When I was only 10 years old, long before I even knew terms like narcissist, I referred to my older brother as being my parents' flying monkey. As I got older my parents became more dangerous and more violent. When I tried to report them to my teacher, school counselors and then eventually to the police, my brother would loyally defend them. He would take their side and they would tell everyone I was lying. I even reached a point I questioned my own sanity. My family made up stories of how I was a difficult child, that I was dangerous and attacked them. They painted me out to be the villain and they were my victims. But it was the other way around.

@alimccreery755

Жыл бұрын

I believe you as I have a sister who hides her drug addiction did that to me. I left home when I was 16 and before that put myself in two foster homes. That’s a lot for a young girl to have to go through.

@gypsylee73

11 ай бұрын

I believe you because you have nothing to gain from strangers online :)

@annettecody2817

6 ай бұрын

I have noticed that this dynamic that you describe is very common and typical with families that have a lot of covert a$$holes.” They are very despicable and chronically miserable and soulless people who uphold a narrative and image of goodness and normality. The ones who they scapegoat are nothing like them and are usually the truth tellers of their families. So sad that most people are duped by these insidious creatures.

@MC-rw2bk

15 күн бұрын

My mother was abusive and later on tried to accuse me of abuse! They like to place their faults and shortcomings onto others.

The helplessness they bring is horrible. At one time you start to feel like the whole world is against you. But that's their goal not the reality. Thank you everyone that has replied and liked this comment, you are very helpful, your advice and validation gives a feeling of community and that there are good people out there 🙏🙏🙏

@nickidaisyreddwoodd5837

4 жыл бұрын

Yes but we can go into meditation and look inside of our own minds. Then we will see that we have enabled the enabler of the enabler and so on. We will see that we have enabled religion, bullshit, hate, pop fads and bad people. If we get out of society and live a peaceful life instead then we can finally heal our wounds. But as long as we want something from abusive people or we want to struggle for love in the wrong places then we are doing it to ourselves. Get out of all of this and go into meditation. Then you can heal the wounds from childhood.

@qiuwbr091

4 жыл бұрын

To Zzul Ma- How well I know that false feeling of isolation. That’s when IMO disagreeableness can be helpful. These people have competitors who hate them more than you. There’s always people they have swindled. You don’t have to join a hatred society to to find support. There’s Yelp, and local small papers you can look at to see who they did wrong. I know many resources.

@heliaalves9062

4 жыл бұрын

They want you to think everyone is the same, that everyone is alike. People are different. There are good people, there are evil people. There are people who refuse to commit crimes or to take orders to hurt others, and sometimes they pay for their honesty with their life. Don't let them fool you, there's a lot of good in the world! You are not alone. Remember that "my enemy's enemy is my friend" :) These people are so evil they have plenty of enemies themselves. They pretend to be loyal, yet I have seen them back stab each other, they're downright jealous and envious even of the ones who belong to their circle. As long as they treat others the way they wouldn't like to be treated, they won't be happy.

@mokiyebekiye290

4 жыл бұрын

Zzul Mia, you nailed it down.

@lourenssianturi4373

2 жыл бұрын

It is called gashlight my dear

My experience of going no contact with the narcissist also means no contact with their flying crew of agents. I have walked away from more people in the past year than I have met in 10 years (or something like that, that's what it feels like).

@43cassy

Жыл бұрын

Many wishes on the next stage of your healing journey!✨

@jimmymatt6228

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely! It's not just the narcissist but it's a whole system you have to get rid of too of their evil network. I err on the side of caution and get rid of friends and ex-girlfriends at the sign of the first red flag

@RuboXing

Жыл бұрын

And all of this because 1 vepmaire

@PanelsWainio

11 ай бұрын

Me too; I've repaired a few relationships and dropped ones I now know are toxic. I ended up finding Patrick Teahan a therapist on KZread about childhood trauma. It stems from that - the narc & us, being oblivious that we're magnets, due to our upbringing, we accept the bad behavior.

@KimberlyBaker-sq5um

10 ай бұрын

Many good wishes on the next chapter of your life.

The fact that the malignant narc becomes SO obsessed with you that they have to use flying monkeys is bad enough, but when the monkeys are other narcs/sociopaths it's even worse. Can relate. They band together, all pressuring you to do the bidding of the narc, so they can all use you as their jester for supply/sadistic entertainment. How brave of them...not.

@targetedtyranny4661

Жыл бұрын

T want you to have happiness,its sad that people are seriously I'll really that they can't leave people alone,if you don't like someone, or feel their a bad person, get away from them!! Don't ever contact them again!! If they are that bad,as the smear campaign says,then you wouldn't have to do anything anyway, but they know you will be happy, and successful, and they just can't have that.

@carolnahigian9518

Жыл бұрын

i just block and dump ALL- no contact.

@ash-ot2bo

Жыл бұрын

isnt it flattering that our energy is so strong that the universe needed to surround us with these challenges to keep us down lol

@four-x-trading5606

Жыл бұрын

It's truly sad those people don't want to here your side of the story either it just proves the point further of how terrible those people are but we can't stand to allow people to walk on us I don't care who dislikes me anymore I'm not going to shake my head yes to abuse and just go along with it all because they want to take up for their friend

@taraarrington2285

Жыл бұрын

Yes they're weak.

I've experienced taunting, gossiping audibly behind my back, making certain sounds or saying certain words while passing by, trying to hear me out, eavesdropping, etc. from one flying monkey. Basically bullying and mobbing by proxy, trying to get under your skin, to try and make you angry and lash out. Then of course, report back to the narcissist about the result. I don't think I've ever seen a lower lifeform than this. Sad and sickening. Cowardly and pathetic. Yet extremely damaging because they're so persistent.

@JamesBongo

Жыл бұрын

And then if you say something back.. Oh poor me they say.. Then accuse you of having anger issues because you dont lie down and take it

@specialt5705

Жыл бұрын

Exactly! The only word I could find to describe them is "sub-human" but, lower lifeform is also befitting. It is very cowardly and pathetic.

@sylettemonroe8878

7 ай бұрын

Life suckers I call them! Manipulating little parasites!!

@gtwhome

Ай бұрын

What miserable and ugly worlds they must inhabit !

Personally I find these individuals more problematic and "evil" than the narcissist. Great video.

@cameronreekie6519

4 жыл бұрын

Tiny House Cabin Homesteader Lane that’s because they still have the blinkers on with regards to the narc. They look like someone who just made a mistake, whereas the victims of the narc are made to look like they are being moody and unforgiving! It’s infuriating

@carrie8541

4 жыл бұрын

They are more karmically liable because many times they dont know the target and they condone and support vicious abuse!

@sapphireblue222

4 жыл бұрын

I think these people are secret sadists.

@qiuwbr091

4 жыл бұрын

Many times children who have felt completely scared-to-death by an authority figure are also frightened as adults and cling to the stereotypes. Children who have been forced to hide in closets, but can’t remember it as adults for example. They have longed for the love of anyone at all in authority. They don’t know why they do it or they could stop. But they are so afraid of isolation that the slightest image in their minds freezes them back to monkey mode.

@anjaknatz7157

4 жыл бұрын

Oder followers - the cult of ultimate evil, like Mark Passio calles them. Denunciating, attacking, spying, invading your most private spere with no remorse - just like Agents of a totalitarian System, they come into your home, spy out your bank accounts, your papers, following you into public, standing behind you when not expected, just to find means to harm and finally destroy you. I would never have believed a behavior like this until I experienced it.

Yes I had a colleague who was an agent of a narcissistic boss who loved drama. They both finally turned on one another and imploded.

@saikoloji

Жыл бұрын

I hope this happens to my narcissistic and his flying monkey immediately LOL

@BelovedbyAdonai

Жыл бұрын

That is the exact scenario I find myself hoping for in my experiences with these types.

@tracynewton3083

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂Great word. 🙏

What I find most interesting Dr. Grande is that these agents never come to we the victims of such gaslighting to ask us our side of the story. It seems implausible that one would just buy into someone's tale and never get the whole story. I went no contact ten years ago because of a scenario like this. If one is in a family where everyone buys the narcs nonsense and not one individual asked me about it seems impossible, hard to understand or even believe, so it took years to get it. Life is good now by the way. Thank you for the informative video.

@amelian9677

Жыл бұрын

Exactly. For this reason, I believe there is no such thing as a well-intentioned agent.

@daisy7066

Жыл бұрын

@@amelian9677 this is the most puzzling aspect - why people want to believe a completely one-sided subjetive negative narrative about someone? I think they must move within groups of similar people, like my relative whose Flying Monkeys had their own legacies to avoid accountability for, one has a son who is an alcoholic and it's obvious the parents had a lot to do with that, she never talks about it . Another has a mental illness which she doesn't talk about either (and she thinks it's biological so she doesn't have to delve any further), others have similar problems to hide, none are interested in social responsibility. I tested it out once asking one of them to intervene & encourage my relative to resolve things with me before they die by simply asking them to in an email. They refused because of loyalties ("privacy"). I continued by saying they would be averting an almost humanitarian disaster, they said they know but they couldn't stretch to that, inexplicably, meaning I could be left with a lifetime of misery. In this case I think it was a middle class thing about not getting your hands dirty and rocking the boat, unfortunately it looked like complete selfishness & inhumanity to me.

@judithgannon5642

Жыл бұрын

People who are fine with you and you think know you, suddenly turn, just because someone says something about you.

@PanelsWainio

11 ай бұрын

Never getting our side, bc the narc is saying we said horrible things about them, we're crazy etc.

Refuse to participate in this type of triangulation made it very clear I neither wanted information or gossip and reframed from venting my anger. I knew that the narcissist had deployed these tactics in the past , Cut my losses and walked away from the coward

@RantTherapist

4 жыл бұрын

nice radar. Many others waste years, even decades not knowing what or why or who. Feels like all-encompassing suffocation and most of our's first reaction was "something must be wrong WITH ME." We almost instantly jump to take the fall, almost like a knee-jerk reaction. And that's dangerously naive 'cause narcissists and predators HUNT exactly for people like that.

@artsmadz1427

4 жыл бұрын

That’s right cut your losses and move on. You can never tell anyone in the Narc’s circle about the narcissist as they won’t believe you. Just leave quietly and gracefully. There’s a God whose watching and he’ll take care of the pain inflicted on the abused!!

@torycook1215

2 жыл бұрын

Trump & his 5 "flying monkey" children are the Classic examples. Be Vigilant and Cautious.

I went no contact with my parents at the age of 27. I had finally had enough. I had been abused, blamed and manipulated as far back as I can remember. I figured, I am almost 30 years old, I won't be sabotaged, bullied, or harmed any longer! I made that decision with conviction. I had only gone no contact for maybe a month at a time in the past because I felt guilty (with the help of flying monkeys of course!) I was told I was "bitter" or that I needed to "grow up/be the bigger person." This time every single flying monkey that even attempted to contact me, I simply blocked on social media. I didn't even respond to them. Before, I would attempt to show my position, or persuade. They really cannot be persuaded. And if they could, I did not want to waste my time even trying. I knew I was serious this time. I must've had atleast 10 descend on my social media pages 😂😂 Even after 2 1/2 years it still isn't over. For the narcissist's plan to work, you have to engage. They have set up stories and manipulations that are centered around any possible reaction you could give. If you are emotional about abuse, You are therefore unstable. If you are angry or suspicious, you are therefore "crazy" The only way to win is not to play... the narcissist will get a little... just a little feeling of unease (by not getting supply) that they have dealt out with reckless abandon to their victims for years...

@mrsmucha

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, no contact all the way and ignore the flying monkeys.

@Overtonl1234

2 жыл бұрын

So very true. After no contact they’ll grasp at straws - anything they can say or do to get a reaction, they will. It’s not easy to recover from a lifetime of this nonsense. The fact that other people just take their word as the truth is ignorant but oh well, they can get lost too. There is a point in your life where you realize you can’t continue to subject yourself to it anymore if you can help it, sometimes you can’t avoid it, if they contact people around you, etc. It’s stalking but it’s also easy for them to say they’re really concerned or you’ve done them wrong…it’s beyond my comprehension that instead of seeing through it people actually do judge you when you really just want to be left alone.

@MrAllysonn

2 жыл бұрын

Same here 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽 There is a word that hit me in your comment. It was "conviction". I'm not feeling guilty or anything I just feel anger when a flying monkey contacted me on social media. By the way all those flying monkeys I've either ghosted them or told them for FK off! I truly have no bond with the narcissistic and I don't have any time to was, trying to convince or justify what I do, do not, who I am and what I'm all about. I'm free! Sacred of no one!

@godzillamanstreb524

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you....you’re absolutely correct....narcs feel a touch uneasy & dole out horrible abuse....truly awful

@Hugging_Cactus

2 жыл бұрын

brilliantly spot on. wish i understood this at your age. took me years of abuse into my 50’s. and i’m stalked still after 2 years of no contact. wise beyond your years. bravo.

My mother took over ally social groups with Flying Monkey's. Multiple bowling leagues and various Meet-Up groups all taken over. I had to leave them all to maintain No Contact, and as a result have many of the symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder. She even had people come into my home and computer while I was out, and found a dating site I was on. I subsequently dated a covert Flying Monkey for years before I found out. It's a horrible feeling, and it's hard to trust anyone now. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Hmmm, my mother, ex husband, siblings....all had these assistant shitgibbons I call them shitgibbons, Doc. Great vid!

@user-zm9yc2kb8x

4 жыл бұрын

Misanthropic Bihhh ??

@SweetBlackSistah

4 жыл бұрын

@@user-zm9yc2kb8x bihhh instead of bitch

@rickiejames7935

4 жыл бұрын

I call mine assgoblins.

@rickiejames7935

4 жыл бұрын

@@SweetBlackSistah i call mine assgoblins.

@npdabuserecoverydiscussion714

4 жыл бұрын

Lmfao... awesome

Raise you hand if you were traumatized by the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz. Oh my goodness.

@kathrinjohnson2582

4 жыл бұрын

🐵🐵🐵😲 yeah but they do remind me of the ppl that follow narcissists around

@5fingerjack

4 жыл бұрын

Don't you mean "Lions and tigers and bears, Oh My!"

@mirjanadolenec3099

4 жыл бұрын

I'm a croatian foreigner in Sweden. My to this country native ex husband had loads of Swedish flying monkeys whom he didn't send running rasistical errands for him. These guys can take on a task unasked. Their "proteges" can choose to listen to them - Or not.

@ginaprespare1316

4 жыл бұрын

Not as much as the witch though.

@qiuwbr091

4 жыл бұрын

Mirjana Dolenec - My Grandmother left her family behind in Sweden for just that reason. She was born about 1890 and got to America abt 1910. She knew the future. I don’t know how, but she did.

I like the term "agents" better than "flying monkeys", as it's more descriptive instead of being judgmental. Having been manipulated myself once to act as an agent of a manipulative person, I know how you can do someone elses dirty work in the belief that you're helping a situation.

The vulnurable narc manipulates the agents and makes them feel like they have to defend the narcassist. The Vulnurable narcassist is excellent at playing the victim and who doesnt defend a victim?

@mariecrowe8843

4 жыл бұрын

Wandering Free a narcissist!

@LucianaLufota

4 жыл бұрын

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 PERFECT!

@echoesinthevalley

4 жыл бұрын

Especially when the narc is a young pretty lass and the abused a old fat lafy

@kitssch

4 жыл бұрын

Pull your trump card aka make it all about you 👍🏼

@einsteindarwin8756

3 жыл бұрын

Yesss! My mother!

It’s not just romantic partners of narcissists that experience this, I can promise you that. Any relationship with close proximity to a narcissist leaves you open to abuse by a narcissist and their agents. Very interesting insights though. Thank you Dr Grande ☺️. Validating for a lot of people I’m sure ☺️

@Nerdyone50

2 жыл бұрын

It’s not just romantic partners who experience narcissistic abuses, the immediate family of a narcissist is often an easy target to a narcissist…and you can’t just “break up” with family so it’s soo much worse, like a lifetime of narcissistic abuse…even if you move far far away…

@mini_skinny0296

2 жыл бұрын

Yup, I had a covert narcissist colleague. She was a master at combining truth and lies, that in the end I couldn't tell where is the limit between them. She spread sh*t at work about all the colleagues and I was a flying monkey, too, even after I realized she's a narc. I'm talking about the work gossip, sometimes involving work decisions taken by the boss, or meetings between boss and other colleagues, especially because she was a coordinator of our department. She had her husband (she wouldn't admit publicly that they were married so we didn't know for sure; for us he was just another colleague) and another work mate who were spreading lies. Her and her husband tarnished the reputation of two of our work colleagues, saying false information in other departments.

@gloriadewey8023

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. Thank you so much. I have gone no contact. It was much easier to go no contact because we were not married and I never trusted him with any family information. Thank God in Jesus Mighty Name that I left that monster alone. No contact is the best way to go.

@rheabalduc8896

2 жыл бұрын

WORK! and the only I regret before walking away from a job I loved (with a manager that was brought in after I started working at the company ) It is that I fought it for so long until it became so evident after the flying the monkeys, I WALKED AWAY! suddenly which I am sure it threw them off a bit,but I try not to think of them much. I had no idea about how this happens until I lived it very 2 to 3 years and of course it just does not happen overnight.

@Armygirl4Christ

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!!!!

I’d not heard of this before. It sounds as if the most important thing is not to give the agent any information to take back to the narcissist. Don’t play the game ! A great teaching and learning video as usual.🙂

@eurokay4755

Жыл бұрын

The first thing I had to do was figure out that my weakness was believing that they would/could understand if I just explained things, helping them to see the whole picture, pointing out the information they didn't know, etc. Once I realized that there was never, ever a time when those agents said, "Oh, I didn't realize that. That is different than I thought/I was told" I saw the game very clearly: the constant explaining, defending my thoughts and actions, feeling one down, misunderstood, confused by their confusion, guilty, ashamed, and responsible for their feelings - all this is the point for them! It was still very, very hard to stop myself and break the pattern, but owning my weakness (the need to explain), and then labeling it (in my own mind) as a kind of arrogance (a trait I don't like), helps me to stop myself before I start talking. I consciously think to myself, "Has this person asked you to explain anything? If not, what are the odds that explaining will cause this person to see you, as a person, more clearly?" The answers to both those questions, for my covert, vulnerable narcissistic mother and my overt, malignant brother, are always no. The day I just stopped offering myself, my explanations, my good intent, my thoughts to them and instead just said, "O.k." when they implied I was dishonest or rude or judgmental or whatever, their heads exploded. The dynamic reversed immediately; they produced thousands of words in response to just "o.k." or something equally brief and empty from me. They told me and others they were confused, frustrated, "worried" about me, etc. But I know, and they know that I know. That has made all the difference. They never stop trying, but they have no impact on me anymore.

@badomaji

Жыл бұрын

Not possible when the narcissists are in your homeowners association and are using audio/visual surveillance equipment to spy on the homeowners in the area. They want your property and will use any means to get it from you. Sheriff will do nothing, you are on your own against the greedy authoritarians who took over the HOA with manipulation and illegal means.

@revolutionunderground

Жыл бұрын

Often, you only find out once it's too late

@PanelsWainio

11 ай бұрын

Anything said to even a store clerk gets repeated...it's low profile, but restraining order worked for me.😊

When I was young I worked in a hospital lab for 7 years. I left to another state for 5 years and then came back. A terrible lady (who had started after I left) was an agent for a truly horrid narcissistic. She had no idea I knew the people she was gossiping about very very well. I am an introvert and just absorbed all this nastiness with minimal comments. She didn't even notice. Inside I was shocked and angry. I thought about it and decided that the NEXT time some foul stupidity came out of her mouth I was not going to listen to that. I remember taking a deep breath, looking her straight in the eye and saying " X is a very good friend of mine and I won't listen to you speak about her that way". Boy was she shocked. Consequently both the narc and the monkey started to try to undermine ME!!! I could not have cared less. I had great relationships with everyone else and turned out to be far from "The new girl" easy target they assumed I was. I learned to never again politely ignore a gossip.

Really helpful video. My daughter was sent as the flying agent by my covert malignant narc mother to blame me for my father dying. It triggered a suicide attempt. A lifetime of bullying. He died a premature death as she punished him for finally having a relationship with me, his daughter. He was originally the enabler to her behaviour but woke up later in life. Now I’ve cut them ALL off. Starting to heal now 🙏😊

@meghanhenderson1063

3 жыл бұрын

That's my story in nutshell unfortunately. No one is believing me and she's been cruel from the beginning And the years of cruelty and sabotage resulted in his cancer and heart attack recently in his 60s and I have no idea where they're living now but it's tragic the whole thing and she's exploiting him financially And he's become so helpless.

@michellebeishline4657

Жыл бұрын

I have had to cut my family off. I understand the pain. It is so hard. My sister is a covert narc and my elderly mother and TBI early onset dementia, as well as my sister's husband and children are the flying monkies. I lost my whole family because I am head of my mother's irrevocable trust - a property for my brother - that my sister wants to bilk my brother and mother of. I refuse to revoke trust and leave my brother with nothing. So, whole family hates me, even my brother that I am protecting (remember, he has dementia). Yea, that is some kinda love for my brother.

That was my sister. My ex narc reeled her in during our separation and divorce, and because she’s borderline/narcissistic, she glommed on to getting the lies and dirt he was confabulating about me, and it made her feel powerful to have had me to confide in her on my marital issues, then behind my back, play the agent and fill him in. She splits with people….all good and all bad. Once I realized she was communicating with him behind my back, she went full force vindictive and the two teamed up to try to destroy me. She knew very well what she was doing and took zero responsibility for her role and the destruction, anxiety, and damage she helped facilitate. I cut her out! She didn’t even know him well and chose him, over her own sister. No boundaries. No loyalty. No morals. Be careful who you share information with, and trust. Agents can be your own family.

@PanelsWainio

11 ай бұрын

That's good you cut her out; no good would come from hoping for change. The ones that don't cut ties end up on murder shows sometimes 😮

@Langolin1998

11 ай бұрын

@@PanelsWainio got that right! He was definitely that type…waved a bullet in my face and told me I should do myself in. Just crazy and scary!

Flying monkeys are fellow narcissists by default, or easily deceived apaths/empaths. For someone to really believe so much in a narc and even aid his or her agenda, they really have to be narcissistic and machiavellian too.

@kevinjanghj

3 жыл бұрын

@Izzadīn Ar-Rūsī not true based on the narc ex and the best friend of the n.ex. They were constantly plotting against each other.

@Ikaros23

3 жыл бұрын

often they are co-dependents that are addicted to trying to " heal" the narcissist/addict. When in reality they have zero power over the narcissist. Other times they are a " team" of people with anti-social disorders who work to fuck people over. For fun and entertainment

@annehynynen8153

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, very true! And yes, sometimes they are manipulated and abused by the narcissist as well. People who want to believe that all people are fundamentally good inside - which is a lie from satan.

@kdub3892

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed

@kevinjanghj

2 жыл бұрын

@@carmelafrancisco3546 codependent Empaths can become flying monkeys.

Yep, I have experienced this play out in my own life. Often people get triangulated too and so they get manipulated into thinking that the narcissist is the victim of the other person and so they flying monkey can be a "rescuer" of the "victim" against the "villain" as the narcissist manipulates things and the flying monkey allows themselves to be brought into the drama through manipulation by not checking facts or the real situation, etc.

@esty6717

3 жыл бұрын

what about an 'agent' that is very powerful and has paid fir the narcissist legal fees, and supports the narcissist even when the narcissist blatantly lied in a separation agreement and then the 'agent' or flying monkey writes a letter to my children ( and the narcissist's) who don't speak to the narcissist anymore because of his outrageous behaviour, and cc's me on it to intimidate not to call him out on the lie in the SA? He doesn't fit into any of the agents categories. The narcissist listens to him. He's CEO of a billion dollar company and everyone reveres him. He's admitted to me that my ex did horrible things but he is still supporting him.

@carinmanfong

3 жыл бұрын

This is what happened to me exactly! People chose who they want to believe. It's all 1 sided communication. It's heart broken but I also get to know how easily they can turn against me.

@deborahemx2

2 жыл бұрын

Precisely

@Jenilady123

2 жыл бұрын

Precisely what happen ed to me

@taraarrington2285

Жыл бұрын

If the narcissist was the victim they wouldn't be acting like the aggressor/ oppressor.

When the narcissist is through with the flying monkey, she kicks her to the curb. Flying monkeys are expendable.

@johnhulsker9123

2 жыл бұрын

Watch out for " monkey pox " !!

@ryanvtec3885

Жыл бұрын

Can confirm thanks mom

@leighleigh8725

3 ай бұрын

Just like the government when a spy gets caught “we dont know that guy”

How could anyone who ever saw the Wizard of Oz movie EVER forget the flying monkeys?! OMG, they were the scariest & gave many of us nightmares!

This doesn’t just happen in romantic/marital partnerships. It can also take place with a narcissistic parent and their child where they send in an “agent” to get the scapegoat child back in line after contact has been cut off... or with a narcissistic golden child who sends in an abusive “agent” after a scapegoated sibling when the scapegoat cuts off contact. I had cut off contact with abusive family after they ostracized me and cut me out of the family business. Suddenly a vicious “narcissist’s agent” showed up, love bombing me as a romantic interest. I walked right into it, Dr. Grande. I was lonely, broken and extremely vulnerable after the family’s abuse. I found out during the relationship the agent had met with my dad and golden child and discussed very private personal information with sibling. This has been horrible abuse and put me in the hospital with an emergency situation due to extreme stress. They are capable of anything. Thank you for this informative video, Dr. Grande.

4:20 "They can be sent to negotiate on behalf of the narcissist say 'They're not so bad..." 4:37 ,"Now, on the other hand, they can BE SENT TO SUPPORT YOU..." This is where the biggest danger lies. They will KICK YOU at your slightest misstep. Don't be like I was! If you have a slight suspicion, don't share anything super personal with those backstabbers. Just RUN!

It’s also triangulation of communication... he sent fellow criminals to hurt me, they damaged my car in my parking lot... he didn’t care if his own children got hurt or killed while I was driving it... don’t care if they were manipulated at all... if they are that weak minded to fall for that bull crap then they’re also SICK and need to be put down too.... disturbing that once one victim escapes the Narcissist another voluntary victim steps right in.... abuse is Insidious!!

Unfortunately dealing with this now with family members. Feels pretty hopeless

@tadpole7396

3 жыл бұрын

Me too, wish i could help ya, its really shit! Stay strong 😊💞

@jenniferbailey5914

2 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry but I survived and you will too. Try….grey rock method. It’s a good tool to use with family as going….no contact is not possible. Stay safe.

@mov1ngforward

2 жыл бұрын

"Hover over me God, remind me you're there. Hover over me." ~ Saint Theresa of Avila ~ 🙏❤ “You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him.” ~ St. Teresa of Avila ~ 🙏❤

@luciferro7717

2 жыл бұрын

Me too. My husband got his family to attack me. It was surreal hearing him tell them only certain things that set him in an innocent light.

@luciferro7717

2 жыл бұрын

@@jenniferbailey5914 I am looking for anything to help me, I will look up this grey rock.

Perfect timing with another great video that hits home for me. I definitely feel as though the "well-meaning" agents are still toxic and should be treated as such. They still tend to only want one side of the story and are dismissive to the truth. All the agents are hypocrites in my personal experience.

@carrie8541

4 жыл бұрын

True they aren't interested in the real truth and hearing the targeted persons side. They aren't interested in how 'their narky poo" has been abusing you. What narky says is enough, even though they are such cowardly liars. I never believe nothing until i hear both sides of a story, and then ill take an OBJECTIVE stance... but mostly i like minding my own business. Its no lifers who do other peoples bidding. Go live your own life instead of supporting sadists in their madness!

@ashg4045

4 жыл бұрын

@@carrie8541 I completely agree. My husband is newer than me at setting boundaries and 2 days ago we were being aggressively interrogated by a flying monkey on why my husband isn't talking to his sibling. It was a mess. My husband felt obligated to explain and did. Basically, we said that we will only have healthy relationships with people or no relationship with them. The flying monkey wanted to know every instance of how the sibling offended us and as my husband said instances, the flying monkey dismissed every offense. It was crazy. I said that however set the narcs are on not apologizing and respecting boundaries, that's how stubborn we are going to be about only allowing healthy relationships in our lives. Flying monkey went from guilt-tripping to being pissed. We are planning our escape.

@MariaBM1

4 жыл бұрын

@@ashg4045 , I have appointed a legal representative to deal with family matters on my behalf as a way to stop abuse from family members. This has stopped most problems, and any 'agents' or 'flying monkeys' are referred to my representative. At which point, they tend to realise that things are not quite as they have been led to believe. This could be something for your husband to try if things continue?

@ashg4045

4 жыл бұрын

@@MariaBM1 How did you go about this??? Our main narc works for a personal injury attorney, so I get intimidated to try to get her for the psychological abuse I get documented with my psychologist. We would love a legal representative for dealing with the narcs and their flying monkeys.

@MariaBM1

4 жыл бұрын

@@ashg4045, with me, how it happened was that I went to a lawyer to try to get a protection order against my brother (and actually my sister who winds others up to attack me). Because of how the laws worked here in New Zealand at the time, I would have to wait until my brother actually hit me (something that I was unsurprisingly trying to avoid) before I could get a protection order. The lawyer suggested I appoint a representative to deal with family matters on my behalf as another way to protect myself. I have a friend who is a lawyer and she immediately agreed to be my representative. Whenever I was contacted by family and various flying monkeys I would tell them that I'd appointed a representative to deal with family matters on my behalf and give out her details and say that all further contact needs to go through her. (The only reason my family contacted me really is to be abusive or threatening so this immediately stopped - weirdly enough, people don't tend to want to behave that way to a lawyer.) My friend has actually only had to deal with my family once because they know they need to behave with her. My family have repeatedly tried to go around her but I keep giving out her details and have been shutting down my family's other access to me (reporting contact to the phone company etc) to make them use my designated channel of communication. The flying monkeys have stopped when I've given out my rep's details and they haven't actually contacted her. This is what I've done anyway and it has stopped the abuse. You could at least look into doing something like this to see if it might help in your situation?

I’ve been visited by agents of narcissists as well before, and it can be really disturbing to deal with. It always makes me wonder what’s actually going on with the agent themselves rather than with the abuser. I’ve also noticed that people I’ve dealt with who are these types of agents tend to have a low sense of who they are, and they constantly shift positions whether it be their views on people, issues or other things.

Now I can't stop thinking about the agents from the Matrix movie xD

@RantTherapist

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, but these rats giggle and fake smile a lot

@mr.vargas5648

4 жыл бұрын

They arent that diffrent either. Evil bastards. .

@waynosfotos

4 жыл бұрын

The Matrix is a completely different topic, it is about self awareness. One of the great movies of modern times, but very few people get the message.

@baltimorejack6728

4 жыл бұрын

@@waynosfotos As Dr. Bruce Lipton likes to point out, The Matrix is not a movie, it's a DOCUMENTARY.

@undeadpresident

4 жыл бұрын

Reminds me of Mormons and Jehovah's witnesses and the ADL.

Pretty much described a group of friends I used to engage with perfectly. 1 main dominate narcissist with who would get his little agents to do everything for him. When I started having issues with the dominate narcissist, one of the more drama focused extroverted agent would be asking all types of passive-aggressive questions trying to mask that the questions are coming from the narcissist. Others would simply relay certain narratives, and some just became difficult with me out of no where. Very good assessment Dr.Grande!

"The Wizard of Oz" is one of the greatest American movies ever made.

@patrickh9995

2 жыл бұрын

You clearly haven't seen I'm Gonna Git You Sucka

@johnhulsker9123

2 жыл бұрын

Indeed! He wrote several great books,

@jeniecommeca1696

2 жыл бұрын

@ Patrick H Keenen is the goat

@veronicageorge7820

2 жыл бұрын

@@patrickh9995 I know I’m 3 months late, but your comment made me chuckle. Thanks! Lol

Before I learned about the term "flying monkeys", I used to just call them the Army of Skanks. Which just happens to be a different movie reference lol Seriously though, speaking as the victim of a narcissist, there are times when I dislike the Skanks more than their Queen Bee.

@anndra1160

Жыл бұрын

Great reference! 😉 I totally laughed! From "Mean Girls"? 🤔 I refer to my ex narc as king of the idiot boys and his "agents" are just his mindless minions!!! 😁😜

The narcs I experienced were my parents and brother and when I cut off contact, the “narcissistic agent” became my other sibling. I thought, “I cut everyone else off, but at least I still have someone I can confide in.” Until he started telling me to call the narcs and telling me they are sick (trying to get my sympathy.) I told him I was done with them, but he kept on trying to get me to make up with them. Unfortunately, I had to make the decision to cut him off too. The other day, he contacted my husband because he realized that I wasn’t responding to his texts and FB messages LOL. He asked him if I was mad at him for any reason. He replied that I wasn’t mad at him, but rather, I was not going to listen to anything more about the narcs.

I actually had this experience when I was in a custody battle with my ex. I had left him after having a baby, my first baby. And that was due to threats and other behaviors that indicated all was not well. My family went along with my ex, and another family member of mine also began or started up again, being very cruel to me. When I stood up for myself two other family members who should have helped me actually started attacking me too. I ended up locked in a bathroom to trying to escape, and the door was broken in. So scary. I used to wonder why on earth they would do that, most people would never allow someone to act that way but my family enabled it, and I was labeled the bad guy. My thought on it is that there are generally several reasons that people do this. And it is another form of abuse on top of the original abuse. The target also must cope with the dynamics of basically being gaslighted and lied about, and mistreated by other people too, which is also hurtful, and can make a person feel and believe that there is something wrong with them. Just my opinion.

@vampoftrance

11 ай бұрын

If you told your ex to stay away but he doesn't, that's abuse. If you don't enjoy his company no matter which personality type disorder he has and you asked him to leave you alone, you will be a victim. Get help from a therapist rather than say, police or authorities. The sick minded individual enjoys torturing you. The baby is just the excuse for continuing to stay in the relationship as to find new supply won't be easy for them you getting help. If you think you are the only one, you are wrong. The broken doors, broken locks and trying to escape to a safe room is indicated that it's a cat a mouse game for them and what you say or do won't change their sickness or behavior.

Two types of “flying monkeys” are unwitting used or wittingly used by the Narc to harass and torment their target on their behalf. It is also known as emotional water birding. This is why I felt I was always drowning. I would have times that I couldn’t breathe and I was going to die. I even had a long time neighbour friend who would spy on me and report back to the Narc as I had a RTO against him. If I had a visitor seconds later he would show up in the street. The only way to survive is to move far away and start again. This is what I did and this is what saved my life.

I think you are spot on with everything that you said. One thing that is particularly important for people to understand that when dealing with flying monkeys,the only real way that I have found to handle this effectively is to do just what you said. Try to change the subject, act mystified. Absolutely, do not engage with personal information. It will not help. It will be used against you or ignored. Talking about it and attempting to get a flying monkey to side with you or even understand the situation is a futile, total waste of time. You will end up even more hurt and frustrated. Definitely, the number one rule should be to deflect and disengage immediately. Thank you so much for your excellent advice.💜

For those of us triangulated by the narcissist and their agents, your words are fact. Thank you for the validation.

I was manipulated into being an agent for a narcissist and then became one of her victims. I later saw other people being manipulated in the same way to do the same things as I had.

@Armygirl4Christ

2 жыл бұрын

I had a same type of experience. Very painful to say the least! What a nightmare!

@kaydencegauthier3857

Жыл бұрын

How do they do it why would anyone would want to get involved in people relationship anyways I'm still trying to understand and I can't I just can't cause why would they spend time knowing what your doing

@specialt5705

Жыл бұрын

@@kaydencegauthier3857 They are seen as lackeys by the narc, they do not value them. They do the dirty work to gain approval and praise so the Narc keeps their hands clean. When things go left they are the scapegoat. No healthy mind would sign up for the role so often these ppl have an unhealthy sense of themselves. They appear confident and secure but it's all a lie.

I was just watching Netflix and I saw a message on my screen, that you uploaded a new video. Immediately I was "flying" to your channel and I'm glad I did. Thanks again for a great video Dr. Grande 😃

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

🙂thank you

My wife asked my father directly but in a nice way: "Why do you treat your oldest son like SHIT""??? He had no answer. I thought he was going to leave (his first visit to see his ONLY GRANDSON)!! He went out side to gather himself. I had never had an incident as I knew he'd take it out on the other family members. I was never so proud of her. Her question was legitimate and delivered with kindness: in her Asian culture the eldest son is usually revered; she just wanted an answer, ADULT TO ADULT. Dad couldn't deal with it.

In a more culturally current movie reference, they could be considered to be 'Minions' just call them Bob and Kevin. 😉

@dj-dq4lr

2 жыл бұрын

:) lol, I love the minions (cartoon) the flying monkeys not so much, seems more accurate and ugly (to me they are like the demons/the agents of satan). I will try to use the sweet and fun imagery of Bob's and Kevin's and the minions. Maybe this will help bring me humor when dealing with the crazy

I believe the term Flying Monkey is 100% applicable. In an ironic twist of fate; my narcissist friend used a mutual friend who actually played the part of the a flying monkey in the school play the "Wiz" against me recently. I wished I saw this about a month ago.

I experienced that the monkeys were used to continue the isolation. By poisoning the friends you are supposed to feel more isolated and helpless. My ex traveled across the county with kids in tow to visit all my old friends that I had introduced her to and attempted to poison them . My true friends saw through this tactic but I also lost some due to her influence.

Boy did you hit the nail on the head! LOVE this video. I really REALLY needed to hear this, as I have cut a narcissist out of my life... Now dealing with the agents... Good grief. LOL

Nothing like seeing texts...or hearing conversations about you, with ur borderline or narc, with people YOU DONT EVEN KNOW, hearing those strangers spit vitriolic hated toward u, and u never spent a minute around them. These people have great talent manipulating people to a feverish pitch. You wont win...and the army is large...DONT ENGAGE

@vme6892

2 жыл бұрын

Wow. Great comment!

@josephsaroce4991

2 жыл бұрын

@@vme6892 once you've experienced it, you never ever forget and your life changes in ways you never imagined

My experience is to go no contact with anyone working for the perpetrator. My main perpetrators are sociopathic/psychopathic, so perhaps my situation is more serious. I have had serious attacks on every aspect of my life for at least 26 years; beginning during a marital separation. I've discovered that most who betray never admit it and if given the opportunity will betray and harm again. If they've been entrapped into behaving hurtful towards another, than they are compromised and likely to continue working for the perpetrator(s). I believe in always being respectful and if someone is sincerely remorseful than a second chance is probably a good idea. I've learned my gut is usually accurate. Important topic. Thank you!

THANK YOU Dr!! I lived this from 16 to almost 27 due to a partner high on the narcissistic continuum!!! I most certainly dealt with agent monkeys!!! Even many years after the final cut! Sadly one was mine & the narc's child. If I couldve saved my child from that, I wouldve!! My hands were tied!! My child is an adult now, she still ultimately blames me for the emotional instability she felt 😭. I'd have done almost anything to spare her that. Recently she spoke to her father, which upon questioning, had him own up to some of the seriously sadistic mind games he inflicted upon me. Mind games that had me fear for my life so much so, that I not spoke a word of his mental torture for 17 years. During our almost 11 years together, I experienced agent monkeys often.. early on I tried to reject him, this caused my house to get broken into & personal things stolen.. a family member of his admitted it was 2 family members that did so (for my own best interest apparently). My adult child is now seeing a psychologist & hopefully one day, she will understand just how much harder it was to raise them both, under such insidious emotional abuse. I don't usually share any of my story as I DO NOT like appearing a victim. I do not consider myself a victim, it was myself that chose to partner up with him when I was 16, & it was myself who failed me & my 2 kids by not finding the strength to leave earlier! Taking such responsibility, gave me back my power!! Owning what was within MY power, instantly cut the puppet strings!!! I could write a novel.. but this comment already has me feeling exposed enough. Thanks again Doc!

@Estelle-Maureen

4 жыл бұрын

@@serendipitous_synchronicity truth

@adriennebradley6026

3 жыл бұрын

The same thing happened to me .....I had to leave my home with 2 of my 3 children to protect myself and children he was physically mentally financial emotional abusing us unfortunately I too feel I left it to late and my eldest boy who was 15 refused to leave with us and he became his flying monkey.I fought in court to have my ex husband removed from our home and thankfully was reunited with my son 1 year later and we were all fine untill recently when my divorce date is approaching my Son again is being manipulated although he 28 now I chose not to listen and walk out of the room when the mention of his Father comes up .....I really can't see him ever waking up even though I had to intervene whilst he was living with his Dad for that 1 year as he wasn't taking care of him .....my Son suffered that year he saw his Dad drunk he endured not having heating or enough food ....my Son was torn between loyalty to me and caring for his drunken Dad however he attended School and College and became an electronic engineer but sadly Dad still has some kinda hold on him which is not healthy .

What I saw from agent is also “keeping an eye on you and report what happen in the life of the victim” not a great feeling to feel being watched. But is a a good thing you get aware of how you can protect yourself further, so I learned to stop being an open book and keep my life more private

My ex convinced my family and closest friend that I was the problem. Then my friend went on a weekend ski trip with us. He couldn't hide his true colors that long, and she apologized for not believing me. But it's maddening how they can isolate you like this!

Anybody who hasn't seen the wizard of oz...needs to

@WalkingChampion

3 жыл бұрын

Right? Growing up in the 70s / early 80s with no cable and before VCRs became big, Wizard of OZ played every year and boy was it a big night to watch a movie at home! We got 3 channels ( and 1 was always fuzzy). Sound of Music and Grease are also ones I remember them playing from year to year and we would plan our whole night around it ( usually was at least 3 hrs with commercials).

Great info! I totally get the Reference “flying monkeys, agents, proxies and enablers” . I’ve watched the narcissist choose their “allies” placing them very strategically to do their narcissistic bidding. They wreak havoc wherever they go! Functional relationships quickly turn to disfunction! I would be interested in a discussion on the way in which the narcissist communicates. I’m referring to the term “word salad”.

Great explanation, I guess I have encountered more than a few agents “flying monkeys” in my lifetime.

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@summydots

4 жыл бұрын

I deal with like a four hundred of them on the roads. They gang harass me. Increase the commuter pain to the max while driving or taking public transportation by tipping of the bus drivers & so on. They crowd up the bill counters.. And take too long.. Dragging themselves on while the the guy at the counter pretends his machine is not working or they got short on change & go away to get some & return after 10 mins. Any service office you go to, they ask people working there to behave in a certain way with you. Menacing you & delaying your work, if not completely denying do it

Dear heavens, it is amazing that anyone has time for such intricate nonsense. I watch these narcissism videos because of my own tendencies towards bad behavior, in hopes of recognizing and changing, but I really feel so grateful that I have never been involved with someone with such extreme dysfunction. It sounds exhausting.

Great video. Unfortunately its taken me 40 years to realise my sister was narcissistic, her hubby was the flying monkey, he turned all the neighbours and god knows who else against me. It went on for such a long time. Keep up the great work Todd you're a marvel.

I sometimes call them Minions :))

Dorthy is in a dream. Everything she experiences is within herself. The book is about the connection between thoughts and emotions.

Thank you so much for enlightening me on the narcissistic stuff. I was once drew by a narcissistic agent to work for a narcissist. As you can imagine, it turned to be an awful experience to even recall. This narcissist is just naturally good at self-presenting as any other NPD people, which made her even come off charismatic in early stage that I met her. Then soon as I started working for her, the dark side of this seemingly charismatic person come to play. Pathologically belittling others around her (including her agent), never admitting her mistakes, always putting the blame on the others whenever anything goes wrong, depicting herself as the one who is innocent and gets hurt whenever facing dispute or failure in relationships, acting as eager to help others while actually tried to turn others into her agents... Too many horrible experience to recall. I can't imagine a person could be this toxic in relationships until I got to know her. After I became aware of that the agent (my current guess is the agent is manipulated ) was somehow trying to manipulate me as the the narcissist did to the agent, I did what you mentioned in the video, talking to the agent and trying to send reminder. The way this agent responded was exactly as what you predict in the video. The agent got angry about my interference and had quarrel with me. Wish I could have realized that I got caught in the trap that the narcissist and her agent set up. I think it's worth letting more people be aware of NPD. These extreme narcissists are natural Machiavelli. Their self-bragging nature and skills could actually give them advantage in workplace and business settings, which might seem to be competitive in the beginning. However, their toxic and hazardous interpersonal dynamics will damage any team work in the end despite some narcissists might as well have expertise and extraordinary skill set in certain areas. Wish everybody watching this video never need to work for a NPD.

This is really good information on flying monkeys who tend to cause a lot of pain on behalf of the narcissist.

THANK YOU DOCTOR,,,,,,,,,,,i think i can make it through another week,,let us pray oh god

Really love your videos. So much information and ways to understand certain people.

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@bellyfulochelly4222

4 жыл бұрын

A

Thanks a million, Todd; as I'm feeling down at the moment it's as always soothing to listen to a new video of yours on mental health issues as I've got them myself.

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome!!

@mirjanadolenec3099

4 жыл бұрын

It's soothing as you're scientifical and as good at it gets concerning the topic.

@mirjanadolenec3099

4 жыл бұрын

@@DrGrande : Thank you for taking your time to answer; many people appreciate your humility; I'm one of them (:

@mirjanadolenec3099

4 жыл бұрын

I read the Wonderful Wizard of OZ as a child. It’s a great memory. Fun fact, Oz was a series Baum wrote many, many oz books. To my memory, all were awesome. An orphan boy who turns into a princess, gnomes that can only be killed by eggs, a villain who switches heads like wigs, oh my!

Hello dr grande! Your videos are great! Your a Very intelligent person! How do we protect ourselves from narcisstic abuse? Narcissists are everywhere. I have been abused by 3 narcissists Before! Narcissists are everywhere! The Feeling of being abused by the narcissist is awful! X

My twin is a flying monkey for my mom. Very painful. Much more painful to see my sister being used then it was to leave my mom. Thank you for making this channel. I feel fortunate having so much information on the topic. You are the best Dr. Grande!

@nanali7245

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry 😞 I completely understand you my mom is a flying monkey 🐒 for my brother 😤

I did not realize how often I was having to handle "flying monkey's", It is a complex process to disengage safely when the Narcissist has so many!

Without a scapegoat, they’re lost though, they don’t really like each other either. Without a scapegoat, Narc groups will fall apart.

@MrGloriousg

4 жыл бұрын

They need a common enemy to unite against, otherwise they would turn on each other.

Great video. I have found that a defamation lawyer helps as well. Expensive but when it's your career it's worth it.

@MariaBM1

4 жыл бұрын

I have appointed a legal representative to deal with family matters on my behalf as a way to stop abuse from family members. This has stopped most problems, and any 'agents' or 'flying monkeys' are referred to my representative. At which point, they tend to realise that things are not quite as they have been led to believe.

@qiuwbr091

4 жыл бұрын

MariaBM1 - I will think very deeply about this. I have extremely toxic ex-in-laws. One acts as if she is my brother’s Widow when in fact they were divorced just before he died. She fakes the sympathy on it. It’s so toxic if I explained it at length you would be incredulous.

@MariaBM1

4 жыл бұрын

@@qiuwbr091 , don't worry. I believe you. I obviously also have an extremely toxic family. I made a more in-depth post in reply to Nazir about what I've done further down in the comments. If you think it might help, I would definitely look into doing something similar. (Having a representative to deal with family matters on my behalf really has stopped most of the problems.)

@tadpole7396

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, was not sure if this was possible to do, oooh how awesome, Thank you 👍👍👍👍👍

@jellybean6778

2 жыл бұрын

An employment lawyer will help sort out issues in an employment setting. Your employer should not know you are getting advice while you are still working there (do not discuss with anyone at work). The advice can be helpful for correctly documenting harassment if you need to take it that far. Narcs at work will stop at nothing to destroy your career, so you may need to be advised how to collect and maintain evidence that can help counter those actions or to be used defensively. A colleague and I were at the point of recording meetings with the narc because of the lying and triangulation, etc. We gathered other evidence and kept good notes, described the situation, who was involved and what happened. The colleague had evidence for a strong harassment suit and used it as leverage to negotiate the settlement and departure. I left also but maintain my notes in case I need them. It would have been much more difficult to leave as we did without the guidance of an employment attorney, and (in my case) the employer never had to know about it.

Thank you, I needed to hear this message today. I discarded the narcissist back in June and went no contact. I deleted all avenues to me including blocking his phone number, social media and any contacts available that can come back to me. Yesterday, I got a phone call from one of his friends from another city who I know casually. The narc gave this person my phone number to call me and try to negotiate my return to the abusive relationship even offering a two week vacation in Hawaii. I talked with this person then I blocked his phone number too. What other precautions do I need to take to get these monkey's off my back? And, when can I expect this type of behavior to stop?

@kathyclark8274

2 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately most narcissists are quite determined to have their way which necessitates finding suitable minions to carry out their instructions to the letter. Narcissists are not easily dissuaded.

@kitsune7351

2 жыл бұрын

Block everyone you met through him. All his family and friends. None of them want anything good for you, none of them care about your story. It's a waste of time and triggering to explain to people that will dismiss everything you say. Remember questions are usually a sign of manipulation.

@user-eu3qy8uf7f

Жыл бұрын

Stay strong. When you cut off the narc you must wilfully cut off the monkeys too. In my case a cousin contacted me almost 3 years after he had blocked me mysteriously. He love bombed me out of nowhere by best-selling me how great I was, how many good things I had done for the family etc. etc. I smelled the manipulation of my narc sister 2000 miles away. I texted back two words. Thank you. No other words. Translation. F you and the narcissist too. I know the game and you cowards know I KNOW so why bother? There a point at which the narcissistic interactions will become exceedingly boring. Seriously. This happened with a long time friend in January. I had given her two warnings about how,she was treating me and that if she VALUED the friendship we needed to do things differently. A couple of weeks later she called and lapsed back into the same pattern and THEN basically admitted she was USING me. I didn't react but something in me snapped. Two days later I srnt her a text. Dear Sandra, your friendship does not provide peace, purpose or profit and is therefore in valid (has no value) You basically admitted you were a user-using me for supply. Worse though you are a colossal BORE. I've realized this ten years ago and I meant to end with you then. Good bye and good riddance. Blocked on all media and DO NOT contact me.

This is Jennifer Sinclair. Narcissists by proxy - that is my brother. Thank you Dr. Grande!!! This is the first time I ever heard about my brother's buying into my mother's narcissism.

I've never laughed at any of your videos as they are very insightful and interesting. But I laughed several times because a friend of mine has a really bad life. She threatened to let the flying monkeys loose one day about a week ago! I didn't know what that meant and she referenced the Wicked witch letting her flying monkeys loose while saying, "Fly, my pretties!" Your description of flying monkeys was different from what she'd intended. My friend is definitely not a narcissist! I took it that flying monkeys were her frustrations. Now, I'm going to watch this again, without laughing, to hear, really hear, what you said about them. God bless you for the good work that you do. You help so many, including me. P.S. I'm going to share this with my friend. 🙈🙉🙊

This was super helpful. Thank you! I've found that the more difficult situations come not from avoiding the narcissist, but avoiding the narcissist's messages/accusations/fishing expeditions through proxies. It definitely gets complicated to handle, especially when the messages come out of the blue. Sadly, I end up not responding and have had to cut a lot of people off, but it's for the sake of my own mental health, so I don't regret doing it.

I appreciate that you get right down to business & don't waste our time trying to convince us how fabulous & interesting you are. Very good channel.

Years ago when I dated the narcissist for more than 3 years, he threatened to tell lies about me to his parents if I did not do some things that were very physically painful to me. I was afraid that his parents would believe his lies. His emotionally explosive anger at that time scared me very much. Since I had already “caused” him to be so angry at me by trying to say no to him, I was afraid of what else he might do that night if I persisted in saying no. Being very inexperienced and young at that time, it took me a long time to realize that I did not have to continue being around this person. I did eventually break up with him. He acted as if it was his right to do anything that he wanted to do to me. I have always wondered, if I had continued to refuse him that night if he would have gone upstairs to wake up his parents and tell them lies. This was many years before the Internet was invented. I did not know at the time about narcissism and had never read any books or articles about it at that time.

Was part of a church where the pastor was a covert narcissist. Lots of groomed agents, including the elder board, especially those with strong egos and pride which he stroked. Lots of firings of talented people he felt didn’t admire him, replaced by less talented “yes men.” Firings were way above what is normal for an organization of this size. Remaining staff kept quiet out of fear. Some of them were eventually fired too. So many good people left the church. Pastor was unrepentant and played the victim. He finally resigned last week, taking no responsibility for the state in which he’s leaving the church, supported by the narrative of his agents on the elder board. He truly feels this way, and doesn’t understand why so many have left. He blames it on external forces like spiritual attack, and emotional attack by members who’ve left. His narcissism was enabled tremendously by the social power that comes with being a pastor. Your videos have helped give perspective to lot of people negatively affected by this. Do you have any case studies or thoughts about covert narcissist pastors or religious leaders and how damaging they can be especially covered by a veneer of spiritual authority?

@terrih6284

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, you just described a church that I no longer attend due to the female pastor being a covert Narsicist. She had many flying monkeys and she was horribly abusive. I am so glad my family no longer is involved with this sick church. It is difficult to find much online about this pastor because she has full time legal and IT teams on staff constantly scouring and "scrubbing" the internet. The stories I could tell. Just like with Amber Heard, this Pastors day is coming and all her minions will go down with her. The truth shall be revealed.

Excellent observations, Dr. Grande. I hope people who’ve been targeted for smear campaigns pay attention to this message. I like the term agents more than flying monkeys. It sounds less cartoonish.

@RJ-hx5nb

4 жыл бұрын

I was thinking the same thing ..... it's a very serious situation & saying flying monkey makes it sound silly or trivial.

@serendipitous_synchronicity

4 жыл бұрын

@@RJ-hx5nb the times I've used the term, I've generally had to explain what I meant by the term. Negates the reason of using a term really (lol) I agree with you both, Agent is actually more fitting.

@magpiegirl3783

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, my son has been the victim of an ongoing smear campaign. The narc's flying monkeys have been very busy spreading rumours, promoting the narc as the victim and the good guy. Two are narcs themselves and the other a really weak individual trying to prove his friendship to the narc. They are pathetic, but can wreak havoc.

Thanks so much for this video! My malignant narcissist is recruiting my family against me with her new money and bling. This helps me stay centered. Great insight. Thanks Dr. Grande!

The grief was real when the sisters I had always protected became our father’s flying monkeys and joined in on the scapegoating and bullying.

This is absolutely true and I have heard the phrase "Poo:#^ by proxy", meaning the abuse/victimization may come from others, not necessarily the NPD/ASPD/Dark Triad ! I would also agree that most of the "psycho drama" , "crazy making", "abuse" "REAL CRIMES" are done with INTENT to destroy their victim, and induce a reaction ! Thank you for posting this informative video !

They subconsciously don't want to become a target. Excellent video. You're so professional, know your subject, and your delivery is terrific. You have helped me a lot. Your way of being so funny and do it dead pan is amazing. Lightens up serious subjects

Sometimes they are jealous of the attention that you get from the narcissist and see you as a threat. So, they might have their own motives for their behavior as well. So, they take the side of the narcissist and put you down or belittle you and your values etc. These flying monkeys are, on the other hand, also getting false information about you from the narcissist and narcissists do use them in multiple ways.

Vis-a-viv "Narcissists", go no contact, seek help & process the emotions. You do not owe them any explanation; you owe yourself a good life.

With me, the bottom line is that I am not afraid of anyone. The last person I feared is long dead. You can come for me, more than welcome to, however, you're not walking away unharmed. That's the bottom line with me. You can come in any guise, you are not walking away unscathed.

Agents. I like that apt term. I actually don’t mind using the term flying monkeys. Gaslighting is a widely popular term, yet it comes from a play that was turned into a movie, released around the same time (late 1930s to early 1940s) as The Wizard of Oz. My covert ex-Cluster B didn’t really use flying monkeys, er, agents. He did triangulate, though. Another borderline/narc then-friend threatened smear campaign against me, but he never got around to it. It was just a manipulative tactic. A former mentor, a proximity narc (possibly narcopath), went all out against perceived competitors including his students. (He almost drove a student to suicide.) He launched smear campaigns and enlisted flying monkeys. Just like the spellbound winged monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, a lot of his students happily volunteered to be his agents because his so-called mad skills mesmerized them. I had already left his online community before this happened. (I spent time with him and fellow students twice in person.) The crazy thing is that I found out about the narc mentor's antics through a couple of KZread videos right after my ex discarded me for the last time for a recycled local supply. I also met him on the narc mentor’s online forum! I can't believe I got tangled up with several disordered people at the same time in the span of a decade. I was a magnet for toxic energy vampires! Thankfully, I’m toxic-free now. I’m so thankful that I’m now in a healthy relationship and have healthy friendships.

@NanceeMarin

Жыл бұрын

@Supercollider No. It actually happened in an online music program. (BTW, students get to spend time in person once or twice in a master class that runs for several days.)

Oh I’ve dealt with this and it is very hard to fight against. It’s not a partner relationship but I can see the situation clearly.

I just came across this older video after watching the delightful Stephanie Seagull film retrospective. This video resonated with me. I've had first-hand experience with this topic. It led to my leaving social media, especially Facebook. It turned out this wasn't a bad move, despite the reasoning behind it. I entered into a relationship with someone approximately seven years ago. It's by far the most destructive relationship I've experienced. I've not recovered and am unsure I will. The experience resulted in my life derailing. It impacted not only myself, but others around me. This individual had a plethora of flying monkeys in their employ. They actively spied on me - even years after I parted ways. This person even manipulated people within my own circle - my own family. I felt destroyed. I'm not even an echo of the person I once was. I'm a completely different person. I'm a distorted whisper of a living being. The individual in question? Well, sometimes the antagonist of a story wins. They succeed and prosper. They're rewarded for their poor behavior. Having no boundaries - No moral compass - No ethics - No empathy... well, without all of that hoopla and more muddying the waters, you can go far, quickly. Much of what you relayed is spot on... only it can be much worse, if one can imagine that. The individual in question had a high degree of knowledge regarding human behavior. Imagine the good doctor using their experience and knowledge for evil. I disagree with some of what you relayed, such as the "forgiveness". People should (yes, that dirty word) be accountable for their actions. I cut these people out of my life. I had almost everything taken from me. This individual is the most dangerous person I've met. Their sole legacy is the wake of destruction left behind them - Something they're oblivious to. Apologies for this raw and rambling narrative. I could write a thousand essays on the topic and never scratch the surface.

The flying monkeys that I have experienced were people who knew that the narcissist (a former boss) could be demanding and unpleasant, so by getting involved and doing the narc’s bidding, they temporarily staved off any attack on them. Upon quitting and not coming back, the ‘agents’ came to my house to try to press me to change my mind. I knew they were coming and was not home.

You can see they followed the witches orders in the movie The Wizard of Oz because they were scared not to as she was a master manipulator. They even celebrated singing "ding dong the witch is dead" after her death. They also replied to Dorothy and the others when they asked if they could have her broom, saying "here, and take it with you" lol. Great video as usual so thank you Dr. Grande! I think its unfortunate that not enough people have seen the movie.

In my case the agents were fellow social workers, devious police then even my own family doctor started repeating what the narcissists were saying and defaming my character.

I have the situation where I am an A.C. of a Narcissistic Mother (Vulnerable/Fragile). I didn't know from nothing with regards to all the psychology buzz words for the Narc world when I was coming up. Neither did Social, Children's and Family Services, back in the day. But I was bang on for identifying EXACTLY how living with her made me feel. So much so, that I even coined my own term, for all of these very quirky people, that used to keep popping up in different places in my life, throughout my day, quoting to me something about which, I had just been discussing with the N. and in the N. point of view, of the N. being depicted as being the right one, so their story would go. Anyway, what I came up with was the word minion. These people were her absolutely devoted Minions. Now some of them I do suspect, were doing it because she was blackmailing them into it. But I thought of it about twenty years before the movies with the little yellow minions in them ever came out. These people very much were her pets, and very much willing to serve and be loyal to her alone as a faithful dog would be to it's owner. It was pretty disturbing to concider that such a person could exist in reality. And she had one heck of a lot of these people at her disposal. She was a degenerate gambler, an alcoholic and an addict of prescription painkillers. So she had a diverse group of characters to choose from. I learned not to give people the time of day , for safety's sake. Oh, it has been one very bumpy ride. 🧓🏽✌🏽

Dealing with it right now in my workplace where I considered him as a good friend and found out he is competing with me and making gossips against me. Its kind a horrible thing happened where I even had self doubt and planning to quit work. My co workers were bully , and being angry with me without reason. Thankfully to this video , this will be a good help for me to gain my self worth as an empath living with toxic people and environment. God bless Dr. Grande

This was highly interesting and extremely helpful. I like the word Agents. I have exposed a narcissist school friends by exposing his agent network that he built over 30 years. Everything fell flat and I got closure. I gained so much confidence that he withdrew in a hole. In fact he left the city and live in solitude. I wish I had these tips then, life would have been so much easier.

I recon most people in clammy situations with others, make use of agents if they are indeed in possession of allies. Everyone enjoys having someone stick up for them - I can assure you having no one stick up for you feels terrible.

Thank YOU Doctor Grande for all of your phenomenal videos!! Such a huge blessing to be educated by you Sir!!!!

Hi Dr. Grande, I was wondering if you could do a video on coercive control? A colleague of mine is doing her thesis on a topic related to it and I thought she would find a video of yours on it useful. Thank you for considering it!

@kellie5476

4 жыл бұрын

Good idea, coercive control is now considered a crime in the UK.

I love these videos! ❤❤❤

Hello Doctor, can you do an episode on people who haven't seen the Wizard of Oz movie? I didn't even know there were such beings, I can't imagine the issues they might have now. Love you vids by the by.

@trinity6764

4 жыл бұрын

Somehow we exist . But my gay friends have watched it more than 20 times.☺

@IJustWantToUseMyName

4 жыл бұрын

I have a friend in his mid-50’s, who has raised two children, and has never seen the movie. He says he now wants to see how long he can go without somehow seeing it, just for the fun of it. And because it dumbfounds people as to how he’s managed it. lol

Another amazing video. Everything plays out just like you said. It's amazing how predictable the narcs and agents really are. I'm so glad I got rid of the narc, went no contact with him, mutual friends, and his family.

Whoa! I had an experience with this. Thank you for putting a name and description to the crazy-makers out there.

@EasrterRising1fan

4 жыл бұрын

I had a snow ball slammed at my head while I was sitting in the car talking to the Narcissist, his roommate who was also supposedly my friend gave me a note from the narc saying he was sorry on the outside and it was waxed sealed. When the Monkey gave it to me I opened it up in front of the Monkey. I was horrified to see him follow up the apology with a drawing of me getting hit in the head with the snow ball and the follow up to the I am sorry that your head got in the way of my snowball. I was speechless and asked him if he knew about this. Just then the narc called him to find out my reaction to the "apology" note. It took a good man with a backbone to run that joker off.