3 Steps to Heal a Broken Marriage

Picture this: You're standing at the crossroads of your marriage, feeling all alone because your spouse seems uninterested in making things work. How do you navigate these turbulent times to rescue your marriage? It's a question many of us have had to grapple with. This week, on It Starts With Attraction, we delve into the misconceptions surrounding marriage counseling, emphasizing the importance of early intervention and looking beyond the symptoms of marital discord to address the root cause.
Kimberly graciously shares her personal journey through a rough patch in her own marriage, offering invaluable advice based on her experience and professional expertise. Through the course of the episode, we unveil the first three steps to save a marriage - calming down, getting clarity, and stop pushes and start pulls. We also explore real-life scenarios where understanding the true source of conflicts not only improved the marriage but also drew the reluctant spouse closer. Kimberly's approach is practical and heartfelt, making this conversation a must-listen for anyone seeking guidance in keeping their marriage afloat.
However, the journey of saving a marriage is not a solitary one. As a community, we share our struggles, our hopes, and our experiences, creating a space of shared understanding and support. We discover how to become the person that people want to be around, and the importance of commitment in making a marriage last. So join us, as we navigate the maze of marital discord, and come out stronger on the other side. Remember - you are not alone in this journey, and there's always hope.
If you're looking for a chance to get Kimberly to speak on your stage or at your event, click here!
kimberlybeamholmes.com/speaking
Your Host: Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement and Relationships
Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master's degree in psychology for over ten years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching how attraction affects relationships. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 200,000 people a month who are making changes and becoming the best they can be.
Website: www.kimberlybeamholmes.com
Thanks for listening!
Connect on Instagram: @kimberlybeamholmes
Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to the podcast and leave a comment!
#Marriage #Divorce #attraction

Пікірлер: 177

  • @rja9784
    @rja978415 күн бұрын

    There are ZERO marriage channels on KZread that provide this quality content without a paid subscription

  • @bonganiskosana5114

    @bonganiskosana5114

    13 күн бұрын

    Most definitely.

  • @Guidance777
    @Guidance7772 ай бұрын

    I feel frustrated, tired, and angry with my life. My husband filed for divorce last November. He immediately started dating, which broke my heart. I have been praying for supernatural strength to get through this. I need help. Can you please pray for my family and me? I need a miracle.

  • @shakitaanderson1618

    @shakitaanderson1618

    Ай бұрын

    Bless her and restore her marriage God according to your word.

  • @tonylupinoeasypipsplus8334

    @tonylupinoeasypipsplus8334

    Ай бұрын

    I will pray for you!

  • @tanc4121

    @tanc4121

    Ай бұрын

    How are you doing ?

  • @shakitaanderson1618

    @shakitaanderson1618

    Ай бұрын

    Praying for you my sister. That will restore everything that the enemy thought he has taken from you.

  • @chaulendy1441

    @chaulendy1441

    21 күн бұрын

    I can feel your pain and my thoughts and prayers are with your 🙏

  • @oil_tx2544
    @oil_tx25443 ай бұрын

    I need to find this video trying to save my 20 year marriage and this video hit deep and I pray I can save it

  • @joshuacrisano5950
    @joshuacrisano595025 күн бұрын

    My wife has wanted divorce/separation for over a month now, we are still loving together with our 3 kids but her attitude towards menis completely turned off, we are civil, not friends, in her eyes. I am doing everything i can diffuse situations and avoid conflict and coming across the marriage helper videos has been very helpful in giving me a path to pursue, and that is working on myself. I have been an emotional disaster for the last month but hearing that all is not lost and there is still a chance down the line that if i put the work in, it can still be okay even though she wants nothing to do with me. I am trying to stay positive and putting energy into bettering myself for my family

  • @AnnaM-io1zn
    @AnnaM-io1zn2 ай бұрын

    Hi, do not give up. I have been praying and fighting for my marriage for four months. God is good. He hates divorce and he loves families. Keep on praying. He is faithful!

  • @dwightwiley490

    @dwightwiley490

    Ай бұрын

    How is it going now?

  • @leonardatiamzon7346
    @leonardatiamzon734614 күн бұрын

    Im extremely thankful for this video. This is excellent and I'm going to apply Step 1-3 ASAP and pray that God will work in his heart. You are very passionate and knowledgeable lady. Thank you very much.

  • @quintincrum797
    @quintincrum79714 күн бұрын

    Dr. Kim, On your point of pulling closer, my story is similar to yours!! I also opened the door for my wife. She said I was the only one that Treat like a queen. And she never had a man do those things for her. Acts of service. Words of affirmation. Those are her love languages. I Surprise her. I NEVER stopped doing those things. Wise man said "whatever you did to get her, continue doing it to keep her." Now, she doesn't want me speaking any of her love languages.

  • @angelpresenceenlightenment8549
    @angelpresenceenlightenment85493 ай бұрын

    Wow! This is what I am going through now. Everyone was telling me to let go and move on. My husband left us last week for another woman. I never thought this would occur. I am going to pray and work hard on fixing our marriage.

  • @geefour60

    @geefour60

    3 ай бұрын

    Please don't let pride get in the way let go and let God send your Husband some bible scriptures on marriage and remind him its God's word on what he's doing is wrong its the problem Today people don't fear the word of God

  • @angelpresenceenlightenment8549

    @angelpresenceenlightenment8549

    3 ай бұрын

    I appreciate your words! Thank you 😊

  • @andrewbagwell7324

    @andrewbagwell7324

    20 күн бұрын

    Infidelity is a deal breaker. Don't chase after someone who would leave you for another woman. Everyone deserves better than that.

  • @christopherallbright4212
    @christopherallbright42127 ай бұрын

    Thanks for being transparent about your own journey about being physically and emotionally separated while struggling to get back on the same path. Knowing that there were struggles that were overcome makes you relatable and credible. (I'm still listening to the rest, but this part resonated with me.)

  • @dapv144
    @dapv1442 ай бұрын

    It's absolutely depressing how simple and easy divorce is. The courts allow you to self file and have walkthrough guides to help you file electronically. Most other legal proceedings require a lawyer and encourage them. The attack against family is so disruptive and upsetting to the conscious that it is proof that it is a plan.

  • @sarahhoward7505
    @sarahhoward75057 ай бұрын

    I’m doing all this to save my marriage and hoping he’ll see my efforts and realize I how much I love and willing to save us

  • @brandonfreeman2693
    @brandonfreeman26936 ай бұрын

    This entire video was exactly what i needed to hear.

  • @anjajuntunen464

    @anjajuntunen464

    3 ай бұрын

    😢same

  • @franziskani
    @franziskani6 ай бұрын

    This is an excellent video - I know the structure of such webinars, but this was filled to the brim with valuable content. No hard (or soft sales), and no fluff.

  • @preciousrushwaya4640
    @preciousrushwaya46403 ай бұрын

    Wow wow wow Kimberley!!! You are such a breath of fresh air!!! Your wisdom, coupled with your eloquence and how knowledgeable you are really revived me…right here in the pit of not knowing where to go from the hurting pit of a marriage not going well. I truly believe that coming across this video was not an accident. I am super grateful to God for vessels such as yourself. I have just finished listening to this video and could listen to the whole of it all over again. ❤

  • @npwarr2651
    @npwarr26513 ай бұрын

    I’ve stood for my marriage for about a month and it’s one of the hardest things to do when you have a spouse that is just completely disinterested

  • @BlackPriest001

    @BlackPriest001

    2 ай бұрын

    Almost 7 months in, I feel you.

  • @npwarr2651

    @npwarr2651

    2 ай бұрын

    @@BlackPriest001 any positives changes coming your way?

  • @dwightwiley490

    @dwightwiley490

    Ай бұрын

    3 months in

  • @npwarr2651

    @npwarr2651

    Ай бұрын

    @@dwightwiley490 how’s it going for you, man?

  • @dwightwiley490

    @dwightwiley490

    Ай бұрын

    @@npwarr2651 about the same taking it one day at a time

  • @kundaidube0505
    @kundaidube05054 ай бұрын

    Kimberly, I'm incredibly grateful to have found your channel. Please keep up the fantastic work!

  • @kennycummings6863
    @kennycummings68636 ай бұрын

    I found this really helpful. I can absolutely relate to this in so many ways and can easily identify the things that I need to change in myself. I want to do whatever it takes to save our marriage. Thank you.

  • @jerrisumrall5994
    @jerrisumrall59942 күн бұрын

    7 STEPS 1)Calm down 2)Clarity 3)Pull spouse closer 4)Forgive & reconcile 5)Rebuild trust 6)Igniting intimacy & passion 7) Creating a dream life together

  • @darrellborland119
    @darrellborland1194 ай бұрын

    Your narrative is quite real and rather heart breaking in it's reality. Antidote: De-emphasize the blaming of one's spouse, look in the mirror with an honest self-evaluation each morning. Have I been the man I want to be.? What dissonant areas of our relationship am I responsible for? Next time, how do I avoid the triggers, and become a better man and husband? "Bravado, My "rights", macho attitudes', have no place here, unless we are willing to accept the negative consequences of eventual loneliness. Lady, you hit the nail on the head concerning the emotional cost to a guy who divorces after a long relationship. For more "linear-thinking/acting guys", this descent into self-destructive behavior can be quite common, profound, devastating. and permanent. Perfectionism, alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, licentious conduct, can easily result. Recovery groups are full of these broken men and women. And women have their own version of this "tailspin" trajectory. The bottom line for many guys seems to be maturity, only with time, life-mistakes realized, a true life-changing apology, (Contriteness?). Eventually, healing/reconciliation becomes the most important matter in a guy's life, who takes responsibility for his own "issues", Otherwise, an empty soul/heart results, shortening one's life, and a living"Hell" can result. These are not just words. Many men suffer from the hand of a father who destroyed his sense of well-being. Relationship dysfunction' tends to run generation to generation. A suggestion for those men who are in this negative vortex: Watch a film from 2008: "Fireproof". To heal his marriage, a suggestion is to "Study one's spouse"...if a guy's love is profound, a transformation may occur, reigniting that lost love with her, and a healing may result. Thank you, folks, for considering my response. And, thank you, Lady, for your honest ups' and downs", with Hubby. A third committed listener/helper seems to be the order of the day, if we are going to stop fooling ourselves. You were referring to "rational lies" we tell ourselves, when referring to friends that act as co-dependent' for our negative behavior. Another suggestion: watch Jordan Peterson's videos...he brooks no BS when talking about man/woman marriage as the bedrock of a civil, well ordered society. And, good luck concerning your PhD work. You are superb, Lady. In another life, I may have been your colleague, LOL. PS: One's feelings! The usual counselor model included this misguided nonsense of identifying one's feelings as the be all end all. A huge take-way: Guys: stop controlling her...A huge issue for those in trouble. Bottom line: don't take her for granted, ever! Be open, honest, vulnerable...if you both have similar moral standards. 😇

  • @Atend794
    @Atend7943 ай бұрын

    She has absolutely got this spot on. Best advice I have heard.x

  • @erichurt9884
    @erichurt9884Ай бұрын

    I watched this video. And I want to save my marriage I want us to be us again!!!!! I’ve been told to give her space and time but this video makes me feel like I need to show her I’m that guy who we were dating, 10 years of marriage now and 3 kids of course we get into parent mode but I want to date my wife again!

  • @jgott49

    @jgott49

    Ай бұрын

    I’m currently going through the exact same thing. We’ve been living apart for over a month, and time & space is always the answer. We have three young kids and life just got away from us. I love her so much and want to fix our marriage more than anything in the world. I miss her everyday. I’m making changes physically and mentally to be a better man for myself, my kids and my wife. I’m never going to give up on our marriage.

  • @erichurt9884

    @erichurt9884

    Ай бұрын

    @@jgott49 doing the same also, it’s tough and mentally draining everyday but we guys have to support each other because our Kids don’t know what’s really going on. No marriage is perfect but when one little thing gets screwed up the woman wants to bail. I’ve seen so many thing in worse situations then mine and my wife can’t understand that she’s hurting it even worse because of her emotions.

  • @agoodgurl2k

    @agoodgurl2k

    24 күн бұрын

    I understand. I've wanted my husband to date me again for years. 😢

  • @erichurt9884

    @erichurt9884

    24 күн бұрын

    @@agoodgurl2k for me it’s hard. My wife works in Emergency medicine so she works like 60 hours a week, she has meetings, trainings etc. so planning for Us is very difficult because she prioritizes Work over her family which is the problem, she prioritizes Work even over her kids most of them time.

  • @agoodgurl2k

    @agoodgurl2k

    24 күн бұрын

    @@erichurt9884 love conquers all ... Continue to fight for your marriage. So in your heart you know you tried and the lessons you learn will be so valuable. But I understand...I'm trying to hang in there to...even though it seems hopeless, at times. 🙌🏾🙏🏾🕊️

  • @user-ou1md9nn5e
    @user-ou1md9nn5eАй бұрын

    1. Remain calm 2. Find root cause of your problems 3. Do things that will pull them back not push them away God bless you… i. Found one person on earth who understood me for real and gave me solution. Sometimes the reason why we pass through such hard time is to be help for others. They way you talk made me understand how bad you needed this kind of help at the time and now you dont want others to suffer looking solution at the wrong place. I hope one day i will be a help for others as well cause my story is a just simply a book. Stay blessed

  • @patrycjaostrowska1742
    @patrycjaostrowska17423 ай бұрын

    Omg you are completely right. It was very hard for me to find something how to save my marriage... I love you video. You gave my hopes!

  • @paulbarkanyi1
    @paulbarkanyi14 ай бұрын

    Im going through a separation. These videos have really opened my eyes and I'm so thankful for this hope that it could be fixed

  • @rbyronson2426
    @rbyronson24267 күн бұрын

    I thank you for this video. I was told that she wants to separate we will sell the house and split money. I’m in therapy myself now not sure if she is as far as I know she’s not. She keeps saying this started 8yrs ago. I remember that I need to get help. But i didn’t, I feel so terrible for not doing that. I’ve learned stuff about myself like complex- PTSD childhood trauma. And she says we are toxic together and we need to go our separate ways and heal. We told our kids we were separating don’t know for how long. Maybe 1 week, 8months, or 10 yrs. So I’m still living with them she has not given me a dead line to move out. I don’t want to deal w the house & fix it up cause there’s good and bad memories there. I don’t want to give up on us, but she’s hell bent, she said I love you but not in love with you. I never want sex with you, so it’s been a month from that. Was told to the kids we will still on vacation together we will still do family stuff. Then as we are cooking she said I want to start back eating as a family. This morning she said she stressed out from what’s gonna happen when we split. So with that I’m like it’s better to stay and work on us together. So any advice or help? Do u stop texting her through out the day? Im just lost, I feel like the giant in the sky from the jack & bean stalk. I’m all alone, just me by myself. Well not yet but I’m already feeling that. To me Father’s Day hopefully won’t suck, then my birthday won’t be the same as the past ones. Just a real big bummers.

  • @user-ew8zd9nh5y
    @user-ew8zd9nh5y4 ай бұрын

    Woman you speak with so much passion. God bless you

  • @nikkidurghalli5865
    @nikkidurghalli58653 ай бұрын

    Very realistic wise and genuine advice. I love this video. Thank you Kimberly❤

  • @jonathanbyrd4724
    @jonathanbyrd47247 ай бұрын

    So awesome! Thank you Kimberly!! God heals. God is filling me with his peace, grace and love even to my ex. God bless her and make her happy, joyous and free.

  • @HustlinHorse
    @HustlinHorse7 ай бұрын

    This is amazing!

  • @CliveRoberts-ly3eu
    @CliveRoberts-ly3eu3 ай бұрын

    Thank you for all the positive enlightenment. I have been working endlessly on myself since my partner left and am encouraging her to do the same, first for herself and then us. I have found it a worthwhile journey in helping myself and it has encouraged me to make the effort to be an ongoing effort on my part.

  • @dawnprestmo1675
    @dawnprestmo16754 ай бұрын

    This is exactly what I need!

  • @nineteeneightyfour3680
    @nineteeneightyfour36803 күн бұрын

    My pastor who is the best bible teacher in the world (my opinion) says councilors are a huge waste of money. He had the fourth largest southern Baptist church in Texas for 15 years until he resigned and left the SBC because it’s gone to the dogs. I found out from a friend who went to his church that he was moving to the Taos NM area and startling an online church. I had left all churches and anything related because I thought the church twisted the Bible. When I met with him (Dr. Randy White) I discovered that what I was sensing the church was doing is exactly why he quit FB Katy TX. I’ve had a rough rough rough 34 years of marriage given my wife is a devout Baptist and Beth Moore type believer and no amount of counseling can break the ties that control her. Dr White told me that he would not see a counselor and might have to accept that it doesn’t work and can’t be fixed. I believe that if one will listen to this woman or the woman at the happy marriage school they can have a happy marriage

  • @TheTamsTunes
    @TheTamsTunes7 ай бұрын

    What I’ve tried that didn’t work was talk about the problems for hours all the time.

  • @joettedubeau9685

    @joettedubeau9685

    5 ай бұрын

    What do you do when you believe your spouse has a script pill problem and they deny it??? You have proof of the problem. So you ask them to leave. They do and now they won’t talk to you. What do I do???

  • @psychicmediumtree8743

    @psychicmediumtree8743

    3 ай бұрын

    You can't always fix a marriage

  • @dapv144

    @dapv144

    2 ай бұрын

    Lol. I bet. Thats something so easily understood but rarely put into practice correctly. I hope it gets better for you and you spouse. I would like to say that discussing problems is important. You have to know what to fix before you can know the how. But offering a problem without a solution that you are invested in is not the ideal way of moving forward toward positive outcomes and isn't LIKELY to be effective.

  • @MrSylviodrolet
    @MrSylviodrolet2 ай бұрын

    Just wow !! Really inspiring 🙏

  • @pipergunderson-swaney4539
    @pipergunderson-swaney4539Ай бұрын

    We did marriage counseling and basically were fired- that time it brought us closer because we frustrated the counselor to the point he said- I am done with both of you.

  • @cat52866
    @cat52866Ай бұрын

    Kimberly, this is was so eye-opening. I'm going through an extremely difficult time after 20 years of marriage. The push and pull just smashed me right upside my head. I feel like it's a little too late, but I will certainly try to be a better person. I'm not divorced yet, but I've already got the, "I love you but I'n not in love with you." Also, the roommate situation has also been going on for a couple of years. So much of what you have said resonates within me, the examples you are saying, do you do this or do you do that? I've been nodding my head yes...

  • @CutronaSalvatore
    @CutronaSalvatore7 ай бұрын

    Yes, I am committed!

  • @charlesmiller3686
    @charlesmiller36865 ай бұрын

    My wife and I are at a Crossroads. I love my wife and want my family. to survive this. She has opened up about a lot. I realized I was not her safe space. That she has found that elsewhere. We know we love each other. But she says she's burned out. Help

  • @darrellborland119

    @darrellborland119

    4 ай бұрын

    @charlesmiller3686....Please take this time in your life to pick up and use tools offered here and elsewhere, in hopes of getting thru this time. Perhaps time apart? It seems to clarify the dissident issues between husband and wife. thanks.

  • @WildernessgalM

    @WildernessgalM

    Ай бұрын

    🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

  • @beefstew976
    @beefstew9763 ай бұрын

    Thank you so much! ❤

  • @user-zc9vw4dw2n
    @user-zc9vw4dw2n2 ай бұрын

    Very good a tough listen from a husband that has been absent

  • @mdavid2729
    @mdavid27292 ай бұрын

    Yes, you're right. You do see more on why you should, or how to get divorced than saving it. And spouses are influenced to divorce when other's get a divorce... People cannot think for themselves.

  • @ryang1589
    @ryang158929 күн бұрын

    this is awesome this video gives me hope

  • @timromain6964
    @timromain69644 ай бұрын

    Very helpful

  • @juozupaitis
    @juozupaitis22 күн бұрын

    I'm a fan of Marriage Helper...they've shared a lot of tips that have helped my own personal journey....AND I'm a fan of counseling. I had to work on myself & my part of the marriage. I get that it's better for their business to tell you why they are better than counseling...but in reality...what they are doing IS counseling. So I'm scratching my head because the message is confusing. But not all therapists are well trained (many social work programs focus more on policy & systemic changes & less on individual/interpersonal issues)...finding a therapist that meshes with you is a lot like dating...you may have to try out a few before finding the one that resonates most with you.

  • @handyshomemademusic5827
    @handyshomemademusic5827Ай бұрын

    Great video

  • @michaeldurairajs6696
    @michaeldurairajs66962 ай бұрын

    Thank you it's really good for any relationships. Can you share the script. Will help. Really great principles 🌻🕊️🎯💯💞🌍🕯️

  • @aguilaral5720
    @aguilaral57202 ай бұрын

    Thank You For Your Video Is And Will Be Helpful On My Restoration First Working On My self. As my Wife has told me as well. All things are possible if we believe and want to.

  • @user-mf9fi4uw8x
    @user-mf9fi4uw8x2 ай бұрын

    After 34 years of marriage husband walked out it’s 25 days he is stonewalling me like I never meant nothing it’s a very dark cold lonely place to be I’ve cried every day all day unbearable

  • @user-hd7me8uh5j

    @user-hd7me8uh5j

    Ай бұрын

    I am so sorry. X

  • @jordanhenshaw
    @jordanhenshaw4 ай бұрын

    I did the Google search myself and out of the first like 50 results I got one result that was about marriages that can't be saved. All the others were about saving marriages and I got zero ads about divorce lawyers. Possibly you get those negative ads because you were already searching for that stuff in the past? Or maybe she meant this was something that happened many years ago I don't remember.

  • @anthonysmallwood3401
    @anthonysmallwood34014 ай бұрын

    After looking at many podcasts I can most easily relate to your three steps how do I get more information

  • @rechargeyourself5628
    @rechargeyourself562821 күн бұрын

    Is there a part two of this podcast with the remaining steps?

  • @LanaLeChelle
    @LanaLeChelle2 ай бұрын

    My husband said all of these things despite admitting he hasn't tried the way he should. But he checked out a long time ago. And was just lying to me and my family, his family etc. I started through me feeling like I was falling out of love and I respectfully communicated that to him to try and let him know where I was. I put up with him not putting on the effort for years. Almost 5 years of marriage and almost 11 years together. I sacrificed so much for him to end up deciding to divorce and abandon me abruptly a few days ago. It hasn't been an easy marriage at all. A lot of it due to being young and not knowing how to do what to do neither of us being there befofe. And We don't have children and therefore him leaving is easier. He's even said, I don't need to worry about you because you'll be fine. I'm not saying I wish we did because as you mentioned it doesn't just affect us. It'd be more hurt hearts involved. But maybe he'd care more? Idk. We're also Christians so the fact that nothing has been done for grounds of divorce other than him being unhappy for so many reasons that make sense considering our past and I'm not 100% happy. But I'd never leave him. We met at 19/21. He's my first and only boyfriend, first love, first sexual partner and first husband. Met In the military. Endured long distance, 2 break ups where he was so mean and dry to me just like right now. Both times regretting it and coming back. The second time even saying he didn't love me anymore see a future with me and 100% knew he would never be with me again. We got married less than 2 years after that. It's so much to have him turn his back on me. And I want to be so mad. My mom and dad are upset at him. His parents are disappointed in him. All but his biological father. But he's still proceeding. I keep asking God if I should stand because he's just done so much for so long. But there is a part of me that doesn't want to let go because I know what we can be. That this is fixable. I dealt with depression through these years. Where he said he didn't have to help me through that. It made it worse. I started have self worth and image issues. And it didn't make it better either. His fault or mine. So I know doing these steps you said would not only help me but maybe show him that I'm getting better and changing. I have to do the work. I feel he will one day turn around and think man. I could've handled this better. But I have to focus on myself and accept that he wants out and just do the work in hopes that he'll see it. But more importantly so that I'll make it out or through this a better person

  • @josephkenway4068
    @josephkenway4068Ай бұрын

    How do you identify what the core issue is?

  • @stratguitarman7831
    @stratguitarman78315 ай бұрын

    I DONT HAVE THE $ OR THE time to pay anyone for counseling especially online ones ,already been to 2 ineffective counselors

  • @jodibrown7273
    @jodibrown72734 ай бұрын

    Is there a second video to finish the steps?

  • @ChanelChanel20
    @ChanelChanel207 ай бұрын

    Yes, we tried counseling 2 or 3 times in our 38 year marriage, it didn't help.

  • @2Justin7
    @2Justin73 ай бұрын

    I feel like I'd give up every single thing I own and my hair maybe even a few fingers just to have my wife watch this video with me if that is a good idea either way you literally nailed every single problem my wife an I have iv struggled with addiction she struggles with resentment we have had the exact problems you described with counseling we both have major factors in how we were brought up with our parents ect. I feel hope after watching this thank you Godbless you

  • @dapv144
    @dapv1442 ай бұрын

    I feel all of that, and im still breathing. Im not giving up on us. I owe her everything and i owe it to myself to be the best me. She always makes me try harder and gives me drive. Can i do it without her. Im sure i could. But as long as were both alive, i won't stop trying to be her source of strength and happiness as she is mine. I just want her to talk to me.

  • @raw92378
    @raw923782 ай бұрын

    Thank you

  • @kathywieland9246
    @kathywieland92463 ай бұрын

    What do you do when the lines of communication are not open and they refuse to talk to you at all?

  • @IsraelBarron-xb2du
    @IsraelBarron-xb2duАй бұрын

    How do I hear the rest? Part two.

  • @charliehyland6292
    @charliehyland62925 ай бұрын

    How much is your coaching? I just experienced divorce but want my wife and family back together.

  • @music0326
    @music03263 ай бұрын

    And usually friends tell the person to just get divorced, like you said, "why haven't you done it yet?"..

  • @queenieroseapayart2449
    @queenieroseapayart24495 ай бұрын

    How can u save marriage f the other party is narcissistic person.Hes not changing.Im waiting for the lords wrath.Its impossible to change.Im waiting for the lord to deal wth him.

  • @jimdemichele5479
    @jimdemichele54797 ай бұрын

    Incidentally I have tried everything…she will not turn back and thinks I’m stalling after final paperwork was served in June

  • @Beinghopeful
    @Beinghopeful6 күн бұрын

    I’m separated now for almost two months my husband cheated and he is now staying with her and the worst is he brainwashed our youngest daughter and she is also with him now. He bought the other women in our home for many times now is just un respectful part of him in doing that. And it makes me angry and push me to give up.

  • @lovewords
    @lovewords2 ай бұрын

    This was very helpful , thank you so much and God bless you ❤🙏🏻

  • @SaffyKaffy
    @SaffyKaffy5 ай бұрын

    How did counseling make everything worse? I don't think its fair to say that... I think your program, plus a good therapist, can help tremendously.

  • @darrellborland119

    @darrellborland119

    5 ай бұрын

    @SaffyKaffy....Counseling in some cases, just brought out their differences...and not willing to do the hard relationship work. We tend to "throw our past in front of us", however, many can attest to benefit' of those changes. It usually takes a maturity-evolution, and a priority above all else. Thanks.

  • @SaffyKaffy

    @SaffyKaffy

    5 ай бұрын

    @@darrellborland119 this is very true. Thank you!

  • @danielwhittle4317
    @danielwhittle43175 ай бұрын

    Awesome

  • @KerstinHancock
    @KerstinHancockАй бұрын

    Where can I find the course for this?

  • @Chris-fb8bw
    @Chris-fb8bw6 ай бұрын

    What when your husband continually emotionally cheats on you? With your own friends and co-workers? With women on messenger? For the 20 years of our marriage? And at the same time he is dismissive towards me and makes me feel bad and defensive.

  • @misshairpassionista8378

    @misshairpassionista8378

    5 ай бұрын

    I am sorry you are going thru this. It is not easy at all. I worked on my P I E S. In the process, I stopped thinking much about my spouse and focused on myself and our kids. We are much much calmer now, with me doing SMART Contact always. It lessened my stress, anxieties and negative emotions and I am happiest with the Lord. Not out of the woods yet but filled with hope. It's been 2.5years but hope is getting higher tho I am enjoying myself more now and I spill that over to everyone around me including my spouse and the kids, I am with expectant faith of better things to come. I pray you find your path to calmness, peace and much hope 😊

  • @Chris-fb8bw

    @Chris-fb8bw

    5 ай бұрын

    @@misshairpassionista8378 Thank you so much for your kind and hope bringing answer. I have work to do. Blessings to you and your family and a merry Christmas. 🙏

  • @alex-vh2vd

    @alex-vh2vd

    3 ай бұрын

    thats what i think ppl need to do, is really focus on God and themselves. being depressed and broken over a man or woman is not it@@misshairpassionista8378

  • @thomasandamyratliffjunior2631
    @thomasandamyratliffjunior26314 ай бұрын

    Need prayers 😭... Really don't like this feeling. Need prayers for addiction stuff. Need prayers for the correct love an care an protection for my wife. Lord God the grandbaby is in heaven an ask help that hole bunch with their morning of her an finding out what happened Amen

  • @loracrisp7339
    @loracrisp73396 ай бұрын

    My husband an I went to one of your dads retreat. I had already been watching you guys I knew that God ordered our steps. But once again my husband and I are separated. He still comes around and he pays the house payment but. He hasn’t wanted to forgive me. He always brings up the past. I don’t know how to deal with it. There is so much more I know I need help. I know I need a change. But I want some things that he needs to change how do I change that part.

  • @jacobmauldin230

    @jacobmauldin230

    5 ай бұрын

    You have to fix yourself. You can control that part. Usually your partner will follow and change as well.

  • @artbynao

    @artbynao

    5 ай бұрын

    How do you know what to fix?

  • @darrellborland119

    @darrellborland119

    4 ай бұрын

    @@artbynao Thank you for your reach-out. Ask them, maybe? Ask a friend...you will eventually hear what you must hear, to consider what YOU need to do. Suggestion: Start a journal...there are plenty of tools, Thanks.

  • @Julie-ni5se
    @Julie-ni5se5 ай бұрын

    I have no hope for our marriage. His mom was in our marriage and everything went downhill after that. I’ve done everything you have stated. He’s cold hearted and so cruel. I’ve been crying every day for the past 6 months. He’s still thinking of filing for divorce but he wants to wait 6 months to file it because he has other things to take care of first. So basically he’s stringing me along and torturing me for another 6 months of hell. I pray but feel like my prayers are unanswered. I feel like he’s punishing me. He don’t even reached out to his 2 kids. I still love him and have given everything to him but I feel like a fool 😢. I need help so bad.

  • @khethelokhumalo5127

    @khethelokhumalo5127

    5 ай бұрын

    May God heal you . I know the pain ..am basically going through the same pain as you 💔

  • @alex-vh2vd

    @alex-vh2vd

    3 ай бұрын

    girl, let the guy go. what "God" put together, can no man pull apart. love God, then yourself then your kids and watch the move of God

  • @CallsItLikeISeizeIts
    @CallsItLikeISeizeIts4 ай бұрын

    All fine and dandy except when your SO wants zero part in it and is actually more pissed that your trying to save😂

  • @Bonnie-or6nj
    @Bonnie-or6nj3 ай бұрын

    Nothing I've tried has worked. I'm so sad and lost.

  • @LuvOfLalaland
    @LuvOfLalaland3 ай бұрын

    Are we talking about This for the husband who doesn't do what he says and who doesn't take the countability and who uses substances tells me he will never stop that addiction and who hates the narcissist mother and doesn't even know that's what's ruining his life? So only being able to work when there is privilege otherwise all he wants to do is control me and lead me to not have a sense of self and still wanting to feel like a man by controlling me sitting on that gaming chair fating around oh also toxic mouth since day one? As well as against me once there is a third party showing in our life no matter what happens. You helped me discover the real truth. Lol

  • @crystaldushkin8909
    @crystaldushkin89093 ай бұрын

    Shouldnt the cheating spouse be the "one" spouse who does the work to save the marriage?

  • @anniecherian6280
    @anniecherian62805 ай бұрын

    I try everything, my husband doent want come back, hes only giving everything financial helping he, dont want save marriage, I dont know what to do I m overwhelmed

  • @alex-vh2vd

    @alex-vh2vd

    3 ай бұрын

    stop trying to save it. its a partnership. continue to pray and ask God if this is what he wants. many ppl marry out of God's will and once that happens, we know how its gona end.

  • @geefour60
    @geefour605 ай бұрын

    Bottom line is we have to take our marriages to God hes a healer he can restore im a witness God can do the impossible give him a try I promise you

  • @helzabonakelemokgabudi4129

    @helzabonakelemokgabudi4129

    5 ай бұрын

    How long did it take for your marriage to be restored again?

  • @mace2gorc872

    @mace2gorc872

    3 ай бұрын

    Pray for mines. My marriage has been under sever atrackneven from the time we were courting. We are now separated and perhaps near divorce. I love my wife even more as I've come to accept her flaws and my short comings. I pray everyday for my marriage and even fast and pray 1xnper month. Lord God help me not tondoubt you are able to save my marriage. I pray that my wife fully heals from the pain, hurt and trauma I've caused her.

  • @geefour60

    @geefour60

    3 ай бұрын

    @@mace2gorc872 I'll be praying for y'all but please don't give up give it God standby and trust and watch him work

  • @Vainnx
    @Vainnx22 күн бұрын

    I’m currently going the this divorce shii with my wife… she says she wants one but yet we lay in bed together still and still live in the same roof and also still have good convos still… how can I show her tht divorce isn’t the best way

  • @jimdemichele5479
    @jimdemichele54797 ай бұрын

    My wife will not relent on ending our marriage…it’s over for her

  • @user-om1jg7rx6z

    @user-om1jg7rx6z

    7 ай бұрын

    I'm sorry please know you're not alone. Will be praying

  • @jimdemichele5479

    @jimdemichele5479

    7 ай бұрын

    @@user-om1jg7rx6z thank you so much

  • @dwightwiley490

    @dwightwiley490

    Ай бұрын

    Mine too❤Praying for restoration

  • @user-cn3su9zv5l
    @user-cn3su9zv5l5 ай бұрын

    We are separated can it be saved

  • @shakitaanderson1618
    @shakitaanderson1618Ай бұрын

    I feel tired and frustrated. I feel like my husband still has unhealthy relationships with his women co-workers when we've already had past experiences with him and a co-worker. I sometimes feel like he's speaking to her.

  • @OlgaSmirnova1
    @OlgaSmirnova14 ай бұрын

    Marriage is a sacred institution. Divorce shall not be an option.

  • @OlgaSmirnova1

    @OlgaSmirnova1

    3 ай бұрын

    @@alex-vh2vd that comment is unbiblical! You married you must remain married!

  • @williamhartline2406
    @williamhartline24063 ай бұрын

    I have the BPD disorder,and and we both got into a big argument we got into a physical altercation,where she slapped and choked me,I had to throw her to thefFloor that put me so in a depressed I had to go to a mental clinic,IMy wife is the love of my life and I didnt even dream that that would happen,I should have just grabbed her and held her,I have had stress for about 8 months after another driver hit my semi and I was injured,all I want to love my wife,but she wants me out,is there any suggestions how I can change her mind.

  • @stacyjacobson4024
    @stacyjacobson402414 күн бұрын

    I am really tired of the emotional roller coaster. We have been married since 96 and we have very little in common.

  • @stacyjacobson4024

    @stacyjacobson4024

    12 күн бұрын

    This such an amazing perspective!!

  • @mace2gorc872
    @mace2gorc8723 ай бұрын

    I have a very serious question. Can my marriage be saved when it's the guilt party who wants to save it(I am the guilty party and I am the one who wants to save the marriage . I came to my senses and when through a transformation and have been truly remorseful. I ask this question because from all the testimonies and stories I've read about couples, it was always the innocent party who wanted to save the marriage and now the guilty one.

  • @anniecherian6280
    @anniecherian62806 ай бұрын

    My husband sepratedvyear now, hes paying everything, he not comeback hes so mad everytime asking to comesback,

  • @misshairpassionista8378

    @misshairpassionista8378

    5 ай бұрын

    I have stopped asking my spouse to come back but I have healed myself enough to enjoy giving him his space. Work on your PIES and do SMART contact. I kept watching the videos for more than 2 years and eventually I calmed down and have been enjoying myself. Whatever or wherever this may lead to, I still win because I get the better version of myself!

  • @avtinmarkus9477
    @avtinmarkus94773 ай бұрын

    My husband she this lady at work and he treats me like shut he believes he's happy with her today we're are 12years married

  • @aclark7500
    @aclark75006 ай бұрын

    1:05:09

  • @alexr6470
    @alexr64703 ай бұрын

    I divorced my ex wife 20 years ago and spoke two times with her only afterwards. Both times it was her who called. I never looked back, regreted or wanted to reconcile. That would be the stupidest thing to do. It was her who initiated the split. As soon as she said that I simply stated it was over and filed for divorce immediately despite her pleading not to do it. I was not willing to play her stupid games.

  • @natasha1061
    @natasha10614 ай бұрын

    Wish I knew to just start at 27 minutes

  • @rogerrippel48
    @rogerrippel487 ай бұрын

    Still trying not easy.

  • @misshairpassionista8378

    @misshairpassionista8378

    5 ай бұрын

    Definitely. But I tell you, it is worth it! I am not out of the woods yet but I am liking how I have become a better version of myself. Consistent and sincere efforts are key. Heal yourself first. I know there is something there to work on. Just take it one day at a time.

  • @YolandaMoradzadeh
    @YolandaMoradzadeh5 ай бұрын

  • @sb486
    @sb48612 күн бұрын

    😢

  • @richardmartinez2973
    @richardmartinez2973Ай бұрын

    That ladies affair was the man’s fault. Crazy

  • @thomasandamyratliffjunior2631
    @thomasandamyratliffjunior26314 ай бұрын

    Lord knows im not perfect. Amen. Lord an wife knew had addiction issues before got together. Amen Wish everyone best an Godspeed through there journeys lord has them on Lord need your help. Lord not just me asking this for. My wife our situations. As well as all marriages. Lord decline the divorce rates please

  • @PratManDoo
    @PratManDoo2 ай бұрын

    So would you rather 2 people stay in the marriage and “live separate lives” than to actually separate?

  • @MrJfgh
    @MrJfgh3 ай бұрын

    "Just follow your heart" & "You need to do what's right for you" are the two most poisonous phrases in the modern world. Basically reject responsibility and ignore any hurt you might cause in the process.