The lonliest you will ever be is when you are in a relationship with a narcissist

@memorynelson7441

2 жыл бұрын

Horrible

@carolehibbert7304

2 жыл бұрын

So true! Many times with my ex narc were the loneliest.

@angeliquemarquis

2 жыл бұрын

So true - for me it was with my man and my father and also my mother - I know how you feel!!! I never got married or had children considering the trauma from Narcissistic parents and partners!!!

@Anyeamir1

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@mjayanthi3425

2 жыл бұрын

True

The more I isolate, the more authentic I become. The more I realize we were conditioned to ignore that we entered the world and will leave by ourselves. We have to be taught to be alone and how to connect as necessary. Reminded that we are connected to everything in true essence. Aloneness is real. Loneliness is a construct. Connection is a given. A perfect message for the day. Thank you!

@dai19721

2 жыл бұрын

that makes no sense at all

@LTizzle34

2 жыл бұрын

@@dai19721 I don't know what you want me to say or give you to make it make sense...... Ummm ......Merry New Year? 🖖🏾🤷🏾‍♀️

@dai19721

2 жыл бұрын

@@LTizzle34 say it in a simpler way if you cant then it doesnt make sense.

@LTizzle34

2 жыл бұрын

@@dai19721 I wasn't aware I owed anyone to do so. I figure words resonate with whomever they will. Best to you.

@dai19721

2 жыл бұрын

@@LTizzle34 I guess you aint making sense then.

“Just you and netflix and your pet.” Sam I love the way you make me laugh even in the midst of a serious subject. Thank you so very much for all you share. Your guidance is a lifeline. Happy new year

@user-hk5fg2ou3e

Ай бұрын

He’s trying to mock voluntary single people . If you are not millionaire you can’t afford a divorce, so it’s far better to be single. To be single today means to survive and don’t let the gun of the state destroy you through the divorce system.

Even if you have people in your life, but they aren’t tuned into what you’re tuned into, you feel alone. Only now you have them distracting you from your values.

@austinannie6526

2 жыл бұрын

Maybe this is where being creative and producing art comes in.

@user-hk5fg2ou3e

Ай бұрын

This dr is another puppet of the rich . Same like peterson or others. Women always go with the strongest males( rich males since the use of money) . Women are society because their nature relies on helping each other. If you are not rich and a women comes to you ahead needs you economically at the same time that she doesn’t respect you , but she needs you. The economic machine is made you to pursue pssie and then to be manipulated or divorced. Women spend far more than men so the rich recovers through them the money that is given to you through slavery. You’re a slave all your life and then get scammed by a absolutely mentally destroyed woman . When men decides to stay alone it goes because they notice that goes in favour of their own survival. Don’t let a woman get the benefits of your entire life through the divorce system. She decides all her life to get the rich because she believed that there’s always a stupid guy to get tricked to get a retirement. Let them enjoy their destiny. In private women absolutely mock men for their attempts looking for a partner. Well, as I said , don’t let them use the legal system against you.

One thing I've noticed about narcissists I've encountered is that they attract people with their charisma and talents so they never appear lonely or in need of admirers. But they are also very, very divisive, seemingly without effort.

The most alone I have ever felt was sleeping next to my ex narc during devaluation...I will stay in solitude and peace

@barbaraspector6689

2 жыл бұрын

I had to get out of that room!

@beatbreaker5485

2 жыл бұрын

@@barbaraspector6689 ya I remember just staring at her back a ocean away and thinking if I was brave enough to even rub her back to just feel like I existed in some form. I learned to sleep in the edge of the bed as far away as possible to not awake her and face her rage...🤦‍♂️

@user-hk5fg2ou3e

Ай бұрын

Yep , the “dr” , is trying to do as jordan peterson. He’s trying to mock you so you go back to the slavery system that is the divorce system . He conveniently doesn’t explain the nature of human relationships so makes you to feel bad . Women always pursue the strongest men, today that men is the rich. Doesn’t matter if he’s a disgusting 60s of age degenerate and dressing like a woman , if he’s rich he’s the alfa . When women hit 30s and 40s they throw away the possibility of getting married with a rich guy. That’s why they wait until their 30s to do that. They do that because they know that the legal system allows them to divorce and absolutely destroy the non rich guys in order to keep trying that pursue just a few more years. Also there’s another thing. For us sex is fun, for them sex is love. When they hit 30s they feel raped and abandoned and they hate men even if you never have done anything to them. But anyway they pretend to love you in order to get your resources because they don’t have too much time to find a stupid guy that will maintain them. Your will to maintain your single situation it’s your brain screaming you to survive and don’t get fooled by the system. This “psicologists” are just toys of the rich people pushing you to work and “create a family “ in a rigged game.

Companionships are awesome if your around healthy people that you can trust or a pet, like a dog! But bad people that steal or mess up your psyche, or you can't trust,your better off being alone!

@um_from_umbridge7285

2 жыл бұрын

Yes…. Just as long as u clean up the dog shit…. Please don’t have ur dog shitting on sidewalks too. It’s for people to walk on. Not shit. Thank u

@robertc.6441

2 жыл бұрын

@@um_from_umbridge7285 Hi, not sure what your point is with that comment? My dog poops in the grass and then it's picked up!

@robertc.6441

2 жыл бұрын

Dogs are actually alot more enjoyable to be around than most people these days

@robertc.6441

2 жыл бұрын

Because someone replied it's ok if you have a dog as long as it doesn't poop on the sidewalk or something?

Good to know most of the world is alone and lonely or at least headed that way..I don't feel so alone in my loneliness now..guess I'll go walk my dogs..😂

@friedose4099

2 жыл бұрын

😂

@estabblushed07

2 жыл бұрын

🤣 I was just thinking similar as I sat by my cats, I was like hmmm...the more I listen to him...the more he persuaded me that perhaps every decision I made has not been so terrible 🤣

@Theowlhawk

2 жыл бұрын

@@rural_girl555 it's everywhere. Ireland 🇮🇪, so many alone, single living, all ages. No community, narcissistic people in abundance, predators, pyscopaths. That's the reality. Inner peace, being, enjoying your own company, pets are good! Great companions.

@barbaraspector6689

2 жыл бұрын

@@rural_girl555 take a cruise!

@lisadisme

2 жыл бұрын

@@rural_girl555 go running..its free

We are born alone, we die alone. Do not fear being alone - this is the narcissist, they need people to make them feel alive. This is the ego. Feeling alone and being alone are not the same. I find after being around people all day can be tiring. I love the peace of being alone and quiet.

@gypsydiva721

2 жыл бұрын

💯!!!

@debbieculley7532

2 жыл бұрын

I feel the same, and would much rather be alone than be around a toxic, selfish person.

I chose to be permanently single after divorcing my narcissist. I will NEVER trust a man again enough to develop any romantic feelings. I roller skate, work out, paint, garden, hang with my siblings - I turn down men left and right, people are far too messed up to bother investing in.

@jordanferguson2254

Жыл бұрын

Agreed.

@Animalis_Mundana

10 ай бұрын

Find the right man, maybe you just aren't interested or attracted to the kind of men that want authenticity too. Introverts are typically socially awkward, want to be alone as well, yeah that's not what women of this culture want no matter how much they say they do. They want a really popular guy who has everything going on socially and financially but they've already sold their soul to the crowd and could never give you both worlds. I've dealt with it and see it every damn day. I want nothing to do with postmodern women and I understand why you feel the same..

What's funny reading the comments is that many people are praising loneliness and being alone even though Sam is criticising this new wave of atomised people. That's why there is no hope for us.

@odin1313

2 жыл бұрын

Indeed. Really horrible things are going to have to happen before things get better. The most horrible things in all of human history. Those who weren't living in their ' shit bubble' , who moved to the country and built comminities, will populate the future...

@danijel4681

2 жыл бұрын

@@odin1313 Amish ?

@jfnuyen

Жыл бұрын

@@danijel4681 Maybe

I think we only need about 5 true friends My mother lived to 92 with few friends, the more friends the more your energy is fragmented and drained.The internet can be a real energy drain. Also leaving you not moving which is really bad for health. To be honest the internet takes us away from.who we really are as humans.None of us are designed to sit all day lone staring at screens and boxes.

Thanks for clarifying the difference between 'alone' and 'lonely.'

@flachlandbraut

2 жыл бұрын

@@operationmockingbird216 true ...... sexy fassade ...........only.

As a single woman in her early 60’s, this rings so true for me. I would love to hear your thoughts on online dating which I believe has changed the way we interact for ever (and not in a good way). Great video - enjoyed it immensely.

@EggandSp00n_

2 жыл бұрын

Hi there, yes I have just found Tinder Myths Debunked. I have watched many of his videos but stupidly haven’t looked at his playlist!

@barbaraspector6689

2 жыл бұрын

Online dating is dangerous.

@AliMacAzz

2 жыл бұрын

Your problem could well be that you think you’re “stronger than men”….I can tell you this can come across as arrogant, entitled, and unfeminine….many men say that women just aren’t feminine anymore - and it’s a big reason why men are abandoning marriage/relationships.

@MsLoila

2 жыл бұрын

@@sarahkennedy1481 as a woman in her 20s i also relate to what you are saying. You totally do not have to be explain that you are "strong". You have every right to expect more. It's the same for us women, the younger men don't want anything "serious" and the "older men" well i don't think i have anything to offer to a man my father's age it's absolutely ludicrous to me. I think the only salvation is not ending up with an abusive partner and having your baggage to yourself and being able to support yourself.

@ronnie917

Жыл бұрын

@@MsLoila There is plenty young men that want a woman they can build with. However, they might be a completely ordinary guy, and it is not like young men, who are ordinary, get many chances, before they have found their position in life. Today, i see more young women with men in early to mid 30s than, and i can make sense of it. many of those women would be ready for starting family, and same with the men.

Seeking the benefits of things without putting in the effort is like planting plastic flowers in the dirt, it might look okay from a distance, but it's not alive, and nothing develops.

The only way we can ever truly be ourselves is to live alone.

@jordanferguson2254

Жыл бұрын

Exactly 🧐

Living alone and being single has been great for my finances.

I'm learning so much by being alone ... it feels sooo warm and fuzzy!

@inksosadstonewell4831

2 жыл бұрын

@@operationmockingbird216 especially the naps.

Professor Vaknin, thank you yet again for another master piece of a video. I absolutely agree with your notion of today's mindset of intimacy being labeled as "neediness" or "clinging". I am experiencing this in my dating life where men are incapable of having an intimate conversation to discuss issues or anything deeper then the color of my thong. The moment a deeper conversation arises on a subject matter of boundaries or respect, they end up ghosting instead of addressing the issue and taking accountability. I couldn't agree with you more on that Netflix and an instant order of warm pizza via Uber has replaced a basic notion of breaking bread .

@eunice6694

2 жыл бұрын

Keep your boundaries no matter what.

@odin1313

2 жыл бұрын

Women are also like that. Young women. The ones men really want. Its all fucked up. It's all about unconscious power dynamics now. Young beautiful women are on a megalomaniac power trip. Untill they arent the sexiest thing on the block... around 30, 35 for the prettiest ones. Then they wish men would be like the men they rejected in the past... But it's too late...

Society has turned into a dumbed down shitshow...I don’t feel this is difficult to argue. There are literally people walking around blocking their own oxygen, bumping into things and it just doesn’t feel healthy to be involved, or around it for me. I miss healthy social interaction, but at the same time, you kind of need to protect yourself from this infection, and I’m not speaking of a virus.

@thedon5266

2 жыл бұрын

zombie apocalypse

@MelModica

2 жыл бұрын

Yes society has really become unhinged. I mostly keep to myself and love being alone in peace and quiet!

@awebs121

Жыл бұрын

well defined, sad if not usually of our choice!

I have become this loner you speak of. And in the last couple of years, since the Pandemic I convinced myself that I'm better off this way, intentionally isolating myself from friendships or intimate relationships or even quick fix activities on a social level. I consider myself fortunate at having a good relationship with my 2 grown boys, who are in long-term monogamous relationships even though they come from a broken home. Past traumas of narcissist abuse from friends and partners brought me to this place. I find dating Apts impossible, full of men with no integrity, self control or any inclination for vulnerability. I honestly feel stuck in this empty existence and very lonely. And yes, I often ask myself lately how could I possibly fit into my life now a boyfriend? Or any social commitment outside of my routine of doing what I want when I want? It's a crying shame and a waste since I my caracter was always so giving, fun and loving. קשה לי.

Merry Alonemass

Early twenties I felt absolutely disillusioned about finding a partner because the prospects were so goddarn dreadful.

@terraincognita2820

2 жыл бұрын

My friend who is 24 feels the same. Says she is single for years then goes back to one nighters because of an inability to find men who fit the bill. Or their inability find her.

Thank you for reminding me that I was a much stronger woman alone rather than being in a relationship with someone. I left my CN spouse almost 8 months ago. After 17 yrs of being the only passenger on their rollercoaster, I allowed myself to be convinced that if we got married things would be better for me. WRONG. I was in a relationship/marriage by myself. This time Alone felt liberating. And then 3 days after they called me before Xmas '21 she died. I am re-inventing myself again, against loneliness; because that mess will get you killed (or worse in a rubber room)!!!

"reality today is hostile". Yepp, it has been for while.

All this psychobabble about being alone as a way to heal doesn't help the situation either. So many people believe the sayings like you have to be comfortable being alone before you can be in a relationship or you have to help yourself before you can help others, etc breeds people constantly in a state if aloneness. This keeps people thinking they are not good enough for relationships and in the fake mindset of always "working" in themselves. Talk about social engineering . Now, we are in a feedback loop of suckness lol

@marilynking527

2 жыл бұрын

So true!

@flachlandbraut

2 жыл бұрын

Know yourself 100% ......... work on > being your best friend ......... THEN ....... you can connect to someone - who is his or her best friend too. I call it house-cleaning ........ the INNER house 💝

@odin1313

2 жыл бұрын

Someone who gets it!!

@odin1313

2 жыл бұрын

@@flachlandbraut You will not know yourself 100% untill you are like 90, and then youll die. Alone, after a meaningless life

@josetovar5877

18 күн бұрын

Not everyone needs to heal anything. Keep a good, healthy relationship with yourself.

It is so sad to see someone become more and more removed from reality by isolating themselves and living in their alternative reality, which they have constructed in their heads... it's like watching a car crash in slow motion because there is nothing you can do about it even if you tried to help. 😔

23 minutes in and he has me sussed! It was a shock to hear the words. This is so me, and i didn't even realise i was doing this. I really thought i was the only one pretending to be happy alone, when in fact I'm just incaperble of forming relationships. It wasnt them, it was me. Who knew? Professor Sam, thats who. Thank you for this reverlation ❤

I feel like my family thinks I am weird and almost feel bad for me because I don't have many friends.... I don't need a ton of people around me to make me feel worthy..... I'm not interested in the shallow one upping that goes on in society.... not one bit..... I am not lonely....I use my time to gain knowledge on any subject I wish.....

@stephenjones5304

3 ай бұрын

Wouldn't it be interesting if we labeled most people as social addicts?

My “living apart , together” long term relationship with a never married/mo children man, has all the traits in your video but also all the traits of Aspergers. Hyper focused interests, non reciprocal conversation unless it’s special interest,, social and emotional deficits, sensory overload and no verbal commitments. Maybe it’s life long singleness not Aspergers or both (however he is brilliant, loyal, honest and successful). You described him and I’m pausing to think how much is Aspergers and how much is the state of seclusion and single life.

So, when I listen and look at this vid, I experience it as someone involved, talking to me. I engage with you through the medium of internet/youtube. Now isn't that paradoxical? Your upload is a direct contribution to my loneliness and the loneliness of 100-nds others who watch it also. So, the pandemic of loneliness, or atomization which seams to be a better container, is driven by the medium and the creators of the content....

Feliz Navidad from the small island of Puerto Rico ,good video as always.

Always a pleasure. Fascinating really. Thank you.

Better to be alone than to be surrounded by toxic and abusive people... as a child I loved to be alone..And I am still loving it. . so I guess I am a true loner... I sometimes do spend time with people though. Wonderful, loving and respectful people who fully accept the way I am, that don't tell me that being alone is a bad thing, and that you a lifelong close partner.

This video reminds me of: "humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.'

I’m sorry professor but this is very terrifying to hear especially if someone is trying to leave the narcissist this will not help us to heal and recover if we are going to face loneliness. No one deserves to be alone and there is hope to find intimacy and to find a good partner. This is my wish for you all for Christmas 🎄❤️

@gypsyroseverrazzano1010

2 жыл бұрын

Leaving a narcissist and spending time alone afterwards is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. This allows you proper time to heal, especially those things which allowed you to continue the relationship with the narcissist. I left a narcissist husband after a 25 yr relationship/marriage to him and have, for the first time in my life, found peace and truth. I also learned what kept me in that relationship for so long. Being alone does not equal loneliness.

@carolxmas3331

2 жыл бұрын

Once the fear and pain goes.. ( my narcissistic husband threw me out of our home to accommodate another woman after 25 years of marriage ) , ..you realise how good it is to find YOURSELF instead of trying to be the person HE needs YOU to be . I was 58 at the time …I’m 72 now … I am becoming completely happy in my own company . We have our own internal/ eternal ..Uni Verse ( one song …I’m singing it solo ) . Be strong …be authentic 👵🏻🧚‍♀️

@11kwright

2 жыл бұрын

I totally agree that loneliness is the new norm is a very scary concept as I’m an extrovert but I feel with a lot of depth. I do believe being in a narcissistic relationship when comes out of it, it is good to spend some time on one’s own. However, I also believe some people are more taken, akin to loneliness than others depending on personality. I’m someone that loves to go to the theatre seeing all sorts of shows. It’s nice being on the beach enjoying the sun and refreshments with people, love going down the gym, shopping, on holiday meeting great company, just generally being around people. I’m in a low to mid-range relationship-something and at one point I felt suicidal even though I have a gorgeous son. I’ve been lucky enough to self therapy. My son is talented and very gregarious, luckily I made his life busy so he didn’t spend dense time with his narc dad and when he did I always pointed out what was acceptable or appropriate behaviour and always pointed out good male mentors, watched great TV viewing with caring men, life skills and making good decisions even from bad ones and illustrating people are not perfect (This Is Us, Greys Anatomy, Down Town Abby etc etc). He has both female and male friends. Can sing, play piano really well, dance etc. We are close and go on walks together in these covid times. He actually came to me when he was around 12 and said “I know what dad is like now mum” and showed me one of these videos. However, I’m grateful that I have him and that he’s always singing and dancing as I. I’m grade almost 4 pianist which I immersed my lonely self into and love it. However, I’ve had to find some inner strength because my partner is around all the time in the evenings and I’m sure it’s more lonely being with a live body that does nothing, than by choice being alone. However, after a long time I feel it no longer is a choice, just denial or severe introvert!. I choose to see my family little because their company is one where depth of understanding and empathy is lacking and predictable so meet and greets are always superficial. However, I don’t intend for my life to continue this way as I do have the confidence to talk to people and I certainly don’t think loneliness for fun loving people is ever going to be a thing of choice and we will always strive to find what ignites the soul. At the moment I’m happy to invest in my son’s future and my piano. I’ve found a happiness in my piano and of course I love my son. We talk and get each other which is a blessing. I do feel sorry for those people that are in denial and immerse themselves into a paracosim universe and convince themselves they are happy to be alone. Very rare are people happy to be alone for a long period of time as loneliess will not escape them, it will come to them. However, I guess this false universe is also a saviour because it keeps them from going mad so is a sort of strength.

@barbaraspector6689

2 жыл бұрын

@@gypsyroseverrazzano1010 It’s very helpful to take long walks. The rapid eye movement that occurs has a healing effect on the body.

@barbaraspector6689

2 жыл бұрын

@@methib3306 Get a pet. That man had to go. Be greatfull.

Thank you for this professor. I've been a subscriber for a while. Your teachings are always so in-depth, sometimes hard-hitting. This 1 just really summarized all kinds of things I've been observing and experiencing for at least the past 12 years, even longer. Now I feel it's been broken down into clear context and understanding. That alone is a priceless gift. You are, 💯percent right about the creativity aspect as well. I am an artist and I've always felt better within when I engaged in some creativity. I am grateful to hear these words today. Thank you once again. Blessings to you.

Thank you Sam for such an insightful video.

Mr. Sam Vaknin I learn so many things from you. I often feel the need to soak up the knowledge you share thank you it brings such enlightenment to me. LoL I feel alone in the journey to find reason to or in the world of people I see before my eyes today & find so much curiosity in trying to fully understand to the best.if my ability in wanting to know & learn who they truly are if that makes any sense. So true that intimacy and the beauty.iv having it has become so hard to achieve to appreciate having had even a chance . I feel I'm missing having that in my life & it seems people are so disconnected in the practice of achieving having it. It's very hard to find someone interested in doing so anymore and in that loneliness is the only thing that comes with doing so and I find that so sad & disappointing but still I keep trying in hopes one day I'll find it in its truest form hopefully but lack seems to slowly erode at that hope as well.

I suffered from my maladjusted choices of the past. Self-discovery self-development and following a path of recovery is where I've been for four years. I am much wiser now and see how this former forced coupling was just part of my former sickness. Friends relationships + acquaintances etc are a newer thing...healthy relationships is vastly important to me now.

Thank you very much! The Best video!

I find this absolutely devastating!

Dr. Vaknin you damn right i believe what you are saying is 100% true not because of faith but facts

A great analysis of society Professor. Thanks for posting.

All through my 20s I struggle with being alone now in my 30s I'm 32 I sleep peaceful I don't like my mother never had a father , and I just don't like my uncles for the most part , once I found out the peace there is in being alone , I know how to stimulate my mind and keep busy I enjoy physical work out such as swimming riding bikes ,running , reading , etc , being in a relationship with a women , was exhausting always putting them first and was not reciprocated , now I give attention to myself first 2nd and 3rd and if there's room for others I give them that time . But usually I'm exhausted by that time , I need my beauty sleep

Thankyou, for this video this was a consolation.

Very relevant topic in this day and age. Thank you!

A helpful understanding for me is that we are always in varying ways dependent, interdependent and independent. As children, as elderly and in illness, for instance, we may be more dependent, but are dependent on others throughout our lives, as well. We are dependent on the producers and distributors of our food, for instance, interdependent with them and also can be independent of them. In the arena of intimacy and sexuality, a subtle dance between these three states can usually be found. As a 73 year old divorced from a narcissist woman living alone for the past 3 years, I am grateful I have the life experience, skill and commitment to make the effort to create and maintain relationships with family and friends. On the other hand, I have no desire for a housemate or marriage. I wonder and worry about the generations that have become dissociated from human contact through technology, though this trend may have an adaptive purpose beyond my imagination. It is concerning, though. I am noticing addictive behaviors in myself regarding Netflix, podcasts, etc. Also, recently, meditation has become difficult. Something is going on in myself - possibly related to current global, political, etc. uncertainty, that is fueling an already established inclination to self-indulgence and escapism. Your insights into the dead mother and codependency help me enormously. I think my relationships with others is a vital element in dealing with these challenges, but full responsibility falls on me.

This is worryingly accurate. If this is our fate, I have some ideas you could try. If you are a creative person you might consider especially following Sam's nothingness channel (I've been significantly more grounded and productive as a consequence.) Make your space and how you treat yourself in it as important to you as you would do for a loved one. I play old records throughout the day, grow and maintain plants, make loose leaf tea in between work, reading etc. However I do like interacting online once a week but even then, I limit the time. I find I feel an ambient slow dissatisfaction with myself when I've done very little else in the day even if that something else would have been appreciating the view from my balcony... with my new parrot😂I think this has been a consequence of making an effort to see my friend more often which has also improved my mental health significantly. Let's not kid ourselves as young people having become desensitised to that discomfort of interacting primarily online, that the ambient feeling of unease isn't there and won't get worse. Thanks as usual Sam.

Hell is other people. I’d rather be solo. Solitude and freedom are my friends.

@lisaw6219

2 жыл бұрын

My favorite quote "Hell is other people"

I’ve been waiting for this.

Love ❤️ love love your sense of humor .

Brilliant as always thankyou

After getting rid of MY NARC I have spent the last 3 CHRISTMASES ALONE ITS BEEN GOOD PEACEFUL & MUCH NEEDED 38 YEARS WASTED WISH I KNEW WHAT HE WAS SOONER I'D HAVE BEEN OUT YEARS AGO...I HAVE BEEN INVITED OUT FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER THE LAST 3 CHRISTMASES & REFUSED & THERES MY EX NARC OUT SITTING AT ANY CHRISTMAS DINNER TABLE HES INVITED TOO ...BEING ALONE I LIKED IT ....

@margaretsanfran7317

2 жыл бұрын

@@methib3306 he started CHEATING WAY back 2016 with a woman 10 years his junior a woman who had broke other MARRIAGES UP oh the drama POLICE OUT lies he did not know he was not having an AFFAIR ALL lies I had a private detective on him AND GPS he still LIED ANYHOWS a fight broke out when I found my name her number under it went to COURT AND MY DEFENCE LAWYER GOT IT OUT OF HIM UNDER OATH HE HAD THE CHERK TO ASK FOR A RESTRAINING ORDER THE SHERIFF CHASED HIM AFTER ALL THAT MY DEFENCE LAWYER TOLD ME IVE DEALT WITH SOME OF THE BIGGEST CRIMINALS BUT SEE THAT THATS PURE EVIL HIM N THAT WOMAN WANT ALL YOUR ASSETS VUT HES JUST ADMITTED IN A PACKED LICAL COURT HE HAS YOUR NAME HER NUMBER AFTER THAT DAY I NEVER WENT BACK HE EVICTED ME FROM THE FAMILY HOME A FEW MONTHS AGO HES PURE EVIL HE CLEARLY WORE A MASK FOR YEARS BUT NO MORE IVE GOT HIS 50 LETTERS ALL IN BLACK & WHITE FROM HIS LAWYERS IM A FIRM BELIEVER IN KARMA ....I COULD WRITE A BOOK ON HIM HE TOLD THE SHERIFF HE HAD MY NAME THE WOMANS PHONE NUMBER UNDER COZ I WAS GOING TO THUMP HER & HE WAS GOING TO PHONE HER & WARN HER THE SHERIFF LIKE RIGHT THATS ENOUGH YOUR NOT SAYING THAT IN HERE ....PURE EVIL NEEDS EXORCISED ...THATS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG I WILL LEAVE YOU ON THIS NOTE HE BROUGHT HER ON HOLIDAY WITH US SHE HID ON THE FLIGHT & IN AN APARTMENT ALONG FROM OUR HOTEL SUCH AN UNPRETTY WOMAN AS WELL MY FRIENDS ALL TELL ME HIS HUGE LOSS YOUR NOT JUST A NICE LOOKING WOMAN BUT A NICE WOMAN ...I FEEL FOR YOU MY DEAR STAYING WITH A NARC I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AS LONG AS I LIVE ....

Smartphones are the real pandemic. The content of this video brings my perceptions of society I gained increasingly over the past 14 years to the point. I was always wondering if it was only my perception. A simple thing I noticed is that people, and especially a lot of young people, avoid to look you in the eyes when your ways cross on the street, super market, etc. But not only young people! Mostly, when people go out on the street, they have their smartphones in front of their faces and wouldn't look up. When you ask people for the way, for instance, or if you are just friendly in the super market they behave and look anxious - suspecting you are crazy or so. They are in their 'bubble'. Even when they don't have their smartphone in front of their faces. This gives me the feeling of loneliness. People are around but there is nobody at home. It's very hard to get to know people outside social platforms. Put your smartphones away when you are on the street, folks!

what is left of humanity when we are no longer in love .What about health and well being .what happened when we were hard wired for love .Now a large percentage of the world is scared of it so they dont try.Hey We are all scared when we aproach a intrest ot the heart.But its worth it .its worth the pain of loss.Its human .No its not the new normal its toxic positivity .

@odin1313

2 жыл бұрын

bingo. It's an abomination. It is the will to nothingness. An endless void of suffering

Me analysing my singlehood on a New Year's living room party (alone off course) watching Sam Vaknin - theatre in theatre

So many great points especially on what are true relationships versus symbols of one. My life is balanced between being alone that allows me to recharge....and having and building friends especially after the divorce from the narcissist. I am so fortunate to have a close family and a close friendship of over 25 years. These people are my roots that let me grow. I have opened up more to people after my divorce and I feel that many people are seeking true live friendships. I have enjoyed being social again greatly. Not going to say never about a committed relationships but I would not sacrifice my alone time or social time with friends family and acquaintances. So much to think about after listening to this

Seasonal Greetings to you 🌹🌱

My god we are doomed as a species

@NJGuy1973

2 жыл бұрын

No, it'll simply be traditonal cultures enduring. The Amish, Orthodox Jews, Muslims, and others

Isolation is unbearable thanks for your videos

I fill that I need intimacy .love. But previous experience so many times effect me that better to live alone. It is fact. Thank you so much Dear Professor.

A really great summary! 👍 What can we do against it? And what role plays our upbringing in becoming a loner of choice? You touched it slightly, I think I am also trying to avoid the hassle I saw that marriage and family bring. Unfortunately, I miss the joys also.

Thank You Dr ❤

Interesting observations. Personally I am waiting to decide whether to date until after I decide if I want another kid. I am definitely not risking another shared custody arrangement 😅

Thank you.

You are a treasure to humanity.

I live in an apartment. The apartment allows me to have a cat, but I don't want one. one of the reasons I don't get one is because the cat couldn't go outside. I think cats should be able to go outside and hunt and fight. a cat should be able to go outside if it wants to.

I love my cats. They notice me. They are excited to see me. They like to curl up and snuggle. They let me talk about my day without interrupting with a story about the time their ex brother in law had a day ten times worse. They aren't complainers or energy vampires. They don't play the victim. And they never have a cell phone stuck in their face, oblivious to the world. My cats are better humans than what passes as human today.

Brilliant!!!

Thank you! I felt so alienated in all of this..thinking exactly what you said but tried to "heal myself from being needy and having abandonmentwounds", doing what "they" say.. but it does not work for me. I do really still feel like I want a partner. I am less extreme emotional yes, so you could see that as progress or as adapting because I endured loneliness for a longer period of time now and I become almosy skilled at it 😅. No seriously, the world is fucked and I want a way to connect for real again.

Dr Vaknin. Would you comment or do a video on Aspergers (or high in the spectrum) because the traits you described in this video overlap with Aspergers. I’d love to hear your thoughts and analysis on how to distinguish this lifestyle and paradigm shift toward single life vs Aspergers.

Interesting!

'Twas George Washington who said"Better to be alone than to be in bad company." 'Tis true, I find.

I Really Appreciate Your Videos Sam !

Wow!

If you’re with yourself then perhaps you are not alone. I mean who is it that is with yourself?

@austinannie6526

2 жыл бұрын

Trauma splits the self, so many traumatized people are alone even with themselves. It's rough.

I was with many people around me all of my life. I could do more things like I'm doing now than drinks and waste my time. I have 2 good friends now and I'm greatful for that than my old life i had 50 and it was i had noone... Most people inside the pandemic was like crazy because the addiction of being with many people and escape from themselves... If you can't Enjoy yourself being alone you can't Enjoy anything

Hello, Dr. Vaknin. Lifelong loner here. You have such wonderful insights. Thank you, sir. But on this one I need to comment. I don't get it. I think virtually all psychologists have a highly constricted view of Reality. To them, Reality is Human Relationships and that is about it. I have been fascinated by Nature since age 5 (the Leave It To Beaver days), and thus chose to explore all of the different species: the birds, the trees, the animals. I wanted to be a curious blend of The Littlest Hobo and the Professor of the All. lol My isolation was not a reaction to the Human Condition. It was an early discovery of The Big Picture. Call it going Sagan. The universe is amazing. I don't think I have lived in an Alternate Reality, but rather, a more Comprehensive Reality, as it embraces so many species. But I guess it could be thought of as something like an Alternate Geography. I feel like I have been this bubble that floats about and has been able to see so much. Most people limit themselves to their own species. As a kid, I could not understand why grown men confined themselves to their cages by choice. They have a highly constricted view of Reality by comparison. In Grade 6, we watched a video on forest wildlife, and I was the only one who could name all of the birds in the video. So we have people who live their lives focused on one species and they say I am the one avoiding Reality. We have so many things at our fingertips, and yet we don't even appreciate our fingertips. Thanks again, Sam.

I actually crave more aloneness. It’s about rejecting the material world.

@odin1313

2 жыл бұрын

Please show that you TRULY reject the material world by sending me all your money.

Perfect. Thank you.

Me, KZread and my pit bull.

I'm married, but live alone. With cats.

Are you on apple podcasts? Would love to have this in podcast format.

This man is extremely insightful. I’m very honored to absorb this content.

@stefanc4873

Жыл бұрын

His IQ 185. He's obviously a genius.

Accurate description though painfull reality,being alone like that is never good because we are social creatures we colaporate to make good times ,quality of life. I think that is the dark face of technology, and being a part of religion

"people event don't know how to date" yes i agree, as man i'm many times very very confused from all the mixed messages that we get from women. It very very often hot and cold reaction. On other hand many girl friends of mine are fustrated that we as men are becoming pussies. Its really weird situation we are in. On one side we are craving oldschool but on other side we are afraid of comitment, so we stay in relationship with just a pinky finger in case if something goes wrong 😖

Investing intothe ability to build primal trust that has its origin in yourself, meaning investing into your ability to build a healthy strong family that is able to relate and give trust to you in higher age once you are too weak to invest into that physically, is very important to the average human. Very old, mentally healthy folks are mostly more psychically resilient than average. mentally healthy average folks very well rely on their family bonds and the reassurance of their worth in life. You can reach high age mostly up to modern medicine and the benefits of modern social systems, but the overwhelming mass of elderly people without functional family live a personal hell in their last years, a hell of regret and loneliness, whilst degrading abilities entomb you further in your problems. How that family will look, is up to you. Source : years of experience from clinical background with me. Get over yourself, be humble, don´t deny it to yourself.

Sure nice to not to have all that negative influence. I like alone .

Nothing more detrimental to your peace and health and happiness than toxic people, draining, disappointing, narcissistic people. Trust me the pain of loneliness or even poverty is bearable and manageable but toxic people are parasites that will sap you of strength and vitality.

So true and so very sad.

I only need books and videos.

Hi total I share your thinking. This society become a narcissist self centered people. The future for our young people will be not more human contact. Sad 🤪

Merry christmas Sam, thank you so very much for all the insightful videos and wishing you lots of good wine for 2022!! A fan with a narcissistic father and a mother who was borderline. She smoked herself to death, sadly. They were divorced but still colluded against their daughter.

@flachlandbraut

2 жыл бұрын

Ami 🤗 ............ I know that ........

I think is sad young people having this alone mentality. Not even trying to cultivate relationships. Middle and older aged people that have already had marriages, committed relationships, raised children, possibly gotten out of abusive relationships, I understand wanting or needing solitude. Putting energy into so many relationships that drained us, Netflix with a dog seems like a much better option.

Merry Christmas Prof.Vaknin I am the mother of Sandy who interviewed Happy New Year

Being alone is a necessary (albeit painful) step in becoming authentic, and thus no longer engaging in preprogrammed institutional fake relationships.

Merry Christmas 🎄

Some wear their singleness as a badge of honor and they can give you a mountain of reasons as to why they are. You are so correct, they do not know how to date or interact with a potential partner. Just a very depressing world right now.

חג שמח מחברו היהודי שעושה הרבה מהדברים שתיארת, כולל לימוד מחדש של עברית. אני מצטער על כל טעות. אני עדיין לומד.