This whole channel is like a parent to me

@SuperTruevision

3 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣👍🏽

@JLakis

3 жыл бұрын

The one I missed out on.

@landdcollection

3 жыл бұрын

100%! This channel has parented me more than my (wonderful and very supportive) parents have in 20+ years of life.

@daelu7265

3 жыл бұрын

I Stan to that statement 😩😂😅

@tshegofatsomokgotla7117

3 жыл бұрын

Wow me too

My mother told me, while I was in HS, that "high school girls are evil". And never let me date. It's fucked with me for quite some time. Parents don't realize how much they can screw up their kids' lives.

@purplehood8418

3 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry you experienced that! She might have been projecting her own experiences on to you. Parents do that, but that doesn’t mean we follow that behavior. Doing some self reflection and finding a partner who is understanding and consent is happening with both you and them, those are things you can look forward to!

@harleyquinn5774

3 жыл бұрын

Your mother didn’t consider the risk of winding up without grandchildren.

@jamesmayo3827

3 жыл бұрын

She was right.

@richjuin9504

3 жыл бұрын

@@jamesmayo3827 spotted the incel

@jamesmayo3827

3 жыл бұрын

@@richjuin9504 whats rong with that??

I cried when he said “we truly deserve to exist”

@bereketberhanu9155

3 жыл бұрын

Deserve is not the right word

@Ragheda7

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. Powerful.

@narcisoanasui246

3 жыл бұрын

Off topic, ur stunning But on the other hand you do deserve love. And even if it may not feel like it, there’s someone that really enjoys your presence. Always remember that. Love you, stranger. Have a great day

@peeuio357

3 жыл бұрын

Remind me of a song lyrics by sleeping at last “how rare and beautiful it truly is, that’s we exist”

@qadr_

3 жыл бұрын

Nature would disagree

I remember once asking my mother what the meaning of the word 'stud' was as a thirteen year old girl. I'd heard the word and wasn't sure what it meant. I was shot down in flames, told it was simply a horse and to never again ask her any questions of that nature. She said she'd never speak to me again if I did. A prime example right there of just how uptight and ashamed people can be regarding anything even remotely pertaining to sex.

@luna_belle5029

3 жыл бұрын

Oh my- I'm sorry that was your experience. I can imagine how quickly that sort of response shuts down a naturally curious mind. 🙏🏻

@babyruthless9670

3 жыл бұрын

Omg.... My mother never even told me about menstruating and when I had my first period I kept it secret until maybe the third time I had it.

@kimalonzo2145

3 жыл бұрын

So much hype over an earring??!!

@pagethreemodel

3 жыл бұрын

@@kimalonzo2145 😂😂

@Leo-mr1qz

3 жыл бұрын

That's horrible. I'm sorry that you had to experience that. 😔

I'm ashamed to breath, let alone talk to someone, imagine then how difficult it is to even comprehend the idea of talking honestly about sex.

@luna_belle5029

3 жыл бұрын

It's an incredibly difficult thing. 🙏🏻 sending you peace on your journey.

@thijs822

3 жыл бұрын

Lol

@ianbirchfield5124

3 жыл бұрын

now i'm curious, what are your kinks?

@mrmr5208

3 жыл бұрын

It would help if people were honest and admitted that NO ONE enjoys in real life the level of liberation that everyone idealizes when talking behind the anonymity of the internet... Way to go on making the problem worse!

@javiermachin1

3 жыл бұрын

I hope you find peace and happiness

Sexual repression was so bad for me and my wife growing up do to both having overly religious parents that it was 10 months into dating before we did anything and 6 years later now being married we still find ourselves battling with overcoming shame and allowing ourselves to open up fully when we logically know there is nothing to be ashamed of.

@milkhomie4582

3 жыл бұрын

10 months isn’t long

@luna_belle5029

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry you've both struggled so much. It's a beautiful, albeit difficult thing to grow with a partner in this way. Sending compassion and peace. 🙏🏻

@bananasean5145

3 жыл бұрын

@@luna_belle5029 thank you kind stranger. Peace to you as well.

@TeKeyaKrystal

2 жыл бұрын

oh wow

@markarapenchuk3409

9 ай бұрын

If you can remember that God gave you to one another and sex is another way to praise God for that gift, it can be easier to relax together.

I came out to my parents multiple times. My mother first threatened to kill me, and the second time she told me that I was going to get aids and die. I was repeatedly told that I was confused and punished for my sexuality. I am now 32 and still healing from the trauma.

@alexyancy6018

Жыл бұрын

I know as odd as this might seem, in fact we are been taught many things from society and our parents that are in fact wrong and what your mother said to you couldn't be any more far from truth.. I Would highly suggest you to learn something about spirituality. There's no such thing as punishment for being gay. Everything has a reason and that's absolutely meant to be that way. One Luv 💚🦋🌺

@concentrateddarkmatter7991

Жыл бұрын

So twisted for threatening to kill you, but was also scared that you 'are going to get aids and die' WTF???

@Raddiebaddie

4 ай бұрын

Still unlearning my parents homophobia as well. I wish you luck ❤

@AndySunshine1291

6 күн бұрын

I'm 32 as well and grew up the same way. I'm making a decision this year to move past this. I know it won't be easy but I've been a source of joy and confidence to those around me my whole life. It's time for me to be that source to myself now.

@CUSTERM16A2

Күн бұрын

Repent.

This is such a huge issue in our society. I wish so many of us weren't so uptight about sex when it's the most natural thing in the world and the reason we all came into being.

@ianbirchfield5124

3 жыл бұрын

rampant sexuality and decandence is a sign of societal collapse. the roman, the greek, the babylonian empire all had severe decadence problems near the end of their existence. the most stable and strong societies tend do have a lot of stigmas around sex. if a society seems stable and has a liberal view on sex, it's probably built on quicksand.

@jaqu2860

3 жыл бұрын

@@ianbirchfield5124 the truth. 👌

@mariarossi6719

3 жыл бұрын

@@ianbirchfield5124 Whilst your historical accounts might well be accurate, there's a vast difference between 'rampant sexuality' and people being extremely sexually repressed as so many of us are in Western society due to cultural conditioning. Sex is an important expression of love and should not in any way be perceived as something to be ashamed of. Lack of closeness and connection is a huge part of why we live in such a broken society.

@ianbirchfield5124

3 жыл бұрын

@@mariarossi6719 a good example of rampent sexuality in our society would be the fact pretty much every man has a porn addiction. porn addictions are causing many problems with with men's psyche. it weakens men. it's also not good for women. men see women as sex objects precisely because of porn. another example of rampant sexuality is "hook-up culture". where people are allowed to just sleep around without being labeled a slut. research has shown that promiscuity has a negative effect on women. they found a direct correlation with the amount of sexual partners a women has had and how likely she was to be depressed and abuse drugs en alcohol. a similar correlation was found between the amount of sexual partners a woman has had before marriage and how likely she was to be dissatisfied with her marriage and how likely she was to get a divorce. more sexual partners = more misery. men didn't have this problem, only women. both these problems are being made worse by the media. celebrities who sexualize themselves and make it seems like being oversexualized is a sign of "strength". or with Onlyfans, where girls are able to monetize their sexuality, which goes back to the porn problem. if non of these things existed, no porn, no free sex. these problems would be much less prevelent. people wouldn't have much of an idea of what they wanted. most of what people know about sex they learn from porn. no porn => no strange fetishes => no dissatisfaction. i'm not saying these problems will be non-existent, just less prevelent. not to mention, we can't create utopia. for every problem in society we fix, we'll create an equal opposite problem. free sex brings weak men and unhappy women. but at least we won't need to be ashamed of being horny. it's all about what world you want to live in.

@SirFaceFone

3 жыл бұрын

@@ianbirchfield5124 But isn't the reason so many people turn to porn is because they're (or their society) is ashamed to even talk about sex?

As a gay living in Muslim country, it's all embarrassming and feeling of shame. As one is getting elder is being forced to get married to someone that you don't feel at all. Being over 30s unmarried is another stigma that sticks to you. Sex itself has never been a problem, people are.

@zhangao4530

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that man, but remember that there are people that will accept you for who you are :)

@AmrZainAhmed

3 жыл бұрын

@@zhangao4530 no way . That's extremely dangerous.

@nikitaadam6778

3 жыл бұрын

Aw man.. I'm a straight girl, but I do understand your situation, as I am coming from Indonesia (which the biggest Muslim majority country in the world). I heard some stories like you, believe me it happens in real life that men were insisted to married by the family. And as the time goes by, some of men got divorced or the wives knowing the truth but keeping the secret. I wish you the best in life!

@AmrZainAhmed

3 жыл бұрын

@@nikitaadam6778 thanks for your support.

@chaymaekourizi9271

3 жыл бұрын

Do you mean a guy or a gay?

I feel gross and disgusting for having these desires, I know it’s completely natural but I’m not use to initiating sexually and when I make the first move I feel disgusted with myself afterwards

@lemonadefor50cents61

2 жыл бұрын

right? I feel you especially

@pizzanoodz

Жыл бұрын

@Ivan The Terrible wrong. Sexual selection is what evolved us. Shame does nothing but regress us

@silvianajones4421

Жыл бұрын

me too

@vria-rem

Жыл бұрын

I feel it's bad since I young and God will be mad at me

@phoenixdaronco9540

Жыл бұрын

@@vria-rem, As long as you're not doing something to hurt someone, God will not be angry. In fact, from what I've learned about him as a non-denominational Christian, he is very forgiving and the least judgemental person you could think of.

Oof, this hit so close to home. I was publicly humiliated ("slut" shamed, and body shamed) at the age of 18, by the first person I ever shared my body with. Something froze inside me after that. I put on quite a bold "front" but my love life truly suffered in the aftermath. I hope I can find the strength to be vulnerable in the future.

@evantochydlowski4787

3 жыл бұрын

@@dktoString Being vulnerable is being authentic. Being able to feel vulnerable around another person is to be genuinely yourself and an expression of trust. The opposite of vulnerability is defensiveness or being closed off. When your trust is violated by someone you allowed close to you, it can be traumatizing and can be difficult to find that sense of vulnerability, closeness, authenticity, and openness again in a relationship with another person. Feeling like you're able to be vulnerable is a good feeling, and it is directly related with trust.

@michaelhathcoat7876

3 жыл бұрын

No biggie. Just get to know the person and create a bond before you share yourself with them. Ideally someone who actually cares about you.

@hihowareyouthen

3 жыл бұрын

@@michaelhathcoat7876 Well, it was quite a biggie for me to try to enter into a romantic relationship after having been so badly burned by my first experience. When the negative feelings that you've had about yourself (I'm unworthy, not good enough, and so on) have been loudly, and publicly, "confirmed" by someone else then it is hard to blithely bounce back.

@hihowareyouthen

3 жыл бұрын

@@evantochydlowski4787 Spot on Evan 💯

@gypie88

2 жыл бұрын

@@hihowareyouthen You are correct, that rejection cripples you. It’s a hard thing to let go of no matter how people on the outside try to affirm you.

My only sexual experiences have been either non consentual or degradatory, my partner was grossed out at the idea of touching me because I'm trans (even though he is as well). The pain of someone rejecting you at your most vulnerable is debilitating. It's taken me years, and I've healed considerably, but some days I feel like i'll never be able to trust someone with that again. I always pick myself up and feel better but its still difficult to imagine myself truly comfortable in that scenario. This video validated how I feel though, so thank you. And to anyone else out there struggling with claiming their sexuality, it's a mf battle but you deserve to heal. i believe in you. sending love

@hawaa897

2 жыл бұрын

I'm appalled you had to go through such experiences. And, the other experience with your partner perplexes me. I would have thought they'd understand. Have you considered maybe they were projecting onto you their own issues with their own body, or perhaps something else going on in their journey of discovery. And that maybe, their reaction then, had little to do with your body instead? Your feelings are still real. And still valid. As well as the consequences. Rhetorical question really. You don't need to answer because, now that i re-think. That's a very personal question to ask a stranger even if you did volunteer a bit of information, it is still a super personal question. And rhetorical, tbh. All the best on your healing journey from both experiences. I need to heal from the first subject you mentioned. I hope you realise that actually your body is wonderful, strong, changeable, versatile. And, you realise you are worthy of seeing yourself as a beautiful human. May you be comfortable in your own body. Your body, as it is, or has changed, maybe even just from puberty, and as it changes and evolves. As all bodies do. With interjections or no interjections. Is valid as is it, and be just as valid as it will be in the future and will continue to be so. And, at all stages your body is worthy of love. And, at all stages, your body is worthy of respect, love, and kindness. (From yourself. And, from others.) No matter what reaction, you get from an outsider/s. No matter how people treat you. You are worthy of respect, love, compassion and care. Especially from those who say they care about you. I had expected your partner to show kindness and compassion and not such harshness, especially more so at that point which you were vulnerable to them. I hope your healing journey has improved and continues upwards, inspite of any set backs. I hope you realise you deserve so much better than what happened in the past to you. And know that whatever, the best version of "better" is to you, it does exist. You aren't wanting for too much. It is realistic. People are out there who will accept and respect you and your heart and your body wholeheartedly and genuinely. They do exist. And, i hope that you love yourself and accept yourself and are comfortable in your own body. Same for me, too. So that even if others do not show us these basic human decency. We show it to ourselves. And, do not need them for it. And can reject their negative labels and ideas, and know it's just their outside perspectives, and not inject it into our own thinking of ourselves. What's helping me a tiny bit at times. When im struggling with the battles in my mind, trying to reject other people's negative opinions of myself. Even though the following statement is not a 100% concrete. It still makes me feel good when i remember this statement when having negative thoughts around the harsh opinions outsiders have of me: "Opinions are like @ssholes. We all have one." And, it helps me to briefly reject the thoughts surrounding the negative ideas that "they" have of me.

@sylph7777

2 жыл бұрын

sending you love thank you for sharing

@baltermore4137

2 жыл бұрын

so sorry you’ve had to deal with that. YOU just as you are deserve to be loved fully.

@k-mart7475

2 жыл бұрын

@@baltermore4137 Obviously she doesnt see that because he/she changed their gender

@morriganlestrange3853

2 жыл бұрын

A long list of non-consensual and degrading experiences definitely doesn't help ime. I come to expect it and now I'm not sure I'd know how to respond to something more positive. I'm so sorry you had to experience that rejection. That is probably one of my worst fears: someone being grossed out by my body once we're already intimate. I'm not trans in the sense that I've changed my body, but I do worry about freaking someone out because of my gender expression or lack of it. I'm genderfluid and don't feel especially optimistic about someone being attracted to me in all of my different 'modes'. It has been especially difficult with straight men as soon as my more masculine side comes out. This is understandably so; but it is still painful to know that only a very limited dimension of myself is attractive to a partner.

I am 26 and I am now beginning to become more accepting of my sexual urges. I am beginning to explore what I like and dislike sexually and it's all because I am beginning to love myself more. Not exploring my sexuality or not having sexual urges was my way of punishing myself. And that is why people who have issues with their sexuality should really confront their mental issues as a way to heal.

@prata9740

Жыл бұрын

There's nothing to heal, sex is not important

@UnparalleledChatterbox

Ай бұрын

That's what I'm doing these days, and it's hard for me even as a guy. It's even harder for women. Hope you are doing better now and are more accepting of yourself.

if you're straight just imagine adding the crushing pressure of homophobia when you're a child to the balance

@ananyats5063

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry for anyone who has to go through it.

@shineayandrews1869

2 жыл бұрын

Gay people always need to be the victim when it’s really as simple as people suffering is shitty in general. You’ll never get anyone on your side trying to dick measure suffering.

@rhysking3597

2 жыл бұрын

@@shineayandrews1869 While I agree that it shouldn't be a competition in terms of who's suffering more, growing up gay does come with its own unique challenges. Gay sex/love isn't just something society frowns upon, it's often completely vilified, and can lead to deep, long lasting self-hatred, even if not directly by one's parents. In media, gay people are made to be the butt of the joke or portrayed as villainous/promiscuous, and in real life for example--especially in grade school--you'll often hear people label things they don't like as "gay." This is a situation where, if you don't have the lived experience, you'll never truly be able to understand what a particular group of people go through. Another example of this would be the fact that I'm white, so I'll never truly understand the lived experience of someone who is black or asian, but although I can't directly know, I can still empathize, and try to better understand by listening to their unique perspective. You're right though, life itself is full of suffering for everyone for many different reasons, but reducing someone's suffering because you don't personally empathize with it is kinda shitty. Everyone should all just be kind to each other because suffering is relative. This isn't meant to attack you, just offering another perspective. Hope you're having a good day!

@Mercure_en_B12

2 жыл бұрын

@@DoomStarRequiem I'm sorry your self confidence is so low you feel threaten by love between two individuals. Your are shackled by the chains of gender binary, while we are born free from it and forged by our trials. If disgust is what you see when seeing us, I feel pity for your eyes and heart, because we are eternally beautiful and strong

@bmoe4609

Жыл бұрын

I like both but prefer men so i identify as straight. But i was raised to wait till marrige, almost 24 n virgin. Im now athiest n i dont feel bad at all for wanting it. Even before i embraced it but would feel not good enough n disgusting to "god". Luckily im free n will do me, i just know i personally have to be in love n trust the person for intercourse tho

My family thought the best way to keep me from getting pregnant at an early age was to completely obliterate my sexuality and make me hate my female body parts. I have vaginismus and I dont know anybody else who has it. I just know I'm a super sexual person with a bunch of sexual fantasies and i cant have intercourse because my body closes down to it involuntarily. It suckss I'm trying so hard to heal this but sometimes I'm just stuck

@Koi33.

3 жыл бұрын

try hypnotherapy

@jplayerfg

3 жыл бұрын

The same here, I really know how that feels aswell

@amymallett9523

2 жыл бұрын

I second that - hypnotherapy

@velcroshrimp

Жыл бұрын

Me too

@haleyceschin8465

Жыл бұрын

I had this as well, and physical therapy actually helped. There’s a doctor who helps you work out the muscles and stops the body from reacting the way it does right now

Thank you for talking about sexual shame. I had forgotten that I still feel shame around my sexual feelings

The comment about how bullies can destroy you through body-shaming at 1:55 said everything to me: My bully filmed me while showering 12 years ago. After more than a decade since that, suddenly I understand a lot, thank you so much. This channel is pure gold, I can't believe is free.

Coming from a South Asian culture this is definitely a conversation that is not spoken about enough, thank you for putting forward this message. Have a great day, love from a small channel💙

@tebogomaupa_

3 жыл бұрын

True .

@XandriaRavenheart

3 жыл бұрын

I can relate. My parents threatened to disown me if I had a boyfriend when I was actually interested in boys, at like 18, 19. But now that I'm almost thirty and I'm not very keen on relationships, they want me to find one and get married.

@Kroitk

3 жыл бұрын

I'm European but I live in the most multi-cultural city in the world in North America. I know and met plenty of South Asians and the way the talked--or should I say, _not talked_ about sex, intimacy, etc. always confused me. The parents are even worse, they avoid and keep it as if its taboo, and shame their own people and even own children, and then randomly expect to arrange a marriage with who _they_ think suits their tastes. It sounds so toxic and like slavery. I would be miserable in that situation and very fortunate that my culture isn't like that, and more importantly, my parents being very progressive, liberating, and gave me freedom to explore, make mistakes, and discover what I like. It's a huge part of why I have a very healthy, active, and successful sex life as a guy when it comes with women, relationships, intimacy. I just wonder what South Asians, who are around the same age as me (in their 20s), are doing about this heavy burden and secrecy?

@joudabdullah3845

3 жыл бұрын

@@Kroitk it’s hell man I’m telling people will be in their 30s still virgins

@keerthikallanja9123

3 жыл бұрын

@@Kroitk well I am 19 South Asian and honestly, I find it too suffocating. I was raised, learning thay wanting relationships, and desiring sex was a very bad thing. And when I learned that in the future my parents would make me marry someone of their taste and expect children from me, I was bamboozled. If that's the case, why deny all those desires now? Why not let us explore ourselves? There's nothing wrong in it, is there? I mean I have needs, desires, this is my life not theirs. I will do what I want to do. But unfortunately, such thinking has negative consequences where I live. No wonder the youth of our region settles abroad.

If you enjoyed this film please share it with others and help our community grow.

@khalidalali186

3 жыл бұрын

Can I have the text that was read in the video please?

Sexual intimacy is the pathway to attaining greater emotional connection with another person. The current emphasis on sex detracts from the deeper desire to feel connected, known and safe with another person. Too many people treat sex as a physical activity devoid of any emotional substance or deep feelings. Shame and feelings of insecurity and inadequacy and the yearning for deeper intimacy can be stirred by sex. Sexual performance and satisfying sex is not enough to foster a strong relationship. Most of us feel that our bodies and actions don't measure up to the idealised image manifested by the media and social pressure to perform in certain ways viewed as admirable and commendable. What we struggle with is intimacy and fostering closer relationships with safe and healthy people who love and care about us despite our imperfections and often far from stellar sexual prowess. When two people feel comfortable, close and safe then sex will be more pleasurable and satisfying. Build the intimacy first instead of rushing into sex as a potential opening to greater emotional intimacy or people might feel disappointed and frustrated by the relatively empty outcome of physical pleasure devoid of deep feeling, connection, caring and commitment.

I think this has a lot to do with culture and the way you were raised.

@marcpelletier1366

3 жыл бұрын

What doesn't ?

@Leo-mr1qz

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I agree with you. I would like to add that I think it has a lot to do with our own sexual experiences, too.

@willofm

3 жыл бұрын

It’s definitely the nature and nurture theory

@Leo-mr1qz

3 жыл бұрын

@@willofm That can be such a conundrum, can't it? I took a Cognitive Psychology class my Jr. year in college. The Prof had the syllabus around "nature vs. nurture." Both arguments can be valid in a lot of different scenarios and ways. 🙂

@jelreyes19

3 жыл бұрын

AND religion

Getting over this is a kind of past trauma/inner child work. What caused your self hatred or limiting beliefs? Cut it out at the root!

@ralnahbrown3593

3 жыл бұрын

Well said.

I can never forget my mother calling me a whore for hugging a boy in highschool with my arms over his rather than the other way around. She went silent when I asked her when she was planning to teach me there was a "proper" way to hug someone.

@concentrateddarkmatter7991

Жыл бұрын

YO your mom needs to chill!

@svaccha_

10 ай бұрын

jesus... im sorry girl. i can relate. hope you heal.

@honeymoonavenue97

10 ай бұрын

You didn’t deserve that

My first real girlfriend, while problematic, was completely accepting of my sexual self and loved me when I thought no one else could love someone who was into the things I’m into. I will forever be grateful for that reinforcement of my confidence

Nothing is permanent in this world, not even your troubles.

@BonShula

3 жыл бұрын

What a nice way to disregard the video and the problem.

@yoso585

3 жыл бұрын

@@BonShula Problems are just part of the me story. Without them we would not be.

@BonShula

3 жыл бұрын

@@yoso585 Yes, but it is still weak to say "everyone has problems" when in reality we can fix the problems to some degree.

Growing up I was constantly objectified, I often still am. I started to see myself as some kind of liveless body existing for the eyes of others. I grew up sexualising myself as a form of seeking validation. I got this validation, and it reinforced the thought that my worth was based on my body and how attractive others find it. I now feel very ashamed of this, ashamed of my body and sexuality. I struggle to feel like it is all mine.

In middle school I bought a romance book. There was a sex scene that the couple lost their virginity. My father was in my room and found the book. He was flipping through the pages. He saw that scene and he was furious. He told me why I was reading such a thing. He told me if I ever had sex outside of marriage he would reject me from being his daughter. It is only normal that I felt such an intense shame in my sexual interactions. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable about sex.

@godofdeath8785

Жыл бұрын

That sucks. As guy i as well have some shame about sex and masturbation my parents religious

@ulusxs1096

10 ай бұрын

You deserved to be loved and accepted, wether u have sex before marriage or not. Knowing that you and your partner are sexually compatible before making the lifelong commitment of marriage is so important. You don’t deserve to be shamed upon, I’m proud of you❤️

@CreamIceMs

9 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry. As someone who grew up with sexual shame, I can promise you it gets better. You have to work at it though. Going to therapy is helpful. And exposing yourself to sexual activities can really help, such as reading erotica, watching content, playing with toys/self, listening to guided meditation, reading others' experiences, writing your own erotica, etc. Just make sure the sources are healthy and realistic, and not extreme, judgemental or attached to violence or triggering elements. Be consistent, but don't force yourself to do anything you don't like. If you must cry after a session, go ahead and let yourself cry. If you feel bad after indulging, let yourself feel bad, and then counter those thoughts with positive affirmations and tell yourself you're proud for trying, even when it sucks. Good luck, I promise you can get through this ❤

@UnparalleledChatterbox

Ай бұрын

Creamicems thank you for the advice, I'll definitely implement it!

Hey guys, I just wanted to stop by to send some positive energy to all of you! These past years been very tough to me. Ive been challenged mentally, emotionally and certainly spiritually. I feel like i’m finally finding myself and who I was once before when I had peace. I am thankful to come across a channel like this one that shows me that we are really all one in the same. We all have these daily struggles that we deal with that can keep us up late at night but just know that you are not alone. Knowing that I can come here and openly express myself and see others doing the same gives me hope that the world will indeed be a better place but it starts with us. We have to set an example for others and I know we can do it. Peace and Love to ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.

@virginiatyree6705

3 жыл бұрын

4 14 21 Hey Unio, I am happy for you. v

@luna_belle5029

3 жыл бұрын

Love to you right back. 🙏🏻 Get out there and be your awesome self. Whatever that looks and feels like today.

@donnahickman9350

3 жыл бұрын

❤

It's so nice to hear Alain's voice again.

Another factor that can directly/indirectly contribute to sexual shame is pornography. More so, the addiction to it.

@Defox03

3 жыл бұрын

yes 100%

@victoriafernandes0703

3 жыл бұрын

Why?

@HK47_115

3 жыл бұрын

@@victoriafernandes0703 this is just probably one part of it, but some men feel like they can never be what's in the videos they watch. Even though half of that s*** is fake and anything that you would see in an amateur video is more realistic of what sex is between two partners than any other professional video out there. Another words if you ever sent any form of having to point at all, real face between real human beings were interested in each other typically are messy and sloppy. Both of them. But some people expecting to do the same way it does in porn.

@InventorZahran

3 жыл бұрын

@@HK47_115 Like any other genre of fictional movie, just because there are live actors doesn't mean the stunts are realistic.

@Eds3.14

3 жыл бұрын

@@victoriafernandes0703 Masturbation can fall under the category of sex, many people use porn to help them masturbate. I'm by no means a purist or a sex therapist, and don't think people should avoid porn, but sex in and of itself is already complicated as it is because there are so many parameters/variables involved. Add pornography into the mix, and it sends sex even further down another level of complication. Especially if peoples first sexual experience involved pornography, their views on actual sex can be warped. This warped expectation on what sex is can at worst lead to very unfulfilling/traumatic experiences for those involved. The limitless amount of content that is at hand also adds to the complexity. Many websites provide the viewer with curated experiences that gives a sense of connection/interaction, but at the end of the day people are still having sex with a screen. Again, i'm not condemning porn, sex workers, or people who watch porn. These are just my non-sex therapist opinions and I do not have a degree in psychology.

My mother shamed me about sexuality all through my teens. Fast forward my husband made a few comments about sex.."why don't you act Sevier, do this, don't do that, etc hurtful to my core. Then my distance came in towards him. Those comments brought me back to my youth. We are currently in sex therapy hoping to improve whats been broken for so long...

@EmanDeMoan

3 жыл бұрын

@@dktoString frankly ive been to therapy (not sex therapy tho) and it helped me tremendously. It changed my life.

@xzonia1

3 жыл бұрын

@@dktoString You don't keep seeing a doctor once you're over the condition that caused you to seek medical help in the first place. Discontinuing therapy because it was successful is appropriate to do. You may know people who were helped by therapy that never discuss it because it's private to them. People love to complain when something doesn't work but rarely make a fuss when it does work.

@purplehood8418

3 жыл бұрын

@@dktoString I’ve been in therapy for a long time. Here’s what I’ve learned: It’s a relationship. You have to put in the effort for it to work. If you are not willing to meet the therapist in the middle and complain on how unhelpful they were, any therapist you go to with that mindset will just keep reinforcing that belief. It’s work. You open up and tackle issues little by little. It’s hard to be honest and vulnerable. But that’s where the results are. 3-5 sessions and then quitting are not going to be fruitful. It’s a year, years, life long process. The first handful of therapists you see may not be a good fit for you. You have to date around. Quitting before finding a good fit is another thing I’ve seen that reinforces the belief that therapists are quacks/hacks and your better off without. It’s like trying on three pairs of dress shoes you need for work or an event, those 3 just happen to not fit you, and saying “I give up on ever dining the right shoes and I just won’t go to the event.” It’s not for everyone. Not everyone has the privilege of time to spend in therapy and /or money to pay for it. Some will try to push through and they find that it just doesn’t help them, and look for other methods. It’s patience. It’s not a “cure.” It’s an evolution to a better more peaceful you. A you that is not acting out the same behaviors and ideas that have been hurting you. If you can take the plunge, go for it! It will change you. That’s kind of the point! If you go in with an open mind, you’ll reap the rewards.

I once called a girl hot when I was a preteen while watching a movie with my mom. She told me to never ever call a girl that. I didn't feel comfortable expressing attraction to women out loud until a few years out of highschool.

@JLakis

3 жыл бұрын

That's rough. Especially being at the age when that is the main thing on most people's brains. I don't know why or how she said that, or what was in her mind. But that's on her. The only thing I'll say is, I asked my boyfriend to stop using "hot" all the time. Like for my sister, or friend or coworker. Nothing wrong with the word itself. I just feel like there are soooo many words to describe attractiveness that you don't always need to use it. But it's totally fine otherwise. Just don't call your gf's friends, sisters, or co-workers "hot." I guess to me it implies wanting to have sex with someone. So it's a bit insensitive to use about like your partner's sibling or friend. Otherwise, go for it!

@flightlessagbsls

3 жыл бұрын

@@JLakis I agree lol, and that's probably what she was trying to teach me, but I was kid with generalized anxiety and social anxiety, so it just stuck on guess lol

@aking3624

3 жыл бұрын

@@flightlessagbsls To reprimand without explanation causes the child to fill in the blanks...mainly that the child is bad not the use of their language. Couple the action with rage, you have the making of trauma.

@aking3624

3 жыл бұрын

@@flightlessagbsls To reprimand without explanation causes the child to fill in the blanks...mainly that the child is bad not the use of their language. Couple the action with rage, you have the making of trauma.

@flightlessagbsls

3 жыл бұрын

@@aking3624 I don't remember if she did or not, and it wasn't rage so much as anxiety, which both my mom and dad also have lol

I feel like there's something I'm not connecting the dots with that makes me feel envious of people who are promiscuous, free or just be sexually active and also would have some kind of problem with self esteem, relationships or drugs regardless

@HK47_115

3 жыл бұрын

You're envious of them because now we are they 2 degree comfortable with themselves to say f*** it and do it anyways, what do go after what they want because they want its don't typically think twice. Typically because they're already used to it and have already ripped off the bandito fiery confusion on their sexuality. Yes they might still have problems trying to develop relationships in their own issues. But in a certain part of himself they're more comfortable. Or just don't care

@reginaceliadelima4017

3 жыл бұрын

Promiscuos people are not happy in sex. Most of the times, they have emocional issues.

@MikoyanGurevichMiG21

3 жыл бұрын

The grass is always green on the other side.

@michaelhathcoat7876

3 жыл бұрын

@@HK47_115 your grammar is awful.

@eltedelarosa

3 жыл бұрын

No worries. You are safe from STDs.

I feel that the sexual revolution, which did a good job of bringing conversations of sex to the forefront, did not take into account those of us who weren't really prepared for it. And even after all these decades, we were just left behind.

@hachikos

Жыл бұрын

agreed!

@zengmaxxing

11 ай бұрын

The “sexual revolution” has been a complete disaster for humanity.

The art work is 🔥

@tracydanneo

3 жыл бұрын

It’s perfect for the subject.

@magicmysticman

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely beautiful

@yay-cat

3 жыл бұрын

I love all the fish 🐠

@samankucher5117

2 жыл бұрын

To be honest I hate it .

i feel gross for having these urges because ive been called ugly and desexualized my whole life as a muslim woman, im 19 and still a virgin even though i want to lose it and share my body with someone else, its as if no one feels the same, and every time im alone with these feelings i just sink further and further into a depressive state because i cant be loved enough to express myself in that way

@prata9740

5 ай бұрын

Don't worry, you don't need to lose it. You're perfect being the virgin that you are.

@hutao.h1258

4 ай бұрын

As muslims we should wait until marriage ,stay strong .and as a female too, i m hypersexual

My parents are homophobic and my mom took away my phone for a week and went through everything I had in it. She went through all my accounts and I had lesbian corn and gay corn in it. She read it all and then forced me to come out by asking me if I liked girls. The worst part was my brother helped her find my search history and he read it all too. They made me feel ashamed for watching corn because according to my family women shouldn't be a watching those things and they can't touch themselves that's only for their future husband's to touch. That day I stopped trusting everyone in my family and hated my brother and mom for it. It's been like 2 years now since then but I will always resent them for making me feel embarrassed for something that is totally normal for teens to do.

@chatgpt4135

2 жыл бұрын

As A heterosexual Person I Also Feel Bad For You A Woman ( Any Sexual Orientation) Is Not A Mystery To Be Kept Hidden, Suppressed, under veils or As An Object or toy who is owned by an owner (Man) under disguise of Future Husband A Lot Of Cultures And Religions Deliberately developed a system which prohibits Women from Doing 'Normal Everyday Things ' on their own unless in charge under male guardian e.g.Women Shamed For Proposing, confessing or initiating a move or even paying bills. Sport games.Her Right to fulfill her Female Sexual Desires on her own , In Japan also Male monks had Gay - Intimacies but Female monks or ascetics anywhere in Asia were Not allowed to Have feelings of even emotional attachment , forget abt homosexual or even heterosexual relations,etc.Female monks were Forced to be Celibate as a rule and those who aren't such ascetic women will have to get married to future husband which makes her complete as a 'WOMAN'

@sock7481

Жыл бұрын

I mean you shouldn't be watching "corn" if you are not over 18 in the first place. If my parents found out I even watched any kind they would beat the sht out of me. Well hope you are doing better.

@godofdeath8785

Жыл бұрын

That sucks. As guy i wish more girls, women will lesbians, bisexuals or just focus on themselves instead of reproduce and being in relationships with men. Men just seems nasty. And i wish once i will have some female friends only

@UnparalleledChatterbox

Ай бұрын

You didn't deserve that, I'm sorry to hear.

This channel made me realise I was the toxis person in a connection where I thought I was the angel, I can see my mistakes now ,I am going to do my best not to make them again

Exactly. As someone who suffers from vaginismus, and someone who has low confidence, I can admit that there indeed is a connection between vaginismus and general self-hatred.

0:33 "Not some political or religious problem." Interesting, considering the sex addiction group I work with is made up entirely of people from very religious backgrounds and that is where all of their shame and self-hatred came from. These religious groups create the harsh environment that breeds the psychological issue.

@mushy111

Жыл бұрын

Very well said!!

@UnparalleledChatterbox

Ай бұрын

Exactly. I have shame of my sexuality precisely because I was raised in a religious family. I'm a guy and it's hard for me, but it's even worse for women. I hope they find healing, they all deserve better and to be accepting of themselves.

Oh how much time sex and sexual shame took from my life. All the girls I saw getting slut shamed including myself. The times I could be productive, doing more important things were spent under the covers in bed crying or worrying about sex and men. I can truly never forgive the people who did this to us. I remind myself of the world I would want to create for my kids. I want my kids to be free to explore their sexuality in a safe environment. No matter what their orientation would be and how many partners they would want to have, I want to create a different life for them. I wish I could save myself first and not be in so much pain

@UnparalleledChatterbox

Ай бұрын

You didn't deserve that. Wishing you healing and a better future!

Wow. it’s almost like every upload is exactly the right thing I need to hear at that time.

I needed this because I was raised to feel guilty and shameful about sex and enjoying sex.

@prata9740

5 ай бұрын

You're a well-raised person

@UnparalleledChatterbox

Ай бұрын

You can heal even though it's tough. Feeling guilt about your sexual desire is not a good thing.

I remember being shamed for simply getting my period for the first time. I was already so confused and in physical pain; on top of it I was made to feel like I was now something shameful and sexual because I could become pregnant - for something I had not choice or control over!

@Melly16yr10

Жыл бұрын

That's fucked up 🤬

@2-d_in_a_bag

Жыл бұрын

My mom tried to gaslight me into thinking it wasn't actually my period when I got mine.

You folks are magical. Thank you for everything you’ve done to help me learn how to be a functional adult.

@fallenafterling4128

3 жыл бұрын

Ew

@prata9740

Жыл бұрын

You don't need sex to be a functional adult

Being raised in a strict traditional catholic home,this doesn't shock me at all. As a kid, I would always wonder because in other families or people,they seem to open about it but to us it was considered taboo.

@janissevalenzuela

Жыл бұрын

Do you have vaginismus?

I don't think this channel realises just how helpful this is. I've been feeling so disgusted by my own self these days. And the things said here idk is perfect.

@prata9740

5 ай бұрын

It's not helpful at all, not for me at least. Sex is gross

Shame is like some messy stuff buried under some other messy stuff in a messy room you never clean up and you never want to look at any of it.

I’m way too self conscious/unsure of myself to date let alone have sex. I don’t think it would be fair to a partner if I don’t know who I am...who knows who I could be a year or two down the road.

*Replacing "why is this happening to me" with "what is this trying to teach me" is a game changer!*

@Madsovic999

3 жыл бұрын

I disagree

@marsdriver2501

Жыл бұрын

@@Madsovic999 dear Madsovic999, With all of my regret, I have to disagree with your disagreement. Well, you see, I just don't find your opinion on this matter correct. With all regards, Mars Driver. Dude, at least say why you are disagreeing lol

@Just.The.Next.Step.

11 ай бұрын

Law of correspondence ❤

I can't even imagine myself having sex with someone else. It's just so embarrassing to me 😭

@kimalonzo2145

3 жыл бұрын

Turn off the lights

@emon3791

3 жыл бұрын

How old r u

@Ancientlaws

3 жыл бұрын

@@emon3791 Don't answer questions like this @Millie....

@zauberholz8357

3 жыл бұрын

You may be asexual, which is totally valid. Some people never desire sex and that's fine - worth looking into if it's something that's bothering you :)

@emon3791

3 жыл бұрын

@@Ancientlaws why

Well, when someone is very sexually expressive, be careful whom you talk to. It can be Sexual Harassment to others. Place, time and manners matter. FYI.

@georgecurly5965

6 ай бұрын

I think that these days suffering of the "victims" of sexual harassment tend to be exaggerated compared to the suffering of those who are not allowed to express themselves sexually.

As a kid I was extremely harsh to others for wanting sex, and I put shame on everyone if they were doing it just for pleasure. Im trying to escape that mindset now, knowing that its also caused me so much resentment against anything sexual that Im hurting myself and getting addictions. I still don't know why we need sex, like really need it other than the repopulation "objective" but im learning that theres more than that to it. Any help I would appreciate because I'm still struggling

@redfear77

7 ай бұрын

Sex is gross if you are doing it as a child or with several people. It just is.

This hit home hard. For someone like me, the shame is deep and heavy. Thank you for the video.

Yep hit right on the spot. I think it's hard because the majority of our parents had even less sexual training than us, and often never had time to really explore or understand their own bodies and desires. Not to mention many of us grew up in somewhat religious households, and you get people with lots of repressed feelings. I myself struggle with this a lot. Aa a Asian male, I felt shame for not being the stereotypical white dude who has everything. I saw no representation and expressing of a sexualized Asian man, so I struggled with just exactly how I was supposed to express my sexuality. I hardly see or saw Asian men doing it. My parents also didn't really teach me or show me anything about sex, and in many ways I inherited their views about sex for myself. Overall though I didn't feel happy about my body, my sex life. All this turned into bitterness, and only made me envious and spiteful of people who could express themselves more freely. I however want to do better and push myself to overcome a lot of these challenges. I try not to deny my sexuality anymore, and embrace but also reject my feelings of shame towards sexuality. Because what is more beautiful than seeing to humans experience bodies together? Why should there be any shame in pleasure that is approached wisely? Many people think sex is only used for personal pleasure and bliss. In some cases it can be. But what I love the most about sex is the intimate relationships you can share with someone, getting to see parts of people that not everyone can see. You get to share private moments with each other that only you can know. It's the true bonding and intimacy that I love and adore from my sex partners.

@mushy111

Жыл бұрын

Very well put!

@redfear77

7 ай бұрын

Are you defending casual sex and sugar coating the hollowness of it or are you talking about a monogamous relationship?

I put on 30lbs from alcoholism after romantic loss. Now, I don't want sex when I'm a tub of goo.

@nammyohorengekyoooooo

3 жыл бұрын

U will find someone else, better, and the Best way to lose the weight..is a lot of sexual activity! The alcohol will numb your whole body, so best to cut down on it.

@thereisnosanctuary6184

3 жыл бұрын

But, I love alcohol. I'm like a chocoholic, except for booze.

Thank God they talk about this. I'm not the only one struggling. :')

My situation goes like this: I feel like I'm so far away from sex, even though I want to actually have it. I'm a virgin and all my life I grew up around the idea that sex is a taboo thing and a thing people don't talk about or express. My struggle is that I have never talked about sex openly in a group or to my friends or closest of friends, simply because the taboo of sex in many cultures surrounding me, and I finally want to talk about it for a start in a deep conversation to initiate my 'sex taboo' exfoliation. And I wonder if this has anything to do with shame in this situation of mine. comments?

@nimblewaffle240

3 жыл бұрын

I completely get that. Especially not being able to talk to close friends about it. My cultural background is also Conservative and sex is only ever discussed as something you should avoid at all costs until marriage (eye roll). My shame came from upbringing and and highschool trauma regarding 'purity', sexual abuse and 'sexism'. Narratives about the female body and absolutely no mention of the importance and existence of female sexuality make it so difficult to acknowledge this part of human life... That it's important to enjoy sex and prioritise your own pleasure. That it's not just for men. And enjoying it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you but rather, that you're a human being. Therapy and self love/ self reflection on whether I value myself really helped. Life's too short to not enjoy and appreciate every facet of human interaction and pleasure.

@Major_Rain

3 жыл бұрын

@@nimblewaffle240 well said

@sandra8991

3 жыл бұрын

You made a great start in talking about it now. I thought back at my first sexual experiences and realized it started with exploring my own body and be curious. Now I realize how important it is to get to know yourself and enjoy your own touch. That can be a mix of all kinds of touch you like wherever you like it and you can freely think about anything you like. That is actually sex. So getting close to that is not so far away than you might think. For sex with someone else I can recommend to wait until you meet someone you trust and with whom it's fun with and of course consentual. Curiousity about each other and actually liking to explore each other is basis there. Sex while loving each other is at least how I felt it, a whole different dimension. If it is without love and "just for fun" make sure both are not in love. Otherwise it breaks one's heart. I hope that helped?

@Major_Rain

3 жыл бұрын

@@sandra8991 that was helpful thanks :)

@sandra8991

3 жыл бұрын

@@Major_Rain :-) 🌸

I’ve recently realized I have very debilitating sexual shame. I’ve been married for 3 years and with him for almost 8, but there are still things I can’t bring myself to do.. I can’t stand eye contact or even compliments of any kind. I can’t receive oral because it’s such a compromising situation.. I am absolutely silent in bed, no loud moans and I will never say a word during.. I feel like there’s something wrong with me but I don’t know how to fix it!! 😔 I’m not religious and didn’t grow up religious or conservative so idk

@thereisnosanctuary6184

3 жыл бұрын

That's called being Catholic.

@mrmr5208

3 жыл бұрын

If that makes you feel better, be aware that you act like all the women I ever had sex with. As I wrote above in a different thread, the collective lie that "everyone is sexually liberated" only ensures that everybody remains miserable. People should know better than to lie in order to defend their idealization of how things should be. Alain de Botton is no exception...

@thereisnosanctuary6184

3 жыл бұрын

Make it a lights out policy, maybe a flickering candle. Don't get drunk, but maybe half a glass of wine. Extensive petting, kissing with no words. Make him relax you. Watch a movie first, small meal. Don't make rules, just say what mood you need to get into.

@thereisnosanctuary6184

3 жыл бұрын

I'm not a sex doctor, more of a sex tech.

@lyndsaybrown8471

3 жыл бұрын

Realizing it is a good start! And seeking out advice is a good way to go. Good luck!

seriously identify with this. I’m 34 and suffer from Aspergers. I feel just like a moderately autistic person who are too mentally flawed to achieve a romantic relationship and would be perceived as a pervert for trying.

This relates to me so much! I was bullied not so much ever for being gay but a lot for being a homosexual from when I pulled out of the closeth at the age of twelve. At least at that time having to be openly gay at such a young age and being way more sexually mature and developed then your peers was an awful challenge and a really alienating experience.

We pick up sexual shame from the world around us, beginning with the messages we receive as children from our parents, communities, churches, society, and culture👍

@mzee5533

3 жыл бұрын

A lot of toxicity from communities religious groups and culture

@bunille

3 жыл бұрын

@@mzee5533 Not exhibiting infidelity and prostitution has nothing to do with one's religious belief.

I would be very surprised if this was written by a female, or someone who has experienced assault/gaslighting etc... Because the video refers mostly to *desire* rather than shame surrounding unwanted/forceful sex etc... Its a shame this important area was missed :-(

@CheleBadoo

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I totally agree.

@TheScarletteWhisper

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe they can make an more in-depth video for that. I think this video mainly referred to the positive areas of sex. However, I agree with you, abuse and such do need to be talked about.

@EmmaAus

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheScarletteWhisper I know what you mean, I just feel like a more appropriate title for this video would be "Overcoming the Shame of Sexual Desire", because its not really about 'overcoming sexual shame', just one small element of it... I think probably 80% of females have had some time of sexual manipulation/forceful/unwanted situation happen, & I guess I was just surprised they would pick this title and not touch on it... I understand the video would be helpful for many, but I hope they would consider a title change...

@BebbaDubbs

3 жыл бұрын

Agreed, this is desire based, not the kind of shame other people put on you.

@georgecurly5965

6 ай бұрын

Why do you think females are more often victims of gaslighting than males?

Something about alains voice makes me feel loved. It's so warm and soft and calm I love it

@hafsakhan5626

3 жыл бұрын

@@dktoString So what if its fake? The way it made me feel wasn't fake

I dunno about self hatred, where my sexual shame mainly comes from is that it's been drilled into me by society, movies, and the bullies at school being the most "vulgar" and "blatantly sexual" that I *should* be ashamed of my sexuality, that being openly sexual took away from my worth, that by being "nice and polite and respectful" it means I'm worth more. Shame around sexuality for me is a combination of societal brain washing and shaming and a strategy to increase self worth against the all so common subconscious feeling of not being enough

@harleyquinn5774

3 жыл бұрын

Sexual shaming contributing to lower birth rates isn’t dawning on anyone.

Thank god his voice over is back 🙏

I'm grateful this channel exists. It promotes the normalcy of our experiences. I like when they say we are all idiots, or we are all crazy, it makes me feel understood and accepted.

I'm a 19 year old girl that is a virgin. Growing up with strict parents meant not only was I not allowed to date, I also never really hung out with my friends. School was only for my education, I wasn't allowed to make mistakes and screw up as a child. Because of my isolated childhood, I often found I was watching inappropriate videos online, it felt good because in a way I could rebel against my parents and they'd never find out the things I saw on the internet. It grew into an addiction that I still suffer with to this day. Even when it gave me the illusion of being in control or even a sense of sexual freedom, deep down I felt so ashamed. Even now, when I talk to guys, I feel like they will use me or leave me. I feel like I've been used and abused and so much guilt when in reality I enjoyed opening up/talking about sex. I'm sick and tired of feeling so much guilt and disgust with myself when what I'm doing is completely normal. I choose to stay abstinent and I'm happy with my choice, but I do not want to feel like sex is disgusting, because when I find the right person I will have to be intimate eventually and there is nothing wrong with that. I have always been the person who does what they want and is not afraid of judgement, but what kills me is the humiliation I feel myself when it comes to sex.

“Directly after copulation, the devil's laughter is heard. Arthur Schopenhauer

@luna_belle5029

3 жыл бұрын

I've never heard that before. It's an interesting perspective.

@PsycheandButterfly

3 жыл бұрын

It may not be the devil laughing, but the nervous system crying instead. For men, it could be post-coital tristesse (PCT). PCT is the feeling of sadness and difficult emotion during the refractory period that directly follows sexual activity, primarily in men. I'm pretty sure this is where some feelings of sexual shame are derived from in men, at least. And it's thought to be quite common.

@luna_belle5029

3 жыл бұрын

@@PsycheandButterfly That is fascinating, thank you for sharing.

@Nothingbutdust92

3 жыл бұрын

@@PsycheandButterfly Is this true for women as well?

@luna_belle5029

3 жыл бұрын

@@luxinvictus9018 oh, wow. I didn't realize this. Thank you so much for sharing. 🙏🏻 I don't know about how it goes this day and age but (when I was) growing up, discussion about men's complexities were glossed over (or just didn't happen) and it left this assumption of coldness or aloofness. (In my area, within the schools I attended, classes i took, etc. Other people may have had a different experience) It's silly to think of men as less complex as women but it never being part of the conversation allowed for an incorrect assumption based on a lack of or omission of information. For context, I graduated high school in '97.

My mum is constantly shaming me for being sexually active with my partner. She would refer me as a “sex worker” “slut” and “easy”. I was sexually abused which makes me feel more ashamed of my body and sex.

Rewatching this video after a long time, I remembered when an internet friend I don't know very well but really like told me and another guy that he's into vore. We must have been incredibly supportive of him, because a few days later he vagueposted about having strange preferences on Facebook, and when asked about it by somebody else, he publicly explained what he liked. He got a lot of friendly and encouraging responses. It truly shows that admitting to having somewhat outlandish tastes becomes much more bearable when you expose yourself to somebody and don't get shamed for it. After telling my therapist about my own fetishes, which he jokingly said was disappointed in, because I must have acted like I liked really fucked up shit, I felt comfortable enough to tell two more friends about them. Which for me is a huge deal, as the only people to know about them before were former partners (for obvious reasons) or my best friend, who's like a therapist, a brother and a father figure all at once

insanely gorgeous vid that softens the difficulty of the topic yet colors with clarity, thank ya

sex by itself shouldn't have ever been morphed and twisted into excuses for naughtiness or sin, instead the people who decided to hurt others out of their own desire and selfishness should be the ones who have to explain themselves.

@Leo-mr1qz

3 жыл бұрын

I agree with you completely!

It’s painful to have grown from this and still see people suffering from it. 😞

Thank you so much for this! Badly needed.

Alain de Botton, you always touch on the most delicate themes with the most humanistic approach. You have helped me a lot, thank you so much sir. Forgive the bad English.

The thing is, I talk about sex all the time and talk about it pretty openly. It's the actual act of sex that I feel the shame. It took me years to not feel such shame while being sexual with myself. I wonder why I still have so much shame embedded within me, even though I can speak so openly about it with friends and even family at times.

All I have ever wanted was for sex to be a topic that could be discussed as normally as what are we having for dinner. It feels like the last bastion of open communication that could really free us as a civilized society.

@prata9740

5 ай бұрын

No thank you. I really don't want to talk about gross things like that as something normal

@AKNeal81

5 ай бұрын

@prata9740 sex isn't gross. It's natural. By saying it's gross, you're sharing an opinion and one that's formed from a bias. Everything I've stated are just facts. If facts bother you, you need to look inward as to why. I do not say any of this with any mean intentions. The facts are just as normal as two people having sex.

@prata9740

5 ай бұрын

@@AKNeal81 It is gross! I don't give a shit if you or most people consider this stupidity "natural" that doesn't make it any less gross, in theory: poop is also natural but still gross. Sorry if i don't want to talk about people rubbing their bodies into each other, penises or vaginas during my dinner time, just like I don't wanna talk about poop. But well... The difference here is just that everybody needs to poop, but nobody needs to have sex, get over it! You won't die from not having sex or from not talking about it. And you have no right to judge my opinion, it's not formed from a bias, it's a legit and valid opinion. This is not normal to me and it will never be, you have absolutely no right to try to force this shit to me as "normal" I HATE IT! Accept it!

@sashafarber617

3 ай бұрын

​@@AKNeal81'sex isn't gross' is also an opinion.

@sashafarber617

3 ай бұрын

To some, it may be something uncomfortable to talk about because it's the most private, intimate, and sensitive part of their lives.

I feel like this video is what I really needed to see. I’ve been grappling with and carrying so much shame in this way for so long and it’s getting to the point it’s affecting the rest of my psyche and it feels like it’s tearing me apart. Hell, even trying to make drawings to express this sort of thing in the past made me have a panic attack and cry and want to destroy it. Maybe one day I won’t feel this way.

The most fascinating topic of humans as a teenager cause this is the age when we start to observe the growth of our body and lots of curious and fantasy questions comes into our mind but the fact is there is no one to discuss with not even our parents and as the time passes we used to get the answers slowly ,this is the way our parents and us have grown up. But thanks to this new digital information age we are now getting education in this field as well!!

This channel speaks the words that I have been thinking for years. How lucky am I to have this resource. And all for free?

This video so relatable that I fear to share this to my intimate ones. The level of embarassment fuelled by shame and guilt . 🤦🏾‍♂️😭

I really need this video, having a very warped sense of self (BDD, eating disorders & depersonalization disorder) all my life on top of trauma. Thank you!!!

In Spinoza's words, If it is futile to make one feel honered or shamed, then these feelings should be regarded as harmful and be forsaked.

@fluffehsquirrel1860

3 жыл бұрын

Shame is useful and necessary at times

@gayasparagus

Жыл бұрын

@@fluffehsquirrel1860 only to an extent. When people shame others for something they didn't choose and cannot change, it can push them to suicide. That is where it is futile.

This is a good presentation of one side of the coin. By the other side I'm thinking about how, for many of us, our feelings around sex have been strongly formed by religious upbringing, and we shouldn't dismiss those religious impulses just because they go against the current of modernist notions of sexual liberation. I know this channel is basically atheistic in temperament, but not all people will become or need to become atheists themselves. So I'd suggest it's a good thing to find balance between one's religious beliefs and one's individual sexual impulses.

@EmanDeMoan

3 жыл бұрын

Easier said than done, my friend. 💔

@Robert-yc9ql

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah... I liked this one better : en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Satanic_Bible

@kingshukdutta2064

2 жыл бұрын

You don't make any sense. If my religion says you can't have sex before say age 25, doesn't sexual liberation go completely against the fact?

It's a fun stuff. Back then, people who slept around were shamed (mostly if they were women). Nowadays, is people who don't sleep around (for example, more introverted men). We change and end up in similar places.

@milkhomie4582

3 жыл бұрын

Women are still shamed??

@ren.8137

3 жыл бұрын

@@milkhomie4582 You asked a question like a statement

@moritz3168

3 жыл бұрын

@@ren.8137 it is a statement. the questionmarks are because the og comment implied that its different for women todays. theres no problem making a statemnt and adding questionmarks if youre not to dense to undersytand what the questionmarlks are for.

@emon3791

3 жыл бұрын

Being introverted, i feel like broken inside.

@princekalender2154

Жыл бұрын

@@emon3791 don't dude.

This is so spot on. I love this stuff. Seriously the best stuff on the internet by a long shot.

I’m regards to him saying that we feel hate for ourselves and our shame just remember. One’s capacity to hate is equal to their capacity for love. You feel hate and anger because you care. For anyone struggling out there, look forward to the day where that hate is replaced with an equally powerful and fulfilling love.

My religious beliefs put my sexual energy into horny jail for years, although I never had problems with it myself - I sensed that my sexual urges were connected with the feelings of love and respect for another person (or/and myself). My social environment convinced me that there's something wrong with my sense of romantic love because they (even my mom) called me a whore even for a small hint that I can be interested in some guy. I hated myself for having sexuality so badly that I wanted to sterilize myself. Only when I ripped religion out of my mind, I was free to accept my sexual energy as a natural part of me. But even now sometimes I'm feeling like a bad person for accepting it - that deep shame still lurks in the subconscious levels of my mind. I have to remind myself that there's nothing wrong with me, that I was just put into a hostile environment that judged me for nothing.

@wretchedsoullikemine

10 ай бұрын

They were teaching you how to love yourself, and others in a healthy way. Your thoughts are not something to be ashamed of. Shame is a byproduct of pride. You should have humility in your self restraint and self control. Many religious communities do not place enough emphasis on humility over the virtue of self control and self discipline, and they let their pride in that get the best of them, resulting in the hostile environment you experienced. It is NOT fair what you went through, and you're valid in your feelings against those who taught you shame for your thoughts and desires. I hope you find your way back and learn that it wasn't you who was wrong for having sinful thoughts, but they who were wrong to be so proud and to project shame and guilt onto you. God made us to feel these sexual things and use them as motivation to love one another. He wishes for us to celebrate them and embrace them in a loving relationship where we put God, and then our partner, before our own desires. He doesn't want us to deny our desires and repress them - but to have mastery over them so we are not a slave to them.

Really digging the artstyle on this one

This made me cry. Thank you!

Yea I still remember all those instances whenever I tried to talk about anything remotely related to sex, girls, dating, I was instantly put down. And not politely, but rudely & with disgust. No wonder my dating life is a hell.. & the other parts of life definitely get affected by it hugely.

Not having sex this long makes me wonder if its worth the wait, that the "mystery" of sex wouldnt and wont be disappointing as have most things in my life.

Well needed conversation. Thank you.

I am watching Dylan James channel as well and he teaches how to tell our subconscious mind that we need to love ourselves first and then the others will copy that, and our lives will flow better and healthier.

I watch these videos because of valuable life lessons. Despite the fact that opening noise triggers me, I hate the animations and can't stand the tone of narration. Thank you for your work ❤ The School of Life always helps.

Shame, Guilt and Regret, the unholy trinity.

I've been ashame of being bisexual. I do sometimes wish to be straight. I just can't hit in

@concentrateddarkmatter7991

Жыл бұрын

i realized i was bisexual at 10 (ive always been bi but didnt know that a girl could like a girl till then) and i feel the same. its getting better for me though. what kind of environment did you grow up in..?

This video speaks to me, I feel ashamed about my body in regards to having sex. It didn't help that when I was younger parents shamed me for masturbation and watching porn. Now I am almost 30 & I still don't have a steady sexual relationship with anyone, yet still everyone that I know, now has someone in their lives.

Love this animation! And it's so spot on and helpful