Act blur, live longer? Who would you side with if your parent and partner were on opposing sides?

TDK seriously took Singapore KZread to another level where intimate issues are discussed with maturity and different level of perspective. Coming from Asian value and culture, it is very hard to discuss and share such topics. Thanks TDK for asking some of the most difficult questions and doing it in a not so serious setting. Please produce more such contents.

John failed to shift his own perspective and made it parents vs. wife. Couldve easily been helping Pat renavigate this feeling of possessiveness. Her feeling that way is legitimate and perhaps her sense of loss is trauma based. A husband who then threaten for divorce out of a completely normal emotion isnt helping her whatsoever. You expect her to go away w this issue and come back once its resolved

Pat is such a great wife. If my husband ever tell me what Jon said to Pat about him choosing his parents over me, I would file for divorce no matter what. To me filial piety is great but I have to be number 1 no matter what, and since it is my house, I should have the say.

Hmm…Pat did well to hang on and not give up. I could be wrong, maybe the story being shared was just a summary, but it does sort of seem like the communication wasn’t very effective. Rather than shutting down the whole issue as “this can’t be solved, neither of us can help the way you feel, please stop ranting about it”, I think it would potentially have helped to keep trying, you know? It’s really not a matter of having to choose between your loved ones as John puts it. That’s a little sulky - and I get it, you had to live through the unpleasantness, you have the right to express it - but maybe with the power of hindsight you can think about how you could have done better as well? I’m not saying that you’ll find anything that works, but at the very least, putting in effort to try out mini solutions (nothing extreme, “I choose you over them” sort of thing) will tend to make the other party feel better because they see how much you care. Be it sharing concerns with the parents, trying to carve out some individual space in the house, etc., I think things could have been a little better had the attitude been more of a “okay I see, how about we try this” sort of thing, where you’re impartial and not also getting emotional about it. Mr naiive’s (lol) pov may be quite idealistic, and whether or not he can really do it when push comes to shove is unknown, but i thought his response about wanting to be there to make things better precisely because the other party is doomed to continue suffering was really mature (and high EQ!) - and this is coming from someone who has always been staunch on the idea of not sharing everything with one’s partner, and wanting to have the freedom to solve my own issues without letting anyone know. I think i learnt the most from him today!

I love how mr. naive really help bring out the best conversation in this episode

Jared’s principles 8:55 of sharing each other’s joys and burdens….you are married to each other, hence you share everything as ONE … when you start sharing with others rather than your spouse, then there is already some trouble waters surfacing and it will only gets worst. Then why get married?

these are honestly the best kinds of episodes

I agree with Jared's pov on sharing with your partner the good and the bad, prob just choose a good sensitive time if your partner is going through some rough time themselves. The 9:40 part about being each other's rock first and foremost, and if either party thinks its not worth the hassle sharing, unfortunately the rs will go downhill from there over the years. Anybody here watched 18 Again a korean drama? I think it touched on the theme of love and marriage very well. Worth a watch to get one thinking about our relationships with our partners

Hi Mr. Naive! We need this kinda person coming on the show once in a while to help us see how mature Dan, Jon, JP are.

@meiltoo

Жыл бұрын

Got to envy his life, relatively problem free if its so easily resolved

Jared, we share the same ‘tools’ and ‘views’ on marriage and the significant role of our partner. what i can tell you is it worked for me and mine and we are already in the double digit of wedding anniversaries.so you do you. the same set of tools and views may not work for every individual.. #teamnaive

Such an important episode to have. Bravo.

Hi guys, great episode once again. Based on John’s perspective at 3:44…when you are buying dinner for your employees, or even for colleagues or anyone who has rendered assistance, it is good to be forthcoming with your intentions to explain clearly to your spouse, they will understand, just as how you have explained/reason why you needed to belanja when you are trying to not spend. Rather then them thinking that you are spending on others and not on them….or try to hide the truth. Nothing good comes from hiding or tell a white lie…it will come back to bite you or worst, your conscience will suffer. When your spouse knows you and your intentions, you’ll be surprise to see their support and your appreciation for one another will strengthen.

thanks for bringing Jared back! he fits in with you guys very well and adds good points!

denise saying "dont nervous dont nervous" got me HAHA

Naive! I like how optimistic he is… thinking that he can listen to a rant that he alr tried to solve over and over. I like how JP blinked at him while he’s saying that

@atatur123

Жыл бұрын

I think he's newly married lah. I was the same in the early days. Give him time, he'll also learn how to manage/avoid conflict 😉

@jiawei0917

Жыл бұрын

Or he’ll have a better marriage than most. Just my thought process, you’ll become whoever gave the advice if you follow it. So I’ll rather do it differently if I don’t want to have that miserable husband that becomes happy every time the wife goes out of the house

@kohzengjie

Жыл бұрын

Really naive when he say he got to pick one between the bestfriend and the wife. If this happen 10 time and he no more friends. The wife leaves him, he left what?

TLDR "Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." - Agent K ( MIB) When ever the phase dating exclusively starts after the trial period. Don't want to know. Don't need to know. She will tell me when she is ready to. Girls night out ? have fun ! Its gaming session in a man cave with some pals for me. She hanging out with a guy before our time ? What is there to be jealous about ? I am the chosen one ! I have the high ground. Jealousy just leads to fear, fear leads to hate, and hate well leads to the dark side.

perilla leaf dilemma! tip 1: separate the leaf (helping partner’s friend) but do not put into the person’s bowl -leave it on the same dish. tip 2: put it into the bowl of partner’s friend AND one leaf for partner. problem = solved :D

Broke up a long term relationship (Fiancée) few days before Valentines' Day ;( Now have to settle what to do with the BTO.

HAHA!!! The last part is such a great tip....

naive de relationship is the goal that everybody wants.. but nobody have.. except for the naive ones...

Great episode!

Imho it’s a really BAD idea to live w inlaws. I lived w inlaws for the 1st 5 yrs of marriage & those were the worst time of my life. I got along perfectly fine w them during courtship but things got nasty only after hb’s maternal grandmother got terminally ill. My inlaws’ scheming & shoving & pushing of responsibilities of taking care of ahma took a heavy toll on me. That’s the closest hb n I ever came to a divorce. Eventually we moved out to live on our own & marriage was much better albeit w the same underlying issues abt my inlaws (due to me subsequently falling chronically ill bcos of their abuse). My hb tries to help by not burdening me w anything tt concerns my inlaws but I understand yet dislike the lack of communication at the same time. I wld much prefer my hb to always confide in me bcos I am his soulmate, & not assume tt I wld overrxt automatically. Of cos given our situation w toxic inlaws, tt cn b v taxing on both of us, especially when they r getting old themselves. U cn well imagine the pushing & shoving of responsibilities in the near future… 😑 To be honest, I don’t know of any married graduate couple who hv gone thru what we hv & still stayed married happily. Pple always say tt everyday shd b V day & love shdnt b demonstrated only on V day but it’s extremely exhausting & difficult when u n partner hv to deal w the tension of toxic inlaws day in & out. E tension tends to build a wall btwn us. I cn only try my best bcos of our young son… ❤ My advice to young married couples: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). It is the man who is leaving and cleaving to his wife. Newlyweds + Inlaws == Turbulent marriage. I speak fr my experience. May nobody go thru what hb & I went thru. 🙏❤️ Pray tt u guys hv Happy V days thruout ur relships! Stay lovey-dovey!🥰🤪

Mr Naive is a great addition to banter with the rest of the cast.

@c4un544n5

Жыл бұрын

True. Naive or not, it's nice of him to stand by his point despite not flowing in the same way as the rest

@cyndiyp

Жыл бұрын

I actually with Mr naive though so good to hear from him

i mean when there's a will, there's a way right? if you're insecure about your partner's "best friend", what about all of your partner's work acquaintances? clients? normal friends? etc. that insecurity is merely going to abade but not go away completely. besides, what does that say about the "insecure" partner? that they are making the decision to spend the rest of their life with someone they cannot fully trust? why then?

It's the same conversation over and over again but maybe because for the whole six months it was a constant stress for her. Was she looking for you to do something or was she just looking for an outlet to cope with the change? I don't feel like sides need to be taken here but it doesn't invalidate her bringing it up

@gabrielsoo2939

Жыл бұрын

i don't think John was invalidating her feelings/stress. More like it was also stressful for him to constantly face the rant with nothing he could do about it, and he probably felt at fault for her feeling stressed since it was his parents causing the stress. So at some point he probably would rather avoid the issue then to be in the loop at being ranted at constantly.

Jared needs to learn that the world does not deal only in absolutes - there are real world solutions to “not telling her is such a huge sin idgi” instead of his “die die must tell her everything cus that’s what love is”, such as picking the right time or getting started on coming up with a solution on your own first etc. His “nice guy” ideals seem learned from fantasy worlds. Love in the real world is often more raw, and sometimes more beautiful.

Ok I gotta admit. I have a period of time where I feel super insecure about myself. And I feel like I wanna be alone and dont want to have anyone in my life so I broke up with my bf. Its messy and really heartbreaking. But thank goodness when things get better me and my bf get bck tgt and we promise each other that such things will not happen, at least try our best not to breakup easily. We will communicate and work things through. Also, I hate flowers. I once had a fight when he gift me that. Please buy me my fave food instead

Perilla Leaf: It depends on how the partner gives it to her. Perhaps to lighten the situation, the bf can go “Eh so slow, I help you take lah” or make it more bro-ish. But if the bf goes, “Here you go.” Then it suddenly is romanticised and the act becomes intimate although it’s just picking up a damn leaf to make a meat wrap. MIL Situation: Totally been in the same situation regarding the beefing with parents in law. Living together is very difficult and something that should be avoided at all costs (on hindsight). But; that said, my partner was like John and told me to stop ranting about the same situation when there’s nothing he can do. Likewise he felt sensitive because it was his parents in the picture. But, for me, it left quite a trauma in my heart and I felt like he’d always choose his parents over me (not that he should not) but it just doesn’t feel nice to be secondary especially when you’re married. Best friend with Opp Gender: Honestly if the best friend was sensitive and truly genuine with no ulterior motive, he or she should definitely move aside and respect the relationship. It’s eventual because everyone would settle into the families and individual partners and we will shift into that system either way when everyone is attached.

Maybe we go through the different phases in a relationship? Even in marriage.

This year valentine? 10/10. I didn't spend a single cent nor did any plan for anything and slept throughout the day.. Because life is good if you're single.

Glad to see Jared back again... or he never left..? haa

Sharing another perspective here: My problem is that I don’t see my problems as problems. I grew up as a massive introvert and internalizing all my thoughts and feelings. I grew up learning that my emotions don’t matter and the world still spins whether no matter how i feel. I cannot control what happens to me but I can control how I feel about it. Hence, I’ve always sucked it up and move on.

@Keeferino

Жыл бұрын

But must always a draw a line too.. cant let your s/o or whoever step all over you. Internalising has its limit, then eventually it will eat u up from the inside

@Drummer8nimation

Жыл бұрын

relatable

@jiawei0917

Жыл бұрын

But you cannot expect others to do the same

Jared, you are not naive! Different people handle things differently. Different methods work for different people. If it works for you it works for you.

in an ideal world, we would all like to be jared. but there's no such thing as an ideal world.

I don’t think it’s healthy to think that your partner should be your everything. Sometimes, you’d want to talk to your friend about a topic, that you might not necessarily want to discuss with your spouse. For example, I like arts, but my husband does not. Therefore, I would not talk to him about art because it would bore him. That’s what I have my friends for. It does not mean that I love my husband any less.

John is so funny when he elaborated on the boyfriend’s female best friend. I so relate to this 😂

can i comment and huat me for finding a gf this year ? huat u all too ! keep up with the good work!

Commenting for the huat huat romance Edit (now that I have watched till the end): The last part where you all joked about "she's great but she hates your bestfriends/friends, hits home hard..

No VD for me for past 10 years already. Just a normal day.

if not now, later.

Really appreciated Jared’s views! Ps: you’re not naive at all

Gosh I have that green outer wear too. Literally most people have it. Welcome to Uniqlo.

commending for huat romance this year!!

Denise, your feelings at 26:22…of feeling insecure is quite natural but to put a condition onto your partner, I feel is a little off. For your partner’s agreement to inform you every time a meeting is to take place with the one, is actually her kind consideration of your feelings to not upset you, however, is it fair? It is after all your insecurities and/or jealousy that you cannot control. In my opinion, trust is something one has to prove and not earned… Giving trust to someone is a bigger deal.

jon chua i love u

@martinlee7102

Жыл бұрын

Shut up

NAIVE

Mr Naive is really naive! Agreed with Jon's stance on taking side of parents when push comes to shove.

Why can’t we have 1 hr podcast?

Your partner is meant to be your other half, i.e. you are the same unit.

Is couple swapping legal?

0:27 Metted

Pat kept bringing it up it’s because you did not bother to help her solve her problem

brb taking waifu pillow go gaigai

10/10

Most and saddest shdnt be in the same sentence . But love the podcast

Hello naive!

Hi naive

go get a partner for your best friend. solved LOL

The call me naive guy is super naive..

mr naive truly..

the best scenario is the best friend and partner become good friends also.

Hi naive:)

Leh Leh Leh Leh

Jon and Jade J&J

When you single af

The saddest, not most saddest

9/10

i want huat huat romance

I would like to highlight the point where sometimes when we r voicing out, we might not be asking for a solution but just a listening ear. Deep in us all of us can find our own solution, it is a matter of time n realisation. Even as a peer for mentally stressed individual that was what was suggested. Alot of times proposing a solution is not the way out. What is needed is just to be heard. Let it out n let it go. I hope u would rather she let it out to u then to keep it within to herself which is hurting her mental health. Sometimes all that is needed is adknowledging her effort, listen to her pain. It should not be about solution unless it is asked for.

i am single

valentine 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ tdk ✅✅✅✅

Lol huat huat romance

naive

Watched

Algoo lol

Stupid Valentine day

🫶🏻

Who is Mr Naive? It’s ok, I know now

6/10

This guy is so naive. Give it a few years. You'll understand sometimes ignorance is bliss.

algo

Naive sia this Jared. Good luck

normally u can't talk to ur wife about financial or career issues. even when its a small one

Jon chua I love u

Algoooooooooooooooooo

First

net net

Denise just use "she" again so her partner is a girl. Nothing wrong with that but I am just surprised she still goes to church.

@gparamaeswary7276

Жыл бұрын

God judges?

Flowers?! it really depends on the person... if my partner is a practical person. My answer is no flowers, food will be the next thing in mind