Without going through all the details the last few days have been a series of waves with occasional windows letting some light in once in a while. It is during these times that words like you have just given is a the little bit of encouragement needed to look past the pain. Thank you for those words....they really do make a difference. Funny that sometimes I think that I will be one of those "special" individuals that will never heal...doomed to suffer for the rest of my years. It's then that I realize I am not "special" in that way but in other ways we are all special if that makes sense. Thank you for the words of hope...we can do this.

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

Thank you for your encouragement. I will keep trying to make these. Even writing this out is helping you heal. Acknowledging the waves but also the windows letting in some light. Yes, we can do this

After my withdrawal ordeal I have a theory that it causes a trauma. I think that the symptoms are so intense that it locks you in a PTSD. Every time you have something that triggers you, something that reminds you of the experience, it's like you relive it again because you have been traumatized. We have been tortured for months, sometimes years. There is bound to be some trauma similar to someone that was abused daily for the same amount of time. The windows are moments that your life has gotten back to normal and the waves are flashbacks that make you feel like you're right back in it. I've been going through it for 6 years now. I have long periods where everything is fine. My anxiety is barely there and my sleep is just like pre-benzo. Then some event triggers me and makes me feel like I'm right back in the worst period of my withdrawals. My anxiety comes back with a vengeance and can barely sleep a couple of hours. I'm about to try EMDR because I'm convinced this has left me with PTSD (my wife is of the same opinion). I'll let you know how it goes.

@windowsNwaves

14 күн бұрын

Oh I definitely think you are right. And it's not difficult to see why when you are experiencing these things. It almost becomes, how wouldn't you have PTSD after that?? I don't know anything about EMDR but I hope it goes well.

@allencollins6031

5 күн бұрын

PTSD no fkn question about that.

Beautiful. Thanks for all your support. Love the birds. Trying to remain positive. Look forward to your videos. 😻

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

Glad you like the birds. I will try to find more in the videos. Keep staying positive. One day at a time

I like how you acknowledge and validate those who dont heal or heal super slowly but still give hope. Beautiful scenery. What brought you to Senegal?

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

I was actually living in Mali for almost 13 years, but things have gotten really complicated there at the moment. I still have a little guesthouse and restaurant there with a friend, but we also started running scooter tours in Senegal in 2017. We would come over here to do the trips and then go back to Mali. But since the latest crisis in Mali, I relocated here, at least for now, with my family.

I'm on day 13.. I can't use my legs much due to stiffness. I have a stutter and only some of the head changes have stopped. BUT I know it will stop with time. I'm grateful to have found this little community. I hope more people in need find it. Because we are all pretty bad ass to get off these.

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing your experience and for contributing these encouraging words!!

@JinxTheWriter

Ай бұрын

@windowsNwaves absolutely. I need to hear some myself, lol. I'm scared, too. But I know that this is temporary. I have to keep reminding myself this is the result of years of being posinoned by Dr's. This is just my body waking up, and I'm being factory reset. That time frame is different for everyone. Today begins day 14.

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

@@JinxTheWriter factory reset is a great way to think of it. But it's almost as if the reset bit hasn't happened yet. You are in the part where everything is all jumbled up and you are on your way to the factory reset. And you will get there. There is a whole other life in front of you. There is a storm you have to go through to get there, but you will. One day at a time.

@jackson505

Ай бұрын

7 years off benzos, I went through cold turkey withdrawal. It does get better, and you will heal.

@JinxTheWriter

Ай бұрын

Thanks yall. Day 19.. no more stutter. Still feel dazed and like my arms and legs have sand bags tied to them then random rushes of hard-core panic. Back at work today. Didn't think id ever be here again. 💖💖💖

i was one of the unlucky folks how used it short term 3 months only 5mg valium with taper too and im one month off still having withdrawal hope you heal quickly i love your video vibes

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

It's nuts what these drugs can do even in a short time period. Have you seen any improvement over that month? Thanks for the encouraging words

@chadiach5234

Ай бұрын

@@windowsNwaves lots of symptoms subsided like memory problems and dp/dr im left with sore scalp there are patch of my scalp painfull to touch never so Anyone with this particular symptom ,

I am 9 months off. Still struggling tremendously. Rapid tapered off just like you. It’s hard to stay positive when I’m so worried I won’t recover. I’ve seen improvement in these 9 months for sure, but it just feels like it’s so slow and I won’t get my life back.

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

What symptoms are you dealing with at this stage? I know it's not easy but try to keep your head up. The waves will pass.

@Ignacio_Kingsley

Ай бұрын

@@windowsNwaves anxiety and depression are the two biggest ones along with terror and fear. Just feels like my nervous system is stuck in terror mode where everything triggers me. Tons of exhaustion as well. Nerve buzzing feeling all the time and cognitive decline. Bad memory and can’t think clearly.

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

@@Ignacio_Kingsley I still have quite a few cognitive issues a couple years out, but that live wire nervous system feeling has gone. Terror mode will go away. Have you noticed anything that makes it worse? I was taking phenergen - an antihistamine - for a minute and I realized that it was actually interfering with my gaba receptors, leading to kindling. Caffeine as well. I couldn't touch caffeine until around 15 months off.

@Ignacio_Kingsley

Ай бұрын

@@windowsNwaves im not so sure if I’ve noticed much of anything that makes it worse. In the early months magnesium made me feel way worse but that was really it. The anxiety and depression is truly the worst for me. I mean I know this is an awful situation to be in, and anyone would feel bad, but this is just above and beyond that. Just an inability to feel good or happy no matter what I do. It feels so manufactured. Feels like my brain just isn’t working right after those meds

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

@@Ignacio_Kingsley I know it's not exactly going to be encouraging to hear this, but everything you are experiencing is textbook benzo withdrawal. In other words, it's normal for the situation you are in. It sounds like you are experiencing anhedonia in addition to the other more intense symptoms. Do you have some good days here and there or at least good moments? I asked you about triggers but have you noticed anything that moves things in the right direction? For example, for me, having a quiet place to go on walks early in the morning (once I was up for going out, which took a while) made a big difference for me.

Did you experience burning skin and tinnitus? I'm 5 months off and these are my most stubborn symptoms along with some morning anxiety. People talk about complete healing but sometimes the tinnitus remains unfortunately

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

Tinnitus, yes. And yes, it was stubborn. Month 5 was still very difficult for me overall. It was 9 months that I really felt things turning in the right direction. But everyone's different.

@kritikos8877

Ай бұрын

Thank you for responding. I'm so happy you are doing well. I hope you weren't left with significant PTSD from this experience.

@kritikos8877

Ай бұрын

I'm starting month 6 now... praying it's going to be a good one for me.

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

@@kritikos8877 Im praying its going to be a good one for you too

@susanmorgan4151

11 күн бұрын

Yes!

I praise you.for.your work tho...iv made mt choice ...fuck the system iv had enought !

I wonder if I’ll heal or not all the time.

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

how far along are you?

@michaeljlink

Ай бұрын

@@windowsNwaves Same as you... 2 years off everything on July 4th. I was on Xanax for over 20 years, HEAVY Adderall for over 15 years, and various SSRIs like Cymbalta throughout the years. Now that I'm off everything, I have no mental issues since eating a keto/carnivore diet. My current issues are fatigue and muscle tension/spasms. I can do an activity for about an hour every so often and then i'm pooped. Haven't worked in over 10 years dealing with this crap. I still have hope for recovery. It's just extremely slow.

@user-fn3tw7wp1z

19 күн бұрын

How long have you been off

@michaeljlink

19 күн бұрын

@@user-fn3tw7wp1z 2 years on July 4th

How.much is.enough iv.sone everything !!!! !!!

@windowsNwaves

Ай бұрын

I know, Jeremy. You've done everything and it's still not enough.

@JinxTheWriter

Ай бұрын

You've got this jeremy. 💯 we all got each other. I hope.

@Jeremy-wy2qc

Ай бұрын

@JinxTheWriter 5 years now I got a feeling I'm one of the 17% now it's brain injury but who knows thanx tho I get no support

Antibiotics also have crazy adverse reactions, I have my share from doxycycline and bactrim, good lord these a devil pills. Had similar side effects on my cns, neuro toxicity. Extreme mental illness for months. I can understand.

@windowsNwaves

17 күн бұрын

You are right about antibiotics. A lot of people never consider the possibility that an antibiotic might have consequences for our nervous system. There are a heap of antibiotics that can provoke kindling during benzo withdrawal!!

@user-bz4bn8dz9u

6 күн бұрын

I no a lot of people that have been on antibiotics that ain’t like this I blame more of the benzos then anything

@windowsNwaves

5 күн бұрын

​@@user-bz4bn8dz9uoh definitely, between the two of them it's night and day.

@111585sandman

5 күн бұрын

@@user-bz4bn8dz9u look up cipro or levaquin antibiotic and you can see what it does. It’s a very strong antibiotic that I also took. And man o man.

38 years paxil and xanax 1 week taper by doc and then see ya

@windowsNwaves

27 күн бұрын

That's criminal