent what my kids are getting that I did not have. White privilege my ass, two parent privilege puts you light years ahead in all respects.

@nataleo9093

9 ай бұрын

your children are fortunate that you have committed to being a present father

@kickstar1

9 ай бұрын

@@nataleo9093 Thank you for that. I tell them that every day. Kidding. They don't need to be told that. They see it themselves in their friends who are left alone to play video games all day or bouncing back and forth between households for holidays and what not. It's heartbreaking.

@samerm8657

9 ай бұрын

Amen, brother!

@RV7695

9 ай бұрын

It’s a sad reality that two parent households is considered a privilege instead of the norm. Congrats on breaking the cycle and odds!

@agricolaregs

9 ай бұрын

I had a dad. Not great. But I look at that and realize how lucky I was. No matter how much he did wrong.

I was a 'substitute' relief teacher and as a male I loved early childhood and was often a first choice in a highly feminised area. One time I was getting ready in a 'prep' class (six year olds), a boy who had not even taken his bag off his back overheard me explaining to a girl that her regular teacher was not well but should be back the next day. He immediately ran outside and jumping up and down excitingly called out to another "WE GOT A BOY TEACHER TODAY!!".

@philodonoghue3062

9 ай бұрын

Education is female dominated - to the long term detriment of girls and especially boys

@EMO_alpha

9 ай бұрын

Yeah! Thats sick. Boys are not supposed to be ushered through life by disinterested women. Chicks are actually rather oppositional to boys they don't love and its pretty harmful. Keep up the good work man!

@willerwin3201

9 ай бұрын

I was stationed at an Army base at a time when the local division was deployed, but I wasn't (my unit wasn't on the same cycle). going to the local swimming pool with my kids, I would get *mobbed* by kids who wanted a grown man to play with them. Raising kids should absolutely be a team effort of the sexes at every stage of education.

@0num4

9 ай бұрын

When I was nearly finished with Kindergarten, I learned that I would be going to "Mr. B's" classroom for 1st grade. I was over the moon, as this would be the first male teacher I'd ever have. He ended up leaving the school that summer and, of course, I was slotted into one of the many female teacher's classes instead. I was supremely disappointed. Not once did I have a man as my primary teacher, from pre-K through highschool/secondary. There were men teaching computers, physics, electronics, math, PE, art, shop, etc., but none of them were "my" assigned teacher. This phenomenon has only increased over the last few decades, to the point where there fewer men in teaching positions at the average Elementary school than you can count on one hand. My kids' school has one "instructional assistant" on staff and one PE teacher, with a total of 7 men out of a staff of about 80 total--less than 10% male, and even less as teaching staff. This mostly holds true across the country, from the data I've seen.

@grannyannie2948

9 ай бұрын

The need for more male teachers goes beyond just the boys of single mothers. One of my grandson's has a father in the home, but caused his female teachers a lot of grief, and he'd only had female teachers. I'm Australian and the school went from K to year ten. The woodwork teacher, a man, teaches at the highschool level but also as a relief teacher. He never had any problems with my gson who was 8.5. He gave him a test and found his maths was at the age of 12 despite his reading and writing ( which the female teachers valued highly) was all over the place. This teacher arranged for my grandson to do a woodwork class with himself and some 12yo boys once a week. It's changed my gsons entire attitude to school. He loves using maths to produce practical outcomes. So far a wooden bowl and a little jewelry box.

As someone who has worked in the law enforcement/corrections career field, I would say more than 80% of offenders came from single-parent households. If you want to reduce crime and other societal problems the single parent mindset needs to stop.

@proudatheist2042

9 ай бұрын

I am glad that you posted this. As a former teacher who taught in inner city schools, I saw first hand how the absence of good fathers hurt children.

@Dan16673

9 ай бұрын

An epidemic of men knocking up ladies and leaving

@kenrehill8775

9 ай бұрын

80% of the prison population come from single mother homes.

@marriagecausesdivorce7540

9 ай бұрын

I would say poor parent(s) are the real problem. A doctor who is a single parent is unlikely to have out of control kids, compared to 2 poor married people who are ex-criminals.

@DarkTrafalga

9 ай бұрын

​@@Dan16673why are those men being chosen?

This is such an important conversation. Academia does NOT want to acknowledge the importance of marriage at all. How do I know? I work on a research grant at a university that provides parenting classes, mostly to single moms. The importance of marriage or fathers is never, ever part of the discussion. This topic is being actively suppressed.

@effexon

9 ай бұрын

good to know.... this can mess up levelheaded person at some point, so external pressure is there even with both people with good intentions in the start. Subtle constant articles undermining like that (cosmopolitan, daily news) are cancer regular person cant resist forever(they use these articles in magazines and media and then people talk about them and so on cycle works, keeping these things in focus and mind of people).

@aikighost

9 ай бұрын

Academic/Feminist logic is "how could our patriarchal oppressor ever be of any help/value to society" its an infantile and mono-dimensional analysis and is destroying lives so that the Ivory tower female scholars can enact some sort of anti man revenge porn fantasy. Very sad times, especially for the kids.

@agricolaregs

9 ай бұрын

Reason being that communism is focused on destroying the family unit. Most universities are captured by communist philosophy.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

Ever hear of Moldbug's Cathedral? He explains that bad ideas keep going around because the certification process is rigged.

@DrDeuteron

9 ай бұрын

word wise, they're also included divorced women and widows in the "single mom" class, which is deceptive. Single mom's birth bastard babies, by definition.

I heard Louise Perry talk about how privileged/elite people can easily talk about all sorts of these kinds of progressive ideas, because they’re not the ones who have to deal with the reality of those ideas. The ideas permeate society and end up harming people in the lower classes the most. And now that I’ve seen it I can’t unsee it - this kind of thing is everywhere! From drug legalization, defund the police, mothering, divorce, to many others!

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

Yes, it is an interesting argument. I hate seeing people decide that if XYZ works for them, screw anyone else for daring to exist. I joke about this with people who benefit from "Power of positive thinking" motivational bullshit. If knowing the sun also rises tomorrow doesn't cure your deprerssion, screw you!

@dermaisknabe8917

9 ай бұрын

Yup. Call me conspiratorial, but I believe that many of the folks at the top of society intentionally sabotage poorer and more dysfunctional people by feeding them destructive concepts that the ideas' creators won't actually have to deal with / experience in any meaningful way.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

@@dermaisknabe8917 The people who become successful have to pull up the corporate ladder behind them to limit competition.

@sanniepstein4835

9 ай бұрын

@@skylinefever It's not a coincidence that the welfare trap was set just as civil rights were advanced.

@KD400_

8 ай бұрын

Feminism brainwashed modern women thats all. A womans main purpose in life is to get a man and have kids

Always surreal to listen to an academic speak on a subject that is so intuitive. No discredit to the guest whatsoever, but the current situation and its downstream effects are entirely self evident.

@marriagecausesdivorce7540

9 ай бұрын

Divorce court wealth transfers make marriage an entirely unacceptable proposition unless you live in a country that accepts pre-nups. The UK desperately needs pre-nup legislation. Marriage is going extinct in the UK.

@honzo1078

9 ай бұрын

I agree, but in the current political/cultural climate, it's valuable when an expert can bring the receipts.

@Macheako

9 ай бұрын

@@honzo1078 yea but it’s also discouraging if it takes a goddamn expert just to say the sky is blue 😂❤

@honzo1078

9 ай бұрын

@@Macheako It's even more discouraging to contemplate how long it took for experts to start saying the sky is blue.

@Macheako

9 ай бұрын

@@honzo1078 here here 🍻 ❤️ The cowards 🤣

Am so grateful that in spite of my parents growing up in broken homes, they made their marriage work and happy. My husband and I will do the same for our children (and each other, for that matter). Grateful for a loving husband.

@giorgismama8024

9 ай бұрын

Good for you. I truly wish you and your husband well and that you have a happy forever together. I thought I would, too. My ex left me after 20 years of marriage with one son at age 11 and an 18 year old who was financially still dependent. He wouldn’t see a counselor and was already involved with another woman. I thought our marriage was good. Days before he left, he took me out for Valentine’s Day and promised to take me to Italy on vacation. Sometimes no matter how much we want something, we have no control. I’m happily remarried today and hope that my husband today is solid. 10 years down, working on forever. Blessings!

@ADobbin1

9 ай бұрын

you aren't doing the same thing because you didn't grow up in a broken home. I do hope you and your husband manage to keep it together.

@brimstonebull

9 ай бұрын

What if your spouse cheats on you? Gonna give them a shot? Cuz most human adults call it quits at that point and don’t really care what it does to the kids.

@Uphold-your-Rights

9 ай бұрын

​@@brimstonebulljust do better at vetting before marriage. Is it 100 percent, no? But if her/his parents are still married, they will likely stay married.

@robincrawford2252

9 ай бұрын

I never heard the term "broken home" applied to a single parent household until I left the UK. I thought a broken home was somewhere where there was violence or neglect. I'm not easily offended but calling my happy home "broken" just because my dad didn't live with me is so wrong. My parents gone on great, despite being divorced. I saw my dad more than many of my friends in 2 parents families did. The generalisation leads to stigma, poor self view and is harmful.

Only child raised by a single mom no drugs no drinking no risky behavior. It was immensely hard on her and hard for me. I'm proud of my mom but I still wish I had grown up with two parents.

@dkBybee

9 ай бұрын

Me too. Very similar outcome, yet I wish I had grown up with my dad and mom in the same household.

@dkBybee

9 ай бұрын

Me too. Very similar outcome, yet I wish I had grown up with my dad and mom in the same household.

@nikitaw1982

9 ай бұрын

Dad could have raised you much better in his sleep.

@hannah7310

9 ай бұрын

Me too and we were four, now as an adult I can totally understand , why my mom seems like a "boring mom ", she was soo tired physically trying to provide now as a married woman having my own kids, I have so much freaking respect and love to my mother, she never gave up, took us to church , never dated again until I was 20 and I will be forever grateful to her , so thankful for my husband and the gift of being a mom and my husband being there for the kids for me like., it makes a huge difference having mom and dad

@odoggow8157

9 ай бұрын

Im sick of hearing that! Why was it hard why is it hard! u choose to bring a child into the world and u ain't got adequate resources to do so how fuking dare r mother or any adult. if it was hard that fukin life. But when ur own poor choices make it hard u can fuk off with complaining about my taxes raising u

The greatest gift I ever received was probably having a mom and dad who kept their marriage vows and are still married

@suezcontours6653

9 ай бұрын

WHITE PEOPLE. Her book should've been called It's White People's fault. They actively promoted the separation of families in minority communities and act surprised when it spread to white communities

@suezcontours6653

9 ай бұрын

@@user-kb1hw2yq2f Don't have the kids.

@roca967

9 ай бұрын

​@@user-kb1hw2yq2f Given that the OP says her parents staying together was a gift to her, I think we can assume it was at least a decent marriage. And maintaining a lifelong, good marriage IS an accomplishment. But there's always someone to come in with "what if it secretly sucked, huh?". Even if that were the case, I would applaud the man or woman who made some personal sacrifices to give their kids a stable home.

@peternorthrup6274

8 ай бұрын

I bet he figured it was cheaper to keep her and have something on the side.

I can attest to this. My mom grew up on a farm with both parents and 2 siblings. She then had 3 kids by 3 different dudes (including me). Im the youngest and the only male. IT SUCKS. A lot of Domestic violence in the house between my sisters and mom and a few traumatic instances from my moms boyfriends. Sisters in and out of juvie constantly. All this made me never want to come out of my room and just play video games. The healthy encouragement and building up of a child was never there for me. My problems were never able to be addressed because mom was dealing with my sisters. Also obviously i needed a man to help me with my problems. My sisters had kids early (no long with the childs father) and now many of their kids are in and out of juvie, the females always acting up more. 1 sister doesnt even have custody of either of her kids. My mom has custody of my niece. Im 26 now and trying to help my mom out but im the only 1 and its all just a bunch of BS.

@yozzcta

9 ай бұрын

Get out ... Run ...

@proudatheist2042

9 ай бұрын

I hope you are working with a skilled therapist and a noble man to help you lead a better future. If you are financially able to, living on your own away from your mother may seriously be the best thing for you to do.

@Dan16673

9 ай бұрын

Incredible self awareness

@chrisschey7818

9 ай бұрын

I hope you find someone who truly loves you & you truly love. Then I hope you get married & move away from your past. Just keep it on your own terms.

@MasterMalrubius

9 ай бұрын

@@em7937 There could be a myriad of reasons. It could be that she allowed peer pressure to change her behavior to choose the "bad boy" rather than a dependable man who would be there for her. She may have had undiagnosed mental/personality issues which made her unable to form attachment. Maybe the first man she was with ended up being an asshole and she decided it was all lies and went down the ho road. In these times where is so much negative pressure from social media, television, news and such trying to tell women to be their own boss and screw anyone else. That is not good for long term relationships.

It’s amazing how women dance all around and ignore the crushing effects of divorce laws on men. Happened to my Father, happened to me and with all my powers will not happen to my son.

@martincoates2508

9 ай бұрын

It's not that amazing though, not really. Women want more, that's it. They always have, they always will. So get more.

@marriagecausesdivorce7540

9 ай бұрын

💯% facts. A man would be crazy to get married. The divorce courts and judges take control of your money, house and kids and transfer it to the ex-wife. I don't think I could attend my son's wedding if he decided to get married in the future. The courts and judges are out of control.

@waynebarrow3245

9 ай бұрын

Hypergamy pulls the strings but everyone acts like it’s a Scooby Doo mystery. Hahahaha

@IIIJT

9 ай бұрын

Diving into today's relationship dynamics, it's wild to see that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And when you spotlight educated women? The numbers skyrocket to 80% or even 90%. Of course we interpret data according to our own biases and this is not to say this is primarily a woman's fault. This data is telling us a story and as a reflection of the broader legal implications and social cultural implications, it's not looking promising or secure for more and more men. Data like this largely contributes to the reason why so many guys these days, especially the younger ones, hit the brakes when talk turns to tying the knot. The data on round two of marriage isn't that promising either. Today the battle of the sexes is becoming a lose-lose situation.

@slampersand3145

9 ай бұрын

Same with my dad 30 years ago.. but my sister who is very straight laced and successful by reasonable standards has been dragged by some douchey dude she got knocked up by in college. So from my vantage point, family court is heinous and I hope to never deal with it. We're a happy and functioning couple though as parents and keep keeping on ❤

My parents' divorce when I was 15 was probably the single most devastating moment of my life, and the wound is still there nearly 20 years later. I rationalized it by choosing to believe that we were all better off, but the truth is, none of us were. It nearly led to complete financial ruin.

Yes, divorce is devastating for children 😢 The parents soothe themselves saying “kids” are resilient and they NEED to be happy. Bullocks! If you bring children into the world, your responsibility is to be grownups and figure out how to get along and raise your beautiful children together ❤

@mmarkusgaming

9 ай бұрын

in many cases the mom is a gold-digger (which is not apparent before marriage) and then leaves when the child is small yet... The responsibility is on both parents and the system should be much more kid oriented and protective!

@ironwillie7666

9 ай бұрын

80% of divorces are filed by women under no fault laws. (ie: women are not happy) So are you actually saying women need to step up and be better wives?? Because the men are willing to hang in there and live with horrible abusive women.. Or do you think men need to serve women better?????

@user_ytndslk

9 ай бұрын

@bluebird630 Do you advise women to obey their husbands?

@marlonmoncrieffe0728

9 ай бұрын

And even if you do split up, you should be amicable towards each other.

@bluebird6300

9 ай бұрын

@@marlonmoncrieffe0728 if it were in your control but that doesn't happen unfortunate

I can't help but feel she's not addressing the fact that all these single women chose the sperm donor.

@b4zz3d59

9 ай бұрын

They never tell the whole truth. It's always filtered through feminism and the feel good (makes women look as good as possible) narrative that men never get. Nothing will be resolved until enough men walk away. Only then will they be forced to face reality.

@BilboniousBagODonuts

9 ай бұрын

To be clear, I mean the father.

@SensSword

9 ай бұрын

Women don't like taking responsibility for their actions. It's inate and few can overcome it.

@amaryllisfrost4263

9 ай бұрын

Exactly. It could very well be that the same women that are uneducated are the ones prone to bad decision making such as having a child they're not ready for, and marrying a deadbeat husband which ends in divorce.

@Kwildcat13

9 ай бұрын

@@SensSwordneither do men ..

1:06:45 “Men have to step up…” My entire childhood was about survival, and society turned its back on me before I could walk. I grew up as a source of resentment to my father while watching him self destruct from the realities of the US family court system, and a single mother who lacked accountability, had no time for me or a desire to equip me with the tools needed to succeed. Child Protective Services taught me the harsh realities of what it means to be a boy in western society. Without any guidance or parental support it took me twenty years to teach myself how to be an adult. I’ve built a peaceful life of solitude for myself. I’m too tired and beat down to consider having children or a marriage. No, I will not “step up.”

@Dan16673

9 ай бұрын

Not having kids is setting up for you. Most shouldnt as its the mosy difficult job to do well

@SensSword

9 ай бұрын

Woke women need to step down and stay with their cats. Until then, I hope no one who's not related to me.

@toughluv873

9 ай бұрын

You sir, are fantastically correct. Don’t bend the truth for anyone. Society relies on you speaking truth to power. Cheers to you.

@hengineer

9 ай бұрын

Problem is she's 1: a woman and 2: purely a data researcher so its probably tough for her to see what COULD be solutions. The issue is society and laws need to ALLOW men to step up. The problem isn't that men need to step up, its that when men try to step up they get beaten down, and often.

@mrsvle

9 ай бұрын

Women: Step up so we can shoot you down

Mother died when I was six, my father did it all on his own. I respect him deeply and could never repay him for his fortitude but between the grief of loss and only having one parent in the house it took a deep toll on the both of us that we are still both trying to heal from to this day. 2 parents [who are mentally healthy] are irreplaceable.

@MrsYasha1984

8 ай бұрын

Having two parents IS irreplaceable. But it is curious, the negative effects of a single parent household in the case of widows and widowers seem to be drastically less severe than in the case of divorces.

@danak2230

2 ай бұрын

@@MrsYasha1984 I think that it is because death can happen to anyone, even very functional, loving couples. On the other hand, dysfunctional people are more likely to divorce because they don't have good problem solving and relational skills to begin with. The parents cause emotional damage to the kid when they are together, then the divorce and potentially step-parents cause more damage on top of it.

I will never ever understand how marriage is more “scary” to people and they see it as more of a commitment than having a child! Like how?! I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 years before we had a baby. And we decided together that we were in this for life for our child and thought very long and hard before we took that step. Is it always rainbows and daisies? No but it is so extremely worth it to know that our son will have the two most necessary things for him to thrive and succeed in life, a mom and dad together. We make the conscious choice everyday to love each other and work together to be the best parents we can be. People are so selfish today. They put themselves first and do what they want without considering how this impacts their children. It’s gross to me.

@JSiracusan

9 ай бұрын

And it's just as easy for your partner to consciously or unconsciously leave. vows seem to be broken everyday obviously, so consider yourself lucky. Often one person leaves first for whatever reason... the other person sticks it out for a long time maybe... lots of permutations. Children bring out everything. I see your post as a lacking much compassion for all the people going through super tough times in this. Tougher times than you have experienced... and I hope it goes well for you. Hearts and minds change. Vows are broken, commitments not fulfilled... All in a day on this planet. I would Also suggest you look up the divorce rates for children of already divorced. It propagates strongly as the patterns are strong and that makes sense.

@Heyemeyohsts

9 ай бұрын

Women abhor men who earn less than them

@clint4004

8 ай бұрын

It's often called hypergamy one man chose the younger hotter woman, or she chooses a richer man.. either way that ends up in probate court and you would then understand..

@judithflom6366

8 ай бұрын

I appreciate people who declare they don’t want kids and won’t have kids for cuz reason. I have no issue with people not complicating and bringing kids into an unwelcome situation. Can’t imagine why people don’t think bout how their choices will affect their kids.

@Patson20

7 ай бұрын

Because since the 60s feminists propaganda has painted marriage as an oppressive institution that kills women's souls and painted single motherhood as a divine experience that is the peak of women's freedom and liberation.

We are an instant gratification society. Kids are encouraged to grow up too fast in superficial ways without being taught the realities of life. They have no idea that with rights goes responsibilities. They are protected from the truth, so it is no surprise they aren't ready to devote themselves to raising kids. They have been led to believe life is a big party. It is a huge shock to them when they reach adult age and real life hits them in the face. We have failed our kids by doing everything for them, entertaining them, rescuing them and lying to them.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

Meanwhile, we also sold kids the lie that if they delayed gratification by going to college and not being a party animal, and showed hustle and grind, they would eventually enjoy being a CEO. Instead, they have a debt millstone on their neck, having BS jobs that never paid nearly as well as the degree salespeople said.

Melissa: "Our social mores about how you spend your time and money as an adult have changed, I'm not saying that's good or bad" Also Melissa: "Our society is collapsing, and we can trace it to these trends"

@aikighost

9 ай бұрын

Yes its obvious her heart is in the right place, but as a society being too "nice" about crucial matters that need to change will be the end of us.

@jimluebke3869

9 ай бұрын

@@aikighost It's not really about being "nice", it's about organizing our social mores around wisdom.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

It sounds like the typical conservatism of "Free market economics until we don't like it." This is why I say if conservatives care, they could make non marital childbearing difficult, rather than dupe non motivated people into marrying and having kids.

@map3384

9 ай бұрын

Men don’t want to marry the town bicycle. Feminism says it’s empowering. The top 20% of men will happily agree but for most men marriage is a deeply spiritual and emotional bond. Sex is a sign or a covenant of that bond. Sleeping around turns sex into an empty emotion.

@knowahnosenothing4862

9 ай бұрын

Women financially incentivized by law to destroy the family, educated by feminism.

1:21:09 "Social norms totally matter." So true. We're so far from optimal social norms. We've lost so much over the last 60 years. Tragic.

I'm currently being divorced by my wife and this podcast, and others like it, have helped me fill in the gaps in understanding regarding marriage, masculinity, and how to cultivate and sustain both. Coming from a single mother home, a father who was docile and broken by his parent's divorce, and then bullied into submission by his second wife, I've only just realized the dearth of knowledge I've been lacking that helped contribute to the destruction of my marriage. I'll definitely be picking up this book.

@tigerbear3038

9 ай бұрын

Don't be so hard on yourself. I am sure your wife played a part in your divorce as well.

@postmodernmining

9 ай бұрын

Be careful of women who shift all the blame onto men. They are the ones destroying the marriages.

@map3384

9 ай бұрын

80% of divorced are initiated by women. Most because they either cheated or aren’t happy and blame the husband.

@judithflom6366

8 ай бұрын

Try therapy. If you get a good one they can help you figure out the broader picture that you have been missing.

@postmodernmining

8 ай бұрын

@@judithflom6366 Men should *not* go to therapy. It is designed to place all blame on men and remove all accountability from women.

PLEASE!!! Keep using "single parent homes!!" I started as a single FATHER when my son was still in diapers and my daughter was 2.5 years older. I reared both of them without any supporting structures. Why?? Because I HAD and WANTED to do so. Do your due diligence on how many single fathers are out here!! And why! NO ONE wants to talk about it. Mothers walking away from husbands and leaving children is a subject NO one wants to believe. There are lots of us. And yes, I had to work two jobs to get them through college.

@zesticide1010

9 ай бұрын

I'm an alienated father, and only hear from my children or their mother is when she's about to make demands and threats.

@winterskiU

9 ай бұрын

Children from single father homes do way better than children from single mother homes

@Kwildcat13

9 ай бұрын

Oh I believe it , my niece and nephews are twins and their mom left them . Their dad eventually married my sister .. not all women are fit as mothers .. he went through a lot to get complete custody and their bio mom was a drug addict and the court system seemed to still favor her .. as in she never paid anything for her kids .. that’s said I also know men who never paid child support or helped out either .. some people just suck

@Kwildcat13

9 ай бұрын

@@winterskiUI don’t know about that .. I would say that varies for a million reasons .

@winterskiU

9 ай бұрын

@@Kwildcat13 statistically they do.

My new neighbour’s 5yrs old boy cries morning day and night. Just found out his parents are divorcing. Guessing the boy missed his mother terribly.

As someone who was coming of age in the 1990s, I am not surprised the teenage birth rate has plummeted since then. I remember the high rates of teenage pregnancy in the UK basically becoming a scandal and we had it drilled into us from every direction that this was to be avoided. It felt like being "teenage and pregnant" was basically a slur.

@map3384

9 ай бұрын

Teenage pregnancies have dropped but teenage abortion rates have skyrocketed.

@user-pu2yy8xd9x

Ай бұрын

@@map3384 Excellent. I mean, prefer birth control, but at least children are not being born into poverty and misery, only to repeat.

The agonizing thing about trying to get people to understand trends is that understanding the general stats is not an attack on you. Just because the overwhelming evidence is that 2 parent households are better doesn't automatically condemn you a bad single mom. Or just because 7% of the population is underweight doesn't mean we can't discuss obesity as an issue because it might trigger something in that 7%.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

I agree. The problem is that too many people want to throw a "One size fits all" cure, and that is impossible. People should try to fix major problems, but their fixes must always have something that does no harm to the statistical outlier.

When my late wife died, I inherited a single parent household. We were nominally a two parent family, but my wife's narcissistic behavior undercut my parental authority constantly. She had to be in control of everything, insisting that all family decisions "Be Discussed" and her opinion was the only one that mattered. I often heard her tell our children, "Don't listen to your father. He doesn't know what he's talking about." The rest of the time she was always fighting with all of us. I would get home from work and I would hear her screaming at our children as I got out of the car. When I came in the door, she could not wait to start an argument with me. Family life is so peaceful now that she's dead and buried.

@SensSword

9 ай бұрын

Guessing she got boosted?

@etoineschrdlu9382

9 ай бұрын

@@SensSword Oh, no. She died eight years ago. She would not have been able to cope with the lock-down. I work remote now and set up office in the kitchen. The boys and I (one has moved out but the youngest is still at home) we got along well enough, giving each other the space we required. But I know she would not have been able to cope with all of us in proximity to her, she would have driven herself and the rest of us nuts. She would have forced us to be fighting among ourselves constantly. She wouldn't have been able to keep from being the center of attention. BTW: My sons and I now get along fine. Life is good!

@-glitch-8195

9 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. I dealt with people who are extremely conflict oriented so I know the pain. You start avoiding them while under the same roof and it just become unbearable, like a hostage situation. Anyhow, it's only made me ask more questions when I'm getting to know a man, to see if we're compatible or not. Unfortunately, even conflicted oriented people don't seek out those like them. Whats interesting to me though is, you'll know where the conflict was coming from once they're not there anymore.

@paulfogartysongs

9 ай бұрын

My narcissist wife recently left with both daughters back to the other side of the world - her homeland - lying to me and them every step of the way and blaming everyone for everything for 20 years. It is so peaceful now - no arguing or yelling, no ignoring my input, no saying no to everything. It has been so exhausting keeping up with the constant lying and deception. I don't see the point of it all. Made me doubt my own sanity and self worth. Its been 8 days and today she drops the divorce bomb. You never know what insanity you are waking up to every day.

@mrsvle

9 ай бұрын

I live with my son in a well functioning calm and peaceful household. We escaped the screaming psycho rage that was his mother.

Okay, so I've been in a relationship my whole adult life, and married for the last 8 years. Reading many of these comments initially makes me feel defensive because I have a very positive experience, and hope my daughter's get to have the same one day. However it has to be said, if we woke up tomorrow in a world where in the vast majority of divorces women had their children ripped away and only got to see them every other weekend, people would be up in arms. I completely understand the hostility and bitterness around a court system that has failed so many men. That absolutely needs to change. I just don't think marriage is the problem here.

@az6462

7 ай бұрын

Thank you !!

@Rollin8.0

6 ай бұрын

Lack of marriage is a result of a host of issues, not a symptom. What actual benefit does a man get from marrying a woman in 2024 that she can't immediately take away without any consequences?

@tempsoda

6 ай бұрын

@@Rollin8.0 that honestly depends on the woman. I think despite what social media and the algorithms would have you believe, most women still want the same thing as most men- to find someone to love and that loves them and build a future together. I don't believe that most women set out with the intention of becoming single divorced mothers rinsing their ex husbands for all they are worth and ruining their lives for sport. Don't get me wrong, those kinds of women exist, but there is a reason they go viral, because it's not the norm. And honestly my thought is always, what kind of men are entertaining these women? They seem pretty easy to avoid, I've managed not to make friends with any, I'm sure men could manage to avoid marrying and impregnating them too.😂

My parents both had higher education, were clean living and stayed together in spite of underlying marital tension. My brother and I had a financially secure, non violent, upper middle class upbringing. The family looked perfect from the outside but it was the most oppressive and miserable environment you could imagine. My academically gifted older brother attempted suicide more than once and I cannot remember an encouraging word or ever receiving an affectionate hug from either parent. I ran away from home as soon as I could. My brother whom I loved and admired died aged 20 shortly after I left home. I look back at my family life as a tragedy from which I was lucky to escape with my sanity relatively intact. There are always exceptions to the general rule and appearances can be deceptive.

@dharmaqueen7877

8 ай бұрын

I also grew up in an intact family with an alcoholic father and passive aggressive mother. When they talk about the value of growing up in an intact family they aren't taking into consideration the necessity of stable parents to produce healthy children.

@DrDeuteron

7 ай бұрын

@@dharmaqueen7877 and yet both your points are irrelevant.

Truly wanting (as a grown adult) to preserve good relationship with a step-parent and a half-sibling dampens my ability to discuss the deep wound of my parents’ divorce. It’s a constant low-level-hum of pain. And my situation wasn’t even as precarious back then as some kids today. Divorce is the wound that never fully heals. And I’m aware of my wound. Lots of grown adults younger than me (and with divorced parents) don’t think it’s a big deal at all, and May not even see the fall-out in their own lives. But again, many, like me, as they get older don’t want to alienate remaining step-family.

One of my daughters-in-law is having a baby at 41 BUT it is number 5, not number 1. My husband died earlier this year. When our family met for dinner there were 30+ of us. I was surrounded by love & support. We struggled financially thoughout our married life but still had 4 children on 1 income. I wish that in discussions like this that there was not such an emphasis on income, as if that is the only factor in decision making. There is more to life than money.

@WhizzingFish12

9 ай бұрын

Amen, and I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a good man and that you remain richly blessed. I imagine that he's smiling down from heaven.

@freudianslip2192

9 ай бұрын

There are discussions about income because that's what the women are mainly focusing on. Money and looks. I'm sorry for your loss, and I wish you and your family the best.

@SusanaXpeace2u

9 ай бұрын

@marty9011 things have changed though, putting a roof over your head is more now. I do agree with you up to a point though. I have a modest income but only one job, free evenings and weekends and I have been there for my children as they grew up. However, all my choices had to be quite carefully made. Will this matter in five years? so, yes to braces for the kids, no to getting their rooms done up.

@marlonmoncrieffe0728

9 ай бұрын

I recently saw a video from the Maiden, Mother, Matriarch channel and one person simply but brilliantly put it that the expensiveness of children is overstated; they are NOT geriatric adults but able-bodied kids that do not need as much attention or material goods.

The shit part of this all is that my son will never see his mother and I together. I can't withstand her abuse and won't put up with the insane amount of chaos she brings by just being who she is. My life has drastically gotten better since I left her 3 years ago, and I've seen her go from man to man to man and have nothing but chaos.

Interesting conversation, but I find it amusing that the panacea or solution to these problems is always "men need to step up".

The reality is, most men don’t just get up and leave their families, this is a common view that people have of absent fathers because mothers are usually the ones with physical custody, so it’s easier to just see fathers of deadbeats. The reality is we have very biased family court systems along with a social environment that incentivizes women to break children away from their fathers and embrace single motherhood. Ironically, in the past when the “patriarchy” was stronger compared to today, the nuclear family structure was more intact. It’s not a coincidence that the more obsolete men become both to women and society, the more we see a deterioration of the family unit.💯

@neomacchio4692

9 ай бұрын

💯

@marriagecausesdivorce7540

9 ай бұрын

Facts. The data shows women doesn't want the man. They want what the man can provide. They just want the kids, child support and anything else they can get their hands on, e.g. alimony, 50% of the assets, the house, etc.

@MrVvulf

9 ай бұрын

The irony being that statistics show children raised by single fathers (generally) fare better than those raised by single mothers. By better, I mean go on to gain more degrees, get better jobs, commit far fewer crimes and of much less serious significance, etc. The courts don't care. Family court is warped and corrupted by financial incentives. Courts generally give custody to the mothers purely because states get matching funds from the federal government. The welfare of the child(ren) isn't nearly as compelling as those sweet sweet federal dollars.

@shawnaweesner3759

9 ай бұрын

@@neomacchio4692. I think you may be right. Thank you for your comment.

@sibyloftexas

9 ай бұрын

You might have a point if it weren't for the fact that only 4% of custody arrangements are made in court. The other 96% are made my parents outside the court system or one parent makes it for them by leaving. Only half of custodial parents actually receive any child support. They don't even bother to file for it or they just don't get anything because the other parent works under the table.

My folks stayed married and they both were virgins when they married they both had common interests like books intellectual persuits and homeless outreach my dad asked my mother's father for her hand and he agreed to not marry her until she graduated college out of respect for her and her family's expectations they didn't have tv in the house as we grew up and they really prioritized the family and their relationship they never brought up the idea of divorce when they fought and they would communicate calmly no matter how wild things got they'd get mad now and then but they would never be to proud to apologize folks don't do that anymore and I think thats why nobody hits 40 50 and 60 years anymore

My husband and I advise our children to look for future spouses who have married parents.

The science is clear, it isnt "single parenr households" its single MOTHER homes. The data in single father homes is vastly better than single mother homes.

The wider family is being destroyed, too. Kids are now bring encouraged to visit retirement homes to gain "connection across generations" while their own grandparents, uncles and aunts are languishing thousands of miles away. The economic pressure had driven the parents away from wider family.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

Indeed. I think about the conflict between social conservatism and fiscal conservatism. Social conservatism: We gotta get everyone to marry and buy a house. Fiscal conservatism: We can't forbid the Blackrocks and Vanguards from buying loads of houses! That would be like Mao's communist war against the landlords, and we can't tolerate commies! Line go up on Wall Street mean thing get gudder!

If the male sex drive isnt enough to push men into becoming good earners and getting married, you need to take a step back and realize how bad things have become. Nothing you can say or do from a policy perspective will be enough to fix this.

@SensSword

9 ай бұрын

Very well said.

@Yarblocosifilitico

9 ай бұрын

Exactly. No point for young men nowadays to aspire to anything but independence.

@UnlistedAccount

9 ай бұрын

Women are simply not rewarding the tings they say they want.

@shogunkicksbutt127

9 ай бұрын

idk ban porn and see what happens ;) guessing that may have them reconsider.

@Yarblocosifilitico

9 ай бұрын

@@shogunkicksbutt127 I have a strong imagination ;)

I was raised by a single parent and participated in the Bush Marriage initiative classes with my husband before we married. It was so helpful for us as we had no relationship skills. We were both single parents and wanted to do better for our kids and break the cycle. Then Obama cut the program. Why would he do that?? I question the man’s motives today and realized that’s not my party anymore. Still happily married 14 years later and about to become a grandma.

I will never understand how women, even researchers, always wonder why men won't commit to marriage. Do they live in a different world? Do they not see how women, government, and society treat men. Unless you get super lucky, you're basically asking yourself to lose everything in attempting to get married.

@bandofpranksters

9 ай бұрын

Majority of women + accountability = *error: does not compute* 😂

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

Keep playing Russian roulette, men!

@DNA350ppm

9 ай бұрын

Be specific - when a man marries, what are the things - the everything - that he will lose already in attempting to get married. I only see gains of his proactive attempts: he will educate himself, in a practically or theoretically oriented profession; he will learn to conduct his economy wisely; he will learn good manners; he will shape up physically; he will have a circle of real life friends (will not dwell in a basement playing wargames); he learns to put feelings and opinions into words without cursing all the time so that he is interesting to talk with; and hopefully he also learns to dance, and in due time takes a parenthood class with the girl he proposes to. If the first girl says no, the next one will be happy to say yes to such a super young man. Nothing lost!

@knowahnosenothing4862

9 ай бұрын

@@DNA350ppm Get in the real world weirdo. Modern women aren't worth it. They are culturally and financially incentivized to create broken homes by law.

@italobalbissimo5857

9 ай бұрын

The defeatist attitude I'm hearing here is probably more a self-fulfilling prophecy than you might realize. Even if the deck is stacked against you are you just not going to play and admit that you've lost? What kind of women do you expect to attract if you're not willing to fight for a family?

Was a single mom for 8 years and then remarried and have been a married mom for the 10 years since. The 3 things that made being a single mom even remotely possible was that I had a grad degree and 6 figure salary as well as all girls and I joined a very supportive church community with a single parent outreach. I can't imagine trying to raise children with a low salary. After remarrying raising children became considerably better. Having that little bit of time to go to the gym or take a hot bath can rejuvenate your ability to be a good parent. Having another parent who loves and adores their children is only beneficial. Marriage itself is not easy yet despite all the challenges, if you are going to have children it is well worth the investment. As for "gender norms " (insert eye roll) both parents want to contribute financially to households, both want to spend time with their children and both contribute to housework (think lawn mowing/yardwork and maintenance for dad and laundry/dishes mom...everyone cooks)...in a perfect world more companies would offer 20-30 hr part time jobs or careers with flex hours so everyone can achieve that utopian goal of work/life balance. Side note: careers in the trades (plumbing/electric/carpentry/auto mechanics etc...) short supply and highly undervalued. It's high time as a society that we started viewing the welder with as much respect as the MBA accountant.

@user-gd7ph4fj6w

9 ай бұрын

I’m actually scared that the trades will start requiring higher degrees than they do now. Colleges control that now and they’re corrupt. As soon as they see millions of people going into the trades they will look to make money. Also, I know guys that can build a house to code, fix a car and weld like a beast but can’t pass the tests for school so stay at low wages their entire life. So still, leading to economically unviable young men for women even though they’re the right ones for the job.

@user-gd7ph4fj6w

9 ай бұрын

I also agree with you about gender norms being dumb in the think of it. If she wants to mow the lawn let her. I love to cook, wash dishes and do laundry. I love folding clothes. I also like to work on the house. Whatever.

@manfredschmalbach9023

9 ай бұрын

@@user-gd7ph4fj6w There are not enough welders, plumbers, builders or carpenters and *_still_* these are low-income jobs? Where's the economic demand-and-supply rule when it comes to their wages? Or is it more like there are way too many idiotic bullshit-jobs in administration and "business" because somehow these jobs are waaaaay overpayed compared to the jobs that really matter, which are only not sought-after because they actually might matter but do not pay even remotely accordingly? We gotta get rid of the bullshit job economy, get blue collar jobs their fair share and this way help blue collar earners to compete in the hypergamy game again.

@ChickFenwick

9 ай бұрын

Wall defeated!

@jesusmtz29

9 ай бұрын

I've never been impressed with MBAs sorry

The best place for a child is in the household with the biological parents that are married. Nothing will change thst 😊

@843zachify

9 ай бұрын

What about when they are physically violent with each other?

@scaldon2

9 ай бұрын

​@@843zachifyphysical violence in marriage is not the norm majority of divorces are because lack of commitment. Meaning the majority of divorce happen because either party doesn't want to work at marriage. That's the reason . People do t want to work at anything these days . But there's consequences to growing old alone for both men and women . Devastating consequences.

@SusanaXpeace2u

9 ай бұрын

That's statistically, not like a formula though

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

@@843zachify This is why I say either decent marry and have children, or they just never have children. If the Idiocracy quit shitting brats, what would be the loss?

Feminism regarding men as husbands and fathers as dispensable is the underlying reason Wives initiating divorce 70% (and 90% female graduates) means marriage is too dangerous odds for losing children and home

@freudianslip2192

9 ай бұрын

I believe you meant ‘disposable’ not dispensable?

I hated my mother so much for cheating on my father and divorcing him, it really messed me up

I can attest too. My dad was physically there but never took any of his responsibilities seriously. My mom ended up divorcing him for very good reasons and so I basically grew up without a dad. My mom was great but there are certain things a boy can only learn from a man. Having no uncle or other father figure in my life, I had to learn it all by myself and it took me a long time to do so. It's only now that I'm almost 40 that I realize how far behind I really was and how much this impacted my life negatively. In my case a more family oriented society wouldn't have changed things much, but for a lot of other kids I'm convinced it would.

@franciskeys9810

9 ай бұрын

I think there are a lot of us who were raised to manhood in the school of hard knocks. The only way I could figure out how to be a good man was to try things and make mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes.

@UnlistedAccount

9 ай бұрын

So clearly it was not good for you. Or for your dad. Or for your mom. And for what, that the man wasn't taught that the dishes were his responsibility? Why was your mom the one who got to decide what was good? Hubris. She too was being gaslighted.

@effexon

9 ай бұрын

@@UnlistedAccountthis experience is still useful... we humans tend to be empty slate in that when we havent seen other people fail, we tend to do all those mistakes. So happily married parents kids may end up more broken relationships for this reason (not always though) just like rich people kids may not be good with money. Stopping to think is 10x better than blaming others , we dont need next generation of robots expected to do what parents want them to do with no discussion, interaction. I agree this is weird mom gets to choose everything "right". Then in older gen there are men who got job at 19 and had no hard life and still bad attitudes toward women, even kids. So in short men also need good social skills, not leave it to women who will abuse that absolute power. That includes knowing thyself what to choose and what not. So saying women choose to give sex, men choose to have relationship makes sense as (long) relationships are hard.

@shogunkicksbutt127

9 ай бұрын

Was your dad from a single parent home? and how much of the happy wife happy life lie did he believe in? Men and women don't think the same way, your father was there and had a different way of thinking about what's needed. It didn't alien with your mother or your way of thinking I'm guessing but make no mistake he was there. (And a fuck of a lot more than what i got so suck it up buttercup).

@frankbrennos

9 ай бұрын

​@@UnlistedAccount don't make assumptions about other people's lives. Not every divorce happens for petty reasons. When I talk about responsibility, I don't mean doing the dishes. That's only a preoccupation for feminists who have nothing more important to worry about. I mean actual responsibilities to provide and care for your family. My mom did everything she could to try and work with my dad, she stuck with him for over twenty years, and it was all for nothing. They got divorced when I was 15 but it was still like he was never there. He was physically there but not mentally. Everything I learned as a child, every bit of food I had on the table, everything came from my mom. Even worse, he had a lot of debt and if she had stayed with him longer, she would have had to repay all of it. All my mom got from the divorce was the peace of mind her house and bank account weren't going to be taken away from her for mistakes he made. Now that I'm old enough to reflect on that, I realize we would have been better off if she divorced him ten years earlier. That's the sad truth.

For every woman academic who does understand the way modern culture is debilitating boys, there are 100+ others who perpetuate the cruelty. Women increasingly reject any narrative that implies theyve made a mistake. The pain/responsibility of accountability will always be more unbearable than simply perpetuating the continuing disenfranchisement of men. Men were right to think women deserved equality as a whole, they were wrong to think women would take responsibility individuals. The brave and insightful women who have recognized and tried to communicate the deeper issues here deserve exalting.

@henrytep8884

9 ай бұрын

Do you think men have no fault in this? Why are women getting all the blame, what do you think men did wrong?

@henrytep8884

9 ай бұрын

@@miltain So the fault of men is just trusting women? Again, why do you not give any agency to men for this issue? Its like you treat men as if their low iq morons who don't know how to mate select. So what are men responsibility in a critical way in this situation that doesn't involve blaming women? I'm only asking because it seems everyone lost their collective minds and think men can do no wrong, but we all know that is not true. It just comes off extremely biased and unproductive to hold this view, and makes you guys look idiotic for even thinking this is somehow a good position to hold in this topic as some form of analysis on the situation. How does saying men trust women too much fix anything? How does men walking away fix anything, in fact men have been walking away, so we know that doesn't work.

@freudianslip2192

9 ай бұрын

@@henrytep8884The fact that the prison population has a higher rate of fathers than the general population means who women pick to have kids with is a massive problem. Yes there are men at fault, but the blame mostly falls on the subsection of men that aren’t the majority. However, the majority of women are contributing to these issues.

@wills242

9 ай бұрын

@@henrytep8884 only men can be held responsible

@henrytep8884

9 ай бұрын

@@freudianslip2192 so women cause men to commit crime?? You see exactly what I’m saying, when do men take responsibility?? Your literally putting even the crime rate on women lol. This is some crazy level of copium and disdain for accountability. What about men do less crime and be there for their children?? Why isn’t that a solution instead of saying women should pick better men?? Why can’t better men just be normal? How are the majority of women the problem, I can literally make the same logical argument you say by stating the majority of women aren’t the problem, there a subsection of women who chose the subsection of bad men to have kids with, therefore the majority of men and women aren’t the problem, only a subsection of the population is. And then I can even bolster that argument by stating the environmental conditions that these people grow up in is the reason why they choose each other since most people date and marry within their proximity and within their own culture and race. How do you even think your position was going to hold up against any logical investigation and scrutiny? Do you even think you had a strong foundation with that argument??

As a woman who has been married to the same man for 39 years whom I love deeply, & with whom I created & raised 4 kids, I agree with Kearney's definition of marriage 100%. It is a long term contract to share & pool resources.

@l.3626

7 ай бұрын

you mean its a scam contract, that only benefits the woman, where the man has 0 benefit from 100risk, yes, marriage is only a resource contract to deliver as a man, but no contract for the womans delivery, literally a scam

@loneknight100

5 ай бұрын

Agreed, but it is not only that. It is also a contract that while pooling said resources, each tries to meet the other's social and physical needs. Too often women think it's only a financial contract, and no physical or emotional affection is required.

@prycelessly

5 ай бұрын

​@loneknight100 I agree that the marriage contract most definitely, absolutely, includes social, physical, & emotional needs & affection. Without all those elements, it is not a marriage. Marriage, i.e., real marriage, is the ultimate level of communication & connection two people can share. It truly is the joining of two hearts, bodies, souls, lives, traveling together and being one (as the song says). It is a union like no other.

So much to unpack here. Our society has become so self centric that when something becomes difficult or challenging people disengage rather than try to work it out. I have 2 young kids, been with my partner for 10 years now and the ups and downs are real. It's almost like clockwork, every 3-4 years, you hit about 6-12 months of real hardship; lots of fights, struggles, you feel like shit, you wonder is this ever gonna get better? You might even entertain splitting up because it's so damn miserable. But you know what? It doesn't stay like this. Suddenly, things start to improve again, and things are ok again. And then you're thinking "whew, good thing I hung on for all of our sakes!". And then we can openly talk about this, and understand what went wrong. Doesn't mean it's never gonna happen again, but I wouldn't want to become a single mom. There are too many incentives being put out, telling women especially that they can "do better". It's bullshit. Not talking about physically abusive relationships of course, that's another story. But the idea that dumping your man will mean more freedom, you'll be happier, that he'll have to cough up the cash, and hey now you get your weekends to go out since daddy's got the kids. That's just wrong. There's no planet where this is a better deal, especially for the kids. I was lucky I guess, I have two parents that still genuinly love each other after 40+ years of marriage and get along great. I've seen arguments as a child, mom walking out of the door, dad slamming the cabinet door, screaming. But that's not daily life; that's just two people really struggling at times (and it didn't happen often). It'll happen to everyone and if you're not ready for it, you'll never be able to stay in the same relationship all your life. When you grow up it's important to see that as a child and understand that this will happen to you too, and how to deal with it when you get older. When it happens to you it's not a shock, and you are equipped to deal with it. It's sad many don't get that example growing up...

Men who initiate marriage, with current laws, in case of divorce men more likely to lose his kids and on top pay her for taking away his kids if you lucky u will get weekends , who in his right mind gets married under these terms ?

This wouldn’t be as big an issue if there was any interest at all in reforming biased family courts

@MooseBme

9 ай бұрын

NO KIDDING! "But, but, BUT... FACTS DON'T MATTER!!!" See also: LYING HYPOCRITES, INFIDELITY, "Family Courts," Child support, Alimony, LOOSING HOUSES, BUSINESS, KIDS, CARS... WHILE STILL BEING EXPECTED TO: JUST SHUT UP! JUST TAKE IT! "JUST GO TO JAIL" ON ACCUSATIONS AND JUST PAY FOR IT... 'CAUSE YOU'RE JUST A GUY!!! "!!!SUPERIOR EQULATAAA!!!" Ya. ... DECADES AGO! THANKS AGAIN, KZread, COGNITIVE DISSONANCE HOLLYWEIRD AND SUPERIOR-EQUALATA, EDUCUNTED-EMOTARDS EVERYWHERE... AGAIN!!! !(REPEATE)!

@marriagecausesdivorce7540

9 ай бұрын

Exactly. If marriage was a fair proposition, then more people would decide to do it. However, with the laws as they are, marriage is just a piece of paper where the husband and the state are agreeing to transfer the money, house and kids on divorce.

@darcycolborne2565

9 ай бұрын

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 What changes would you make to the current system, if given the opportunity?

@Leo-mr1qz

9 ай бұрын

The marital court system favors the mother when there are children involved.

@marriagecausesdivorce7540

9 ай бұрын

@@darcycolborne2565 only 2 changes: 1. compulsory lawyer-approved pre-nups before marriage when everyone is happy and rational. 2. 50 : 50 child custody and no child support (unless the father refuses his 50% custody, and then he has to pay child support). It is incredibly easy to fix marriage and birth rates.

Chris; never stop what you are doing here, you ask the questions I wish I could ask the people conducting these studies and writing these books.

I see the impact of these social trends in my classroom every day. Great discussion and one I'm pleased to see is being had.

I agree two parents in the home. I had no choice when my ex decided to file for divorce and damn near ruined financially through the courts. I pushed and got my kids whenever I could . Not stepping on the part of the father in a lot of cases is bull crap. I would never tell my son to get married (as much as I tried to keep the divorce away from the kids saw what was going on).

@napturaladvice7646

8 ай бұрын

You chose your wife so…

@AwakeningSpirit_

5 ай бұрын

90% of divorces in america are initiated by college educated women. It has become a business dealing for women. @@napturaladvice7646

"Bastard" used to be an insult and we sre just starting to remember why.

Indirectly related, but made me think of a news piece about a school that had fathers as hall monitors. Everyone appreciated them, boys and girls and teachers.

One of my sons biggest flexes that they don’t understand yet (1 and 2.5YRS) is that their parents are still married, both sets of their grandparents are still married, and all all 4 sets of great grandparents remained married. We have had so many conversations about how our brains must be a little different because of that and we are so grateful to know that we can set that same example for our sons of respecting one another, loving one another, compromising with one another, and sacrificing for one another. I want them to be as psyched to be married as we both were because of the example that we get to set for the next 18 years at home ❤️

@sarahrobertson634

8 ай бұрын

Marriage isn't actually that important. Extended family involvement is more effective than a nuclear family. More involved, responsible adults in a multi-generational home would be a true flex.

@anthonydowney6069

8 ай бұрын

​@@sarahrobertson634You're talking about tribal culture there.

@sarahrobertson634

8 ай бұрын

@@anthonydowney6069 Correct. Civilized society is no good, and will only lead to destruction.

This is another WTF - why do we have convince people of this? Single parent means single income, and that in aggregate leads to less resources for the children and added stress (and lower quality parenting) on the single parent. Been a single dad since 2018 and now working a second job and can see my children’s quality of life deteriorating since the separation (mom is mostly out of the picture).

@jamesbuchanan3888

9 ай бұрын

It is not about the resources. It is all about the illusion that the state can replace the resources of a father, leaving her free to chase Chad without fear of financial damage.

@fedup1606

9 ай бұрын

Yup. It's FUBAR. Enjoy the decline.

@jamesbuchanan3888

9 ай бұрын

@spurcell2000- Because it is expected.

So glad to see these issues being discussed more. Im a military brat, latchkey kid, only child who used to fly alone across half the country every few months to live with someone else. It has really messed me up, but... I also gravitated to books and I have come to find that for the most part, I am a good deal more intelligent than many of my peers. Good luck out there everyone, something has to give...

It isn't "single-parent" it's single mother. The children of single father parents do much better than single mother.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

@@kc6810 Well, just look at how SF, Chicago, and NYC decided to stop proscuting those poors because much rayciss class warfare.

@maxn.7234

9 ай бұрын

​@kc6810 There is a lot of data to show single fathers produce better results than single mothers.

@maxn.7234

9 ай бұрын

​@kc6810 Not just incarceration. Drug abuse, depression, prostitution, school drop outs, suicide, runaways, homelessness, gangs, promiscuity, etc. Every societal scurge is exacerbated by single mother homes.

@sololife1968

2 ай бұрын

I don't agree, The bottom line is a good parent opposes to a bad parent. Dad or Mom. Good parents normal produce good kids.

This is one of the best and most thought-provoking podcasts that I’ve listened to recently. This entire podcast is a great apologetic for abolishing unilateral “no-fault” divorce, which I have been fighting for for years.

The risk is too high. The cost too great-mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. Many people are fickle and not invested in solid relationships. The risk of becoming a single parent is my worse nightmare. I’m content with friendships, great job, and a fulfilling life without kids.

@Murph999

9 ай бұрын

To each their own, of course, but I'll just say having kids was the best, absolute best, thing that has ever happened to me. Made life fulfilling. I see the rationale for not having kids (have lots of friends who don't), but once they came, I can't picture my life without them. But you need a good partner, and its going to be hard regardless. Parenting isn't easy.

@peripheralparadox4218

9 ай бұрын

Depends. As women are usually the the ones to leave and also clean up the dude financially, the risk is minimal if you’re a woman and extreme if you’re a man.

@effexon

9 ай бұрын

@@peripheralparadox4218"good partner" includes that, men can choose to their best abilities best fit for them. + communities play a factor like Godsownprototype said... trick seems to be if can, to make community help you as man with kids and relationships... with right moves it can work, minimal not fail too easily. Trying to do everything alone is guaranteed to fail. Sure men are whims of impulses too and can choose golddigger or otherwise poorly. I find role of man, as I didnt have dad, but look what is happening, could be to choose environment where you and others prosper, be it countryside or something else. I dont see many women do these kind of big decisions. Or they try to avoid them as much as possible.

@AdelTheForsaken

9 ай бұрын

Being a single mother is my worst fear as well. I watched my mother struggled to do everything alone when two of her cheating husband left her high and dry!

@napturaladvice7646

8 ай бұрын

Just plan for the Golden Years! Who will visit you and take care of you when you’re elderly?

During the past few years, I find myself measuring wealth by how many children someone makes that survives to adulthood. That seems like a much better standards than many others.

@effexon

9 ай бұрын

curiously seen rich people state that, in other forms. ie people with jobs may find in their 40s or 50s money aint problem anymore but who they want to spend time with.

A father is necessary, but is not sufficient. What is really needed is an extended family. You need grandparents - a lot - and uncles and cousins. Two people alone against the world are not enough.

@l.3626

7 ай бұрын

2 parents are enough, really overlooked are the families where it looks like the father is there, but in reality he isnt

If you want men to "step up" for this generation of modern women then divorce needs a rework, they are not worth the risk of having to rebuild from scratch as they take half our shit and live a "divorced " lifestyle of traveling with their gfs off our backs and the state fuck that raw deal.

@neomacchio4692

9 ай бұрын

😂 Amen!

@carmeld45

9 ай бұрын

A women has risked her life to have your children, and give her body to you daily and put up with you and she doesn't half? What do you suggest she and YOUR children survive on.

@brandonkappes6695

9 ай бұрын

@carmeld45 I'm talking at fault divorces, if your at fault should of thought about that before you destroyed your family.

@aidenfaulconer9193

9 ай бұрын

@@carmeld45bullshit, what about the men giving his body? What about his support of the child? Your obviously looking at this in one direction when two exist

@freudianslip2192

9 ай бұрын

@@carmeld45 Women are literally having children and giving their bodies daily to criminals. Because they are “tall and have that edge” These womens bodies are sacred stuff ended when the male population in prison had a higher fatherhood rate than the men in the general population.

She says that she doesn't want to say that women want to do it alone, but women place men/marriage in lower priority than children and they initiate a large majority of the divorces 70-90% of them ? Lesbian divorce at 2.5 times the rate of hetero marriages, gay men only divorce 1.3 times hetero marriages. Not to mention all the catch phrases many women use like a women needs a man like a fish needs bicycle or I am a strong independent women I don't need no man. I think the guest has trouble holding women and herself accountable shocker.

I was raised by a single mom and my boyfriend by a single dad. We are both committed to having a healthy relationship and raising any future child together in a happy home.

@johnnyng8527

9 ай бұрын

The trauma u guys hv complemented each other, and similar background helps u guys to understand each other better i guess

My wife would tell you that the idea that she could have done what we did with our eight kids by herself is a ridiculous idea

@l.3626

7 ай бұрын

tru, woman who plan how many kids they will have probably either end up childless, single mothers or only a few bc they are simple too late

27:50 I'll just chime in with this. I did my Econometrics project on a time-lapsed regression looking at the affects of increasing divorce rates on crime levels 18 years later. It was massively correlated. I can't imagine single parents wouldn't similarly track.

@Dan16673

9 ай бұрын

Damn. Links?

@Ottuln

9 ай бұрын

@@Dan16673 This was unpublished and almost 17 years ago. I might have it on a USB Drive somewhere around in my house.

It’s peculiar - from a man and father’s perspective - how little attention the social and cultural effects of having fathers around gets. It’s all about economics. I think that entirely misses that fathers contribute way more than time and ressources. The point about re-married couples as well as black boys in neighborhoods with many fathers ariund hints at this. Fathers are more than the money they bring to the table.

@carolynngockel3670

9 ай бұрын

As a wife and mother, I agree. A lot of the moms I know have supported their husbands financially at some point without even thinking about divorce. Men are more likely to ask for divorces when they can't provide, however. My husband says there is a deep seated male need to be the provider.

I grew up in a single mother home and watched just about all of my friend's parents get divorce. The only two that didn't get divorced were where a parent passed away young. All the fathers got wrecked, HARD, in divorce. I don’t want to put myself in the same position. I've had deep conversations with my dad about chil support and I don’t want to put myself in the same position. As a man, you have no control whether or not your wife wants to leave and destroy your family, and it pretty much destroyed all desire I had to have a family by the time I was 17-years-old. I don't want to put all that time, money, and love into something that can be taken away from me at the drop of a hat; I don’t want to go through what all those men I looked up to went through.

Imagine seeking out data, analyzing it in mass quantity, and drawing potential conclusions from that data--as opposed to merely seeking information which confirms your biases. What a crazy time we live in that this isn't the norm everywhere.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

I love joking about how economists do this and say "Line go up mean thing get gudder" while looking at an economy that almost exclusively benefits oligarchs and politicians. Who cares if the middle and lower class get no benefit? As long as GDP go brr, thing get gud.

44:59 EXACTLY. I'm someone who babysat and was a big brother to so many kids through my local Bible Study and to this day, I will never be able to accept a non biological kid who I haven't adopted together with my S.O. because at MOST I'll treat them with the same care I would do for those kids in Bible Study, and I want to be bonded to my kids way more than that. Why should I take care of another man's kid? If we were adopting, at least we are both in it together and both share that responsibility in equal measure but single mom? Heck nah.

@LadyMarigoldWithers

9 ай бұрын

I feel the same, no interest in single dads

@philspaghet

9 ай бұрын

@ButterflyBasher yep, the level of commitment just isn't the same

@freudianslip2192

9 ай бұрын

@@LadyMarigoldWithers I guess, it's a good thing there are far fewer single dads than single moms. Mostly because women pick poorly and you all have the same “standards” and get impregnated by the same men.

I'll throw in my personal sentiments. I am a 38 year-old white male, non-college educated. I never could have been college educated in that I did not have that level of academic ability. So, my 9-to-5 job was probably not going to be driving force in my life. Driving a UPS truck was how I support myself, but not my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. So what does? Living a life without restraints. Not drugs or booze, but snorkeling, travel, hiking, sporting events, etc. Kids are not on the schedule. Marriage is probably not, either.

@garcher2

9 ай бұрын

Your writing skills are on the level of a college educated person of your age. You're doing something right. Kudos!

@ENoob

9 ай бұрын

As someone who enjoys many of the things you mention, none of it compares to the reward and fulfillment of watching my children grow. Yes I have less time for "my" things, but it's worth it from where I'm sitting.

@WhizzingFish12

9 ай бұрын

Not judging, but a life focused on self-enjoyment pales in comparison to the incredible joy and depth of meaning that parenthood provides. All my friends had the same mindset, and when they had kids their worldview completely changed. Not one would go back.

@threeofive9401

9 ай бұрын

@@ENoob I'm was born and bred in a working-class neighborhood. Those parents, and those adults in general, weren't people I aspired to follow. Good people, but not living the lifestyle I would choose. Given I am not a surgeon or a corporate CEO, I would likely once again return as an adult to a working-class neighborhood. With all due respect, no thanks.

@wadeere

9 ай бұрын

Thank you for your service as a UPS driver.

It’s not fathers walking away They’re been excluded and marginalised, especially by family courts Look at the suicide rates for divorced fathers

@Patson20

7 ай бұрын

Depends heavily on race

Idiocracy nailed it, just 500 years earlier than predicted...

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

This is why I promote easy vasectomies and tubals to make the world a better place. Just hand the stupids a small bribe to get one, and they will go on not breeding more stupidity. All the benefits of Margeret Sanger without any legal force. This is why opponents love calling any exchange of money for anything "Coercion." Oh, so people should just work jobs they hate for free because muh coercion? People should just be happy to flip burgers at McDonalds and consider being paid a bonus?

"Men are just going to have to step up" ... while doing without the support that we have traditionally had from women. How's that workin' out then, Melissa?

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

Men, keep being plowhorses, and stop expecting the farmer to actually feed you the carrots he hangs in front of you!

@jimluebke3869

9 ай бұрын

@@skylinefever He?

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

@@jimluebke3869 I meant to say they instead of he.

@AwakeningSpirit_

5 ай бұрын

they demand traditional masculinity and refuse any responsibilities of traditional femininity.

Most accurate predictor of later success in life is whether one is raised in a single parent home or not

@albertlevins9191

9 ай бұрын

What? Ow. That makes me feel like I have been robbed. Guess I'll have to work even harder to achieve even less...

@johnrcoben

9 ай бұрын

@@albertlevins9191Either that or anecdotes aren't useful.

@marriagecausesdivorce7540

9 ай бұрын

Not really. The biggest predictor is socio-economic background. If a single mother doctor has kids, the kids will be fine. If 2 unemployed married criminals have kids, the kids are screwed.

@johnrcoben

9 ай бұрын

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 That doesn't refute the claim because doctors are much less likely to divorce.

@user-og6hl6lv7p

9 ай бұрын

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 A married male/female couple that are both doctors will trump a single mother that is a doctor.

Great conversation, but at 1:04 I had to stop (detail cleaning our home as a stay at home dad) and listen more intently. I literally handle every aspect of our day to day operations. My wife was offered an executive position with a Fortune 500 company in another state. I sold my business and we moved. Covid hit about 3 months later and it worked out perfectly for us. Our kids weren’t affected as I was available 24/7 and they never missed a beat. In fact, based on what I have seen they catapulted past most of their peers. It is hard being a stay at home dad, not because of the workload, but how we are judged in society. I handle all the “traditional” mom duties and all the “traditional” dad duties. Women are held in high regard when they do it, but everyone assumes dad are sitting around watching porn, playing video games and a drain on society. The worst part is women seem to judge us the harshest.

My ex-wife, after deciding divorce was right for us, worked hard to destroy all good will and trust between us. This came from her mother who divorced my ex's father in the late 1970s. That ex MIL convinced her daughter that my good will and trust was unnecessary because the court will make me do whatever my ex said she needed me to do. This was stuck in my ex's head for decades. She only began to realize her problem about a decade after our divorce when I won custody of our son from her, and she was ordered to pay me child support. After this, she was shocked further when the court actually thought she should be punished for failing to pay child support. She was still struggling with this concept even after two trips to jail for contempt for her failure to pay child support. I will never forget the day we met with the child support agency, and they told her to pay or come back that afternoon for a show cause hearing before the Judge. I laughed as her mother advised her I was being unreasonable in not letting this go, and my ex should just take me in front of the judge. I wasn't the one who left the courtroom crying that afternoon. Hey Christy, have you learned not to listen to Sydney anymore?

Time and time again academics and researchers struggle and dance around a simple conclusion and try their best to make it seem as if it’s both genders. Unflattering truths about women do not have to be so hard to be said or presented. What are y’all afraid of to be honest? It’s starting to become way to obvious to see that dance.

@Triaxx2

9 ай бұрын

Because if you don't couch it in the most sugar coated infantile language possible, it becomes impossible to hear over the insane shrieking.

@filthyminges

9 ай бұрын

Ypu read my mind these educated women are delusional or just scared to speak the truth that they are at fault

@MrXaphus

9 ай бұрын

Because if they settled on the simple conclusion the vast majority of them would be out of a job, so they have to manufacture ever more convoluted theories why society is not functioning well enough.

@skylinefever

9 ай бұрын

The secret language made me think about how cigarette companies did anything not to use the word cancer in their documents, because the last thing they wanted was to take the blame for what they caused.

@dilligafmofoker

9 ай бұрын

I’ll say it. Too many women are 304s and men know you cannot turn a garden tool into a wife.

Lotta single mothers behind trans madness

A big problem I see is just people are so damn self centered anymore. Like the minute someone decides that the other person isn't making them "happy" anymore, they jump ship and try to find something better lol. First off, it's never anyone else's responsibility to make you happy. And secondly, the world doesn't actually revolve around you and your happiness.

It’s so important to love your spouse in front of the kids. Appropriate hugs, kisses, spending time together, gifts, words of affirmation. They see that & it might seem gross (cooties!) in their kid brain, but they’ll want that as adults. If you don’t respect & show love like that I don’t want it. I hope to God my kids learn to choose well based on our example and words.

When women get what they want they still complain.

It's a lot more expensive to have kids now, though, too. Don't ignore that. From health insurance, to child seats that kids have to sit in until their 8, which necessitates a larger car, to college tuition, to FOOD, to gas costs that make even driving vacations more costly.

The economy hates marriage and loves divorce. A married couple has one house, makes one dinner, pays one set of utility bills, etc. A divorced couple has to get two separate homes, two sets of utility bills, two sets of dinner, furniture, their children now get two sets of gifts instead of one from mommy and daddy, and they both now go back out into the dating market to prop up the restaurant and romance industries. Of course our academics and media want to push sing-parenthood as much as possible because this is a country where business and economics will always be prioritized over happiness and health. I mean look at things like school lunches and the pharmaceutical industry, when in heck did the U.S. government ever care about happy healthy family formation?

I agree with this. Most of my problems and mental health issues developed because I didn't had a ''strong father'' raising me and showing me how to ''be a man'' and even though I had a very compassionate, loving mother there still need to be the balance. But the most intresting fact is that most of my friends (that haven't had a stable family) had the same problems as me. Its very important to have the Ying and Yang because I felt way better when I had a talk with my father and we solved things and was able to develop in a healthier way. Healty, balanced 2 parent households are not common nowadays and its a shame because this is the mainpillars of society most people want a good, stable family.

Here’s an interesting twist to consider. I am the youngest of four in a single parent household BUT my mother was widowed when I was two years old. She never remarried because of her love for my father and the concern of bringing a new father to care for four children that are not his own. Even though I didn’t have a physical father, my mother kept my fathers memory strongly alive, so I always felt I had a father. Life, for my mother was extremely difficult, and I would have loved to have had a physical father. But the stability she brought in our father’s memory resulted in all (each)of us being happily married for over 30 years, well educated and happy. We had a close and loving childhood, that we still reflect on today. My oldest brother, I believe, suffered the most. As a family law lawyer, I’ve learned that separation and divorce is worse than death. I think this is because the spouse and children never get closure, as there is someone out there who doesn’t want them, or doesn’t want to commit to them, making life complicated. Just my thoughts.

@bbdass4598

7 ай бұрын

If you grow up with an abusive parent in the two . Or narcisstic parents it's worse. Let's not generalise You do not keep a partner that hurts you or the family around for kids. It produces more problems. Kids become traumatised and react to the stress sometimes changing into criminals. Addicts. The nuclear family are ideal if it's two team playing partners that can think about the team and not themselves

@abbiella

7 ай бұрын

@@bbdass4598 you are 100% correct. I would never ask a client to stay in a home that was abusive for the sake of the children. That’s not what I’m saying. I wrote what I wrote to show that single parents can make it on their own and raise healthy happy children . I just don’t think divorce should be taken lightly. And anyone who has started one quickly realizes this. Although horribly abusive situation‘s are more common than we would like, it’s not the most common reason for divorce. People divorce for much less. And in my professional opinion, the divorce isn’t the most tragic part. It’s the effort to create a new normal. People need assistance and often therapy to help create their new normal. The crazy thing is that some children who come from abusive homes still have an innate attachment to their abusive parent, because it’s the only parent and life they know. Getting a divorce doesn’t fix the problem all the time. It can create new ones if people aren’t equipped to cope. That abusive, narcissistic parent is still around and can cause just as much havoc. Cutting ties with them may not be easy if you’re financially dependent on them or if they have custody rights. I think it would be 100% worth a divorce to avoid getting beat up or mentally abused every day,. Whether the abusive parent is in or out of the home the children can still remain traumatized and turn into criminals. Closure does not automatically happen when the papers are signed. I’m not against divorce, I just don’t think it fixes everything and automatically makes lives easier and happier.

13:48 NATIONAL HEALTH STATISTICS REPORT Number 179 January 10, 2023 TABLE 8: 65.9% of black fathers are either married to or cohabitate with the mother of their child TABLE 7: 59% of black mothers are NEITHER married to NOR cohabitate with the father. Whenever this "70% out of wedlock childbirth" fact is mentioned, it's essential to start including the fact that it's not 70% of black men not being in their kid's lives, it's the majority of black mothers choosing to procreate with a small pool of men who already have multiple children.

@joecoolioness6399

8 ай бұрын

Because they get more of that taxpayer dollar!

@kkampy4052

7 ай бұрын

The other aspect is the potential for unintentional incest because half siblings are not aware they have the same dad and they don't generally leave the area where they were born.

I know a couple who are together with kids without getting married because the guy didn't want to assume the woman's massive debt and the woman didn't want to lose the support from the government she gets as a single mom. People respond to policy incentives.

I would like to see an interview on this podcast or any other podcast about co-parenting after divorce and what I can do as a father with an ex-wife who is fully supportive of me being active in my daughter's life, to mitigate the negative outcomes associated with divorce. Technically my daughter does live with her mother but I am as involved as possible with 50-50 access. It's not as good as all three living in the same home but we are determined to make the very best of it.

Just get a partner doesn’t help those of us who cannot get anything at all.

@postmodernmining

9 ай бұрын

It's the usual gynocentric blaming men for womens actions.

"Women are saying, 'This is hard, I want a partner'" No they're not. They're saying "I want an ATM and a sperm donor."

@craigmunday3707

9 ай бұрын

What's more common is women, including single mothers saying "I don't need a man"

@jimluebke3869

9 ай бұрын

@@craigmunday3707 They still want an ATM. And a sperm donor.

Thank you both for this vital conversation. Things that need to be said.

Is it really happening?! That we're discussing how horrid divorce is?! I'm so glad. ❤

I love how every time Chris starts speaking and connecting the current trend discussions about how women are hypergomous, that there's a slanted shift and men aren't only to blame for their 'barrier to entries', she always tries to shift it back to the 'failure of men'. Then Chris rethinks his words, and then she completely agrees to the exact same thing 2 minutes later. Lol. She really seems like she wants to blame men more. I think there's a big part in both. She doesn't mention what the barriers are for... entry to a stable relationship with the mother saying, "Yes, you can be the kids dad."

@toddmchenry8509

9 ай бұрын

They typically do blame men.

@rpospeedwagon

9 ай бұрын

As a man, it is our fault ultimately. Why? Because women can only do what *we men* widely allow. Maybe we need to stop allowing certain things...

@fedup1606

9 ай бұрын

I noticed that, too. Until people are willing to address the elephant in the room, all this is pretty much an exercise.

@Patson20

7 ай бұрын

She's a feminist that can't ignore the data any longer, but she's still a feminist and as such can't hold women accountable for their actions.

@artvandelay3922

7 ай бұрын

The podcasts title should be 'woman are ruining children'