See DARVO, deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Blame shifting, gaslighting behavior of the narcissist.

@charlotterodgers9168

Жыл бұрын

Dr Ramani teaches this and its so accurate

@jaredmello

Жыл бұрын

That’s a good one

@lindajoyrainbowneal5609

Жыл бұрын

... devil-carryin' hellions, in denial re their upcoming appointment ... (-_'|

@yanajohnson5776

Жыл бұрын

What do you do if the child is the narcissist and you are the mother?

@KristonMahr

Жыл бұрын

It was always subliminal comparisons, never directly stating something, even after years of no contact they presume to know everything about me.

_The moment you stop giving s$it about whether the relationship works or not, they lose their power to manipulate you._

@roberthunton8175

Жыл бұрын

Yeah that's true in my case grief was what freed me from a narcissist when I was grieving her true colours were revealed a week after my grandmother's funeral I walked away never looking back I got that "you will never find anyone better than me" speech I checked out when she asked me "is there someone else" she was with me that morning when the doctor told me my grandmother was dying

@debbiehepler2007

Жыл бұрын

Exactly. And they hate that.

@Variant1on1

Жыл бұрын

This is so true.

@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT

Жыл бұрын

💯

@lalani888blue

Жыл бұрын

That's true. However they use that opportunity as well to continue doing things to make sure you feel devalued. They never stop. Best thing is to get rid of them. Period. Purge your home, your life of ALL the trash

I told my narcissist about my childhood trauma. And I regretted it soon. Never never talk about your traumas until you see it's a normal person, not a narcissist. 😢

@miliblossom1602

5 ай бұрын

True❤

@arianebennion

5 ай бұрын

Yep, constantly tells me my relationship issues ate because of something that happened 30 years ago not the fact he's been cheating for 5 years.

@eto111le

5 ай бұрын

Don’t claim them as “yours” they don’t deserve to be anywhere near your energy ❤️‍🩹

@NatureRelaxation87

4 ай бұрын

Mine told to get over it😢

@TheStoicArmyPainter

4 ай бұрын

i told my wife one time i slept with an older woman out of paint and loss of a past relationship and she reminds me of it weekly. :(

Nobody talks about loneliness you experience when you break from that person. This is especially sad when you are old and have no one else.

@nikivasileva552

2 ай бұрын

You have yourself and that's enought.

@shirleyann245

2 ай бұрын

You also have God, authentic, truthful, and forgiving

@f.frederickskitty2910

2 ай бұрын

Hugs to you Wanda ❤

@sharonappleton22

Ай бұрын

You're right, it's a sad time. I'll send a hug to you 💞

@SmartSwitch-tc5mp

Ай бұрын

​@@shirleyann245God? 😂

“Abandon sincere communication, when you are communicating with the terminally insincere”. Words to live by

@JohnMoreno1958

4 ай бұрын

True.

@salgar1234

3 ай бұрын

Yeah I keep getting caught up in this one! Those people who seem like they are interested in having a meaningful conversation, until you start talking and then they instantly turn off!! They have no interest in hearing what you have to say.

@dmoon5150

2 ай бұрын

This!.. and don't over explain when they throw accusations your way that you know are not true. They only want a reaction. This one is still hard for me and I've been out for 10 years now. Out of the blue, he will text something that happened 20 years ago or he will tell me he did something that he knows will hurt me when he did not actually do the thing. I finally figured out, he just wants to stress me the fuck out and he did this our entire 23 year marriage.

@irishrose1970cr

2 ай бұрын

Lots of people are like this. Especially when they ask about you or what's wrong. They start looking away, change conversation, belittle your feelings, their situation is worse than yours, toxic positivity, etc. It's all about gossip and general chit chat. It's so hard to find real depth and compassion anywhere.

@cynthiawhite1122

17 сағат бұрын

@@irishrose1970cr Yes, those that do not understand and give you a bunch of unsolicited advice really pissed me off. I have since weeded out many "friends." while building up my "true tribe."

My personal favorite is the “we already talked about this” and “stop living in the past and get over it” when the issue was never fully resolved

@acolley2891

7 ай бұрын

Or they are still doing the thing " in the past". And you actually "never talked about" anything, just got a word salad.

@roberttaylor9334

7 ай бұрын

That's when it's time to pull up your boots and get out of there...😮

@rynickhenderson296

7 ай бұрын

Tell them this…$I’ll stop living in the past when you stop making it the present. Say let’s play a game.. what ever you want me to do you do it first for two years then I’ll do it. Say you would never stand for this… so I’m not either. Every thing is bc of you… so say everything is bc of them. Be that mirror.

@marniepowell948

7 ай бұрын

Deep

@EvgeniiaDolinenko

6 ай бұрын

So true❤

If u feel constantly confused and upset and miserable you are dealing with a narc. Get them out of your life and never go back ❤

@elanawrot9889

Жыл бұрын

Yes, confusion, all the time, constantly, it's draining so much

@lolab1643

Жыл бұрын

@@elanawrot9889 I had it for 14 years.. he was my best friend and the love of my life . Thought I’d never get over him… but I did! And I’m much happier, at peace and healthier now . The key is acceptance and NO contact. Ever again .. as much as you love them it is just not possible for them to change.

@paulaw9764

Жыл бұрын

And when it's your own Son, imagine trying or having to walk away... 😭

@lolab1643

Жыл бұрын

@@paulaw9764 So difficult for you. My mother is bipolar and a narc. I walked away from her constant drama years ago and life is better… but then I got involved with another one and went through it all again! I can spot them a mile away now… Don’t think I’d be able to let go if it were my kids though.. good luck to you with your son 💛

@paulaw9764

Жыл бұрын

@@lolab1643 I didn't think life could get any tougher, but when you're reduced to feeling like nothing as a person, then something has to change. Even if that change also hurts like hell. You end up not knowing what's up or what's down or sideways anymore and I'm done with it. All the best to you, maybe things will come right for us eventually 🙏❤️

They NEVER give you closure.

@nicolerymarenko7726

Ай бұрын

Ugh, sad realization but It's something we have to accept.

@clintonnagy1662

28 күн бұрын

NOPE. They want to see you squirm. They love the control.

@jeffreypmitchell

10 күн бұрын

Closure is a myth. The myth is damaging to you.

@catherinegrout1513

10 күн бұрын

You don't have to wait for them to Give You Closure. You can put an end to the relationship and move on with your life.

@suzanneorbellmeyer4823

9 күн бұрын

Nope, not even on their death bed. NEVER! I know first hand. He died 8 years ago.

1) Pretending not to understand 2) Deflect and attack 3) Deny 4) Psychic Reading (being told what you feel not asked what you feel) 5) Re-Framing (bringing up some other thing, in particular if it’s hurtful to trigger you into emotional stress) Thanks ✏️📒

@traycwilson945

6 ай бұрын

If you happen to see this comment directed to you about your post, would you please copy it and send it to me? Thank you 😊

@DMAC1301

5 ай бұрын

There always has to be that one that lists the points of the video,,,, ugh

@balanceskateboarding8807

4 ай бұрын

Helpful thanks for the list

@lillyrose1422

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for taking the time to write this list ..❤

@TheHSoko

3 ай бұрын

@@lillyrose1422 💕🙏🌈

It's a happy and sad realization to know you're not the only one dealing with these emotionally damaged, soul sucking, people eaters.

@marielaedgar8759

11 ай бұрын

Absolutely! Thank you!!!

@desertmandan123

11 ай бұрын

They are very much like human sponges, drawing every last ounce of feeling from you..

@shannon8315

11 ай бұрын

@@desertmandan123 It's exhausting to the victims.

@desertmandan123

11 ай бұрын

@@shannon8315 My ex wife was a Narc, I went to stay with a sister after the divorce and she was worse than my ex wife..I haven't seen or spoken to either in years...and my life is so much better. I only realised my ex's actions when I saw the very same in my elder sister, and knew it wasn't me or my actions.

@shannon8315

11 ай бұрын

@desertmandan123 it's amazing how once we're aware of narcissistic behavior, you see it a lot more than you realize and accepted before. It's nice to be aware.

It's demon possession. They're pathological liars that won't take responsibility and accountability

@centeredmuslim3436

Жыл бұрын

This is the truth.

@wonderfulwenna2710

Жыл бұрын

There are no such things as Demons,this is a mental health condition.

@jasonstone8222

Жыл бұрын

@Wonderful Wenna mental illnesses can be corrected with the truth. Someone that says there is no such thing as demon possession also doesn't believe the Bible. Word of God says there is. Most mental illnesses are due to willful sin snd the demons enter in and the person loses self control and something else is controlling their minds bodies and behaviors. The spirit realm is real. Deliverance is absolutely 100 percent real. Tho once delivered they can go back to their sin and get repossessed. Bible talks about that too.

@wonderfulwenna2710

Жыл бұрын

We all have our own beliefs,whether they are true or not.Agree 100% about the lying ,accountabilities ……..😊

@jasonstone8222

Жыл бұрын

Demons effect the mind and come in in a variety of ways. Genetics= generational curses with familiar spirits attached that persuade the individuals to sin and the demon entered them. Can come thru trauma and abuse. Evil entertainment sinful lifestyles Drugs including pharmaceutical drugs getting into the occult knowingly or unknowingly just to name a few. . Alot of mental disorders could be remedied by repentance and acceptance of the truth and prayer fasting worship etc. Most suffering with these illnesses are full of excuses for their bad behaviors....excuses are lies...I mean if you know right from wrong but choose to do wrong these demons come in and control a person who has not repented and renounced of the sin that let them in. They chose evil over good in alot of cases. Unbelief in the word of God is in reality an evil too. The old saying the greatest trick the devil ever played on humanity is to convince people he doesn't exist is true too. All ungodly personalities are demonic spirits and there's an opposite for those that alliingn

My narcissist ex would say the most vile hurtful things and when I would get noticeably upset it would be "What's wrong? What did I do?". When he knew damn well what he did.

As the child of a narcissist, trying to understand how someone who was supposed to protect and love you could be like this is truly overwhelming. Anguish seems too small to describe it. For me it's simply psychological torture. I feel haunted.

@TearThatRedFlagDown

6 ай бұрын

Same with my girlfriend, her mum is a massive narcissist and my girlfriend only realised how much damage was done to her after she moved out and wasn't exposed to her mum for an extended period of time. Now, years later she's still dealing with it.

@Phillyhippie215

6 ай бұрын

You described this perfectly. I feel the exact same way. Like my mom and father cursed me with some sort of psychological virus that’s here for life. I resent them so damn much. Not because of how they treated me, but because I had no choice to absorb it all. I wish I could go back to my childhood with all the info I have now. I also hope this new generation of children having to deal with a narcissist are seeing videos like this to break the cycle early.

@thetammiejohnson

5 ай бұрын

My step granddaughter is in my daughter and her father’s custody and her bio mom and grandma are so cruel in hope they tag team work her. Her dad has spent 3 years trying to legally address this after the bio mom refused to even consider a member of her household (stepson) was starting to show inappropriate sexual based attention towards his stepsister when daughter was with bio mom on her weekends access holiday time. It’s heartbreaking that bc bio mom and G’ma are relatively wealthy they are dismissed as abusers and given the legal ability to emotionally destroy a child.

@lolab1643

5 ай бұрын

You will never be able to understand that which is not understandable. They think differently and cannot feel emotions such as empathy, love and compassion like normal people. Trying to understand is just wasting your time and prolonging your pain. Just get them out of your life and let go and move on. My mother was bipolar and narcissist.. my father her enabler. They are both dead to me now and my life is finally peaceful

@jewlej

5 ай бұрын

Hello - both my mom and dad were narcissists along with my only sister. I got with a guy who turned into a textbook psychopath but I studied him up close and he doesn’t have this parental instinct just doesn’t have the capability of love. It’s gone I saw it as he let our child jump across roofs of sheds in one of our visits. That was years ago. This year I realized my own mother doesn’t have it either she’s a covert narcissist that made a few comments to me which she knew how I was being treated and she didn’t care. She pretended to be a caring mother then her parents passed away and she went 180 full demon. She doesn’t have it either and I’m floored, 2 months later and I still can find myself crying. It hurts worse than being with a psychopath. And my sister is just like her, if not worse (set up to take her husbands baby which was successful, prevented husbands mother from seeing husband when he was in a coma, evicted that mother when he didn’t recover she had lived with them). Just evilness

Abandon sincere communication when dealing with the insincere. 💯

@reneeewens-bettridge8420

Жыл бұрын

Wise words!

@biggrhymees88one

Жыл бұрын

What if you do the opposite consciously when it is clearly communication is not sincere?

@jaiprakashagrawal3580

Жыл бұрын

Agree totally.❤👍😊🌹

@mitziclark7488

Жыл бұрын

Sick mental cases

@jaiprakashagrawal3580

Жыл бұрын

@@mitziclark7488 agree.sort of vampires..👍

When you see a person is a narcissist, plan quietly and run. Don’t go back. They WILL hurt you.

@goldenautumn3073

Жыл бұрын

Yes, totally. Absolute cutting ALL contact, and keeping it that way , even if you have to get the Law to ensure it, has to happen if you want to get their sickening control out of your life.

@melissawilliams1050

Жыл бұрын

RUN is right! Never turn back!

@Venomonomonom

Жыл бұрын

There ARE good ppl with NPD tho. Some ppl with cluster-B get help bc they want it. Also, nobody is evil. Some ppl being difficult and selfish can be a result of disorders. If someone is even a psychopathic villain, they're simply a result of their environment and nature.

@jullietmburu9672

Жыл бұрын

@@Venomonomonom There's a reason why they get the bad rap - they've EARNED it 💯 There are other disorders, including cluster C and A, and yet still, cluster B are the ones who are predatory and lack empathy and intentionally hurt people to get their way. Only cluster B will seek out a person, manipulate purely to use and discard and NOT see a problem with that. For them love is equal to how much you are willing to be used. They also seek out fellow disordered people (mostly cluster C) and use them because, they are easily manipulated and attached. Ain't no saving some monsters. We appreciate scorpions and wasps, but you don't see anyone trying to pet or cozy up to them - because to hurt you is part of their NATURE. We also want those we love to be far far away from wasps and scorpions, and only professionals are able to deal with them. So is the same with cluster B.

@djbabyv

Жыл бұрын

Not if i hurt him first

"you start to BECOME them" - URGH. This definitely woke me up to a degree

@clintonnagy1662

28 күн бұрын

Absolutely. I was being just like her. Blame shifting, gas lighting, and guilt tripping. I'm embarrassed. I didnt know it could happened but it did.

@quetvnet

16 күн бұрын

I started questioning if I was also a narci 😮

@tjhammer24

15 күн бұрын

This is a profound fact and the realization comes far down the line. Trusting yourself and accepting all the instinctive things you told yourself in the past about them and relationship is a key to breaking through. No longer gaslighting yourself!

@suzanneorbellmeyer4823

9 күн бұрын

Yes, that is a true statement. You do become them, aarrrhhĥ

@suzanneorbellmeyer4823

9 күн бұрын

But back then, I knew nothing about narcs, never ever heard the word. I have learnt about narcs after he died

9:10 they make you have an emotional reaction and then blame you for being too emotional.I’ve dealt with this for the past year and I want to break free. The problem is they weren’t like this in the beginning so I keep thinking “this monster isn’t who they really are” which is a delusion in itself. The abuser is never abusive allllll the time so they convince me they still have this great side and it’s just simply not true. They are a monster and they will never change.

@thetammiejohnson

5 ай бұрын

My friend of 38 years is going through this right now. Her husband works her like a sculptor works clay. What’s your intellect realizes and what your emotions want are often opposite. I understand exactly went you are going through. It is just completely incomprehensible to someone who really wants relationship with another person and that other person treats them with cruelty and tries to make them feel like they’re stupid and selfish when in reality it’s the narcissist who’s stupid and selfish. I had a relationship with someone for seven years, and I had known them for three years prior to beginning the relationship and in their mind their behavior was perfectly acceptable and anytime I tried to talk to them about how they were making me feel, or if I tried to find a compromise, it was an exercise in absolute futility. And the sad part is is this Person had some really wonderful traits, but the bad things outweigh the good things and their outright, selfishness and absolute refusal to even consider compromising anything ruin the good. To this day I still love that person and I still enjoy talking to them for just a couple of minutes, because anything longer than that, and they start dragging up our past relationship from 16 years ago And telling me how wrong I was or making nasty little comments about how I am. So I just avoid them because the just does not make up for the bad. And I tried so hard so long to work on it to be patient to try to find that good person that was there in the beginning, and I finally arrived at the conclusion that People change and that person makes no effort to see what they’re doing and how it’s making you feel, you will never be happy. Happiness is subjective. It really is the only person who can make you happy or unhappy is you and if you had a normal mole suddenly change into a deformed and painful spot, would you hope it would revert to a normal & nondescript mole? No, you would not. You would go to the doctor because you would realize that you most likely were developing cancer. Because that’s what those people are they’re cancer, and they will eat you up and not care. The flashes of the wonderful person that you knew before are exactly that… little flashes…. is literally what you’re going to get so if those little flashes of that, keep you happy enough to stay in the relationship then you’re gonna have to accept that that’s how the person is and understand you agreeing to how they treat you knowing that they’re not going to make any effort whatsoever to think about you put you first or compromise in any way, just as it has begin to sour, it’s only gonna get worse because that is basically the evolution of a narcissist and the longer they have , the deeper their hook is sunk into you will reflect how badly they treat you. I have no idea how old you are, but it’s similar to what happened to Patti Hearst. Because it literally starts changing your perception as well as your responses. It becomes your normal. And that is a very sad normal. I feel so bad for my friend, because she says exactly the same thing I know the good person is in there. This person is not who I married. All the problem is is the person she married no longer exists. I really wish you from the bottom of my heart the best possible outcome. But I can tell you right now if the person you’re speaking of will not acknowledge, recognize and monitor their responses continuously and commitment even if they change temporarily, it’ll just slide back in to the behavior they had.

@penelopepitstop06

5 ай бұрын

They love to get your goat and laugh about it.

@AnnieOFlaherty

4 ай бұрын

I am 82years old/young Living with my only daughter single mid 50s failed relationships and says she finished because I needed her. We share a house together my portion of mortgage paid in full. Living in he'll for 22 years. I am now inn poor health and she is refusing to let me avail of home help I have lost all nature for her. Through listening to videos such as this. I know she will never change. I am trying to distance my thoughts from her as I now feel she she is demonic. I do believe in Jesus Christ.

@cincyfanjunglecity9871

3 ай бұрын

Going through this exact thing right now.

@lindsaywilliams3774

2 ай бұрын

You fell in love with the mask. Not the real self. Move on.

Lived in this secret nightmare for 30yrs. Huge help to learn of this bizarre disorder. I call it my a secret hell because they are so talented at secretly abusing you whilst looking so charming to others. These videos are revelation!

@carolsummers8734

Жыл бұрын

People mostly women would tell me how lucky I was to be married to him. But it was his facade in public, not what was real in our marriage and family.

@marylusunshine

Жыл бұрын

so sorry you lived so long through this. i was married to a "vulnerable narcissist" which is much harder to identify--for 30 years also.

@tamimann3828

Жыл бұрын

I can see why you stayed in the relationship so long. That would have most likely been me too as I have stayed with my vulnerable narcissist husband for 9 years and I have now separated from him in the past 2 months. This education is such a revelation to me. It has certainly helped me understand why this leaving him is so hard. I knew something wasn’t right with our marriage early on but because I was so ready to believe only the good I ignored the red flags. I had been happily married before for 28 years and he passed away so I knew that my current marriage shouldn’t be this hard. But, had it not been for the education I would still be in this weird, confusing marriage.

@gracekangethe7969

Жыл бұрын

Wow!

@kindGSL

Жыл бұрын

@@marylusunshine Me too, but it was only 23 years of marriage and another 15 years to get over it. The worst part is I also lost my kids; they haven't spoken to me for the whole15 years.

41 years I am married to a narcissistic husband who controlled me, cheated, verbally abused myself and my children, manipulated, lied etc etc. The saddest of all is that I have only learnt 6 months ago what a narcissistic personality is. I have always thought that he has a psychic dark side and needs help. Now I am standing up for myself, getting stronger.

@marielaedgar8759

11 ай бұрын

It's taken me 23 years to awake! Now comes the healing...I'm trying to divorce him but it's so emotionally draining!

@Nxtlvlfreq100

11 ай бұрын

You’re not alone. 37 years SMH

@wednesday8397

10 ай бұрын

Sweetie, I GET it! I'm married to one (21 years now) and it thrills me that this video teaches us how to fight back instead of just identifying the narcissist. Some of these I've learned on my own, but most I didn't so this guy is AWESOME

@lealina5030

10 ай бұрын

30 years. Exactly same experience. Now divorce in which, with the help of his lawyer, he tries to blame me for the exact same things he has done and I have not (cheating, stealing) in order to get me finance the rest of his life. It's unreal but these videos are a tremendous help.

@wednesday8397

10 ай бұрын

@@lealina5030 they help me as well. Sooooooo much. I can call him out on his gaslighting when he does it which ends the argument because I'm right.

It's amazing how much one can see when GOD Opens our eyes of understanding.

He ended the relationship because of my boundaries. I calmly walked away and went no contact.

When the narc is your mother....on a whole other level. As a child, I had no frame of reference. Its taken 58 years to see the light. Thank you for your help!

@oeaoo

Жыл бұрын

Same here. But I suspect she got not just narc thing. Very adaptive though.

@lorrainenicoletti6232

Жыл бұрын

Same here 68 years in!! Isn’t it shocking not to know what was going on ? It’s only very recently that all this information and distinction regarding the abuser rather then victim , me , flipped it all around! Years of fix me therapy. Frustration, when knowledge, the deep dive on the games being played by these people gave me REAL POWER.

@eagleeye2300

Жыл бұрын

I so understand, having been through the same thing. Both of my parents were narcissists. Consequently every romantic relationship I've had has been with narcissists. The last one so insane and damaging I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD what had been going on all my life. After leaving, it took me two years to be able to brush my teeth every day, and to bathe regularly. Only someone who's been through this would get it! Much love and strength to you. Live your best life now... That's my plan. We win by being who we are, and standing in the Light.

@damanodrama

Жыл бұрын

My mom is a not the malignant kind of narcissist but the helicopter over controlling mom who never allowed me to be myself. She is disrespectful to the core but disguised by “duty and righteousness”. I had to turn Into a very thorny person so she would not get Inside of me and rearrange everything. Unfortunately, even she meant well, she was still emotionally toxic and manipulative so she was always the perfect good mother and I was the rebel. I feel a gut rejection and contempt towards her. I don’t feel love or wish to care for anything related to her But she keeps her tentacles all over my life. Smear me with everyone She portrays me as unfit to society and an unruled daughter who will always need a mother. But I don’t I am my own mother And she senses it And hates me for it Makes me pay for it I had overcome all this at old age But oh how much I wish I had the tools early on so I could defend myself properly So sad

@oeaoo

Жыл бұрын

@@damanodrama so familiar. The funny thing is that it's just a set of narratives in their heads we believe and care about for some reason. They rely on our belief and in fact it's them who are dependant and dead without us, not visa versa. So, let's stay calm seeing and hearing all their garbage. It just does't touch anything as it's just all sick nonsense.

Recently I've come to this realization: If someone's actions/words cause me constant confusion (be it subtle or overwhelming), I'm probably dealing with a narcissist because my poor brain is trying to 'normalize' what's going on, not knowing that 'normal' just ain't gonna happen with this person. And IF I'm dealing with a narcissist, I'm dealing with a LIAR. I do NOT believe narcissists are intelligent people (bear with me). I do believe they are extremely adept at ONE THING ONLY: manipulation. And manipulation is basically LYING. That's all they really are. Liars with no life skills whatsoever who have to manipulate their way through the years. Even any charisma exuded by them is a mask, a LIE. Look at the top 5 things Richard wrote that they do. All those tactics can be boiled down to one behavior: LYING.

@marierose6792

Жыл бұрын

That is my thoughts exactly. And they really do not SEE or appreciate you, because they see that they have gained you, only through their manipulation. True love can never exist for them. And this gives them a feeling that they can easily discard you.

@christycomer373

Жыл бұрын

It’s what they do best! They never tell the truth or answer a direct question honestly. They are just grown adults with the mentality of a child who never grew up.

@AZDC99

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for the confirmation I needed an addition to the other ones of letting go of a friendship. Caught them in a lie about a documented fact of a movie of all things. I'm not Mr Movie Nerd or anything--but it went to show that their commentary about things I was going through were also based on lies like I thought. The funny thing was they tried to cover up a lie with another lie. (So much for the "Everybody lies" line that I grew up with from my dad). It is priceless to have you state something I knew was always wrong. I wondered if I was being oversensitive? But, years of little white lies and then hearing things that sounded like big lies made up on the spot, I ran for the hills from this friendship.

@specialtwice4975

Жыл бұрын

I find narcissists mostly dumb. There are smart ones out there but there are more dumb than smart. Psychopaths/sociopaths on the other hand are wayyyyy smarter. This is what I have experienced so far.

@doreenclapper1270

Жыл бұрын

How true, and we'll said.💝

I'm just so exhausted from knowing ....ruminating endlessly

@clintonnagy1662

28 күн бұрын

The same happen to me. I practice distracted thinking. The moment I recognize I'm having obsessing thoughts about her, I immediately think of something else until it counters her memories. Look at it this way....they arent thinking about you, why bother thinking about them? Besides they are probably spending all their time grooming their next victim because they don't have morals. As long as my ex has new supply to fit between her legs, she is happy.

Yep for 25 years I hoped and got gut kicked with regularity throughout every day. Finally gave up and left. Access denied!!! I abandoned 10 people in 1 day. I simply told them , If you cannot treat me with kindness and respect- dont contact me. And for an entire year zero contact. I waited to see how long it would be without me being the one driving the relationship, not one of them ever contacted me once not by any means. So 1yr to the day, I changed my number and cell provider, withdrew from ALL social media, fenced in my front yard with a gate across my driveway and moved on. It hurt at first particularly on holidays. But 4 years later. Im so much happier and peaceful without their behavior. Im indifferent to them. Good, bad, doesnt matter Im not available. Im only on You tube now.❤

The really strange phenomenon was the Groundhog Day quality of the relationship. There was no forward development or increase of trust and care. It was the same tactics in slightly different form over and over again.

@49times

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for putting this into words!

@ssarkansas

4 ай бұрын

But only we see the repetitive actions. For them, everyday is a new day and yesterday never happened. They expect you to move along, but you're not going anywhere, and put that smile on and don't mention their behavior or the hateful words they spoke to you. Unless they want to bring up YOUR minor faults, cause that's ok. Even the ones from YEARS ago. Don't you dare bring up what was done to you just last night. It is the most exhausting and frustrating thing to deal with.

@lolab1643

4 ай бұрын

@@ssarkansas You don’t have to deal with the situation.. u can leave and end it. You have a choice! When you complain about a situation you make yourself a victim. Accept it or change it. I know it’s hard but that choice to let go of the narcs will change your life for the better… Always✨

@danadragulescu5842

2 ай бұрын

That is one of the moments where you understand that the relation will NEVER geht better , being caught in a circle which only drains your energy.

@heatherfeathers

2 ай бұрын

​@@ssarkansasI literally could have written your comment. How TF are they all the same? DNA link? Spawn of Cain? It is terrifying.

At 39 years of age I have finally realised both my parents are Narcissistic people. I have now started the process of zero contact. Only so much abuse one person can take

@tammyfitzgerald5336

Жыл бұрын

❤❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌😊

@nicselectronics81

Жыл бұрын

Same 39 years except mom is real.

@resfre3q

Жыл бұрын

Amen to that brother keep that zero-contact going. Stay strong!

@ginacassares6801

Жыл бұрын

Watchnout for. The rage. And tricks they play. Revenge on you for not allowing this

@simsim876

11 ай бұрын

Live for the peace, that’s all that matters. Don’t go back. Look after yourself, you deserve it

HOLY SMOKES.... im literally mind blown. This is relief, pain, shock.... all at once. This makes sense.

Narcissists also like to say, "You're stuck with me because you'll never find another person like me." I finally woke up and told him. You're right because I'll find someone who's better. I got divorced Feb 2019

@tricialafrancerougas

Ай бұрын

Good for you! When I told my ex-husband he lied about what he believed to get me to marry him because I told him I would never date a said person, he said well you’re stuck (because we both don’t believe in divorce)… I told him I wasn’t stuck and he told me I was stuck 2 more times! 8 months and I left. It’s definitely a demonic spirit… the confusion, disillusion, belittling, deflection, blaming, control… so glad I got out and that I’m healing!! ❤️‍🩹 God has taught me so much even though it was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced!

@sheilabryant5229

22 күн бұрын

I was constantly told how ugly I am and then how pretty I am. 🙄

@tricialafrancerougas

22 күн бұрын

My ex husband told me I was stuck with him 3 times back to back because we both don’t believe in divorce. If we had different opinions about something, he would state his was correct 3 times back to back when I would tell him how I felt. I would just say it’s okay that we feel differently… you will never have a healthy relationship with a narcissist.

@clintonnagy1662

14 күн бұрын

Funny you say that. My ex gf use to say that alot. " You're stuck with me". At first I was happy because she is beautiful, funny, good job, no drugs and not a criminal. I don't get women like her ever... Later, I felt it wasn't quite what she meant. I may have low self esteem, but my tolerance for bullcrap works just fine. The mind games wore me down.

I became a people-pleaser and over-explainer from CPTSD, and that led me into traps with toxic people. In the last few years I learned about the traits of Narcissism and OCPD, and how to use Grey Rocking to stop people-pleasing and over-explaining. Now I have a better time of not taking things personally, putting distance between myself and people I perceive as toxic, and spending more time on my own healthy actions than seeking validation from others. I had to learn to abandon my own toxic insecurities and need for approval from everyone. I now play stupid, quiet, and start going about my own business whenever I feel someone is seeking some kind of supply. I will walk away from them and go do something I want to do, rather than spend time "being nice" to someone who doesn't seem to catch-on to how to treat others.

@lyricdyanara

Жыл бұрын

I know exactly how you were feeling! I grew up people pleasing. I was taught that women are the care takers, the boo boo fixers, be a good wifey...blah, all bull$hit! Who takes care of me? Who supports me? Now I know it's ME...Now it is, "Bye, bye toxic training of the old days. Give me respect you'll get respect. Be a caring human to me I'll be a caring human back to you. I'm not here to "fix" anyone." I'll stay single before I'll fall into that BS again.

@lanamaart1000

Жыл бұрын

Agree with you...

@TheWestlandgirl

Жыл бұрын

Exactly. Stop trying to please others, just be an honest person and do and say nice things without expecting an Award or acknowledgement. Do it for your own personal happiness or fulfillment.

@melissawilliams1050

Жыл бұрын

I suffer from all of this and struggle daily. Any pointers?

@janpressler1491

Жыл бұрын

I've done the same thing over and over the years, trying to be understandable, caring ect. and it never gets better, the narcissist just loves to tear people down. I've been Gray Rocking and soul distancing my spouse, what an ass I thought, but it's worse....he's a Narcissist!!! I'm learning what you have learned and it's working, but We do need to find our own happiness away from Narcissist People. I'm 70 and I'm so tried of these crazy narcissist people. I joined a community, and learning what makes me happy. Thank you, I too have learned to play stupid, quite, and walk away too. One thing witch brings my love and joy is being round animals, that's my happiness.🥰

Giving up hope and accepting the truth about them is the most important step to getting over the narcissist

@Fishsticks007

2 ай бұрын

Exactly. I tried to “fix one” or adapt to their behavior for 4 years and it nearly killed me. Absolutely awful people. They never change. Never.

@nofsingersarah

5 күн бұрын

It’s liberating when you do except and move on

You do not need your partner's approval to break up with them. You don't need them to agree.

This is THE GREATEST VIDEO I've ever seen on narcissistic abuse!!! I was married to a sociopath for 45 years. He passed away two months ago and I am slowly recovering while grieving not for him but for a lifetime of heartache and regret...

Don't forget all the love bombing at the start and then in between. You fall for them for a reason. And sometimes they seem to have open and honest conversations where they earnestly talk about change and growth. Monsters aren't monsters all the time, at least not at first. Not when things are going their way. Observe them when things aren't perfect, or when they've had a drink, or how they talk about their ex or their parents. Mine was the 'abandoned child', the victim, the martyr who did so much for others and had realised he was 'just better than everyone else'. Every concern was met with: 'I've done so much for you'.

@averagejane09

4 ай бұрын

Gosh yes. The holding over your head the things they do for you as leverage to silence you when you bring up something unrelated and totally valid. OMG.....if you dare have feelings about anything...boom...I worked so hard for you and this is how you repay me...yep.....and yes....the love bombing....creates the trauma bond. You keep trying to get back to the good stuff...cause you saw it before...so it is real right? Gotta be there somewhere. I noticed I slowly got less and less emojis with hearts or kisses or hugs and then at some point realized I was initiating most of the contact...but he would act offended if I finally sat back for a few days to let him take his turn...then I was ignoring him according to his theory....sigh...really hard stuff to get your mind around and it is like boiling the frog....the change happens so darn slowly that it takes a while to realize what has happened.

@ksc2736

4 ай бұрын

My God - that's so eye opening. My bf is the same; the emotionally neglected child and then the saviour in all of his relationships. Except for ours; I'm saving his a** right now because he's so fucked up; but don't you think he's ever done anything for me EVER

@TheCovertsEnabler

17 күн бұрын

This makes me feel much less crazy. Lol No one has had it as bad as him *48 min of the victim story later* It hurts him to be so caring, though! Hahahaha

Solutions start at 8:42 for the experienced folks who are ready to move past rumination. 1. Reduce your emotional reactivity to toxic people. 2. Grey Rock. aka give less of yourself to the relationship with a toxic person. 3. Stop desiring validation, understanding, and permission from toxic people. 4. Focus on ACTIONS that make your life healthier for you. 5. Destroy your idea that the toxic person is ever reachable.

@teresarenee3829

Жыл бұрын

yes.

@cleo4356

20 күн бұрын

I'm at point 5 finally after a year of absolute hell. Now I'm trying to focus on my own healing but still have hope he'll "wake up." Ughhh

I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents where I was the scapegoat because I wouldn't sell my soul to them. At that point I was a victim but I am not now. I attract narcissist's into my life. It is a dance that I am comfortable with. I don't like it but I am comfortable with it. That is what I knew. I feel much better not being a victim and knowing that my behavior was learned behavior from my sick parents which I can correct. Not easy but I can do it. Wonderful video.

How right you are! After a few years of this, I somehow came to my senses that there was nothing I could do or say in those situations because I was always wrong or crazy or I was referring to a different time or situation- whatever it was- I was never in the right (even though I knew I was) - so I stopped getting so upset stopped even letting him know it bothered me. I very calmly would say “I’m not going to argue nor talk about this anymore” with a very non-emotional look on my face. And at first it would bother him so much to the point that he would start trying to escalate the argument even more and so I would leave the room, grab my phone, or anything in the vicinity I could do to pay attention to anything but him. And keep a straight face like he wasn’t bothering me. Then after some time of doing that, he started telling me how unemotional, cold and uncaring I was being. So I just agreed with him. Because no matter what I did or said I was always wrong and they were always always the victim. And I did lose all hope in him because after awhile, I knew his behavior was never going to change or get better. Also, I started to notice that no matter what I said or did or gave him or gave up for him, it was never good enough. And no matter what, I would feel bad. Well, that’s something I caught on to almost right away. I shouldn’t be made to feel bad inside for doing something good especially for him. I just felt like he should show a little appreciation or be thankful for things. And then I started to find out that he was actually talking poorly about me behind my back, even telling lies to people. And I didn’t know what kind of person much less partner would do that in the manner that he was doing it. I also suffered physical abuse from this man so honestly, that was the main reason I left him. I didn’t know that the mental and emotional abuse I had been experiencing was actually narcissistic abuse until I was getting professional help and I let it all out to my psychiatrist. And for awhile he just wouldn’t give up, at first he threatened me with horrible things such as lying to child welfare agencies to get my kids (also his kids) taken from me. He actually did that and when it didn’t work, he actually begged with me, pleaded with me to take him back and that obviously didn’t work either. I honestly didn’t get to the point of the mothering stage that you talked about towards the end. I just could and still can’t feel bad for a man who abused me physically, mentally and emotionally, who at every turn, tried to turn it around and play the victim. And I also just can’t and won’t feel bad for a man who makes constant excuses for everything and also blames not only me, but actually anyone that comes to his mind at the time. In my family, the men never once complained about anything much less blamed others for any of their problems. They took care of things and never even called a woman a bad name much less pushed or hit her. They always treated everyone with respect and their wives, daughters, sisters, mothers and any woman with the utmost respect. My dad worked 2 jobs to provide for me and my mom when I was a baby as well as went to college fulltime to get an engineering degree so he could provide better for his family. He didn’t sit around feeling sorry for himself all while trying to blame my mom for things that weren’t even her fault. I think I’m lucky I was raised in that kind of healthy environment where my parents were also a really good team and we were loved equally by both parents and made to feel that we were important and so were our thoughts, feelings and even opinions. And yet, I’m doing my best to raise my own children this way without their father’s support- emotionally or financially. And still have to hear about how I’m raising my kids wrong or whatever possible he can think up to belittle me however he can. But thank God I know better. He also is only hurting himself by not taking an interest in his kids and they are 9 now and they started noticing how and what he would say about me to other people when he would take them on his visits, and it’s getting to the point where his kids don’t even want you to be around him. And they know what he’s saying is wrong or even lies. And so I tell him that then from him I hear that they are lying or that I’m coaching them or whatever- so it really just never ends. But I really don’t give a crap anymore about him or what he says or does. He is not worth the energy of even a thought. And I’ve finally gotten through a lot of therapy a few years ago and have finally gained back my self- esteem, confidence and self- respect and in no way am I going to let him or anyone take that from me again. I like your videos very much because you present them in a very understandable way and also when you’re a woman like me who’s been through this kind of abuse from a man, it’s nice to be able to listen to a man who explains things so thoroughly and in a completely unbiased way. And that’s honestly to say the least. It’s almost like a relief that there are actually intelligent men out there who know and can recognize narcissistic abuse and not strictly blame women for it or assume it was their fault or something they did nor on the other side of the coin, excuse any behavior from it. Your videos are very straightforward and informative and you explain things very well and in such a way that doesn’t discriminate. Thank you very much for your videos, they are much appreciated. I’ve been asked quite often in the past year or so to be a guest speaker at domestic violence shelters and at in-patient drug rehabilitation centers about my experience with abuse and codependency and how I prevailed through it all so I’m always trying to educate myself even more on this type of abuse because I feel it’s so overlooked or ignored in relationships and it may lead into more serious and worse problems (if there is such a thing-but there is) in relationships. I feel like telling my story to other women can at the very least make someone stop and think.

@tariqazizrajpoot2694

4 ай бұрын

@shoaib chatta

@isabellableu97

4 ай бұрын

I, was Raised by a Female Narcissist &, when younger would Always be Attracted to The Male version of Her! Now, living in a Domestic Violence shelter.. Starting, Over on My Healing, Self~Love, Health.. I, KNOW I CAN &, WILL FOCUS ON ME FOR AS LONG AS I NEED. 1, DAY @ A TIME. Thank, you! I, AM STRON💪🏼ER TODAY THAN YESTERDAY. I, am still Healing while they seem to Just Pop-up when I'm Closer to Being Healed from the Last Abuser😢.. &, Try to Drag Me Back To Narcissistic HELL w/ Them! 😳 Facts, EVIL Loves Company... Sending, Healing,💙,💪🏼 &, ✨...

@allisonm.8497

4 ай бұрын

@@isabellableu97 I wasn’t raised by narcissists my mother is gifted she’s an intuitive empath and she sees and senses spirits. She’s also seen and communicated with her father about 4 months after his passing. I also was told about 14 years ago by my mental health counselor that I had extremely empathic abilities and a very strong intuition and sense of perception and that those abilities would get stronger over time. So you could say that I’m an empath who attracted a narcissist and it completely completely sucks. Narcissistis have the ability to make the empath feel extremely sorry for them for any little thing and then we naturally want to help them in any way we possibly can to make it better or make them feel better and they honestly do it completely on purpose and love the attention, love and care you show them and really they get off on it. But if you have a problem they will never show you the same in return- they lack the ability to feel ANY empathy or compassion for anyone. And in fact, will exploit your every weakness of yours to everyone they know and most of the time they do it to hide their own weaknesses. I quit telling my former boyfriend everything after I realized that he was doing that and I couldn’t trust him. After many other mind games and mental, emotional and physical abuse, I sought help and counseling and psychiatric help and again, was told by a different counselor that I was extremely empathetic and I attracted a narcissist and she completely explained why and told me how to deal with him and she helped me start my intense journey of healing from that kind of abuse. The other thing is though, that I had such unconditional love for this man , but as an empath, I also have such an overwhelming urge to constantly help anyone but mostly people close to me and I can’t help the feelings I absorb from them and then the intensity of my own feelings of care and compassion and understanding and I will go completely out of my way even sacrificing my own wellbeing to help them. I can’t exactly explain what it is actually like but you start to realize that it’s not exactly normal when others can’t even return a small favor or give you 5 minutes to talk about your own problems. It all would leave me completely exhausted to the point of fatigue and headaches and I thought something was wrong with my health but at the time nothing was found to be wrong with me. Then I did my own research and found out that is normal for empaths. Not just narcissists but just being around people or a group of people will drain your energy field leaving you exhausted. I have had to resort to seclusion and stopped answering my phone or screening calls and only staying in contact with very few friends who weren’t ones to unload their problems on to me. I have 9 year old twins, a daughter and son, their father is obviously the narcissist and I have set strict boundaries with him both on myself and my kids. And my son has also inherited this gift (or even curse depending on how you look at it) and he is also extremely observant and is way too wise for his years. Him and I are very close both in our ability to understand each other and my understanding and help I offer him when he is struggling with this gift. Him and I are also very connected in our energy fields and when he gets frustrated or upset about anything I instantly get a headache. Anyway, I pray to God that he doesn’t end up attracting a narcissistic girlfriend one day because he’s got such an amazing and gentle heart and way with people including myself and his sister that he’s a prime target to be taken advantage of by a narcissist when he gets older and starts dating. Oh, and in case you were wondering, my father isn’t a narcissist, my parents are actually the best parents anyone could have. They always put the needs and even wants of me and my 4 siblings first, always encouraging us and supporting us in every way possible and in anything we needed be it mentally, emotionally or financially. We weren’t spoiled by any means but we were extremely well taken care of and loved. My father, however, I think has a sort of hard time understanding why I’m overly emotional a lot of times and calls me ‘hypersensitive’. Which, obviously I am, it’s just that he doesn’t really believe in things like sensitives, empaths, clairvoyants, psychics, etc. which is just his opinion and I respect that because he respects me even when I’m ’hypersensitive’ because he immediately wants to fix the problem or situation if I’m crying or showing any sort of negative emotions. And he’s been like that my entire life so obviously our energies are extremely connected and he always knew if I was trying to suppress my emotions and would ask me if I wanted to talk about it. I know that’s normal for parents but he would sometimes know before I would if something was bothering me. Anyway, I’m sorry that you grew up with having a narcissist for a parent, I can’t imagine how difficult it was as well as confusing. But not all of us who attracted narcissists later in life were raised by a narcissist nor do you have to be an empath to attract a narcissist (although it’s extremely common). Let’s not forget that a narcissist can charm even the most intelligent and emotionally strong people. They are very good at hiding their true selves and intentions to the point I call them ‘emotional con artists’. I also believe that once you realize what is actually going on and that you’re not the problem THEY are, and get some counseling, it is possible to break them down piece by piece in such a way that you reverse their mind games and react to them completely opposite to what they are trying to get out of you for their “narcissistic supply”. And once I figured out exactly their game, (which can be extremely hard for an empath because we can not comprehend their behavior since ours is the extreme opposite) responding to it made my narcissist absolutely crazy because no matter what he tried saying or doing, I reacted oppositely, sometimes to the point of being a cold hearted smart ass (that’s how he described it) and I would have to contain myself because I was so good at it I would laugh sometimes hysterically because the dramatic displays that he would put on were absolutely unreal. And he eventually realized that he was no longer getting neither love from me or a flood of emotions (negative or positive depending on the situation) and then that’s how it finally ended. And today, he is actually not doing so well and tries to tell me all the time that he realizes how badly he treated me and completely regrets it and he hasn’t been able to date or even maintain friendships because he knows that his old ways don’t work and he doesn’t really know how to act like a normal person. It’s sad to me but he refuses also to seek any professional help so right there that tells me that he is still in a state of denial that there’s anything wrong with him. And taking him back is definitely not an option because I almost guarantee at some point he will try to go back to his old ways because honestly, that’s all he knows yet he knows it’s wrong but how is he going to change it if he doesn’t want professional help ? And I definitely don’t want to go through that again and since my kids are older now, I don’t want them witnessing that type of behavior and think that it’s ok. Plus, my son is too young to have to go through those confusing and conflicting feelings that a narcissist brings an empath, especially when it’s a loved one much less a parent. I hope I’m doing the right thing in protecting him from that kind of potential treatment from a narcissistic parent. I have made him aware of it and that it’s wrong, but he has a much greater insight than me surprisingly. It has all been a long journey of learning and healing for me and even my kids but it’s also made our bond stronger as a 3 person family. We do include or try to include their father at holidays and other occasions and so far he behaves himself but we still keep him at a distance to protect our own wellbeing and sense of security.

@isabellableu97

4 ай бұрын

@@allisonm.8497 Ok.. I, hear you. 🌬️💙💙💙... Healing, for Me #1.

@RC-gf1yi

3 ай бұрын

I'm a year and a half from seperation from my ex, she has removed our son completely during this time who is now 4, no contact whatsoever, I naively after she threatened me with a domestic violence order that I will tell the authorities about the constant screaming at me in front of him and the 5 times she hit punched scratched pulled my hair, three times in front of our young son, she has manipulated the legal system, made up total lies changed reversed and added to the hitting events and taken no responsibility for her actions, I could go on but I'm now trying to discover if I am also a narcissist whilst dealing with pain of not seeing our son, I mostly fear the emotional suffocation of our son from his possessive mother and what she has said to explain my absence is this my narcissistic personality mourning the loss of my son feeling sorry for myself, I'm very confused and lost, and feel like regardless of family court outcomes our son is lost forever

"It can't be reasoned with, it can't be bargained with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse....and it absolutely will not stop ever until.."

@shelleywinters6763

11 ай бұрын

I'll be back hehe the matrix and the terminator references. Love it. Should help me remember next time I'm dealing with it

@iramsavir5631

11 ай бұрын

Absolutely correct! That describes them to a T! I've experienced that first hand.

@idorion9096

23 күн бұрын

Until you are dead....

@CarmenPerez-kz6rw

17 күн бұрын

“It?” If you are calling your narc an it, you are the narcissist.

@idorion9096

16 күн бұрын

@@CarmenPerez-kz6rw It's a famous movie quote. And it fits

17:28 "You MUST give up on them! You must close these boundary walls." My problem was giving up on them and then not sticking with it

@RICHARDGRANNON

Жыл бұрын

If you're having difficulties I'd highly recommend the new course on richardgrannon.com

This resonates. The most curious bit for me is, how these reactions from the Narc flow out naturally. It doesn’t feel (IMO) that it’s always planned in the moment, but that it’s as if like a robot: plan A. No? Ok, let’s move to plan B. Didn’t work? Shuffle over to plan C, etc., like a built-in psycho computer programming. For an Empath, this is absolute torture.

@lindsaypeek63

Ай бұрын

Well Satan and his minions have been around much longer than us. Read in the Bible how they tried to trick manipulate and gaslight Jesus himself

only people who have gone through narc abuse will reeeeally understand how each and every point fits so well with the narc's behaviour. The rest of the people wouldn't have a clue of the depth of this video.

I have seen a lot of videos on narcissistic people, and this is the first time someone has broken it down so perfectly. Thank you!

@raeven1200

2 ай бұрын

💯🎯

@nicolerymarenko7726

Ай бұрын

Yup! I agree. This one is a complete breakdown.

My mother's common statement was, " oh, you must have misinterpreted me". She said this for YEARS. I wasn't even accusing her of anything. She would verbally insult me or do something mean. I would say, " Why did (would) you say/ do that ? " oh, you must have heard me wrong ". This went on my whole life. I had a nervous breakdown at age 29 from all this insanity. After that, I stopped drinking, got help and cut off all contact with her and all my siblings. Sick, diabolical people. They WANT you to ruin your life. Literally. She died last April and I was relieved. Like a thorn was pulled out of my side.

@beccareynolds4625

Жыл бұрын

Incredible isn’t it but I know when / if these people die I will feel the same.

@Sleeplessmclean

Жыл бұрын

My mother drove me to almost suicide at the age of 13. She tried everything in the book to make me feel crazy, gaslighted me always. A monster.

@valerierichards3613

Жыл бұрын

Abuse lie deny rinse repeat. I felt nothing when my narc mum died, not happy or sad. They are selfish to core and don't care how much pain or damage they do to small children. It's hard work to undo psychological trauma but working on it

@marshaaragon2336

Жыл бұрын

Oh that statement I know it well. I have the type of mind that I remember words exactly as they are said, I see the words in my mind....great for school bad for relationships. I have hear you misheard me since I was a child. It has moved from my mother, to my ex husband, and now the piece of work that just dropped our 8yr relationship, including engagement, in the trash. They are all narcissistic and this last one I completely missed. Thank goodness for KZread and videos like these. Not only do I not feel alone right now....I am learning how to not "mishear" ever again.

@everydaytherapist7315

Жыл бұрын

They say "you must have misinterpreted me" while in another breath accuse you of an intention or motive you never had. They will take your words and prove how malicious you are when, in fact, your words were innocuous and the intent was NOT what they say it was. So when you then say, "you must have misinterpreted me" they will smile inside.

"I don't know what you're talking about" is his famous words. So glad I left him after 12 yrs.

This video describes my father to a t. I don't know how my instincts were so good as a 17 year old, and not knowing about npd, but I had already deduced what was going on whenever my father initiated confrontations with me. He always upset me, either making me furious, or making me so frustrated that I would be near tears, by making me angry, then pretending to be angry that I DARED get angry at him, denying my justified emotional reaction to his persecution. He would then proceed to laugh at me and tell me I'm being too sensitive, and to stop acting like a sissy and get out of his sight. Took me a couple months, but I figured out what was going on. I told him out right "I see what's going on now: you're just trying for a reaction out of me so you can make fun of me.". He denied this, but at that point I had just ceased displaying any emotion, adopted a bored expression and cease reacting to what he said in any visible way. I learned this from martial arts training. I went deadpan and absolutely Mr Spock on him. This would drive him into a raving frenzy during which he would shout and throw things and tell me to get out of his room. Narcissist crave a reaction from their victims.

I’ve found narcissists tend to jar these emotional reactions out of you when other people are around to make themselves look higher when you react. They do keep their childish behavior so under the radar that it can take decades to learn about this.

Holy crap. Reactive abuse. Thank you for putting a word to this. I am going through this currently. It's devastating to know my spouse could be and likely is playing a game. I reacted poorly from a false accusation and now the focus has shifted to my poor reaction. And the name calling due to my reaction, involving the word "psycho" hurts. I'm in the midst of realizing what I thought was love my spouse had for me was never really there.

@dilligaf8349

7 ай бұрын

Dr Todd grande on face book does some great videos and opened my eyes way to late. Learn learn learn and you might be able to save yourself

@shawndubbz

6 ай бұрын

Exactly! I knew within my relationship there was gaslighting and narcissistic traits, but to put a name on THIS is very important. THIS exact thing happened in my relationship constantly. It makes me mad how many times we argued. The more we argued, the more ammo they were getting. Once you finally stop giving a shit about the relationship, they lose their control, and suddenly they disappear, don’t want to see you, and start dating someone new before you even realized what the hell happened. VERY true story. Happened to me. After 2.5 years.

@daxachampaneri9390

6 ай бұрын

Pls help I'm going through this hurt

@sarahnoah3693

6 ай бұрын

And they have a way to make everyone think I’m mean and crazy.

@glendapeglau4694

6 ай бұрын

I think the game comes so naturally for them that they don't even see it for what it truly is

First person I’ve heard explain the guilt associated with trying to get away from the toxic relationship. I couldn’t understand & was annoyed at myself for feeling the guilt. Excellent video.

@fancycanuck

5 ай бұрын

Totally agree 👍🏼

@marcoronado2274

2 ай бұрын

Makes sense good to know time to love me more and put God first

@clintonnagy1662

3 күн бұрын

I carry alot of guilt from leaving my marriage then carrying it into my new relationship. Once I was guilt tripped, and blame shifted from my narcissist it felt like I was losing my mind. Never knew I was so deeply wounded.

Your only person who’s explained the guilt. You got it spot on. The feeling of not giving up on them. You no they need help. They play that victim card well. There ability to cry an look broken is shocking considering they are the ones causing you the harm

This is one of the most powerful video I have ever seen on narcissist... 16:20 "you start to feel like them"

@donnareis520

Жыл бұрын

All of his videos are straight up, thankyou again ✌️

@sparkoflight963

Жыл бұрын

Sam Vaknin on KZread is fantastic on NPD!

@Cass_772

Жыл бұрын

@@sparkoflight963 yes I am following him too! Thank you!!

Over the last few years I felt the shift as if I was his mother and he was my son. How crazy is that? This makes so much sense. Thank you Richard

@clintonnagy1662

14 күн бұрын

My ex had an 8 year old son. There were times she talked to me like her son. I reminded her that it wasn't appropriate because it made me feel small. She didn't quite understand. She only knows one mode, " the mother role" because of her control issues.

As a mental health professional who works with delinquency and criminal behavior, THIS IS GREAT EVERY DAY LANGUAGE! Great job! Most can cognitively understand and understanding is necessary to get to the healing.

My x husband’s favorite was deflect, gaslight, and trigger. Anything to manipulate the focus off of him and the facts. Communication in all forms becomes tiresome, nonproductive, and just immature. It’s wonderful to not engage anymore.

@joyshipley706

Жыл бұрын

This too was my story

@carolsummers8734

Жыл бұрын

When mine divorced me he told me I wasn't a good Christian wife but his mistress was.

Borderlines also do a LOT of the “pretending they didn’t know it was wrong” BS. And good lord is it frustrating.

@scottmatznick3140

Жыл бұрын

Ooohhhh.... I get it.

@rfwoolf

Жыл бұрын

Borderline can be considered "thin-skinned narcissism". The problem with Borderline is this: The guy who created it, Otto Kernberg (a genius!) says that there is a personality structure called Borderline Personality Organisational Structure (BPOS), and this structure basically runs through all of Cluster B. In the case of NPD, they started off with BPOS, and then built a Narcissistic Personality Organisational Structure (NPOS). When NPOS regresses, you get BPOS again. This makes sense, because (according to Sam Vaknin), developmentally, the child tries a Borderline Solution first, and if that fails, he tries a Narcissistic Solution second. It's easy to think of BPD and NPD as being two totally different constructs, but they're actually closely related, and lying underneath every NPD, is a BPD. And just to confuse you even more, all of Cluster B is bullshit for the reasons outlined above: BPOS effectively runs through all of it, and there is too much comorbidity (overlap) between the constructs. Forget the DSM.

@bmardiney

Жыл бұрын

@@rfwoolf Yeah all of that makes sense to me.

@tims9434

Жыл бұрын

@@rfwoolf clearly you're a narcissist deflecting yourself. Get a life!

@tims9434

Жыл бұрын

Borderline what? That's offensive in itself.

Once you finally come to the emotional reaction, when your brain can't take it anymore, a smile would register on their face.

@sallybucket6924

20 күн бұрын

Yes. My mother. She did that so many times. Gleeful that she'd "gotten me".

I completely agree with your suggestions about give less and give up hope. So true!! There comes a time that you just have to take care of yourself and mental health.

@ClaireCole-rz3gf

6 ай бұрын

That's what iam trying to do 😢

@catherinespurrier9163

6 ай бұрын

Yes absolutely true your mentle health is more important Catherine,

Emotions and feelings are energy. That's what they're after, because they're energetic vampires. You don't even have to think much - once you figure out that someone is making you feel tired and exausted, no matter what you say or do, and for at least 2 months, and nothing changes, and you know it's coming from inside of them, from their endless black hole in them (which is also their best friend), that's it.

@ghostpoop2349

Жыл бұрын

🎯

@goldenautumn3073

Жыл бұрын

Well said! Energy-and-life-sucking vampires! And they can twist even the most innocent action into such a quagmire of misunderstanding and deception. I believe it's a form of demon possession, just as existed in Christ's day.

@annamitchell5840

Жыл бұрын

Thank you. She is after my energy. That simple statement will now give me the strength to stay away. My life energy is precious and it is up to me to defend it. 🙏🏻💙

@darjaxx7

Жыл бұрын

@@annamitchell5840 You're welcome

@djbabyv

Жыл бұрын

Dont react. Im learning his stupid games. Hes not a smart narcissistic honestly. He wishes he could feel what j feel. Sorry no help for u dude

Oh my gosh, you're basically describing my husband. I thought I'm the crazy person in this marriage for years.

@lillyandtheghosts3597

Жыл бұрын

Same! Left 3 years ago

@shinobi1x

Жыл бұрын

Wow,.. how have you survived, I dumped my narcissist g/f after 2 years of dating. It took months to start to heal and get back to myself and not worry about her. I dodged a bullet and if not for channels like these I would've been lost and probably back with her in her web of games. Free yourself. Wishing you all the best. 🙃

@viviankang

Жыл бұрын

@@shinobi1x I'm still trying to survive the marriage. Unfortunately I'm not financially independent, I also have a son with ASD&ADHD, plus my own health issues, I don't see a way out of this life.

@TheLuigi69

Жыл бұрын

​@@viviankang aw all the love and luck in the world. 🙏🏻💙

@lalalad4536

Жыл бұрын

@@viviankang I am in a relationship with one for 16 years now. I started realising he was a narc a few years ago, with the birth of our son it became more clear who he realy was. We both work fulltime, so I have MY life when I’m not with him. When I’m with him I go blank, try not to go where he wants me to go emotionaly. I’ve been thinking a lot of leaving him, but I am scared to co-parent with him. I am trying to hang on till my Son is old enough to see the truth about his father.

The last one I dealt with manipulated by humor to drop my guard. Humor and the puppy dog child, or the polite, soft spoken gentlemen.

My children are my narcissistic abusers . Mothers day is absolutely horrific, thank you for helping me learn how to heal

@juliawarry9760

4 күн бұрын

Mine too. I know I have no choice, but I know after watching this I have to give up hope for my own sanity.

Yes!!! Putting a covert narcissist to the curb[ who had been cheating, lying, stealing $$ from me ] was SO INCREDIBLY HARD, I described it at the time as putting an injured puppy out on the curb. In hindsight I had been manipulated to feel that way about a predator who had manufactured "a life of hardship" stories . Me coming from a state orphanage I had sympathy and empathy . Never again !!!!!

@bananafanalll6651

Жыл бұрын

I was an orphan also. I’ve been married to a narc for a while now. I finally broke free for the most part. I think orphans are easy to manipulate.. at least I was. So eager to please and trying to get that love I’ve always needed.

@scorpiolove674

Жыл бұрын

@@bananafanalll6651 I'm so sorry you got a bad one [ narc ] They see us as easy marks for extraction of love and resources , in my case he lied about being abused as a kid to " mirror" me ,turned out he was quite adored and spoiled by many family members . I'm out a year now, I wish you the best on breaking free and healing , we are so strong because we had nobody !!!!❤🤗🌷🌷🌷🥰🙏

@space1456

Жыл бұрын

This was pitty play and they know we cannot see them suffer and we don't want them to suffer of abondonment.

@Kathleen67.

Жыл бұрын

Very well said.

@samanthamariah7625

Жыл бұрын

One of the best comments I’ve read in regards to setting a narcissist out on their own….”setting a wounded puppy out on the curb”. That’s exactly how they manipulate you to feel. Thank you and I wish you a healthy relationship in the future. Be careful.

A huge one for me was when they deflect things back on you, to take the focus off themselves and to antagonise you..and then when you explode, the whole argument becomes about your reaction, which they claim is unwarranted, and that you’re the crazy one. What makes it worse is that if you’re a self reflective and self critical person, you believe them..and that destroys you..

@rh5273

25 күн бұрын

Exactly what i went through.

I remember my brother telling me you don't say how you feel I say what you feel.

This is hands down the best video I've seen on narcissistic abuse! You absolutely nailed it.

Been surrounded by this my entire life … from my mom, bro, sis, my kids dad …this is sickening. Caused me to have severe health problems

@AngelDiaz-lh5lj

Жыл бұрын

Same 😩

@gavegas7043

10 ай бұрын

Same here. No contact = self preservation

@user-ot2xc8tl1h

10 ай бұрын

Me too. I was even victim of parent alienation by my narc ex and own mother they turned my own sons against me. I think they are now becoming narcissistic themselves 😢I only pray they see the light. But I need to take care of my own self

@poohbeared40

10 ай бұрын

((Hugs)) in the same boat, you are not alone. Hang in there and learn as much as you can because then you will learn how to not allow them to trigger you or hurt you.

@Shofargirl1

9 ай бұрын

I know ❤

When you’re the actual mother and they are your adult child the grief and heartbreak is overwhelming.

@ettecram

Жыл бұрын

I feel you ❤ i hope you are better

@sharontennison6370

11 ай бұрын

I finally felt the necessary compassion for my mother-in-law

@jillianfreyman6325

11 ай бұрын

Same situation. So hard. Hugs 🤗

@marielaedgar8759

11 ай бұрын

😢 if it's your children it would hurt so much more. I'm so sorry 😔

@marybethnance3167

11 ай бұрын

It is so hard when it is your adult child. She has control of the grandchildren and what they think while they still live at home. My daughter quit talking to me for 2 years. Out of the blue she decided to come back into my life. One year later, she pulled the plug again. I have learned a lot during the 1st time she cut me out. It has saved me some agony identifying the problem, learning how to react to the problem, and trying to learn how to accept it as best possible. Knowledge is power!

I am at the beginning of a divorce from a narcissist, this particular video has been so helpful in understanding how to relate to my interactions with my ex-husband. I kept thinking " there must be a term for this behaviour." I spent so much time and energy being sincere, explaining his immoral actions and how confused I was by what was happening. I wish I had seen this 14 years ago. So much emotional and verbal and financial abuse I have experienced because I thought I deserved it. I will be buying the narcissist abuse recovery course. I got some homework ahead of me. Thank you so much. This information has changed my life.

Nothing fills you with despair and anguish quite like trying to salvage a doomed, toxic relationship with a narcissist. I spent 3 years doing it. Enduring all the abuse I swore I never would in a romantic/intimate relationship after I was abused in my childhood. If only I realized that telling him about my trauma and past abuse was giving him the arsenal to use against me. Thank you for this video. I still learned something and it's great to see a fresh perspective on this type of abuse.

@MG-ot2yr

7 ай бұрын

Yep its always a useless effort to try to salvage any kind of relationship with a narcissist, tigers don't change their stripes and the games are played to constantly shore up their insecurities and there's also an entertainment value in it for them, in fact, the entertainment value often is the higher priority than whatever they're trying to manipulate you into doing for them or with them. Also its never a good idea to share your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, such a past trauma, etc, with anyone, even people who aren't narcissistic who can unknowingly weaponize stuff like that against you.....people are vampires, almost everyone except extreme introverts that don't require any or very little external validation. So its best to develop a good strong, healthy internal monologue to help you through the rough patches, or a good therapist if need be.

@sharonsanders4160

4 ай бұрын

Amen 🎯

“Abandon sincere communication with the terminally insincere” I did just this on some subconscious level, then only later realized it. Then when I felt this mentality spilling over into interactions with real people too, this is when I finally woke up and cut off the relationship with the narc.

My 81 yr old mom preys on me to help her to do almost everything for her. Then, when I comply, she turns on me in anger. Says I treat her like she is the child. I ask why she asked for me to do things if she turns on me this way. Then, her attitude changes again. She gets weepy & says she doesn't want to be a burden. That I can't understand how she feels. This is to get me to continue her warped cycle. She can show 3 or 4 different emotions in a matter of minutes. It's like an emotional roller coaster. She played my dad his whole life. I now feel more respect for him now that he has passed. He did enable her. I understand why, though. I'm the only daughter & oldest of 4 kids. She now treats me like my dad. I am her care giver. Everyone has almost completely abandoned her now. They can't stand the toxic behavior she displays. She lives a miserable life. I finally have grieved what I wanted & will never have in my mom. I gray rock so much that I sometimes feel like I'm becoming numb to her.

Thank you for stating that their sadism starts to infiltrate you. I just thought I was just as sadistic with the thoughts I'm having but I now realise it's completely not my fault & only a pseudo part of me.

You've made quite the splash in the psychology community. Dr grande had a whole video about how you're a quack. Funny. All I ever got from him was upset. You've helped me stay grounded. To me, it seems the proof is in the pudding. If you're able to be helped by someone, then they're the most capable person. It doesn't matter what piece of paper hangs on a wall. In fact, I would prefer someone down to earth than blinded by dogma.

@kamroc1

Жыл бұрын

Agreed. Plus a Dr named Grande is perfect lol

@Julie-bj9jn

Жыл бұрын

@@missy5513 If you've had a bad personal experience with Mr. Grannon- and you haven't spoken with him about it, perhaps you should.

@wonder7798

Жыл бұрын

That video he did was from quite a long time ago. When Richard was still figuring himself out. Richard has personal experience like we all do, but then has education and knowledge from connecting with Sam Vaknin and others.

@poboy8490

Жыл бұрын

@@missy5513 well then cast the first stone

@oanaalexia

Жыл бұрын

This dr. Grande dude gives his attention on the subjects of criminals and other types with a twisted mind. I went to the comments once and people felt so grateful for the new crimes discussed and how they got fun times coming while watching. My heart sunk that day, also, the sheer amount of superficial, popcorn type of content he produces is quite prolific. I think it pays good bucks but I can't find true value in what he produces, it is detrimental to any type of healing process. Over time I've seen and felt the growth of Richard and implicitly my own transformation and there's always room for improvement. At least I'm choosing the type of content that helps me learn how to set right values, intentions and boundaries.

You have a gift for breaking things down and making sense out of the nonsense. This was REALLY good! I think the first one is probably the most important for being able to identify a narcissist sooner than later. This concept is huge for me. The playing stupid. And then you find yourself over explaining, trying to teach someone how to treat you and behave like a civilized person who has morals and compassion. 🥴 what a joke. It’s all a game. The only thing they care about is continuing to play it. Brings an entire new meaning to “get a life”. Such a waste of energy. Thank you Richard. 🙏

@saved3671

Жыл бұрын

So true My ex ,who definitely is a narc, used to say to me ,that at work sometimes he acts like he is stupid,, so people talk to him explaining and opening up to him. Playing a victim of the world at the same time. I didn't know then anything about narcissistic personality . Hmmm 10 years of being manipulated took turn to end it. In some ways I was happy it all ended ,because I felt like I was becoming different person that I didn't like . And to wait to have mature conversation about relationship ,feelings it was a joke. Never serious always some bringing back my ex ,or threatening to go, or go back to be friends if I dont like what he was doing wrong . Seeing oyhere woman behind my back. And he will say "only Jesus was perfect " I'm glad I'm out of it. It was hard to get used to this new peace, that was so strange to me. Time heals and faith in God helped me enormously.

@victoriatodd9358

Жыл бұрын

Triangulation .. bringing in a third party.

@LyndaHill

Жыл бұрын

100%

@elizabethstockton1996

Жыл бұрын

@@victoriatodd9358 Or 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th party and so on... such as moving their whole family to live with you (full of narcissists and where the behavior came from)

@christycomer373

Жыл бұрын

Yep!!!!! 100%!! Don’t waste your time or energy!

Narcissists are cowards show to them that you can be an evil too,not because you're evil you're just showing to them.youre not scared to them and you will not allowed them to control and manipulate you.

I stopped engaging in fights, started going POKER FACE. That lasted for like a month. He discarded me ✌🏼😂!! He called me a week later to tell me he was in a relationship, obviously he was already cheating 🙄. He blocked me on everything so I counter blocked him too except FB because I couldn’t find him. 2 months later he has unblocked me and contacted me for petty stuff. Gray rock. 😊

@clintonnagy1662

28 күн бұрын

I did the same to her. I stopped caring and it really made her overreact. She would start her text messages like " if you care.."..or..." I can tell you're ignoring me but... ". LOL

I loved that quote "Give up hope despair, return to God" so true. Everytime I went throught his cycle and submit to God he fills up your cup once again. That's priceless! Ps: I love your charisma, style and passion in the research and the details you provide. Amost like you're sitting inside our heads and know just what we need next. It's priceless. Thank you!

@beaglerescue5281

8 ай бұрын

My little fantasy that I had to give up hope on was a close relationship with my only child. Especially hard when you once had a beautiful relationship.

narcissism is unbelievably epidemic in our society in contemporary times. truly, it must be social media and the internet which has fueled this exponential rise in personality disorders.this is the video I needed to see and should be required viewing for children at an appropriate age/entering adolescence when it seems these problems really start to take hold and express externally. most therapists are way too kind towards these people and do not understand the sick depths of their personality. thank you Richard.

@beaglerescue5281

8 ай бұрын

Social media blames the parents. It’s like some wizard behind a curtain pushing buttons and pulling cords getting everyone to argue and discard each other-screaming “No contact!” What a world.

@JL-dl8nr

6 ай бұрын

Just to add to that, Hitler’s toxic ideology still poisons people’s minds today and encourages them to do evil things. This personality disorder should be taught directly in schools in the future so that people can spot a narcissist early on and learn how to not feed them, so they never get powerful in the first place. Seems a very simple long term solution to many problems in the world, but it will never happen because the people who have the power to change education curriculums are most likely narcissists themselves. Why would they contribute to their own demise? We live in a world ran by selfish control freaks with no empathy, who will inevitably drive us into self destruction. I do hope I am wrong though, there are plenty of good people in the world, they just need more power.

@antheredhen

6 ай бұрын

I think it's both. I've watched people with their kids from birth to adulthood and the parents definitely do things that are a great part in it.. For one they say "I don't want my kids to do without like I did." so instead they spoil them with things and zero discipline or abuse. Neither are OK. My mother in law a narc herself would beat him with a boot because he was uncontrollable (her fault) then buy him things out of guilt... Even today he's 55 she lectured him on his drinking then the next day felt bad and bought him a case of beer. Wtf..

@TheColiebear

6 ай бұрын

good point @@antheredhen 👍

@glendapeglau4694

6 ай бұрын

In the end times people's hearts will grow cold. They will be lovers of themselves and of money..

They'll remember everything they liked about themselves in a day, but if you bring up something they did wrong that same day, they instantly lose their memory. 😂

despair - that dark night of the soul on the spiritual journey . It took a long time for me to finally RIP out those last tendrils of hope , but once I did . Done .

The guilt is literally the most disturbing feeling I have felt after the break up.. not missing them, not ruminating about them... just this fu****g guilt that I have abandoned someone that needs me.. Richard, I was shocked with the dual mothership analogy of Sam... it is exactly what it is. Thank you for that and looking forward to hearing the podcast with Stella❤

@angelamoore7618

11 ай бұрын

Absolutely, but I think I mostly feel guilt and shame over abandoning the person who needed me even more, myself…again. I want to develop the willingness and comfort of following my intuition and prioritizing my wellbeing as naturally as I have met the needs of others. I tolerate too much for too long…quietly. My rage is turned inward….until it isn’t. Etc etc.

@benjaminewering5329

11 ай бұрын

My relationship ist over a few days ago and I feel absolutely like you have written....This chewing guilt of going out of the door and dont want to come back....

@primaveraprimavera2415

10 ай бұрын

No Guilt. They are the embodiment of SATAN! Get out and away from all the flying monkeys too. Leave but don’t tell them… too dangerous.

@eromicafrancisco5477

9 ай бұрын

What I feel right now I'm thinking about leaving but when I start planing I cry he is all I got and all he has.

@angelamoore7618

9 ай бұрын

@@eromicafrancisco5477 make room for better, love.

They are like Agent Smiths from the Matrix movie: they just multiply and attack. It's up to you to evolve, go through the grieving process and emerge as your new self.

Love it 10000% real. Abandon sincere communication when communicating with the insincere. Narcs are big time liars.

Your emotional reaction is their supply so it still is all about them.

All 5 games. I experienced them in my now ex-marriage. I followed through with giving up hope, feeling despair, grieving, withdrawal from the trauma bond addiction. I fought this for a year, then finally surrendered into all of these steps. It was PAINFUL. I didn’t know how long it would take. I knew I had to do this to find myself again. I pulled back on work, made daily space to feel what I needed to feel. In 3 1/2 months, I woke up smiling. I fell asleep without ruminating. Dreams about the abuse and the marriage have stopped. I used to dream several time a week of the abuse and I acted out my part in the dream as I did in real life, an anguished, lost, confused, chronically fear-filled wife. I had a dream last night about him for the first time in months, he was abusing me. This time, in the dream, I felt strong. I left him in the dream. In the dream, I got my own place, ignored his attempts to contact me. I was in full control of my life. I had boundaries that were impenetrable. Now that is true in my real life. I’m finally me again. Even in my dreams now, I’m me again. 6 1/2 months now with NO CONTACT. I made it.

@amberinthemist7912

Жыл бұрын

This was beautifully written. I'm so glad you made it out.

@kaybee6050

Жыл бұрын

Well done. Took me way longer than that but it's so good to be on the other side. ❤️

@pureblood1

Жыл бұрын

I'm on day two of putting out my problem and I swear this is the happiest I've been In almost 10 years

@SparkleAnBlake

Жыл бұрын

Thrilled you made it out! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. You are such an inspiration to me! I am in the midst of escaping the Covert Narc after 20 years...The plan is working. Video was perfect timing - "Abandon sincere communication with the terminally insincere" 🤐

@shespeaks1971

Жыл бұрын

@@SparkleAnBlake Get out! It feels hard at first, it's very emotional but keep your eye on the future. You will feel SO MUCH BETTER. I couldn't see that in the midst and like you, I was learning the how-tos as I was doing it. But now that I'm on the other side, if the ME today could have reassured the ME then, I would have done it so much sooner. Life begins when you end the cycle by getting out. I'm so glad you're heading in that direction.

Thank you for this superb clarification. I’ve spent 53 years with an abusive narcissistic father . Finally one day I decided Iwas JUST DONE.🎉 no more trying to fix , no more trying to change things, no more doing anything, only identifying and staying clear……JUST DONE.. Wish everyone a new year of letting go and stopping the vicious cycle. 🎉

@brendaplunkett8659

Жыл бұрын

I couldn’t pretend along with him that he didn’t sexually abuse me anymore. Everytime I saw him or let my young kids see him, I was betraying myself and putting them in danger. Enough, just enough.

❤ Grieve and give up... that's so true it truly does feel like giving up on the person it feels so wrong and like I should just run back

So true 😢 Especially that moral thing you talked about has made me just realise that this is exactly what he was doing! Pretending that he didn't know the moral norms! OMG! 😱😳

For 2. I usually add an extra step when I'm not 100% sure what I'm dealing with: Tell them "If is something that bothers you we will talk about that another time, we are talking about the thing I brought up now.", the reaction you get to that usually tells you everything you need to know.

@MelissaHurley1994

Жыл бұрын

:( I get told to just chill out

This is so true. I'm a narcissist myself and hopefully recover from it. I notice that I'm using the strategy of a narcissist. Even if I know my wife is right, I'm using all kind of tactis Richard is telling. It is all about manipulation. It is very childish using her words against herself, even if she is telling the truth. Twisting, turning around, denying, lying, etc. I feel like an idiot when I'm doing this now. But I'm learning.

@nd9551

8 ай бұрын

If you have the honesty to see that then you are NOT a real NPD. you use the tools and technics. But are not the essence.

@WahWeeWooWah

8 ай бұрын

True Narcs will never be able to admit that they are the problem. I think all of us as humans have had narcissistic tendencies.. but it becomes a problem when they become abusive and never see that they are the problem. Married to a narc for 12 years

@travelingpatti2834

8 ай бұрын

Weather you are or not at least you see there is a problem and are trying to change that. That is huge and I thank you for that.

@danbeswick9737

8 ай бұрын

fair play for having the self awareness to realise you;re doing it mate, at least you can work on it and it shows you;re not full NPD as well

@ioneliatoma3603

8 ай бұрын

Wow ......I cannot believe someone just accepting so easy😮

This is the most profound and hurtful narcissism video I have ever seen. The truth hurts. I have been doing exactly what you are saying not to. I am the queen of communication and telling how I feel. It always seemed like he doesn't care. He will smirk and grin while I'm dying inside. No empathy. It never ceases to amaze me how these videos expose what I have dealt with behind closed doors for years. I am currently taking a walk at midnight because I dared tell my long term bf that he was making me feel uncomfortable. He has other mental issues that make him act strangely, but the reaction is all narcissism. He will go from insulting and bickering for hours to acting hypersexual towards me in an instant. So, of course, I feel uncomfortable. Well, that broke his little fantasy. He said women fantasize about men throwing then over their shoulder...ew. He repeats often, something a different girl that he had a questionable relationship with, told him; "You know, my friend Christine told me that your body can't tell the difference between fear and excitement. He always says this to me in a sexual context. Or he tells me that I am trying to make him take charge and just force me basically. I can't tell if he really believes his delusions or if he is making it up. So he sees me walking out, and suddenly switches to this concerned sweet voice, "Be careful, baby." He was just berating me and telling me what's wrong with me. I hurt his ego by rejecting him. The thing that makes it impossible to leave is that I have been with him since I was 16! I am almost 37! I have never been alone. I feel like I can't live without him.

Abandon sincere communication when dealing with the insincere. My God this hit hard. I will try and explain how things make me feel I’m until I am blue in the face, and I’ll get maybe a two word response in the end. 99% of the time is spent with her trying to explain away everything. Making me feel crazy, and then I try to explain it sincerely, another way, and the cycle repeats. Eventually, I end up feeling so defeated for putting so much effort into trying to help them understand, but they never actually care at all.

Yep, I had all of these games played on me by 2 vile narcissists for the last 3 years. I see it was my fault to expect these 2 people to be human and honorable. My expectations put me in their destructive path.

Perfectly explained here 🙌 Don’t Walk away from a narcissist…. RUN!!!!

@TenPointTyrone

Жыл бұрын

But do it quietly

@zakierahorton2142

Жыл бұрын

I’m trying

My Narcissistic problem is it’s a sibling who essentially hurts me so much. And they always want something! I agree they know how to be spiteful & hurt me!

I’m listening to this again after a year. I should listen to this every single day I make progress and I slide back . what you’re saying here is absolute truth. Been on an emotional roller coaster with this person for over 35 years hell on earth.

I've watched hundreds of hours of narcissistic & cluster type b personality disordered content. I've read countless articles on narcissist's and their behaviors. Ive had the knowledge for months now after no contact on how to heal from the abuse I endured. Until I watched this video. Ive felt like there's still more answers and instructions I am in need of to live a life narcissist free. "Give up hope" & "destroy the shared fantasy" thank you Richard. I believe these are the words I am in need of.

@goldenautumn3073

Жыл бұрын

Richard has clarified much for me also - I believe God allowed me to find him after my first and severe 'connection' with a covert narc - the confusion and manipulation were intense. Richard helped the light shine through and I began to see this person's narc mask start to crack. When that happens you're on your way to freedom - as long as you don't allow them to suck you back in!

@ebbyc1817

Жыл бұрын

Also, destroy the shared fantasy with the original narcissist, the parent, give up hope that they will ever care about you. Abandon them. If not, you will keep looking for people to fill that 'parent' role, no one who already has a parent, needs a parent.

@TheWestlandgirl

Жыл бұрын

Bingo. A powerful needed concept.

@naiyalexic

Жыл бұрын

This hit home in major ways, deeply and thoroughly. The things they do are simple, yet Richard explains this eloquently and fully, in every minute detail. This is exactly what happened in my last relationship, without a single box being unchecked or a single thread left unaddressed.

@mamandapanda185

Жыл бұрын

Yes because there is so much about a person that attracts the dark people, and it's not at all healthy. I remember the same realization, after 2-3 years of concentrating on and obsessing about what they were.

‘There’s no moral imperative on you, anymore, to try and speak sincerely, to tell the truth, to be honest, to get to the raw facts with this person...’ I re-winded to hear that a few times. I am a sucker for over-explaining and thinking that if I come up with the right combination of words, they’ll suddenly ‘get it’ and there’ll be an outpouring of understanding and validation. That’s my weak point - needing to explain. Needing to ‘do the honourable thing.’ So thank you for saying that.

@missb1097

9 ай бұрын

I feel this 🙌

@melissaball6376

9 ай бұрын

I could've written this

@jbh5294

9 ай бұрын

Very eloquent words and wise ones at that ….if feelings could speak in a human voice this would be the speech

It's like this unfortunate reversal where an empath can never be themselves and the narcissist can't help but be themselves. They will have moments of clarity where it may or may not bbe a manipulation but if you've been hooked awhile you can tell. When they have these moments they are sincere and sad and anxious because they know the clarity is fleeting and they will be back to their programming without realizing it within days at the longest, leaving the empath hooked for longer. In opposition to that, if an empath really opens up and is themselves, it trigger's victory in the other side and imminent destruction and discard soon after. This leaves the empath forever chipping at a wall they are certain is moments from being breached and them being able to expose themselves and be accepted. The fusion of animal urge and God given aspects such as logic and love, make this situation laughably absurd and at the same time, deadly serious. A true drama playing out endlessly. The real dilemma is our refusal to accept that we aren't here to find happiness and when we find it, it is fleeting and never enough. The best we can hope for is contentment and that is often too high a bar to achieve or maintain. However, the wonderful truth of the matter is that it was designed this way by Him. The ultimate folly of humankind is their belief that they can create a utopia. It is literally not possible due to our construction such as it currently is. We always want more, we always gaze towards the horizon, we are greedy and glutenous and the closer we get to happiness, the more decadent we become. The more decadent we become, the more miserable we become. Over and over and over. And so it shall be until the end of days. As they say, behind every beautiful woman there is a man tired of having her. Human's NEVER get enough and that is PRECISELY the point. We are here to suffer and toil and any happiness and good we do experience is by His grace alone. It's folly to continue to expect a happy life or, even a happy moment. Be grateful for any you did get and let it go. Life is short and if you go on holding onto and living in the past, the regret of time lost will replace the misery of the current moment if you don't.

It's scary how accurate everything you said was. It almost feels like you saw everything that my mother did to me. Holy shit... I wish I had this advice years ago though.

Oh my God! I just realized that even though I want to be free from my narcissist, my feelings are as of a mother abandoning her child! Thank you, Richard!

@winebabe

Жыл бұрын

OMG yes...his insight is so incredible. No one understood when I left my Narcissist I felt pure anguish . I felt like a mother abandoning her child ! No other professional in this field ever hit on this. It's so real!

@kindGSL

Жыл бұрын

I guess that explains why I still love him.

@rozdoyle8872

Жыл бұрын

@@kindGSL I guess when we are in that stage of ' still loving ' is when we don't want to see ourselves as someone who doesn't love and the truth for me was I didn't Love Myself, when I got that right all the crap fell away aswell as the Narc.