who said...." before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem make sure in fact you are not surrounded by assholes"?

I grew up with horribly emotionally abusive parents. I did not realize this until a year ago...I’m 34. Your statement about the feedback is spot on. I have internalized the belief my bad, fat (though I know I’m logically thin), ugly, rude...every negative thing I possess and believe other people think this of me. I can logic my way out of it but it’s ALWAYS there.

Dr. Grande, do you ever get tired of being awesome????

@nd8610

5 жыл бұрын

Estelle: That's the words! You couldn't have said it better! Love you got that. 👌

@unapologeticella4540

4 жыл бұрын

🙃

@Estelle-Maureen

3 жыл бұрын

@@mitchrijkaard6757 I am not diagnosing anyone... But probably not in a case like this. Lol

@sherryhoppmann3980

3 жыл бұрын

Or maybe we deserve to be loathed because we are inferior. The shame is earned by our actions. We accept our lack of worth.

@rachelsimbhu4383

3 жыл бұрын

He's beyond amazing ! I believe that I am in love with ! Lol ! Go Doc !!

Here’s another Dr. Grande brilliance; “Narcissists dont provide accurate feedback.....they are trying to pull you down the ladder.” This is so meaningful.

@radostdinkova7909

11 ай бұрын

my mother will start scream at me for some stupid thing and out of nowhere get into the subject of me still 37 years old and not having family and kids . And when i point out what she did was not ok she will laugh like nothing hppend . Like i am over reacting by crying ober the situation . She will just have a smirk on her face not even looking at me and not saying a thing . So annoying

Hi Todd. I agreed with everything but the part that narcissists seek victims with low self esteem. It is not always so, some narcissists want to make a catch and seek confident people, so they can glow in their presence and suck them dry both emotionally and financially. Once that partner is caught, either by quick marriage or by pregnancy etc., the abuse starts and picks the once confident but empathic person apart bit by bit. I know cuz it happened to me. I would like to see a video on the connection between narcissists and empaths, and also a video on financial abuse and custody/parenting with a narcissist. Sorry for long texts, I appreciate your videos, thanks 😊

@norma3067

5 жыл бұрын

Kati Holopaine- your comment is spot-on. I’ve experienced this. Thank God I didn’t get caught in the relationship with the things you mentioned “pregnancy” in particular. What you described, I could see coming. Some people don’t realise the science of this situation. They put it down to the person changing and showing their true colours after time. I knew a guy for almost 8 yr. we were friends. We’d always have some back and forth banter (we’re Scottish). someone had said to me they noticed they didn’t like the way he spoke to me and they thought there was something not right about it. Once I got into the relationship he became someone else. This was very odd as I had known him very well for so long. I got out of that relationship. We are still friends, I can see the other guy is still there but not as often as I did once in the “relationship” if you know what I mean. Luckily I’m strong enough. I don’t think he’s a bad guy but it was definitely an eye opener. If I’d fallen pregnant and got married that relationship would have buried me. You never really know a person. I chose to stay single and I’m quite content atm. Great comment, well said ❤️

@violagentsch

5 жыл бұрын

Sorry but they do look for someone that seems vulnerable, naive, has low self esteem.

@badomaji

5 жыл бұрын

They search out the soft spot in everyone - your pet, your hobby, your friends,etc., stick the knife in, and twist. Then feel powerful as they witness your anguish. These people are sick.

@norma3067

5 жыл бұрын

Judy Lee - I’ve always been one to build people up ...not bring ppl down. Do I put my foot in someone’s, yes but never - ever do I want to hurt anyone. I’ve suffered depression, low self esteem. My life has been full of many difficulties however never - even in my darkest of moments have I ever tried to bring anyone down with me. I was the type to sort out the bullies and stick up for the underdog in school. These days I try to mind my own business now I’ve grown up a bit unless I really need to. Relationships are a funny old game. I am very happy with my singleness. I wish couples well on their journey together, nothing against relationships. I do see people put up with stuff just to be Ina relationship..which by the way I have never understood. I’ve never been one that desired marriage either. I wish you the best of happiness. I’ve realised happinesses can only come from ones inner self, anything else is a bonus if it works ❤️ this May be a little off topic but to me it all comes under the same umbrella. Unless your relationship is one that is consented by GOD, yer on tae plums, it’s no gony work 😐

@kimyoung2748

3 жыл бұрын

@@violagentsch I agree with you.

"Low self esteem will not help you to make amends." Important message, thank you! If you dwell in a self-hatred, it doesn't help and it can turn into a helpless state where you can't do anything to make anything better. I was taught that it was a sign of a good person to feel bad about oneself because it's humble enough or something, and there was never given a possibility that I could ever change my bad qualities. So I was taught to feel inherently bad. Every time I somehow started to question it and felt that maybe I deserved something, I felt I was being entitled. I still struggle with that, I don't always know what is a reasonable request and what is entitlement. It's a lot easier just to adjust to everything, but lately I've tried not to do that. I feel it suffocates me inside if I keep adjusting to everything. I need to get a grip on a message that I can be a good or ok person with a good self-esteem and self-worth (it doesn't mean that I'm selfish and entitled), and that actually is a way I can cause more good things in my surroundings.

@Kuruflower

2 жыл бұрын

I just read your comment. I could've written it myself, but you did it better. I'm sorry you are struggling with this too. Prayers for all that are. Peace.

I'll be forty-seven this month and I'm still working through the pain of a childhood and adolescent 'friendship' during the eighties and part of the nineties. My self-esteem was damaged almost beyond repair, but I'm slowly but surely taking back my power through creative writing projects. My suffering will not be in vain, dammit!!! lol. Thank you for this video :)

I've only ever met one narcissist in my life and he was so horrible that I put my Keds on and ran after the first half attempt at an apology that, in the end, was blaming me for his horrible insults. Just say no, peeps. 😊 Then block your phone number and take as many precautions as you can to rid your life of this poison. And that's exactly what it is - poison. Thank you, Dr. Grande. 👍🌹 Your metaphor was perfect.

The chemical leak analogy is perfect. I think one of the most distressing aspects of narcissistic abuse is the fact that victims don’t really understand what is happening until years later. I have learned so much about narcissism and many other things from you, Dr. Grande. Thank you for everything.❤

This reminded me how one time my narcissistic family member told me I didn't deserve counseling because my life was easy (it wasn't), she was the one who deserved counseling because her life is so hard and everyone treats her so badly. Of course, after that conversation, she refused to get counseling. Luckily I don't talk to her anymore.

@ifyourepeatalieoftenenough8500

Жыл бұрын

Narcisst think you dont deserve good. They dont see the strugle, fights doubt and hardships you had to endure.they thibk themselves as entitled to good and every one eelse not. Is it?

Good afternoon, Dr. Grande! The chemical leak is just PERFECT analogy!! My boyfriend unfortunately suffers from narc fleas from his narc mother but we are now working on it with our couple therapist!! Thank you!!! I love this community

@rightnow5839

5 жыл бұрын

cat I also love the analogy of the chemical leak. And your funny referring to the disorder as “ narc fleas” 😂 Lmao...I can laugh at it because I’ve experienced it as well. Best wishes to you, and hope therapy is affective for the situation.

@scarlettchappendenden9059

5 жыл бұрын

@@rightnow5839 I do too, the good Dr.Grande is very well informed.

@scarlettchappendenden9059

5 жыл бұрын

@@RN-gx7wt Hello, you seem angry? I agree the human mind is complex and labelling can miss the point. I cannot answer the other points raised. Thank you for responding to me. S.

@scarlettchappendenden9059

5 жыл бұрын

I thought my reply was a rational response. It was nice of you to write to me. I do agree with you that humility and experience are crucial. I genuinely thought something had upset you. I am sorry I could not answer you in a way that you could appreciate. . Thanks again for the conversation. S..

@scarlettchappendenden9059

5 жыл бұрын

@@RN-gx7wt How kind of you, thanks, I was feeling a bit sad after our little talk. I like your Blueberry metaphor! S. x

Absence of worth...it’s never too late to learn. Thankyou for this knowledge, it’s worth more than precious jewels to me.

I love being analogy of the leak. I had a narcissistic boyfriend at one time and yes they pick and pick. The last straw that I had was when I went into my own house only to be greeted with hands around my neck. That's when I left. I worked on myself by going back to school and picking classes to help me work through all my problems and it worked thank you again for the video

@qiuwbr091

5 жыл бұрын

Kelly Schittenhelm - Why do Judas like acts still make us cry? I mean other than the remembrance of the physical pain?

@ladymopar2024

5 жыл бұрын

@@qiuwbr091 not sure

@alepta8476

5 жыл бұрын

Good job, kelly:)

Another interesting topic Dr Grande. Approx 5.45 mins. “A narcissist will pick a weakness that the victim has identified, so the victim can unknowingly give ammunition to the narcissist.” I suspect this is a factor in toxic relationships too.

@lauralii9856

3 жыл бұрын

My mom did exactly this. She had known that I was having a hard time making decisions. Then, when I had done a major decision regarding my career/life, she came along and blamed me and instilled doubt in me - and also manipulated me into a totally different decision. Then, when I was living with this wrong decision and phoned her (I hadn't yet waken up and realized she was doing this to me) and cried, she said: "But my dear, you always have a hard time making decisions, they just don't seem to go right...". Hmm... and I had been perfectly content with my original choice until she tricked me into a whole new direction in a couple of talks that involved yelling, blaming, invalidation and the sentence: "You will never become anything!".

This seems to me like a fundamental step in identifying relationship with a narcissistic person. Destroy a person's self-esteem to feel better themselves.

My mother has always asked me why she doesn't have grandkids from me. Why she doesn't have a son in law? One day she kept going on about how I ripped her off. Finally, I snapped and said I was the one who was ripped off. Of a good childhood, stable home, loving mother, having a relationship with my father, etc. Then I said you are the reason you don't have any of those things.

This topic was spot on. I could relate in so many ways. My ex-husband was a narssatist who systematically destroyed my confidence and self worth. I'm still working to get through it.

@paulclinton6414

3 жыл бұрын

Your ex husband is a loser.

@chickenlittle4014

Жыл бұрын

Me too !

For the victims of narcissism this makes a great deal of sense. I am frustrated with a family member who uses labels to control her son, and keep him “the bad child” so that she can be more of the Alpha family leader. He doesn’t see through the dynamic at all. Of course he loves his mother and doesn’t challenge her often because if he does she discards him. Then starts socially manipulating to bring him down further in his self estimation. She finds women who challenge his positive self beliefs until he breaks. You have NO ideas how infuriating it is to see and not be able to stop her.

The chemical leak is the best analogy. I will share with my family!

I love listening to your videos when getting ready for work in the morning. I feel a little smarter each day.

Your topics are the best. To me coming from a psychologist is so beneficial because having validity to the information you share is very beneficial to many people. I said it before it's amazing the non-bias approach you have, so thanks again. And on the topic of non bias I have enough education and experience to make that call. There are plenty of psychologist that push other professionals to stand by one philosophy and one philosophy alone. I agree more with your technique of a non bias approach. You couldn't have put this video out at a better time for me. I am a prime case on this topic. It's a difficult slow, insidious demise similar to a fungus. So many people I've noticed are unaware of the progression of abuse and damage that these people with NPD create. 👍

I had one at work. After a few years of interaction with the coworker, I could not take it any longer, I now completely ignore the person. Looking back I see how everything he did was somehow premeditated. Sometimes I think I am schizoid, I know I have vulnerabilities, but I also know I have strengths, but having a narcissist pounding on and on on your vulnerabilities, to me this feels traumatic.

@nd8610

5 жыл бұрын

Bert: and I second that. Who the hell do these people think they are being all f-up in their head to prey on us and to think its OK; as if we don't have our own problems? Sick mofos. They should not be aloud to be around us.

@everyday234

4 жыл бұрын

I worked with someone who tried to convince me that I lived in "fear city"..whatever that is..Where did that come from? She would ask me to assist her in her job at work..which wasn't in this instance out of line but did involve things I didn't do on a regular basis or I'd never done before so I was a little uncomfortable or reluctant ..and mostly I'd say I couldn't help because I had other work to do. And instead of arranging with management for her to get some help, she just got more and more into shaming me as she said I was fearful..I quit working there fairly soon after this began because I told her "no" one day when we were doing an event at another location(I also worked there part time and still do) and I knew the electric motor operating the various 30 foot tall narrow curtains was somewhat broken and didn't function properly(so as I worked there I knew we had quit using it). So she started angrily accusing me of my "living in fear city" crap right in front of this other guy she had hired for the day...That was the last straw..I gave my 2 weeks notice the next day. I can't permit people to put me down in public like that. I understand how we all lose our temper and say stupid things, but I never got a later apology and I never heard her say she was sorry to anybody..that's not good.

I love the analogies used here! “I did always smell something funny!” Or thinking about “a crack in the foundation” ....

Excellent video again. Thank you Dr. Grande. You're our hero on KZread 😃🙌👍

An excellent succinct explanation about narcissistic abuse. I do want to mention that sometimes a narcissist will attach themselves to someone who does not have low self-esteem because the narcissist wants to both use the skills their target has and, because they actually resent the target for the abilities the narcissist does not have, abuse the individual's good nature and then try to damage their self-esteem through such tactics as nasty verbal 'put-downs', ad hominems - frequently related to the actual abilities the narcissist lacks and covets yet resents their target for having. After this, if the target does not have decent social support in their life (such as a partner and friends who see the narcissist for the toxic individual s/he is and suggest the target get the narcissist out of their life) they may very well end up with damaged self-esteem from the narcissist. I experienced this with two narcissists who went to the same high school and wanted to remain in my life when we went onto University. Thankfully, I was able to end the relationships before my sense of self-worth was damaged the way narcissists typically do. It was solely due both my husband's comments about them - and his support - and my own decision when moving into post-grad, desiring more time to devote to my studies, that I began to analyse the people in my life and ended the relationships with the narcissists. One of the narcissists turned quite nasty when she realised I wasn't going to continue in a relationship with someone so toxic and jealous. It's when one ends the relationships that the narcissists truly reveal just how vicious and abusive they are - likely because their source of 'supply' has gone and especially because they weren't the ones in control of ending it or doing the 'discard': it's all about power and control with narcissists.

28yrs in a cyclical toxic relationship..... I never understood why. I have always accepted the blame. I love, and am a victim, of a Vulnerable Narcissist. Thank you for the pieces that explain my puzzle.

So relevant for me currently. Thank you.

@nd8610

5 жыл бұрын

Eliz: And that's all? Just say hi and bye I could never let myself get away with that one. Or people would actually think I was snobby.... And your feedback? I bet none. Rest my case a- hole

It's important to know sadly that not all counselors show such positive regard toward their clients. They can be narcissistic themselves and end up emotionally abusing clients who are vulnerable and trying to recover from low self esteem.

@serendipitous_synchronicity

5 жыл бұрын

Then taking a partner, when their every action or lack of action urges you to assume a role, you know in your heart isn't you! Crazy making... at a pull of the tethered strings!

Whooa. This was another tough one for me to hear. As a former victim of narc abuse, these videos always hit me hard.

@puresoul1368

5 жыл бұрын

Sorry I understand, myself still trapped the pain is real.

Very interesting Dr Grande. It’s terribly sad at how much people suffer at the hands of narcissists and they certainly don’t deserve to end up in self loathing. I partly relate to that as far as feeling worthless during a massive depression as part of my PTSD where I felt somehow, someway I must have caused the traumatic event. In my head I seriously believed I brought an horrific event upon myself, but that was depression talking and experiencing, so I imagine it could be very much the same for the victims of a narcissist. Trauma is trauma whether it results in PTSD or not, but I have to wonder how anyone could survive years of torment and not suffer from something themselves in the end. My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered as you described. Thank you for a very informative video, Dr Grande. You have a peaceful day ☺️

This made me think about the whole cancel culture thing but self-hatred is when a person cancels themselves. Reality is that everyone does some really horrible things throughout their lifetime but that doesn't make them horrible and irredeemable people. It's hard to be human and this is the reason why we all do a few horrible things while struggling with this human thing. It's a reason and that should cause us to be compassionate for ourselves and others but that doesn't mean it should serve as an excuse not to deal with bad behavior. Anyway, this video helped me think about this idea a little bit more clearly. Thanks.

I learned so much from this topic, in particular the reasons why people are tricked into having low self esteem.. A great point too that there is a difference between taking responsibility for bad actions but not allowing these to lower your self-esteem. It seems to me a lot like unconditional maternal love, you may not like everything your child does but your love for them remains the same. Thank you for putting a summary of the video's main points in the description, it is helpful.

True Doc because of continual demeaning, devaluing as a result of rejection and discarding by the perpetrator, victims having had self esteem issues originally tends to deteriorate further. Even the little confidence one had due to alot of brainwashing is all gone. With this understanding we can shake ourselves up and realise its not our fault and work towards regaining our sanity.

Thanks for these tutorials

My sick in the head captors sent me to a psychiatrist at age seven. That really devastated me at a young age. I was tormented by this so called “Family”. Beaten, bullied, traumatized in every way. And to send me to a shrink was the ultimate cover for them and the ultimate insult for me...

My friend group and life in general is littered with narcissistic people and no one listens to me when I try to explain what is actually going on around us, people prefer the stories they have always told themselves about their own behaviour and the behaviour of the people in their lives (or the story they were told to tell themselves and still haven't realised that yet), they care not for the actual truth, especially when it is inconvenient and would mean they'd have to make difficult changes. Narcissists and a lot of their victims seem to willfully live in denial of the dysfunctional nature of their relationships, it's difficult to watch and stay sane, at least I am finding that difficult at the moment especially when really trying to reprogram my brain from all of it's borderline and narcissistic maladaptions - maladaptions inflicted upon me through a very similar process I watch many of my friends going through now.... Man, I love all of your videos, you have almost single handedly kept me from convincing myself I am just paranoid and over sensitive and I am actually seeing certain patterns in the behaviour of the people around me. For the record, I have actually just stopped trying to tell anyone when I see them being narcissistically abused by someone, they'll never listen and they'll only leave when they realise for themselves + it puts me in the firing line and I have been pushed out of friend groups by narcissists before for calling them out on their bullshit, not to mention I have also seen how calling a narcissist out can push their victims closer into their clasp. I just hate that some of my friends could end up as damaged as me between then and now and I don't think they understand how different life will be for them afterward if they don't nip the abuse in the bud. I have just gotta remember to focus on my own recovery, 'you are the only one you can save' - easier said than done. Thank you Dr Grande for another great video.

I've often wondered how deep this rabbit hole can go with the narcissist and the victim and if it's black and white, or if there's a volunteer/cooperation element to it. What I mean is that sometimes there's a dynamic that develops that appears like narcissist/victim, but in the timeline, there's a lot of things entangled on both sides. Or the supposed "victim" is disordered themselves. I think this is why, for the most part, all of us adult humans (and some children) should participate in consistent cognitive therapy with a trained therapist. That way, this rabbit hole can be avoided. In life, the ultimate result is you get what you tolerate. I have thought on that quite a bit, and throughout my own self-discovery and learning, it applies. Once you are aware of toxicity in your life (some of us took longer, because the toxicity was from parents who suffer from NPD/BPD and it affected us unknowingly for a good part of our adulthood as well) it's good to work on what it is you will tolerate and what it is you will not, especially in reference to how you speak to yourself and treat yourself. Others will follow the pattern you dictate, beginning with yourself.

Thanks Dr. Grande. It's hard to believe that my god-like parent was narcissistic, but that's the only way I can understand the discrepancy between what other people seem to think of me and how I feel about myself. I appreciate your scientific focus.

I have looooooooooooooow self esteem, havent looked in the mirror at my face in a month, thanks to the narcist. Thanks to people who have run me down, and as a child have trauma issues. Amazing I am a successful sales person. I can feel energy because I am an empath

How are you doing Dr. Grande! Hope you are fine Thank you for your uploads Love the positive outlook of counselors Wish all people were like that

I was always massively confused and nearly convinced I was mentally Ill

Thank you Dr Grande for this video which is very validating for the victims of narcissistic abuse

This video is 💯factual, and I speak from personal experience. Happy Tuesday Doc! Great vid as always 👌

An awesome explanation of some of the dynamics of being involved with a narcissist. I thank you so much for this video-it's one of the things that I struggle with daily, attempting to heal from a near fatal situation of being with a therapist who acted in all of the ways you described. No question that I had serious struggles when I began meeting with this person but in a nut shell, things became so bad while being in therapy with this person that I nearly lost my will to continue the fight. I believe that this video will help countless people. Thank you, always, Dr. Grande.

This one is definitely on my saved video list! Another great much needed-to-hear video.

Just want to say *wow* to your channel. Your work, scientific approach, backed up by personal experience, on-point without making it rocket science.... Danke. Thanks. I am convinced you help many people realizing, "seeing", what actually happens and thus help them. Big thanks, Dr. G.

The leak and widening the crack all these things when I'm going through right now and you do hand yourself over with low self-esteem because they think that they have control over your life sometimes and well everything you said was really good today I'm glad I heard it thank you

@debnn4854

5 жыл бұрын

you ate doing great...observe not absorb.....no problems

I hate that I look just like the people that made fun of me the most. And most people see me as one of them.

Im so grateful to find this thoroughly informative and easily accessible/ understandable information. I've finally realized, after listening to this, that my father was the narcissist that contributed to my self loathing, hard core i.v. drug addiction, and deep sense of shame and depression. I never felt comfortable blaming him but I've been a kind and generous person most of my life and still i hated myself, had zero confidence, and engaged in horribly self destructive lifestyle .. too bad it took 60 years to get it... a lot of life wasted:/ Thankfully people like you, good doctor, are available to people like me but who are much younger and able to access some healing via the wondrous internet before they lose so many years to mental illness.. I suspect that this might enable some people to heal themselves or at least ameliorate symptoms I see from the comments that there are many many wounded souls trying to heal themselves... many of us simply cannot pay for help if this quality Thanks again from a new subscriber

On point! Understanding helps coping and healing. Thank you

Thank you Dr Grande!! As always, keeping us empowered & informed! 😀

Interesting video Dr Grande. However I remember in another of your videos on the myths of narcissism, one myth was that narcissists deliberately seek to cause harm. Rather, you explained, they have a fragile sense of self and the harm they cause others by putting them down is an unintended consequence of them trying to protect their delicate ego (paraphrasing). However this video indicates that they do deliberately try to cause harm. If they hate their 'victims' seeking the support of mental health counselling it definitely implies a deliberate campaign of intentional harm and abuse.

@WoodlandT

5 жыл бұрын

Paul Mallon I remember that video as well & unlike most of Dr Grande’s videos, I did not agree. My ex absolutely intended to cause harm to me. It started out subtle, as is often the case. By the end he was verbally & physically abusive, one of his favorite things to call me was a “fat, ugly, faggot.” He cheated on me & made sure I found out. I even caught him moving my things in an effort to make me think I was crazy. He also hated the fact I had a counselor & tried repeatedly to get me to stop. I was recently out of an 11 year relationship & he knew I was vulnerable. He targeted me & proceeded to dismantle whatever self worth I had remaining. Before I was able to get away from him I’d gotten so low that I was considering ending my own life. Once I’d left the relationship he continued to harass and threaten me. He even threatened to burn my house down while I slept. I kept record of all his harassment and informed him I would go to the police if I ever heard from him again. That’s what finally got him to leave me alone. He may have been psychopathic as well as narcissistic, I don’t know. I’m not a mental health professional. But what I do know is that he intended to harm me & he succeeded. It honestly seemed like he enjoyed it.

@neitik1179

5 жыл бұрын

I think there are narcissists who are less aware and narcissists who are more aware. And everything in the middle. Some people with narcissistic traits just spread their own bad feelings to others without much thinking about how it happens. Those people might feel offended when they see their close person getting better or feeling good and sharing their inner thoughts with someone else than with them. That offends their sense of control or their own sense of self, they want everyone to be in the same swamp with them. On the other hand, closer to the trauma, the lesser is the awareness. They might calculate and manipulate on purpose, but still truly believe you are evil and deserving of all the bad treatment they give you (so that they are more a hero on a quest or a parent disciplining you than someone wanting to hurt others). It's complicated. The same person can be at the same time aware of something and not aware of something.

@spokeraq

5 жыл бұрын

It depends on where they stand in the narcissistic spectre.

@sekischro5093

Жыл бұрын

perhaps they are jealous of other people seeking help.

Dr. Grande! You are on fire with these videos! Thank you so much for them. Your videos are always the best and most interesting ❤❤

So glad to have found this channel when I did. Currently making plans to leave my narcissistic parents and cut them out of my life entirely, and I've already noticed both my physical and mental health improve after beginning the process of distancing myself from them. Of course, the better and more confident I seem to be getting, the more angry they are at the smallest opportunities available, but I look forward to never worrying about that ever again.

I’m really enjoying how break these topics down so well!

Love, love this video!....when being raised by narcs, especially, the sense of hopelessness and learned helplessness can cause one to move into self hatred following low self esteem.... It’s very helpful to be reminded there’s a way out of this where we can get help and learn to help ourselves ♥️♥️♥️

I love your calm soothing voice , I know that shouldn’t matter it’s the content that matters but it makes me want to listen to more because your voice is soothing and easy on the ear.

Gee, when I immediately went for counseling, not later on I came to find out the counselor was totally invalidating and retraumatizing me - and trying to explore me financially, of course - and helping screw me up even more (because she had cluster b traits), which (subsequent situations of abuse) today I see as totally "normal" .Tough luck. But we move on. Other good people and your channel and others have helped me learn and see through a lot of abusive behaviors and patterns, and today I'm able to help friends and relatives, too.😎 As usual, thank you so much for all always, Dr Grande. Your work is life-saving in these narcisisstic times.

Another 👍🏻 💗 video Dr Grande. Your videos are worth watching more then once so that all useful information is memorized! Your on a role with new videos, witch is good for us!!!

@pocoeagle2

5 жыл бұрын

Well said Kimberly 😃

Yasssss another video! Going to watch when I get home from work!

I am so thankful to you for putting words onto this. 🙏 Be blessed. 🙌

To me self hatred has been the worst. I stopped comparing myself and I got better and better.

💯✅ I was happy & healthy before I met ex Narc. I left depressed & broken & thinking I had a problem .😪 The Narc said to me one morning you’re depressed aren’t you. Lol.

When this person talks, it is so coherent and so deep I wonder ,most of the therapists have this much deep insight?

So well done Doc- You are spot on and used great analogies!!

Thank you so much doctor for this video. I am so grateful that we have you in this world. You have been a Great help!

Especially helpful. Thanks! The cracked foundation metaphor and relationship with stress and depression are especially helpful.

Thank you for this insightful analysis Dr Grande. I could have watched an hour of this... all if this resonates with my experiences of being married to a malignant narc for over a decade. 100% accurate

Great video. This topic clearly resonates with a lot of people.

Another grande cup of mental health joe! Served straight up

Ty for making sense of such a complex topic

Had a revelation listening to you. So much complex information. Very helpful and hopefully it will help me make a change in my thinking 🤔

Thank you so much for this information. I need this at this time in my life. I'm saving this to my Playlist for encouragement when I need it.

Unconditional positive regard - Carl Rogers

Great channel! I’m currently completing my master in MFT. Your videos are so helpful, I too believe and apply the narrative mode/technique. As to this video on narcissism, very informative... the chemical leak analogy makes perfect sense. 👍🏽

Dr. Todd thank you for doing these video! It helps a lot for better identifying charateristics.

Just subscribed. All I can say is WOW Doc! Never thought of things like that, been 3 years since I’ve been discarded. Very concise explanation- thanks! I needed that logical thoughtful explanation!

@DrGrande

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

Thank you. This explains everything. Doesn't fix the disaster but good to know.

I really appreciate your clear and concise explanations. You have helped me a lot and I think you are a great psychologist. If only they were all as good as you!

This is one of your best videos! Thanks!!

@rudhisundar

3 жыл бұрын

Sleep, Dr. Grande!

Thank you for this video, Dr. Grande! It is very true that after you finally discover that you have been in a relationship with a pathological narcissist, you experience a shock to your system. And then you have to look back on your life and to understand anew a story of your past experiences, sometimes months, sometimes years. It's like rebuilding a whole chunk of your identity. Do you think there are many therapists who, like you, appreciate such effects on narcissistic targets and those who can provide adequate support to them?

@rightnow5839

5 жыл бұрын

SK I had a wonderful counselor. Probably best to search for a counselor trained to help survivors of abuse.

Thank you, just what I needed to hear right now x

I have just realised that having lived with a narcissist I am suspicious of my loved ones making ANY suggestion to me about how I should accept their help. It makes survivors like myself behave defensively around genuine offers of help. I have seen it in the Narc and in myself as a victim and in my grandchildren who are so used to disappointment and so used to overcoming the many hurts and unnecessary difficulties created ;by the Narc. What is it about having been overtly and covertly controlled that causes victim to seemingly take a more difficult route rather than accept help. I want to heal from this self limiting trait but I don’t know where to start.

Great eye openning information. Thank you!

Thanks Dr. G , happy Tuesday to you!

Spot on, Dr. G! 👍💯

Fantastic video about a complex subject.

Thank you, for your advice. I feel like I am forever in this depression hole/ feeling worthless for such a long time I just don't see any way out.

Perfect timing Dr Grande!

They are Master Manipulators..... You are right they love to push you down the ladder...That's for sure

Absolutely true dc. Thank you for your kind healing educating video.

Excellent video. Thank you for this. Could you possibly do a full video concerning statistical or anecdotal instances of how and why narcissists abuse the way they do? The fissure exploitation analogy answered questions I've had for years and questions I didn't know I had. This helped, immensely.

Thank you Dr. Grande. Looking forward to your book so much. (sorry I am only mentioning it once a month!) Just in case of any news!! Thanks again. S. x Excellent Video. Unique.

Thank you for your informative videos !! I would like to see one that tells, about self - harm, destroying your own, being lost in this disorder.

onpoint Dr Grande! perfect analogy too

Yep, you hit the nail on the head.

Great video, thank you!

I once had a therapist who did not have an once of unconditional positive regard for me. Needless to say, I didn’t see her many times

thank you ...brought to the light things i felt but did not discern ..thanks very valuable

Thank you this describes my experience. I would love you to do a video on breaking the trauma bond when you leave or have been left by a narcissist or other abusive people .