So two penguins swim across the ocean to the Middle East waddled across the desert to get on the boat to avoid a flood?

@cardinality1975

3 жыл бұрын

Yes what doesn’t seem logical about that?

@penguincommando1088

3 жыл бұрын

🤣

@ChrisLee-yr7tz

3 жыл бұрын

Don't be stupid. God just magically moved them there...

@R-A-F

3 жыл бұрын

They are popular book publishers #Penguin ... anything is possible noot noot 🙃

@tintin887

3 жыл бұрын

No you dummie..they picked them up along the way

The Book: Long Long Ago! Ricky: I'm gonna let that go. *Doesn't let it go* 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@fitnesspoint2006

Жыл бұрын

actually most of the hate for gays is not from straight folks but form in the closet gays. So God maybe inthe closet.

@adekaiwamisou

3 ай бұрын

In a distant land.

@BusyMEOW

2 ай бұрын

Star Wars makes more sense than religious teachings

Clipped that "straight to genocide" perfect Christian quote lol.

@robingarrett3171

3 жыл бұрын

In fairness, that is old testament. Pre-Christian.

@user-uu7fe9wi2k

3 жыл бұрын

@@robingarrett3171 And so is the Exodus, Ten Commandments, and Original Sin (the whole reason we 'need' salvation). Are you throwing those out because "oLd tEStaMEnT"

@robingarrett3171

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-uu7fe9wi2k i am only stating what biblical experts believe. The whole point of Christ was to wash away the past. If you choose to believe the old testament over new it simply defines you as Jewish, which is also fine.

@user-uu7fe9wi2k

3 жыл бұрын

@@robingarrett3171 What about when Jesus directly said "For verily I say to you, till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled." Matthew 5 : 18. He directly said that everything from the old applies, and remember, Jesus is god according to many Christians, and at the very least he was a perfect messiah from god.

@robingarrett3171

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-uu7fe9wi2k i am not the scholar. You seem to be. I only know, and I mean this as a non-scholar, that if certain laws from the old testament had not been changed by man, religion would be very different. And it seems all religions have the path of wanting it both ways.

"Good like himself" - I need to wipe those wicked beings off the face of the earth

@kotchstevens2321

3 жыл бұрын

He Got a do what He Got a do..maybe they ate their children..

@milmac5052

2 жыл бұрын

😆👏

@Franic19

2 жыл бұрын

It's like the saying "everyone is a different imagine of god" or however that was going. But then God: "I have to wipe them off this planet, those fucking assholes"

@richardlewin9282

2 жыл бұрын

But he loves you 😁

@ayszhang

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, he is all-knowing and all-powerful, and he created evil beings after his image, so he must be evil! And don't forget gay! God is gay too

Would you like an atmosphere? Of course I fuckin would 😂 😂😂

@TallSilentGuy

3 жыл бұрын

But, more importantly, do you love a party with a happy atmosphere?

@joelmacinnes2391

Жыл бұрын

@@TallSilentGuy is there such thing?

@JacquelineFox-xo6jn

Ай бұрын

The spelling is with a ng on the end of the adjective.

I would pay a large sum to watch Ricky Gervais read the entire bible during a stand-up

@troystaunton254

Жыл бұрын

I’d pay a large sum of money for Ricky Gervais and Ben Shapiro to go head to head.

@vanavatareight5135

Жыл бұрын

@@troystaunton254Head to head about what?

@saarza9991

Жыл бұрын

@@vanavatareight5135 their shlongs

@fantasticmrmonk

Жыл бұрын

@@vanavatareight5135clearly a religious debate… you missed the class in deductive reasoning, didn’t you?

@vanavatareight5135

Жыл бұрын

@fantasticmrmonk4288 Nothing clear about that. What is clear is that you have a communication disorder. Also, Ben Shapiro is Jewish, not Christian, so why would Ricky ever be interested in debating him on his religion? Makes no sense. If you want to spend money to watch men fight, stick to something more your mental level such as UFC or Wrestlemania.

This used to be called blasphemy, now it's called common sense.

@GEOFF0906

Жыл бұрын

No, it's called following the sheep and laughing to make yourself feel better

@alistairgeorge5082

Жыл бұрын

@@GEOFF0906 Funny coming from a religious person.

@Venixsky_tests

Жыл бұрын

@@GEOFF0906 This is litteraly what priest ask people to be: good sheeps folowing their master God and the ones that knows the ''truth''.

@icycooldrink6085

Жыл бұрын

@@GEOFF0906 A bit late to the party, but, yeah, a really odd observation to make. I mean, Ezekiel 34:31 - "You my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, are people, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign LORD." There is a side of this argument that self-identifies as being part of a flock under the supervision of a shepherd, but it's certainly not the side you're accusing.

@alanthompson8515

Жыл бұрын

@@icycooldrink6085 How can you tell that you’ve been brainwashed? When someone calls you a sheep and you’re proud, not offended.

Well, making a fully grown naked man out of clay and “blowing” life into him says something! 🤣

@Fullyautomagic

Жыл бұрын

Imagine being so good at oral that you bring dirt to life

@aidanm2528

Жыл бұрын

@@Fullyautomagic Matthew 10 33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father who is in heaven.

@organicleaf

Жыл бұрын

@@aidanm2528 mate, no one Cares or wants to hear it

@danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307

Жыл бұрын

@@aidanm2528 So how much of the bible is true? BTW I now own you as the bible says I can so be a good christian and supply your name and address! If you dont you have failed to defend your religion and the bible says you burn for that! Or is thta just another part of the evil bible you pretend doesnt exist? 🤦‍♂🤣

@roberthill799

Жыл бұрын

Awesome! Zombies cruising around Jerusalem! That story terrified me when I was six. By the time I was seven, it became hilarious.

Basically, God is everywhere, including in the closet.

@woda9291

2 жыл бұрын

Great joke

@Zorga13

2 жыл бұрын

@@woda9291 Much appreciated~

@poppymoon4122

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@pimpmaestro5666

2 жыл бұрын

😂 😂 😂 Excellent!

@AJ--212

2 жыл бұрын

underrated

I've been scrolling through these comments and I gotta say: Religion is one hell of a drug

@chrispbacon3042

3 жыл бұрын

It is the drug off the masses.

@edmundburke8490

2 жыл бұрын

@@chrispbacon3042 well I could equally say as well that, secularism together with consumerism, is also the drug of the masses.

@YuvrajWithAGuitar

2 жыл бұрын

drugs are meant to make you ecstatic! try it!

@penboyasgod6103

2 жыл бұрын

And the worst part of it is that the religious try to make it *so easy to swallow.*

@ramaraksha01

2 жыл бұрын

Not religion - Heaven is the drug Amazing that so many even highly educated & intelligent people think they can shamelessly live like prostitutes/gigolos/leeches/freeloaders do down here, mooching off their rich Sugar Daddies and living a life of ease & comfort! amazing, just amazing to see this level of brainwashing

Thumbnail is perfection.

@joshgreenbrg3437

3 жыл бұрын

you made me laugh

@damienleigh9943

3 жыл бұрын

My thumbnail is gross

@miguelthealpaca8971

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, perfection; just like God!

@vishalreddy8956

3 жыл бұрын

Sanathana dharma period!!!!

@TrailerParkPolak

3 жыл бұрын

God bless u anyway ♡

Noah was a very talented man . He managed to save amoebas and other minute one cellular organisms and he did it without any microscope or petri dishes, just his bare hands and eagles eyes.

@as7river

Жыл бұрын

Noah was a woman? I never would've guessed.

@aquamon68

Жыл бұрын

@@as7river He was gender fluid, needed both perspectives to save humanity and the animal and microbial kingdom. Peace.

@davidarchibald50

Жыл бұрын

Why two by two for unisexual organisms...I never got that bit...maybe god forgot them

@as3609

Жыл бұрын

@@aquamon68 And when god flooded the world, was that with gender fluid too?

@debrajones9325

Жыл бұрын

And he didn't feed them nor toilet them..!

This is my favourite thing ever! I want him to read all the bible stories 😂😂

@franciscodiaz6197

2 жыл бұрын

Good... no, Great idea! 👏👏

@Nago15

2 жыл бұрын

@@franciscodiaz6197 The Friendly Atheist is reading them:) He is now at Leviticus:)

@mikusb9011

Жыл бұрын

I wonder why he doesn't read Quran.

@GEOFF0906

Жыл бұрын

@@mikusb9011 Have a guess

@aidanm2528

Жыл бұрын

Matthew 27// 45. Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour, darkness was over all the land. 46. And about the ninth hour, Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” That is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” 47. And some of those who were stand- ing there heard and said, “This one is calling for Elijah.” 48. And immediately one of them ran and, taking a sponge, filled it with vine- gar and put it on a stick, and gave it to Him to drink. 49. But the rest said, “Let Him alone! Let us see if Elijah comes to save Him.” Then another took a spear and thrust it into His side, and out came water and blood. * 50. And after crying out again with a loud voice, Jesus yielded up His spirit. 51. Then suddenly the veil of the temple was ripped in two from top to bottom, and the earth shook, and the rocks were split, 52. So that the tombs were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had died, were resurrected 53. After His resurrection;** and they came out of the tombs. Then they entered into the holy city, and appeared to many. 54. Then the centurion and those with him who had been keeping guard over Jesus, after seeing the earthquake and the things that took place, were filled with fear, and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!” 55. Now there were many women who were watching from a distance, who had followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to Him; 56. With whom were Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee. Proof kzread.info/dash/bejne/dqZhtbODhsq-g8Y.html

The Children's Edition? I didn't even know there also is an adult edition.

@richardlewin9282

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah no different 🤷

@SamuelBlack84

2 ай бұрын

A 600 year old man, his wife, and two of every animal on earth One can only imagine the horrible concepts of eroticism involved

His full run on The Book Of Noah is pure perfection. Some of the funniest stand up I've ever seen.

@jefftaylor19

3 жыл бұрын

Actually, if you read the Quran, we find out that the raft was made of ropes and logs. These were primitive people. It also says that it was a local flood in Judea and the raft was for Noah, his family and followers and his domestic animals, all "his" animals. It says the raft landed on the hills of Judea. Now this is the Dead Sea. It is a location below sea level. In a catastrophic post Ice Age flood, this area is like a bathtub. Peace

@spinny003

3 жыл бұрын

@@jefftaylor19 ok

@jefftaylor19

3 жыл бұрын

@Muhammedlee Boring, I think not. Here is what the Quran is telling you about. It is saying that you can have God's perfect protection by the assistance of two Angelic superpowers at your right and left. This is a book where Solomon can command forces of jinn that can move entire buildings in a blink of an eye. It has battle scenes where there are invisible angels assisting believers. It is a book that warns of an impending disaster for humanity and a book that shows the incredible heaven that awaits those who decide to believe. It is about how you, yes, you, can have all of this support and protection in your life if only you would submit to God's laws. Now how cool is that? This is all in our hands if we only decide. Peace.

@jefftaylor19

3 жыл бұрын

@Muhammedlee Sometimes we can change, God willing. 30 years ago, I used to be an atheist or agnostic at best, then I decided to investigate what the truth behind all those myths were. It was a long journey until 2014, where I was guided to the truth. What was the collective message? Don't you think it is unscientific to assume to be right without investigating the veracity of your convictions or of opposing theories? A scientific mind assumes he is wrong. Then he tries to prove he is wrong. Then, after failing to prove that he is wrong, he can accept his conclusions. What we have now is a book that is composed mathematically with occurrences that are way beyond probability, way way way too many "coincidences". The Quran has been discovered to contain a mathematical code with the number 19 as a common denominator. It simply provides mathematical proof the this book was not written by any human capabilities. It is not from a human being. Well, now what? It means that I better read what it says to investigate further. Low and behold, it says that God has always been sending down to this planet information about why we are here and how to succeed. It says that we screwed up in our past life and this is our last chance to reform. Uh oh. Well, we can shrug this off as simply magic or fairy tales, and fit perfectly in with the crowd, or, we can take notice and look at this seriously. The choice is ours. You don't have to do anything. But we learn from science for every action, there is a reaction. The Quran (a supernatural, superhuman composition) says that ignoring this information spells doom. (Should we Laugh out loud or should we cry?) The popular opinion is to just assume there is no purpose to life and to squander this precious opportunity with ego pampering and the pursuit vanities and play Well, do what you want. That is what God wants. Freedom. In the end, we will find out why each of us deserve what we get. We all were suppose to be worshipping "God ALONE" by following "His" scripture alone to succeed. Well, I found out long ago that "Cool" is not cool. It actually gets pretty stupid. Fitting in takes no courage and is no way to base one's life decisions. Maybe someone will decide to be inquisitive, God willing. Here is more information: www.goodreads.com/book/show/10772913-quran kzread.info/dash/bejne/gXWCpNyMoc7Vj5M.html kzread.info/dash/bejne/e32pqNuJnrTPc9o.html submission.org/introduction.html www.masjidtucson.org/quran/ReadQuran.php?appendix=1 kzread.info/dash/bejne/d4B9uKSMqqu9qLQ.html kzread.info/dash/bejne/oZOLyKdqf9bOec4.html kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2GXqdKmdbW_gqg.html kzread.info/dash/bejne/kYGb3NqCeq7Voso.html Peace.

@jefftaylor19

3 жыл бұрын

@Muhammedlee Our understanding of physical laws is only conclusive on this minute scale that earth and our universe exists. We are submicroscopic ourselves. We only know a minute amount of information. It's like a virus understanding it's environment inside a microscopic sell. Beyond that, we are lost. Understanding the physics of all of the other universes and realms is far beyond the human scope of awareness. So if you are satisfied with that, then fine. As far as ethics are concerned, anyone can be a nice and decent person. That is not what religion was intended to do. Religion is about discovering our fatal flaw: Arrogance. We think we know more than we know. We think we do more than we do. We think we are more than we are. That's what got us sent to this place. We should use our lives to conclude: God does everything. We only get to experience the affect of our decision to accept Him or not. But you can do what you want with this short flash of time that is called life. The question is, will it benefit you after you die? Peace.

It's been a while since I've actually laughed during a stand up clip.

@ww2_was_faked323

3 жыл бұрын

That's a sad life

@flemflogan4650

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the update

@Siphamandla.Ngcobo

3 жыл бұрын

@@flemflogan4650 you're welcome.

@Siphamandla.Ngcobo

3 жыл бұрын

@@ww2_was_faked323 wine takes care of the sadness.

@blairleighton2393

2 жыл бұрын

@Ragnarr Loðbrók Check out the Jim Jeffries piece about god crashing the party.🍺

Not feeling too bright? Smile and remember there are grown adults that actually believe that 2 Penguins walked all the way from Antarctica to get on a boat.

@josephwells8699

Жыл бұрын

I know grown adults (of course because they are grown doesn't make them adults) that believe that everything in the universe came from nothing.🤣🤣

@ramptonarsecandle

Жыл бұрын

@@josephwells8699 I'm not sure if your comment is directed at me, Joseph but I'll respond just the same. I'll assume from your comment you're either a creationist, ID proponent or religious know nothing. Apologies if I'm incorrect but when people comment about the universe coming from nothing, to me it usually signifies a somewhat lower than normal intelligence. You may of course be the exception but I somehow doubt it. In physics, things do not begin to exist. The conservation of mass means that things form from other things already in existence. So it is meaningless for you suggest that the universe came from nothing. Maybe educate yourself before leaving crass comments? Just an idea that probably went over your head.

@josephwells8699

Жыл бұрын

@@ramptonarsecandle I am a Christian and a creationist. When you say that in physics, things do not begin to exist, but that the conservation of mass means that things form from other things already in existence, I would suggest that is meaningless. It is nothing more than an idea that cannot be proved, none of you were there millions of years ago to know what went on back there. If what you say were true? Then surely you would know how life began, but Richard Dawkins, the most outspoken evolutionist that I am aware of, stated that he doesn't know how life began. I would suggest to him that he stop claiming evolution to be a fact, until he knows how life began. I won't hold my breath though. If you ever see him ask him to contact me and I will tell him how life began.

@ramptonarsecandle

Жыл бұрын

@@josephwells8699 Ok - to me that means you've been indoctrinated, probably from birth but most certainly at some point in your life. It also probably means you're from bible belt America where that type of simple mindedness is seen as a virtue as long as you keep paying your church. As for the conservation of mass, it is easily provable, maybe look up the Laws of Thermodynamics and you'll see, or maybe not given you're a creationist. As for life starting, no I don't know but nor do you, remember “God did it” is not an “alternate theory.” Theories have to be supported by verifiable evidence, not declarations of faith. Maybe God did do it, but until you prove it, it’s just a hypothesis. And abiogenesis is nothing to do with evolution. Evolution is an observed scientific fact you not understanding that is irrelevant it is and will always remain a fact. I went to Cambridge and Richard Dawkins taught at Oxford so no I don't know him. Your reply drips with creationist lies and mistruths and all the usual tropes. I would suggest that if you're going to comment on a public platform you might want to be better informed. I could explain more but I see little point.

@josephwells8699

Жыл бұрын

@@ramptonarsecandle You are absolutely wrong, I am not indoctrinated, I can make that claim about you. You are also wrong about where I came from, I am UK born and bred. I know several intelligent people who were atheistic evolutionist just a two of years ago, but are now baptized Christians and creationist. What you fail to understand is, that it is God's Spirit that reveals the truths of the Bible to those who seek, and lead them to make a commitment. So given the authenticity of the Bible and all the scientists that were once evolutionist and are now creationist, I cannot accept what you say. Evolutionary scientists always denigrate creationist scientists, as though there academic prowess is greater, which of course is ridiculous. I have a lovely book which contains the names and backgrounds of 50 scientists who were once evolutionist but are now creationist. The fact that you went to Cambridge and Dawkins to oxford does not impress me. Let me know when you think you have discovered how life began. Why do evolutionist scientists attack a God that they claim does not exist???

Don’t forget Noah was 900 years old when he built it. With the help of his two 100yr old sons. Yeah totally believable

@neddyseagoon9601

7 ай бұрын

70 years old... Hebrews and others around the world measured time by 13 annual lunar cycles. They were misinterpreted, (by later translators and tale tellers), each 28 day period, recorded as years.

@zacmumblethunder7466

7 ай бұрын

​@neddyseagoon9601 Makes sense. I've often thought about the coincidence of so many things taking 40 days. Maybe 40 is a mis-translation of "many".

@leithal1546

7 ай бұрын

@@neddyseagoon9601 so there is wriggle room in bible interpretation?

@neddyseagoon9601

7 ай бұрын

@@leithal1546 I could care less but known facts, (lunar cycle v annual cycle was used to measure longer time periods), certainly beat the unlikely 900 years of life, especially if the alternative is logical. It's a bit like "witch" in it's very modern understanding versus the translation meaning "poisoner". And given shared food and water wells, why wouldn't you kill a mass murdering poisoner?

@neddyseagoon9601

7 ай бұрын

@@zacmumblethunder7466 Moses supposedly wandered about in dry harsh lands with the Hebrews for 40 years, wasn't it? Now, 40 months makes a bit more sense given the unlikely survival of his people in that length of time. Many I imagine would've wondered off in any case, in my mind.

The rest of this bit is missing, where it turns out god seems to absolutely flamingly fabulous in this childrens book.

@miguelthealpaca8971

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, it's just the start of it.

@fabianatrindade56

3 жыл бұрын

Aww where's the rest?

@JacquelineFox-xo6jn

Ай бұрын

It's up to you what you believe . Thank you for the insight .

Ricky was GREAT in the movie, "The Invention of Lying". Hilarious move about how the 10 Commandments were written. Hilariously funny

From what I understand, most of the old testament is God having a hissy fit!

@timbradshaw5481

Ай бұрын

That just shows you don't understand it

@chinghamburger2200

Ай бұрын

​@@timbradshaw5481The bible is completely an utterly fake. Nothing in the bible happened, it was made to brainwash gullible peasants

@JacquelineFox-xo6jn

Ай бұрын

According to america, donald jessica drumpf,(check his german name) is God .

Amazing how he went full TED talk for a while. Only much better informed than their usual fare.

@Nat88123

2 жыл бұрын

He has such brilliant regard for theological and systematic scientific research for a Ted talk. Ted keeping up the integrity of scientific method. Atheism really is absurd and pathetic.

@unit0033

3 ай бұрын

lol triggered much!!!@@Nat88123

@timbradshaw5481

Ай бұрын

He's not well informed, he's taking the story literally then poking holes in it. You can do the same with any story. Harry potter is attacked by a snake and gets rescued by a flaming bird that pokes the eyes of the snake and then cries tears on Harry to save him. Wow what a stupid story, so unrealistic, birds are not made of fire. Tears dont heal people. Yet this story resonates with millions and has become one of the most well known stories of the modern time. So it obviously holds meaning even if it's not literally true. The same is true with the bible. You just need to be informed, not take it literally.

@unit0033

Ай бұрын

trouble is though millions of people believe it to be accurate @@timbradshaw5481

It was quite as an accomplishment for Noah to gather up two of each species (37000 spiders, 11000 ants, 50000 wasps) and many many more.

@DavidLS1

3 ай бұрын

Maybe the Ark was bigger on the inside. :)

@JacquelineFox-xo6jn

Ай бұрын

The bible is not like the song you all sang in bible school. Do you run away from bees?

@JacquelineFox-xo6jn

Ай бұрын

No. Run away from a bear.

@DavidLS1

Ай бұрын

@@JacquelineFox-xo6jn But never run away from a beer.🍺

The Church: "thanks for being here, small child, would you like a present for being here all the time?" Small Child: *visibly excited* "yes please! I live presents" The Church: *Hands Child Propaganda*

@Sheldor.The.Conqueror

Жыл бұрын

Or an STD !

@SamuelBlack84

2 ай бұрын

For a child, it could be much worse...

Rikki Tikki Tavi was what crossedy mind as soon as that was shown. The "...like a fuckin' mongoose..." follow up had me cracking up.

@kotsaris87

Жыл бұрын

Super Hans: "it's a rat"

The funniest rendition from that famous fiction book I’ve heard. Cheeks sore from laughing funny. From one of the funniest comedians on this planet. Thanks Ricki. Your a good man.

@gregorysagegreene

2 жыл бұрын

Hey, it may be fiction, but it's a bestseller.

@roems6396

2 жыл бұрын

@Mittens Since it’s the ONLY book that was considered necessary for several centuries, then I would say it had an unfair advantage.

@hijodelaisla275

Жыл бұрын

His a good man.

@gregorysagegreene

Жыл бұрын

@SonicPsyched If you consider Grimm horror nightmare stories that scare the literal BeJesus out of little kids to bring them into line, fairytales.

@aidanm2528

Жыл бұрын

Matthew 27 45. Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour, darkness was over all the land. 46. And about the ninth hour, Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” That is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” 47. And some of those who were stand- ing there heard and said, “This one is calling for Elijah.” 48. And immediately one of them ran and, taking a sponge, filled it with vine- gar and put it on a stick, and gave it to Him to drink. 49. But the rest said, “Let Him alone! Let us see if Elijah comes to save Him.” Then another took a spear and thrust it into His side, and out came water and blood. * 50. And after crying out again with a loud voice, Jesus yielded up His spirit. 51. Then suddenly the veil of the temple was ripped in two from top to bottom, and the earth shook, and the rocks were split, 52. So that the tombs were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had died, were resurrected 53. After His resurrection;** and they came out of the tombs. Then they entered into the holy city, and appeared to many. 54. Then the centurion and those with him who had been keeping guard over Jesus, after seeing the earthquake and the things that took place, were filled with fear, and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!” 55. Now there were many women who were watching from a distance, who had followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to Him; 56. With whom were Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee. :Proof kzread.info/dash/bejne/dqZhtbODhsq-g8Y.html

I love comedians who have no shame in poking fun at religion, be they atheists like Ricky Gervais and Patton Oswald, or very tired, very (understandably) frustrated parents.

The worst part of being bitten by a venomous spider is finding out that your Australian.

@ZJS0113

Жыл бұрын

*you're

@guyonthecouch136

Жыл бұрын

Australian? They are fictional aren't they?

"Is God gay?" This is the content that I came to KZread for. 🙏

oh my gosh...i only just discovered Ricky Gervais. He is hilarious!!!

@putin2918

2 жыл бұрын

Listen to karlology

Bloody brilliant! Needed a good laugh after a sh*t week and going back into lockdown!

God: 5000 years old. Beer, 6000 years old. So to understand these stories, you have to understand that God had already been binging for 1000 years.

I HAVE actually seen a spider lying down with all 8 legs out to the side. I thought it was dead. Went to pick it up and it CHARGED at me.

Spiders are fantastic creatures ..... much better than insects. I once rescued a spider. He had wandered onto the sticky paper on the floor of my flea-catcher, and he couldn't unstick his feet.I grabbed my tweezers and peeled each foot off the sticky paper, which was difficult enough, spider legs are very delicate. The tricky thing was, in order not to let each foot get stuck when freed, I had to place a piece of unsticky paper under each foot, before freeing the next foot. Took me about an hour. When I let him go, on the paving in front of the house, there was some tackiness on his feet, and he walked away like a robot. True story.

@hijodelaisla275

Жыл бұрын

Lovely story.

@saarza9991

Жыл бұрын

He died. My cat ate him

@diegestive4167

Жыл бұрын

You broke its knees and was crippled

@hew195050

3 ай бұрын

that’s def something I would do. I never kill or allow an insect or spider to die.

Oh my goddess I have never been more accurately accused of being toxic than when you say the flood is God having a gay hissy fit

I assume all fish were well behaved then? What comes from being in schools all the time, I guess.

@lj7169

3 жыл бұрын

Nice one, dad!

@shobhitsharad9972

2 жыл бұрын

Such an underrated comment

@thebrainfan

2 жыл бұрын

Salt water fish or fresh water fish?

@droopyofthenorthwestmounted

2 жыл бұрын

@@thebrainfan You make a saline-ient point.

In Carl's defence when someone is afraid to come out as gay, they can often hide behind hate.

Friend has a tarantula...when he places it on my forearm, it moves so fast that it seemingly teleports, I sh>t you not. Fd me up 🤣

The best of honesty

When I read the title i imagined god stomping around in heaven in one of those gay voices and i just lost it!

This dude pulled out the book of Noah 🤣🤣🤣

never gets old

So needed this today...🤣

I love Ricky so much, it's not right 😭

Yellow Pants: *picks a nose* God: Kawabunga it is!

Ricky is amazing

Ricky gassed out from doing a spider pose 3 times 😂

Hats off to this man for finding his atheism at the age of 8. I needed an additional 4 years.

@jailcatjones3250

Жыл бұрын

I was 6

@darakkuunobelu7584

Жыл бұрын

@Purple Syndicalist To be fair, we aren't. Being atheist requires atleast some level of understranding on how world around you can fuction without involvement of any kind of Higher Will. That's not something newborn can grasp. Without such undestanding humans naturally draw all kind of connections between different phenomena which leads to creation of mysticism and/or different religious practices.

@danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307

Жыл бұрын

@@darakkuunobelu7584 No not having a belief in a mythical not true god is NOT how you are born, you need to develop a bit before you can be brain washed into having a stupid baseless belief! This is why well over 95% get their baseless god belief from their parents brain washing them! Theist - believes a god is real Atheist - Everyone else Which group is a baby in?

@viddeliten

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, I was 11. I have raised my daughter kind of agnostically. I want her to think for herself and chose what she believes in.

@elwinwinter

Жыл бұрын

@@darakkuunobelu7584 We are. Unless you believe in a God or Gods you're an atheist. A fking baby does not instantly believe in the Christian God or any other and is therefore atheist.

British humour ❤️💪😎😂😍

I love your sense of humor about religion and God .... I feel exactly like you do too , but I still catch myself every once in a while saying .... Oh God help me ..... just by habit . Then I realize ... Oh , that’s right .... He really isn’t there . And if he is .... he is not going to do a thing about my situation . Only I can do that .

@late8641

2 жыл бұрын

I know how you feel. I've been in a similar situation multiple times. In the long run however, rationality always comes out on top, and I'm like "wait, what am I doing, I'm so silly..."

@ninjadejedi

2 жыл бұрын

I am not sure, that kind of perception of god is kind of cave men. Only cave men believed in Gods/Goddess would interevent and help them if they pray or make sacrifice. The more advance religious view is different, God is representing and ideal of goodness and if we follow these ideals and rules our life will be better. I find rational only help in understand the world but not how to live in it, I meant survival of the fittest right ? Why should I not stealing if I can get away with it.

@vinceavery7216

2 жыл бұрын

@@ninjadejedi I have always believed in doing what I think is right .... no matter what .... I still have to live with myself . I have never stolen from anyone , I have worked for everything I have . I have though .... lost a lot of money gambling and I wish I knew a way to get some of that money back from the Casinos , but I am the one that did that to myself too .

@ninjadejedi

2 жыл бұрын

@@vinceavery7216 As I said the JudeChristian perception of god is more adv compare to the cave man, pagan religions, they never expect God to actually help them, they follow the example because they believe that will make their life better. You do know that value is not coming by yourself right ? Why have you not stolen from s.oelse?

@vinceavery7216

2 жыл бұрын

@@ninjadejedi I just do not believe in taking from someone unless I worked for it is right . I see your point to a certain point ... I have a very wealthy brother that loves to tell me how rich he is , but I would never steal .... not even from him

I'm annoyed. I used to be made to go to Sunday School as well. But I never got a book or anything.

The Aardvark was the first animal on the are arc because it has two A’s .

@zetairez

2 жыл бұрын

😄😄😄

This is great

One of the best comics ever

So..................God doesn't have the power and intelligence to only kill those who he doesn't want around? Wow....................WOW! God should have worked for Custer's seventh cavalry.

@alexrattray8807

2 жыл бұрын

'Punishment has a definition' And choice has one too

@roems6396

2 жыл бұрын

@@alexrattray8807 What choice did the babies make to be punished?

@josephwells8699

Жыл бұрын

You people think you are so funny, but it is so sad you do not know what is coming your way....SOON!!!!

@Thephrogdoob

2 ай бұрын

@@josephwells8699ong spare us please Ik exactly what coming my way and even if religion was real it’s bad either way so what’s the point

@josephwells8699

2 ай бұрын

@@Thephrogdoob What you obviously don't understand is that there is a battle going on for the hearts and minds of every human being on earth, and it is a spiritual battle that has raged since the Garden of Eden, where our first parents, Adam and Eve sold us off to Satan, (who was once the highest ranking angel in heaven) and his name in heaven was Lucifer, which meant, "Bearer of Light" or "Morning Star." Unfortunately Lucifer a created being coveted the position of Jesus, the Son of God, (which is SIN). In fact he wanted to be God which was an impossibility, and because God is Holy, sin cannot live in His Holy presence. So it is all about worship, whether a person worships God or Satan, these are the only two options, and if someone doesn't worship God, then they automatically give there vote to Satan, the evil being that has caused all the chaos and suffering in the world, and of course Satan works through human beings and human agencies to try and frustrate God's eternal plans for you, me and everyone else. However that isn't going to happen, and everything is quickly drawing to a close, when Jesus our Creator is coming very soon to bring an end to this world, and to save His people. There is a test coming very soon to the whole world and everyone who fail the test will receive the Mark of the Beast, and that will bring their eternal end. I know which side I want to be on, you still have time to choose.

Ricky is truly talanted and i get fucking pissed when its over lol.

There's a lot of unintentional comedy in the bible. At times it's so absurd that I've laughed out loud and thought, "How do people actually believe this?!?"

@JaIch9999

2 жыл бұрын

People believe all kinds of BS if it comes from an "authority". The Emperor's new clothes. ...

@wahajmanan10

Жыл бұрын

It’s because bible is not in its original form. People have changed it throughout the history

@party4keeps28

Жыл бұрын

@@wahajmanan10 Are you saying the Bible isn't accurate?

@wahajmanan10

Жыл бұрын

@@party4keeps28 yes

@wahajmanan10

Жыл бұрын

@@party4keeps28 I’m a Muslim and in our Quran it’s stated that no other religious book is in its original form except Quran. Because god saw people changing the holy book so he took over the protection of Quran. It’s still unchanged

I got that book too from Sunday school.

Ricky's animal impressions are brilliant

I love it when he makes fun of religion. It's so easy as well lol🤣

@mavis3916

2 жыл бұрын

Do you? Do you really?

@TheUnMaka

2 жыл бұрын

@@mavis3916 Yes

@GEOFF0906

Жыл бұрын

Christianity isn't a religion.

@sandyn3384

Жыл бұрын

@@GEOFF0906 It is. Lol

@sandyn3384

Жыл бұрын

@@mavis3916 Yes

He was a brand new god. He didn't have enough experience to understand there were other options but mass murder. None of the other gods bothered to teach him.

How I love this man! I mean, I am in love, seriously. I live an ocean away, though.

@josephwells8699

Жыл бұрын

You need to be in love with Jesus, He will give you life. Your love for Ricky and his sick material will bring you eternal loss.

"A year on a wooden boat with 4000 species of termite." to quote another video.

I like spiders ... I never kill them. I think of them as the humans of the insect world.

@leyrua

3 жыл бұрын

First week of quarantine I found a spider living in my windowsill. My daily entertainment was to document HER day.

@woda9291

2 жыл бұрын

I don't like spiders but I still don't kill them. I just don't like to kill animals in general.

@davekiddie4467

2 жыл бұрын

I kill them all

@pauligrossinoz

2 жыл бұрын

Come to Australia. I'll introduce you to the *funnelweb spider.* Your attitude to spiders will change fast. It's both aggressive, and the most poisonous spider in the world. Those things look like farking demons too ...

@PaulA-zp7hn

2 жыл бұрын

Some are incredibly beautiful, others just look like hairy thugs. I am just glad they don't fly 😬💀 As pointed out above, one's opinion may depend on the country. I grew up with worst of them so perhaps I got used to them.

I have just been introduced to your comedy and I freaking love it! You're an awesome comedian! I laughed so hard I almost wet myself. 👍🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

@Dydy-kv3yx

2 жыл бұрын

Watch "Derek" on Netflix, I am obsessed and Ricky is Brilliant!!

@Mystic-WTF

2 жыл бұрын

@@Dydy-kv3yx Thanks. Born in June 1965! Stay safe and laugh whenever possible! ✔💜☮♊

@Dydy-kv3yx

2 жыл бұрын

🦀✌☮⚛

@roems6396

2 жыл бұрын

Extras on Netflix is amazing.

@Mystic-WTF

2 жыл бұрын

@@roems6396 Thank you! 💜

As an atheist I don't find anything Ricky said to be offensive, but then again atheists opinion of religion or god are usually dismissed anyway, even when science is included in the conversation. I guess it won't be called faith if it doesn't ignore logic and common sense. So to have a fellow atheist speaking out his mind, in a brilliant comedic way is pretty awesome.

I would love to see a Ricky Gervais Pureflix special.

I don't think god's gay - but I believe his husband is

@zacmumblethunder7466

5 ай бұрын

Oh, that comment combined with your profile picture.

I’ve had a dreadful night and dearest Ricky I knew would cheer me up. I wonder if he knows how much good he does in the world. I am a Christian but Ricky is here and making me laugh while I am slowly dying. Whatever Ricky thinks God must adore him for keeping our spirits up.❤️🌈🥰

@michaelparker6763

Жыл бұрын

@@mavis3916 Really?

@harrywaters7718

Жыл бұрын

Either Ricky’s atheist evangelism is him selling his soul to the devil (he was an overnight success in middle age after being an unknown loser for decades), or he’ll do a massive conversion like CS Lewis or Jordan Peterson etc

@Borishal

Жыл бұрын

Nah, mate. Wishful thinking.

@aidanm2528

Жыл бұрын

Luke 16 19. Now there was a certain rich man, and he was clothed in purple and fine linen, and daily indulged himself in lux- ury. 20. And there was a certain poor man named Lazarus, who was laid at his porch, full of sores. 21. And he longed to be nourished with the crumbs that fell from the rich man’s table; and the dogs even came and licked his sores. 22. Now it came to pass that the poor man died, and he was carried away by the angels into Abraham’s bosom. And the rich man also died and was buried. 23. And in the grave he lifted up his eyes and was in torment, for he saw Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. 24. And he cried out and said, ‘Father Abraham, have compassion on me and send Lazarus, so that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am suffering because of this flame.’ 25. Then Abraham said, ‘Child, remem- ber that in your lifetime you received good things to the full, and likewise Lazarus evil things. But now he is com- forted, and you are suffering 26. And besides all these things, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed; so that those who desire to pass from here to you are not able, nor can those from there pass to us.’ 27. And he said, ‘I beseech you then, father, that you would send him to my father’s house, 28. For I have five brothers; so that he may earnestly testify to them, in order that they also may not come to this place of torment.’ 29. Abraham said to him, ‘They have Moses and the prophets. Let them hear them.’ 30. But he said, ‘No, Father Abraham, but if one from the dead would go to them, they would repent.’ 31. And he said to him, ‘If they will not hear Moses and the prophets, they would not be persuaded even if one rose from the dead.’ ”

@Borishal

Жыл бұрын

@@aidanm2528 justifying torture.

That’s too funny, Noah!

Where's the rest? Quite funny bit

Many of us believe in God until we reach the age of reason, Ricky reached that age at 8. 😂

@mavis3916

2 жыл бұрын

Not a fact, just your opinion

@roems6396

2 жыл бұрын

@@mavis3916 yeah, he should have said, “Logical people believe in god until they reach the age of reason”. That’s more of a fact.

@chkngrl

Жыл бұрын

@@mavis3916 you just haven't reached the age of reason then.

@mavis3916

Жыл бұрын

@@chkngrl what is the age of reason?

@saarza9991

Жыл бұрын

@@mavis3916 it is when you understand that not all people have same beliefs, however idiotic they may seem

If it weren't for the editorializing in the Bible, all the bits saying god's holy and all that, any rational person would see the being presented in it as a sadistic psychopath wholly unworthy of worship. And yeah, that's including the new testament. "Jesus died for your sins." Um, okay, but his daddy's supposedly the one made the rule that we'd be tortured for eternity, for things like eating meat on the wrong day of the week. He wouldn't have had to die for anyone's sins if he never made that rule in the first place. It's like if a rich king took all your money, then gave you back 1% of it, and acted like you should be thankful for his charity. Same thing.

@raernian6026

2 жыл бұрын

Yes and we could also float if God didn't make gravity, bit of a jerk isn't that God? But then how would we go on walks in the park? Hell? That seems like a rather cruel thing for God to make. Wait, why is Hell a thing, and what is it? There are these people saying it's "Separation from God," what does that mean? What's God? They say "God is good." Well maybe we could say "God is goodness?" That makes more practical sense for a few reasons actually.... Well for instance, goodness wouldn't make something like Hell, so now separation from it being called Hell starts to make sense. When you are separated from what is good, it means you are being bad and so separated yourself from goodness. The result of bad behavior is generally bad consequences which is why we say it's bad in the first place; well like you eat too much cake and you get sick, kind of obvious bad. If you bully your neighbors and cheat on your wives the community starts to get rather shaken up; divorces happen, kids have to deal with separated parents, and families are torn apart in many cases with the kids growing up much worse off than if the adultery never happened. HOLD UP. Maybe when the Bible says we go to Hell when we do bad things, it's not that God's putting us there, it's that we're creating a Hell for ourselves. In a literal sense, making life a "living Hell" with our bad actions. So those rules and laws and things in the Bible and in some other places are there to warn us against actions that can make life a living Hell in a real way. Well in that case, even dietary laws would make sense. Eating well helps us to be healthy, and eating poorly can lead to things like heart disease and all kinds of bad stuff. If we go back to something like a literal "Hell" though, as in fiery torment and lack of residence in "Heaven," then maybe we could still say the same thing. That goodness, God, wants us to create peace and be part of that "Kingdom," but because of our actions we keep ourselves from it. So in a spiritual way, we're closing ourselves off to what's good and that prevents us from being able to go to Heaven, so we have to go somewhere else.... Who knows, though? Personally I have never died nor met the one hypothetical being that knows absolutely everything and can answer my questions leaving no doubts. And perhaps I am a bit presumptuous in thinking I really know anything about life and death. I ought to just keep an open mind and pick up whatever I can. I rather appreciate that line "Whosoever has not sinned may cast the first stone." Nobody's perfect after all and we won't get better if we go stoning each other to death for every bad choice :( (New Testament) You know people seem to have a hard time being perfect. If just one guy could make it, he would be in a position to help everyone else at least. Wait, somebody made it!??!? He said we all have a shot at making it even if we aren't perfect? Thank God because no matter how hard I freaking try I still mess up all the time. Wait I have to believe in him? What does that mean? I guess in what he accomplished. They say he let himself die even though he did nothing wrong because it gave him the power to pay for everyone else's problems. That actually kind of makes sense in a weird non-tangible way. Symbolically you could say it means that he's owed something, but also that he has an advantage for it. But it's an infinite debt since he was perfect, so in a way he has infinite power. Thank God that instead of taking revenge on everybody responsible, he forgives people. It's like the Universe operates differently now, more humanely since he's done his work. Before, it was cut-and-dry. You owe a debt, you pay it out in suffering, or sacrifice some innocent animal. There was no mercy, and people were killed for cutting wood on the wrong day! Now it's not so cold and unforgiving. We don't have to keep score. When we mess up, we can move on and be better instead of letting that mistake hold us back until the debt is paid. It feels much more loving. Like a father who sees that his child wants to learn, and decides to cut him some slack when he sees the child is truly sorry. TLDR: I understand you on the Hell thing. It seems wrong that God would permit such a place to exist, but thinking about it, I've determined that such a thing exists directly as a result of our own bad choices, and if it did not, it could only be because we stopped contributing to it. It's related to the question "Why does God permit evil?" in that, as a result of being able to make our own choices and so commit evil, we have Hell which is constructed by evil-doing, not by God. But even then in response to this situation, God tips the scales in our favor in a powerful way by giving us a new way to get rid of our sin. Instead of calculated debts weighing on us every time we mess up, if we genuinely want to learn and improve, we're forgiven instead of prescribed lashes or animal sacrifices as a way to "pay off the debt." I could be way off, but that's my best thinking based on my experience and my studies. The Christian God isn't a detached judge figure, God fights to help us. We just get in our own way a lot. Seeing your post helped me to think that through. I have been having similar troubles as everybody who thinks about this stuff does. I hope even if this doesn't necessarily bolster your faith, it does help you to have some practical hope for life in general. It can weigh down sometimes and we need reminders of what matters. Edit: The reason I included the remark about gravity was to show that "God made the rule" isn't an adequate statement. It's more natural and abstract than that, like gravity. Gravity is an inherent property in nature, it's not "made" the way we're talking about it. The connection to rules/laws is that God's laws weren't fashioned arbitrarily, but are inherent in morality and the tangible consequences that come from following or disobeying it. Thinking of God abstractly as goodness also helps here. Not following "the laws of goodness" means that you're being bad, which people generally agree means bad consequences. ie bad diet results in bad health, murder means unnatural death, never resting wears you down and hurts you mentally emotionally and physically (reason for the sabbath "Men need rest"), and so on. It's not so much an oppressive rulebook as a helpful guide for how to live a healthy and happy life, or at least avoid making life a living Hell.

@karnak7170

2 жыл бұрын

@@raernian6026 Except that he didn’t die. There was literally no sacrifice at all. It was empty. What kind of “perfect” being sets up a system that will force the beings he creates into a debt for which they didn’t ask, and then sets up an atonement that literally doesn’t actually end in a sacrifice of any kind. “He gave his only begotten son…?” Please, Jesus is sitting on a throne, at the right hand of/is God. How was he sacrificed again? If a parent sacrifices themselves for their child and they die, that child doesn’t get to live with, experience or know that parent. If a parent sacrifices their child to a cause(they join the military, die in a war) they don’t come back after three days. That parent has experienced a woeful and terrible loss that means something. What loss did God experience when Jesus is right beside/is him? You sure you thought this through? God isn’t perfect. Perfect beings have neither needs nor wants. Needs and wants point to something that you lack. And penultimate perfection lacks nothing. And if you feel you’ve been slighted enough to desire a blood sacrifice to atone for it, then you definitely have a need or want.

@raernian6026

2 жыл бұрын

@@karnak7170 In order: Where are you getting the information that he wasn't scourged and crucified? I explained in my original post that the debt exists because of our own choices, so while we do not "ask" for it, we do earn it and are not forced into that debt. In order for that situation to not exist, we would have to be made without free will. Would you rather be programmed to do exactly what your maker wants, or be human? It is a legitimate question with pros and cons on either side, but I would opt for making my own choices. Ironically in order to opt for the other thing it requires the ability to make that choice in the first place as well if that aids your consideration. You invalidate the sacrifice because it worked out for Jesus afterwards. Would you have preferred Jesus who hypothetically did everything right and gave his life to go to Hell for it or what? That doesn't seem like a just result. Things turning out for the better doesn't mean a sacrifice didn't happen, it means it succeeded. When our military goes and sacrifices their lives, is it not a real sacrifice because we remember them and glorify them for what they've given for us? Getting nails put through your hands and feet is not a pleasant experience, nor is losing your life. Tell me, if you saw your child bleeding and being tortured, that you would not be angry. Regardless of whether or not you knew that you would see them again afterwards. The parent doesn't experience a loss because they meet again? Religious people generally hold the belief that they'll see their family again in the afterlife as well, but if they lost their child, they would not be fine with it, so there is not such a disparity as you perceive. Blood sacrifices did not exist to satisfy God's desire. They existed as a form of payment for sin. Before Jesus died and enabled forgiveness through his sacrifice, the debt had to be paid somehow. Clean animal sacrifice works because of the animals' innocence. God states several times in the Old and New Testaments that he himself despises sacrifices and offerings, and prefers us to do good to each other. It existed purely out of necessity. Not out of a feeling of being slighted. And I will restate that a debt of sin is not something that God arbitrarily burdens us with, but that happens naturally and can be thought of as causing a universal imbalance. Why would a perfect being not have needs or wants though? From the very start of human existence, God sees Adam alone and says "It is not good for the man to be alone," and fashioned a woman. This is about relationships, and having somebody to share experiences with in a way that gives life meaning. I ask why God even bothered to make people in the first place. God can do anything God wants, has all the power, all the authority, so what? Power is pointless. Think of it from your own perspective. What would you want if you objectively had everything? All I want out of life is to enjoy it with family and friends when it comes down to it. And that's what God wants, in addition to wanting us to have good lives which we also desire for our loved ones. Desire is not inherently a bad thing. I have thought these things through many times over, otherwise I would not speak. If you have points to make, questions to ask, or perspective to offer, then I am open to it. *(Some of that wasn't in order, but it was to help it make sense.)

@kevinhead5795

2 жыл бұрын

@@raernian6026 how about creating people who have no desire to do evil,like that would be horrible, that be taking away free will! That's stupid!

@raernian6026

2 жыл бұрын

@@kevinhead5795 I think God did, and then we ate the apple bc of the serpent. Aka "the fall," so then ask why God made the "serpent." And then idk but originally we were just naively good til we ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil as the story goes. So ironically he did make us without desire to do evil according to that traditional narrative 👉👉

He cracks me up all the time😂

Brilliant !

This is Gervais at his best. Not moaning about Twitter

rickey is the only comedian I would class as a true philosopher

@NewFalconerRecords

2 жыл бұрын

Check out George Carlin. He was the originator.

@ThePoliticrat

2 жыл бұрын

George Carlin?

@robertkelly9772

2 жыл бұрын

Don't forget Billy Hicks...and "God" took Hicks away from us way too early.

@anierrn6935

2 жыл бұрын

Well he does have a degree in philosophy

@aidanm2528

Жыл бұрын

'''''Matthew 27 45. Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour, darkness was over all the land. 46. And about the ninth hour, Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” That is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” 47. And some of those who were stand- ing there heard and said, “This one is calling for Elijah.” 48. And immediately one of them ran and, taking a sponge, filled it with vine- gar and put it on a stick, and gave it to Him to drink. 49. But the rest said, “Let Him alone! Let us see if Elijah comes to save Him.” Then another took a spear and thrust it into His side, and out came water and blood. * 50. And after crying out again with a loud voice, Jesus yielded up His spirit. 51. Then suddenly the veil of the temple was ripped in two from top to bottom, and the earth shook, and the rocks were split, 52. So that the tombs were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had died, were resurrected 53. After His resurrection;** and they came out of the tombs. Then they entered into the holy city, and appeared to many. 54. Then the centurion and those with him who had been keeping guard over Jesus, after seeing the earthquake and the things that took place, were filled with fear, and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!” 55. Now there were many women who were watching from a distance, who had followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to Him; 56. With whom were Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee. Proof kzread.info/dash/bejne/dqZhtbODhsq-g8Y.html

Why would any god make 37,000 species of spiders? Or even 37 species of spiders? Says it all.

I rather hear his funny talks than attending church in Sunday.

@josephwells8699

Жыл бұрын

Well if you attended church on Sunday thinking it was God's Sabbath, you would be there on the wrong day, because Saturday (the seventh day) is God's true Sabbath. Thought I would point that out in case you did decide to go to church. Always willing to help.

God: Hmmm... GENOCIDE, what a perfect solution.

@Doc-Holliday1851

2 жыл бұрын

If your program isn't functioning properly, you save what parts of the code you can and ditch the rest.

@johndeoliveira8476

2 жыл бұрын

Isn’t that what we supposed to do when people do evil ?

I love this guy

Business phrase "pay me to save your life"😂

hahahha Ricky Gervais always on point

The acacia is mentioned numerous times in the old testament and it has DMT in it. Moses talked to an acacia bush and if anyone has tripped you will remember that the waves and color bleeding may resemble fire. Noah's ark was made from acacia trees, so I think the guy who wrote this story was tripping on DMT reading The Epic of Gilgamesh and then decided to add to the bible like some kind of fanfiction.

@richardlewin9282

2 жыл бұрын

The priests had the best dope 😎 it's part of their rituals. It brings them closer to God 😇.

@ggalaxy9065

Жыл бұрын

Have you read 'The 12th Planet?'

@ndzm4722

Жыл бұрын

The bible is corrupted anyway

Religion - Grown adults talking to Santa Claus and ACTUALLY EXPECTING A PRESENT!!!!!

"It sounded like he was gay" 'He's not gay!"

And get a spider stoned...you watch that little thing lay down and chill lol

He is not wrong, God is pretty full of himself. He gets people to build churchs (his house) so they'll pray to him(beg him for stuff)

@einundsiebenziger5488

2 жыл бұрын

... churches* ...

@alistairwatt8767

2 жыл бұрын

@@einundsiebenziger5488 I don't understand why you are making such a big deal about an obvious typo

@mavis3916

2 жыл бұрын

No he don't,,

@aidanm2528

Жыл бұрын

Luke 16 19. Now there was a certain rich man, and he was clothed in purple and fine linen, and daily indulged himself in lux- ury. 20. And there was a certain poor man named Lazarus, who was laid at his porch, full of sores. 21. And he longed to be nourished with the crumbs that fell from the rich man’s table; and the dogs even came and licked his sores. 22. Now it came to pass that the poor man died, and he was carried away by the angels into Abraham’s bosom. And the rich man also died and was buried. 23. And in the grave he lifted up his eyes and was in torment, for he saw Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. 24. And he cried out and said, ‘Father Abraham, have compassion on me and send Lazarus, so that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am suffering because of this flame.’ 25. Then Abraham said, ‘Child, remem- ber that in your lifetime you received good things to the full, and likewise Lazarus evil things. But now he is com- forted, and you are suffering 26. And besides all these things, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed; so that those who desire to pass from here to you are not able, nor can those from there pass to us.’ 27. And he said, ‘I beseech you then, father, that you would send him to my father’s house, 28. For I have five brothers; so that he may earnestly testify to them, in order that they also may not come to this place of torment.’ 29. Abraham said to him, ‘They have Moses and the prophets. Let them hear them.’ 30. But he said, ‘No, Father Abraham, but if one from the dead would go to them, they would repent.’ 31. And he said to him, ‘If they will not hear Moses and the prophets, they would not be persuaded even if one rose from the dead.’ ”

God is so deep in the closet that he is also in Narnia.

He should do the Moses on the mount when the spaceship lands and Gods tells everyone to get back or they will get burned.

This is epic!

Is now a good time to mention the incest that happened in the story of Noah?

@IsaacWale2004

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. He allegedly only bought his family with him... and chances are, the only animals he brought with were a few cats, dogs, and maybe a few other wild animals which he likely put in a cage aboard the boat (which was probably not as big as they say it is)

@eduardochavacano

2 жыл бұрын

What about beastiality?

@gango23

2 жыл бұрын

My favourite part,which for some reason never mentioned at school when they tried to convince me this is true, is that Noah was 500 years old when God ask him to build the ark. He lived to be 950 apparently!

@rabokarabekian409

2 жыл бұрын

Well it worked well that first time, din'it? Righteous Lot"s daughters were certainly inspired by it n' all. The eternal LORD did rule incest right out when he gave hundreds of rules to Moses, so well, you know....progressive revelation and all that lot.

@ibizenco

2 жыл бұрын

@@eduardochavacano Actually, this may make sense, when you see what kind of animals some are...

How dare he question the Holy Babble? All he has is facts.

@mchoffner8497

2 жыл бұрын

@@mackdaddy798ishkabibble

@saarza9991

Жыл бұрын

@@mackdaddy798 daddy? Where were u? I'm pregnant. It's yours. Bring the priest along. He misused me

Don't forget the Gopher bird. Not apparent in translations, but pretty funny.

Gold Gold Gold

I found on Google that God lives actually two houses down from Santa & the Easter Bunny...

Keep on mocking...😂

@Druid75

Жыл бұрын

Oh we will, dont you worry about that. It deserves to be mocked

@seanmuir2862

Жыл бұрын

So long as cultists like yourself keeping making idiotic statements, there will be intelligent minds to point out your idiocy

What a genius 😆

Dear God that was super funny.

😂😂❤️