Being honest to myself, I realized that sometimes in my own life. I have played the victim, and sometimes I have fall into a victim's game. Most of this actions have come as Unconscious actions of unhealed trauma and toxic beliefs and patterns from my childhood. I keep reading and working on myself every day. To be a better human, for me and for all the people around me, and hopefully to make this world a more kind and better place. Thank you!

@buahahahahabuahahaha

2 жыл бұрын

I relate to ur comment soo much. Everytime i played a victim and later when I realised that I DID (play victim) , it all traced back to how i was treated in childhood. Everytime i get triggered of what happened when i was young , my thoughts automatically start showcasing me as a victim , as helpless , as pitiful .. I'm glad that i hv slowly started recognising the patterns and actually being aware that my mind is making me feel like a victim and i shud not let my mind do that to me.. we'll get through this..hope u r doing good man 🙌

@gpgp

2 жыл бұрын

Maybe.

@Virgifus

2 жыл бұрын

Try doing random acts of kindness. And don't expect anything in exchange. Over time you will feel a shift for the better. It's better than therapy!

@edindilanton2264

2 жыл бұрын

Me too

@SevenHunnid

2 жыл бұрын

I’m 20 & i smoke weed on my KZread channel as my job..

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.” -Carl Jung

@xnomadx5686

2 жыл бұрын

Losing one mind to find the soul... said to be the most horrific thing any man can face b¥ this very same esteemed phyician

@jaimlawson

2 жыл бұрын

​@Psy Facing your shadow, the unconscious dark side of you and make it conscious.

@xnomadx5686

2 жыл бұрын

Explaining further CGJ we have an impasses sir

@properpsychology1276

2 жыл бұрын

@Psy “Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.” -Carl Jung

@properpsychology1276

2 жыл бұрын

@@jaimlawson “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” -Carl Jung

I've always said, people who deserve our pity don't want it, the people who want it don't deserve it.

@blisslove3758

7 ай бұрын

That’s deep but true

@a.m.pietroschek1972

7 ай бұрын

Usually true. Just as most playing the victims don't realize that being in pain always means a real victim would be busy surviving, not money-milking. Also: Some of us are not instant-back to health, when given money for further substance abuse! 😉

@user-qq9zv2hv9d

Ай бұрын

Yeah, but I know people who just say that the other person's playing victim, because that's the way that they manipulate us into thinking that the other person is just. Playing a victim when sometimes they really was a victim of narcissistic abuse. For 9 years and it was by someone who had already had previous convivtions on his record like child abuse and. Several counts of domestic battery assault, and I'm sure that was probably only when they get to a phone to call the police.Because in my case , my mother had to call the police because he wouldn't let me leave the house , so don't always say that someone's playing the victim . Sometimes they truly are

If you never learned to deal with your feeling and emotions, the only choice you have is policing everyone else so "they don't make you feel bad"

@thafrostyfox

2 жыл бұрын

🙌

@lawrencefeldman7744

2 жыл бұрын

Whenever I hear from someone that is referring to another as being " down to earth", I know that this is emotional shorthand for "I met this person and they gave me this back story I can relate to in a semi spurious way. In this way I can create a bond of "Turbo Trust" that I can use later. I'll tell you my child victim injury to a point but only to learn and use yours when I need to. I've met at least 2 people who do this and oh,Lordy! They are cringeworthy! And get found out quickly!

@user-oz9mp3fe6t

2 жыл бұрын

@@lawrencefeldman7744 Could you elaborate more on that please? Could you please say am example so to understand better what you mean? I am interested in knowing a bit more about the subject.

@lawrencefeldman7744

2 жыл бұрын

Down to earth is shorthand for easy way in. That's all. Not my shorthand. I know when I hear the phrase in this instance It means less aloof and therefore,more accessible.

@elijahfranklin6074

2 жыл бұрын

THIS! The irony of this thread! People playing the victim due to having known someone that "played the victim". Empathy and compassion are becoming a thing the so called intellectuals condemn.

Being aware of drama triangles, and dodging them, is a social superpower

@gpgp

2 жыл бұрын

Ok perhaps

@WalleBrown

2 жыл бұрын

Social Spidey Sense!

@nnaled458

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, most of manager or boss should be able to do it.

@TakenPilot

2 жыл бұрын

@@nnaled458 Except when it’s actually incompetence, especially on the part of the manager.

@gm9984

2 жыл бұрын

@@WalleBrown hehehehe, good one

My son had a breakdown and needed my support but when he got better he felt guilty about spending time away from me. One time he said he felt like he had neglected me. I was shocked that he felt this obligation to spend time with me. At 33 years of age, he shouldn’t feel any responsibility to my happiness. I told him that I didn’t mind where he was in the world as long as he was taking in oxygen and had a smile on his face.

@africazanella6963

2 жыл бұрын

congratulations Liz 😇

@abyfy

Жыл бұрын

You are wise 😇

@janewright2800

11 ай бұрын

That's beautiful liz and truly wise💚🙏

@sunbeam9222

10 ай бұрын

A conscious mother ❤

From my experience, a lot of people who play the victim were actual victims at one time and they saw how much attention and power being a victim gave them. They were able to influence and control people around them with this victimhood without actually doing anything to influence them. But at some point the story gets old and they can no longer use that victim card to control people around them so they start to lie about experiences or they adopt the experiences of other people in order to maintain the influence and control that they get by being a victim.

@janewright2800

Жыл бұрын

Yes relate to that

@supernova11491

11 ай бұрын

WOW. This was an EXCELLENT and incredibly insightful comment. Good for you.

@BrendaLG

2 ай бұрын

Am watching this very thing play out at the moment in an acquaintance. Great comment.

My God, I felt like you were describing my household growing up. My parents separated when I was 13. My mom used guilt to keep me from leaving the house, going after the career I wanted, discouraging me from starting a new business. It wasn't until I became an adult I realized she was playing victim. What really surprised me when I would confront her was that she wouldn't own up to it. She would get defensive, come up with some lame excuse or start crying.

@vincentmutel7313

2 жыл бұрын

People playing the victim will NEVER admit to it. Either out of bad faith, or self-delusion, or because they're not even aware of their own behaviour.

@edwhite7475

2 жыл бұрын

@@vincentmutel7313 its a weakness, and they cant deal with it

@giulianobilofioravanti560

2 жыл бұрын

The faster you realize the real nature of your parents, the faster you develop a disenchanted outlook towards every human being you meet, which is not negative nor positive. It's just how it has to be.

@tom-eliasknosp5267

Жыл бұрын

See through it, try to understand it and then forgive and go on with your life. It will make you free and more powerful than you thought you ever could be 😊 Good luck.

@wamuhunjuguna

20 күн бұрын

The crying part is always sickening 💀

This is definitely a difficult pill for me to swallow. I now realize I have had so many hidden expectations. I still have those expectations, but now I'm aware of it. I will aim to make my expectations known and reasonable. For a long time I only saw other people as being the toxic ones when I was playing victim, and it hurts to acknowledge this. I'll keep working on improving myself. Thanks for the video

@ZackWilliams_TheProducer

2 жыл бұрын

That's great that you realized that and are willing to admit it, some people live their whole lives in that delusion! My uncle is nearly 70 and every time he is on the phone with my dad he talks about their brother and how he ruined his life (by running of with his girlfriend 45 years ago) and drinks all day. Make the most of the hard truths you realize there is always more to learn never opt to be comfortably blind. I have had my own victim stories as well, and it was a process to start empowering myself and becoming responsible for my life! A strong outlook on life is that everything, your relationships, how people treat you, your daily life, is YOUR responsibility. All of it. And that is a powerful place to live and take the right actions from.

@dragonmaster909

2 жыл бұрын

@@ZackWilliams_TheProducer Thanks man, reading about your uncle and how long he has held on to his resentment further encourages me to take responsibility because you're right, we should make the most of the hard truths we realize. Congratulations on your own realizations and taking action!

@hfarthingt

2 жыл бұрын

Or maybe this video isn’t authoritative truth for your life, and you don’t need to take it so seriously as a worthy dogma.

@dragonmaster909

2 жыл бұрын

@@hfarthingt Maybe it isn't, but I can learn something from it or gain perspective. I think it's better to take action and responsibility than for me to keep blaming, complaining, and playing victim. I might become a grumpy old and highly unpleasant man if I were to maintain my path of actionless victim mentality.

@puidemare2337

2 жыл бұрын

My granny use to always tell us, " no one gets to define your worth. Only you get to do that." Blaming, victim mentality, complaining are traits that weakens us. It's not wanting or willing to hold ourselves accountable for our life decisions. Always easier to point the finger at someone else. But once we master accountability for our life decisions, life will open up in a whole new way. Its glorious to be empowered. Victims don't get to write their own stories but empowered people do. Good luck on your journey!!

It's happened so much in relationships when a narcissist egoistic person always plays the victim in the relationship

@user-rx7uh9mg4f

2 жыл бұрын

Especially covert narcissists. Their whole identity can revolve around victim hood so they don't have to take responsibility for their actions and are allowed to be neglectful of their duties. Usually at one time they were really victims of abuse, but they over play it to their advantage even if "danger" or abuse is over. It's always others to blame not them.. The world is against them and that's why things are not working out for them. They have it the worst that's why everyone has to treat them like royalty because they are the only ones suffering.

@mytripsvideos4511

2 жыл бұрын

you mean our moms?

@KeyleeTamirian

2 жыл бұрын

@@mytripsvideos4511 Bruh, my Mom is a smart and kind woman. Don't think that all mothers are following the trope of "But i am the mother".

@traindr12

2 жыл бұрын

@@mytripsvideos4511 lol unemployed i assume???

@mytripsvideos4511

2 жыл бұрын

@@traindr12 meANING?

I have played the victim and the worst of all was that I wasn't doing it for others but for myself. Anytime I did something for someone and they didn't do the same for me, I felt better because that helped in tagging them as bad people and me good. I loved being the "GOOD GIRL". It took me a while to get out of that behavior. Thank you for making this video. The thing about covert contract was really insightful.

@ambrosia-venusbelladonna835

2 жыл бұрын

@Swati Gupta That's NOT "Playing The Victim" those are called STANDARDS. If you're not being reciprocated what you're giving in ANY Relationship; what's the point?

@ariadne2631

2 жыл бұрын

I thought that was how girls were encouraged to be although I understand your point.

@ambrosia-venusbelladonna835

2 жыл бұрын

@@ariadne2631 @Swati Gupta There are some people who will give to you with one hand and take from you with the other. There's also another version; they will deliberately give/offer you a gift 🎁 ( or "help"/"service" at no cost) and when you take it, they exercise their "reciprocity" by stabbing you in the back. Giving you a gift or doing you a favor was just to open the door for him to have an excuse/justify abusing (financially, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically, or put restrictions, etc,) you. This type I find to be more common with Men, although you will find some Women engage in this behavior too. However, that's another topic for another discussion. Even though these situations can take place and do happen; that doesn't mean you have no right to have great expectations. If you go to any customer service rep and you conduct yourself like a decent human being and treat them with courtesy, kindness, respect then you have a right to expect the same thing because YOU gave it; YOU have it. And therefore you should receive it , in kind. In any relationship ( business, personal, spiritual, or otherwise) if you are giving with truthful intentions and you are not being given to just as much or more in kind; or worse yet they WILL NOT give back to you, what you gave to them; then they cannot meet your Standards and Expectations and in order to dodge the responsibility most Men will say something along the lines of " I don't owe you anything, bla, bla, bla (excuses, lies, excuses)". Be careful who you give to because you create ties with them. It also works in reverse be careful who you accept gifts and especially help from because they create ties with you. And people who are looking for victims/prey WILL try to push their "help" on you, so they can damage you when you accept. Hope this helps and clears up some confusion.

@swatigupta1551

2 жыл бұрын

@@ambrosia-venusbelladonna835 I know, that's exactly what I thought too. Every relationship is based on a give and take from both sides. But what if you know the opposite side is not going to reciprocate? Logically, you should stop doing anything for them. But that's not what I did. I kept helping them. I later on realized it's not their mistake that they don't deliver on the obligations but it was mine to keep expecting differently from them. Some introspection clarified that I want to tag myself as a good person and what better way to do that than being a victim. And funny thing is I wasn't a victim to them but only to myself.

@ariadne2631

2 жыл бұрын

@@swatigupta1551 Oh I see so there were passive aggressive tendencies instead of being assertive and saying something. Thanks for explaining.

Playing the victim often happens from unconsciousness. People who are unaware of their power often play the victim. When you choose to play the victim you choose to not discover your innerpower.

@gpgp

2 жыл бұрын

Ok maybe

@LucidLivingLL

2 жыл бұрын

@@ranc1977 facts 💯

@vajoynus

2 жыл бұрын

When you choose to play the victim you are choosing to manipulate.

@AlastorTheNPDemon

2 жыл бұрын

Interesting you should say that. You see, I want my inner power, but my superego just tells me it's "wishful thinking until proven". I also would feel disgusted with myself if, failing to put my savagery into practice, I resorted to something as underhanded as guilt tripping. I don't exactly have the most pleasant worldview or a strong enough sense of self, so I'm totally lost in this regard.

@pleasureisgood5957

2 жыл бұрын

Moat people who plays the victim are powerful people who knows they are powerful but uses this to maintain their power or to deflect looks from their own bad stuff they do.

Great analysis. In codependent rehab, we call this Loansharking - providing something that wasn’t asked for to create a debt, and then forcing repayment

@africazanella6963

2 жыл бұрын

In relationships there is a give and take that needs to play out .Beware of the giver and the taker if there is no balance , for it will create mistrust abuse and many other forms of disorder in my view

@sunbeam9222

10 ай бұрын

The mafia tool ^^ Loansharking. Never heard that term thanks. It's great to know this concept is explored in rehab.

I loved how you explained the 2 ways the person plays victim that 10 mins flew by!

*Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think and more talented than you know, and capable of more than you can imagine. Keep putting in the work…*

Hey bro, thank you for using the example of the mother. You are saving a bunch of lives and I don’t think you even know how many. I found that out the hard way. But thank you and if they take this down pls put it back or do something bcuz you are saving lives with this. Hopefully the ones who need this are able to see it

I was at the receiving end of a mother who played the victim and who successfully got me to feel responsible for her happiness and well-being. She did this by getting me to pity her and she would say as much as it was my responsibility to care for her. At the same time she got me to feel disgust for my father because I saw him as failing in his duty to protect her and make her happy, so I had a distorted view of what love and relationships were, and a weakened and resentful relationship with my father. I managed to work this out and change my relationship with my mother, who I did love. I was able to do this by realising that I was not responsible for whether my mum felt lonely or not. As a result, I could see through all her manipulative devices and no longer responded to them. It actually meant my relationship with my mother improved and I started to feel less angry towards her. More recently I have begun to realise I have done the same thing as my mum in some of my friendships. I think the danger lies in becoming detached as a result of having gone through all of this. But I read in the comments here, one antidote may be to be kind without expectation.

@HenriqueSilvanyar

2 жыл бұрын

My mother screw up his marriage by expelling my fahter fron home in one of her rages. She regreted almoust imediatelly and sended me to beg that he stay. He did not, he get out and started again, get another family and other marriage much more happier. She become sour, resentfull, depressive, and make sure to share all that misery whit me and my little brother, and playng the victm and making us disgust whit my father. She suceed only in ruin our relation whit our father, and making our childhood grin, sad and depressive. Nonetheless, she had qualities too, and always incentived me and my brother to get a education and a good profession, which we both got. We are doing well. So, later, I forgive and accepted her for what she was. My mother loved me and my brother, even if she was a human being whit deep flaws. Her did the best she could, but this "best" was severely limited by her incapacity to recknow and overcome her flaws. I can whish she was a better person, but this is a foolish and childish tough. The only thing to do is learn fron this, try understand and overcome my own flaws, and be aware that those who claim to be victims may be using this claim as manipulative tatic and or a way to refuse the responsability for his own choices.

@edlynpz

Жыл бұрын

My mother was and still is like that. She’s is a narcissist. Is being 6 months since I talk to her. Is long story but now I feel better with myself. And I am more self aware. 💓

My parents would do things to destroy or dismantle my life to keep me dependent and from ever leaving. It wasn't until years later that I could see what was happening.

You know I’ve realised that if you go out and help others with the intention of them repaying the same thing back one day, you’d never truly know how to appreciate genuine kindness.

such an amazing essay, my mother was just like this... and only now being close to my 30 I'm able to realize how destructive and painful it was lol

I have one critical thing to say about this video: CITATION NEEDED. Nietzsche was not a theorist of consensual contracts. Although the uploader is correct that guilt came out of the concept of debt, the video appears to imply Nietzsche saw the "good" as the fulfillment of consensual contracts. This is incorrect and misrepresents Nietzsche's thought. For Nietzsche, as written in his Genealogy of Morals, the concept of good was created by powerful people and was used to describe themselves. So if you were an aristocrat, you were good, and if you were powerless, you were bad. Nietzsche then said that a slave revolt in morality then occurred. This revolt declared that the powerless were good and that the rich were "evil." Thus the concept of evil was created by this slave revolt in morality. This is where the virtues of pacifism and obsequiousness emerge, as well as the notion of contractual duty. Nietzsche saw this as a life-denying approach that is most obvious in Christian morality. Nietzsche does not endorse the fulfillment of contracts as the ultimate good. What Nietzsche calls for is a "transvaluation of all values." This is the hard part because he did not simply want to return to the "master morality" of old, where the powerful were considered good. He wanted to create new values that would harness the human intellect and move us towards his "ubermensch," a group of people with great intellectual prowess but without the diseases of guilt and "bad conscience." If anyone wants to learn more or is confused by what I wrote, please read the Genealogy of Morality, and if that is too difficult, read the sparknotes alongside it.

Please post more Your videos are so informative and clear

Thank you for explaining this issue in such an easy and approachable way, understanding is indispensable to heal :) we all appreciate your time and dedication to spread these messages❤️

Man i have loved these last few videos based on nietzsches writings. Would love more of those!

I do notice your videos are alot more informative these days, like your knowledge on the semi conductors, to interest rates, do different types of missiles. I felt before it was heavily weighted to just opinion, but now its more balanced.

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. Nietzsche

The way you describe it, kinda blows the smoke away from being manipulated. Nice video. Thanks

One of the most important words in English, and their equivalent in every language ACCOUNTABILITY. That eliminates victimhood in nearly every case

@sunbeam9222

10 ай бұрын

That eliminates duality even. Once we take accountability for everything, there are no victim nor bully anymore, we walk a path or peace, taking 💯 responsibility for our own feelings and actions at any given moment. Many people think it's self blame, it's absolutely not blame is not even an option anymore, black and white thinking disappears, there's no me against them. It's unity.

You’re so right about the covert contracts, I recently stumbled into a family while cleaning my car claiming they were robbed of their wallets and needed help just some money for gas then quickly switched once I was willing to help and offered fools gold in exchange for more money and the contract was I needed to return the gold and they would return the money. You live and learn

We’ve been seeing this unfold on a grand scale in America.

This is a very powerful video thank you

Thank you for this wonderful video.

This is brilliant, well done!

Really nice video, great work!

That hurts Thank you for this

Very great video, it was so on point. I love your content because they are informative and entertaining at the same time:-)

I love these videos so much. They teach so much and I’m sooo thankful for it

I am 13 and is being manipulated by my both parents that are playing the victim. My mother wants status,money and attention from others and wants to brag about my achievements and my father wanted to become doctor and he expect me to become a doctor. They both play the victim by we have given you so much but you can't even become a doctor for us. They always use these things

@Nineil

Жыл бұрын

They just have standards for you

@saturnsfool

Жыл бұрын

i am so sorry you are enduring such treatment alone. i encourage you not to listen to anyone claiming that it is for your own good, like 9il's comment, "they just have standards for you." people that attempt to justify such behavior are very likely attempting to cope with their own experiences, and do not deserve to influence you...but i am not intending to invalidate any feelings of upset or doubt that you may feel as a result. i truly hope that your comment on this video has led you to a safe community or more information to cope with your situation. you are incredibly insightful, self aware, and resilient to have found your way to this video at just 13. i am sending love to you, and i wish you the best

True. Real victims rarely mention they are or have been victims.

Great documentary mate, well done :)

Such a good video, thank you

Absolutely love your takes on Neitzche and the relevant philosophical aspects of this series.

Perfect reaction on your previous video "become who you are", many people in the commentary were playing the victim there.

The first example of imposing obligations on people who aren't in a position to understand, or whatever, really hit home. Literally my brother and I right now. I came to this video searching for if I am someone who plays the victim. If every did, I have an excuse at least. Gosh life has been rough.

@aidandoodeydoo

2 ай бұрын

A little more to the story: I am now 23, my brother 27, and we are still in this position of the child or the, "children" It has come to the point to where my mother is seeing that her tactics are inevitably a failed attempt, and she is slowly releasing pure hate and showing her true, self trained, being. Love one another. Be true to yourself as much as possible, it's what I've been learning in life. Authenticity is just what it is. That being said, thank you for making this video, it has helped realize what, and maybe even who I am Grateful for, and it is encouraging me to continue with my journey to discovering myself. My word of encouragement is that there are better things out there in life for you to find, and you can do it. I believe in you. I need help, and I will continue to seek it. Thank you.

Helpful video..thanks💖

Playing the victim is narcisist sociopathic behavior. Avoid such people at all cost (even if it currently seems like they are the majority of society)

Should have watched this video earlier LOL. Very insightful video. I really like your videos about Nietzche.

I can relate to this video. I have some changing to do and it hurts to realize what I have been doing.

Very nice and insightful video.

My first video of yours. Don't even know how I stumbled upon it. But, I greatly enjoyed your interpretation and perspective. I think we've ALL been guilty of this.

What a wonderful video thank you

I refuse to believe that it is just a coincidence that he uploaded this video right after the episode in Aot where Jean said: "That was 2,000 years ago and you're still playing the victim!?"

@thyeser

2 жыл бұрын

We call these "synchronicities", they are believed to be good signs of following the right path in life 😉

Great Channel. just continue.

Very informative, philosophy is very important for human growth, most of us do not realize that we do not understand a lot of issues

It just came on time! Can't thank you enough

there’s other kinds of playing the victim, like when someone claims to be a victim of discrimination by society when infact they have no evidence for being discriminated against

@vincentmutel7313

2 жыл бұрын

So true. And this kind of so-called victims gets more and more vocal and uses collective guilt to enforce their agenda.

@zalamael

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, that is a kind of tribal victimisation. For example, George Floyd was the victim, but the members of BLM all acted as if they were all victims of that same crime, collectively. They are essentially appropriating someone else's suffering and claiming it as their own based on being members of same tribe (being Black Americans in this case), because they want victimhood status so they can use it to manipulate others and gain power for themselves. This is why laughing at BLM and calling them out is the correct option. Whereas supporting them due to the threat of being labelled a racist bigot is cowardice. Because they will use social shaming in order to extort people, with the threat of having society turn on you if you refuse to comply. Strong people will resist and stick to their guns, based on their own morality, weak people will surrender to the threat and do as they are told out of fear. Such people are not victims, they are bullies, predators etc, but too weak to be openly confrontational toward the people they hate, so they have to resort to manipulation and victimhood. This is pretty much Marxism in a nutshell.

@sumedhajoshi8380

23 күн бұрын

Palestin!@ns🌚

Pertinent for these times.

I call that gaslighting. To manipulate by guilt tripping. It's tactics or a tendency of a Narcissist. An example of Narcissism.

I've learned from my mom and my younger sister what that means. They both act like the victim when they feel they have been taken advantage of. Which could be a reason why I kind of broke away from family.

really good video, an a key to solve conflict on a psychological way which can lead to drastic improvement of life, either through conciliation or severence of relations :)

First this is what I needed thanks

Ugh. I can’t believe I did this. Got out of a toxic relationship and knew I was toxic too so I told him what I observed of him and didn’t like as well as point out what I’ve seen with myself. It’s absolutely disgusting when you realize it for yourself. It was my fault for being used and putting myself in my position financially. I even got fired from work on my day off because he went there and threatened to shoot my boss. Lol. Took a crying session/breakdown and a week to fix what I needed. Everything is so much better now but I have to avoid going to a lot of places now.

thank you for this video, i always fall for ppl playing victim.

fabulous interpretation

My dad & step mum played the victim my whole life. I was fucked up till I realised they were gaslighting & manipulating me & everyone in my family-did 4 years of counselling & fell into mindfulness to get out of the invisible grip they had on me

This a pretty neat essay about the USA and NATO countries

Very insightful. I know someone like that...

i have been playing the victim my whole life and i just realized that this dec 2021. since January 2022 I've been doing my best to change my toxic ways and atittude. wish me luck in my journey. see you all in the next years :)

I have heard, and personally experienced, that self pity confers a benefit to the person experiencing it. Generally the self pitying person will give themselves a boost every time they feel or experience the self pity. “How could she treat me like that? I deserve better” or “How did they promote him, I work harder and am smarter.” It was described as almost a self soothing mechanism. The recommended action was to acknowledge the self talk (unjust treatment followed by feel good affirmation), take responsibility and act. This helped me and i hope it helps someone else too :)

@zalamael

2 жыл бұрын

That just sounds like self delusion. It is a coping mechanism, and it can work, but that is again choosing victimhood when you may not have any right to it. Because in reality, it might be that you got what you deserved, and didn't like the outcome, so resorting to self pity and victimhood is a good way of avoiding having to take responsibility and pass the blame onto someone else. In reality, it is better in such situations to blame yourself, take responsibility, eat the negative emotions you experience, and use that as motivation to better yourself so it doesn't happen again in future. Even if you are only partly to blame, do it anyway, as it will benefit you far more than feeling sorry for yourself and blowing smoke up your own arse to avoid having to admit that maybe it was your own fault.

Good timing

Man I love philosophy and shit but hardly have the time for it. I listen to your videos omw to work and they are very informative and entertaining.

Brilliant video essay. I wonder if you know of Robert Greene. He is a fan of Nietche as well as you. While listening to your interpretation I could not help but wonder. Thank you for making these valuable and much needed content.

a lot of people needed to hear the parent part

as a child of someone who often victimized themselves, i need to unlearn this behavior. i’m realizing that it’s seaping into my interpersonal relationships, and i am determined to heal myself in order to be the person that i truly want to be.

Excellent summation of reciprocity. Kids don't ask to be born and the law also says kids cannot make contracts, parents are the first to defend this yet often break this idea with claiming they are owed. It is so rare these days for people to give with pure altruism. Even a thankyou breaks the virtue of charity if required. Humans :-)

There’s honestly so many complex sides to these sorts of behaviours. Ironically people who play the victim are often just victims of themselves, less so at the expense of others. Accountability is important, but it’s also seriously important to not blame yourself for honest mistakes, such as unconscious behaviours, this is sometimes benefited to promote healthy self growth without losing your self worth. This is just from personal experience.

I loved this video

Yet another banger

i can say i felt that straight in my heart. the responsibility that you take by your own mother and the guilt trap into becoming someone she needs not the person you are, and the siblings that play the victim and turn everyone against you When you spend your life with toxic people you forget who you really are, as you have been controlled by others that minapulate your world you have been living in controlled environment all the time and had the need to stick to your self at a young age defending your image and had people believe you even though you didn't do something wrong, now as an adult you burnout you isolate your self and rejecte every attempt to live again, i don't know who i am, am not the things they say i was, i never been bad , i couldn't be good either, i don't know where am going, and i don't know where I want to go, it's like living in a cult, i don't know what's the real world is even though i've seen it , i find it difficult to believe in , what i was trying to say once you were guilte trapped since you were 7 of age, you take the role that was given to you and you start to become a slave for their needs once you realize it's almost to late because you don't know better, it's hard to start over and it's ok to not start yet, People need to rest and not overanalysis, you were hurt take your time to recover then breakthrough.

Another master piece

Your stuff is fire

Thank you

There is a time in our lives when we were truly a victim. I survived an abusive partner. I could never heal properly by remaining in a state of self pity. I did need to mourn for a while at the horror of the trauma but then rise above it and close that weak mental picture of myself others had tried to build and define me as. This teaching was good but perhaps too simple. There are a great many stages to healing

People have done this so much in my life I now expect it.

There is even another level to this, the level of a genuine victim who makes it part of their identity to the point where they never go through the stages of healing the trauma and moving forward in a skillful way, but remain mired in the "I'm a victim" for decades. The example of Jane is a good one, because she is a victim herself in a way, but never really worked through it skillfully and became tyrant to her sons. most people are empathetic people, and that can lead to enabling people who are mired in a ditch, or becoming the victim of emotional blackmail as stated in the video, rather then encouraging them to move forward.

Didn't expect I've met a guy exact as you say...his followers pity him then their anger turn on me like I was the one at fault. And so, I did mute him and never talk to him again.

I like your channel bro

My stepfather, who is a preacher would plant seeds of deception in the minds of unsuspecting individuals to make us look bad, and he lied to police doctors, lawyers, family members, and church members to make us look guilty, but it has backfired in so many ways

Very Solid post, here.

+Freedom in Thought I could go into a lot of detail here however; suffusive to say that it is WAY more complicated then that: sometimes a person who plays the victim does not want anything other then to be considered as such, sometimes consent is rendered null and void especially when obligation becomes involved such as in regards to say the relationship between a government and it’s citizenry…etc.

I think what I’ve learned from this is that parents must freely choose the responsibility of raising their children without the expectation that their children will be there to take care of them in old age. Children, when they grow up, must also freely choose the responsibility for taking care of their parents. If you look at the life cycles of indigenous people throughout history, families living together were multi generational and the care contracts were embedded within the culture. Now that families mostly live separately, it seems free choice enters into the equation in order to establish a healthy contract.

@RCCarDude

2 жыл бұрын

People should honor and stick with their families. Society is designed in such a way for us to not plant roots, which is sickening to me. The idea of consent is largely an invention of Protestantism and liberalism. To not be beholden to things in your life is an awful fate. It's why societies die. We see that in the plateauing/declining birth rates across the globe. We're becoming less vital in part because we are living out of concert with nature.

@stinkleaf

2 жыл бұрын

Unconditional love. Many single parents just don’t understand it.

I have a mother like this ( I'm the eldest daughter) and her ultimate weapon is guilt and victim mentality. She even turned one of my brothers against me because I didn't shower her with my money and didn't follow the career path she wants. Just yesterday she exploded in rage because I didn't cook dinner and I told her you never asked me to, so you can't get angry at me (example of covert contract). In return she threatened that she will never be there when I need her the most (when I'm in labor or after pregnancy). These same words she wouldn't dare say in front of other family members or friends. The closer I get to her, the more toxic and demanding she becomes.

@anonphil

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with above

@user-rx7uh9mg4f

2 жыл бұрын

@Mr.Beant To be fair, she grew up with a malignant narcissistic father (the worst kind) That made sure to ruin her life by sabotaging my father's life. He went to my father's job and accused him of abusing my mother in front of his coworkers, just so my father will lose his job and won't provide for her (he had a prestigious job), hence she will go back to her father for support. He would tell her how ugly she was ( my mother is one of the most naturally beautiful woman I know) and stomped all over herself esteem. He made sure my grandmother would be jealous of her daughter... He threw her out of his house when she needed him the most. Taking that and many things into consideration, my mom is an angel compared to her father. I try to excuse her by thinking she doesn't know how to love. She didn't have good, healthy examples growing up. She didn't have internet or resources to learn or cope from like we do today. So i TRY to be emphatic and patient with her. I still distance myself so I don't get hurt.. However, thankfully she isn't like her father that goes out of his way to ruin other people's lives directly. So no, cutting out isn't always the best option.. because relationships are complicated and if I don't learn how to maintain a relationship with my mother, I won't learn how to maintain less important relationships. As long as everyday isn't living hell with her, than hopefully things can work out.

@kenrehill8775

2 жыл бұрын

It’s a standard female fallback position.

Most of the times, people being a real victim never truly say it, they keep it for their own because most people know that who is showing off as a victim all the time is probably an abuser of guilt

While there is no philosopher I can believe in 100%, Nietzsche just makes sense of this chaotic world eerily too often. He was ahead of his time.

I came here, searching for answers and I've left with a bunch of understanding We recently had an argument with my older sister, she asked me for a favor and I simply told her no, she took everything out of the proposition, started crying, manipulating me to give in to her demands, and playing pity turning everyone against me.

Thankyou :)

I have questions about people who are not children or intoxicated/unable to make decisions, but who get manipulated by a con artist into sending their money to the con artist. Is it the same as informed consent. And different types of justice require different strategies to arrive at, retributive justice, restorative justice and transformative justice as so different in terms of what potentials in the community they create. Covert consent is why thorough marriage prep is so important, so hidden expectations can be given informed consent or negotiated on the light. Really glad I watched this vid.

Why are some people in denile when they really are the victim? Why do they feel like they should take responsibility for the bad actions of others even though there is no evidence that the victim did something wrong? For example, I was in a very toxic group containing some very difficult people for four years, which also included a narcissist and master manipulator. I had no idea she was one until after I reached out for guidance and discovered she and the others really messed me up. When I finally decided to leave them for good, the manipulator blew up, started telling the others things that were made up in order for them to turn on me (I swear I would've taken responsibility for those things if they were real, but me and some trustworthy friends searched and searched and honestly I have never done any of those things!), and ultimately played the victim using these examples here in this video. A trustworthy witness in that friend group pointed out to me I was being gaslit and while the others agree, I'm struggling to trust myself. It felt like no matter what I did or said around those bad people, it was wrong and I'd get attacked, so I was constantly apologizing for everything, even things that weren't my fault at all. It got so bad that I was terrified of making mistakes out of fear of being punished and began to avoid socializing altogether. What on earth is going on here? Why do people even do things like that? I'm not looking for sympathy and I don't like considering myself as a "victim;" I was the coward who stuck around for so long and had the nerve to go back and apologize after the first time they did this to me. If I didn't go back, I either wouldn't have been diagnosed PTSD or it just wouldn't be as bad. I just want answers...

@greenbeans9748

2 жыл бұрын

@Fires And Flowers So you know once you get stuck in the web, it's hard to get out. Awful place to be in. You know they're not good for you, but you're afraid of getting attacked and being alone if you try to leave. It was a clique of about a dozen people, mostly women around my age and up (I'm in my twenties for reference and some of these people were thirty and up). I knew a few of them for at most four years and while they appeared kind, quirky, and charismatic on the surface, they were immature, dramatic, manipulative, pessimistic, and toxic when you really got to know them. They just did an excellent job at hiding it from others. If someone didn't have the same beliefs as they did or didn't like what they liked, they would guilt trip, humiliate, lecture, and silence them; I got this the most since I was more outspoken than the other sheep, but for the longest time I remained silent out of fear. So basically, they would bully others into thinking or acting like them, so me and a few others weren't being true to ourselves because we didn't want to get hurt. I couldn't write or draw without getting a lecture on how "problematic" it was and I was controlled constantly. It wasn't constructive criticism, it was the kind of false accusations you would get from people on Twitter. It got so bad that I became afraid to draw or write and eventually stopped doing it (I picked up writing again, but I still hear their words in my head and it hinders my work). They also did some pretty disgusting things to the characters in the book I'm writing and I didn't realize they had a hidden agenda when asking to draw and write about them (my two main characters are a couple of male soldiers in a relationship for context and these people were very creepy towards them). They would also complain constantly about how awful their life was without doing anything about it and if someone didn't comfort them, they would get very passive aggressive and guilt them. It became very, very draining, but it wasn't always bad. On the days where everyone was laughing and having fun, it was great! But if one person was having a bad time, we *all* had to have a bad time.

@harrystewart956

2 жыл бұрын

Same, I have been through the same thing as you. This video is quite triggering. Victims should be given justice. They are not accountable for the wrongdoings of the bad people. I support you. We can overcome this pain, with the help of our families/true friends/people who really care about us. Fight!

@harrystewart956

2 жыл бұрын

You know, you are not the problem, they are! Do not blame yourself for the wrongdoings of other people. Trust and believe in yourself. I have the same problems as you, and my privacy is still being invaded. We can overcome this!

@mariamirovaa

2 жыл бұрын

@@greenbeans9748 I'm in the same situation right now. I don't know what to do and it is affecting me badly.

@greenbeans9748

2 жыл бұрын

@@mariamirovaa I tell you the same thing that I wish I told myself back when I was in your spot: get out. You're probably very afraid about how they will react when you leave and the fear of being alone makes you want to stay longer, but do these people genuinely make you feel happy about yourself? Can you enjoy the things you do or think the way you want without them criticizing your every action? And the biggest question is are you better with them or without them? If the environment is making you sick, you can't get better by staying in it; the only way to recover is to leave. You don't have to give an exit speech or an explanation to anyone. I made the error of trying to explain why I was leaving and even attempted to apologize for it (I regret doing that). It does not work and just causes more stress. Just block them all, including the ones who aren't as difficult but still keep in touch with extremely bad people, and silently go away. Also, never, ever, *ever* go back. Don't reach out to get in touch again, don't respond to their messages, and *never* apologize for leaving. Also, if you really liked the environment and felt the people were good, you would never even be here or wanting to leave in the first place. I know it's scary and it stings, but I promise that it eventually gets better.

This topic is related to what I'm dealing with because I had some exs that were playing the victim card and trying to manipulate me saying that I don't love them or I'm playing with their emotions. But somehow their guilt trip act was working on me. They already know that I'm very gullible which is my biggest weakness. One of my exs told their friends that I was using them for intimacy when they gave consent or say that I abused them when I never did. And some of them they never ask me out but yet they still acting like I'm dating them I've been treating them like angels I always treat my partners like angels because I respect my partners. I had a lot of people going after me like I was the bad guy because of their little made up stories. The drama was so severe where I don't want to live anymore and never come back like I was diagnosed with the major depression age 14. Some of the people will say “he doing it for attention” excuse me but why would I fake my own mental illness that I had for 4 years? Because depression isn't a emotional thing it's a mental illness where you feel like you don't deserve to exist. If I fake my depression I wouldn't be having suicide thoughts. I'm a loner and I don't take nobody's advice or ask for help I pretend to be like everything is fine in my life. I don't need your toxic positivity or you saying you don't care. Because I don't need you to care about what I go through or your opinion. If you don't care I suggest you keep your mouth shut. Not to offend the ladies but mostly females play the victim card and this is 100% true. People who are trying to manipulate other people just to make them feel guilty making them be punished for some dumb reason you need to get yourself a life get yourself a therapist.

5:17 my friend used to do this a lot