It fascinates me that there are people out there who live the EXACT OPPOSITE to this.

@PetesGuide

7 ай бұрын

They are dangerous!

@ABB14-11

21 күн бұрын

For a lot of people, it’s a necessity thing. Like, they can’t afford to doubt themselves

THANK YOU for speaking on this! I wrote a book on the phenomenon known as imposter syndrome; because I too struggled with it. It’s as if you’re constantly feeling like you’ve snuck in the back door and at any moment you’re going to be discovered as a fraud. Attributing all your success to external factors, “I just got lucky”, “I was in the right place at the right time”, etc. I wish more people would share their struggles with imposter syndrome.

@Brandi.Nicole

7 ай бұрын

We had an entrepreneurial chat group online and it was at LEAST every two weeks we had to reassure someone that they were not only deserving of the (fill in the blank: large contract - speaking role - interview) BUT YES you are amazing, and YES what you have to say has HIGH value AND yes deserve & have earned this incredible opportunity and pay!

@merkle_is_orange

Ай бұрын

Hello, what is your book called? I would love to read it if it is available for purchase.

Thank you! I’m 46yrs old and I’ve been debating on applying for grad school and you just gave me the boost of encouragement that I desperately needed.

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

Do it!! 😁😁💪

@Dani-ICU-RN

9 ай бұрын

Do it .

@Lynnette4

8 ай бұрын

Do it! I went back in my late 30s...best decision of my life EVER! You can open lots of doors anytime in your life... Best with this!

I don't feel like I tricked or manipulated people throughout my life...I feel like people throughout my life have all been wrong about me. They tell me I'm smart and expect me to be smart but I've never felt smart. They tell me I'm mature, they expect me to be mature, but I've never felt mature...is this imposter syndrome or something different

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

That sounds exactly like imposter syndrome mixed with some emotional reasoning ❤️

Thank you - this is fantastically helpful! I’m remembering an artist who said, “You never ‘fulfill‘ your potential - because your potential grows along with you.“ The way you have framed it, I get it.

Wow thanks so much..I’m 80 years old and I still dream that I failed my psych semester in nursing school but in fact it was my best subject. I did interview at the state facility but was too afraid to take the job. I ended up in home health and was happy there, but have always wondered “what could have been” !

Thanks Dr. Scott, ruminating is my number one worst habit. Imposter syndrome is very prevalent in there. But I realize how many people struggle with it too, and that there's a lot of untold background and shame for everyone but they don't linger there for too long. The present is the solution.

It was helpful for me to express my feeling of this inadequacy to a colleague letting them know I felt like an imposter and hearing them say, "you realize we don't see you that way, right?" Certainly not appropriate in many cases, but to a trusted someone could make a world of difference.

I really appreciate your balanced, scientific, and practical approach. I have generalized anxiety disorder and ADHD. A friend - who was actually living with me at the time - once referred to me, with admiration, as " very competent". That was 10 years ago, and to this day, I'm convinced that I somehow tricked her into thinking that.

Even after working in software for well over 10 years and doing a compsci/AI doctorate, it's tough to feel confident when doing interviews etc because I feel like they're still going to look for some expertise or strengths that I don't possess. And my mind instantly goes back to situations where I felt overwhelmed or froze up instead of taking the lead on some project or other. I think the ideas you suggested here and especially in the "why you shut down sometimes" video are going to be really helpful, thanks.

Thank you SO much. This was one of the most encouraging things I’ve heard in ages. There are so many things ahead that feel impossible & I feel so incapable bc I feel so weak. You are right though- there are TONS of things that I do & have done, even broken like this, that I never would’ve imagined I could do. And so maybe it doesn’t matter if I feel weak. Maybe I can do these ‘impossible’ things ahead. Never thought of past/present/future me like that before. REALLY needed to hear this. Thank you again.

@DrScottEilers

10 ай бұрын

So glad it was helpful!

When I was applying to grad school, and the first semester after I was accepted, I kept dreaming I was failing high school. I’ve really found my voice as an artist by doing my MFA and I see how much I’ve grown and changed. Thank you so much for the encouragement, I had tears! You are the sweetest pumpkin helping soooo many people. So grateful for healers like you!

This is good advice, I feel this creeping up on me with increased frequency nowadays and I just thought it was me being negative with everything. It's making sense to some degree.

Thanks. The fact that I *do* think of the future as if I'm gonna be the exact same as now has probably been a huge weight on myself. I'll try to think about this video when dealing with internal turmoil.

I've been the same messed up person for 27 yrs. It's only gotten worse over the yrs, never better. I hate myself and especially my life. I knew at 41 that life was not worth living and it's never changed. And I'm now 68. I hate the world and everyone in it.

@almalucia2650

10 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing. I feel you. For me it feels like hating oneself is something that one does to oneself. I'd love to know how to change that, for you as well as for myself. Maybe one day it will work.

@ShangaelThunda222

10 ай бұрын

Don't hate yourself, hate the world. This place is trash. You're not crazy, you're just recognizing reality.

@absolutelynot6546

10 ай бұрын

Hey, I hope you are doing as well as can be expected today. I felt the same way by the time I was 10 and it's never gone away. "I'M GONNA LIVE IN THE FOREST AND BE FERAL AND SMELLY BUT FINALLY HAPPY TO BE ALIVE ONE DAY!!!" is my method of holding on these days lol. Anger keeps me alive, empathy fuels the fire, and trauma allows for knowledge to help others. Keep on keeping on, please. We need genuine souls like you in the world

@kmac8546

10 ай бұрын

I've known since age 13 I wasn't meant for this life. 31 years later, a couple of disabilities, and an anxiety issue later, I feel the same. I stay alive for my elderly mother and my cat sanctuary (which in all honesty I never should have started...not that they aren't worthy, they are worth the sun, moon, stars and every good thing left in this world but I know I'm not worthy of being their carer/mother). There are 11 left (the youngest is 8) and I hope I can hold on and somehow keep supporting them until they leave this mortal existence. I know it's unlikely but I hope you someday find peace living in a life you don't really want.

@bhavyakjain

10 ай бұрын

I am 25 currently, I was fed up of life at 19 Now my biggest regret is why didn't I just kill myself back then Moreover, I am such a big coward and pathetic to kill myself despite every fibre of my being screaming to kill myself

This rings so true for me. I projected that the me I am now wouldn’t be able to handle my future success so quit rather than develop. Future imposter syndrome. Now it makes senses. You’re helping me feel normal rather than isolated and alone in my own craziness.

I needed this. I’ve had a lifelong dream of publishing a book and even though now I’m at a point where my writing is the best it’s ever been, the imposter syndrome has become crippling. This really helped me get a new perspective. Thank you.

I commented a similar thing below another video of yours but the content strongly resonates with me. I used to suffer greatly from imposter syndrome but eventually accepted myself as I am. A problem I still have, however, is people making up some grandiose fantasy about me because of my degree only to be let down when I didn't meet their lofty expectations. It didn't occur to them that I'm still a human being not in any way bettwr than them because of a silly piece of paper. I just wanna be left alone by my superiors without feeling of being judged, all the time.

Thank you! So uplifting.

@DrScottEilers

10 ай бұрын

So glad!

Bro this is better than therapy thank you

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

Thanks for saying that!

Thank you Scott! I've only been listening to your videos for less than 2 weeks, But i'm already seeing improvement In my life Because of your material. The stuff you come out with is pure gold. It's easy to understand And to implement in my life. Again, Thank you so much for doing what you're doing.

Ive just gotten 'over' a major break up and my future image completely destroyed and looking to start a path to become a therapist or psychologist. Im dealing with major future impostor syndrome and scared to take it, thank you for these videos.

@MsCristina38

9 ай бұрын

It could happen to anyone. Please don’t quit, you’re worth it and can help someone like me. You have the power to heal people. Please don’t quit.

LOL - the story you told when you thought a man in a suit would come by to take back your degree reminded me of dreams that I would occasionally have where I would get a letter from my college - "So sorry, we went back through our records, and you didn't actually graduate..."

Your videos are the most relatable to me. I'm an undergrad student for children's mental health, and at the minute I have zero belief that I can actually do a job like that. But this makes me feel a little more capable of at least trying

THIS! I am currently doing my Masters degree in Law. Before Law I finished a Bachelor’s degree in Journalism. For the past whole 3 YEARS I’ve been feeling like someone’s going to barge i and yell: IMPOSTERRR! Fr fr like we are in Among Us 😂😅 My mind was going on a constant spiral of thoughts 24/7: You don’t deserve this! Who do you think you are? Law?? For you?? Haha, who are you kidding! I hope you know TRULY how helpful you are. This whole imposter things has triggered anxiety that wasn’t there before and I finally see some light in the tunnel.

So glad i came across this channel. I so needed to hear your words. Since covid i've been trying to change from one job( fashion designer) to becoming an author. Something i've never even considered. It's been a daunting process. From teaching myself (buying everybook available on amazon and studying every free moment i get, in between still producing garments and looking after a brain injured younger brother. I'm also not a spring chicken anymore😂 some days i ask myself what the heck do i think i'm doing and just feel like giving up. I do have some talent as i've always been very creative but my doubt creeps in when i listen to my audiobooks on youtube or kindle. The doubt really creeps in when the book is good becausecthen my brain starts telling me i will never be able to produce similar quality books... i'll give up for a day or so but i'm trying my hardest not to let that get me down. The good thing is that when i started my writing journey, i couldn't emagine writing 500 words nevermind the average 70k+ words most fictional books must have. But today i can comfortably write an average of between 3-3.5k words a day so i am making progress. Will be stalking your channel from now on in case i lose my motivation again😊

I definitely felt this being a new nurse. Then again when I started a new position. It’s crazy I never knew that feeling had a name! Very enlightening. Thank you ❤

Brilliant! ! My take away, or at least my perception of what you are saying, is that one should not let their own ideas of their old self prevent them from moving into their new and improved new self, essentially not allowing for our own personal growth. One's idea of their self may not necessarily be true, it's just how we view ourselves. Others may not even see what we see in our own selves. We have to let go of our idea of who we was so we can become whom we want to be. Not sure if I am interpreting it right, just my take-away. Anyway, thank you for the video and awakening. Very profound indeed!

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

You nailed it!

@cindybriden372

9 ай бұрын

😁😁@@DrScottEilers

this channel is my biggest recent discovery, I can tell Mr. Eilers KNOWS what he is saying because it speaks to my heart and helped me yet didn't feel complicated, just natural I survived and still going through so much but I want to stay, and people like you help me make up my mind for it

@DrScottEilers

10 ай бұрын

So glad to hear that!

@priscilafreitas9989

9 ай бұрын

@a_deputy I feel exactly the same! He's awesome! And we're gonna do this together! 🩷

Just discovered your channel. The first two videos I watched ( ambiguous loss) and this one have been tremendous. Have trouble finding and trusting therapist. This really helps!!

I love your videos and style of speaking to us... me and a very close friend of mine are struggling with alot of the things in your videos right now. I sent her your video on freeze response since we're both in freeze right now.. thank you for your help

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

Both your vulnerability and beginning of the video made me tear up. You started by saying (feeling like) "I don't belong here" (which I never heard imposter syndrome described this way btw), which made me immediately feel that that's how I feel about existing. I don't belong on this planet and am wrongfully here somehow. Of course then that applies to anything I do and anywhere I am. At anytime anyone can say I don't deserve to even have my basic needs covered, and I have no defense against that. I wouldn't even deserve to exist on the streets somehow (honestly, if every "public" space is owned by SOMEONE, where can you even go..), and I can't do anything about just not existing to get out of people's way..

"who are you trying to fool?" hits hard

This is absolutely amazing to have just seen this video. I have been through this and had no idea what it was. It is like a breakthrough for me at this moment. You are AMAZING!!

This is exactly what I needed to listen to. My insomnia has served me well tonight. Thank you. ✌🏼

When you start walking the path, the path will appear.

That is so helpful. I was 40 when I got my degree in fashion. I was best on my year. I felt worse about my skill after I got that diploma than I ever felt before, even though I had excellent skills way before it. I took it down after a year. It's terrible feeling, like I would be much better if I didn't even do this degree and I would still be an excellent seamstress. I hope to get through this. Thanks again!

This is "revelationary"Scott. Sometimes we need permission to forgive ourselves and LET IT GO. Thankyou Scott

Thanks for delivering this important message, really helpful!

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

Thank you!!

WOW Scott this is such an enlightening piece! I have been in therapy for 40 yrs and am learning more through your offerings. Thank you 😊 ❤❤❤

Wow, I have a few degrees in psychology and I have also had to have different forms of therapy for the last few years, but I have never come across anyone who would explain this theory in such a fascinating and creative manner. I wish I could have watched this video before I accepted and then lost my previous job, due to the impostor syndrome :( anyway, now I have high hopes for the future, so thank you. You’re a true live saver, Scott. Please don’t give up on sharing your knowledge with the world.

I've suffered from this since my teenage years.

prior to losing my daughter to estrangement 3 years ago i was on my way to becoming a successful artist. it also seemed to come really fast. i would attend the galleries where my artwork was part of the show, and i would look at the artwork of other artists and i would find the nearest exit. to add insult to injury in regards to my imposter syndrome my artwork started showing up in newspapers and magazines. i had musicians asking me to create their CD covers. every time i received a phone call from a gallery i freaked out and my daughter was the one who kept me going. one thing that makes me think about is it possible that having a multiple personality disorder is in some way indicative as part of the personalities? i have multiple personality disorder. there are probably 4 distinct personalities that my mind uses in order to survive. i hope you read this and maybe you can share your insight. you’re an incredible doctor!

Fake it until you make it and then panic when you do!

"You change every second" 👏👏🙏🙏❤🇵🇹

Becomeing aware about our conditioneerings up from childhood is the most important attitude..incl.the enneagram for shortening the ways...* wisdom of the enneagram* from Riso & Hudson...a true eye opener ..❤🎉😊

Thank you for sharing all of these pearls of wisdom.

19:06 ❤ Thank you for sharing your inspiration, wisdom and knowledge to heal, comfort and help others. ❤

Also, searched up your book at my local library. Annoyed it wasn't available, but thankfully they have a "suggest a book" feature where I can request that they add it to their collection.

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

Yay! Thanks!

You have such an incredible way of explaining things. Excellent video.

"You don't belong here" literally happens to me at my job, in that people have said those exact words to me.

Thank you Dr. Scott Eilers.

@DrScottEilers

10 ай бұрын

Any time!

i've been really unsure and insecure lately, wondering if my plans for an illustration major are valid. this made me feel very seen.

Thanks!

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much!

Whether something I’m good at, or something I’m just beginning to learn, or something I want to learn, my inner critic is often there to prevent me from feeling too good about myself, or my inner perfectionist comes and tells me I could do better or I can’t do it at all so why even try. It feels so defeating and it’s not helpful if it takes up more space in my mind that the positive and accepting thoughts I have of myself.

Wow, this was very insightful and showed me a new way to view my present and future. Thank you!

So timely, the answer to a question I've held for awhile. Thankyou. Greetings from Aus

For me it was never about seeing the old me but just not feeling good enough and up to the job. I know what I achieved and I know my degree was earned the hard way, but nonetheless, it just doesn't feel like I can do anything with it.

It sounds like imposter syndrome is the result of the inability of being intune with you present self.

Can “impostor syndrome by proxy” be a thing? Like let’s say you grew up with a parent that was super emotionally unstable but that has done the work later in your life and is no longer as emotionally immature, can you have an outdated image of that person? Like other people who didn’t know them for as long as you did and who didn’t see the phase where they were emotionally immature would think you’re crazy for saying “I don’t trust that person” because according to them, they’re just “so nice and calm and collected, why wouldn’t you trust them?” Like you feel like the image they’re portraying is fake and their true colours can shine at any moment and one day people will realize that they’re a fraud and that they’re just as emotionally unstable and explosive as you remember/know them to be even though they actually changed for the better

@grateful7420

9 ай бұрын

I think like me, you have grown in your intuition and able to spot the fake, deceiving person. Your intuition and experience is correct, and accurate. Keep trusting your gut, instinct, and intuition. I’ve been learning to do that, and not talk myself out of my intuition. It’s been saving me from being manipulated. I can calmly set my boundaries. ❤😊❤

Thank you, I needed to hear this.

@DrScottEilers

10 ай бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

Future imposter syndrome… wow. That hit me hard.

OMG😮, I totally love and respect you for sharing all these stories and accurate & valuable info. You are the most professional authentic genuine loving merciful psychologist. Please excuse my spontaneous language..🙏🏻

Thank you ❤

I am from India, 49 years old divorced woman with a son who has a series of abuses of all kinds and betrayals in almost of every kind of relation and three counsellors i sought help over time , all three betrayed me further and made me feel I AM THE ONE WHO IS AT FAULT! The last betrayal right now, I am going through another betrayal from an Indian counsellor! I will go insane! I am so torn apart inside out! I do not know how to respond to this brutal betrayal ! I have no friends who can give me advice regarding this

I just got promoted to Associate Professor and feel like a fraud every single day

There is one change you have yet to experience. That is retirement. There are any number of potential difficulties that may prevent you from experiencing this phase in the way you describe in this video.

GREAT STUFF 👍🏻

I have undiagnosed Female Asperger’s. Back in the 70’s very little effort was made to diagnose kids with learning disabilities. You were either “slow”, “stupid”, or “retarded.” All those things were considered to be unchanging and unchangeable. So if you were born stupid, you would live and die stupid no matter how long your life was. That is soul destroying for a kid t to be told. It definitely feeds into my imposter syndrome, which is something I I felt as a university student. I graduated, but I couldn’t fit into the workplace, but I was too stubborn to admit that that was so.. well at least I got married and became a mother (which is what I originally wanted to do) and I’m working on becoming a writer, which is another dream. I couldn’t have done the latter until I learnt how to write properly at university. One of my bucket list items is to pay off my university debt one day.

@MrZart

3 ай бұрын

I *acted* my way through a job I had that I didn't feel I deserved to have many years ago. I did and said "the right thing at the right time", got promoted without effort on my part and seemed to be liked by my colleagues and bosses. I always felt that even though I was doing a good job, I was still an imposter and not worthy of the job. I eventually left the job as I felt so much guilt internally and people couldn't see that I was 'acting' the whole time. I felt like a fraud. Nowadays, many years later I can see that that job was perfect for me and the only thing wrong was me thinking that I was 'acting the role' when in reality I was 'doing the job' really well. My perception of myself was flawed back then. If I could go back in time, I'd do exactly the same job, the same way I did it the first time around, but would BE present in the joy of my work and not feel the need to 'act' just do!

Wow this was awesome. Thank u so much god bless u

I want to write a book but I don't know how to find a publisher so I don't start writing! 😂

Thank you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for this video! If you didn't, you should really hear song Hi Ren, by musician called Ren.

so, i think you are saying imposter syndrome is similar to ruminating thoughts and use mindfullness to shut them down, imposter isnt the river, its the thoughts to get past it and how to see it properly

good night this is good!!!

thankyou soooo much

hey listened to your video while im trying mysef to work .. im in the loop of i know what i have to do but im still stuck at not doing any work. currently on medication and i dunno what else to do to help myself. reaching out to ask to some help in the community

As a 53 yr old ICU RN.. who knows more than the new grads forgot but is still 53 watching them come in wearing black thongs under their white scrubs and taking care of patients ,in a whole ridiculous computer kind of way,sans compassion or LIFE EXPERIENCE ,SKILLS, yet adding their own dash of entitlement to the situation...frustrating

any advice on convincing someone that you DON'T have IS when they keep insisting you do? i don't have any of the signs of IS but someone keeps telling me i do. (i do feel like i'll be "found out", i don't feel like i tricked anybody or got lucky, etc).

So not have a diagnosis to getting diagnosed to living with the diagnosis and having no idea who that is a void forms

My identity is limited to being a support person. That's literally it, both personally and professionally. While I may have a title like "support engineer" or something similarly mindnumbingly odious, I'm just the piss pole at the end of the phone line/email chain who gets to mop up all the shit from people with actual importance. That isn't imposter syndrome. Those people have real, actual skills they use every day. I know my limitations.

But sometimes the present is making you feel this way not the past.

I am 65 now, I have no idea where it goes from here.

Feeling like you got by on charm rather than skill.

@DrScottEilers

9 ай бұрын

Great example

I've still never hung up my doctoral degree. I graduated in 2009. 😢

One reason why marriage breaks is somewhat related to this. When the husband grows older, wiser, wealthier and more established, the wife still views him as the 'average' of between who he is now and the young, arrogance, clueless and poor guy that purposed to her because they went through this entire journey together. However, a young girl from outside would see him as how he is now, gleaming with admiration. This stark contrast of attitude between two women with different age and shall I say, beauty, can throw a man off the track of marriage. Understanding imposter syndrome is extremely important in many aspects of life.

@ABB14-11

21 күн бұрын

That’s a very specific example. 🤔

In other words all that is, is what’s ( apparently) happening. And this will be good for no one.

Should never aim to destroy it, and recognize it's part & parcel of many brands of ambition. The most successful people of our time have had impostor syndrome. Live with it and learn from it, and recognize that just because it's a distortion doesn't mean it needs to be eradicated.

😂 North America has said those things about minorities trying to integrate, well till recently, possibly.

Thanks!

@DrScottEilers

10 ай бұрын

Wow thanks again!!