My Mother once furiously slapped me in the face for questioning her. I raised my arm to block the next hit to which she responded "How dare you raise your hand against your own Mother!" as though defending myself meant attacking her. From narcissistic rage to being the vulnerable victim in a split second!

@karlyncostello6902

Жыл бұрын

OMG that happened to me too, and I was taking taekwondo… She smacked me in the mouth and I had braces

@warbledurbler7905

Жыл бұрын

@@karlyncostello6902 I was doing Taekwondo at the time too! It's sad that our narcissist parents believe it's their right to abuse us. Such a horrible situation

@iwantit162

Жыл бұрын

My gf went to slap me first time she made contact the second I blocked with my forearm but because it hurt her she blamed me and said how evil and horrible I was for attacking her and the police wouldn't believe my story! Hahahaha I reminded her about forensic detectives why would I use my forearm to hit her arm with rather than my fists? She stopped thought about it and then began to cry about how much pain she was in and how it was my fault! She's nuttier than a squirrels turd.

@NeonCicada

Жыл бұрын

Wow...sounds a lot like being a Palestinian Muslim 😣 _(an honest comment)_

@francesmartel7948

Жыл бұрын

@jinakurd2010 I agree. If there’s inheritance, you’ve earned it with that kind of crap, but boundaries are the only way you’d survive that as intact as possible.

“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes

@cpcolgate6903

Жыл бұрын

Megan markle

@evelina787

Жыл бұрын

@Daniella Pawl Greetings to you in Se@ttle✨☘️🙏Beautiful place Good evening from England & God bless you, you're so right We're powerless over them, but i sooo wish, i'd listened 2 loved ones when i ws forewarned of the evilness a certain nrcissist would bestow upon us Forewarned is me ant to be, fore@rmed however, bec@use i see just the good in folk predomintly, i could not imgine that anyone could be so cruel So now it's taking much time to rebuild rekindle the hurt upset d@m@ge c@used by a professionl nrcissist These can be the worst bec@use of the power they possess 😞 But we must not give up & if we've had the whole sme@r c@mp@igns injustices etc, then we must one step @ time fight for our deserved justice God bless you&yours a million fold✨☘️🙏

@evelina787

Жыл бұрын

@Daniella Pawl God bless you million fold & thank you so very much for your encourgement, wrmth & words of wisdom Yes i 100percent believe in God, higher power I'm Christian too but just like you don't preach God bless you & i didn't for one moment think you were doing so I greatly appreciate your reassurance God was speaking through people, my precious loved ones, when they were forewarning me about people with power in authority This us what grieves me so much, i didn't recognise this to be God warning me Now theres so much destruction which needs repairing, chipping away, step by step Sincerely hope everythings good with you, & you find God id continually blessing you abundantly ✨☘️🙏Thank you so very much

@terrorists-are-among-us

Жыл бұрын

Yeah but "trans women are women OR ELSE" 🤡

@art_strings

Жыл бұрын

Wow, that is so true.

The narcissist who just discarded me could not be disagreed with or questioned without flying into a rage just like a three year old. I've never seen anything like this before except in a two or three year old.

@shaynelahmed6323

4 жыл бұрын

Debbie. Close call there! Now you can finally relax, and stop walking on eggshells . Did you find he moved the goal posts all the time? Good riddance to bad rubbish

@NobleNemesis

4 жыл бұрын

It's baffling, frustrating and downright insulting to your own intelligence. The worst thing is that the more you try, the more you'll make yourself out to be a demon in their eyes and potentially the rest of their 'flying monkeys' .

@danstar455

4 жыл бұрын

Ditto

@VickiBee

4 жыл бұрын

Neither can our "president." I have no f'n tolerance for it, but I lost all my abilities that were fully under control when I got cancer. Stage 0, nonmalignant (currently) but it threw ME off the track.

@chamomiletea9562

4 жыл бұрын

@medusacries I'm sorry to hear that. 23 years for me. After a camping trip a woman came up to me and remarked, "I see you can't do anything right" and smiled knowingly. She had been listening to all the verbal abuse criticism I had received the entire time I was so embarrassed but relieved that someone else could see what was going on right away. After I finally crawled out of that my sister started in on me with full blown vindictive narcissism complete with Flying monkeys --the folks who used to be my loving, trusted family.

rage is actualy the narc knowing he's lying to him/herself

@buffhotchkiss7400

4 жыл бұрын

Thet know your onto them. Lol

@dianefarley37

4 жыл бұрын

Yes! Tantrumming because they're not getting what they want.

@ryanserrian3709

3 жыл бұрын

That's actually a really clever point!

@nellsmith9721

3 жыл бұрын

@@dianefarley37 exactly ... mine at the age of 57 threw tantrums that would put a 2 year old to shame ... my 10 year old son couldn’t believe what he heard & saw .... me either it’s shameful behaviour

@kathyadair8552

2 жыл бұрын

@@dianefarley37 BINGO!

Oh nooo. Rage doesn't happen Even if criticism is fair. It happens ESPECIALLY if criticism is fair...

@mfvoid5228

4 жыл бұрын

Narc Begone , correct ... in general : „ If critisism hits - it fits“ ;)

@daisyloumisakidondu6159

4 жыл бұрын

@Lionel Muggerage I was going to say, number 1 is more like they get annoyed at being caught out/ not getting away with something/ what you said lool

@nd612

3 жыл бұрын

They hate the truth

@TelzAll

2 жыл бұрын

@@mfvoid5228 yea this hits home for me

@effentjes

2 жыл бұрын

True. My experience is that this is when the silent treatment is about to come down on me.

Narcissists have a ‘criticism radar’ they are continually scanning every situation to assess for criticism or slight.

@EphemeralProductions

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. That’s how it is with my landlord. I have to smile and always act ultra friendly when I’m around him because I’ve found it’s very easy to set him off and then he’ll say i seem pissed or annoyed and get defensive. It’s really annoying to have to do that; that’s why I’ve only dealt with him a few times in the couple years I’ve lived here. Lol

@jenamirgholi6004

Жыл бұрын

ya. but Revenge is mine saith the Lord.

From my experiences with them, I sum them up as very sensitive, insecure, immature bullies.

'Controlled by anger' my whole childhood was about making sure we didn't upset my father. It wasn't just about being hit or slapped (although that is part of it). On some level as a child his disproportionate anger to events, these rages my father would fly into were truly frightening and weird to me. I remember working it out to myself at 5 or 6 that I needed to avoid my dad when his eyes looked scary and his hair was messy (he would run his fingers through his hair when he was angry). You do end up being crippled by fear of upsetting someone.

@thetrainwreck1469

2 жыл бұрын

Walking on eggshells

@mikimiki6202

Жыл бұрын

I remember working it out around 8, but how did I end up back here in my 30s and 40s

@k8marlowe

Жыл бұрын

I just recently realized that my siblings and I grew up with a narcissistic father as well. Strange how our whole lives have been about trying to get his approval. He could also be one of the most generous, caring people I’ve known. But, at least when he was younger, he fit the very definition of a narcissist. …. I still love him so much tho.

@rebekahtinker9486

Жыл бұрын

@@k8marlowe Unfortunately my dad rarely showed a softer caring side...to this day he still puts himself first even if he has got calmer in his old age. I have no contact with him (his choice).

@minniemin1324

Жыл бұрын

I went through the same thing growing up and still am going through it. My dad's behavior is unpredictable and it was hard trying to be a perfect child so I didn't upset him. I still have to walk on eggshells because he's a ticking time bomb, you never know when he's going to blow up. Every mistake I made as a kid was met with extreme, over the top anger. When he's not angry, he's caring and even surprises me with special treats/gifts often. But you never know when he'll get angry or when he won't. It's very straining on my mind. I think he's the main reason why I have extreme anxiety issues.

You can see the rage in their eyes before they say or do anything. They look like a psychopath who is about to kill you. The look in the narcissist's eyes frightens you deeply because it unmistakably shows their soul to be vacant.

@rob1111

2 жыл бұрын

Well described. 👍

@Grundalizer

2 жыл бұрын

That's what made me feel ill to my stomach and like I was being hunted by a killer with no empathy. I ran away and asked for help and people thought I was crazy. Once you see the mask fall off and someone that looks like they want to kill you and would if there wouldn't be repercussions you can't unsee that. Then they start playing the victim, it's FUCKING INSANE my fight or flight was so triggered I thought I was going to vomit or shit my pants.

@kevinhornbuckle

2 жыл бұрын

@@Grundalizer Yes, that is terrifying. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope things are better now.

@lucannon

2 жыл бұрын

It happened to me 1 week ago, before I even told the narc my story (where he totally gaslighted me in a highly agressive way), he already was crazy angry and aggressive. So I could have told him anything and he would have acted the way he did. The thing that I do not understand is, that he has severe panic attacks and anxiety - he is 34 years old and cannot sleep alone anywhere, he has an own apartment but he sleeps in his parents house, or his sisters, as he can‘t be alone. How can someone who is that ill himself, be so evil and cruel?

@francesbernard2445

2 жыл бұрын

Scariest when it is a cold calculating covert style of expressing rage.

Just experienced this from a narcissistic acquaintance who accidentally spilled his drink all over the table, and himself, at a restaurant. He wanted me to drive him home quickly to change; however there was a bad accident and lots of traffic and rerouting of vehicles toward the interstate. He totally lost it and very suddenly started screaming at me in the car, attacking me personally, and my driving skills. And I had just paid for his dinner. The only thing that got him to calm down was I threatened to pull over, to call the police and to leave without him in the car. He texted me later that night after I made it safely home, and said he was so sorry we had a bad evening...and had he known “that I was that upset” he would never have gone out with me..., then wished me a good weekend. So he actually flipped his bad behavior into me? Unbelievable. I’ve cut off all contact with him. Can you see why no contact is so important? Not only will a narcissist damage you emotionally, they can get you killed. His behavior was actually quite dangerous in the bad traffic situation we were in and all he could think about was himsel

@Sideler74

4 жыл бұрын

I had an Ex GF meet me for lunch between classes. Upon her driving back to school she missed her off ramp and proceeded to call me and flip out about how shes going to be late and how she missed her exit and all this crazy stuff, like it was my fault. I was in my car with my buddy and he was like bro WTF? Needless to say, that chic was cut off soon thereafter.

@deniselawson7108

3 жыл бұрын

I was confused at first when you said he said he was sorry

@staceydoris2233

3 жыл бұрын

DARVO Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender

@robinlavois4483

3 жыл бұрын

Sad

@tdioxin2658

2 жыл бұрын

That projecting blame onto you is so disgusting

Ive literally been assualted to where my head was slammed on the ground and he looked in my face afterwards and told me “I never did that to you, your lying. You need to get mental help.” Covert Narcissistic personality are one of the evils of the world.

@Harken4949

Жыл бұрын

Wow that’s horrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you.

@GeorgiaMarshall-jr5mm

4 ай бұрын

That's shocking to hear, did you report it to the police? I hope you went no contact after that, I'm sorry you had to put up with such an awful amount of abuse.,😢

@Zeepjeliefs

Ай бұрын

Hope you are safe right now. You deserve so much better!

I know we’re not supposed to be diagnosing people around us, but it’s fascinating how we start recognizing these traits and linking patterns of behavior. Great video !

@dawnlove1014

4 жыл бұрын

@@angelblue314 😆

@Tara-id3rk

3 жыл бұрын

It’s quite shocking how “common” the narc’s behavior is amongst other narcissists, when surely we think our spouse/family member/friend/etc are uniquely awful at times

@roasty-

3 жыл бұрын

I'm a year late to this comment, but it resonates really well with me. Doctor Grande has opened me to an entirely different analytical way of perspective and reflection.

@kynathomas4809

3 жыл бұрын

@One Eyed Jack I met a woman who I'm sure is a malignant narcissists / borderline personality disorderd person. I knew it was something going on with her behavior but couldn't put my finger on it. She went absolutely nuts on me at our place of employment. She did so many other things before that point also.

@estherc.536

3 жыл бұрын

@One Eyed Jack You are 100% correct. After 20 years and just learning I've been with a sneaky, lying demon the entire time who single-handedly created numerous hardships for me and OUR children. I've been confused, stressed, and in a fog the entire time with 30 different things I'd have to tend to each day, because of his manipulation, thinking that I must be going crazy. That waste of human skin didn't want me to have time to think because he KNOWS I would've put two two together. I've got 2 more days to get out and into my new, peaceful house and I can't wait. Especially since he started a fire in the house 6 weeks ago when he thought I was asleep in bed, then sneaked out of the basement door and scurried away, just like a spineless rat. Some of these mutants are murderers and mine wanted me dead simply because I told him "I know who you are". That's it, I said nothing else. He couldn't keep from trembling with rage and storm out of the house for a few hours to calm down. I hope everyone who is being victimized by one of these "meat suits" gets OUT and stays away.... forever.

I ALWAYS thought: his anger, rage is so disproportionate to the event! I could never understand why? I’m 8 months divorced from a true narcissist. I’m so glad I left crazy town. He was a overt and covert narcissist

@gravesidepoet5405

3 жыл бұрын

Lydia Materno careful not to use only that characteristic as a declaration of narcissism. Disproportionate rage falls under so many other disorders

@lydiam9323

3 жыл бұрын

@@gravesidepoet5405 he has many other traits of narcissism. I just didn’t get into it here.

@durgaambika4342

3 жыл бұрын

What I've figured is that 1.they want the spotlight on them 2.they hate you seeing happy, satisfied, proud, confident etc 3.they are not confident and they want you to be like them 4. If they are not happy nobody is going to be happy(toxic selfishness) 5.they think the whole world revolves around them and they are some know nd of supreme creatures

@durgaambika4342

3 жыл бұрын

So it's always better avoid such people no matter what role they play in your life. These people are devils in disguise

You have saved me so much $ in therapy! Thank you Dr. Grande

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

You are quite welcome :)

@jeanetterosas1624

4 жыл бұрын

Hahaha best comment I have seen this day. I totally agree.

@eunhinged4764

4 жыл бұрын

ya...and doesn't it feel great to be able to stand up for yourself? Just saying that from my personal experience...i don't know you : )

@gypsy-nr9zd

4 жыл бұрын

I think the videos are very knowledgeable and helpful but I’m still a mental case lol. No video is gonna change that. But for people like me who don’t want any kind of one-on-one in-person therapy, and personally think therapy is a waste of time, money and energy, then the videos are definitely a life saver! Insightful and accommodating. I also like the way I am without therapy. But again, you’re right they’re helpful. And so are people like Richard Grannon and dare I say Dr. Tara Palmatier of Shrink4Men- even though she demonizes all the cluster B personality disorders and makes us all look like psychopaths 😂 Still helpful in weird ways to watch these kinds of videos.

@nicolaslg1421

4 жыл бұрын

Watching these videos made more for me than any of my former therapists :)

I was the victim of severe rage when the narc was afraid of a stressful upcoming event which might test him in some way or also if he experienced a loss of some kind. Also, the rage would happen if I disobeyed him over something which to me was silly-like buying pickles or talking to a neighbor. The day after the rage he would seem more relaxed and acted as if it never happened. Never any apologies and it would be very dangerous to bring it up.

@Tara-id3rk

3 жыл бұрын

This is my husband 100%. Yesterday he had a rage episode because he spilled a drink all over the counter, but of course it was my fault for leaving something out. He called me all the names in the book, yelled in front of our toddlers while i calmly told him to stop yelling. Then by the end of the day he apologized to me (and our small children), which rarely happens, and just expects everything to be all good. But his attitude can last for many days after all that. (Or weeks at times.) he was happy the rest of the day...until the next time he feels slighted. It’s disturbing how accurate these videos are when you think your narc (spouse in my case), is uniquely awful and abusive. Apparently they are all alike!!!

@pauladuncanadams1750

3 жыл бұрын

Pressure build, abuse, pressure release.

@theweirdkids790

3 жыл бұрын

@@Tara-id3rk this is my wife, to a tee! Mind blown.

@bruh-kj1qw

3 жыл бұрын

Same, I think I developed anger issues because of my dad

@nd612

3 жыл бұрын

The next day they act like nothing and any importance of what you had said was deleted in their minds and they don't learn from it. Or work on their bad behaviors. It sucks.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a narcissistic rage and it’s really horrible. They shout and rant and they don’t let you speak and they jab their fingers at you. They don’t care if it causes upset in the family, they can’t control themselves. I shocked me and made me feel quite unwell for a while.

@kimstrandberg9529

Жыл бұрын

Ugghh the jab the finger comment got me. 😞

@gailcrowe727

Жыл бұрын

@@kimstrandberg9529 Yes, it’s horrible when anybody does that at you.

@wandmayeslupik6302

Жыл бұрын

It is HELL!!! Even if it's over Instagram and not in person!!!!! So i blocked him and have been no contact for 6 weeks...and NO GOING BACK!!!!!

@marihanson2722

Жыл бұрын

My ex narc 1 yr ago now would do anything from pulling my hair, pushing me on purpose so I would fall as I am disabled with no balance or much nerve function. Screaming in my face, literally in my face. He would make this hideous distorted face that says I want to hurt you and mutilate you. It was beyond freigtening. One day out of the blue he grabs me and pretty much bites me in dead center face. It was badbut not mutilating after the scabs healed. Had to go to a certain Dr as to avoid anyone finding out. How I wish now they found out . when he discarded me, he paraded the other supply in front of me along with several hookers. I asked why would you do this and he laughed in my face. As I was becoming aware of these prostitutes and stuff,, I discovered that he is deep state and not just involved with a domestic terror group but has a full blown FBI communications center in his house and the primary base of this entire group of hundreds upon hundreds of them along with multiple FBI agents. no bull, these people stalk and tornlent me daily from morning til night day but no and day out. They follow me everywhere and have 24/7 surveillance on me.multiple cameras recording me. They followed me after I moved out of state. They have surrounded my new home, my siblings houses as well as my mom's and my job. It's happening at this very minute. ItsGoing on as I write this right now. friend of mine came to me and said my ex was being watched because the authorities believe that everything that has happened to me in the past few which included two botched attempts to kill me involving the local police. It was a combined effort. Serious attempts too.I have been extremely lucky. It's freigtening when I come back to my house to visit like I'm doing today at the momen. it's a very tiny island with only 2500 full time residents . The worst part, his house is across the st from mine. As soon as I arrived a couple days ago, theres been so many flying monkeys that I wouldn't be able to count. It's a large number. The domestic terrorist group rented every single vacation rental and I am being surveillwd by hundreds upon hundreds of them right this very second..The worst thing in the world is that I've a prisoner since day one to the present time because I'm so afraid. Every one of them has guns pointed at me. The police are letting them do this and they also are directly connected to the narc. I wish I could tell you what the police, judge, cout, prosecutor etc have done to me in the past few years but I'm rambling there's too much. It was friggin unimaginable! The things I've been thru for nothing at all are just unimaginable! It's shocking what dohey did Blatant abuse of power and threats. I was tramatized. I never dreamed that police would ever do anything like these things. They are stalking meas well stalking me here now right along with the narc. I'm double scared being here on this only 3 mike of island and I have to be very careful at all times. Oh keep in mind I have a perfect background,, have never been arrested etc. I don't really know

@maggiemorel4994

Жыл бұрын

They r good at that

I can certainly agree with the flying monkeys analogy , narcissist,s are very good at turning other people against you.

@bugglemagnum6213

3 жыл бұрын

this foo isnt thank god

@nellsmith9721

3 жыл бұрын

Mine did too ... he said all my friends hate you Elle they don’t know what I’m doing with you...& neither do I ... some of these people hated me & I had never even met them !!

@kynathomas4809

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!

@rynemehan2950

2 жыл бұрын

@@nellsmith9721 , so true. I was being told people who didn't know me hated me. That worst one was when she would lie to her therapist and twist situations around so she was the victim. I would then be told that, "my therapist said this, this, and this about you." Well, yeah. When you lie, twist facts around, and leave out important details, you can make anyone look like an asshole.

@1Hopeinhim

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, especially in the workplace.

The spectacle of this type of rage is never forgotten. It's an amazing display. It's also scary because it's so irrational and no argument no matter how well meant will penetrate it. It's terrifying....for nothing. It's just horrendous, open faced screaming rage. I've seen it once and hope never to see such a thing again. Thank you for explaining the steps of this rage, and their significance. 🌱

@wildhorses6817

4 жыл бұрын

You are fortunate it was only Once. It is common when married to one and at some point physical assault occurs. That is terrifying and ends all feelings of Safety. They are very sick.

@buffhotchkiss7400

4 жыл бұрын

I mean really they would get two strikes 3rd time you better go no contact. You want adults for friends and partners not children. They would last two minutes. How do people stay for months with these manipulators let alone years. I dont get it. I dont get it!!!!!!

@mdee860

3 жыл бұрын

@@buffhotchkiss7400 - because it's a slow, insideous process. Like boiling the frog 1° at a time, so you don't see the pattern. They also space it out & substitute Silent Treatment, Gaslighting & on & on. For someone who had never encountered such displays, it keeps the 'victim' off balance & wondering WT# is going on - while trying to keep the boat steady. But once we start to learn about the MANY types & facets of Narcissism- game over. PS: @Buff - my soon to be Ex kept his mellow, Mr. Nice & Calm guy mask on for almost THREE YEARS before he started to slip.

@karalguidubaldi1517

3 жыл бұрын

Buff Hotchkiss um...don’t let it get to the 3rd strike...just sayin

@InterestedCitizen

3 жыл бұрын

Just this week I was the recipient of an 80 year old's vile verbal outlash at me because I ended our acquaintance. The depth of her inexhaustible nastiness to everyone is astounding. I refuse to associate with her. She yells at the cashiers at used clothing stores if they refuse to lower the price, calling them "robbers but without guns." If people do not return phone calls she will call back to accuse it is only common courtesy to return her calls and says they are not very nice for not doing so. She pushes items on people (A lamp, clothes, anything) as a way to get any type of human interaction who only accept these items at times just to get her off their back. Then the second she feels those people have somehow offended her, she loudly and angrily demands those items back. She has written notes and left loud angry messages calling people "sick" in the head and threatens she will call the police on them. Even if part of her behaviors is due to Alzheimer or such, no one cares because her vitriol is scary. She is demanding, controlling, calls her own family members terrible names because they do not like her or want her in their lives. She is in no way a sweet little old lady with a few unpleasant issues, she is a purposefully vindictive woman who has scared a lot of others. Anyhow, she has so many of the traits you mention here.

I’ve seen that rage a number of times. One time he threw a framed photo at me the glass shattered and cut my hand badly, blood everywhere he just looked at me with that cold stare and walked away. Road rage is another problem with these narcs.

@strwbrybabyg245

2 жыл бұрын

... girl shut up 😂

@readsomebooks666

2 жыл бұрын

Honey, just because he was an abusive prick, does not necessarily make him a narcissist. That said, if what you say is true (I’m inherently suspicious of internet comments) then get the hell away from that maniac.

@EphemeralProductions

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. Which is exactly why we should NEVER honk, flip anyone off, or anything like that. We could get ourselves shot.

@EphemeralProductions

2 жыл бұрын

@@readsomebooks666 well if he wasn’t a narc, he is a sociopath. Or a misogynist. To see her cut and just stare at her coldly and walk away is not normal.

@souljagang4643

2 жыл бұрын

@@EphemeralProductions no you should definitely honk if you need to, its one of the only tools to get another drivers attention and is an absolute staple in many situations, that being said, it must not be over used, and other hostile gestures like flipping someone off is completely unproductive, but you should absolutely use your horn if you need to

They always do weird shit. So many of these traits explain “ those traits”. Thank you!

It is hard to believe that you did not know my former husband personally. After 43 years of marriage, my husband died, and now, after 6 years of widowhood, I am just realizing the damage I incurred during our marriage. The narcissistic abuse was fierce nd continuous, both overt and covert, and I will probably always have scars, but mercifully have found a therapist wise and understanding. Wish I had met you on KZread decades ago. These short segments are informative as well as reassuring. Your direct and sincere approach is most appreciated. Thank you.

@spalding2980

2 жыл бұрын

After 50 years you just noticed that he was no good for you?! Bravo, it didn't take long at all until you came to that conclusion to blame him for your inner feelings🤣

You describe my ex husband to a T. I left after 26 yrs, 17 years ago. I saw all of this rage, I experienced his rage but I didn’t know or identify him as a narcissist. I just thought he was a jerk and hated me and most other people as well. Thank you for your wonderful knowledge.

@jannettevergara8942

4 жыл бұрын

Somewhere in the Midwest I was married 27 years too. Very difficult and confusing.

@frozenrose87

4 жыл бұрын

Ditto. Word for word. Except I left after 8 years but have since realized that his "anger issue," as we called it, was really due to a more emotionally narcissistic personality and EXACTLY what Dr. Grande describes here. All of the examples that came to mind in my experiences with my ex-husband for each point as he talked was flooring. This was exactly him.

@rebeccastrozenski2922

4 жыл бұрын

Somewhere in the Midwest, how did you leave and regain your sense of self? He has stolen my ability to think for myself. I am terrified because it was his world and I was just living in it. I just feel like suicide is the only answer

@chrissysnakedwisdom4699

4 жыл бұрын

Mine too. I was married to a narcissist 35 years. Then I had a rebound with a sociopath/alcoholic. He was 90% worse than my husband, pathological liar, depression, cheat, entitled etc. That's when I went searching for answers.

@gyatsogurung6215

4 жыл бұрын

I am just here to discuss. Not a hater. Have you thought about the possibility of you being the antagonist? Also, did you have the feeling of not getting another partner when you were with him? Because I think narcissistic person has the manipulative power to make other people feel worthless and make them think they won't get another partner if they out of this relationship.

He'd painted the lines..!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂 I nearly felt sorry for him 😂😂😂😂😂👍👍👍👍

@user-gy7bg1rv6o

4 жыл бұрын

😅😅😅

@zamyrabyrd

4 жыл бұрын

Narcissists are actually goofballs, not to be taken seriously.

@kathrinjohnson2582

4 жыл бұрын

Me too 😂😂😂😂😂🖌️🖌️🖌️

@vitaminK1121

4 жыл бұрын

That was hilarious. I imagined Dr. Grande in the calm matter of fact demeanor we have seen here approaching this guy and he flies off the handle and does some Ricky Bobby Talladega Nights style tantrum. I don't mean to make light of it, but when I am picturing a scenario in my mind, it goes there sometimes.

@kathrinjohnson2582

4 жыл бұрын

@@vitaminK1121 LMAO

Narcissistic Rage: Im the one with money you don't have any money!!!

I never considered how much narcissistic rage can damage the narcissist.

@drlarrymitchell

4 жыл бұрын

Turn it against them...cross the streams.

@teemadarif8243

4 жыл бұрын

Me either. It's no wonder they are usually alone when they get older

@wudgee

2 жыл бұрын

I’m not going to be sympathetic to them, too many have ruined my life.

@warthog473

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-ww8vl7fw4q Whoever this man child was, I hope he's out of your life. People like this escalate to the point where they hurt or kill somebody.

@cyberninjasworld

Жыл бұрын

@@wudgee same, I have no sympathy anymore

Don’t forget that they are happy to get positive criticism just not any criticism that conflicts their delusion.

C0-WORKER: "Gee you're terrible at reversing. You can't park straight." NARCISSISTIC DRIVER: "You should see my line painting!"

@dianefarley37

4 жыл бұрын

Boom!!

In England, everyone knows but noone seems to comprehend nor acknowledge it!

@jengable4888

3 жыл бұрын

I think you are NOT alone in this ! I think it is an issues in the US too !!

He is not just a doctor, he is a BIG doctor.

To experience the rage from the vulnerable narcissist or to be on the receiving end, left me feeling down and depressed for days. All of the yelling and screaming insults had me in tears until I'd break down and say " I am so sorry" "please forgive me" "I love you so much" BAMM!! They really showed me who was right! Who can't live without me! I am not the piece of crap you are. Ugh!! I hope to heal from this abusive cycle. Thank you doctor.

@staceystrukel1917

6 ай бұрын

Been there

As a clinician, I experience this frequently. The intensity of response to well-intended comments may make the clinician feel physically and psychologically vulnerable... Suddenly, the narcissistic traits are projected onto the clinician and can make one question their motives and actions. That clinician must be aware of their own vulnerabilities to the content and delivery of such rants. It is uncanny how narcissists can pinpoint your Achilles. Supervision, supervision, supervision...

@kathrinjohnson2582

4 жыл бұрын

Don't they train you guys for that or to at least be prepared for it? But still I do see your point. I couldn't talk to narcissists all day unless they had plexiglass between us

@misse7154

4 жыл бұрын

It's somewhat refreshing that clinicians have the same reactions as us mere civilians when dealing with the same behaviors. It's interesting that you mention "physically vulnerable". I was trying to explain this phenomenon to someone today, and they couldn't understand the physical component of this. I guess anger is an act of aggression that would trigger a response in almost all other human beings!

@evelynwaugh4053

4 жыл бұрын

Since abusive angry rants are part of why he is seeking treatment, one would hope, can this behavior be put under some structure for healthier ways of handling hurt feelings? If he just continues to practise a maladaptive behavior, what is he gaining from tx? Your healthy boundaries could be a learning opportunity for him.

@misse7154

4 жыл бұрын

@@evelynwaugh4053 what frightens me is the blurry line between narcissism and psychopathy. It seems to be fairly well-agreed upon that psychopaths will only use therapy has a way of gaining insight into the human psyche for purposes of future manipulation. Since narcissism and psychopathy are generally egosyntonic, they have no internal motivations to change. However, I can fully appreciate how both would use therapy for purposes of "optics" to appear to be compliant or more empathatic, and then of course for other more sinister and manipulative ends.

@misse7154

4 жыл бұрын

Since we're on the topic, I'd be interested in hearing from clinicians, including Dr. Grande, about handling of narcissists and psychopaths in couples counseling. As the former partner of on the aforementioned, and a the time knowing nothing about personality disorders, was utterly dismayed and horrified that a number of practitioners could be manipulated with varying degrees of success in pursuing such counseling. Initially it left me in a very vulnerable and traumatized state, because those who were supposed to be helping me, were unwittingly helping my ex to hurt me. In my personal experience, the gaslighting, fueled by flying monkies (e.g. close friends and family), led to four attempts to have me mentally institutionalized. I've never been diagnosed for any other disorder other than CPTSD! I nearly went bankrupt having to build my own coalition of more independent practitioners to push back and write "cease and desist" letters. It was crazy-making on the highest order, and one of my clinicians tried to can me as a patient because she was so uncomfortable with all of it, despite admitting that I had don't nothing wrong. Again, I had to enlist the assistance of other practitioners, to pressure her to "do the right thing" and not abandon me as a patient. Dealing with these people are clearly bad news, all the way around. I think my situation was somewhat unique in it's pervasiveness, but curious to know of others have dealt with similar dynamics.

Your insight helpes me big time. I'm a Dutch cardiologist with a bipolar disorder combined with ADHD and Intelligence. I'm a daddy of 3 daughters. Beautiful wonders with adhd, ocd and psychotic treats. I'm a younger brother of a schizophrenic brother I took care for when I was to little. I'm a difforced man and share 50/50 care for our daughters (9, 11, 15). Having all knowledge, compassion, goals, internal mirrors, dealing with my ex wife is hell due to her narcisism. I know that there is no solution, but your insights helped me greatly to put it all in perspective. Thanks and keep up the conversation. ♡

@sint0xicateme

4 жыл бұрын

Y'all should stop having kids. Jesus. How selfish.

@homebrandrules

4 жыл бұрын

Bolsheviki T R O L L

@carluvrsd9374

4 жыл бұрын

@@lisalissner1070 Spoken like a true Bolshevik though. Always telling others what to do, how to live but excusing their own behaviour.

@francinesmith8109

4 жыл бұрын

@@sint0xicateme Its "you all" btw. Slang shows lack of an education....lesbian troll....lol

@francinesmith8109

4 жыл бұрын

@@sint0xicateme Commie loser...

I find this description of narc rage to be very accurate, at least in my experience. I remember my mother having these rages every time anybody dared to say something that she even mildly disagree with. She used these rages to keep me and my dad (and later on my husband) under her control. We were dreading her fits and so we would do anything to avoid them. Sometimes, she would use these narcissistic rages in a "preventive" way. She would act all psyco just to discourage us to express our opinion. As always, I had a distinct impression that you know my mother .... I often wonder how can she completely ignore anything I say and just jump to a subject that would have no connection whatsoever with the topic of discussion just to deflect ....that is the most crazymaking tactic she uses along with the gaslighting and the blatant lies .... Thank you for another excellent video!

@growingandlearning164

4 жыл бұрын

This sounds very familiar Christina.

@annmalone1585

4 жыл бұрын

This is so familiar for me, my mom is just like that....

@annmalone1585

4 жыл бұрын

Cindy Nicks Its very hard, I still can’t go no contact with her, as you say it’s difficult to cut relations with your family, nonetheless your parents. Most of the time when my mom is like this, I grey rock her or try not to react to whatever she have said. I’ve tried to not have heart feeling towards her... because that how she is, she’s never going to acknowledge it, she’s Never going to change.... so I’ve learn that it’s up to me not to be affected by her in order to heal from my childhood and to be a good mom for my boy

@enbusquedadeperlita3133

2 жыл бұрын

I too have a narc mother and the rages don't lessen as they get older, they get more calculated.

@christinadileonardo8977

2 жыл бұрын

My mother is all this. Everyone walked on egg shells to not enrage her. I usually greywall as a coping mechanism but when my father died a few months ago and she lost her supply with him...boy nothing could stop her. I just recently had to finally take the step to tell her I will not argue with you, you can be nice and I will leave and come back when you can be nice. I walked out on her raging twice and now she doesn't talk to me. I am pretty sure she is out looking for new supply when she realized I will just leave when she goes into a rage.

That painting guy story legitimately may have been one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

Dr. Grande, your videos are the only videos that I hit the "like" button for before watching, lol. Your videos are always great. Now, I'm going to watch!

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

What a kind thing to say - thank you!

@raechel952

4 жыл бұрын

I do the same! 😂😂 Dr. Grande is fantastic. ❤

@jamesvitale333

4 жыл бұрын

ClandestineGirl16X, I thought I was the only one who did that. Sometimes I wait a few seconds and hit 'like' because I can already tell it's going to good! 😉

@LuciaInman

4 жыл бұрын

haha I do the same just with his videos! Yeah, you can never go wrong

@cristinamagurean

4 жыл бұрын

I do exactly the same!

Thank you, Dr. Grande! I’ve seen this happen and it’s... pure evil... I still get choked up thinking about it but it’s ok now Cat

😂😂😂😂😂😂He painted the lines !!!!! Oh priceless !👍💯💟

Damn I hate hearing things I need to hear.

Every social influencer need to see this lol

The fourth example is so much fun! The man who’s painted the lines probably knew the error he made and would not admit that. My husband in a nutshell! Thanks for your information dr. Grande

So well explained, Dr. Grande! Especially the part, where you distinct the false persona from the ego. This is the part, I struggle most trying to explain to someone else, why I feel freed from the pain being inflicted on me by my mother and my boss. I feel freed, b/c I realised, they suffer from a real and very severe isorder and they cannot be reason with - it's a lost cause, as their self reflection fails them. Also, I feel sorry for them, as their struggle with themselves is so obvious to me after having fully understood this disorder: they never feel at ease. I could walk away from my mother - she has to put up with herself until she is going to die and due to her disorder, she is not able to change herself to a stable and happy person.

Fascinating, the continuum between vulnerable and grandiose states and the idea that narcissistic rage deflects vulnerability etc. Great explanation and insights, thanks.

@DavidAKZ

2 жыл бұрын

spot on !

In my experience the narcissist is very well-defended. They are adept at winning, but the victory celebrated is their ego. I ALSO think narcissists are actually good at making “excusable and in/proportion” counterpoints to every reasonable point you introduce to them- it seems that the aim of the narcissist is to win, so much so that everything becomes a debate and that is why they can’t access important feedback. They are also equally good at deflecting and attacking. They are so ego-driven and prime to win that the validity of their point is never even examined. It’s as if there is no interest in what can possibly be true, no self-reflection and no changing, just winning at all costs, in service of their ego.

@una1085

4 жыл бұрын

manwith avoice You are spot on. Winning is everything for the narcissistic person. #winning

@JohnDoe-gq3tm

3 жыл бұрын

This would explain the idiotic conversations I had with a former friend. Their explanations sounded reasonable at first. Until I thought about them logically and realized they didn't actually make sense.

@QuotesDawson

3 жыл бұрын

This sums it up. All facts.

"he painted the lines" and your expression when saying that lol.

Love these videos. After months of being gaslighted the unknowing victim can also fall into a rage resembling a narc. Just saying.

@augustpriest6945

3 жыл бұрын

Reactive abuse is what thats called.... and yea its difficult to accept when you get conned into being in that position for sure

@charlotteboyett-napper4780

2 жыл бұрын

Yes for sure. And the narc actually likes to see you in that state.

@optical-illusion9996

2 жыл бұрын

Been there many times

@optical-illusion9996

2 жыл бұрын

That's what they want 'told you so!'

@saxabass

2 жыл бұрын

@@charlotteboyett-napper4780 Yes, yes, and yes. I’m normally a quiet person but she had me screaming at the top of my lungs in the car because of what she was saying to me. And she sat there smiling.

Timings & summary of this video: 9 characteristics of Narcissistic rage (not regular rage): Narcissism [N] is a personality trait: antagonistic, self centred, entitled, requiring admiration. 0:38 Fairly common 0:46 Continuum: zero to pathological 14:42 rarely just one type of [N] Interferes with functioning 0:56 Sometimes Narcissistic Personality Disorder [NPD] 1:02 1:06 [NPD] is either grandiose (overt) 1:35 or vulnerable (covert); It may be changing, shame, resentfulness, mistrust, hypersensitive to criticism. 1:58 Criticism: reactive & instrumental parts 2:42 The creation of false self; protecting insecure self [fragile ego] 1. RAGE triggered by criticism; 3:54 2. HATRED forever; grudge, personal, recompense, 4:48 3. Raged even if criticism is fair 5:14 4. Rage that bypasses all arguements 5:50 5. Rage misses valuable feedback 9:43 6. Rage creates more criticism 10:09 7. Gaining allies 10:52 8. Offence; never defence 12:00 9. Causes vulnerable state 12:50

Hysterically funny that he painted the Lines ! LOL

I’m relieved to find a word for the crazy I experience. Both parents have narc and codependent traits. I’ve been struggling all my adult life to weed out the negative traits they passed down. The word no is sweeter then honey and a relief to hear

Lots of people use the terminology, "flying monkeys" in their presentations. Your the first one I ever heard explain your definition of the phrase. That was great; thanks.

Doctor... what I am learning about all this is if I stay calm and be the observer, I can see these problematic behavoirs for what they are and not be affected... so today I met a man who provided significant critism about everything, like strangers who buy boats for example. So I said, with flat affect "I beleive it's not my business how people choose to live their life or spend their money and I have no comment on that" and kept repeating that when ever he made a critism, which I found to be quite effective. He stopped going on about that particular critism and I repeated this until he ran out of things to criticize. I figured out that was effective and shut down the criticism with out triggering rage. It meant we were not talking a lot in the end. I am wondering if you might do a video on how to respond to specific behavoirs of people with personality disorders that are sensitive to criticism. If he was a normal person, I could say, I notice that you have a lot of bad things to say about that and I dont agree for (reason)" and maybe we could have had a productive conversation but I didnt because I feared any critism could trigger rage because he already sounded angry that people had more money that him. Do you have any other strategies? What's a good way to provide feed back to avoid narcissist rage. I loved how you were able to give that client feed back and he didnt freak out on you. I feel like you are the only one on the internet who understands that we sometimes want or have no choice but to have relationships with narcisistic people... and they are multiplying quickly out in the world.... we can't just go no contact with a large percentage of the world any more... I think we got to figure out how to communicate with narcisistic people safely without walking on eggshells because we can no longer avoid and shun them... just too many in the world now! Can you do a video on practical communication skills with a narcissist/bdp/bipolar without walking on eggshells? In particular... can you give healthy communication that we can use that would not alienate a normal person and at the same time not trigger a narcisistic person... or maybe thats not possible? I think avoiding them when they rage makes us act like BDP when I want to stay connected but maintain respect and my dignity.

@teemadarif8243

4 жыл бұрын

Beautiful point

@Tara-id3rk

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!!! We need to build up our interpersonal skills to protect our own sanity

@jameshunt7452

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! I've learned so much about narcissistic behavior and I can see the behaviors playing out in my narcissist. I see why he acts the way he does, as he has had quite a troubled life. I can identify the gaslighting or the convoluted "apologies" but I don't know how to DEAL with them constructively. I love him and I am trying to make it work without losing myself in the process. I don't want to be yet another person who has abandoned him. I'm looking for strategies to help me deal with him, not just videos telling me how awful narcs are and that I should run as fast as I can. I definitely find Dr Grande's videos to be some of the most helpful but I need a little "more". I'm not ready to grey rock or go no-contact quite yet.

I started researching narcissism, roughly two and a half years ago, when my sister moved back to our area to be closer to the family. I always knew there was something different about her, since we were kids, but I never realized that I was witnessing narcissistic behavior. Now, when I watch videos on narcissism, it's very unsettling to realize that she exhibits so many of the behaviors described. I've found your descriptions of narcissist behavior and the underlying causes to be among the best, if not *the best* of all that I've viewed up to this point. Thank you so much for contributions towards understanding the complexities of this behavior. 🙏🤜💥🤛🙏

This explains so much! Once I caught the ex wiping her nose with the couch cushion. I was disgusted and criticized her for being unhygienic. She flew into a murderous rage and screamed at me till I had to back off in fear of her hitting me. Next incident was me saying she's going to gain weight if she just eats Krispy Kreme and not exercise. She rushed to the fridge, grabbed a donut and smashed it into my face, giving me a nosebleed.

@sebee555

Жыл бұрын

😢 😭

Again Doctor, I always appreciate your thorough analysis and explanation. The intellectual understanding, ironically, helps me emotionally heal.

@cristinamagurean

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, I totally agree, James. The moment I started understanding this narcissistic pathology I also started healing. I am just sorry it took me so many years.....

@Holeysocks464

4 жыл бұрын

Deb Hadden me to, it took well over 50 years for me to finally go no contact and then find out what a narcissist is. Now I understand, but what a lot of pain along the way. The rages and bullying were inexplicable, and the triggers seemingly random and minor. The harm done to many family members and relationships terrible!

I can see my own inner narcissist. If I had one of the narcissism types I would lean towards the vulnerable kind because I am introverted and struggle with self worth. It's easy to look down on the narcissist, but I think we all have an inner narcissist. We need to recognize that "bad wolf" in us and try to feed the "good wolf" instead. Taking criticism is something that I'm not sure many people are good at, especially if they've never had practice (like from regularly seeking criticism to improve a skill). And if you've been bullied before it's hard to differentiate constructive criticism from mean criticism or friendly banter from verbal abuse. So, while I often see the narcissist being villainized, when I think of my own struggles with self worth and my need for validation I can actually relate, unfortunately. Not to say toxic behavior is acceptable. More to say it's human. We all have weakness and we are all victim of each other's weakness. That is why it is so important always to try to improve. To fight our inner narcissism and seek constructive criticism from trusted individuals. That's part of the work of being human.

@sharonletchford9375

2 жыл бұрын

I. Not good at taking criticism, & although il agree that at the time it's said, I later begin thinking about it & get very upset. I think it because I ve been accused of so much I havnt done so feel I ve had more than enough & am aware of my faults & appoligize.

@AntiquatedApe

2 жыл бұрын

@@sharonletchford9375 i don't think a true narcissist could contemplate that they're upset and reason that it could be narcissistic behavior. I think we all just have issues accepting criticism sometimes because we all want to be perfect infallible beings.

@thetrainwreck1469

2 жыл бұрын

There is a difference between random self centeredness, or a selfishness and NPD.... a huge difference.

@thetrainwreck1469

2 жыл бұрын

A true narcissist will never apologize, or act with common courtesy. A narcissist will disparage you and ruin your reputation to gain control, or dehumanize you to an extent where you feel like you are always wrong. Always stupid. Always inferior. The bully becomes the victim.

@JesusIsLife298

2 жыл бұрын

I have suffered from narcissistic abuse my whole life. I got out of my final toxic abusive relationship over a year ago and am healing. In my recovery and forgiveness, I actually have a lot of compassion for them as a human being. I prefer to look deeper at their (usually) traumatic histories and realize God didn't make them like demons. In no way am I excusing this kind of behavior, and I believe in tough love and non enabling approach. No contact if possible. My daughters father (a truly pathological narcissist) I have to lay rigid boundaries and am forever calling him out on his lies. I also have to implement some behavioral modification techniques in dealing with him. But I also pray for him, and he has come a long way. We can at least co parent together, and he respects me now. I remember his mom telling me he was the most sensitive of all her kids and for him to end up with little to no empathy makes me realize he is so disconnected from his soul and his true self. He is full of fear. It is so sad that he lives that way.

I loved it when you cracked a smile telling the story 🧡

Thanks so much for this video, once again breaking it all down to a level I can understand and appreciate. And yes, it makes perfect sense!

Another fabulous and VERY enlightening video. Thank you Dr. Grande. These videos are so helpful in MY life!!!!

Thank you Doctor Grande. It explains a lot of conversations I have had in the past with my family of origin and some current family members now. This helps tremendously in understanding & gives me the ability to detach from their unhealthy reactions, not take them personally, and present a more calm and logical stance. The understanding makes a huge difference!

OMG!? You just saved me tons of time and pushed my understanding forward exponentially. Thank You!

Thank you Dr Grande for explaining in detail about Narc rage. You are very knowledgeable about Narcissism, that I find it as all true!

After we broke up a nother man said I looked good. The narc came to my house and broke everything with a baseball bat. That was 20 years ago.

Thank you Dr. Grande. You clarified a traumatic experience that I vividly remember although it was several years ago. Explanations from you and the Vital Mind channel have helped me so much in the road to recovery, more than my own counsellor did, in some ways.

This is an amazing video... I've never heard of vulnerable narcissism before.

Very informative video, thank you. These people are so damaging and draining. May we all find freedom from these relationships ❤️

Your delivery of this information is pleasing to me. 🙂

Omg 😂 I couldn’t stop laughing at your story, too funny! You always say it how it is and I just smile at how to the point you are. If they get offended it’s because they don’t want to acknowledge the truth. Keep telling us our truths Dr. Grande!☺️

@lisacranmer8005

2 жыл бұрын

Yes..the hate when you tell the truth..thru it all you see how much they lied over and over..

This is the clearest and best description of narcissism I have ever heard.

A great description of the types of rage. Best video I've seen actually. Very helpful to be aware that these monsters can morph between types.

That 8th one was my entire last relationship. I felt like I couldn't even express a criticism when it was directly related to having a boundary broken. It was hard to have everything I've done recently that irked them thrown in my face instead, and then by the time I was done apologizing (again) for those things, the issue I was trying to bring up never got addressed, or if I tried to bring it up again, the fight would start over.

@MissBrieBiscuit

Жыл бұрын

That, or the boundary was criticized or mocked, in order to avoid following it. I felt as though I wasn't justified to do anything about how I felt, or that I wasn't justified in feeling uncomfortable in the first place.

@clrify

Жыл бұрын

@@MissBrieBiscuit my world too! You can never tell them you feel hurt by their behavior! They turn it around on you with RAGE! It’s CRAZY!!!! He is now playing the victim of me with the children!!!

The truck driver/ line painter, cracked me up! 😂 This is a very healing video for those of us who have experienced narcissist rage perpetrators. Thank you for your expertise & wit. ♥️✌🏽

Dr. Grande, your knowledge is amazing!

These presentations by Dr. Grande are absolutely phenomenal...every single one of them!!! I take copious notes and think about them from many different angles. Thank you Dr. Grande for being there with the technical descriptions that we really need to understand what's going on in our lives!!!

A wonderful explanation of narc rage.

Omg I did not see that coming with him painting the lines. 😂😂😂 good story!

Hi Dr. Grande. Thank you for making these posts. They have been very helpful to me over the past several weeks as I've come to realize that I am living with a narcissistic roommate. I have been detached and not responding to the berating and narcissistic abuse. This is a girl that calls me chauvinistic simply because I asked her to clean the bathtub (which was absolutely disgusting), while body-shaming me and telling me I have a micro-penis (was never involved with her) Your videos describe this person to a 'T' However, I was confused when trying to classify this narcissist because they demonstrate both grandiose and vulnerable traits. Then, I found your video stating that usually these people slide back and forth like a pendulum between grandiose and vulnerable. IT MADE SO MUCH GODDAMN SENSE. This morning I was berated again, and instead of simply going to my room I went downstairs to be in the living room and sat down to read a book, while also playing this video. It enraged her and it was glorious. Thank you. She couldn't handle hearing all these things that specifically apply to her. It was fantastic to see her have a meltdown.

Dr Grande - you have described my mother in complete detail. I have watched only two of your videos having only just discovered them - this one and another about the narcissistic mother-daughter relationship . I must thank you for putting these on-line. I have now understood clearly the kind of person she is and it has greatly helped me. If only this kind of explanation and help had been available so easily many years ago. Instead I have spent years feeling guilty, intimidated, assuming I'm at fault but not really believing it deep-down, wondering why, analysing, trying to find the answer. My mother had a very difficult childhood and this has contributed to her feelings of bitterness and anger, her very 'me, me, me' reactions, always looking for conflict. And all camouflaged by a charming, socially seductive exterior. As you say in your video it's very difficult to separate oneself from a parent as that permanent link is always present and weighs heavily on the mind even with a physical separation. Another thing I have learnt is that it is a mistake to 'make allowances' for the narcissist's behaviour because of their past. One has to do this with a child but when that child becomes adult they can choose how to behave. Difficult childhoods do not automatically turn people into difficult narcissists.

Just found this. They are scary. I've dealt with so many in work, family, & personal life, all emotionally damaging. Thanks Dr G 😊💛💜

Thanks Dr. Grande for your videos explaining narcissistic behavior! I was married to a narcissistic man for 20 years and he almost destroyed our son's life and mine. We are survivors of all the abuse you describe in different videos.

Thank you for this one, Dr. I learned something I hadn't read or heard previously - at least not as clearly as you stated it - about how it's important to understand how individuals who exhibit narcissistic behaviors do so on a continuum AND can and often fluctuate between being vulnerable and grandiose types although they might tend to generally favor one 'type' over another for most of the time. Your explanation of this unique type of rage and why narcissistic people feel this is extremely helpful to me in my present situation. Thank you again! Your videos are a godsend.

Beautifully level headed analysis and explanation. ... Which is quite rare in narc vids. Really helpful

You are 100% right I experienced the first rate you mentioned for simply telling him to be a little more kinder. I was called so many things it was frightening but I stood my ground and showed no fear. It's very frustrating doctor. But I believe god will free me.

Understanding narcissism better made me feel kind of sad, knowing that those people are using defense mechanism to protect their vulnerable side. I was hurt by partner that exhibited characteristics of vulnerable narcissist, with outbursts of rage at any criticism, that would lead to direct attack on my personality and even physical abuse. And even year after, I still miss that narcissistic person (I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I see myself being overly dependent). Thank you for great videos, dr Grande. They help a lot

@wavy6470

4 жыл бұрын

@Christi Elliott Thank you so much! I think you are right

This is very insightful, and important to understand when you're dealing with a person who has this disorder. Thanks for posting this ... I've seen a few of your other videos, and I really appreciate the scientific viewpoint, and your presentation. You're not condemning them as humans, but giving us a greater understanding of where their words/actions/behaviors stem from. I wish I had seen this video as the first one I watched. It's gotten really crazy here, and maybe I could have done things a little differently if I had understood better what was going on with this person. But thank you so much for this, we're both females and we're housemates ... she's targeted me, I am trying to work on understanding and at least a little compassion, but she can be physically threatening and I don't know how much I can take. I can't afford to move right now, and I'm thankful for your insight.

Thank you for everything you do! Extremely invaluable information!

Loved it! The story line is great. Your style as an educator by incorporating real 1st hand experiences that represent the topic add special interest and clarity to the description of the subject matter is This particular situational example. . priceless, the irony made me chuckle 😅. You are so stoic in your narration and that accentuates the humer. Thank you for using words less familiar & new to me. A tutoring bonus! Many times I pause the videos in order to reference the definition.😉 Vocabulary has always been a struggle for me when communicating a thought. I've tried different techniques to alleviate this issue . I hypothesize it is residual from ACE ( children are to be seen and not heard, youngest of 4 the scapegoat) I have sincerely tried for years to correct this neurological block. Most times a more ideal word comes to mind then it stops. 🤔 maybe you could do a video about that phenomenon if you feel it has credibility. 🤗 👍👍

I've mastered no contact thanks to you and other narc voices. Thank you for what you're doing.

Dr Grande, you have a wonderful smile! Please show it to us at the end of each video! I know your videos are scientifical, professional, ethical and very serious, but your smile is priceless!

Wow… your explanation of how a person can fluctuate between grandiose and vulnerable narcissism is Spot- On for the Ex… and he definitely had rage getting worse & more frequent as time went on. Scary how instantly they can switch back & forth! Great video~ thanks!

Thanks for your experience and insight into what seems to be a plague across the earth. We have our narcissist and I reach out to find ways to support her to a better self. I just found you and will no doubt watch everything you're presented. You are a Treasure to Humanity and Blessings are surrounding you Now at this Very Moment. Love, Light and Laughter.

@plasticweapon

2 жыл бұрын

you're wasting your time, your narcissist will never change because they can't. hope you've figured that out by now.

Hello Doc, excellent video, can you make them much longer please?! Official Dr. Grande fan here!! Thank you so much, S. x

Thankyou again. The way you explain these important definitions, is very much appreciated. Thankyou. This is so important to my well being. Thankyoiu again. Cheers, John.

Love this guy. I looked at almost all of his videos and he is always correct.

What about using anger as control of others?!

@cristinamagurean

4 жыл бұрын

Tender Heart Very good point. My mother does this. It is very hurtful to us but still efficient, now, because she is old and ill and we do not want "to upset her" ....

@teemadarif8243

4 жыл бұрын

Oh yes if it works they'll do it to keep you under their thumb

@tundrawomansays5067

4 жыл бұрын

Cristina Magurean And you are exactly why I’m so relieved I walked away from mine completely decades ago ;-) Oh, I do not envy you! Be well.

Haha, this reminded me of David Brent from The Office, when people confront him about the smallest of things and he suddenly calls them fat or ugly.

Doctor Grande, I just want to say that you are a special person. I have tears in my eyes because I experienced working for a bully of a boss for several years. He broke me down so badly and made me feel so worthless… but listening to your gentle, honest voice is helping me to heal. Being able to relate to things you say is like a form of therapy to me. You’re a great man with a great heart- I appreciate it 😢 🙂

Dr. Todd Grande thank you for all this information! after watching some of your videos on narcissism i realised i've actually been in a relationship with a vulnerable narc. i never considered it since she was even in therapy for quite some time. this irrational rage and absolute self-centredness was just beyond everything i've seen before. she was also gaslighting me and caused damage to the point of me being hospitalized with major depression. even then she was the victim and downplayed my problems. "I should be in hospital, not you" "now that you're in therapy this relationship might actually have chance", obviously EVERYTHING negative in our relationship was my fault, 100% of the time.

Thank you, Dr. Grande. Most intricately meaningful and informative. My husband and I, sadly, are divorcing due to his recurrent problem of projecting uncontrollable rage towards me. It is very frightening. I am just devastated. I feel he will implode once my presence is gone. Please pray for everyone with this most malformed personality coping problem. I very truly feel for them and their steadfast position to deny they are the creator of their reality.

@isabeldeviagavini9916

Жыл бұрын

I’m currently going through rough times in my marriage because of this. When did you decide it was time to divorce? What made you say it’s enough?

the more I learn about narcs, the more I see characteristics of them in my day to day life. very informative video, Dr. Grande!

Dr.Grande, this is the best unpacking of the destructive Narcissist, thank you for this valuable break down when dealing with a flat out : deceitful, bully, with their BS games that go with them that keep going on & on, to the Jerry Springer show. Only to reveal their effort/goal misery loves company.

I've come to realize my (ex) closest friend of over 10 years fits this category. Really eerie how much we'll overlook when we're in the reality distortion vortex of a narcissist.