HOW I went from ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT to SECURE...and you can too.

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Пікірлер: 3 100

  • @ceewalker1133
    @ceewalker1133 Жыл бұрын

    Can we just say that sometimes toxic relationships bring out the anxious attachment in that person, and that's just a symptom of a toxic relationship.

  • @OlderWomenRock

    @OlderWomenRock

    Жыл бұрын

    So agree . With romantic relationships I’m an emotional mess when a guy isn’t that into Me .

  • @waheyna

    @waheyna

    Жыл бұрын

    This is so true. When we start to heal we automatically repell possible "unhealthy" partners because the energy is just off We cannot heal in places that feel unsafe. One needs to find safety within, but we need a safe environment to heal too... and the first step u is choosing to say no to an unhealthy environment (aka relationship)

  • @wherearemyredslippers

    @wherearemyredslippers

    Жыл бұрын

    Idk, I think that even in those situations you have to ask yourself how ended up in a toxic relationship in the first place...or why you stay in one. Healthy people tend to walk away once they realize a person is toxic. Rather than sticking around

  • @justanoldsnufkin9747

    @justanoldsnufkin9747

    Жыл бұрын

    @@wherearemyredslippers i agree so much!

  • @YOU-niter

    @YOU-niter

    Жыл бұрын

    @@waheyna Yes!.. we can’t heal in the same place you got sick or with the person who made you sick.

  • @kristen7840
    @kristen7840 Жыл бұрын

    The quote "secure people seek emotional support; not validation" hit hard. What a nugget of wisdom.

  • @BitchItsAle

    @BitchItsAle

    Жыл бұрын

    Yes yes yes

  • @michaelacappabianca6461

    @michaelacappabianca6461

    3 ай бұрын

    Oo that hits

  • @fakiriayoub8087
    @fakiriayoub80872 күн бұрын

    Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

  • @FabioPioFersini

    @FabioPioFersini

    2 күн бұрын

    Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

  • @MohamedZaitoun-mh9ht

    @MohamedZaitoun-mh9ht

    2 күн бұрын

    Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

  • @DamsonIdris-rh6sx

    @DamsonIdris-rh6sx

    2 күн бұрын

    I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

  • @FabioPioFersini

    @FabioPioFersini

    2 күн бұрын

    Is he on instagram?

  • @MohamedZaitoun-mh9ht

    @MohamedZaitoun-mh9ht

    2 күн бұрын

    Yes he is dr.porassss.

  • @chrisflores6917
    @chrisflores691711 ай бұрын

    Every teenage girl should hear this message. Golden advice.

  • @wickedness_666

    @wickedness_666

    8 ай бұрын

    @chrisflores6917 Especially me since i was a princess in a toxic relationship with my ex, whom i've known since pre-school in 1996. sadly she dumped me in 2020. maybe i was too attached to her. i don't fucking know. all i know is that her narcissistic abuse bit the bullet. she burned her bridges. her asshole roommate probably told her to end it with me. worst time to date her was at the beginning of 2020 before covid made the world go dark for 2 years.

  • @unitforce7417

    @unitforce7417

    8 ай бұрын

    Lol i was a anxious teenage boy

  • @sharlenehumphries3081

    @sharlenehumphries3081

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you, this has been so helpful! Really needed to listen to this information today. You break things down really well and explain clearly. Many thanks!

  • @smtandearthboundsuck8400

    @smtandearthboundsuck8400

    7 ай бұрын

    It hits guys way more Stop chasing chads

  • @sarthakbro6421

    @sarthakbro6421

    3 ай бұрын

    @@unitforce7417 I am a anxious teenage boy 17 year old help me with some advice please

  • @kaylawolfe5751
    @kaylawolfe5751 Жыл бұрын

    "You need that fix more than you need a good relationship." THAT PART.

  • @thatgirlirl

    @thatgirlirl

    Жыл бұрын

    Made me realise alot

  • @yasthearch9270

    @yasthearch9270

    Жыл бұрын

    I really needed to hear this. Wow.

  • @amnbvcxz8650

    @amnbvcxz8650

    Жыл бұрын

    Yes it was like that for me too at times when my emotions were played with… the ‘he who hurt you is the only person that can undo the hurt quickest/most effectively’ kinda thing…

  • @juliahaw

    @juliahaw

    Жыл бұрын

    This hit.

  • @djhellion5
    @djhellion5 Жыл бұрын

    Fear of abandonment is so strong in many people

  • @user-pk5pl7ox1e

    @user-pk5pl7ox1e

    Жыл бұрын

    Childhood trauma

  • @lerumotonise4574

    @lerumotonise4574

    Жыл бұрын

    💔

  • @ranyadhellecabahug845

    @ranyadhellecabahug845

    Жыл бұрын

    I thought this was only to people who have BPD (like me), does this bother other people who doesn't have bpd too?

  • @wiseriverhealing

    @wiseriverhealing

    Жыл бұрын

    I recognized in myself for a very long time, but actually consciously working on it by looking at the core conditioning has made all the difference in healing.

  • @Someone_ya

    @Someone_ya

    Жыл бұрын

    @@ranyadhellecabahug845fear of abandonment is what causes insecure attachment styles. It’s a core wound that people cope with by having these attachments. BPD is not directly correlated.

  • @Drew_HBK
    @Drew_HBK11 ай бұрын

    As a man with an anxious attachment, I’m sitting here in my office like “yoooo she’s on point” 😂

  • @hrithik4515

    @hrithik4515

    2 ай бұрын

    U fixed?

  • @user-ql9gf7rz6o

    @user-ql9gf7rz6o

    Ай бұрын

    Same here 😵‍💫

  • @mickeyroyal

    @mickeyroyal

    Ай бұрын

    Bro it’s not just you 😅

  • @DevinAK49

    @DevinAK49

    29 күн бұрын

    I'm here with you. I've gotten better. Thank God my wife gave the opportunity for therapy and time to fix my bullshit. I was a mess. Still am some days.

  • @RalB.

    @RalB.

    26 күн бұрын

    @@DevinAK49- how do I even try to fix this. Earlier today I was working and a girl I liked came in and I was so happy. Then I overheard her talking to her friends and they were like “hey so are u gonna tell us what happened?”. I didn’t know what they were talking about. She was like “I’m not saying it out loud”, I immediately assumed it was a guy and it really did ruin my mood. I was feeling good and social but when that happened I didn’t talk and just avoided the people who I would’ve talked to. I was also going to ask her out but now I’m second guessing it.

  • @Jametris
    @Jametris10 ай бұрын

    "people are born as they are but people make themselves into who they wanna be" this hit me!

  • @Lisadeetee7
    @Lisadeetee7 Жыл бұрын

    I definitely know I have pushed good people away by having anxious attachment. As I have been healing it, I sometimes cringe at my past behavior but I tell myself that I didn’t know any better at the time and I’m learning. When you heal your anxious attachment, you also heal your relationship with yourself and how you speak to yourself. You will begin to realize how kind and more patient you are with YOU. It’s a journey guys. Be gentle with yourself.

  • @Margarita.Nazarenko

    @Margarita.Nazarenko

    Жыл бұрын

    love this and love you

  • @christiandunn5824

    @christiandunn5824

    Жыл бұрын

    I'm happy you're doing better! What did you do to overcome attachment anxiety?

  • @gracielou_flattbush22

    @gracielou_flattbush22

    Жыл бұрын

    This is me in a nutshell, what I still struggle with is that it took me multiple times, until it finally clicked. It definitely is a journey. I only wish I had learned this earlier in my life. But as you said this process takes time and we must be gentle with ourselves I’m right there with you and I’m praying for you. Thank you for sharing.

  • @robyn5627

    @robyn5627

    Жыл бұрын

    Zoom

  • @nomg563

    @nomg563

    Жыл бұрын

    I needed this. Thank you

  • @carlinatrevizo177
    @carlinatrevizo177 Жыл бұрын

    1) Self soothe 2) trust 3)seek emotional support 4) clear communication 5) not defensive take w grain of salt 6) compromise n set boundaries and respect people’s boundaries 7)free of baggage from past relationships

  • @Clare-tea

    @Clare-tea

    Жыл бұрын

    Basically you're perfect.🤔

  • @marybethdamouth4002

    @marybethdamouth4002

    Жыл бұрын

    Thanks

  • @HealingHappyAli

    @HealingHappyAli

    Жыл бұрын

    ​@Claretea Secure people have all the exact same issues but they react from their intuition, conscious not their nervous system like the Anxious or Avoidant. They don't mostly over or under react, overthink or deflect. It isn't perfection but secure people to have better health, more time to focus elsewhere, better relationships, even more effective time management. Fair, no but Life , absolutely.

  • @jasminew3183

    @jasminew3183

    11 ай бұрын

    Omg I love this!

  • @connorh1060

    @connorh1060

    10 ай бұрын

    Jesus Christ this is accurate for me

  • @Sufiisfujaifjed
    @Sufiisfujaifjed9 ай бұрын

    This made my stomach turn. I literally feel sick because I resonate with it so hard. I’m am an anxious attachment and I cannot bare the feeling that comes over me. It’s so true!

  • @noanoa8991

    @noanoa8991

    2 ай бұрын

    My problem is I used to have anxious attachment and I became avoidant

  • @zeusknuckle

    @zeusknuckle

    Ай бұрын

    Just a reminder that YOU are not an anxious attachment. You may have an anxious attachment style, but that does not define who you are

  • @cptbenjaminwillard
    @cptbenjaminwillard11 ай бұрын

    "you need to learn what secure attachment is and act as if you are". Holy crap. And overnight i went from fearing I will be abandonned, to .. not at all. This one struck so hard true. I do understand i still need to perform so much work, but just this bit of information kindof pivoted me enough in the right direction that it made me feel so much better. This video has helped me more than the countless hours of discussions with my friends. ❤

  • @kripakhatri18

    @kripakhatri18

    8 ай бұрын

    How much have you improved till now?

  • @reinataveras7053

    @reinataveras7053

    8 ай бұрын

    @@kripakhatri18^i would also like to know

  • @angels7698

    @angels7698

    7 ай бұрын

    right its been 3 months

  • @sneha-qn4jn

    @sneha-qn4jn

    4 ай бұрын

    Please share your healing journey

  • @bayaroja9485

    @bayaroja9485

    2 ай бұрын

    Agreed!! That was a pivot for me too. 💛

  • @kyraroseriley
    @kyraroseriley Жыл бұрын

    It’s crazy that after watching this, I’ve realized my bf has been trying to tell me this whole time to stop. To stop asking all these questions to feel secure , to stop doubting him and assuming he will do something wrong. I always thought he just doesn’t want to tell me because he doesn’t feel that or because he will break my trust , but honestly it seems like that is the definition of anxious attachment. I will take back my dignity and be the strong confident woman that I am. Thank you so much for this.

  • @olkapolka99

    @olkapolka99

    Жыл бұрын

    Me too...

  • @aleleeramos

    @aleleeramos

    Жыл бұрын

    Dealing with this as well. I hope we can all heal with our partners by our sides. Because every goes through periods such as this.

  • @nirgunawish

    @nirgunawish

    Жыл бұрын

    you are mixing anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant together without clarifying so. they are separate attachment styles

  • @lynzistringer

    @lynzistringer

    Жыл бұрын

    Absolutely same. So glad I found this video and can see what’s really going on in my brain.

  • @FLRProject

    @FLRProject

    Жыл бұрын

    I`m wondering how 2 anxious attachment styles would mix together? I find myself being more secure day-to-day, but extremely vulnerable when I let my feelings out, I express them, I show them.

  • @andreadragan9074
    @andreadragan9074 Жыл бұрын

    I am a psychologist and a psychotherapist, and I honestly tell you : you are a natural!!! Well done !!!

  • @victorial8764

    @victorial8764

    11 ай бұрын

    Love this encouragement. I am an accountant but have seen several therapists and she is gold.

  • @davehasenford3985

    @davehasenford3985

    9 ай бұрын

    the bar is low unfortunately

  • @MariaStocker

    @MariaStocker

    2 ай бұрын

    May I talk to u ? I rlly need a therapist

  • @coleenparan6077
    @coleenparan60773 ай бұрын

    Who's watching this in 2024? 🙋‍♀

  • @jay02021

    @jay02021

    2 ай бұрын

    Me 😔 I hope this helps

  • @huey6467

    @huey6467

    Ай бұрын

    Great way to put the question out there. Je suis.

  • @tayloranne9539

    @tayloranne9539

    Ай бұрын

    ME AND IT HURTS !

  • @midzy1763

    @midzy1763

    Ай бұрын

    @@tayloranne9539I just watched this and I feel so awakened lmfao

  • @Meredith31

    @Meredith31

    25 күн бұрын

    Me

  • @Rene-ie4im
    @Rene-ie4imАй бұрын

    “You running after people makes them run” that was so freaking powerful

  • @denisehoshor5298

    @denisehoshor5298

    17 сағат бұрын

    Oddly though some people only know you want them if you pursue them. Somebody has to chase otherwise you’d never meet up. Fate can only work here and there not for everything unless your just living in the moment then don’t be in a relationship with anybody but yourself and don’t stop to use anybody because that’s an instant attachment

  • @Rene-ie4im

    @Rene-ie4im

    16 сағат бұрын

    @@denisehoshor5298 hmmm right I get what you mean, but I feel like that’s just taking taking action rather than chasing, because to me chasing is essentially investing yourself into someone who does not reciprocate your enthusiasm, like it’s one sided

  • @denisehoshor5298

    @denisehoshor5298

    16 сағат бұрын

    @@Rene-ie4im I’m a very driven, passionate person. I won’t find somebody who is the same in that way. If they are showing up that’s good enough for me. I like to run the show plus my schedule gives me more freedom to do so.

  • @vivtimmer9918
    @vivtimmer9918 Жыл бұрын

    "..it becomes a cloud over the person you truly are" - this is the perfect description how I feel in my relationships. It's like being in prison. Imprisoned by myself.

  • @IHavent82Day

    @IHavent82Day

    Жыл бұрын

    This is exactly how I describe it for myself as well, a prison. The door’s wide open but I can’t bring myself to leave.

  • @akashareinee

    @akashareinee

    Жыл бұрын

    Frr!

  • @summerstevenson6625

    @summerstevenson6625

    Жыл бұрын

    Yes amen. I pray for your healing as well as mine with this.

  • @elimiNator345

    @elimiNator345

    Жыл бұрын

    *comments to receive 389 validations

  • @GrimRee

    @GrimRee

    3 ай бұрын

    I feel this, too. It's hard trying to get to know or even recognise the you without the cloud. I'm definitely struggling.

  • @gzt4377
    @gzt4377 Жыл бұрын

    It’s so nice to finally figure out what is wrong with me so I can tackle this problem. It feels good to not feel alone

  • @RockListeningChick

    @RockListeningChick

    6 ай бұрын

    You’re definitely not alone. ;)

  • @susanhampton9671

    @susanhampton9671

    5 ай бұрын

    I wish there was a mandatory class in all colleges about attachment style, conflict resolution, healthy communication and building healthy relationships, etc. Thank you for your work and honesty. You give us rays of hope. Blessings to you!

  • @SamuelSaveli

    @SamuelSaveli

    5 ай бұрын

    @@susanhampton9671yes! we need a socials class to actually condition kids healthily for the future. Maybe a little meditation also at the start of the class

  • @danielleperry609

    @danielleperry609

    5 ай бұрын

    Same here. Finally now I know time to fix it

  • @Nerino

    @Nerino

    3 ай бұрын

    Exactly!

  • @somethinggood9267
    @somethinggood92677 ай бұрын

    I just broke things off with the dismissive avoidant and I woke up this morning a little bit sad. But I was instantly able to take care of myself better, and not being with this person who deprives me of emotional connection. Not being with this person who triggers my ptsd. I was able to make myself a healthy breakfast and I am excited about the goals I have in my life, primarily school. I'm also going to make getting closer to God a priority as I know that God is my strength and my source of all things good

  • @tiranezra9020
    @tiranezra90204 ай бұрын

    As an anxiously attached man, in a beautiful loving relationship, it's pushing my partner away and I'm trying really hard to fight the dragon, I'm learning about how my secure version looks in my head, and I'd like to thank you for the moment in this video that makes the point of fearing the consequences of living in the hurt of constant anxiety of being hurt, instead of stepping into a secure role and enjoying the moment and giving full trust until being hurt...I snapped completely and let down a deep cry, thank you for your perspective, I'll be back to watching this video.

  • @beezus255

    @beezus255

    Ай бұрын

    How are things now? Have you found growth through this video and self practice

  • @MichelleBunt
    @MichelleBunt Жыл бұрын

    Anxious attachers often will attract avoidant partners because the reason most people have an anxious attachment is that one of their primary caregivers was an avoidant attacher. However, people with anxious attachment styles (depending on the level of anxiety) can often create a great partnership with a secure attachment person, who will by their steadiness and patience allow the anxious attacher to relax and become more secure themselves.

  • @user-pk5pl7ox1e

    @user-pk5pl7ox1e

    Жыл бұрын

    Yes totally make sense to be in a partnership for these shadows to show up because when you're not, how are they going to show up for 1 to even be aware it exists? They only TRUELY come out in intimate partnerships

  • @kriscaldwell4476

    @kriscaldwell4476

    Жыл бұрын

    Yes! This would be my husband. He is a secure attachment person for sure, and through the years I have felt comfortable in my own skin and he has helped me relax. But also, a daily practice of yoga, meditation, and prayer!

  • @piak78

    @piak78

    Жыл бұрын

    Yes. Thats my husband

  • @zaire-aniyarobinson2928

    @zaire-aniyarobinson2928

    Жыл бұрын

    yeah but sometimes you meet a secure attached styled person and it stresses u out even more because the thought of trusting them and letting ur guard down scares the shit out of u bc ur so used to avoidant ppl who never showed they gave a shit about u. Now you’re afraid of feeling secure with this person bc ur afraid it’s not gonna work and also afraid you’re gonna push them away bc you’re afraid of the possibility of it actually working out.

  • @allisbrere7562

    @allisbrere7562

    Жыл бұрын

    ​@@zaire-aniyarobinson2928 what you shared here sounds fearful avoidant and not just anxious attachment.

  • @ioannak.4690
    @ioannak.4690 Жыл бұрын

    12:54 Regulate your emotions (without the person to validate you) 13:16 Not ask people how they feel in order to make you feel better about your self, until it becomes a practice to your self 13:33 Secure people trust others (You need to deploy a element of trust) 25:06 Secure people have effectively communication skills They say what they desire and what they. want, as opposed to searching for outs of people and searching for inadequacies *Example instead of*: "Why you don't call me last night?" "I Love it when you call me, I love it if you call me tomorrow."* [Say what you want instead of, what the person didn't do. You need to communicate clearly with your words and needs, as opposed to play games.] 15:47 Secure people need emotional support, instead of validation *Example*: ▪︎"I am feeling tired today, I'd really want to spend time with you." ▪︎"I really need your help on this issue." [They watch what is happening and let's say after two months he doesn't call you. And say: " You know I love when you call me, it makes me feel happy. When you don't, it's makes me feel sad."] 16:14 Secure people are comfortable being alone [ You need to be on this Journey with yourself. You need to have a little stoicism.] 16:51 Secure people are not defensive [They take things with a pinch a salt. They know that not anybody can really see into you. Nobody really knows you. Everybody sees you with a perception of themselves plastered on it.] 17:07 How to stop being defensive? (the right mindset - Not defensive but empathy) [People don't talk about you, they are talking about a microscosm of what they saw and put it together in their head, from their life experiences and were over the web of what they believe is a reality. That isn't me, that is the perceptionthey have for me.] 17:30 Secure people show empathy were it is needed [They're there for other people, not because I gives them something back. They don't expect anything back.] 17:42 Secure people know when to compromise and when to say no [They know we're their limits are.] *Example*: Bf/Gf: "Can you wah the dished please?" ▪︎Anxious attached person: "Yes, yes" (even if they're tired -> Just to be liked) □Then resentment will build up and then they'll have a fight with her partner□ ▪︎Securely Attached person: "I'm sorry I'm tired today, I can't do it. But I love you I will try tomorrow" [They know their capabilities. They learn to know themselves. They're straightforward. They say what they feel and mean what they say. They respect other people boundaries ] 19:01 Secure people are free of old baggage Study Secure Attachment style: ‐ Attached - Getting the Love you Want - How to be an adult in relationships

  • @trusthigherself

    @trusthigherself

    Жыл бұрын

    Thanks so much! I'm a visual learner and this is so helpful 😊

  • @KellW2012

    @KellW2012

    Жыл бұрын

    Thank you

  • @jonargentina6285

    @jonargentina6285

    Жыл бұрын

    Brilliant, thanks!

  • @Margarita.Nazarenko

    @Margarita.Nazarenko

    Жыл бұрын

    This is great. I might have to ask you to help write my book! Xx

  • @saumyatripathi1085

    @saumyatripathi1085

    Жыл бұрын

    ​@@Margarita.Nazarenko i agree with almost everything in this but only of talking about my past relationship part... Can you tell me what can i do if I've been in a five year old toxic relationship where I mostly talked with my ex and didn't have as many frnds i thought he was my world so i never tried to make connections out of the relationship so as a result In most of my memorable or happy moments he was with me and when I talk about my past it's mostly with him bcz most of my moments I had with him so is it a bad thing and if it is then how can i change it can you give me advice on this bcz people are sick of listening to me talk about my ex but that's all i can do honestly and that honestly makes me not want to talk😔

  • @steffilebeya2401
    @steffilebeya24017 ай бұрын

    Whenever I start feeling the anxiety and feelings of abandonment I come back to this video, I've watched it so many times and every time it calms me down. Thank YOU!

  • @tensevo
    @tensevo5 ай бұрын

    being anxious /avoidant, you will sabotage everything that is good with relationships, and only attract nonesense into your life, the nonesense that you demanded through your actions.

  • @CoCreation.with.Qualia
    @CoCreation.with.Qualia Жыл бұрын

    A funny thing: you’d still lose people if you’re secure. Your needs don’t automatically change and people wouldn’t like it or be triggered by your communication. Knowing yourself & growing is a treasure, however, life gets rid of people for you the more you come into yourself.

  • @leche1971

    @leche1971

    Жыл бұрын

    Wow . This.

  • @karen3705

    @karen3705

    Жыл бұрын

    growing from the inside is gold

  • @sunday80s

    @sunday80s

    Жыл бұрын

    Yup, but when you are secure you will be ok with that, you won’t try to hold on to the wrong people

  • @georgiabrisco2174
    @georgiabrisco2174 Жыл бұрын

    Can I just say: this comment sections brings me so much hope. Resources, learning, self-awareness, empathy. Every one of you are breaking the patterns and if we choose to be parents, we will be able to give what we weren’t given. And I just love the idea that future generations, slowly but surely, will have less trauma to work through, less re-patterning, through more secure love.

  • @welovemusic8542

    @welovemusic8542

    6 ай бұрын

    I really hope so...fingers crossed❤

  • @trynatural23

    @trynatural23

    5 ай бұрын

    🙏🏾💪🏾💯♥️👏🏾👏🏾

  • @Sssmokin420
    @Sssmokin4208 ай бұрын

    I cried… thank you for understanding and being able to articulate to individuals like myself. Wonderful feeling knowing your on the right path through self-awareness.

  • @ashleypowell596
    @ashleypowell59610 ай бұрын

    “You have decided somewhere in your early life that the only reason people want to be around you is because you’re comfortable to be with.” That really hit me. Everything else in this video as well but this one especially. Everything you said is blowing my mind. I knew I wasn’t mentally right in a lot of aspects, but I didn’t realize there was a term out there that explains my behaviors and thought processes EXACTLY as they are. Thank you for making this video. I’m now subscribed and heading to your TikTok now to follow. ❤

  • @reeshamiller8869

    @reeshamiller8869

    6 ай бұрын

    SAME!!! Just omgg

  • @delylahgaucin6586
    @delylahgaucin6586 Жыл бұрын

    Literally cried while watching this. I dealt with separation anxiety as a child because my mother was a drug addict and now I’m 20 and dealing with anxious attachment in my relationship. Ive been trying so hard to change it but it’s so hard. I’m not giving up.

  • @Margarita.Nazarenko

    @Margarita.Nazarenko

    Жыл бұрын

    you can do it 100%

  • @marlenemagana555

    @marlenemagana555

    Жыл бұрын

    IFS therapy works amazing

  • @JG20204

    @JG20204

    Жыл бұрын

    I completely understand. I’m a guy, and this is my life almost to the tee. I’ve messed up some relationships just because of this. You aren’t in it alone. We just have to go forward.

  • @Madi4321

    @Madi4321

    Жыл бұрын

    @@marlenemagana555what is this ?

  • @qiqisama4114

    @qiqisama4114

    Жыл бұрын

    I can totally relate

  • @Everythingvibez
    @Everythingvibez Жыл бұрын

    Regulate your emotions without revalidation You need to deploy the element of trust Communicate clearly give people a chance Comfortable being alone (no attachment anxiety) Not defensive Show empathy when it’s needed not expecting anything back Know your capabilities Respect other people’s boundaries Free of old baggage Be in the moment Read the following books ATTACHED GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT HOW TO BE AN ADULT IN RELATIONSHIPS

  • @nikkiwood5577

    @nikkiwood5577

    Жыл бұрын

    Thank you for sharing, my memory is pretty bad , lol ^_^ Hope you have a lovely day!

  • @skwerl81

    @skwerl81

    Жыл бұрын

    I personally found "Attached" to be a bit useless if you are Disorganized/Fearful Avoidant style. I recommend: Attachment Theory: A Guide to Strengthening the Relationships in Your Life

  • @tanyamerry2736

    @tanyamerry2736

    Жыл бұрын

    Who are the authors

  • @skwerl81

    @skwerl81

    Жыл бұрын

    @@tanyamerry2736 Thais Gibson is author of the one I listed. She also has a helpful KZread channel ("Personal Development School")

  • @nirgunawish

    @nirgunawish

    Жыл бұрын

    you are mixing anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant together without clarifying so. they are separate attachment styles

  • @AlysonBaker-kj2oc
    @AlysonBaker-kj2oc11 күн бұрын

    i am a 17 year old girl who has never been able to pin point what makes every relationship so awful. The absolute hell i put myself through when i don’t have a constant conversation with someone i want to be loved. i so desperately want to be loved the way i love but i watching this made me realize my ways of love are anxious. i cannot explain how relieved i feeel that i am not only not crazy but i now have a name for why i am the way i am. i can’t express this enough but thank you for going through what u did to be able to help someone like me.

  • @user-fe4hd2dq1c
    @user-fe4hd2dq1c2 ай бұрын

    Male 6'2" 245 lb former Top Secret Cleared and Intelligence Officer, and after decades of trying to find out what is wrong with me and this 20 minutes is the most accurate description of me I have ever heard. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you Margarita.

  • @YanaWanderlust.

    @YanaWanderlust.

    2 ай бұрын

    I am a woman of 37y.o and from this video I got why all people were always pulling away from me. My anxious attachment style is too much for all of them

  • @jasonthovson6873

    @jasonthovson6873

    2 ай бұрын

    43 yr old man and it just became clear to me today as well. Have never been able to put my finger on it, and we'll, here we are. Good luck on your journeys ❤

  • @Capsacininthebasin
    @Capsacininthebasin Жыл бұрын

    Damn she is straight up spitting facts 😅 I am seeking validation from someone I don’t even want or know! I’m going to have to watch this about 7 more times.

  • @LilMah
    @LilMah Жыл бұрын

    Everyone should watch this... this is free therapy. Thank you so much.

  • @inejunta6569

    @inejunta6569

    11 ай бұрын

    An eye opener. It's weird because I know exactly what she is talking about but at the same time with day to day relationships...like bad, I targeted people and I feel bad. Almost in a predatory way. No interest in them whatsoever, but just hyperfocused on everything they did, like using a person as a mirror to look at yourself. And when a better potential person came along they got dropped overnight. To the point where isolating is really the only option. I always got confused with the attachment style thing because I feel anxious and avoidant just oscillate back and forth into eachother. Or eventually you just have too much negative experiences and stay in avoidant mode.

  • @Itisheylel
    @Itisheylel9 ай бұрын

    I was so tired of watching self-help videos like this ,_, most of them made me feel like there’s really something wrong with me and it’s all my fault that I’m in this mess. I’m so happy I tried one more time and listened carefully to everything you say. You’re on point about everything. It almost felt like you were reading my palm 🤭. I know I have this unhealthy attachment style that I got from childhood, and it was never my intention fo be toxic to everyone I love. It’s hard hearing all this in such a straightforward manner because it’s the truth. No one’s responsible for our emotions but ourselves. I have more to say, but I’m just gonna bid my greatest gratitude and best wishes to you. Thank you so much from the bottom of my exhausted heart 💕

  • @moyenaparikh70
    @moyenaparikh704 ай бұрын

    When the student is ready, the master appears. Thank you for your light Margarita. I'm ready to dive deep into secure attachment and make it my reality❤

  • @Y0L0vidz
    @Y0L0vidz Жыл бұрын

    This brought me to tears, I don’t know what to do, I feel helpless I just want to be content with being alone.

  • @tek3freak

    @tek3freak

    Жыл бұрын

    Are you seeing a therapist? If not, most insurance covers therapy. And let them know that you want to heal your insecure attachment style.

  • @carolbond6124

    @carolbond6124

    Жыл бұрын

    I’m so sorry. You can get there. It takes time. Crappy Childhood Fairy has a channel and a method of writing and meditation that can heal.

  • @natashawiley

    @natashawiley

    Жыл бұрын

    Your definitely stronger than you think. Step out don't let nobody hold your hand you got this!

  • @biancane4420

    @biancane4420

    Жыл бұрын

    Same

  • @precioushabeene2974

    @precioushabeene2974

    Ай бұрын

    You will, I love being alone and enjoy my me time, when am on crowds or around many people I feel drained because I feel and seem get their energy and rush back home to re energise. Engage yourself in activating your talents and purpose u will use your time in those activities and just working on oneself ❤

  • @amyhodges5464
    @amyhodges5464 Жыл бұрын

    You speak about this really brilliantly. I’ve been on the same journey, going from anxious to secure over the past 6-7 years. Choosing to heal this is a game changer. For anyone reading this - I promise, you can heal this & feel soooo much better. Wishing everyone the best. Thank you 🙏🏻

  • @theol6272

    @theol6272

    Жыл бұрын

    I thought I had made good progress for awhile till the other day when a date ghosted me hours before it was time to meet up. I completely went into a panic and I hate myself so much for this she may have just had something come up and would had called me the next day but I’ll never know now. I have no idea what in my past caused it my family was very loving. You say you’ve gone back and forth for 6 years do you believe you are fully healed now, do you think you’d go into a panic if someone you really liked did what I just described to you?

  • @lulu-ou6dl

    @lulu-ou6dl

    6 ай бұрын

    ​​@@theol6272I believe sometimes it's not that your parents didn't show affection or validation but that everyone's needs are different and you probably needed more than what they gave you, or a different way of showing love and valitation. So now that you know it's not their or your fault you can stop focusing on the past and start focusing on finding out what you need now, how to express it to others and, most importantly, how to give it to yourself. After all, as with what happened in your childhood, nobody will ever be able to satisfy your needs better than yourself. As a kid you're dependent and it makes sense to look for someone else to fulfill you but now it doesn't anymore, you need to find out how to validate, appreciate, soothe and love yourself

  • @ineedhoez

    @ineedhoez

    3 ай бұрын

    Damn look up the personal development school, because it didn't take me 6 years. They promised results in like 90 days. It took me a week do you have a massive foundational shifting healing event. Over the next few weeks, I just learned scripts and tricks and how to manage and regulate my emotions and communicate better. 38 years of feeling broken and defective what's healed in a week. It honestly makes me mad. It was the easiest thing I've ever done. Imagine struggling your whole life with connection and then your life changes in a week. It's utterly ridiculous

  • @SexyBizBabe
    @SexyBizBabe5 ай бұрын

    My partner literally just told me in this moment he just needs me to be secure or space! This was a huge shift and I realized I don’t need to do this back and forth insecurities and I can be a secure partner in this relationship and phone call right now. 💜😅 downloading those books now. Thanks

  • @garbaczzoltan6255
    @garbaczzoltan625510 ай бұрын

    Wow, I don’t think there was one point that didn’t fit. I cannot stop crying right now. And yes, anxious attachment style sucks. You are truly amazing. I really appreciate your video! Thank you! ❤

  • @evanstone7656

    @evanstone7656

    4 ай бұрын

    Literally the same man. Let's heal. We got this !

  • @leahcarandang9592

    @leahcarandang9592

    3 ай бұрын

    Me too. This is therapy.

  • @saraaref8474
    @saraaref8474 Жыл бұрын

    This is one of the best if not the BEST video i’ve ever seen on Anxious attachment style. Simple, straight to the point and taken from a mouth of someone who have been through it all and came to the other side with the best advice. You gave me hope. Thank you so much!🙏🏻

  • @Margarita.Nazarenko

    @Margarita.Nazarenko

    Жыл бұрын

    love this thank you

  • @awaken2yogawithvandanadill545

    @awaken2yogawithvandanadill545

    Жыл бұрын

    I agree. Very helpful.

  • @jonargentina6285

    @jonargentina6285

    Жыл бұрын

    I second this. Things begin to makes sense finally, aged 40

  • @ronbusby3335

    @ronbusby3335

    Жыл бұрын

    Totally agree!

  • @alexamunoz2457

    @alexamunoz2457

    Жыл бұрын

    O feel like she’s describing me. Like she knows me personally. 🥺

  • @peachwedding
    @peachwedding Жыл бұрын

    As an anxious attacher in the process of healing, I've realized the that the key to changing your attachment style to secure is truly loving yourself and believing in yourself. When you have that confidence and commitment to making yourself happy you will not have those automatic anxious thoughts, you will not seek out validation because you can give it to yourself.

  • @laurena5165

    @laurena5165

    Жыл бұрын

    What did you implement to start truly loving yourself and believing in yourself?

  • @peachwedding

    @peachwedding

    Жыл бұрын

    @@laurena5165 Hi Lauren, firstly I had to go through a series of unfulfilling relationships with men that were emotionally unavailable to me. One particularly bad one sent me to rock bottom and it was at that point where I realized that I had finally had enough and I wasn't going to allow myself to ever feel that way or be treated that way ever again. I started making the tougher choices when I resumed dating again - I would come across men who displayed unavailable behaviour and even though I desired them I cut them off and each time I did that, I felt empowered and took a step toward honoring myself. It's a hard process (and I'm still in the thick of it) but it gets easier with each time you choose yourself. You become more resilient and more confident. I also listen to a lot of podcasts (Shallon Lester, Dr. Morgan Coaching, Matt Hussey) read a lot of Bruce Bryans books which changed my perspective on dating/relationships and went to therapy.

  • @GeoffWalsh-td2tl

    @GeoffWalsh-td2tl

    7 ай бұрын

    A beautiful young woman like yourself having this kind of mindset blows me away, you honestly look as though you could have anything you desired. Sorry to write you but was really surprised to see, to look at you it, you wouldn’t pick it. Are you a shy person ? Distrust will probably make you at best read a few words and think who’s this”delete “ “block” i get it it’s all good, take care. Geoff

  • @whatislife5295

    @whatislife5295

    2 ай бұрын

    ​@@laurena5165you should figure out what is your love language. Doing that really helped me. And then love yourself in your love language. For example If you're love language is words of affirmation. Compliment yourself daily, give yourself words of encouragement

  • @kwanholloway4112
    @kwanholloway41123 ай бұрын

    I am a guy, and this hits very hard. Some of these behaviors and thoughts can be exaggerated more or less to me specifically, but it's definitely me. I miss the ability to create a video response to a video because I would have definitely done it with this. You're very insightful, and you sound like you would make an excellent therapist or sociologist. Thank you.

  • @Michellesonmez1616
    @Michellesonmez1616Ай бұрын

    I really hope you see this but man… these are all the things my boyfriend has been telling me for a year since we got together and it took for us to almost break up and call it quits for me to actually put effort into looking into what he has been telling me for months now… everything you explained, and I mean every single point you stated that is exactly how I feel in relationships all the time. Just watching some of your videos has changed my outlook on myself and how I view myself and myself forth. It’s like a new level awareness. Thank you so much. I feel like you really are helping so many people.

  • @danica.filipovic
    @danica.filipovic Жыл бұрын

    This video is a major reality check. It made me so damn angry with myself, because it is so true. I am going to listen to it again and again until I start listening to it with self-compassion and understanding. And then I'm gonna work on it in a healthy way.

  • @magnoliawilde

    @magnoliawilde

    Жыл бұрын

    Same :(

  • @uwg2003
    @uwg2003 Жыл бұрын

    I just discovered what Anxious Attachment was this morning and have self diagnosed myself. Now I can't stop looking at videos on the topic. It all makes so much more sense now. I have always just thought that I "loved hard" and that it was always too much for others. I've been crying off and on all morning now that I realize and have a better understanding of how I have behaved in relationships.

  • @heavensfallin
    @heavensfallin11 ай бұрын

    This feels like a healed person’s advice to their older self. Firm yet kind. Thank you!

  • @GeoffWalsh-td2tl
    @GeoffWalsh-td2tl7 ай бұрын

    You just made a 48 year old man cry, almost every single word you spoke of is descriptive of me. I have pushed every single person in my life away,including family, no longer have a single friend, if my phone rings which it rarely does it’s because somebody needs something of me, and the resentment and total inability to trust anyone including myself. I have always vocally expressed that there were no rules in my world and that I’ll do whatever I want whenever I want and answer to nobody,I still do live this way to this very minute but i cant be vocal to people who are long gone now,my fear of not being liked and accepted has made me have behavioural habits thats have in turned them away,"what i feared most" life is fucked sometimes. The pain and fear and resentment that i have inside me is overwhelming, ive twice unsuccessfully tried to take my own life to escape the mental menace that occupies my brain cavity. I will get to that point many more times to come so eventually ill get it right and be at peace with myself Regards Nobody !!

  • @victoriaoliveira6010

    @victoriaoliveira6010

    6 ай бұрын

    I hear you and I see you!! It’s never to late to try again❤

  • @RubixLittlechild

    @RubixLittlechild

    5 ай бұрын

    I can be a friend if u need one. I’m This too!

  • @KCUARISMA
    @KCUARISMA Жыл бұрын

    This video has literally flipped a switch in my brain. I feel so much more informed and aware of why some of my relationships are the way they are.

  • @georgiabrisco2174

    @georgiabrisco2174

    11 ай бұрын

    Same. We got this 🩵

  • @eldin8910
    @eldin8910 Жыл бұрын

    as a dude struggling with anxious attachment, it has pushed every relationship away in a self fulfilling prophecy. but now i’m ready to change for the better! wishing you all the best !

  • @annmarieleblanc-gx6lc

    @annmarieleblanc-gx6lc

    Жыл бұрын

    It really is a miserable way to live. I wish you healing

  • @georgiabrisco2174

    @georgiabrisco2174

    11 ай бұрын

    I hope it’s going well. We got this.

  • @te7605
    @te760510 ай бұрын

    Wow! I have never heard anyone break me down like you do in these videos...not even therapists do this. I prayed for God to direct me to the people online who can help me heal this part of my life. I am at that stage where I've had enough of myself and had enough of slowly killing myself with this. Thank you so much. I will be purchasing the books.

  • @kiranaujlay8686
    @kiranaujlay86866 ай бұрын

    I felt as if you were talking directly to me. This video made me cry. I've always wondered why I have the reactions that I do, but to know that I can change it through hard work gives me hope. Thank you.

  • @glendagataleta7548
    @glendagataleta7548 Жыл бұрын

    Been in therapy almost a year, and been in therapy once before to get out of a toxic relationship, so most of these things I have heard before. But I had to stop the video at some point cause I was about to cry. Father that has never been 100% in my life, lots of bullying and rejection growing up and I turned out into a depressed, anxious person, who’s not able to get vulnerable with other but also feels completely alone. Letting go of the disappointments is not easy

  • @Margarita.Nazarenko

    @Margarita.Nazarenko

    Жыл бұрын

    I hear you and I understand

  • @stefaniakonstantinidou981

    @stefaniakonstantinidou981

    Жыл бұрын

    Been there. I feel you. I do psychotherapy, but what really was a breakthrough for me is to realise there is a God who loves me andcreated me special and can heal me if i rely on Him. God bless you

  • @vtlaviver

    @vtlaviver

    Жыл бұрын

    Just be kind with yourself. Fell in love with yourself by doing things that you enjoy spend time with people that you enjoy and just practise gratitude every day and you will be amazed by how good it feels and how amazing you are. Then this will be become a habit and you will accept things in your life that you will enjoy and by glowing you will attract people that will deserve to be around you. Send you a lot of hugs and love ❤

  • @lindsey9495
    @lindsey9495 Жыл бұрын

    Wow, your "real talk" approach to anxious attachment really resonated with me!! While listening to this, I was able to step outside of the victim mindset that an anxiously attached person has and step into deeper reasons to feel/act secure. Thank you!

  • @weekendwarrior3814
    @weekendwarrior38142 күн бұрын

    “This person reminds you of the one that hurt you in the past and you seek their validation to prove to yourself that you were worth it back then”. I’m a grown man and I couldn’t connect the dots on this until now. Thank you!

  • @elle-ih8iz
    @elle-ih8iz3 ай бұрын

    I usually dont comment, but i have to tell you thank you, you showed in my life in the right moment, a real life saver I appreciate it

  • @fdfdfd1
    @fdfdfd1 Жыл бұрын

    This is incredible I feel so naked after this but also like I need to replay this daily until I get it right. I'm on KZread daily for years and this is hands down the most important video that I've ever seen. Thank you for this.

  • @hayleyferguson5284

    @hayleyferguson5284

    Жыл бұрын

    I feel the same way.

  • @shaakiralovick6307

    @shaakiralovick6307

    Жыл бұрын

    Heavy on the reply until I get it right ❤️❤️

  • @shaakiralovick6307

    @shaakiralovick6307

    Жыл бұрын

    Replay*

  • @IGamingStation
    @IGamingStation Жыл бұрын

    As a male, I can honestly say I'm indeed an anxious attachment. I always thought I was confident, but dating people ended up brining the bad qualities in me and I end up coming across as needy. Grateful for this video and insight and this helps lots.

  • @user-pk5pl7ox1e

    @user-pk5pl7ox1e

    Жыл бұрын

    At 1 point in journey, 1 requires a partner to help them bring out their shadows for them to show up to then work on & deal with because if you're not in that environment, how would 1 know what their shadows are in intimate relationships?

  • @trollzynisaacjohan1793

    @trollzynisaacjohan1793

    Жыл бұрын

    @@user-pk5pl7ox1e even I can't answer that question. Integrating shadow takes a lot of self reflection. Honestly as a man you need to be in your masculine frame. set boundaries etc. honestly the advice she gives about the feminine frame can work vice versa for your masculine frame. Men test women. women test men. We're more alike than people will care to admit.

  • @user-pk5pl7ox1e

    @user-pk5pl7ox1e

    Жыл бұрын

    @@trollzynisaacjohan1793 Interesting! How DO men test women and women test men EXACTLY may I ask?

  • @trollzynisaacjohan1793

    @trollzynisaacjohan1793

    Жыл бұрын

    @@user-pk5pl7ox1e loyalty tests. I more or less just observant as fuck. Honestly you will know because they're testing your patience. Don't abuse them in response ignore them or block them.

  • @jonargentina6285

    @jonargentina6285

    Жыл бұрын

    Same

  • @rosaliecagnini9342
    @rosaliecagnini934211 ай бұрын

    One of the best videos I've ever watched describing the internal torment of this. Spot on! The perfect balance of insight, vulnerability, and firmness. Thank you!!!

  • @Annaglows
    @Annaglows5 ай бұрын

    12/27/2023 I realized I am an anxious attached kind of person. I’m a good person but today today I realized I am anxiously attached. What an amazing way to start my year. I get to work on who I am. Thank you for sharing this information

  • @ferminator4545

    @ferminator4545

    5 ай бұрын

    same girl. we got this

  • @andreaandrade4708

    @andreaandrade4708

    5 ай бұрын

    I like your perspective. I was feel horrible about my avoidant attachment style and the work I need to do but I love the perspective that I get to work on myself right as this new year starts. 😊

  • @nottherealmccoy9862
    @nottherealmccoy9862 Жыл бұрын

    I believe I went from secure to anxious from being in a 15 year long abusive marriage. I still retain most elements of secure (respect boundaries, I don’t over text or call, strong sense of self and confidence, can be alone) but I have discovered that when in a relationship, the more my feelings grow the more anxious I get. It is actually nice to identify what is going on so I can work on it instead of focus on those uncomfortable feelings.

  • @Aurora-Rose01

    @Aurora-Rose01

    Жыл бұрын

    Same, I actually shocKed myself with how quickly I became anxious when in my last relationship.

  • @saindelinejeanpierre986

    @saindelinejeanpierre986

    Жыл бұрын

    True I was secure until I got cheated on

  • @kennedialana4356

    @kennedialana4356

    Жыл бұрын

    So true I was never like this before being emotionally abused and manipulated. The way ppl manage to switch up like the weather made me form feelings of anxiety and distrust toward ppl.

  • @disorganizedclutter5513

    @disorganizedclutter5513

    Жыл бұрын

    @@kennedialana4356 I'd almost think it's normal to to anxious then. I think it's rare to find people that actually are stable and reliable in one's life.

  • @hectorrivas5574
    @hectorrivas5574 Жыл бұрын

    as a man with an anxious attachment style I have to say thank you. I only wish I had found this video sooner. The way you speak so frankly about how these behaviors destroy relationships, from a perspective of experience, is extremely effective (painfully so). It's like looking into a mirror and not liking what you see but realizing you can change what you see there. this video is going to be a great starting point in making a change in my life. thank you

  • @teddytheragdoll
    @teddytheragdoll5 ай бұрын

    Hey there 🥰! So im not sure if youre ever going to read this comment but here it goes anyway : My name's Anna and im a 26 yearsold woman living in Valencia , Spain . I have had this anxious attachment style due to my anxiety disorder for years now and the way you described all of the scenarios and symptoms is literally me in all aspects when it comes to my failed past romantic relationships . I just want to say thank you , Thank you for making this video and also at the same time making people like me feel like we are not alone and feel like there is a solution to it . Hope you have a beautiful day! 🥰😊 .

  • @raimatgallo
    @raimatgallo3 ай бұрын

    wow you’re spot on. I’m working on myself and will be more secure. I wasn’t always so anxious and I’m tired of living like this. I’ve been fighting to stop falling back into anxiety

  • @NDeraWellthy
    @NDeraWellthy Жыл бұрын

    I felt this entire message to my core. I’ve been so stressed, overwhelmed, feeling alone because “I have no friends or loved one” but I’ve never been able to sustain relationships because in my heart I believe people are going to leave me or hurt me. It’s an awful mindset to be in & I desperately need/want to be secure in myself and love myself. I’m trying to learn how, so I can be a better me & example to my daughter

  • @jessica0321

    @jessica0321

    Жыл бұрын

    I don't know if this helps at all, but I can relate. I'm becoming my biggest fan, friend, and support system. I'm practicing being completely authentic and vulnerable, and instead of basing my self-worth on the feedback/responses of others (because those tend to have more to do with other peoples' insecurities and trauma), I put my own needs and opinion of myself on a pedestal. I tell myself how proud I am of myself, even at the smallest things, whenever possible. I allow myself to make as many "mistakes" as I need to, and then I celebrate how fearlessly I pick myself up - I don't for a second look around for validation. The self-love journey is everything, and there is no way to fail because getting back up is always an option, and it's beautiful. You've so got this. The right people will move towards you when you love yourself fully, and you wont be afraid of them leaving - you'll be too busy loving yourself. xx

  • @loriherrera789

    @loriherrera789

    Жыл бұрын

    Thank you two for this... and for this gal who made this video! It ALL makes sense. Stop asking, looking, getting validation from others! It's MY journey, and I will love MYSELF enough to stay focused on me! I now see what all my own childhood traumas have done, and at least 75% of this anxious attachment style is what i have held on to I will continue to be kind and loving to ME, not explain, justify, or feel less than because (sadly with family members!), because they struggle with their own stuff and choose to project. I will not accept the disrespect any longer and will turn on my heal and walk! Thanks for being vulnerable enough to share your own feelings on this topic, I am not alone! God Bless you all and safe travels in each of our respective journeys. ❤

  • @jessica0321

    @jessica0321

    Жыл бұрын

    @@loriherrera789 Save travels, love. You can do this! It's why we're here. And if you trip or stumble on your journey out the door - love the one who trips and stumbles. No shame, no guilt, no fear. No rules. No judgement. You are always safe with you. You've got this. xo

  • @loriherrera789

    @loriherrera789

    Жыл бұрын

    @Jessica Thank you, I needed 🙏 this extra gentle reminder! You are a bright light for me and appreciate you taking the time right here... I will keep it & read it if I'm stumbling- helps to know someone understands! We live every day, and only die once, gotta make it the best journey EVER! 💕

  • @jessica0321

    @jessica0321

    Жыл бұрын

    @@loriherrera789 Much love to you, beautiful soul!

  • @asmallbitchybanana
    @asmallbitchybanana Жыл бұрын

    I just wanted to tell you that your video was the epiphany i needed. I cant tell you enough how much i thank you. Ive watched gazillions of attachment videos abt my attachment style. My recently broken up avoidant ex and i are no longer together. I let him go after 10 months of painful communication, anger, argument, back n forth etc. i realized that he is perhaps not the one for me, but i also realized that i am done being anxiously attached , and im not just saying this. Im done. Im ready to do the work. Im ready to be in my truest version of my feminine. When im not anxious, i have strength, my friends come to me for advice, i calm people down. But i cant apply this to myself. Like you, i also did Keto for two straight years, having lost 75 pounds. I felt freer, more beautiful, stronger. I also attracted more people to myself seeing i could lose the weight and feel healthier. I stopped doing Keto but have stuck to doing OMAD. Im eating carbs again, but never gain now. I wesr real skinny jeans now and look and feel fabulous. I will be subscribing, following your journey. Binge watched your content now. Please continue the very empowering talks and videos. I clicked on your video with tear stained eyes. My eyes are completely dry, and i have literally stood up and risen from my chair quite literally. You dont know how your one video has helped someone truly in need. That was me. That was today. Thank you.

  • @sonwabisedzidzi
    @sonwabisedzidzi3 ай бұрын

    You have single handedly changed my life and put a literal mirror before me. You have a gift of wisdom and have afforded me the opportunity to process my recent separation in the healthiest manner of self exploration and growth. Thank you.

  • @mrwazo
    @mrwazo9 күн бұрын

    This is very well explained. I'm an anxious attachment trying to change. I'm living by myself in peace, building up my self esteem so I can manifest what I want.

  • @annieb5619
    @annieb5619 Жыл бұрын

    As I got off the phone with my boyfriend questioning him where he had been , feeling extremely anxious , your video popped up right in front of my KZread page . I had to watch this , you liltery describing me to the core . Every single personas you are laying is about me . I appreciate the universe and you have brought my issue to the surface so I can be aware and keep on pushing on my healing journey . It is not easy , but I know I’ll make it through . And I will give myself the validation , selflove , care that I , myself , my body , my soul deserve . Thank you again . God bless you .

  • @KaylynLCast
    @KaylynLCast Жыл бұрын

    I'm currently going through a breakup where the relationship itself was healthy and happy, but as soon as he blind-sided me with how he truly feels it sent me spiraling back to the anxious person I was in all of my unhealthy relationships before him. It's been a month and a half and I'm still spiraling and reeling. This video could not have come at a better time for me. Thank you.

  • @sumansangitanayak187
    @sumansangitanayak1879 ай бұрын

    I have never heard anything like this from even Experts. Your words seem to open my mind,my eyes,my soul.. I love you for going through and coming out❤

  • @misheo9552
    @misheo95524 ай бұрын

    i go to this video whenever i feel anxious nd it has been helping me on my journey so much!!!

  • @amymonk4536
    @amymonk4536 Жыл бұрын

    I am blown away by this video , I am anxious attached and this makes me want to change. I used to think being a bleeding heart was kindness and love, now I see it as an empty manipulative way of life that pushes people away and takes any chance of real connection away. I want to thank you for this video.

  • @Coco-pr3rz

    @Coco-pr3rz

    Жыл бұрын

    www

  • @theultimate117_
    @theultimate117_ Жыл бұрын

    I watch this video like 3 times a day now and it’s helped as I start my journey to becoming secure

  • @isabelleclouser6942
    @isabelleclouser69427 ай бұрын

    This video BROKE me and humbled me so much.

  • @jessicamadrid5799
    @jessicamadrid5799 Жыл бұрын

    Yes you can become more securely attached. The anxious attachment will still be triggered at times, but you can develop more security over anxiety. The important piece is to acknowledge the trigger and choose to respond in a healthier manner. Healing core memories is the most effective approach. This core memory is the reason you have a trigger. Once this memory is healed, the trigger no longer has any power over your behavior. For example, if your partner says or does something that triggers your anxiety and threatens the connection, explore the earliest time you felt this type of feeling. Once you have discovered the source of this trigger, work with your therapist or with regressive work to heal this experience and the irrational thoughts that the experience created in your mind. You matter and have value, someone in your life made you doubt your value, so take your value back!

  • @az09kkjhk2

    @az09kkjhk2

    11 ай бұрын

    how i know what happen in the past?!? All i know is when i was 3/4 years old my parents send me away and i lived 3 years with my uncle/aunty in another country is this my trigger?

  • @lb9320
    @lb9320 Жыл бұрын

    I definitely lost my best relationship over both my anxious attachment style and my partners fearful avoidant style. It was a terrible combo. But part of me hopes if we both work on ourselves we might cross paths again one day. I love your video!

  • @Ikr2025

    @Ikr2025

    11 ай бұрын

    That’s my husband and I (I think - actually he’s a complete mystery to me). Its not a great combo tbh - he has very few emotional needs and I have far too many.

  • @genie7643
    @genie7643Ай бұрын

    This was such a call out I definitely needed to hear this goddd I kinda hate how true this is to me it’s making me realize just how much I need to work on n I’ve become aware of my behaviors n thinking

  • @zoezigzag3067
    @zoezigzag30678 ай бұрын

    It’s exhausting being constantly anxious that something is going to go wrong, even when my partner is the most kind, assuring person who has never given me any reason to worry. I want with everything in me to be free from this, im 49 and I have had enough.

  • @GalestianMusic
    @GalestianMusic Жыл бұрын

    "People are born as they are, but people make themselves into who they want to be." - powerful.

  • @Imiface
    @Imiface Жыл бұрын

    Another anxiously attached man here. My 9 year old marriage has just ended not long ago and I only came to learn that I'm anxiously attached towards the end of the marriage. During most of the marriage it wasn't an issue and actually it wasn't the core reason why the marriage ended, but right now when I try my first steps at dating, I definitely feel the same old anxiety hitting me. After few weeks of texting and only one date with a girl I anxiously wait her to call or text me and creating scenarios of how the whole thing will fail... It's just crazy that eventually all those things in life will come back haunting you until you don't fix them. But it's never too late. Thank you for the video.

  • @jmarie1831

    @jmarie1831

    10 ай бұрын

    Wow I’m in the same predicament right now. I just ended a 9yr old marriage and met a guy and now I’m emotionally a mess. Wondering if he likes me, when he’s going to call. It’s an awful feeling. I just recently learned that I have anxious attachment. Im working really hard on myself and I can’t wait to feel more secure about myself. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. We will get through this 😊

  • @Imiface

    @Imiface

    9 ай бұрын

    @@jmarie1831 Thank you for the kind words. :) 4 months now passed since my comment and after working hard and consistently on my attachment issues I can definitely feel improvement! :) Meditation, mindfulness techniques, focusing on myself, hitting the gym regularly, finding new hobbies - they indeed do work! Don't give up hope and be present, be consistent, and be kind to yourself! I wish you all the best. :)

  • @crappyklein3201
    @crappyklein32013 ай бұрын

    Cant thank you enough for this video, nobody ever put this topic in such a comforting and understanding way

  • @ArielKrei
    @ArielKrei2 ай бұрын

    This is beautiful. Seriously so well said. I am going to listen to this every single morning unit I can confidently say I’m better. It’s so hard but I know I can do it. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

  • @thomasgrabowski2202
    @thomasgrabowski2202 Жыл бұрын

    My ex was an anxious attachment I still love her but she just DROWNED me in her attachment and felt so suffocated. I made a promise to love her no matter what but she ended up being so insecure and jealous that eventually she just wanted to end things as hard as it was for her but jesus christ.....I really don't understand anxious attachments. Hopefully she finds healing but I need to focus on myself now. Because, it's my life now.

  • @sallyjrwjrw6766

    @sallyjrwjrw6766

    Жыл бұрын

    You cannot love someone past their pain. They have to do their own work to be able to love themselves. You cannot fix someone who is broken.

  • @katkatkat5
    @katkatkat5 Жыл бұрын

    I would say do your best to heal your anxious attachment and also realize that it is so important to find a good match. The right man will not mind you being anxious and seeking validation SOMETIMES. Learn to spot avoidance red flags and untrustworthiness in potential partners early on. If I had seen and recognized the red flags early on (first date he was LATE!) I would have spared myself much heartache. However I do not regret the relationship as it taught me so much.

  • @user-ge6zh4bh3k
    @user-ge6zh4bh3k28 күн бұрын

    6 mins in and im hooked it’s so refreshing getting advice from someone who has gone through this

  • @FFLUXX
    @FFLUXX11 ай бұрын

    In My previous relationship, I was the one with the secure attachment, and my ex was the anxious one. It drove me away but I was so understanding and had my own issues letting go that I stayed way too long and it destroyed me. It ended worse than anything I could have imagined. Now I am the one with the anxious attachment, thank you for posting these. This is my new journey ❤

  • @sunshinemariz5707
    @sunshinemariz5707 Жыл бұрын

    This video hits me. I’ve been struggling anxious attachment for many months now. I have to really work on myself because my bf is trying his best to make our relationship work. I have been self-sabotaging. I thought I was alone feeling this way. But it’s good to understand my own emotions and hear advice on how to overcome it. I love this video ❤

  • @hsj.124

    @hsj.124

    5 ай бұрын

    Aww you're not alone siss🥺❤️🫂✨

  • @jessicacarianne
    @jessicacarianne Жыл бұрын

    Everything you described as someone with anxious attachment is everything I do/say/feel. I don’t know how I got here but I need out.. I’m hurting myself over and over

  • @beckye8799
    @beckye87999 ай бұрын

    Margarita I needed this!!! I am here because I want to change! My anxious attachment was always there as a young girl, learning I was adopted, fear of death, fear of losing loved ones, loss of identity, and it seemed to worsen overnight in my 50s. Thank you!

  • @stephaniebravo9269
    @stephaniebravo926910 ай бұрын

    Man, this video just appeared in my feed like a miracle, I have been trying to work on my mental health because I know that something is not quite right in the way I behave, I have been trying to work on childhood traumas but still I felt lime something was missing and I think this is it. I could relate to this completely. This is it. What you've described it is me. Thank you so much. I now know what I need to work on along with my childhood traumas.

  • @kerstin6527
    @kerstin6527 Жыл бұрын

    We need to get stuff like this teached in school.. so we doesn't hurt each other and leave so much scars.. For now I am anxious attached.. but I hope this will change 😄

  • @tonydeegan6303

    @tonydeegan6303

    Жыл бұрын

    If you think you can or you think you can’t, then you’re probably right. No idea who said it but it’s true and good luck on your journey.

  • @kerstin6527

    @kerstin6527

    Жыл бұрын

    @@tonydeegan6303 Hey Tony the quote you mentioned is by Henry Ford 😇 thank you very much :-)

  • @PrachiNadk
    @PrachiNadk Жыл бұрын

    This video snapped me out of my delusional anxiety I was feeling about a specific person. THANK YOU. I just came across your videos but I will be watching more and more. Thank you I really needed this babe! Wow I have had major anxious attachment from childhood abandonment and I didn’t realize some of it was still stuck in me despite all the healing I’ve done. ❤

  • @ankeael7644
    @ankeael76448 ай бұрын

    I just discovered you and your channel by this video and I must say WOW. Spot on! I love how direct you address all these things in all honesty without sugarcoating it, telling how it is, but also talking from a place of empathy since this has been your reality, too. I finally managed to end up in a wonderful healthy relationship and oh boy do I feel all these things you talk about coming up inside me. These past few months I set myself out on the journey of tackling this attachment style with all the love, knowledge and strength I know I have within myself. Proud to say I got much better in this already, but still struggle here and there. You give me not only (additional) hope that I can do this, but also the steps I need to take in order to overcome this and to enjoy and accept all the honest and sincere love I'm so grateful for to be getting now. Thankyouthankyouthankyou for sharing your wisdom and for the book recommendations! All the best to you.

  • @MrTomahawg
    @MrTomahawg10 ай бұрын

    Your amazing in your no nonsense way. I’ve lost count in how many times I’ve watched this particular video. Every time I feel I’m falling back in my old tracks, it never fails to get me back to the right one. Thank you so much.

  • @yourmarriagevillage7204
    @yourmarriagevillage7204 Жыл бұрын

    As a licensed therapist who specializes in attachment therapy, I must say that you did a fantastic job explaining the anxious attachment style and I love your examples to overcome. Very practical. I will be sharing this with my clients. It helps sometimes when clients hear from people who have overcome. Blessings!

  • @stardustNine
    @stardustNine Жыл бұрын

    Wow. I honestly feel like this is one of the most important videos I've ever watched in my life. This helps me make so much sense of the pain and unhappiness I have been perpetuating in my life over and over. I've been so confused not understanding why nothing is getting better for me. Now I finally see it and I can begin to correct it. Thank you❤️🙏

  • @cokoblackk
    @cokoblackk13 күн бұрын

    I’m literally sitting in my car at the park balling my eyes out relating to everything she evaluated… I needed to hear this😞 God heal me

  • @tomdanielsphotography
    @tomdanielsphotography9 ай бұрын

    INCREDIBLE VIDEO! I have been on this journey for nearly 6 months and cannot express how reading attached changed my understanding of myself. This video is EXACTLY what I need to hear and I think I'll probably watch it weekly as reminder to keep working on myself. Really great job and thank you for speaking up and saying it in plain english that we all need to hear!

  • @aracelisimon1396
    @aracelisimon1396 Жыл бұрын

    I love this video. I have been working for a year in my anxious attachment. And I find that I can't make this shift bymyself. EMDR has been a great tool, awareness, and a lot of work. I am Still anxious. But I truly believe that once I get to be secure.. my life is going to be better.

  • @bekzadaburzhueva4503

    @bekzadaburzhueva4503

    Жыл бұрын

    Whats EMDR 😬