Thank you for bringing attention to this. The part about being tethered to a few rooms with the only outside experiences being a doctor, pharmacy and grocery store really made me cry. I did it for 16 years and am proud of myself for the job I did. You can't conceptualize the job unless you're knee deep in it.

@Bailey2006a

Жыл бұрын

Brilliant response..it is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life. Now, I have to hope someone will do it for me when the time comes.

Spot on. My brother and I are doing our best with 24/7 care of our 95yo mother. She can’t walk on her own and is increasingly suffering dementia. We’ve been doing it for years. It’s brutal.

@advocacynaccountablity

Жыл бұрын

If no one else has said this to you recently, thank you both for your service, for a human being who makes up our larger community. You should be supported thoroughly for doing this work.

@tedmom3029

Жыл бұрын

It is a long path; bless you all for doing it together. I did this for my husband who had MS, and yes, it was brutal … or as my friend would day “breautiful” … both beautiful and brutal.

As the stay-at-home dad of a profoundly disabled child, I applaud Ms. Kenway for calling attention to the plight of caregivers and Amanpour & Co. for amplifying her voice.

@THATBOISHAD

Жыл бұрын

I became a caregiver for my wife at the age of 29. Our life stopped immediately and has been in buffering mode for 5 years now. It could continue for a number of years to come. I am a part of the maybe 2% of men who have to care for a loved one who is slowly wasting away. I love my wife dearly, but this is also very hard. Once she dies I hope I'm still young enough to pick up the pieces of my life financially.

What a sentence: “The silent suffering of caregivers.” This suffering is all around and all the lips are sealed. Except the writer of the book. What a great contribution!

Wonderful, difficult discussion! I am “one of those” women who lost a decade of my life to intensive caregiving of a loved one. In my case, my husband “survived” a catastrophic cycling accident which left him physically broken and seriously brain injured for the last decade of his life. Not only did I lose my husband twice (first to brain injury, second to death), I lost a decade of my professional life and retirement savings. Worse still, family and friends dropped away leaving me isolated and exhausted. It’s been nearly four years and I’m still struggling to rebuild my life and regain my own health. But my experience has left me desperate not to put one of my daughters through a similar protracted crisis. I know it is impossible to anticipate every exigency, but I’ve taken legal steps (in the form of a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care here in California ) and made my wishes clear that I want my daughters to let me go without heroic measures. And while I know no one can anticipate the particular decisions a crisis will demand, I do hope there will be more financial, social and emotional support available to them. I can’t tell you how many times I wished my husband could have told me what he really wanted me to do after his injury, but the man who had been my friend and partner, who had loved and cared for me, had been taken away by a brain injury leaving me to make the impossible choices alone. Does the author discuss ways we might let our potential future caregivers know our wishes for them? I hope so. I’ll just have to read the book to find out.

@galepatrick1702

Жыл бұрын

now is the time to take care of you - wishing you the best -

Thank you Emily, for pulling attention to this grossly hidden issue. This is absolutely a human issue as much as a feminist issue. Here in Minnesota we celebrate the Paid Family Leave legislation we won last week as a step toward human rights laws that honor lived reality.

In Italy, a lot of my male friends are taking care of their sick parents too... It's amazing what they do and sacrifice.

I cared for my elderly mother for over a decade. None of my siblings offered to help me. Instead, my brother tried to take all of her money and sell her house under the guise that “he would take care of her.” His true intentions were to immediately put her in a nursing home, leaving me homeless as well. As my mother’s POA, I prevented him from doing what he planned. I followed my mother’s wishes and she passed in her home, but I was ostracized by him and my sister. I carried the burden, and, yes, it affected my physical and mental health.

@T-aka-T

Жыл бұрын

This is a story repeated very often. The people who are not doing the caring want the money. But the depth and breadth this has added to your character is worth more than money. I hope it is working out better for you now. But no matter what your circs are, they cannot take from you the fact that you have done those hard yards and become a better person than you might otherwise have been. You have what matters. They have shallow greed. ❤

@lisaferrara8120

Жыл бұрын

@@T-aka-T Thank you for your thoughtful and kind response. I do realize the impact of my experiences strengthened my character. But I still suffer from the emotional and mental struggle that I had to endure, not from caring for my mother but from the constant questioning of why people are so cruel. ❤️

@debby891

11 ай бұрын

So familiar for me too💔

How many workdays are lost to care vs how many caredays are lost to work... Brilliant!

There should be a basic annual income for every adult. It is less costly than having to administer social programs, qualifications for money, etc.

People that ask 'why not just pay someone to do it?' obviously have no clue about this kind of situation. I'd be asking them, 'how do I afford to pay someone?' How do I know I would not be paying someone that will end up abusing my loved one or stealing from my loved one or me? It's not just that simple to 'pay someone' to do it!

I am living this experience right now! It is very difficult, isolating and stressful.

I took care of my mom, my sister.. both with cancer.. my brother also afflicted at the same time. It was a nightmare. The emotional toll is extremely difficult, the financial strain, the upheaval of family / work dynamics. I’m a us citizen in France & got good support but still it was overwhelming. All three of my immediate family died within 3 months. My brother first - I had to tell my mom. Mom mom next , I had to tell my sister.. ..🥺🥺🥺 I had 2 funerals to arrange the 3rd one my distance sister helped. I don’t know how I survived emotionally. My mom died in my arms and I did my best. But I often felt so alone. I was working at the time & I was fortunate to have compassionate support. It’s hard for caregivers to ask for help. I have no regrets despite everything. I could not do things differently. Talking about it helps. Her story is my story!

@nextinstitute7824

Жыл бұрын

That sounds like a truly hard time. Hope you are well now.

@kathya1321

Жыл бұрын

@@nextinstitute7824 I was in a daze for sometime after. But I am OK now. It is an issue we must talk about more openly and something we all must prepare better for. After the death of my brother, I had to tell my sister mom had died, it literally killed her. She died of a broken heart at that point. It's something I live with still every day. Thank you so much for caring.

@nextinstitute7824

Жыл бұрын

@@kathya1321 😘

@gretahelphrey7842

Жыл бұрын

“It’s hard for caregivers to ask for support”. So very true. Even when people would say, “What do you need?,” I couldn’t answer, because I was so overwhelmed and exhausted I didn’t know where to start. I’ve decided that what I really needed was someone to just show up and be with me. But how do you ask for that? I know now that when someone in my life is overwhelmed, I will just show up. I will tell them to sit down and talk to me while I do dishes or put away groceries, or wash the floors, or make tea and give them a hand rub (or foot rub if they’d like that). Talk and kind touch and slow, easy silences. Just being there. (Maybe the touch part is easier for me because I was a labor & delivery nurse for years and learned the healing power of touch. But anyone can do it as long as they are comfortable doing it. If they’re not, it’s best to simply talk and listen and be present.)

@kathya1321

Жыл бұрын

@@gretahelphrey7842 thanks Greta for your reply. I had a sense of obligation & I didn’t feel right imposing my needs on others..like ‘asking for help’ - it was my responsibility. But I think I was wrong about that.. you’re right about just being present for the care giver. And also getting help to take breaks.. to get away from the routine physically & mentally.

Heart moving interview. Emily Kenway has the most beautiful way of speaking clearly to convey her message. I could listen to her anytime. We can't succumb to compassion fatigue when we are in the midst of caring for a loved one. It is hard work but carers step up and keep going.

God bless you, Emily.

We need to adjust social security payments for people who were not able to work full time because of caregiving.They work hard during their working life without pay and then live in poverty after retirement because they cared.

Beautifully done! Thank you both!!!

It's not just women who have to provide this sort of care. My Dad was diagnosed with alzheimers and he became threatening toward my mother. I had to buy a house 180 miles away from my parents home over 10 years ago and move me and my mother into the house in order to protect her. My brother stayed behind in the family home to become my father's caregiver while I became my mother's caregiver. My mom has diabetes and stage 4 kidney disease. She has so many doctors and meds that we need a giant wall calendar every year to keep track of all her appointments. She doesn't drive and doesn't speak English so I take her to every appointment with every doctor and serve as her interpreter. She regularly experiences acute conditions that require a visit to the local hospital ER. When that happens it throws my entire life out of kilter as I have to suddenly leave work and run with her to the ER. It's has gotten so bad that I cannot even visit the ER for myself when I experience acute conditions. I need to undergo surgery and it has been terrible trying to coordinate my surgery dates and medical requirements with my mom's own special needs. I have had to make sacrifices in my career and personal life to take care of my elderly mother. My brother has had to do the same with my Dad. As his alzheimer's has steadily progressed and his condition deteriorated my father has required constant supervision which means my brother cannot work. The worst of it all is that the state of Florida controlled by Republican governors whose ideology is that no one should get help from the state unless you are a millionaire or billionaire in which case you should be rewarded with welfare and tax cuts that the rest of us have to finance. No other country in the world except America abandons the poor and those who need help and showers the most wealthy in society with the tax payer funded benefits. That only happens in a society as corrupt as America!

@richarddietzen3137

Жыл бұрын

I am sorry for you and your brother shouldering the burden. You are right and made the point well regarding the absence or elimination of benefits, not to mention the imposition of uncaring administrative structures. Hospice, when appropriate, is a blessing, but you may avoid some of the the corporate providers and do your research. Completing a living will regarding dialysis or a consideration of no resuscitation decision is very important to do while your mom can decide for herself with access to information.

@joeblow5087

Жыл бұрын

Florida is becoming fascist with wannabe President Pudding Fingers running around the country wearing white go-go boots screaming about "wokeness" instead of doing something about family caregiver support.

@bryna7

Жыл бұрын

They didn't say it was only women, they said it's been mostly women. Throughout history women have been primary caregivers and they have years taken off of their lives and get injured frequently and no one cared because it's mostly women.

@caseroj6020

Жыл бұрын

@@bryna7 Like most stereotypes this one isn't true either. My sister barely lifts a finger to help my mom or dad. In fact she is so selfish and careless with my parents that I cannot trust her to be alone with them for an extended length of time!

@doricetimko5403

Жыл бұрын

May blessings rain down upon you❤

This is so important to address. I have had a similar experience and I know so may of my generation are as well. This must be addressed.

Way past time someone addressed this issue. Thank you. It is a crisis that must be addressed. As you say, it impacts us all.

@perfumistaful

Жыл бұрын

This issue has been already been addressed by many people . This woman is getting more attention than most because she is young, high -powered, & well connected.

I have 4 brothers. They didn't do anything to help with either parent's care. I was stuck with it all because I was the only girl. Makes me angry. Male chauvinism has to end.

@jjjjjjjjkigghh8662

Жыл бұрын

Agree, male chauvinism has to end.

Thank you, Emily -- Yes, it has come for me, and I am giving care. I can't even talk about all the frustrations and bad feelings, without getting emotional, even tho' I know I wouldn't choose a different path for myself and my loved one . . .

@jessieadair

Жыл бұрын

Heartfelt empathy and admiration for your capacity for love and for your courage.

Each of us, your mum included, are the only ones who can define our quality of life for ourselves. You have lived that reality and are now living that reality for yourself.

I was the primary caregiver for my mom and then before she passed, found myself in the same situation with my father who, in addition to having dementia, is also an alchoholic. I am trying to keep it together with a fulltime demanding job, but it's very difficult. Everything you say resonates with me so much.

@jessieadair

Жыл бұрын

I hear you and feel great empathy for the heavy weight you shoulder every day without support. You and all caregivers -- a role very many of us will fill sooner or later -- have long been suffering in silence. Giving voice to your lives is important and, I dearly hope, will give rise to more awareness and to change.

The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve never been so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted in my life. I’m my mom’s primary caregiver (Alzheimer’s) and have done it for 5+ years. I love her to the moon and back but caregiver burnout is a very real thing. I’m pretty sure that my 85 year old mom will outlive 64 year old me. Unless someone has walked in our shoes, they will never ever understand 💔

I feel your pain. I took care of my mother-in-law and parents. I was fortunate to have a job where I could work from home or wherever I could take my laptop and had access to Wi-Fi. My mother is in care because of the Alzheimer’s and is in a wheelchair. It’s heartbreaking.

Great video and such an important topic and book.

Caregivers need more support.

Please provide more content just like this. We have a care crisis that has been borne by caregivers who sacrifice everything and are mostly ignored. I know men do it too, but I think this is all rooted in the patriarchy which treats care work as not real work. (Totally tied to capitalism which doesn’t factor in the cost of anything.) According to our government (US) and many major religions, we are supposed to be “good” mothers, daughters, etc. and take all this on without complaint. Hedge fund managers destroy our economy and make millions while daughters care for demented elderly for free. No more! Let the revolution begin!!

I can attest to, after over 4yrs of my sweet husbands passing, from the horrors of early on-set Alzhiemers, that the ramifications of being his sole caregiver did things to me emotionally that I never expected. I anticipated the extreme financial problems, and thought I could repair them after his passing, but I never thought that I would so emotionally fall apart that I've been unable to do it, and I feel shame, which makes it all the worst.

@jessieadair

Жыл бұрын

Feelings of shame are an attack against & a rejection of one's self. The self that you describe has the capacity for deep love, the courage to take on the hardest experience you will ever endure, & the awareness to recognize the true cost of all of it. I admire that person, empathize with her. I wish her comfort, not shame.

@cynthiamason4069

Жыл бұрын

@@jessieadair Thank you, Jessie.♡

great interview. thank you. brave young lady.

Thanks for this. Also thank you to the interviewer - terrific questions.

Such an important story, thank you!

I’m going through exactly that right now…I have 2 siblings, brother and sister but what they actually do is minimal. I take care of everything even though my mother is in Assisted Living. The cost is ridiculous, our money will only last so long.

Excellent points. Leaders please listen.

15 year male RN here. Nursing has been making the argument about the importance of care work for a long time. We’ll know that we’ve evolved as a species when care work is available for anyone & everyone. It’s a universal human need and these costs need to be socialized, imho. Care for self, and others, is the most important work in the world. It’s absurd how our society values things.

Thank you for this excellent interview and I look forward to reading the book. As the youngest child of all boys and the only child who lived in town, the role of caregiver was taken on by me. From my a career as a nurse’s aid, then RN, then nurse practitioner I was aware of the vast extent of caregivers who were female (99%?) and the hard work they do. Even with my experience I was still often stymied in dealing with the health care system and unprepared for the sheer amount of emotional lifting and patience required. This was complicated by the fact I am a senior citizen myself and that taking a hiatus from work essentially amounted to an early retirement. Yes, I would do it all over again, but don’t let anyone tell you it’s not difficult.

@Cathy-xi8cb

Жыл бұрын

You have now seen that the healthcare system is completely broken. It is a danger to most fragile elderly people. Your early retirement has almost certainly taken money you could have been investing to care for yourself. You cannot get time back, so I hope you have adjusted your spending plan.

How many care days are lost to work? This is everything. ❤

Hi! Ms Kenway, my name is Joe. I just started reading your book, "Who Cares". My biological mother died in September, of 2022, at the age of 92. She had several illnesses, including the beginning of dementia in the few years. She died at my sister's house, in her sleep. My spouse and I, had just visited her about one month before she passed away. My sister lived far from me and my spouse, but we did our best to visit her, often. During her last couple of months, my sister told us that my mother would now be under "hospice" care, but still at home. My mother gave me away when I was just six months old. She was just a teenager, herself, at age 16, when she gave birth to me. I was fortunate to be raised by two loving guardians, who's two daughters had already gotten married and on their own. I grew up in Brooklyn, New York from the age of five. I met my mother when I was ten. I saw her from time to time, and when I was alone with my thoughts, I would wondered, often..."what happened to my mother". What kind of life did she have, those first sixteen years? My guardians shared their opinion about my mother, and so did many other people related to my guardians. I did here many horrible stories about my mother, but not any stories about my biological Dad. These were "old-fashioned", simple people and usually didn't talk much, about their past. Yet, over the years, and especially after my guardians passed away, I started caring more, for my mother. I didn't have to, I just wanted to. I followed her life from New York to Florida. I saw her often. Even my own daughter visited her, often. Today, I still miss her, very much...and am just beginning to understand the "meaning of life", and what it should include. It should definitely include, more knowledge, more understanding, more awareness, more caring, more of everything, about what Ms Kenway has written in her book, "Who Cares". We all...need to learn so much about this precious, touching subject! Joe.

Excellent interview. Thank you!

Very important discussion. I am a care giver in the USA and it is very hard to get help. I have called around and been told that unless a person is low income that you pay for any service you need. I now will be paying for nursing service and housekeeping. I am old myself and having trouble keeping up with everything.

Universal Basic Income. It's not a total solution to humanity's problems, but it's necessary for so many reasons. Some will remain ignorant for as long as they can, but eventually the truth about caregiving, the working poor, environmental degradation, crime, and everything else that UBI can help us with will come out.

What an incredible young lady!

Thank you 🙏❤

This is sooo important Please listen up Dylan’s words ring true with this amazing woman’s…”your gonna have to serve somebody…”

Inequality? The silent cost, women have more empathy. I married my husband, a year later he had a TIA I gave up my 6 figure salary then he appeared to get dementia / brain issues for 6-7 years had brain surgery for water on the brain, he got better for 11 months and is now in decline (his adult children are not there for him). I’ve been having to manage his affairs, my mother has had dementia now for 4 years and yes, it’s exhausting. Yes, everyone is living and having a normal life. I must investigate if I can register as a caregiver, good idea. At least I can have an income.

I did this for a couple of years as an aid worker in NYC - dementia / Alzheimers / Parkinson's / stroke / cancer / hospice. 12 hrs / day, 6 days / wk in 2020. Agency takes 50% of the pittance I was paid. Family, the client, everyone else would treat the carer as a slave. I no longer have any sentimentality about people, or this industry. As an adult child of someone with dementia (etc), you need to draw clear lines and defend yourself. If you're the gay sibling, your other siblings will probably expect you to do this (financially you may need to). They'll tell you it's just like them having to raise their kids - it's not even close. Society will see you as invisible at best, but basically a loser. If you're a man, women will really look down on you (the reality is that women do not let men in to care roles).

So true.

I took care of my mother for 9 months after she shattered her ankle and suffered two spinal compression fractures. I could not work, it was an all consuming job. I had an employer who wanted me to work part time but I couldn’t do it, it was practically challenging for my bed bound mother and added so much stress. I tried to get state unemployment but was rejected. Luckily my mother’s savings made it possible.

Kenway points out downside of aging something gen X, Z is totally oblivious today. Thank you Ms. Roberts and Amanpour.

My favorite is how people think that we "don't work"; meanwhile we're exhausted and broke to boot. Oh and it's not just women, in fact that stereotype makes it even harder for us men who find ourselves in this situation. Even harder to get recognition or compensation for that caregiving because society doesn't perceive us in this role. So thanks for perpetuating that.

@lindalascola6214

10 ай бұрын

No, it's not just women, but because it's MAINLY women, the caregiver role is downplayed in importance. More men like you are needed to DO SOMETHING about it, instead of just complaining about the unfairness of it.

I’m taking care of my 97 year old Mother. Thankfully, at this point, she is still living independently in her own home. She uses a walker for ambulating and has stopped driving. One of her main issues is that she feels isolated and has grown dependent on me for her socialization. I’m a grandmother myself with 8 grandchildren. I have 4 siblings who live out of state who do nothing to help out even coming to visit for a week or so to give me a break with my husband. Unfortunately, caregiving takes time away from my husband, my children and my grandchildren. We’ve talked about assisted living but they are so short staffed now and very expensive and in home care is not reliable and is also expensive. Not so sure my elderly self (age 70) can keep this up.

I love my Mom!

My God I do believe we need to learn how to and when to decide to die, quality of life is the most important fact in living. Living a long life is not the point, living a good quality life is.

My father passed away a year ago. My fiancé and immediately moved in with my mom to take care of her. She has several health issues and deep depression from losing her husband of 50 years. I had to give up my job, mine and my fiancé’s home, and myself. Now I’m exhausted and need help. My children are all grown and have little time. I don’t know what to do

My Mother had a couple of strokes and ended up bedridden with dementia and paralyzed one of my sisters gave up everything to care for our Mother 24/7/365 for more than 13 years…our Mom has passed and although some of our siblings don’t appreciate the wonderful care she provided our Mother I will always be grateful for being such a special daughter and human being 🙏🙏

The difficulties here are at least two - one is having the money to acquire adequate support staff for family care of the sick & elderly - personally

I cared for my husband for 15 years and had to put him in a nursing home when he needed more care than I could give him. I did it all. I was burnt out and still am. Luckily he is in a good place so no horror show stories here, but now he's declining and it's even more harrowing. And I'm a former hospice chaplain, so I am used to this work.

❤😊

$$$ is also an issue about why can't people "just hire" some help! I was caring for BOTH OF MY PARENTS! The HARDEST THING I EVER DID IN MY LONG LIFE OF 70+ YEARS.

A Topic for global discussion now.

In England, this woman's mother would not have had access to home based and outpatient rehab therapies to enhance independence and build safety. In England they limit care severely even though it is free when you do get some. In the US you have more options.

@THATBOISHAD

Жыл бұрын

If you can afford it or they will tell you it's part of your plan but you can't find the providers that accepts your insurance. Don't be misled

@Cathy-xi8cb

Жыл бұрын

@@THATBOISHAD: Medicare Advantage plans cheat the elderly and the sick. There isn't anyone in healthcare that would sign up for those plans. We know exactly how they work. They are a scam for almost anyone. The TV commercials should be a big clue. Nobody is promoting standard Medicare. Why? Because nobody is making money on it. Not doctors, not therapists, and certainly not investors. The companies that provide Medicare Advantage are making billions. THAT is why old stars are hired to shill it.

You need to send signed copies to Biden and Bernie. And whoever is in charge in the UK.

@advocacynaccountablity

Жыл бұрын

Have both of them talk to Elizabeth Warren who campaigned with Family Leave as one of her most fervent issues.

I'm sole caregiver to my quadriplegic wife. we've been married 60 years. I'm hobbled by stenosis sciatica. We live off reversed mortagage as long as possible. No body cares...we'll find our own way ending together.

How about a paid caregiver stress and rude demanding families.

Gawd, I'd love an income for the unpaid caregiving I provide. Been 3 years and 5 months without income or financial help from anyone. Just livin' off savings... Yeah, it sucks.

I'm at the bottom of this.

💯💯💯🏳️‍🌈

Oh, come on... there is help available for carers in Scotland. At the end of the interview, you sounded like giving a threat..'Everyone will have the caring experience..." I don't think so. You have not invented the wheel with your caring role. Millions of men and women are caring for the elderly and the disabled. I am sorry for your mother's suffering abs yours . This is what we do if we have to. It used to be part of the extended family's role. I hope your book sells well and you can donate the money to the many carers organisations in Britain.

@jann9507

5 ай бұрын

Well said !! She has a feminist axe to grind and claim the Victimhood prize - while milking the sympathy of her moms illness.

Money is life... ?

the world turns on the backs of unpaid women. i am terrified of torching my retirement to care for my parents.

Super cool looks😊, I'm gay like that 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

LGBTQ+

All you have to do is make a factual point about women facing an issue in society, and people get upset about it with the "what about men?"crap. Unreal.

Dr. Jill Biden works selflessly to care for her dementia patient. She deserves respect.

@THATBOISHAD

Жыл бұрын

Why did you come here with that foolishness? This is real life for people.

@SouixZQ

Жыл бұрын

Please remove this totally unsubstantiated comment.

@imperialmotoring3789

Жыл бұрын

@@SouixZQ Which comment hon? The one complimenting Dr. Jill Biden for cleaning her dementia patient's chin?

@imperialmotoring3789

Жыл бұрын

@@THATBOISHAD A Demetia patient leading the nation in real life is scary, especially when other nations are using that fact to take us over.

It’s ludicrous that the host tried to twist caregiving into a feminist trant; Men are as much if not more into Caregiving for their parents or family and do it quietly without seeking attention

It's happening everywhere and NO ONE is talking about it😂!!! The Chronically Ill community is screaming!!! No one is listening!! I'm homeless and despretly need caregivers, but it's ASSUMED the disabled have FAMILY TO CARE FOR THEM- NOT EVERYONE DOES. So I end up with strangers that complain about caregiver fatigue! Which puts their grief on me making healing harder. I'm so sick of Caregiver fatigue when I can't get a caregiver to begin with. This is an issue of loss of community living due to capitalisms individualistic separation. It's NOT about paid leave it's about not having compassion for our loved ones meaning Humanity not just your family members. This is and awfully ABILIST and SEXIST segment. It needed to be reframed to not be about pity and be more about wholeistic healthcare. It's crushing to hear from a lover you are no longer a lover you are just a patient, boo hoo caregiver fatigue- this man did nothing- I was alone all day everyday and cared for myself- he used it as an excuse to be rid of a sick person. IM 39 this has happened when I originally just had my spine injury then when I got ill again this time homeless but staying on the guestroom with another man - same story- I'm never getting better so adios. But i still have to live there and deal with his abilism. And my family though a genetic illness was their fault and disappeared not that Id want their abuse again SO FUCK family. Capitalist culture has created a culture of abused children and shattered families, communities and cultures. The patients are humans too and hearing of your fatigue, hearing of your strain in caring for us makes us feel even more a burden, the way we are spoken of and how our and YOUR OWN bodily functions are talked about as if we have em and you don't like yuck - it's demeaning and dehumanizing. We poop, pee and yes have fluids and ooze and need wound care. You dancing around the words- makes it so much more uncomfortable. Just say it! Ugh this isn't caretaker fatigue it's a broken medical and community systems. It's caregiver without compassion, it's not understanding that you are bonding with another human intimately NOT missing out on YOUR OWN LIFE. This is life ass! Seriously this segment ugh misses so much it irritates me.

I was able to shut down my business and care for my mother through several strokes and dementia... Most men who are principal earners couldn't afford to take 7 years without a paycheck. I didn't have a family, so I could. if we gender caregiving, men won't be part of the benefits policy discussion. And we'll get another self-fulfilling failure of feminist myopia.

@bryna7

Жыл бұрын

99% of caregivers are women, and it's not given the attention it needs because it's mostly women...get a grip.

@davidreed6284

Жыл бұрын

@@bryna7 I'm tired of being talked over, disappeared, and hearing how men don't change. Renegotiating a social contract unilaterally is arrogant, twisted... and I'm tired of it. Get it?

@jjjjjjjjkigghh8662

Жыл бұрын

Well, it is mostly a gendered problem, so.

Caregiving is an honor. Tired of ppl portraying it as a burden. Humans have cared for sick & elderly for millenia. We are so spoiled now that we bitch about this. Our society is so sick

@LeilaLeb1

Жыл бұрын

For many of us, Caregiving is a great great honor for sure. But for many others it can be a physical, mental and financial strain which often sees no reprieve, especially if one lives in a society will little care infrastructure and support. Both of these truths can exist simultaneously and I think emily the author does a good job discussing both sides well.

@towanda1067

Жыл бұрын

Mona Lisa is right. Both truths can exist simultaneously. As Emily points out, we no longer live as close to our family members, so caregiving often falls on the shoulders of one family member rather than an entire unit. Plus we have developed into a two-income society where the cost of living forces people who might otherwise easily be caregivers to have to work. This can be critical when the primary caregiver in a single-income family can’t work because they are needed at home. When we lived in small towns for all our lives, had families all around and long time neighbors and friends, it was easier to form a network to help. But that is no longer the society we live in, yet the expectations that there will be folks there to help remains unchanged. And that’s the reality. Shaming caregivers who struggle to deal with this doesn’t help.

@Cathy-xi8cb

Жыл бұрын

Ah, Kate. You live in a world where people have all the money they need, all the sleep they need, and all the support they need. I want to live in YOUR world, not the real one. Because in the real one people care for their now-elderly rapists, their spouses leave them when they devote their energies elsewhere, and bodies break while lifting a 167 lb. husband too many times off the toilet.

@jjjjjjjjkigghh8662

Жыл бұрын

@Kate Woolf it has always been a struggle. People just didn’t talk about it in the past

Amazing interview.