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How to Stop Being a FIXER in Your Relationships

There are many who need this message: stop trying to fix people and let go of being the fixer. It’s hindering your journey, it is not improving your relationships, it's wearing you out. Its fueling resentment, stress, weariness. And to top it off, it's actually not letting God simply do the work He needs to do. In this broadcast I want to break down the pattern of being a “fixer,” how it happens and what we can begin to do to walk in greater health.
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The resources given are not designed to practice medicine or give professional medical advice, including, without limitation, medical direction concerning someone's medical and mental health. Any resources given are not to be considered complete and does not cover all issues related to mental and physical health. In addition, any information given should not replace consultation with your doctor or any other mental health providers and/or specialists.

Пікірлер: 56

  • @RealNurseJackie
    @RealNurseJackie5 ай бұрын

    It amazes me how quickly I can go from spinning to taking a deep breath and feeling like I’ve just been given a huge embrace when listening to yours and Melissa’s content. Such validation. Thankful to the Lord for his love, wisdom and grace and how he is certainly using y’all to speak to hurting areas in my heart. He cares so much it’s astoundingly beautiful.

  • @Nicky-ez3ln

    @Nicky-ez3ln

    5 ай бұрын

    🙏🏽 ❤Amen

  • @smokingcrab2290
    @smokingcrab22905 ай бұрын

    So wild how you made this video today when I was literally thinking to myself about my own marriage and I thought "Does God want me to actually make an effort to fix what's going on? Or does He want me to just let it all go?".

  • @marktdejesus

    @marktdejesus

    5 ай бұрын

    Pray it helps.

  • @andrepotts5337
    @andrepotts53375 ай бұрын

    I wonder why I get stressed some days so hard and feel like I’m condemning the people around me internally and I just fight that feeling so hard and wonder why I’m exhausted and this video highlighted many aspects of that war and it was much needed thankyou brudda❤️

  • @margaretgrosskreuz8687

    @margaretgrosskreuz8687

    5 ай бұрын

    @andre. Yes. It can be so exhausting. I think that's when I need to stop and ask myself some hard questions 🤔

  • @kausha7135
    @kausha71352 ай бұрын

    Realizing I do this with my mom and brother. It's a weight lifted to decide they are their own people and make their own decisions.

  • @Nightwalker25-m3u
    @Nightwalker25-m3u5 ай бұрын

    Man, these last two years. I been finding out that i'm just needing to reparent myself in a huge way. Forgiving myself, loving myself, and really seeing myself as independent as i can be. Hopefully in this journey process i can develop good people skills so i can have a gf someday. ❤

  • @pamelavirnoche9573
    @pamelavirnoche95735 ай бұрын

    Yikes 😳 this is so true I’m used to be in both sides of this too. Driven , sense of guilt …. Many including myself can play Holy Spirit Junior.

  • @pagelatham5460
    @pagelatham54605 ай бұрын

    Mark, you're always a blessing.

  • @Ashleyunfiltered
    @Ashleyunfiltered5 ай бұрын

    You sir. Are truly a GIFT from God himself and has been the answers to the many questions I’ve had in regards to many things. I was first introduced to you by searching loving yourself the Godly way because no one if at all anyone talks about it without loving yourself being condemned. I found a video of your podcast with your wife, which lead me to your book (which I typed the same concept on audible and YOU SIR AGAIN POPPED UP) I just bought the physical copy of your book and now my HUSBAND is listening to your book on Audible. And now I’m HOOKED on your wisdom from God and how you break down the things nobody in the church seems to want to talk about and go deeper into. I recently stepped away from the church (building) and focusing on my church family in the body of Christ and I’m so glad I found you brother❤ I have so much more to add about how much your teachings have been a blessing to me but we’d be here all day so I just said what I said to say Thank you❤ Love from Toronto 🇨🇦

  • @natalielizabeth
    @natalielizabeth5 ай бұрын

    Haven't been on KZread in awhile, yet I suddenly landed on this video.... Alrighttt Holy Ghost, I hear you brother 🔥🗣️ Loud and clear

  • @natalielizabeth

    @natalielizabeth

    5 ай бұрын

    Love when the Spirit speaks, He is so kind

  • @iw9338
    @iw93385 ай бұрын

    Yeppers on going chaosis right. The 3 above me where acting out, so mother smothered me. Recovering people pleaser/ fixer. God showed me that my helping isn't helpful 😮😅❤

  • @natalielizabeth
    @natalielizabethАй бұрын

    15:24 "You cant be at peace until someone makes a better decision." Sheeesh. Too real.... but I did find some freedom months ago about that... so thank you Lord❣️

  • @StarAriel1
    @StarAriel15 ай бұрын

    How. Did. You. Knoooww. I needed this!

  • @smokingcrab2290

    @smokingcrab2290

    5 ай бұрын

    Mark out there being the dude that relates to us when no one else will. That's why his content is so powerful

  • @MsBlacMusicButterfly
    @MsBlacMusicButterfly5 ай бұрын

    This is spot on so me! Change is coming!

  • @lukastheprussian4465
    @lukastheprussian44655 ай бұрын

    You're close to 50.000 subscribers Mark, congratulations 👏🏼🎉

  • @sherriesthilaire
    @sherriesthilaire5 ай бұрын

    Oh. My. Goodness. Ouch! THANK YOU!

  • @haloshock300
    @haloshock3005 ай бұрын

    Big relief after watching this , thanks Mark

  • @moniquepierce5620
    @moniquepierce56205 ай бұрын

    Thank you for this video! From a child to an aduilt.. my parents were the first ones who made me responsible for their emotional state, physical and mental states. Then it went into other relationships. The same as it relates to being at fault for the abuse, disrespect, drama. I am being told its on me to fix bc I am the cause. It's such a heavy burden. I am a reconciler and I want to be on good terms with all. But I am wanting to let these burdens go so I can enjoy life.

  • @gunpowdertea2553
    @gunpowdertea25535 ай бұрын

    Thanks, Pastor Mark Dejesus. I appreciate you.

  • @danielleo.2581
    @danielleo.25815 ай бұрын

    This is absolute gold! As usual! Thank you for this huge blessing 🎉

  • @lisapritchard6079
    @lisapritchard60795 ай бұрын

    Wow….this was an eye opener for me.i did not realize this was wrong .Thank you

  • @Bnesi97
    @Bnesi975 ай бұрын

    After a while a relationship don’t feel like a relationship anymore. It begins to feel like a teacher / student dynamic. I hate that feeling .. especially in friendships.

  • @Bnesi97
    @Bnesi975 ай бұрын

    All I can say is WOW!! This was exactly what I’ve been experiencing and needed to hear!! Thanks Mark 🔥

  • @iw9338
    @iw93385 ай бұрын

    Thanks Mark for this reality ✅😅

  • @suej4430
    @suej44305 күн бұрын

    So helpful! Thank you for solutions shared and your ending prayer. Amen! I receive that! God bless you!!

  • @gabegibby6515
    @gabegibby65155 ай бұрын

    Making a withdrawl without making an investment = so good

  • @mirushekerkuti7205
    @mirushekerkuti72055 ай бұрын

    Thank you so much for explaining this is best given information God bless you

  • @nicoleanthony9398
    @nicoleanthony93985 ай бұрын

    The most fire 🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • @beeson5450
    @beeson54505 ай бұрын

    Great stuff Mark, I am at a time when my OCD has calmed down a lot, but I am left feeling a lot of resentment towards the people closest to me. While everything you say does make sense, I find I am in the opposite camp where I find it painful to hold my boundaries and say no to anyone. The idea of correcting anyone seems like a huge step. Even when I successfully hold a boundary it usually get trampled not long after. I sometimes feel I should disappear from everyone and try again. I can now tell who I need to stay away from, problem is all my close relationships are with dysfunctional people. Any advice in this area?

  • @marktdejesus

    @marktdejesus

    5 ай бұрын

    There's still aspects that can apply in this video. Check out when I talk about what compassionate grace looks like.

  • @ioana25
    @ioana255 ай бұрын

    Thank you, Mark. This was needed. Your ministry is truly a blessing. ❤

  • @julienelson4874
    @julienelson48745 ай бұрын

    Excellent, excellent material! God has given you such wisdom through your own life experiences. My husband and I love your books and teachings and find them invaluable for our own healing journeys. You have been a God- send! Many blessings for you and your family and ministry! ❤👍🙏

  • @Tony-Pino
    @Tony-Pino5 ай бұрын

    Wow this is timely

  • @Sunnyanne283
    @Sunnyanne2835 ай бұрын

    Thank you Mark! I have always been a fixer. My large number of birthdays has changed the things I can do. With age you start to get wisdom. However most of your topics have truly helped heal my heart and life. Your words strike deep and bring the recognition I need to understand how I got to this place in life. How wonderful to have found your wise words and countenance at this time of life

  • @annehortsana2957
    @annehortsana29575 ай бұрын

    This is so precious teaching❤ Thank you Mark, My brother from another mother❤

  • @Nightwalker25-m3u
    @Nightwalker25-m3u3 ай бұрын

    Thank you very much! ❤

  • @margaretgrosskreuz8687
    @margaretgrosskreuz86875 ай бұрын

    YES. At 6:30 into this I'm going "YES!" I just have to share about God's Grace. And EVERYONE better listen 😩. And far from everyone want to hear it It saddens me, but you are right Mark ❤️

  • @ambergeorge6435
    @ambergeorge64354 ай бұрын

    Thank you for sharing this ❤

  • @rockerune
    @rockerune5 ай бұрын

    Great teaching. Boundries has helped me so much and Im still growing. Learning to let go

  • @ntcc2821
    @ntcc28212 ай бұрын

    Woow.....wow wow

  • @natSH1982
    @natSH19825 ай бұрын

    I have been avoiding watching this video for days. Finally the Spirit really impressed on me to do so. Words of wisdom I needed to hear very much. Is it ever to late to change? I know the answer is no, but am I willing?

  • @kristianpoeten.barekristian
    @kristianpoeten.barekristian5 ай бұрын

    This is sooo good. Btw. I have been listening to a lot of your teaching now. You are part norwegian,right?? Do you speak norwegian??

  • @iamchelsearanea2373
    @iamchelsearanea237322 күн бұрын

    YOU’RE TRYING TO BECOME EVERYONES HOLY SPIRIT 😩😩😩😩😩

  • @Nightwalker25-m3u
    @Nightwalker25-m3u5 ай бұрын

    Oh calamity, calamity, money brings much vanity.😢

  • @natalielizabeth
    @natalielizabeth5 ай бұрын

    57:51 thank You Jesus

  • @Nightwalker25-m3u
    @Nightwalker25-m3u5 ай бұрын

    ❤❤❤❤

  • @Nightwalker25-m3u
    @Nightwalker25-m3u5 ай бұрын

    Id like to meet a young Mark Dejesus that was 25. ❤

  • @petek9226
    @petek92265 ай бұрын

    I am so sin concious that i find sin in myself especially if it is against someone, that is maintaining boundary, getting angry, or being rude.... Like overly concious to the point that i am so fearful of getting angry or saying smth wrong. Please help me

  • @natalielizabeth
    @natalielizabethАй бұрын

    1:02:42

  • @matthewy8768
    @matthewy8768Ай бұрын

    As a Shepard over a group of young boys, around the ages of 5 to 7, how do I apply this? I often am frustrated by what comes out of me because of their actions. So how do I in love balance correction in an appropriate way for this age group? If I don't say anything they will just go wild. I think this video is wonderful as I have seen God teach this to my wife, that nagging me never works and so she just prays and let's the Lord work. But what would be appropriate for young boys that are highly energetic? Much love in the Lord.

  • @lukastheprussian4465
    @lukastheprussian44655 ай бұрын

    I often obsess over people with different beliefs than my own in important areas like religious beliefs or political topics. I feel an unbearable need to fix their wrong opinions. E.g. when I debate Muslims or atheists about God and who Jesus is. I know that being passionate about the truth might be something godly but in my case the craving for correcting others becomes torment. If I could I would jump through time to the moment when every knee bows and every mouth confesses that Jesus is LORD...

  • @messenger8854

    @messenger8854

    5 ай бұрын

    Sounds like you have a powerful evangelism gifting but like Pastor Mark says we have to be Spirit led. We can't save anyone. We share the gospel and trust God to do the rest. It has less to do with being right and more compassion for the person's blindness and what that could cost them (their soul). You may also find that God will lead you to do more prayer for the person and less "reasoning" with persons of different faiths. Well, just a thought