If I had a penny for every time I heard, "You're too sensitive" or "It was only a joke" after confronting emotional abusers I'd be rich by now. I found the gaslighting the worst aspect of emotional abuse. Thanks Darren for this video and best wishes ❤️

@texannadeb5005

Жыл бұрын

You and me both!😖

@Eighties-Jadie

Жыл бұрын

@@texannadeb5005 ❤️

@colouredgal

Жыл бұрын

@@texannadeb5005 same

@KaiZen...

Жыл бұрын

At very least now we have some idea of what the heck is going on, keep strong friends. Oh, and If I too had a penny for each time I heard "You're too sensitive" I could afford therapy... for us all. Thanks Darren,

@fancysonja

Жыл бұрын

Same with me." It was just a joke." At last Darren exactly mentioned this sort of abuse. I thought I am a complete humorless woman, but no. Now I know why I always felt and feel bad after a joke.

I look at photos of me during my 30s when I was in this kind of relationship, and I look older than I do now in my early 60s. It's shocking to see.

@pam164

Жыл бұрын

They make you feel so isolated it's horrible.

@andrewstadterman329

Жыл бұрын

@@pam164 yeah triangulation is really good for that

@cathyleeziemba3508

Жыл бұрын

For me the abuse evidenced itself through illness- I was constantly sick in my '30s.

@basketballfan5763

Жыл бұрын

Wow that's sad but glad u got out of it...I'm a girl...can I ask u maybe a silly question...I want to leave my boyfriend but I don't want a huge row and he kinda won't let me leave him.... he initially threatened suicide subtly but it was mentioned throughout the relationship.....a lot of this is my inability to have it out and have a row with him.....honestly I do fear a physical outburst...he has thrown things across the room in front of me....I've fibromyalgia and he brushes past me and has been SO close to hurting me, supposedly by accident, SO many times...I just feel stuck...like I can't get out....he also bought me a dog without asking me...I repeatedly said it was a dream of mine down the line when I was settled...I'm not allowed a dog in my apartment....he's a tiny dog....but my lease says no dogs....well the dog is now this huge bone of contention....constant threats to put the dog in a pound r give him away......he has his own large dog and he could easily keep the 2nd dog he acquired and said he loved til just lately he suddenly hates my dog.....we are half broken up right now...he keeps ringing and calling in....and cos my front door opens onto the street on the ground floor of my apartment (and he still has a key to my place which I had taken back but he got back) when he knocks I kinda have to answer! He has a garden. And a large house. He could easily keep the dog! The dog bit is really bothering me as he was a supposed dog lover. It's making me detest him the way he is using an innocent dog2hurt me. I do love the dog but I'll have to give him away if I keep him. I found a home4him and he demanded the name of the old lady I found and said he'd go up 2her house and demand the dog back....???? She's my cleaner and I don't want trouble with her as I need her with my fibromyalgia. I had sort of moved in with him by accident as I started to stay up in his place a lot.....I have always kept my apartment and always kept it warm and popped in every so often....things were good once with us...but he always had this baby yet aggressive way about him.....I grew up in abuse.....by my mother...who abused me and my brother verbally, emotionally and financially...and this guy scarily reminds me of my mother

@Akemaste

Жыл бұрын

​@@basketballfan5763 Its a myth that you need to "talk it out" with him. Change your locks and location (if you can) and leave him a letter. You know your situation and you know it well. Leave him before he gives you the keys to your own personal hell.

I'm a survivor of dysfunctional family abuse by elder sisters and parents. After going no contact with that family for a decade I've realized that emotional abuse was regular conversation with those 4 abusive people from that family. They humiliated me for everything and devalued me in front of everyone, even though I supported them with whatever was in my remit including my elder sisters dowry, despite being the youngest. When I started standing up for myself and refused to accept that treatment, they started a smear campaign against me and assassinated my character to their extended family members. I suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety and seeking therapy to overcome those traumatic memories.

@foodyfunk

Жыл бұрын

I'm guessing you're Indian too, I have the exact same story but I'm still in these peoples presence. I can't go no contact cuz I'm not financially free. These leeches are evil and crazy.

@florenceleow7493

Жыл бұрын

Dear Megha, I feel you. 🌿Hugs. I am also like you in such a situation. ❇️ I think the best guide is to draw boundaries and if possible, leave the abusive family if you could. ➡️ Reduce as much contact with them as possible. Never put up with abuse of any sort. You do NOT deserve it.

@boxelder9167

Жыл бұрын

@@foodyfunk Today I am grateful for my abusers. I had to know what evil was really all about before I realized that there really is good and evil in this world. On my journey to find good I found God and then I discovered that only God is good. But God also gives us free will and we all choose to do evil to a greater or lesser degree. I blamed God for the evil in the world because I didn’t understand how free will works. It’s the battle within that I need to win or I am inclined towards evil too. It’s not just hard, it’s impossible without God. God allowed evil to exist so that we could know the difference. Today I am grateful for the heaping plateful of evil that they gave me or I may not have ever felt the need for good. Because of their abuse I found the real thing, the only thing, that is truly good. I hope that you have the pain that prompts you, the patients to pursue, and the courage to find the truth of why a good God allowed evil in a perfect creation.

@lucibloom5966

Жыл бұрын

I bet they treated you like you were being mean for not taking their crap anymore? That was my experience. Now I’m the bad guy and the problem for standing up to them and confronting them about their shitty behaviour.

@ar4122

Жыл бұрын

I hope you get some recovery. I had 35 years of it. Good luck.

Yep, I was emotionally abused for years and did not even know it. Right when I think I'm doing really good I suddenly realize there's a lot more work to do. I tell myself at least I'm going the right way now.

I almost had a panic attack listening to this. I could feel my chest tightening and my stomach turning as tears welled up. This is and has been my life for over 3 decades now. Finally recognizing it’s abusive and he laughs at me when I say he is abusive.

Banging on the bathroom door demanding a conversation. Yes!!! My narc mom and ex would both always do this. You sit right next to them for 30 minutes or more and they have nothing to say to you until you are in the bathroom. My ex would also wait until I was washing dishes to start talking to me from the living room and when I couldn’t hear him over the running water, he’d get mad and act like I was deliberately ignoring him or something. 😡

@HoneyBadger80886

Жыл бұрын

A. If my ex didn't call me, by name, then I did ignore his yells. B. When he refused to call me by name I knew there was something very wrong, with Him!

@Maki-00

Жыл бұрын

@@HoneyBadger80886 The opposite for me. It was “baby” or “babe” until he was mad. If he called me by my name, I knew he was mad. He’d say my name in such a disdainful tone, which could hurt just as much as yelling and screaming at me.

@HoneyBadger80886

Жыл бұрын

@@Maki-00 dear Maki, your name is beautiful. And I know your pain. We're humans and we have empathy. We're gonna be ok. Strength and peace

@DulceN

Жыл бұрын

My grandiose narcissist mother would bang my bedroom door, screaming and spewing the worst insults and nonsense her sick mind could invent and refuse to leave me alone. This lasted until I was 30 and left the family home to get married, “the only way a ‘decent’ woman should leave her parents’ home”. That was my mother’s mentality in 80’s Spain, although none of my friends had this sort of problems. I tried to leave, but she used emotional blackmail, saying that my father (then victim of a devastating stroke) would have another stroke due to the upsetting I would cause him. The reality was that I knew that she would make so much fuss that dad would become very upset and agitated, so I had to stay for my father’s sake. Unfortunately, looking for stability, I married someone that basically appeard to be a ‘good person’. Little did I know that he was a covert narcissist that inflicted severe emotional damage to our children and myself before discarding us without a word 22 years later…

@HoneyBadger80886

Жыл бұрын

@@DulceN same here. #FOG...fear, Obligation and Guilt. I'm not in the #FOG anymore.

This is the best description of emotional abuse I've ever heard. Thank you

You just described my MOTHER and 2-3 of my ex-girlfriends. So glad I got out of all those relationships and away from those people. Being alone is better than being abused.😁

@hcombs0104

Жыл бұрын

"Being alone is better than being abused." How completely true. I have learned that the hard way...whether with friends or romantically.

Thank you Darren for explaining such a wide topic so understandably. In my life I have noticed 2 red flags, , for me, about emotional abuse, to tell me the ship is sailing in the wrong direction and perhaps I need to consider not being on it! 1) when one person's hurt does not matter to the other. that is, put off, deflected, ignored, or unresolved. And 2) non-reciprocity. The other person expects to be attended to and honored in their distress or pain, but the terms don't apply equally to the other. This topic is as wide and deep as those who experience it. Thank you for opening the door to further understanding.

@baileydavenport744

Жыл бұрын

those are great red flags to look out for! thanks for the tip, i'll remember that!

Walking on eggshells. Never knowing when it was going to kick off. Cold persona, Aloofness really. lack of empathy ZERO guilt. Disinterested in anything that wasn't about them. Controlling. Etc etc ...

This sums up my family reunions! Even from a young age I could never understand this behavior and why they would all want to gather together just to act like this to each other. Digs, baiting, gossip… it would make my stomach turn with nervousness. Don’t miss that at all.

THANK U FOR SHARING THIS. I AM A VICTIM OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE I HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSED FOR OVER 8 YEARS I CONTINUE TO RECIEVE THIS ABUSE FROM AN OVERT MALIGNANT NARCISSTIS.. I WAS BROKE DOWN FROM MONTHS AND YEARS OF THE SILENT TREATMENT.. I NEVER KNEW EVILNESS EXISTED LIKE THIS EVER UNTIL I MET A NARCISSTIS. NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS BRUTAL

@HoneyBadger80886

Жыл бұрын

Run. Strength and peace.

@demigaines5644

Жыл бұрын

@@HoneyBadger80886 Absolutely

@kaystephens2672

Жыл бұрын

Please get outta there. You'd be amazed at how wonderful life is without these cartoon characters in your life.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

@@kaystephens2672 AMEN and AMEN

Please keep the video coming, Darren. They're incredibly helpful and as I read the comments I can see many are benefiting from your content and being guided in the right direction so to speak with resources and professionals. What you're doing is ultimately making the world a better place.

I was painting the inside of an enclosed porch when he mockingly said, "You know you don't have to wash those walls before you paint them, right?" A while later when I was completing that same interior porch he said, "You know you always have to wash the walls before youn paint them, right?"

Social media is the poison that's wrecking all sorts of relationships and sometimes innocently a bunch of words on screen will never match face to face body language

Self confidence tanks and self esteem tanks. Until… you’re able to do something they said you couldn’t, to stupid to, not allowed to, do. Build that bookcase, go for a short trip alone, cook that meal, draw or paint that picture (the first ones might not look like you want, it’s ok. Keep trying) whatever they said that tried to break you.

@billyliar1614

Жыл бұрын

So very true. In my case it was my soon to be ex wife's ''advice'' that my mental health was too bad for me to succeed in my start up and that I didn't have what it takes to succeed. It started to generate a bit of an income and did she then apologise and say how wrong she was ? Not a bit of it.

I have not spoke to my ex husband who is like this in years, only way to stop the abuse.

@brianreed8271

Жыл бұрын

Yeah it's amazing how these people just won't stop. After my ex-wife lost control of me she got really mean. When I look back on it it's kind of comical really. It is just too bad that it hurts so much. Because really it's hilarious the way they act. If I told her no about anything she would immediately start insulting me about the stupidest s***. It's been a little over 2 years no contacts, I'm doing better, but it's hard for me to understand why it's so hurts.

@sgtmuffinbadger6147

Жыл бұрын

@@brianreed8271 hey same here. Once I put my foot down

@pam164

Жыл бұрын

@@sgtmuffinbadger6147 It's best way as they will just abuse you, my ex still smears me nearly 30 years later after I divorced him, I haven't spoke to him in 7 years and only then that was when our son was in hospital and I had to speak to him. They never change.

@pam164

Жыл бұрын

@@brianreed8271 I laugh now when my ex slates me to our son and think boy I'm so so happy I'm out of the mess as that is all it is when you're with them, you can't see straight but no contact cures that. Glad you got away from your ex. Stay strong and remember they really don't like themselves, pity them.

Sadistic, Yes. DIS-Respectful - ABSOLUTELY

I remember this as a child. From my mother. It has taken years to realize what it was.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

Yes, HOW in the world would you have known ANYTHING about your situation as as child?!! And we often don't really want to see just how BAD it really was, how much we have been, ARE HURT. GOOD that you know, now!!

You named that look in my abusers eyes that I could never quite figure out. It is the 'my pain proves how innocent I am'.

Growing up in an physically and emotionally abusive home and then marrying a woman who was emotionally abusive… it makes me scared to think my children could grow up in a similar environment. I’ve applied for shared custody… I just hope I can offer enough protection to my kids.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

You have taken the first VERY IMPORTANT STEPS. DON'T EVER FORGET THAT!!!

...entitled , toddler like behavior in adult bodies. I can't see any individual choosing to consciously behave/become this way...Such a sad, bitter, resentful mindset that is projected outwardly...indicates an internal, self loathing or I'm not certain. I've experienced this type of behavior once in a long term relationship...we argued constantly due to myself sticking up for myself vs. ending things asap. I've experienced/observed this numerous times in the workplace. In fact, it appears to be quite prominent in the workplace... whatever role one had during childhood (if the family dynamic was toxic) is the role you fall into..unless you heal, recognize and not ignore the red flags? 🤔I'm literally dealing with said behavior at the workplace. Thank you , for educating people on the traits/signs to be aware of per this type of behavior.

@fredhubbard7210

Жыл бұрын

I've never known a toddler to be toxic, calculating, or demeaning. Toddlers are so guileless. Narcs are guile itself.

I really needed this. For the past month, I've chosen no contact with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad is a manipulative narcissist, but he's so convincing of his "good intentions" that my mom has stayed with him for 10 years. She would sometimes go along with his emotionally abusive parenting, or at the very least, just let him do what he wants. She's so used to his communication style that it's just normal for her now, and she has adopted a lot of the same attitude and speech. Things have been mostly okay between us ever since I moved out 4 years ago. But now that I've been in a relationship for the last year with unconditional love and healthy communication, my eyes have really been opened, and I have been spending less time with them. They're "concerned" about me and my relationship with my boyfriend, so they talked to my younger siblings about it behind my back and came up with a plan to "help" me. And then when we wanted to come over and ask what was up, they said my boyfriend isn't welcome and that I had to come by myself. I'm not as naive as I used to be and I was finally strong enough to say "No." After being sent lots of manipulative texts by my mom, I'd had enough. I put my foot down, which, as a teenager, there would've had punishments attached. They take no ownership because they're never at fault, so calling them out on their behavior wasn't allowed. But for the first time, I'm an adult with my own safe place, and I have loving people in my life to support me. I'm in therapy now and trying to figure out how to proceed.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

You have already proceeded! You're OUT OF there, have your own place, your supportive, NORMAL friends. You have done a LOT, come a LONG WAY. TIME is your friend, now. It takes TIME and DISTANCE. And try thinking of something else if negative thoughts occupy your SELF. PROTECT your HEART.

I lived with a roommate for seven years- there were some issues but we were friends and got along for the most part until the last year we lived together. That year I got really sick and had to take some time off work and he got a big raise at his job and started making a lot more money than me for the first time. Before that I had always been the one that made more money and helped him out with money here and there. The emotional abuse started almost the day he got the raise: he stopped doing chores around the house then got mad at me for the mess so i started cleaning more and more to keep him from being angry and before I knew it I was doing the majority of the housework even though when i was healthy and working we had split it equally. There was a lot of stuff like that. When he started demanding i do things like sleep with his creepy friends that i didn't like I realized that he wasn't just being irritating he was actually dangerous. I'm relieved now that hes out of my life but its so disturbing. It was like living with a different person all of the sudden and its left me wondering if the person I had been living with before was always a mask?

Excellent point: narcissistic people do that, with emphasis on a selfish purpose.

These are some of the things he said "you should be anticipating my needs" "If I wanted to get rid of you, I could feed you to the pigs, there would be nothing left, no evidence" & "I've spoiled you for other men" and "Get yer tits out for the boys" "I'm the best man you've ever had" I included a list in my first book.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

Isn't there any way HE could accidentally fall into the pig's trough? He could be the best man THEY ever had...

Darren, if I don't listen to videos like yours then I can easily deny or "forget" the truth of these experiences. If I just brush them away, then I don't heal them and I have found that I can allow them again and again from the abuser, or from others. Another video therapist said, going no contact can allow you to 'forget' the reality of the abuse and you don't fully heal. Having low contact forces you to finish the good work of healing, growing in your own strength and confidence, and then moving on. It's very painful to hear and remember these awful comments, but - I want to heal and not allow them from anyone again. Thank you for the good and generous work you do here for your listeners.

Darren is describing everything I’ve been through. I have been through this twice in my life first when I was 16 by a boy I liked who emotionally abused me. Tore down my self esteem. Made me feel ugly and unwanted. I still feel side effects to this day. Second time with a female friend who I thought was my best friend. She did the same insulted my looks everything. I thankfully woke up to her bs and left the friendship after two times.

@Butterfly-if1qs

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this reminder to keep waking up. The beauty of who you are shows in your courage to share what you did. Thank you☮

My married daughter would talk privately to her husband and then he would try to hurt me , at joyful times, with its content . I eventually had to pull away from them both. Trying to degrade me and injure me more.

thanks for your content - very eye opening. I have only become aware of my husband's narcissism over the past 6 months, but we have been together over 20 years and all the things you mention above are regular events in our house. I used to have my feelings hurt by the constant needling comments and jokes, and also pointed out to him how strange it is that I can never do anything right, whereas my stepfather has nothing but compliments and admiration for my mother. It's a striking contrast. Of course my husband just brought up something negative about my stepdad rather than deal with the subject. At least now I am seeing him with clear eyes for the first time. I realize that my self esteem HAS taken a huge hit.. exactly as you mentioned. I second guess myself now and don't have faith that anyone will like me or see good in me.. but at the same time I have always liked myself and feel I am a kind person. Anyhow, I'm rambling but thank you for your clear examples and descriptions.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

KY, if you TRULY LIKE YOURSELF now, then you can move forward. GET OUT!!! Make YOURSELF a priority. He is pathetic, but he can be pathetic on his own time. BREATHE FREE AIR, non-toxic, BE FREE!!

Your explanation of damaged self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem was truly enlightening and eye-opening. Thank you.

your description of self esteem/self worth/self confidence brought tears to my eyes. i've had a hard time with cognitive dissonance around my self esteem, because... i think i am great. but i was emotionally abused as a kid and i have this deep feeling that nobody else thinks i'm great, and that definition of self esteem really really hits home with me. thank you.

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

I’m glad you found it helpful

So glad I found your channel Darren, I’ve binge watched most of them and they have helped me so much. I am currently going thru cutting off my toxic narc adoptive parents. It’s been hell the past 3 months. So bad I’m moving house, moving my eldest school, living like a prisoner! Thank you for your videos

@deanpapadopoulos3314

Жыл бұрын

I did the same thing.

I know emotional abuse first hand. It is extremely cruel and painful. Thank you for your supportive presence and your invaluable work. Everything you said here is spot on! It is hard to believe how people can torment other people. Pure evil enjoying other people’s suffering.

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind feedback I’m glad you find the videos helpful

i like to report half of merced county for being abusive to paying consumers, its really an epidemic and needs to be addressed nationally

This video ,like your others, are educational, thank you ! I was a confident, very happy, optimistic woman . My now ex of 14 years, did everything you have said. It escalated over the years from gaslighting & emotional abuse, to rages and eventually he turned extremely violent in April ( strangulation, straddling me on bed with a Samurai sword swung up & then down to my throat etc), it lasted an hour & a half in total. Horrific. I literally had to run for my life. I'm so grateful to come across your channel. I've learnt so much, had no idea he was a narcissist. You have been a huge help in my healing, along with my incredible family & friends. Thank you🙏

I've lived life in emotional dysregulation after being the emotionally abused scapegoated daughter of a covert narc mother. She engaged in ALL these abusive behaviours . Of course I went on to marry another covert narc whom she said was too good for me . I look years older than my chronological age . I hate them all .

@scuttletheship656

Жыл бұрын

My life was the same. Narc mom, then I married a man just like her...both POS. I pray you get out and save your beautiful soul♥️🙏

@reymohammed7040

Жыл бұрын

I did *something* of the kind, years ago, accepting treatment from my ex-husband I had already been taught I deserved in childhood. Briefly, if I tried to engage in the slightest act of self-preservation, I was called "selfish". I look like dying poor. He lives in a 4 million dollar house. Where is the justice? I thought. After over forty years, I tracked him down -- simply to ask for a link to help someone else. He was non-responsive to my attempt to contact him. But I found out that he has been sued by, and is suing, everybody. Now I wonder if he was a sociopath all along. The last message I left was that I didn't intend to add to his litigational mess (whoops) problems, and that I would never contact him again. All I can picture is his hiding under furniture as the vacuum cleaner approaches, his eight spidery eyes glittering...

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

Please don't waste YOUR PRECIOUS ENERGY hating. I KNOW that this will seem impossible, but if you could TRY to FORGIVE. Or BE WILLING to BE WILLING to try. Then you can STOP thinking about HOW BAD it was. Think about YOU, YOUR FUTURE. Robert Browning said it best. "A man's [woman's] reach should extend his [her] grasp, else what's a heaven for?"

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

@@scuttletheship656 YES!!!!

Thank you Darren for putting a voice and explanation to our pain. I am subscribed and really appreciate your kind help on your channel. Sending you all the best from the USA

This video has is the best encapsulation of my experience over 20+ years that has intensified consistently over the last 10 years and has accelerated in the last 3 years. One day on a Friday after a long week at work. I sat down to try to talk to my NWife. In 8 minutes she went through 5 different topics that would normally aggravate me, but I was wise to the tactic so I did not react to the first 4 even though they did bug me. I reacted to the last one that I had already grown accustomed to and bingo she kept needling on that point for the night and into the next day. This was not an isolated thing. There are examples of telling me I’m not qualified to do something when I did not have a formal qualification, but had more than enough experience in many areas surrounding it to do the task. (Eventually I did a task like it and many people commented on the professionalism of the finished product). Combine this with baiting relentlessly to the point where I did breakdown and then surprise surprise this was used as a way to confirm that I was a horrible person and mentally ill. I have been going to psychologists for over a decade. The funny thing is that I happened to go back to my first one and asked him to look at his notes. He confirmed that 10 years before when I had seen him I was talking about exactly the same issues as now except they were expressed more introspectively and focussed on what was broken in myself. I happened to have a seriously bad breakdown once. It was after weeks of little sleep, months of being baited, belittled, isolated and made to feel like I was a monster. I completely broke down and I’m my broken state she hit me to sign a thing she wrote that basically said I relinquish my right to my property. She then proceeded to force me into her taking me to the hospital. I begged not to go, but eventually gave in. I kept begging not to go she eventually stopped but not until I gave her the name on my psychiatrist. She called him and outlined “my issues” to him. Later on I found out what she had said. She had told him things that happened a decade before and through years like they had happened recently.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

Sometimes the sensitive ones, you being one, DO have breakdowns. My mother did. PLEASE DO NOT let that diminish you in any way. It's your SELF trying its best to PROTECT YOURSELF!! Now, you begin the NEXT ACT of the play that is YOUR LIFE. You DO have the knowledge and POWER to WRITE the act as YOU NEED, WANT to write it. You may need to get NEW SCENERY for yourself. GET IT, SET IT UP. Then step onto your stage and PLAY YOUR PART, even if it feels odd. Keep DOING IT, and SAY THE LINES you have written for YOURSELF. You will feel more at ease, more comfortable as you go!! ❣️

What does it mean when you've become soo fed up with decades of it that you begin to fight back, and now your the mean one by reminding them of all the mean hurtful things they have said.

@annekerotterdam7499

10 ай бұрын

it means that you finally have enough.

I always look forward to your videos. Thank you for this thorough description of emotional abuse. I find it very validating, as it's pretty much spot on with my experiences of many years. Fortunately not any longer!

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

GOOD!!

My Nex's nickname for me, was Pain in the Bum. He even write a song for it. I absolutely hated it and he knew it. But he did it all the time.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

And YOUR SONG about HIM should be "LAME in the BUM." (Someday, all he will have is pee stains in his pajamas.)

another great vid from u...... i got to the point were i would self deprecate bcuz i knew they would 'bag' me.... so i would try to get in first..... [very sad]

Never let someone elses insecuriities be projected onto you. It is not your business to lower your standards so their comfort zone is satiated.. Given the chance they will even try to change your DNA. Be yourself. 😊

I am severe emotional abused, raped, severe physically bullied and much more when I was a child, teen... I also saw my friend hanging on a rope in his room by age 15 because he was abused by his dad and he was severe bullied by school as well not going to go into details.... Now I am ''different'' as an adult, I am a sadistic not going to lie which I shared my comment on your previous video I don't know when but whatever....The thing is, I don't hurt innocent people in real life nor do I care about them, I don't feel their pain but I don't hurt them. I hurt only toxic people in real life though, don't feel any remorse or empathy at all for my actions, I am being honest here, I don't feel nothing for them....Sometimes, I don't understand myself Darren.... Sometimes I play occasion online games when I come back from work, sometimes I get frustrated out of the blue and start lashing on online games in the chat on the people for no reason....It's like I have a lot of anger and hatred which I need to release it to the random people online...I say really disturbing things which I should't say but I don't care and still do it....I think I have underlying rage issues...I did go to the therapist he and she told me both I suffer from ASPD, PTSD, anxiety, mild depression. I am not diagnosed officially because I didn't come back for the session for the official diagnose because I didn't care at all, it was bullshit talk about your trauma and about your past bla bla and it made me more anger by thinking that....Narcissist, toxic people, sociopaths can all die which I won't give 2 shits about it, those degenerate people need to die in agony, PERIOD. There are a lot of innocent people who suffered from those individuals and made their life miserable, now I make their life miserable in real life... Excuse my disturbing anger behavior.....Thanks for the video Darren.

@thinkingallowed7042

Жыл бұрын

Reminds me of the TV show Dexter.

@ktryushi4744

Жыл бұрын

@@thinkingallowed7042 Never heard of it…But I will look it up. Have a pleasant day to you.

@JohnSmith-wo7ns

Жыл бұрын

Maybe you haven't found the right therapist.

@thinkingallowed7042

Жыл бұрын

@@ktryushi4744 You'll identify with the lead character. Enjoy.

@ktryushi4744

Жыл бұрын

@@thinkingallowed7042 I saw few episodes, I love it! Thanks for letting me know, I really appreciate it. Yeah you’re right he has the same mindset like I do…But he’s a vigilante serial killer. But good stuff, punish the evil people love it👌 Have a great weekend to you all.

Oh, the strange nicknames! He never wanted me to say "sweetie" or anything like that! Or the bathroom...he just barged right in, any time...all the time! The stonewalling...he was the same room and wouldn't acknowledge the fact that I'd asked a question, so I'd wonder how he'd even heard me! My daughter and I would exchange looks when he'd do that and my daughter would call him out on it. So bizarre!

@christinemunger7054

8 сағат бұрын

When I presented him with divorce papers, he called me "my enemy" in front of the kids for weeks!

The more I watch and listen to your videos, the more I believe entire generations were very much negatively affected and shaped in their own behavior towards others by people who were considered to be some kind of social superior (social class) or someone belonging to a more privileged group (military rank etc) . I would apply this especially to any authoritarian time in history. The 1900s come to my mind as such a time here in Europe. Not to mention the time of the first and second world War.

The stress work but me thru gave by product of anxiety. I worked at the work place for 25 years. Iam now retired.

My girlfriend did this thing where she says, get over your emotions and heartache, be a man, she would get all dolled up and say I'm going to go get some attention maybe I'll get a new man. So I said Go for it, I'm sick of your crap, my condolences to that "man". Afterwards she spent like 2 hours just walking in and out of the house. Following me around looking at me like I'm the devil or something.

my covert narc-ex owes me an exorbitant amount of money. During our last year together, he told me he was going to buy a new car... a better car. I figured he would just bump up from a Ford Edge to a Ford Explorer... One day he received a letter from Porsche finance (he was denied credit based on poor credit score). When I confronted him on his plan to buy a luxury vehicle without discussing it with me, he threw a temper tantrum. When I asked how he could consider such a purchase given the amount he owed me (enough to buy almost three Porches) it got worse. He completely dismissed me and his promise to honor his debt. He then bought a BMW and acted like he was doing me some favor by not getting a Porsche. I learned later that he was having an affair, and that his girlfriend had purchased a Porsche around the same time he bought his BMW. Were they really going to drive around town in matching cars? really? apparently so...

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

DITCH any idea of $ from him. DON'T let him OCCUPY YOUR MIND. MOVE ON!! MAKE YOUR LIFE ABOUT YOU. He's a jerk and a creep. Some guys figure out what a woman wants, BECOME THAT, GET HER, then revert back to their old behavior. It's NOT YOUR FAULT. But as hard as this sounds, TRY TO FORGIVE HIM. Your MIND, BODY, and SOUL will be BETTER OFF!! As long as you feel hurt, bitter, maybe even a bit sarcastic toward him, IT HURTS YOU, NOT him. LOVE YOURSELF. DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM AT ALL. BURY him mentally, and LEAVE HIM THERE. YOU are off on a new adventure! LIFE!!

I'm a victim of Narcissistic abuse. Your videos are helping me to understand and cope better with the situation. I would really like you to do a video on Narcissistic rage. If the raging is because tbey cannot regulate their emotions, how in the world do they know how to behave so well in public? Pls help me understand that.

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

Thank for your suggestion. It’s a topic that’s a been requested a few times and one I’ll be covering shortly

You described my entire relationship with my narcissist. Literally every point, this guy hit. Thank you for putting this kind of content out there for folx to at least try to heal themselves and move on to the life they deserve.

those are very strong people that endure this kind of abuse for a long time

When they offer you money to spend time with them, for example, or when the go on and on with a supposedly infidelity, lies, calling you names, making fun of you as if one is too lonely, too serious, too bitter. When they get their haters gathered to attack you? When they threat you life with a gun? When they demand gratitude, thankfulness for some "favors" existing in their heads only? I love laughing and being sarcastic at this character and it's strange demands.

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

STOP with the SARCASM. RISE ABOVE THAT!! GET RID of people who misbehave They should have NO PART in your life. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!!!

thats my mother. she is there Queen .

Darren, Bingo! Like screaming at another person directly in front of me. Good topic! Larry

Darren, Thank You for your helpful information! Most fitting as always... ❤

Great video Darren, many thanks....

I wasn't allowed to have a beer in the refrigerator

Excellent video! Spot on!

Thank you.

💯 accurate 👍🙏thank you 🙏.

Excellent description, very true to life.

Im a victim of emotionally abusive Marriage. 14 years. Greetings all the way from Republic of Ireland filipino

Thank you so much for this video.🙏🏼💖🙏🏼💖🙏🏼💖

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome 👍

I am engaged to a very manipulative man who keeps lying against me to assassinate my character. I told him this is emotional abuse. He is always criticising my dress and my weight

Great thanks very much 👍🤩😍

Thank you

You are right on!!!

I don't understand yes this is one of the forms one of the many forms of abuse and Terror that I've been targeted with for almost 3 years now but I can't understand because it's highly likely that there are quite a few individuals involved and I kept thinking surely this Insanity will end soon and then years went by and like you said I have begged and pleaded for someone to just tell me what is this what is going on what is this nightmare all I get is gas lights manipulations reality denial Environmental augmentation Terror threats I get no clear communication no information about my reality at all and I just keep thinking surely someone one day someone will have a moment of conscience and say hey I don't want to do this to this girl I'm not going to participate in this I'm going to reach out and tell her what is going on I've already been to the mental hospital and they didn't believe me... I can't understand how for almost 3 years how so many people can be so unkind unempathetic and ignore all of my plees... I've never experienced that like usually there's someone that stops usually there's a Good Samaritan someone responds to your cries this is so out of the norm no one not one person has responded not one person has made an act of kindness not one person has reached out to me I don't understand how so many people can be so cruel for such a long period of time and not one person have a moment of conscience and make an act of kindness I don't understand it doesn't match my experience prior to this nightmare that started 3 years ago

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

Do you live in PA or OH? I have lived in both states and learned that many people there are largely CLANNISH, and follow the "herd." IF the ones with the "say" show you no kindness OR understanding, most of the rest of them won't, either. (Am SURE it's the same in other places, too.) So BE KIND TO YOURSELF. TREAT YOURSELF VERY WELL!!! MOVE if you have to. START OVER in a diff place, DIFFERENT PEOPLE. And TRY to act like you are FINE, because YOU ARE. DEEP INSIDE. BE NICE TO YOURSELF. This works!! DON'T LET ANYONE PUSH YOU AROUND. Get some "Hello" sentences ready, to greet people with. SMILE in the morning. Folks like that. WRITE YOUR OWN SCRIPTS that you want to say to others, if necessary. Be a good listener ONLY if the speaker isn't doing a number on you. ❣️

Thank you :)

You're describing my ex wife. I often got to hear "you've become so sensitive" after reacting to being picked on. And in the beginning of our relationship she was so impressed by the amount of knowledge I had on many different topics. After a while she started complaining about me being so curious about learning new stuff all the time... Now I'm soon rid of her.

Darren, another thing about a Narcissist is they prefect a good cult leader to their gang of flying monkeys. A good cult leader is like the Pope of Rome.

@annekerotterdam7499

10 ай бұрын

all cults and religions are made up bij narcissists

Thank you & agape love to us 🙏

thank you so much.

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome 👍

Dear Mr Darren Magee, can you please do a video on...when the narcissitic mother turns your grandchildren against you, I need to understand how my loving grandchildren who I had a close relationship suddenly turned against me 2 weeks after their mother cut me out of their lives, that was 3 years ago and I havent seen or heard from them since, please help me understand. thank you

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your suggestion

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

PRAY for them, GET A GOOD LAWYER. LOVE THEM even though you're not seeing them. THOUGHTS ARE THINGS. MADE of the SMALLEST ELECTRONS man has ever isolated. They travel faster than the speed of light. (Real mind-readers use these electrons to know what someone is thinking. Family can often know stuff other family members are thinking.) SEND GRANDCHILDREN LOVE LOVE LOVE. And LOVE YOURSELF!!! ❣️

Lovely way to recycle some most significant bad memories into understanding and let go with skills acquired. Thanks

Well, I am 97% sure my father [tends towards grandiose] my mother [covert maybe with some psychopathy altho she does not lie] and my ex of 34 years [just a hot mess of a mix of the above, sliding up and down the scale depending on external pressures, white knight, communal, grandiose with lots of supply and covert when things at work would go badly] are all narcissists. I'm 61 and only even learned there was such a thing when, a year after he dumped me for the last time, I would google, What does it mean when you husband does ____? and narcissism popped up with every querie. But I am the one who behaved badly. Well, so did he, but he was a consummate liar and much of it was hidden. I"m sure there are still things that I don't know that would curl my toes...However, as a young woman in love, I am the one who grew bitter, sarcastic, probing, pathetic and needy, cutting. I was guilty of all the sins. [Okay, I should have waited to comment until I heard the whole video. I did not belittle or cut him down. No, I did not do what is described above. I reacted badly many times, but I was not cut from the above bolt of cloth, altho I am sure he would beg to differ]. I'm not normally like this. I was a high school teacher for thirty years and managed never to mistreat a student, quite the contrary. I tried very very hard [lots of therapy and self-help books, tons of personal work] to not behave in these dreadful ways, but my GOD. It was one royal mind f@%&K and without any tools or understanding of the dynamics, I fell for the baiting and the silent treatment every time. I, and the therapists I dragged him to, were going with traditional therapy where you were in a dance motivated by two partners who cared and loved each other and just needed better tools to communicate, etc. And guess what? I failed. What one of the seven? counsellors we saw over the turbulent decades might have told me, but didn't, is there was NO fixing this. But I tried everything. In the end, I sort of got to the place on my own, stopped trying, stopped fighting for the marriage, recognized my triggers. Knew that it would be best if he were to leave me b/c it wouldn't have been pretty if I had left him, and he grew bored? I ceased to be a supply source and he went elsewhere [not for the first time] and thank God, this time I did not try to make it work. He left me and I let him. But breaking that trauma bond was brutal. I'm more or less no contact with all three of them. Just cards at Christmas with the parents, gifts for my mum but no talking. I've been cut from the family email, now. Call it extreme greyrocking. Him, the ex, I never want to give one more ounce of my life ever again.

Is there such a thing as Envy for another ones struggles? Something noble here?

I hated it he always walked ahead of me every where we went so embarrassing

even at major retailers and mom and pop places, i think it has to do with corruption or suspected gaslighting

Odlično što je pokrenut kanal...

My brother told me the oil burner I made by hand for him for his birthday, that broke on the plane ride that he didn’t bother even bubble wrapping, told me it was shit anyway as he has about every birthday gift I’ve given him. He’d just bluntly tell me it was a shit gift! No ‘thought that counts’ and he never gave me anything or made an effort to come see me in twenty years!

@elisabethvalade9866

Жыл бұрын

DON'T EVER GIVE HIM ANOTHER GIFT. GIFT YOURSELF, INSTEAD!! Then wish YOURSELF GOOD LUCK, GOOD HEALTH, and a WONDERFUL FUTURE. Then, STEP INTO IT.

Hi there I'm sure you get loads of requests for subjects for your wonderful video content but could I request one on how best a healthy partner in a new healthy loving relationship with a previous scapegoat can support and help the former scapegoat going forward out of the previous relationship with a physically and mentally abusive malignant narcissist please....many thanks for all your quality information you are helping so many people...God bless you🙏❤ xx

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your suggestion

@Darren F Magee I have experienced both Grandiose in your face and Covert passive-aggressive emotional abuse from the same person. Is there a technical name for this? If so, would love to see a video on this subject. This video was helpful in that it highlighted both of those kinds of abuse.

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

Thank you I’m glad you found it helpful and thanks for the topic suggestion

@TC-gx3qn

Жыл бұрын

@@DarrenFMagee No, thank you for allowing suggestions. I will keep my eyes peeled for the Hybrid Narcissist video. 🙃👀

Sad but true.

Describes my ex too a T it’s unbelievable. It’s dangerous and you never know what is coming next

Every word of your words is too true! My narcissist and I have had a 4 yr long distance relationship. When he takes Adderall and weed, it goes haywire. He was molested in his childhood and 2 yrs ago during gay pride week, another molestation happened. I am older and have a small business. He has been so entitled to money and expensive gifts always. In August, he asked for a deposit for a home. I did give but I was travelling and transfer was delayed. This awful narcissist doomed me to be betraying him and he called me a pediphile and using money to groom him! Am so shocked. I gave and cared for him so much and gave him my hard earned money. Once he got it, he immediately cut me out and found a teenage singer and seems very happy together. How could someone be such a demon with such false blaming words.💔

Partner, try parents who do such and exploit in their business. Allowing their DV son to bully their employees and do the same.. not just do the same abusive stuff to me yet also the staff.

It's like you know him.

Yes clearly you got it right it’s so awful

Hi Darren, how do I understand the narcs being oblivious at the damage they cause to the people around them and the fact that they do know what's right and what's wrong? Seems like a paradox to me..

Crikey…ALL of the above!!!

My twin sister was and still is an emotional abuser. It is a normal standard behaviour towards others and to me in particular. Get the hell out of there is the only answer

@helenferguson510

Жыл бұрын

I am so relieved to find someone else who has a twin sister who is emotional abusive towards them. I cannot take any more of the constant criticism she gives me and abusive comments from her. She never apologises for her behaviour towards me. She is controlling and believes I am inferior to her. As soon as I can, I will be ensuring I never see her ever again.

Hey... so I am a bit confused... some of the things you explained or gave examples of, my partner does... but some of them I am the one doing them... Could it be that I mayy be abusing my partner without realising? How can I know, and if I am an abusive person are there ways to better myself?

@christinemunger7054

8 сағат бұрын

Look up reactive abuse.

Just get away They can not, will not correct themselves. Do not make excuses, enable. They are severely chronically mentally ill. They are destructive damaging debilitating. They are lost souls You can't "fix" them. Me me me. It's all about them. There is nothing nice about them. I'm being to believe there is nothing redeemable. Who am I to judge? Someone who has lived through it. They can reach out from the grave through a will, diary, pictures peoples gossip passed down reverberated generations. 🤺💐

@Quazgaa

Жыл бұрын

yep

@leahtheanimationfan40

Жыл бұрын

Is this a poem? Because it is so accurately written in a beautiful way

Would you consider doing one on emotional abuse with parents. Is This harder to spot as it has gone on since childhood?

@DarrenFMagee

Жыл бұрын

I’ve made videos on narcissistic parent / child relationships if you find those helpful?

It's true, even they asking to us, are you crazy? through the flying monkeys. Placing microphones or hidden camera in our roof top. Watching constantly, comments coming from market places about our night dress, " fart throughout night," "not sleeping at night ,because of not having s**'"etc.😅

❤

🙏🏽