EXPLICIT AUDIO STARTING AT 1:51
sleeper119.bandcamp.com/album...
0:00 Dull roar
0:56 Fight or flight
1:23 Obsession -- compulsion --
1:51 Intrusion --
this is my best attempt to represent my mental health struggles in audio form.
Dull roar is about depression, and feeling like a robot. not feeling happy at any point in the day, though not feeling any crushing sadness. just feeling numb and emotionless, and a low overhanging unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life
Fight or flight is about anxiety, and feeling like there is constantly an alarm going off in my head. constantly in fight or flight. a constant sick feeling in my chest like im about to go out on stage, and a nervous energy. like im supposed to be doing something but im missing it and its gonna ruin everything. like people are talking about me and disliking me. idk. a high overhanging feeling of panic constantly.
Obsession is about ocd. the metronome represents the need for numerical order and everything to be complete in a pattern/set. this is combatted by the unpleasant squelchy sounds which represent high sensory issues and a feeling of disgust and discomfort with everything; clothes, my skin, food, surfaces, everything.
Intrusion is about intrusive thoughts as a subset of ocd. "pure o" people sometimes call it. I have very very intensely detailed intrusive thoughts of like violence, sexual stuff, swearing, other bad stuff, and it is extremely upsetting and hard to deal with. so that is that. content warning of violence sex and swearing. its just clips from the bear, horror movie audio clips of killing, and random porn clips from a sample website I found.
this was just for the purpose of venting my struggle and trying to leave a documentation of what I go through for anyone else in the world that might be struggling too or wanting to understand mental health more personally.