"Neurons are like the gas our brains run on" I love this metaphor because that would make his machine comparable to igniting all the gas in your tank at once, destroying the car and killing everyone in or around it.

@M4421-O

8 ай бұрын

While simultaneously implying that you need to replace your neurons

@cillianennis9921

8 ай бұрын

@@M4421-O well you kinda do. Its not like petrol but eating & all slowly replaces the worn out parts of the neurons so they do need a bit of replacing & I guess if they all go at once they might be needing a bit more help.

@circleinforthecube5170

8 ай бұрын

@@cillianennis9921 it provides interesting thoughts about conciousness transfer, gradual proccesses seem to be important

@GamesFromSpace

7 ай бұрын

Say what you want, but being exploded cuts your commute time to zero.

@M4421-O

7 ай бұрын

@@GamesFromSpace Well yeah in a sense

I respect the actors that the onion finds for these things.

@ryanmathis8286

4 жыл бұрын

Gazz_TFP what you mean “give their lives?”

@evanescentenquirer2684

4 жыл бұрын

@Gazz_TFP I can see so many r/whoosh coming out of this post

@15Monkes

4 жыл бұрын

Star Trek Theory An avid viewer of the onion, I see. Also, you are into some weird shit, dog. I respect your openness about it, though. Keep on doing you.

@roku-man

4 жыл бұрын

It's been 6 years. Why are ya'll still commenting?

@Creedio90

4 жыл бұрын

RoboGuy redditor

only 5% of the wires in your computer are ever powered on. Put your PC in a bathtub for amazing increases in wire power.

@davidkueny2444

4 жыл бұрын

But then the magic smoke starts getting away...

@baileyw894

4 жыл бұрын

ok i placed it in the tub but nothing is happening, do i need to turn it on or fill the tub?

@Willem500

4 жыл бұрын

This works. I tested it

@33rdStreet

4 жыл бұрын

DO NOT DO THIS you will die and RainingArtillery will be 100% responsible

@lawrencetaylor4101

4 жыл бұрын

Does this work for Mac? And what about Linux? I often have to do workarounds with my Linux system, so maybe I should use the shower?

When people fire every neuron at once, we call it a seizure.

@neverfearchrisishere

10 жыл бұрын

So seize your inner power right now!

@blanketstatementsmusic1850

7 жыл бұрын

i love you

@therealajahn

6 жыл бұрын

Quantum Custodian D O E T O E V S K Y

@hairyandlarge

6 жыл бұрын

Quantum Custodian a classic Rich Evans line

@calebp.7251

5 жыл бұрын

More like a glitch

There actually is a device that lets you fire every neuron at once. It’s called the electric chair.

@ultimateloser3411

Жыл бұрын

Does it come in gas, solar, or rechargeable?

@hikerieger6319

Жыл бұрын

@@ultimateloser3411 depends but I can assure you, it's an experience of a lifetime

@randyearles9286

Жыл бұрын

just like big government to keep this from the public!

@MasterSophiaChrist

Жыл бұрын

And the electric coffin. Both used to time travel and opening portals.

@bboi1489

10 ай бұрын

And how may one come across one of these "electric chairs"? 🤔

How Lucy Should Have Ended.

@srikrishna_97

5 жыл бұрын

My thoughts exactly...

@benmoreau6899

5 жыл бұрын

if that were the case, i would've enjoyed that movie

@lucyhemmat2592

4 жыл бұрын

I was actually thinking that

@Thrifty032781

3 жыл бұрын

This video has me confused. Why doesn't his device turn him into a big pile of black slime that protrudes and produces a biological USB drive with all human knowledge?

@Salty_Web

3 жыл бұрын

Fucking legend of a comment

Was waiting for him to cough, sneeze, vomit and crap himself simultaneously.

@volgax3646

4 жыл бұрын

Tara DeWert well he died so🤷🏿‍♂️

@mickrobertson7782

4 жыл бұрын

I certainly did while I was watching.

@atharvanihalani3951

4 жыл бұрын

So he would just take a screenshot?

@twisthermind2514

3 жыл бұрын

I mdan he should have came too

@theeffectoflogic3

3 жыл бұрын

& climax of course

Whenever some neurons attempt to unionize, I fire them.

@theuncalledfor

4 жыл бұрын

Dude, I don't think it's healthy for your neurons to be ionized. You should let them.

@jb-mg2lg

9 ай бұрын

LMAO, why is this not the top comment? 😂

As an epileptic I can confirm ever since I’ve been blessed with the power of seizures I’ve also gained extensive amounts of knowledge and unlocked my true potential.

@lizxu322

2 жыл бұрын

I can't tell if you're being satirical or not...

@skiney

2 жыл бұрын

@@lizxu322 he is being satirical about being a genius cause of it, but firing every neuron at once is basically just a seizure

@SofaKingShit

Жыл бұрын

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn''' '' '

@MasterSophiaChrist

Жыл бұрын

Only sick ppl get seizures. So what potential have you achieved with your sickness? Super curious!!!

@MasterSophiaChrist

Жыл бұрын

​@@skiney no it's not. There are two ways to fire all neurons. Seizure is the sick body way, and u will die sooner than later. And the second way is to be higher consciousness. Ppl experts at meditating can fire up their brains well. Also magic mushrooms do that too which is why creatives use them. So they can become rich. And why not. But none of those guys know that they need green juicing on top of the mushrooms. So there's a tiny secret for u.

Can you imagine how fun it must have been for him to act in this?? :D

@TheLuckySaGe

10 жыл бұрын

With all those people watching him -____-

@Deadjuice360

9 жыл бұрын

TheLuckySaGe I'm pretty sure The Onion green-screens their crowds in.

@Avwynin

5 жыл бұрын

What acting??? This was clearly all real! Truly such a brave soul.

@SoberCake

4 жыл бұрын

It looked rather painful

@completebilingual

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah. And how hard.🙄 To keep a straight face delivering THIS?😂 And, to make it GENUINELY sound like he's being convincing and trying to sell the idea? Ingenious.👏👏👏

My last boss fired every neuron in my brain.

@meredocu

6 жыл бұрын

he was releasing his company of your true potential.

@mememachine3029

5 жыл бұрын

I spat out my chips

@Praecantetia

4 жыл бұрын

Mine did too xD

@jojones4685

4 жыл бұрын

I read it as "in his brain" and it seemed a lot darker

@saen2755

4 жыл бұрын

God damn I'm 6 late to this joke but it's great

I actually thought I was going to watch a TED Talk, didn't realize it was an Onion Talk. Being Subscribed to both for scientific break throughs, and reliable information and news.

Onion Talks: Maximize Your Brainpower By Firing Every Neuron At Once

@hengsheng120

10 жыл бұрын

isn't that called a seizure?

@ChristopherCooke

10 жыл бұрын

Seizure sure sounds serious! And bad! If this is going to go anywhere, we're going to have to market it differently. Brain Sneeze!

@ryleerandolph

10 жыл бұрын

Hhahahaha. If only people understood that this is a parody news website ....... ._.

@lizzardsmith4217

10 жыл бұрын

Parts of mine may blow, then there is the parts that drugs left holes in...

@Ilapalzzo

10 жыл бұрын

I love how he is almost diein' and the audience is laughing...

More than anything, what I really admire is the speaker's poise and charisma. He exudes professionalism!

@davidkueny2444

4 жыл бұрын

He doesn't just exude it. He spews it all over the floor, and his jacket!

@MasterSophiaChrist

Жыл бұрын

Not. He exhumes stupid reptile taking the piss

@podefunder

Жыл бұрын

@@davidkueny2444e’s exuding everywhere!

Would you ignite a portion of your gas' fumes at once? No. You'd ignite the entire tank at once. Brilliance, right?

@thereprehensible435

4 жыл бұрын

Gotta love the Onion. Love the parody.

@GrindyVine

4 жыл бұрын

@Bigfoot i guess

@lolasdm6959

2 жыл бұрын

MAXIMUM FIRE POWER

@civilisedzombie

Жыл бұрын

But then all your car's ∆v experiences all of the drag and friction and other losses, so that would be wasteful.

@khajiithaswares4147

8 ай бұрын

​@@civilisedzombieand, y'know... the gas tank exploding?

As someone who suffered from siezures, I can tell you, having all your neurons fire at the same time is invigorating and intellectually enhancing.

@MasterSophiaChrist

Жыл бұрын

Imagine if u could fire up your brain without being ill. Now that's something

@oteragard8077

4 ай бұрын

I have the world around me begin to strobe regularly, and while I begin in those moments to worry about personal safety, it is usually while I am having some kind of epiphany

I like to think this was a parody of the mouthbreathers who parrot the line, "we only use 10% of our brains, imagine what would happen if we used 100%".

@crypticraps

9 жыл бұрын

Those people are out of control, they have no idea lol

@EMCEBANANA

9 жыл бұрын

+Benjamin Goss probably cause they only use 10% of their brain :^)

@Falcone45

7 жыл бұрын

It's an interesting idea! Why be so dismissive. Only 10 percent is used for the ENTIRE body and apparently unlocking the rest would be a bad idea. Yes I get its a joke. Lol

@CalebMcFarland

7 жыл бұрын

Ryan Denziloe wasn't the movie Lucy based on that? It does seem like an odd thing to believe at any point. Although I think we are told so much now by so many sources it's easy to be misinformed without consciously thinking about it. Some stuff goes under your radar. If people do still believe that because they hadn't really thought about it then they are misinformed, but if they hear the truth and reject it then that would be stupid. Like people who still believe the world is flat.

@VineFynn

6 жыл бұрын

Falcone45 We should be dismissive because it's completely falsified horseshit.

"let's say that I have I a painting that I'd like to finish but I can't find the inspiration, I would fire my neurons" The audience looks on in wonder as a jackson pollock masterpiece appears on the ground before them.

@kobrapromotions

5 жыл бұрын

love how hes throwing up aswell hahaha

@sploofmcsterra4786

5 жыл бұрын

@@kobrapromotions I think you mean painting.

@tanaka90

5 жыл бұрын

Art imitates life and all the gruesome byproducts from it

@TBaroon

5 жыл бұрын

😂😂

@RazorM97

5 жыл бұрын

They say that the audience was still surprised after the last neuron was fired. The legend says that it is still doing that to this day

*may cause erectile dysfunction

@KnuxKitsune

10 жыл бұрын

Daniel Whitcomb May cause impotence, but only during intercourse, otherwise a powerful erection will accompany your daily "walking around time".

@michaelshannon6134

6 жыл бұрын

May cause explosive erections and projectile ejaculations

@nugget5801

6 жыл бұрын

keep this at 69 likes

@punkyagogo

5 жыл бұрын

May result in death.

@TheIrishRushin

4 жыл бұрын

This may just cause an erection.

Not pompous enough for a TED talk

the audience's laughter soundbyte is so awkward

@ShadeUnderTheSoul

6 жыл бұрын

Istebrak what the hell are you doing on this random video? Get back to showing us how to git gud

@snosibsnob3930

4 жыл бұрын

Just like real tedtalks

@tommynorthwood

4 жыл бұрын

That's how it really is in a Ted Talk

@Ben-rz9cf

3 жыл бұрын

Istebrak why are you here you're not allowed to have fun 😂

@Istebrak

3 жыл бұрын

@@Ben-rz9cf 😒

Most seizure victims only use one tenth of their brains.

Can you imagine how much faster your car would go if you fired every cylinder in your engine at the same time? Like that, but for the human brain

I'm surprised he survived 3 times without any obvious brain damage.

I remembered this video because I am now studying neuroscience. This is 100 times more funny now than it was before.

Buy at your local torturer.

Makes TED talks look humorous in a new sorta way

*I'm convulsing with knowledge right now, thanks Onion*

@decaying_meat

Жыл бұрын

You commented this 3 years ago.

@markusmath3421

Жыл бұрын

@@decaying_meatthe year is now 2023. What should I do with my life consumer?

@decaying_meat

Жыл бұрын

@@markusmath3421 idk, why are you asking me

@markusmath3421

Жыл бұрын

@@decaying_meat you seem very astute based on your previous comment so I'm asking you for advice.

@MCart1215

Жыл бұрын

@@markusmath3421 you seem very fun

That dude shat, peed and came at the same time. No more time wasters! That's an ideal piece of technology for Amazon's HR

@beyondobscure

7 ай бұрын

bro took a screenshot

I'm not seeing a downside.

This was exactly what I expected it to be and I loved every single second

It's true. I fired 100% of my neurons and right before being pronounced legally dead* I saw the face of god. All sixty seven of them.

@fortifiedwithwhattheworldw9953

4 жыл бұрын

All 67 neurons or all 67 Gods? Because with the the state of our earth and society, I'm surprised you even saw a God.

@violet1157

4 жыл бұрын

Okay so real talk? I did experience something that could be considered a god, once. Backstory: I’m a weed lightweight. I can smoke reg and anything stronger is uncomfortable. Even a tiny pinch of medical shit makes me tense and noidy. So once I vaped 3.5 g of top shelf shit in under 30 minutes. Huuuuge mistake. I was putting the vape away when I realized “oh shit, I’m watching myself from above myself”. And that’s when the invisible strings tethering me to my body snapped. Everything went black and I felt my conscious mind expanding infinitely. I could feel everyone and then I felt something else. Something that overshadowed everything else and made me feel so insignificant by comparison. I don’t want to say it was god, but maybe the universe? The infinite? Whatever it was, it punted me back into my body and I puked before trying to crawl back into my chair

@violet1157

4 жыл бұрын

I think what we call “god” is really just a higher being so beyond the human experience and the normal level of comprehension that rather than studying it people just worship it.

@fortifiedwithwhattheworldw9953

4 жыл бұрын

So 67 neurons?

@yueshijoorya601

4 жыл бұрын

@@fortifiedwithwhattheworldw9953 Could be 67 faces of God. But yeah, probably 67 neurons.

“No mind will remain unchanged” In the context of this video, that sounds like a threat

This video is the epitome of the Onion. Some laughed their assses off, others cringed.

@Fido-vm9zi

3 ай бұрын

Because that's not cool what happens to some people.

I've always wanted to think Yes, No, Good, Bad, Lesbian, Tophat and Bacon all at the same time. Will this device help me achieve my dream?

@HathorRa

10 жыл бұрын

can you picture a lesbian in a tophat eating bacon? i can.

@AJ69238

4 жыл бұрын

An indecisive, morally grey lesbian in a tophat eating bacon

@ralek592

4 жыл бұрын

@@AJ69238 how would you know its a lesbian? she needs a partner!

@AJ69238

4 жыл бұрын

@@ralek592 their aura, dude, *their aura*

@ralek592

4 жыл бұрын

@@AJ69238 you need to *capitalize* dude, you wouldn't lose a single description if you made them make out while they're eating bacon and wearing tophats while being indecisive

In the medical community they call that a seizure

I don't overclock my computer, I just short my graphics card with a car battery.

The Onion is my most trusted news source! :)

@RyanLynch1

7 жыл бұрын

Ethan Small a tomahawk of truth in a skull full of lies

@MasterSophiaChrist

Жыл бұрын

My god. How little r u

@Dav-lc8sc

3 ай бұрын

Definitely! They don't just report the news. They tell you what to think about it.

Amazingly, this is the most accurate Onion video I have ever seen. Frankly, the only thing it missed was the likely unconsciousness this would probably cause. Given that the video is meant for humor and he appeared to die at the end, this is easily forgiven. Bravo Onion for disseminating the best refutation of the "10% myth" I have seen.

@hazukichanx408

2 жыл бұрын

But what if we used 100% of the br- ...oh wait, that's what he did^^

@cameroncooper5195

Жыл бұрын

As an epileptic, I really wanted him to have a full on realistic seizure and it just end that way -- first a big scream, then him on the ground jerking, then unconsciousness and him waking up asking where he is.

Where does the Onion find all these people?

@Ben-rz9cf

7 жыл бұрын

under the deer, of course

@italy6022

4 жыл бұрын

In the basement. Where else?

@leonardlangner9949

4 жыл бұрын

Well you see... They fire every Neutron in their brain...

@Kriosaivak

4 жыл бұрын

*The Kingdom of Erusea has declared war on the Osean Federation.*

I half expected him not to be able to stop screaming until the end the first time he pressed the button

I did this once by putting a cattleprod right up to my head. It didd not seem to causa any damages to mees. :/

@MaximilianKohler

10 жыл бұрын

Wow, that's good to know! Have you been able to replicate the experience with additional tests?

@jfrontier1

10 жыл бұрын

MaximilianKohler I will go and try right now and get bak to yu on it

@bubbles7608

5 жыл бұрын

jfrontier1 so you dead right?

@bubbles7608

5 жыл бұрын

Eyre Borne good.

@rapidfart9579

5 жыл бұрын

F

3:27 I love how he just suddenly drops from the air.

I do this all the time. I love using all of my single neuron.

@MasterSophiaChrist

Жыл бұрын

😂

@MCart1215

Жыл бұрын

@@MasterSophiaChrist h

How it feels to chew 5 Gum. New 5 Gum. Stimulate your senses- all of them at once.

At first I thought he was gonna do a line of coke.

Isn’t this just like over clocking a pc

This is funnier than it should be.

This video makes me feel uncomfortable.

I appreciate the hop and seizure at the end. I was waiting for it.

Very inspiring and informative. Time to fire my neurons.. YAaaaargh!! baaaarf!!

I just put mine on pre-order. I can't wait to unlock the true potential of my mind.

What happens when you fire every neuron in your brain at once? You have a seizure. Love the onion.

This is the funniest content the onion has ever made. This dude is hysterical.

@MasterSophiaChrist

Жыл бұрын

I could not get over the petrified ppl in the audience. They must have got the wrong room lol

@MCart1215

Жыл бұрын

@@MasterSophiaChrist h

@megasuchy

11 ай бұрын

​@@MasterSophiaChristthe wrong but the best.

@Fido-vm9zi

3 ай бұрын

Except if people didn't suffer because of evolution.

Some people already use 100% of their brain. It’s called a seizure

Pure genius. He doesn't have to worry about all that bs now that he's dead.

As someone with epilepsy this is fucking hilarious.

There’s a name for this, it’s called a *SEIZURE*

This may be the funniest video I have ever seen. I am pretty jaded, can't remember the last time I've laughed to the point of tears. This video made me laugh convulsively. I wished the onion still made videos, unfortunately I became aware of their channel too late.

@jacobfaro9571

10 ай бұрын

You might like viva la dirt league.

Lmao based on his "YEEEES" at the end these seizures are actually just incredibly intense orgasms.

I'm working on my own version for boosting circulation and heart function. It comes with a car battery, conductive gel and clamps that attach to the nipples.

So if you ever meet one of these "beings of pure energy" we keep hearing about, and it says it feels like it's missing something in life.. You can go "Yeah.. synaptic regulation, mate.. "

@RoflcopterLamo

10 ай бұрын

Bruh dont foregt the abilty to have your thoughts effected by “outside interference” could be chemical or magnetic or some high speed photon

The audience members taking notes though 😂

Lucy gets reality checked

This is still better than every real TED talk I've seen. TED talks are a fucking joke, parodying them is pretty low hanging fruit.

@americanliberal09

10 жыл бұрын

So, what's wrong with TED talks?

@MRWDL800

10 жыл бұрын

americanliberal09 Most of them are good, I'm not agreeing with that guy. But since you asked, a lot of it is a platform for Bill and Melinda to push their agenda. Also, they are using it and other philanthropy outlets to wash their names, so we forget that they run shit like Monsanto. But all in all, TED is cool in my book.

@americanliberal09

10 жыл бұрын

MRWDL800 Well, o.k.

@Roflcopter4b

10 жыл бұрын

americanliberal09 They all sound pretty much like this?

@americanliberal09

10 жыл бұрын

Roflcopter4b What do you mean?

the fact that he continues to press the button with absolutely zero hesitation every time even while knowing exactly how excruciating it is shows that either he wholeheartedly believes absolutely everything he is saying, or he does not know what the button does and his brain is too fried from pushing it to figure it out.

@eewilson9835

5 ай бұрын

And feeling his reaction, we must harness that and every response must be a comment like, ahahhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ah ah ahhhhhhhhh ahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The man thoughtfully nodding as he throws up kills me

The acting in these bits is freakishly on point.

There's a chair for this, didn't really catch on though.

@davidkueny2444

4 жыл бұрын

Only because the people who sat in it *did* catch on. They caught on fire.

Your brain is like a piano. If you play every note at once, it's not music, it's called a seizure.

HOLY SHIT I DID NOT EXPECT THE VOMIT

@rigfordthebarbarian2895

10 жыл бұрын

Me neither, notice how his nose also bleed.

@Smiae

10 жыл бұрын

Klaytonamor Lutheraen The vomit and nose bleed got me lolling for sure. That must've been fun to act!

@philliponcarbs

10 жыл бұрын

original art work

@AnonymousYoutuber69

10 жыл бұрын

It's what happens when you unlock the full potential of your chemoreceptor trigger zone.

@rigfordthebarbarian2895

10 жыл бұрын

I guess to unlock the full potential of your chemoreceptor trigger zone it must hurt (or so we think).

Imagine if you had a full tank of gas and you set it all on fire at once

@RoflcopterLamo

10 ай бұрын

Imagine if you had an engine and you fired all cylinders at once

I've always wanted to see a live stream of producers at the onion coming up with concepts for new episodes.

On the onion, everyday is the 1. April

This is exactly what I was expecting and it’s great

This is why I love the Onion. They should make this a series.

Omg i actually cried from laughing so hard. That's like a once a year experience for me if im lucky. (twice this particular year because of XKCD) Thanks onion.

@cameroncooper5195

Жыл бұрын

>That's like a once a year experience for me if im lucky I thought you meant seizures but carry on

3:37 Nobody: Absolutely no one: KZread auto-generated subtitles: *[Applause]*

@shinydewott

4 жыл бұрын

Underrated

@NullExotic

3 жыл бұрын

Ye s

Thanks man, this is spot on my type of humor.

Why are you guys still not doing these? They are bloody brilliant.

Never Ever Seen Such Motivational Video

I love his extremely enthusiastic face in the thumbnail.

I love the points the audience chooses to laugh- and their type of laughter is also spot on...!

Thank you onions you just turned his brain into garlic.

In other words, Elon Musk and his Neurolink.

3:28 Very professional fall! Amazing!

This is exactly how I feel when I watch some TED videos. Another fantastic spoof, Onion!

It's been 9 years already. When will these become available to the consumer?

The onion is so underrated on KZread

It is so real, it is hard to watch and disturbing. Amazing job.

This video never fails to get me rolling.

Think of the possibilities, what an amazing time we are living in.

Think about it this way: if you memorize every number there ever was, you wouldnt need to do math anymore

I wonder if you posted this on LinkedIn how many people would unironically comment about how great this is?

Sanest Ted Talk I have ever seen.

“Seize the power from within”

As someone who was sent into an absolute nerd rage by limitless I appreciate this

I’m surprised. I expected everybody in the audience to applaud every time he hits the button.

Neuralink 2: Electric Boogaloo

He deserves standing ovation...