As a victim of physical abuse from parents this video was eye opening. Thank you so much!

I feel better. Thank you.

Thanks a lot for your video, and for clarifying this mode! I do think the punitive parent has a function. It is to protect oneself from failure or making mistakes. Every form of criticism is based on the fear to not fit in or to be not good enough, which brings risks like being abandoned, not getting your needs met etc. The child learns by the criticism or punishment that it receives that it is not good enough (or bad or guilty etc.) and it takes over this false truth about itself in order to stay safe and accepted by the parents/environment. It keeps this patterns later in life, because it still thinks this will keep him/her safe and accepted. This is also why I think we should not just send the punitive parent away, like it is the "bad guy" or something. But thank this part of ourselves for their effort to keep us safe and protect us from isolation or abandonment, and tell it that it's not needed anymore. Lots of love and keep up the good work!

@unrespiro

2 жыл бұрын

I totally agree with you! I've just wrote the same comment without having seen this one. I was not trained in schema therapy, but throughout many years of learning how to cope with my inner critic, I found that the compassionate and empathetic way to treat it works best for me. I feel empowered by actually playing a warm parent to my punitive parent 😀

I think the punitive parents function is one of conservative social positionning, what’s my role in society ? With a tendency to do not over-reach, to avoid being in situations where you might fail because you lack skills/mastery or status or other required attributes. Your videos and conceptualisation is a wonderful resource for clinicians !

Realy good useful video! I don't understand why not so many views and likes. Thanks a lot, Jess!!

Thank you for a very informative video! I haven't been trained nor have I been a patient of schema therapy, but I did have to deal with my inner critic, which is huge (hence my social anxiety) and I'd like to share my thoughts. I understand that from your approach the punitive parent is a "bad guy" with no meaning for the person, and you have to defy, reject and hide it. For me it seems a bit harsh, since although the thoughts it "makes" you think are not "yours", it is still a part of you. And by rejecting it- is like somehow rejecting a part of yourself, in my opinion. In my experience I found it more helpful to actually treat an inner critic as a vulnerable child it someday was. For example, my voice of the punitive parent is definitely my mother's voice, and I feel that this hostility comes from pain and her own unmet needs. So instead of standing up to it, I actually give it love, compassion and acceptance. When i hear it, I imagine thanking it for what is doing for me (I do think it has a function), I gave it a warm hug and a blanket, and speak to it in a kind voice. This way I feel that "its heart" melts and it stops from being so harsh.

Jess, thank you a lot for your effort. People really need such professionals like you.

Really nice video. Suggestion for function - the punitive parent motivates/forces us to act out of fear of punishment. We then internalise that voice with the subconscious maladaptive belief that it will help us enact some sort of change, especially if we feel it is our fault, or we can do something to change the situation. Just a thought.

I like you guys' style, I wish you had more series :) Thank you

I've found these schema mode videos very insightful..this one sounds like avoidant personality disorder (which I have along with borderline pd)..it's helpful having these various constructs to understand myself and how my childhood affected me

@thePSYCHcollective

Жыл бұрын

You may also find out workbook helpful: Schema Mode Therapy Work book kzread.info/dash/bejne/iZ6a0rOuYrHafso.html

Small children, 2-3-4 yr olds, hooting and whooping, just being excited while playing indoors, being overcorrected, chastised, threatened with time out, for playing and laughing, yet when it's offered to take kids outside to let them holler and jump, the punitive dominating adult refuses to allow their youngster( a 2 yr old that has been identified as a bully in several daycares, which I've witnessed punitive parent NOT correct) go out and tried to demand the 4 yr child in my care to stay inside, too, even told him he'd get sick if he went out in the brisk cold, and was visibly angry when given the broken record, saying that the (targeted) child was going outside to get some exercise, get some (by now misery, distress) energy out so he wouldn't be "in trouble.". This wee little boy had the most amazing enthusiasm; gregarious, engaging, and keen.. until his daddy became heavily involved with this young woman when he was barely 3, the dad changed how he treated his little son, letting this "so nice" young lady, his old highschool sweetheart dictate how to respond, without empathy, how to punish, dismiss and shame the honest emotional distress it caused. Then began a campaign to change the child, convincing his dad she knew best, since she's a mom..to take away all the boys comfort items, start punishing him for erroneous things like not wanting to eat after he had been fed and was into his usual routine, flow state, freaked him out, by disruption and misinterpreting what he was doing a lot, and convinced dad to cut off his long blonde baby curls, because it gave him such an adorable cherub look, transformed him, too. it pushed him out of the most protected and cherished societal class, of baby-hood. Doesn't sit right or look good to pick on a baby, harder to pathologize their emotions and triggered behaviors than it is for just a little boy. It's to the point now this good natured child is angry, hyper aroused and anxious, scared of so many things, now including his daddy, Betrayed by his enabling, gaslighting, denying the truth of child's experiences, in front of child etc. It's changed this boy but I'm here to learn how to fully address the reality and support a better way

Thank you so much ! You're very thorought and nice to listen to.

Thanks a lot Jess for the great work 👌 . Look forward to watching Demanding Parent Mode video as well :)

Thank you Jess. Very detailed and practical examples of this schema. Great video.

What the fuck how did she get inside my head like that? I can’t believe how accurate this is

Mulțumim!

Thank you Jess!

Your explanations are well thought out and easy to understand! Thank you! Looking forward to learning more from you !

Thank you for making these videos!

@thePSYCHcollective

2 жыл бұрын

You’re welcome

Brilliant video thank you

Imagine your inner critic as a schoolyard bully who constantly berates you. Just like you'd defend a child against a bully, you should protect your inner child from self-criticism.

Thank you Jess for this great detailed video. Question: how does one differentiate between Punitive Parent and gut instinct voice? i.e: courage to do something you believe in yourself to do but a voice tries to stop you for moving forward. How to identify that is gut instinct vs punitive parent? Thank you and greetings from Switzerland

@thePSYCHcollective

3 жыл бұрын

The Punitive Parent is critical (“you’re an idiot, don’t be do stupid”) whereas gut instinct is protective (“this is a bad idea, you could get hurt”).

How can I get a transcript of this video so I can re-read, highlight and make notes for myself? Thank you.

Thank you for this video, Jess. Question: you're talking about how the punitive parent's voice is only critical and not protective, so it's not useful in any way and the only appropriate way of dealing with it is to banish it. My understanding was that such an internalized voice does have a protective role in the sense that "if I'm my own worst critic, nothing that someone else could ever say to me would feel as bad. At least I'm the one doing the bashing, no one else can hurt me more than I'm already hurting myself". Which can create resistance to banishing it. Does schema therapy provide a solution to this? Or am I misunderstanding something?

@thePSYCHcollective

Жыл бұрын

The punitive parent is really good at its own propaganda in trying to convince you of its usefulness so you believe that you need it. But it’s full of sh!t. A healthy adult knows that constructive feedback is necessary for growth but it doesn’t have to come in the form of “bashing”. A child will develop better resilience from compassion than condemnation.

Hahaha Con Air. Good movie.

I don't have an inner critic but I do have an outer one. Also, my brain & nervous system are anti-social.

I often hear people say I'm so clumsy. What is a helpful response? I'm guessing saying I am to isn't much to help them out but what could you say? I hear the clumsy one said a lot in public.

presumed function is to encourage to good or dicourage from doing or being bad by punishing. This is exactly punishment is supposed for.

So schema therapy takes object relations theory and turns it into these rigid classifications? While at the same time removing the role reversal, and understanding how affects developed through two sided relationships. That you are always playing a one of the two roles in this relationship.

Karen was right AND the Karen thing was used here in the USA too so the concept was probably created by a think tank somewhere.

@drtinahahn

Ай бұрын

To be direct, the contempt for the people, including the doctors, who were right was off the charts across the entire Western World. Great video except the Contempt shown for the people in our society who were right. Billions of people were used as experimental lab rats for genetic therapy to benefit the military industrial complex & pharmaceutical companies and to me, that’s a really sad thing.

My punitive parent is furious because I refuse to listen to her nonsensical rambling as I'm 42 and she's not my mother. Hopefully she'll channel her vitriol elsewhere soon and we won't be on speaking terms. 😂 #2341

👀🫣I didn’t know I could shut out the inner critic