Don't defend yourself,don't explain,and remain no contact.

@monicahocking1507

Жыл бұрын

I think it is the only way. I keep getting hooked back. I don't know why.

@MrGearoid65

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for that advice. I'm really tempted to explain myself (again). Didn't get anywhere the first time so I know better but it's pretty rough to be so badly treated without defending yourself, when all you did was try to help them. Have finally detached and gone no-contact. Hope you are also doing well. 🙏

@SongofaBeach2012

Жыл бұрын

What if the narcissist is a coworker or boss? What then?

@rileydd08

Жыл бұрын

@@SongofaBeach2012 i got her fired, bc eventually they will torture you and gaslight you to provoke you into reacting which is them trying to get you fired or quit. go to HR if you have any evidence and witnesses

@lauraantic1384

Жыл бұрын

I did that all and he beat me ,i break this with police

Dont tell them you watched this video. Silence is key

@raceray

Ай бұрын

I swear u do show them videos

@allenvayner4987

Ай бұрын

Soon, there is going to be the rapture. It's when there will be trumpet sounds, and after the trumpet sounds, God will lift his people from here. Also, God said people should be living by the Bible. Amen, and God bless you. #@# ❤* John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life". ❤

@user-d3f1n1t3lymayb3

Ай бұрын

Don't tell them ANYTHING! At all.

Protect your energy people because if you don't, you will have a nervous breakdown . These type of creatures are not worth your time 🙏🏾💯

@brendalhunt9720

2 ай бұрын

I did

@wogbornagain

2 ай бұрын

@@brendalhunt9720 You are in my prayers 🙏🏾 ❤️

@kaisuperfreak2

Ай бұрын

I'm on the verge of a breakdown, I think....hence why I'm here to reinforce myself again. Each time I think they will be better or I should just deal with it...I realize it's only destroying my peace by even letting them get to me. These steps are going back in action until I can move out of here. I wish you all the best in dealing with yours! Take our power back!

@wogbornagain

Ай бұрын

@@kaisuperfreak2 I am praying for you 🙏🏾 May God provide you with peace and love and release you from all evil, Amen 🙏🏾 🙌 ✨️

@Vindiesel-ki2op

Ай бұрын

If you think running away will help protect your sanity and peace you are very wrong. You can't run forever and these people will only come back better prepared if you lose hold. Do not fall for the stoic bullshit. To protect your sanity you need to fight instead of running away. If evil must be done in this world, be the perpetrator, not the victim.

Staying silent is the key. Sometimes the best revenge is no revenge.

@amandaherbert9664

Жыл бұрын

❤

@ivannieves154

Жыл бұрын

Amen

@wordswordswords8203

Жыл бұрын

I agree. It's wonderful if you can do it but sometimes you are forced to relate to them.

@chinqlinq89

Жыл бұрын

I may be misunderstanding your answer but I’d absolutely not recommended being silent. Find the strength and confidence to disconnect and break away, but don’t take the abuse in silence.

@phunkymind23

Жыл бұрын

@@chinqlinq89 I mean, it makes sense to tell someone about them, but it’s not effective to tell the narcissist themselves because they will never admit that it’s them who’s the problem. Staying silent to them is the best option.

Plan secretly and RUN. Never look back.

@alicetafara9514

3 ай бұрын

Simply done😂

@Laeylasearchthelight

Ай бұрын

Wasnt simple for me...nothing left under my Control, i lived like a Slave. If i needed to see a Doc i had to make sure to spend 0, 00 , one Time the Dentist said she need to fixx something but it's not for free....guess what follows right back: Ah nah thats fine, but we dont need that. And i stayed to make sure the Cats are ok....

I learned all their tricks. It's very simple. Do to them what they do to you without showing any emotion.

It’s definitely a spiritual battle

An addition to tip number three - NEVER enter into any financial agreement or arrangement with a narcissist. They have an insatiable love and greed for money - YOUR money. Everything you've saved or worked for becomes theirs through their own sense of self-entitlement. They'll actually tell you what you can or can't spend your money on. If you're not careful, you might find yourself handing over your monthly wages to them.

@hhsg11

Жыл бұрын

I did, we bought a house together and not even a week in, he started his carryon. Within 3 months we had it up for sale then he decided to buy me out. I got slightly more than I put in, but now he’s got a mortgage, had to sell stocks and shares to buy me out, and paying all bills etc, plus the embarrassment of me leaving with the neighbours watching, I had already told them why as I needed support in case it got scary. He had told me 3 times over the months together that I was in early stages of DEMENTIA, he said it best to sell my furniture as we had too much from 2 houses and sell my car at some point as we could use his. He said he might need to get power of attorney over me in the coming years if I took ‘unwell’. He wanted us to make money on the house we had just bought then move to a remote area and go ‘off grid’. I still had a rented house for a couple of months after buying with him, so my furniture stayed there until the contract ended and then I moved it into storage without him having a clue. After a fit of rage, rants and threatening me, I told him it was over, he bought my share. My furniture is now in my new house and I still have my car. So, he would want power of attorney and living remotely, he could do what he wanted and probably have me so confused that it would look like dementia, he had it all PLANNED. His big problem was that I’m a conspiracy theorist and saw right through it, he went absolutely berserk and had a meltdown when I told him I was leaving and wanted my money back. He had very stupidly told me I wasn’t smart enough for him…. No, I was too damn smart.

@stompthedragon4010

Жыл бұрын

In the past two months I watched a narcissist completely take power over a sickly, elderly person's s life, and have listened to many of their conflicting diatribes. They gloat over their authority. I've really come to see what this person is really about. They want to be viewed as a saint and savior by the general audience, but if the general audience heard them talking or were privy to the actions, they would be shocked. The realization has caused me to naturally grey rock and not get so upset, or react. Though it is interesting to sometimes throw an unemotional fact or lump of logic their way; they start falling all over their own words and trying to rationalize. It's actually pretty sad and I feel bad for anyone that becomes their ' mission'.

@stompthedragon4010

Жыл бұрын

​@@hhsg11 glad you got out. Shivers over the power of attorney. I have recently watched this happen with some folks I know. They will NEVER be my power of attorney.

@hhsg11

Жыл бұрын

@@stompthedragon4010 thanks for your reply. I could see what he was up to although I kept that to myself and not let on. During one of the recordings I made he had thrown a hissy fit and meltdown because I told him I was done and no going back. He then just kept verbally abusing me, anything to make me take the bait, I never said a word. At one point he came into the room and said he was only trying to help me through my problems then walked back out. I totally ignored him, he was desperate for me to react and ask ‘what problems’ but I stayed quiet because I knew he would throw the dementia thing in again. What struck me was that he told me the woman he had split up with before me had ‘mental problems’….No, I saw what was going on, he was trying to be her saviour, it worked with her as he told her she couldn’t deal with relationships and her next one didn’t last long either. That I believe was due to him telling her all this, but she’s still one of his go to, she’s living in Stockholm Syndrome. They are nasty evil people possessed by the devil. We have to stand up and give them a bloody nose and send them back to where they came from. ( you should try and record that person, then you have proof). 👍

@hhsg11

Жыл бұрын

@@stompthedragon4010 6 months next week. 👍👍. He’s been back on the dating website a couple of weeks ago that he met me on. So either my replacement and hers have dumped him or the one he’s with has gone away for 2 weeks holiday and he’s finding his next victim. He met my replacement on another site but now hes back on the same one as me….🤔🤔🤔

I cut all contact!!!!!! I didn't know what narcissists were until recently. I spent way too many years thinking it was me. So glad I found your channel.

@leonab545

Жыл бұрын

Yep. They project so it’s easy to get confused.

@WarrantChen

Жыл бұрын

Narcissists only care about themselves. They will find any way to exploit you till you have nothing left. Till you very being is gone. Narcissists are the very lowest of the low in terms of behavior of people. Narcissists if you ever take them back, they will treat you twice as bad, to violate you into thinking it was a mistake for you to drop them. They will never treat you like a human.

@christinebarnaby7303

Жыл бұрын

@@WarrantChen I wish I would have had this knowledge 20 plus years ago. It makes me angry that these people exist. Especially when they are called family members. I used to think your family was your compass in life.

@WarrantChen

Жыл бұрын

@@christinebarnaby7303 These types of people can be in your family as well and many have these in their family who you think you can trust. These people will waste your life. Best thing to do it to move on from them and get therapy asap. The trauma these people inflict is insane at the expect of their ego.

@MrGearoid65

Жыл бұрын

Well done you! 👊 I was thinking it was me lately because, up until I went no-contact, they were using tactics supposed to be used against a Narcissist. So this piece of work, is cleverer even than I thought by researching narcissism. That just proves for once and for all that I need to stay no-contact forever.

"when you speak, you speak with PURPOSE or you do not communicate". Brilliant

When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

@kylec2761

8 ай бұрын

Well put.

@janiceaguilar3593

5 ай бұрын

WOW JUST WOW, 😮I SO MUCH ENJOYED YOUR WORDS I WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST

@janiceaguilar3593

5 ай бұрын

I WILL B WATCHING FIR MORE OF YOUR WORDS I SEND YOU PEACE AND LOVE & BEAUTY! MS.JANICE MARIA HERE😢

@Jinx394

4 ай бұрын

I appreciate you writing this

@shaanpatel1598

3 ай бұрын

Good stuff

"You abandon all sincere communication when communicating with the terminally insincere." One of the best descriptions of the narc I have ever heard, "the terminally insincere." @ 5:04 mark

@l.c838

Жыл бұрын

I love that sentence!

@ARedMagicMarker

9 ай бұрын

Yet they will DEMAND you give them all the sincerity or else YOU are a narcissist. XD

Never reacting, and only communicating and responding if _you_ choose so: Once you've tried and felt the empowerment of it, it's actually the _easiest_ way to deal with them because everything else rapidly starts to feel like a disappointment.

@lucijavolcansek1939

Жыл бұрын

I dont even know hows that in my case possible...

@Lisa-cp5xl

Жыл бұрын

Truth.

@johnandersson8258

Жыл бұрын

@@lucijavolcansek1939 No, everyone, of course, has a different story. I'm sorry to hear that you can't take that road and hope and wish your circumstances will change and you'll be able to do so in the future.

@louisegarner8888

Жыл бұрын

Respond don't react, observe don't absorb 🗝

@louisegarner8888

Жыл бұрын

@@johnandersson8258 Ice cold indifference baybee!! 😎❄️😅😘✌️

This is EXACTLY what I started to do, no emotional reactions amd stopped telling him my truth. It worked like a charm! I never knew how simple this really was. ❤

@janiceaguilar3593

5 ай бұрын

I'm now learning this after 38 yrs ohh my G!😮😢

They are highly predictable, gullible and sooooo needy.......once you're onto this you can manipulate them easily.

@danielp8433

11 ай бұрын

yeah , you the king , gratulation

@jurepotokar6218

4 ай бұрын

I did that Yesterday. I intentionally provoke her. Then I left. Four and a half years were enough. I was tired of her lies, gaslighting, poking,...you name in.

From someone with two narcissistic parents… you have to just leave them and go on with your life. It sucks but that’s the only real answer to this problem.

@sorenvc

6 ай бұрын

I agree. Everyone who has what you said probably already knows it, because you can't do anything else. It is way too tiring to speak.

@douglaspaterson5269

5 ай бұрын

But the reality is they always find a way to come back.🙈🙉🙊

@skionen1781

2 ай бұрын

💯 correct 👍

@HildaRealtor

2 ай бұрын

my father is a narcissistic, and my mother is a enabler. when I go no contact with my dad, my mum told me i was wrong, at the end of the day, he is my dad, I should just let him walk all over me, let him talk sh't about me to my face, be little me, etc. I distance myself from both of them and their toxic energy.

@jonwendt3937

Ай бұрын

@@HildaRealtor I find myself in the same situation. The more I detach from my narcissistic father, the more I detach from my enabling mother. The two go hand in hand. The hardest, most heartbreaking thing about this is that I may have to let both go to truly detach from my father.

They have only cognitive empathy. This means they are fastidious about doing and saying things that indicate they have concern for you. Unlike many grandiose narcissists, a covert narcissist has a cognitive understanding of how people behave when they have concern for others. But when the chips are down in your life, such as you are the victim of a crime, you are very sick, or you lose your job, the covert narcissist is chilly, abandoning, and just “doesn’t get it.” They may blame you for your misfortune. The covert narcissist can’t summon any of the normal ways of caring in these moments. In these ways, they reveal themselves to have no emotional empathy. Depending on how long it takes for you to experience such incidents, you could go for years not realizing that your partner is a narcissist. They may literally turn their back on you, over seemingly trivial matters. This is a trait they share with grandiose narcissists. Maybe they get annoyed that you’re walking too slow and leave you alone while they rush ahead, or they get impatient with what you’re saying and turn around while you’re in mid-sentence, or maybe you’re a little late for a social function that you’re attending as a couple, only to find them already inside as if they weren’t at the event with you. They probably appear charming and competent to those who don’t live with them. A covert narcissist’s constant striving for perfection often results in a set of traits that most of us (who are not obsessed with perfection) admire, as long as we don’t get too close to the narcissist. This makes explaining the upside-down hall of mirrors that is your shared intimate space with the covert narcissist impossible to explain to those outside the relationship, who will assume you are either exaggerating, or that your relationship skills are lacking. The covert narcissist may be a pillar of the community, or has lofty, well thought-out ideals. The striving for perfection of a covert narcissist often results in associating themselves with highly regarded intellectuals, businesspeople, or other such pillars of the community, such that the covert narcissist appears to be a pillar of the community themselves. Additionally, covert narcissists can identify with a vision of societal utopia, and become a zealot about their particular ideals, whether liberal or conservative. The covert narcissist is surprisingly lazy. Despite their lofty ideals or connections, the covert narcissist often does little to no work to actually earn the respect of people in the community through their actions. Their ideals or connections are a facade they choose instead of real effort and commitment. They can be sexually faithful. Unlike grandiose narcissists, who are often sexually unfaithful, covert narcissists can be sexually faithful for fear of their reputation being damaged, or out of sheer laziness or shyness, not out of an emotional commitment to their partner. This can be confusing to the neurotypical partner, who sees the faithfulness as a sign of love, making the erroneous assumption that the covert narcissist has emotional empathy, and therefore the capacity to love. They have a Jekyll and Hyde personality, often raging, or finding fault with you, in private as a way of relieving their own inner shame at not being perfect. This is another trait that coverts share with grandiose narcissists. It feels like you have a partner who’s really a teenager, and that it’s your duty to shoulder the “steadiness” they need in the face of their criticisms and anger. The covert narcissist has absolutely no sense of humor about this behavior, meaning there’s an unnecessary “heaviness” in the relationship that leaves you walking on eggshells. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator BarryInvestigation@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

@mrmaker101

2 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂 hire the MF this is the funniest Ad I ever seen and I bet you that some of the audience will take your word for it and accuse their partners of being narcissistic

@user-xd2ml8dn9h

2 ай бұрын

My step dad is a covert narcissist

Ye detachment is KEY 🔑:the questions he use to ask use to make me so mad or fuss and go off now anything he ask me I just say YUPPP really happily even if it’s something negative.Narc been silent for 4 days since I’ve been doing this..He’s so confused right now..Big on now giving the silent treatment I just wish he’d leave and never return.I never thought I’d be to the point of being happy and wanting him to leave IM PROUD OF ME

When you are in a relationship with a narcissist it does feel like you are in a war. The narcissist drops their little shock bomb on you, you fight back with your truth bomb and because the narcissist is a dirty fighter they usually win.💣 This video is a keeper thank you.💯

@carpathianken

Жыл бұрын

Usually win? A narcissist endeavours to ALWAYS win. I've got a narcissistic co-worker that was caught on CCTV video stealing from our workplace & even with the crystal clear images of her & her despicable behaviour , she still denied it with extreme feigned victimhood & tried to put the blame on everyone else but her. It's like it's more important to a narcissist to rob us of the satisfaction of admitting that they've done something wrong , than to just apologise & try to make up for their wrongdoings & try to restore the lost trust like the rest of us do.

@steadypace1262

Жыл бұрын

@@carpathianken Yes the thing is they are not like the rest of us normal people they can only act in an abnormal way. Narcissists are in compete denial of the truth and even with all the evidence in the world they will still try to convince other's they are innocent of all wrong doings.🤷‍♀️

@carpathianken

Жыл бұрын

@@steadypace1262 Thank-you for your comments & your insight into dealing with the narcissism. What you say about narcissists being in complete denial of the truth makes total sense & that it's like we're in a war by how they drop their shock bombs which instigates conflict with us. Regrettably, I feel like I've been making things worse for myself & fanning the flames for all out war by unleashing my defensive, righteous fury & then the narcissist ends up looking like the good guy & I end up looking like a temperamental warmongering douchebag .

@steadypace1262

Жыл бұрын

@@carpathianken I think a lot of us Survivor's have fallen into their trap of "reactive abuse" to some extent, it's only natural to want to defend yourself and sometimes other's from the crazy antics of the despicable narcissist. Narcissists want you to get in the boxing ring with them, I'm still trying to curb my natural desire to react to these emotional vampire's but I'm going to persevere in achieving my aiim. Ignore them as much as you can, when you go quiet on them they don't like it one bit because they cant read your mind. 🕊💪🙂

@Northman1963

Жыл бұрын

@carpathianken I can't count the times I became verbally enraged at ridiculous accusations from my spouse and it never ended well. She simply told others how bad I was. It is a sick trap that I blundered into and after years of second guessing myself I finally researched this condition and now know that she is the problem.

Awesome advice. A full-blown narc is one step short of really insane. It takes real grit to do what this man says...but it works. If you give no emotion, no reaction, no communication, no information...what oh what can the little narc bastard do now? NOTHING to you. Except smearing behind your back. Understand it and go forward in your life.

@schizorap

Жыл бұрын

Indeed 👍

@janiceaguilar3593

5 ай бұрын

Yep yep shut it ALL DOWN ON THE BASTARDS & BITCHES IT DOES WORK!! TOOK ME 38 YRS TO LEARN & IM A FULLBLOWN EMPATH!!

@janiceaguilar3593

5 ай бұрын

Excuse my language

“Become a Psychopath” sounds much better Richard 😂😂😂 that shows a level of determination not to be fucked with I’d say 🤣🤣

@dalondabaker3338

Жыл бұрын

Period

Keep communication as anodyne, boring, general and uncontroversial as possible. You will still be talking to them, answering them, so you can't be accused of being rude and have triangulation or flying monkeys done on you. The flavourless element of your communication will really pee them off. Try not to lie, it may trip you up later. Best rule is: if you don't have to communicate, don't. If you do have to, make sure they regret it for the effort .v. reward. Bore them to death!

@suewitteman59

Жыл бұрын

It worked for me.

@lindaschultz7900

5 ай бұрын

Thanks. Sometimes I slip up but I keep trying.

Silence and Isolation are the best two options PUT TOGETHER!!

This has probably been said but the only way to win is not to play. My dad said don’t walk away from negative people, RUN!!

Oh, I have one tip to add. In all your interactions with narcissists, pretend like what you are saying or doing is going to wind up in a court of law where you are battling them legally. I have found that helps with limiting contact and being very clear and polite and detached.

This is so tiring to deal with, totally drains you of your energy and mind. Workplace is probably worst place to deal with this if you like your job. In personal lives you can cut the person off, but in work Environment it’s just such a horrible experience.

@alicehead3511

26 күн бұрын

The worst is when you live with the person or they have access to you personal things

i will never forget a fight i had with my ex, when he "blew up" over nothing, was clearly LOOKING for a fight from the moment i came over--- i went gray-rock and tried to not react to his insults, but eventually he found a weak spot and i reacted and it escalated until i walked out. my first words to myself were: "Detach, you need to detach!" i knew instinctively at that moment, the only control/power he had over me was because i had FEELINGS and was reactive to his abuse. after learning more about narcissism, i see how his behavior was related to his disorder. the hardest thing for an empath, though, at least in MY opinion, is truly detaching- because I so CRAVE normal interactions and feelings with others!

@janiceaguilar3593

5 ай бұрын

Feel VERY WEIRD TO DETATCH & SO DIFF.WHRN TTHEY HIT OUR SOFT NERVE!! GOD HELP US!!!

Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

@TheSpacecadette

Жыл бұрын

I think their anger prevents them from going deeper and affects all their interactions and behaviors. They develop very self centered dysfunctional mechanisms

@hhsg11

Жыл бұрын

It is a pattern and after you realise what’s going on, it’s very blatant. When we first met, he would say he had been abandoned by women all his life to get sympathy (no wonder), so when I ended it for good after he threatened me twice within minutes, I told him I didn’t want him, was abandoning him etc, all the words that were his nightmares, then He would have a meltdown. He had a harem of women, 2 exes he had convinced it was all their fault, a desperately wannabe girlfriend and a new ‘friend’ who had appeared from no where, then my newly found replacement. He put all the calls on speakerphone so I heard everything. My replacement was from another dating website and lived nearly 2 hours away….he didn’t want to be seen by neighbours. He spent 2 weekends with her and made plans for the following weekend in a cottage, then she dumped him, I heard him tell one of the exes every detail. That 3rd weekend came and he was in the house with me, he started a big argument and I very ‘innocently’ asked why he wasn’t with her, had she dumped him already, he said she was busy and I replied ‘obviously without you’ as I laughed. He had a huge tantrum. I had been recording him for 5 months before I left and he had no idea until I was gone, I have all the proof of his emotional and verbal abuse, he doesn’t know to what extent. I did my own investigations and caught him outright without him knowing to this day. He has no idea what I know. He tried to destroy me like many others before me, but in the end he drove himself into the ground and I put my heel on him and sent him back to where he came from…HELL. He will wish he never met me as he thought I was another push over, but I fixed my crown and remembered who I am, if they don’t treat you like a Queen, get out. He’s back on the dating website again looking for the next victim, they never learn even at the age of 66.

@bthe1doright462

Жыл бұрын

HOORAY and Wonderful for YOU ! It's is a hard road to have been dragged across but you made it. You Got Away. Keep Going. Keep Shining.

@hhsg11

Жыл бұрын

@@bthe1doright462 👍👍

I realized by watching this that by looking at their social media I am setting myself up for an emotional reaction. I will stop looking. No point.

This is actually helpful. I wish I had spotted the narcissist early on but I was naïve. Yep, do NOT speak with your guard down. Do NOT disclose unnecessary information about yourself. It WILL be used against you!

This video was perfectly timed. Thank you. My single drive in life at the moment? To get out as soon as possible!! This is war, kids. It’s you or them. Listen closely to what Richard is saying. It’s not going to get better. It only gets worse. Get your business in order and RUN as soon as possible.

@grandmaatthefarm125

Жыл бұрын

Working on it hard and fast myself!

@Madelro100

8 ай бұрын

I share my experience. Never show your weakness, Always show yourself to be strong, otherwise, the weaker you appear, the more they will abuse you.

@Salmonellatyphi

7 ай бұрын

I granny, thank you

@sandracairney6007

7 ай бұрын

Stupid boy never listens, except to the narcissist whom he knows instinctively to react differently around but yet remains in denial about our abuse, infact he's believing im actively forcing the truth onto him, it's only to save his life.. At this point I give up, maybe his son is just another robot, or he's suppressing his feelings like I did for years and I hate to see, it was cowardice and ignorance of what I was dealing with, I had noone pointing out npd abuse videos and how these bots function. It must be awful to have no dad and to want the love of this very realistic simulation of a man, the reality is sadly his psyche was blown to bits by abuse years ago, he is fragmented into a million pieces, split personality isn't justice its more like multiple personalities as induced to fit the environment. It's all a psychosis made in the mind so how can love exist in non reality, they can't receive or give it, to themselves or anyone. How do you explain this to a 20 year old who wants to believe its autism?? What about the abuse with no remorse to his wife of 12 years? It's not normal to mistreat and have an ex wife who'd do anything for you, pushed to the brink of suicide? To watch and allow a brand new stranger to tear apart and falsely imprison your wife and mother of your so for years? That's not autism, that's cruelty with no remorse and obviously no natural love that anyone would have after 12 years sleeping with, eating with giving birth with, I just don't think my son gives a shit about his mum and this is like a fatal wound, I'd give anything to have this son be honest and let me be there for him. Not in a too much way, just a way that he knows he can trust me and if I have money I'll help or if he needs emotional support or advice I'll love him to the moon and back but discuss it with nobody. I feel robbed that he still believes after everything he saw and witnessed, does n abuse cause memory loss as well?

@lindaschultz7900

5 ай бұрын

​@@grandmaatthefarm125Me too!

When I realised what was really going on, I played it all differently instead of naturally getting really upset. When he started an argument or degrading me, I totally ignored him and didn’t reply but I LISTENED to every word and remembered what I needed for when I decided to participate. After a while of getting no response, he would just go to another part of the house and stay out of sight. Then the next time, I remembered stuff and threw them back at him and ridiculed him. I remembered what he had said he didn’t like about himself and used that, then he would go squirming off. I had endured the bullying, love bombing and back to bullying for months and saw him puff out his chest thinking he was King. With me ridiculing him and hitting where it hurts, he left me alone. Unknown to him I had been recording the last 5 months together so I had all his bullying, rants, rages and him threatening me. I even installed a camera in my bedroom where I spent most of the time before I moved out and once he knew it was there, he stopped barging in. It was only after I left he found out I had 140 voice recordings as proof of his behaviour. You have to start thinking like they do until you are away. He won’t come any where near me ever again, he’s terrified of what I have on him.

@danielp8433

9 ай бұрын

so basically you used silent treatment and gathered ammunition for later - well done helen, like a real npd - think about it.

@lindaschultz7900

5 ай бұрын

I only have 5 recordings. I also have 5 witnesses. His ex wife is one of them. I'm about to get a camera too. I'm afraid he might push around one of my cats. He is good with one of them. He also grabbed my crotch and started smacking my butt. I threatened him and said I will call the police next time. So I definitely need a camera. I'm in the process of leaving him once I get some help.

@hhsg11

5 ай бұрын

@@lindaschultz7900 I would highly recommend a camera, as soon as he knew there was one in my bedroom, he didn’t come back in and all the insults shouted through the door were stopped, not that the camera would have picked that up but he wasn’t taking any chances. He did come in on the day I told him so that he could get clothes out of the wardrobe to last him until I moved out, he could have done that from the start but he loved just pushing the door open without knocking several times a day, which always made me jump because he just suddenly appeared. He told me he was ENTITLED because his clothes were there. Keep the cats with you if you can. This will drive him crazy but if he does come in when the camera is there, it texts you anyway that there’s movement in the room and you have the recording on their system, however, I emailed them to myself so I had extra proof. If he sends you nasty texts having a go or just being nasty, DO NOT REPLY, just screenshots and email them to yourself for safe keeping. It’s a set up for you to rant so they can show people you are a nutcase. Good luck to you, once you are away, it does get better honestly. ❤️ If you have any social media, set it to private so he can’t see any of your posts and if possible don’t tell people where you are moving to.

@chrissemenko628

2 ай бұрын

Isn't it awful that we had to start strategizing like that?! Over someone we once trusted and loved deeply? It's LOVE fr gods sake! Who weaponizes that?! Smh. Sigh. I don't think mine will be back either. Not this time because I shredded him by the end. You take care doll. Cheers. Christi

@obscurum6

13 күн бұрын

Recordings are a great insurance against them coming after you when you end the relationship.

I honestly feel this same advice could be used with extremely selfish people. I enjoyed this so much. Thank you.

We need more videos like this when you can't go no contact.

from one warrior to another I thank you for the fantastic tips. The amount of narcissism in this world is off the charts and it pains me to see people unable to stand up to it. Let us grow in strength together and vanguish evil of this world.

“It’s a game you are playing that you have to start winning”. Great metaphor with hand to hand combat That is indeed how I’ve dealt with the zombies my whole life, but now I KNOW who they are and what they look like up front. ☝️ It’s become a super power by listening to people like you who cut through the bs. Thank you

@violetskye6863

Жыл бұрын

Yes, this is an excellent game plan. I came from a few narcs within my family and have always attracted these types, I just didn’t know what is was. I just thought people like that are con artists users. This is probably the best plan to put forward when you realize what your dealing with

@NotWhoYouThinkThisBe

Жыл бұрын

😂 Yes! We are already IN the zombie apocalypse. I was thinking they were more like robots-gone-rogue, but now... these people are SO HUNGRY. Just observing them -- you can see them search for the next dopamine fix and watch them get literally high off it. They even appear like they're on speed after they feed and deadened when they're starving bc no one cares about them anymore.

This was honestly the most concise and effective advice on dealing with narcissists.

This guy really knows what he is saying 🙏🏼

Thank you for this video. Once I began to learn grey rock and non-reactive behavior, the now ex became confused - like a bat without a sonar “response”! Learning these things took time and I eventually left the relationship. In my present life, I have returned to therapy and am living fully, on my own. Blessings!

1) do not give them mote émotional responses ( no response) 2) dettach to break cycle of action from them & your rection (no response) 3) be goal orientated when communicating with them - don’t share your REAL feelings as it will be used against you - ideally no response / no contact / or if needed minimum wording 4) Confuse them by doing the unexpected : do NOT react or tell things that are not true 5) You must manipulate : break contact or define specific objectives and don’t think you can fix them or have a real relationship 4)

@Andrew-zr1jt

Ай бұрын

Thanks!

I don't even think they're often conscious of what they're doing. You are making sense. I wish I understood you better.

@carol6445

22 күн бұрын

I wish there was some treatment for this, it almost sounds like a huge mental condition. The guy I met has the same anger issues and keeps making the same mistakes in each of his relationships, but he can't seem to learn from his past mistakes because he's used to abuse. He had once told me his childhood was traumatic, maybe there is no way to fix these people?? It's sad really

Great metaphors, Richard. Thank you as always for your keen insight. I grew up in a home with a narcissistic sociopath and have since inadvertently had multiple relationships with narcissists as an adult. This advice is 100% on point for seeing it for what it is and dealing with it.

Absofrickinglutely! This totally works. Have been doing this with certain people. Do not show your hand. Remember all those skills you learned from board games, card games as a child. Do not seek reconciliation with people who do not respect you. You have the right to say no, you have the right to set boundaries. No explanation is required. End of. Thanks Richard for teaching me all these skills. Been practicing for 2 years now 💪

The last comment my mom said in January was that she hadn’t felt for a long time that I was her daughter. Her face and eyes were dark and looked like a witch. Have thought about that since. Now I know want she meant! I had changed because I had stoped giving her respons, not telling her anything. I see now that I was doing what Richard Grannon is talking about in this video. I am so greatfull that all these videos can be watched. It can be a lonely world this trying to become safe again and recover after “being raced by a narcissist and living with a narcissist”. Thank you so much, Richard Grannon🙏🏻. I’m really getting safe and saved by all your words.

What a learning curve its been since realizing i was dealing with an NPD partner for six months, then 'recovering' for over a year now. You are one of the valued supports I credit for assisting in that recovery; and leading to this gem which i can fully accept and embrace as truth. Much gratitude for your dedication and commitment to share with us on this journey.🙏

@amytaylor8487

Жыл бұрын

Hello there👋👋Good afternoon from here , how are you feeling today?hope all is good.God bless you!❤

Richard, you're amazing. You have articulated the situation perfectly here. Thank you.

That’s precisely right. It’s such a hard work to break the cycle but there is no other way to set one free. Thank you Richard.

You are very good ! Almost 2 years away but still having to tie up the ends. Wish I'd seen you twenty years ago! Listen people Richard knows what he is talking about.

I came here after having a breakdown. Keeping quiet is good but after 10 years, it's kind of hard to keep doing it.

I really appreciate the analogy of facing a narcissist as a military foe. That really helps, because my relationship with my spouse has been one long competition. Always wondered why she had to always win and be in control at all cost. Your no nonsense approach to dealing with a control freak narcissist will be very helpful, thank you.

I live with my Older sister who's the biggest narcissist I know. Ever since our mom died she has been trying to control everyone , and needs to be the center of attention. These tips really work , Thank you! you're awesome!

Best video on how to handle a narcissist. Totally accurate. Even if you have moments of weakness pass through and resume the game. It's never ending. Very good job sir!

I agree, no contact is the absolute best advice. This channel is so helpful, it’s a great relief to listen to someone who knows what they’re capable of. Thank you all for sharing experiences here in the comments.We are not alone!

God bless you 🙏. Every time I need to communicate with my narcissistic mom, I look for 5 minutes into your face.... This is your power that gave me strength. And the massage ...."You are not alone " . Many thanks ❤

This is really great advice. You are dealing with insanity. All normal rules of engagement are thrown out. You speak to get what you want. This is what you do to hold onto your sanity until they are gone from your life. They will never make sense. They always talk and act irrationally. You can do the same. The older you get Richard, the more you get it. Great lecture. Told you this is where you shine. 👍

@janx8695

Жыл бұрын

There's constant misunderstandings in communicating with narcissists and it happens for a number of reason's. One of the big reasons we see communication problems in relationships with narcissists is that they do not appear to understand context. They appear to have no understanding that how something is said, why something is said, the situation in which it is said and much more are crucial for understanding what is being said, They simply react to words. People often claim that narcissistic personalities don't ever have misunderstandings. They are simply pretending to misunderstand. This definitely happens, but they also genuinely misunderstand things all the time - probably more than the people around them realize. Without context, communication is just not possible. There are other types of people who have trouble with context but you can usually reason with them. You cannot reason with narcissists. Context is crucial to understanding what someone means by what they say. It informs us about what was being said, what the environment they said it in consisted of, what their mindset was, any influential factors, and many, many other things that are extremely important in being able to understand correctly what someone is saying and why. Narcissistic people appear to only focus on the words that are being said with no context, which means they're prone to coming to the wrong conclusions. Narcissists also often have a thinking error known as global labeling. This means they take words or statements out of context & apply them to everything. So if you say, "I don't like this behavior," that translates into "I don't like anything you do," or "Everything you do is wrong." Or perhaps, simply: I don't like you. This is also part of why the way they present perceived negative statements from you as if they occurred out of the blue. They are not just leaving out their parts in the argument or situation because they don't want to admit it; since they don't understand context they genuinely don't realize it matters. Telling them they are taking things out of context or that they're misunderstanding what's being said just sounds like manipulation to them. Not only do they not understand the importance of context, they do not trust anybody enough to believe anything they say. They are pathologically afraid of being fooled & tricked by others and trust no one.

@CarlyFaith15

Жыл бұрын

@@janx8695 I wonder why it is that after all these years that you are the only human being that ever understood what I've been trying to say. I met the man I married who was a narcissist when he was just fifteen years old. I watched what went in to making him that way. His parents were distant and cold and said cruel things. Every time I was around his parents and they spoke, it reminded me of a dog that was hearing a strange sound and it would turn it's head to the side as it tried to figure out what it was hearing. Nothing they said made any sense in the world. It was like living in a nightmare that you couldn't wake up from. I came from a very loving family and we were so close and I wanted him to know that feeling. Basically I took them home when he was sixteen years old and if we weren't in high school together we were at my house doing homework and being with the family. He seemed to take it all in and seeing him truly happy made me happy. I was happy to let him feel as though my family loved him more than they loved me because, he needed it more. He was an only child and he was very lonely and then to have parents that truly acted like he wasn't loved was just too much for me to even bear because, it hurt my heart. I had no idea that years later he would use that against me and say that my parents and my siblings didn't love me and that they loved him. And, I heard things like that for so many years that I began to believe him because, he separated me from them. He would go get donuts on a Saturday morning before I woke up and go have coffee with my parents. It was a deep psychological game that was being played and I had no idea what the rules were. All I know is that I don't compete. All I have is love and there's no competition there. I gave it all I had and he tortured me mentally. I didn't grow up that way and I was confused. I wasn't angry when I divorced him when I found out he had been sleeping with women before and during our marriage. I just felt sorry for him. As mean as he is and as selfish as he is still, I just feel sorry for him. I did find a man who loved me and I loved him and even though it wasn't perfect, the love was so deep. I had to watch him die on his birthday. He just went in the kitchen and I laid him down and he died looking in my eyes. I'm sorry to write so much but, I'm very devastated right now because my mom is dying. It took me so many years to figure out that my parents did love me. Thank you for explaining something that people feel should be explained as evil. No context. Just evil demonic people. Well I got to see what was put into the sausage. And, it was ugly. I prayed and prayed that someone would marry him because, my heart is soft and I would feel sorry for him. He did find a woman to marry him and I am happy for whatever he has. I know he's still acting up but, it's too late to unbeat the dog.

Thank you Richard for all your hard work and helpful videos. My husband always wants to get a reaction! Pray for me to get out as soon as possible. I've gotten to where I hardly ever react. And when I do or before I do i see his evil smirk! That use to set me off and I'd go off. I've learned the hard way not to.

@Prometheuspredator

Жыл бұрын

Prayers for you to get out as soon as possible 🙏.

@n.w.414

Жыл бұрын

Document everything!!!! Emails, events, everything. It might come in handy when you leave.

@Prometheuspredator

Жыл бұрын

@@n.w.414, Especially in court. You know that saying, "If it isn't on paper it never happened."

@chelceasurgenor598

Жыл бұрын

@@Prometheuspredator thank you so much for your prayers! ❤️

@Prometheuspredator

Жыл бұрын

@@chelceasurgenor598, You are welcome 🙏✝️🙏🛐.

I had a very odd experience to which your advice is pertinent. I am stupidly naïve and continue believing that people are good. I know it's fucking stupid. But I realised after dealing with a group of professionals who pertain to 'help' and 'support' and 'resolution' that their objective with me was to have me silence myself. I'm glad I know about gaslighting and was, a day late at least, identify it. Based on the evidence and my experience, I am very disturbed. Learning to obfuscate and distract would help me survive longer and more fruitfully. I guess this is where we must adopt narcissistic traits to avoid being targeted.

Jesus christ, it’s just wild to hear these things.. you’re addressing such specific-exact-word for word scenarios I’m going through or thoughts that have been in my head, things I’ve cried out to my dog when I’m alone. It’s nuts, my situation is not unique - I just never looked into narcissism.

This is literally the best video I have ever seen on the subject. I always love the was Richard gives examples and makes it relatable and easy to understand, but this one knocked it out of the park. Thank you, Richard, for your hard work and dedication to helping us navigate these soulless beings.

I agree about the manipulation. That's what I've had to do with my ex. And not telling the truth is the best option - it's bloomin' hard as I'm a truth teller but it's the only way to keep my sanity

I only thing I know , having only having to deal with it on two occasions is that once thier game is exposed the next move is to play the victim , go on the attack and look to blame everyone but themselves. Be wary. 🥂

I’ve listened to many speakers about narcissism because of my ex-fiancé. Just found your channel and you have given me even more insight to his behaviors! Thank you! ❤

My sister is a narcissist, hardest thing to deal with is my family enabling her behavior and making excuses for her

@sarahmaclellan5530

2 ай бұрын

I know exactly how you feel. My sister has weaponised my family against me. Damn skinwalker, man

@alicehead3511

26 күн бұрын

My dad that everyone loves is hard too.. I didn't go to his funeral and I am the black sheep now

Very Wrinkle in Time (book not movie) where she has to overcome the hypnotic droning of the mind control device by choosing her own thoughts and not falling in its rhythm

Thank you for being one of the few voices which helped me find myself again. We're divorced now but she still carries on. I delete her nasty messages before reading them now, rather than feeling the need to defend myself and it feels so much better :)

Power advice. Thankyou. Got a business partner killing me. Kept waiting for his human element… Whilst lining myself up for another pummeling.

@deirdremorris9234

4 ай бұрын

Can you dissolve the company?

"they hate silence" this is soo true, whenever we stopped talking, he kept saying "whats up with this silence? say something!" It always seemed awkward to me but now I understand!

This is great advice and I actually did this by instinct. I had to deal with a brother and sister team that worked for my dentist that targeted me. But threw up my fire wall while still remaining cordial When the dentist was done, I never went back .

@schizorap

Жыл бұрын

So much insight, loving these videos

The texting advice is sooooo good . Got a 1,300 word SMS from our narcissist in-law with accusations and injuries and rules and everything you can think of. Responded a couple of days later with a message that effectively ignores everything he said. Apparently that set him right off presumably because he didn’t get any supply back

@dennishopper1410

Жыл бұрын

Meant to say that the hard part is seeing through and not being triggered by it. Every word in his text was designed to get a rise out of us. It’s so easy to take the bait

Thanks Man, this gave me great clarity. These Entities are just evil cruel monsters whom you should never feel sorry for. They waste your time, your life, they destroy you, take your self esteem and self believe. They bullshit you, using Love so you stay with them so they can destroy you mentally/physically and put you in misery. Your Love and care is authentic while theirs is not. These Entities deserve some kind of hard punishment for their cruelty.

The battleships analogy is very very good 😊

Awesome advice! The Art of War!! Great strategy!!! Best stuff I’ve heard since I started learning about narcissism.

i've been doing all this instinctively since i've realized my mother, with whom i live, is a narcissist--thanks to kind people like yourself that she this very useful info her specialty over the years has been the silent treatment. turns out she doesn't like it in return cuz it minimizes opportunities for her to be out-of-control angry and shriek at me. she's doing weird little things that i can't decide if it's the narcissism or dementia (she's 78), or both. she's quite coherent, but she certainly has moments where i'm left wondering. frankly, to me she's already dead, i'm just waiting patiently for her body to get cold. kinda sad to feel that way about my mother given that i moved in here optimistic that i could make her life better and her final years easier. she's just made everything worse for me and now i pity and despise her. it's also inspired me to re-evaluate my entire life and time spent with her. well done on her part

@sugarfree1894

Жыл бұрын

Your intention was good. Never disregard that. Sounds like you've got the measure of her - make it work for you.

@De5O54

Жыл бұрын

@SugarFree - _/thumbs up/_

@bloodstripeleatherneck1941

Жыл бұрын

my parents were/are huge guilt trippers. Now I have to deal with the guilt of having to go grey rock/no contact with them because they are absolutely life ruining psychopaths. Add to that all the irony, and voila! The blight of humanity.

@n.w.414

Жыл бұрын

It’s time to move out.

@ilfautdanser9121

Жыл бұрын

@@n.w.414 that's easy to say. It's incredibly difficult to even find an apartment and when you do there is so much competition for it. Oh and it's absurdly expensive. I've also put hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars into making this place livable.

Damn good advice. Ignore the pricks, it tears their evil hearts out.

I believe that what you are saying is accurate - that we are not dealing with a real person. But it is so hard to keep this at the forefront of one's thinking and not slip back into seeing them as a real person, of whom one might have reasonable expectations. I find your analogies with AI, clouds of nanobots and one's weaknesses being mapped out, as in a game of Battleships, all very helpful visual concepts. Letting go of any hope of a happy resolution with a fellow human being remains, for me, the greatest challenge.

@Kykylandfarming

Жыл бұрын

Me too! It’s very hard to see them as not human.But this is starting to make sense because I saw a glimpse of a narcissist stare last night from my husband and that is a very unpleasant feeling to see that face they make.This was during a conversation we were having.

This is a spiritual battle than we can imagine, thank you.🙏🏾

Incredible advices! Thank you very much indeed!

I feel like I owe you my life and I’m so thankful for this video

The Art of War comes to mind. Our reaction to them is food. Don't feed these SOBs. Thanks Richard! 👍I appreciate you very much.

I’m dealing with two and a half narcissists. My sibling has lost his humanity and taking it out on me. Generic advice on how to deal with a narcissist is lost on me because the abuse seem to be custom tailored for me. My therapist does not seem to have the answers instead called my paranoid for telling my truth.

"When you speak, you speak with purpose, or you do not speak." OMG that's brilliant. I also like your idea as seeing them as non-human because they are not human. They are monstrosities. My thing is I'm trying to protect my elderly mother from my narcissistic/sociopathic sister and her husband. It's not going so well. Oh, how I would love to go no contact with all of them at this point but I can't right now. My sister and her f*cking husband are stealing from her, bullying her, etc. I need to try to get her a lawyer too. It's really hard. Or I could just let her get screwed over to save myself. Narc's create these horrific scenarios in life. It's so easy to get sucked into a reactive state. This video is a brilliant reminder in how to deal with their shit. Thank you.

Thank you!!!!! spot on... not everyone can leave and this is GOLD

Accurate wisdom once again. Much appreciated!

Bro, you’re speaking my love language. I just got done explaining to this girl that you’re actually arguing with artificial intelligence if you engage with a narcissists!

This is great stuff bc so many of us have narcissists in our lives that we must deal with and silence isn't always an option. THANK YOU!

Great video! Thank you !

Thank you for this video

Great video, this ticks all the boxes, thank you so much!

These are the most useful videos I have ever found about this topic. This detail in thinking saves lives.

Great advice!! Thank you so much!!! 😊

Richard those who of us who know see through it. We love u. Never stop fighting the good fight. Thank you for messages they mean a lot to many of us. Thank you

This is the video I have been waiting for. Thank you Richard.

this is so good. Please help us with helpful contents like this

Amazing Video. Just perfect!

that was brilliant Richard, thank you..

Fantastic Richard... Property settlement and we connected and I picked up on every move.... I retreated real quick I agreed to a small amount, then I blocked him and he tried contacting me I ignored after all I had my home and all my money went into him and now I went NO CONTACT, detached and still trying my utmost best to stay that way as I'm not in 2 minds. I try to ride my emotions till mediation so I can have a voice.

Excellent course. I can’t express how grateful I am for Richard’s guidance.

Ignoring things he says is the absolute best advice. Now, if I could just remember that when he verbally attacks or attacks to my breaking point -- the time when I need to ignore the most. I will learn.

This was legit GOLD.

very good advice, when someone can't do no contact. Hard to imagine that a narcissist is so bad, that they require these mind games to keep the victim safe.