I walked away from the unhealthy fear, after decades, and found myself again. Now the covert narcissist calls me arrogant. I call it self love 💕

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

yeah. I got that one too.

@ThisIsMe155

2 жыл бұрын

They can call you arrogant (you are not). They can call you anything they want. You know better. You continue on your path of self-love. 💕💕

@ThisIsMe155

2 жыл бұрын

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 You do what you do best. Arrogance and self-love are quite different., 💕

@METALCHOPSTX8

2 жыл бұрын

I'm happy you're in a better place. I spent 22 years with mine. " Shit or Get Off The Pot " my Dad always said.

@healerscreek

2 жыл бұрын

That's classic projection of their arrogance onto you!

The most important things I’ve learned are to trust my own judgment and then stand firm in the face of adversity.

@catnc1

2 жыл бұрын

Learning to trust your own judgment is a game changer indeed! 💪

@youtube.silenced.m

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I've just learned this myself.

@alaaaaa4132

2 жыл бұрын

Yes that's where therapy helped me.

@littlecookie6636

2 жыл бұрын

I was in a situation where I was suppose to be leading and the narcissist took over. But because I decided not get into it with narcissist for the sake of those who were timid, I was able to guide them from losing thousands of dollars without forcing my lead. I continued to give advice when asked and eventually the narcissist gave enough bad info that others learned of my advice and saved their money. What I learned from this situation was just what Dr.C is talking about in this video-be wise about what or who you fear. I learned many of these lessons about dealing with the narcissist when I did not have the wise guidance of Dr.C. What DID have was God and His Word. After 10 years of feeling like I failed in these situations, I heard Dr.C and he confirmed the wonders of God’s victory, grace and humility in my life during those years. I grew to have compassion for the narcissist and pray for them to this day. I am so grateful to God for Dr.C and his videos!❤️

@catnc1

2 жыл бұрын

@@littlecookie6636 , sounds familiar.

Simple: they want you out of their presence because you refuse to be their flunkie or believe everything that they say. They will pick fights and throw a temper tantrum because they are unable to get the response from you that they are looking for. Everyone must validate them and stroke their ego.

@roxannecox7861

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly!

@ladennayoung2939

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-ww8vl7fw4q It's NOT worth it in the end. They only try to love bomb you as an attempt to keep you around. More often they WON'T change, and the pain, drama, and heartache they take you through get worse and worse, and it's absolutely NOT worth being around them. You have to be led by the spirit of God, and IF He's advising you to leave this person alone. Then YOU SHOULD DO IT. IT'S ABSOLUTELY NOT WORTH IT, IN THE END. LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE. YOU ONLY EMD UP HURTING YOURSELF WORSE AND WORSE IN THE LONG RUN. I PRAY THAT YOU HAVE A BLESSED WEEKEND AND THE REMAINDER OF YOUR YEAR IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH. IT'S NOT A JOKE OR GAME WHEN YOU INTERACT WITH INDIVIDUALS LIKE THIS.

@nancicone3264

2 жыл бұрын

In spades!!!! They are among the most insecure personalities on the planet!!

@garyviehe9365

2 жыл бұрын

Ladenna, -- Your statement, "Led by the Spirit of God," was the meaning of Jesus' statement (in my opinion) when He said "If you cannot stay away from your father or mother, your brother or sister, your wife/(husband)or children, then you can not follow me.

@thisisme3238

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-ww8vl7fw4q Be careful of his so-called "I'm sorry routine."

One needs to be careful, wary and measured in dealing with them, but losing one's fear of their harrassments and opinions is a game changer for oneself.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

it is a major life lesson. But slow learners like me had to repeat it a few times.

@joanna0988

2 жыл бұрын

Yes my therapist said we put them in the "unsafe people" category and act accordingly.

@joyslove3858

2 жыл бұрын

My parents are narcs. I always saw through them, and wasn't fearful. Until they systematically beat me down emotionally and mentally. It was more lacking confidence to go out and be successful than fearing them.

@TM-hl9me

2 жыл бұрын

@@joyslove3858 Thanks for the sharing. It is good that you have this level of awareness. God bless you with strength and guidance as you go onward.

@TM-hl9me

2 жыл бұрын

All narcs are vengeful. That is a characteristic hallmark of them. However many hide it. It may be expressed later, sometimes years later, that is how long they can hold on to grudges. They can also sabotage you in a hidden manner, so that you don't obviously attribute the damage to them.

His attitude was, "You're nothing without me." My attitude was, "I became nothing when with you."

@mr.makedonija2627

Жыл бұрын

Take care of yourself....please.

@Angie247Beers

5 ай бұрын

That's projecting at it's finest. Not good.

@heavenlygrandma9992

5 ай бұрын

Because he tore you down. You lost yourself with him. But now you can be you again without him. I had a dream a few months ago after leaving a covert narcissist/psychopath. I really think he is a psychopath because my pain is his pleasure. And I think he killed my cats, too. And my chickens... But to make a long dream short, there were 2 of me in the dream. There was one standing on shore and then there was one that got pushed into the lake while in a building. Then the me on land saw the me coming out of the water and I said "I'm so glad to see me again!!" And the feeling I had in the dream was just awesome. I was so happy to see "me" again. I think that is indicative of me finding myself again. It was like being born again, a rebirthing. Washing off the old and being able to be me again.

@Dark_Harmony

5 ай бұрын

@@mr.makedonija2627 this was a long time ago, in the 90's.

@jasminemohsin8232

2 ай бұрын

"I become something WITHOUT you"

What happened when I no longer feared the narcissist is that I stopped taking them seriously and cut off contact.

My experience is that, if you don't fear the narcissist, they go ballistic. Then they start baiting you to try to get a rise out of you.

@leahmckinney3250

2 жыл бұрын

Yes absolutely.

@sandrarollins3435

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. T/trick or favorite bait = using materialistic but temporary goodies to pull you back in or closer.

@iys6890

Жыл бұрын

@@sandrarollins3435 exactly...had a narc friend who would know I'm upset with her and then give me a gift to try and bait me back....so full of sh#$!

@jamesrutter4100

Жыл бұрын

Then they get an audience and set you up to PROVE how nasty YOU are by pushing your psychological "triggers" till you get upset and raise your voice in front of thier designated "witness"

@jamesrutter4100

Жыл бұрын

They are cowards, cheats, crybabys and liars. They con EVERYONE except those who stand above them professionally or financially. Those are the ones they butter up and fawn over like leeches in hopes of getting anything the rich guy might consider giving away to a loyal sycophant.

"They don't want you to have peace" all they know is drama and chaos.

It’s easier to leave once you realize that the big cold cruel world is more warm and safe than your home life

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

I never knew why I felt that way. I've always been so comfortable with complete strangers but a terrified mess in my hometown.

@justlookalittledeeper9953

2 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way. The toxic family members acted like they couldn't believe I could make it in the world, but I met some decent people who helped along the way.

@shirley1413

2 жыл бұрын

Mary Anderson, very good comment. Thanks 🙏

@lawrencefeldman7744

2 жыл бұрын

I experienced this fully yesterday. And some good stuff will happen. My good stuff.

@dontgotnonamebih

2 жыл бұрын

Crazy but true

My little apartment is so cool and quiet. No one is yelling or knocking on my door. I still am shell shocked thinking that something is going to go wrong at any minute 😳! But Its getting better. My nerves are bad and I came here tonight just to hear your voice of reason. Love Kelly

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

I have a strong suspicion that you're going to get used to having you own little haven there!

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

I have locked gates and cameras, but I still don't feel at ease until I am at least an hour away from home. It's no way to live, but it's funny how you get used to it.

@kellysims5732

2 жыл бұрын

@@Chahlie we adapt. Take time for good self ❤ care. Im feeling better today.

@kellysims5732

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism thanks Dr.C. im having a better day today. Im watching the Superbowl. Being stuck here 30 miles outside of Cincinnati for a decade I decided to go with it and get in on the Who Dey sensation. I even bet the game.! Have a Super Sunday Dr. C. sorry if I worried Team Healthy! We all have our moments!

@InvisibleBorderline

Жыл бұрын

I hope that now that a year has passed you are much better. I’m only 7 weeks out and I still struggle

10 years at a job trapped with a narc boss. I look at it as Winston Churchill said:” You have enemies? Good!! That’s means at least once in your life you stood up for something! “

@jvhobson

2 жыл бұрын

Quit that job NOW! Otherwise you'll just continue to pay with with the loss of your self-worth, physical and mental stability. ...I've been there. 5 years free, and now I only wish I'd gotten over my fear of change and stopped believing the excuses that prevented me from quitting years earlier.

@jonesy2892

2 жыл бұрын

Unless you're physically being held prisoner by your boss, then you aren't trapped. Maybe you are trapped psychologically within your own mind, so get some counseling and quit that job.

@fredblake6135

2 жыл бұрын

It can be a difficult call leaving a job where the boss is a narcissist...I've worked under a Dark Empath for over 7 years now. I figured him out within the first 6 months when he joined the company...he wasn't trying to learn the job, he was lying to see what he could get away with (testing the limits) and constantly gaslighting. Upper management is either blind to him or they don't care ...they made him president of the company last year. I've been trying to get out for years, but its tough when you got bills to pay, a family to support and can't relocate to a region with better job opportunities. I'm sending out resumes...hoping a suitable remote position will come my way.

@mandycote5662

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve got Churchill myself and I keep him on a fridge ♥️

@jhavajoe3792

Жыл бұрын

@@fredblake6135 Been there with that feeling of injustice in the Universe when upper management keeps promoting toxic people. The boss knows how to shmooze and cite your work as something they were sucessful in making you do. I bailed and started my own business, that made suffering longer hours, tons of hassles, but I just didn't have the personality to tolerate foaming at the mouth, insane power pigs.

I think about the line from Labyrinth, “You have no power over me.” If you don’t show your fear, they lose their control over you.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

I'm tracking with you.

“They do have destructive thoughts and feelings towards you.” Fear that. Stay away.

In my experience, they do not like that and get scared and begin lashing out/trying to get under your skin for "control" or something.

I don’t know that I feel fear at all. What I do feel is a great deal of DISGUST and repulsion at the thought that there are people who can be this cunning and deceptive!

@David-eu1ms

2 жыл бұрын

They would turn down a gift, they prefer to steal things.

@moirabij734

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. I just feel so much rage, frustration and contempt for these very sick people.

@miras2222

2 жыл бұрын

maybe you are the lucky one, you have developed healthy ens of boundaries and strong self confidence, skills of asertivness rtc... so when you see narcissistic manipulators you are able to recognize them, you are disgusted and you go away. The problem with victims of narcissistic abuse is, for many reasons, their boundaries and self confidence are underdeveloped, so manipulators can easly control them, triggering fear, shame, insecurity, false dependency. They need help and knowlege to understand the mechanisms of manipulation and some determination to make progress in their own maturity and self-confidence to get free from destructive relationships with narcissists .

When they can't control you any other way; they get physical abusive.

@teedavis7119

2 жыл бұрын

Sad, but true

@haleywiege9259

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah my MIL threatened to hit me when I stood up for my rights!

@susanq6398

Жыл бұрын

True

@debdd7

Жыл бұрын

Seems no one really talks about the physical abuse but it’s real. When confronted about their behavior, the coward narcissist uses force to try to regain control.

@franceshaggitt3104

Жыл бұрын

I left mine third time..he didn't change..as he said....he was worse..sicker ....two year relationship. I feel he would hit out if I stayed as after he said he loved me so much and missed me he was just evil when he got set in his ways again ..I did set boundaries and told him. And he got worse

For the first part, maybe "fear" should be replaced more aptly by "vigilance", "prudence" or "awareness" of the narc's potential evil-doings.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Yes

@darklybright

2 жыл бұрын

The terms healthy fear and unhealthy fear are generally used in psychology. Therefore it makes sens to stick to them and explain the differences between those two.

@life-rethought

2 жыл бұрын

great statements. those are "keepers" for me. thank you

@sandrarollins3435

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. Learn when it's time to leave t/room. With no reaction!!, you leave his presence. Practice "social distancing" for real !

Mine disguarded me and found a new supply. She completely exploded the guys life in just weeks. The minute I said enough of the controlling and belittling I was of no use to her. I just laughed and turned and walked away. Not to try to piss her off but because i was that done with the bullshit. Still making my exit due to finances but man like clockwork I was dumped like a hot potato. Thank you Jesus

@daisy1240

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, thank God.

@deadmanswife3625

2 жыл бұрын

Definitely don't piss one off. They have a long memory and love Revenge tenfold

@louiselloyd1523

2 жыл бұрын

lucky you didn't have children. Then you can't exactly walk away.

Controlling and micromanaging is what I can’t stand. Makes me stress and anxious when these type of people are around me. I can’t relax. I even feel like I start acting like a weak little girl. I hate when I allow this.

You in big, big trouble. 🧡💥🙏😆 They *can't stand it* when you don't bow in their presence. My answer to that? I double down on not doing what they want, personally. I am more than ok with being shunned by them and anyone who is shallow enough to do their dirty work.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

I second that motion!

@juliekeener9730

2 жыл бұрын

👏👏👏🙌🙌

@TheDriftwoodlover

2 жыл бұрын

I started doing the same to the narcissistic business owner I worked for. The closer to retirement I got, the easier it was. Thank goodness I’m retired now.

@EphemeralProductions

2 жыл бұрын

what about when they go to the same church you do and "locking it down" with them will cause you to have to leave the church? because of them playing victim and making everyone think you're a freak?

@redhenful

2 жыл бұрын

This is what I do now. I double down and boy it's caused some serious toddler rages. I just shrug and ignore it, or I'll point out how foolish they are looking at the moment and step away from the situation to let them stew alone. It's amazing how much one little word, "no" can set them off. ( I'm speaking about my mother)

I used to work for a psychopathic narcissist for 32 years. She used to have a mug that said “I don’t have ulcers. I cause ulcers.” That should have been the first red flag…

OMG, I been with him 15 years and I feel that he's never protected me. It's an aweful feeling as a woman.

@beemonroe4330

2 жыл бұрын

Same here, divorce him!

@umelokarnes5460

2 жыл бұрын

ASAP!

@krissyr3393

2 жыл бұрын

Perhaps you are a wonderful woman with good sense and haven't needed protecting? Remember to give yourself "positive self talk" and make sure you do enjoyable hobbies/interests whether you stay married or not.

@cherileerogers1650

2 жыл бұрын

Seek Christ.

@audreyandrea460

2 жыл бұрын

@@krissyr3393 what kind of a comment is this - are you truly a feminist out of her mind? I’m a woman who has been physically attacked twice by strange men in public. I have also been stalked. And my narcissistic ex once let my one of stalkers into our house just to see what would happen then told me I was being a b*tch and punished me in other ways after I started screaming so loudly the stalker ran out of the house and never came back. Get your head in the game, sister, and stop being so passive aggressive towards other women.

"I'm not signing up for that!" That is the perfect way to always think of it. You don't have to fear them but you have to keep them from having access to ways to hurt you. They're like vampires. If you invited them, woe be to you. But all you have to do is keep the door shut.

I was married to a narcissist for 30 years. Mind you, I made more than my share of mistakes in the relationship, and I quite often made the mistakes discussed in this video (and others I have watched in this series, as well.) Coming from a background of adolescent sexual abuse, I sought therapy when he and I both returned to college in our 30s. As I became healthier and healthier, he became more and more verbally abusive. Fast forward to a decade beyond our graduation. I'm a woman of faith, so I had been praying for his eyes to be opened to the damage he was doing to our marriage. When it became clear that wasn't going to happen, I began praying for God to get me out. The words in my head were, "Get your affairs in order and be ready." I worked on my budget and made sure that I would be ok living on my own. One day, he came home and picked a fight because, I suppose, I wasn't treating him as special as he would have liked. In due course, he pulled out the threat that he had used many times: Maybe we should split up and go our separate ways. My response? "OK!" Since I had always caved when he used that bluff before, he certainly wasn't expecting THAT response! He wasn't able to back down, and we proceeded to have a very calm, productive discussion about how we would go about separation, which ultimately culminated in our divorce the following year. I LOVE telling that story!

@eternalstudent7461

2 жыл бұрын

"As I became healthier, he grew that much more verbally abusive." YES. Also he likes to diagnose me (and anyone who dares disagree w him on anything or fail to stroke his ego) with various types of mental ilness. Bless you in your freedom 💕🙏💕.

@rickibrown4543

Жыл бұрын

I was in hell sixty years with one of these things. Married twice and divorced twice. To me I had a healthy fear............I'm a Christian, all my life, I kept seeing things that was just see o not right. I did keep thinking he would grow up. Not knowing what I was up against. I was sixteen when we married, the narcissist was still uncovered at that point. After sixty years , I'm out. Three years ago is when I realized there was never going to be better.

@rseals9895

Жыл бұрын

Lucky u

@vitkomusic6624

11 ай бұрын

For some reason i don't know.

@cassiebennet4262

8 ай бұрын

Calling their bluff is Golden.

Healthy fear is the right approach. When you know, you go with as little notice and fanfare as possible. The less contact you can have with these individuals the better for your mental and physical health. Healthy fear should work to keep these good solid boundaries in place. Beyond that you have to give up caring what they are doing. Unfortunately they will always be able to find gullible people to abuse. Your job is to make sure you are not one of them.

@kimberlysmith7311

2 жыл бұрын

Great comment, yes. 🙂💫💗💨

@karoshi2

2 жыл бұрын

Lost most of the fear of my narc's reaction, kept boundaries, but recent lesson: I lost too much "fear" of the effect of their lies on others. Had an appointment with one of our kids and I must admit their off-topic lies and the other person's sheer willingness to take a side took me off guard. Not that I'd care personally but I literally watched the birth of a flying monkey and was too baffled to hinder it. (And yes, narc is better at story telling.) Guess I'll have to prepare by always having proofs against their repeating lies at hand. Probably copies of court orders or so, interesting sections marked. They've got handy protocols about the reasons for decisions, too. Ha! Imagine those like abortion pills for flying monkeys. Or maybe shots against zombification.

@beneiseoleinmheart5614

2 жыл бұрын

That is sooo true. Their nxt victim will fall for their bombing until they open their eyes and see the REAL NARCISSIST. When i called mine out, he was shocked that i recognized him for just who he is!!!

@mrs.nyneaderthal640

2 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately after cutting ties with my MIL she has tried to victimize my kids and grandkids. It's not as though she's a coworker or someone similar who would no longer be involved in my life. So the mama bear in me needs to still be vigilant and protective. There's no telling what her next move will be.

@phyllisruthmick933

2 жыл бұрын

Very well said indeed! Also great advice from someone who has travelled the same road... Thank you for commenting. Thank you for sharing. Know that your life experiences, your knowledge whether gained thru first hand experience or not, your willingness to share and more than likely to help others really matters, certainly to me and undoubtedly to others as well. So I just wanted to tell you that kind Soul!!! And also a big and heartfelt thank you to the moon and back!!! I wish you all the best of everything and a lot of luck too!!! 🍀💞🍀💖🔭🌑🚀🌌🖖 Live Long And Prosper ⭐🌟🌠🪐

The narcissists have made me insecure. I'm stronger now, but that feeling still remains sometimes.

@joyslove3858

2 жыл бұрын

It is hard to shake. I struggle w guilt and burdens that are not mine. We must keep fighting that brainwashing.

@TheDriftwoodlover

2 жыл бұрын

You can overcome that. Don’t give up trying.

@dayoffnow

2 жыл бұрын

You're going in the right direction. Keep going!

@patriciakenealy9201

2 жыл бұрын

I BROKE AWAY ALMOST 5 YRS AGO. LONG STORY HOW. JUST WANTED TO SAY, I GAVE IT ALL FINALLY TOO OUR LORD Whom I GAVE MY LIFE TOO JUST AFTER BREAKING AWAY FROM THE EVIL ABUSIVE NARC. I SPENT 10 YRS LIVING IN HELL. GIVE IT ALL TOO GOD. HE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. AND HEAL YOU. GOD BLESS YOU ☺️

@Sarah.M98

2 жыл бұрын

Stay strong

My older narc sister just attacked me verbally and was getting violent. I kept walking away from her as she demeaned me, my children, grandchildren, and everything she could find. I told her I would not allow her to abuse me and then she finally lost it and was trying to break into my room when I ran in there and tried to lock the door. She's much bigger than me. We are both in our 70's and she has been like this all my life. I just didn't know what it was all these traumatic years. I live in her house and was paying her rent. She kept refusing it, and now she got angry because I'm not paying her rent. I offered her $600 two months ago and she looked at it contemptuously and refused it. Now today she gave me a 30 Day Notice to leave. I've lived with her for 9 years...a record for anyone! My health is getting so bad from the stress. At my age I can't just pack up a truck and unload it. Please pray for this situation. I'll go move by my Granddaughters. They love me. I actually have 13 Grandchildren. I'll be ok. 🙏🙏🙏.

@keithstewart7514

Жыл бұрын

Your being blessed with an Escaped Goat plan. Vanish & the fog you are in will slowly CLEAR. Be BLESSED

The worst things is that they are so paranoid and ask questions why I go away! The fear has made me also go a lonely path away from life. I will take it back now! Reclaiming my life💖

@paulinelarkin2464

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you.god bless you.

@440SPN

2 жыл бұрын

A very Lonely path, yes. But far better than remaining entrapped, confused, and abused.

@christbeliever4407

2 жыл бұрын

I hope you made it! ;)

Listening to this and saddened that Dr Carter was describing the way my parents treated me. It's not just your childhood they take, it's the many years that you spend trying to be wanted- by yet more narcissists. I hope there is a higher power just waiting for these people in the afterlife.

@lesleywilliams3371

2 жыл бұрын

I think better to just trust in and take more care of yourself...I learned that I have been trying to please a narcissist for 65 yrs...now I understand its been an eye opener....i do not fear their treatment of me...they have a problem not me.....so by the same token I do not get into worrying about their judgement day

@coryanderson5210

2 жыл бұрын

There is. He meets us right where we are at, and changes us from within. I spent years away from toxic family members, and eventually humbled myself to the truth of Jesus Christ after many searches of psychology and other mechanisms of healing, drugs, medicines, etc... Once I believed/trusted in his sacrifice for me, he gave me immediate peace, pure beyond words and a spiritual vision to see with understanding. The peace Jesus Christ has, and gives freely, cannot be found anywhere else, and is what all are looking for. The acceptance and assurance he gives is healing to the soul beyond words. Only God can heal and transform the narcissist, and many times it is a spiritual matter that causes such conditions. We are naturally opposed to this truth due to our ingrained pride and wanting to fix our own issues ourselves, but what I type is sincere and with the utmost respect for your soul. I pray you find the mercy and grace I did. With God we’re able to forgive those who have hurt us. With God, through his Son Jesus Christ, we are given a ministry of reconciliation. I call to you today, be reconciled to God. Others will either refuse/ignore the truth or they will will notice the change God makes and seek the truth as well. No one knows how much time they have left, but Jesus said himself that we must be born again. The Holy Spirit is promised to those who accept and trust the gospel, given through grace found in the scriptures. This is found in 1 Corinthians 15:1-4. It is a free gift, by grace, which is unmerited favor, and cannot be paid for or earned. We all have the choice, and I hope you who read this chooses wisely! Praying for all to find the hope peace and love that comes from the author of them!

@jomoney465

2 жыл бұрын

@@coryanderson5210 very well said

@CamperEra

2 жыл бұрын

@@coryanderson5210 Amen 🙏🏻 Thank you for sharing so openly and giving witness of your faith in the saving grace of God!

@darlenefraser3022

2 жыл бұрын

My mother was like that. My entire life was spent trying to get validation from others and ended up marrying a total narcissist. Now that I’m away from him, I’m afraid to date or trust anyone again. My mother also played my sister and I against each other. We didn’t shed a tear when she died.

When the name calling starts, you know you have won

I like to GHOST them! It feels so good to be able to finally regulate my emotions and my reactions to triggers.

They are cruel and hurtful people. My own mother had someone contact Adult Protective Services to say that my husband and I stole all her money, gave all her things away, etc. She is a very dangerous woman. It was such a traumatic experience for me to think my mother would actually believe that I would take anything from her. Of course, the state came back with an “unsubstantiated finding” to all her claims. My mother has no contact with any of her children because everyone is afraid of this behavior. I don’t fear her opinion but I don’t want to be put through something like this ever again. Never speaking to her again and don’t even need to know when she passes. I have had a lifetime of her cruelty.

@whygohome172

2 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way about my abusive narc ad. 7 years of no contact. They get worse as they age. He just turned 80 so I'm glad golden child bro is there for him! They already wrote me out of the will after they split mom's life insurance. I don't want ANYTHING that has their dark energy tied to it.

@kesmarn

2 жыл бұрын

They love to weaponize agencies, law enforcement and the court system. I had a sibling who did that to me -- twice! Called County Adult Protective Services claiming I was stealing from and abusing our Dad. (Actually she was.) Both times the investigation was closed with no evidence of any type of abuse on my part. But the stress -- literally years -- of being under scrutiny and having my reputation damaged really took its toll, especially on my health. They are stealth killers.

@mariahochenthaner8737

2 жыл бұрын

I'm SO sorry to hear that Karen. I hope you continue to empower yourself with knowledge & wisdom to peacefully overcome your narcissist, find peace of mind & have the loving peace you & your family deserves. Our mother is exactly the same & I'm feeling stronger for having all this priceless information Dr C provides. I recently purchased on Audible "Narcicistic Mothers" by Dr Theresa J. Covert & listening to it was like listening to our family's autobiography! Narcs inflict emotional wounds & dis eases the minds of their prey & get gratification from it. We're so lucky to be able to get all this valuable information online & finally deal with the problem & finally put an end to it with a healthy closure & move on confidently in peace with our lives. Wishing you happier tomorrows. 🙏💫

@shewho333

2 жыл бұрын

I went through this, only my aunt had convinced NM that I stole from her. Then she proceeded to steal everything from mom. It all started with moms greed and ugliness. Probably THE most traumatic five years of my life. The case against my aunt was substantiated, but my mom stuck to the story that I was stealing the whole time. My aunt was never prosecuted.

@mariahochenthaner8737

2 жыл бұрын

@@shewho333 it's like shadow boxing with a monster nobody sees when you go against a narcissist or unmask them. "You may fool some of the people some of the time but you can't fool all people all of the time". It will eventually catch up to your aunt.

At one time I was very afraid of my narccisstic partner. When I found you tube & realized who I was dealing with & everything made sense, finally!!! I'm on my own 16 years & have little contact with my ex now. I'm 65 & have many issues that I live with, healthwise. I don't have much of a support group but alone with my cats (4 ferals/rescues) is fine by me. I am much calmer now & don't live with that daily drama. Everything with him was drama & nothing could ever be discussed. I'm just missing a vehicle to be truly independent. Thank you Dr. C for opening our eyes & explaining all things narccissist. Very much appreciated ❤️🇨🇦🌹

@GreenEnvy.

2 жыл бұрын

I LOVE my feral cats. They are a support group. I rescued them and they rescued me.

@superluiss01

2 жыл бұрын

hey gurrl sweet innocent souls(animals) are a far better choice of company than being surrounded by people who dont even know what is controlling them. god bless your soul.

@bobbarth801

2 жыл бұрын

You sound so very much like me. Sadly, I was raised by a narcissistic mom and then Dad. She has turned many people against me. I live with what I can’t change even though I don’t like it at all. I currently have six rescue cats. The family was looking to put me away because I rescued cats.

@malkaringel7864

2 жыл бұрын

@@bobbarth801 wow! My mom was a narcissist so I can only imagine both parents being so! I find absolutely nothing wrong with helping innocent animals! At least we're appreciated- even if they don't realize at first that we're helping!! Gosh..when I light my candle tonight 🙏 for you. Please stay strong & independent. Stay as far away from negativity as you are able. Dr Daniel Fox y/t has videos on the narccisstic family in case you wish to seek further information. Be blessed! 🌹❤️🇨🇦

@bobbarth801

2 жыл бұрын

@@malkaringel7864 Thank you so, so much, Malka! That’s a beautiful name, by the way. My mother loves herself and only herself. Though it took until I was 55 for all the pieces to come together, when they did, there was no space for any doubt. I feared her my whole life. In a way I still do. She had told me, while blaming my father, that when they came over the next time, that he would open the door and let them out. My son changed the locks the very next day, and they’ve never been invited back. Then I came to learn that at the suggestion of my brother, they were working on institutionalizing me because of the cats, claiming I needed a rest. It never happened. Thank you for reaching out! It means more than I can say. I’m here if you ever want to talk or just vent even. Blessings to you! Thank you again!💖💖❤️‍🩹😄🙏🙏

You said the word, "futile." Yes, that's the word, it's futile to attempt to explain or justify yourself with a narcissist. I've always wished I had not tried to explain myself in attempting to reach a mutual understanding that is impossible with a narcissist. Will not happen with a narcissist. There's no genuine reconciliation or resolve. Not so much a fear as actually facing the reality that this person that you loved or love, is a narcissist that is not capable of genuine love which is most joyful in the giving than in the receiving.

@carpathianken

2 жыл бұрын

Your comment made me think of the time my narc neighbour from the next street over aggressively accused my wooden telephone pole on the nature strip of causing her electricity problems. My first impulse was to fly at her & put her in her place by saying that it's up to the power company to make the distinction of what's causing her power issues, but I just said "interesting" & looked past her.After a few moments she turned around & walked off.

@3-DtimeCosmology

2 жыл бұрын

That is why the narcissist is EVIL.

Narcissist only respect those with more power than them. If you don’t want to fear them, you must make them fear you. Never try to win them over or placate them. They are cowards. Treat them with callous disdain and disgust. Let them know they have no value to you and you would not lift a finger if they were dying. They cannot stand it and will run from their own shame. Show them that you are meaner than them and have no limits to the how much you are willing to harm them. They are not worthy of your eye contact, your positive regard or one moment of your time. Make this obvious and the narcissist will flee

@delphi2237

2 жыл бұрын

Good advice. Hope they will flee!

@barefootincactus

2 жыл бұрын

Anyone would with that treatment

@nancysayad9960

2 жыл бұрын

Yes ...they should fear us ... only way to feel free with them 👍

@cynthiabrier2828

2 жыл бұрын

THIS. Take back your power and let them know that you could be THEIR worse nightmare, if need be. At the core, they are cowardly insecure people. They aren't used to having someone control the narrative.

@macnchessplz

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with the never try to win them over or placate them. Or any common sense attempts at reasoning with these creatures (like Dr.Carter said) bc you’re waisting your time and efforts. Disgust and disdain? Yes but that can be done from a distance. Displays of being equally (or as close to it as you can muster) doesn’t always work it just keeps the dance going. Complete cut off, no speaking to or visits. Nothing. Nada. I think Is the best strategy. Let ‘em wallow in their own muck.

Yes. If you include the “walking on eggshells” thing, you can see why we, at some point, become an introverted ball of mush.

@vikkiemz7340

2 жыл бұрын

Introverted ball of mush here. I’m not really like that but I can barely string a sentence together since my mother tried to destroy me by attempting to take everyone I love away, succeeding with most. I’ve gone from being bubbly, funny and confident to not being able to talk properly, can’t make eye contact, can’t be around people most of time. I’m not the same and never will be

@armouredgideon949

Жыл бұрын

​@@vikkiemz7340 our experiences do change us. Some of them force is into places that are so hard to reconcile, challenge, or adapt to. Don't for a second believe that you can't come back braver, more whole, and independent though. I hope that you are doing better at this time. Wishing you well, believe in yourself friend.

It’s very satisfying when you find out who they are , thanks to people like you putting out videos and books ! I quickly spread out the information to my mother and siblings . We didn’t have to have to stay quiet for fear of disturbing him . He use to turn us against each other making up things to cause us to hold grudges with each other . Nobody cried at his funeral, it was like thank you 🙏 ! To describe my dad was to imagine the Grinch and Scrooge together his personality and the way he looked . He always had a scowl on his face and complained worse than a old lady on the rag ( sorry) . I’m 69 now and still remember the beatings I got for not mowing the yard right and not being “ Meticulous “ . He shattered three of my vertebrae’s with my baseball bat when I was 15 because my older brother got into an argument with my mother an I didn’t stop him . Thank you Dad for teaching me not to be like you !

@mrsblondback

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry for what you had to go through!

@hissyfitz7890

2 жыл бұрын

Used to sing 🎤 “You’re a mean one Mr. Grinch…” to my FIL! 😂😂😂

@anka2112

2 жыл бұрын

Dear Forest Raven , it Sounds so terrible. In the old days, I guess that it was not possible for your mom to leave easily. How did she survived? I’m sorry for all the pain and suffering you and siblings/mom Have encountered. I wish that understanding narcissism put some kind of balm on the scars.

@jan9659

2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry you had to suffer through that. He sounds like my mother. Ot was a relief when she kicked the bucket. You are strong and courageous to carry on.🥰

@mariadiez7165

2 жыл бұрын

I feel you darling. In my casa is my mother, my father passed the way in 2020 with dementia and now that I am not scared of my mother abusing him, it is much easier for me to cut all with her and I don't mine if the smear campaign against me, from my mother to my siblings, if get worse... her lies to them.. They are not children anymore and if they want to believe and also being narcissist, so be it I'm glad that you all are free now and the fact that now you got your mother and siblings together is a BLESS.... I wish if I could have my siblings, but I will make peace with my poor sister. The women in my family, we are the scapegoat, or black sheep and the boys 'the golden children'. Take care. 🙏🤗💕

Starve the Narcissist

I would change the word fear to AWARENESS. Don't fear but be aware!

@louiselloyd1523

2 жыл бұрын

ya, 'awareness'. I was completely unaware of my daughter-in-law's narcissism. I swear I don't think I've come into contact with any narcissists before her or maybe I did but only in passing. And not knowing I was completely taken in and unwittingly fed her ego. After 7 years and 2 children she told my son she was done with him. She had found someone else and had been seeing that guy while still with my son. It's been a rocky road since then and now it looks like our grandson has become a narcissist too. I am heartbroken.

Perfect definition of these callous, hateful predators. Seen these dark individuals my whole life. So wonderful to have gone NO CONTACT with all of them. Thank you for your help!

I live a happy, peaceful life. I will not let anyone take this away from me. Adversity is something I am used to, and I am very strong because of it. Being controlled is something I will never tolerate from anyone. It appears that I am a very loyal person. Too much loyalty before really knowing the psychology of another person can be life-threatening. I needed this video. Thank you.

I cannot believe how much I've learned watching this channel. Thank you Dr. C. Healthy Mental Health is VITAL. Thank you!!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're quite welcome, Larissa.

I am in the middle of "breaking up" with my sister and this is crazy. The rage and vindictiveness are astounding. But I will have my boundaries and I will have my freedom.

@karenabrams8986

2 жыл бұрын

9 years of no contact and I don’t miss mine at all. The last thing she did was type up a three page letter to me that she also sent to our parents like some newsletter with cut and paste articles from the internet diagnosing me with bpd. It was a spectacular example of projection. Her jealousy and control issues were intense. I couldn’t live the Machiavelli life. Too much stress. Freedom is worth all the grief. Sorry your going through that.

@kateverett7869

2 жыл бұрын

@@karenabrams8986 thank you! My feelings are a mix of hurt and relief.

@karenabrams8986

2 жыл бұрын

@@kateverett7869 yeah. Hurts like hell. They’re always going to be sickening tho. I can’t afford to be sick for days after interactions anymore. Gotten to old for it!! Hang in there.

@thecommunity1102

2 жыл бұрын

Same. It's sick at how my sisters have been treating me these past few years. Especially the younger older one. But I know it's because their lives are in turmoil. I know it's because internally they're in turmoil. I see it. They project it... I feel sad for them and disgusted with them at the same time. It's conflicting but I gave them years to come down from their psychotic behavior. I'm no idiot. They haven't changed in all these years and they never will.

@thecommunity1102

2 жыл бұрын

@@karenabrams8986 same. I just aged out of the abuse.

When you have a narcissistic parent it is very difficult because that parent is already in a position of power. So I was very quit until I was about 14 years old. I just could not keep my mouth shot any longer. I was dead scared of him but started to fight back. The stress became so much i got severe problems with my blood pressure and i was fainting multiple times a day. As soon as I became 16 I dropped out of school looked for a job and left. A lot of habits changed overnight. They were ascape mechanism and I not longer needed them.

Remember: Those who fear are easier to control.

My whole immediate family are narcissistic. I'm not talking to them right now. The more they attack me through text and trash talk, the more I feel validated about my choice of cutting them off. Now I can trust myself and heal from 31 years of this

Thank you Dr Carter ❤ I have found that I'm not afraid ( unless they are psychopath )with the narcissist. I just dont freak out anymore. I think I'm just to dang tired and older and I want to conserve my energy for me. I noticed they feared me lol 😄 but they are different kinds and you always need to stay as aware as you can and of course gauge their aggressive behavior. I also told them I dont care what they think. They always worry about what other people think of them. I tired of that too

@MattMussett

2 жыл бұрын

100🎯❤

I am just now getting to this place of not fearing my daughter-in-law. I feared her because she has the power unfortunately to keep me away from relationships with my son and grandchildren. I realized that fearfully trying to appease her doesn't work anyway. She'll still devalue me, show contempt, and go off. I am so weary of this dysfunctional game. It has caused me much pain and many tears. I realize that I am just going to have to be willing to let go, love and pray for them from afar, and do me as healthily as possible.

@hissyfitz7890

2 жыл бұрын

Depending on their ages you may be able to reconnect later; of course by then, they too could have absorbed the narcissistic personality.

@catnc1

2 жыл бұрын

@@hissyfitz7890, my son is late 20s. My grandsons are small, toddler and preschooler, and I am early 60s. I will continue to love and pray for them (including my daughter-in-law. I don't know...with God all things are possible.) I couldn't stop doing that much...it's who I am. I'll probably even still see them a few times a year, although it's difficult for me to be around those behaviors for very long at all. It's that desire/hopeful expectancy to feel connected and be family that I have to let go. As far as their absorbing those narcissistic tendencies, I understand. I still believe it comes down to choice. I remember "trying on" those narcissistic behaviors a time or two as a child. My conscience ripped me to shreds. I ended up asking God for forgiveness and His grace not to be that person. He heard that prayer! Perhaps one or both of my grandsons will choose that path too.

@joyslove3858

2 жыл бұрын

@@catnc1 The wanting and needing the connection is natural. And that's exactly why the narcissist plays these games. They're despicable people.

@maidmarion2976

2 жыл бұрын

Sadly it is the same for lots of us. I don’t think there is a win in this. Love yourself and be kind to yourself and let go. Stop the agony and if they come back they have feelings for you if not you can do without them tormenting you.

@catnc1

2 жыл бұрын

@@hemant5318 LOL. Nope.

Fear is paradoxical, meaning if you aren't afraid, they will be afraid of you, and so on, this is what predators in the wild are all about and why you should never run, that's the go signal. You should signal you are going to fight them, this will put fear onto them. Since narcissists are pathologically afraid of everything, this is what prompt them to do non stop over the top pre-emptive strikes, this is what the abuse is, they are so scared you are going to hurt them, they hurt first. So you cannot ever be afraid of a predator, otherwise you will get eaten, you have to behave in a way that signals you aren't backing down from a fight, you will fight if need be. This is going to make sure you never get tangled into their web, because whenever they see that, they start being afraid and they pull the same exact defensive mechanisms you should put in place against them to begin with, they'll try to put up boundaries, to abandon you, etc. They will solve the problem by leaving you alone, which is good. Now, if the nature of the relationship prevent either parties from walking away, then you should be the one that's not afraid, this way the narcissist has no room to pull his non-sense, you are going to retaliate and fight back systematically, they are going to get rolled because narcissism is the embodiment of weakness, so someone who's weak isn't very good at fighting, only good at attacking harmless entities that aren't going to fight back, this is how they choose their prey, this is why if from the start you show willingness to fight and stand up for yourself, the narcissist is going to leave you alone, this prey isn't worth the risk, on to the next potential target. This willingness to fight will naturally bring a lot of good people in your life, because that's what we look out for, we look for strength, we want to be surrounded by good people, which are all strong, which makes them trustworthy, they aren't afraid to speak their mind, no matter how offensive it can be, speak the truth, it's a huge marker of respect, of strength, of maturity. Together we will keep the "evil" at bay, we will have each other's back. So fear not, just be yourself, your full awesome self, and together we shall thrive.

@littleiodine9480

2 жыл бұрын

Deucely..... so intelligent, so well put!

@kukkamaria5470

2 жыл бұрын

Deucely great power full words💓🙏💖🕊️🌟✨🎉

@achiengnyawade8540

2 жыл бұрын

I am what you are describing,and unfortunately it hasnt attracted good or honest people,just a series of the same same toxic ones. Took me a while to figure out that I present them a good challenge,they love a good challenge,assuages their ego big time.

@Victoria-hk9ww

Жыл бұрын

Bravo!! 💯✔ 👋

One the things that made less fearful is seeing what a fool or clown narcissists can make of themselves. How can take someone like that seriously! I still have my fear but I am just more realistic with it. I let myself see their vulnerabilities. This makes me more indifferent to them and also less fearful.

@hissyfitz7890

2 жыл бұрын

OMG - if you laugh at them… they’ll give a reaction. 😂😂😂

@MEL2theJ

2 жыл бұрын

Great comment 👍

Thank you to you and everyone who make comments, I passed my first “test”. This guy started to talk to me and then all the warning signs came up after 8 weeks or so. Wow, the hairs on the back of my neck and red flags. It started with admonishing me for not replying to his texts fast enough, then lying to me about his pictures, started manipulating..then needed money for his daughter. 😂needless to say we don’t speak anymore. I feel great!

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

👍

@cynthiafortier2540

2 жыл бұрын

Great! You dodged a bullet!! Just plain evil!!

@bethmorano1452

2 жыл бұрын

@@cynthiafortier2540 I feel so good about this. I was strong, I disengaged after recognizing all the red flags. I miss talking to him but no way am I going there again.

I ask them endless questions about their behavior, they have no answers and just walk off.

I feared my narc mother, then my narc husband(physical fear) and then my narc sister and brother and then a a couple of friends as well. A lifetime of fear. Before I finally found out about narcissism 2 yrs ago and all the pieces fell into place. I am finally free of them all, I am still working on finding out who I am, since I was so changed as a child. I never knew what my values were really. I was just in survival mode all my life. I have no frame of reference that I can remember.

I feared my narcs for years. But, once they nearly wipe you out your fear goes. They don't get the right to destroy your life and character. You reach a point where you are done!!! When you have nothing left to lose, you drop the facade that narcs are sensible people and you fight to protect yourself, not their view of you. They will double and triple down on you. Just be prepared. When that happens you'll realize they are losing control.

Always threatening divorce was the most often used tactic to instill fear into my life. Threatening to leave was her trump card that was used against me for years. But after finally realizing what I was really dealing with, I set boundaries which caused her to double down on the threat by throwing divorce papers in my face one night. When I calmly signed them and handed them back to her she was in shock. Setting boundaries ultimately provided my release from her fear tactics.

@Indyghurl

2 жыл бұрын

This was my husband's modus opera andi too. His favourite phrases were, I've been put out of better places than this, it if you don't like it, there's the door. One day, i chose the door.

@TC-gx3qn

Жыл бұрын

I bet the expression on her face was priceless.

I just broke up with my narcissistic boyfriend yesterday. I’m so tired of the future faking, gaslighting, rage attacks and lies. He’s been promising to take me out for the past month it’s always an excuse when he comes home. I think he does this because he knows I want to go out, so he withholds things I want to start conflict and then start accusing me of crazy stuff when I confront him. When I started to tell him how I feel he begin to yell I was sleeping with my ex-husband which is absurd. He doesn’t believe that, he was deflecting, refusing to apologize and looking for a way to get out of the situation. He’s been calling me like crazy all morning begging to go take a walk in the park and go to dinner. I blocked him, he only does things I ask if I leave him alone. This so selfish and unnecessary.

@MR-rr8xt

2 жыл бұрын

So proud of you! 👍 Been there myself. Do not turn back. Keep moving forward you deserve better and are worth more ☀️🌈🌟

The narcissist in my life got a huge deal of satisfaction when they realized I was afraid of them. I'll never forget the look of delight on their face when they realized it (even said it out aloud).

@globalheartwarming

2 жыл бұрын

What did they say?

@keariewashburn4680

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it's a demonic look too.

@anta3612

2 жыл бұрын

@@globalheartwarming They had a glint in their eye and a little smile as it dawned on them that I was afraid and they said "so you're afraid of me". It was a hushed tone so I think they were thinking out loud without realizing it.

@anta3612

2 жыл бұрын

@@keariewashburn4680 Definitely evil/wicked.

@anta3612

2 жыл бұрын

@@susanmiller950 My heart goes out to you! It wasn't until I got away that I was able to see what had been going on. I was so confused and depressed while I was in the relationship. I didn't know about narcissism at the time and it wasn't until I did that everything began to make sense. At least now, with this information, we can see that none of this was our fault and are finally beginning to get answers. The rage is their way of controlling their victims. Learn as much as you can about narcissism. Some narcissists are just toothless lions while others can be dangerous. Only you can determine how harmless or dangerous your narcissist is. Different tactics can be used depending on what type of narcissist you're dealing with. Dr. Ramani is also a treasure trove of information on the different types of narcissists. Be cautious while dealing with any narcissist but extremely cautious if you suspect you're dealing with a malignant narcissist (very dangerous). If you can, quietly plan a way to get away. I pray regularly for everyone either trapped or trying to get out and heal from these relationships. Sending you blessings and love.

My fear was to have to walk on egg shells to avoid arguments, now I don't communicate with him anymore.

I believe it is vitally important to be wary of narcissists. Their behaviour can escalate from crazy-making to verbal abuse to physical abuse, possibly with tragic results. Some have the potential to be very dangerous indeed. For example, my ex was emotionally and verbally abusive to me, but never physically abusive. The girlfriend after me was physically abused for 10 years and nearly killed.

They try to turn ppl against you when you don't fear or allow them to control you.

I had no fear of the narc.I was disgusted as to how many others including now former friends.we're absolutely in abject fear ..they are mature adults...not kids.. yet they bow and scrape and grovel and pander to this monster ...boundaries are not an option ..you have to detach yourself from them...they will push andpush

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

my best bud was engaged to one. He said at family gatherings her relatives would warn him not to do or say this or that, "It will make Heather angry". He said, so what ... that's her problem not yours. Yup, he walked away.

I read a good article this morning, looking up, "pride goes before the fall" in Proverbs. It describes a narcissist. to the T.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Yep! That line summarizes it!

@klattalexis

2 жыл бұрын

Proverbs 27:12 & Proverbs 22:3

@1013specialk

2 жыл бұрын

@@klattalexis yea that also

I have been living in peace for almost 30 years now. After my narcissist husband decided I must want a divorce because I would not give him his narcissistic supply. (Of course, he was always right and knew everything, in his mind.) After raising my children, they are my delight! The last 30 years have been magnificently peaceful! THANK YOU Dr. C for giving me a vocabulary and understanding of the crazy making that went on in the years of my marriage. It is easier to forgive now. THANKS!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Pleased!

@kimberlysmith7311

2 жыл бұрын

Hi. Wonderdul comment. I have recovered my heart ❤ and headsoace, but am still staring a house with husband ( out son is 15 ans has mild autism) I'm working toward being fiscally independent. The leaving part is where I know I need to tread carefully. He could care less about me but of course cares about our money and considers everything all his. It's good to hear a success story like yours thanks for commenting. 🙂💫💞

@tessellatiaartilery8197

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for telling your story. The positive outcome of your courage and kindness in sharing helps us to be strong and keep on the healthier path. Wishing you and other viewers helped by Dr Carter's encouraging channel all the very best. 🤗🌟

@TM-hl9me

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it is easier to forgive when one knows why they are the way they are and when one has put effective distance between them and one. The forgiveness is a vital part of one's healing.

@joeboxter3635

2 жыл бұрын

I look at these videos, skim comments, and shocked. How can this problem be so pervasive in society?

The truth is poison to a Narcissist, their shame and cowardice will run, rage, and hide like a cockroach from it.

Once you understand why you were fearful of the narcissist, then there is no longer a need to be fearful. They are what they are and they can't help themselves. Their isolating and gaslighting and intimidating is all about them and it has nothing to do with you. Oh look - there they are back in the kitchen again, cooking up their same tired old signature dish!

@kstrawberry77

2 жыл бұрын

Lol love it

I saw more of him. He really can't see contexts and bigger pictures. Knowing in relationship is my passion. As he cannot deep dive he's missing a lot. He's gone silent. He knows I see. This has freed me. My dreams are rich and full of potential. Now to manifest...without him. Sad and elating. I will face my fears. I have faith and many gifted friends.

Wow! Thank you. After breaking a 2 year no-contact with my narc dad (he 's in end stage kidney and lung function) and narc older brothers, this video explains how easy it is to get caught up into their games again. I'm so grateful for you, Laura and "Surviving Narcissism". In my 25 plus years quest to find out what was "wrong" with me, and why I could not seem to draw any closer to God or anyone else no matter how hard I prayed has been answered. Since researching the very real pandemic called narcissistic abuse, it turns out there was not a thing wrong with me. To all those in the early process, please stay the course for the benefits will so outweigh your efforts. I will not lie, this journey is very hard. However you are so worthy of the healthy love and acceptance you seek. You always have been. ❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

It's an ongoing process to break away from their influence.

@debchase3330

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Indeed. This has definitely been an exercise of the importance of radical acceptance that they are who they are, and staying aware of their dangerous potential. To believe in yourself and not need their approval creates the foundation. The most important thing to me as has been discovering who I am in Christ. That I have an audience of 1.

@sephoraferjuste

2 жыл бұрын

Have you since been able to draw closer to God?

@Ominous89

2 жыл бұрын

No, not even sickness, bad health situations, or even death will break no contact. It will remain as silent as it is. Should have had the respect back when it was still possible for them. That's how they reap what they sowed.

@allisons6180

2 жыл бұрын

Hi I appreciate your comment I am in the beginning of understanding narc abuse. Its really painful and scary but trying to trust God in it all. Living with the grief of it is sometimes overwhelming. I hope God continues to strengthen both of us. God bless x

Narcissists leave much destruction in their wake. Their targets don't have to end up as victims though. Even the aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be turned around for the good of those who are learning, growing, wisdom, and embracing a life of truth and honesty even more.

They get extra mad, when you don't care. LoL

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

desperate for supply

I learn each time I watch, and, read comments. My self esteem is making good progress. Nice one 👍Also I can relate to when pleasing you is killing me. That's why I suffered compassion fatigue, amongst other things. I have more energy these days 😊

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Good feedback on all fronts. Keep leaning forward, Amanda. Dr. C

@davidcoppotelli3957

2 жыл бұрын

Love the Way you Think. We drop the Narcissit in our life's. We get our Power Back. The Sun starts to look Brighter and Peace comes into life.

@amandaliverpool3374

2 жыл бұрын

@@davidcoppotelli3957 It's an on going process

When they know you no longer fear them they rage , smear , lie , punish, physically harm ,manipulate ect ect ! They need you out of there life even if it’s you’re own malignant parents!! They need assertion of controlling the situation at all cost .This has happened to my husband and my self, lucky use ! It’s the best feeling when a victim takes back there power and has a voice! when you show them that you are NO LONGER allowing them to control your life .they will attack and hurt you in every way possible. no more power over us no say over us no control over us No No No and No … that was the turning point 😁 Simply say NO

"The gift that keeps on giving" 🤣 I LOVE THAT!

My (ex) husband would scream at me when I did / didn't do things to suit him. Basically, I couldn't do anything right. I realized he used the same rants (almost verbatim) over and over and over... I decided to see how long he could rant with minimal words from me. 45 minutes. I only said "BFD" and the rest was sighs and eyerolls. I realized at that point, I was over him and wasn't afraid of "losing him" or having him disapprove of me... which he did no matter what. I stopped the codependent dance and started arranging my departure from the marriage. I did see a therapist because i knew i was done, but felt "guilty". It took a year, but I escaped with my daughter. And I lived happily ever after.

@hissyfitz7890

2 жыл бұрын

🥳🎉🎈🎊🍾🥳

@MEL2theJ

2 жыл бұрын

Great comment 👍

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

I would love to see the film of your, "bfd" . My big moment was when I decided I would rather be hated than disrespected. Hmmm, suffering the narc is all about our own self-respect.

@hissyfitz7890

2 жыл бұрын

My big moment was when I came home from a horrible shift as RN at a teaching hospital & he was laying on the sofa reading (unemployed) & expected me to fawn over him when I walked in. I too rolled my eyes 🙄🙄🙄 and thought 🤔 💭 BFD to which he KICKED HIS FEET IN A TANTRUM!

@demondogmom7221

2 жыл бұрын

@@MEL2theJ - I just agreed with mine..as in "you're right. I'm horrible. Thank goodness we're getting divorced"

I just quit an unhealthy work place after 2 years of resentment. Yes you need to NOT be victim for these troubled wackos. Stand up for yourselves and move forward. Thanks for the help of Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani

@mayhall6071

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations for taking steps to leave.. I think that type of behavior should not be allowed...ANYWHERE.. I believe there should be tougher rules like getting written on record card, suspension, or termination..Why should the workplace have to suffer..Work place should be safe and not nerve wracking..Peace...

@freedomofspeech2238

2 жыл бұрын

@@mayhall6071 What is comical is that you get a memo when hired at your new job stating that harassment and violence is prohibited and those behaviors will be sanctioned on these premises under the law BUT 99% of the time you get to suffer more in that behavior in these jobs !

Dr. C., you summed it up for me when you said, "doing life in any deep kind of way with that narcissistic personality is going to lead to futility."" I would respectfully add, Narcissists consistently pervert good intentions. Here's something I didn't anticipate. Yesterday, my elderly parent pulled a doozy. Though her former power has been diminished by health issues, her ability to triangulate those around her continues. Now the health aides are fighting over her. The Mama drama' swirled! My mother was the eye at the storm's center. It was impressive to see how this lifted her energy and mood. I witnessed her power-high. What a pathetic, miserable way to live. I won't miss this when she's gone.

@hissyfitz7890

2 жыл бұрын

Have seen that in too many ‘dramatic personalities’ to count. It’s enlightening to pose as a fly on the wall.

@bradmcewen

2 жыл бұрын

Forgive me if this is out of place, but its possible future faking gaslighting promises may have enticed them. I literally, without paranoia of seeing it everywhere mindset, do not trust half of the population.

@itm4173

2 жыл бұрын

@@hissyfitz7890, I'm right with you there. The 'dramatic personalities' create the drama and then say "who me?"

@itm4173

2 жыл бұрын

@@bradmcewen, future faking, and gaslighting are definitely primary tools of manipulation. I wonder if narcissistic personalities ever consider how it might feel to live life authentically.

@bradmcewen

2 жыл бұрын

@@itm4173 I would say to avoid any cognitive dissonance, the answer is no. Wasn't in the early programming.

In my case, there were two variants of narcissistic reaction. One was threats and even more smearing. The other one was they just shut up understanding they can do nothing, rendering their messaging like: well, she is stupid and does not know how to live her life but nothing to do, we can do nothing. Lol, this is the funniest part of my story. Folks using my resource and as far as I understood living at my or having lived at my expense are teaching me life.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

Oh yeah, I forgot about the "too stupid to run my own life" part.

@jeaniemarquette5101

2 жыл бұрын

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 Brings to mind an instance I had with my narc. He was trying to tell me how to use the spring hook for the electric fence across the gate opening. The fact that I was farm raised and had done that very same thing for most of my life from preschool age onward--didn't enter into his thinking. Mr. know-it-all who had been been on a farm maybe half a dozen times in his life was trying to tell me how to do farm life.

@jeaniemarquette5101

2 жыл бұрын

Natalia,--I agree with you. It's pretty insulting that someone who can't do life, is living in a parasitical manner with someone else as the host-- then has the gall to tell that very same person that they know how to do life better and has the audacity to think its their place to teach them how. It's the parasitical narc that is the stupid (delusional) one.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

@@jeaniemarquette5101Lucky he was there to help you through this Alzheimers moment. I went on a date last night. yup narc.This into my sixth year of recovery from abuse. She told me how I am screwing up my life and how nobody will ever date me because I am so strange. I was amazed at how quickly she knew what was best for me and how quickly she was able to project her insecurities onto me. I walked out. Shivered and shook the whole 30 minute drive home. So here is my filtering axiom, if they are more interested in defining you than discovering you, then walk away.

@jeaniemarquette5101

2 жыл бұрын

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 Wonderful way of putting it, and some very good wisdom too.

I was afraid of my covert mother, but would steel myself to overcome it because I hoped so much to win her acceptance and see that I am not who she told others I was. I felt she had the key to other family relationships I cared about. Of course she never undid the harm and now I'm better off without them . I needed this message long ago. Thanks Dr C for your wonderful teaching.

@reginap942

2 жыл бұрын

Oh honey. So sorry you had to go thru that. It was my exact situation, and I thank you for wording it in such a concise yet clear way. Thanks, please stay strong.

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

We needed this round about when we were 2 years old. One hateful person poisons so many others.

@michelepascoe6068

2 жыл бұрын

@@reginap942 thanks Regina and may you too go on to live a happier, calmer life without bullies. May we all practice the better ways of responding Dr C teaches and know our own worth.

@michelepascoe6068

2 жыл бұрын

@@Chahlie so true. I saw a mother in the supermarket condemn her baby girl for helping herself to an apple from the trolley. "How dare you?!! That is stealing!!!" The little one was begging, "I'm sorry, Mommy!" desperately, but was not forgiven, nor any kind word. Anyone could see it was an innocent, childish thing to do. It brought tears to my eyes and I wanted to say, "It was a mistake. She's not bad. Please hug your child." But she was so angry, I didn't want to make it worse by interfering. I didn't do anything, except ask God to help. It was awful.

@kims2963

2 жыл бұрын

@@michelepascoe6068 I hear you. It's horrible seeing the same things we have experienced or the narc behavior on kids. I saw a "dad" scream at his son, who was not more than 3 and half years old- cute lil' guy, in a parking lot. Way over the top jerk. I knew I would make it worse for the child too, if I went over there to talk to the "dad", nicely of course, but still couldn't. Plus, he had a wife that looked so life less. Like there was nothing left of her anymore but I sensed she would have gotten the energy to attack me just to save herself and she had to stick up for her husband or get hell for it. I get it and wouldn't blame her. So, yes, I did some praying for that child and family too! Anyway, that man was so loud another older gentleman had taken notice too and purposely looked over like he was considering intervening too. The reaction of the "dad" was beyond equal to what happened. The child mistakenly walked behind a backing up car just briefly, which can be terrifying and maybe I can understand the raised voice, maybe. But we know this situation is easily rectified by whisking the child over and sternly but lovingly telling them that they have to watch out for cars. This is the worst part, what this "dad" said was excruciatingly gut wrenching. He screamed at his child, I looked over and he is holding this kid and yelling, "ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?!" "That car almost hit you!!!" God only knows what else he said that we couldn't hear... Don't be a dumb-arse or how stupid could you be or god you're such an idiot. Who knows? But being called crazy was enough. It hit home for my child hood and adult traumas. Specially when it's clearly not true. I understand being upset and worried but don't call him names and label him. I wanted to run over there and say to that child that he is not crazy... Just have to watch out for cars. You have to be careful, your dad is just scared that you could be hurt real bad. So don't think you are crazy. You just made a mistake and it is okay to make a mistake because we all make mistakes. It is how we learn. Doesn't make you bad or crazy. You look out for cars from now on. Then I wanted to bop the "dad" over the head and say to him, " a lil' projecting onto your son, huh?" Knock it off you knuckle head... Love your son and nurture him you idiot. Well, that is what my humorist flesh wanted to say and do to him. Haha. Arrgh.

Healthy fear is having the least amount of contact with the narcissists and the least amount of self disclosure with the narcissists and establishing good healthy strong boundaries. Very well said 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Thank you Dr. Carter

@joyslove3858

2 жыл бұрын

@@tahwsisiht I think I get what you're saying, but can you clarify a bit?

@joyslove3858

2 жыл бұрын

@@tahwsisiht I'm saving this as it is very grounding for me. I really appreciate you taking the time to expound. Blessings to you 🥰

@douaa1934

2 жыл бұрын

@@tahwsisiht Are you suggesting strategic resistance? I think I get what you saying. I am just wondering if there an easy out of the narcissist game thanks

@tahwsisiht

2 жыл бұрын

@@douaa1934 sorry, I don't feel I have the authority to tell others what to do, I have authority on myself. I can share what I learned, but you are your own "master". If you make mistakes, it will be you who will pay for it. Nobody else will pay for your mistakes, your karma is yours. What I say about narcissists has been said by multiple professionals. They DO NOT CARE about you. They use you until they see any purpose for you. They master manipulators and will try to use your positive feelings against you and anybody else important for you. You have to decide if you are willing to face anything that the situation calls for, to make sure you will not descend to their level. You, yourself can lose your values, and with it your soul, if you trying to please them or you start lying to your own self. Good enough is often not enough if you just "wishful thinking". It will not only be you, but anything that is precious for you. Listen to more people who have been counselors and have met with hundreds or thousands of cases. Everybody has a shadow. Everybody has something that s/he is missing. Even your teachers or "the professionals". Just because one says so, it maybe not so. Chose not the one what is easy, because that easy is temporary, it will become heavier and heavier. In time, "that tiny mistake" will become a mountain and will break you. Nobody is here to carry others cross. NOBODY. Carry yours and learn to reject carrying for cowards. They are cowards. Don't support them, you will become coward too. Take this seriously as your life depends on it, because it does. Not only your life, but many many other important and sacred things too.

@douaa1934

2 жыл бұрын

@@tahwsisiht thanks

Even when they die they are not gone … 😟

@hissyfitz7890

2 жыл бұрын

But it’s the FINAL DISCARD! 😂😂😂

The gaslighting and the manipulation were big with my ex narc husband. There will be times where he would accuse me of gaslighting him when I would confront of his constant abandonment towards his family. He would have conversations with other woman while I took care of our children and everything else. Being with him felt lonely. He was around but not present. I would tell him, respect is earned. His response would be, I am not your pet. Or no, you need to respect me because you are out of order and just endless jabs that were hurtful. Speaking of fear, my fear was the cycle of cheating, lies after lies, betrayal and deciet that he caused. Till this day I question, was I in the wrong somewhere to have caused all of this? Was I too harsh with my confrontations? Feeling confusion and doubt in yourself is not a good feeling. I just want to heal. And others to heal too. Thank you for this channel.

@blueseptember2174

2 жыл бұрын

I could have wrote this.

@a.m.1675

2 жыл бұрын

There's a thing called "reactive abuse". It's when they poke, poke, poke, and poke you untill you explode. Then they remain still and calm. Or tell you that's why they're like this. And it's not like you're abusing them, they just need your outrage to justify their abusive behaviour and maintain the facade of "the good guy". It's not abuse on your behalf when your intense suffering provoked by them is used against you and seen as a "gotcha!". Take care.

@thesearchwithin6008

2 жыл бұрын

@ a.m thank you for helping me understand. I will admit I began to lash out just as much as he did with me because I felt he would provoke and provoke and then just as you mentioned he will then calm down and I will be hysterical and he would tell me I needed help or meds. He told me I was abusive towards him and that our marriage was toxic. I just do not want to hold resentment and move forward. I appreciate you helping me educate myself along with this channel and others. Thank You!

@estherchan7022

2 жыл бұрын

@@a.m.1675 U could not have said it better!!! "Reactive abuse"...

@karentownsend9310

2 жыл бұрын

It's possible you could have been married to my ex husband, he was married 3 times (that I know of) and it was always and only their fault.

For me, I only fear people who I feel have no self control. Without self control…there can be no trust. And with no trust, there can be no true reciprocal respect. So, even though narcissistic people do seem believe that when they have put people in a passion of fearing them…that means they are more powerful and definitely in control. But, what their targets see…is a person so weak…they can’t even control themselves. And therefore…trust is something they will never be able to achieve. The delusion of power…is a self sabotaging mindset.

@lifewithapurpose237

2 жыл бұрын

👍🏼

Lol, I needed this today. I do not fear the Narcissist in my life in a way that I used to, because I don't allow them into my head and heart space. Great Video Dr. Carter. 🎶to my ears ,heart and soul. Have a wonderful weekend. 😊💗💨💫😀

Vindictive behavior is something to fear until you figure out what they're up to and why they're doing it. Protecting their false self at all cost is their number one priority.

To be informed is to be armed. Thank you so much for the enlightenment, it is priceless. Having lived with a Narcissistic husband, in laws, siblings I always wondered why I wasn’t like them. They were past masters at under cover well everything really. It really has had a profound effect on my psyche, but thankfully enlightenment came and I no more doubt myself.. Your work is life saver literally.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Knowledge is power.

@emmaleenkriel8197

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr Carter. You show simple, basic wisdom and kindness .

In my experience, healthy respect for their ability to manipulate was easier for me to realize than fearing it. Becoming fully aware of what they are capable of is critical in breaking free from the destructive disfunction of their personalities. Without that, you stay locked into the false hope that they will change. The longer you stay, the stronger they get.

I don't 'play' their games and waisting my life any more... I live in a different country away from them and the only way of contacting me, I have stopped (phone calls and WhatsApp) Now, I am focus into know who I am, what I want and just go and get it ALL without fear and trusting myself ☺️

@knowtruth2773

2 жыл бұрын

A different country must be even better than a different town! Lol God Bless!

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

Had a thought the other day of doing the same ; moving to another country, & thats big being that I was really codependent clingy & only recently seeing the futility in my vain efforts to connect authenticly

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

I am moving overseas. I will keep in touch with two of my sons, but through a VPN. You just know that there will be a time that they are persuaded into giving out your info. Have a lawyer to deal with whatever might come up. It may seem extreme and histrionic but it's the only way. Don't even send physical Christmas cards to old friends, though you can order gifts with a personalised message. I've thought this out, and from previous experiences trying to get away. The only times I have ever felt 'free' and without fear was when there was an ocean between us and they don't know any of the people you are with. Bonus, when my mother dies without a will they will be insane with anger as they won't be able to bully me and lawyers don't take that crap :)

She told me she was gonna keep trying to get me back And I asked her: so whats in it for you? She was confused I said im not interested, and walked away. Really puzzled her….

Healthy fear versus unhealthy fear - I so wish I'd understood this distinction and wisdom decades ago because I know it would have kept my self-worth and self-esteem in tact. I completely fell into the unhealthy fear with my ex husband of 24 years and it still haunts me if I'm honest. When I tried to reason with him he would give me many reasons why I was wrong so I'd give up. If I tried to defend myself he would react and say "don't try to justify your behaviour." If I fell into the reactive abuse goading game-play and I tried to reason with him regarding his part in it he'd say angrily "How dare you blame me for your reactions." With the knowledge I have gained from your incredible work, I can at least now objectively see what was going on and it's helped me so very much to rebuild some self-respect. I'm still a work in progress but getting there!! Thank you Dr Carter. Best wishes

I remember the day I stood up to him and decided not to be scared. 13 years into the relationship. He FLEW across the living room and I woke up on the floor later. That was the day I started planning my escape.

This is at once heartening and devastating, bc the narc is my mom. Recently stopped contacting her and I’m almost 60.

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

It seems that between 50 and 60 is the most common age to find out what's been going on. Maybe it's because our kids have left home, the narc partner has died or divorced and we have time to think. Or maybe it's this godsend called the internet. I had gone to a job finding group and the facilitator told me flat out "You have zero self esteem". That started me down the road to recovery and I thank her every day.

@eyeoftheneedle1116

2 жыл бұрын

@@Chahlie Yeah I didn’t start getting this until I watched a bunch of these kind of videos, despite years and years of therapy. I have wondered why therapists didn’t help me find this out before.

For me, all I did was stood my ground and became assertive with them. That's when the Narcs backed off and avoided me.

Narcissists peel away at our soul with their horrendous behavior/ personality. If we don't leave them, what's left of us is a mere shell of a human being. Glad I got out and ran fast and far.

After recently discovering my partner's covert narcissism, I had to teach myself to be brave... I still have to do it every single day. I am much more bold with him, but only to a point because he is the sole custodian of my stepson, and I have to continue to educate myself and carry out a calculated strategy before I ask my partner to leave. He is a family law attorney, and even though I do have custodial rights by law, I am sincerely afraid of his knowledge and skill, and understand he will likely weaponize the situation against me. He knows this is my greatest fear, and it is a legitimate one.

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

Fear Not , or self fulfilling prophecy- put mind on what is working, what is to be glad about ..stick with it -

@elainebines6803

2 жыл бұрын

Once you know....you go

@marjorieondine9322

2 жыл бұрын

Do not continue to fear and get an attorney miles away from your area to help you. When you live in fear, you are not living you’re exiting. I learned, that the only way to disarm a narcissist is not to fear them but you most move on. Best.

@arleneclawson1407

2 жыл бұрын

Narc attorney partners are the Worst! They operate with the rule of FUD FEAR,UNCERTINTY,AND DOUBT.

Left my mom's when i was 20. Now im 23. I live alone, independent and free. The solitude of my existence is bliss. Forming healthy bonds with people i love is Grace. Always Striving and Prosper.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes you have to add to your quality of life via subtraction. Best wishes. Dr. C

@jasminemohsin8232

2 ай бұрын

AMEN. I WISH AND I CLAIM THIS FOR MYSELF. AMEN.

One other fear that it was very important for me to release was the fear of losing that relationship. Meaning the fear of having that person removed from my life, and also the judgment that I would face around my choosing that. Thank you for another great video, Dr C!

How much can one really “hate” the narcissist knowing there is no ability to self reflect. which possibly stems from deep rooted childhood trauma

"The gift that keeps on giving." 🤣🤣🤣 That's the truth!

It's so hard Sir to deal with these people. I don't know what to expect from one minute to another. It's sick really sometimes I feel like his pet.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

eventually you will no longer need the challenge and walk away.

I truly believe that one day narcissistic abuse will be a punishable crime!!

@cynthiafortier2540

2 жыл бұрын

It is in many other countries, wish it was here. I called cops for stalking and told them about the abuse. Quiet now!!

@kellysims5732

2 жыл бұрын

@@cynthiafortier2540 I hope it comes soon! So sad that I have treated my body so badly because my mother told me I was worth nothing. Im getting a clear mind but alot of the damage has been done. I wish she would be held accountable for ruining my sister and me. My poor sister is a true victim. She misuses her medication, puts everything up her nose. She was born first and I really wonder about what happened to her. I try to help my sis, but she acts just like my mother. Like a jealous toddler. I want to free her mind but she doesn't get it. Thanks Cynthia for listening. ( if you are )..lol Thankyou

@cynthiafortier2540

2 жыл бұрын

@@kellysims5732 Kelly yes I am listening. I had to walk away from 2 sisters and my dad. My dad caused so much damage, when my sister's started abusing me I had enough. So sad, but I had to put my mental health first for once in my life and than work on healing my trauma. Sober 22 months, I have awakened and it feels good. Lonely at times but I have peace now that I never knew. Good luck to you dear one. It's not my job to heal my family.

@kellysims5732

2 жыл бұрын

@@cynthiafortier2540 thankyou for sharing ❤. I deal with addiction issues which only makes the narcissist more successful. Thanks for letting me know that im not alone with this. Gratefully Kelly Sims

@jasminemohsin8232

2 ай бұрын

Amen.

When you don't fear them they turn into the cowards that they truly are, narcissists get bravery from somebody else's fear. Besides bullying, intimidation, vindictiveness, nastiness etc are hardly signs of bravery. The narcissist I had to deal with acted brave with me so many times because I had no authority, but when somebody in authority showed up at work the narcissist didn't want to play ball with them and just acted all nice.