"I gave up on our relationship and you didn't even notice" Thats the killshot

@greenknightofwar7024

3 ай бұрын

Critical hit

@darthbiscuit

2 ай бұрын

when I saw your comment I knew how screwed the OP was

"Being a Parent, providing financially, providing housing and food" and "Being Mom and Dad" are 2 *vastly* different things.

@ItzPubby

3 ай бұрын

They were basically landlords to him nothing else.

@Wined34

3 ай бұрын

You can have kids and take care of your spouse, and both relationships can be a priority. We find time for date night, and when we go on vacation, we always take the kids unless it's our anniversary or my birthday. They demand something they never put time in for a family. He had no family he had a mother and a father, and that's not mom and dad. I know my kids like and dislike because I want to know everything about them. I can't even imagine a world where my husband and I would put our relationship above our kids' needs. These people found their perfect partner in each other because their both selfish and not family oriented. This is why I always say not everyone should have kids because you end up with situations like this one. They can't make up years of neglect now that he's an adult.... My mother left us at the court house when I was 4, and my brother was 7. She would show up periodically, and now that I'm an adult, I try to help her as much as I can because I want to. I still remember that I used to wonder why she didn't love us enough, and it took a long time for me to get over it. My brother is an alcoholic because of all the trauma from our youth that he hasn't been able to get over. He can't stand to be around my mother, and when he's completely drunk, I can feel the hate he has for her coming out his pores, literally....

@NessieNice

2 ай бұрын

​@@Wined34 true. I also can never think about going on vocation without our child. Everyone go together or not at all. Besides, childhood is the only time we can hang out together. Soon she'd be in high school and think we're not cool anymore and prefer to hang out with her friends. My parents are retired and all the kids have moved out, they literally go back to honeymoon phase, having date everynight and all

@virtualatheist

28 күн бұрын

"Being a Parent, providing financially, providing housing and food" The very basics you mean?

imagine hearing your child crying behind the door and instead of taking care of it you instead continued having sex while listening to your child crying!? and then have the nerve to get upset that he didn't tell you he got engaged? y'all put your relationship first and are shocked he's upset. y'all going on 4 trips a year and you didn't take your child once?! what parenting did you fuckin do? oh but you're upset he didn't take any financial assistance from you so you can hold it over your head to not cut contact

@Catherine.Dorian.

3 ай бұрын

And that last mini update proves dad doesn’t even think he did anything wrong. He felt kids leave and now he’s damn right they do cause they drove them away

@roelinkabek9286

3 ай бұрын

Exactly 💯

@TiffWaffles

3 ай бұрын

If I was able to afford going on four trips a year and have a child, I would take them along because that's what you do as a parent. I would want them to experience the world and to make memories with them because they will look back on their early years and will remember what you did with them. Also the fact that OP doubled down and says that his spouse comes first over his child because children will eventually grow up and leave you... SORRY, LEAVE YOU!?!?!? Do you look at your son the same way you do an intimate partner, OP? Why did this sperm and egg donor even decide to have a child in the first place if they just thought that giving birth made them parents?

@HeoBaby24

3 ай бұрын

@@Catherine.Dorian. seriously i remembered seeing a KZread video of a man who said he "puts his relationship first so we can be there for rhe kids second" while he pulled both his kids away from they're mother. and people were praising him

@HeoBaby24

3 ай бұрын

@@TiffWaffles like fuckin seriously like your child us still YOUR CHILD all they'll do is leave the house? and instead of creating a close enough bond you instead just be a parent when it's convenient? but are upset they don't have a close relationship with you?

Story1 was wild. I don't believe OP understands how he and his wife fucked up.

@Maninawig

3 ай бұрын

I got that the moment the son said "I was always an afterthrought, never even being invited on one of the three annual 'family' vacations" and his dad's response was "where did we go wrong with him?" As if the son is the problem here.

@mannydcbianco

3 ай бұрын

Yup. I don't believe that they've gone to therapy, unlike what he claimed, because there's no way they would still be that clueless in the end of the story if they had. Any therapist would have explained to them exactly how effed up they are as parents. They might have gone once or twice but rejected everything they were told because they are so far up their own a**es that they think they're right and everyone else is wrong.

@aking3624

3 ай бұрын

I've heard this before, two narcissists are stunned they aren't being thanked for minimum... Not once were they curious and clearly didn't honor his boundaries. They were aggressive, hostile & rude.

@maxwellmukwevho1383

3 ай бұрын

And then he goes on to say the spouse comes first because they will eventually leave you... WHAT THE HECK. The kids always come first they are you flesh and blood, your offspring, the spouse is the person who is most likely to leave you. OP seems to think kids being independent is them leaving you, SHM!!!

@Maninawig

3 ай бұрын

@@maxwellmukwevho1383 I have heard that term before, but he took it to the extreme. Yes, your kids will move out and you'll be stuck in a home with your partner, but the solution is to not get so focused on the children that you and your partner become strangers in the process. Go on dates, in OP's case have 1 of the 3 yearly vacations for a couple (maybe once every 2 years), show interest in your partner's hobbies... but like you said, prioritize the kids.

First story, Repeat after me: YOU TWO ARE NOT THE VICTIM. YOU MADE THIS HAPPEN. LIVE WITH IT.

@user-hz8iv9fh5r

3 ай бұрын

I agree 100%

"We are bawling our eyes out" how many times does OP think his son cried when Mommy and daddy left him at his grandparents so they can go have fun without the son they claim to Loved so much

@lindah3803

3 ай бұрын

My family didn't take vacays. Mom always said it was a waste of money. I knew plenty of kids that had 1 vacay a year with the whole family. Their parents would take 1 vacay a year for just them. OP said that maybe they didn't get the balance right. The only thing they got right was financially taking care of their son.

@dumb_6274

3 ай бұрын

​@@lindah3803 what I hate is they took 1 family vacation and took 3 vacations for themselves and left the kid with his grandparents for 2-3 weeks

@lindah3803

3 ай бұрын

@@dumb_6274 OP actually didn't say how many (if any) vacays they took with their son. Just that they took 3 to 4 vacays a year. Each vacay would be for 2 to 3 weeks at a time. So the grandparent's had their son 2 to 4 months out of the year. OPs last question is what gets me. "I don't know how to move on with this possibly permanent estrangement." Really. Just live your life the same way you have for the past 23 years. Work, do your date nights, bang your wife, take your 3/4/5 vacays a year. No changes needed.

@southernflight5078

3 ай бұрын

​@lindah3803 not gonna lie, I'd laugh my butt off if it turns one or some of their relatives pointed this out to them.

@lindah3803

3 ай бұрын

@@southernflight5078 OP said they went the relatives route. There were something around 4 of them that reached out to their son. He refused to talk to them about OP and the situation. I don't know if they agree with how OP raised his son. Except for the Grandparent's that took care of the son so much,the other's probably weren't aware. Right now they know what OP told them. I would like to think the family would be upset with OP once they got the whole picture. Especially after learning OPs son's view and feelings.

"I believe the spouse comes first because your kids will eventually leave you" and is then shocked when the kid leaves him

@Olimar92

Ай бұрын

In his mind it's "The kid will move on and have their own life, and we'll still be in it."

@dagoth-ursbeekeeper9119

Ай бұрын

That's a self-fulfilling prophecy

Story 1: They let a 3 year old ‘cry out his nightmare,’ and didn’t comfort him because they were being intimate?!?!?! WOW!!!! Just WOW!

@user-li5bf8kq9r

Ай бұрын

God like really, he was 3 these parents are very neglectful, this sets it in a kid mind the never really cared about him

@dollsite

Ай бұрын

u have no idea how shocked that part left me.. i had to replay it cuz my jaw was on the ground

OP literally tried to justify loving his spouse more than his child, and saying that spouse comes first, in the end of story 1. Wow. Just.. wow. Talk about unfit parents.

@red_goddess2145

3 ай бұрын

right? that really rubbed me the wrong way. " spouses are forever", i guess OP never heard of married people getting divorced. partners can come and go, but family is whats supposed to be forever. i couldnt imagine loving my children more than my husband. i love my husband because he is the one i chose to build a life with, i love my children because they've come from the love thats between us, being a patent is hard, but i feel its worth it, my kids have helped to enjoy things that i haven't enjoyed since i was young.

@vanzy01

3 ай бұрын

💯👍🏿

@greenknightofwar7024

3 ай бұрын

Goes to show he learned nothing

@peshivirginflower7

3 ай бұрын

Aaaaaand that's why thier son left them.

@peshivirginflower7

3 ай бұрын

2nd story: OP IS WIT DA BS. HE cares nothing about his kids and wife it's only about him. Gonna ride to play the game til his bones break. Will end up alone

"I believe that the spouse comes first" A real parent would never say this

First story is an old one of 2 people who truly didn't care about their child. That part where he says they IGNORED THEIR CRYING CHILD BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO FINISH HAVING SEX is unforgivable and just plain cruel

SMH. WOW. The OP in the first story is a HORRIBLE POS and so is his wife. I don’t blame OP’s son for disowning his sorry excuses for parents. They’ve constantly neglected him as a child and were way too invested in each other. Now, they have THE ABSOLUTE NERVE to be upset that he no longer wants them in his life and is rejecting their company during his times of celebration. Also, when he and his future wife start a family, he may needs to go full on NC with his so-called “parents” because there’s no telling what kind of BS they might pull against his (Jack’s) child or children. They ought to be ashamed of themselves. I hope that Jack goes full on NC with them because that mini update proves that his father has learned nothing from this situation.

Story 2’s OP really wants to be the victim something awful. It’s crazy how narcissistic he is and how much he’s holding against the person he said yes to. And I guarantee you he said yes after making her do the proposing because he wanted another day all about himself. The whole time he was crying about “what did I do wrong and why is she leaving” while holding everything he possibly could against her. He even downplayed what it takes to be a parent because he did it for 1 whole week. He’s emotionally abusive. He doesn’t love her, he loves that she completes his idea of a perfect life. He’s a terrible parent, going to deprive his kids of any parental bond because he wants to hurt his wife (he admitted to having anyone but himself lined up to take care of them). Gotta love a narcissist.

@vanzy01

3 ай бұрын

💯👍🏿

@VR00100

3 ай бұрын

Wait he's the one who's emotionally abusive? Wasn't his gf the one who baby trapped him 😂

@Friday1207

2 ай бұрын

@@VR00100 He had irresponsible s*x and got her pregnant, how shocking!!!!

@LegendStormcrow

2 ай бұрын

Guy was baby trapped by a grown woman robbing cradles. He's still a scumbag

@cototototorra7106

2 ай бұрын

@@VR00100 also she was 23 and knew him since he was in highschool op's ex aint a saint either

Even the last small update, OP and wife still don’t realize what a garbage failures they are. The spouse will always come first? Your kids will eventually leave you, but your spouse stays? How incredibly stupid and awful thinking! When you have a child, THEY WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST!! Honestly, ex-son should just leave them high and dry and live his best life away from those two cancer cells…

Good for the son.

"However, I don't know how to move on with this possibly permanent estrangement." Date nights? 😂

I've heard story 1 before. With the update, I understand loving your spouse more cause yeah, your children will grow up and eventually have their own families. But that doesn't mean your kids permanently take a back seat in the relationship.

OP and his wife seem to be confused when they say that they are allowed to have time as a couple and not as a family... Your son had to grow up knowing that he wasn't wanted, that you'd rather spend time together as a couple than be around him. Also, when OP and his wife knew that they had effed up, instead of giving their son the space he needed to think and focus on what he wanted, they harassed him by sending him multiple messages and phone calls? There's no second chances here. Your son is fully grown now. He had to grow up knowing that he didn't matter and now that he's made his decision and said he was cutting you out of his life, you feel the need to do what... exactly? What can you do as parents that would help mend the relationship between you and your son? Providing food on the table, a roof over someone's head, and putting clothing on their backs is the least you can provide for your child as parents. The longer I am listening to this story, the angrier I am getting with OP. He needs to stop getting family members involved in this matter. I've been OP's son before. My bio dad is a piece of effing work that abandoned me when I was a child and tried to get into contact with me a few years ago by getting my brother (that he kidnapped) to call me and give me a sob story. It did not work out the way he wanted it to. I tore into my brother and then when I realised I was on speaker where my bio dad was listening, I tore into him and told him that if he ever, and I mean, EVER, tried to do this again, I'd be calling the police to file charges of harassment.

1 story: how long y'all think their marriage is going to last somebody going to blame somebody for this and it sounds like the husband is The Mastermind of it smh

@greenknightofwar7024

3 ай бұрын

I wouldn’t be surprised if this ruins their marriage.

S2: how does he not understand his wife wanted him to spend time with his family? Several comments pointed out how his children don't know him. She wanted him to just have dinner with them, maybe play a game or something with his son, read the daughter a story before bed. How hard would it have been to cancel on his buddy, who he would see again likely in 24-48 hours.

@Maninawig

3 ай бұрын

Honestly, I started to get it in his update: he is an athelete (a lot of money), she was 5 years older and told him to grow up when he showed concern about being an adult so young. Yes, he is an total and immature AH, but the grow up comment leads me to wonder if she makes the home a welcoming place, or has always treated him like an endless resource to fund her lifestyle.... in other words, does she treat him worh importance, or as the "man up and do it" at her disposal?

@TiffWaffles

3 ай бұрын

What I don't get is how he could say that the wife doesn't know how to spend money properly when she has shown that she's capable of doing that just fine. She is the one who had to raise her children by herself for months on end, having to pay for groceries, household expenses, etc. Now he's bringing up past childhood trauma to explain why his wife is a shitty mother when obviously that isn't the case. The ex wife is going to get custody of those children and OP is going to abandon his kids because he says he resents his children in earlier posts. That is not going to go well for him at all. I wonder if OP was cheating on his wife? I get professional sports and stuff that goes along with that, but he hates his wife and kids so I wouldn't be surprised if he had a little sport's bunny on the side.

@kingturtle24k81

3 ай бұрын

Op bruh you should have either ditch her with you told her you didn't want kids or told her hell no when she proposed 😂😂😂

@thespider2566

3 ай бұрын

@@ManinawigI agree, professional athletes always have women ready to pounce the minute they are of legal age, and with her being that much older, it does sound as if she used her advantage over him and pushed him into marriage for the sake of the lifestyle he could provide. He does sound immature and probably full of himself, as pro athletes can be.

@notmyrealname8445

3 ай бұрын

@@ManinawigYeah it does seem like he was kind of groomed honestly, He still gives me bad vibes but it’s very possible that It’s a double standard on my end. I genuinely don’t know if I feel that he’s a victim, absent father or both.

S1 There's a big difference between an "imperfect" parent and a crap one. Any sympathy I had for these losers evaporated once I read the final lines; it's actually the reverse, pal, as they will always be your kids but spouses can come and go.

@mannydcbianco

3 ай бұрын

Exactly this. Those last few lines of the story really sealed it for me. I have talked to a lot of parents in my days and there's not a single one of them who would put their spouse before their child. The child is always the first priority, and both spouses know this and accept it. It's utterly insane that they went on 3-4 vacations a year, 2-3 weeks at a time, and almost never brought their only child with them. That's up to 12 weeks a year that their child was just dumped with his grandparents, and then the parents come home and show him all the pics from their vacation. JFC.

@greenknightofwar7024

3 ай бұрын

Yea if your spouse will always take priority then don’t have kids.

@powerdream4you

3 ай бұрын

My parents divorced when i was 12 and my sister was 10. Both have new partners. And guess what? They're still our parents.

S1- "spouse comes first" 😂😂😂 Nah once you have kids, KIDS come first OP claims to "love" his son but his and his wife's actions show a very story.

@vanzy01

3 ай бұрын

💯👍🏿

2:08 don't you just hate it when family cuts *tiles* with you?

@proudarmedreadytobugaloode6295

3 ай бұрын

Not if I’m applying them. Any help helps.

@lindah3803

3 ай бұрын

​@@proudarmedreadytobugaloode6295Exactly.

@greenknightofwar7024

3 ай бұрын

It’s so inconvenient

If she’s in second story we’re reversed, reddit defo would be screaming grooming

Story 1: OP, it serves you fucking right. You absolutely got what you asked for from your son. Being a parent takes more than just housing, clothing and feeding a child, being a parent involves putting your child first and your needs second.

Story 2 I was 💯 OP being YTA, but after the backstory between OP and his wife, I'm leaning 50/50. Yeah, he should strive to be a better father but the writing was on the wall that this guy wasn't husband material from the get go. "She's not gonna divorce me" to "she's filling for divorce tomorrow." In about 10 seconds. Guy is ultra delusional. Have no idea what this woman ever saw in this guy

@nehcrum

3 ай бұрын

A good provider. The guy most likely to make big money out of all of the options that she had. And all she needed to do was to sabotage the birth control.

@Kris-wo4pj

3 ай бұрын

She probably only proposed cuz he got her pregant and they had a kid. She also probably thought he'd idk be a man and actually grow up. He didmt hes still acting like hes 18. He obviously only wants the kids to hurt his now ex tho. And its obvioue hes lying about her to make himself look good. So hopefully she gets the kids ajd alimony. He wants to be single and child free he should have worn a condom. Now he gotta pay for his fuck up.

@theexpertbc1175

3 ай бұрын

Look i can sorta understand the pressure of being a pro athlete. You gotta soend alot of time away from home and part of that means youre not gonna be the best father and husband you can be. Thats why at sports Hall of Fame speeches the people usually thank their family for being there and apologizing for not being home alot. So i get that But this is him just being absent with the mind set of she should just get over it. He doesnt need therapy or anything she does. No buddy youre just being a shit husband and absent father at that point. At least acknowledge the issues you are causing and think of how to resolve them.

@Siriusly10

3 ай бұрын

I don’t know I don’t get a good vibe from the wife either and I am a woman. OP sounds like the typical high-school jock who is a jerk but he justifies his actions because he “works hard”. However, his resentment and disrespect for his wife is appalling. The wife knew what she was getting into. It’s really old fashioned of me to say this but “LADIES DO NOT CHASE YOUR MAN!!” This is what happens- they never value you ffs. What I don’t like about her is that she is okay using his money and living a luxurious life- but she cannot take the pro athlete wife life.

@reginaldgickington4793

3 ай бұрын

Yeah everyone was like "YTA" and Im like "really? Sounds like an ESH considering his (presumably college graduate-aged) wife pursued an 18 year old, knowing his career would be demanding, knowing that hes essentially still a teenager, and after he explicitly told her "Im not ready for a baby or for marriage" she said "tough shit, youre gonna have to take responsibility for both" - and was surprised he didnt turn out to be the ultimate dad." Like, yeah, the dude isnt a strong father, but I feel like the wife probably should have seen that coming when she started dating an 18 year old.

Story 1. All i hear through this whole story is that song " Cat's in the Cradle" After all that he still didn't get it.

@lindah3803

3 ай бұрын

I haven't heard that song in forever.

@juliearmfield2634

3 ай бұрын

@@lindah3803 yeah it's an oldie but a goodie

Story 2: Anyone who has to say "I am an adult!" is no true adult.

@saharaowl9712

Ай бұрын

He's an overgrown spoiled baby that has an answer for.everything. he probably doesnt see his wife as any but inconvenience!

S2: Imagine being told you're a jackass by a whole subreddit full of people and instead of admitting to your fault you just double down on being a jackass. How much did you have to gaslight or threaten her to get her to apologize and admit that you're a good father and husband? Because you're giving off those kinds of vibes my guy. Or was that just a narcissistic delusion you made up in your head and it never actually happened? It really sounds like YOU threw away 12 years of HER life. YOU married her when marriage wasn't what you wanted. YOU went and had a second child when you didn't even want the first. If being childfree meant so much to you, why didn't you double down on contraception? The first time could be understandable, the second time is just sheer stupidity on your part when you knew BC wasn't 100% effective as your first child proved. You were handed a shovel and just dug yourself straight through to China, didn't you?

I can understand wanting to have a strong relationship with you spouse BUT YOU SHOULDNT BE A SHIT PARENT TO HAVE ONE. OP literally said his wife comes first as childern will leave you. Well your child has left you and now youre upset about it?!?!? Make that make sense Son did the right thing. Let your parents have their strong relationship. Now they wont have a relationship with him or any potential grandchildren

@greenknightofwar7024

3 ай бұрын

If your spouse comes first don’t have kids. Because after kids are born there now the priority.

second story i can feel bad a little bit for op but calling yoir second child an accident is fucked up

@Catherine.Dorian.

3 ай бұрын

The fact is the entire story showed he’s a nasty man. He’s the one who wrote it, not his wife, and he couldn’t even make himself seem sympathetic

@DarthP1kachu

3 ай бұрын

i mean if the pregnancy was accidental, then yes: the child is an accident, a happy one (hopefully) but an accident nonetheless.. however by the way OP described the whole thing, it kinda sounded like she baby trapped him the first time and got pregnant the second time on purpose.. on a side note: what is a 23 y/o woman doing with an 18 y/o boy? - had the genders been reversed everyone would have been screaming : Grooming and pred*tor..

@red_goddess2145

3 ай бұрын

i thought he called the 2nd baby " another accident", which leads me to believe that he thinks both his kids were unplanned/unwanted.

@HeoBaby24

3 ай бұрын

@@DarthP1kachu I'd say the same thing. but he literally called his child an accident not that it was an accidental pregnancy. yah she wrong for being in a relationship with him hut at the same time he could've walked away. he wants to fix things yet wants to also say she ruined. his childhood? how your no longer a child

"I believe the spouse comes first because your kids eventually leave you" when you're a parent raising your kids always comes first unless there is some kind of emergency. You choose to have a kid so they are your first priority for both parents. After they move out on their own can you and your spouse be each other's priority again. If you're going to put loving your spouse above bonding with and loving your child then DON'T HAVE CHILDREN Treating your kids like that is just going to push them to leave faster and never hear from them again

S2: What does a 23 year old doing dating an 18 year old?!?!

@FullMoonOctober

3 ай бұрын

Yup, OP is an asshole that obviously hates his wife and kids, but the wife is a groomer for sure. Goes after a high schooler, "accidentally" gets pregnant, then proposes to him because she knows he doesn't want to be married.

@kevinjclune1

3 ай бұрын

It's extremely common 🙄

She is 23 and he is 18 and he is a profession player. It sounds like he was baby trapped. He needs to divorce her and should have got a proper prenup. He needs a dang therapist.

@powerdream4you

3 ай бұрын

Probably, but he won't because he's sane enough and don't want to miss time with his boyfriends

Ok but what kind of tiles did they cut? This is important.

S2: She (op's wife) found herself a young malleable man with earning potential and locked (baby trapped) him down

@Nerdbookworm

3 ай бұрын

Wear a condom or have a vasectomy. Since pregnancy is always blamed on women that don’t want it, it’s his fault since he didn’t want it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

if Story 2 was 30F and 35M as opposed to 30M and 35F the comments would have been flipped. If he was 23 and got a girl he courted (while she was in high school) pregnant. Red pill dudes are for the most part wrong about everything but even a broken clock is tells the right time twice a day. Hope he really has a good lawyer

First Story OP and his wife don't see what they did wrong because they don't want to see what they did wrong. Providing for your child's needs and actually being interested in them as a person are two very different things.

"Wow you guys are being really judgemental, spouses come before kids because a spouse will be with you forever, a kid will always leave you at some point." So a couple things, first of all a spouse is statistically MUCH more likely to leave you completely than a child and second the love between a spouse and a child is completely different and if you can't see that you were never fit to be a parent.

This one needed a violin track the whole time.

Story 1--The second OP said the worst part was that he couldn't use money to force their son to talk to him was the moment I realized that they were shitty parents. The having sex while your child was upset outside was just...ew. Lets do some math, though: If OP and wife take 2 or 3 vacations a year WITHOUT the son, and each vacation is 2 or 3 weeks long, then that means that they would send their son away at least 4 weeks a year, and as much as 9 weeks a year. They sound like the type of parents that send their child away each summer to camp, and I wonder if that would have overlapped, or be an addition to the 4-9 weeks they already don't see him a year? Factor in being busy on weekdays, and date nights on the weekends, and I'm wondering how many days a year they actually spent with their son long enough to have a conversation with him when he was growing up, let alone make good family memories.

@safi6749

2 ай бұрын

Yeah. No wonder son is mad

Story 3 - There are loads better ways to get a sibling to let you stay with them. Those two seemed dumb as hell. 😂 They couldn’t keep their lies straight to save their lives. They woulda had a better chance by just telling the truth, brother’s gf got kicked out and needed a place to stay for a few weeks while she gets back on her feet. Now they’ve potentially burned a bridge _and_ lost trust.

I'm loving this era of people going NC with their toxic, narcissist family members. This is growth, guys. Shed that generational trauma and PROTECT YOUR PEACE!!!!

OP in the second story is the type of husband and father that thinks that by working and putting money in a bank account is the only duty he has as both husband and father. What if OP's wife gets sick with something serious or God forbid, if she dies... Would OP be able to be a father to his children all the time or would he just up an abandon his family? This OP is as aggravating as the first. My mother was eighteen when she had me. She doesn't resent me even though my bio dad is a piece of work and abused her when she was a minor (and he was an adult) and continued to abuse her even after they got married. OP resents his wife for being in a relationship with him he was eighteen? He could have walked away from her. Easily ended the relationship with her. This man is looking for an excuse to do a runner. I guarantee that the moment the ink dries on the divorce papers that he's going to refuse to have anything to do with the children and for fuck's sake, STOP REFERRING TO YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN AS MISTAKES!

You didn’t spend time with him and you didn’t love him. You did the bare minimum as parents.

OP is really that delusional to think he could sue the bare minimum and accept more back from his kid.

Once again I'm reminded of this song My child arrived just the other day He came to the world in the usual way But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay He learned to walk while I was away And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad" "You know I'm gonna be like you"

4 times a year, 3wks at a time: thats 3 full months AH.. Then you admit you let scream and cry so you could finish getting off; but you both messed up, you didnt put him first, ever!!

"I believe spouse comes first" and that's where you went wrong.

Story 2: Sounds like OP is a narcissist. You want the kids but explain that you have enough money that you won't have to actually be a parent to them and can hire people to do that!

"I believe that the spouses comes first. Your kids will leave you eventually, but your spouses stays with you till the end" well the kids might still have some connection if they are FOCKIN LOVED and not treated like a third wheel in his own house. Op here dosent know wth he did wrong cuz he didn't built a relationship with his son properly.

Rarely have I seen someone tell on themselves so completely.

"your kids will eventually leave you, but your spouse stays with you till the end" That's the problem. *"Family stays with you until the very end!"* OP and wife brought this upon themselves and now can't make up for it. They'll just have to accept that.

I guarantee you that the wife didn’t call him a wonderful husband and father. Their whole fight was about him being a deadbeat

The more I watch these videos, the more I am sure that A LOT of people should not be parents. The first coiple treated their son like a pet more than a son. The second guy is just a walking red flag and should be nowhere near those children

First story made me cry. I feel sorry and happy for their son

OP in story 1 is a legit example of NPD thinking at its finest.

Last story: brother's lies should be exposed to mommy dearest

Story two: who the F is this guy kidding? The part that was most telling was that rather than telling the comment what he did do to be a father, and he got defensive. He started going on about how great he was, and that he did do the stuff they said he wasn’t doing; “ you didn’t pay enough attention to your kids”, “ yes I did”, isn’t actually an answer. Bro, what did you actually do with them? “ I watch the kids for a week” Really? How filthy was the house when your wife got back from her trip? How much laundry had piled up waiting to be done? How often did you take them to McDonald’s instead of cooking if you know how to cook. You need to give a specifics not to say, “but I did”. And having a history of mental illness, doesn’t mean you’re unfit to raise children either. One of my best friends has been in and out of mental hospital and her ex tried to use that in court. It didn’t work she still got full custody.

Story 1 i can't defend these parents, they only now care when it upsets them, but neglected the son plenty. They clearly didn't want kids and shouldn't have had one. But tbh bad parents are never self aware

Story 1 is perfect fafo. Be shit parents, become discarded parents?. Chefs kiss.

Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon...

"Spouse comes first, your kids will leave you one day" but then starts crying when the kid actually leaves 🤣 path3tic bunch. He didnt leave, you made him leave .

Story 1 I am 100% on the sons side you don't go on vacations and leave your kid behind a family is supposed to be a family and should do these things together if they wanted couples vacations they shouldn't have had a kid

why did the son cut tiles and move out 😆

I’m gonna be honest op from story 2 makes my dad looking like the best and most present parent in the world

i’m still hung up on the fact they let their child cry because they wanted to get their rocks off that bad

Second store. I think you didn't know the game.That you were playing. She was playing chess while you were playing Tic tac toe. Now you're gonna pay for but you can rebuild and love your kids no matter what.

OP, he is grown, respect his wishes! He is know exactly what he is doing. Sorry, OP, you and your wife were awful parents.

"It felt like he divorced us" what an utterly bizarre way to think of that situation and still prove your son's point that he was never your priority. I hope OP's son has already found himself a good therapist.

"Did we spend enough time with him?" You went on multi-week long trips like 4 times a year, and wanted a break from being with him regularly. You didn't even want to spend time with him, and expected him to want you in his life.

Sounds like two narcissists trying to cover their own butts. That poor kid.

There’s just such a huge gap between being a “good parent” and being a “toxic or abusive parent” but a lot of people think the bar is “not actively abusive.” It feels like the OP in this story missed a lot of warning signs that he and his wife were fucking up, but they would have only noticed things were bad if their kid wasn’t doing well in school or making relationships. Sad shit

Nope kids shoukd be 1st your wife will cheat or leave you. Smh

Why have kids if all you do is send them away because " y'all need time with each other smh

Story 1: My husband and I have discussed the question of “what comes first, the kids or the couple?” Many times. We’re both Christian, and biblically speaking, the couple comes first. That being said, you still spend copious amount of time with your children 1 on 1 and as a family. To us, when someone says “the couple comes first” that means you take time to work on each other and “never stop dating” so to speak. I couldn’t even imagine going on a vacation without your kids, let alone multiple times a year! That’s insane to me. We don’t have kids yet, but we sure pray that we’ll be better than these parents

Story 1: why the fuck does he say “I believe a spouse comes first because a child will leave you” as if THAT MATTERS AT ALL!?! Your child needs to bond with their parents for their development. The kid is right, and the kid knows it. They’re more interested in their relationship, he was a box to check off the list. If you don’t think a child comes first, don’t have one, because you’ll make them suffer for it.

S2: anyone who has to say ‘I am an adult!’ Isn’t one

S2. this is easy. OP and his wife never should have dated/had kids/married

I doubt op 2 loves his children

Story 1 OP seemed remorseful until the end where they got offended by the criticism and said your spouse comes first. When you have a family the life you brought into the world is the priority.

Idiots who put their spouse before the kids they chose to have shouldn’t expect that kid to ever want s as nothing to do with them. They aren’t some pet you can shelf until it’s convenient for you and expect unconditional love from later

Your child will grow up and leave to start their own family but your spouse will stay?! Um no, your child will always be your child but spouse can be an ex anytime. Every relationship in the house should be 50/50 or it builds up resentment. You can put your child's wellbeing first with a family outing during the day while still having a date night. Having one doesn't mean you can't have the other.

A surprising amount of people seem to not realise that loving someone and expressing that love are two very different things. I saw a clip of an 'influencer' recently talking about how she wanted 10 kids, and any obvious issues that were brought up with that plan just didn't matter to her because she'd love them all equally. Perhaps she would, but there would physically not be enough time in the day for her to express that to all of them equally. There would be times where two kids were having a bad day at the same time, and one would inevitably have to be ignored in favour of the other. I feel like OP and his wife fell into a similar trap. They love their son, even he claims that, but they don't feel it necessary to put effort into showing him that because, per the first thing OP said, 'theyre his parents', and they take it as a given that he'll always make the effort for them. Marriage on the other hand is a bond that CAN be broken and is less of a given that it'll just continue to happen, so they would feel more pressure to put effort into that. Its not an excuse at all, theyre still despicable parents and still should've had some sort of discussion about their priorities before choosing to bring another human into the world, but I think it is a plausible explanation, especially for a generation where cutting off your parents just wasn't 'the done thing'

OP treated his son like a pet. Check that, I have stronger emotional connections with my cats.

Story 2: this guy seems have only grown physically but not mentally. perhaps related to being a professional athlete. I heard many professional athletes facing a lot of difficulties after their retirement.l cause they rely on their family and agent. this OP probably doesn't really know how to relate to someone(especailly kids or wife) other than his teammates.

"The spouse comes first :((" Bro you literally let a TODDLER cry alone because you were too busy having sex w/ each other.... Yes, all parents make mistakes, but this was far more than a mistake. From what it sounds he expressed as a child how he felt [at least regarding the vacation & shit] you didn't care....

2nd story: both OP and his wife feel like an AHs to me. OP is for being an absent father, who would rather spend time with a teammate (whom he sees on a regular basis) than with his wife and kids, and he also has a wonderful comment that his wife knows that he refers younger women and considered cheating on her. As for wife, the fact that they started dating when he was 18 and she was 23 feels a bit like grooming to me, and her first pregnancy feels like babytrapping. And I must note, it's still funny how OP says that his wife 'ruined his childhood' when they started dating when he was 18 and he was still a teenager, yet in the comment to another redditor's post he calls a 15 yo girl 'almost an adult'

@sanicinapanic4264

2 ай бұрын

Meh I think the 5 year difference only looks bad because he was 18 considering I feel like to most that is the "max" age I say this because its kind of under the same pretense of a 16 year old dating a 18 year old granted the different being emotional maturity so this is a bad example but my point is the overall age difference isn't "that" bad

i grew up in a family clearly disliked by my mum who married a man who didn’t like me. but she would have stopped having sex to stop me crying

2nd story before any update: Both Op and his Wife are assholes. They need to divorce. It sounds like he doesnt love her, she baby trapped him and forced him to marry her. A divorce will be beneficial to not only them but their children too

“18 is still a teenager and you know it” 😭😂😭😂

1st story you should love your family first and not indivdual members. OP complained about how painful it was to be neglected for a few years. imagine how his son felt for 18 years.

The issue with the first story isnt really about him loving the wife more than the kid its about the lack of balance in the expression. The son didnt feel loved and he not only experienced it but also saw it play out. They made it obvious they were putting themselves first. Theres different love when the issue is spouse and child. Typically people love they kids more than spouse but it is a different kind of love.

HOT TAKE: OP in the 2nd story is absolutely valid for resenting their wife. A woman 5 years his senior baby-trapped him when he was still a teen and in high school. He then - clearly - felt pressured to marry her whilst also trying to pursue his career as an athlete which, like it or not, is VERY time investing job. Flip the genders, and we would not be treating them like this. I think Reddit is so quick to label a dad a deadbeat/neglectful or abusive and hop on with hating them, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Especially with how quickly the ex-wife spun around on that "you're a great husband and father!"

@cjgroves4429

19 күн бұрын

Yeah, he was baby trapped and the mother is scum...but he's complete scum too for how he's acting and how he's a failure of a father.

Cats in the cradle... you no the rest

play stupid games win stupid prices

They aren't a couple, that ended after they had a child.

Story 1: The problem is that Op and his wife basically excluded their son on trips so many times he has this accepted that their love for each other (which is understandable) weighs more than the love for their son. And because of that he feels like he’s upbringing was a burden rather than just love.

They got a taste of their own medicine then go to whine all about it but it's well too late now cause he's all grown up and moved on.

Story 1: I get wanting to spend time with your partner but make sure to leave time for your kids