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@dioguito

Жыл бұрын

I really think I'm that guy, I started eating way less when I started living alone, i'm -10kg since then, but I was very chubby so i liked it? but idk I might have eating disorder what should I do

@amyamy8177

Жыл бұрын

what if active challenges feel overwhelming too? is there i trick to help with that?

@galaxylucia1898

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video AND for demoing this product. Would be insanely helpful.

@adamripplinger6035

Жыл бұрын

This advice and insight is incredible Thank You!!!

@adamripplinger6035

Жыл бұрын

​@@dioguito I think one major solution is (sleep but also) to create a consistent safe space for yourself to just sit and just feel what you've gone through *without distractions* in the day or in your past even. I've been developing bad eating habits lately because I need *SLEEEEEEP* . Lack of sleep makes a huge craving for extra carbs and I would highly recommend just googling how sleep effects your cravings and mental health because its *incredibly important* .

No wonder i got absolutely nothing done while living with my parents. They would tell me everything i should do, and the more they told me the less i actually did stuff. Everything, from doing the dishes to going to partys, as soon as they told me it went from an active to a passive challenge in my mind and my motivation would drop below zero.

@SirWolfykins

Жыл бұрын

I'm currently in that situation myself and life feels the heaviest it ever has been, if you don't mind me asking how did you get out of it?

@TheMagicOwL127

Жыл бұрын

@@SirWolfykins tbh if you have controlling and/or emotionally abusive parents the main way to solve will be getting out and get some therapy (cbt). If you are too young, or need to stay with them is a mix of what Dr. K said and going out, study in your school/uni instead, go out with friends. Chores and everything else at home will be a secondary thing that you'll have to fit in with the rest of your plans, and so, those become something you need to do, but not your main focus. Also, don't give your parents too many details about your emotions if they are abusive, they'll use it againt you and manipulate you like 'you are never here, it's like i'm living by myself' etc. Hopefully you just have anxious parents that want to support you but are not helping, if they love you and are not abusive you can talk to them and maybe you'll figure out a new system together :)

@reallyanotheruser7290

Жыл бұрын

@@SirWolfykins i mean one thing is that i moved out 😅, but i also told them (often) that its counterproductive if they tell me what to do. They eventually understood this and stopped, tho it took quite a while. It must have been pretty hard for them i believe, since they were doing this out of love. So i guess you gotta be understanding for their pov too.

@PHIplaytesting

Жыл бұрын

I lived through a situation where I had to eventually sit my mother down and ask her not to keep telling me how to spend my time. She protested but I was surprised that afterwards she actually stopped and things got a lot better. Just simply talking does so much. Your parents do care about you and they want to do the right things but they often don't know how.

@OnchiBon

Жыл бұрын

So relatable. Like, I get home from uni and I'm motivated to cook, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, clean my room and do assignments or study but then my mother tells me to do the one of those things and suddenly I lose all motivation to do anything

This is why overbearing parents can be so deadly. They take all your active challenges and make them passive challenges.

@letsreadtextbook1687

Жыл бұрын

Very good point!

@FlyingMonkies325

Жыл бұрын

if you live with parents with codependent behaviors then they do everything for you all the time, but meanwhile can't keep up with all and creates other problems like disorganization, things aren't as clean as they should be, and they too generally feel bad about themselves and their lives. But since you have no control over anything welp... you are going to feel completely out of control of your own life and just sit around all day. everyday. And it's harder when the males in the house don't do anything to help either, so in turn you don't do anything because then they would be using you to clean and tidy the house with no appreciation, so you just sit moping around, depressed, with no control over anything. It all starts from the home and it's true that "Messy home, Messy mind, Messy life" because you're waking up to things being hard to find, your environment totally disorganized when you don't have time for that in the mornings at all... so it causes so much stress, but totally out of your control because you can't change how things are being done around the household without them totally undoing it again. You'd just be initiating in codependent behaviors yourself if you try to control it, and they wouldn't appreciate it one bit because in their own messed up way it makes them feel like they aren't in control, probably to feel in control of you too. It's not good behaviors though and just totally demotivates you and makes you feel hopeless in your own life, i know how it feels and a lot of people are stuck living with their parents these days and it's really hard and no good for anyone.

@JLchevz

Жыл бұрын

Good observation. They create adults who can't deal with anything.

@And-lj5gb

Жыл бұрын

Holy cr*p, that's so relatable! :(

@DizGaAlcam

Жыл бұрын

@@FlyingMonkies325 you described my life, I'm trying not to cry here

That explains why I procrastinate by doing other things instead of solving the main problem.

@hereandnow3156

Жыл бұрын

Nah you're just grinding for experience doing the side quests😂

@Femaleurgetopeeloffmyskin

Жыл бұрын

I’m so thankful that this isn’t just me wtf I thought it was just my ADHD loop and my brain was breaking

@D_Jilla

Жыл бұрын

That one SpongeBob episode in a nutshell.

@AdamSaudagar

Жыл бұрын

@@D_Jilla which one?

@D_Jilla

Жыл бұрын

@@AdamSaudagar The one about procrastination lol

This channel is like discovering a Demon's Souls guide after dying 150 times in the first area, you wish you had known it all from the start but just thinking how many people will find and be helped by this makes you smile. Thank you for everything Dr K!

@ZelphTheWebmancer

Жыл бұрын

The only difference is that the community here is way more supportive with new people discovering the content

@JLchevz

Жыл бұрын

Don't you dare go hollow

@Rain-gg8vd

Жыл бұрын

@@JLchevz I'll wear the untrue dark ring instead...

@Miha-ii3dy

Жыл бұрын

If you’re playing a Souls game with a guide you completely missed the point and are playing it “wrong”.

@didinuts5071

Жыл бұрын

@@Miha-ii3dy if you tell people they're playing games wrong, you think you're doing it right and that's wrong

It’s like going back and doing a bunch of side quests because the main story boss looks difficult, once we do enough the boss doesn’t seem as difficult and we might get skills that end up helping us in the fight.

@o4_

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for helping us gamers understand better :)

@WanderTheNomad

Жыл бұрын

Literally gaining experience

@riisana8177

Жыл бұрын

I like to think that it's more like rusting off your gears by crafting your own quest, instead of taking on an assigned one

@simply_geri

Жыл бұрын

that's good analogy 👏👏👏

@randconfig8626

Жыл бұрын

That's what I tried to do, but then my adderall runs out about the time I finish the side quests, so then I cannot function normally and thus cannot take on the story boss..

I dont have an eating disorder but ive always found that putting more effort into cooking is the first step to getting out of a slump. Going out of my way to make even just pasta for dinner, rather than a pile of granola bars or a microwave meal or ordering out, always gives me a sense of control and agency.

@jensendsflowers

Жыл бұрын

That’s a great tip 🙂 it gives a sense of accomplishment and it feels nice to do something good for oneself.

@whoisjohnwick

Жыл бұрын

well done, great recoginition, you could take it further and find passion in cooking for the sake of health. there is something satisfying and reassuring about fuelling your body with the best ingredients. I have found diet important in mental health. Maybe look at more delicious dishes, which also incorporate a range of vegetables and flavours. I like mousaka, u should try make one some time. anything that minimises on carbs is great

@devs.4254

Жыл бұрын

I read this comment as I'm eating a pile of granola bars as my one meal for the day. Poignant. I'll try it thanks.

@htasul

Жыл бұрын

couldn't agree more! I've been putting more effort into my food recently and it's helping me get out of my appetite issues.

@pradapunk

Жыл бұрын

for me it’s washing the dishes. it sucks getting up for it but i feel so accomplished and ready for more tasks after washing them

Resonates with the opening of the Serenity Prayer: “Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot control, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

@Mushroom321-

2 ай бұрын

😮😊

I was scared to even click on this video because recently I've been so overwhelmed with everything I couldn't add more self awareness to it but still I did click on this video and I'm so glad I did I genuinely feel better and also motivated to tackle everything that's in my way. Thank you Doc, you're an absolutely incredible human being.

@joshurlay

Жыл бұрын

You got this Aanaa. This is your reminder to relax and do things that make you feel like you have control over your life.

@Aztokl_xd

6 ай бұрын

This was exactly how I felt, specially the self-awareness part

@ALGARIC

Ай бұрын

Same!

This is 100% true. For the longest time I felt like I was drowning in a foot of water. I was struggling to do the bare minimum in my life. Things changed once I started challenging myself in things that I was able to control. Changed everything

@falconbritt5461

Жыл бұрын

Wow. I mean, WOW. This info may help me change my life and outlook and emotional state completely. Thanks, Billy, for verifying it. I believe the doc, but it's always helpful to hear from someone it actually worked for.

@shivs_nb

Жыл бұрын

​@@falconbritt5461 good luck ❤

@SuperBlackHurricane

Жыл бұрын

@@falconbritt5461 go for it! I’m rooting for ya

@andrew9360

11 ай бұрын

Drowning in a foot of water is what I'm feeling right now. Thanks for putting words to it. Stealing this phrase.

@maximr1113

11 ай бұрын

AOE Healing right here, people. Take a good look at its stunning beauty ✨️

Recently I stopped pursuing all active challenges I had to only focus on the massive amount of passive challenges and I've started feeling completely overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed. Maybe this man knows what he's talking about

@stevecarter8810

2 ай бұрын

This is me too. Why am I unproductive? Because exhausted, because overwhelmed, because everywhere I look are obligations, because I prioritize obligations over wishes. Listening to Dr k, I realised somehow I have a slightly skew notion of "sacrifice" that leads to this.

@thiacari

2 ай бұрын

Sounds exactly like me!!! Because I thought "now I can focus on this difficult stuff", but instead I became paralyzed!

It feels so good when someone much more knowledgeable than me puts my feelings into words so eloquently. Indeed, taking on more challenges made me feel SO much better: a month and a half ago I started working out. I couldn't work out in the evenings because of social life, so I decided - I have to force myself to go to sleep early to wake up early. Bam, two challenges in one. While I'm working out at home, I have a lot of free time while resting between the sets. So, why waste that time? Bam, done the dishes. Bam, took out the laundry. Workout is done and I still have time to take a shower and take a walk at my own pace (instead of rushing) to my work. Just one good decision led to many other healthy ones. If anybody reads this, heed my words: it takes one small step. One choice. And even if you fail, you still can get up and try again. What matters is that you try - and those who try succeed. Good luck!

@Crustee0

Жыл бұрын

Just wondering, what the heck is your exercise? How are you able to wash the dishes in-between sets, is it because dishes take less than 5 minutes, and you literally workout near the kitchen? Sounds so weird cause resting period is supposed to let you fully recover from fatigue before pushing your muscles to the limit again with the next set (if building muscle is the main goal)

@ziziorens348

Жыл бұрын

@@Crustee0 it's simple bodyweight mixed with weights workout, I start with pull-ups and yeah, I do it near the kitchen (the pull-up bar was installed before I moved into this apartment). Since rest time is usually set to 2 minutes between sets, it's usually enough to do SOME dishes, but not all of them, so I come back like 3 or 4 times.

@Mushroom321-

2 ай бұрын

Congrats!!🎉🎉😊

1.Passive challenges:- Occurred by surroundings 2.Active challenges :- You have taken 3.Increase the number of active challenges. 4.Behavioural activation

@JustAnotherCommenter

Жыл бұрын

I think you are an ISTP personality

@okfine_33

Жыл бұрын

@@JustAnotherCommenter what? can you explain

@savstinks6847

Жыл бұрын

@@JustAnotherCommenterWhat have you observed to make you arrive to that conclusion?

@okfine_33

Жыл бұрын

@@savstinks6847 what happened dear ?

@savstinks6847

Жыл бұрын

@@okfine_33 oh they iust assigned u a personality type, it's called mbti, you can look it up

That explains why telling yourself "I I must do this" is so corrosive. I often set goals for myself and then tell myself "I must do them", instead of holding on to the original "I want to do this."

That explains my negative feeling as a parent, so much more „maintenance“ tasks to do and no time left for growth tasks

Just remember that the active Challenge can become a passive one If you Just do it "because it is gonna Help you feel better". That is what happened to me. Self Care became a passive Challenge. I now try to Put in Things that I randomly chose to do. Feels good and accomplishing.

@Nashleyism

2 ай бұрын

This so much! If I'm doing the active challenge because it's supposed to help me it's no longer active. It's something I should do to feel better, it's a demand, not a choice. For me everything can become a passive challenge that way, even fun and rest (it's good and healthy so I feel like I have to do that).

I watched this video after taking a 3 km walk in the sunny morning, cooking up some rice with vegetables, doing the dishes and only then powering up the PC and launching youtube. Things I would not have done even a year ago. Let's get our stuff together everyone.

After having been 'stuck' for years in a state in which I get overwhelmed incredibly quickly, I think I truly need *this.* I've already noticed that all the times I go out and do something, 'dare' to do something, and experience something fun and/or challenging ~ but I chose for it... that I feel so much in control. I feel confident and hopeful for my life again. It brings tears to my eyes to think that I'm going to get better, and this advice is one of the tools I'm gonna use. Thank you 💚

I’m trying to finally declutter all the stuff I’ve accumulated from stress buying over the years. It’s not an egregious amount but enough that I recognize it’s an issue. I just wiggled i to bed because I was feeling overwhelmed and opened KZread and saw this video. Thank you for this, honestly.

@l.s.11

Жыл бұрын

Did you start decluttering? ;)

@FlyingMonkies325

Жыл бұрын

​@@l.s.11 ufff don't say that you're putting them off lol the biggest thing i've learned in life is never ever say anything about anything someone wants to do or IS doing, you're totally creating the opposite effect by discouraging them, even if you think you're being encouraging you aren't. I don't tell people anything i'm doing or plan to do anymore i just do it, because people have a habit of holding you to things or making it all about them as much as you may have good intentions, it's a big turn off asking at all lol. Especially if you have an anxiety disorder, it's like the worst feeling when suddenly someone is now putting pressure on me to do something that BY MY OWN CHOICE decided to do not them... lol, now i'm instantly put off for a while possibly permanently. I try to avoid that now, but it's why when you're younger anything you're constantly pressured to do or the way of life you were forced to live you then always want to do the opposite lol, and that's either you get put off and avoid doing those things, or live a totally opposite or different life to how your parents wanted to. Nobody responds well to that sort of pressure at all... because it totally takes the power from them because now "oh now it's just all about you... great..." so it's better to just not say or even think anything about it, leave people to their own devices and let them naturally come to their own decisions so they feel it was THEIR CHOICE and they are in control. I like thinking of it like a baby deer lol you have to be gentle and sensitive to people and let them come out on their own and make their own choices, if you don't then you disturb their natural process and they don't feel like it was their choice anymore and they feel powerless, it's actually very depowering. So why i've become okay with nobody knowing anything i'm doing or that i decide to do, it doesn't effect who i am in any way if i decide not to tell people anything it's my choice lol and others have to respect those boundaries. I know what will happen if i do... especially with my anxiety i'm so easily put off, so i allow myself to go through my own natural process especially during the initial learning stage where of course i'm not confident in something i'm learning to do yet cos i just started lol. Baby Deer lol you have to be gentle with yourself even if others aren't, you can't do things or overcome your challenges if other people are all up in your ear constantly.

@l.s.11

Жыл бұрын

@@FlyingMonkies325 We're not all the same. I imagined it as a gentle reminder, if they were stil on their phone (comment was 2 hours old). You say you don't like to share what you're doing to protect yourself from the expectations of others - this person already shared what they're trying to do. So you're not the same in that regard. Some people need some sort of urgency or accountability to get off their ass, and doing things for others (even when you're doing it for yourself, if that makes sense) is more effective.

@nd4856

Жыл бұрын

@@l.s.11 I did actually!! I brute forced the first task by making it small. I decided to start with getting dirty laundry up first, then went basically by category. Ended up with 4 bags to donate and 3 bags to throw away I have more to do but today is emotional support salsa day where I make home made salsa and home made tacos, then I’ll continue 🫰🏻

@l.s.11

Жыл бұрын

@@nd4856 You did the most important step - the first one! :D

What a timing. Been feeling overwhelmed most of the day, because so many people contact me at once all of a sudden.

@theorizedtech

Жыл бұрын

I feel overwhelmed about watching this video about... feeling overwhelmed ...paradoxical 😆

@whoisjohnwick

Жыл бұрын

@@theorizedtech same haha, youre telling me now i have to go and take on even more challenges? even when im overwhelmed? man i just want to close my eyes and not wake up hahaha

Need a lot longer video on this topic. It hit all the checkboxes for me. It feels so relieving when someone describes your problem so accurately. Just knowing that u are not the only one and insane for feeling these things helps a lot. Watching this video made my overwhelm shrink a little.

@spencerbrown6214

Ай бұрын

I completely agree with your comment 👍

Wow, that makes so much sense. Lately I've been hitting the gym, trying to eat better, doing martial arts and it's amazing that despite the hours and energy you spend doing those activities, you get so much more energy to do other things in your life.

@FlyingMonkies325

Жыл бұрын

It's true because you're also doing a bunch of different things putting variation on your life rather than sticking to the one thing, we need something different and varied things in our lives or we get bored and demotivated because it's too much the same. Doing other things keeps me excited to do the other things and gives me more energy for it, and it gives my brain time to process those other things i may learn something that could make me understand more about the other things too.

I've unknowingly been doing this and always wondered why I felt better some days tackling my GAD than others. It's because those days I set out to do small menial tasks like cleaning, reading, or going for a walk. That allows me to do larger tasks like scheduling an appointment, attending a social event solo, or trying new things.

2 minutes in and I already feel the gold that Dr.K has bestowed upon us

I just got laid off on Thursday and washing the dishes was actually therapeutic 😮 you knew my thought pattern

This explains so much. I've been overwhelmed by passive challenges life threw at me for almost a year now, which left me in a complete slump. I randomly decided to start doing stuff that I figured would be very difficult for me (hobbies, hygiene, writing that *&$@^ thesis)... and expected everything to get worse. But it got better! My anxiety went down, and I've been feeling more accomplished. I thought that was a fluke - good to know I can weaponise this mechanism! 🎉

As a stay at home mom, I can really relate. I have been feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities and tasks as a mom. And instead of doing zero active tasks, which made me feel worse, I started doing stuff outside of the home, like sports and hobbies and it made my inactive tasks feel much much less overwhelming. Good stuff dr. Thankyou for this!

@amyramirez3998

Жыл бұрын

I was wondering how to apply this as a new SAHM and FTM. The thankless tasks seem infinite. We’ve just moved and are getting over a stomach virus, so the amount of cleaning and organizing that needs done is notably more than normal. Anywho, thanks for your comment, it’s given me some ideas!

@abbierose2278

11 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing! I've always been a little nervous about becoming a mom someday for those reasons, but knowing that you really can maintain enough control to not constantly be overwhelmed is really encouraging.

@scaramoucheysimp

5 ай бұрын

just to validate you apparently, the salary a stay at home mom would make taking into account all the labor, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, would be about $150,000. i read this several years ago, so it's probably more now. never compare your 24/7 hour labor to another's 8/5 labor, with lots of rest and time to disengage in between, not to mention the lack of responsibility for an entire life, that you do not have. it's sad and if only domestic labor were valued more by society. seems they think women just sort of sit around at home all day.

When I look at my dishes and it feels like it is too hard to do them, then looking at dirty dishes makes you think you are depressed because that's what depressed people do and then when you do the dishes you feel less depressed because you don't have a pile of dishes telling you that you are depressed.

Yes, I find that doing something simple with my hands like the dishes, cooking, laundry or gardening helps me process and calm my mind during overwhelming times.

This is literally the definition of why you hate doing the dishes once someone tells you to do them - it suddenly becomes a passive challenge instead of an active one.

I always had a problem cleaning my apartment, but recently my girlfriend broke up with me and in the process I am trying to quit my year long weed addiction. Cleaning, vacuuming and washing the dishes helped me tremendously. Also having fitness goals have me a purpose in a time of real identity crisis

1:48 is exactly why I’m feeling overwhelmed. Now that I have this perspective, I can pursue my challenges in a different mindset.

This is exactly the problem I dealt with when I was in college, and exactly the thing that finally helped me start tackling that depression. I felt very overwhelmed because it was too much work and I didn't want to do any of it. My initial reaction was to cut out things that I wanted to do because I felt like I had to address these exams and assignments first. The problem was that I could spend all day every day working on school, and often did, which really broke me after doing it for so long. I finally realized that the only way I could take control of my life back was to set aside a time that I would not let school touch, so that I could start FEELING like I had agency in my own life. The trick is that when you feel like you don't have control, you basically have to prove to yourself "I AM in control of my life, not XYZ. Look I'm doing what I want to do DESPITE the fact that I feel huge pressured to do otherwise. This external force doesn't get to dictate how I live my life." It's absolutely about the feeling of agency.

@jamlaw

7 ай бұрын

Wow that's a cool way to put it. I think that "talking back to the overwhelm" idea is great.

@leonardo-wh9xx

5 ай бұрын

Your comment made me think what could be the consequences or implications of holding a strong belief in determinism, the philosophical view in which you don't have real agency or free will. Maybe its a bit unhealthy to hold that view in these respects, asides others.

@scaramoucheysimp

5 ай бұрын

i wish i could realize things like this. it never hit me. i have to be told every little thing about life and just suffer. i suffered my entire degree when i actually never had to. it was all so simple.

My god this man just talks in a way that makes me feel seen. I'm so thankful for finding his channel. I've been able to examine and identify so many things within myself since finding it.

Even though the active challenges don't solve the passive challenges, they give us the confidence and control we need in order to face those passive challenges. Thanks for this enlightening video Dr. K :)

This makes a ton of sense. My cat started chemo recently, I've had her for 8 years and I can't imagine losing her. Her symptoms cause me to do all day monitoring, complex medication combinations, and getting up at night every night. Ever since her health has started its downward spiral, I have become obsessed with cleaning, organizing and arranging everything I own. It's not a new hobby I have any time for - it was just doing something for me mentally to focus on this. I believe this is why.

You are literally changing my mindset. I finally understand why i went through a huge depression spiral and was really stressed. Its not fixed, just a better understanding, which will lead to it getting better. Thank you so much!!!

I think this is a great and useful video. I wanted to add that a supposed active challenge can quickly turn into a passive challenge. Say you're trying to learn guitar, but every time you sit down, it triggers a bunch of self destructive things in you: "What if I'm not good enough?", "What if I'm not learning the technique the right way?", "aah I'm so bad at this I'll never be good at it". Suddenly you're dealing with a lot of passive challenges that your mind is throwing at you, and then you start to get overwhelmed again. So you have to pick an active challenge that isn't going to trigger a bunch of things in you!

Unfortunately, I get as much, if not more feelings of being overwhelmed when they are active challenges. I chose them, but I inaccurately judged the pitfalls & sadness overcame me, hence the overwhelming feelings. You are so right, though ... Doing the dishes, straightening up the dressing area ... Those things get you on the right path.👍🏽

@damymetzke514

Жыл бұрын

I may be very wrong about this, because I'm just a stranger on the internet. But have you considered that maybe those challenges are not really active challenges? To give an example which is very common for me: I commonly start doing more and more the moment I feel any sort of progress. Which then overwhelms me. So maybe I have some growth in my social life, and I start building an entire task management strategy from scratch. In reality, I'm not choosing to do that, I'm being motivated by my fear which has been lingering for a while. The way I interpret it is, that if I take the challenge because of insecurity, it is actually a passive challenge. I'm not sure what solutions are typically appropriate, I know for me that the best thing is do things with no long term result. Because I'm insecure about the future, things like walking the dog and doing groceries help me focus much better.

@hereandnow3156

Жыл бұрын

For me, I've found that learning what challenges to pick has been just as much a part of the road to recovery as anything else. First I started out with grand stuff like "Oh lemme relearn the piano" and then I couldn't get myself to stick with it so I got depressed. But over time I lowered my expectations more and more and now I know that when I am having a down day the things I need to challenge myself to are the ones that will lay the foundation for bigger change. I may not be able to play the piano, but I can make myself breakfast, or I can brush my teeth twice in one day. And by setting my challenges to take care of my health or personal hygiene, that gives me a big boost in the following days to take on tasks that seem "bigger" in my mind. Everyone's different but maybe my experience will be helpful for someone(:

@reallyanotheruser7290

Жыл бұрын

@@damymetzke514 That makes so much sense, thanks for sharing your thoughts!

@pegwiles5527

Жыл бұрын

@@hereandnow3156 Thanks ... Good suggestions. You're a doll!

@FlyingMonkies325

Жыл бұрын

Don't be afraid of failing things may not be what it seems at first rarely is it ever the case that something is exactly as it seems, it's disappointing that it isn't but what you're dealing with is how things realistically work vs how we wanted it to go in our head and i feel you i have the hardest time with this for so many things because it would just be far easier if it did go the way it seemed to be. Go into it with the fact you're going to come head to head with something that puts a wedge in your path and will challenge you and because you went in expecting that then you won't get disheartened and it won't be any surprise so you can easily look at it and go "okay i just need to figure out how to solve this and get around it, there's always a way and an answer" and the internet has great resources to figure out a whole lot of things. We humans are highly adaptive to our circumstances so we have to use that to our advantage and adapt around it, these days now in my early 30s i find i've settled a bit and find it easier to just do what's needed and use whatever turns out to be the right solution that works for me and makes the most sense to me, if it works then it works it's helping me adapt around the problem happy days! lol and it's actually quite fun.

Yeah, I can relate, my mom yells at me most time to study, she does it even though I was already studying. When exams are over and if I get 49/50, she will be asking where did that one mark go and who is the first in class. It became worse in the time of covid always blaming I am wasting time with mobile even though I am studying. Now after graduation I am afraid to even attempt an interview because I am afraid of making mistakes. Thanks to this man now I at least knew what my problem is.

To summarize abit: Victory is indeed an absolutely busted healer of the mind. Challenge yourself to achieve your OWN victories with rules set by you. Its like working out with small weights and going to bigger ones over time. Always be striving to improve or test your abilities so that you can be sure of yourself that any of lifes challanges are sure to be overcame in your perspective.

This is SO much more helpful and productive than the usual shaming / pushy advice that tells you to just do things. Explaining it this way is reducing pressure and makes it so much more effective. Thank you.

The timing is always on point!! Thanks Dr. K and everyone who's on the HealthyGamerGG team!

omg and here i am, cancelling all my active challenges to reduce my feeling of being overwhelmed... i mean, if i dont have enough time in the day then it kinda makes sense but otherwise i have been propably sabotaging myself

My overwhelm comes from the person I want to be, someone who is has lots of close friends, a good job, hobbies, relationship, fitness, and creative pursuits, being at odds with my mental and physical stamina. I am unwilling to pick and choose so I am instead facing down weeks at a time where I am only home long enough to sleep before leaving again. I have so much going on I constantly feel like I am forgetting something. I chose all the challenges in my life, but they are still exhausting. I dont have time to do everything, the things being left behind haunt me. I miss playing games.

For someone that has been on self-improvement path for a long time and has changed a lot but has been feeling awful and crippled for months, let me tell this: somehow this video was really great and actually helpful, I'm really thankful to you.

@bvdatech1

Жыл бұрын

💯

Thank you Dr. K! I actually removed an active challenge for the sake of dealing with the passive challenges yesterday so your video really put my mindset back on track. Thank you!

Just realizing my mom a narcissist. This video helped a lot

This makes sense. Three years ago, when the whole world shut down, I got more into woodworking and sewing and watercolor, and I was having some fun instead of only having no fun. But as someone who doesn't believe in free will, I'm conscious of everything being out of my control, so I pray to God and Jesus Christ, because I know everything good comes down from the Father of all lights in whom there is no variance nor shadow of turning. The Lord and my Heavenly Father have everything in control. And they love me and want me to do good and well for their name's sake, and all I have to do is believe they exist I don't get everything I want, but I get everything I need.

The imbalance of challenges is one of my favourite old VODs of yours. I'm realy glad you turned this into a standalone video.

Oh my god, this problem has been haunting me for years and a 10 minute video has given me a solution! Thank you so much for creating this content for people to better understand how to improve their lives and mental health!!!

Genius! Now I understand why when I overworked myself studying an extra language, I was happy and energized and why when I was taking a few months off between jobs and trying to do my taxes, I felt defeated…

Sounds like me procrastinating to do important things by doing everything else like having my room clean and organised, washing clothes, cleaning and so on. At the end of that I feel better but I still feel that I need to do the important thing, which eventually I do.

Thanks for all you do for us, Dr. K! Your videos are wonderful and really palatable for most people. You have a lot of good things to say about mental health! ☀️☀️

I found a lot of this out on my own with the active challenges helping me from not being overwhelmed by the passive ones. Only when I loaded myself with active challenges do I ever successfully find motivation. I’m glad you’re bringing more light onto the topic!

this makes a lot of sense. i’ve been going to the gym and see it as almost as my therapist. serotonin and other hormonal benefits aside, i think it comes down to make me feel more in control, and thus, less overwhelmed.

Time to outpour my heart: Been dealing with feeling overwhelmed by house chores for like 8 years now. Always thought i have a very quantifyable amount of energy i had to give toward anything that i had to push myself a little bit for. me partly putting my "mental energy bar," "emotional energy bar," and "pysical energy bar" all in one even though i kinda knew it to be false. But yeah was mainly sacrificing all sorts of things because i had no desire or was too tired to do the dishes or clothes. playing games since i was too tired to do the clothes, putting everything else on hold, wouldnt allow myself to push myself to try to hang with friends or push myself to be creative. i know i even try to math out if i have energy to cook and eat and when i should do that in the day. I know taxes were the hardest to this year. I probably ate 2 meals in 2&1/2 days due to depression/anxiety even though im somone who eats a ton. Part of that was prohibiting myself from eating in an attempt to motivate myself to do the taxes since eating already takes a good amount of energy when im down. Even kinda snapped at my dad with a text when he sent a text to remind me of doing my taxes. Yeah i was justified to tell him im 27 i dont need a reminder to do my taxes at this age but sigh. But yeah have alot of shame included in this and been actuallty being kind to myself lately over this past year which i feel like i can finally breathe. But yeah the inner voice of my parents putting unneeded pressure. Glad im making progress. (lil bit more a journal vomit since im having a hard time getting my thoughts out properly and need practice)

VERY in sync with where I’ve been the last two weeks. Thank you, Dr. K. I’ll go ahead and implement that so I stay in this paralysized state. 🖤☠️✨

I totally needed to hear this today. It explains so much. My biggest passive problem is perimenopause emotions and surprisingly cleaning or organizing a sock drawer makes it so much easier for me to control my unruly emotions.

this has helped me more than years of therapy. thank you!

So, it boils down to a matter of choice and of control. Makes sense. From early childhood on, we have other people ordering us around; first it is parents, then teachers in school and from there we enter the world of work with bosses, bosses bosses and, well you know the hierarchy. When we feel that we have control it is because we have a goal that we chose, not one that is forced upon us. Such a simple concept, but, like many of the other important things in life, so easy to overlook or discount. Thank you for this vitally important advice!

I think the same concept of challenging ourselves gives us more control is the same reason why the Dark Souls series helped many gamers tackle depression. The game is challenging and you just throw yourself at it and try different strats and when you get past those challenges it makes you feel good, confident. It gives you an internal locus of control and reward.

I was in such a good mental state last year and I lost it. This activation was what was doing it for me. Thank you so much for helping me pin point what the cause was and how I can get back!

This makes so much sense, and it describes how I tend to deal with feeling overwhelmed anyway, but I always assumed it was a negative procrastinating type avoidance behaviour and a bad thing. Usually it happens at work when several inactive projects have revived unexpectedly, or things have gone wrong on a project, so I tend to take a break from those projects, "clear my plate" by choosing some other things that needed doing, and then resuming working on the overwhelming projects (normally far more productively) once I've gotten myself into a better mood/mindset.

Highly recommend. I was stuck in a Rut for 2-3yrs. Could not muster strength to get out of bed. What I did for the last 2yrs, was: 1) Decided that my life sucked rn. & if it sucked, I needed to be the one to fix it. 2) Make a To-Do List of things to do to improve everything abt myself. - Habits to adopt - Environment to Change - Weight Loss & Working out Plans - Nutrition - Sleep, etc 3) Everyday I'll pick something fr the list, research it & implement it. 4) I don't fault myself if I take breaks every few days & do absolutely nothing. As long as I remain on track, everything will compound. 5) Buy wireless earpieces so I can avoid toxic parents (Yet to do, as I'm broke)

As someone who started learning japanese, korean, mandarin languages, solving rubiks cube under 1 min, memorizing 500 binary digits in 5 mins and doing 15 proper pullups just because they're difficult now makes perfect sense - my life is a disaster and i cant control shit, but hey at least it was difficult and now i've acquired set of the utterly useless skills. Playing frustratingly difficult games also makes perfect sense. Anybody else in the "why the f do i played these difficult games" club ? Self medicating in bizarre ways since childhood.

I've always felt better when I've done little things like clean up around my apartment when I'm feeling down, but I've never said that out loud before. But it's just so intuitive, isn't it. Outweigh the bad with all the good you CAN do.

This go right to the playlist " watch 1 per month" . We need a longer version of this!!!

That‘s why going to the gym increases my motivation in different areas of my life. Because it is an active challenge and completely unrelated to my other challenges.

Perfect timing when literally my finals are just by next week

Wait I’ve done this by accident for most of my life. I’ve picked up so many extra nonsense but achievable challenges to make myself feel better when life got really tough. Cool to know there’s some validity and justification behind it.

Dr. K I really thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video which now seems promising to change my life. I am a 17 year old teen dealing with a lot of problems in life such as Chronic Telogen effluvium (hair loss since 1 year) and social anxiety and also body dysmorphia bcz of my looks. On the other hand, I have been preparing for the toughest engineering entrance exam in India, the IIT-JEE to fetch an admission into my dream college the IIT. I have struggled a lot with my mental health and felt like giving up on everything and sit back home but now I feel reenergised and I'll fight everything till the end no matter what happens bcz thats the best I can do!!!

I know comments like this get posted all the time but it is actually insane how timely some of these videos arrive in my notifications. This is the exact video I needed RIGHT NOW. Thank you to all of you at HGG for doing what you do.

The topics are always so relevant. Maybe I should be worried about it 🤣

Omg, this came at such a perfect time. Thank you, our world is so overwhelming. Empathy and understanding is so beautifully relieving

Thanks so much for making this video, I've been feeling myself become increasingly more overwhelmed by the day and it feel like tv static; as if I want to explode. So many things on my mind while trying to remind myself which healthy tools to use that I've learned to stop feeling and thinking negatively and to calm and reassure me when I feel like crap. I've already got active challenges going on, and am making conscious efforts to challenge myself little by little to be a better version of myself for the future.

Simply finishing off your shower with 30 seconds of cold is a great active challenge. IN fact Wim Hof figured out that if you voluntarily confront the cold then it ceases to have any control over you. This is where he figured out so many incredible things like being able to influence the autonomic nervous system through voluntary and active breathing. It is all there!

@JakeIsLearning

Жыл бұрын

It's all where? What lol

@XxKINGatLIFExX

Жыл бұрын

@@JakeIsLearning everything you need to fix yourself, is already within you my friend. You don't necessarily need to go straight to medication, you don't necessarily need to go straight to doctors, you need the breath and the cold.

@JakeIsLearning

Жыл бұрын

@@XxKINGatLIFExX Oh, gotcha. That is true, depends on the situation though; always good to have both if possible. ^^

Lol just this week I decided fuck it if the instant I get home from work my parents just gotta yell at the dog or do some bullshit to remind me how much I hate living here then I’m just gonna go full overtime at work. There’s a couple people who set my brain on fire there too but at least I’m actually saving up to move out for the first time in my life

Yet another wonderful video! Thank you so much for the information. You explain things so well

This was pure gold!!

And thats why playing dark souls relives depression

⚠️ This is absolutely true. When you are depressed, the best healing is doing something you "can't". That's why I love the phrase: "Do what you can't". ❤

Finally, this is the KEY to my problem in these past decades. Thank you Dr. K and Milanote. I think Milanote is the thing that I've always wanted. Love the catchphrase - "Get Organized, Stay Creative". It is the very thing that can help me (and many other people) to deal with overwhelmingness. Passive challenges can be organized, and being creative while organizing your milanote is the active challenge. Thank you.

Doing the dishes & similiar stuff can also be seen as a step towards self-love, I'm cleaning up my apartment because I feel I'm worth it. Instead of "fck it, this doesn't change anything/it's not worth it" you do something. And yes, it's also tackling a small problem, one you can fix in the moment. So we go into a much more productive mode already. And larger struggles in our lives can be dealt with small steps, tackling smaller problems one at a time To me it makes perfect sense this works, you start small and once that works you can slowly start doing more again. Doing the dishes is just an example, it can be anything depending on your situation & who you are

Any ideas for activation challenges for someone who is sick and bed-ridden? I've been sick whole May, its so frustrating to have my routine(running, weightlifting) taken away.

@stonescorpio

Жыл бұрын

How about dexterity challenges? Like that thing people do where they roll a coin across their knuckles, or flipping and catching a quarter over and over without dropping it. Those would be physical, like the things you miss doing, but they shouldn't take as much energy. Plus, they look really cool and you can look like an antihero from a noir flick.

@Cevalip

Жыл бұрын

Crochet or knitting?😊

I've been following this channel for a while, and I love it. I work in Special Education and I like to use these videos as resources. I really liked the video on gender dysphoria and ASD. What I really appreciated about that video was I think you linked the research in the description, or you at least named the study. I really enjoy reading research, and I like being able to provide others the research I use when I'm asserting something. The research you mention in this video sounds really fascinating, is it possible to link the research in your video descriptions more, or at least give the title of the studies so I can look them up on my own?

Interesting….great advice! When we’re feeling overwhelmed: Increase our challenge in a completely unrelated area. (As we start to work on those unrelated challenges, our mindset changes.) Now we feel confident in ourselves and we feel in control. By actively challenging ourselves in a different area, we disarm or unplug the feelings of being overwhelmed. Very wise.

I have never had any mental health problems but i still like watching these videos. Recently I've had to come into contact with a lot of people who think eating disorders are a new phenomenon created by societal pressures on young girls. Like, one, look at history for two seconds. But also, exactly this. It's a disorder of control. It's very often not actually about eating; they are just choosing eating as their method of control/self-harm.

The "behavioral activation" Thing in Depression therapy has become a questionable concept to me. In my personal experience it lead into Burnout, self gaslighting and Feeling Let down by the medical field. When you are actively burnt Out from fighting against your mental health problems all the time, It's toxic in my eyes. (Btw I am Not hopeless at all, I actually have so many Things I would Love to do and have passion for, but I am just incredibly exhausted and overburdened and Desperate for practical Help but I still get Put into the Depression mold)

@FlyingMonkies325

Жыл бұрын

It's generally the notion that you should constantly, always be doing things every single day and should somehow BE able to do things every day. Lets get realistic here... we can't... and we can't keep doing so many things all throughout the week, every single week. It feels like the person who came up with these ideals are scared of taking any kind of break in the fear they might become out of practise and become lazy even just in 2 or 3 days lol but it doesn't keep you excited about things and you'll get bored of doing things way too much and then you won't return to it for months if not ever... you can't keep doing things too much. You can take a break for 2 or 3 days from stuff but after like 2 weeks i find you totally start becoming lazy and out of tune with things, that's the threshold i've found where it starts to happen. Some days you just need to be empty headed not concerning yourself with too much, or just go and do something fun instead of constant work work work, and worrying you're not doing stuff. That's just an unrealistic societal expectation that ultimately ends up making people work themselves to death if somehow they aren't "performing" 24/7, we're just human and need to take breaks. It'll all be there still in a few days. I'm not saying to have no concept of time but you just need to listen to yourself and realize no human can keep up this level of momentum no matter what anyone says. Packing your life with too many hobbies or trying to do too many things in one day isn't the answer, you got to distribute it throughout the week or month, do two or three chores depending on the difficulty and how long it will take you. Then clean different rooms each day you clean so you can easily keep on top of things, they can stay without being cleaned for a day, a few days, or a week depending on what's top priority to clean and what isn't and stays clean for longer. The bathroom and kitchen is the number #1 priority rooms obviously they need cleaning daily. For anything else you may be doing or learning you can't be doing it every single day it's too much and you need variation and fun in your life, but also you need a rest too from things to just breath and be with yourself and rejuvenate. The pressure to perform in society is silly and highly unhealthy.

This is sound advice. I’ve been doing this unconsciously, focusing more on active challenges than the passive ones and I can already see the positive impact it’s having on my life.

This is gold! Thank you!

I can totaly agree. I was overwhelmed by my profession for years. When I started to ignore some tasks and did "the dishes" and stuff like that instead in the first or second pllace, it gave me the feeling of actually being able to do things that help ME instead of only doing things that help other ppl. I would never have called it this way, but I can now better see, why my productivity got higher in the last 3 or so years but without feeling more overwhelmed or stressed. it is vice versa. also I am used to recall what I acomplished and that it wasnt as hard as I thought in the first place. I try to think less about the tasks at all, so I get more into doing them, instead of just thinking about them and feeling overwhelmed. 5 years back in time I hated my worklife and my life at all. now it is completely different, and it is the same technical job!

This makes SO much sense! It doesn't even remotely make logical sense but in reality it's the very thing that we need to understand most when we're overwhelmed

this makes so much sense! thank you 🙏

This makes so much sense, thank you!

oooo, this is HUGELY transformative for me. eating, professionally, my marriage, how I feel about myself, how i can communicate issues with other people and a built in system to help them understand compassion around it

@twinklestar4664

2 ай бұрын

thank you for the.content

this actually makes a lot of sense, and i would have never thought about it this way had I not watched this. thank you

This!! My son turned me onto your channel 2 weeks. This is what i needed to hear and I completely agree with@Thanks so much

Just what I needed to hear today - thanks

DUDE! I've heard "just focus on what you CAN control" which seemed like a feel-good thing that doesn't really work. But wording it the way you did in this video makes SO MUCH SENSE! Thank you!