Every word this lady has said is true. The allianation of my grandchildren is the worst pain imaginable. It never goes away, not even for a minute.

@paulettelamontagne6992

Жыл бұрын

Well this is a year-old that this is what I'm going through I have custody of my grandson till he was 7 the father got out of prison who had never met him after a year Court battle I had to hand him over Florida having their grandparents rights I haven't seen him in 3 years on top of my daughter being on drugs and on the streets as much as that hurts she's 34 though and I can't do anything my grandson I-84 everyday become a recluse nobody understands they say just get over it he'll come back someday easier said than done it's 10 minute drive for me yep so far away

It may sound crazy, but I still buy gifts for all of my grandchildren that I save in tubs in my garage for every holiday and every birthday in hopes that some day I can actually give them to my grandchildren. It’s been 5 years with no contact. I also write to them in a journal that I will some day show them. I have something of theirs I keep in a prayer box by my bed. The pain and grief go with me every single day. Thank you for helping us!

@maryannjeffery9193

9 ай бұрын

❤

@angelinebriscoe-sperling8177

6 ай бұрын

If our children knew the destruction and mistrust they . creating by manipulation of their children, I am sure they would give everything another thought. In a throw-away society, even when it comes to family, a generation of young people is being practised that will destroy values and lack of respect for anything of value. The consequences will be immense. Too many psychologists and psychiatrists are treating clients with the ideology of separation instead of reparation.. I haven't yet met a happy igoistic person . If you have no respect for someone who gave you life, there is little that is respected. This is the first generation that started this behaviour, a generation that was spoiled, over-admired, and over encouraged . The results of their behaviour won't be something to be proud of in any way. We listened and acted on every whim and everything they even demanded. We shouldn't be ashamed, we did it out of love. Unfortunately, the next generation seems to have lost the art of loving, empathy, and respect. If they could love, their empathy alone would function, but it doesn't.

Thank you for giving voice to my sorrow. Courage and wisdom to all alienated parents and grandparents.

So yes! I helped my son when he went through separation while taking care of my father who has cancer. I helped my son with his custody issues and pain he went through all while I wasn't sleeping taking care of my dad..I watched my grandson daily 5 days a week, while not sleeping! Still doing it and taking him to school back and forth 50 miles every day still while caring for my father.. I created a bond with my grandson.. I moved from another state to be close to my family and 1 month in all this happened with my dad and my son... Helped him buy a home so he wouldn't be without his son and because of he went through I couldn't see him in pain...after he met someone new, she moved in less than one month and she started taking my grandson to school and my time gor less and less and then school year ended and I have now been blocked and he won't let me see or talk to my grandson. He has twisted this all around and been Manipulated from this person in his life now. I am beyond broken...My grandson hasn't been over now for 9 months after i had him for 2 years 5 days a week.. I hurt so tremendously, had to seek therapy and much more. I have cried daily now for 9 months.. I am so deeply broken.. I am waking up at the most 8 times nightly! I am now having severe health problems! I am dreaming of this. I am really going through a lot.. blocked from everything. Its the most hurtful trauma 💔

@paulettelamontagne6992

Жыл бұрын

My prayers are with you this is why I'm here I haven't got to see mine and three years after having custody from birth till 7 years old no rights in Florida for me it doesn't go away I've turned into a recluse I just feel there's nothing to look forward to bless you and I hope your situation has improved

The cruelty is unspeakable . Cutting off your parents and not allowing them to even know the names of their grandchildren is the worst karma . The ramificaciones of cutoff are not new . Dr Murray Bowen explored this in depth and observed that the effects of cutoff will echo down through the generations . You reap what you sow . To me , this is a generation that is as cruel as wolves and self involved pathologically . This is an epidemic . Why now ?

I'm just sitting here crying through this whole thing

I can't even watch this. It hurts too much.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

It is such a painful topic but the good news is that there are tools and strategies that can aid in coping with it as well as to work towards reconciliation. There is an excellent support networl and strategies as part of AGA (alienatedgrandparentsanonymous.com/) so do reach out to them. Wishing you the best in finding a solution. Warmest, Claudia

@pixieheart9303

2 жыл бұрын

Me too 🥺

@missryanswers

Жыл бұрын

@@LongevityAndLifestyle very kind of you, thank you. Yet my situation, however much I'm willing to go to the ends of the earth to use ANY path that would please them to work toward reunification, they are 100% unwilling. So after years of very complex emotional trauma (incl. a sudden onset physical disability which adds to their distance via their inability to mentally cope w/ my neurological damage) I had to force myself to look toward finding a path to some version of happiness- because I decided our Creator-full of Love & hope for each person to find a path that can bring a healthy happiness, maybe even occasional joy, is everything God wishes for us, a life with peace, contentment, and some happiness...proven in the Commandments as a way toward a decent life. Therefore I can't just settle in my tragedies in gloom; I began to pursue my path without those I care the most about with faith that will bring something to fill some small part of that vast empty dark hurt in my chest. I sold my suburban home, moved deep into nature & plan for new people to 1 day be part of my life, steering clear of triggers that shine what won't happen for me, or what did happen to me. With a nerve pain disability labelled "the suicide disease" bcuz well over 1/2 victims w/ this choose that end. That will never be for me and I personally take the job of never quitting very seriously for my brothers & sisters who become stricken w/this so they will know: you can indeed make a life worth living. Yeah. It's beyond comprehension to others how hard it is. But an inch gained on your path every day does indeed get you there. Bcuz that's how I got to the woods & place to enjoy all of nature & animals & new people in a town chock full of kind & helpful folks. Took me 10+ years, but I did it, with help from only a few long term friends, and a couple of friends made in the process. Being a good friend allows you to befriend good ones. It's a great gift to them, but mostly to yourself. Fair weather friends are an insult you put on yourself. So choose wisely & treat them like the gems they are. 💌

Wow. Thank you SO much for sharing this! Every word she read sounds exactly like things I've said and felt myself. It's heartwrenching and stingingly true. A real 21st century tragedy.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing Carol!

The one example given about going to your daughter's house.. For most that would not work. My daughter would call that a boundary issue!

Having healthy grandparents in lives of children is certainly preferable, ideal. I love/d mine.I believe my state has that right for grandparents. My only concern is...in some cases, there may be good reason they're prevented from seeing their grandchildren..and in those instances, that should be for the parents to decide. But I suppose that is something that can be presented as a challenge to any state right.

So true, 8 years and told we are dead will not even go to our funeral, son in law used us until he was able to live off our well-educated daughter, then we were cut off.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

9 ай бұрын

So sorry to hear!

We need to push for laws protecting grandparental rights. It’s abusive to the children as well as the grandparents and extended family. My granddaughter we still get to see as often as we want asks all the time why she can’t see her cousin. Statistically speaking it’s a narcissistic wife that is so insecure she won’t allow her husband to maintain a relationship with his parents/family. There are some very real reasons to go no contact but that is not what’s being presented here. Truly heartbreaking 💔 Until laws change, these selfish parents will continue to do this! 😊

I have been working with parents of estranged adult children and alienated grandparents for 6 years. This video is very accurate. Grandparents are the ones being abused, not the adult child. Daughter-in-laws are the main instigators due to their insecurities and controlling nature. Son-in-laws come in second and then all other third parties like our ex-spouses and other relatives. Please, grandparents, take care of yourselves.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your experience.

@markrazook7963

2 жыл бұрын

30 years in practice -cant agree more Thanks . How about the younger folks we sweated blood to raise and achieve .

@callmeishmaelk767

6 ай бұрын

Bullshit

Why the assumption that the spouse is responsible for the alienation? Perhaps hurtful behavior on the part of the grandparent towards the child or grandchild was the catalyst?

@LongevityAndLifestyle

Жыл бұрын

Yes of course this is an option too

I didn't know I had a grandchild until she was 3 years old. My sons wife is very precious. I know I have three now. Saw my second one once. Never met my third. For some reason I'm not allowed to talk to them. So, I live my life. Wishing hurts, I shut it off I have a wall up.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing your heartbreaking story. Do know you are not alone suffering this and you might be interested in joining one of the Alienated Grandparents Anonymous support groups - have a look at their website were there might be one local to you. Wishing you the best, Claudia Here is the website: alienatedgrandparentsanonymous.com/

@markrazook7963

2 жыл бұрын

same

I have a similar situation that's so alike, that it's spooky. The daughter-in-law, gaslighting, pathological lying etc. I used to look after my grandkids 3-4 days a week when free child care was wanted. My son told me the kids used to talk about me all the time and I was clearly the favourite grandparent. Not that is important but saying it to demonstrate the bond between me and my grandsons. Now that babysitting isn't required, I'm not allowed to see the boys. My son tells be it's because of Covid but that's just a convenient excuse because I offered to take a RAT test and he hosted a dinner 4 months later when there was many times more active Covid cases around. I'm not allowed to speak to children on the phone and my son has refused to talk or text me since August. I had asked someone to tell my grandkids that I love, miss and think about them daily at Christmas time. Their response was that 'they needed to tell their mother immediately'. No guesses as to why that was their response. I'm not in good health and don't think I'll still be alive by the time the children are old enough to reach out to me independently from their parents. I really don't know whether I apply to the Family Court for access or accept that this is the decision my son has made (supported)

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing your story as it will help others in the same situation. Know that there is excellent support and strategies as part of AGA (alienatedgrandparentsanonymous.com/) so do reach out to them. Wishing you the best in finding a solution. Warmest, Claudia

@candaceorr7517

2 жыл бұрын

"Excuses are lies people tell themselves, so it doesn't have to be their fault." I don't know who said that, but it is so true. DIL's are the main culprit of parent estrangement and grandparent alienation. SIL's come second, and then there are other third parties who are either jealous, holding a grudge, or insecure around those they deem not worthy to be around their children. The sad fact is that these alienating parents of our grandchildren are just perpetuating cult patterning on their own children. Kids grow up to think it's acceptable to cut off family members, including their parents. This will be the legacy many of our adult children's generation leaves the next. The "Cancel Culture" with their "Safe Spaces" are creating the same cruelty their have perpetuated on their parents, and they will deserve it unlike us.

@thomasjones4059

2 жыл бұрын

same here..exactly..

@catherina2611

2 жыл бұрын

@@Twinkie989 I blame myself in part for being too soft as a parent and was totally unprepared for a toxic personality disorder to join my family having never had to deal with one before but I don't know why I'm bothering replying when clearly you know more about my situation than I do lol.

@catherina2611

2 жыл бұрын

@@Twinkie989 It's not just that she and I clash. She can't get along with anyone because it's her way or the highway. One by one she has invented reasons to exclude every female from my son's life... all his female friends, both of his sisters,, me and even my sister (his aunt). She took restraining orders on his ex-girlfriends (x3). Her own sibs will have nothing to do with her at all now they are adults. Yeah, I know my son is in a terrible place and I feel for him because he's no choice but to stay by her side, well for the next 10-15 years at least. Dr Ramani videos quite informative but talking with your own psychologist is better I find. Before we lost communication, I did manage to encourage my son to find his own psychologist which he did but my DIL is trying to stop that as well... perhaps she has idk. In the end, a psychologist can't tell you what to do or not to do, they can only help to accept the things you cannot change So inasmuch as I do feel my son is in a terrible position, he is an adult who has made the choice to let this woman control who he has contact with.

For grandparents who actually want to see their grandkids- Don't listen to things like this. This won't help your situation. Instead, try to do some real soul-searching about why this is happening. Most likely, there are things you can do to own your past behavior and make a real difference in your relationships. My own MIL used to verbally and emotionally abuse me, to my face and behind my back. She was cut off when she hit my 3 year old. To hear her talk, she was a victim. Truthfully, she was a narcissist who blamed me for her son speaking to his biological father again and her hatred toward him for decades old transgressions made her lash out at me. Rather than winning me over to her side, and making me see her as the victim she wanted to be, she ended up being unsafe to be around and not allowed around the grandchildren. This "advice" may make you feel better about your position, but unless you do some soul-searching and really try to heal the relationship, you aren't going to change. single thing.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your view.

@candaceorr7517

2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry that happened to you and your child, but that does not mean that's why every grandparent is estranged. Many studies have been done on parent and grandparent alienation. It is rare that grandparents are abusive. I have to wonder why alienators come to videos such as this one and try to defend themselves. If they felt their alienation of family was righteous, I don't think they would feel the need to defend themselves or accuse and label alienated grandparents they have never met. They makes me suspicious.

@markrazook7963

2 жыл бұрын

What do you suggest ?

@marymcmilleon2821

2 жыл бұрын

My sympathies to you. The MIL WAS OUT OF LINE. Has it crossed your mind that your situation may be in the minority? Although true for you, is that the norm? MIL's are not all evil narcissists. And DIL's are not all sweet and reasonable people. MIL's are easy targets--very easy to pick on. My nightmare began in 2016 when I became a target and I can tell you that my health began to take a serious turn and has since then. I was subject to a smear campaign at my church. Friends of theirs were deemed as close relatives while we were relegated to the bottom of the barrel. There's so much more, but know that these stories are true. I hope that when you reach old age, you do not experience this heart-breaking situation.

@ReemTahir

6 ай бұрын

@@candaceorr7517the KZread algorithm suggests videos to related topics that you search for. For example this person with the grandparent that physically assaulted their child was probably looking for a video about boundaries with toxic grandparents, so this video came up even though it is the opposite of what they were looking for. All families are different and maybe your kids are really abusing you, but that doesn’t mean it’s the case for everyone. People don’t decide to stop contact with family easily, so the reasons must be deeper. Not saying who is at fault, just that the family mustn’t have been happy to begin with for things to turn out like this.

I have been estranged from my mother because of my narc brother who assumed her care and my children have not been able to see their grandmother for years and I can not do anything about it. I have notified the proper authorities but when they ask her she tells them she is fine and so I can't legally do anything to help her because she denies that there is something wrong. All her grandchildren are aware that my narc brother has complete control over her so we have no choice but to stay away.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. Do check out alienatedgrandparentsanonymous.com for resources and support groups to help. Best wishes, Claudia

@markrazook7963

2 жыл бұрын

Agree . But less than 1 % would ever do anything like that . I dont blame you but your situation seems different from most . Thanks

LONELINESS 😰🥵😰 Loneliness Nalt Holiday 🙏🏻

Too much acknowledgement. Please next time more on the problem of what we need to know about G Parent Alienation. Good advise. Thank you for sharing. Memory box excellent idea. Love the Tail of the end too.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your feedback and comments.

@markrazook7963

2 жыл бұрын

That is what is lacking in all of the r sources that I ve read . I am a therapist . This happened to me . Dr Coleman comes closet imo to offering stratigies . But the estrangers seem to hold all the cards . Coleman has done the most research and views estrangement from a broader perspectiva than most . Tina Gilbertsen also has many insights but imo Dr Coleman is more useful . Again , most therapist have 0 idea what to do . It comes down to self compassion in the end . There has been a generacional shift in how individuals value their own " freedom " over the tha pain that results in their wake / This will not end wi\ell for the estrangers . Worst Karma ever . Older ppl die easily . These estarngers seem indifferent about denying their own children grand parents and doing evil to those who raised . They will reap what they sow

Seriously, l wasn't alienated during their baby through to 12 yrs old. As They outgrew care/ but guidance etc. Friendships were most important. Old granny was put out to pasture/ permanently.

@LongevityAndLifestyle

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. Do check out alienatedgrandparentsanonymous.com for resources and support groups to help. Best wishes, Claudia

@raes8520

7 ай бұрын

This is normal child development. Teenagers want to be with peers, have jobs, go to school dances.

With the greatest amount of respect to everyone that is hurting, I think it’s important to see the point of view of your children. 1. If the grandparent allowed abuse (emotional or physical) at an earlier time in life and refuses to look at the impact of that (abuse of their own child by themselves, the other parent, or another person) and deal with the consequences of their tolerance for it, I understand that child not wanting the grandchild to see them. They are protecting their child from experiencing the same pain. 2. If the grandparent refuses to see a qualified therapist or refuses to accept what a qualified therapist has to say, it’s understandable why a parent would want to protect their own children by staying away. As a child of a parent that acts as devastated as the examples described, I have to say my parent sounds exactly like all of these grandparents, she has always “stood up for” the male abuser, whether it was father, husband or sibling - but she wouldn’t call it abuse, she would call it “just them being themselves, and why do they deserved to be punished” (by those leaving because they don’t choose to take abuse). We as a community should never accept that. As much as these grandparents says they “have no idea” why their children have left them (with grandchildren), I’ll bet you their children have tried over and over and over again to explain the reasons. Many people who see themselves as victims just don’t want to hear it (or they minimize the harm they have caused). Sorry if that is hurtful to hear, but it’s important because recognition of the problem is the first step to solving any problem. Also, if you want a child in your life, why is your own DNA so important? There are hundreds of thousands of children out there that would really enjoy having an adopted grandparent to socialize with. Why not get involved with those that need the love?

@candaceorr7517

2 жыл бұрын

Julia, I believe we have to inform our opinions on facts, not just our own biases. You said, "My parent sound exactly like all of these parents." Could it be that you are looking through the lense of your own bias? Here are some facts: There are at least 67,000 estranged families in the U.S., 5 million in the U.K., and half of all children of divorce in Australia do not see their non-custodial parent. That also means they don't see their grandparents on one side of the family. These statistics were taken from many polls and research from organizations in all three of those countries. It is against the odds that those millions of grandparents are all abusers or enabled an abuser. A doctoral dissertation on grandparent alienation by Carol Golly with a long list of letters behind her name found that 73% of grandparents reported being raged at by a family member who had cut them off, although 68% reported having a good relationship prior to the cut off. Your "bets" are not facts, and you are incriminating a lot of people you have never met. The oldest and most commonly assumed misconception is "abusive parents." (AGA) and you are perpetuating that misconception without facts on a lot of people. You question why DNA is so important, reveals your own mindset as to your attitude of importance toward family, along with me then wondering why you would suggest grandparents socializing with other children when you at first indicted them by saying, "My parent sounds exactly like all of these grandparents" who you claim is abusive. I got a hypocritical impression from that statement by you. Which is it? That all alienated grandparents are abusers, or they are good enough to give their love to other children who need it, just not to their own grandchildren? Where is the logic in that? I would suggest that you take your own advice even if it is "hurtful to hear" and recognize how you see yourself as a victim. And if there are hundreds of thousands of children lacking grandparent love as you claim, why would you not be encouraging family reconciliation? There are two sides to any coin and argument. Maybe checking in with a therapist with your own mental health would be fair and not just grandparents. I'm sure you would admit that the only people we can change is ourselves. The facts show that it is alienated grandparents and their grandchildren that are the ones being abused.

@Julia-b9x

2 жыл бұрын

@@candaceorr7517 - First, I need to mention that I didn’t say ALL grandparents allowed child abuse, I said IF they did, they shouldn’t be surprised at not being allowed to see a grandchild. Why would someone want their own child to go through that type of pain.? And it’s interesting that you are triggered by that. You were confused about how I could recommend showing love to someone without the same DNA. I wrote that because there ARE people are who are not abusive that would like to impact the next generation. Why not show a child love? Foster kids, as well kids in the Big Sister, Big brother programs would love an adult to give them special attention. You really don’t have to put a negative twist on everything. You sound like you have a lot of anger to deal with.

@candaceorr7517

2 жыл бұрын

@@Julia-b9x LOL! I have no anger, just a lot of disgust over people who cut off family with lame excuses to cover their guilt and then prop it up with lumping all estranged parents together. "As much as these grandparents says they “have no idea” why their children have left them (with grandchildren), I’ll bet you their children have tried over and over and over again to explain the reasons. Many people who see themselves as victims just don’t want to hear it (or they minimize the harm they have caused)." Copied and pasted from your first comment. You are not the only one. That is a habit of estranged adult children I see across the internet. They even review books on the subject that they haven't read. I gave you a lot of facts that you didn't address in your reply to me. Do you really think family estrangement is just about abuse when it is in the millions thru-out the globe? I did see that you reacted to your revealing statement about not having a lot of regard for family with the same DNA. No confusion there. ("If You") You directed that to the alienated grandparents in the video as you have directed all of your comments toward those in the video. Isn't that your reason for commenting? Personally, I'm used to seeing this from many estranged adult children. It is epidemic because your generation are the ones that have slogans like "safe spaces" and "The Cancel Culture." That is the legacy you will leave for your children. It is called Familial Alienation where children grow up knowing and accepting the alienation of family members as okay. It is known as family cult patterning. This is what the younger generation is teaching and grooming their children to do. Children learn by example. So Julia, I recommend you really think about that, but maybe it will be okay with your children deciding in the future to follow in your footsteps. After all, "Why is your own DNA so important?" Your words, not mine.

@Julia-b9x

2 жыл бұрын

@@candaceorr7517 Thank you for reading my words so thoroughly and quoting me, I’m glad you did. I am a big advocate for all children, not just children who share a piece of some DNA with me or anyone else. I believe all children have the right to grow up in functional family relationships. In the past, many families and marriages remained in place because dysfunction was seen as just the way it is. I am not saying that’s all families, I am saying that is some. I have no idea what you are talking about with safe spaces or cancel culture - but clearly - you are angry about that as well. I didn’t comment on this to start an argument with anyone, I just felt that IF there are some people that would benefit from self reflection IF they saw themselves in a description, it may help the to find resolution. If it doesn’t help you, just don’t take the recommendation.

@candaceorr7517

2 жыл бұрын

@@Julia-b9x You are the one who canceled your parents so who is angry??? You have absolutely no facts on the subject of grandparent alienation, just emotion.

You never address the level of narcissism among these grandparents

I have seen many of your videos but missed this one. It's 2 years old so I hope I'm successful in getting information. I would like to know if the group exists in Germany. I am happy to hear that experts realise that this situation goes under cruelty to elders and children because this is what it is. Interference with relationships between family members is a power game, and sometimes not seen as being as dangerous as it is long-term. I would do more, but I am afraid that my grandchildren might suffer being between two people, adult child and parent's conflict, and so they could not even enjoy being with their grandparents without a feeling of disloyalty towards their parents. I agree that these things should be cleared between the adults first, but what can one do if all attempts are being ignored. I am even pretty sure that the mail and gifts sent on occasions are not given to the grandchildren. And how can a grandchild open a gift with pleasure knowing their parents disapprove. These are all the things that go through my mind and make me very sad. Greetings to people reading this comment. 🫂

@LongevityAndLifestyle

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing - please see the show notes for the website and there you can find the local country contacts - I believe including in germany

@angelinebriscoe-sperling8177

6 ай бұрын

@@LongevityAndLifestyle Thank you very much 😊