Q: How do you double the value of a Soviet automobile? A: Fill up the tank.

@redwater4778

5 жыл бұрын

At least the Russians build cars in Russia

@user-wx4nv8xr3d

5 жыл бұрын

@@redwater4778 not that you can call them cars

@redwater4778

5 жыл бұрын

@@user-wx4nv8xr3d Reagan let the auto industry take their factories overseas at the cost of American jobs. Then he reduced the tariff on said countries. How fucked is that ?

@Snubrevolver

5 жыл бұрын

@@redwater4778 Who cares? It's too expensive to manufacture them in the U.S anymore.

@redwater4778

5 жыл бұрын

@@Snubrevolver Exactly. Why should your fellow countrymen have a lifestyle ?

Two Russians are in line for bread in Moscow. One says, "We've been here for three hours! I can't take it anymore! I'm going to go kill Khrushchev!" and leaves. After a short while, he comes back, so his friend asks, "What happened?" "The line there is even longer!"

@rockandrollman9290

5 жыл бұрын

😂😂😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😂😂😂😃😃😃😃😃😃😃omg my heart is broken man!

@ThoNguyen-ji8dw

5 жыл бұрын

That's so funny man . So can you share some joke anymore ?. Soviet joke or usa joke are also ok

@andrewn.8654

5 жыл бұрын

Two soviet soldiers, Ivan and Dimitri, are manning a bridge when they see a man rushing to get home before the curfew. Suddenly, one of the soldiers raises his rifle and shoots the man in the back. Shocked, Ivan, asks: "Dimitri! Why did you shoot that man?! The curfew starts in 5 minutes!!" Dimitri answers: "I know where he lives, it's ten minutes away from here!!"

@andrewn.8654

5 жыл бұрын

Brezhnev and his wife are headed home from a conference in East Germany, when his wife, already impatient, asks how far they've gone. Brezhnev sticks his hand out of the window and then pulls it back in and says: "we're still in East Germany." "How could you tell?" his wife asks. "because I stuck my hand out and somebody kissed it." A while later, his wife asks again how far they've gone. Again, Brezhnev sticks his hand out, then pulls it back in and says: "We're in Poland now." Again his wife asks how he knew and he answers: "Because I stuck my hand out and somebody spat on it." After a few more hours, his wife is impatient and asks one more time where they are. Brezhnev sticks his hand out once more and says: "Oh honey, we're finally back in Moscow." "How did you know?" his wife asks again, to which he answers: "because I stuck my hand out and somebody stole my watch."

@user-ep9fu2be4z

5 жыл бұрын

You are hot as hell.

Stalin is sitting in his office signing papers, when suddenly his assistant bursts through the door “Comrade Stalin! A man just came in, he claims to be clairvoyant! He says he can see the future!” Without missing a beat Stalin responds: “send him to the gulag, if he really can see the future he wouldn’t have come here”

@lunafringe10

2 жыл бұрын

love the messenger but not the message

@WhyGamingYT

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@Dexalium

Жыл бұрын

stalin would've had the assistant exiled to siberia for bursting into his room unannounced

@RobespierreThePoof

Жыл бұрын

This sounds like it might originally be a Soviet, not an American joke. Am i right? Oh. And your username is Russian / Slavic!

@artemshevtsov6062

Жыл бұрын

@@RobespierreThePoof thank you for adding the Slavic part I’m Ukrainian and it’s an old joke from the Ukrainian SSR, I am from Dnipropetrovsk

Reagan and Gorbachev made a bet about whose country has more drunks. Reagan is first to visit USSR. Of course, he sees drunkards all over the place - in the airport, on the streets, in restaurants, etc. Then it's Gorbachev turn. He flies into Washington. Reagan greets him on the tarmac, hands him a Colt and says: If you see any drunks on the street, you can just shoot them, no questions asked. After it gets dark, Gorbachev goes on the prowl in Washington D.C. Sure enough, after a short while he sees a man stumbling around. Bang! Shoots him dead. A few minutes later he sees another man who can't even walk being propped-up by his two very drunk buddies. Bang, bang, bang! Shoots all three. This goes on until Gorbachev is out of ammo. Satisfied, he returns back to his hotel and goes to sleep. In the morning, he is served breakfast with the morning copy of Washington Post. Top headline reads: Last night, an unidentified, bald-headed terrorist shot half the staff of the Soviet Embassy.

@karman103batth4

2 жыл бұрын

I like this one

@thephantom1021

2 жыл бұрын

@@karman103batth4 😂😂

@ovento7438

2 жыл бұрын

Ахахаха... But seriously, stop it, we have vodka in our blood, we don't need drink more.

@connortollit6120

Жыл бұрын

Long but worth it for the pay off😂

@Theguywhokilledkennedy

Жыл бұрын

WOW

"watcha doin, comrades?" "we're demolishing the brick factory" "but we need bricks!" "that's why we're demolishing it"

@mxrv1n.

4 жыл бұрын

This comment deserves a lot more likes

@StarlightPr0ductions

4 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂

@arseniytikhonov2283

4 жыл бұрын

Killed it!!!👌

@Aaron.T2005

4 жыл бұрын

Because the brick factory ain't producing shit. Lol good one.

@davidp2707

4 жыл бұрын

@@Aaron.T2005 it's more deep than that.

Glad to see the comments section has turned into a Soviet joke generator.

@ibsoccerstaryt2248

4 жыл бұрын

Lol

@erikeriks

4 жыл бұрын

Lol

@f1ki246

4 жыл бұрын

Go to soviet union anthem even better

@ibsoccerstaryt2248

4 жыл бұрын

@@erikeriks lol

@erikeriks

4 жыл бұрын

@@ibsoccerstaryt2248 Lol

Napoleon and one of his top generals are watching a Soviet military parade. Napoleon is glancing at a Russian newspaper. The general says to Napoleon "If we had soldiers like those we would have won Waterloo!", later the general says "If we had guns like those we would have easily defeated Wellington!", then the general says "If we had those tanks instead of horses, we could have crushed the British!". Napoleon looks up from the newspaper and says "If we had a newspaper like this, no-one would know that we lost the battle".

@goldeagle8051

2 жыл бұрын

Except that Napoleon, Soviets and tanks haven't lived to see eachother.

@DM-mi4je

2 жыл бұрын

@@goldeagle8051 presumably the joke places Napoleon as a ghost watching earth

@goldeagle8051

2 жыл бұрын

@@DM-mi4je I feel you. So the joke should start: ‘The ghosts of Napoleon and his top generals who are watching earth, were attending a Soviet military parade.’

@goldeagle8051

2 жыл бұрын

@John Carroll lol and I’m just joking around too, you head.

@lordkingstali

2 жыл бұрын

This is gold

I like this one: Early in the morning Brezhnev looked at the sky and smiled to the sun. Suddenly the Sun said, "Good morning, dear Leonid Ilyich." Amazed and happy, Brezhnev told the Politburo members that even the sun knew him and greeted him personally. The Politburo men were skeptical but kept their doubts for themselves. Toward the evening, Brezhnev said to them, "I see you don't trust my word. Let's go outside and I will show you!" They walked out and Brezhnev said to the sun which was already low, "My dear Sun, good evening." The Sun answered, "Go to hell, you old idiot." "What's that?" Brezhnev shouted angrily. "Do you know who you are talking with?" "I don't give a damn," the Sun said. "I'm already in the West, I do what I want!"

@newuser4263

11 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@YtzikTV

9 ай бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@vinz8081-2

9 ай бұрын

💀

@arthurtrentndala6449

4 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@vestavind

Ай бұрын

Man I love clever jokes like that

In Soviet Russia we had 2 TV stations. Station 1 was government propaganda, Station 2 was man from KGB say, 'Turn television to Channel 1."

@paulomelettilestrade

4 жыл бұрын

5.5 not bad at all.

@hau6886

4 жыл бұрын

Julia J I read that in Ifunny bc one of the dudes at the shop was russian

@channingbloom7125

4 жыл бұрын

300 Also fucking genius.

@williamalvarado758

4 жыл бұрын

That joke was from that shitty book

@saul-oq4ph

4 жыл бұрын

Fr we here in estonia got lucky because we were close enough to finland to watch finnish tv and actually understand whats going on in the world instead of being spoonfed lies

An American, a Russian, and a Chinese are in a car. They stop to a intersection to discuss which way to go. The American said “I like capitalism, so let's turn right”. The Russian said “I like communism, so let's turn left”. And the Chinese said “I don’t like either, so let’s signal left and turn right”.

@zuboy4272

4 жыл бұрын

asians are bad drivers , lol , turning right but signalling left

@frcchan9887

4 жыл бұрын

And the Chinese said “I like Chinese-style socialism, so let’s signal left and turn right”. (Yep , we already give it a name)

@jackchan499

4 жыл бұрын

Darius Valikalari strict laws can regulate people’s behaviour. If a country wasn’t built upon high moral standard it’s quite necessary. Look at HongKong today, the democracy and human rights won’t help without strict laws

@Superknullisch

4 жыл бұрын

@@zuboy4272 r/wooooosh! (1/2)

@yea4253

4 жыл бұрын

Uncle Mike Totalitarianism doesn't really have anything to do with communism though

The most vicious weapon made during the Cold War: Reagan's Soviet jokes

@crunchyandmagnificent5646

Жыл бұрын

A weapon to surpass metal gear

@USSFFRU

Жыл бұрын

Top 10 Weapons that are too brutal for War Number One:

Comrade Khrushchev visited a collective farm that raises pigs. Reporters took pictures for Pravda for an article. After writing up the article and placing the picture on the page, the editors aren't sure how to caption the photograph. The ideas thrown around are: "Comrade Khrushchev among pigs", "Pigs and Khrushchev", and so on. Finally, after much deliberation, the article makes it to the press. The photograph is captioned: "Comrade Khrushchev is third one from the right".

Two KGB agents together. Agent #1: "Comrade, what do you think of our glorious Soviet Union?" Agent #2: "The same as you do, Comrade." Agent #1: "Comrade, you are under arrest!"

@jiaerui1680

4 жыл бұрын

u cppied this joke from someone else

@KrautGoesWild

4 жыл бұрын

@@jiaerui1680 The original was about two East German soldiers at the frontier - I made some adjustments ;) .

@jiaerui1680

4 жыл бұрын

@@KrautGoesWild ooooooh i was like: hey, wait a minute lol

@catsers6296

4 жыл бұрын

@@jiaerui1680 no such thing as copying if the joke belongs to ALL of us

@jiaerui1680

4 жыл бұрын

@@catsers6296 this is the single greatest comment i have ever fucking read

KZread is like USSR, you only get what you'd like 10 years later.

@comradepatrick9167

4 жыл бұрын

Nice one

@nicholas5129

4 жыл бұрын

Recommendations are one thing, the "free speech" according to KZread is like straight outta USSR...

@peterikenye2159

4 жыл бұрын

facts.

@RIFLQ

4 жыл бұрын

I'm here before this comment explode

@nes129

4 жыл бұрын

lol

Stalin was on his way Warsaw by car. It was the middle of the night in the Polish countryside, and the driver couldn't see the road very well. As they passed a lonely little farmhouse, they felt a huge thump and heard a squeal of an animal. "Driver Mikhail, go see what is the problem," Stalin demanded. So the driver stepped out of the car and went to look at the front. "Comrade Stalin, we've run over a pig!" Stalin sighed, his visit will be delayed. "Well, go and tell the farmers." So the driver stomped off through the night towards the small wooden farmhouse. Stalin read some newspapers by the light of a match, and eventually fell asleep. As Stalin awoke just before sunrise, he saw the driver stumbling back to the car. His fine suit was ripped, his face was red with lipstick, his hair was a mess, and he could barely navigate the mud below his bare feet. "Comrade Stalin, my apologies," the driver groaned. "What is the meaning of this? Explain what happened right now!" "Comrade Stalin. I knocked on the door and a babushka opened it. Behind her were her three daughters, all very strong from working in the fields. After I spoke, her daughters grabbed me by the collar and made love to me non-stop for four hours straight! Then for the rest of the night we sang and drank vodka. They're still partying right now!" "What the hell did you say them, Comrade Mikhail?!" "I said to them, 'Hello, I'm Stalin's driver, and I'm here to tell you that I just killed the pig'."

@danielcedenorodriguez9938

11 ай бұрын

Ok man that was a good one

@zaidlacksalastname4905

11 ай бұрын

Fr that's great

@bennycreel2306

9 ай бұрын

In Soviet Russia, Pig is covert way to get pussy 😂😂😂

@YtzikTV

9 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@gooldii1

8 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

- Comrade, do you think we will ever reach true Communism? - Of course, Comrade. Communism is just over the horizon. - And what is horizon? - It's an imaginary line far ahead that no matter how long you travel to, you will never reach.

@doncomputer5931

Жыл бұрын

Isn't that the truth.

@LinusBitchTits

10 ай бұрын

A Polish one; “where is capitalism now?”, going off the edge of a cliff. “And communism?“, always one step ahead.

She: "Come over!" Stalin: "I can't, I'm sending people to gulag!" She: "My parents aren't home!" Stalin: "I know!"

@djarvils

4 жыл бұрын

It could be funny if I can believe that Stalin was a chick magnet😂

@NichtNameee

4 жыл бұрын

Old but gold

@hugoankarcrona572

4 жыл бұрын

@@djarvils Look up pictures of him when he was young, quite handsome

@bigmanrafi2371

4 жыл бұрын

Haha

@doodmann5898

4 жыл бұрын

It happened 69 times

Here’s another classic, Stalin is visiting the farmlands outside of Leningrad, he visits one such potato farmer, he asks the farmer “comrade, how many potatoes have you produced?” The farmer responds with “well comrade Stalin, if you stacked them, they would reach god in the sky” Stalin replied with “but god does not exist” the farmer says “neither do the potatoes comrade stalin”

@duqueadriano0081

4 жыл бұрын

True but I'm sending you to gulag for exposing me

@duqueadriano0081

4 жыл бұрын

@Oscar Wind stop talking like you had freedom of speach, this is Soviet Russia comrade

@ShabazDraee

4 жыл бұрын

Hahaha this one is good

@VasilyMusic

4 жыл бұрын

It's also weird because when Stalin was young, he actually went to seminary school to be a priest. Not sure if he ever went fully atheist after that.

@TheLibermania

4 жыл бұрын

@Oscar Wind to the guillotine

The regional KGB headquarters in Arkhangelsk suffered a major fire and was almost completely destroyed. Shortly after, a man called looking for help. “I’m sorry, we can’t do anything,” said the receptionist. “The KGB has burnt down.” Five minutes later, the receptionist received another call. “I’m sorry, we can’t help. The KGB has burnt down.” Another five minutes passed, and the phone rang again. The receptionist recognised the voice as the man who’d twice called previously. “Why do you keep calling? I told you that the KGB has burnt down.” “I know. I just like hearing it.”

@carbag7857

Жыл бұрын

I’m afraid you copied this joke (kinda). The original joke was about Stalin’s death.

@therealskull4786

Жыл бұрын

@@carbag7857 This joke is copyrighted 1982 Laughster Enterprises. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited under penalty of law.

@carbag7857

Жыл бұрын

@@therealskull4786 Section 2: Copyright Jokes (defined as creative attempts at humor including comedic stories, humorous quips, puns, or anecdotes) are eligible for copyright. A joke shall have valid copyright if it meets the following conditions: 1. The joke demonstrates a minimal amount of creativity in its subject matter, phrasing, or telling. Familiar stock themes and jokes told in a customary manner do not qualify for copyright. 2. The joke has been fixed in a tangible medium of expression, such as being written down, recorded, or programmed into code. Section 2: Registration Individuals may optionally register their copyrightable jokes with the U.S. Copyright office. Such registration establishes a public record of the copyright claim and is necessary for seeking damages under Section 5 of this law. Section 3: Transfer of Ownership Copyright of a joke may be transferred in whole or in part by written agreement between the joke's author and the new owner. Section 4: Use by Others Using someone else's copyrighted joke without permission from the copyright holder constitutes copyright infringement. Section 5: Damages Only copyright holders who have properly registered their jokes may seek monetary damages in court from those found to have infringed on their copyright. Unregistered copyright holders may only seek to prevent further distribution of their copyrighted joke.

@cutekirby360

9 ай бұрын

@@carbag7857​​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠Oh no.. people take jokes from the Internet to post it other places that has contextual relevance? The dude even admitted it wasn’t his joke, therefore completely nulling whether it matters he changed it up or not. Even without them admitting, there is nothing that indicates they were posing it as their own joke. It just surprises me that, with all of the other comments being kind-of on the same theme of telling jokes they know, you felt the need to bump up your ego by expressing that you’re ‘*afraid*’ they copied a joke towards a very specific comment just because you noticed they used different words in place of the subject - as if every single joke ever made doesn’t have 1,000,000 different subject variations and people remember whatever was the first variation they seen or liked the most. Stop being an egotistical douche and looking for reasons to debate people to make yourself feel better; You went from trying to call them out for copying, to debating copyright. Your second comment and first comment have no correlation to one another, and, even if they did have correlation, your second comment doesn’t defend your first comment based on what you’re trying to call them out for. You’re trying to grasp, and it just ain’t working. No one gives a f if someone copies a copyrighted joke word-for-word on the Internet except for you.

Peasants from a collective farm make their way to see Lenin with an appeal. - Comrade Lenin, we are all out of food. We've resorted to eating hay. Soon, we'll start mooing like cows. - Nonsense, my dear Comrade. Just last night, Comrade Stalin and I ate a bucket of honey, and you don't hear us buzzing, now do you?

@CaptainGrimes1

Жыл бұрын

Don't get this

@mhyc22

Жыл бұрын

@@CaptainGrimes1 it's probably a joke about how the Soviet leaders eat and the people eat

@Panzermeiller

11 ай бұрын

@@CaptainGrimes1 Honey is rare and expensive, its a joke about how the leaders keep everything to themselves

A communist jokes isn’t funny until everyone gets it

@spitfire1683

4 жыл бұрын

If one person gets it, *we* all do.

@MrSvnJrdn

4 жыл бұрын

Nice one :D

@pranavramraj5141

4 жыл бұрын

😸😸

@staticsphere_

4 жыл бұрын

👏

@grantamanta2415

4 жыл бұрын

I’ve heard that one

People say the KGB was cold and uncaring, but you've got to give them credit for being great listeners.

@vinnieg6161

2 жыл бұрын

I guess the NSA is a fantastic listener too

@brandonmshrock

2 жыл бұрын

That took me a second but when I got it, the pay off was priceless

@miavalentinova5019

2 жыл бұрын

Ахахахаха 😂 😂 😂 so true lol

@EEEEEEEE

2 жыл бұрын

E‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎

@brandonmshrock

2 жыл бұрын

@@EEEEEEEE E

What weighs 6,000 pounds, costs 50 million rubles, and cuts an apple into three slices? A Soviet machine designed to cut an apple into four slices. As the Cold War came to a head, the US and the USSR decided that military spending was killing them both and agreed to settle the whole thing with a dog fight. They set a date in five years to breed and train their dog and then the two animals would fight it out. So the Soviets get the best military trainers and they mate the most ferocious guard dog in the Russian Army with a giant Siberian wolf. The litter is forced to fight over bones and scraps and soon the strongest ones have devoured the weak and the remaining of these beast dogs have their food cut off entirely with only each other to eat. Soon, the biggest and meanest of the dogs is all that is left and he is plunged into a vicious training regimen. They run him near to death across the frozen Siberian wasteland, make him swim for his life in the arctic ocean, and have him face off against wild bears and Siberian tigers. Every night, they beat him with lead pipes to make him tough and mean. -Finally, the day of the dog fight comes. Ten hulking Spetsnaz soldiers drag this animal into the ring with chains and cattle prods. Then, at the other end of the room, in walks a US Air Force corporal holding the leash of what looks like a fat, demented, Dachshund that waddles slowly into the ring. The Russians cannot believe their eyes and gleefully release their monster dog to tear this strange, warped creature to shreds. The Russian dog leaps through the air at the American dog, when suddenly, the entire front half of the American dog opens up into a giant maw lined with razor sharp teeth! To the Russians' horror, it devours the Russian dog in one massive bite! -The head Russian trained drops to his knees and cries out: "I can't believe it! We just spent five years breeding and training the perfect canine killing machine!!!" - The Air Force corporal shrugs. "That's nothing. We just spent five years making an alligator look like a dog." (This Soviet joke illustrates how bewildered they were when we won the Cold War after they were so convinced they were the toughest and the strongest).

@fishergreer36

Жыл бұрын

Ngl that tough of a dog would kill the shit outta an alligator

@jimnasium452

Жыл бұрын

This joke stolen from HBO's Chernobyl.

@RobertJones-ux6nc

Жыл бұрын

🤣😂😆

@doncomputer5931

Жыл бұрын

And they didn't even win the space race!

@RobertJones-ux6nc

Жыл бұрын

😆😂🤣🇺🇲

Love how Reagan sounds like the wisest man alive even when telling jokes.

@AverageAlien

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like a true, red blooded american

@faithce4936

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like a retard

@RobespierreThePoof

Жыл бұрын

It's just the gravel in his voice. He was a decent president. But he also made some grave errors. Ignoring the AIDS epidemic then beibg recorded cracking jokes about homosexuals dying from it ... That's definitely one of his worst mistakes. However, he handled Cold War issues rather well. And he was an effective leader in working with Congress, even if he passed a few bills i don't think were entirely wise. The Republican party has fallen very far from Reagan. Very far.

@jimnasium452

Жыл бұрын

Hmmm... This is also the man who gave us the ultimate bullshit in trickle down economics and the idea tax cuts that pay for themselves. 🙄

@sunrightkim

Жыл бұрын

@@jimnasium452 ok leftist

Hans, a man from West Germany decides to move at Eastern Berlin. His mother tells him: Hans, my boy. From the first moment that you cross the Iron Fence, you are in dangerous territory. Don't dare to write me that there is something bad in a communist country. In your letters, you will use a blue pen if you are telling me the truth, and red pen if you are lying. About 2 weeks later, the first letter arrives, and every word is blue. My dear mother, The 2 weeks that have passed were enough to make me love the East Germany. The people are great, the system cares about everyone, and generally, there is a very pleasant atmosphere. The only negative is that I can't find red pen anywhere. Edit: Thank you all 700 people who liked the joke. I have never recieved so many likes

@Aaron.T2005

4 жыл бұрын

One of the better ones I've seen.

@the_odd_cat553

4 жыл бұрын

Im dumb right now, can someone pls explain😂

@Aaron.T2005

4 жыл бұрын

Kalifa Pharao Red print=lie (So he wasn’t caught talking smack about communism.) He couldn’t find a red pen, so he wrote that without the guards knowing of their conversation, to let his mom know it was a shithole

@tx4runner459

4 жыл бұрын

Adity Dev Eastern Germany was communist until the Berlin Wall fell, then Berlin wasn’t split up anymore and was no longer communist.

@bbiggs4327

4 жыл бұрын

Congrats on 900.!

A judge comes out of his Moscow courtroom laughing hysterically. A fellow judge looks on in puzzlement and asks him what's so funny. "I just heard the best joke ever!" "Oh yeah? Let's hear it." "No can do. I just gave the guy ten years in prison for telling it!"

@arthurbenedetti9146

5 жыл бұрын

at least when he gets out his car will be ready

@Robert53area

4 жыл бұрын

@@arthurbenedetti9146 except he wont be able to claim it because he is a felon. And under the soviet union felons had no right to formal property, they lived in tenant housing till they regained social status... most of them died in prison before getting released anyway

@yourearidiculouslunatic8435

4 жыл бұрын

Sounds like the modern UK

@userequaltoNull

4 жыл бұрын

@@yourearidiculouslunatic8435 Don't be ridiculous U.K. Judges wholeheartedly believe they aren't even jokes.

@mejhdhhicbfshihids652

4 жыл бұрын

robert goodman You Must Be Fun At Partys

A Hungarian joke from the era of communism: In 1966 (10 years after the crushed 1956 revolution against invading USSR) two old friends meet. - Hey, I haven't seen you in ages. What happened to you? - You know I had my share in the retributions too. I got 10 years. - Why? What did you do? - Nothing. - Come on, for nothing it's only five years.

I'm from an ex Eastern Bloc country and based on what my grandfather used to tell me, you really did have to wait for years on end to get a car. I don't know if it was exactly 10 years but you had to sign up and wait until they eventually contacted you years later.

@karstenburger9031

Жыл бұрын

and at least in the GDR you had to pay in advance, and really it was 10 years.

@pjabrony8280

Жыл бұрын

Morning or afternoon?

@mosescreeble9197

Жыл бұрын

I knew somebody in the GDR. He waited 14 years! For a plastic 500 CC 2-stroke Trabant Car! That's why the second-hand cars were more expensive than the new ones.

@cristianromanoschi6963

2 ай бұрын

Funny fact . An used car was 50% more expensive . No joke . Because you got it on the spot from the seller unless ordering and waiting 5 years A VCR was more then half a car price because they were hard to get and everyone wanted to see western movies. This was in Romania

This one is from the union too: Old man walking down the red square and says loudly thanks Stalin for happy childhood then a man says to him"but Stalin wasn't ruling when you was a child" the old man said "for this I thank him"

@discovaria9507

4 жыл бұрын

I dont get it

@mxrv1n.

4 жыл бұрын

@@discovaria9507 He thanks Stalin for not ruling during his childhood

@sovietsymp803

4 жыл бұрын

Discovaria How don’t you get it?

@HuntingTarg

4 жыл бұрын

(sshhh! He's a former party official.)

@jakkakasunset5485

4 жыл бұрын

420 likes

this right here is from socialist Romania: In a bathroom: “Have we got any hot or warm water?” “Yes we do but it’s cold”

@NOFX0890

4 жыл бұрын

Ill pay that... very good.

@jesusramos778

4 жыл бұрын

Haha cute one

@bigpjohnson

4 жыл бұрын

Oh, ohhh man, brings back memories!!! Ceausescu started the Green New Deal by cutting our heating and electricity!

@MrHooligans

4 жыл бұрын

This is from Parazitii.

@iok21a

4 жыл бұрын

Mihai Munteanu Nu e de la parazitii

Soviet jokes are like adequate food rations, not everyone gets them

@doncomputer5931

Жыл бұрын

Dark humor is like food in the USSR, not everyone gets it.

@AnthonyChinaski

11 ай бұрын

That isn’t a Soviet joke; they actually had a higher per capita rate of Kcaloric intake during the USSR period than the West

@LinusBitchTits

10 ай бұрын

@@AnthonyChinaskithank god they fed everyone well before beating them half to death for trying to democratically vote their way out of Russian control

@wowalamoiz9489

10 ай бұрын

​@@AnthonyChinaskiIt may well have been a Soviet joke. Soviet jokes didn't have to be accurate- they were a way to blow off resentment towards the government.

@ptero

9 ай бұрын

​@@AnthonyChinaski Maybe it's true but what I've heard and read (from people who witnessed the USSR) there were frequent shortages of meat, some food was not sold in a lot of regions, and in 80's it felt like there was a constant goods shortage, which felt different depending on where you live. So the joke is true in it's own way.

I was a teen in the '80s. Man, we had it good with Reagan, Pope John Paul II, and even Gorby.

Who knew that Reagan was a time traveler and Memelord

@keycrafter7471

5 жыл бұрын

isnt that just called a comedian?

@chaangsomba117

5 жыл бұрын

We got Elon musk now

@matacoyo

5 жыл бұрын

@@keycrafter7471 Normie

@keycrafter7471

5 жыл бұрын

@@matacoyo dude normies knows the word "MEME" look at the talk shows its getting cringier the more they do it

@matacoyo

5 жыл бұрын

@@keycrafter7471 am I supposed to take offense to that?

Communist jokes are like foods, not everyone gets it

@erichunsaker4969

5 жыл бұрын

Bruh, I'm dying.... Of starvation and laughter

@hoodnews.sweden7266

5 жыл бұрын

I'm a communist and I actually like this joke XD

@dt-lg2oc

5 жыл бұрын

@Deus Vult no i just don't know what it is lol😂

@ubisons6161

4 жыл бұрын

@@dt-lg2oc If you're serious and not joking communism is a theory or system of social organization in which all property is owned by the community and each person contributes and receives according to their ability and needs

@diagorasofmel0s

4 жыл бұрын

@@hoodnews.sweden7266 im a communist too, a marxist leninist to be specific

That first joke is pure gold... I'm proud to have served with this great man as my Commander In Chief...🇺🇸

@fsexplorer9727

11 ай бұрын

It's funny because Reagan created the drug crisis and was a massive racist, to the point where this is literally open information.

I fundamentally disagree with Regan's policies, but I will not deny his humor was on point. This is the man who after getting shot, while en route to the hospital for treatment, turned to his wife and said "I forgot to duck"

@CheeseMiser

Жыл бұрын

Finally a sensical person who doesnt let a political view dictate everything

@rogobil6897

Жыл бұрын

Yeah thank you

@loyaldude10

Жыл бұрын

And said to the doctors about to operate on him “I hope you’re all republicans “

@nizloc4118

Жыл бұрын

Yeah... love him or hate him, he could talk.

@peterhelpme

Жыл бұрын

Can you name one Reagan's policy you disagree with?

An old man walks up to a guard at the Kremlin... "Good day to you comrade, I´d like to talk to Stalin" "But grandpa, comrade Stalin died long ago!" The next day, the old man is there again... "Good morning, I´d like to talk to Stalin" The guard, slightly annoyed: "Like I said, comrade Stalin died years ago" The day after, he´s there again... "Good morning, I´d like to talk to Stalin" The guard, now pissed off... "But I told you Stalin died ages ago, why the hell do you keep asking for him?!" "´Cause it´s so bloody GOOD to hear! "

@gru841

4 жыл бұрын

Nice

@ignacioaguirrenoguez6218

4 жыл бұрын

Can somebody explain please?

@gru841

4 жыл бұрын

@@ignacioaguirrenoguez6218 the old dont like Stalin and really enjoying Stalin death

@jesusramos778

4 жыл бұрын

Good

@claranewton9185

4 жыл бұрын

which sequel to the duck song is this?

In 1937, a man stands at the Red Square and shouts: "Down with a tyrant with a moustaсhe!". Beria, who walked nearby, overheard it, arrested the man and brought him in front of Stalin. - Comrade, who did you have in mind when you said "Down with a tyrant with a moustaсhe!"?, - Stalin asks. - Well of couse i meant Hitler! - Wery good, comrade, you are free to go. Man walks away, Beria tries to do so, but Stalin stops him: - Not so fast, comrade Beria. Tell me, who did YOU have in mind?

@kougerat5388

3 жыл бұрын

Oooh that was dark and very clever, 12 likes is not nearly enough! very funny Pavel.

@nunyabidness117

3 жыл бұрын

Beria was a psychopath who would literally drive around in his limo searching for teen girls and women to bring back to his house and rape. He would hand them flowers afterwards. Accept them and it was considered a 'date' and consensual and you got to live. Refuse them and you could end up in prison or worse. He was finally sentenced to death for treason after the war and sentenced to death. He lay on the floor wailing and begging for the same mercy he showed none of his victims before he was silenced with a bullet to the forehead. Good riddance.

@LOLINC2010

3 жыл бұрын

Took me a minute...but I got it, haha

@adityajoshi9207

3 жыл бұрын

@@seltzer8865 Good movie. I was unsure till end who is on whose side

@anon-le9fp

3 жыл бұрын

Smart jokes

As a then young man I am proud and honored that I voted for President Reagan twice! As an old man now I miss President Reagan more than ever! RIP 🇺🇸

@ChristinaMitchell-USA

2 жыл бұрын

Amen to that. I became a Reagan Democrat -- and proud of it! I wish Reagan was President today to straighten out this country like he did in the early 1980s.

@fearandloathing9976

2 жыл бұрын

@@ChristinaMitchell-USA What did he do that was so great?

@MadScientist81

Жыл бұрын

@@fearandloathing9976 just to start, he won the Cold War.

@fearandloathing9976

Жыл бұрын

@@MadScientist81 Could you expand on that a bit. I’m not really too familiar with the history.

@malaizze

Жыл бұрын

I am pleased to know bastards like you will visit him in the ground soon. May the 60,000 dead in Operation Condor wave on your way down.

Time for a stupidly funny joke: A Russian missile silo officer falls asleep during his shift, with his face on the control board, and he accidentally hits the big red button. An angry colonel bursts in, the junior officer snaps awake and proudly announces: “Nothing to report during my shift, Comrade Colonel!” The colonel says in reply: “Nothing to report, you say?! Nothing to report?!! SO WHERE THE HELL IS BELGIUM?!!!”

A man goes shopping in a Moscow supermarket, mumbling to himself: -There's no eggs, no milk, no bread. no meat... A policeman hears that, approaches him and says: -Comrade, if you keep talking like this I will hit you in the head with my pistol! The man replies: -Jesus!We ran out of bullets too?!

@inspector5122

4 жыл бұрын

Lol

@RiccardoMassari9318

3 жыл бұрын

Actually everybody in the USSR had enough food (at least after Stalin's death). So it's not true that everybody was starving

@petrdv.6185

3 жыл бұрын

@@RiccardoMassari9318 My grandmother (who actually also lived in a communist country - Czechoslovakia) has been in Sankt Petersburg on vacation once in 80's and she told me that there was a shortage of meat and other kinds of food. The people probably weren't hungry but they couldn't be picky. Edit: The city was called Leningrad back then of course.

@RiccardoMassari9318

3 жыл бұрын

@@petrdv.6185 yes but people were not starving

@SStupendous

3 жыл бұрын

@@RiccardoMassari9318 Of course not. Because collectivization works, and being a kulak is fun, and those pictures you can find are all photoshopped because photoshop existed back then.

Q: Why are ex-KGB operatives the best cab drivers? A: You just tell them your name - they know where you live!

@himanshu7103

3 жыл бұрын

👏👏👏👏👍

@sauravadhikari8645

3 жыл бұрын

Nice one 😂😂

@evzenvarga9707

2 жыл бұрын

@Balage78Szfvar what are you on?

@macks2337

2 жыл бұрын

@@evzenvarga9707 glue

@indominusrex1652

2 жыл бұрын

@Balage78Szfvar sod off left wing extremist

I used that plumber line when my dentist asked me if I wanted a morning or afternoon appointment for a check up in 6 months time.

Bless Ronald Reagan he had a great sense of humour in his day as President. A lot better than the others after him.

@TbV-st8ef

10 ай бұрын

Trump and Biden=🤡🤡

Q: What cuts apples in 3 pieces, drinks loads of fuel and releases a ton of smoke into the air? A: A soviet machine made to cut apples in four pieces.

@Sturmpionier03

4 жыл бұрын

@Hoppebold02 This reply was great :)

@fredericchopin8392

4 жыл бұрын

Chernobyl really is a great show.

@CensoredByYouTube.

4 жыл бұрын

@Hoppebold02 I'm sorry, I have to disagree... the fact that the machine fails in its primary function *besides* its other negatives is LMAO hilarious!

@raiderfox7229

4 жыл бұрын

He's delusional, get him to the infirmary and prevent the spread of misinformation.

@thekameleon9785

4 жыл бұрын

Ah from Chernobyl

We should have known communism wouldn't work. There were a lot of red flags. Edit: people aren't getting the joke

@scunthorpe5513

4 жыл бұрын

It sounds great until you realize no one has a (proper)plan to achieve it

@leevikv

4 жыл бұрын

@@scunthorpe5513 i think the joke went over ur head

@scunthorpe5513

4 жыл бұрын

@@leevikv I see. I may be retarded. I'll go see a doctor now.

@mrtizio13

4 жыл бұрын

​@@scunthorpe5513 The Great Soviet of the proletariat has officially ruled that our comrade Louchesjon be relocated to r/woosh

@mizcaesar1804

4 жыл бұрын

NOICE

Here's another one. Reagan suggested that Brezhnev compete in the race. At the end of the competition, "Pravda" newspaper printed the following headline: "Comrade Leonid Ilyich won an honorable second place in the short-distance race, but the American president, alas, barely made it to the penultimate place.

Like the man or not, you gotta admit Pres. Reagan’s got an amazing sense of humor that made him all the more likable, even by his opponents.

@darylcheshire1618

11 ай бұрын

Like Bob Hope, probably had teams of gag-writers.

A survey conducted btwn an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian, "what was the best moment of your life?" Englishman: " I started my own enterprise and became a millionaire!" Frenchman: " I had candle light dinner with a beautiful Italian woman on Eiffel Tower" Russian: "When NKVD broken into my bedroom and screamed Ivan! You're under arrest for conspiracy against the Party! And to which I replied apologies, I am Sergei, Ivan lives next door"

@franciszekwiniarski3383

4 жыл бұрын

This the best and the worst joke, I have ever read.

@christophergermann2204

4 жыл бұрын

That joke is pretty good

@mydyyyl9929

4 жыл бұрын

I don’t get it, can somebody explain it to me?

@franciszekwiniarski3383

4 жыл бұрын

​@@mydyyyl9929 Because Soviet Union was spying everyone.

@Ethan890206

4 жыл бұрын

Essentially it tells you the dark humour behind the mental priority of these countries. English excel as industrial merchants, French are repetitive romantics and Russians are just trying to survive and escape the purge and Gulags(Siberian labour camps for political prisoners)

In an obscure town of central USSR a guy enters a shop and asks to the shopkeeper: -I'd like a loaf of bread, please. -I'm afraid you're mistaken Comrad, here is the shop without meat.... the shop without bread is next door.

@alves6465

5 жыл бұрын

xD

@pritibeohar2774

5 жыл бұрын

Kantstenchon themel good

@draftsman3383

5 жыл бұрын

You made my day. 😂😂😂

@sandercohen3309

5 жыл бұрын

A woman goes into a store and asks: _"Don’t you have any meat?"_ The man behind the counter says: _"We don’t have fish. The place where they don’t have meat is across the street."_

@iancuvlad7368

5 жыл бұрын

This one was popular in Romania too.

Тот момент когда советский гражданин узнаёт о советских анекдотах от президента США...

@karstenburger9031

Жыл бұрын

wonderful...

@daniloospina5956

11 ай бұрын

U guys russian are all the worst terrorist fascist state

@mariodelmonaco4881

4 ай бұрын

Советский гражданин не увидел бы выступление Рейгана

Best part when Reagan himself smiles after his jokes.

When you're Russian, there's no time for Stalin.

@alexcroiala6347

8 жыл бұрын

+Matthew Campbell LOL

@jakobgrgic1514

8 жыл бұрын

hay I got a joke stalin is so fat . on the beach they thought he was a washed up whale

@theoneinthebackground4209

8 жыл бұрын

Can't be Putin things off.

@evilubuntu9001

8 жыл бұрын

+Matthew Campbell And you better get good Marx in school.

@attackhelicopter6922

8 жыл бұрын

Umm... KGB

I remember those jokes. I was 29 when he was telling these jokes. He injected Hard reality with the humor.

He’s so funny, should’ve became actor or maybe even president

@jsw973

7 ай бұрын

Maybe just actor

They don't make politicians like Reagan anymore.

@777bobafett

8 жыл бұрын

but they do make business men like him... Trump 2016!

@gigagerard

8 жыл бұрын

Reagan feels so confident, it's startling.

@777bobafett

8 жыл бұрын

i'm not gonna argue with a toddler, i'm not a bully lol

@christopherruck4116

8 жыл бұрын

+Boba Fett sure

@tofumunch69

8 жыл бұрын

good

In America, when you tell Soviet jokes, everyone die laughing In Soviet Russia, you tell Soviet jokes, everyone laughing die

@carpetsixty3686

3 жыл бұрын

UNDERATED

@fraist1

3 жыл бұрын

@@wendymarx1917 someone sucked daddy's wrong side today

@schlomoubermann

3 жыл бұрын

This is why you are American.

@NOBODY-sj3ch

3 жыл бұрын

@@vinegum8835 He is talking about SOVIET Russia

@MrVeggis1964

3 жыл бұрын

NO BODY yes...I know....? They are my neighbours... Reagan was a total joke as a president and only bootlickers laugh at his jokes... The rest laugh of his stupidity...

I like to think Gorbachev occasionally watches these videos to give himself a bit of a kick

@justapak_

Жыл бұрын

he no longer will

A nice Putin joke I was able to memorize: Putin dies and gets into heaven [no, I do not know why]. After some time of well-behaving he is granted a wish, and he wishes to return to Moscow for an evening. He goes to a pub and orders a wodka. When it comes he asks the waiter: "Do we have the Krim?" "Yes." "Ah, super. Do we have the Donbass area?" "Yes." "Ah. Do we maybe have the whole Ukrainia?" "Yes." "Ah, good, good". He sits there for some time smiling happily. Then he wants to pay. "This costs 5 Euros".

@MybeautifulandamazingPrincess

Жыл бұрын

Lol

@4unkb0y

Жыл бұрын

thank you, it's great to have Soviet-style jokes about current circumstances. My Russian friends will love it.

@karstenburger9031

Жыл бұрын

@@4unkb0y yes, we all need a lot of humour to better get along with all that happens in the world.

@4unkb0y

Жыл бұрын

@@karstenburger9031 BTW I rewrote your joke a bit so it flows a little better: Putin dies & goes to Hell. After several years of torture in Hell, he repents for all the terrible things he has done & becomes a model citizen of the Damned. The Devil, seeing his complete turnaround, decides to reward him. "Vladimir, for your good behavior I grant you an evening in Moscow." So Putin returns to Moscow for an evening. He walks into a bar & orders a vodka. While sipping the vodka, he asks the bartender: "Mr. Bartender, are we united with Donbas & Luhansk?" "Of course, Mr. Putin." "Very good. And are we united with Crimea?" "Indeed we are." "Excellent! And maybe we're even united with all of Ukraine?" "Yes, it is so." "Fantastic!" Putin smiles happily to himself for a while & finishes his drink. The Devil chimes in & says "OK, evening's over, time for Vlad to pay the bill & return to Hell." The bartender says: "That'll be five Euros."

@elbarto4069

9 ай бұрын

That joke is not that good

Three comrades in jail having a conversation: "Why are you in prison?". "I said something bad about comrade Rokosowski, why did they arrest you?" "I said something good about comrade Rokosowski." Now they turned to the 3rd guy, "Why are you in prison" "I am comrade Rokosowski"

@hriscubogdan2292

Жыл бұрын

LOL

@Sanzzzzzzzzz

Жыл бұрын

To cringe

@AverageAlien

Жыл бұрын

@@Sanzzzzzzzzz kid just entered his soviet union phase 💀

@Sanzzzzzzzzz

Жыл бұрын

@@AverageAlien Some alien believer lol who kid here

@AverageAlien

Жыл бұрын

@@Sanzzzzzzzzz it's ok kiddo you'll grow out of it

In 1952, two prisoners are sitting in a Hungarian prison. One asks the another: -Why are you here? -Because of political reasons. -What political reasons? -I am a plumber, and I got called in to the party committee to fix their sink. And they asked what was the problem and I said: "The whole system is rotten, everything must be replaced!"

@hugonubario

3 жыл бұрын

this one is epic!

@peterorszagh2762

3 жыл бұрын

I am from Hungary, and I remember once my dad told this joke to his fellow.

@rniN-js2th

3 жыл бұрын

Thats nice 😂

@tomson5608

3 жыл бұрын

after death, the plumber goes to hell and is tormented by devils there. Why is this happening to me ? Remember when you served time in prison and became president, changed the "rotten system"? "everyone hates you ever since ))))))))

@dinoxman8584

3 жыл бұрын

Is there a way I can grant immortality to comments

I imagine a timeline where Reagen is a comedian instead of becoming a politican.

What’s the tallest building in Moscow? KGB headquarters, you can see Siberia from its basement

@WhipRunner

3 ай бұрын

😵💯🧨

There should be a show called "Thats So Reagan"

@adamniccum8680

7 жыл бұрын

he was a tv show host

@tripledigit4835

7 жыл бұрын

Wasn't Ronald Reagan an actor so he could star in a TV Show?

@juliaj7939

7 жыл бұрын

Trump was a TV host too lol

@Nagasakevideo

6 жыл бұрын

Julia J exactly

@migukmoonpark4312

6 жыл бұрын

That's So Ronald

This man is so funny! He should run for president

@kylienicole173

4 жыл бұрын

Man do I have some news for you

@Mindos2055

4 жыл бұрын

The Dude Kylie r/woooosh

@thegamelabgaming7556

4 жыл бұрын

Mindos2055 that’s not a whoosh, he replied jokingly that’s why he dident way “he was the president”

@Mindos2055

4 жыл бұрын

TheGameLab /gaming does this mean I need to whoosh myself?

@xddeunknown7416

4 жыл бұрын

You sure do...

Ronald Reagan was one of the best US presidents. Great guy!

You just start to listen and you can tell right away that it is from much more civilized times than what we have today.

@luvlols4462

2 жыл бұрын

before America became addicted to outrage

@critiqueoflife

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed.

@hriscubogdan2292

Жыл бұрын

Yeah before the opression of political correctness and neo-liberalism....

@AverageAlien

Жыл бұрын

@@luvlols4462 people were always addicted to outrage. Salem witch trials

@malaizze

Жыл бұрын

This man literally had the CIA smuggling drugs into black neighborhoods in order to get them addicted to crack and then criminalize it so he could send black people to jail

I heard a good one once. Two Russians are sitting at the bar having a couple drinks. The first one pounds his fist on the counter and says to his friend, "You know, for all the propaganda we hear, I still don't even understand the difference between communism and capitalism. Both only make people miserable!" "Comrade!" says his friend, aghast. "How can you even say that? The two are complete opposites!" "How's that?" asks the first man. "Well, under capitalism, man oppresses his fellow man," says his friend. "And under communism?" "Other way around."

@MultiDansk8

4 жыл бұрын

crqf2010ruler The point is that there’s no difference, but only an utopia forced into peoples minds. The soviet is brainwashed so he believes that the “other way around” is better, when it is plainly the same shit.

@saschavonstaa1368

4 жыл бұрын

@@MultiDansk8 i dont really care if both are lies i chose the one i the system in wich i dont have to starve

@indiekiddrugpatrol3117

4 жыл бұрын

@@saschavonstaa1368 the average caloric intake in the USSR was higher than in the USA

@hanky5854

4 жыл бұрын

@@indiekiddrugpatrol3117 this is the best joke of them all XD

@indiekiddrugpatrol3117

4 жыл бұрын

@@hanky5854 well it's true, according to the CIA

That dad joke smile he has after delivering the punchline is just priceless

@EEEEEEEE

2 жыл бұрын

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎E‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎

@engineergaming3

2 жыл бұрын

@@EEEEEEEE engineer gaming

@Thrillkilled

2 жыл бұрын

too bad he’s Reagan

@kelpc1461

2 жыл бұрын

and then he killed a million people with aids.

@syrian-countryballs7380

2 жыл бұрын

@@engineergaming3 engineer gaming

that curfew joke was genius

I grew up with Ronald Ray Gun as USA President and Margaret Thatcher as UK Prime Minister, such good times with real leaders.... not like today when we dont even remember their names....

@reeee4vhjk

10 ай бұрын

More Poverty now

@leaveme3559

10 ай бұрын

Neo liberal cucks both of them

I actually heard another version of joke about dogs: Capitalist, socialist and communist arranged a meeting. Socialist came late. Sorry for being late, I was standing in a queue to get some sausages. Capitalist: What's queue? Communist: What's sausages?

@Felix-vg4mv

8 жыл бұрын

lol

@FodaDosJogos

8 жыл бұрын

good one sir

@ohboi6210

8 жыл бұрын

lmao

@valor5985

7 жыл бұрын

FiNiTe np, my mistake))

@ehdfireinside

7 жыл бұрын

ValorGTV if you only knew that capitalism has bigger queues when prizes increase and there are fewer sources

General Secretary Brezhnev was returning from East Germany by train, His wife asks "Where are we Leonid?" Mr Brezhnev put his hand out the train window and says "Still in East Germany." A while later Mrs Brezhnev asks "Where are we now Leonid?" Hand out the window again. Brezhnev says "Somewhere in Poland." Even later Mrs Brezhnev asks "Where are we now Leonid?" Hand out the window. "Just pulling into Moscow." "But Leonid, how could you tell where we were just by putting your hand out the window?" Brezhnev replied "Easy my dear. In East Germany they kissed my hand. In Poland they spat on it. In Russia they stole my watch."

@littlemicogamer1524

4 жыл бұрын

The last part is funny

@edyslavico3761

4 жыл бұрын

Perfect, deserves more likes

@the_odd_cat553

4 жыл бұрын

The original one is that in Poland they stole something, That even would make sense because of the cliche...

@swetoniuszkorda5737

4 жыл бұрын

@@the_odd_cat553 / /? /

@swetoniuszkorda5737

4 жыл бұрын

@@the_odd_cat553 .

Came here after hearing about the death of Mihail Gorbachev may he rest easy

The soviet newspaper Pravda held a contest for the best political joke of the year. What was the number 1 prize? -10 years of prison.

Here’s one: When Stalin was on his deathbed, he called Khrushchev by his bedside for a private meeting, and said: “Here, I have chosen you to be my successor. Take these three envelopes, they will guide you. Open the first when I have died, the second when things get a little shaky, and the third when all hope is lost.” And Stalin hands Khrushchev three envelopes. A week later, Stalin dies, and Khrushchev opens the first envelope. It reads: “Seize power.” So he does. A few years later, there is civic unrest, so he opens the second envelops. It reads: “Blame it all on me.” So he does, and things are well for a few years. But after that, the situation with the public becomes hopeless, so Khrushchev opens the third envelope. It reads: “Prepare three envelopes.”

@loraswolfrik1595

2 жыл бұрын

Good one

@capncake8837

2 жыл бұрын

Heard a different version or two of that one. All pretty good.

@dogeshitahideki836

2 жыл бұрын

Damn,thats deep

@thefantasyreview8709

2 жыл бұрын

lol!

@lilianagerondelis9082

2 жыл бұрын

Nice joke.

General Secretary Gorbatchov is going by car to a meeting. Suddenly his driver hits a pig near a small village and stops the car. Gorbatchov gives him 100 rubel and tells him: "Take the dead pig, go into the village, find out who's the owner, apologize to him and give him this money." Several hours later the driver returns totally drunk. Gorbatchov asks: "Why are you so wasterd???" "Well I put the pig into a sack, went to the market in the village and started telling people - I am Gorbatchov's driver and I killed the pig! And suddenly they started to pour me vodka!"

@drsps3280

4 жыл бұрын

🤣

@dark.8557

4 жыл бұрын

@@AdityaDeo-cg6eu They thought he killed Gorbachev

@drsps3280

4 жыл бұрын

@@AdityaDeo-cg6eu Pig=Gorbachev

@UncleBoratagain

4 жыл бұрын

Rational Thinker Why then use the epithet ‘rational thinker’?

@henrysun2967

4 жыл бұрын

Gorbatchov: Well the village doesn’t exist anymore

This Reagan dude kills. I'd vote for him based on his comedy routine alone.

@Jake-rs9nq

Жыл бұрын

And that's why democracy is overrated

American and Soviet chickens are lying on the counter in the meat department. American chicken says: Look at me. I am plump, pink and fat. And look at you - bluish, skin and bones. Soviet chicken replies: Well, at least I died my own natural death.

My favourite is still this one: A man comes into a store in Moscow and says "I would like to buy half a kilogram of meat", The girl behind the counter says "You went into the wrong store, it's in the store across the street that there's no meat. In this store there's no milk."

@jesusramos778

4 жыл бұрын

mateuszmattias really funny

@AdityaDeo-cg6eu

4 жыл бұрын

Didn't get it

@mateuszmattias

4 жыл бұрын

@אהרון אברמוב You'd think so, but I'm not really Polish, lived there for several year, hence the name, but no, I'm just staunchly anti communist...

In the USSR, a man goes into a shop and says “You don’t have any meat?” The shopkeeper says: “No, we don’t have fish. It’s the store across the street that doesn’t have meat.”

@antoyal

3 жыл бұрын

Hah ha ha, oh man, this one sounds legit.

@pharrrukh

3 жыл бұрын

???

@tomr6955

3 жыл бұрын

@@pharrrukh Really?

@pharrrukh

3 жыл бұрын

I also didn't get it....plz explain

@pharrrukh

3 жыл бұрын

@@tomr6955 dude please explain

Ham actor, great politician, brilliant comedian, perfect human.

The one with the car is a really great one

My favorite is the one about the painting of Adam and Eve. A Frenchman, a Brit, and a Russian are in an art gallery arguing over the painting of Adam and Eve. The Frenchman says, "They must be French. Look at how naked and beautiful they are." The Brit says, "They are British. Look how calm and stoic they are." The Russian says, "No way. They are naked, have no shelter, with only one apple to eat, and are told it is paradise. They must be Russian."

@jasonpascale8519

3 жыл бұрын

Lol.....good one.... ........

@shrekisbae420

3 жыл бұрын

True

@juliaj7939

3 жыл бұрын

xD

@bison7082

3 жыл бұрын

@@jasonpascale8519 so much salt in these comments

@quakeknight9680

3 жыл бұрын

Yeltsin Russia be like:

Dang...Reagan dropped Soviet Jokes harder than the Berlin Wall in 1991

@mdkcjtl5523

5 жыл бұрын

1989 ? 1991 when the Soviet Union collapsed

@Delicious_Oreoz

5 жыл бұрын

@@rnjesus7072 dude chill out not everyone knows the exact year

@williamkrause5831

5 жыл бұрын

What’s ironic is that it was Bush, not Reagan, that was the one largely responsible for the reunification of Germany and the dissolution of the Soviet Union. Bush was a diplomatic genius, capable of making even his enemies dance for him, while all Reagan did was look cool, give some awesome one liners, spend like a democrat, and deficit the shit out of the US budget.

@seifeddinehentous5563

5 жыл бұрын

IT was the 9th of november 1989

@parrygardner5659

5 жыл бұрын

1989*

Russian dog: "What's bark?" Some things never change lol

He was a great practical joker too! Remember "Trickle Down Economics"?

@davidhawley1132

2 жыл бұрын

AFAIK The tax rates on the rich were extremely high (top 70%) at the time. Dropping those rates was probably necessary. That isn't an argument for dropping taxes as a general rule or panacea.

Three Soviet workers are put in jail. They start talking about why they went there. Why the KGB put you in jail, Ivan? - My watch do not work well and was late at factory , i was accused of sabotaging Communist production. And you Roman? - Oh mine too so, i gave a good margin and was too early. I was accused of being a spy. Then ask the other two: And you Alexey? - I was on time at factory, so they accused me of having a watch from the West...

@samlatifi3254

2 жыл бұрын

One of the best so far! 😂

@1amelka

2 жыл бұрын

This one is funny LOL Im dying here

@Will-nb8qk

2 жыл бұрын

😂 🤣

@MediHusky

2 жыл бұрын

Everybody, Gulag!

@samlatifi3254

2 жыл бұрын

This one really is TIMEless, see what I did there? Sorry...

Anyone hear the joke about the Berlin Wall? I can't tell you it, you'll never get over it!

@0_169

4 жыл бұрын

Lmao...

@themilkssiah

4 жыл бұрын

I don’t know I might be able to break out of it

@jayknowles2146

4 жыл бұрын

It's broken.

@ThomasF4u

4 жыл бұрын

Genius

@patrickmclaughlin61

4 жыл бұрын

Ba boom tsss

Just a heads up… The comments are as good as the video..

During the Cold War, Ronald Reagan snaps and orders a nuclear strike on Moscow. The whole city is then obliterated by atomic fire, but the Politburo managed to escape into a shelter. After the shock wears off, Gorbachev orders a retaliatory strike on Washington. But his generals say: "Comrade Gorbachev, all nuclear warheads are either stolen or faulty. All we have are rubber dummies for parades!" Furious, Gorbachev goes: "Doesn't matter! Fire a rubber warhead for all I care!" The launch order is executed. Some time later, an ecstatic soldier bursts into the bunker and yells: "Comrade Gorbachev! An astounding victory! Washington, New York and Philadelphia were destroyed, multiple American airbases were taken out and the warhead is STILL bouncing!"

Under the Stalin era,Pavel and Oleg,two soviet soldiers are guarding the entrance to the Kremlin: - Hey between us...what do you think of Stalin ? -Oh you know well that I think the exact same thing as you. -Then in that case,you must be arrested !

@sethfrisbie9840

4 жыл бұрын

There screwed.

@sethfrisbie9840

4 жыл бұрын

There screwed.

@tempestsonata1102

2 жыл бұрын

Two inmates in a Siberian Gulag are criticising Stalin. A third one overhears them and tells them to stop or else they may be deported. They look at him and ask: "From here? Where to?" (I know this joke is historically inaccurate.)

Bloke goes into a spare parts shop in Moscow, and says "I'd like a hubcap for my Lada.' Bloke behind the counter thinks for a moment and says 'Sounds like a fair swap.'

@adambrandon1

4 жыл бұрын

Brilliant

@SoberCake

4 жыл бұрын

Lmao, pretty good Though it took me a while to figure out how this joke would work with Russian prepositions

@Jafroboy

4 жыл бұрын

@@SoberCake Come up with anything?

@SoberCake

4 жыл бұрын

@@Jafroboy - Хочу себе покрышку на мою ладу - Звучит как честный обмен

@blah7983

4 жыл бұрын

???

I like the one from the Chernobyl show: Q: What’s as big as a house, burns 20 liters of fuel every hour, puts out a shit-load of smoke and noise, and cuts an apple into three pieces? A: A Soviet machine made to cut apples into four pieces!

Ronald Neagan was so funny that the assassin was crackin out loud.

This is one that was apparently told in East Germany. Q: Why do the secret police go around in threes? A: The first one can read, the second one can write and third one is there to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.

@alexeyshutov4562

2 жыл бұрын

Not funny! In 1989, I told this joke during a ride on a Moscow tram. Suddenly, two men in civilian clothes approached me, one of them asked for my ID. He took my passport and said to his colleague: Igor, write down, his name is Alexey Ivanovitch, date of birth ....

@TracyA123

2 жыл бұрын

Lmao

@juliaj7939

2 жыл бұрын

xD

@Beanpolr

2 жыл бұрын

@@alexeyshutov4562 The funniest jokes are true!

@feydrautha80

2 жыл бұрын

... 3 and A DOG .. that knows a foreign language.

“The Lubyanka building is the tallest building in all of Russia. You can see all the way to Siberia from the basement!”

@nickl7544

4 жыл бұрын

I don't get it. Can you explain?

@CHR1SZ7

4 жыл бұрын

@@nickl7544 The Lubyanka building was the headquarters of the KGB, where suspected dissenters were tortured before being sent to the gulags in siberia

@lovepeace9727

4 жыл бұрын

Yo, russian humor is OIL (dark gold).

@IvanToshkov

4 жыл бұрын

Better with Luba in Majorka, than with major in Lubyanka.

@Vegan123

3 жыл бұрын

Still too soon for that !

A new prisoner in Gulag. Inmates ask him: "How long will you be here for?" "10 years" "And what you did?" "Nothing." ... "You are lying, nothing is for 5 years!".

We need comedy like this in our lives now more than ever!😂🤣😂😢😢😢

A lifelong member of the communist party dies and goes to hell. Upon arrival, hes told we can give you a choice. You can go to capitalist hell or Communist hell. Having been a communist his whole life, he decides to see what the capitalist hell would look like. He goes and sees people undergoing torture, such as crucifixion. Men being pull up on a cross nailed to it, taken down, nails taken out, and then put up again, repeatedly... He says, "no, no, this is horrible, send me to communist hell" He goes to communist hell and sees the exact same scene being played out, and turns to a comrade and says "This is just as bad as the capitalist hell" to which his comrade responds " No, no, this is much better....sometimes there isn't enough wood and they run short of nails..."

@MrCarguy2

5 жыл бұрын

😂 +1 sir you deserve it

@zeroz88

5 жыл бұрын

this is dumb joke

@user-uf9lg3ue7y

5 жыл бұрын

Being a russian-American i aprove

@KingofDrama1

5 жыл бұрын

dang that got me

@notdark2526

5 жыл бұрын

@@user-uf9lg3ue7y not it's not it WE approve