🚩 my patient's biggest mistake when choosing a partner | Part 1

In my clinical practice I've noticed many patients make the mistake of trusting chemistry over compatibility when choosing a partner and this can be a big red flag. Today we talk about the problem with chemistry and how this is especially dangerous if you have a history of trauma. I explain schema activation and also a new perspective on dating intentionally. Hope you enjoy!
📷 Instagram: / thepsychdiaries
⌚ Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
2:18 1. The Problem with Chemistry 🚩
4:51 2. Dating with a History of Trauma
10:28 3. A Different Approach to Dating
🌞 ABOUT Me: Hi! My name’s Ro and I’m a Clinical Psychologist from Sydney, Australia
💖 SUBSCRIBE to join me for videos on all things psychological science, mental health and behind the scenes of being a psychologist
✏️ COMMENT down below, I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions :)
👍 LIKE to let me know you enjoyed todays video (it really helps me out!)

Пікірлер: 32

  • @Abcdefghijklmnoplm
    @Abcdefghijklmnoplm4 ай бұрын

    I’m a secure and I accept respect, stability and peace. if they don’t bring me peace but chaos then I know this is not what I want.

  • @thepsychdiaries
    @thepsychdiaries4 ай бұрын

    Recently I've had so many interesting sessions talking about relationships and I thought I'd share some of my reflections. Bit of a new topic so let me know if you like this type of content and also if you have any red flaggy flags in dating! 🚩

  • @ParampreetBhandohal-vv3kh

    @ParampreetBhandohal-vv3kh

    4 ай бұрын

    🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 U always have such an amazing concept for psychologically inspired #mentalhealthmatters

  • @shalenah
    @shalenah4 ай бұрын

    this is such a great and timely video! this is something i learned recently through a somewhat recent friendship breakup. the difference between chemistry and compatibility is something people need to know more about. applying it to future connections, platonic or non-platonic, it makes me excited to experience the beauty and honor that goes into taking the time to get to know someone slowly and letting the connection evolve from there. feels much more secure! (which is great for a person with anxious attachment like myself :) )

  • @thepsychdiaries

    @thepsychdiaries

    4 ай бұрын

    This is so beautiful thank you for sharing ♥️

  • @shalenah

    @shalenah

    4 ай бұрын

    @@thepsychdiaries 🤍

  • @charizarr.d
    @charizarr.d4 ай бұрын

    Great timing, ro! Thanks for the wonderful explanations 😊

  • @marcelthiel1
    @marcelthiel14 ай бұрын

    I love this topic! Thank you soooo much for talking about it! ❤

  • @taratempleman6864
    @taratempleman68644 ай бұрын

    Really enjoyed this video, as always! :)

  • @joannepowell8345
    @joannepowell83454 ай бұрын

    Great information Ro. Love this content 👏

  • @juliaschwartz3207
    @juliaschwartz32072 ай бұрын

    You explained this so well thank you so much!

  • @albertrabbit185
    @albertrabbit1854 ай бұрын

    Thank you, psych. Great content. Hope your content n channel will expand!❤ Love you!❤️‍🔥

  • @albertrabbit185

    @albertrabbit185

    4 ай бұрын

    I super love this content!

  • @Abcdefghijklmnoplm
    @Abcdefghijklmnoplm4 ай бұрын

    Great video!

  • @vibes811
    @vibes81117 күн бұрын

    Well said ❤

  • @tatt9191
    @tatt91914 ай бұрын

    What an interesting topic! I like it

  • @miloevryday
    @miloevryday4 ай бұрын

    This was really interesting and insightful! Enjoyed learning about schema-activation & the role of our early models of love in our romantic preferences. I'd love to see similar content from you - you seem to also really enjoy them :)

  • @thepsychdiaries

    @thepsychdiaries

    4 ай бұрын

    Oh this is so lovely, thank you! They are so fun honestly like I'm having a sit down with some mates and chatting about a cool new model I'm learning about

  • @joelwilliams3115
    @joelwilliams31154 ай бұрын

    Thank you for this. I struggle to have chemistry with women, it’s good to know it isn’t everything.

  • @lurlinerigney3005

    @lurlinerigney3005

    4 ай бұрын

    Omg that videos going to awesome..and thanks for passing your knowledge on to others❤

  • @cairosilver2932
    @cairosilver29324 ай бұрын

    The schema being something like the romantic connection is reminiscent of a prior trauma bond? But to the person maybe it seems it'll work this time. Is it chemistry or is it a trauma bond asserting itself? To be fair, it can feel like the romance is also going to heal that prior trauma, which in the moment feels like a win-win.

  • @thepsychdiaries

    @thepsychdiaries

    4 ай бұрын

    Actually that's so interesting- that maybe the hope that "this time it's going to be different" can make a new but unhealthy partner even more attractive.

  • @user-xh3kx5hq4p
    @user-xh3kx5hq4pАй бұрын

    That is super accurate.

  • @lurlinerigney3005
    @lurlinerigney30054 ай бұрын

    Thanks you ....personal truths and clarity is everything. # redflags 🚩

  • @sumitpatel9741
    @sumitpatel97414 ай бұрын

    Hey, Really Nice Video! I was wondering if I could Help You Edit Your Videos and Make Highly Engaging Shorts Out Of Them.

  • @rachelaltify
    @rachelaltify4 ай бұрын

    Did you upload the ‘5 factors of attraction’ video you mentioned? I bet it’s not as cringe as you think!

  • @thepsychdiaries

    @thepsychdiaries

    4 ай бұрын

    Yes well I haven't remembered to make it back on private yet 🙈

  • @rachelaltify

    @rachelaltify

    4 ай бұрын

    @@thepsychdiaries I just watched it and the intro and outro are adorable! Lots of people love the good old Aussie accent :) And the research and referencing was really good (I am an Australian psych honours student - so I may be a bit biased). I reckon you should leave it up, it's bonza!

  • @user-ps7ti8cd6q
    @user-ps7ti8cd6q4 ай бұрын

  • @Baummann1
    @Baummann14 ай бұрын

    Respectfully, I think your point at 12:45 is a little bit short-sighted. Our ancestors have reproduced for billions of years, and the vast majority of humans today can raise children that can raise children etc. I’m not sure if maybe you’re a bit skewed due to the nature of your work and seeing people who have problems with relationships (and consequently ultimately problems with successfully raising children), but in an evolutionary sense, these peoples’ issues wouldn’t carry on into the gene pool anyway, and that would be the end of that. It is an absolutely fundamental part of our genetic makeup that we will find compatible people (without thinking about it much) to reproduce with, and while some people will have issues with this (because of various reasons like child-parent relationships and other reasons you outlined), most of us will get along just fine. Essentially, what I’m saying is evolution would take care of these things one way or another anyway, or else we wouldn’t be here in the first place. However, I’m not at all invalidating your job, quite to the contrary, I believe your work extends the proportion of people who can successfully raise children, which is wonderful for humans, because with knowledge and science we can overcome many previous barriers to leading healthy and enthusiastic lives.