Japan: Have you seen my new battleship? We're calling it... The Exporto.

Watching your navy do the traditional "Donut derby crash dance" at the start of each battle never fails to spark joy.

@UnreasonableOpinions

3 ай бұрын

Is it even a Tex video without a major collision in the first five minutes of actual play

@Deridus

3 ай бұрын

At least Blue on Blue don't cause damage.

It has become an Austro-Hungarian naval tradition for each ship to give each other a little tap before a battle. Like football players.

@PandorasFolly

3 ай бұрын

Legit made me laugh in real life

@DixonsCider

3 ай бұрын

Me too. Me also.

Japan "You may have Okinawa. It has never been a home island and isnt actually home to any Real Japanese people. No we definitely didn't hold the opposite opinion last week."

IJn has hands. AHN has Hans.

@tusken9669

3 ай бұрын

Get ze Torpedowerfer!

RIP Bote-class. The most adequate boat-shaped objects to ever sail the virtual seas.

I love the little "Lets pause and just do a quick history lesson" moments.

@schaddenkorp6977

3 ай бұрын

Same

"It appears that the Hapsburg are still alive in Defiance of God" Oh that is gold!

"The Hapsburg is alive in spite of god."-Tex regarding the Hapsburg Class Battleship as Grimos laughs his ass off in fear

The alternate timeline where the Monitor and Merrimack are part of our nuclear deterrent in 2024

From the alternate timeline where BB-1 was continually upgraded: "Why did you put a nuclear reactor in a battleship built in 1891?" "Just to see the look on Hyman Rickover's face when we told him he had to." "And why did you switch it to CODAG?" "Bastard had actually gotten it to work and well..." "Face, got it."

@eddapultstab2078

3 ай бұрын

I mean why did Japan in 2199 resurrect an ancient ww2 battleship to fly in space and fight aliens? Reasons I say. ..

Tirpitz main foe in his later years was money, because the dude needed a ruinous amount of money to build the Navy, like a bonkers amount of money.

@PandorasFolly

3 ай бұрын

Shovel it? Nein we need a steam shovel.

I like to imagine that at this point the Habsburg as a ship has become such a meme among not only this weird Extra Wide Austro-Hungarian-Eastern Asian Empires Navy but also international ship building as a whole as a living lesson in futility.

I'm guessing the AHE gets its helmsmen from the Kazakhstan Naval Academy. Every time Admiral Tex tells them form up they just spin the wheel hard-over and start screaming as they realise that this is wasn't in the simulations

Admiral Tex calls us to service once again gentlemen!!! 🫡🫡🫡🫡 All hands man your battlestations!! Flank speed and ready the guns!! ALL SHIPS MAKE SMONK!!! 💨💨💨💨💨

@eddapultstab2078

3 ай бұрын

All hands, put on your red shirts.... ....and your BROWN pants....

Perhaps the people who died on the battleships were dissidents and thus the unrest has gone down?

"America's... Gone clubbing" Seal clubbing. Did Canada stage a stealth coup?

@skoshman1

3 ай бұрын

Best kind, b’y.

Its always entertaining to witness the longevity of sound libraries when I'm hearing explosion sounds here I remember from games in the 90s.

*"So this is where the Japanese have been putting their technology, eh?"* In the immortal words of the repair ship Kamchatka, "do you see torpedo boats?"

@johnathanblackwell759

3 ай бұрын

Insert binconular throwing meme here

The SMS Habsburg: why wont you let me die! Tex: lmao upgrades go brrrrrr

Me: getting late. Should get ready for bed. Tex: drops video Me: well time for popcorn now

@America_Yea

3 ай бұрын

My insomnia finds me, yet again still awake at least i have nacho cheese this time

Omfg Tex is using map colours. Let's get the hail coat for my car out...

Turbo electric engines has a severe cost spike if you go above a certain horsepower rate. Like you can actually make cheap and okay destroyers under 33 knots but going over that suddenly triples the cost. Its a good austerity measure if you are willing to have slower boats that are harder to sink.

“The Hapsburg is still alive in defiance of god” probably gonna us that to explain the Hapsburg Spanish Monarch Carlos II or Charles II.

1:26:22 I can just imagine Admiral Rickover having a stroke after being told he is to figure out how to retrofit BB-1 to use a PWR nuclear propulsion plant system.

Just made lasagna and now I have something good to watch while I eat. Today is a good day.

@SonsOfLorgar

3 ай бұрын

Same but with pasta and meat sauce

@jonathankalyniuk7017

3 ай бұрын

Same but with Ramen...

@seedon5231

3 ай бұрын

Can I have some please

@IamHattman

3 ай бұрын

Guys.. Guys.. that was the last playthrough. Go make gulash

@johnathanblackwell759

3 ай бұрын

​​@@IamHattmanyou know how much of a pain in the ass that is when every store near me looks at me like I'm crazy because they think there is only one kind of paprika

watching the Shin'yo pick apart the crummy battleship line ship by ship while the Austro Hungarians couldnt even land a single hit until they were in pebble throwing range was very funny to watch.

Remember! It’s never a war crime the FIRST time!!!

I've been playing Austria Hungary myself and I have fallen in love with the small dreadnought hulls you get. the little 18000 tonners I made back in 1904 stayed relevant and (relatively) effective all the way up until 1920.

Japan: "We have better torpedoes." Austria-Hungary: "Hold my cognac."

RIP Bote

@mortcs

3 ай бұрын

Rip bote to pieces you mean?

@ostsan8598

3 ай бұрын

apology for poor english when were you when bote dies? i was sat at home eating katsu goulash when teks ring ‘bote is kill’ ‘no’

@mortcs

3 ай бұрын

Nooooo he made Bote II.

I love all the historic notes. Thanks. Fun to watch and more fun to listen to.

The Second Scramble for Africa was something I never expected to see

Well if you gotta go down, go down like that Japanese Battleship.

@schaddenkorp6977

3 ай бұрын

To paraphrase a quote from her captain, "If Yamato is to die then she shall do so spitting fire at the enemy."

The Habsburg is just the Royal Toy Ship. Every so often Franz Josef would bring the family over: Rudolf, Ludwig, Karl, Franz Ferdinand, the other Franz Josef, Karl Franz, Ludwig Franz , Rudolf Ferdinand, and Franz Franz to play battleship on it. There's a project in progress to actually move the entire ship to Vienna and plop it behind the Palace so that the kids could play with it every day.

I just realized the door gunner is 'The Duke', Ooo-rah!

That Tuba player is dedicated to his craft.

35 knots Jesus it's a speedboat with guns

Long Austria is an act of madness

First Italy, then Austria-Hungary, I'm beginning to see a pattern. I get the feeling Tex played the Zerg a lot in Starcraft.

POV: The early House Steiner Sea Navy does a fuckening

5:07 Now that's just not fair. When I auto-resolved a fight between eight battlecruisers and a single destroyer, the game decided that the destroyer sank three of the BCs and heavily damaged another, then drove off into the sunset. Despite each of these BCs on their own being fully capable of sinking the DD at a range of 20km. (This game's auto-resolve is painfully random.)

Break the spaghetti bottle tex.

Watching this is the best way to start a Friday! Thank you for putting these out!!

Last ride of the Shin'yo. It was a mighty warrior.

Started my first UA:D campaign and I feel like the lion with his feet through the tire. I designed a bunch of boats, then only built like 10 tbs cause I didnt know starting a campaign has no build times on starting ships. I am the dumb and am now behind every power

Today I learned that Tex has heard of Enter The Gungeon. Now I cannot un-see him running around with a compressed air tank and madly humming 'Baaa-by shark! do-do-do-do!" and laughing at the shark related injuries. Also, rest in pieces Crappenbotten... Because you were either blown to bits or cut apart.

I swear the steering is worth the upgrade especially for the destroyers! You'll really enjoy it!

Freitag Abend, Feierabend. Ein neues Video, großartig! Und das beste: noch eine Messenger-Klasse, Messenger II. Ich warte immernoch auf Das Boot.

"...Good god, why?" Words for our times, Tex. Words for our times.

Is this the timeline where Aronold Schwarzenegger's Japanese commericals career lasts more than 3 years?

A navy of rubber ducks!

You know what's fascinating? What gets agreed to by sales departments, demanded by foreign shipyards/navies, and designed by committee internationally. Some of these ship components are almost specific to the ship ordered. Even if it's labeled the exact same way, probably no two are exactly alike. Keep in mind LM2500s (albeit updated) are 50 years old now. Peak 1970s tech.

@boobah5643

3 ай бұрын

Ships are, almost universally, artisanal products. Yes, a class is all built to the same plans, but those are more like guidelines... which the game simulates with rolling up individual flaws for every ship.

hammock and sun lounger on deck! prepare the cocktails!

texs dds over there blasting the sound track from initial d and combat drifting at the enemy

This series has legitimately gotten me to sleep in the best way possible through many a rough night. Tex really does have a late night talk show voice. Thankyou for being you Tex, you make many of us strive to be better versions of ourselves through your kind and honest words.

the adventures continue :D let the chaos begin >= 3

Just doing a dubbie Int he bath with coffee. Shall watch now

This world map is very interesting. The different geopolitical setup is part of what draws me to this game. yeah the HRE always interested me. Game: We're gonna make the text bigger until you read it. Tex: NO! Must...maintain...Hapsburgs.... Boat 2: Son of boat woke up and chose violence with your goulash, baby

Tex needs to create a new exporto class that is really light in tonnage but is really expensive to build so he can maximize his shipyard capacity. Is the ancient Hapsburg aggro'ing everyone by dragging your tech average down?

@boobah5643

3 ай бұрын

Maybe I'm confused, but I'm pretty sure 'tech' is based on what your engineers know how to build rather than the examples you have floating.

Reused boat is best boat.

1:18:16 The Franz Ferdinand is a beautiful battleship 👏👏👏

for every one ahead of their time, you generally get fifty who are either stupid, crazy, or both

59:17 this is the moment tex officially out lasted the actual Austro-Hungarian empire

That's a very cursed looking British Isles at 21:52 ...

More as soon as possible please! 😂

IJN have been deacribed before as "default aggressive" as whenever they had a chance to attack another fleet they would no matter if it outnumbered them. Im fairly certain if the tech existed where they could mount giant katanas to their ships so they can strike at the enemy as they passed, they would without a second thought

@badmaninc.536

3 ай бұрын

“Helmsman! Get us closer I wish to hit them with my sword!” “Aye aye sir!”

@boobah5643

3 ай бұрын

They learned from the best; the Royal Navy has a tradition of aggression, too, usually traced back to Nelson. Some of it is having no patience for cowardice, and some of it is just that if you're aggressive you can push the enemy into making mistakes they otherwise may have avoided. Which is how you get _Glowworm._

I love that, among all the shit posting, you get little snatches of actual history.

The emphatic arm pump i did when I opened KZread to see another wide Austria video.

As one of the loading screens says, the Kawachis were pretty terrible at fighting. Their wing turrets had shorter barrels than the rest of the main battery, which threw off all aiming calculations and made gunnery accuracy terrible. They kept her around as a remote controlled target ship, with her guns removed for coastal batteries.

I love it l, keep it up Tex

WTF?? That Japo BB was baller!

Ah Tex playing sober going. What was I doing with bote drunk?

nooooooooooooooooooooo not boooooote XD

I watched this while 12 drinks into the night nad it was graet

I have learned that it's not worth my time to put tech focuses because of how much it takes away from overall development. Every onve in a while, sure, but... (shrug) Still, I managed to keep my 1890 BB's refit thru the 1950's because Deutschland Class STRONK!

"Tex saves Austria-Hungary ...for last"

Empire Strikes Back: Revenge of Sushi Navy.

So I'm stuck at a loves in Donna, Texas because the trailer shaped object I'm pulling decided to no more worky. I fiinally get to watch!

💨💨💨💨💨💨🚢 love the vid TEX!🤪👍

So it looks like Japan is trying to make an Exportahroo.

*feels good meme* Yes... this is what i live for.

Ching Lee really helped with battleship accuracy when he more or less got them to figure out shell drop is like bullet drop and take into account the curvature of the Earth.

Rest in Paprikash, BOTE ... long live BOTE

You make jokes about tradition, but the Germans had to repair the Gorch Fock. It just couldn't be replaced.

These really do feel like a drachinifel video

@Deridus

3 ай бұрын

I'd love to hear what Drach thinks of the Exporto.

On the topic of weird culture/ethnic mixing I once had the idea for the Italian Khanate, just seems fun.

- I watched "Raise the Titanic" the other night on a whim. Released in 1980, five years before they had even found the Titanic on the ocean floor. They didn't know it had broken in two, so the movie portrays the hull as completely intact. It's not a good movie. Alec Guinness was in it though, briefly, and was subsequently the most interesting character. Dirk Pitt lacked absolutely any charisma, and the movie either lost all the footage of secondary spy-vs-spy plot that could have been really interesting, or they blew the budget on all the submersible footage. Or it was just inept movie making. Anyway, huzzah for the Hapsburgs!

The best :)

MOAR!!! lol

Somebody git Tushima'ed.

Go older. Nuclear powered iron clad

Interesting that you can't refit a ship when it's in for repairs, I believe historically bringing in a ship back to port for repairs was a prime excuse to also do some refits.

Still waiting for Goat to upload the Fortunate Son cover

It's not a rip in the hull, it's an access port.

Onward to... victory?

最後まで続けましょう。 私たちは海から海へと戦います。 私たちは空中で自信と強さを増しながら戦います。 たとえどんな犠牲を払ってでも、私たちは自分たちの島を守ります。 私たちはビーチで戦います。 着陸地点で戦います。 私たちは野原や路上で戦います。 私たちは丘で戦います。 我々は決して降伏などせん。

Hey, it's opposite day in Ireland.

So, Tex, do you have any funny stories about getting stomped in a war by your own exports?

I like to think of it this way, Mike Tyson vs a Highschooler is a predictable fight. Mike Tyson vs the student body of a highschool, is also in it's own different way, a predictable fight.