After decades of abuse, I am content being single. I definitely have trust issues, but more than that, I don't want to give up the peace I have. My life is finally my own and I want to use it to honor and serve God.

@mmommo-hx4dx

2 жыл бұрын

same

@summermoon22

2 жыл бұрын

I get that. I never thought I would but I do. For me, my first marriage was with a narcissist who I eventually left but then my second marriage both in-law parents were narcissists and my now ex husband did not want to see that and it led to the end of our marriage - he left. I honestly feel like you, I don't want to have my life completely upset again because of another narcissist or someone who refuses to see what is glaring right in front of them.

@robin2319

2 жыл бұрын

We don’t have to be “ alone “ after the abuse , we are still human and need love and affection probably even more after that horrible relationship with the narc.

@greenscreekgirl

2 жыл бұрын

I’m right there with you. God will give us all we need. I don’t trust myself to make the right decision.

@catherinenelson4162

2 жыл бұрын

I'm in the same place. Dating has sent me skittering back to my single state. And that's not a bad thing.

The anger. So much anger. I just want to be left alone for the rest of my days.

The long term effects of narcissist on an empath are cancer, mental health issues, job loss, lost education opportunities, poverty, slander, shunning, debts, depression, suicide and premature death

Along with depression, longterm narcissistic abuse can cause immune issues and other serious health issues. It’s sad that you have to choose between your health and a relationship with someone.

@melianelson9036

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with you, and the part that makes me so infuriated now is that that time is gone, can’t get it back and now my health is dictating the quality of what life I have left.

@Serena.Hope.Eternal

2 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way. I want my health back 🥺 🌻🇺🇦

@brianlane9534

2 жыл бұрын

@@melianelson9036 Yes. I just hope I can recover. I should be okay mentally, by the way this person affected my heart - real heart trouble - may be a lifelong struggle.

@melianelson9036

2 жыл бұрын

@@brianlane9534 I wish you the best outcome possible

@Moonbunny55

2 жыл бұрын

Just want to say that my nasty health issues healed after leaving. Stress will kill you! It’s taken me 10 years but I’m free from migraines, chronic fatigue,asthma, sibo. I’m 56 back working full time and happy. Still working on developing some healthy friendships as I’ve needed to completely clear out my old life.

PTSD, anxiety, depression...

I'm absolutely worn out at this point. Exhausted. Your videos are helping to keep me sane. Thank you so much Dr. Carter. 💜

@glennaustin37

2 жыл бұрын

Same here... 😢

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome. Dr. C

@michaelziegler21

2 жыл бұрын

But we have to find the strength to ACT!

@keariewashburn4680

2 жыл бұрын

I'm totally exhausted and sick physically 😪 I look forward to Dr Carter's videos and caring way of informing us and helping us through

@jeynjohnstone5917

Жыл бұрын

Same here

I walked away 30 years ago from ALL OF THEM....STILL STRUGGLING TO RECOVER

Leave, run 🏃‍♂️for your life!!!

Realized that I was becoming a negative person with this abuse and started to lose who I was. Stepped back and reflected as it was draining me and decided to walk away (and set boindaries like saying no) from these abusive and demanding ways.

@davidcoppotelli3957

2 жыл бұрын

That's the Way to Go. We Walked We saved our Life's.

@thecommunity1102

2 жыл бұрын

Good on you for not becoming an agent of chaos. Your battles aren't over but you've made the hardest and biggest decision

@KateBates22zabu

2 жыл бұрын

@@thecommunity1102 my adult daughter is a narc..the pain of blocking my child on social media & ending our relationship is overwhelming.

@iraamos2746

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you and really appreciate your insides, deep knowledge, wisdom, nice and pure intention Mr Carter! ! My observation is the powerful hackers who also a narc group have connected with people with high position/ status and huge impacts on the community, lawyers or people in general. Whatever they said people respect, obey and just do whatever they have been asked to do. I do not understand why they hated and targeted me and what is mistake. I do not know exactly who is this powerful person and how many of them. How do I know the intention of the regular people (known or unknown by me) come to me suddenly? How do I know the intention of the neighbor who I found out weird later when dealing with mortgage loan? I saw this happened all the time. I vould not have connection with someone new which they do not know. They always contaminated the new person again.. and again....it meant they isolated me so they can abused me alone. Ensured no one helped Why? The regular people end up not respecting me as the results after understand this abusive. How do you think I can trust people again? Few of them are people know me well from long time ago before they know the powerful, rich hackers and narcs. After years like this, I know it is very difficult to trust people again mainly the person who are not closed and a new one. We do not know if they are bias. Am trauma and can not afford taking risk to have more problems. I am happy by myself. Am overwhelmed with the damages, chaos they created. Hope God speak to my hubby who join that group realize he need to give me extension to stay in my own house till my take off date. Just starting to sort to go home. A lot things unknown with the immigration , shipping just to go home. Do not think further. One step of the time. A lot of learning experience I gain from this suffering. Thanks God for strengthen me along the journey. Once again I am greatly to listen your awesome videos! 💕🙏💐

@beverlystover3987

2 жыл бұрын

My adult daughter has followed in her fathers footsteps. Am trying to navigate this without losing my relationship with her. But I am learning to draw boundaries but this is the tightest rope I have ever walked. Best to you as you navigate as well

When I was still in contact with my narc mother, I was exposed to criticism every time we had a conversation. It was the worst, I have two law degrees (her no law degree) and she would try to undermine my opinion on matters of legality. It was the worst. Folks, go no contact if you can. You may have to work on your inner peace and clean out your closet to rid yourself of toxic family and friends and start anew to heal. The choice is yours!

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations on having the wisdom to go no-contact from them. 🎉

@jw911

2 жыл бұрын

@@cacatr4495 Thanks! Sending positive energy your way!

@rwdchannel2901

2 жыл бұрын

It's ridiculous how they talk about things they have no idea about with such authority. It's best to go no contact as you say and to remind you don't need their approval. Once they lose the power of you taking them seriously it's over for their games.

@jw911

2 жыл бұрын

@@rwdchannel2901 Precisely- a lion should not concern itself with the opinion of sheep. Likewise, arguing with a fool only helps the fool hide in plain sight.

@rwdchannel2901

2 жыл бұрын

@@jw911 Your mother did a lot of damage because that type of criticism leads to blaming yourself for her problems. It's a vicious way of destroying your identity. Thankfully you went no contact and were able to heal. These type of people are so sick and will never change.

Part of my recovering from narcissistic abuse is to spend time with good and affirming people, helping others and pursuing my passions.

@michaelziegler21

2 жыл бұрын

I miss joining a group of people to celebrate LIFE!

@shirleywatts6083

2 жыл бұрын

Definitely a healthy path to take. You are worth it.

@adrianhenry3636

2 жыл бұрын

How do you find people like that? I am still trapped in isolation with him and our kid. How do I find good people who lift each other up and show my daughter they still exist?

@leeboriack8054

2 жыл бұрын

@@adrianhenry3636 Try a house of worship or Alanon a support group for people living w an alcoholic or drug addict. Also Codependence Anonymous.

I have complex PTSD because of years and years of narcissistic abuse.

Thank you Dr. Carter. Another one I’d suggest to add is extreme emotional exhaustion. Peace to all who are recovering.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're so right.

I love the sense of community and encouragement we give each other in groups like these. It's turns something bad into good. 😊

@Cashappfool

Жыл бұрын

I agree it has helped me so much because I am all alone and I figured most out by researching and slowly realized Everyone in my life was a NPDemon and I can’t leave so just knowing good people exist still is huge

@ItsLady_Ray

Жыл бұрын

I agree. We all need extra encouragement dealing with these types of people! 💕🫂 I hope you all heal from the abuse you’ve been through this far.

I was playing a card game with my friend. She complained about her hand. I automatically apologized and she looked at me and said “what are you apologizing for, I dealt this hand.” I know why I apologized. Just like I apologized to my boss for something that went wrong. I didn’t do it. I have been conditioned to apologize. So frustrating.

@mharris7380

2 жыл бұрын

They can get you saying lots of things you wouldn't normally say. They know how to say things to you that you can only give a response to that makes you look weak and then you end up saying it in other situations like you did with your friend playing cards.

@beautypablotamarini7315

2 жыл бұрын

i'm the same

@rosethorne9155

Жыл бұрын

I do this, too. 😞 I learned when I was a little girl to apologize quickly whenever my mother was shouting or whenever she was angry at me, even if I hadn't actually done anything wrong. Eventually she started to get angry at me for apologizing and would chew me out even for doing that. I hope one day you find peace and realize that you are not always automatically guilty or wrong. 💐

@momfluent5367

Жыл бұрын

It took me years to stop doing that & I still do it occasionally. Good people seem to always point it out. What a good friend ❤

@robertjohnston8876

Жыл бұрын

After years of being free, I still have an old habit: When in the company of my new lady friend and i leave her company, I say “I will be right back” Years of conditioning for me are still there. My ex was such a controller she was afraid of being left even for short periods. In the end, she left me. As expected her whole life imploded and mine soared. These horrible people do horrible long term damage.

So needed to examine this aspect of narcissistic abuse. It feels overlooked and under reported. People assume when you “get away” from the source all will be well but it’s not that simple. Thank you!! Looking forward to this one. 🙏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@valeriebraun6566

2 жыл бұрын

I understand that leaving or “getting away” is not always the best solution, I’m in your same position and it’s not as simple as leaving and walking away, especially if you have major health issues that require health insurance and pharmacy coverage just to keep living or being able to function, have kids together (including ones of the 4 legged kind), are scared, and in my case I may have a college education and degree but what good is it if your body won’t allow you to use your degree and now you have limited funds? Stuck, that’s why so many women have stayed in toxic relationships and continue the same day to day abuse or tragically end up taking their own lives or their life is taken away from them. I hope you find what you need 🥀💛

@wendywhite4929

2 жыл бұрын

It really isn’t over when you finally leave. Trying to sort through all the layers of lies manipulation and abuse… it’s a process. We need to be good to ourselves.

@brebeufgarcia1090

2 жыл бұрын

But life killing narcism must be abandoned. There are alternatives that will allow us to survive enough to heal to go after better help and lives. Get out of the life sucking spot and incrementally find better and better spots to survive in and then settle on the spot that you can thrive in. Peace.

@PiscesinVa

2 жыл бұрын

Amen, been out almost three years divorced two and it's so multilayered. Especially when it was a covert you saw as someone completely different till your out. God bless and expedited healing to everyone

@skinnyway

2 жыл бұрын

@@PiscesinVa I had a covert "friend" with whom I never could ease into being comfortable with enough to call him my boyfriend. I met him when I was 18 but wasnt the slightest bit interested in him like that. we remained friends for years until one day I got tired of his assholery & called it quits. Cut off all contact with him. Social media. all of it. He was the kind that would love bomb you in front of others - through other people in his field - or the big gestures in front of others but was sullen and an ass at home in the real world. But I didnt even know what love bombing was & was honestly just embarrassed since I didnt care about him that way. But I found out later he used to go around behind my back & say terrible things. his friends would come yell at me in front of him for things he'd never said to me - & I would ask them why isnt he grownup enough to come say that to me? Why is he bitching to you when he wont say it to me? I'd get a round of blank looks from everyone, they would leave & I would think nothing else of it. Now - looking back thru all the years - 20 or so - of knowing this man & re-evaluating him by what I know now - he was really a sad sack. there are a lot more unnecessary details - he was just the older college grad that had to hang out with all the young girls who were young and dumb because no one his age wanted him. I didnt see that til much later. But he wasnt getting what he wanted from me except social brownie points for being seen with me. Maybe that surface glitter was all he wanted - he wasnt any fun unless he was high. Who wants to be with that?

I love the ending statement, "I'm worth the effort." He had such a soft, empathetic look as he said it. I can tell that he's had many encounters with victims of narcissistic abuse and has helped them pick the pieces of their lives up and move forward.

@lovearttherapyalways

2 жыл бұрын

yes, I love Dr. Carter... he is very gentle and empathetic!

@lynnsmart5272

2 жыл бұрын

@@lovearttherapyalways yeah me too, I agree with you on that...thank you so much Dr. Les Carter👍😊

@suzesinger6762

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah ! ....If YOU don't think you are WORTH IT - doooon't expect ANYone else to. ¡¿¡ ♡♡

@lorimorrison6539

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!! I agree!!!

This hits home for me. I was angry, bitter, frustrated, and hell-bent on vengeance. UNTIL I figured out that I had been dealing with a pathological narcissist for over 30 years. Thank you Dr. C.

@choosepeacetoday

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with Ted. It was very frustrating when I did not know what the problem was. I felt powerless. But now I know. Knowledge is power.

@gonzaga45377

2 жыл бұрын

It took me 27 years to figure out what I was dealing with. A covert narcissist. A very sneaky covert narcissist. I don't think anything he told me was the truth. I knew something was way off with him but had no idea until I came across one of Dr. Carters video. Now, how to get away?

@laughteraddict1003

2 жыл бұрын

@@gonzaga45377 I've been asking the same question

@joannalopez5447

2 жыл бұрын

@@gonzaga45377 It's all fake ass bull crap, they drag you into a world that is a fantasy. Consider it ----------in Wonderland.

@jeffdunlap2754

2 жыл бұрын

One of the most powerful things you can do is to Forgive, and a big part of Forgiveness is accepting that this person can't give you back what they took, they never had it to begin with, which is why they were trying to get it from you. The tricky thing is this, Love is about Giving, Power is about taking, and a Narcissist will disguise Power and make it look like Love, and this is the confusing part, its Gaslighting, which is deliberate contradictory verbiage which causes cognitive dissonance, something doesn't make sense, so you are left constantly trying to solve the puzzle which is the Narcissist dangling you on a string and trying to control you. Often times if you challenge this person they will just Ghost you(refusing all communication), which is basically an adolescent way of trying to disempower someone, so they get to do what they want, but there is no avenue for you to say anything about it. The bottom line is that this person must always maintain Control and Power, especially in front of other people, but they are really incapable of Healthy Love, Romantic or just Friendship, the dynamic is the same. The problem for the normal emotionally healthy person is that they open their HEART to give and receive Love, which involves being willing to be hurt, the Narcissist doesn't do this , for them power and control means never being that vulnerable, usually from past hurts. Stay normal, give authentic Love, and be willing to be hurt, you really are the stronger person for doing this. Also, from a Spiritual perspective, this type of Covert Narcissism is not good Karma, so you should pray for them, because they are stuck in A DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHT PATTERN, AND THEY REALLY DON'T GET IT, BE GLAD THAT YOU DO GET IT.

At age 14, I decided that I would not marry because I didn't want to marry someone like my father. I certainly did not want children that my father would influence. He would shame me, criticize, otherwise ignore me. I have lived a single life and have reached contentment. The love God has for me is all I need.

@cleanhouseeffect

6 күн бұрын

At age 12 I decided the same thing!

I’m done with all of THEM‼️

It's like breaking an addiction. At first you may feel worse, and there may be the tendency to relapse. But if you have the courage to persevere, a better life awaits.

It’s much deeper than “I don’t want to trust, look where that got me.” Its not a mental process. Its being struck by fear instantly when the prospect of getting close to someone occurs.

@harmonicresonanceproject

2 жыл бұрын

I have this.

@debbylou5729

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. This describes things perfectly. I have anxiety and panic attacks constantly

Long term impact: Lack of trust towards anyone, flying off the handle if triggered, refusing to have children, lack of real friends - keeping people at a distance, not getting close with people, defensiveness, not socialising with anyone, unless 'safe' people, 'going your own way', being empathic towards certain abuse situations, standing up to abuse, recognising red flags and dodging or managing certain narc types. It is not all bad actually.

@lovearttherapyalways

2 жыл бұрын

agreed, but it is exhausting at times! God bless you!

@andrewsmith3257

17 күн бұрын

It's mostly bad

That was my pattern. Serial narcissistic relationships my whole adult life, with only surface differences. I think after three decades I finally figured it out.

@skinnyway

2 жыл бұрын

sadly I can still be easily fooled. its just my nature. I dont date anymore because of it. I dont feel the need to ride the roller coaster ever again. But, folks my age usually start looking at other things at this stage of life. I am unfortunately still learning what I like at this age. So putting up with anyone else is just not gonna happen. LOL

@rwdchannel2901

2 жыл бұрын

It's a problem too when you keep running into narcissist at work and they're your supervisor or boss. I hate to have to keep trying to find another job to get away from them.

@annieeatch9014

2 жыл бұрын

Me too

@lovearttherapyalways

2 жыл бұрын

@@rwdchannel2901 yes, I grew tired of trying to run and start new jobs, sadly these types seek out positions of control like a supervisor, director, etc. Now I just play dumb, grey rock and trying to make it to retirement. It is exhausting and heart breaking really. Stay strong and wise and God bless you!

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

@@rwdchannel2901 With their false charm and high opinions of themselves such narcissistic individuals find the social games and destruction of competitors involved in higher positions to be akin to bees attached to pollen. In time they want to be the queen bee surrounded by legions of workers supporting their ego. They create support structures based on incompetence to hide their own insufficiencies. Those support managers beneath them lack the skills required to function beyond what the boss tells them to do. In the end you have working environments that are unbearable. However people need a wage so they suffer the incompetents. It’s my belief that the exponential increase in mental health conditions is a direct consequence of corporate hierarchies of incompetence. Gaslighting on an industrial scale.

It's truly life ruining. The narcissists get to continue the cycle with fresh supply. There's really no closure in it.

@kaykerley8786

2 жыл бұрын

@ann marie Lyn _ You are in charge of whether your life is ruined or not! Say good riddance and don't look back to see how his life goes. Say a prayer for his " fresh supply" and remember that a narc is not capable of true happiness. Go find your happiness and peace and let that be your closure. Don't hinder your progress by hanging onto anger and resentment. Narcs love that because that means they are still able to negatively affect your life. Forgive for your sake, let go and don't look back! Fly away towards the light🐛🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🌄

@Indyghurl

2 жыл бұрын

@ann marie Lyn. The closure is in knowing who they are. I don't need apologies or to see he's treating others better, cos i know he's not. The closure is knowing I left his abusive a$#e . Bi làidir - be strong. 💞💞

@livinggood6876

Ай бұрын

These people deteriorate at the end of their life. Getting away from them is the best gift you can give yourself.

Exactly. I have a new rule, after what I have been through. Rule # 1….trust nobody, but yourself. I have been so broken, I really like being alone now with my dog. She has helped to heal my soul.

@Indyghurl

2 жыл бұрын

Its so funny cos my ex used to say that to me all that, trust no -one, but yourself. Look out for no1, as no-one else will. Yet he's accuse me of being selfish if I did

@hummers7342

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. I just lost my precious little girl mini a few weeks ago. I lost my comfort. I miss her so and have to deal with my narc spouse, who is is verbally abusive behind closed doors. I will leave. I will. Want peace in my later years.

The guilt shame definitely continues after the escape. My husband is in the hospital dying from cirrhosis and I am sad but semi elated at the same time. It's very confusing. I know I can heal because I do love myself and always have. He wasn't able to kill that all the way in me. These videos are immensely helpful to so many. Thank you so much Dr C. Helping me and thousands of others regain our power 💛

@denisesatt7044

2 жыл бұрын

I have my moments of guilt and sadness about the waste of time with narc but DRC, dignity respect civility is a wonderful rescue . I (and you) are good people!

@PolishPocahontass

2 жыл бұрын

❤️

@carolnahigian9518

2 жыл бұрын

you can begin a new LIFE

@KateBates22zabu

2 жыл бұрын

Hi. I was raised by a narc aunt who abused me in private but was a saintly martyr in public, much praise for accepting the burden of parentless me. Naturally I married a narc. His life was taken @27yo & I'm left with two girls age 5 n 3. My oldest daughter is a narc. She believes I'm the root cause of her misery & she is a bottomless pit of bleak misery. I'm leaning towards genetics being a major cause and I now see that I was over indulgent. Somehow my younger child is happy n fulfilled plus she's a great mom. I live alone with my little dog now. Alone since 1999 Too tired of failed relationships to try again & cannot trust my instincts.

@insights3140

2 жыл бұрын

It’s all very confusing. 💜

depression for sure .. feeling stupid for sure . exhausted too

There seems to be no escape from the crippling effects caused from Narcissistic abuse. They're so efficient and good at conjuring up misery and suffering. Like a bad tattoo you are stuck with.

Looking forward to this one Dr Carter! I was married almost 30 years to a narcissist who drank. I never even realized he was a narcissist until he divorced me in 2019. I always blamed the alcohol for his awful actions. I later learned he was a covert narcissist by watching so many of Dr Carter's videos. I know I'm messed up from all the abuse I took. My health is awful.

@susanmercurio1060

2 жыл бұрын

There is a good book called Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. In it, the author, Lundy Bancroft, says that abusers use alcohol to have an excuse for the abuse. If the alcoholic sobers up, what is left is an abuser.

@meemawdragon9964

2 жыл бұрын

@Lori Girl hugs 🫂 dear friend. Over 40 years with my covert narcissist and He walked out 100 days ago. I never realized what he did to me…but no more! 💪🙏🥰

@abrahanromero9741

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. My Uncle is a Vietnam Vet. When I grew up , I always had him up on a Pedestal. I have done many things for him (I am a Finished Carpenter)…..as of Recently I started to analyze the whole situation and started asking myself….”is it me or is he taking advantage of me?” It’s Ok to do favors for family and loved ones but Situation was getting out of control even advantages. I have slowly walked away and kept my distance as of lately…..

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

I was so sick, I left in 2018, then was harassed for the following 2 years. Now 2021-2022, I’m healing illness is decreasing, overall, but still somewhat damaged. Praying you find healing. Be good to yourself. ❤️‍🩹❤️🥰

@aliceroberts1980

2 жыл бұрын

I thought I was doing so good because my husband didn’t drink like my father and my brother and so many of my boyfriends but found out he’s destructive narcissist and realize that my father was one too and so is my brother and I didn’t need notice it because I was thought what alcohol was the problem and they stopped drinking and they’re mean as a bear my father was very nasty so I still end up the narcissist !

My goodness DR Carter you are a gem!! You have helped me so much to overcome a severe narcissistic person who’s tormented me for 68 years. The last episode was the final straw as I developed a severe rash from that encounter and couldn’t get out of bed for a week. The narcissistic person is my sister whose one year older. I learned early in life that she had all the needs. Because of her influence I married a man that was also narcissistic. Now my three children have narcissistic partners. Narcissistic people are just like alcoholics in my book and it passes down to the next generation. Plus, there’s no meeting place for recovering narcissistic survivors to meet and support each other. Your talks have given us a safe and reaffirming way to stay healthy and positive. You are a gift to us. Deep,deep thanks and LOVE. Kathy

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you are figuring it out and that you allow me to be on the journey with you. Thanks, Kathy!

@kimgordon3695

Жыл бұрын

There are thrivers in each community. Be alert to it.

@lisamainello146

Жыл бұрын

Adult children of alcoholics and disfunction one person noted the meetings

@lilysleisure1918

11 ай бұрын

Same feeling towards Dear Dr C. 🙏💐Thank you Sir

I am ashamed of not having been a better judge of character. I stayed so long. I am realizing this can happen to anyone. I was called, “the problem”, “crazy”…. I now feel as though I was as though systematically dismantled! I fear I’ll do it again. I am trained to sit, stay and feel comfortable in abusive relationships. Domestic violence is not just hitting someone, it’s also a verbal assault directed at your character. In this type it’s words that hurt…. I am forgiving myself, accepting reality and trying to realign with my pre-abused self! I am utilizing counseling. Verbal abuse is as destructive as all other. One thing I really discovered was because I did not listen, to my instincts my body began to give me chronic physical pain! Now, if I start physically hurting I ponder that….

@gailkshaw

2 жыл бұрын

Just remember, narcissists are good, very very good, at fooling those around them. Especially when they are trying to suck in another victim to give then supply for their giant egos. At first, you are ‘the prize’ and once they’ve won your affection, the charade/facade comes down.

@barbarachipman9436

2 жыл бұрын

gaslighting

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

@@barbarachipman9436 indeed keeping eyes wide open and having an I’m valuable mentality is key, also give things plenty of time and do Not participate in allowing gaslighting it Always Ends Badly! It’s foolish to not see/know what you actually see and know!

@summermoon22

2 жыл бұрын

You know, my marriage to my first husband, whom I now recognize was a complete narcissist, that marriage ended over twenty years ago and I am STILL having "aha" moments when, for example, just reading your entry here and when you wrote, "...I was called, "the problem..." My brain flashed to the first time he accused me of that, when we were having trouble in our relationship after 3 months of dating. I remember it clearly, my God that was thirty-five years ago!?! The psyche never forgets, the brain, the body, never forgets, it just protects us as best as it can when we live with these abhorrent people. And now I realize, holy *#&^@, it was HIM all along. He was completely playing me and I had no clue, none. He was the poor hard-done-by victim - of his father, his mother, his brother, his former roommates, his past girlfriends. Jimminy cricket - I was completely oblivious, BUT NOT NOW. I'll be able to catch on IMMEDIATELY now, it's like I'm extremely allergic to those ploys, those traps, psychological and emotional ambushing. Hah! Now in my work, I get to work with people to help them catch on to these personality disordered aholes. I am sorry, but I have no sympathy for them whatsoever. They KNOW what they are doing and they just don't care if it hurts you or even kills you. They just...don't...care. All they care about is themselves. Well, the game is up my friend, their cover has been blown by people like the Dr. Carter working to expose them and their ways. Those of good heart take heart, we don't have to be made to feel crazy or mean or a be told we're a bad person because we won't take their crap anymore. How absolutely, exhilaratingly liberating!!!!

@keariewashburn4680

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly I ignored the loud voice telling me something isnt right 😪 I didnt have a name for it and that confused me. But nevertheless, I'm still recovering and going forward one step at a time.

One thing I can assure anyone is this. After letting go of a very narcissistic BF of over 20yrs, one thing that I quickly realized and became apparent within a couple of weeks, is how much better you will feel. After I decided I had enough I abruptly pulled of the band-aid and have never looked back. It's been 3 years now and my life is so much better for it. Listening to Dr. Carter has greatly helped in the healing process. Knowing I did the right thing and become more aware of how much abuse I endured and didn't realize the extent, and also the knowledge to know what to look for in future friendships.

I have asked myself all of those questions for a very long time and have self-isolated. My ex repeatedly called me "nut job" for not accepting his lies and bad behavior. When I asked him to stop, he refused. This kind of verbal abuse hurts even when you recognize that it's them who's the problem.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You deserve so much better.

CPTSD, Depression - pervasive, never-ending, untreatable - Severe Anxiety, Loss of memory, Several brain changes, multiple physical ailments that have become serious, such as heart and kidney failure, lymphedema, colon problems. The hatred began as soon as I was born and hasn't stopped.

The complete loss of self is like stepping into an endless elevator shaft. Over time, you become acclimated to the descent, eventually forgetting that you are STILL falling. A day comes when you are vaguely aware that you have no idea who you are or where you are or how you got there. All of your physical, mental, and spiritual effort has gone into a failed attempt at stabilizing the narcissist. Narcissists are a black hole.

At 40 years old, with the two narcissistic abusers I’ve had my entire life? Im a walking textbook example of what the long term impact of narcissistic abuse is. I wouldn’t be surprised if this video is just an overview of my own life to be honest 😂😅😢

@justjess4602

2 жыл бұрын

Mine too

@micheleshively8557

2 жыл бұрын

I had 2 of them too. 20 years a piece. Ready to heal! Blessings to you

@lisak4367

2 жыл бұрын

@Sl_ANDER. Mine too 😞

@joykraft1175

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. For the first time in my life, I know that there are other people that have been through the same things I have. I thought I was the only one that had parents that treated them hatefully. It's sad and unfair

@lisak4367

2 жыл бұрын

@@joykraft1175 I understand your pain and frustration. I agree, it isn’t fair that we drew the short straws when it came to parents, (and other relationships) I used to be upset about it and then it just turned to sadness. It’s been over 35 years since I’ve talked to them but now I don’t care about it anymore.. I’m at peace 🙂

The narcissist is not the determiner of the truth. You got that damn right. My ex-wife couldn't speak three sentences in row without one of them being lie...

I'm in Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse. I was the Family Scapegoat and I've been no contact with my Narcissistic Mother for many years and was diagnosed with PTSD. My therapist has been amazing with helping me out of that dark pit.

It's especially hard when you grew up with narcissists and didn't ever learn a capacity for trust, etc. Then you are not trying to get something back, you are trying to create something you never had.

I have absolutely zero trust in anyone anymore, particularly in any romantic setting. I put my entire self into my current marriage and I completely trusted him; he’s broken it repeatedly, I have no faith left. I’ve come to the conclusion that a long term relationship just isn’t in my cards, and if I find myself single again, I just absolutely refuse to put myself out there again. I’ve never had a decent experience in romantic settings- I’ll stick with my own company and my pets!

@PhantasmicEther

2 жыл бұрын

@@ccdm515 yes!! So many friends I know that are with someone and such a, for the most part, “normal” relationship... I feel like, as I’m sure you do (and are!) yourself, “I’m a good person..what am I doing so wrong?” 😞

@PhantasmicEther

2 жыл бұрын

@@ccdm515 same here! And you as well!! 😊

Shattered self esteem, brokenness and damaged goods. Yup. Too strong a sense of defensiveness... yup. Overly cautious, yup. Just getting away from the people is only the first step, after that you have to learn to heal; and that's a whole process itself. Edit: "You don't like being controlled, you don't like condescension, you don't like feeling used" Omg it's like you're in my head! XD

Thanks for your constant support Dr Carter. It's not just the information you share, but your genuine and kind thoughts and encouragement coming through everything you do

When your first Narc relationship is with a parent, healing is made so much more difficult. I have done all the things you mentioned here. 5 'significant others', from one to the next. It took me forever to learn that the reason I can't be loved had little to do with me being unlovable. After all I could acquiesce better than most people and did all the time. The real lesson was learned when I figured out it was not my fourth ex that was my problem, it was my mother.

@candacebond

2 жыл бұрын

Amen to that! My mother is my worst enemy and I have to be her caregiver because she is 89 and legally blind. I am an only child and she has no one else. I know that she will live to be at least 100, it seems that I will never be free of her.

@MKCarol-ms7lg

2 жыл бұрын

@@candacebond I pray for you strength to endure. Honoring our parents is God's law but sacrificing all of our happiness for them is not required. Returning good for evil is what you are doing, because YOU are a person of good will.

@dkp5967

Жыл бұрын

YOU ARE NOT UNLOVABLE!!!!!! Please banish that ugly self-talk. You are worthy. YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.

@MKCarol-ms7lg

Жыл бұрын

@@dkp5967 I know that in my head now, but I still wouldn't trust myself to choose a mate. I don't know I am worthy in my heart, where relationships seem to start.

I think it’s my husband and he is becoming more scary and gaslighting me now into believing that I actually did things he did. I’ve started to keep a journal of “incidents” just so I can have a little bit of a reality check and peace of mind knowing that I am not going crazy. Last night he said I was “loosing my mind ,” I’m just thankful that I can keep my comments quiet and not actually verbalize all the many things that I would love to say!! I would so be in “trouble!” Anyone else have a spouse that is in a complex situation and leaving really isn’t an option, but they treat you as a child and not as an equal (so embarrassing)?? I feel like I’m the only one out here and alone most times.

@amyd7562

2 жыл бұрын

I know exactly what you mean Valerie! A journal is a good idea! I'm going to try that too. I have been drinking WAY too much just to have some peace but its not healthy at all. This is a very hard thing to cope with!! God bless you!!

@denisesatt7044

2 жыл бұрын

I found journaling most helpful in getting out of those terrible cycles of "crazy making" you can do this!

@ai172

2 жыл бұрын

You aren't alone Valerie. I am in the same situation as you are. I am maintaining a journal as well. It keeps me sane, helps me accept that I am choosing to do what I am under the given situation, not complain constantly and most importantly helps me not victimizing myself. However my humble suggestion is to focus on yourself and maintain a self help/healing journal.This helps me keep a check on the healthier, positive side of me. You dont want to put all your energy in the narcissist long after you journal it all and exhaust it all. Hope this helps💞

@suelindsey2295

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for share because I’m treated the same and there’s no option of getting out and I love him he’s my best friend so I don’t want to leave. 😞

@susanmiller950

2 жыл бұрын

Over 33yrs with him. Didn’t know what a narc was till a month or so ago. He treated his mom mean. I’m angry I still married him. I feel like his mom and not a wife. Had 4 kids. My feelings were never acknowledged & if my opinions didn’t match his, I got scolded like a child. I started writing letters to him and he wouldn’t even read them. But I always write my feelings down and threw it away in case he found it. I FINALY told him we needed to talk about my feelings and thoughts. We’re suppose to do that next month after he finishes volunteering coaching. Really nervous.

a "psychological limp" resulting from narcissistic abuse... a novel concept to bear in mind when meditating to exercise self-compassion

You just spelled out the psychological journey I've been on for 25 years. I'm only just letting people hug me again but when I allow myself to actually feel the love behind the hug it makes me cry. The healing process is still ongoing.

@bbdn5123

2 жыл бұрын

Take your time and good care of yourself. I wish you so much love and peace 🌌💖💫

@nemonada3501

2 жыл бұрын

@@bbdn5123 Thank you heaps for your support. It's been an interesting experience allowing physical contact again. It was extremely uncomfortable at first but now I'm becoming more accepting of it it's getting more comfortable. There's still a fair way to go but life is good these days.

@malizee2264

2 жыл бұрын

I started crying when I went to the chiropractor and he touched me to adjust me. I feel you…

@beelarehman5992

2 жыл бұрын

Sending u a virtual hug. 💓

@summermoon22

2 жыл бұрын

It's just evil what they do. Evil.

The more I study and watch these videos, the more I realize how much narcissism is out there. I’m certain I have the tools to recognize it and and keep distance but I know it will be a good long time before I can trust. Particularly an intimate relationship. The thought of trying again makes me nauseous.

@micheleshively8557

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. being alone looking really great

@wayneelliott1180

2 жыл бұрын

I'm rather amused at the lengths some will go to be in a relationship. Desperate in some cases, as if they have no worth otherwise. I've been single for years and love it.

@Raymondgogolf

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Kathy 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

@imeldafloyd5571

2 жыл бұрын

I know exactly how you feel, take care. 🥰

@Serena.Hope.Eternal

2 жыл бұрын

Dear Kathy, please be aware that Raymond gogolf made the EXACT SAME comment to Donna Gray on this feed as well. Just a heads up. And I also have severe trust issues. Which is why I wanted to be sure to let you know about Raymond. I wish you well. Note: I will leave Donna a near identical message for her as well. Just looks like Raymond is a player to me. Be safe and enjoy a peaceful and fulfilling life.

I truly thought I was broken and would be alone for the rest of my life. For six years I loved someone who wasn’t capable of loving me back. The things he did to me destroyed me inside for every one of those years. I can’t believe I deprived myself from feeling ok or happy all that time

After 32 years of abuse, I'm still struggling with the "resolve that says I'm worth it". Thank you Dr. Carter for contributing to my enlightenment. God bless you and your work. Peace.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Make sure you watch the video, Recovering Your Worth After Leaving A Narcissist. It's one of my favorites. Dr. C

I answered myself to my question now. Maybe not quite right. They think that every your step is about them (to nail them down, to punish them, to show your superiority or start a conflict). Even when you forgot long ago about them. Probably in this case just ignore negative feedbacks and their upside downs truths.

Yes, my trust in people is very shattered...

Assertiveness is the ability to tell a narcissist where to go in such a way that they actually look forward to the trip.

After 50 years of continued failure despite taking every healing avenue, I’m certain that anyone I attract or am attracted to must be toxic. Like an alcoholic, the only option is absolute abstinence. I was celibate for eight years before my last “relationship” which I cut off in five months. I’m proud of myself, but completely heartbroken and severely apprehensive. I guess it’s just me, friends, pets and work until I leave this god-forsaken bardo. I wish I could find a life partner worthy of my love. I’m made to love, cherish and support a real man, and deserving of the same in return. This world is an ugly and cruel hellscape of inversion.

I learned a couple truths recently. That I abandoned taking care of myself as a child. It felt like no one was watching over me, but I was too young to take over caring for myself. I now know it is up to me alone. I also learned that someone who has been toxic all along doesnt need my forgiveness. My job is to see it as such and decide to "just move on". It helps keep the pain of the past from haunting me too much. I dont have to know what to do with him in my head and heart. Move on. I am very grateful for these truths. Much love and healing to all of you. XXOO

I got away a year ago after decades. When you are already a senior, you have long-term damage, it is going to take a very long time to heal, and then really only to a point. Most of us here (shelter) can't ever imagine or want to ever get into another intimate relationship. It's strange to realize that I have never had a healthy relationship with a partner or even a parent in my entire life, and I probably never will. That's a sad reality.

@patriciacole8773

Жыл бұрын

I was just thinking about shelters today… as a launch pad….

I think survivors also lose trust in their own discernment, determining who is safe & who is toxic. Some narcs are more obvious than others. The hardest part for me is overcoming my narcissistic mother’s imprint. Been working on that a LONG time & I doubt I’ll ever completely overcome it.

@HappyHawthorn

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. But we've gained wisdom.🌺

@andrewsmith3257

Жыл бұрын

I hate my mom she's a soulless narc

I've thought many times, if he would just treat me the way he would if I was someone else. Even writing that helps me realize I should be treated better than 'someone else'.

I have a narcissistic adult daughter who is living with me. She's very disrespectful and cruel. She's destroying my house, my life, and my mental health is plummeting. I want her out of my house. I just want to go back to being the only human there, where there's peace and no drama. I have trust issues and will never get married again. I was married to a narcissist for 18 years. I'm emotionally worn out, tired, and getting too old for this stuff. Please pray for a miracle. I need her to leave. Ugh.

9:20 Wasn't it Hippocrates who said, "Pain is the barking watchdog of health"?

The end result is exhaustion! I'm 46 yrs in a marriage, never knew what it was until 5 yrs ago. I remember telling my story is he's on a spin , he has periods of high energy a and then faster spinning, it's unbelievable.I wonder what all the childhood entailed, their were 4 children and everyone of them are Narcissists.

Trust is a biggie for me…

i watch your videos and i just cry my eyes out. i cant get out of my abusive relationship with a narcissist that ive been in for 11 years because i dont have the resources to get me and my son out. He stops me from working, cut me off from all my friends, and makes sure i have no way to get any money. ill literally never get out of this. theres no hope for me. Womens shelters are full here, Ive been trying for 2 years to get in somewhere and because of covid, i have been offered not one single opportunity to get out. At least i can watch these and make some sense of whats happening to me.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

My heart is with you.

@HappyHawthorn

2 жыл бұрын

Please don't lose hope😘

Thank you Dr. Carter. A pathological lying bully aka a destructive narcissist is totally unqualified in rendering any kind of judgment on my worth. I’m capable, strong, successful, worthy and loved. ☀️🌎✌️

@user-mn4df5qc9b

2 ай бұрын

Dr Carter, words here are so inadequate to describe the help you bring us. Your kind and caring approach is so comforting and like a healing balm to our broken hearts. You are a trusted friend from afar. Thank you!! ❤

@andrewsmith3257

17 күн бұрын

Mine said "I'm not worthy of respect" his opinion means less than nothing to me..

“That narcissist who treated you like dirt”. Truer words were never spoken. I actually used those exact same words to describe his behavior, that was EXACTLY what it felt like. And “they are a troubled person”. Emphasis on “THEY”. Dr. Les knows his stuff, such a life giver. Thank you so much for helping us!! ♥️♥️

@lifewithapurpose237

2 жыл бұрын

Lucy, agree with the *'they'* . as for treating a person like *dirt,* they forget that the earth is alive and fertile, not a dead thing to stomp on, but one that has the power to bless and obey your covenants with her.

I spent 23 years in a religious cult dominated by a very abusive manipulating cult leader. He believed he was “greater” than Christ himself, was careless, humiliating and punitive to all of us, and yet we followed his rants demands and directives. Women were particularly controlled and criticized. I knew for years it was false, but could not leave, until I DID, fled with 7 of my 9 children. No one understood us in the least, counselors were useless, and the last place I would go for help was another church. For years I could not decide what color blouse to wear let alone how to proceed with life.Your videos describe this maniac to a ‘T’. He was accused by outsiders as being a narcissist and egomaniac, he’d scream and spew hate, laugh at them for hours in our endless meetings. But it is so true, he was everything you have described on steroids, because, being the “mouthpiece of God”, he was never counterdicted.

Exhausted, angry and completely uninterested in life. I just want to be left alone.... and enjoy peace and quiet.

I’ve been utterly ruined by a number of narcissistic encounters, abuse and gaslighting incidences.. It’s a wonder I can go anywhere..

I’m 64 years old and my narcissistic mother is 85 years and she is a nightmare, I am an only child and she has been malignant my whole life. I am so programmed after all the years around her I feel like there is no hope for me at times. I am a retired nurse and now she believes that my time is to take care of her. She is relentless and has completely destroyed my life.

@HappyHawthorn

2 жыл бұрын

Time to take care of yourself, I'd say. 🌺 My position is a bit like yours, only I have a sibling who would like me to do more for our mother, to make their own burden lighter. But I'm just too tired. Now the sibling is angry. It's hard. I try to find the lessons in these situations.

@lisyclare

Жыл бұрын

You should call a Catholic exorcist (the one designated by the bishop of your archdiocese) and get her to receive the Rite of Exorcism if she is a malignant narcissist

@bonnitabee903

2 ай бұрын

You can still leave

Thank you for this video. In so many ways once you leave the narcissist, that's when the battle really begins. I'm 7 months "free" from the narcissist now but I still have a pronounced "limp" as you say. There have been nice people try and connect with me in the following months but I turn them away. The narcissist in my life obliterated my self esteem, and also my ability to trust others. Thanks for reminding me to not let them determine my truth, that is a big one!

@amd3005

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like we are in the same boat, on the same river, using the same paddle! Right there with ya, hugs to you, we ARE survivors!

@AlisonsArt

2 жыл бұрын

That's the worst of it. Isolation for years and when you finally get away, you are distrustful and squirrely when you try to rejoin the living....

This doctor is probably the most articulate in the business. I had to laugh when he says psychological limp 🤪

I’m in the really rebellious stage now, not going to do as I’m told or as expected anymore. Tired of people pleasing and still getting gaslit. I’ve been doing the opposite of my normal behaviour and he hates it. I’m no longer controllable.

I was in a 20 year Narc relationship. I met my ex at just the young age of 12, he was 14. He manipulated and emotionally abused me from the very beginning. We had 3 children during our relationship and I can count on my hands how many times he stepped up for them. After years of being drained of everything I had in me I was granted clarity from the most high to see what was actually going on. I was ashamed and tremendously hurt. It took me 30 days to leave after I started watching these videos and started gaining knowledge and I must say that leaving him was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I have never felt heart ache like I did once I came to the realization that he never loved me and never would. I am 50 days No Contact today and it has been an emotional roller coaster but I feel so much better already. Right now I don’t know how I could ever start to trust someone again, or even love someone the way that I loved him. I am doing the necessary work to heal and I hope that I can overcome this pain in due time🙏🏽

This is the golden nugget of all of Mr Carter's videos. This one really hits home for me. If you feel the same pain as I do listen to this video on repeat. Listen to it every day. Remember: they do not own what's inside of you.

I have survived but I've been damaged for life. Took me a lifetime to realize a lot of things. I've freed my mind as much as I can by facing objective truth and through self-examination but the only way I am surviving is through faith in God and reading the Bible. I have little concern for the best version of self. What does that mean? I am exhausted with spending my life trying to be the version of self that others think I should be or that I think I should be at any given time. The best version of self is so relative, subjective, transient and temporal. The things of the world are deceptive at best. And humans, including myself, are flawed, fallible and fickle at best. We are also finite. In my last years, I want love and peace, to be at peace and to love.

@AlwaysStampinVideos

2 жыл бұрын

You are so loved, dear one! Your story is very relatable for me. Holding onto Jesus IS the only way to survive this! That is to be celebrated!!! Praise Him! He is why i am empowered and not bitter, determined and not destroyed, loved and not alone even though i may experience loneliness from time to time. If i may (since i don’t like to give advice because what do i know… that is not self doubt because i have freed myself from that… rather i only know what’s helped me and i like to encourage others with it if i may,) please find Dr. Anita Phillips podcast “In the Light.” This woman has changed my life (saved my life!) I highly recommend Dr. Carter’s book, “Reflecting the Character of Christ,” as well as a book titled “Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self” by Dr. Thema Bryant. And then also practice speaking truths over yourself which you know Jesus has already spoken over you. My favorite is Philippians 4:8… ““Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” Replace the word “whatever” with YOUR NAME and read it as the truth of God when He created you because He was thinking these things OF you when He created you. If anything is praiseworthy, those whom the Lord loves certainly are-not because of anything we have done but because of who we are and because of WHOSE we are thanks to His great love for us. In that, there is peace and purpose. Sending you the biggest hug possible

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Margo, the older I get, the more loosely I hold to worldly matters. Developing your inner peace is essential, and oddly, your weariness can be a catalyst that will take you into that space. "My peace I give to you, not as the world gives ." That has to be the best Jesus quote ever. Dr. C

@justjess4602

2 жыл бұрын

Dear sister in Christ. Amen! I hear you and am with you. Hope to meet you soon!

@margochanning6868

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism I am not sure how I posted my comment twice. Sorry about that. It was a really raw post for me. Yes, that's one of my many favorite Jesus quotes. Thank you for all you do and taking the time to comment. You have made a big difference in how I "see" things and help me with being objective. You have helped a lot of people. Thank you for all your sage advice.

@brebeufgarcia1090

2 жыл бұрын

Stop answering the question by so many others who ask you who are you. Answer only Jesus who asks who are you. Listen only to Jesus who tells you, you are the person for whom I suffered and died so that you can have peace, be the best you can be and be eternally happy with Me. You, Jesus says, are the most valuable person to me and I know because I am God and you don't argue with an All-knowing source of all truth being that I Am. Jesus' opinion is only one the matters and He's the only one that has the power to save us. QED.

It’s so sad when your family cannot see the secret abuse and think that you are unreasonable 😢my son in law asked me why I don’t leave after 50 years where do I go no one believes you when the narcissistic is charming to everyone in public the amount of times I listen to people say how nice he is but dr c is keeping me sane the more I listen to podcasts the more I can cope thanks dr C ❤

Unfortunately....the narcissist in my life is my Mother. A relationship that should be nothing but unconditional love and support. Nurturing. No.....I was emotionally broken down and abused by her for 62 years. I ended our relationship last August when I moved to another city not letting her know where I went. I now feel with each day that her abusive hold on me is disapating and I can cautiously trust relationships with others in my life. It is a slow process but I am determined to make the life I have left a healthy one ! Thank you for this very informative video. I look forward to watching more. You have confirmed my hope for healing.

A lot of times you have to be guarded around a narcissist and maintain the "grey rock" portrayal. If the narcissist in your life insists that you're being "paranoid for no reason", it's only because they would never admit or accept the reason. It's not paranoia if it's based off previous dishonest interactions with said narcissist(s)

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're so right. And BTW, the narcissist can put any interpretation they want on your response. In the meantime, you know your truth. Dr. C

@glennaustin37

2 жыл бұрын

Have been 'grey rocking' for 3 years, but finally an incident led me to leave, and whatever the future holds it will be a free and peaceful chapter.

This is so accurate. I'm 40 and just realising the impact of years of abuse from my childhood and teenage years. I missed out on tonnes of opportunities in life. I hid away. I am grieving my lost years.

Yes I have a whole family of narcissist behavior so I went no contact. I still carry some anger and I am working on this daily. I can’t stand bullies so I tend to try to protect people from what I went through. I have to tell myself this is not my job. I gain strength daily with your help and a lot of praying. Thanks

@Raymondgogolf

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Donna 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹

@Serena.Hope.Eternal

2 жыл бұрын

Dear Donna, please be aware that Raymond gogolf made the EXACT SAME comment to Kathy Ligammari on this feed. Just a heads up. And I also had to separate myself from my toxic family as well. Very painful ~ and yet so very necessary. I wish you and Kathy well. Note: I will leave Kathy a near identical message for her as well. Just looks like Raymond is a player to me. Be safe and enjoy a peaceful and fulfilling life.

I recently retired from a very narcissistic workplace in government health care. They still constantly try to "get others" I have known to get in touch with me to ask questions since I have left. People I have not spoken to in years are coming out of the woodwork with a one liner by e-mail to see if I will bite. The people I last worked with have taken the time to sift through others I have worked with even up to 20 yrs ago in an effort to get some supply from me. What they don't know is that I have put them All in my rear-view mirror, and am moving on, without them. It is the only thing that works to heal the long-term impact from exposure to narcs in the workplace. I am the dog who is finally off the chain. I am rebellious. I must be careful of displacing my anger onto someone else. I will keep this first and foremost in my thoughts when dealing with new people that come into my life yet be mindful of red flags when they appear too.

Exhaustion. The long term impact is all of the above, but also a profound exhaustion.

My anger surprises me sometimes, this is not me. Working on it. Thank You, Dr. Carter.

@rwdchannel2901

2 жыл бұрын

Reminiscing is that annoying part because it's like giving the narcissist supply telepathically. You can overcome it.

@l.5832

2 жыл бұрын

If you were abused as a child you were not allowed to fight back. One thing I did as a middle aged person while in therapy was to have an empty chair, that was 'my mother', and I proceeded to scream at it, call it out for every time I could think of when she abused me. Said everything I couldn't say when I was under her roof and I had kept bottled inside for decades. It helped a lot and I needed to do it periodically as new memories were brought to light. Anger itself is not a problem, and it can be quite appropriate. You have to acknowledge the anger, and safely express it....even if you are decades late. I was retroactively standing up for myself.

@Raymondgogolf

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Carol 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹

@brg2743

Жыл бұрын

Who wouldn't be angry after the treatment these nitwits dish out? Express anger appropriately though. Exercise, talk with a trusted friend, pray. God gives us our anger emotion for a reason...to protect us. Stay away from these destroyers. They are worthless, evil and they are choosing that. God sees it. You reap what you sow. It will come back to bite them. It may be years later, but it will come back to them. Lose them.

I'm leaving this here just for anyone else that might identify with it. It got longer than I intended. one of the traits autistic people have is not believing others when they compliment us. even our BFF, if we have one. theres a lot wrapped up in that. we know what we bring to the table, but we have grown so used to being gaslit by everyone around us that we no longer believe a word anyone says - especially when they are complimenting us. It rings hollow compared to their regular treatment of us. Thats hard enough to deal with on its own without being surrounded by narcs to go with it. then throw on top of that being a perfect 10 & being treated like the typical 'pretty & dumb' gold digging woman just because you're drop dead gorgeous. Traffic jam wreck causing... But your family never one time let you know how beautiful you are & let you be devoured by the wolves when you became an adult simply because they hate your autistic purity. why would they tell you how pretty you are when it just made them hate you more? it was the icing on the cake of hate just because of how they thought you were too stupid to learn. a shell of my real self... I dont even know who that is. I excelled at everything as children of narc families generally do - but wasnt allowed to be smart so it was all stomped down. even when I was just dumb and didnt do anything, it was wrong. made them look bad. explain that one. and narc female bosses are a breed all their own. but they hate us for the same reasons - pretty, smart & honest. & good work ethic. why do women see those things as a threat to their job? oh. yeah. no need to go into detail on that one. they didnt get their jobs on their feet usually. But I dont want their job. I do not want to be a mgr. that hinders me. I dont like being hindered to one thing in my working world. I wanted to have a life, not a mgr's job. people who live their lives scheming simply cannot believe everyone else doesnt. sad really.

@ElizaBeth-fh6wy

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you. People more than not are shallow. Search for and hold on to your own specialness, mostly what's on the inside, you.

@joankelly2864

2 жыл бұрын

I understand your situation, for me it’s as if I am looking in the mirror… 70 years old and have experienced exactly that. Sending hugs

I am defensive 24/7 now. So much constant anger, frustration and fear of potential attacks. I act like an ass most of the time, to put it bluntly. And I hate it so much! 😢

I wonder if this phenomenon sounds familiar to anyone...I call it 'the crazy, lazy, cry baby syndrome'. I was tormented endlessly by a 3 year older sibling. He portrayed me to everyone as crazy, and he was right! I looked crazy...stuttered, had a crazy look from being in constant fear, and from being the laughing stock. I WAS lazy because I had no motivation. Anyone wonder why? I was a cry baby because I was always going to my parents because he would beat me whenever I did something to upset him. My parents got wise and decided I had to fight for myself. And that's only natural...learning to fend for myself, but he was 3 years older and a big ball of rage and hate. And I knew he HAD to win. If I fought back and won the battle, he would make sure he won the next time...whatever it took. I internalized all this in self-loathing because that's how everyone looked upon me. However, one day I happened to run across the neighbor from next door and she told me considering the way I was treated she thought I would have been in prison by the time I was 20. The good news is I never made it to prison. The bad news is I never formed an deep and meaningful adult relationship. For some reason I have "trust issues"

I'm 73 years old and suffered a lifetime of abuse from my narcissist mother. Thank God she died Eight years ago. But the damage was done. No amount of therapy has helped. It was a really hard life for me and my brothers.

@lindakelehan2934

2 жыл бұрын

I so understand. My mom is 92 and I was the oldest of 6, so I got most of the abuse. When she dies, all I'll feel is relief. I have very limited contact with her. Yet, my sister who cares for her (flying monkey) and I, still have arguments about her. And I agree about therapy, nothing has helped. I do try to make sure I don't have narcissistic tendencies. My worst fear is to be the kind of abusive mother that she was.🙄

What a fantastic soul this man is. May life always bless you, Dr. Carter.☺️☺️☺️☺️

The thing that really matters is that people started to talk about narcissism 6-7 years ago. If noone had done that, I would still have been lost today. So thank you to Dr Carter and others who have been doing reserch about these NPD-people. I am so thankful! Even if there is still a lot of troubble, I sometimes realise I'm actually free.

@l.5832

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Thirty years ago I was with a psychiatrist because of the effects of the emotional abuse from my mom. Not once did he use the word narcissist. Used a bunch of terms like Cluster B and so on, but I never understood him. Had he called her a narcissist, I would have had something concrete. It wasn't until over 2 decades later and I married a narc, I was at a women's shelter to seek help. The counselor listened to my and told me to buy the book Malignant Self Love and she put a name to the condition. It set me on the path of understanding. Divorced my narc husband 5 years ago.

@anniebrowning7354

2 жыл бұрын

@@l.5832 I understand what you say. It's a lifedisaster. If you go to a doctor and they don't know, they can't help you. You have to tell the doctors its about a psycopath. When it's not really. It's very strange so few doctors know.

@StephaniRoberts

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. It’s amazing how this has cracked open over the last 6-7 years. So grateful for that too!!

@Raymondgogolf

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Annie 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹

@Serena.Hope.Eternal

2 жыл бұрын

Dr. Carter, I have spent decades trying to find out what had happened to me. I desperately needed information and guidance. Instead, the Dallas Veterans Hospital put me on various medications over the years that has worsened my health considerably. I still haven't had the help that I need. So finding you here has been such a blessing. Thank you so very much! 🙏 🌻🇺🇦

The hurt is deep bruising and wounds to heart mind and soul, trouble is I keep meeting these people, and I say to myself 'oh no not again' really is it better to be a recluse. Even in churches as a divorced woman the passive-aggressive from other women power crazy pastors who think they know what kind of person you are.

Am I the only one that goes from video to video for validation when I start slipping into a rut? I’m so grateful for KZread and these experts

Neither my son, my daughter-in-law or their 5 children from ages 27 down to 10 (who all live in my home with me) said Happy Mother's Day today. Thankfully my daughter called me from work and told me. She is coming tomorrow on her day off to see me. My son's wife has isolated me from my son and my grandchildren by telling lies about me. None of them speak to me because they believe her lies. I can only imagine what she has told them. I quit being her supply and became "the enemy" to her. Then she became "the victim." I never knew about narcissists until I found Dr Carter. Now I know how hard-hearted, callous, evil they can be. Thank you Dr Carter for opening my eyes!

Thank you, Dr C! After six years post narcissists, I thought maybe I was beyond repair. Ability to trust and a serious case of cynicism is still present but getting better. My biggest challenge was my immense anger. Anger at the narcissists(plural) and myself for staying so long in such a toxic situation. Love the thought of reclaiming my interior self! What a glorious end to a not so glorious past.

I ended up alone in another country looking back at my life. Never before had I ever lost my joie de vivre until this past relationship. I was always optimistic and began each day motivated and energetic. Now that I have assessed my relationships and set firm boundaries, I am incredibly alone but not lonely. I hadn’t realised how many had been thriving off my energy and compassion. Now I begin to thrive again and I keep a healthy outlook and apply that love and compassion towards myself first. I had overlooked me all those years. Power on people. One day at a time. The world is a beautiful place once we draw the curtains of our minds wide open. Thank you Dr C for acknowledging us and giving us strategies from which to grow and blossom as individuals. 🙏🏽🤗💞

Angers the children. Blinds them to who the destructor is.

It’s been 20 years and I am still a mess!! I was with him 21 and he and his narcissistic mother did a number on me!! I was seeing a therapist when I left and that was what gave me the courage to finally leave which resulted in the estrangement of me and my youngest son, he was 14 and it lasted 16 years!! He finally reached out so we have somewhat of a relationship!! I am glad I found this channel…..thank you!!

Can’t wait for this one. Am 47 years old. I have been subjected to this sort of abuse all my life so this will be an enlightening session. Am ready to go through an emotional rollercoaster as I listen in 🙄😢😞☹️🤬🥴😥😪😭 Can’t help but think who I would be today without all these intruders/invaders 😔. Perhaps that’s my path to healing……..

@aliceroberts1980

2 жыл бұрын

Me too it’s hard to see that my be I can Heal all the damage that’s been done to me I wonder who I would’ve been without my mothers abuse my brothers and now my husband it’s hard to imagine isn’t ? Trying to start over is scary at my age my husband is pathological there’s no no change at all ever going to be with him he will never change who he is

@cyberdelicxp9125

2 жыл бұрын

If you are happy with who you are today, then it only made you stronger. Both my parents were alcoholic narrcs. I'm happy with who I am, and where I am in life in my 40s. If that's the same for you, at any age, then you have won, Against all odds. Your allowed to choose who u interact with, and how you feel about it. I've cut off all communication w my parents, and am better off. Now They can only torment me , if I allow them to. They no longer live in my head, rent free. They have been replaced w positive, supportive people of my choosing. Idk if your situation allows for that, but even parts of it may work fir u. Best of luck, your stronger than you know

@sudhakhristmukti1930

2 жыл бұрын

My prayers for you dear sis...that you heal completely..and God sends truly loving and supportive people to help you heal.

Fatherless kids, divorce, low self esteem etc that’s why I got out I didn’t want that as my future or being isolated and severely controlled . Being with a narc you can’t be social they hate anyone who shows you love. You will never do or be enough even when you go to extreme mesures- they see you as their object and want you to be their #1 priority and have no life outside of them. Being with a narc is the death of everything in your life your personality happiness career income etc

From my personal experience, I have very good reasons to be guarded. I have major trust issues not just from narcissistic abuse from my family, but also from narcissistic abuse from coworkers, people who used to be my friends, and of all places, from my therapists and psychiatrists. You would think speaking to a therapist and a psychiatrist would be a safe place. You assume they would be more knowledgeable and empathetic regarding narcissistic abuse, thinking this came with their formal training. But most of my therapists and psychiatrists were extremely dismissive when I told them the narcissistic abuse I went through. They instead enabled the actions of the narcissists by telling me to see things from my abuser’s perspective. I was even accused by them of seeing things that weren’t there which my narcissistic abusers also did. This tribal gaslighting delayed my recovery for years. My current therapist has a doctorate and is very competent and empathetic. He told me there isn’t adequate formal training in the mental health field to address narcissistic abuse with their clients. To understand narcissism more thoroughly, therapists and psychiatrists would have to have further years of training beyond the initial requirements to be licensed. They would also have to make the extra effort to find out what they can of narcissism on their own, which many do not, according to my current therapist. When he told me that, it made a lot of sense. It explains the experiences I’ve had in all the years I’ve been seeking help from the mental health field for my depression from narcissistic abuse.

@mharris7380

2 жыл бұрын

I was both shocked and comforted (knowing someone recognised this) when I read an article by Pat Ferris about bullying in the workplace and how she has found that still, after 20 years most people do not understand the effects, or what is going on at all. The article is called 'Reflections On 20 Years Of Treating Targets Of Workplace Bullying' if you wanted to have a read. Pat calls the effects 'Complex Cumulative Trauma'.

@melianelson9036

2 жыл бұрын

There is a possibility within the newest DSM that long term grief disorder will be added as a consequence of the abuse. Also NPD and other personality disorders may be be lumped into the categories of PTSD and CPTSD; as all the above stem from Trauma.

@Moonbunny55

2 жыл бұрын

Truth!!

@acornlucy2

2 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, my therapist pointed out that therapists can also be narcissists, and narcissists will seek them. They find a ‘professional’ person who will validate the abusing they are committing. If you find yourself with such a therapist, RUN AWAY!

@thinkingallowed7042

2 жыл бұрын

I lost my illusions about psychologists at the age of 24. I was gaslight, judged, despised and had my confidentiality betrayed by what I thought was a nice woman who must want to help people because that's why people get into that kind of occupation, right? 😀😄😕🤨 I was still soooo naive. 🙄 I thought I could talk to her about my narcissistic boyfriend I met at the age of 20 but escaped from after 6 months because I was still processing what happened and carrying around a lot of anger. I wasn't mistrustful of people at that time. If I had been I wouldn't have confided to her those inner struggles I had not just resulting from the abusive narcissistic boyfriend but also from the experiences I had endured with my dysfunctional abusive controlling gaslighting parents . That loss of ability to trust is something the psychologist caused. What she did was just as devastating. But somehow I figured out what was really going on with her behind the deceptively calm and detached professionalism. Under her smug little smiles beat an evil and envious heart. She wasn't the only one who did this to me. I was on guard the next time I had to deal with one, workplace screening requirements and the like. Sadly they all fit the same profile. Judging and covering up their own feelings of inadequacy beneath the smile. I say this as someone not inclined at all to paranoia. As I indicated above, the problem is that previously I was too trusting. I thought most people were basically good and anyone was potentially a friend. But again, they were fake, unfulfilled and insecure people. So I muddled through my twenties and through to my mid thirties until I arrived at a strong sense of self. I know exactly how you feel. Always remember nothing is ever as it seems. Never trust or put all your eggs in one basket without first testing the waters and then getting concrete proof. And please do avoid therapists where possible.

I am always anxious in my own house due to my spouses criticism of me. I can’t take being near him for longer than five or ten minutes at a time. If I stay, he will begin an argument against me. So I have anxiety. This is exactly my life on this video.