I have a disability myself and a ton of mental health issues and internalized ableism. I quit being a disability support worker because I realized that the disability community is my community and I want genuine relationships with the people, not paid ones. It just didn't feel right being in such a position of power over people I view as peers. I'm so glad I made that decision. I wouldn't be where I am today without the support and companionship of my fellow people. I've found my voice and purpose as a disability self-advocate and an ally to disability workers :)

@sharonhobbs4144

Жыл бұрын

Way to go!! We do need advocacy/self advocacy.

@takkadi3116

Жыл бұрын

Love this!

@sharonhobbs4144

Жыл бұрын

It is possible to be both.

@matraines8621

Жыл бұрын

Smart choice or you can make your organisation where friendship is part of disability process. In Germany it develops love and marriages. I guess western world needs more love not a business transaction.

This has always ALWAYS been the culture, but it is not so simple as this!!! We are CAREGIVERS. We are PAID to CARE. Clients aside, we genuinely do care. We love. We spend more time with clients than our own friends and family. These feelings, these relationships, are real for us too. We grieve too. I know I do, even years after I have to leave. I know caregivers who stay BECAUSE the client had no family. Who buy Christmas and birthday presents and throw parties, spend the holidays with them, because no one else would. They become family. I know, how taboo, how "inappropriate!" I firmly believe the culture needs to change. Not to encourage or teach what I describe, but to honor and recognize those feelings, the stark realities of these rules and laws that say NOTHING of the impact and real experiences we've all had. It's so easy to say "paid supports don't get attached." Yes, we do. And I'll never stop. Sometimes, we have to care more than others. Sometimes, we care against the rules. I always say, in these infuriating trainings we all sit through, that I may not be allowed to say, "I love you." But I can say, "I love working with you. I love coming to work and hanging out with you. This job means the world to me." And it does. We do this work because we love it. How can that be wrong.

This is true for any client!! As a health educator, I had to continuously emphasize to patients that I was there to empower and support them. Nothing more, nothing less. Sadly, the clinical team that I worked with thought I shouldn't have reinforced healthy boundaries with clients. Maintain your professional boundaries in healthy ways. Not doing so has thr potential to backfire and cause unnecessary stress.

LOVE especially the question at the end

That's where you start . . . truth.

I found this video while searching for info on boundaries ‘as i am a client’ ... this is a very good video .... i have a slightly different problem... my support worker is crossing boundaries.. & i am trying to stop them... i dont want their friendship & they are getting upset because my boundaries are there & im trying to keep that distance.. .. i have trouble communicating this & not wanting the human element ruining the functional aspect of their support of me ... its ‘their’ emotions that im trying not to hurt at the same time aiming to be civil & assertive .. its not nice to see a grown adult support worker being upset, moody & passive aggressive when i don’t reciprocate ‘friendships vibes’ ... i have to manoeuvre life in general.. & now im also trying to manoeuvre around my support worker disclosure of her personal life or opinions constantly... i know that i am a calm & gentle understanding soul .. but i didn’t want to partake in this added burden... .. i don’t want that syrup & I’m about to cut contact with this person & i know she isn’t going to take it well .... this is a repeat issue for me & my other support worker is also taking my kindness for friendship at a lesser degree .. i seem to get people telling me all of their personal life problems ... i am not their therapist/councillor 🤦‍♀️.. but it seems this way

@OpenFutureLearning

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that. I hope you can find a new person soon.

@anjalisahni4130

2 жыл бұрын

My clients always get in to deeper conversations with me. But I never get into deeper concersations with them. My statement has different meanings but This is the my example of setting the boundaries. My clients are my priority❤️. and tbh, I have beautiful friendships with all of them and I accept it as my clients way of friendship😊

@trudylyte2660

2 жыл бұрын

@@anjalisahni4130 that sounds good 👍 😊

@sharonhobbs4144

Жыл бұрын

Isn't this video good? I'm going to share with new support workers. We have brilliant long term ones who don't struggle with this but new staff can.

@sabserab

Жыл бұрын

I can relate so well! I have support workers for me being autistic, and also cause I have mobility issues. They are drained af and I understand, the are all reaching burnout, and I become their emotional support, and dare I can't provide it, and I need help, they snap!! I changed so many agencies and this always happens and now I can't change again. I try to be assertive at first meeting to show my boundaries from the 1st meeting, yet this dynamic sneaks in all the time. I am dependent on their help. And they know it. I don't feel save in my own home anymore.

Powerful words 100%True and to the point.

Such a powerful message

100% true.

Wow!

Powerful

@pasteurjulien3368

2 жыл бұрын

How Powerful

its not just the support workers its the plan managers as well, leave when the going get tough~

It is really difficlut to work with anyone and not develop a relationship. Depending on the individual, it can be very hard or impossible to explain to them that you're a paid staff to be with them. These blurred lines also make it difficult for people to get paid a livable wage because people don't take the field serious enough. They feel that you're getting paid to hang out with your friends.The only way you can make a good living is working overtime. It is very common to see people working 14 hour days 6 days a week.

@matraines8621

Жыл бұрын

I would rather friendship over payment what if the support worker is attractive what if that worker becomes attracted to you?. I guess it's all about fate.

I disagree! I have a physical disability and use a communication device, I am very lucky to have a busy life. I have some excellent friends, but for people who have behaviors, nonverbal, or don't get out of the place that they are living the community aides need to be their friend just like someone who is living in a nurseing home the nurses are their friends. I am lucky enough to have many of my former school team members as my friends. When I was still in school, were we friends? No because they were adults and I was a child and teenager then.

Pardon me I understand what you're saying, but there are instances in which a support worker can also develop a friendship. I'm a guy with CP, so my speech is affected. I've even done things to my own family in order to get care, and because of that, everyone in the community thinks I'm stupid. This video and the other one on KZread encourage emotional abuse, but since I recently helped someone close to me get out of a really difficult situation, I don't think I'll be treated that way.

It's not a lie...it's policies which are preventing the pissibilitiy if creating continued networks in a safe way for these people. I would live to maintain contact and supports. As support workers we also get cut off! Doesn't seem right

@matraines8621

Жыл бұрын

Time to create my own organisation which allows friendships to happen with clients. I'm a lefty vegan hippie I'm all about spreading the love.

What happened if parents get paid to get to take care of their own kids

@sharonhobbs4144

Жыл бұрын

It's generally not support workers then. Where I am we call that Carers as opposed to support workers. SW is that paid hourly role, and really quite different!

Disabled people are like paychecks

@kiersten5560

2 жыл бұрын

That is not always true and pretty offensive. I am my son's coach. He knows when I am coaching and he knows when I am Mom. I challenge anyone to shadow me on my work days with my son and tell me that they would put in the amount of work I do in order for him to be successful.

@sharonhobbs4144

Жыл бұрын

I'm just sorry that something you see makes you feel that way.

@sharonhobbs4144

Жыл бұрын

Do you mean that a paycheck is all that some staff see in their clients? That clients aren't seem as equals?

@samuelrobinson1150

Жыл бұрын

​@@sharonhobbs4144 There is that ideology, not all people with Disabilities know right from wrong. In my view, people with Disabilities should be treated as equal as any other Human being, People look at people as having a mind of a 5 year old child and they look like aren't normal those type of people can be just mean, when I tell people that I have a Disability they say to me, Sam you don't look like you have a Disability. That part is true, they see on the outside that I don't have a Disability, but it's not on the outside it's on the inside. I have been in that world myself. I've struggled with a lot of things and being in the environment some don't see how smart I can actually be, they say I have a low IQ. But an IQ is just an imperfect tool to measure for Intelligence, it doesn't measure Wisdom. So to answer your question, not all staff see clients as paycheck. But some really do care and they do see them as an equal. But there are some who don't, it just takes the right people to see that. I hope that answers your question.

This is NOT the way. It makes us feel worthless and only there for their paycheck. Treat us like everybody else. Maybe we will become friends maybe we won't. To disregard that from the start demeans us to an object purely there so they can have a job. 😠

@OpenFutureLearning

2 жыл бұрын

In the module Dave explains that not being friends does not mean you cannot be friendly. As Dave says in the video when you discover that someone is lonely that is where you start i.e. your job is to help forge connections and friendships.

@maidment1

2 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY! Just like ANY job sometimes you become friends, sometimes you don't. To rule this out from the beginning just makes us objects without feelings. "Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all". Often in life we develop deep feelings in one way or another KNOWING it's maybe temporary a great example is our pets, we love them and then they die. Doesn't mean we don't even begin that close bond in case they leave! This video and concept is nonsense its all about perspective, choice and control and BOTH/ ALL parties choice regarding the relationship boundaries.

@sharonhobbs4144

Жыл бұрын

@@maidment1 not so, it's about not lying to clients and not disrespecting their boundaries. Some people don't know how to help someone in a professional way, and instantly become over involved, with no intention of honest, unpaid friendship. As Dave says, when you leave it's devastating to just dump that person because you are not being paid to be there any more. Real people are friendly and remain professional without needing to actually be friends. Friendship may develop over time.

@sabserab

Жыл бұрын

But your feelings are not our responsibilities. Just keep being friendly, but not payed friends ya know

@takkadi3116

Жыл бұрын

Exactly that's not fair

Powerful

@OpenFutureLearning

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!