This is such a helpful perspective to me - “If you’re anxious, depressed, you’re emotionally disregulated, and you’re hoping to recruit a man into your life to regulate those emotions for you, God help you”

@markyboy531

2 жыл бұрын

I am that man 😂👍

@jeniferbass7484

2 жыл бұрын

@@markyboy531 I'm borderline, wanna hookup?

@velocecarriola9214

Жыл бұрын

@@jeniferbass7484 n

I cannot and will not ever get tired of watching and listening to Richard.

@saraliburd7752

2 жыл бұрын

Yep everything he says makes all the sense in the world

@amandajohnson-williams7718

2 жыл бұрын

Yes he talks so much sense!!! 👍😊

@scorpiolove674

Жыл бұрын

So rare to come across a true critical thinker , it's like finding an intellectual gold mine :)

I have learned this truth during this past year. Romantic love is not real love, it is only a temporary state. A lasting relationship is built on connection, shared values, compatibility, sacrifice, commitment, hard work, and a massive dose of reality. And those elements are not very romantic.

@janpalencar628

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Reality is not for all. Many people love to fall in love with fantasy, me too.

@Araneus21

Жыл бұрын

reality is often dissappointing and... unrealistic, as escapism in the form of romanticism is what allows love to happen and keeps it going, despite reality being reality.

@joanofarcxxi

Жыл бұрын

@@Araneus21 love is not a feeling and lust is not love. These are components of a relationship. If they were the criteria for love then a lot of people today would be very happy. But though sex is easy and everyone falls in love, people are more miserable and lonely now than ever before.

@flexflow4602

Жыл бұрын

True. I have been living this for 12 years, not married. I am grateful we decide again and again to share our lives. Although I suffer some Ctpsd symptoms, although I fell for a narcissist 2 years ago … we made it! Thx god 🙏

@MrSamadolfo

Жыл бұрын

1 Cor 13

I’m not sure I can ever share a home with someone again. I would love for my healthy, long-term committed partner to live directly next door 😂

@apocalypticdaze2139

Жыл бұрын

Next door.. Sounds clingy

Can't wait for Richard and this lady to crush our dreams. 😅

@HeLpLOstGOdAny1

2 жыл бұрын

This world seems pretty good at that, they just putting a cherry on top

@ufomofo

2 жыл бұрын

Pretty sure Richard is crushing her dreams too, and her business...its tough enough selling dreams, but reality? No woman is interested in that.

@dotdashdotdash

2 жыл бұрын

my comment was deleted

@justinw2232

2 жыл бұрын

Blame the Romanticist movement for the illusions.

@Opal5674

2 жыл бұрын

@@ufomofo I'm a woman and I absolutely love reality. I don't like sugar coating. Don't like lies and illusions.

41 year marriage. Love is a choice every moment of every day, and the hardest, most difficult work of life. Every glance, every word said and unsaid, every act is a deliberate choice. Hard work pays off over a long time only if both have the other's best interests in mind, without sacrificing one's own interests and health.

@lizbeth6203

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like you have the wisdom I need.

I used to live in a house in a field. Every afternoon the oldest couple I have ever seen would totter past my window holding hands and smiling, looking totally blissed out. Most romantic thing I ever saw.

@dotdashdotdash

2 жыл бұрын

I see a couple like that maybe once a year at most. usually once every couple of years.

@sweeetly

2 жыл бұрын

@@dotdashdotdash That's romantic don't you think? Makes me feel good

@dotdashdotdash

2 жыл бұрын

@@sweeetly I guess so.

@AlgoRhythmmike

2 жыл бұрын

lol, they hold hands to hold themselves steady... next time you see a couple like that, go ask em.

@sweeetly

2 жыл бұрын

@@siggmundfloyd1858 Maybe you will. : )

I love the idea of "intimacy hangovers" this is something I'm familiar with but never had a name for. The first time I saw a therapist in Uni, I told her everything. Someone asks "how are you?" and I immediately go into too much detail about my situation before realizing I've been over-sharing. My guess as to why is that I struggle with subtleties. I'll either talk like a crazy person with no boundaries or sit silently on tech not wanting to even make eye contact. Maybe it's just a case of practice makes perfect and while I feel the need to intimacy in my life, I also assume everyone is awful and so hide away 99% of the time, only coming out to socialise when I'm starving for it.

Important to recognize that we’re human and not perfect in relationships, and that we have a right to be imperfect without being abused for it. There is a difference between making mistakes/being a little messy and being abusive.

@kennethsilvestri5874

2 жыл бұрын

Well said! I was expected to be perfect, non-judgmental, and available for her whenever she wanted me, while she could throw rage tantrums, withdraw whenever she wanted and be unavailable, mock me, and criticize my behavior.

He’s not brutal. He sees reality the way I have experienced it. I acknowledge that the people I have been with did not “love” me. They were selfish and mean so I got out. Let go of the fantasy. People use people. it.

Romance has been nothing but a kick in the arse for me, time after time. But, then, I choose the wrong people for it almost every time. But, I get addicted to the excitement of trying to make the wrong people love me.

Most useful personal insight gained from Richard Grannon: I do not find someone stable sexy. Not saying that is healthy, but it is true. Changed my expectations and saved me from the ongoing emotional rollercoaster.

In this infantilized age the most revolutionary thing is to grow up. Cheers to all of you that are in the process ❤

I've been thinking for many years that people are sold unrealistic, idealistic views and outright lies about relationships from fiction, movies and music. But I've never heard anyone else voice the same opinion about it until Richard Grannon. Great video, should be required viewing for everyone.

I really liked hearing that your happy place is walking in the forest alone... I really believe that the shapes, colours, sounds and smells of the forest are deeply restorative.

Yes, Richard!! Acceptance of reality and not magical thinking is the practice of self love. As I see it, not my problem if my potential partner or partner can not show me love as I understand it. Best to cut bait and move on then live in misery and try to 'make' someone love me (and we know you can't make another person do something against their free will). Conscious living is the name of the game. Self love is most imperative. Take the top out of your pocjet and give it a spin.

@apocalypticdaze2139

Жыл бұрын

Well said 🙏🏼 much is spoken of 'love' as being the only thing in this worldly experience by many 'so calked' teachers but mostly it's just another unconscious, deluded or purposely manipulative act. Love here comes with awareness, and ultimately, true love in the presence of so much disorder requires awareness and ultimately self love. Once we love ourselves why would we choose to be around others or situations which are incapable of love, empathy, reason and essentially, connection.

I think a major reason for the increase in reports of abuse over lockdown was due to the fact that many narcissistic individuals had huge amounts of supply removed; the work place / colleagues can often provide regular opportunities for such individuals to seek / receive worship, and almost always others to bully. So without that the narcissist is going to become WAY more abusive to their partner, whom they may have been stuck at home with. And also they were restricted from seeing friends and family and from generally engaging socially, so of course that's going to provoke an increase in their abusive behaviours to their partners.

@francoisgouws7288

2 жыл бұрын

Yes all the supply had to come from one person!

@Heyoka-gq4wl

Жыл бұрын

💯

Thinking you’ve known what you want in a partner and then comparing that with who you have you chosen may reveal what you’ve REALLY wanted. If you don’t like what that looks like: own your choices, grieve your losses, take agency and do the work consistently over time to get your issues dealt with and your values clear and live by them- these are crucial things I’ve learned from Richard’s content and courses (and other resources) They aren’t always fun and take serious humility and resilience, but they do move you forward if you’re in trouble. I’m not out of the woods yet, but if I compare myself today to me 3-4 months ago- it’s striking. Thanks for the interview

I have this understanding now after giving up real and stable love for someone I thought was a twin flame. I am very blessed to have healed and recovered my relationship with a real man who knows what real love is. 💘

Romantic love is real and I've seen it. My grandparents were married and in love for 64 years. They never stopped holding hands, kissing and dancing in the living room. Its the selfishness of others that smothers romance. Never lose hope in true romantic love.

It's been a while now since I watched you. I can honestly say I believe you saved my life. Ive come so far this past 2 years that over the last 6 to 9 months I feel like I somewhat graduated from needing your teachings. I have healed enough and have a deeper understanding of who I am. And why I was living the way I was before. Thanks for what you do. To anyone else suffering out there. Keep your head up stay strong. It can get better !

Accepting that someone isn't capable of working on a level with you, and apart from you, towards a life together is sad but necessary to act on. When you realise you cannot give someone what they need it is kinder to end the relationship.

@m.c.8877

2 жыл бұрын

It is kinder not to be involved in a relationship at all and not wasting someone's time, etc.

I think you’re quite a few steps ahead of this gal. As beautiful as she is. Appreciate you keeping it real.

@saraliburd7752

2 жыл бұрын

Yep he’s way more knowledgeable and advanced in his understanding

As usual, truth hurts SO GOOD. Thank you for truth, Richard.

Why would anyone want to spend 40 years with another person under the same roof?!

Another great conversation & I always say as much as I love romance, I love reality more. Even when it’s ugly, gritty, & boring. Reciprocal Love is work, & commitment (which as Richard says, if you want it, you’re gonna have to fight for it). I loved this talk, & thank you for having this conversation for our benefit (if “WE” really do the work). 🙏🏻

Romance is pleasant, but if you don't recognize it for what it is you'll be sorry.

Yes I totally agree This is amazing information. If you want a long-term reciprocal relationship where there is 50/50 input and sacrifice, it will be hard to find. Doing all the work is no fun you're better off being alone

@dotdashdotdash

2 жыл бұрын

I shudder when I work out how much money I could have saved and instead spent on bettering my life. I could probably have retired early if I hadn’t wasted my money on “romance”

@A_n_y_t_i_m_e

2 жыл бұрын

I've been telling this to people all along, "50/50", but no, they keep insisting on "100%, all or nothing", and when I said if you give 2x50 you got that 100 that everyone chases and you keep 50 of yourself and your anatomy, they don't seem to understand. First, one's 100% is never the same as others 100%, second and the most important, if you both (by some miracle) give 100%, you lose yourself and ciao. And then people wonder why are they having/entering crap relationships/marriages.

I like how Richard is completely honest. I'd prefer that than sugar-coating it. The hard truth of life is what we need. I feel he's nailed it on the head!

Love Richard, he is truly amazing. Alain de Botton makes a similar plea for us to reconsider our blind following of "romantic" love

"She was never yours, It was just your turn..." DO NOT get too attached, gentlemen, unless it is a dog. A dog will never betray you.

I love your perfect day BTW. On my last birthday, I took the say to walk in the hills on my own. It was mundane and sublime at the same time. Nothing story-worthy happened but I found myself grinning from ear to ear nevertheless. :)

Thanks to this video and others, I’ve noticed a pattern in myself… I was only going for men who showed an extreme amount of interest in me straight out of the gate (also known as love-bombing) - if it wasn’t that, it wasn’t exciting, and they must not be interested so I peaced out real quick. And guess what, I’m a drug addict (weed, alcohol) …so obviously I was looking for a rush, a drug dealer to give me exciting doses of sex and “love” …I’m even semi conscious of it while it’s happening, and I do it anyway. Because crumbs (that come with huge doses of pain) are better than NOTHING (that’s how I justify it). But “nothing” is better than that… being a helpless junkie accepting only crumbs - is hell. I hope we can all heal, at least enough to where we can practically choose a stable partner, or decide we’re fine on our own (but still, I think it’s very important to have community/intimacy with others in some way, if you forgoe a romantic relationship..don’t close yourself off to the world!) I am trying to change up my approach by purposely seeking out a “slow-burn” situation. I’m watching them carefully to see if their actions match their words. Have they done any personal growth work or are they mostly stuck in their subconscious mind - it’s pretty easy to figure this out after a little time. DON’T sleep with anyone quickly, that will fog up your critical/practical side of your brain. Do they listen? Respect all boundaries? Communicate directly? Observe the person with every fiber of your being - pay close attention to your “gut” and don’t write off ANYTHING it tells you.

Richard... thank you so much for your brutal honesty. So refreshing.

Love the idea of the car mechanic! Yes. If you go to a mechanic who can’t or won’t fix your car get another one.

The part concerning the temptation to harm your(my)self was an eye opener. Thank you a bunch for discussing it 🙏 Also, the ying-yang interplay between mysticism and rationality is something I am taking away from this conversation. I was raised in an academic family, so there was always a lot of yang thinking going on, which impaired my natural yin tendencies. I have dabbled with that part of myself, but it always felt like a guilty pleasure of sorts. I wonder how this has contributed to my awful relationships.

Looking forward to watching again... I absolutely loved the much needed tough love delivery!

@user-dp4bu8jy4b

2 жыл бұрын

"Children are all narcissists" There you go.. Narcissists are children.

Thank you for sharing this truth. Love is important, romance isn’t necessarily love. Harsh, but true! 🌍

Divorce Coach VS Life Coach.. the showdown

Managed to "kill" all my dreams and fantasy thinking not so long ago, currently doing shadow work and it's the most unpleasant thing I did in my life and in the same time the most liberating one. I can't describe it with words. Re-watching this video over and over with a smile of joy on my face, while recognizing my past mistakes. What an idiot I was. :)

Adult material is described as “tough” ? Well, the adolescent romantic model ain’t working - glad to hear real language on the subject

Isn't it like as soon as you get your romance you want something to challenge it? To prove its strength,its validity,or simply of boredom,which proves that the priority was in the wrong place?

Brutally honest but very true 👌 Keep do the good work Richard 👏

Thank you Richard and Sara. That gave me a lot to be with.

@RichardGrannon- LMAO… shots fired. ♌️ down😵 .. Not that your ego needs me to tell ya, WOW! You nailed it. This was a really good one. The ones with Sam & PierreXO are educational & fun. This was different in a way. Your information and intention same and spot on, however, your demeanor was softer. You moved less I suppose, which allowed your words to move more. It was a pleasure experiencing this softer ride on the GR truth train. Thank you🙏🏼💖💡🧿♌️

Incredible. This is what I needed. Thank you for sharing this 🙏

Yesssssssss richard u got it, nature with no one around, I,ve always wanted to climb a mountain christmas day lol, while everyones home stuffing their face 🤣🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💜☯️☮⚔

Ps: Richie you have a career in astrology if you want it, & I’m saying that as an astrologer / reader myself. The only thing that I’ll say on the subject, is that astrology is extremely layered, & can’t be distilled down to just our sun sign. We need to look at the whole chart/ person/ destiny. Also on another note “Twin Flame” culture is extremely toxic, & codependent/ narcissistically obsessed. While I do believe we have soulmates, there is too much idealism, & not enough looking at the reality of things. I think as long as everything is in alignment it’s ok, but if you’re seeing “signs”, but there is no “real” relationship there, it’s a problem…in that case it is just a fantasy. Fuel the flame inside you, & love will come. 💞🔥 May everyone heal, find true love of themselves & another. 🙏🏻🌹✨

@AG-io5wr

Жыл бұрын

It's based in nothing real. If you want to actually help people offer your time and ear, not some magical cosmic juju that only feeds your own feelings talking about it. Cheers.

🔥🔥💥💥 Damn Richard! You hit us with the pure truth! 🌟🙌🌟🙌🌟 Amazing! Thank you!!

I just love how honest you are about relationships.

This is an excellent video. So helpful. Thanks for an honest, truthful discussion.

As always, Richard is excellent. Spot on.

Richard is spot on with his insights on narcissists and what drives them.

People have always been traumatised in relationships, mainly women, but we just did not have social media and there was a degree of shame I disclosing abuse. In fact, it was considered normal for woman not to be equal. That is how marriages worked.

@apocalypticdaze2139

Жыл бұрын

I'd dig a little deeper

Haha Omg Richard, you crack me up in all your videos! You say the funniest things betwixt the wonderful advice and insights. Thank you!

brutal brilliance once again richard

I love this woman too. Yes, trust is earned. Or as Aquarian Pres. Ronald Reagan said, “Trust. But verify.” 💃🏼🙏

“He’s my twin flame!” “Really though? Isn’t he just kind of a dickhead?” 😂 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Thanks Richard❤️ great to have my life choices affirmed ❤️

Wow I discovered Richard today- brilliant stuff. He really gets it

Beautiful. Brilliant. Happiness is definitely walking in a beautiful area alone...

Well damn... next you'll tell me Santa isn't real.

@boostmobile9249

2 жыл бұрын

Santa is NOT Truth. Fantasy. Fabricated. Imagination. Corporations Selling THINGS to make Large profits as a purposeful GAIN. 💰💰💰💰💡💡💡

@Opal5674

2 жыл бұрын

@@boostmobile9249 I am Santa....at my house anyway and I like it. 🤶

Aaaahhhhh I love it when you talk stats!!! Makes my little astrologer heart so happy. ❤️✨🙌

Love is a choice. The polarity Richard talks about was explained quite eloquently by Jung. No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell. Thinking about the partner you want to laugh with through stage 4 cancer when one of you gets sick will change your entire perspective on the value of a mate. There is some value to romance, great sex, etc. However those are something that get better with time because you come to trust a partner deeper. Should we live in a romantic fantasy? No. But Zizek and Jordan Peterson agree on the value of the right kinds of ideology. Both would argue that without that scaffolding it becomes difficult to navigate. In a vacuum our ideologies will fill themselves. Nietzsche of course wrote at length about what will happen after the death of God. I would point to his affirmation of life in reference to the topic of the video.

Happiness is looking my shadow in the face and not getting triggered and yes dancing

I enjoyed this discussion very much.

Knocked this one out of the park! 💪🏽💪🏽

I had a girl once who said to me "Why don't you get fit? I know I'm not Jessica Alba but you need to work on your body". To put things into perspective I can do now and also then the Navy Seal Fitness test any time of day because I workout 4 times a week. I think we are way way above "unrealistic expectations" in la la land regarding expectations and "not cutting yourself short" philosophy.

@Opal5674

2 жыл бұрын

You mean you were already working out 4 times a week and she still said that? Maybe she was just trying to "neg" you. Try not to take that too much to heart. Most guys don't even work out at all where I'm from and I rarely see a guy past his early 20s that still looks fit.

Wow. Exactly what I’ve been saying for years. I’m still uncovering lies that were the stuff of my development. Church, History class, TV, fairy tales, my parents’ marriage, popular music/love songs. You’re grown up when you know there’s no Santa Claus? That idea just hides the fact that all the rest was lies, as well.

Some people do not out grow the one nite stand fase, let alone grow together.

Makes total sense too me. Been married a couple of times. No wonder it did not work lol. Having a full on girlfriend with her own place and me with mine but see each other at weekends etc. That works. Marriage like so many things in this life is a lie.

Enjoyed as always and especially loved hearing about your thoughts on mysticism. I'm really really into it and often wonder if it's healthy or not, or whether it clashes with my interest in science. But I just get so much proof that there's something in mysticism

Agreed! Fairytale ish sets ppl up for failure

The Dalai Lama is adamantly against the concept of "Romance". You might say 'obviously cos he's a monk' (and there's some validity in that) but he does make a good point that the connotations of romance is just idealistic bs our culture has created around what should be more of a practical partnership between man and woman.

@dotdashdotdash

2 жыл бұрын

having experienced “romance”, which is actually just female hypergamy in a seductive package, I would say the Dalai Lama is completely right.

Thankyou very much this was great yes in the past I have been too hard on my self but now this is the kind of honesty I want to have with myself balanced yin/yang and firmly grounded in reality not fantasy thank you for your time and attention 🙏🦑🧦🧦🧦🧦

This really really helped me. Thank you

Sometimes, people coming out of these relationships are asking questions about whether they were loved because they are trying to understand what happened to them and where they went wrong. It can come from a very practical place of trying to understand rather than a needy one.

I'd prefer him to have his place and I have mine and we see each other when we want to. I've tried relationships and I find that men want me to run after them and be the maid and sex partner but they don't put in any work with me. My first boyfriend never had a real conversation with me, the rest of them are just looking for someone to run after them when they put in very little effort in return. I don't believe in falling In love, I want someone who I'm on the same wavelength with me and not feel completely lonely in a relationship.

How can a child be narcissistic when it hasn't yet developed an ego? The child is not self centered but it is the centre of universal awareness, while being helpless and completely dependent. Understanding boundaries comes later as it becomes more autonomous. Agreed that unhealthy ego development can lead to narcissism or narcissistic injury. But a child's state of divine detachment should not be mistaken for egoic indifference.

Richard is on point once again

It seems like the best way to truly tell who is more self aware and consciously making the effort to improve themselves and the relationships in their lives, is the ones who take responsibility for their behavior and will actually admit to their negative traits and behaviors in their relationship. That's something my ex just absolutely refuses to do. Like when I saw an adult home video that he made earlier this year with this other guy that he kept telling me was "just a friend who cuts his hair." Which he accidentally sent me. I felt like throwing up, and when I told him how awful it was to see him doing what he kept promising me that wasn't doing..... He said, "I'm sorry you saw that video." Which at first stunned me because he doesn't apologize for anything ever, really. So for a split second it felt like maybe he had a soul. But after that .5 sec I realized that he wasn't sorry for how his little unprotected scene from Seabiscut with one of his Grindr usual's tore my heart out, and destroyed his ability to use (his name and trustworthy) in the same paragraph ever again. He was "sorry" that he got caught. He was apologizing to himself and forgiving himself for doing what he did, and for being the absolute moron that recorded it, and the genius who accidentally sent it to me. And then just 2 days ago he said "I've done nothing that I need to apologize for." Yeah Andy. You're a real genuinely honest, good guy who's without fault. Let me tell ya.

thank you your straight clear to the point.. honest

Wanted to argue that romance isn't fake, but I realized I didn't know the actual definition of romance, so I Googled it. Well played, y'all. 😂

This is so great, thank you! Yoga, Wim Hof method, meditation, boxing, animal flow, reading literature, philosophy and neuroscience, photography and vegetarianism. Eventual fasting and restful sleep. No alcohol, no drugs, no sweets. Green tea and water. Silence, essential oil diffusors and incense. Computer and phone far away from bed and no social media. Simple but effective anchors to find happiness.

To his brief share at the end regarding yin and yang in workouts- years ago I did competitive Olympic weightlifting. When I came back to the sport, I wasn't even "strong" per se, but I had been doing bikram yoga. When I went back to lifting with doing the yoga, Holy cow. I was like ... where was this when I was lifting. I had so much better balance, it was shocking. I like this idea of yin and yang balance in physical activity. Thanks for pointing that out.

Love this chat, was like a personal message 🤦‍♀😂 Im a Tarot reader, my ex is a yoga teacher, affairs with his married students, 13 yrs trying to get him to adhere to my fantasy of the happy ever after, didnt this chat just make a whole lot of sense 😂😂 especially as when I met him he said he didnt believe in relationship 🚩🚩

I too, am holding out for the Brazilian/Argentinian Victoria's Secret model. Hahaha

Sigma female: You have your house, I have mine. You have your money, I have mine. Monogamy is the key to connection and Betrayal is the drawbridge. It's not how many times you get hurt females troopers, it's knowing you can get back up.every.single.time.damn.time and that eventually you find an ally to create a worthwhile legacy with. A truly wise man takes a woman's boundaries seriously. Unfortunately the unwise men have to TKO themselves into exhaustion, boredom and physical oblivian with debauchery before the red pill expires into viagra giving them a sudden motivation to find their life mate and emotionally connect. I prefer the man who knows this before the bio tsunami hits him. Love is a word, marriage is an institution. Women are being emotionally battered in this age by immature men and time has a way of revealing karma and truths being evaded in the pursuit of selfish desires... Of course there's another perspective from the man's side, I'm simply sharing the warning that maybe men should start thinking long term before that repeating 9-12 month karma carousel comes to a sudden halt down the road for men when the lights come on and party's over and no woman of quality is there. Make no mistake. IF no marriage or children are a desire of a woman, then "the wall" is actually a relief.

@funkymunky

2 жыл бұрын

You're delusional.

@justinw2232

2 жыл бұрын

Take some testosterone and come back and report.😉

@truthseekursty

2 жыл бұрын

Don't say you weren't warned.

@justinw2232

2 жыл бұрын

Men have a lot to lose in modern relationships. The most women have to lose is time.

@funkymunky

2 жыл бұрын

@@justinw2232 And looks. And fertility. And basic adulting skills.

Very good ‘mansplaining’. Thank you for sharing insight about self-harming through talk.

I need peace, not a piece.

Yes, moderate our expectations.

That all certainly resonates with me. Thank you. I agree with it all and also came to the same conclusion that most people are not relationship material. They don't know how to function properly in one. Not that I'm perfect, because I'm certainly not and that's ok. But if a person is willing to do the work it's possible to find more of a balance, and that's what I'm striving for within myself and it would be nice if I could find someone who truly feels the same way. Could I see myself with one person for the rest of my life? Actually, I totally can. The right person, of course. I'm not the type to get tired of someone or tired of love proper. There has to be a balance though and I've never met anyone who knows how to do that, what it takes, or who's willing to do the work. We all have work to do, and I've been committed to working on myself for the last 10+ years. Have I fully arrived? Of course not. We never fully arrive. I've still had lots to learn and am still learning, about others and myself. Like, I didn't realize I had abandonment issues. I also didn't realize that being overly loving and giving isn't healthy. I wish it was because if we were all like that and people didn't get all greedy guts, what a world we would live in! But it's not realistic. I've had to learn to set my boundaries, even though I hate having to do that, don't want to do it, wish I didn't have to because it's so foreign to me and who I feel I am, wanting to be the complete opposite and being safe being that, but that's not going to work either. I'll continue to suffer if I keep going down that path. Plus, the more loving thing, considering the world we live in, is to have healthy boundaries. Anyway, I'm probably preaching to the choir. But yes, great stuff! Thank you and God bless you all on your journey!

You are going to get your lady and live happily ever after, even if its not all that happy, just the weirdness joy joy that comes out of it ... will make you laugh yourself silly through every trial and challenge.

This might be processed as offense but I am going to say it anyways : 1 - I am tired of hearing about people Using their past as a justification for staying stuck into abusive relationships. I believe that after observing how “ adults” behave and it’s seems like a “me, me , me we are one attitude is so wrong”. Relationships do not take away your individuality it means that expectations that your partner is going to be and like and become your third leg is not how it goes. You both have a commonality and you still have your own sense of self and accept and respect your differences you don’t have to agree but your different people and it’s not the others job to complete the other you can encourage and admire the differences but boundaries are set and as soon as one crosses one I strongly feel that we tech others how to treat us and our self respect comes first and it should be terminated . That was my part in my marriage : I fell for the the you complete me bs and acted on that

@cathyditota6945

2 жыл бұрын

Recognize how unresolved past issues have leaked into the partnership use the relationship as a lesson and take those lessons and turn them into wisdom based on experiences . Narcissist do not have these special target eyes for us victims it’s failing to recognize the red flags and the unfortunate predetermined belief from the victim him or herself that they need this attention to “complete “ and accepting the abuse I did that all of this I am so seeing my pArt and just want to address each one head one thanks!

@golagiswatchingyou2966

2 жыл бұрын

the you complete me bs is a common trope and it's mostly harmfull because it sets unrealistic expectations, though in reality it's just a figure of speech, people will survive breakups, what they tend not to survive is collapse of self identity which is the danger of depending upon a relationship for stability, being in a relationship has to have a specific goal, either to be in love (temporary) or provide a stable household to raise children in (long term) but even then relationships do fall apart, it's not inevitable but it's much more likely today than a 100 years ago.

@christianking376

2 жыл бұрын

You might be tired of hearing about it, but it’s endemic in western society. Everything from Disney to eighties pop songs spread this idea of “you complete me” romance. It’s not that there is a “justification”, everyone has been immersed in these types of relationships as they grow up - so that’s what we are conditioned to expect. If your parents were more aware and demonstrate their own individuality and set personal boundaries then your experience is in the minority. Right now I see free range parents being seen as the right way to parent but they are building little narcissistic kids that will go on to have extreme challenges as adults when they need to learn the reality of the world we live in.

@cathyditota6945

2 жыл бұрын

@@christianking376 I agree very well said 👍

Breakups are becauase of fights, bad matches and people that dont click.

This is probably one of the most fantastic conversations. There are so many points in this; so many takeaways. The one big takeaway that everything seems to lead back to is - when you are pursuing some sort of fairy tale, you have a tendency to accommodate other people above yourself, you see it in a hierarchical fashion, rather than actually pursuing what you know might work. The biggest difficulty, since you've spent almost all of your life accommodating other people, is actually realizing what it is you truly want. This is what my friend and I were talking about. She and I were not advocating arranged marriages, no, but we were recognizing the value of the perspective of others that sometimes when persons are chasing romance they can get blinded to seeing the practical. I personally, I personally would love to see a good partnership/ companionship with an occasional fairy tale type story as the rare marvel, than to constantly see people in traumatic failures because they always keep reaching for the fairy tale, the relationship ends, and then labeling themselves as "failures" because they couldn't achieve what was essentially a fairy tale.... There are some truly fantastic people that could make it together! I've often said, that life can be like a big wood wagon. That a couple is like two horses. If they both are of equal size, and pull in the same direction, it will make pulling the wagon and it's load, doable. But so often the horses are not matched, and so much time is spent with people being disappointed because they're not able to pull the wagons or transfer the goods or whatever, simply because of the stories they grew up with. They've watched on TV and read, (society was also promoting), stories of a prince or princess, and being rescued and saved. It's not impossible, it's just not probable. I got it, nobody's saying not to dream. Dream. You must dream so that you know what direction to go. Be realistic though. Have a true game plan. Many times fairy tale endings come out of the strangest places. Usually the golden "whatever" came from what would have looked more like a basic situation.

@rjflores438

2 жыл бұрын

You sound like a hypergamous woman, who has been used to going after men who are higher in status, as well as maybe physical attractiveness than you are, the sad truth of dating today is that many young men dont even get to the relationship part anymore when dating women, infact half of young men today are not even seen as worthy of a date, even if they are good looking and intelligent if their position in the social/dominance hierachy is too low, or if the woman cannot see that the guy is not being chosen by other attractive women. Dating is terrible for most young men today in their 20s and 30s. Women generally speaking have way more dating power in their 20s and 30s than men do.

@pkaboo7832

2 жыл бұрын

@@rjflores438 as for what you said, I agree with the second half for sure. I raised a son and I have seen the issues going on. SMH.... As for hypergamous? Me? LOL, actually LMAO, actually ROFL LMAO! I am actually the opposite of hypergamous! A couple of people in the "manosphere" are aware of me; my story was nowhere near hypergamy. The squeaky wheel right now has been these females that have been doing what they've been doing, and I'm listening to all of it because as I say I have a grown son. I was trying to keep my ears open so that if any gal was going to be pulling some shenanigans, I would be aware and could hopefully give him a heads up from my perspective, so that he could protect himself. 😁 Might I suggest rereading what I wrote initially? I just read it back again to see if I could find anything that indicated a hypergamous nature and I couldn't find anything. If on reading it back you find something that you perceive as hypergamous, would you please comment it back to me so that I know what it is you're seeing? Thank you.

👏🏽 LOOKS JUICY!!! 🔥 why do we have to wait 3 more days? 🤢👎🏽

Bang on Grannon! No word salad's here

Let's look at team players on a football team, each has their own unique talents and position they offer to help get the team to a win, each have their own personality and perspective of how to win, they're always working hard to hone their skills. The quarterback doesn't try to control the linebacker to be the quarterback or vice versa, they respect each other's positions and what each other offer as a team player. They're all collectively aiming for a common goal, to win a game together. Sometimes there's disagreements or arguments, or lack of communication, miscommunication, indifferences, between team members, but if they have emotional intelligence, empathy, desire to improve and win, they'll be aware where they made a mistake, they own it, apologize to the team members or who they wronged, and the coach, and work hard at improvement, they don't want to let themselves down or the team. They don't join the team thinking it's going to be a fantasy, they understand it takes commitment, training, hard work, dedication, loyalty, communication, empathy, sympathy, discipline, continuously open to learning about self and their team players, always open to learning and growing, open to constructive criticism, supporting and uplifting their team members, honoring, respecting and admiring each other's skills, passion, hard work, humility and dedications, and actions of excellent moves, scores and awards. When their team mate gets hurt, they're there for each other, they don't bail on one another, it's a comradery. The main focus throughout generations is we've been raised to learn the skills of how to survive, but not the skills to survive a relationship, it be personal, friendship or family, hopefully we're becoming aware we need these skills and to evolve consciously to higher emotional intelligence. The signs of a potential relationship is not gazing at a person with lust, it's not having a month's worth of wonderful dating, or having great sex, it's what each person holds internally, what is their emotional disposition made of, their beliefs, perceptions, empathy, world view, relationship and family values, how they handle stress, disagreements, boundaries, and responsibilities, how they treat others, are they morally supportive, communications style, do they own their mistakes, are they trusting, is there chemistry, etc...., too many of us have jumped head first driven by sex, money, material, and co-dependency, or control, or looking for someone to heal them, or to fill a void, that's not how it works. We jump in, the first year is amazing and then wonder what went wrong when problems arise, nothing went wrong in most cases, "it's we didn't take time to get to know the "reality" of each other. What's so wrong with us taking time to build a friendship with a person, get to know them on a personal level first before deciding if each other will make good team members in wanting to win together. Are we afraid they'll decide to have sex with someone else? Afraid to be alone? Afraid to miss out on the paychecks or the big house? If that's where our value system is, it's definitely more prone for failure. It takes patience, anything worth having takes a lot of patience and various aspects.

I would love to learn Bachata. Also love Merengue and ...as dramatic as it is, Flamenco. 💃