Recap: 1. Build an emotional connection through a shared emotional experience. Going beyond a surface level thing. It can start as surface but then go into the emotional thing. Lead with emotion. 2. Listen for the emotional content. If they are telling you about a situation, think of what emotion they are feeling. 3. Meet where they are emotionally. "I can understand how/why you feel that way. Something similar happened to me" then you can go into your story. Side note: Personally, I would steer from sharing too much about your personal situation just so that you aren't making it all about you. So I see the importance of being relatable but just don't turn it into being about you. 4. Reward them for being vulnerable/sharing something with you. Do this

@BreezyFTWz

Жыл бұрын

How exactly do we reward them?

Lol he actually covers every question you have as an ex 😂

Aren't we all bunch of sad people here trying to get back to their ex n why didn't we grab the chance to do well in the first try. Why is it so hard n why no matter how much we reminded ourselves don't fuck this up we still fuck this up bad, even we have a lot of reasons to love this person we still want to break up with them or still want to be away from them.

My ex bf has been hovering lately after being broken up for about 8 months. He reached out during xmas to wish my happy holidays and then I reached out to tell him happy birthday not to long ago. He started a conversation and we caught up and everything. He mentioned how much his family liked me, how they still ask about me , etc. After talking to him though I’m just glad we’re on okay terms. I realized I deserve better and moved on. I am at peace. Sometimes by the time they come back we don’t want them any more.

@sakeenaspage2201

3 жыл бұрын

I've been in the similar situation with Seth but it never lasted.

@user-bc1kb3od5s

3 жыл бұрын

You broke up with him ?

@benhartart9487

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah works both ways especially when both people have met new people love goes on literally no relationships last these days due to the current society we live in

@Afternoon99

Жыл бұрын

May I know what was the reason that you broke up?

Holy shiitake mushrooms. I just realized something with me and my separated wife that I have been messing up. Last night we were cleaning out a desk to sell and she found old notes and plane tickets from a trip and she said you were so corny and I blew the chance at a connection and I ruined it by saying the wrong thing. I need to pay more attention. She has been giving me clues on what to do the whole time and I have been missing the point….thank you for this video!!!!

Clay # 1 rule dont bring the pass back into conversation.....don’t remind them about anything in the pass but focus present time

@TheMonker2

3 жыл бұрын

I disagree, at least in the beginning. Imo, it is a good thing to talk about positive things from the past...but never linger on negative memories. In fact, if the ex brings up something negative, I try to steer to something positive. This way the ex will know not everything about your history is negative. Perhaps after you build up a good rapport then you can try to always steer to the present, or future.

@enarcmcfly

3 жыл бұрын

I'm not interested in rekindling a connection that can only work if I have porous boundaries with a person who needs a complete lack of accountability to feel compatibility 🤷 hard pass.

@brianwilliams7594

Жыл бұрын

@@enarcmcfly right??? it’s like where does the accountability come in

Please coach make video on what to do next after the first date with ex

Hes back in test drive stage so it's really not possible to connect emotionally right now. But I'm just looking at where I was at 1 week ago, 2 weeks ago.. and it's getting better.

Hi Clay. I have been loving you and your videos. Regarding what you said in this video, I like what you explained about creating a connection by relating to an experience our ex had. However, I have read in books on conversation that it is a bad to take something someone has shared about themself and immediately use it to start talking about ourselves. According to the books, while our intention may be empathy, immediately linking something someone said about themself to ourselves can come across as though we are trying to take the focus off the other person and put it on ourselves. It can come across as self-centered, even if that is not our intention. Does using your technique run the risk of seeming like we are just trying to take the focus off of the other person to to talk about ourselves? I don't want my ex to misunderstand my intention and feel that way. Thank you and keep up your stellar vidoes!

This is Priceless info!!! thank you!!

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome! Glad it was helpful. :-)

Super duper Clay!💡💡

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Cheers!

Awesome advice on a great subject Clay 👍😁

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it

You’ve helped me so much with learning about communication! How to communicate with myself, and others. Thank you Clay! Much love and peace to you and your family🖤

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome, Kati. It;s great to hear how we made an impact on your journey. :-)

You are so kind to share this . I will test it as soon as it is possible. I wish I knew all this before.

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome, Maria. Be sure to subscribe to our channel as well. :-) We'd truly appreciate that.

Fantastic advice there dude. I'll definitely implement this at some point. :)

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

Thank for watching and happy to hear that this video resonates with you. :-)

I'm still at the point where I can't shift a conversation down. if I get a response she often just ends there. It feels more like whack-a-mole, if I manage to ever get any responses they are all work related. And Work is "Okay" or "Busy" and if I ask more I rarely get any response at all, nevermind getting enough detail to dive deeper into.

@GTAracingUK

3 жыл бұрын

3 months late but you really should have done or still do 45 days of NO CONTACT just to get yourself together and work on yourself to outgrow your ex. So she actually has the desire to get back to you after you are doing so well. It can even wake you up and forget about them

Clay, we got back together and we were going to see each other. He said we had to postpone because of a snowstorm. He lives in Nebraska, I'm in Oregon. His sister is trying to keep us apart. What can I do? She texted me twice and told me to leave her brother alone.

Looking great Clay 🤩🤩

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks 👍

I tried this, my ex ( therapist) told me by saying “ I know how u feel, something similar happened to me. “ “I was making it about me now, and she wasn’t seen anymore “ Man she was tough 14 months. She’s still has my heart, and engaged me yesterday after a while of nc

@russ123321bunya

11 ай бұрын

What happened?

Thank you so much clay. I'm getting there very slowly it's been nearly two years , since we broke up n we have just started talking for a full year now. So my ex boyfriend is at point now were he just wants us to be close friends for now.

@chilloften

3 жыл бұрын

I don’t wanna be just friends, I’m in love and highly attracted. Yet I’d hate to lose contact as well cause it feels hopeful. Ugh

@gemmahoang1162

3 жыл бұрын

@@chilloften I'm same but I can do that. Till him and I meet up which I cant do cause of pandemic

2 days ago my ex and I had our first phone call since we split up 13 months ago, and it went really well and I could tell that our connection was still there… but I’m kinda anxious bc I don’t wanna screw it up and don’t know if it’s gonna go anywhere further. She said she’s gonna call me again today or tmrw (or this weekend) so hopefully that goes well too.

I did that when we were in a relationship but my ex is a DA so when I’d ask him about feelings/his experience, he couldn’t really connect or he’d say he didn’t know….hard to build the connection that way so I guess I’d have to get creative.

@anothercat9600

5 ай бұрын

Yes several ppl have alexithymia and can't describe their feelings. Difficult, one tries different types of questions but they really can't answer and name the feelings, just "I felt bad this morning". "I can't explain I just felt bad, thought i was down" tricky to love a person like that.

Hey Clay when are you gonna live stream? Looking forward! Btw me and my ex are talking well until she went offline days ago and nowhere to be found. She suddenly left the social media app without a trace. I am not sure if she is contact with her rebound ://

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

Our live stream are now exclusive to our course members inside our private community. :-)

@klausdentz505

3 жыл бұрын

Clay how can I try anything I've been abandoned rejected down talked by her to others. Blocked even. Unsuccessfully though. I still know what's going on. 16 yrs together and just told "I'll always love you" A frieze to blow people off. And not feel bad for quitting on a marriage and so called soul mate.. I need help..lost in turmoil

Any tips for an ex who fell out of love on a guy?

@fleetingfootnotes9133

3 жыл бұрын

First tip would be: don't invite him (or anyone else) to a game of Danganronpa. I think Clay's got plenty of video's on the topic. Just click on his name below the video, go to his channel and look up any interesting clips. What he seems to focus on is (re-)building an emotional connection. Which I think is a good idea; plenty of other people out there with loads of tips on getting back together... but if you do that for the sake of doing it, you're bound to repeat the same mistakes as last time. Have patience, have trust in yourself and try to look at it in the long run. Good lcuk!

How do you reward them after they open up emotionally? It seems that was skipped over.

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

Relate and Reward is covered in depth inside our Ex Solution Program course. You may want to check that particular course or our other courses. :-)

he unfollowed me on everything. no contact. nothing. I no longer contact any of mutual friend of his. no reach out nothing.... the future is uncertain as we r from different countries.... no future, no need for connection? I don't know his decision.

@guilhermenunes3044

3 жыл бұрын

Hey, updates? I think you were a bit anxious. The key is to be well with yourself first, and then trying to build something with the person.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

how to reward your ex when they open to you?

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

relate and reward is a part of the communication skills that we cover inside our program. You might be interested in checking our courses. :-)

Why is my ex no longer watching my ig stories but still follows me on ig? If he’s going to ignore me on social media why bother following? Why doesn’t he just delete me??

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

We wouldn't really know what had transpired on the end of your ex. Is the social media activity is more important to you than having a solid connection in person?

SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND she won’t let me get close enough

@ClayAndrews

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear about that, Niran. If our ex is in a new relationship[, it can truly be a challenge as they will impose certain level of boundaries. How would you like to proceed given the current situation that you both have?

@19nightsky91

3 жыл бұрын

@@ClayAndrews Hi clay, I wanted to book a session but the price was too steep. I went all-in sent her 100 roses on v day and said fuck it. She replied these are beautiful, then called me as she was blown away, then 4 hours later sent me an angry text, I replied apolgises but saying just wanted to show how I felt (This is after 6 months no contact, I broke up with her to pursue my business) she replied with basically fuck off, I don't care I'm happy with someone else now. lol I'm assuming her BF saw the messages or roses and got pissed... ah well all if fair in love and war. Would love to chat to you about it, but not for $500+ haha great channel

Hey my ex is following new guys posting sexy pics. I’m doing no contact it’s nearly been 3 weeks I messaged her to day just about being respectful in a nice way. What do I do :(

Firrst lol

4th lol