I don't remember history classes being so interesting back in school. This is what education should always be about. Informative, with perspective, thought provoking. Thank you School of Life.

@elizabethdjokovic2691

5 жыл бұрын

Yes. I agree. Alain de Bouton makes any subject he tackles interesting. So well read and articulate, he conveys ideas brilliantly.

@charliesthill4790

4 жыл бұрын

This is exactly why education isn't about honesty. That would interfere with religion , greed and power.

I feel like whoever is behind these videos, wrote really good essays in school. Loving the longer video by the way!

@Abundance26

5 жыл бұрын

I think it's Alain de Botton. He's so super informative with a great sense of humor. I could listen to him speak all day!

@josephinewliu

5 жыл бұрын

@@Abundance26 When i am sad, or have trouble, i go to listen to his voice. he is one of the best human ever happened to me.

@josephinewliu

5 жыл бұрын

i also think it is Alain him self. I think whoever wrote it, who also made the voice over.

@Abundance26

5 жыл бұрын

@@josephinewliu exactly Josephine. When I need some logical advice I always listen to him. It always makes me feel better. ❤

@pradeepkharta5953

5 жыл бұрын

He would have became a teacher's favourite in india .

This channel is an excellent escape from the harsh reality of a job.

@elkiness

4 жыл бұрын

Ho, ho. Be glad you have one. And lookout for one you'll like!

Jane Austen knew what's up.

@diegomoreno5927

7 жыл бұрын

And so did The Marquis

@joeroberts2156

7 жыл бұрын

from Star Trek, or de sade?

@sherlocklone

4 жыл бұрын

Jane Austin belonged to a society which wasn't good at Love. She did best in her books to get it out. And only what she at that time thought was something liberating. But when you take everything into consideration, Love is not what she defined. Love is much more!

What about how Hollywood creates unrealistic expectations of love ? Things like "there was no chemistry"

@TheEmanExperience

8 жыл бұрын

+elky360 that would be intresting to mention

@izabella7174

8 жыл бұрын

Actually, no chemistry sucks a lot.

@TheEmanExperience

8 жыл бұрын

Izabella Wilas how so

@Krakikoko

8 жыл бұрын

+Izabella Wilas Chemistry doesn't suck. What sucks is that people often feel that chemistry is love. When in reality is just how reproduction works. Survival doesn't care if he/she is a good person or not. Chemistry is good if we just see it as what it is, and not confusing it with love.

@jacobgrochowski1745

5 жыл бұрын

de Botton addresses this in his talk "On Love".

What is love? Baby don't hurt me Don't hurt me No more

@falkonsrt6000

4 жыл бұрын

What a poet

@hannahpocock4152

4 жыл бұрын

@@falkonsrt6000 I know right, he could be the next Shakespeare.

@soraiya2065

4 жыл бұрын

Lol

@TheCarrottTop

4 жыл бұрын

😂

@reikaratnam

4 жыл бұрын

A lie

I would really *love* to see bibliographies included with these.

@roboticLifePartner

8 жыл бұрын

Including the paintings!

So far Jane Austin's perspective is my favorite

@thetillerwiller4696

5 жыл бұрын

Same :))))

@vishalzambare2159

5 жыл бұрын

And what is it?

@StankFernatra

5 жыл бұрын

@@vishalzambare2159 8:00-10:45.

@juliazatyko7109

5 жыл бұрын

Vishal Zambare that with a careful balance you can have it all but most people won’t have it all because most people aren’t suitable for marriage. You gotta work on your self and drop your pride and prejudice

@masterbonzala

4 жыл бұрын

Mine too, glad to see there are virtues people left in the western civilization

Very interesting, although the claim that "love is a cultural invention" doesn't seem to follow from the history shown later. It seems that what should be argued is that "marriage" is a cultural invention. Love, as an emotion, is probably a human universal, not really experienced too differently from person to person. How you are expected to act on it and what your expectations should be is socially modulated, but the emotion doesn't need (nor seem) to be.

@pheonixrises11

4 жыл бұрын

Samuel Álvarez +++

@wanderingsoul1189

4 жыл бұрын

Very accurate.

@drewpocernich2540

4 жыл бұрын

Samuel Álvarez my own theory is that love was the original invention of psychological evolution. Those are pretty complicated concepts and I don’t have time to explain it so just watch the behavioral biology lectures posted by Stanford university.

@douglascampbell4993

4 жыл бұрын

Personally, I believe love would have had its origins purely as a means of continuing the genes through your offspring. An emotion that a mother would have chemically felt for her children... As an eventual evolution from that, those children eventually bonded through chemically driven love, to grow up and eventually bond with a ‘mate,’ at some point eventually chemically as well, then as co-parenting groups whether monogamous or polyamorous in tribes, Alpha/beta, and eventually community-based citadels... ultimately though it would have originated between mother/offspring relations.. anyone have any opinions?

@drewpocernich2540

4 жыл бұрын

Douglas Campbell I left a comment similar to this. I believe that many of our other emotions were created out of the abstraction of love or other evolutionary factors. For instance, guilt in doing something bad (with what constitutes “bad” as the idea of societal happiness), or anxiety (being fearful for ones life/ability to survive (and thus go on to reproduce), and ability to attract a partner/sexual selection. Sexual selection is an icky topic though because most forms of hegemony come from our ideas of sexual selection (and obviously sexual selection is just complicated as all hell).

Very often, in this channel, you tackle love and relationships. Especially the part where you need to accept imperfections and that unhappiness is part of life. Would you tackle something similar but opposite? In other words: a video about breaking up. When enough is enough and the analysis of unhappiness over real happiness. Thanks!

@MansSuperPower

4 жыл бұрын

jalila love Great explanations and advice. I take it for me as well. Thanks.

This channel's stuff is consistently strong and informative, and this is definitely no exception in the general sense. Just a pointer on a fairly minor detail: the troubadours actually wrote on more subjects than just courtly love, although they are famous for having more or less invented the concept. They also wrote crusade songs, laments on the deaths of important figures, political works, poems celebrating the skill of the writer (kind of like rappers boasting their own skills), and various other genres of poetry. It's also worth pointing out that troubadour poetry was initially written to be performed with musical accompaniment at the various Occitan courts. Hope I'm not being a dingus! Keep on schooling!

@ZSoul55

9 жыл бұрын

***** No worries.

@piwithatsme

9 жыл бұрын

***** 1. Lamia and the soldier. 2. tristan and isolde. Those two are by John William Waterhouse. The last one is Spring by Pierre-Aguste Cot

@GortLovesKlaatu

9 жыл бұрын

ZSoul55 this is indeed true and a lot of what the Troubadours learnt came from the moors/Saracens (or the Muslims as we would today perhaps term them) via southern Spain (and as you correctly point out into and through Occitania) which in turn is very Sufic in origin. The troubadours where indeed not just exponents of fin amour but also other more esoteric practices as learned from the Sufis, There are also marked similarities between the music of the troubadours (in structure, scale and melody) and Arabic music, which traveled in the same way. It has always struck me as rather ironic that the generally accepted forms of 'romantic' love we are conditioned into in the west and promulgated eternally in the media via movies and also literature has, at its base, thought and teachings from the middle east and Persia.

@induplicable

9 жыл бұрын

Gort Roxx Ever read, The Arabic Role in Medieval Literary History: A Forgotten Heritage by Maria Rosa Menocal?

@voiceofreason1663

8 жыл бұрын

ZSoul55 are you serious? the topic is about "LOVE" of course he will not mention that. that's another topic. oh geez

This feels more like the history of lust and relationships. Love is present between family members and friends and can have nothing to do with romance or affection.

@makovue

3 жыл бұрын

there's different types of love...

@mauijttewaal

3 жыл бұрын

Good point, they should have put 'Romantic Love'

I love how you put clinton at 5:31

I would argue the future isn't about sacrifice, as much as gladly taking more responsibility for one's own happiness, rather than looking for it in the other. Great video. They're all really interesting- thank you!

@g.j

5 жыл бұрын

Julie Rasmussen Yeah. And I also think if both paties is after and open on bettering themselves in having a relationship,then it is good. Imperfections that exist can be work out. Its just that many people are really well conditioned over this shallow romantic side of this romanticsm.

@deconstructedbyrishabh6415

2 жыл бұрын

Amazing. Kindly consider watching and subscribing to this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/o4Jtrq2ilJDMnrQ.html

I really like how this channel gives a solid resolution in the end. A lot of videos nowadays just state the problems we face or just mock it, but it tells us how we can better the problems instead of just stating the obvious.

The beginning of this video fooled me into thinking it would be about the worldwide history of love and not just the west/Europe.

@thinker1830

8 жыл бұрын

It was still very interesting and your hard work is appreciated.

@RingxWorld

8 жыл бұрын

+The School of Life I've never seen a youtube content creator apologize like this. Thats what I like about you guys

@mankytoes

8 жыл бұрын

+The School of Life I think fifteen minutes is definitely long enough for a KZread video, and you covered plenty. I'd love to see "an Eastern history of love" as well though, because the more we look away from our own culture, the more we can learn about our natural instincts.

@alicialaucirica6079

8 жыл бұрын

+The School of Life well i would like to see more ethnic philosophy and society. its all very good content. i love this channel, but its hard not to say its euro centric. i like to see myself as a non traditional learner and a channel like this is a great start. but as i mentioned before i want a more worldly and well rounded learning experience. just an idea. thanks 😊

@p0zzz

8 жыл бұрын

+mankytoes Well said that would be a very interesting perspective !!

School of Life, you are great! I love your deep analysis of our animalistic needs!

“Love is a cultural invention”

This channel is a gem you can sometimes find on the internet

This channel has caught hold of me and it is getting consistently informative more and more. The School of Life videos are thought provoking. I have been wondering about all this and here it is. Love is indeed shaped by its history and I suppose we're unevolved species, always changing. So, looking back can help us. Not always but yes at least in love's case. Even though I question what Love really is, I do know about the theory of love that we all have been falling for, that we look up to (idea of love).

So good I'm almost crying! Great job, historically, philosophically, psychologically.

real love is unconditional appreciation, everything else is just a business transaction :)

@cyogenes7978

9 жыл бұрын

+Theo M. Unconditional love doesn't exist.

@akoanee7259

9 жыл бұрын

Cyogenes It doesn't exist to anyone who never experience it :)

@cyogenes7978

9 жыл бұрын

***** Understand when I say unconditional love doesn't exist, what I'm saying is that loving a person is almost entirely based on them being that person. If they were somebody you'd never met, then you wouldn't know them to love them. So yes, unconditional love doesn't exist.

@tmalonso

9 жыл бұрын

Cyogenes who said anything about unconditional love? ;)

@cyogenes7978

9 жыл бұрын

Theo M. Then define the difference between 'unconditional appreciation' and 'unconditional love'?

I love that moment when he pauses, and for a second I'm like nooo don't be over and then he goes onto another place and time and its such a relief :D

I very much enjoy the ending bit... “the question is not so much that relationships live up to our ideal hopes of mutual happiness but whether they are better, if only a little, than not having relationships at all. The future of love needs us to get interested in ambivalence, that is, in the capacity to keep on thinking that something is quite good even while we are painfully conscious of it’s many, and striking day-to-day imperfections” Thank you for all the work you do to make these videos, i recently found your channel and i really enjoy the content you share.

I've recently read Ovid's "ars amatoria" (The Art of Love) which was written about 1 b.C., and it amazed me beyond belief. Our morals and manners may have changed , but there is so incredibly much still the same, after 2000 years, and keeping in consideration that this was before Christianity and the founding of the Catholic Church who had a great deal to say in the way we think about love and partnership. In some ways it looks like we are only just getting back to the way that ancient societies dealt with love and their sexuality.

Wao, these videos are among the most educational I've seen on KZread. I have read philosophy books, but those are not for everyone. These videos are simple and comprehensible to most people. This channel could change the world, step by step. Who is the Skool of Life? Who funds these videos? Does it accepts some crowd funding?

@sushantsingh892

8 жыл бұрын

+Tri Le i agree every bit with ur statement

@deconstructedbyrishabh6415

2 жыл бұрын

Amazing. Kindly consider watching and subscribing to this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/o4Jtrq2ilJDMnrQ.html

This was so well compiled! Captured every single realisation I think Ive ever had from merely observing relationships around, and more!The time scale just gives it an evolutionary appearance, though I sometimes feel that our conceptions of love and romanticism are mere mental vaccilations depending on our current circumstances!

+The School of Life I just wanted to say that this was yet another amazing video from you guys. Your channel is seriously the best channel that youtube has to offer. Thank you for providing such great content!

@deconstructedbyrishabh6415

2 жыл бұрын

Amazing. Kindly consider watching and subscribing to this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/o4Jtrq2ilJDMnrQ.html

such a good video.... Alain you're very wise and original !

Shouldn't this video be called marriage instead of love?

@LoveEarthHereAndNow

9 жыл бұрын

Jonas Lundholm does not need to be called marriage, marriage seems to be on the way out.

On the subject of love, I just wanna say I really love this channel!

Alain my man :) his philosophy makes me calm. and see things from so many different point of views which my brain - looping constantly in single thought for almost 2 years now - never thought of. cheers man. i am happy people like you still exist.

"Love is a cultural invention." I see the good old monster of postmodernism creeping in.

"Love is NOT perfect. Love takes hard work. And the standards we hold it to are beautiful but self-destructive." - a quote from Me ( :

OMG this video is amazing! I genuinely couldn't had said it better myself! EXPECTATIONS ARE THE DESTRUCTIONS AND SLAVERY OF FREEDOM! There so much on this topic to explore.

This doesn't have enough views for how good the quality of this is. Great editing and the voiceover is so clear. Nice video!

This is so inspiring I wish I knew you people before my divorce

Love is definitely a skill and NEEDS to be practiced. After all, the heart is a muscle! ;)

@iashrai

8 жыл бұрын

+April Sunshine Brain does all the work when it comes to love.

@deconstructedbyrishabh6415

2 жыл бұрын

Amazing. Kindly consider watching and subscribing to this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/o4Jtrq2ilJDMnrQ.html

This may be the best damn channel on KZread. Absolutely incredible.

This was one of the best from you! Amazing.

So historically people only married for land, money, or power? Mmhmm... well, that certainly seems to have been true for the few percent that had those things. But presenting it that way erases the history of the overwhelming majority. Why and how did they marry? That was of course a rhetorical question - the source material is painfully weak on the subject of ordinary people. But what evidence there is suggests that, at least in Europe, marriage was a very informal and undramatic event - up until the catholic church decided to make marriage a sacrament, which didn't happen until the late middle ages. But you somewhat accidentally make the interesting point that today, the notions of romance that started among the upper classes have filtered out into our society as a whole.

@gebatron604

9 жыл бұрын

The lower classes used marriage as pragmatically in the pursuit of resources as the powerful - it was a good way of ensuring that they could produce a healthy next generation with the help of the efficient specialisation of mother and bread-winner

@anonymouse27

9 жыл бұрын

***** If we go back further to tribal hunter gatheres, many of them still marry even though they don't individually own land or have much of anything of value.

@anonymouse27

9 жыл бұрын

Marriage does exist in modern hunter gatherer tribes - even those that have been completely isolated until recent years. So one can definitely extrapolate from that and conclude that marriage most likely existed in the late Paleolithic. Moreover, 'family groups' is another way of naming tribes. But even within larger tribes, there are couples who are married, and there are even some polygynous marriages.

@anonymouse27

9 жыл бұрын

***** Which particular tribe are you referring to? For example, in the modern day Hadza, a father will not let his daughter be wed to a man she does not love. It would be worth going into more detail and enumerating the practices of each modern hunter gatherer group. Any anthropologists around? I might get to this if I get a few spare hours...

@anonymouse27

9 жыл бұрын

anonymouse27 Someone obviously beat me to it. :-) Good reading: anthropology.missouri.edu/sites/default/files/11marriageplos1.pdf Here's hoping that The School of Life can pay a bit more attention to cultures that predate Neolithic civilizations.

Question: In my relationship I often lose my self and start feeling Closed in. What can I do? Osho : This is one of the fundamental problems of love. Every lover has to learn it, nobody knows it by birth. It only comes slowly slowly and through much pain, but the sooner it comes, the better -- that each person needs his or her own space, that we should not interfere in that space. To interfere is very natural for lovers, because they start taking the other for granted. They start thinking that they are no more separate. They don't think of 'I' and 'thou'; they start thinking of 'we'. You are that too, but only once in a while. 'We' is a rare phenomenon. Once, for a few moments, lovers come to that point where the word is meaningful, where you can say 'we', when 'I' and 'thou' disappear into each other, where boundaries overlap. But these are rare moments; they should not be taken for granted. You cannot remain 'we' twenty-four hours a day, but that's what every lover demands -- and that creates unnecessary misery. When you come close once in a while you become one, but those are rare moments, precious, to be cherished, and you cannot make them a twenty-four-hour thing. If you try, you will destroy them; then the whole beauty will be lost. When that moment is gone, it is gone; you are again 'I' and 'thou'. You have your space, she has her space. And one has to be respectful now, that the other's space should not be in any way interfered with; it should not be trespassed. If you trespass it, you hurt the other; you start destroying the other's individuality. And because the other loves you, she or he will go on tolerating it. But toleration is one thing; it is not something very beautiful. If the other is only tolerating it, then sooner or later the other will take revenge. The other cannot forgive you and it goes on accumulating -- one day, another day, another day.... You have interfered with a thousand and one things, then they all pile up, and then one day they explode. That's why lovers go on fighting. That fight is because of this constant interference. And when you interfere in her being, she tries to interfere in your being, and nobody feels good about it.

Subtitles/CC function on all of Alain de Botton's videos work perfectly, unlike the majority of KZread.

Absolutely love this series!

Hm... You missed out the fact that the inventor of the Troubador idea of love came, actually, from Rabbi Sa'adia Gaon in his work in the 10th Century Iraq. The arrival of the Babilonian Jewish works to areas such as the Aegean, Italy and, especially, Spain and Portugal during the 10th and 11th Centuries meant that it's possible that Sa'adia's works influenced the first troubadors from France.

@49metal

8 жыл бұрын

+GreatRedMenace You're right. I can't believe such a decisive and incontrovertible fact was negligently or willfully omitted.

@casonbrown4566

7 жыл бұрын

ɷɷɷ I Haveeee Watchedd Thissss Movieee Leakedddd Version Here : - t.co/SjZpZXw5gt

@jasonbelstone3427

6 жыл бұрын

and maybe a few arabs at around the same time.

@akramkarim3780

3 жыл бұрын

actually it was the arabs who bring romantic love to europe

The part about how economic values and trade dictated marriage is exactly how Karl Marx described Bourgeois Marriage.

Love the graphics that go with the narrative! I also agree with the conclusion, that the choice is either imperfect relationships or no relationships.

Every video is an eye-opener to me. Thank you!

I'd love to see one of these videos take on gender. If love is an emotion *shaped by its history*, gender as a societal/cultural construct is even more so.

@sreejithhh

4 жыл бұрын

Nope. Gender is evolutionary. It is biological. For humans it is decided between 4th and 6th months of foetal development. It is controlled by many factors including genetics expressed in X or Y chromosomes and even the presence of testosterone or estrogen secreting cysts in the mother's body which affects the hormone levels of the foetus. We are born with our gender. Atleast a large part of it. Surely culture too does its part.

@lekebabfrancais9018

4 жыл бұрын

@@sreejithhh All it will take is a google search to show that this is incorrect. You're talking about sex. Magikarp Magikarp was specifically talking about gender.

This is the western idea of "love".

@silentguy5875

9 жыл бұрын

Akoa Nee As they say west is best.

@fish6911

9 жыл бұрын

Actually, it was a conclusion based off of the history that was provided.

@S2Cents

9 жыл бұрын

yeah well Fuck the rest.

@S2Cents

9 жыл бұрын

yeah well Fuck the rest.

@S2Cents

9 жыл бұрын

yeah well Fuck the rest.

"...the dream of love survives but it disappoints constantly" (that's so accurate).

This is pure gold. Congrats

What about history of war?

9 жыл бұрын

The Napoleonist Crash Course has covered that.

@gtabigfan34

9 жыл бұрын

Sérgio SC However The School of Life is making different kind

@gavinreid123

9 жыл бұрын

Sérgio SC​ I like his approach more not just facts but opinion of them and in bit sized pieces. To be honest do u remember anything from crash course.

@m.almlid5548

8 жыл бұрын

+Gavin Reid (GBRGavin) Agreed, School of Life shows the philosophical aspect

To you I could trust the fast-closed depths of my own mind and as friends we have been joined in trust by long acquaintance by shared initiations of the gods all in one bond of faith one single heart united in one mind 4th cent. C.E. inscription, Praetextatus praising his wife Paulina

JPS' view on love as conflict is another influential part of the development of our understanding of the emotion.

Wow! That's a hell of a channel, the end of the video hit me good! Told me what I wanted and needed to hear all along, very well...

I'm at a loss on how you can compare the ways the super rich and powerful would marry to how we do it now while ignoring the norms of the lower class people.

@akoanee7259

9 жыл бұрын

dichotomyofone Agree, sometimes the most beautiful expressions of love can only be seen in ordinary people.

@Dreadkid08

9 жыл бұрын

dichotomyofone The ruling class kept the best records so its usually their stories and their perspectives that are told in history

@ketsan

9 жыл бұрын

dichotomyofone See Indian arranged marriages. We forget that until three or four generations ago it was normal to ask permission off the woman's father and economic considerations such as the suitor's pay and prospects were very much to the fore.

@S2Cents

9 жыл бұрын

And the ugliest.

Omg I was reading pride a prejudice and you just spoilt it for me -_-

@bluechucks8666

9 жыл бұрын

No one gives a fuck bitch

@AvailableUsernameTed

9 жыл бұрын

Hasan Ates I've never read it, but perhaps have seen a movie version; I'm not sure. I had the idea though that Dr. Darcy had both the 'Pride and the Prejudice'

@lirard

8 жыл бұрын

***** thx again.this time for your reading tips.

Thanks for the different courses of love through time, School of Life.

Hats off. Super great work!

this video is informative, as well as ethnocentric and historically reductive

This is a history of lust, rather than love

this is beautiful! I really enjoy the concepts.

It's surreal to be watching from Tripoli Lebanon as the story is told!

The desire to reproduce is instinctual. Romantic love is a device of poetics and literature.

@anonymouse27

9 жыл бұрын

MGTOW MAP MAKER Lust does not equal love. But then, some people have never had the experience of falling in love.

@mgtowmapmaker8741

9 жыл бұрын

Some people have never had the experience of taking MDMA and experiencing the nearly identical neurological chemical reaction. There's nothing "magical" about "love" or "mania".

@anonymouse27

9 жыл бұрын

Who mentioned 'magic'? I don't know what taking MDMA feels like, and that's irrelevant to the distinction I was making between lust and love. Knowing the likely evolutionary antecedents to a behavior takes nothing away from the power of a felt experience. But since you brought up 'magic', here's one from Einstein: "There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle."

@mgtowmapmaker8741

9 жыл бұрын

"and that's irrelevant to the distinction I was making between lust and love." The only difference between lust and love is time, and they both describe a transient chemical reaction in the brain.

@anonymouse27

9 жыл бұрын

Do your research. Lust and love are different kinds of states in the body / mind. Which is not to say that one cannot feel loving lust as a combination of these. Moreover, there are many kinds of love, as I'm sure you know. It is not only the brain, but the whole CNS, endocrine system, etc. The whole body. Moreover, while some people fall out of love, others stay in love over decades. Check out studies comparing brain scans of old couples with young couples who have just fallen in love. I believe Helen Fisher talked about some of this at TED.

What about the history of love before the widespread instillment of social hierarchies a few thousand years ago?

@S2Cents

9 жыл бұрын

Oh they were hierarchical in their ways, I suspect.. no need for the state and laws and ruling class and priests...

@Maltcider

9 жыл бұрын

2cents Thanks for your 'two cents'. Some people probably were but the consensus in anthropology is that humans mostly lived in egalitarian cooperative groups throughout our existence until relatively recently in the time scale.

@S2Cents

9 жыл бұрын

Yes I've heard this speculation. Egalitarians, noble savages you might say.

I love your channel , it helps me a lot. Thank you guys!

Love is only real when truly felt and shared. Wordless sensation from which meaning is born, surely.

please add original subtitles to your videos please

Personally I see a lot of what I call 'Disney Princess' in the expectations of young women for marriage and that is a problem. Spending £20,000 on the wedding and thereby saddling a new young couple with debt (or having not to disappoint, if the parents paid ) is an extremely worrying modern phenomenon, for which I blame the likes of Cinderella, the Princess Bride etc etc. I think young women especially, dream about a wedding day, as they are culturally taught to do, and basically find a fool to fit it. No wonder the divorce rate is so high! The other thing I want to advocate is a complete removal of the word 'spinster', which seems so derogatory and definitely does not describe me, though I have never been married and am 47 (not thinking of starting now! lmao) I feel that this word just does not describe all the fun and love that I have had. I'm toying with the word 'bachelorette', but am not quite happy with its being a mere extrapolation of the male equivalent, so if anyone else has a better idea, please feel free to comment.

@Nix-xc4yu

8 жыл бұрын

+Josie Fox lol no one uses the term spinster anymore, if you said it, people would think it was some kind of app.

@obliviousranga

8 жыл бұрын

Apparently according to statistics, people who spend more money on their wedding are more likely to divorce, but the more people you invite to your wedding, the more successful a marriage will be. My source is a QnA television show so who knows, it might not actually be true

wow. loved your take on love. How wonderfully explained. And keenly concluded. I stop blabbering now and dive in my thoughts..

Another great video. Wonderfully illustrated.

This might sound weird, but I feel you shouldn't marry if you love someone. Marriage seems to be the act of making someone else your property.

@gebatron604

9 жыл бұрын

Quite the opposite - marriage is the giving of oneself to the communal resource pool known as the family

@klimenttaseski8244

9 жыл бұрын

***** Kierkegaard

@empress_josie

9 жыл бұрын

Kay Tee One of my favorites.

@lirard

8 жыл бұрын

Guy Potts you might want to clarify better on "the communal resource pool", as today, we hear of all kinds of coexistences among people.

Theres a critical element missing in all of this. He says marriage didn't mean fidelity. That was true (and still kind of is) only for men because marriage was about lineage. Women could not be infidelity. So it was oppressive of women.

Good work. So glad you mentioned troubadour Jaufre Rudel. The proper account of his transit is the Second Crusade had begun and the seas were dangerous. As Prince of Blaye, Jaufre commanded a cavalry to march for his overlord, Louis Sept. The Crusader's destination was Antioch (next to Hodierna's Tripoli). As an Aquitaine, he protected and entertained Eleanor of Aquitaine's train. There is as much speculation that his poems spanned his desire for Eleanor and Hodierna. Eleanor would later go on to sponsor the courts of mannered love.

wonderful insights, info. Thank you. Love in Spite of Everything!

You lost me at "love is a cultural invention"

It is more focused on the West , not any other Culture such as Indian , Chinese , Persian , Islamic etc

@paulstenberg3915

6 жыл бұрын

Sabrina Shahab ok cool

@nombre1248

6 жыл бұрын

They were all contaminated by imperialism anyways

That's an amazing history lesson, i probably need to re-watch the video again

it's a whole new point of view.thank you

How sad this video purposedly ignores same-sex love for which human history provides us with so many examples. Love is a not a heterosexual monopoly; it is human nature and it exists and manifests itself outside the heterosexual sphere every single day.

poor people marry too afterall

Very good. Such an antidote to the rom-coms and songs these days which force on our consciousness the idea of finding our "soulmate".

thank you for posting this!

We should definitely bring back decapitation for infidelity xD

Question: I am a Married Man with three children and with all the Problems of a married man's life. My wife is constantly at my Throat. We are together only for the sake of the children; Otherwise, each moment is a nightmare. Is there any chance of my Escaping hellfire? Osho : I will tell you one story: A man was arraigned before an Arkansas justice on a charge of obtaining money under false pretenses. The judge looked at him thoughtfully. "Your name is Jim Moore?" "Yes, sir." "You are charged with a crime that merits a long term in the penitentiary?" "Yes, sir." "You are guilty of that crime?" The man squared his shoulders doggedly. "I am." "You ask me for mercy?" "No, sir." The judge smiled grimly. "You have had a great deal of trouble within the last two years?" "I have." "You have often wished you were dead?" "I have, please Your Honor." "You wanted to steal enough money to take you far away from Arkansas?" "You are right, Judge." "If a man had stepped up and shot you as you entered the store, you would have said,'Thank you, sir'?" "Why, yes, I would. But, Judge, how in the world did you find out so much about me?" "Some time ago," said the Judge, with a solemn air, "I divorced my wife. Shortly afterwards you married her. The result is conclusive. I discharge you. Here, take this fifty dollar bill. You have suffered enough." You need not be worried about hell. You have suffered enough. You are already in it. You can only go to heaven, because nothing else is left. Celibates may go to hell, but you cannot. You have suffered enough. Celibates may need a little taste of suffering, but not you. In fact, there is no hell somewhere else and no heaven either. Hell is here, heaven is here. Hell and heaven are your ways of being. They are your ways of living. You can live in such a way that the whole life is a benediction. But don't go on throwing the responsibility only on your wife. In the first place it is you who have chosen her. Why have you chosen such a wife who is constantly at your neck? And do you think, if you are divorced, you will not again choose another woman of the same type? If you ask psychologists they will say you will again choose the same type of woman. You needed it; it is your own choice. You cannot live without misery. You think your wife is creating misery? It is because you wanted to live in misery -- that's why you have chosen this woman. You will again choose the same type of woman. You will only become attracted to the same type of woman, unless you drop your old mind completely. Except our own minds, there is no other way to change or transform. You must be thinking that if you divorce this woman things will be good. You are wrong, you are utterly wrong. You don't know a thing about human psychology. You will get trapped again. You will search for a woman again; you will miss this woman very much. She will miss you, you will miss her. You will again find the same type of person; you will be attracted only to that kind of person. Watch your mind. And then, she cannot only be at fault. You must be doing something to her too. It is your statement; I don't know her statement. It will be unfair to the poor woman if I accept your statement about her totally. You may be fifty percent right, but what about the other fifty percent? You must be supplying fuel to the fire. And if life was so ugly, why have you given birth to three children? Who is responsible for that? Why have you brought three souls into the ugly world of your family, into the nightmare that you are living? Why? Can't you have any love for your children? People go on reproducing without thinking at all of what they are doing. If your life is such a hell, at least you could have prevented your children from falling into the trap of your misery. You would have saved them! Now, those three children are being brought up by two persons like you and your wife. They will learn ways and means from you, and they will perpetuate you in the world. When you are gone, you will still be here in the world creating hell. Those children will perpetuate, they will keep the continuity of your stupid ways of living, miserable ways of living. Now your boy will find a woman just like your wife -- who else? -- because he will know only this woman. He will love his mother, and whenever he falls in love with a woman, it simply means that woman reminds him of his mother. Now again the same game will be played. Maybe you have chosen your wife according to your mother; your father and your mother were playing the same game that you are playing, and your children will perpetuate the same structure and the same gestalt. That's how miseries persist. At least you could have saved these three children's lives, and you could have saved the future of humanity, because the ripple that you have created will go on and on. Even when you are gone it will be there. Whatsoever you do abides. Whatsoever ripples you create in the ocean of life remain; you disappear. It is like throwing a stone in a silent lake: the stone falls deep into the lake, disappears, goes to the bottom and rests there, but the ripples that have been created, they go on spreading towards the shores. And the ocean of life knows no shores, so those waves go on and on, forever and forever. At least you could have been a little more alert not to produce children. And it is never late. Still life can be changed -- but don' t hope that your wife should change. That is the wrong approach. You change. Change radically. Stop doing things that you have always been doing. Start doing things that you have never done. Change radically, become a new person, and you will be surprised. When you become a new person, your wife becomes a new person. She will have to, to respond to you. In the beginning she will find it hard because it will be almost like living with another husband, but slowly, slowly she will see that if you can change, why can't she? Never hope that the other should change. In every relationship start the change from your side. Life can still become a paradise; it is never too late. But great courage is needed to change. All that is really needed is a little more awareness. De-automatize your behavior; just watch What you have been doing up to now. You do the same thing, and the wife reacts in the same way. It has become a settled pattern. Watch any husband and wife -- they are almost predictable. In the morning the husband will spread his newspaper and start reading, and the wife will say the same thing that she has been saying for years, and the husband will react in the same way. It has become almost structured, programmed. Just small changes, and you will be surprised. Tomorrow, don't sit in your chair early in the morning and start reading your paper. Just start cleaning the house, and see what happens. Your wife will be wide-eyed, and she will not be able to believe what has happened to you. Smile when you see your wife, hug, and see how she is taken aback. You have never hugged her. Years have passed, and you have never looked into the poor woman's eyes. Tonight, just sit in front of her, look into her eyes. She will think in the beginning that you have gone crazy, you have become a Rajneesh freak or something, but don't be worried. Just hold her hand and be ecstatic. If you cannot be, at least pretend. Be ecstatic. Sometimes it happens that if you start pretending, it starts happening! Just start smiling, for no reason at all, and watch. Your poor woman may have a heart attack! You have not been holding her hand -- do you remember since how long? Have you ever taken her for a morning walk? Or when the moon is full, have you taken her for a walk in the night under the stars? She is also human, she also needs love. But particularly people in India go on using women as if they are just servants. Their whole work consists of taking care of the children and the kitchen and the house, as if that's their whole life. Have you respected your wife as a human being? Then, if anger arises, it is natural. If she feels frustrated -- because her life is running out and she has not known any joy, she has not known any bliss, she has not known anything that can give meaning and significance to her life.... Have you just sat by her side sometimes, silently, just holding her hand, not saying a word, just feeling her, and letting her feel you? Wives and husbands have only one kind of communication : quarreling. I have been acquainted with thousands of Indian families, I have stayed with thousands of Indian families. Don't think that only your wife is responsible. She may be, but that is not the point, because she has not asked the question. You have asked the question. Start changing your life. Give the poor woman a little feeling of significance. Give the little woman a little feeling that she is needed. Do you know the greatest need in life is to be needed? And unless a person feels that he or she is needed, his or her life remains meaningless, desert-like. Laugh with her, listen to music together, go for a holiday in the Himalayas. Caress her body, because bodies start shrinking when nobody caresses them. Bodies start becoming ugly when nobody looks with appreciation. And then you think, "Why is my wife not beautiful?" You are not creating the climate in which beauty flowers, blooms. If you love a person, the person immediately becomes beautiful! Love is such an alchemical process. Look at a person with loving eyes, and suddenly you will see his, her aura changing, the face becoming radiant, more blood coming to the face, eyes becoming more shiny, radiance, intelligence -- and like a miracle. Love is a miracle, love is magical. It is not yet too late.

Mr. De Botton, you are brilliant.

Thank you ! Beautiful work !💫🌏💫

bigger brests does not correlate with fertility.

It's funny, for the most part modern women base their actions on emotions and men use logic. Except when it comes to marriage, things are reversed. Men seem to jump in because of social pressure or misplaced feelings of "love" and women calculate how marriage will benefit them. Is this the best mate she can attract? Will this mate create the best kids? Is she too old to attract a better mate? Does he make a lot of money which will secure her future? You better believe that women calculate this stuff to a stunning degree, and men just shrug and jump into it like idiots. For women, marriage is a big thing, and for men, they seem to just go along with it. Which is funny, because commitment is the greatest thing a halfway decent male can offer in today's dating marketplace. Women can get sex anywhere, anytime from a wide range of men. But they can't secure a wealthy or attractive man without something to offer him back. The fact that nowadays, a woman can get sex or cheat on her man insanely easy AND men are just giving away their commitment is hilariously tragic. Men and women are throwing away the biologically best things they can offer the opposite sex and are wondering why dating is so cold, detached and disastrous nowadays.

@flynna.7901

9 жыл бұрын

royhatts1 Good points but as for women thinking logically about marriage I think it's still mainly emotional thinking, just more calculated. "Is this the best mate she can attract? Will this mate create the best kids? Is she too old to attract a better mate? Does he make a lot of money which will secure her future?" If the answer is yes to these questions then marriage to that man will maker her feel better. So it does all come back to feelings and there for is emotional thinking. Also the answers to these questions change over time. Because of no fault divorce commitment is a thing of the past. What ever person has the greatest capacity to make them feel better now is who they will be with.

@mrthebugsbunny

8 жыл бұрын

royhatts1 i guess thats for people who calculate too much, or when marriage is overhyped. do people make calculations when they choose their friends (of course people have biases and prejudices when they choose friends but thats not calculating or choosing the 'best'). choosing the 'best' sounds like someone picking up clothes at a store; i dont suppose it works the same way in relationships for everyone

@VitaminPr0

8 жыл бұрын

Damm man u went hard for no reason. I'm glad Im single now?

@VitaminPr0

8 жыл бұрын

Damm man u went hard for no reason. I'm glad Im single now?

@VitaminPr0

8 жыл бұрын

Damm man u went hard for no reason. I'm glad Im single now?

this video is everything I need in life

You are God of Wisdom and Intellect..I wonder how people like are achieving so much so young..Congratulations for such great work..I am highly inspired and motivated by you excellent work

Love is NOT a cultural invention. It is a biological one. When we fall in love, it feels so strong and euphoric. This because our brain is rewarding us with Dopamine and Oxytocin for getting one step closer to reproduction. The reason that we tend to become attached to our sexual partners (Oxytocin is the hormone that makes us feel attached to one another) and take them as life parters is because that strong bond became advantageous to our species' survival long ago. We are skinny and physically weak animals, but our species has been so successful because we combine our immense brain power and work together as families to ensure our survival. Other animals have taken different approaches to reproduction and survival, but family bonds worked best for us. These older versions of marriage were unnatural. They were all about money and they had nothing to do with love. I am positive that even in ancient times, people fell in love with one and other. It was common that people were arranged to marry others for political reasons but were still in love with someone else. Human love is universal and unchanging.

Great video. Thank you. Great education value.

Thanks for the video. The answer seems to be in short that you have to be emotionally attached but consider the practicalities as well. Engage your emotional and rational sides. The second part was about ‘sacrifice’ be prepared to accept that you won’t get all you want !

I love you Alain de Botton 😍😍😍😍 your voice is everything

i love this

The end says it exactly. It's the social idea that you're "settling" for someone. People get caught up thinking that no matter what it is they're settling for it. Whether it's a spouse, a job, a lifestyle. People can't just be grateful for what they have. A spouse can go away on a trip and come back wanting a divorce because someone hit on them and their friends are telling them to do better or not settle.

I really liked this video. Like i watch a lot of videos. This was great!

top notch video.