Something I read that feels adjacent to this and really helped me was that giving 100% looks different every day. If you start the day at 60% and you give 60%, that's giving 100% that day. But it's very good advice to remember it's not always a good idea to give everything we have!

@Jenna.g.85

16 күн бұрын

Definitely goes along with the uneven productivity, “your best” looks different every single day. I always say you don’t have to be THE best, you just need to be YOUR best, whatever that looks like on any given day

@MorteDallAlto

15 күн бұрын

Wow, this is great and it makes so much sense. Thank you so much for sharing!

@melissaskinner2199

15 күн бұрын

@@MorteDallAlto you're welcome! It really helped me shift my perspective, so I'm glad it might help you too.

@cowsonzambonis6

13 күн бұрын

Great point!!

@GuyG.KTalesOfAnimals

10 күн бұрын

ooooh interesting- now I think to myself, the next challenge might be to allow thyself to counter-spell perfectionism and on days that I have 60%, I give 40% - so the next night I can sleep well, and next day I would gain a bit of energy . anyone else’s struggles to decompress when going to sleep with -10% energy?

My nerdy friends and I have actually switched to using the D&D spell slot analogy rather than spoons, because it also has a difficulty level integrated into it. If I have a single lvl 5 spell slot per day, I better use it for the most draining task of the day. Because a lot of the time, you can't use multiple lvl 1 slots to cast a higher level spell/break down the big task. (But you CAN upcast easy tasks if need be). And when you run into exhaustion (cast more spells than you can handle), sometimes you don't have those slots available at all the next day, or for the next week, so you better manage those resources right! This is why it is so hard to recover from chronic fatigue too, because at that time, you have so few slots/spoons you can use, it's very hard to keep any of them in store/not overexert yourself, so you just stay in a constant state of depletion, and it's horrible. Much love to all my fellow AuDHDers out there!

@chrisboyd4433

15 күн бұрын

Brilliant. I totally get this analogy!

@ismailabdelirada9073

12 күн бұрын

Not to mention your AuD&Ders.

@Lockecole81

11 күн бұрын

Yep, I like the spell slots too. Once you're depleted you have to have a long rest to recover. It works quite well as an analogy.

Love this! Spoons makes so much sense to me. I remember years ago telling my husband that I needed to save up energy for different parts of the day, and him not knowing what I was talking about…

@user-ls1bw2uw1j

13 күн бұрын

I can relate to the saving up energy for different parts of the day

Especially helpful to have extras at the end of the day if you have kids or pets that could (and do) have emergencies in the middle of the night.

Thank you for your time and energy. I really appreciate the kind language you always use. I'll save a spoon today

Go to bed with spoons left? ...Huh! 🤯 😵‍💫 🎉 Genuinely, that's a fantastic idea. Thank you for sharing. Gotta chew on how to aim for this new goal of having more days like that. Huh.

Accepting that I'm different, I generally have lower energy and capacity than most people, has made a big difference in quality of life. Took me a really long time to accept that.

I recently watched this video on seven different types of rest people need (it was on an ADHD channel, don't have the link at hand now). I have yet to try doing that more consciously, but in any case: physical rest, cognitive rest, creative rest, social rest, spiritual rest, emotional rest and sensory rest. And the rest can also mean doing something. In a work that is not physical, the physical rest can mean e.g. walking or some other exercise. Sensory rest can mean listening to nice music instead of the disturbing noises (but it could mean silence, too). Etc. Perhaps recuperation would be a better word than rest. In any case, rest is not just sleep or watching videos, and doing all types types of rest consciously is especially important for autistic people, who often have poor interoception and alexithymia and therefore don't recognize the need for different types of rest, and also usually get more strained e.g. by social and sensory stimulus etc.

@reed6514

16 күн бұрын

"Recuperation" yeah. I like that bc "rest" has this do-nothing stigma attached to it imo. "Recharge" might be good too. Like i go on a walk to recharge(my mind).

@resourceress7

16 күн бұрын

Ooh, does anyone here recognize that video and have a link or a channel/creator name I can look up to watch it? Thanks for sharing.

@fintux

15 күн бұрын

@@resourceress7 I found the video in my viewing history, it's by Hailey Honeyman and called "How to ACTUALLY rest if you have ADHD".

Loved the gas example used to casually explain spoon theory. I'm a fan of using metaphors to describe myself/what I'm thinking so I'm using this one to explain my spoon supply.

@reed6514

16 күн бұрын

Imagine using the global supply chain for analogy. Well I don't have enough spoons today bc covid shutdown the ports and spoon manufacturing is an overseas endeavor bc it was cheaper to import than pay domestic wages. So my spoons didn't come in time and now i have no spoons. It's a little convoluted lol. "Spoon supply" caused this unhinged goofing.

@johnharvey5412

15 күн бұрын

I remember explaining to somebody that I felt like I didn't get enough time to ever refill my tank the whole way, so by the end of the week I'm running on fumes but only get to put my weekend only allows me to add a couple of gallons.

Self-love is never selfish. Putting yourself first is a requirement to be able to live and enjoy life.

I feel like I start with little to no spoons

@reed6514

16 күн бұрын

Here i help: 🥄🥄🥄

@amandafee9674

16 күн бұрын

@@reed6514 🙏

@welshlady212000

16 күн бұрын

Yes it’s Bullshit, doctors told me about this as a coping technique, and I told them I wake up with -30 spoons everyday because I have no choice but to look after myself.

@Respectable_Username

15 күн бұрын

@@reed6514*steals your spoons and runs away* *runs back a few hours later with one of said spoons in a bowl of pasta* Here I made this for you!

@MiljaHahto

15 күн бұрын

Then you need to conserve as much of them as possible, doing just the absolute minimum. And probably not just today.

Be who you seek to be: one moment, one breath, one step at a time! Thank you for your content.

This sounds so obvious but it's not! Thank you for the reminder - I needed this!

I've been using my Garmin for over 3 years now, and it has this concept called "body battery", aka how energised or exhausted you are physically. It's not exact science, but it's useful. I've learned that I should have some 15-20% left when I go to sleep, otherwise one night is not quite enough to recharge. If I go for hours with just 5%, it will take at least 2 good nights and 1 day resting to get back to good levels. I'd say it's about the same mentally.

Great video Taylor, not having to go to a job everyday feel like that helps me be in more control of how many spoons I feel ok using in a day. My therapist keeps encouraging me to use the dbt skill of “opposite to emotion action” and just push through things which doesn’t usually work for me to push myself if the spoons aren’t there. but also we set a goal that if I can get 1 to 3 things done in a day, that’s enough and usually since I have both cognitive and physical different abilities that’s about all I can manage in a day then I use the rest of the day to conserve and replenish my energy to do it all again the next day. I know that might not sound like a lot to others and I’ve been seen as lazy since I “sit around all day” and “lucky I don’t have to work” I wish I had more energy to give but I just don’t and like you said I don’t wanna run myself into the ground everyday

I am newly diagnosed. I have been in Autistic burnout and likely chronic ASD burnout. I agree, I feel very guilty/shame for not doing all I can, which lately is not much at all outside of work. I have had to really isolate and force myself to just rest/sleep without much sensory input (no tv, phone, games etc.).

🤯🤯🤯! Whut - I can have spoons for the next day instead of just trying to borrow them in advance. Mind blowing concept. TY.

Love this and to our fellow spoonies who don't have the privilege of budgeting some spoons left over...we feel you 💜

And, as a back up point: the medical system is starting to realise that if you have chronic fatigue syndrome, pushing yourself beyond what you are comfortable with just sets back your recovery.

I love this!! I've recently been doing this unintentionally - saying no to some things that I'd find draining, even though I probably *could* have done them if I really had to, and feeling guilty about not giving my absolute all. Thank you for helping me see that this *is* OK to save some energy for ourselves. 💜💕💜

I identify as neurotypical and this spoon theory is very applicable to me as well. It's a great way to communicate your energy!

@NiaLaLa_V

15 күн бұрын

You identify as? ...that's really offensive.

@psychoticvenom

15 күн бұрын

@@NiaLaLa_V Apologies, I mean no offense. I haven't been tested or diagnosed and some people have told me I might exhibit ADHD traits, but I find myself mostly falling into neurotypical buckets, which is why I put it that way.

it sucks when the gas is all gone and there's no where to refuel each, or any morning

As a neuro-divergent woman who also has chronic pain, I can totally relate.

simple advice but it is a critical mind shift - even as someone who’s familiar- this reminder what wholesome and helpful. you are so right!

as soon as you said we "feel like we are supposed to use all of our spoons every day..." I KNEW what you meant. I thought I was supposed to give every day my all??? I'm-- I don't know. I've seen others say you should give everything your 100% if you're chasing something. And I still think there is truth to this. But maybe neurotypical people just have more energy (on average) than we do. I'm sad. Maybe I'll get there one day. But for now I will take on your challenge to save some spoons. And it definitely is a challenge because it challenges the way I think about expending my energy. But I will keep thinking about it. Thank you

My life is better because of you and your little hot tips. Thank you, Taylor! 😊

Thank you for finding the words for the things I can’t find words for. 💛

I really liked this, and last week’s about the covert stims, especially reading all the comments. I first heard about spoons on your channel, but long before that I knew that I had a need to conserve energy and save energy up before certain events (& rebuild it after). On the stimming video, there were some (chewing the inside of my mouth, teeth grinding, crocheting, chewing hair) that I had been wondering, “is this really stimming” (aka, am I really autistic, even though I’m diagnosed), and it helped me to read about other peoples’ similar experiences. Also, bigger or more obvious stims that I only started to try more recently and wasn’t sure if it was okay, or genuine, to purposely try those out.

That bun is glorious.

I’ve always used lighting bolts, even before knowing I was autistic or hearing of spoon theory. Like a sims character the energy level how I always described it. I prefer my bolts ⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

I guess this is why I can't get through the day without a nap in the afternoon (which is really hard with two children!)

Spoon-less-ness: I relate to this so much. I push myself so hard to be the best version I can be that I end up spoonless most days. I’m a mom too. I homeschool with my husband, work outside the home 4+ days a week teaching violin and performing, and am recovering from PTSD and probably C-PTSD. Thank you for this! I’m already intuitively exploring how much rest to get. I’m not getting as many things done as I’d like 😩 but I really can’t afford to burn out constantly, so I need to re-evaluate my mindset and relationship with rest and productivity. I’m not diagnosed but I need to be diagnosed with something! I have AuDD symptoms. Not sure if it’s AuDHD

omg thank you. I recently reached perimenopause as a PMDD sufferer on top of my other ND conditions and yesterday, I ran out of spoons and just went to bed without speaking to anyone. Now I know how to talk about it.

♥Thank you SO MUCH for this video. Your channel is a kind of lifeline for me. And I REALLY mean that! Not knowing that I am autistic for 56 years and having struggled through life has been very difficult. Your channel has helped me tremendously. TY ♥

Good grief... that IS a new idea... thanks!

I did this my implementing boundaries and cut offs. Essentially ending things earlier in the day allowing me more energy for my family and personal time and it 100% changed my entire life. I feel like a different person. It’s the same thing you are saying basically.

❤ made me cry thank you for your experience knowledge and understanding.

Save a few spoons for breakfast in the morning

@wesley3300

16 күн бұрын

Lol that’s perfect

this feels spiritual, thank you

Yes and don’t wait until you are OLD to start saying NO to demands on your energy. Just walk away. What are other people going to do? Put you in jail?

I so needed to hear that today. Thank you

I'm autistic and I also have chronic health problems stemming from lime disease that was improperly treated when I was 2. I didn't get the antibiotics consistently, and because of that, the bacteria became antibiotic resistant, and it is a nitemare now that im older. The spoon explanation has helped me a lot with communicating with neuro typical people and people who don't live their lives in constant pain. Pain can be absolutely exhausting by itself. Doing tasks that everyone takes for granted like shopping for groceries can be an exhausting challenge when your joints are killing you and you have a migraine on top of having to mask.

It's a great truth.

another aspect is gaining spoons can feel selfish. For me I gain spoons with special interests. So say I'm almost out spoons after work and instead of socializing with family I got play a video game for couple hours. I get spoons back and I'm good. I struggle with that, people won't believe it I fear. They will feel it's too selfish.

@imperfectly_megan

15 күн бұрын

Wait you can gain spoons back? This is as mind blowing to me as the fact I don't have to use them all up each day.

Thank you, Taylor. I have got to commit this to memory and practice. It’s not even my first time hearing about it, so I really have no excuses at this point. Don’t use all your spoons, people! Otherwise you’ll finally get to that giant bowl of mac & chee and won’t have any way to eat it. Which is just nightmarish, frankly.

I'm forty, diagnosed at 35ish, homeless for the last 3 years, live in a motel. I got no spoons. And Please, dear gawd, I'm AuDHD, I don't fish for sympathy/empathy/compassion. I just share objectively. Overshare? Well, that's up to you. Lol! I now have 1-spoon!

Thank you.

Thank you so much, truly helpful.

My therapist gave me the green yellow red analogies. If I'm feeling like I don't have energy to give I am red. My partner will ask me if I'm having a red day at times because he can see it. Sometimes I tell him I'm orange or even burnt orange. But I definitely know I overdo it at times. Sometimes I use the spoon theory, but instead of spoons it's f*cks lol. Only kinda kidding. But thank you for the fuel theory - having to refill every day when you wake up IS exhausting. I'm curious though - what do others do when they live alone, like me? Another person isnt there - and the "stuff" needs to get done.

Thanks again. I ran out of spoons helping our autistic daughter. She is fine. However I am looking for a spoon salesperson. Been running on empty for so many decades has taken a toll. Stopped looking, accepting what I find. Much easier to enjoy the finds. Will share some relevant rambling later Enjoy!!

I am so confused by this. I used to have the worst insomnia before I had kids because I would go to bed after a full day and just toss and turn and fight my way to sleep. Now my kids are 6 & 4, I tend to run out of energy around 5pm, no matter how much sleep I got the night before. I have to drag myself through dinner/bath/bedtime for my kids, literally gripping my mom mask as tight as I can just to make it. I almost always pass out while singing to them. Then I have to get up and clean the house and make myself some food and then I normally paint as selfcare. I eventually I’ll start to drift in and out of sleep while painting and then drag myself to bed and literally pass out in 1 breath. Even on nights where I go to sleep with the kids and stay stay asleep, I wake up to the chaos of yesterday & starving and I can just feel the spoon disappearing.

@Krokador

16 күн бұрын

Sounds like you added chronic exhaustion on top of the insomnia. I doubt it's gone - it wasn't for me when i was constantly running myself ragged, but I was so exhausted at night that once I did have peace and quiet my body would just shut down. I've been in a better situation for a bit now, and the insomnia has reared its ugly head again. I'm learning to deal with it, but it's an ongoing battle for sure. Do you have a partner, or friends/family that could help you through thia rough patch by taking some of the stuff out of your hands? Have someone else do the cooking, or the groceries, hire someone to clean the house, perhaps, if budget allows? Reach out to community centers or parenting resources, maybe there's a service in your area that could allow you some rest. I know it's hard to admit to needing help/let go of everything, because it feels like if you give in even just a little, everything will collapse. But if you don't do it willingly, your body will eventually do it for you, and it will probably be even more inconvenient! Take care of yourself!

This is exactly why i still need naps. Sure, that means i can't "hold a regular job", but guess what? I. Don't. Care. It's better to keep myself semi regulated for 10-12hrs a day than to force myself to keep going and end up having a mini meltdown at 4p because i had to work, missed my nap, and have been up nonstop for 18 hrs.

I first discovered this in a game i like where one of the characters has a similar system but uses points instead of spoons. If something gives them energery +3 points if something takes their energy -3 points.

So true!

GRATITUDE

❤

I start off with random number of spoons everyday but my ADHD is so bad that I forget where I left the spoons and can’t remember if left the spoons at home . Then I am hoping I at least have a fork and I have used a knife but it was way more stressful to do the same task . Then I somehow end up with negative spoons and utensils and by then it’s already too late to sleep the right amount and the harder it is to wake up with spoons .

Having Both autism and chronic illness I though for sure I was going to get an independent full set of spoons for each one, resulting in two full sets of spoons, well, guess what, reality still refuses to bow to my will. 🤔🤨😑

My Mom always called me selfish. That was just unfair. I'm territorial. Don't touch my stuff, just don't ! In turn I will never mess with you or your stuff. My Mom was a pit of emotional NEED. Tell me plainly what you want from me or leave me in peace.

I have 1 spoon, most days.

I'm treading water and out of spoons just trying to hold down my job. I wish I could heed your advice but at this moment in time I don't have the luxury of choosing to use less spoons without putting my livelihood at risk.

For me if I push too hard I will sometimes start reusing dirty spoons and if I do that there's a possibility I give myself food poisoning.

Me in elementary school (3rd-6th grade in an autistic school group): *using all my spoons calculating how I should act and talk (forced to use white lies) while around the oblivious bully (also autistic) who had meltdowns that included guilt tripping and some gaslighting around 2 times a day every school day, while also being forced to be their friend because the school group barely had resources and had to accommodate this kid the most* Me now, 27 years old: *unemployed but doesn't use all my spoons everyday, with some slip ups, but is also anxious and stressful about how Sweden handles disability stuff* Atleast I can breathe now, but I also know I should use my frustration to write down things I want to say to those in power. I'm not as frustrated at my bully or the teachers and assistants in school anymore. Now I'm frustrated at politicans, the habilitation center and psych. Not at the ones just doing their job, even though what they do still harms others. It's the higher ups who causes problems. It felt liberating to learn all this, even though I still feel stressed about a lot of things. But life is a cycle of change we just have to live with. It's what we try to change that matters. ❤

I noticed it seems I have some poons, and then they deplete and I need a break, which regenerates some spoons, and then I use them again, and take a break again. Or I can choose not to take a break and judt live with a constant buzz if anxiety that I try to ignore and pretend my face ISN'T involuntarily going into a deeper and deeper frown, and my brain ISN'T getting quieter and less smart, and so on.

Let me try this in a sentence: "If I go to bed with no spoon left, I simply won't sleep that night And I'll start the next day with hardly any spoon." Hey, it actually works! 🙂

No it’s not selfish. It’s about having positive mental health and equilibrium in your life so you’re not burned out 24/7. You must typically have energy / spoons left over and full exertion must be highly uncommon. If you don’t, you’ll end up in autistic burnout or worse. Balance in this by having spoons remaining is paramount in my life and is fundamental in how I am capable to high mask when needed. I can pull from that well when I must. Not that anyone must do this or even high mask ever… but just make leaving spoons / energy remaining as the norm knowing that if you don’t do that you will cause substantial long term mental health consequences that you truly want to avoid. Having that buffer as the norm gives you long term balance and makes you avoid so much exhaustion and pain no one ever wants. And yes that absolutely means saying “no” to a lot of things and people and having a lot of alone time to achieve this. You must do that to protect your mental health. It is vital to protect your mental health and wellbeing.

🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏💖

i have very few spoons left, my drug addict ex friends stole most of them for doing dope, i'm so OCD that i can only use the 2 of each size that i have left from my original Cornell set. ALL other spoons just feel weird ! i realize my spoon problem is different but also connected to my ASD which comes with severe OCD & Narcolepsy.

🤯

What if you're constantly in the negatives!!

Ugh. I ran out of spoons in 2021. Where can I buy more please?!

@MomontheSpectrum

11 күн бұрын

If I find a shop I'll make sure to shout it from the rooftops!! :) 🥄

Great video! But I don't think we neurodivergent people should be allowed to use the spoon analog because we don't know what it's like to have chronic pain/illness (unless people who have both). Why can't you just say energy? Or use some different analogy. Also we can get more energy, for example if we're sensory overloaded by stimming or reducing sensory input. But they can't just make their pain go away. And isn't the whole idea of spoon that you can't gain them? If I have understood correctly

oh😅

Thnk u 4 caring n sharing ~ ur more a solutions person as am I = especially thnx for getting rid of all the annoying view pop up box ads that truly just add obstruction to the clips = my devices like my body has been failing bad winter/moving/homeless has me battling more than just my technology learning former friendly help proves mostly illusory = most share in words/theory just don't expect most to live/actions ~ that's mayb too inconvenient having 2 bak up their offers/words/contracts/actions = even gov t must learn 2 walk their talk eh!?!!10:32Am5/2/2024

@anniestumpy9918

16 күн бұрын

your way of writing is not very reader friendly

🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄

Bravo. Please keep reminding us we are allowed to end the day with an unused🥄or two!