The moral of the story: Don't do anything and don't ever be happy. You'll just end up horribly injuring yourself and killing others.

@SaesarSalad

9 жыл бұрын

Matthew Clark Word!

@pittland44

7 жыл бұрын

A valuable lesson brought to you by the good people at Union Pacific.

@user-lk7cv8vg7r

6 жыл бұрын

Also your work is your life. Don’t have a personal life, work 16 hours a day!

@wadecarmen7501

5 жыл бұрын

Unless your job is professional serial killer or Mafia hitman, it's no problem.

@cindydott452

Жыл бұрын

The moral of the story: Don't weld your eyeballs!

I'm a Lutheran pastor and I love MST3K, but combining it with my profession is especially a scream. Love it!!

@madeinamerica3620

3 жыл бұрын

"...it's the Adversary who is humorless. I'm sure God likes to laugh." -from Operation Changeling, by Poul Anderson

*Baby cries* "Speaking of accidents ..." Fucking. Lost. It.

Maybe the old man wouldn't have suffered a heart attack if they gave him the means to take a vacation more often than every 40 years.

@80MWH

10 жыл бұрын

Naw, it was his own fault he got old. :P

@SaesarSalad

10 жыл бұрын

80MWH Old people are stupid.

@JudasPriest9878

9 жыл бұрын

He shouldn't be thinking of Mamie Eisenhower on the job

@SaesarSalad

9 жыл бұрын

JudasPriest9878 Mamie Eisenhower makes me hard!

@pittland44

7 жыл бұрын

He just use a car battery to defribrilate his own heart and get back to work.

"I often stop by here for a cup of coffee." "That's really interesting."

Has anyone noticed everyone who's come into contact with the Reverand has ended up either dead, guilt ridden or in a neck brace

@jakobole

3 жыл бұрын

Pearl Necklace?

@frankgutierrez6016

2 жыл бұрын

He the brother Jessica Fletcher of Murder she wrote.

@cindydott452

Жыл бұрын

@@frankgutierrez6016 He's best friends with Johnathan and Jennifer Hart too!

"Hey, have a massive coronary on you own time!"

"In my version, things went a lot further..." Definitely in the MST3K shorts top 5.

'He went through a stop sign, better take it easy Joe'. 'GET OUT OF MY HEAD REVEREND!'

"I'm watching you feel good."

@pittland44

4 жыл бұрын

Obey the toaster!!!

@polygoncreatures4045

3 жыл бұрын

That was the line that doubled me over.

For some reason, the line that makes me laugh the most is the way Mike Nelson snidely says, "That's really interesting."

@christieperry4361

6 жыл бұрын

CineCraft I say that to my husband all the time.

@danielboone8435

3 жыл бұрын

@@christieperry4361 that's really interesting...

" ... the filth that is humanity" God these lines were *PRICELESS* !!

Ah, MST3K videos. The one place on KZread where the comments are actually funny rather than toxic

@pittland44

7 жыл бұрын

Not sure if I want to laugh or cry at this remark.

@jonathanwashington6083

5 жыл бұрын

Don't worry some asswipe will come and Ruin Everything soon enough....

@AmyLSacks

5 жыл бұрын

"Maaaaa, Jonathan's LOOKING at meeeee!!!"

@typacsk

2 жыл бұрын

"Well you and all of your pets should DIE!" (...for those not familiar, it's from one of the "Twilight" Rifftrax.)

@daughterofolaf

2 жыл бұрын

Haha. Unless the video has anything to do with the Netflix era and beyond. Those get ugly really fast!

This is the most depressing MST3K short I've seen. Thanks, minister, for reminding us that disabilities ruin life for everybody.

@wadecarmen7501

5 жыл бұрын

Wonder if the minister would have been so caring if it was a black man, woman, or gay guy who was injured and killed.

@RanMouri82

4 жыл бұрын

@@wadecarmen7501 Was he caring to begin with? He just bemoaned that these folks missed out on the prosperity gospel.

@planescaped

4 жыл бұрын

@@RanMouri82 Yeah, I was expecting a message about how people who've experienced tragedy shouldn't wallow in what happened to them but rather overcome it... Instead we get a minister pointing at the victims and saying sucks to be them!

@kelvintorrence5994

10 ай бұрын

Your most welcome, come 2 church thus Sunday 4 more,bless you.

@menslady125eif2590

3 ай бұрын

I know, right? Even the riffing doesn't take away the sadness.

“In my version things went a lot further” 🤣🤣🤣

REV: To the impatient Joe, the men almost seemed to be purposely stalling as they stowed their gear. MIKE: Joe smelled conspiracy in everything. I also love it when the Rev randomly says "I often stop at this diner for a cup of coffee", and Mike says "That's really INTERESTING!" in that humoring tone usually reserved for the elderly and/or insane.

He just couldn't get there fast enough... ...for those 2 scoops of raisins. This short is gold!

These are some of the most hilariously contrived accidents ever. Apparently Union Pacific didn't have a problem insulting their employees' intelligence.

@s4ujcd

8 жыл бұрын

TanzDerSchatten AHHHH!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING IDIOT! GET THAT TORCH OUT OF MY EYES!

@shadetreader

4 жыл бұрын

Companies insult their employees' intelligence with every paycheck

@christopherrichardson2945

3 жыл бұрын

@@s4ujcd “you don’t have to hold it there” is probably one of my all time favorite lines

@cindydott452

Жыл бұрын

Shake hands with danger??

This shorts sounds suspiciously like Union Pacific's pre-eminent defense against possible lawsuits. (See if you injure yourself on our trains, it's never because of faulty brakes or unsafe working conditions! It's because you were TOO CARELESS AND UNSAFE! So no restitution for YOU, buddy!"

@targaghjj

10 жыл бұрын

Yup. And notice how everyone is TOO CARELESS AND UNSAFE only because they saw the barest glint of happiness ahead on the horizon. So the message is "NO HOPE, NEVER HOPE, YOU'RE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!" (Evil cackle)

@bhmch39

9 жыл бұрын

targaghjj lol

@pittland44

7 жыл бұрын

Don't forget, you're here forever!

@82dorrin

5 жыл бұрын

Every time I watch this short, I'm reminded of the things that happen to the people who weren't even there.

@wadecarmen7501

5 жыл бұрын

AMTRACK is king of railroad accidents.

“Come over to this siiiiiide....” “OBEY THE TOASTER!”

Their honeymoon at Six Flags is going to be real fun.

This film has the 4 D's: disability, dismemberment, death & depression.

@jimmyjim170

8 жыл бұрын

+TimelordR Four more D's for this short could be denial, disaster, degradation and disillusionment!

@dynostretch9215

6 жыл бұрын

deadly downcast deacon deliberately depresses devoted diligence

@DerekPower

3 жыл бұрын

These are words with a D this time

@typacsk

2 жыл бұрын

Sadly, a couple of these guys forgot the fifth D: Dodge.

@cindydott452

Жыл бұрын

Doom, destruction, devastation, & denied (as in insurance claim)

"The others? They were along for the ride, whether they liked it or not. Liked it? They hated it! But what could they do?" Uh, maybe pound on the cab of the truck and yell, "Slow down, you idiot!"

@TheStapleGunKid

7 жыл бұрын

I like how the guys riding on the truck are perfectly fine after the accident, but the guy in the truck is the only one severely injured. Really, what are the chances of that happening?

@pittland44

7 жыл бұрын

Get out of my head reverend!!!

@dirrdevil

3 жыл бұрын

Why couldn't they ride in the cab?

@Kur10usity

3 жыл бұрын

Flag on the moon...

18:19 "Hey, buddy, got a light?" Don't worry. After the accident, Charlie became Roy Orbison and went on to have a very successful career in music.

@williamhubert572

4 жыл бұрын

He didn't have to hold the torch on his eyes.

@kevin2400

4 жыл бұрын

I was waiting for a Roy Orbison joke from one of the bots

The moral? DON'T WORK FOR THE RAILROAD!

@CrabOfDoom

9 жыл бұрын

bloodrunsclear Especially since is appears that Fred DIED ON THE JOB but Union Pacific denied his pension to his widow and son. If Fred was going to retire, anyway, it was his pension that was going to send Lenny to college, but if Lenny couldn't afford to go? No pension. "He's dead, you're screwed. Love always, Union Pacific."

@jimmyjim170

8 жыл бұрын

+CrabOfDoom This short and Last Clear Chance prove that Union Pacific just has it out for people.

@wadecarmen7501

5 жыл бұрын

Esp. in Japan! Godzilla always stomps on railroads.

@wadecarmen7501

5 жыл бұрын

Don't buy a RR in Monopoly!

Every time I watch this short, I'm reminded of the things that happen to the people who weren't even there.

@madeinamerica3620

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I gue...HUH?? 😯 😁

So according to this video, workers are supposed to predict when they have heart attacks. Right.... Even more absurd is the notion that companies would be okay with workers taking time off any time they were not feeling well.

@Goawaykidyoubotherme

6 ай бұрын

If you're having chest pains for a week then a heart attack is a good guess

@tysontaggart7246

6 ай бұрын

​@@Goawaykidyoubotherme "probably just indigestion"

"Hey, Joe." *CRONCH* "Aaaaaaaah!"

"although she has never been in an accident...she acts like she has" LOL!!!!

Is it me, or does Helen seem more upset that her 'perfect marriage' is ruined more than about what happened to Joe?

@bhmch39

9 жыл бұрын

Lol. I just thought that. She's like "Thanks a lot mister Indy 500, now MY dream is road kill!"

@CrabOfDoom

9 жыл бұрын

B Michaels I don't even understand why her dreams would BE roadkill. She had nothing white to wear to her wedding, even if she couldn't afford a designer dress? She can't still have sex with a man in a neck brace? (you totally can.) Joe can't still have hobbies or interests to lead a fulfilling life? Hell, all he wanted was a housekeeper, and he still got one and has an excuse not to help her--shouldn't that be his jackpot? They both just gave up on life, because Joe was suddenly disabled. That's horrifically stupid.

@SaesarSalad

9 жыл бұрын

CrabOfDoom The money for the dress had pay for his medical bills. And back then, people didn't have sex.

@snakes3425

8 жыл бұрын

+SaesarSalad Also Joe was probably fired for causing the accident

@TanzDerSchatten

8 жыл бұрын

+Matthew Clark She probably nags him on a daily basis about why he was driving like such a dumbsquat that day too. "I coulda had a white wedding and we coulda gone to Six Flags and I coulda quit working at the diner but no, you had to pass on a solid line..."

Ah, the good old time where you were safer OUTSIDE the car then inside.

@PaleHorseShabuShabu

5 ай бұрын

*than

She wasn't skimping on anything. She dreamed of tract housing. There was that perfectly scrumptious model house she'd been wanting all these years. Squalor Contemporary

@sclogse1

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a Tom Waits man...

"There. My problem went away."

@madeinamerica3620

3 жыл бұрын

If he really did think that, I don't know whether or not to envy him.

"So his name is Joe Joe?" :)

@luisreyes1963

3 ай бұрын

Definitely not played by Peter Boyle.

This is Helen....Hi Helen. Mrs Joe Toast Obey the toast!!!

" ,,, There my problem went away." LOFL Man I miss these shows :(

"That was so incredibly average..."

Most depressing mst3k short ever. This one and that one with the guy catching the poor bear cubs are one watchers for me. God i love the mst3k shorts tho. They're great!!

@luisreyes1963

Жыл бұрын

Industrial accidents are comedy gold! 😒

One of my all-time favorite MST3K bits. The riffs are so on point, and the film itself is just...bizarre.

@KareemPilot

7 жыл бұрын

Definitely one of the top 5 shorts

@pittland44

5 жыл бұрын

Obey the Toaster!

@sclarin2

4 жыл бұрын

It was so incredibly average

@planescaped

4 жыл бұрын

'Those accident victims... You know their lives are over now? Poor souls should just off themselves and be off to heaven, because there's no happiness living like that. So be safe. Don't be like them. Praise Union Pacific and god.'

For it is written in the Book of Wisdom, "Thou shalt not run with scissors, lest thou gougest an eye out."

@typacsk

2 жыл бұрын

Ah, a fellow follower of Mrs. Cosmopolite :)

@JiveDadson

2 жыл бұрын

@@typacsk I don't know who that is.

@typacsk

2 жыл бұрын

@@JiveDadson It's from the Discworld books--she gets treated like some kind of profound philosopher, but all of her quotations are the kind of thing you'd hear from a working-class mom whose patience is wearing thin.

@typacsk

2 жыл бұрын

@@JiveDadson It's from the Discworld books. Other characters quote her as if she was a great philosopher, but all of her Wisdom is stereotypical "tough-love working-class mom" stuff.

(looks at baby) speaking of accidents

@teedup8995

3 жыл бұрын

They should have had a train scene there.

AAARRGH You don't have to hold it there Now he's T Bone Burnette So many Classic lines

"Plan 9 from outer space." :) Wow, the house they were looking at vaguely looks like the house Bela Lugosi lived in from the same movie !

ironically the ambulance driver hit four people on the way there

@JamaicanCastle

6 жыл бұрын

MST3K predicted GTA ambulance drivers!

@wadecarmen7501

5 жыл бұрын

Delivering pizzas.

@pittland44

5 жыл бұрын

Well it does happen.

"America's Deacon of Death!" -- Great Stuff.

Yeah it's not like the guys on the back of the truck could tap on the glass and say "Joe pull over and let one of us drive you're too distracted with your upcoming wedding"

@doctorgene3201

8 жыл бұрын

+snakes3425 No they can't, Joe's hormones put them in a catatonic state.

@coolsomeXD

6 жыл бұрын

Maybe there all getting married.

@wadecarmen7501

5 жыл бұрын

@@doctorgene3201 Joe is gay

I didn't hate accidents enough

They rebuilt Joe. They made him stronger, faster,....

@ilikethecokev2

7 жыл бұрын

Shame they didn't want to spend a lot of money...

@pittland44

7 жыл бұрын

Yeah, but they only spent $75.00 on rebuilding him.

@EmployeeJoe630

6 жыл бұрын

then they put him to work hour after hour his work was never over.

@robertdiotalevi7742

6 жыл бұрын

The Bionic Loser

@dynostretch9215

6 жыл бұрын

....and with a built-in sprinkler system!

Man, this was one brutal short! Mike and Trace really put the hate on this one.

"You don't have to HOLD IT THERE!" Ah, MST. The best thing to come out of Minnesota since the Jayhawks and 3M post-it notes.

On the way to the shop he remembered something He had to go kiss Helen LMAO

Sad Sunglasses Charlie always gets me.

My husband didn't grow up with mst3k so I'm converting him. I just showed him this to remind him to get my attention before he starts talking to me when I my have headphones in. Gentle pressure.

"Come over to this siiiide...." haha!

"she spit in the eggs" i love this show.i used to watch it all the time

R: I often stop by here for a cup of coffee. M: That's really interesting!

Charlie was close now, I could smell him.

@madeinamerica3620

3 жыл бұрын

With respect, perhaps it should be, "Charlie's baby was close now...he could smell him..."

@madeinamerica3620

3 жыл бұрын

Or perhaps, "Charlie was close now. He could smell me." 😎

Accidents...never caused by poor supervision, defective equipment, unreasonable work schedules or acts of God... no they are always the fault of carelessness...i.e. the victims fault.

@jordanfreeman3226

9 жыл бұрын

***** Actually, even back then there should have been a dead man's switch that would have shut it off if George let go, like if, let's say, he had a FUCKING HEART ATTACK

@pittland44

8 жыл бұрын

MutantSentry That thought hadn't even occurred to me but you're dead right. I just always thought Servo was right, there wasn't one of them that wasn't drunk.

@eviljoel

7 жыл бұрын

The company put out motivational signs, they're now blameless.

@jordanfreeman3226

7 жыл бұрын

BugPope "See our elaborate safety system?"

The scene at the coffee shop made me laugh so hard.

@luisreyes1963

Жыл бұрын

She spit in the eggs...🍳

@phylliselizahb1041

11 ай бұрын

"Obey the toaster!"

Can you imagine what a pleasure it must have been to attend one of the reverend's joyful sermons?

@madeinamerica3620

3 жыл бұрын

Well, the Chinese say, "Happiness shared is doubled. Misery shared is halved." Whatever THAT'S worth.

Oh, no , he died minutes before his time.

"I didn't hate accidents enough."

The chef in the corner diner where Joe stops looks like the chef in "I accuse my parents". "How about a cheeseburger and some french fried potatoes..." :)

@christieperry4361

5 жыл бұрын

Happy chef

Oh, Crow! How'd ya like to practice "gentle pressure" together?

"So the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex, and old age??" THAT'S RIGHT--YOU HEARD THE REVEREND. AVOID ALL OF THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!!!! amen.

Man, it must've been really annoying to be a worker back in those days when you get pulled from work to watch some depressing industrial short with religious overtones about lives destroyed about accidents on the job. I'm guessing a lot of guys had to cheer themselves up at the bar riffing on it after the whistle blew at five.

@marccolten9801

4 жыл бұрын

Not just then. I had to watch them at AT&T in the 70s - 90s and at Walmart post retirement. Welcome to corporate America where everything is your fault.

@AmyLSacks

4 жыл бұрын

@@marccolten9801 The Rev's sermons are so dull that death seems like a blessing.

@JoeKaye-hn5dt

3 жыл бұрын

They showed us this in shop class. (1960)

@TanzDerSchatten

2 жыл бұрын

When I worked at FedEx, I had to watch a safety video in which one of the actors was very downcast about how he had "let down the team" by getting injured. Forever after that, we were constantly telling each other, "I feel like you're letting down the team." P.S. I never saw any real injuries in my time there, but there were plenty of people who let down the team by not bothering to show up most mornings.

@typacsk

2 жыл бұрын

My favorite was the Bobcat safety video, clearly made while "Home Improvement" was A Big Thing, that tried to parody an episode of that. (Oh, how it tried...)

"Oh my God, the reverand's killed again!"

"Good one, George!"

@KeithDec25

9 жыл бұрын

SaesarSalad Yeah "George you are hilarious!" George was already thinking about the Hawaiian sex tour and Mamie Eisenhower....

@KeithDec25

8 жыл бұрын

s4ujcd Yeah but Ike and George got there first!....

Always remember-- heart attacks are solely your fault. Never have them during work hours. How inconsiderate can you get?

“Get out of town accident lover!!!!” 😂

"Boo Radley waved him on." I choked.

He'd chosen his new look

So, she couldn't wear a white wedding dress because Joe was in a neck brace for a year?

@ilikethecokev2

7 жыл бұрын

I'm guessing they're implying his medical bills made them unable to afford a traditional wedding.

@RanMouri82

4 жыл бұрын

@@ilikethecokev2 She couldn't even afford a cheap, white dress. Darn that accident!

Okay honestly, who the heck would want to work for Union Pacific after watching this horribly depressing film? I would think this would scare all their employees away.

@kelvintorrence5994

10 ай бұрын

It pays well,

This is one of my favorite mst3k shorts . Keep coming back to watch it every once in awhile 👍

"They are victims of themselves. I hate themselves." "My church is in a railroad town, not far from a big freight terminal and repair shop...all mine" "In my congregation, are railroad people in every capacity. And not one who isn't safety concious...not one who isn't drunk." "Accident haters, all of us. Hating the waste, the pain, the needlessness...the waste that is humanity." "I'm bigger than Jesus" All of these in 30 seconds (2:20-2:50), had me rolling on the floor.

@christieperry4361

6 жыл бұрын

cantstandya2 the little quips are the secret of their success.

@christieperry4361

6 жыл бұрын

Don't forget chief justice Earl Warren

Wow... I have a really hard time feeling bad for the dude that burned his eyes out trying to light a cigar.

@luisreyes1963

Жыл бұрын

Couldn't get hold of a Zippo lighter, eh? 🚬

So, I’ve been watching these clips off and on this week. Found myself reminiscing to watching MST3K as a kid. A phrase, “Gentle pressure,” has stuck with me all these years. When the narrator describes Charlie walking up behind the welder safely, a bell rang in my head. Then he said it and I yelled out, “HELL YEAH, GENTLE PRESSURE!” Good stuff, but poor Charlie.

@madeinamerica3620

3 жыл бұрын

Great anecdote, NatPix!

"Boo Radley waved him on." To Kill A Mockingbird reference FTW

@christieperry4361

6 жыл бұрын

TackyRackyComixNEO then they sneak in "Tony Dow!"

Charlie was close now, you could smell him

@sylvestervoigt9836

5 жыл бұрын

Reminds me of Forrest saying There always looking for this Guy Charlie

"hey, ya dead yet?!" Holy heck.

This one and "What to do on a Date" are my two favorites! Pure Genius!!

@cindydott452

Жыл бұрын

Mister B Natural is a true classic!

@5:50 “I’m watching you feel good” lmao 😂

A newborn father is one of the most exciting things in the world... Other then the father at the time of conception... Did my Dad come back from the dead to say that?

So much good tidbits in this one! "Where's my damn dinner!"

I remember after my family and I saw this short, 'Gentle pressure' became a looong running joke.

Yet, here in my parish, there are some who can only look back... Crow: I hate them.

i would stop by here for a cup of coffee that is really interesting

All hail hypnotoaster!

"Get out of my head, reverend!" This is great. Probably one of my favorites.

@luisreyes1963

4 жыл бұрын

Too Late...😬

@crowtservo And it's not even the worst one on this show. That award goes too "A date with the family"

ah that wonderful time in history where you were safer outside then inside the car when you got in a car accident!

Wow that was depressing...

@dianalewandowski7615

9 жыл бұрын

YEAH, THANK GOD THE CREW TEARS IT TO SHREDS. AREN'T MEN OF GOD SUPPOSED TO SPREAD JOY AND HEALING TO PEOPLE? WELL, AT LEAST THE CONSOLATION IS THAT THIS OLD MORBID BASTARD IS DEAD NOW

A time for love a time for hate. A time for freedom I swear it's not to late.

So... Joe drove like an idiot, endangered the lives of two other people, and caused an accident and got hurt because of it... Gee, I almost thought he was at fault or something, I feel so bad for the guy.

One wrong welding move and Roy Orbison's career was born!

PSA's about safety nowadays are the equivalent of horror movie jump-scares. This safety PSA however must have been put together by Debbie Downer.....yeesh.

@SaesarSalad

8 жыл бұрын

+James Haines Feline AIDS is the #1 killer of domestic cats.

@SaesarSalad

8 жыл бұрын

It's official. I can't have children. WAH...WAH

"So his name's Joe Joe?"

Some of the best riffing of Any MST3K episode! Classic!

@lavalampluva55401

2 жыл бұрын

Well...this short needed some humor. Without it it would be depressing af.

4:53 best line in this short.