🎉Join me at NF Connect Live, a live event on October 24-25 ✨ Reserve your spot and read more at infj.me/event

@enfp

3 жыл бұрын

It's going to be awesome :)

@coppersense999

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the tip! I'd love to go. The $100 ticket is pretty steep, but easily worth it. I've said it before: I am happy to invest in your success. 👍

@desireemariec1108

3 жыл бұрын

✨You're a refreshing cuppa tea here, and so very attractive man 😻 kzread.info/dash/bejne/kaF2tqSeg8_fnsY.html

@agentcovfefe6983

3 жыл бұрын

I would have like to have done this. No funds until the end of the month. Sorry F.J. 🤗

@vanessaclaire999

3 жыл бұрын

Yes... this just hit my soul bro lol thank you

Even if I don't apparently show responsiblity to other's emotions, my subconscious feels guilty always.

@SirChocula

3 жыл бұрын

It's a reaction that we need to lessen (we can't do it entirely) but not giving a sh*t does takes practice and it does get easier over time. My golden rule is to only invest my energy/emotions into a person who is worth it.

@CV-yy9qz

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly.

@a-disaster5285

3 жыл бұрын

@@SirChocula thank you, it helps lessen the guilt

@venelprince6889

3 жыл бұрын

I think everyones subconscious does this. it’s just that as an Infj you’re just more in tune with your subconscious/heart then other types. The subconscious/higher self knows we are all one, so cares for the all encompassing whole and never the self only. This is why even when you wish to ignore others feelings in your head, your heart simply won’t allow you. Infj’s are simply more conscious. Have you ever heard other types taking marijuana and stating “wow, I never knew I had such an emotional impact on so and so until getting high” This is because marijuana connects you with your higher self.

@chaoticbreeze6262

3 жыл бұрын

@@SirChocula yeah, we really do need to keep it in mind. I'm not saying we're taken advantage of, but not being able to express truly gets frustrating. Exactly!

Good topic...As an INFJ there has been times when I've told myself that I'm going to go ahead and just do something that makes me happy, but after seeing someone's negative reaction to this, mainly sadness, it becomes hard for me to actually enjoy what I decided I was going to do.

@that1randompotato576

3 жыл бұрын

Same...

@a-disaster5285

3 жыл бұрын

I just found out about being an INFJ recently but yes, after hearing or seeing someone sad it becomes nearly impossible to be happy, and I barely managed to not feel guilty before bed. You have no idea how hard it is to try to comfort someone when you're stuttering like a mess and try not to provide physical support due to location & not knowing how they'll act

@TheWhisperCooks

3 жыл бұрын

Same😞 That’s why I withdraw easily from social gatherings

@jeffyoder6994

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheWhisperCooks I feel that

@erika5004

3 жыл бұрын

its like, sometimes what we want to do is less worth than the joy of other people

That’s why socializing is so exhausting. I feel it’s my responsibility to control the happiness temperature in the room. I want every but me to feel included and comfortable.

Being considerate of others emotions is a great trait to have, but having this wonderful trait can feel like a curse in a inconsiderate world. I say this because, you find empathy goes to waste with the common people of Earth. When you think long and hard, others make quick baseless assumptions. When you take into account emotions, others are cold. When you try to see another’s point of view, others only see themselves. When you try to reach common ground, others only care to show you how right they are. This trait will have you walking on eggshells here on Earth. The image of setting up fine china amongst a raging bull comes to mind 😔😂

@venelprince6889

3 жыл бұрын

So, please look after yourselfs my fellow Infj’s, and be mindful where you spend your energy.

@knightlyskye2993

3 жыл бұрын

@@cynthiataylor1310 I agree but then again, not much will change. Some people will forever care only of themselves so I think INFJs should pick who they should care about. Though I really respect people who care about everyone, truly angels.

@magic13christispage

3 жыл бұрын

The way you put it out there, I agree 100% with you. (if that's what FJ tried to say as well, I'm taking back my negative reaction)

@Thekingsdota

3 жыл бұрын

Well said. I want to move and live in the mountains. I'm done with earthlings lol

@ksorangeeee840

3 жыл бұрын

@kshamwhizzle I'm an infj and I have the same problem with my boyfriend. I'm so tired of giving more than receiving less from him. I understand he doesn't know how to communicate or properly show it but I get drained to understand him and adjust for him in the long run.

I used to take responsibility for other people and like you said bend over backwards so they don't feel bad. Not anymore though, it sounds selfish but in the end it's for my own well being. Thank you for a thoughtful video. 👍

@FrankJames

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!!

@nezaamleach1623

3 жыл бұрын

This is so relatable, I would put other people emotions before my own which left me feeling drained and unhappy but not anymore !😁

@SirChocula

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly. It's a very hard lesson that us INFJs learn as we grow older. Each person is their own person and has their own responsibility for their actions/feelings. We aren't suppose to be the ones carrying their burden...nope...not anymore.

@meagiesmuse2334

3 жыл бұрын

Sometimes, when we bend over backwards, the overly tactful and less clear result is something the other person will misunderstand, and they may act on that false info, creating the very result you tried to avoid. Always be your authentic self. I learned this the hard way and it cost me what I most wanted in life. You are so right that our own well being is benefited by just being honest.

@reshamejaz1575

3 жыл бұрын

Same and I try to avoid it too. It's just difficult when you can feel their anger/disappointment right in your bones. Like if I'm excited about something and someone messes it up for me, I just don't want to do it anymore. And it takes a lot of energy to be able to ignore what they feel.

I think INFJs crave equilibrium. We are like one of those expensive aquarium fish that needs the precise temperature and pH levels and such. And I think that is why we try to control our environment. We feel responsible for other's feelings, because we feel their feelings and are affected by them. If someone around us gets mad, or sad, or on the other hand, they are really happy, that affects us. It rubs off on us. So we can't just ignore others, because we pick up on it whether we want to or not. We are very sensitive to others, and so we feel responsible because we don't want them to dictate how we are feeling. We have two options. One is to be less sensitive, which I don't think is a good option. Because that is our strength. And our strength taken too far is a weakness, but it's a part of us too. We don't want to deny who we are, and its hard anyway. The easier option I would say, is making sure we have a "safe space." :D It sounds like a joke, but we need a quiet place where we can be alone with out thoughts. We can recharge, we think about what WE want, and come to terms. I don't think INFJs are quick on our feet mentally. We need to think things over, and we need that time. So we have to give ourselves that time. Part of this is setting limits, and understanding what someone should be able to expect of us, and when someone is just being manipulative. We need to think about what we would and should do in such situations, and come to terms with that. So don't just play video games and watch KZread, although that does help let off stress too. I have good results when I'm out on a drive, especially because I live with people, work is no different, and there really are no places to just hang out, especially late at night. When I get too stressed out, it means a lot to be able to cruise around and just work through my thoughts. I also really like being nocturnal, since everyone else is sleeping and I am all by myself, so I have that quiet time to think and feel. And that quality alone time helps me have the energy to go out and deal with people. I think that kind of self care is just something that goes with being an INFJ, and we need to give that gift to ourselves, or we will become stressed and no good to anyone, including ourselves.

@claystahl7002

2 жыл бұрын

It's like you read my mind

@Thelesliemontano

3 ай бұрын

Thank you

My mother did this to me constantly - making me (and siblings) responsible for her emotional and mental state. I had to learn to not care, and not care if she called me selfish for refusing to accept responsibility for her feelings.

@CV-yy9qz

3 жыл бұрын

My mother did this to me as well for most of my life. Not long ago I learned about boundaries: setting healthy boundaries with people, and having to teach myself how not to take total responsability for other people's emotions. A lot of people telling me about all their problems and always expecting me to be there for them. It was so draining, most of the times I had to pull away to recharge some energy.

@jackieocean3511

3 жыл бұрын

I went thru the same with my 'mother. I even had an ex many yrs ago that did the same bc ppl tend to gravitate to what they know. This is a nasty characteristic trait of borderline personality disorder. Ppl that will even threaten 'suicide' if u dump them, throw tantrums, cry and play the victim. I got over that as soon as I dumped that nightmare of an ex and really was at my wits end like 'jump off a bridge if u want. I'm not responsible for u.' I refuse to let anyone hold me in emotional bondage. That's why I severed ties to my 'mother' as well. This behavioral condition has a poor prognosis and is almost impossible to cure. No meds for maladaptive behavioral traits aka personality disorders. Moral of the story, take care of ur emotional needs first ~ 💖

@jonahmeininger2052

3 жыл бұрын

I've been there. The hardest part is actually to ignore the extreme amount of guild that builds up inside you. And then all of these negative thoughts come and say that you are a bad person and selfish. All of this just eats you alive, so you get huge respect from me to actually establish a state of mind where you can protect your well being from the emotional burden of others.

@cwonderland6259

3 жыл бұрын

@@jonahmeininger2052 Part of what made it easier for me (it still took years) was that I left my parents religion. After I made it clear that I would not entertain any talk about god/religion and would cut her out of my life if she tried to convert me back, other boundaries were easier to enforce. If she ever started a guilt-trip rant and refused to engage in respectful conversation, I just hung up the phone. Eventually she got the message and now we can talk about normal things, and I live far enough away she doesn't have the ability to try to control my life.

@cwonderland6259

3 жыл бұрын

@@jonahmeininger2052 I'll add that at some point I had the realization that it's okay and even good to care more about your own well-being. You only get one life. You can't live it for others, and you won't be helpful to others if you are miserable yourself.

This trait has a very dangerous streak to it, where it makes us easy targets for unsavoury people to control. Be careful. When feeling the need to take responsibility for people’s emotions, remember you are people too :)

@jesusparra6472

3 жыл бұрын

That's why we have to analyze the persons that we're going to make happy. I mean, everybody deserves love and happiness, but we have to analyze if those persons are really needing or desiring something that will make you happy as well as make them happy. I say this because this has happened to me and many others. Some people or even your family may say that the career that you choose isn't going to make you happy but you already know very well that it will really make you happy, but then you realize that they just can't understand. And then you have to choose to make them "unhappy", but don't worry... it'll be for a while, because they'll end up being happy when they realize, at the end, that you're being happy. But anyway you have to analyze very well, what do you want? what do you like? how can you make them happy while you're being happy using every skill that you have? what do they want? do they want something worthwhile or are they wrong desiring something that isn't good at all?

@hansonel

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly, it can make us targets for narcissists, bullies and other toxic types. For whatever reason they seem to prey on empaths and IN's. Always good to remember it is not our job to take responsibility for others emotions.

@onlyme8780

3 жыл бұрын

Lol I guess there is some truth to that, but manipulative people are so easy to see through, and once you know, you know. Next stop for them is the classic INFJ doorslam.

I feel like this is also about boundaries, and sometimes that’s emotional boundaries. I realized that when I withdraw from some people and focus on feeling good and doing things that feel right for me, even if briefly, some people get mad and it just becomes apparent that they felt *entitled* to me.

@jackieocean3511

3 жыл бұрын

Perfecto!

@JohnDoe-tt4fm

3 жыл бұрын

Oh wow, I've felt this a lot too but I thought I was making things up in my head, doubting my own feelings but you're 100% right

@cutiefruba4

3 жыл бұрын

@@JohnDoe-tt4fm wow I didn’t expect to get such a response/likes on this in a few hours and it actually feels doubly validating for me too just knowing you and others resonated with it. *community* I’m really glad Frank brought this up so we could all really think about it and share.

@juanitajordan985

3 жыл бұрын

This right here is the truth.

@Jestloo

3 жыл бұрын

THIS

Pleas keep doing thoughtful Thursday’s , this is amazing!

@FrankJames

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Will do!

@noemirodriguez9137

3 жыл бұрын

@@FrankJames yay!

@dotdashdotdash

3 жыл бұрын

I second that

I lost a couple of friendships recently because I realized I was doing this, and then hardcore stopped caring about making them feel better and soothing them. I kinda became cold towards them. And yeah, that is my fault for changing my behavior, but I realized that these people were overdependent on my soothing and caring nature, and not really giving anything back to me. So nothing lost really.

@bagelqueen7555

3 жыл бұрын

No it's not your fault, not at all I'm a INFP and I understand how you feel. Being over dependent is like using somebody and you don't deserve to be used. I dealt with fake friends before and I know they can be so mean and when I try to talk to them I mess up. Your not cold, over dramatic or anything like that you're just sensitive and that's completely okay. I'm not very good at talking about my feeling but I'm very emotional and empathetic so just know you're amazing, loved worthy and *WAY* more! 🥺💖🍭

@isabelmatteo7095

3 жыл бұрын

Ok I did not need to relate to that as much as I did

@bagelqueen7555

3 жыл бұрын

@K Q aww thanks you! 🍭🥺💖

i'm INFP and i do this, my INFJ friend does even more so than me, i wish we could just let it be (reference intended) but it's hard

Something that's missing from this analysis is the fact that being "responsible" for another person's emotions is actually being *controlling.* It's important to give others the space and freedom to feel what they want to feel.

This is so true for me! I tend to feel guilty whenever I try consider my own feelings and wishes before everybody elses... My professor (who actually did the MBT with us) once told me: "You don't have to save the world, you know. You are allowed to put yourself first." Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I repeat that phrase in my head and it does help.

@timefortee

3 жыл бұрын

I believe we can do both at the same time.

Why do you always address my immediate question?

You're a good dude, FJ

I'm so happy Frank has this opportunity to host the workshop!! Unfortunately I can't do it, but I'm certain it will be amazing!!!

It just gets worse when i really like someone.

Quite recently I have been told by my mother how unemphatic I am because I am practicing standing up for myself. And I've been hearing it so much from people close to me and this always pissed me off so much because only I (and other INFJs) know how much time and energy I am giving to how other people feel. How much I jump around people to not hurt them but then somehow they end up hurt anyway. But I've decided to try to stand my ground and look out for me first. I have no idea what I am doing and my nature is screaming on the inside each time I even think about doing that. But hey... I guess it has to be that way and maybe with time I'll get better in taking care of me first so I can take care for others without feeling exhausted all the time.

This is me 24/7 but I'm trying to work on it.

Oof. I actually had to pause this halfway though to regroup from it hitting me so hard.

Frank: "What if I just take things at face value?" Me: "Good luck with that" 😂😂

Last time I was this early, my Fe was still stronger than Ti...

I’m an NF psychologist, and I think of this as a balance between recognizing the distinction between intent and impact (that is, taking responsibility for the impact of our actions on others, regardless of intent), and figuring out what is whose. So, like, if you know someone who is super reactive, their reactivity is coming from their stuff (past experiences, temperament, maturity, etc) so it’s important to continue living your life and if they react to your choices, that’s their problem. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to poke at them and do things intentionally to get a rise out of them, or to lack compassion. Boundaries! I totally agree with FJ here, don’t hold yourself back in your own life because people you care about can’t handle it. It often feels like you might lose the relationship if you don’t, but the quality of the relationship is compromised by making yourself miserable (in terms of the above logic, that’s *your* stuff. They are not making you miserable or holding you back- you are choosing to do that to yourself like some sort of martyr). It’s better to expect the people in your life to manage their own baggage and be happy for you. In other words, they need to learn to deal with it, and if they refuse, that’s a toxic relationship.

@smurfrise

3 жыл бұрын

You can have empathy without changing your boundaries. I had a mentor who called this “benign matter-of-factness.”

@maytheforcebewithyou4313

3 жыл бұрын

then there are Covert Narcissist mothers....that is a whole other level of building a fortress to plan the rest of your life strategy, and 30 years ago no one even realized to call it out. Yes, narcissist family esp parent can actually force your life to become miserable Someone needs to tell you about the CN, and then advise No Contact. INFJ is especially vulnerable, when raised to believe and imprinted as an infant with their design to make you never leave them and always please them. It was the rath of Khan when I stood up for myself as a mom to my mom and apparently she won, by getting my son to go live with her, because her flying monkey my brother took over and did the dirty work. It's a simple answer to say that's your stuff, so don't martyr yourself. Toxic cesspool only begins to describe a Covert Narc parent relationship.

@smurfrise

3 жыл бұрын

​@@maytheforcebewithyou4313 Yes, I agree. I said that in a harsh way to make it painfully clear. When you can't change the dynamic get out as soon as possible. You only are sacrificing yourself if you think you can be who someone else wants you to be. It is unfortunate that so many young people have to wait to escape. But when the time comes, boundaries are the only way.

I really am having a hard time recently, I really don't know who I am anymore. Interactions are almost always one way and I just try to be the supportive guy.

Intuition is a powerful tool for guidance and one that should not be ignored. It’s not “guessing”.

INFP here and I felt this so strongly. I left my friend group a couple of months ago because it wasn't making me happy and there was so much drama. I had a phone call conversation with them a couple of days ago (they insisted) and I ended up apologizing for leaving and "abandoning them" This video made me realize that I did what was best for me and if people didn't agree with my decision so be it. We shouldn't live to please people. Thank you so much FJ. You are a great person.

"You are not responsible for other people's feelings/reactions." I love that.

woahh i was just struggling with this thought yesterday, exactly what i needed to hear thanks man

@FrankJames

3 жыл бұрын

Glad I could help

@SaraMohamed-ky9wr

3 жыл бұрын

Oh wow same

@jamiemcgee6104

3 жыл бұрын

Literally sane

As an Empath, HSP and INFJ Frank’s never made me feel misunderstood I’m 18 and being an emotional sponge is a curse now Thanks for the video really informative🦋

@miriamnelson305

3 жыл бұрын

Fellow INFJ Empath HSP. It gets easier to filter and compartmentalize at the end of my 20s now. It gets easier to live in our magical idealistic brain but clumsy body. Hang in there @Haily sOcRate.

@TheWhisperCooks

3 жыл бұрын

@@miriamnelson305 💗💪

@PeridotCentichannel

3 жыл бұрын

Empath, HSP, and INFJ here too 💩 My mind is foggy rn cuz of my meltdown a.few hours ago.

@Thekingsdota

3 жыл бұрын

I'm both and I feel so in control now .this is what I do :meditation, I care mostly about myself lol and I'm ruthless aboit it now.i acknowledge any guilt that comes up as result of that but im.noticing its reducing as I rewire my mind to be for me in a world that doesn't care about sensitivity

Frank, let me be frank with you, *pause for laughs* but no seriously, until I found your Channel, I had no idea about anything related to these personality assessments, I thought that the way I felt and seen the world, just made me a freak. I still can't understand how people don't see what I see but you've given me some feeling of having a semblance of control and comfort in knowing I'm not *just* a freak, that there's more to it and I'm not completely alone. That is huge for me. I am really really glad I found your Channel

Lmao. That one time failure makes u a whole failure. I hate that.

People need to be responsible for thier own emotions/reactions, not let others be responsible for them. And not taking responsibility for others emotions and reactions. Being considerate and polite is a good quality, but people will react the way they will react, don't let that stifle you!!

You’re in my brain again, Frank... hehehe. But seriously, this is so dead on. Now, I know I’m not alone and can work on it.

This is so helpful, yes! The emotional labor of caretaking others' feelings well 90% of the time.

It took me so much time to realize that I was taking decisions based on other emotions, and not mine. Now that I set some boundaries, my mom calls me selfish for worrying more about me than others, but I just got tired of taking care of everyone, and having nobody to take care of me.

“Their reaction is not your responsibility”. I had to replay that bit. It’s one hell of an affirmation to try and reprogram into this brain, thank you.

The part where you said when there's that one time when you can't figure out other people's emotions because you don't know what you should be looking out and the other person ends up calling you thoughtless and selfish, I couldn't relate more.

@juanitajordan985

3 жыл бұрын

This hurts.

Every time i hear Frank say "strengths" i expect the "and waknesses" afterwards.

@sunnysal3889

3 жыл бұрын

The wacknesses are my favorite. 💕

The danger is that many people would do something provocative or clearly offensive and defend themselves with this reasoning, that they are not responsible someone's feelings. So the context matters greatly. Also it's always eye-opening to confront your best knowledge how much others would care for your opinion/feelings in the same but reversed scenario.

My toxic trait - literally taking responsibility of everyone in my life. 🎃🎃🎃

Your best post in quite a while. Less funny, quippy, satirical, which has it's place. You're getting back to core issues of the courage to be your Self as opposed to your (ego) self.

@timefortee

3 жыл бұрын

I agree that his deeper talks are very special indeed.

“I’m doing it right now what the frigg” hahaha oh Fj you crack me up 🥺😂😂

I think that empathy, no matter how extreme, is a great thing. For me, it’s better to help others at the expense of joy, than help myself at the expense of others happiness.

This is literally my brain when I basically feel bad that I “missed something” and that that ended up hurting my ex, when in reality he ended up hurting me and not at all because of something I did. As if I were super responsible for his own feelings. 😪🤷🏻‍♀️

Just when I was starting to think I wasn't really an INFJ! I didn't THINK I felt responsible for other people's feelings, but now I realize that a lot of what I do is intended to make sure other people don't get upset that I didn't do those things.

I literally go through this almost everyday- On monday night I did for my friend in a dark place, Sunday night I did, on friday last week I did for a BIGGGGGGG one for 2 people, but the thing is I begin to hate myself knowing if I'm not helping others.

I really feel that in any conversation I'm in i have to make sure the person is enjoying it and I'm not making them bored or upset or awkward and overthinking what the other person is feeling plays a big part in that. Literally trying to guess everything they're feeling when they probably not even bothered about it.

I guess we INFjs put a lot of energy to feel others and help, then we get tired and walk away altogether. Two ends of the spectrum. It'll be really not good to learn the hard way to balance this amazing quality!

You can't make everybody happy. We all come from different places and are meant to end this journey at different destinations. That is a big part of life, invigorating and challenging at the same time. Yet, harmony with the world and others is achievable, when it is both cultivated and shared.

Oh, this is a beautiful unexpected upload ❤😁. I'm happy.

@FrankJames

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoy it!

@chaoticbreeze6262

3 жыл бұрын

@@FrankJames your channel is a treasure chest, for real.

So I have no friends in highschool, only two who are very close outside. In gym today the teacher told a couple of other girls to add me to their team since I didn't have one, and one glance at the girls was enough for me to know they didn't want me there. So I went to the gym professor and told him: "Look, they'll be bothered with a third player in a game of two, they'll be uncomfortable, and then I'll be uncomfortable too. I don't want to disturb them." Cause I felt so guilty for spoiling their happiness.

@timefortee

3 жыл бұрын

This brings back bad memories hahha

I did this a lot. My mum used to dump a lot of her emotional burdens on me, and sometimes when it got too much I got so overwhelmed I feel like I completely shut down emotionally, and for the rest of the day I would feel numb, and completely without emotions.

I have an infj friend and I really urge to understand him better, mainly because I care so much about him but he practically doesn't talk about his struggles and by the way, I was actually thinking a few hours ago about how infj's Fe works and you helped me understand more about that! thank you so much.

I am an INFJ and one of my friends has GAD and literally the one thing we chant back to each other when we are worried about people's reaction is 'you are not responsible for someone else's emotional response' (within reason of course) but it's a constant thing that we affirm very frequently because she gets so worked up about how they feel about her and I get worked up because suddenly I think I could have really hurt them even after anticipating their response. Even after doing this for a long time, here I am up at 4am because I'm worried about other people's feelings arggh

I am so guilty of this, and it IS exhausting. And yet, when I find myself trying to let go and be “selfish” and “cold” by not caring about people’s emotions, it tends to backfire. I completely get where you’re coming from. It’s almost a catch 22. (And now I’m worried if my comment is just rambling and too long! Doh!)

I was just talking about this problem at therapy today. I literally going home as I'm listening. What a coincidence.

ENFJs need to watch this!!! We do the same thing, only with less thinking and more accuracy on what other people are feeling - i.e., it's more insidious because we're automatically anticipating how other people will feel and adjusting our behavior accordingly, i.e. how can we even be ourselves, i.e. who am I anyway???? Ok, that's enough from me. Great vid.

Sometimes I just say what pop's into my head and later after thinking about it, realize it was insensitive or cruel. In reality I couldn't be as mean or cruel intentionally. So after obsessing over it for way to long. I withdraw and go back to over thinking. I'm always thinking what is beneath the surface, instead of taking what people are saying at face value. I think it's because , when I speak to people sometimes. I need them to see the images in my mind to be understood. I'm so thankful for the people in my life that understand me the way they do. People that don't seem to judge and dislike. You probably heard it all before.

Something that sort of helped me with this particular trait was reading the book I'm Ok, You're Ok. My ENTJ father got it for me as a gift and I kind of took it as a joke, at first. But reading it kind felt more like a technical breakdown of interaction styles, which made it a more compelling read for me, personally. It breaks transactions into types of transactions and whether they are motivated by an inner Parent, Child or Adult source, at least theoretically, if such things can be categorized into types. It really helped me build a better capacity for interacting with people coming from different emotion states, how to better understand, and how to bring the interaction itself into the more healthy Adult-to-Adult type of communication. It really helped when I entered into retail and sales jobs where I had to interact with all kinds of people.

OMG! I recently discovered myself as a INFJ and I've been struggling with these issues through my whole life! Glad to know I'm not alone in the universe!

I’m an INFJ and this is so accurate... and I HATE that I can’t turn it off!! Sometimes I have to pretend to not care just to do what I want but my mind is just reeling for hours.or days

This is something that non-INFJs do as well, just probably to a lesser degree or frequency. So if your friends and family watch your vid, it's unlikely to be a completely alien concept to them. They might be surprised by the extent to which you think about/anticipate/take responsibility for other people's feelings, but I don't think they'd be like, "He does WHAT?!?!"

Sometimes it gets so intrusive I'll go to a supermarket and not buy anything because I don't want to put the cashier out. Honestly, why?!

I am an INFJ and I have been raised in a toxic and abusive environment my whole life. Everything you've said in the INFJ videos is true. Thank you so much for making them. They have been of great help in times of crisis. Stay strong, take care and be safe!

At 70, you've overcome a lot of the negativity and feel like you're whole and still have the best part functioning altruistic and caring for yourself

Thursday vid now!!? Wow Frank you're doing so much for us!!

FJ - loving the fireside in the recent videos 🔥☕ You're so so right, and I hope all younger INFJ's (and anyone else this applies to) take note - and do not go off the path they want to follow in order to 'please' someone else - because in all likelihood, even if you stay on the path they would prefer you were on, they will find something else not to be pleased about. As they say in the brilliant classic An American Werewolf in London "stick to the road"..... YOUR road!

I'm an INFJ who's been doing this A LOT over the last few years, and it's led to some emotionally manipulative situations. I've been doing a lot of work to overcome this recently, and it's been so freeing. Thanks for sharing, FJ. This is so timely for me.

Also just to add, the fact that you said “there’s a balance to everything” after telling INFJ’s what not to do and stuff, that is my actual catchphrase with every part of advice I ever give haha. You get me, Frank😂

As an INFJ, two advice that has got me through life. 1 - As long as what you are doing isn't wrong, you shouldn't feel bad or apologize for it. 2 - If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others.

The worst part is when you stifle yourself in an attempt to respect others emotions, but inadvertently shut down instead. When I shut down I build resentment. When I'm resentful I can end up hurting people much more than if I had been more blunt in the begining. Finding balance between these two positions is what I struggle with the most.

ENFJ here and I feel this hard.

I can totally relate! I don't want to hurt anyone ever. I had to tell a fella at Lowes that he mixed the wrong paint color and was so upset about it that my chest was hurting in the parking lot afterwards. I never give myself a break- always judging every thought and action.

I've been training (lol) myself to take everything as it is and not think too much about the what ifs and focus on the now. It is indeed their responsibility to communicate what they feel, as well as mine. This is a great reminder when I slip away and start overthinking things. This is a very wonderful video. I needed this, thank you so much 🤕💌

I feel like you should start being a relationship counselor, or wedding planner or something with high high FE and start using your super powers in a really intense way for an experimental period to see how it changes your analysis and to educate the less emotionally gifted?

I do that all the time! If anyone misunderstands a post and it seems like their feelings are hurt I'll bend over backwards to validate them, apologize and feel so guilty even if I get lots of likes from others. Then I delete the original post so no one else might get triggered or upset and take so much care in future posts. I guess they're right. I really am an INFJ-T.

This is what is making this year so hard. Quarantining...no big deal. Trying to balance my emotional state while trying to protect everyone else's feeling through pandemic, elections, etc. is running my battery down far more than anything else.

Yep, 100% reason why I love my own company. Hang out for a short time and ruminate the rest of the time.

That moment he started doing the very thing he said INFJ’s do and then catches himself in the act is LITERALLY ME and I’m so glad I have someone to relate to on this topic😂

It is important to consider the feelings of those around you, and be mindful of how they might react whenever you do something or make a decision. But their feelings are not your responsibility. I’m an INFP, but I tend to want to please people, too, sometimes and try not to rock the boat. But, ultimately, there comes a time where you have to realize that how people feel is on them. As I said before, it’s important to consider the feelings of others. But it’s also important to do whatever is right for you. Otherwise, you won’t truly be happy. But, of course, there are times where you can compromise and find some kind of happy medium where you can say, “Okay, I want to do A. But other people in my life think I should do B. But what if I played it safe and do AB instead? That way, I’m kinda doing what I wanna do. But, at the same time, I’m not hurting anyone else’s feelings.” I hope that makes sense.😂🙈

@suesteig3025

3 жыл бұрын

I am INFP and you make perfect sense. 🤗

@pewdeliaweasley9623

3 жыл бұрын

INFP here and yeah. That's also exactly the way I do things.

That’s something I’m struggling a lot with lately, thank you for posting 🖤

It really is hard not to feel responsible for the emotions of others. I feel like it's an INFJ superpower to gracefully handle the emotional atmosphere that we find ourselves in. It helps to know ourselves as fully as possible before we can handle these things in order to not identify with other's emotions...great video FJ

I always get stuck in vicious cycles this exact way! Managing everyone's expectations and emotions constantly. I've ended up surrounding myself with people who realise that I do this and that way I can't do it anymore. Get yourself soms intjs!!

This is the reason why I listen to "Let It Be" and "Hey Jude."

YEEEESSS!! THE ONE TIME I DONT STRESS AND OVERTHINK ABOUT HOW IM COMING ACROSS AND THEIR FEELINGS I GET CRUCIFIED.... 😂 . You're absolutely right Frank, balance is 🔑 between being assertive and accommodating. Remember always: (Me to me) You're not respondsible for other people's feelings.

YES! I am part of a family that is completely emotionally unavailable, I learned from a young age just to repress, repress, repress... a couple of years ago I met this guy who was so open & honest about his feelings. We became really good friends, he was like seeing sunshine for the first time as, I’d never had a close friend. It made me realise, I have spent years pretending to be someone I’m not, I used to react in a certain way & drive myself crazy waiting for his reaction (email or text). And he was always cool, because he understood where it came from, which was so refreshing... we fell out (my fault) & he hasn’t spoken to be now in almost two years, I miss that everyday 😔

Currently taking people at face value for a few months out of curiosity. And I can say that is has been less stressful in a way, when I can successfully let it go, but more frustrating. Its like when you're watching a movie or reading a book and you miss a chunk of the story, but instead of going back to find out what you missed, you have to force yourself to keep going forward.

I care for you! 💕

actually, you waiting for commercial break is so INFJ-ish, like being considerate of everyone's effort. and yes, sometimes, their feelings are just.. we just know rt? So I have been struggling with that stuff but now it is rly heartwarming for me to know that I am not the only one who is facing it. Well, we can't change or avoid reaction, what we can change is our reaction on them. and Thank you FJ

I actually started doing this a few months ago. Started with directly telling the person who I did it with most often. Turns out she actually doesn't like people bending over backwards to please others. Go figure... Anyway. The most significant accomplishment since then was when I was driving and plans on where I was supposed to meet people kept getting changed, and I just thought, you know what, I don't want to know what they want, or what they think would be best. I want the chaos to stop. So I will take control and say what I want. I told them I was coming to them, and there was no need to talk about it. I'd already pulled over to reset the GPS and I was driving again. I have doubts now, wondering if I sounded cranky, I wasn't, I just decided what I wanted and took it.

Fellow INFJ here, these videos are validating more than anything which I'm grateful for. I've spent my entire life in my head and these just remind me that there is a very tiny group out there just like me. It makes me feel a lot less lonely ☺️

This is very timely. My 20 yr old has just moved back home.....she's not the easiest to communicate with, it's like treading on eggshells. I'm finding my self exhausted and I'm not doing any of what I want to do, because I'm too tired, trying not to care about the mess, the irresponsibility and the thoughtlessness, which will cause a fight if slightly/gently mentioned.

I've been stepped on my entire life by friends, bosses at work, mother when I was being nice. These people saw my kindness as weakness and were tempted to test my patience, to insult the way I do things. "Give them an inch, mofos take a freaken mile..!" Knowamsyn? I see their flaws but I keep my mouth shut because humans are not perfect & I accept this reality but apparently they're always out there criticising. I have the need to try to please people, but all my past experiences prove that people should NOT be given too much of my energy, energy that's better used to maintain my sanity and mental peace. I now try to put my own needs first and if they care they'll understand and be patient, otherwise there's the door (or door slam.. badum tishhhh 🥁😂). Looking forward to better myself through your videos & what life is teaching you. At least INFJs help each other evolve and that makes us more prone to being more knowledgeable and "woke" than other types. Cheers to the unknown scary future y'all! 🍻

I personally have found it hardest around close ones. This video reminded me that there's nothing wrong with me having a good day even if nobody else around me is.

Although I'm an INFP, I can relate. But I do still take inventory every now and then and see if something isn't working.

Dear FJ, you stole my heart and that is the only feeling you should take responsability for....

I’m trying a new approach to this. When I find myself reading and predicting how people are feeling, I observe my own Judgement of their behaviour. I note it, let it go and try and continue my task as normal. 😅 I think of it as helping to empower the other person to speak up for themselves, instead of coldly ignoring them, (which is what it can feel like) I remind myself that although I can feel their stuff, it’s not my job to rescue them. Nor is it their job to read my mind. It’s my job to communicate my wants and needs. Sometimes this feels like stating the obvious, but it isn’t alway obvious to others. I don’t always get this right 😅 but so far it’s been well received like “Sure I’ll put headphones in, I didn’t realise playing tinny music on my phone was bothering you” 🤣 It’s a process for sure, but it beats the hell out of the internal madness, assessing and the pretzeling 🥨 Of course we are normally right (not always tho) but if we looked after our own needs vigilantly, we are probably setting a healthy example to others, less annoyed and more helpful as a result! Great Video as always FJ 🕺💝🙏

I wish I could just stop doing it, but I think it's rooted in me, I'm naturally this way, I don't even realise that I'm trying to figure out what people feel because of what I did or didn't do, what I said or didn't say. You realised very quickly that you were doing it on camera regarding your friends and family, that's impressive. I hadn't even noticed because it seems so natural to me. I feel emotionnaly drained, and guilty all the time. I struggle to acknowledge myself as a good person because I often feel like I never act how I should. It's exhausting.