Well to be fair, Jupiter isn't that bad a name. She could have been named Uranus

@kranktank

9 жыл бұрын

That stinks. *badum tish*

@autobotproductions1244

9 жыл бұрын

Goodnight everybody

@RobAndTheChaps

9 жыл бұрын

Autobot Productions I think we managed to get to the Butt of the joke here

@tank0r923

9 жыл бұрын

RobAndTheChaps Yes, it's all behind us now.

@RobAndTheChaps

9 жыл бұрын

shush, your starting to Crack me up

Wait, she put the maxi pad wrong! she put the part with glue touching the wound. How can a woman not know about that stuff?

@RyuTora2808

8 жыл бұрын

It must be a sign of how little she really cared about the role by the time they filmed that scene. "Oh, shit! The pad's backwards...Aw, fuck it! Not like anyone's going to see this movie anyway."

@queriaoutronick

8 жыл бұрын

they should used a tampon...

@HolyDemonRune

7 жыл бұрын

You know what's funny? The military basically made "Bullet Tampons." Which is exactly what you might think they are. Just a tampon you put in a bullet wound to stop excessive bleeding.

@ALitleBitSpecial

7 жыл бұрын

Don't they have this quick clot powder now? idk, maybe they use what you mentioned in conjunction with the quick clot.

@OriginalSparkstar

7 жыл бұрын

because shes never used one before

A Feminist tale about a woman who does nothing meaningful, gets kidnapped constantly and orders a bunch of men to kill and get killed by other men for her benefit. Real powerful character there.

@bio-weaponn5576

4 жыл бұрын

Probably would've work better if she was the villain.

@jbourbon3734

4 жыл бұрын

*cocks shotgun*

@HMSConqueror

4 жыл бұрын

and really tends to the feminazi mind too.

@ztslovebird

3 жыл бұрын

I hate when “true love” is part of a woman’s epic destiny when it is NEVER mentioned in any epic destinies for guys. Women can aspire to be more than someone else’s significant other.

@nothanks7063

3 жыл бұрын

To be fair it sounds like the perfect feminist fantasy, zero effort and all payoff, it really speaks to the cultural marxist mindset behind feminism.

"We do not discriminate against the Wachowskis for anything except that they made Jupiter Ascending." - Such a great line!

@flare242

5 ай бұрын

Yeah, that intro about proper representation and especially that disclaimer made me laugh a lot. :-D Nostalgia Critic usually somewhat avoids the woke/antiwoke topics and arguments, and although this poke at the "proper representation" madness was relatively subtle (compared to the insanity flying around the net when it comes to these topics), it was really funny.

@TheReluctantVlogger

Ай бұрын

And in all fairness, Hollywood in general just cannot seem to write compelling female characters. We got Ripley and Beatrix Kiddo and that other woman from Prometheus.. and a couple others but damn… more often than not they’re weak af

uhhhhh...she might wanna wanna flip that maxipad over if she wants to use it an extremely bizarre yet correct and useful way

@Sasu123456789x1

8 жыл бұрын

I know right, that shit was so stupid!

@Nintendon85

7 жыл бұрын

+PeachesforMe Okay, obnoxious transphobia aside, Lana wasn't the one in the scene. The woman who was should at least have known better.

@koji6745

7 жыл бұрын

I thought that too Like, you want it to get the blood, so you put a fucking strap of glue that will just hurt/open the wound later? Way to fucking go girl

@PrincessNinja007

7 жыл бұрын

+Nexis siempreaqui And because it's so absorbent, it actually doesn't help the wound clot and stop bleeding.

@lacountess

7 жыл бұрын

I know right? Even the men in the prop department should have noticed which side is supposed to come in contact with skin by simply examining it.

Wait, if she's the reincarnation of her mother, does that mean that she gave birth to herself?

@AmazingAutist

7 жыл бұрын

Oh wait nevermind. It was so boring I got confused and actually had to go back to re-watch that part.

@christianescandon9145

7 жыл бұрын

AwesomeSpider4 same, also do you what Sailor Jupiter is?

@AmazingAutist

7 жыл бұрын

Christian Escandon a Sailor Scout? I never watched that show.

@christianescandon9145

7 жыл бұрын

AwesomeSpider4 What show?

@Anonymous-js5zn

7 жыл бұрын

Sailor Moon. The critic reviewed.

Eddie Redmayne got a well-deserved Razzie for this movie, thus entering the elite leage of actors who received both an Oscar and a Razzie during their career.

@johnstriker480

4 жыл бұрын

Michael keaton should've won that oscar (for Birdman), not bitchy eddie

@C0LLID3D

4 жыл бұрын

Well, Eddie Redmayne was pretty good in fantastic beasts

@namjoonssexybrain1679

4 жыл бұрын

John Striker Eddie Redmayne is a fantastic actor, but yeah I agree, Keaton deserved it instead.

@lord_vwphaeton1883

3 жыл бұрын

@@johnstriker480 do you know for what role Eddie Redmayne won the Oscar for? Stephen Hawking.

@gianinabadami5341

3 жыл бұрын

It's still hard to believe there is such a legion. Well I cansee it exist but it's still hard to believe

"I love dogs. I've always loved dogs." I'm surprised that there wasn't a bestiality joke made at that point.

@tristanhartup4936

4 жыл бұрын

They practically could've with no questions asked if they were allowed to.

@KnakuanaRka

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, especially since you could easily have her say something like “We can still be close in mind; this doesn’t have to be about children.”

@joshuaseagondollar2495

3 жыл бұрын

@UCRJbGvgpCbzip3k70MftMqQ Yeah, no. We're not starting this war. Keep your bigotry and vitriolic bile in your head where it belongs.

@UltimateGamerCC

3 жыл бұрын

@@joshuaseagondollar2495 i take it whoever you were arguing with either deleted their comment or their channel, from the sound of things i say good riddance either way.

@trippsmythoftheaurigancoal8155

3 жыл бұрын

That was the bestiality joke right there.

So everyone is ignoring the fact that Tatum is a half man half wolf who lost his.....wings?

@tristanhartup4936

6 жыл бұрын

He must really like Red Bull

@matthewjones6786

6 жыл бұрын

Yes. Wolf wings. The wings that normal wolves have. He has more in common with a dog than a human, and that's why he has wings.

@leonardoeras7962

6 жыл бұрын

Remember Petwings from Saito games?

@strawberrys0da714

5 жыл бұрын

What, you mean your dogs can't fly? Psh, loser.

@TheQuashingoftheTub

4 жыл бұрын

Makes me think of Marchosias in The Lesser Key of Solomon, and that's a problematic book to think about.

Jupiter Jones would actually sound kinda cool as the name of a cartoon character. "The Galactic Adventures of Jupiter Jones"

@AXharoth

5 жыл бұрын

thats what they should ve called this movie

@HateshWarkio

5 жыл бұрын

It sounds good as an alias but not a real name.

@grumpyoldman3458

5 жыл бұрын

To me, Jupiter Jones sounds like a cat name. So why would she love dogs?

@HateshWarkio

5 жыл бұрын

*Grumpy Oldman* That's probably because of Jones from Alien.

@eblackwell

5 жыл бұрын

I would watch the hell out of that!

“Even Bella is making fun of you.BELLA”😂😂😂

@abdizur8765

5 жыл бұрын

That Line Kills Me Everytime!! 😂😂😂

@legoking6165

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, even Bella doesn't have the right to make fun of anyone.

@augustinensang3109

3 жыл бұрын

@@legoking6165 Yeah....still doing it anyway.

@queenzoroark

2 жыл бұрын

That's a new low...

I love how Channing Tatum, the guy who agreed to be in the Step Up series, refused to promote this film. That says more than any words could.

@AhSatan

5 жыл бұрын

Mila Kunis was once asked to describe the plot of this film; she couldn't.

@joshuapatrick682

4 жыл бұрын

Because it’s a 170 million dollar fetish film...

@ladypool1404

2 жыл бұрын

Channing was better in She's the man. His character, Duke, was clumsy and shy which makes him likable. It was funny to see him asked a girl is hse likes cheese, seeing him helping Viola was adorable. He's a really nice guy! In Jupiter ascending, Channing is a strong guy who has a ship and that's it. Not very interresting or charming :S

So you have this girl who finds out she's queen of the Earth... yet you name her after the wrong planet. Terra might sound a bit cliche, but I would've taken that name more seriously than Jupiter Jones.

@Angyali

8 жыл бұрын

+Auklet Basicly the same premise as in Sailor Moon.

@Krebons1200

8 жыл бұрын

not to mention that SOUNDS like a girl's name. Jupiter is better suited to being a title or rank

@antonioscendrategattico2302

8 жыл бұрын

+Angelus Only, Sailor Moon actually did shit.

@Angyali

8 жыл бұрын

Antonio SCENDRATE GATTICO :) No argument here.

@MeeplandHeights

8 жыл бұрын

+Auklet Terra Jones actually sounds pretty cool

Eddie Redmayne's performance was almost genius in its stupidity... That made no sense...

@sezunemizuhana3870

8 жыл бұрын

Lol, I would watch this movie just for Eddie Redmayne's batshit crazy performance.

@wuraolaolagunju

8 жыл бұрын

Do you think the Oscars do take backs?

@sezunemizuhana3870

8 жыл бұрын

Bryan Rue Well, that's why he got Academy Award, no?

@Bruester

8 жыл бұрын

Sezune Mizuhana Exactly! It's like taking Al Pacino's Oscar away just because he was in Jack & Jill (I hate even writing the name of that movie).

@sezunemizuhana3870

8 жыл бұрын

Bryan Rue Yup. Just hearing that title makes me wanna puke.

"The higher the screams, THE HIGHER THE PAYCHEQUE!" Has Malcolm ever seriously considered voice acting? I've noticed in lot's of other videos, but he's got a really great voice for it.

@INoahGuy1

3 жыл бұрын

Your wish came true

@DuelaDent52

3 жыл бұрын

@@INoahGuy1 Ooh, what’s he in?

@comiccinema8177

3 жыл бұрын

@@DuelaDent52 This independent animated project called the Lackadaisy Cats.

@CLDJ227

2 жыл бұрын

He is into voice acting and he also does some for Black Sands entertainment and their Kids to Kings series.

That "I love dogs" line made me experience "I hate sand" again.

@furioussherman7265

3 жыл бұрын

Somehow, it was even worse.

@truesoulghost2777

3 жыл бұрын

I hate sand, is a GIFT.

@daboi8734

3 жыл бұрын

Though i despise the Star Wars prequels (especially attack of the clones) i gotta admit, this was even worse

@bdndl3715

3 жыл бұрын

Hey, at least the sand one was memeable

@SpectralKnight

2 жыл бұрын

The worst part is we have no idea whether she means it as A: They are cute, and I see you as a person so who cares? Or B: I am soo into beastiality just mentioning dogs made me wet

"Technically speaking, I'm an alien." "Shut up, Meg." *likes*

@grantgazi4864

5 жыл бұрын

I scrolled upon this while he said that. Though it really means nothing that made my next 15 minutes. 😃

"I love dogs, I've always loved dogs" "This is a new breed of dumb" Was that pun intended?

@KnakuanaRka

5 жыл бұрын

Atzyock *ba dum tss*

@infinityalbi9840

4 жыл бұрын

I read this comment as soon as he said it...

@toxicdemon1315

4 жыл бұрын

It's an internet review. Of COURSE it was intended.

when he yell "GO!!!" i think he was talking to the audience, like go away, it's your last chance!

@TMF979Resurge

2 ай бұрын

We completely misinterpreted him

So bees can sense royalty So does that mean that Nicholas cage is a king

@saintroddy

4 жыл бұрын

Well, he does have a pyramid to get buried in when he dies.

@DrDolan2000

3 жыл бұрын

Always has been

@TheQuashingoftheTub

Жыл бұрын

@@DrDolan2000 It is known.

"I CREATE LIFE!" is what I should say whenever my teacher tells me my animation is terrible

@wjzav1971

6 жыл бұрын

"and i can destroy it." is what he says when burning the animation.

@docdave15

6 жыл бұрын

If I ever have kids that's how I'm going to announce the pregnancy.

@ImpulsivelyBree

6 жыл бұрын

LOL, I was just about to say that!

@imapanda3468

6 жыл бұрын

OOOOMG DEAD IM GONNA SAY THIS NOW XD

@magogosora7711

6 жыл бұрын

I should say this when im cooking

The villain should team up with Zod. Then there's no doubt that THEY WILL FIND HIM!

@insertwittynamehere1411

7 жыл бұрын

Keva the Half-Kestora best comment ever

@stepitup25

7 жыл бұрын

I was thinking the same!!

@HunhowsShadowStalker

7 жыл бұрын

Nate J. With Randy Newman writing a song about it!

@alejandrosolano6891

7 жыл бұрын

And Shamalan adding a complicated story with an expected or contrived twist for that song and immediately getting $100 million dollars.

@ezelfrancisco5618

7 жыл бұрын

Keva the Half-Kestora With Snyder's 3D enhancements

"BELLA IS MAKING FUN OF YOU" Man... That's harsh even for this movie...

Next sequel: "Saturn Descending"; then: "Uranus expanding"; then: "Neptune Contracting"; then "Pluto Undecided" and finally: "Nibiru Revenant".

@Heisenkirk2000

5 жыл бұрын

“Uranus Expanding” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

@skyblade7438

4 жыл бұрын

We've decided on Pluto. It's not a planet.

@gregorymirabella1423

4 жыл бұрын

@@skyblade7438 that pisses me off

@dancinganimals.

4 жыл бұрын

@@gregorymirabella1423 to bad

@frederickdietz3148

4 жыл бұрын

this comment should be the highlight lmao

That "bees are designed to recognize royalty" line is probably one of the dumbest, most nonsensical movie lines that has ever been written by someone who isn't David "I know you're Batman because you smile like an orphan" Goyer.

@houndofculann1793

6 жыл бұрын

I mean, it *could* work in a fantasy setting of sorts...

@thebean4262

5 жыл бұрын

actually it this kind of stuff really works. I put a Dung Beadle near this movie and The Shawshank Redemption and the bug went strait for Jupiter Ascending because they are designed to recognize crap

@AXharoth

5 жыл бұрын

well they have a queen

@RenaldyCalixte

5 жыл бұрын

That's an arbitrary criticism.

@elegantoddity8609

5 жыл бұрын

@@AXharoth I mean, that's just our title for them though. They aren't actually royal. Plus their bees and she's human.

I can't believe they ripped off my 12 year old sister's fanfiction.

@thatonequietkid2453

5 жыл бұрын

Radio Sparks was it a self insert fanfic

@halfling49

5 жыл бұрын

Maybe you could sue

@lightish3754

5 жыл бұрын

@@thatonequietkid2453 of course it was.

@iiirdvii840

5 жыл бұрын

copystrike?!?

@GuyontheInternet525

5 жыл бұрын

Add that to the Side-pot

"I have more in common with a dog than I have with you." ...Greatest pick-up line ever?

Why is it that a story about a rocket riding space cowgirl named Jupiter Jones sounds really interesting

@NimanWielder01

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah! That could make for a cool series on Cartoon Network.

@floricel_112

3 жыл бұрын

And she's herding SPACE COWS! .... Actually I'd watch something like that

@b3rz3rk3r9

2 жыл бұрын

So, like if Roxy Rocket was based off of Buck Rogers or Flash Gordon? Actually, that's be cool, especially if Joan Jett got the Runaways back together to make the theme song.

During a AMA on Reddit someone asked "Hey Channing what was Jupiter Acending?" And Channing responds and I fucking quote "I seriously don't know what is was thinking when I said yes to that movie."

@Rachael1918

9 жыл бұрын

You Tube nope, that isn't what he said at all. He was asked "Jupiter Ascending? What was that?" and replied "Great question. I have the same one to myself."

@AsprinceRemix

9 жыл бұрын

That quote could sum up not just this movie, but many others as well.

@cardboard2night

8 жыл бұрын

so what is the true...

@KS-PNW

8 күн бұрын

I think we all know what he was thinking. "This will be my matrix"

Jupiter Jones the Janitor. Jesus.

@swooperciper1704

7 жыл бұрын

And a Mary Sue in my opinion!

@kamikelly3908

6 жыл бұрын

Alliteration

@ianr.navahuber2195

6 жыл бұрын

i swar, this mvie was supposed to be a self-aware comedy, when hey went all "empereor's new groove" ad they paused and mocked the movie .it would have been so much better tht way

@alanmooreisrasputinreincar8106

6 жыл бұрын

Swiper X Mary sue complaints are always bullshit anyway so that's not a critisism

@brentparker7359

6 жыл бұрын

How is she a Mary Sue if she's totally useless, does nothing and just constantly gets kidnapped? Isn't that the opposite of a Mary Sue?

“I CREATE LIFE!” I actually laughed so hard when I first saw this film.

Jupiter Ascending Mercury Rising Why are all the planets going up?

@masterofthelag8414

4 жыл бұрын

Which way even IS up in space?

@horseheadlegman414

4 жыл бұрын

@@masterofthelag8414 there isn't

@ZaxorVonSkyler

3 жыл бұрын

Get ready for Uranus Elevating!

@floricel_112

3 жыл бұрын

They're not. They're getting high to bear the stupidity

@hellfrostgimmjow6229

3 жыл бұрын

Here is a better question why does this movie exist

So this is why Jessica Jones doesn't talk to her sister...

@blbradford73

6 жыл бұрын

Darkling276 How about Indiana Jones

@Malasawas

6 жыл бұрын

She doesn't since she married Roger Rabbit.

@liamwebster3862

6 жыл бұрын

Luciana Vila Guillen and she has a son called Peter Parker

@louisduarte8763

5 жыл бұрын

But none of the Joneses like to talk about what happened to their great-aunt Justine. Look it up, kids.

@RenaldyCalixte

5 жыл бұрын

What about Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones?

"I am destined for great things, and to find the one true love of my life." What a vague, shitty destiny. ANYONE can find their true love, and "great things" could literally mean anything.

6:08 Sailor Jupiter Voice Actor is officially the cutest thing in this review

@Dim4323

3 жыл бұрын

Who?

@magepreston5513

2 жыл бұрын

5:58

@RealRussellJones86

2 жыл бұрын

That I agree.

@KS-PNW

8 күн бұрын

She's way too young to be the original actress

"Create characters, make them relatable, put them through a jorney that will change who they are by the end of it"... followed by a picture of Daenerys Targaryen... Boy talk about hilarious in hindsight.

@scotttrail522

Жыл бұрын

The first Star Wars Trilogy did EXACTLY THIS, with Luke Skwalker. The Star Wars ONLY did the first and third. The Star Wars (Sequel) Trilogy (at first) did do all three but IMMEDIATELY cast them aside when making the last two.

Ladies & Gentlemen, We're watching a big budgeted version of "The Room IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"

@nerdcontrol22

8 жыл бұрын

+James Faraci Oh my god now I want Tommy Waseau in space "You're tearing me apart Jupiter! Oh hello doggy.. I like doggies I've always liked doggies"

@inferno9714

8 жыл бұрын

+nerdcontrol22 "They're going to kill everyone on the planet and turn them into an immortality elixir." "Hahahaha! What are story, Caine!"

@nerdcontrol22

8 жыл бұрын

If theres anything I want Hollywood to remake is this with Tommy Wiseau adlibbing lines as Jupiter Jones or they could always make it into a one man show... no no I don't think our mortal minds can handle such excellence.

@dragonlover7196

8 жыл бұрын

+nerdcontrol22 Guessing "I love dogs" is a more subtle way of saying "so how's you sex life?"

@nerdcontrol22

8 жыл бұрын

Well Jupiter Waseau would just lead it up with "I love dogs I've always loved dogs,so hows your sex life?" he's very romantic you know?

the wachowskis should make games, honestly, exposition, worldbuilding, giant setpeices, and action, all work much better in games it can work in movies but its easier in games

@Enkabard

9 жыл бұрын

***** Yeah, it's not like games don't have already amazing stories and good characters... fuck me, le'ts drown all video gaming in shit!

@sofija1996

9 жыл бұрын

Brandon Roberts You mean: make Indigo Prophecy 2?

@DeeGeeFi

9 жыл бұрын

***** Didn't they have a hand in Matrix Online? I don't remember anymore why it failed, but it wasn't very popular.

@areshseptango9619

9 жыл бұрын

DeeGeeFi MMO's are reaaly hard to get off the ground

@Clarity_OSRS

9 жыл бұрын

***** I was thinking that during the review, but even the part where the hero destroys the entire kingdom singlehandedly still wouldn't work out in a video game..

"I'm destined for great things and will find the true love of my life" Wait this is a real movie?? It's not a Twilight parody or something??

@monhunterz5430

4 жыл бұрын

Even Twilight parodies are better than this

@nothanks7063

3 жыл бұрын

The first Twilight parody (Vampires Suck) was more coherent and charming than this shit, and the characters were actually better looking than the canon counterparts, the girl didn't have a mannish jaw, the vampire was actually hot and the wolf didn't look like an alpaca.

*Eddie Redmayne working at a fast food place* Eddie: So would you like your food here or to GO!?!

FILM THEORY: Jupiter Jones is the future cousin of Pluto Nash.

@Heisenkirk2000

5 жыл бұрын

But hey, that’s just a theory, a Film Theory! And cut.

@Legendary_Detective-Wobbuffet

4 жыл бұрын

I'm waiting for their sister Uranus Barb.

@doomislav5791

4 жыл бұрын

PLUTO NASH - I was trying to think of that when I heard Jupiter Jones

@paged5927

3 жыл бұрын

Uh hey can I get a ticket to see Pluto Nash in 3D? Get the reference?

@TakumiTheFAUSTScientist

3 жыл бұрын

And Pluto Nash's Father is *Cypher Rage*

Don't know which name is worse: Jupiter Jones or Cypher Rage....

@tristanhartup4936

8 жыл бұрын

Cypher Raige is laughably bad, Jupiter Jones is just stupid.

@GaryTurbo

8 жыл бұрын

+tominatorxx Now, people give their kids stupid names

@Thatslifebro_

8 жыл бұрын

+tominatorxx CYPHER RAGEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

@MrAlcazar

8 жыл бұрын

+tominatorxx Jupiter Jones sounds like a Jessica Jones reboot or rip-off. Cypher Rage sounds like a Mega-Man villain.

@1987MartinT

8 жыл бұрын

+tominatorxx I'm voting Cypher Rage.

Fun fact: this is one of the rare moments where Sean Bean doesn’t die

@Kingdom_Of_Dreams

Жыл бұрын

Also National Treasure and Flight Plan!

Why don't people talk about this movie like they do Twilight and 50 shades? It's the same thing!!! I'm convinced the protag is supposed to be a blank slate for women to fantasize as. She was a nobody who found out she was actually "royalty", most men in the universe (or "verse") are interested in her, including a half dog (dare I say "werewolf") man who keeps taking his shirt off. She also seems to be written as an awkward character whose hobbies include being kidnapped and having her marriages crashed regularly. I haven't watched this one in a long time and I have never watched Twilight nor 50 shades, but based on reviews I've watched, it feels too similar. I'd say it is a nerdy Twilight in space. Please correct me, people who also watch 4 year old videos and comment on them.

@Mecharnie_Dobbs

4 жыл бұрын

Twilight isn't an action-movie.

@Alejandroigarabide

4 жыл бұрын

Twilight and 50 shades impacted the movie industry for years with not just one awful movie, but a whole saga, and they only got worse with every movie. It's easy to forget a bad movie, but 5 years of an awful saga? With books and annoying fanbases? That's harder to forget. Jupiter Ascending was bad, but with no fanbase or lasting impact at all. Not even The Room had a lasting impact until several reviewers shed some light on it as a so-bad-it's-good movie, wich it is. Jupiter Ascending is just bad-bad.

@justinpullen1097

3 жыл бұрын

Cause Twilight and 50 Shades emphasized the "romance."

@Eidolon1andOnly

3 жыл бұрын

50 Shades is literally a fan fiction of Twilight. Author admitted it, LOL.

@hellfrostgimmjow6229

3 жыл бұрын

Because this movie sucks ass damn it

You think Jupiter Jones sounds dumb? What about *TASERFACE?!*

@SuperiorKunivas

6 жыл бұрын

At least the only person who takes Taserface seriously is Taserface.

@flower_bubbles

6 жыл бұрын

Bronson Ferrigno Yeah and I don't see how Jones is a stupid last name. It's really common.

@jesustimaure3785

6 жыл бұрын

Bronson Ferrigno yeah, but that was the hole idea with his name

@dr.k8610

6 жыл бұрын

What was her second choice, Ur-anus?

@Maybethistime15

6 жыл бұрын

what about FRANCIS

I met a woman named April Flood. took every ounce of willpower not to start giggling.

@matthewjones6786

6 жыл бұрын

I hope she brings her sister, May Flowers.

@ianr.navahuber2195

6 жыл бұрын

April flood. that sounds like Cook Poo for me (you know which reference i am making)

@lunabearsong2043

6 жыл бұрын

Hahahahahaha!!!!!!

@moonymonster

6 жыл бұрын

April's parents should have had pity and not named her April Flood. Yikes.

@parkjimin502

6 жыл бұрын

My last name is King. My parents almost named me Storm King, which sounds badass as hell. They ended up changing it because Storm King happened to be a villain in a series they started reading. So yeah.

26:15 that delivery from Malcolm is GOLD. The Higher the SCREAM, the Higher the *PAYCHECK*

The whole video was absolute comedy but the best part was when they cut to that sideways clip. Paul Giamatti yelling fuck was just absolutely perfect in that moment 😂

@kyliethelittlespider-mangirl94

Жыл бұрын

I agree!

I love that look Sean Bean makes when he says the bees line, like 'what the fuck am I doing in this movie'

@ph89787

6 жыл бұрын

Grumpycat ‘i got killed off by an inbred bastard just to wind up in this piece of shit.

@DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose

2 жыл бұрын

Reminds me of the look he gives in Silent Hill: Revelation (2012), when he realizes he's about to watch Carrie-Anne Moss and Kit Harington fight over whether or not his adopted daughter is evil while strapped down by his wrists and sitting in the crotch area of a demonic god statue. In a movie whose once-male director has *also* since come out as a trans woman. 😉

@loganshaw4527

Жыл бұрын

Sean it is so they can kill you off later.

I can't stop laughing at the fact Critic is unable to find enough insults

@gianinabadami5341

3 жыл бұрын

I laughed at that and how he said "Stop the film" when he couldn't take the name Juniper Jones seriously so he replaced it with Duck Dodgers

Osmosis Jones Vs. Jupiter Jones: Civil war

@Legendary_Detective-Wobbuffet

4 жыл бұрын

Casey Jones wins.

@Eidolon1andOnly

3 жыл бұрын

Indiana Jones reigns supreme

@ZuluRomeo

3 жыл бұрын

Computer Jones from Look Around You is the best.

Star Wars: a tribute to every sci-fi film ever made (at the time). Jupiter ascending: the same thing (but bad).

I love watching Doug's face turn red as he yells then slowly fade back to white when he calms down

@AsdfAsdf-mi6ks

5 жыл бұрын

Sophia Goodman-Merel it is very musing lol

@wrenpeach6707

4 жыл бұрын

It's pretty cute

@MetalHeadManic612

4 жыл бұрын

Kinda like the Hulk.

@MasterBuilderDragon

2 жыл бұрын

One time it turned straight up purple but that’s when he was holding in laughter.

"And you're name madam?" "Intu" "Intu what?" "Uranus" "HOW DARE YOU!?"

@luizfelipevbf5567

6 жыл бұрын

Kryptic Studios Corp *your

@SharpDesign

5 жыл бұрын

@@luizfelipevbf5567 Ur

@ferretyluv

5 жыл бұрын

*your

A couple of years later.....this was actually the first time I found out one of the Wachowskis transitioned. That's how off the radar they were to me after the Matrix.

@nothanks7063

3 жыл бұрын

Let me blow your mind even more, the other has since transitioned too. That's how irrelevant they are.

@TheQuashingoftheTub

Жыл бұрын

@@nothanks7063 rip The last thing I remember them making was Speed Racer, and I didn't even know that was a Wachowski film until just recently.

"I CREATE LIFE!!!" Will go down as one of my favourite bad movie quotes.

Jupiter Jones' name is even stupider considering she's the first descendant of a RUSSIAN IMMIGRANT.

@MCTales89

8 жыл бұрын

Even worse, Jupiter is a masculine name.

@azoth6641

8 жыл бұрын

Perhaps something as sensible as "Yuliya Petrov" may have worked both ways (Russian-sounding and a pun on "Jupiter").

@kaydgaming

7 жыл бұрын

She is a Russian immigrant

@p.z.arnott2329

7 жыл бұрын

I've tried to watch the movie and couldn't get pass the 10 minute mark. However, the mother actually tells her husband that naming their child after a planet is stupid. Hell, the planet is named after a MALE GREEK GOD!

@nidohime6233

7 жыл бұрын

+P.Z. Arnott Yeah, why she can't be call Venus or Luna instead? At least it would make sence.

She didn't even use the pad right, pretty sure the sticky part didn't absorb blood...

@ShadeSlayer1911

5 жыл бұрын

When the movie can't even get one thing right.

@NimanWielder01

5 жыл бұрын

"OK, this part's the sticky side, so the blood will stick to it! Genius!"

@KnakuanaRka

5 жыл бұрын

ShadeSlayer1911 Not to mention the actress; how would a woman of her age not know how a maxi pad works?

@AhSatan

5 жыл бұрын

I think, just a wild guess, that she was trying to use the glue as a way to close up the wound a bit.

@rainshadowband3161

4 жыл бұрын

To be fair, Mila Kunis has a team following her around to take care of such trivial nonsense as her time of the month

"We apologize for losing track of this sketch."

I just not realized it sounds like "D'OH!!!"

As a side note, womens toiletries (Tampons/pads) are meant to be absorbent of blood. I've heard several stories of lives being saved because it's something to staunch the wound (usually at car accident scenes). Probably the one 'logical' thing in this movie, as awkward as it is.

@EloiseSamuels

7 жыл бұрын

Shame she didn't put the absorbent side on the wound, but the side with the adhesive.

@JadeAnnabelArt

7 жыл бұрын

Lady ButtocksToot I noticed that XDD It ruins the logic of it, but if she held it the right way, it would've been well done.

@JadeAnnabelArt

7 жыл бұрын

Commissar_Dan*Presses enter a lot to hopefully make a read more even though the adhesive side isn't the gross bit* Think it just sits in the panties with no problem? No lol, it's just to keep it attached to the underwear.

@Thecowdances

7 жыл бұрын

the funny thing is, that sanitary pads were originally used as adhesive bandages for injured soldiers during the first world war. The nurses attending the soldiers found the pads to be ideal for their sanitary needs as a nice little coincidence.

@killeing

7 жыл бұрын

Fool! Don't point out the Logic O_O! Don't you know every time you say something the Wichowski's did right, they get closer to finishing their next movie-?! Wichowski: We'd like to announce to our public we're filming a sequel to this film; Marry Mars! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

This movie can be summed up in 3 words. "Shut up Meg"

@alanmooreisrasputinreincar8106

6 жыл бұрын

thetony458 or shut up everyone

@anirudhviswanathan3986

5 жыл бұрын

I thought it was "I CREATE LIFE!!!"

@b3rz3rk3r9

5 жыл бұрын

That actually makes too much sense. It sounds like Meg from Family Guy went on a Sci-Fi bender and made a self-insert Sci-Fi story, and Peter wanted her to stop her from reading the full thing in the middle.

@amanibob1416

5 жыл бұрын

"What can I say Peter... It isn't (can't beat), Empire."

@alexjewett7455

4 жыл бұрын

Was there someone named Meg in this or is it just a family guy reference

Jupiter Jones sounds like a cartoon from the 70's

@nothanks7063

3 жыл бұрын

It really does, it soundsl like it'd be placed right in between He-Man and Jem.

Sailor Jupiter joins the batt- oh wait they're gone now

In reference to the maxi pad scene... I have a friend who is terrified of blood and one day he got a bloody nose and it was really bad. He was in the bathroom freaking out and his sister ran in and said "Don't worry Brother I will save you!" and shoved tampons in his nostrils. The bleeding subsided after a few minutes and he didn't faint so those tampons helped out A LOT.

@ianr.navahuber2195

6 жыл бұрын

if this movie had been a self awre comedy like Spaceballs

@lunabearsong2043

6 жыл бұрын

Someone saw She's the Man. Nice!

@lookatthiscutekittyc2903

6 жыл бұрын

Awww, she sounds nice. I would probably freak out, then laugh and only then I would help my brother.

@ph89787

6 жыл бұрын

OseiBayard3h If I remember correctly. Most of the criticism for that scene wasn’t for the fact she was using a maxi pad as a bandaid. But because she was using the wrong side of it. Also cool.

@KS-PNW

8 күн бұрын

Yeah they're actually ideal for broken nose because they hold open nasal passages, significantly decreasing the chance you'll need a nose job. It's still bizarre she'd use the sticky side of the pad...

The bee's being commanded by her was the midechloreans.

@adammattson7180

8 жыл бұрын

wut?

@MrPiccoloku

8 жыл бұрын

I don't understand your comment, Super Saiyan Pikachu.

@stheteller7470

8 жыл бұрын

+Albus Kane a joke about the force.

@AmazingAutist

7 жыл бұрын

.... Whatever you say, Gokachu.

@thetravinator934

7 жыл бұрын

...Get out.

This movie is like when you click on every single line of dialogue on every single NPC in a BioWare game.

What if here dad's name was Indiana Jones and the money was from one of his adventures??????

acctually if your born on the ocean you take on the nationality of your parents. So no she never was technically an alien.

@DaraGaming42

5 жыл бұрын

yeah she was, in AMERICA

@donussimonis9649

4 жыл бұрын

In legal terms it is called 'Ius Sanguinus' or 'Right of the Blood'. The other system used to give somebody a nationality is 'Ius Soli' or 'Right of the Ground', this is the system used in the US and probably why the Wachowki's assumed she would be an alien I guess?

@KS-PNW

8 күн бұрын

But the USA doesn't use ius soli, at least not exclusively. Children of American citizens born overseas are still citizens.

When i hear her name is "Jupiter" i get reminded of that girl in Lady In The Water called "Story". Seriously how the fuck do you actually think it's a good idea to name someone like that.

@paulwalsh2220

7 жыл бұрын

At least Story was some weird mystical creature, so you could at least use that as an excuse for her dumb name. No such luck with Jupiter Jones.

@outboundjewl3375

7 жыл бұрын

Also, she's an alligory, so she has a legitamate reason to be named that.(I said legitamate, not good)

@42Fossy

7 жыл бұрын

Jupiter is the Roman equivalent of Zeus, so it's not even a feminine name. At least something like Venus or Hera would have been slightly more believable in that regard.

@badwolfbae27

7 жыл бұрын

Lol theres a girl on my street named Story

@marquis911

7 жыл бұрын

I have an older sister named Long Story and a younger sister named Short Story. I have an honest mother named True Story and an aging father named Old Story. And a dead grandfather named Ghost Story.

You missed one, they ripped off "The Verse" from Firefly.

@nothanks7063

3 жыл бұрын

And Firefly is a rip-off of Cowboy Bebop.

"I love dogs. I've always loved dogs." A new breed of dumb.

So......bees can recognize royal people? So if the Queen of England walked by a beehive, the bees would follow her around, too?

@kamikelly3908

6 жыл бұрын

What I was thinking lmao

@nicktrains2234

6 жыл бұрын

RPGFreak901 I so want that to be true. I can just imagine the queen leading armies of bees into battle

@geoffreysorkin5774

6 жыл бұрын

Bees, my god Also, you better not listen to any Rock and Roll.

@devintariel3769

6 жыл бұрын

RPGFreak901 so Macaulay Culkin is a king?

@fangchick93

6 жыл бұрын

RPGFreak901 I have never been stung by a bee, wasps and hornets, yes, but wasps and hornets are evil SOBs

Jupiter Jones' name could have been even worse. It called have been something like Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

@helixcrown7429

7 жыл бұрын

Clove Clover Hahahahaha, yeah. But I don't know if My Immortal is worst story than Jupiter Ascending.

@AhSatan

5 жыл бұрын

@@helixcrown7429 My Immortal is bad, like REALLY bad. But it strangely has a charm that makes it So Bad, It's Good. Jupiter Ascending was just a clusterfuck.

@Yanara126

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for reviving my trauma.

I guess you could say that Jupiter Ascending is the 2010’s equivalent to Battlefield Earth.

Mila Kunis speaks Everyone: "Shut up Meg"

I cannot BELIEVE this came out two years ago. Actually, I can't believe this came out at all

@ShadeSlayer1911

5 жыл бұрын

Surprisingly enough, I'd rather watch Twilight over this. Bleh. That's how bad this movie is. Bella Swan is a more compelling character than perpetual damsel in distress.

@DaraGaming42

5 жыл бұрын

its a Masterpiece

@salted6422

4 жыл бұрын

@@ShadeSlayer1911 Twilight had beautiful scenery and the music choices were quite good.

@pacoramon9468

4 жыл бұрын

2015 was 4 days ago, when the sequel triology wasn't a desastre.

I just want a scene where Jupiter doesn't know what is going on and she starts running away from the bees that start to follow her. Sean Bean and Channing Tatum then bow to her because she is the queen and do nothing to save her as she runs around screaming in the garden = would have made the movie a classic : )

@m.a.c1379

Жыл бұрын

This would have been more in character than what they actually put in the movie

@h.rtheater8321

10 ай бұрын

It also would have made sense with the bees as well since when bees sense a new queen nearby, the queens usually fight to the death.

"Hello, i'm the female antagonist, my name is Jupiter, but my friends can call me Zeus."

Woman: what’s your name Jupiter: Jupiter jones Me: isn’t that the name of a Saturday morning cartoon character 🤔

My dad cracked me up with this movie. He watched it almost everyday for a month claiming it was the greatest movie ever made. I kept telling him though, "No dad, this movie is awe full. everything is awe full." But he refused to listen to me. Then one day, I came up stairs for breakfast and my dad gave me this series face like something terrible had happened. I was like "What?" My dad looked down at the counter and spoke in a solemn voice, "Jupiter Ascending is ...a terrible movie." I tried so hard not to laugh and replied, "Um, yeah. I know welcome to the party every one has been waiting for you." Apparently, he kept falling asleep throughout the movie. Skipping most of the dialogue until he decided to watch the movie early morning. HA, oh man, he really use to love that movie.

@oindri1999

5 жыл бұрын

midevilgirl to be honest the best kind of film is the one that grants you a good sleep

@Ratciclefan

5 жыл бұрын

midevilgirl poor dad xD

@AJStarhiker

5 жыл бұрын

@Christopher Simon And 13th Warrior is *still* a better version of Beowulf than either of the Beowulf movies.

@KnakuanaRka

5 жыл бұрын

Christopher Simon How many times can you watch a movie without actually seeing it?

@demonetization6153

5 жыл бұрын

@@KnakuanaRka More than you know

The bees recognize royalty sounds like a shamalan twist

@kikiwhite_creates

4 жыл бұрын

Elstupidonoone1 “what a twist!” Sorry had to. Haha robot chicken

The "Shut up, Meg." Makes me laugh every time! 😂😂😂

HANDS DOWN, one of the funniest nostalgia critic reviews I've seen! xD

The fact that she attempted to stop Cain's bleeding with a maxi-pad isn't what's dumb about the scene; what's dumb is that she puts the sticky side to the bleeding wound instead of the absorbent side! This movie becomes even dumber the more you dig in!

@Lillian2167

6 жыл бұрын

Exactly! I don't understand the logic of that :'D

With the maxi pad, did she put the sticky side on his wound?

@Heisenkirk2000

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, yes she did.

@JenniferBrigitteOpticalVortex

5 жыл бұрын

She's damn stupid.

@EthanSchmethan

5 жыл бұрын

Sticky side down = Devil

@TheQuashingoftheTub

4 жыл бұрын

Shit, that would sting.

@Jsa460

4 жыл бұрын

Haha and this is the person they apparently want to lead the galactic empire? Yep I'm sure she'll make some great decisions.

Best line of the movie. "Congratulations, and my deepest condolences."

She puts the Maxi pad on upside down too. Like the adhesive side is going to absorb anything. To this day Jupiter wonders why no pads work to control her bleeding.

>Jupiter Jones >Pluto Nash

@SennaHawx

5 жыл бұрын

Cypher Rage

@goofygoob420

5 жыл бұрын

@@SennaHawxha I was thinking the same thing 😂😂😂

@liampatrick3110

5 жыл бұрын

Saturn Cliff

@redbaron5308

5 жыл бұрын

Poopy Fart>Wachowski

@jge8144

4 жыл бұрын

Captain Man

A teen girl is actually royalty from another planet, dimension or realm and finds this out once she becomes a teenager? Let's see... there's Sailor Moon, Winx Club, even LoliRock did this better without seeming so asinine about it.

@reasyrandom

7 жыл бұрын

And W.I.T.C.H. with Ellion.

@magepreston5513

2 жыл бұрын

5:58

@mrrunodan8119

2 жыл бұрын

You know Lolirock?

Btw, the original release date for the movie was delayed by almost 8 months for re-shoots. I wonder what it looked like BEFORE the re-shoots. I can't imagine it being worse than what we got :)))

7:31 fun fact, Eddie Redmayne was in a Thomas and Friends movie after this

"Am I even in the room right now?" I am so using that.

@ajerqureshi6411

6 жыл бұрын

The phrase or the way he says it?

@StylusShade

5 жыл бұрын

Both.

When he actually started calling her Duck Dodgers 😂😂😂

“This movie is like school”. Wrong. School is more interesting

@Legendary_Detective-Wobbuffet

4 жыл бұрын

And full or even crazier people!

@floricel_112

3 жыл бұрын

It's not. It's really not

@UltimateGamerCC

3 жыл бұрын

@@floricel_112 that's kind of the joke, whoosh....

@hellfrostgimmjow6229

3 жыл бұрын

@@floricel_112 this movie sucks school is better

From 0:00 to 2:27 the exact sales pitch to the heads at Disney for the Star Wars sequel trilogy. And love how he actually got Amanda Miller the actual American voice dubbed version of Sailor Jupiter in this video.

9:47 Hey Eddie Redmayne, what's your favorite Netflix show? GLOW!!! Hey Eddie Redmayne, what kind of bird is that? CROW!!! Hey Eddie Redmayne, what's the name the actor who plays Chris in Parks and Rec? It was Rob .. something... LOWE!!! Hey Eddie, I've got these oars, but what do I do with them? ROW!!! Eddie, how fast is a Zamboni? SLOW!!! Hey, do you wan't pineapples on your pizza? NO!!!

@b3rz3rk3r9

5 жыл бұрын

Now that's friggin funny!

@louisduarte8763

5 жыл бұрын

Hey Eddie Redmayne, what drug are you on that makes you shout so much? BLOW!

@bryanegelhoffsanimationtec257

5 жыл бұрын

Hey Eddie, what's the name of the main character in Kung Fu Panda? PO!

@dorourke105

5 жыл бұрын

Hey eddie what's the name of the body part on the end of your foot? TOE!!!!

@saintroddy

4 жыл бұрын

Eddie, how do you propel a kayak? *ROW!*

Wait, Jupiter Jones is the reincarnation of her mother? So, she's like Steven Universe, minus the charm.

@revuutube

6 жыл бұрын

Yeah, actually this is like a gritty Steven Universe without the charm. The kidnappers are the diamonds, the mom was killed by one of them, etc etc

@anthonyrodriguez6456

6 жыл бұрын

P.Z. Arnott Yellow diamond: my sister taught me. Steven: by killing her? Yellow diamond:...I CREATE LIFE!

@rorylumley4727

5 жыл бұрын

Plus lapis and peridot who are some how not a romantic couple have better chemistry than jupiter and cain who are supposed to be in love.

@anthonyrodriguez6456

5 жыл бұрын

Rory Lumley Every two characters in steven universe have better chemistry than Jupiter and Cain. Even Steven and Kevin are more convincing friends than Jupiter and Cain.

@ShadeSlayer1911

5 жыл бұрын

So exactly like Steven Universe.

Actually the reason Frank Langella played skeletor is because his son loved He-Man and begged him to do it. (And he actually admits he had a lot of fun playing skeletor) same reason Raul Julia played M Bison in street fighter as his final role before his death. (Mind you he practically carried that film as the best actor and he was practically on his deathbed fighting cancer) Dolf Lundren has the opposite feelings about being in the film, he hates it and wishes he’d never done it.

(the "bees sense royalty" line happens) "And at that moment, the entire audience in the theater simultaneously farted." ~YMS Guy