Relationships with Enneagram 1s
#enneagram #relationships
Here are the five key themes to know about relationships with Enneagram Type One Reformers. These themes span the entire spectrum of healthy vs unhealthy 1s, so be warned, these episodes contain more critical commentary than your average enneagram content on social media as I believe that's the heart of the enneagram's purpose (i.e. self-critical reflection that leads to true self-acceptance, healing, and personal growth). If you want to go deeper into the theories around the type one personality, check out the videos linked below 👇
0:00 Intro
0:50 Good Behavior
2:33 Criticism
4:14 Anger
6:07 Productivity
7:50 Pleasure
9:26 Bonus
▶ TYPE 1 COMPLETE GUIDE: • Enneagram Type 1s Expl...
▶ Type 1 Childhood: • Enneagram Type 1 Refor...
▶ Type 1 Wings: • Enneagram Wings for Ty...
▶ Type 1 Triads: • Enneagram Type 1 Triad...
▶ Type 1 Instincts: • Instincts for Enneagra...
▶ ENNEAGRAM RELATIONSHIPS ❤️
Type 1 • Relationships with Enn...
Type 2 • Relationships with Enn...
Type 3 • Relationships with Enn...
Type 4 • Relationships with Enn...
Type 5 • Relationships with Enn...
Type 6 • Relationships with Enn...
Type 7 • Relationships with Enn...
Type 8 • Relationships with Enn...
Type 9 • Relationships with Enn...
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-Written by Colton Simmons but with all due credit to the Don Riso & Russ Hudson of the Enneagram Institute and their many books for the majority of the insight contained in this video, as well as Richard Rohr, Helen Palmer, Claudio Naranjo, and many more inspirational enneagram minds!
Пікірлер: 102
Big thanks to everyone liking, commenting, and of course, subscribing! This series has been a huge labor of love and it's been so great to see your response 🩵
There’s nothing like listening to a type one describing type ones. You get us!!! Plus, being a type one making KZread videos means you do it the right way (LOL) and your content is a pleasure to watch and not annoying (unlike videos by others who are not so organized, etc.)! 😊 Thank you!
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
I appreciate it, Claire! Definitely tried to "do it right" hence it took 6 months to make em haha but I'm so glad to hear they stand out amidst all the other enneagram content out there 🙌
@CaliforniaForever
Жыл бұрын
And I agree about the acts of service love language. 👍
@chronotypeology
Жыл бұрын
@@YouveGotaType Absolutely they do. On a platform like this quality over quantity is most important for my feed.
@cmpicha2934
Жыл бұрын
Yes!! Total agreement here as a fellow 1 😊 I also agree with the quality time love language. And I truly appreciate how that and acts of service were grouped together as the top possibilities! I saw someone else approach it as if acts of service is the only one that matters to us with no explanation whatsoever. It irked me SO much. So thank you for including ALL of us in this explanation!
I completely agree with the criticism as a love language & I've noticed it too but I'm trying to change that 😅. I think to myself whenever I do criticize though that "I hope they know I'm subconsciously criticizing because I've already noticed them as a potential friend or partner and I care about them". I never criticize people I don't care for.
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Agreed, it's a fine line between love language and unhealthy compulsion.
@rainbomg
10 ай бұрын
I can guarantee you they don’t realize your critiques come from a place of love. People receive criticism as a rejection. Almost no one takes criticism well and it’s rarely something people appreciate. I try to be economical and crafty with my criticism while always asking myself first: why do I want to share this and will this change anything if I do? It’s important to try and see things from other people’s perspectives and usually it’s unhelpful to hope anyone will ever see things from yours. That sounds kinda whiney and it’s not meant to- one of the best bits of advice I ever got was when an exasperated ex threw his hands up many many years ago at me and said “Yeah, but Jacynda, you have GOT to stop thinking anybody else is gonna _think_ like you do! Nobody thinks like you!” I really thought up until that point (25ish) that we all had the same motivation in life, it was always to do the best job possible, and we all wanted to be as rational, efficient and ethical as possible in doing so. LOL
@speedy_comet
10 ай бұрын
@@rainbomg Yeah I completely agree with this I've also learned it the hard way but hey now I know what not to do. And yes the perfectionism struggle is reall
This is insanely accurate, get out of my head please thank you
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
I too am in my own head as a 1 ;)
@honeymilano
2 ай бұрын
Please and* thank you!
Productivity is a compulsion! Yes! I had a stressful day at work and I couldn’t relax at home until I cleaned. I washed a sink full of dishes and THEN I could veg out with Netflix
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Can't tell you how many days I've had like that 🙏
@rainbomg
10 ай бұрын
Right? Bc if I don’t it’s going to bother me the _entire_ time. A clean house usually feels like self care to me
I’m laughing at myself in my bedroom 😂😂 it’s almost like you’ve been following me around taking notes. You seem like a healthy one. Happy for you 👏🏽
Thanks! I now recognize a couple of 1's in my life :) Really appreciate the suggestions on how to best work *with* the type and avoid some common landmines.
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
So glad to hear it!
I’m a strong 1w2 and this is so spot on up to the love language. I’m a Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch was a close 2nd. I’m wondering if that’s the case because validation of who I am and my decisions are so very important to the appearance I try to uphold.
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Makes sense! Also sounds like the influence of the 2 wing is strong. Lots of room for diversity in those LLs for 1s.
I identify as a 1w9 type with sx/sp dominance. The love languages bonus was a pleasant surprise for me, as I had never considered making this connection before. Your conclusion perfectly aligns with my situation. My primary love language is quality time, and acts of service come in as a close second. Words of affirmation never held much appeal to me, as I have always perceived myself as a confident individual with a healthy self-esteem. Gift-giving is my least preferred love language, undoubtedly because possessions and wealth are not something we can take with us to the grave hehe
@YouveGotaType
6 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing your experience of the love languages! As a 1 myself, that all definitely resonates.
Another issue: I have observed that the love language one expresses may differ from the love language one craves (e.g. being of service towards others as the fitst resort and to express love but needing quality time to feel loved). I'd like to hear what you think about this!
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Yup that's the way the love languages work (the love language you speak vs. the love language you receive). For 1s, I felt both were pretty much the same, but in future episodes, I speak about it in this give vs. receive framework.
@ronjar.747
Жыл бұрын
@@YouveGotaType Thank you!!!
This explains my 1 wing (9w1), I relate to some of these (especially when i was a child) but of course just to a degree.
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Cool to know. The 9 episode will be coming out soon!
@kellikakes81
Жыл бұрын
@@YouveGotaType yay!! Can't wait!!
I am married to a social 1 and this video is like gold to me. Thank you for contributing to the success of my marriage! 😊😅
@YouveGotaType
4 ай бұрын
That's what I love to hear! Just out of curiosity, what type are you?
@lweihe
4 ай бұрын
@@YouveGotaType I am a SP 2 and a 2w3 (he’s a 1w9). It’s a great pairing, but definitely comes with challenges too. The Enneagram is such a wonderful roadmap to help navigate our bumps along the road!
Mannn, your videos have been scarily accurate. I feel so exposed lol in the best way. Thanks for articulating these traits in ways that hold me accountable and aren't isolating
@YouveGotaType
7 ай бұрын
So glad to hear it! And I know that "exposed" feeling all too well myself ;)
I’m a 9w8 that was married to (and divorced from) a 1w2. You nailed every point and wish I’d know all this beforehand.
@YouveGotaType
11 ай бұрын
Glad it felt accurate. Have you watched the Type 9 Relationships video by chance? Curious on your thoughts there...
Never been read so clearly!!! I agree with almost everything! For the love languages, I have physical touch in my top 2 😊
@YouveGotaType
3 ай бұрын
Glad to hear it, and thanks for sharing!
As a 9 I really appreciate you 1’s.
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
We appreciate ya right back :) Especially us 1w9s.
@rainbomg
10 ай бұрын
Y’all 9s ain’t bad either ☺️
So excited I actually ask you to a make videos like this so thank you for making this video 🙏🏼
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
It's definitely been a highly requested topic! Hope ya enjoy the series :)
Great information in this video! Thank you for sharing!
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
My pleasure!
Good description! I agree with quality time as top love language, for me, that is followed by intimacy emotionally + spiritually and then physical touch which also is a form of intimacy.... gifts is the absolute last and irrelevant... and as a 1 I never get angry but I relentlessly focus on improving everything according to my spiritual and moral ideal (which is self-crafted and continuously evolving). Been angry once or twice a year at tops and mostly towards collectives and the whole world... only get angry when an abuser commits the most blatantly ill-willing and relentless acts that are unjust and intending to hurt - then I tame their dragons by overpowering them with righteous wrath because no one has more power than me when I feel righteous and my extreme patience and forgiveness and peaceful 9-ishness runs out. But it only happens in real time attack from them as it is happening, and only if they go on and on. Never after - if I need to adress a severe wrongdoing from someone after it has been done I talk diplomatically but firmly about it like a psychologist or counselor seeing both sides but firm on addressing the harm and immoral injustice involved. Next step on my list is to get more in touch with my anger because it is so subterranean and never seems to emerge - I need it more present and active in my life.
Well, I now understand why my dad and I didn't get along when I was in my teens and twenties. I'm a 9 and he's a 1. He's super hardworking and critical. I'm chill and passive. He always has to be right and I just want to be heard, lol. (We're cool now but man!!! We used to be very tense around each other.)
I never comment on videos but this is scarily accurate lol.
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
I’m glad to hear it!
I agree with most of this, I’m definitely one with a two wing However, I don’t think of sex as a reward, but part of improving relationship through closeness. Also, expressing love language I use touch and quality time. I like to receive quality time, and words of affirmation. As a one that’s done some work on myself, I try to give words of affirmation, because I know I can be so critical.
@YouveGotaType
5 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing your experience of one-ness🙏
This was so spot on! 👏🏾
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Glad to hear it 🙌
I am a 1 in a relationship with someone who views words of affirmation as their love language. If you give thought to the issue, I honestly don't find it hard to give compliments, however, the compliments I give are smaller, and from the heart. Its is hard though, sometimes I want to add "but" at the end of every compliment I give
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
I totally get it! Hard not to qualify those compliments, despite having so many specific observations that could be turned into affirmations.
@D0land0_94
Жыл бұрын
@@YouveGotaType I've taken multiple tests, paid for and free, I always seem to get 1 or 4 as the highest, depending on what mood I'm in, but the score is always very close. Feels like I'm 50 50 a 1 and a 4. Is this normal?
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
@@D0land0_94 1s almost never type as 4s - they have such different core motivations. Ironically, people I've worked with that have 1and 4 high end up being 6s because 6s are a mix of the moral responsibility of 1s and the emotion instability of 4s.
oh my...seriously SPOT ON.
@YouveGotaType
4 ай бұрын
🙌
Holy cow - YES, this is all correct with every assessment. Wow.
@YouveGotaType
4 ай бұрын
As a fellow 1, I can relate 🙌
What an amazing channel, such a useful resource for writing. Thanks you. Do you have any material on common pairings for dramatic effect? I read that 1's and 7's are usually a good pairing.
@YouveGotaType
5 ай бұрын
Glad ya enjoyed it! And I'm currently working on the relationship combo videos so I'll describe in each one if they're common/uncommon :)
My giving language is gifts (feels virtuous and rewarding), while I prefer my partner give me quality time (vacations) or acts of service (ok, cleaning 😂).
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Haha love this. I definitely surprise my wife with gifts a lot... I think it's easier than verbal affirmations some times.
I hate how accurate all this is 😠😂
@YouveGotaType
14 күн бұрын
I know the feeling
Thank you! I have one question though as I feel that a friend (type 1) is not prone to criticise others so much as herself. In fact, she is always hard on herself and lets others her away with almost anything (up to a certain point. Then she "snaps" and goes to warmode). Could this be because she is sp repressed? Everything else is spot on though!
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Hard to say as this is your experience of her, not her speaking for herself. I don't prefer to throw out guesses about someone's type with just a few superficial observations.
@ronjar.747
Жыл бұрын
@@YouveGotaType Thanks for replying. Let me reframe my question then: is a so/sx Type 1 more prone to criticise herself than others?
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
@@ronjar.747 The 1s criticism starts first with themself, no matter their instinct. 1s with a 2 wing tend to be more extroverted, and therefore will communicate their criticism more directly to their peers, whereas 1s with a 9 wing tend to internalize those critiques and only share them with trusted loved ones. Broad generalization though!
@ronjar.747
Жыл бұрын
@@YouveGotaType thanks for clarifying!
@rainbomg
10 ай бұрын
Could be a 2w1?
🎯 Spot on. Wow.
@YouveGotaType
3 ай бұрын
🙌
100% true about me! 😊
@YouveGotaType
6 ай бұрын
🙌
Nailed this 1s love languages!
@YouveGotaType
11 ай бұрын
Sweet!
I legitimately laughed out loud when you said “criticism is a love language” bc it’s TRUUUE love these videos, in both content and appearance! I am truly delighted by the clean, consistent, yet colorful aesthetic of your thumbnails. As an artist and a 1w9 I am so pleased to see this channel, literally and figuratively! 🫀🧠🪞
@YouveGotaType
10 ай бұрын
I love this comment - especially given how long it's taken me to learn how to make decent graphics haha.
Waiting for the 4's hehe
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Coming the 23rd!
Except for the anger, you pretty much nailed it, even the love language. 😅
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Anger is a defining aspect of all gut types though (8,9,1) so be sure that somewhat aligns or else you may have mistyped!
I am new to this, type 1 has been spot on for me, except for my love language. Physical touch is very important to me ... as long as i am happy with my partner, otherwise physical touch can be repulsive. That kind of makes sense with everything else type 1
@YouveGotaType
9 ай бұрын
Haha I definitely relate to the "don't touch me, I'm upset" feeling.
I consider myself a SX 1w9 and my love languages are physical touch and quality time followed by acts of service. “Actions speak louder than words” and all that 😂
@YouveGotaType
3 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing 🙏
Infj 1w9 male
I think I know now why I am single. Who would sign up for that?!
@YouveGotaType
6 ай бұрын
What part of your 1ness makes you feel like you're not a good partner?
Words of affirmation are this 1's love language
@YouveGotaType
7 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
I’m a 4… but just realizing some of my 1 tendencies, especially with anger. 🤔 But also, my mom is a 1w2 (dad is 8w7), so I definitely know I have some of that influence. 😂
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Whew an 8 and a 1 as parents. That's a lot of aggression in one home 😅
totally agreee
@YouveGotaType
8 ай бұрын
glad to hear it
agreed
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
glad to hear it
WTF!!!!! You're reading me, I'm embarrassed! This is illegal!
@YouveGotaType
Жыл бұрын
Haha I know the feeling!