They are never happy and most likely never will be, also sleep around thinking it's alright. When you have been with a narcissist, it will open your eyes. Yes, it will break you. Physically and mentally, i promise you that you will prevail because you all are one of a kind, strong, positive, powerful people 🙏🏻✌🏻

@AngelEyes-xm7el

7 ай бұрын

Thank you, been 20 years divorced from a narcissist. Still healing from all his cheating, stealing, lying. Due to grown children, he always has a new woman he introduces to them. Flavor of the moment.

@Tune2dis41

7 ай бұрын

Yeeeeeesssssssss! Ain’t that the truth!

@deb2319

7 ай бұрын

😎😎😎

@dionbritten5777

7 ай бұрын

@@deb2319 ✌🏻Have a great day 🙏🏻

@dionbritten5777

7 ай бұрын

@@Tune2dis41 it sure is 🙌🏻

They treat you like they have every right to discard you because you are “damaged goods”, but no one is more damaged than they are.

@katjaarezina4020

5 ай бұрын

😊😊😊

@NatzTalk

3 ай бұрын

This. They're the ones who have to hide their true selves form ppl and more importantly, themselves. What a horrible existence! Glad I dont have to live like that!

@lindanorris2455

2 ай бұрын

inside the NARC. feels they have damaged their paartner so they can no longer have intimacy with them, anymore . Sex with Marcs. is too much reminder of how very damaged they are inside.

@richardalonzo4717

23 күн бұрын

They worship at the altar of Denial. Any narrative is preferable to the ugly darkness inside them.

Excellent point that when everything is going well from the Narcissist's point of view there is little to no sex. However, when the Narcissist senses you are beginning to pull away they increase the sexual intimacy as a manipulation tactic.

@deb2319

7 ай бұрын

they might be with another supply...Control Freaks.

@theinformer8471

7 ай бұрын

Exactly what happened to me

@HorizonHipHop

7 ай бұрын

Yup. I used to call her on it and say "you weaponize sex" and of course she'd deny and make me think I was crazy. Told me all I think about is sex when I really dont but I think once a week is normal? If things were going well there would be no intimacy for 2 weeks straight, a month, longer if I did anything to upset her and she was on silent treatment mode. Then Id apologize, she'd tell me I push her away, I tell her theres nothing to push away, its like you're barely there anyway. The biggest eye opener was the 7 months we spent apart while she was in rehab, I literally went thru so much as she had discarded me from there, but about half way in I started to heal, no longer was having anxiety and nightmares, slept normal hours, actually complete opposite, with her Id go to bed at 5am because from when she fell asleep at 1am til 5am was what I started having to live for, it was the only time I felt some peace, but when she was gone Id wake up at 5am instead of going to sleep that time, Id sleep at 9-10pm. Then was exercising daily, dieting and eating better, wasnt dependent on substances anymore after 10 years, could enjoy things again,

@jstarkush8035

7 ай бұрын

​@HorizonHipHop yep sounds familiar

@sweetdoll19

7 ай бұрын

Experienced it myself

It’s like getting a new toy, playing with it, then getting tired of it, so throw it away for a newer toy.

@tjones7547

6 ай бұрын

That’s exactly what they do

@norskibull2.021

26 күн бұрын

They probably do that with material things as well, at least that’s how I’ve come to notice it in the people I’m picking up on having the tendencies to be one. Very materialistic shallow people

@juanzamarripa3778

4 сағат бұрын

@@norskibull2.021what about it’s like having a lot of different toys that you can choose to play with when you want?

@norskibull2.021

Сағат бұрын

@@juanzamarripa3778 yea I’d agree with that analysis… it is odd how it seems they’re all the same, like there is a playbook

If a narcissist picks you, you are a good person. It means things were going well for you. So if a narcissist is on you, see it as a compliment and cut them off.

@lukedudley5030

Ай бұрын

Best comment I've heard thank you :-) I feel better thinking about this already :-)

@cryptaxpt

Ай бұрын

@@lukedudley5030 Happy I made you feel better luke!

The thing people have to remember is there is no incentive for them to care or take accountability for their actions because they’ve never had to pay the price. Because they replace one supply with a new one, it doesn’t bother them. They are emotion generating entities with zero empathy. They don’t have regrets about how they treat others.

@christinejones4785

6 ай бұрын

So true

@r.bishop1127

6 ай бұрын

Robots.

@DavidReeder-tj5jm

4 ай бұрын

Eventually they'll pay for it in the end karma

@Nyumc99

19 күн бұрын

Spot on my friend . X

After leaving the narc you become much wiser and more intuitive. Just wait till ypu meet someone who reciprocates love. It is amazing! I didnt know someone could love and value me just the way i was. No more jumping through hoops

@MENTALHEALTHWITHLUKE

Ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing that. I'ts 3 months since we split. I lost an awful lot leading up to it. No contact for 2 ish. I'm in therapy, which is going extremely well. Got my life back on track. I'm not ready for another relationship. I'm enjoying life again. But it's pleasing to hear what you've said.

i've had it happen to me, they're like emotional drug dealers they give you a massive hit of dopamine then withdraw and hold it away from you, it's actually quite sadistic to gain pleasure from messing with peoples feelings,

@EnidWellness

6 ай бұрын

Yes!

@dawnfrew8251

6 ай бұрын

Yes the constant dopamine hits. To my poor brain and heart was so bad he got me addicted to him then lost interest but kept me close to bread crumb me it’s been 9 months of hell. He won’t have sex with me. I’m almost out as I see. No w what he’s doing to me thanks ❤

@JoseyWales-ed

4 ай бұрын

Well said😢

@barb7124

4 ай бұрын

​@dawnfrew8251 same thing with me. Been with him for 14 years. Havent had sex since 2015. Found out he cheated. Reading his sexual text convos with the side chicks was torture.

@calebkeegan3023

4 ай бұрын

Ya it hurts hit that block button today

Well said. The narcissist will try and convince you that you're the source of the problems. The keys to regaining your sanity and protecting yourself from the gaslighting is to recognize them for what they are, realizing that they cannot help it, so they can't be fixed, and finding an exit route for yourself getting them out of your life. No one deserves having to live with a narcissist.

@carolhouston4071

7 ай бұрын

Yup. I was told I was the problem. And if I changed things would be fine.. well I did qnd it didn't

@Ikaros23

6 ай бұрын

The secret is to block them on all social media, and phone. Even if they have discarded the victim first. Because they will at some point come back to hoover ( even 10-20 years later) to get narcissistic supply. In the mind of the narcissist the victim is their « toy» for ever. There is no « expiration date». They simply lost interest in the victim in the same way a child is bored of a toy, they simply start to play with a new toy. To the same thing happens with that. That is what they are. A imature, delusional, desperat, newer content child. The difference is that they are also sadistic. At worst also psychopatic ( evil, abuseiv, violent)

@user-yt9zp3xz1n

6 ай бұрын

And gosh, don't ever try to teach them what you like or prefer. They know it all even your very own body and preferences somehow. Lol sad

@toxiccylon

4 ай бұрын

@@carolhouston4071never works out the way they claim it’s all fallacies

That is why you must leave a narcissist as soon as you’re able to….Also make sure you have no sympathy or mercy on the narcissist at anytime.

@MandyD445

7 ай бұрын

My mother (a narcissist) keeps saying to me lately "You have no sympathy." 😂😂😂 Maybe I'm just older&wiser to her tactics. I know the psychology behind the NPD condition and I longer feed the pity party/amateur dramatics like I used to. Plus, boundaries. 🙌🙌🙌 All she does is garner sympathy from people. Every situation is twisted so that she's the victim. 🙃

@DraconaiMac

7 ай бұрын

They dont understand sympathy. It looks like a chance to reclaim you (to them).

@mynameismyname8512

7 ай бұрын

I’m a narcissist and I love sex, that’s where I get to lay my dominance

@Ikaros23

6 ай бұрын

@@MandyD445she is talking about her self. As they always are. Realise the truth. You never had a « mother» 😢😢😢😢. The narcissist is not a caretaker, and will never be. They only gave us birth to get harvest narcissistic supply.

He had an obsession with prostitutes and unprotected sex. He cheated in every relationship but, of course always blamed the women. They're truly sick.

@MandyD445

7 ай бұрын

My father did this. Then had the audacity of projecting unfaithfulness& disloyalty onto my mother who is also a narcissist but stayed true to her wedding vows. He, however, lead a double life whilst simultaneously having Othello syndrome (Google if you'd like to know more). 😞

@stephanieslade2744

7 ай бұрын

Yup

@tiffanybluetarot

7 ай бұрын

Seems to be a common theme. Homeless drug addicts are another favorite…

@myjourney5745

7 ай бұрын

Some of u women are no different

@DreamofThrills

6 ай бұрын

thats him....i would never want a prostitute...or cheat...shoot im single and dont sleep around...

I was always the source of her self esteem issues. And yes she used to be highly sexual. And then she wasn’t. Eventually I quit asking for sex. Then that was when she accused me of being a cheater and not wanting her. She ballooned to 310 lbs. That was my fault. I was working 100 plus hours a week on a oil rig. And she would spend the pay check faster than I could make it. The reasons why she spent the money that fast…..was my fault. Along with a mountain of other crap. I finally woke up and did the only thing I could do……LEAVE. I am alienated from my children, homeless. But I am alive. And I will not let what she done to destroy me, define me.

@EdmondAOG

6 ай бұрын

Oh I can relate to this!

@johngudmundson5020

6 ай бұрын

Mine did this but she was the one cheating!

@katehermelin607

6 ай бұрын

I am so sorry that happened.

@tammysmith7480

6 ай бұрын

Damn. Ty for educating me with your story. I realize this isn't going to work, no matter what I do to try to "fix" it. I am praying for u..

@lauchlanguddy1004

5 ай бұрын

yep brother, i came close stayed for my son and destroyed myself

This explains a lot! They enjoy manipulation and control more than anything

I think narcissists don't want their partners to know that they need them so they have to pretend that making love is not important...

@SkyePhoenix

4 ай бұрын

For them, it's not making love.

@calebkeegan3023

4 ай бұрын

Totally transactional

@surekag3844

2 ай бұрын

True

It felt cold and disconnected.

You just described my 14 year marriage to a sociopathic narcissist. He lost interest after the first night together as man and wife. His disinterest was completely manipulative, the neglect so harmful to my self esteem. I felt like a mother substitute, an old chair. Withholding himself was a means to confuse and devalue me. The only time he acted interested was when he wanted a child. He later told a friend of his that the only reason he stayed with me was because " I made cute kids." Turns out, he was on the prowl constantly for women behind my back. When I finally figured it out, and confronted him, he told me that I had wasted 14 years of his life, to which I replied, " No. You wasted 14 years of mine." I divorced him, gained custody of our children, and moved away. He never paid child support, and even tried to loan our daughter out to his friends. What a sicko. This was on weekends with Dad. The boys told me he had sex with women right in front of them. He did not know what love was. His mother spoiled him rotten, he was her golden child, the other kids were ignored in his family. I never dated or remarried. I did not trust my own judgment in accepting another husband. The whole marriage was strange, weird. I never knew where I stood. That, of course, was the point. Older and wiser now, I have put the puzzle pieces together. Thanks for addressing this subject.

@thealocqueen71

7 ай бұрын

SO TRUE! 😢😢😢😢😢

@i13tony

7 ай бұрын

So glad that you survived that nightmare. Sounds like you made the right decisions. I know how hard it must have been. Was married for 13 years. April 2024 will be ten years free. Sadly, we’ll likely never fully recover to have a normal relationship in the future, but I haven’t completely ruled it out.

@knikkisunshine

6 ай бұрын

I had skipped relationships all together after my narc cause I didn’t trust myself or judgement either. But once I healed and learned about NPD I unlearned still healing but I trust myself more. Been in therapy since 2015 and that helped me unpack and unlearn.

@kateesaia

6 ай бұрын

Same..24 year marriage. Started withholding sex after 1 time on honeymoon. Ok to have kids, though...3 sons. Immaculate conception because he NEVER wanted to have sex. @#$%^&*!😡 But now is having affair with married co-worker. So messed up!

@toneyfox6328

6 ай бұрын

Glad u made it out sis ❤

Reciprocal intimacy with a narcissist is a one-way street…. as long as the narcissist gets what he or she wants from the “exchange” he or she is “oh, so happy…” without, the screws are tightened!

@MandyD445

7 ай бұрын

They actually want it to be unbalanced&can sometimes seek what they perceive to be gullible/vulnerable/unwitting or ally targets/victims/enablers that are okay with it being unbalanced and unreciprocated so their own needs can be met. Desperately seeking their ego food. 💀

@terrimichelleyoung3744

3 ай бұрын

Not a drop of reciprocation

@peterknyk1942

3 ай бұрын

@@terrimichelleyoung3744 they don’t care about the value of human reciprocal exchange. They only care about what they are getting from ANY kind of human encounter, which includes those of an intimate nature which, in turn, allows them to be unfaithful without any consideration for whom they may hurt in the process.

what sex????? the most painful year married . I never felt as alone as with him. so cruel. held my hand once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@God_chose_us

7 ай бұрын

Why did you marry

@life-rethought

7 ай бұрын

@@God_chose_us because he hadnt shown his true colors before. I moved 3 states solo to prep for hard times. I met him and he had complementary know how to ranch with me. I would have annulled the marriage, except I saw times getting very bad very fast. then months in what ever was happening outside didnt matter when it can to my health and safety behind closed doors. im now ranching on my own in the place I bought. I survived.

@mamab8175

4 ай бұрын

I remember feeling grateful because he actually kissed me goodbye. Head slap! Thank god I finally left.

@life-rethought

4 ай бұрын

and I bet it felt like a dead kiss @@mamab8175

My ex wife made no effort whatsoever, no affection or anything , it made me feel isolated and unwanted, she had to go.

@4NaturesStory

4 ай бұрын

Yup! LEAVE HER!!!

@Amanda.Marie40

4 ай бұрын

I’m like that to my narc husband he would say that of me and it’s on purpose!!!

This video hit hard. I left him 7 months ago and left him due to him being abusive etc. I feel I was used in many different ways and I was emotionally attached to him but he kept me at a distance and I feel this video has given me my closure for the answers to how strange things were. I couldn't put it into words.... I knew he didn't want to be close to me and didn't want to be vulnerable with me and this has helped me alot. Thank you for this video. 💗💗

@amandajohnson-williams7718

7 ай бұрын

Narcs want to be close but fear vulnerability and intimacy, hence their relationship with you becomes an 'arms length' brother/sister connection and they source casual sex buddies outside the relationship, behind your back. They are extremely complicated people who need to appear socially normal respectable and traditional, but invariably lead double and treble lives of quite shocking proportions behind the scenes!

@christinejones4785

6 ай бұрын

Thanks it’s opened my eyes I thought I was going insane a lot of the time now I feel like an idiot for wasting so much time on Narcs

@tiffany4951

6 ай бұрын

I'm living with one now, this man I don't even sleep in the same bed with him. I refuse what man does not want or touch his wife in bed. He turns his back. I'm beautiful and I know nothing is wrong with me. Wish I had know about this man before I married him but while dating we had sex all the time nothing seemed wrong at all. I fell that I have lost so many years with him when I could have been with some one who really loves me and appreciate me for a wife.

@Melissaw916

6 ай бұрын

@@tiffany4951 I'm sorry hugs

My past experience intimacy was used as a tool, it was used for the first 3 months to draw me in, then it all changed, if I did anything like go to work, see my parents, see a friend, intimacy was then forbidden, I'm not just talking sex, but even a kiss or a hug. I would return to her and she would be so distant. Yet if anyone came around it was all hugs and attention. Made me feel like I had done something terrible or I had wronged her. If I raised it she would tell me to grow up. This caused me to have a low selfworth, after a year I didn't know if we were friends, a couple, had no idea, then a pattern emerged. If she met someone new she would latch onto them, their name would come into conversation on a regular basis, then two weeks or a month later she would then say negative things about that person and their name wouldn't be spoken again. The only way I could lay it to rest and move on was I realised she would use people for her own gain, chances are they were getting all the attention I used to get. It ended up I couldn't be bothered with it all. Constant drama, ups downs, I had no idea who I was to her. Ultimately I lost trust with her and even though I was living in hope of the person I met retuning I had come to terms that person didn't exist, it was all a game.. one statement she used several times would be she's learned to survive, this was my warning I missed. Survived in her eyes, used in everyone else's

@shawnpullen9517

7 ай бұрын

I lived it as well your words mirror my life lived it for so long finally ended it she wasn't that person it was all lies 💯❤️🙏🙌

@MandyD445

7 ай бұрын

Perpetuators perennially perpetrate wrongdoings, perpetually performing the part of being wronged. 🙅🏻‍♀️

@amandajohnson-williams7718

7 ай бұрын

Yes it seems to be a long convoluting strange alien game you find yourself in. A definite pattern begins to emerge, like lots of repeat cruel attacks over nothing, followed by distance, then approach again. A pattern of drama and chaos which eventually drains the life out of you!!

@johnnystrahan3255

7 ай бұрын

Exact same situation. Good and bad too read this and realize it’s just a trend for them. Worse part is being married too her but in the process of getting a divorce. I shall pray for all who have suffered from this men or women.

@tiffanybluetarot

7 ай бұрын

@@amandajohnson-williams7718yes! The hours/days-long violent arguments over literally nothing…are so draining.

and they will try reverse psychology on you- they will ask you to tell them to let them know when you want them-its a set up for rejection and also they must remain in control- so yah. Its a pathetic mean-spirited kid- who puts on a and half-ass adult act for you - but mostly for their own benefits. Lose those losers! Great Talk Anoushka. Thank You!

@merlinsvdd

7 ай бұрын

I agree with you, 100💯

@toneyfox6328

7 ай бұрын

Facts the one I dealt with would tell me I could initiate but I never did honey I felt it was to get me comfortable to deny me at some point later

@merlinsvdd

7 ай бұрын

@@toneyfox6328 What about, him asking me to initiate and start the conversation first, everyday? Is that a form of manipulation too? I did what he asked when we were friends but he didn't block me. I did, block him, a second time and he was furious, eventhough i promised to treat him for his birthday which i didn't do coz i blocked him, a month earlier from his birthday in November 2021. Good riddance!

@merlinsvdd

7 ай бұрын

@@toneyfox6328 and he promised that something would happen, if i did what he asked, like fireworks would happen and i thought he would give me a good kiss and make out session too. Sigh.... Which i know, i wasn't ready for... Just want to share my past experience with this guy. Really good riddance!!!!

@toneyfox6328

7 ай бұрын

@@merlinsvdd yes it was def still manipulation, n u did the right thing proud of u ❤️

My husband finally started to work at night. So I spent many nights alone and there is a whole other horrendous story that goes with it. Early in the marriage, I was always alone in bed with him. Always without any affection. I was just starving for affection, but scared to ask for any. If I did, he always was rough or cold and not tender, kind or sweet.

@God_chose_us

7 ай бұрын

If you haven’t already leave that relationship

@debra8883

7 ай бұрын

Hi, I did. I divorced him, but it cost me thousands of dollars. I will receive no spousal support, no health insurance and no help financially. I am completely dependent on my family for support and I am so lonely that it hurts. While he is having " a gay old time" with his girlfriend and hooker lovers. He lied and betrayed my trust and our marriage of 18 years, would be 20 this coming June. I am living off food stamps and food banks, with no job, no car and I am disabled using a cane to hobble around. I surviving off my faith, until things (life) can turn around and I can heal. @@God_chose_us

@debra8883

7 ай бұрын

Woo, hoo!!! whew!!! I left him then divorced him. I will finalized in December 31st.@@God_chose_us

@debra8883

7 ай бұрын

I am so relieved, bc he already had 2STDs that were diagnosed. known. So glad that I did not sleep with him afterall. @@God_chose_us

@MandyD445

7 ай бұрын

Narcissists are notorious for starving their targets from touch/warmth/intimacy/closeness/love. Everything you seek is within. Flip things around, see it as an opportunity to give yourself the love and affection he has starved you with. Don't let the deprivation from him condition you to feel as though you're unworthy or undeserving of it. Sometimes being alone is a reprieve from being surrounded by the wrong people. Sending warm hugs&genuine well wishes. 🙏 ❤️ 🤗💪 ✨

Well said. You've described what I've experienced. It's almost impossible to understand this strange narcissistic behavior unless you've experienced it yourself. People who haven't just can't see it. I suspect there are a LOT of people who have experienced this, but didn't take the time to understand what they were experiencing. It would be easy not to. They either exited the relationship before they knew where all of the toxicity was coming from, or they're so caught up in the toxicity & drama they can't see the actual cause of it.

Best to walk away from this. I got out of a situation like this just 3 weeks ago

@9thoracle797

Ай бұрын

Same here 10 weeks for me and I am still numb.

@lalunit

Ай бұрын

​@@9thoracle797 6weeks for me now and I'm still numb too 😢she text me last night saying she wants to talk about stuff over the weekend 😐I hope I'm strong enough to say no

Hi. This is so on point. I just recently got out of a relationship from a narcissistic man. As a woman you have to be very self aware dealing with people. You don't want to end up with a person who makes you feel terrible. I can so related when you said they will do everything and give you that intimacy and loving demeanor when things are going wrong. You see a different person and I wish that same person will remain but no. It's a weird feeling. It will leave you confused. Things will always be about them.

@jibbityjab2469

6 ай бұрын

"As a woman..." ?? Wtf is the difference whether it happens to a woman or a man? BOTH can be victimized by either gender. Or are you saying it's ok for a guy to wind up or have to exist with a woman who makes them feel terrible??

He doesn’t like it at all. But he talks about it all the time. NEVER NO AFFECTION. NONE. I have cried 😢so much. Wanting attention and AFFECTION. Nothing. He sleeps on the edge of the bed. With his Clothes on. Not move at all. No Hugs Nothing. He Falls to sleep as soon as he lays down. I DONT. Everything has REALLY HURT MY Feelings. Because I Never got anything. I got health problems excruciating pain. He’s Made it so much worse. STRESS. No HES Never intimate. None. You have to beg to get a Hug. I know he’s giving someone else ATTENTION. 😢Sad 😢

@osanyinbiyusuf7308

5 ай бұрын

Sorry dear...i hope you get some comfort soon...I understand how you feel

@sherylhunter4040

5 ай бұрын

@@osanyinbiyusuf7308 Thank you. Been a nightmare

@hayleylewis11

5 ай бұрын

Leave him. Walk away with your head held high. This is mental cruelty. You deserve to be loved. This man is toxic.

@pjshairdc6305

4 ай бұрын

Been there, praying for you!!@@osanyinbiyusuf7308

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

@MajorCockbern

7 ай бұрын

there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

@PeterWhite7

7 ай бұрын

its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.

@MajorCockbern

7 ай бұрын

this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.

@PeterWhite7

7 ай бұрын

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.

@Shetooktothewoods

6 ай бұрын

With all respect, that is because there were two people in your marriage. Narcissists are not in the marriage. There is no saving it or working things out, and couples counseling in these cases can cause even more harm because the one person who is in the marriage takes on all the work while the narcissist weaponizes the therapy. I’m glad you and your spouse found a solution together. That simply does not apply in this context.

This is a very accurate understanding of the pathology that characterizes narcissists. From a male perspective, you make love to a woman because you love her. But you realize she cannot feel the love because she believes she is unloveable. She is going through the motions because for her, that is all there is.

@saladfingers.

7 ай бұрын

That's not necessarily true. With some men it can feel like being used as a vessel, while they're grunting and cavorting on top of you. Then they relieve themselves in you, and that's it. Oh sorry the last part: roll over and fall asleep! If women enjoyed it more, they'd do it! Sex toys are a huge business. Making love my eye.

@briangreene7085

6 ай бұрын

well said Kevin, I've only started to realize her not being able to love herself so just goes through the motions, but was never present doing intimacy..... mine would do this creepy thing wich always bothered me, even if went for hours, was tired, thought we were going to cuddle, she'd grab my hand and put it wherever!, and expect me to just be a human vibrator while completely switching off..... and I used to think if I did the same, how would that look, or even feel, I coldn't imagine doing that either way..... was creepy looking back on it, and was creepy at the time, but once you're love bombed you do lose perspective a bit

I was raised with conditional love and I knew early on it wasn't normal. I left home as soon as I could to escape the toxic environment. I didn't turn into a narcissist. Don't give them an easy way out by blaming their upbringing. They are born this way.

You've just explained what I have felt and experienced for the last 37 years

This was explained so well and all of it is so true with my recent experience in talking to someone for 2 months who I discovered is a narcissist. He was all about sex drinking and gambling. He had criticized and manipulated me. Also ghosted and gaslighted me as well. I walked away over 2 months ago. I never had any attraction to him. When he realized I wouldn’t give into him with the sex, he discarded me. Big blessing it was though getting away from him n walking away.

This explains SO much and you are on point 💯. My narc told me he didn’t like sex and preferred 🌽- he definitely was only initiate in the beginning to connect and then it was absolutely a manipulation tool. If I didn’t clean the house to his specifications then I didn’t “get intimacy” - if we had a fight and said I wanted him to leave he would then try to sleep with me. I though this was so weird bc I I thought narcs were chronic cheaters and almost sex addicts. Ty for this video.

@MandyD445

7 ай бұрын

Wow. 🤯 Heavy manipulation&coercion on his part in order to have power over you. No one should have to "earn" the right to get intimate with another. If you are with someone/dating/in a relationship/partnership/marriage sex should be consensual, mutual and equal. This situation you went through implies you had to somehow "work" for it, or go out of your way to please the other person accordingly in order to receive physical touch/affection/sex etc. Not all narcs are sex addicts, some have sex avoidance and only use it as a controlling tool. Every time they feel like they are losing their grip of you&their power is diminishing they lure you back into submission with the promise of intimacy. Once you know better, you choose better. Remember everything you went through with him wasn't in vain. Know your worth and set boundaries in place for future reference. You are loveable&worthy of love, sex and all the good stuff you desire. 💓 💪 🤗 🥰

My narc stopped having sex with me out of nowhere for two months he says he’s stressed and can’t get it up. This never happened before I don’t believe him

@amygalvin1799

7 ай бұрын

Was probably with new supply for those 2 months.

Why is the comment section littered with narcissists and psychopaths all gaslighting, blame shifting and projecting. Yes girls, you’re all 10’s and you are the prize!

@calebkeegan3023

4 ай бұрын

Ha ha

My ex would accuse me of using sex for manipulation. It always confused the heck out of me. I was constantly being denied and i would respect her moods. I figure it was just projection.

@merlinsvdd

7 ай бұрын

Huh. Using that against you.

@kandrenep

7 ай бұрын

It’s the most horrible thing any human being could do to anyone! And the obsession that I really can’t seem to comprehend, is that they seem to enjoy watching porn or escorts, swingers club, Asexual relationships than any actual committed relationship with their spouse . I always felt like it was only when he felt like he would approach me it’s just freaking sick !

@Meowmeowmum

7 ай бұрын

OMG SAME

@quanguy8624

7 ай бұрын

I began to believe I wasn’t good enough nd even let people convince me this is how females work nd I began to mirror the behavior I was seeing and at times being treated with it such a rude awakening when someone actually makes you aware of it

He'd withhold and say he didn't want to participate in making my sex addiction worse. So noble of him.

It’s a transaction: frankly I was embarrassed for her. Her core self-esteem issue came to the fore and she would essentially debase herself to please me, which created a huge issue around rejection. If I said “no” she would get terribly hurt. On many occasions I would say (in response to an “offer”) “hun, you really do not have to do this… I love you”. As we finished she threw everything back at me “I let you do xyz” but the truth was quite quite different.

I always blamed it on his depression medications. From now on I will never date someone that has depression. I’m too afraid it’s all smoke and mirrors.

@CALIBA88

7 ай бұрын

yeah this will better the world

He called me a sex maniac lol just because I initiated sex a few times a week, he even suggested I turn lesbian!? Then he started to say how he’s had 3 some before and I think that’s probably why he ended up single. He was so creepy quiet during sex a real turn off never once uttered a word…probably the worst lover I ever had yet he drew me in with his manipulations. I’m 4 months free and feel much better but I get the odd yearning stil for some strange reason. Happy to be away from him and the drama of his pimp lifestyle

@HH-pk2wh

6 ай бұрын

sounds like he is has problems . better off

@jenniferweese3606

6 ай бұрын

Wow, we were with the same person. Same story. Don’t tell me his name was Renso. 😅

During sex my ex narc would leave bruise marks on my arms and legs, whole fingerprint marks then would blame these marks as proof that id been sleeping with someone else, that i was into dark stuff and I needed to see a doctor!! Cant believe i stayed with him so long

THANK YOU!! You are literally the only person I’ve heard talk about this as a specific pattern. Like somebody else commented, it was like a switch turned off the day we were married and continued for 20 years of blaming me, claiming sex addiction (so I had to show up with compassion and support, though no work was done there), making up ED, more blaming me… I thought it was simply his preferred form of devaluing and harming me. Let’ be honest, how could discovering one’s spouse pursues sex with literally any other person not be harmful? Especially given how profoundly lazy they are in a relationship. Anyway, I long since stopped accepting blame for any part of it, but to hear that it is a PD related pattern? Blown away.

Step one they let you love them. Step two they get bored Step three they withhold if they want to punish you Step four try to push you to cheat so they can feel superior and cheat too Step five the internet porn isn’t boring Step five spend 30 minutes twice s day in the bathtub with the internet Step 6 stop relations altogether. Nobody deserves to make love to the narcissist, except the narcissist.

Man i wasnt even looking for this but it was definitely what i needed to hear. Thank you.

My narcissist partner did this all the time over the last 20 years. Wouldn't share their likes but wanted to know all mine and used it against me But in public they'll always want to hold my hand to control their insecurity and jealousy ranges. Great video.

This is bang on. Unfortunately I’ve felt this with several women, and always wondered why they’d be so dismissive of something that I personally felt a deep connection from. It’s like they forgot all that happened. Maybe they never cared at all.

While we were dating, sex was never an issue. As soon as we got married and I moved 1500mi to his home, he said, "We don't need to have sex because our love is on such a high plain". He laid down the "law" and said he wouldn't have sex more than once a week, not after 9pm, not before 6am, not on weekdays, not on weekends. Why not just say never? Naturally, I just gave up and lost interest. When he finally decided years later that sex would be a good idea, I was no longer interested (which is exactly what I told him would happen). Then it was somehow my fault that we weren't having sex. 🙄

@jenniferweese3606

6 ай бұрын

Yep. Same exact story.

I look at it that way. I saw my ex yesterday. Typically done up to the 9’s, but after watching these videos and learning a lot about narcissism, I could just see it in her with the looks she gave me. Glad to be free. 😊

Every thing said here describes almost all people. All of a sudden everywhere I turn there is a video about a narcissist. The whole world is full of them.

This was the best description that I have ever heard about this concept. I wish I had seen this when I was in the relationship, but it certainly makes me feel better in letting it all go! Thank you!

I really appreciate the way you talk both verbally and hands/body language. In a very long time I felt captivated and motivated to really attentively listen and take it all in. Soft tone with a twist of "I've got something important to tell you" vibe. Nice! 🙂👍🏼

Thank you so much. This clarifies something deeply painful to me. I feel better now that I get it.

The sex was great the first time, and pretty good the next couple of times, and very bad every time after that. The sex was actually terrible and not even something that I wanted or looked forward to. I stayed with her because I loved her but it was always extremely frustrating that the sex was so bad. She turned an enjoyable thing into something awkward and uncomfortable. the sex being good the first time was like a bait and switch

I dated a narcissist for 5 months. We spent almost everyday together. We never had sex. I thought it was so weird. He told me he couldn’t combine emotion and sex. He was used to only having one night stands. A month after he told me that I was gone. It was starting to bother me. I was so turned off by that comment. They are truly sick people.

@LittleMeek

4 ай бұрын

They are horrible

This is THE BEST, straight to the point explanation I’ve ever heard. This makes so much more sense to me. I’m going to share this video with my therapist because he wasn’t really able to articulate this very point, but I think this is what he was trying to convey.

She said lets be friends after forcing me out of my home. Remember that one , its there favourite saying to be kept in there Harem

@clintonnagy1662

Ай бұрын

She tried to put me in the " friend zone". Nope, never happened. I walked away.

I lost my self esteem, self worth and self confidence. i was in the relationship for twenty years and didn't realise what was happening. I remember feeling confused and anxious throughout the relationship. It was my grown up daughter who eventually explained who/what I was married to. I didn't even know what gas-lighting was until then. Sex was almost non-existent. I stopped trying to be intimate in the end but this would cause me to feel anger and resentment. There was always some excuse. It has taken me the best part of five years to find myself again after our divorce. It finally ended when she had yet another affair. How sick is it that it was made out to be my fault that she had the affair... and I apologised to her! She had multiple affairs and I ended up, on at least five occasions, on my arse. Each time she persuaded me to return home. It's not just women who experience abuse. I now know why the abused go back to or remain in an abusive relationship. I honestly thought no one else would want me.

Thank you Anoushka for your in-depth clarification on this subject matter. By the way, you look really nice, your inner light shines bright too. Cheers!

Hey!! This was very good. Helps me a lot. I did blame myself, you are so right and this is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone talk about this. Thank you!

I agree with you Anoushka but many including myself was deprived of love growing up but I didn’t turn into a heartless evil selfish cheating manipulative abusive human. I have so much love to give because I expect the same love back.

@camisnyder3460

5 ай бұрын

Absolutely.

@dakotamayer1820

3 ай бұрын

Right!!! I think that's why we fall for them.

😮😬😳🤯🤯🤯thank you, for helping to make some kind of sense of this. ❤. blessing to anyone stuck in this situation

I've made the fatal error of loving someone so much they didn't have to love me back.

And narc will never have sex on day or occasion that you would be expecting like holiday, vacation, anniversary home alone ect. Just to hurt you.

This explains so much. Thanks for explaining it

Thank you for this topic, it’s really hard to forget even after months after a breakup - how damaging that was. How it was even possible to be in a relationship with so many girls on his side and so zero sex among us?… And of course he wanted to be intimate with me just after I found out about him cheating Just disgusting

You just made a grown man cry in his work truck . I accidentally stumbled across your video. I’m going through something really bad right now. Cannot figure it out. There’s somebody I really love until I just watched your video . I realized you’re talking about me 100%.. I did have a horrible childhood that no kids should ever grown-up with by far. My biggest problem is now How do I prevent that with my own kids so they don’t grow up like me . I even have problems showing love to my own kids. The whole controlling somebody that’s not me I’m actually a very calm guy more closed in emotionally . I also don’t run around cheating so some of it’s not me.

@Peterr2442

6 ай бұрын

Aye brotha, I was reading the comments cause of how down I got watching this video because I too am in the same boat as you. I’m 22 years old and a nursing student with no children or even a spouse! I go to say that to say you’re not alone and I pray that not only I but you get over this characteristic that we’ve held onto for so long and hopefully you see a brighter future with your family! Much love brotha🙏🏽

@rickdeschenes1598

6 ай бұрын

I also have extremely low self-esteem. I have worked with therapists for many years. I tried a few psychologists, but they said they could not help me. That was 35 years ago. After 37 years of marriage, we are now separated. What started out as separation anxiety, that I called jealousy, moved into begging for a more intimate relationship. Again, not in a healthy way. This slowly morphed into verbal and belittling abusive. After spending the last four years worthing with three different therapists, I was finally pointed to my tremendously low self-esteem. I seen these youtubes videos are looked up, "Are narcissist people with low self-esteem" While it hurt to be labeled a narcissistic individual, it hurts more that we, the human race, does not train "normal" people to express motherly love to the narcissistic individual. If that is rejected, and it will be as the person is wounded deeply by their past, understanding the why should not be a club but a tool to support the person. Untreated adhd, ptsd, and many other mental deficiencies produce people with deeper problems. Let's put the same connotation on narcissistic individual.

This explains so much about my ex. What you are saying really resonates.

been going through this pull and push for a year, now blocked them and removed their email corrospondence, number blocked. ridiculous teasing. and yes when you pull back they come looking.

You have explained this very well. So sad.

I like her channel, and her approach to helping people heal from narcissistic abuse, with this caveat - be careful thinking that people can be boxed into the label narcissistic so easily. Each person is unique, so be prepared to find out that someone is acting strangely due to certain conditioning in their life that falls outside of psychoanalyses. Phew, that was a mouthful.

@liambrammall1764

6 ай бұрын

I agree. The amateur psychologising and pathologising going on in the world is worrying. We all have some narcissistic traits to a degree, a result of wounds or often even ignorance of how coping mechanisms are hurting others. It’s more about identifying and deealing with narcissistic traits than these alleged ‘narcissists’. And the amount of people having shitty dating experiences and then automatically jumping to the conclusion that the person they’re dating ‘is a narcissist!’ is pretty high. No doubt there are Narcisists out there, but they’re quite rare out in the wild. But almost everyone, especially in casual dating or the early nervous romantic phase can have sets of Behaviours that aren’t healthy, Either self destructive or consciously or unconsciously destructive to others.

It’s so heartbreaking to think a human does this to someone especially someone you love I loved my wife so much I found messages to another guy last year and when I pulled her up about it she denied everything and love bombed me for a month I stayed and gave her a second chance we are now getting a divorce I’m devastated our child is as well it’s not nice at all and I don’t think I’ll ever love another women again or trust another women

@susanparker9877

7 ай бұрын

Also the child inside the narcissist puts his woman into the mother role. Being intimate with her then becomes insest! Taboo! That, and the control issues, make intimacy a warped phenomenon.

@ellemae4916

7 ай бұрын

Sad, no one else mattered what a shallow individual would destroy their family.

@ktkt1825

7 ай бұрын

I had a sense that all was not quite right from the start, but hoped it would go away. It got buried in day-to-day and her playing the part. I am working to build trust in other people- not specifically women, and my sense of reality and truth is improving.

@farmerJohn421

7 ай бұрын

Right there with you @craigy691 have 2 beautiful children with a narcissistic woman cheated on me for two years then found out on her phone. Said it was one guy but she was texting sharing pictures with 5 guys in total. Still don't know the truth on that one. But loved her so much been with her for 16 years gave her another chance. Found out in August that she was still cheating with this one guy. Now claiming I've abused her verbally for our whole relationship and this is the only way she could run away.. When she's been lying manipulating verbally mentally emotionally abusing me for the last 2 years. Absolutely heartbreaking someone that you love her so long would do that to you. Definitely hard to trust again.

@user-cf7dk2ui4z

7 ай бұрын

I hear You.. The little things You miss, ignore or don't run down or ask for some clarity. The day to day comment really takes precedence over getting to the bottom of anything. Even from the onset, something never left me at peace/comfortable. So calculating and visceral they can be... This isn't easy, navigating this deep profound hurt/ pain. Healing journeys are so different for each and everyone on of Us. Stay Prayerful. Stay Away from Them, Stay on a path that at least leaves You open to being happier and in better spirits. Be easy on Yourself. I wish I knew this Stuff 25 years ago. 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏

It's been a year no contact now, saw her the other day and she looks a mess.

@ktkt1825

7 ай бұрын

I saw mine recently and she looked like a caricature- not aging well.

Fantastic video. This was my entire toxic marriage. Narcissist weaponize sex because they don’t have anything meaningful to offer you. After a while the sex,because there’s zero intimacy, because robotic. Pathetic POS

@calebkeegan3023

4 ай бұрын

Agreed left today for good long distance let visit month ago hurts but had to block the half ass bs FB lies cheating all of it horrible block today hanent seem in a month almost

Wow thanks sooo much for this video. Sums up my intimate relationship with my late Partner of 10 years. He was eventually diagnosed with BPD and Narcissist traits! Boy how i blamed myself! And yip only attempted intimacy whrn he had a tough time or things were bad, i was unhappy and thinking about ending the relationship! As someone else said...heveas never happy, always looking for the next thrill, bit of excitement to make hom happy...was like they had a hole in their soul that could never be whole! In the end you realise nothing ever satisfies them for more than a few months

A very large segment of the pop are completely INSANE. That is all, nuts, bongos, crazy.

Soo true … I’ve dealt with one and it was the worse experience ever yet I’ve learned a lot and now I’m single for a good reason . Thank you

On line cheating is so sick

@calebkeegan3023

4 ай бұрын

My ex narc gf favorite met her online sex right away red flags from beginning four yrs on off nightmare block her today

Amazing video !! Great content . Thank you

No soul sex is no sex don't miss it

agree. sex is a tool to them. no real intimacy, no thought given to their partner's needs.

Well well. You've just described every woman I've ever been intimate with.

Very enlightening video. Thank you!

Thank you. I just broke up with my covert narcissist boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. It took me so long to figure out why I was feeling so alone, dismissed, on a roller coaster of emotions waiting for the next moment of feeling connected and loved….which only came after I was so hurt and pulled away. It’s a sick and addictive cycle of emotional abuse. The sex was only to satisfy him, and has been totally gone for 5 months prior to the break up which happened just this past weekend. The last time was in November after a “little” breakup. Pulling me back in…ugh I also discovered he was cheating on me just recently. I feel free… and I know now what I was dealing with. Your shows have been so enlightening. They guided me through a dark and twisted path. You put clarity into a very confusing time. I’ve learned so much about myself and my boundaries. I am not an open bank account where anyone can access my kindness, compassion, love and generosity. I will be careful. Thank you ❤️🙏

This is all too familiar 🙁great video, thank you for sharing this valuable information

Wow, this really sheds a light on a lot of things I experienced! Thank you for sharing!

I agree the GD idiots that think the world spins around them make others lives unbearable, I just let go of them now, they are TOO hard to beat .My wife was done with me before the third child popped out, then as if nothing else went wrong , I took a union job in New Jersey and left for 8 months . When I got back the person I used to know was gone. I was shocked at how quick a narcissist will discard you

@ThimbleFox350

7 ай бұрын

Wait am I reading this correctly abandoned your wife with a newborn for 8 months? Yeah I'm not surprised if she was a bit cold upon your arrival. I would double check that narcissist label you tossed on her as well. The way a real narcissist would behave in this situation; you showed back up and the kids were at grandparents and she was out partying with 10 different guys not telling them anything about you or your kids.

@ktkt1825

7 ай бұрын

It helps me to think that who 'I used to know' was never really there- all just a well-polished/carefully executed act. Although it was and is painful to accept most everything was a lie, I think that point-of-view is realistic.

I completely internalized it. It ruined the last bit of self esteem he hadnt already destroyed. I became suicidal. I felt ugly old unwanted unloved. Im none of these things. I spent hundreds of dollars on lingerie and makeup and cute dresses. Only to be looked at like a piece of furniture and made to feel even worse. I eventually ended up throwing everything beautifully away . I was told by plenty of other people how beautiful i was but i felt like if the man i was in love with didnt want to be intimate with me then i must be ugly and broken. It was especially hard for me because had never been rejected. By anyone especially not someone who professed to love me. This is the most dehumanizing hurtful thing i have experienced. I talked to my ex afyer he was away in jail for a year. He actually wanted to have sex with me. I was like wtf. I told him ypu dont want me you never wanted me. So why now do you think im going to have sex with you? After all the rejection and bullshit. He told me that of course he wanted me . That he always wanted me. That he just said and did those things to hurt me. Unbelievable

@sanction7627

6 ай бұрын

I am in a 40 year marriage. Many of those things sound familiar.

Now I understand somewhat. My ex for 7yrs never gave oral but demanded it on her. She could not bring herself to give someone else pleasure, couldn't bring herself to do it even when I talked about it. Ugh! That sucks!

Nice video, exactly my case. Great job

Don't know if I'll date again but the knowledge is powerful n explains so much that no one understood.

I needed this today😢

I just ended a 7 month relationship.. this makes a lot of sense

I can relate 100%... thank you so much!

If i mention it i am so wrong...starts whole argument...going on 2yrs.... sad part is i deal with it

@bohanland9869

7 ай бұрын

Get out fast

She just talked to me in to believing I've actually been the narcissist this whole time.

@Ikaros23

6 ай бұрын

This is the « DARVO gaslighting». Brainwashing the victim to think they are the abuser. To make the victim break down mentaly or to publicly melt down. And because of the smearing campain, they can now say to their audience « what did i say, he/she is insane i’m a victim». Fooling even more people with their « victim mask»

it does, really really really help - thanks so much :)

My ex was fantastic in bed. We would literally be in bed entire weekends. It was kind, loving, he was so cuddly, it was crazy, kinky, the stamina and performance was insane. I mean it was by far the best sex I've ever had. It was even downright weird. We couldn't get enough of each other. Then he cheated. Blamed me for it. And weaponized it. I wasn't with him after he cheated but he elluded to it. By this time so many character defects were roaring. I think he is boarderline but can't be sure. Boarderlines are worse than narcissists. I know that's hard to believe but they are totally disordered. It's absolutely crushing.

@Emmit1010

7 ай бұрын

The only difference between is borderline keeps running away. And they amp up violence

@tombryan1

7 ай бұрын

Maybe you bored him, could be as simple as that

@r.bishop1127

7 ай бұрын

@@tombryan1 lol yeah so that justifies it. Someone claiming yo love someone. Wanna marry. Sure I bored him 🙄

@---nj7hl

6 ай бұрын

​@@r.bishop1127That's an excuse they will state to cheat and or get new supply.

@HH-pk2wh

6 ай бұрын

He blamed you .. calssic scam artist . learn from this

I have an attachment disorder too, but I also have empathy.

@Amanda.Marie40

4 ай бұрын

Can be separated yes

I had to share this although I have already commented. It's funny now but at the time I didn't see it as one of the largest red flags a person can see. It was the first valentines day me and my narcissist ex had together and things were still going ok. So we were in a motel room and started having sex and I whispered to him to make love to me. Cuz we had had all kinds of sex but we had never made love. Well he proceeded to have the worst panic attack I've ever seen in my life. And it's funny to me now how I didn't fully add 2 and 2 together. He played it off as some kind of breathing issue but no it wasn't it was a full on anxiety attack. The very thought of me asking him to make love to be truly intimate with him must have scared the living day lights out of him. Now when this happened I knew it wasn't a breathing issue although he couldn't really breath. I knew it was something else goin on but never in a million years could I imagined that telling him to make love to me could have triggered such a reaction from him. I wish I had realized then what exactly was going on and what I was up against but you know hindsight is 20/20

My ex was sadistic. I never agreed to his demands. Yes, demands. I finally left him. Broken hearted. But he was emotionally sadistic,as well. Totally. The worst person I have ever met 😢😢😢