I used to self- harm because I was hurt and abused a lot, so I internalised it. I thought if I hurt myself then others won't hurt me. I thought others wanted me to get hurt. Whenever I messed up, I'd self-harm. Whenever I felt guilty, I'd self-harm. When I realised that it hurts those who truly love me, I realised that it was just a maladaptive behaviour.

@DrScottEilers

8 ай бұрын

That’s exactly what this video will be about! ❤

@blackfrost273industries4

8 ай бұрын

​​@@DrScottEilersso, visual. As a person on spectrum, I really like ray tracing. But I focus a lot on details. Not normal details. Imperfections in the manufacturing of the grocery paper bag. Different hues or reflections on grass. There are a lot. It's hard to see without accurate vision. Like, when my blood sugar goes up at a low carb meal, it'll be slightly affected. But seeing things I like, I love grandeur scenes. Like when the paratroopers in Godzilla where dropping into the city with the red flares in the trailers. Or the first remake of Star Trek, or the beautiful action/reaction of Star wars with d. Ridley. Seeing the reaction of the trees and finite particles of the snow when the charge was released. Very good artists also make concept car builds with sharp colors and is really pretty. Came about when battlefield started with the red and blue across corners. Eh? Eh? Helpful, maybe. Food for thought anyway Edit* also futurewife gets panicky and when stressed out, hits themself. So...I figured it was a good refresher to listen too. I grew up hearing it's not attention seeking myself @almost mid 30s. But I hope I can curate some of your content for futurewife to kind of take in and start to reinforce themselves. Self regulation, self confidence, identity thing...all present and with a therapist, but state funded and their ego delays a lot. Been through it myself, I had to be destructive against the ego to get better. I felt I was in a holding flying pattern and not getting any closer to landing the plane. It's people like you, gghealthygamer, Russell Barkley, that make things like this more accessible and people like me can piece together nuggets of info to incorporate and try. People that provide honest truth and provide clarity to what data shows and what life has shown. Not reading top 10 techniques to reduce stress...the good thing is we aren't dumb, maybe yet-tobe knowledgeable, but good people are reaching out as well to make the connection and transfer help, in general

@jeanf8998

8 ай бұрын

I think for some Catholics reciting the rosary prayers allows them to direct their thoughts to better goals.

@sharmar582

8 ай бұрын

Me too. I understand. ❤ And I'm sorry wr both had to go through so much abuse from others,that we turn it on our self....my older sister has so many scars all over her body....once she gave herself a cut that took 17 stitches. She doesn't do that anymore....but she hasn't got off the couch in the last ten years. Sad....we had such abuse in childhood. My little sister,never self harmed,yet at 50,she went out in the woods and hung herself five years ago this fall. It was very hard on me....I mourned so so deeply...I miss her so much. I left my other five siblings ,I can never see them again. So I want you to know I understand your pain.

@Fauna4ever

8 ай бұрын

​@@sharmar582Sending you so much love my dear and hugs! 🫂🫂🫂

That is self-centered to think that someone is self harming to get your attention. It betrays lack of understanding that a person has an internal world that is unbearable that has nothing to do with you.

I had two reasons, specifically why I self-harmed. And they were either: such an enormous amount of self-hatred that I wanted to punish myself for existing; or because the emotional pain was so profound but so non-present deep inside me at the same time that I felt I needed to self-harm to recognise a source of physical pain to explain to my head why I was in such pain.

@andrewsmith3257

7 күн бұрын

That's a great way of describing it. I suffer from a little of both. I have BPD and a history of self harm. Rock bottom would just be a starting point for someone like me

i've had a big self harming problem since puberty. honestly, part of it for me has always been wanting someone to see my scars. all my life, nobody believed i was hurting because it was mental, but if i had these physical marks, people would know i'm in pain and help me. i realized pretty quickly that that isn't the case though. people see self harm scars and laugh at you, say rude things, point and stare, etc. they usually don't get the urge to care for you like child me thought.

@davidcrawford9026

8 ай бұрын

Now you know people are worthless shit

@dreamchaser7603

8 ай бұрын

💔❤️

@KillerCammy85

7 ай бұрын

So much this!!!! I supported my friend when she told me but some people were so mean and now I see my son have to go through it. He's got every support possible, but it doesn't make it easier.

@tiffanylam5026

2 ай бұрын

I feel you… it’s like I really need help and here’s the proof… it’s like sometimes thinking if I’d commit suicide then people will finally know and believe that my struggling is real😢

@rogue2210

Ай бұрын

@@tiffanylam5026 i doubt even that would be enough for ppl like that. They're not worth ur effort of trying to make them think differently.

I'm 52 and I've never been caught. It's the only thing I have total control of. I get to make the pain stop. That's the best I can explain.

An aside about "attention seeking" itself: no one would ever say, "they're acting out because they're hungry. Ignore them." We should never say, "they're acting out for attention. Ignore them." When a child acts out for attention, they need attention! But - just like hunger - you also have to make sure they get healthy attention for appropriate behavior _before_ they are trying to get that need met through inappropriate behavior. The problem isn't the behavior. The problem is that they have not been getting their needs met in healthy ways.

@peachkeen64246

8 ай бұрын

Switching from the word “attention-seeking” to “support-seeking” helps with this

@kikijewell2967

8 ай бұрын

@@peachkeen64246 ooo love that!

@jean-mariemeyer1201

8 ай бұрын

I'm on day 178 without cutting after doing it for years. Being Bipolar is hard.

@daRich_X

8 ай бұрын

@@jean-mariemeyer1201 💜

@GemStone0000

8 ай бұрын

@@jean-mariemeyer1201❤

I used to wonder about self-harm, but it never occurred to me that animals might also display such behavior. Years ago, we adopted a horse that had been badly abused. Naturally, we gave him lots of TLC, and had the help of an understanding trainer. For at least 2 years, however, we would catch this horse biting his forelegs so hard he would scrape the hair off. These incidents happened when he was in his pen, not being worked, not interacting with the other horses. Eventually, he did cease the biting, and became a wonderful trail horse. But, to the end of his days, he would walk in circles for hours at a time in his pen, seeming unable to rest.

@Princess-cz3hg

8 ай бұрын

That poor baby! ): It’s heartbreaking to hear about how he was treated and how it affected him even after getting better. Thank you for giving him some love and care!

@ChocolateMuffin308

8 ай бұрын

@@Princess-cz3hg what love and care? they continued to exploit the poor horse till he died.

@Princess-cz3hg

8 ай бұрын

@@ChocolateMuffin308 I mean I assumed they treated him better since he stopped self harming. I don’t know much about horses but I assumed maybe he would have been put down if nobody adopted him too.

@amandamitchell8894

7 ай бұрын

​@@Princess-cz3hgI think what "chocolate muffin" is meaning/believes is that anyone who owns a horse, and rides it, trail rides etc is some form of abuse. I'm a horse owner and there are a few people who think that doing anything "other" than letting horses be wild and free being's is Animal abuse. Of course, I don't believe this to be true. 😊

Sight: there are those colorful optical illusions that when you look at them intensely, they make your eyes or head hurt.

Not being able to get yourself to get food when you’re so hungry it hurts is a form of self harm. I just found out because I’m doing it and I don’t want to be. I would love for someone to help take care of me for a little while. It’s scary to be vulnerable. If the wrong people find out, they think they have the right to take your freedom & their wrong!

OMG...you nailed exactly what happened to me. My adult daughters 100% think I am attention seeking. There's a huge wedge between us. Self-isolation has become my go-to existence. Self-harm isn't outwardly apparent, but very real. Thank you for giving me some hope!

@davidcrawford9026

8 ай бұрын

You think your children's purpose in life is to save you?

@PB-dq9gi

8 ай бұрын

@@davidcrawford9026 That is a cruel comment.

@davidcrawford9026

8 ай бұрын

@@PB-dq9gi it's cruel that they should have such a self centered mother

@bestwesterner

8 ай бұрын

@@davidcrawford9026hey leave your personal judgments at the door, we’re all trying our best here. I hope that op can heal and find some understanding from their family.

Thank you for saying it's not for attention. I have never told anyone and I am always alone when I would self harm. If not for the scars no one would have ever known. It has always been a distraction from doing something worst. Another thing I get a lot was how selfish I was for doing it.

An idea to incorporate sight: I trialed a virtual reality head set in a store once some time ago. The reality landscape played for me used extreme heights standing on a ledge. I do have a bit of a fear of heights, so this definitely got my attention and I’m pretty sure I would be unable to focus on anything else in that experience.

@Job.Well.Done_01

8 ай бұрын

I had a dream last night that I was outside walking and ended up in the very top of a giant soil berm that was loose. I was standing on top of it trying to figure out a way down, and I could see the tops of houses and cars from high above. I ended up using the power of my mind to realize all I needed to do was slowly make my way down - and eventually I safely made it down from high above. I was worried about falling, and learned that I am the only person who could have helped my own self off the top of that berm. Best wishes to you in everything.

You are so on point. I've only self-harmed once, when I was devastated over a relationship. I was ironing and thought - if I placed the iron on my arm I would feel so much physical pain that I could escape the emotional pain. I was embarrassed after I did it and not many people know. Occasionally I will hold my hands under a very hot faucet, and sometimes have thoughts about knives but I would never do it again. Now I use distraction - listening to music or playing games. I hope videos like yours raise awareness so that people can be more understanding and not condemning.

I always thought self harm was to calm a person down. I never thought it was attention seeking. And also if someone is attention seeking, pay attention to them.

Dr Scott, could you please consider addressing being told emotional pain is not as bad as physical? As a child I was taught that because I wasn’t hit then all the verbal abuse wasn’t harming me because it was only words. Thank you for all your wonderful videos. I appreciate you and all you share.

@saintejeannedarc9460

8 ай бұрын

I can definitely attest that emotion pain is worse than physical pain. The way I understand this is that I have fibromyalgia, as well as times of deep depression. They have a see saw effect too, as when I'm very depressed, I'm much more numb and my pain levels are much lower. I would much rather deal w/ the chronic pain and fatigue than the deep and unrelenting emotional anguish of depression. Any day.

@sda141

8 ай бұрын

Emotional abuse is insidious. I was subjected to both physical and emotional abuse. I processed the physical abuse years ago but never felt healed. I’m now in my 50’s and have finally addressed the emotional abuse.

@aphillips5376

8 ай бұрын

It's worse!

@saintejeannedarc9460

8 ай бұрын

I think worse is an individual thing. I know woman that have been so scarred from physical abuse. I don't mean physical scars, but it broke their spirit to the point they couldn't even leave. For me, the worst type of abuse was cheating and being lied to over the cheating. I had some physical and emotional abuse as a child, but the betrayal has been the hardest thing I've had to overcome. That doesn't downplay the lifelong struggle of being invalidated and put last place by my mother either. I can relate.

@anatman6304

8 ай бұрын

My core visual and sensory representation of my childhood emotional abuse is pretty graphic physical torture. I was in a partial hospital program once and they told me not to talk about it in group bc it could be triggering for others. Incidentally, a skilled trauma therapist showed me how to use that image as a core image when starting EMDR and it really helped. I still remember the image and a little of how it felt, but the intensity of the pain (ie, as if it were still happening) is gone. And that was over 15 years ago.

I grew up in an extremely abusive and neglectful environment. I used to self-harm but now I suffer from chronic pain due to illness and instead of seeking help from pain management, I allow myself to suffer with my pain because it quiets my emotional and mental pain. I was diagnosed with moderate major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder and PTSD over 30 years ago. It is exhausting! I do not currently have access to a mental health professional. I am SO glad I stumbled into your page. Thank you!!

None of the other options seem to help, because I need to have proofs stay on my body. As a child people in my life tried to convince me that my life was perfect, and only the growing amount of scars helped me figure out that it wasn't the case and I was truly suffering, not just making it up. Self-harm helps me better appreciate my own feelings and be kinder too myself, in a somewhat backwards way

@Seamannon

8 ай бұрын

Being constantly dismissed, invalidated, judged and critisised based on assumptions (instead of an authentic wish to connect and understand another perspective) is also a form of abuse as far as I'm concerned. It falls into the category of emotional abuse - neglect or gaslighting, depending on the circumstances. I'm sorry that happened to you, unfortunately I can also relate to your reasoning from personal experience. It's easy let others drive you mad when you're scapegoated by a group of people and there's no "real" (meaning - commonly accepted) evidence to backup your side of the story. The only thing you're left with is your own body and your "body keeps the score" (book reference). Self-harm can absolutely be used as a tool to keep your sanity in a disfunctional environment.

My reasons for self-harm were/are to take my mind off of the intense mental anguish of a panic/rage attack - Nothing says "snap out of it" like 2nd degree burns from a hot lighter. The sad thing is, each time it seems to take a little bit more to snap yourself out of it.

Interesting how once you self-harmed you often recognize the others who did. You notice those long sleeves, bracelets, gestures... In a way it changes us forever. It's also very hard to stop. I always thought that it's like an addiction.

@martinepeters9891

7 ай бұрын

Upper arms. Nobody will ever see.

@czarnalawenda5215

7 ай бұрын

@@martinepeters9891 Well, I have scars at hidden places too, but it's not like nobody will ever see. A lover might see... Or people at the pool / beach. Or a doctor.

When I self harm it is always when I’m on the verge of wanting to be gone. As soon as I’ve done it and can see it the pain almost completely leaves. I hate to admit this but I stare at it for the longest time after. I feel ashamed 19:38 and weak when I forget and pull my shirt sleeves up when it’s hot. I have put harm items where they areas easily accessible but not to the point that I want them gone. That pain is unbearable until I get it out of me, but it only last temporarily. Cold/hot help my anxiety attacks a lot. Thank you.

Thanks! Dr. Scott, may you be blessed for creating and sharing these with us. I've not seen many of your videos yet, but the ones that I have watched have been truly excellent and strike deep chords. They're... i dunno... kinda painful? in a way. They make me think and process painful things. I'm taking them rather slowly. But I want you to know that they will be seen. And felt. And I'll be thinking about them and sharing them for a long time to come.

@DrScottEilers

8 ай бұрын

Wow thank you so much! And yeah I totally get these being hard to watch in a way. My approach to mental health is fairly intense and somewhat extreme, because that’s the only strategy that’s ever worked for me. ❤️

I wish I found this video when I was a teen trying to explain I wasn't harming to try and end my life, but to control myself and my emotions so I could do basic things without freaking out. Thank you.

Another thing to consider too is that sometimes the better coping mechanisms stop being effective. That was what happened with my last episode of SH. Last year, my "friend" of a decade SA'd me. I tried to use the old coping mechanisms my high school therapist taught me (using permanent markers (especially red) on your skin to simulate it, using ice pack, rubber bands, listening to various music, holding my hand near flames, drawing or writing). Unfortunately, they just didn't work anymore, making me feel even less in control. I did eventually go back to that same therapist and we worked it out together. She knew my history too, so that helped a lot with knowing how I think and why this event was particularly effecing me so badly.

@saintejeannedarc9460

8 ай бұрын

You said a long time friend "SA'd" you, what does that mean?

@rhyliemasons7957

8 ай бұрын

@saintejeannedarc9460 it's an abbreviation for s*xual assault, but KZread censors and whatnot, plus it is less of a trigger for others to see the abbreviation.

WHERE were you in thr 70's???? It feels so good to hear from someone who really gets it!💜

@DrScottEilers

8 ай бұрын

I did not exist yet ❤️

I used to do this, because I was @bused myself. I actually did it because I hated myself and wanted to punish myself for existing. I don’t do it anymore but I do continue to self-sabotage for the same reasons. It isn’t always about feeling a “release,” sometimes it’s about continuing to treat yourself poorly because it’s all you know.

Thank you thank you thank you so much for this video. I started self harming at 13, and still have urges without acting on at 29. Thank you for the sour candy and smell tips. I will try those for sure. I truly can't thank you enough for making videos about mental health.

To all the people who were in the PST chat, ​I hope this video and this chat has helped! It has definitely been validating of my experience. Love to all of you!

I’m lucky that I found you. You’ve helped me in ways others couldn’t, thank you! As your channel grows, *please* don’t change a thing.

This was a very interesting video. As someone who started self-harming at a young age and still struggle with it even though I'm in my late 30s, I've seen and read a lot on the subject. This is the first time I've heard someone suggest anything besides the usual hold an ice cube, snap a rubber band, etc. I will definitely give some of these a try. For sight, the only thing I could think of was like optical illusions or pop art or abstract art with lots of bold colors and shapes. I only recently found your channel but I look forward to watching more. Thank you for what you are doing!

An idea that came to mind to me when you mentioned something visually stimulating, I instantly thought of art. There’s a lot of intense art out there, not necessarily like graphic per se but like very visually intense. I’ve seen a lot of patterns that are visually intense, like polka dots or stripes. But whatever your perception of a visually intense art piece would be I guess. It’ll take your mind off of YOU for a moment to assess the art or pattern or graphic or whatever it is. Also maybe shining a bright flashlight a few times (not at your eyes of course) in a dark room, or going somewhere that’s very visually pleasing or stimulating to look at. I’m sure there’s many more but I hope those help somebody out there who’s a visual person like me ❤

@ruprecht9997

8 ай бұрын

Horror movies?

Brother suffered secretely for yrs found out after he removed himself from this earth 2 yrs ago.i got him help for psyciatrist did not follow through.now i am his sister left to missing him loving him..he drank alot kept it a secret. he lived in denial with us.he was very smart.intellegent to the max . He was depressed meds did not help.we had both a shitty childhood.adulthood..he only hurt himself never anyone else..i have ptsd from his death.i also lost my son 7 yrs ago heart attack 42 yrs old...i am in a dark night of the soul..i dont hurt myself..i would never...ty for bringing these videos to us..i seek therapy for the past 7 yrs and honestly you are the best..no one explains real life talk like you do..everybody just has happy talk..how do you overcome something so awful? I am 67 yrs old not a spring chicken anymore..ty Dr for explaining ..🙏

Totally agree; pain, suffering, dispair and wanting to "feel something" drives self harm.. wanting to feel like you are real, that you are alive, or are connected to reality.. It is this persons way of dealing with their mental stressors; however, I have seen psychotic people do it for attention..

Scott to the question of sight and what to use as a tool... take it away, blindfold, and be in the blindfold until the other senses enhance... it's an awesome experience... live the reality of what a visual inpare person does

Wow! Excellent discussion on critical issue that is not easily found elsewhere.

The only thing I can think of when using sight without causing permanent damage to this sensitive organ is looking at an abstract and busy painting or image comprised of vivid colours. On the other hand, what we look at are mostly the source of our overwhelming emotions (even if we don't realise it at first), so using other senses you mentioned to distract ourselves seems more sensible.

I had an experience with sight a couple of days ago. Driving on a major highway, I suddenly and unexpectedly found myself going through a huge and magnificent field of tall wild flowers. The color combination and unexpected nature of the scene jolted me out of my ruminations. I cannot think of a negative sight that I would use for this purpose, because I would internalize and relive the bad sight. I suspect that for this sense, we need an experience of extreme beauty.

watching something tragic or horrific like war, starving children, etc. This takes your compassion up a notch and can stimulate tears of compassion and makes you realize that others suffer too, can help

I'm so glad I didn't get caught up in this. I had an urge once very strong w/ knives. It made me cry that I would even be tempted by this. So I prayed and repented, and thankfully it never hit me that hard as an urge again. What I have struggled w/ more is self neglect when I feel invalidated. I have gotten better since recognizing this. I still wish I'd just be taken out and not have to continue living w/ depression though.

@tracyzimmerman7912

8 ай бұрын

I feel you.... I have several times been tempted to stab hang or drown myself. The only thing that stops me is the pain it inflicts. I have had depression anxiety and CPTSD for decades now.

@LtRee96se

8 ай бұрын

@ saintejeannedarc9450 I'm with you. My family never knew until I told them. I really want to just have life over. I'm so tired of everything. But I keep on living with severe depression and the suicidal thoughts that I get all the time. Cry, if that helps. I'm praying for you.

@saintejeannedarc9460

8 ай бұрын

@@LtRee96se When you say your family didn't know, do you mean that you got caught in the trap of self harm, or that you had depression? Let me add too, that I'm older, when self harm wasn't really heard of or talked about. So for me, the strong thought was so out of the blue. It's become a really cruel trend and a crisis w/ young people. There's something to the social contagion factor. They say, even w/ suicide, that it can be a social contagion. They used to announce suicide hotlines in areas, but found that increased it too. So now they call them crisis lines. I suspect they will have to come up w/ a code name for self harm too, for the same reasons.

@LtRee96se

8 ай бұрын

@@saintejeannedarc9460 My family really didn't know about the depression. They knew that I was somewhat depressed, but they didn't know how bad it was. Or, in the case of my sibling, he just didn't care and told me so. When I first cut my wrists, I found an old pair of cotton gloves, like people used to wear for going to church. I cut the finger tips out and wore them. Mom was the only one who knew something was wrong. I went to church that evening and no one asked why I was wearing gloves. I'm kinda glad about that. I really didn't want to tell them, but if I left my hands uncovered, there would be more questions.

Thank you for all the support, i’ve been on dark struggling moments for life but this been a significantly heavy year in terms of emotionally pain and lot of shame, listening to you showed me that am not alone... so thank you for all the valuable tools you talk about on channel as you are one my first top for trauma recovery

Thanks for making it clear that we’re not all borderlines nothing borderlines don’t deserve love and comfort as well is anyone else❤

You've kept me alive since the beginning of October of this year. I don't know whether to thank you or curse you.

I self-harmed (cuts) from about 8 years old until around 21 years old. The urge to cut has never really gone away, though. I had gotten married and was afraid my wife would see any new cuts and question me about them... and I wouldn't be able to explain why I did it. That pit of pain deep inside has many more masks over it than it used to, and I've never been really ready or able to talk about it. Usually when I find that extraordinarily rare person that's earned my trust & respect, I just feel like having a complete meltdown and crying all over them. Nowadays I'm a pack-a-day smoker (maladaptive and self-destructive and a habit I love) and still very screwed up inside. If self-neglect were an olympic sport, I'd medal every day. When I'm not chain-smoking, I'm eating the chips of death - When my tastebuds think ww3 just kicked off on them the rest of me (and life) doesn't seem to matter as much....

@velevetyy

8 ай бұрын

yeah i notice sh'ers just move addictions when they stop but dont treat the core problem.

i would add these ideas- ice baths or cold showers are a good way to bring you to the present moment and out of your head, it doesn't have to even be a proper ice bath that athletes do, just fill up your bath with cold instead of warm water, or shower in the cold water. if you are home it is relatively accessible and quick and hopefully it gives you not only relief but additional health benefits which aren't that important in this context but still why not. also cold water helps regulate emotions in general as well. sight is something that isn't practical in this context, it would be if you could have a friend throw a hacky ball at you and you have to move out of the way to not get hit for example or using your sight to balance on a thin rope or something similar. sight brings you to present and occupies your mind only when it is used as a tool to avoid harm and that always involves physical activity so it may not be as practical. you could maybe watch some jump scare videos maybe? that is a strong visual and auditive stimulus but i am not sure that is what we are looking for here. i thing a piece of lemon or a peppermint oil would do a better job. and therapy that will allow you to talk about these things will help as well.

I can press on my eyeballs (gentle to medium pressure) until I see patterns. I very quickly start chasing the patterns and forget what I thinking about. It also has a "going inward" quality that I find soothing.

I will just say Thank You for your work. For the first time in years i can consider there might be a chance to fix my life.

Thank you! I agree with your anslysis of self- harm..Someone self-hatms because they can't handle the negative emotions they are feeling any longer..

Thank you for this. So accurate.

Thank you for speaking about self harm in a compassionate way. Kind and understanding. As for ideas about sight, I wonder if that's why I like noticing birds flying in the sky, or even flying close past me, important to also look where one is going if looking upwards. Thank you.

Thank you. I understand this now. You’ve helped more than you’ll ever know.

100% accurate. From personal experience. Thank you for including the alternative suggestions, I have never heard of any of them.

Thanks for a description of self harm. The being in the moment. Helpful in understanding where someone’s mind is during. Helpful insight.

I sh for 11 years now and currently trying to stop but it is very very hard, I use skills and I may visit DBT soon. I cut my hands a few weeks ago and I wear hand sleeves to cover it at work. I know once I'm able to stop I will still miss it, it helped me through my teens and my young adults. From 14-to now 25.

This is an enormously under covered subject. ThankYou for your insightful alternatives & humor too. Being alert to those we love in need of a diversion is a very helpful topic

You make so much sense, thank you very much. Bless.

You are the most informed, valid person I’ve heard talk about the serious stuff. Well done !!!!!

Thank you for the inclusive language where you're mentioning different forms of self harm I'm so sick of people thinking it's only cutting back when I was in it that was like the one thing I didn't do and I always felt so alone in that

Thank you very much for this video. You get the topic really well and respectful/understanding with all of us 🙏

Thank you for seeing us.

Thank you so much for this video, I personally have struggled myself for 10 years and have never found a resolution to officially stop. I look forward to trying this, and sharing this with some clients since I have entered the mental health field and studying psychology, and yet I have never heard this advice! ❤

That's really good advice at the end that I hadn't heard before and hadn't thought of.

Thanks for tackling the BIG subjects

Oh my goodness, first time hearing about this kind of solution on how to deal with self harm thoughts, thank you so much!

Wow. Super helpful. It’s like you turned on a light and now I can see. I made a connection. Thanks, Dr. Scott. This makes great sense. I’m going to try your suggestion.

I have just found your channel Dr. I am glad I did , not withstanding my own situation I am tempted to suggest to some callers that they take a look on your channel . to put that into context I work part time as a volunteer on a very well known listening service for those who are struggling . I have looked at a few of your vids and I find them to make a LOT of sense , bringing some light to complex issues . Thank you.

My heart goes out to all those caught up in self harm. I somehow managed to get past it. Had a bout w/ anorexia when young. Only by the grace of God, certainly not by being any stronger than anyone else. Some of these comments of those that got caught in trap of self harm, it sounds like trying to get out of addiction just to stop it, even though they want to stop. It is heartbreaking.

@velevetyy

8 ай бұрын

chronic sh is p much an addiction to many

When you. said, "foam rollers," I thought hair rollers and I thought, "What in the World?!!" Thank you for the list of alternatives. It feels like...whew. My worst moments are when I wake so, I'm going to try scent. I can just keep something by the bed. (...cuz that "think of a bus thing" just made me angry that I couldn't kick those passengers-- depression and anxiety -- off my bus!) One more thing, hearing you say that it is nothing more than the intensity of the feelings is really comforting. It is for me, I hope it is for others.

Thank you so much. Dr Scott you are helping so many people with ur channel. I wish u lived in phila.

Really thoughtful and kindly delivered information. Well done, Scott - your work is no doubt changing lives. :)

Thanks for this great video! I’m 60 and have gone through two episodes of SH that each lasted a week or two. I haven’t understood it before this explanation. I’m truly grateful. As an aside, I credit my second episode with a very good effect: it caused my partner of 10 years, who was emotionally abusive, to move out, as they thought that I might move on from harming me to harming them. I’ve always thought that this was a massive misunderstanding but thank my lucky stars that they thought this. This leads me to now question whether this is a common misunderstanding. FWIW, I’ve never felt attracted to harming others, and don’t know anyone who self-harms who is so attracted. For visual stimulation, I find art museums particularly intense. It takes a little while, but then becomes completely consuming. But it’s not simply the art (visual input)-it’s also the mental processes it evokes.

Thank you for this video.

Glad I found your lessons!!! Thank you for being so practical 😊

I think you are amazing and so authentic, thank you ❤

Thank you for giving us practical ideas at the end of each of your recordings. I appreciate you so much I wish I could get on a plane tomorrow. I left Illinois 10 days after I turned 18 and flew to San Francisco Dr. Scott, I need love I need at least one friend and I need hope!

Excellent advice. Thanks for what you are doing. Peace

What you said is so true! I've done self harm, and I've not told one single person I know about it, EVER. And most people I know, do know that I have depression. I think self harm can, for me anyway gives a sense of relief from emotional pain, like it's quite physical. I almost feel the relief like a release. Anyway, I haven't done it for a while because it actually caused something way more serious.

You are such a good therapist!

You have the kindest heart and the nicest voice on KZread.

In regards to your "sight" resources, I would sometimes watch "fail" videos. Just seeing people getting hurt on a skateboard or hurting themselves for "likes" made see the resultant pain. It may sound weird but by feeling their pain vicariously, it helped me redirect.

I truly appreciate your empathy n your video. Tk you

For a quick and easy explanation. You know when you have an itch so bad you have to chew on it to make it go away. Its that but emotional. Also not sure if this will help with sight, but i like to look at pictures with dark backgrounds and bright colors. Like I saw this really intensely colored poster at a restaurant. Was in a really bad spot but for some reason i spent the next 20 minutes thinking about it. When i finally moved on i was way more level. I also like to watch or read horror manga. I hate horror but something about the unrealness of it is therapeutic.

I once self-harmed. I remember the emotion that drove me there: Not being able to tap into my own emotions, I couldn't cry but I knew I was hurting inside. I cut my leg with a razor blade, extremely shallow cuts. it felt so good cos I finally started crying. I feel myself going down that path again- constantly getting told NOTHING I DO IS GOOD ENOUGH, No friends, I try talk to my mum and she shuts me out with complaints about how my sister this and that or any other subject that she can just not to listen to me. I can't talk to my husband because I get that eyeroll or shut down because I am functioning on emotions-not logic. I am an idiot, but I am an idiot in need of a little bit of warmth-a hug and being told I am good enough. I need to take half an hour out of my day without worrying that I will start up a fight with my husband. As for your eye problem- You are looking for something that causes the eyes to stay focused on that- a change of scenery- If you can drive, drive somewhere you've never been- get out. Sunrises and sunsets are glorious to behold. If you live on a farm look for something ridiculous: goats showing interest are hilarious! That raised lip with the broad smile. If you are in a city you might want to take a closer look at the seemingly mundane: I once found hoards of snails in a grass path close to a hospital! I don't know this is what kept me semi sane for a few years.

@davidcrawford9026

8 ай бұрын

Why did yoy marry someone who disrespects yoy like that?

@petronellajones3840

8 ай бұрын

@@davidcrawford9026 He wasn't always like this. It started after our first kid was born.

Thank you for this

Suicide occurs during that fleeting moment where the pain of living exceeds the pain of dying. Learned that in rehab. Sometimes, we do recover. You can too.

Thank you Dr Scott.

Thank you for this...❤

Sight : sometimes before I get to sleep, I rub my eyes some, then apply mild but steady pressure on closed eyelids with the inside of my palms in a comfortable way, after a while (under a minute and gentle pressure) you get phosphenes, a form of photopsia, eye flashers and geometric black and white shapes that are very interesting and satisfying when done right. Not every night though ! Helps me not think, think of nothing and just feel. Look it up, don’t hurt yourself, hope this helps… ❤

Wish my parents and everyone ever to been in my life, listened to all your videos. And actually listen. Not just hear sound. But hear and process your words

Thank you for your insight.

I have been selfharming since I was ten. I have a few fairly new wounds now. I try to find better ways to cope, but sometimes it feels like it's the only thing I have that is there for me through it all, more so than any friend ever could.

@lesleyM84

8 ай бұрын

alsy, sending you warm hugs.. this world def is very challenging and those with delicate sensitivities are super challenged.. you are in a safe place here.. you are loved.. you are precious.. your life can be compelling and nurturing.. it truly can.. reach into therapy specific to this action, won’t you?❣️❣️🌹🌹.. your Soul is beautiful, bright and strong.. let her shine bright and healthy.. ❣️❣️❣️❣️..

@frantickitten

8 ай бұрын

I feel you. I started at 11, did it until I was 30. Then I was clean for 13 years. Now I'm 45 and back at it for 2 years and unfortunately it just feels like .. coming home? Something I've missed? It's not as frequent or severe as it used to be, but still .. *sigh*

@alsy6813

8 ай бұрын

@@frantickitten I was clean for only a year, not really a long time. But I definitely missed it. I hoped that one day I would stop, but I have a feeling that it will be with me for the rest of my life, whether I do or only miss it

In regards to sight, I find watching pimple popping videos really satisfying and calming and because it brings your attention into the present moment, it helps take my mind off of things when I’m ruminating and feeling anxious (& depressed). Also cattle hoof trimming videos (don’t knock it til you’ve tried it) such as the Hoof GP channel on KZread. Can anyone else relate to this?

I feel that another thing to mention is the levels of self-harm. I've never been suicidal. It's not in me, but I could imagine that it may lead down that path for others. I'm almost 50 & there have only been about 3 times in my life that I have slapped myself. Mostly to snap me out of a depressive thought episode. I suffer from ptsd, depression, bipolar & live with my narcissistic mother, whom I'm trying to get away from. Was in therapy & had a psychiatrist for 5 years until I had to quit my stressful corporate job of 10 years that was causing more harm than good. Then, most recently, my cat died, who was my ONLY support through all of it. When I found out she was sick, it was the first time I actually punched myself & bruised my jaw. I didn't even know one could do that to one's self. My cat actually saw that and ran from me. I regret it completely & wished I hadn't. I recently made the decision to push forward 100% to get away from my situation. I don't know what that looks like, but I know I will do whatever it takes for ME & my mental health. As soon as I can, I'm going back to therapy & and continuing my healing. I know all self-harm is bad, & I know that there are levels. I would say stopping it before it happens, even in the slightest is key to it not growing into something bigger that could lead to worse situations. The examples you give are fantastic. I can't imagine me doing it again, but it comes on so fast when it seems the only way out of a thought. I'm going to keep essential oils near me in case. Something really intense to smell. I may even keep some strong candy, too, as a backup. I have been binge watching your videos & since I have been without therapy, they are SO helpful. Can't thank you enough.

@velevetyy

8 ай бұрын

yeah it is good to stop because sometimes sh spirals into its own thing where you need to make it worse or its not "bad enough" so if you struggle w validation it is v important to manage before it gets worse cuz yeeeh it can get to a point where you are risking your life everytime

As a visual artist I think one of the best ways you could use sight to help distract yourself in a period of intense pain would be to go to the beach or some other really awe inspiring scenic vista and just take in the view. Obviously if someone is feeling really low/suicidal/overwhelmed taking in a view of a place that could also be dangerous might not be a good idea. But some awe inspiring views like those you might experience walking through a beautiful forest or along a beach might really help. Seeing beauty in the world can really distract us from pain.

I am a middle schooler, I have been self harming since I was in elementary school. As a kid I didn’t think it was depression, I genuinely believed that I was just an attention seeker. But later at 10 I got diagnosed with depression. I am autistic and have adhd. I’m 12 now and still take medication. I don’t tell people usually, but this caught my attention so I trust people not to take this as a way to bully me. When I was 9 I always wore hoodies in like 100 degree weather at recess at school. My mom worry’s about me because of my severe mental health. But I’m getting help now and I have a therapist that’s helping me. I have aggression when I’m mad. I always have tantrums when someone makes me mad. I flip desks at school and hit my teachers. I’m not in a special ed room yet but my mom is trying to get me in one because my autism is kinda low, but I can still talk and write. But I really hope all of the people who are struggling, I hope y’all get better!!

Thank you for your videos ❤

Thank you so much for your opening statement on this topic. I haven’t done it for a long time and I was afraid to buy a bottle of hydrogen peroxide because I knew that was the third ingredient I need to start doing it again but I don’t wanna hurt myself but I can’t stand what’s going on inside of me. I’m sorry I’m leaving so many comments Dr. Scott. I’m so grateful to have your voice here with me while I’m laying in bed feeling so awful. Thank you and I’m glad that you have people who love you because life is hell without love.

@DrScottEilers

8 ай бұрын

Nothing to be sorry for. I love comments!

I used to self-harm because I felt like I deserved to be punished. I found that drawing on myself where I wanted to cut myself (with the idea that I could always still cut if it didn’t help) gave me some relief and allowed my brain a little time to calm down. Cold or hot showers are always a reset button for overwhelming emotions. I love the idea of super sour or spicy foods as a distraction, too. Great video! Thank you!

I am so hopeless. I used to self-harm but still have urges. Today I don't care all I want is to leave this life.

I appreciate your wisdom once again and I do get very excited when your content comes out! For sight I would suggest a flame 🔥 or galaxy lamp. I’ve been mesmerised by those in the past and gets me to be present.

I've never self harmed like drinking or cutting or stabbing, but it does cross my mind almost every single day. I lost my best friend back on Sept 15th and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. She's gone and the only thing i could do was watch. In just existing now and now the holidays are here and i can't go a single moment without wishing she were here. That we were together. Growing up i was always told that self harm and suicide were only done for attention and selfishness, but they don't understand. Physical pain will never be as bad as emotional pain, for me at least. Thanks for these videos. I learn things and it helps the time pass faster when I'm awake at night. 🖤🖤🖤

Oh my lord. Oh my lord oh my lord oh my lord. THANK YOU!! I haven’t self harmed in YEARS but while I was I had one ER doc ask me why I had done it (I needed stitches or I wouldn’t have gone in) and when psych student me muttered something about endorphins (because ‘it just feels better’ didn’t seem sufficient) he told me to go snowboarding 😒 Hah! I know it’s ridiculous but I’m pretty sure you just made my day with this 😂