It is wrong to assume that all parents want what is best for their children. Some parents want to take advantage of their children.

@spicypeppy

2 жыл бұрын

This hit me hard.

@immortal5sky

2 жыл бұрын

@@spicypeppy sad but true

@violet18

2 жыл бұрын

@Bear Some people have a lot of kids so that the kids can financially take care of them when they get old. That's why many parents don't want the children to leave as adults. However, you weren't born to be the bank account of your parents.

I am a Black woman 23 years old and I related to your story 100%. I’m currently still living with my parents and I have the opportunity to move out for grad school. I really want to take it so that my relationship with my parents can improve, but it’s so hard to convince myself to stand up and fight for this. Especially with the emotional blackmail and general over protectiveness. Especially when you’re raised/socialized to consider others’ feelings and comfort over your own. Thank you for sharing your story because it really encouraged me! 💗

@TYINTOSPACE

3 жыл бұрын

I agree, 24 and in that same situation.

@livelovely4681

3 жыл бұрын

Wow this is my exact situation. I find that the sooner we get out and start doing our thing the more peace and opportunities will come our way.

@jessicadonis1054

2 жыл бұрын

Also 23! I have the opportunity to move out this summer, & I am terrified but I know that it’s what I need to completely heal. There’s a chance I may be shunned for a few weeks, it’s a tough situation to be in, I feel🥺♥️

@obitouchiha6439

2 жыл бұрын

I'm currently 30 and moved out at 18. My parents are very collectivist, given their conservative religious ideals. Of course, they were pissed, yelling that it's "selfish" to choose to do whatever I want instead of living under their house rules. I personally don't give a damn about their feelings and casually do as I please, without losing an ounce of sleep, but I understand that most people don't want to upset their parents. But at some point, you have to decide what your priority is. Your happiness or theirs? If, on the off chance, your parents get angry, hate you, and/or decide to have nothing to do with you if you choose your happiness, so be it. Remember, freedom is never truly free, so in some cases, it will cost you. This is not to discourage or encourage, it's the reality that you have to make a choice while coming into terms that one most likely can't have it both ways.

@indiahardy3726

10 ай бұрын

this is literally my exact situation Im a black 23 yr old woman too.

This video is spot on! Unfortunately this is a common issue, and parents don’t see how this is harmful and toxic. This is why so many adults are in unhappy marriages and living situations today. It’s sad.

@ElizaLovez

2 жыл бұрын

exactly. we rush into marriage just to get out of the house and have our freedom, we marry ppl we aren't necessarily compatible with, just cause they fit the criteria that OUR FAMILY is looking for, not even us! It's just all wrong from every way you look at it. Even not allowing to move out unless you're married. Like we're property to be taken from one house with a male in power to another house with a male in charge. We need change. point black periodt.

@cartrice2010

2 жыл бұрын

@@ElizaLovez I couldn’t have said it better myself! I don’t wanna go from living with my parents to now having to live under submission to a husband. Autonomy is important.

You're so well spoken and beautiful. Thank you for making this. I'm 25 and I feel like I'm still treated as a child and cannot live my life and make my own decisions which causes me low self-esteem and anxiety. I want to live independently and know I can trust myself. They just won't let me until I marry-- but how can I meet others when they don't even let me out or are so overprotective. I have to make my own decision as an adult. to finally live my life especially my 20s are soon gone.

@SharlenesJourney

2 жыл бұрын

I’m 25 too and me and my controlling narcissist abusive older brother share an apartment together I’ve been emotionally abused and I’m just drained I feel so stuck I got bills to pay and to try and save to move out seems so impossible I want to do it by next month but I barely have enough savings. Family like this are so toxic and blocks us from our blessings are you still stuck at home ??

This was so spot on with the way my parents treat me with all the emotional blackmailing and controlling issues they put on me. I’m 23, still living with them and I want to move out so bad and start living my life already! Thank you for this video and for your perspective! Subscribed ❤️

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much welcome to my page! hopefully you get to my move out soon xx

@rekagran5663

3 жыл бұрын

5 month update! You still at home?!

@SharlenesJourney

2 жыл бұрын

Any update?

I'm 26 and I've been wanting to move out for about a year. My parents have always been good loving parents, but they can be very protective over me and you could say it's a good thing, but sometimes it can feel a bit smothering for me, especially at my age. I haven't told them I wanna save up to move out because I don't know how they'd take it.

Thank you for sharing this. It gives me hope and courage. I'm South Asian and my parents are very strict and conservative. I've tried to deal with it for as long as I could while living in their home, but it's cost me my health, happiness and mental peace. I'm now in my 30s and feel stuck and paralyzed by the emotional guilt. I brought up moving out for the first time this year, and my parents threw every emotional blackmailing tactic at me, and I backed down. I'm trying to find the courage to do it. Thanks for sharing your story.

@TYINTOSPACE

3 жыл бұрын

I tried it once, my mother throwed a fit and treated me so bad I never talked about it again.

@lifewithjohnny5525

2 жыл бұрын

I want to get a job and save my money and move out of my parents house

@ElizaLovez

2 жыл бұрын

just do it! you got this. im in the same situation right now, but I've never been so sure in my life of moving out. It's time. For you and for a lot of us. Just rip the bandaid and I promise in the end they're going to support you no matter what. If they don't, that's on them and you will still have your freedom and sanity, but they most likely will come around eventually because they ALWAYS do! ☺️

@MrsUzumaki

4 ай бұрын

Same, in my 30s, beaten down emotionally and spiritually. No one talks about abuse that we go through and there is no help or resources unless you are being violently beaten by an abusive partner.

@inherblues7261

4 ай бұрын

@@MrsUzumaki it's true, nobody talks about this kind of abuse. We need to make our community to heal and slowly gain the courage to live life for ourselves.

Girl this is so relatable 😢 my parents are very overbearing MUSLIM Moroccan parents ( my dad is more on the strict toxic side ) and I’m planning on getting away from the emotional abuse and emotional blackmail

@touriagasmi3525

11 ай бұрын

I can relate

im in a very rocky and toxic house hold. i get yelled at everyday and im forced to watch my nieces before and after i go to work and was forced to drop out of college and move to a new state. im saving to move out in a few months but know when i do im cutting off majority of contact with my mom

I was thinking about moving out at 19 I’m 23 I want to move out to start my new life My parent won’t let me move out until I got married it’s causes me to anixety and depression and to be anti social I wish I’ll move out this year I’ll never give up on my dream

@Lifestyle23351

Жыл бұрын

I’ve started working so I’ll save up as much as I can

I personally didn't like the part where you said that your mom gave you permission to move out. I don't think that we need to obtain permission when we are already adults, particularly if the parents are mistreating their adult child. I think that this mindset of asking for permission is the reason why adults are unhappy in life. If my mom called me and automatically expected me to give her every single weekend of my life during college, I would have severe mental illnesses feeling like my life wasn't my own.

I’m trying to do this :( my parents are trying to control my dating life at 22, I literally told them I was going on a coffee date and they were like if you go missing, don’t call us...

@EBCommunity

9 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

What an important topic! Thank you for sharing your story.

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

your very welcome xx

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m Russian first generation and hearing your story sounds too familiar. Growing up with my Russian parents as much as they love me was absolute hell. I’m still recovering from it and learning how to have and put up healthy boundaries with other ppl and with myself. I’ve struggled so much in life in pretty much every. Single. Area. It’s nice to hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel. While things have genuinely gotten better since I took my mental health into my own hands, the relationship with my parents and I is nowhere near 100% where it could be and I don’t expect them to be. However, if my parents can actually get to the point where they see me as an adult instead of a child that can actually take care of themselves without having to do every single tiny thing their exact way, that may just be the best most relieving day of my life. I hope a day like this is possible for me and anyone that deals with this nightmare.

@Roseturn456

Ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing this 🙏🏽❤️ i fee the same way…God bless you ❤️

Thank you for this honest video of your experience with your parents. It’s really true that culture, their immigration, alienation, our parent’s deep rooted fears and traumas stored by cells in the body that carry generations of epigenetics that saw war, genocide and famine all have SO much to do with their oblivious stubborn behaviors and how they treat us. They have no clue what they are doing is wrong, however we aren’t always aware the tremendous soul growth we undergo being their children as a result. I wish there were more videos on this topic because there are millions of us. What some of us with foreign parents have had to or still deal with is so mentally toxic and challenging, not everyone is able to come out a success story on the other side. I personally almost took my own life, several times bc their grip on me was so much. It was too much for me to be able to deal with. I’m glad I didn’t and I’m nowhere near that place anymore. There isn’t a book or a guideline out there on how to break free of your particular situation with your controlling, traumatized, maybe for some even narcissistic and culturally different parents. By you sharing your story, you are helping all of us that haven’t yet reached the point where you are in hopes that one day we will. Thank you.

@MrsUzumaki

4 ай бұрын

Wow I feel like I ghostwrote this! I tried to research anything to help people like us in this specific situation and there is nothing. It's like we don't exist or matter. It's like if the abuse isn't coming from a partner, it's not real and that parents have the right to treat their adult kids like shit. Thank you for writing this, every word resonated with me, including the suicidal thoughts.

I’m so close to reaching the end of this video and I’m about to cry. This is the first time I felt seen, like finally, someone reliable has said what I needed to hear. This is something I’d look back on all the time each time I feel discouraged to open up about desiring individuality. Thank you for this! ❤

Going through the same situation right now as an Afghan... thank you for sharing this❤️

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

Ur so welcome hun and trust me it will all work out even if it doesn’t seem like it right now 😊

I'm Iranian and we share Iran with so many afghans. We are similiar in many ways so I exactly know how our parents think about the whole situation. Thank You for your great video. It makes me feel better about what I think. Hope the best for you and all the afghans and asians and everyone ❤

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your kind message 🙏🏽 and yes you’re absolutely right most asian, Middle Eastern cultures have very similar views and we all go through similar experiences. It helps to share so we know we’re not alone!

Thank you for sharing your experience it was really insightful!!💛 I'm South Asian myself and I'm planning to move out soon and thinking about it is making me anxious. So hearing your story as well helps normalise Asian women moving out and I hope I can be there soon too! 😊

You’re so beautiful!

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

thanks so much! xx

Thank you so much! I'm a 24 yo Brazilian wooman. I'm about to turn 25, and I'm going through this right now. I'm about to move in with my bf but I haven't had the guts to tell my mom just yet, and I know I need to do it. Our moving in is "scheduled" for a month and I need to tell her. Just thinking about it gets me nervous and anxious, but I know I have to get this around. Thank you for your words, I feel so supported by it. I know it ain't gonna be easy, but I'll tell her and stick to it,

@hilly345

Жыл бұрын

hey! i’m in the same situation right now, any advice ? 😅

Thanks for being so honest. I am currently going through this too

Are you afghan dear? Im afghan ❤️ I Loved this video . U and i think alike. Im going trough similar things like u right now . Im 23 now . U are very wise and smart mashallah . Happy to find someone just like me. Im gonna watch all your videos now 🙏🤲🏼🤍🥰

@hammasa1

2 жыл бұрын

Yes I’m afghan :) thank you my darling. Hope you figure things out. Just stay true to what you believe in and things should work out for you x

Thank you for sharing, I had a hard time moving out as well 🙏🏾

Can we appreciate her beauty for a moment. GIRL you are astonishing

subscribed just cause of this video. I'm Armenian and im struggling through trying to move out now and I really needed to watch this cause I know it's time and regardless of how much my mom tries to convince me otherwise, I have to do it for myself. But, I'm not as patient as you and calm with her lol I literally cannot tolerate injustice so when she says these selfish, guilt tripping things, it pisses me off SO MUCH cause Im looking at her like an adult who can't seem to realize what she's doing is WRONG. But....I'm going to try your advice and be the bigger person....Additionally, the love of my life and future husband is not Armenian, let alone white....so that's another hurdle I know I need to go through but, I guess I AM feeling resentment for not being able to freely be with him for so long that I can't stand being in this house any longer to be part of a family that I outgrew. We'll see how everything goes! Watching your video and a few other asian middle eastern girls' videos, has made me more confident in myself to be able to handle the situation.

i needed this so much rn💗

My parents “let me” move out for college and my job. But I came back in my mid twenties during Covid to help out. And now I feel like I’m trapped here especially because my mom has her plate full with my dad’s parents. I brought up moving out and my dad just makes me feel so bad without even saying anything. I feel betrayed because I have helped them more than any of my siblings .

im 30 and i cant move out, my parents are so weird theyre like u cant even get married wtf. they want me to be with them forever which i think is incredibly selfish seeing as though my parents got married at 21 and had kids young. theyre robbing my life from me. they try to scare me and say im going to struggle and i wont be able to afford anything

@hammasa1

Жыл бұрын

If you’re working then try save up and show that you can responsible it may change their perspective. Also being able to financially support yourself gives you a sense of freedom and independence, even if you’re still living at home!

@kamsinmirchandani

11 ай бұрын

Apply to jobs outside your city.

I'm Hispanic and I have the opportunity to move away for graduate school and my parents are not supportive. I totally relate to this video, thanks for sharing!

@violet18

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Roxanna! I have a similar story to yours. When I was going to graduate from high school, I never thought that I could go to an university because my mom would make my life hell. The family dynamic was so toxic that I viewed myself as a prisoner. Who knows what my life would have been if I had left the house at 18.

Omg I studied at that university you were talking about, I went to uni to get away from my controlling parents

You should also do a video about how your parents reacted to you being a model as an afghan woman

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you darling I have a video - kzread.info/dash/bejne/hKWJuryPp5nLg6w.html xx

Did you also feel extremely guilty? I signed the lease to my first apartment and I just feel extremely guilty for even thinking about moving out, I haven’t told them yet because its gonna reduce the space and time for emotional blackmail but what did you to get over it?

@hammasa1

2 жыл бұрын

Once the dust settles and they accept it and you guys go back to normality the guilt goes away. The guilt also comes from emotional blackmail so you’re made to feel like that, in certain instances.

Omg girl I relate to this so much as an afg girl. Its so hard to break tradition as a woman

Thanks a lot, this was so helpful and validating as an arab ❤

Love this video. ♥️ so well articulated

It seems it was a very long process. You were super patient, respectful and wise with you parents and thanks to that you could reach your independance and keep being close to them. You have a strong personnality and your parents were smart enough to evolve and respect you. However They were emotionnaly dependant on you (especially your mom) and, even if its a happy ending, that's not ok. When you talk about your mom, it seems that she wanted to protect you, but instead you were the one always protecting her emotional confort. She gave you the silence punishment, you felt guilty when you couldn't visit her during week end while you had to study. You were constantly thinking about your parents emotional state. A lot of woman who are in the same situation don't have the strengh to be the emotional support of their parents like you were. And that's normal cause it's not the role of children to do that. And cultural or religious background isn't and excuse for that.

wohh.... thnx for all this hammasa.. could relate so much

I'm afghan and pakistani and I'm 17 years old and I just wanna move out as soon as I can :(

I went to visit college friends in Qatar & I wanted to fly to Lebanon to visit another friend. She was acting funny and I didn’t understand why. I found out later it was bc of cultural reasons 🤷🏾‍♂️

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

yes exactly this sentiment is shared across board in our cultures

Does anyone have any advice for parents who have anxiety attacks constantly after their kids move out? I let my parents see me 1-3 days a week and my dad still cries over the days he can’t see me because he’s paranoid he can’t observe me everyday to ensure I’m safe and he also has depression now. I told him therapy would help but he doesn’t believe in it ;/ . I enjoy living on my own but it bothers me how broken my parents are now

@lokismith5653

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry, this is late now. But my advice for you is trying to work on changing your Dad’s beliefs about therapy. You can get free therapy (depending on where you live) if you can’t afford it. And it can be extremely difficult with stigmas and false beliefs about mental illness. Maybe try to find a therapist for him and say, “look, just go to one session. Give it a try”. Which could also be risky because if he doesn’t like the therapist right off the bat then he could use that as an excuse to never see a therapist again (and sometimes it takes some work to find the right therapist) and if his expectations are for the sessions to be shitty then that will kind of tint the experience for him before it even happens. Also it usually takes a few sessions to even start trusting a therapist so yeah. I know this situation sucks for you and your parents but please try to remember that you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness. It’s good that trying to support your Dad (I’m kind of in a similar situation) and just you caring enough about him to visit so often and stuff likely means a lot even though he’s dull struggling. You could give him 20x as much support as you are now and that does temporarily relieve his anxiety while you’re there but that doesn’t change the fact that he needs to work on himself. People can’t change how you feel and you can’t change how he feels. We can only be responsible for our own feelings (on good days at best). Battling anxiety and depression is possibly the most painful thing to deal with even with a good support system. The best thing you can do is get him to go therapy while sacrificing as little of your own mental health and freedom as possible. He’s going to have to face himself and heal regardless. You won’t be able to visit him multiple times a week forever. You’ll get a career and grow as an individual and you simply won’t be able to sacrifice yourself enough (and you shouldn’t. Because you deserve better). Your life will keep changing but his mental illnesses will remain if he doesn’t get professional help. I know that you probably feel responsible for his well being but you’re not. It’s his responsibility to help himself and decide to change for the better and if he can’t do that at the cost of your own health then you need to set some boundaries. Boundaries and getting past guilt are hard lessons to learn but it’s worth it. Also just remember that even if he’s an amazing father (or he’s not) it’s not his fault for what’s happening, all you can do is do what’s best for yourself while helping him as much as you feel you can. Please take care of yourself and stay safe, alright. Everything will okay in the end.

I hope it all goes well during these uncertain times 😞

I'm asian, moved out at THIRTY TWO, and my parents are deeply unhappy

@MrsUzumaki

4 ай бұрын

West Asian here, I'm 32 this November and I've reached my boiling point. It's cost me years of my life and the greed crisis has made it impossible to move out :(

@np-gi6vz

2 ай бұрын

I had a taste of living on my own in my early 20s . Now I’m on the cusp of 30 and I’m growing so resentful. I do appreciate my parents they’re not inherently bad…I’m just sick of my family situation because they took on burdens for the entire extended family when they were younger. And now I feel responsible for helping out with them. I’m getting so close to dropping everything and leaving. If my child self knew I was back here again I’d be disappointed 😂

I love listening to you ♡

I really found your perspective interesting and not to dismiss your story or opinions but MY GOD ur make up is so flawless, flattering and on point! I need to go through ur videos (I got here through your Instagram lol), hope you have some on your make up looks otherwise pls share!

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you lovely, hiii welcome! I don’t do make up tutorials here, think enough people online do that already! I’d rather help you guys elevate your emotional and mental well-being and work on the beauty inside :)

@fj3158

3 жыл бұрын

@@hammasa1 of course! But that doesn't mean I still won't get distracted by your beauty! The way you did your eyes is amazing 😍 you will have to share more on your Instagram then (but pls pin any stories to your highlights 😁). Keep up the good work! X

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

@@fj3158 thank you my darling! I definitely will be doing more on my Instagram with make and you beauty and I appreciate you and your support 🤗

Thanks for sharing

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

Very welcome :)

5:35 LMAOOOO that’s what my mom just told me hahahah yeah and i’m Turkish so we also have it in our culture that you can’t move out before marying and stuff, hope i can move out without really making them sad, it feels bad because they feel like they did something wrong but it’s just me, im in the point of the life where i feel that moving out will help me.......

Hammasa is this a zoom background or is ur house just that nice? LOL

@hammasa1

3 жыл бұрын

hahaha thanks hun! i just moved house so its my new place

My mom tears me down so I can't leave her.

I'm 24, Told my mom I was moving out she almost hit me

@karkaur

2 жыл бұрын

How did it go?

@obitouchiha6439

2 жыл бұрын

Homegirl actually thought she had the right to assault you for moving out??? Wild!!

@ankra12

Жыл бұрын

Why? Its normal to move out eventually when you get older.

You clearly never grew up with narcissistic or abusive parents. Sometimes you may have to become homeless before you have a regular ass job & have a real career

So true

👍👍

This is a pretty lady. Wow!

💁‍♂️💁‍♀️💁

What do you think is the decent age to move out ?

@jamilakhan3476

3 жыл бұрын

I think it depends on the person, when you have money to live

@ms.audreyr

3 жыл бұрын

average is 18 but make sure you have it planned out, your living arrangement, money for whatever you will be lacking. etc

Do you live on your own? X

You look Spanish

U are encouraging young children to move out or run away Why dnt you mention referring them to Nscpp. Not all children have been given looks like you

how can u abandon your own parents, u just abandon them just bc they not giving u some freedom disgusting behavior

@sarahkhan7780

3 жыл бұрын

Shut up

@azucenabustos1078

3 жыл бұрын

Omg she's not a child

@anonymousb8274

3 жыл бұрын

It's more than abandoning there are underlying issues like personality disorders that the parents have causing one to over time adopt behaviours and patterns like having a lack of self worth etc. It can also becoming dangerously abusive. There is nothing 'disgusting' about moving out. It is healthy for ones mental state and if someone is financially stable and wants to save their mental health then this is the best thing to do. Sorry were do not all have a 'princess life' like you

@looluh532

3 жыл бұрын

Are you mad your cousin didn't want to marry you

@marianestifan9165

3 жыл бұрын

@@looluh532 LMAO